We Hate Movies - S5 Ep191: Seventh Son

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

On this week's episode, the gang breaks the infamous Ten Year Rule to dissect the delayed, but insane, Seventh Son! Julianne Moore as a witch, or whatever? Jeff Bridges as a witch slayer, or whatever? And what's with Jon Snow at the beginning? PLUS: He was The Dude, goddammit! Seventh Son stars Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore, Ben Barnes, Olivia Williams and Kit Harington -- briefly; directed by Sergey Bodrov. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadey, Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to a very special episode of We Hate Movies. an 11th hour episode you'll notice that we're doing a relatively

new movie although it's not technically new as far as well if you ask the people who made it they probably don't even remember making it it's technically 2015 7th Sun directed by Sergei Bodrov this is the movie with Jeff Bridges

and Oscar nominee Julianne Moore so this is the third week in our Oscar nomination series she's obviously nominated for Still Alice and I have a feeling Arnold W. Raspberry might be getting his funny bone tickled come this time next year with seventh son

She's gonna be showered in nominations for this one But you know what? That's the easy go That's what we're getting tired about Arnold In his fucking whole organization You know why? Because it's an easy pull This is like this would be a really easy one to go for And don't get me wrong, it's awful It's awful. Oh, it's awful

but I expect more these days of Rassies I guess So what happened is the three of us don't get out To the movies that often together You know we're busy man We all have different things to do during the weekend And you know we just like Let's go see a shitty movie

And we were stewing afterwards And we were like Fuck it let's do it Yeah You know Caution of the wind I apologized 10 year rule purists So the one person out there

That's like Oh you what the fuck I don't know who that person is but relax buddy We'll be back to old movies next week Well you might not know him now But you know in a week When he takes my life

When you receive a you know A postal service box Full of a broken laptop Then you'll know his name Because the return address will be there Or it would just be signed brokenhearted That's I've heard about that It's a phenomenon in our culture

Which is mailing people garbage Which is a great idea Like, I forget. Like the glitter bombs? The glitter bombs. Kind of like a glitter bomb. Eric Siska had a story that he told me about somebody. I think they mailed like a company that he was working at.

Garbage. Like, as that fuck you. Like you put a bunch of garbage in a box. Tape it up and mail it to somebody. Wow. Like banana peels and like burger rappers and stuff. Whatever you got in the house. You got your garbage bag.

Fish guts. Yeah, the whole thing. You go. Why? Because someone's wronged you? Yeah. I guess like, no, yeah, it's not. It's certainly not a.

happy thing. No one's ever happy to receive garbage to avenge a slight of some sort. But how bad of a slight are we talking? Like you ripped me off money-wise? It's like, are you unhappy with a company's service, so you send them garbage? I imagine if it's between two companies, it's like you outbid me for

some huge shit or something. It was a crazy person. It wasn't like Warner Brothers was upset at whatever company Eric was working at. Mailed it up. Eric has the story. It might not even be a story, but I do know of a couple of instances in which people mail someone else garbage as a fuck you and I kind of want to do it to somebody. I was just about to ask you because you said Eric gave you

one but you kept saying you knew of a couple and I was going to be like did you do another one? No, I wish that you'd execute a garbage plan. That's the thing is because you'd have to wait so long to find one that's so perfect that like yes, he deserves garbage. You know what? I have one already. It popped into my head the second you started talking about this. Everyone out there mail time warner cable your garbage whatever service center you can find just mail your local service center a care package full of garbage

the amount of like think about it like you would have to go to you'd have to put a garb get a box go to the post office with garbage kind of sweating a little bit being like I hope no dogs smell this absolutely and you're going to be standing there for a little bit because you don't know how big the box should be You don't know what kind of garbage you have.

Dude, I hate those trying to sneak things in situations. Like, you know, before you were of age in America, like we'd go to Canada to drink. And then you'd try to like sneak liquor back that you bought, like over the border, it's like, just smile and let us go through. There's a whole bunch of booze back here. No, no, this is a cheese of the month club, not garbage.

No need open that up. That's why it smells. It's bad cheese. But I mean, good cheese. Oh, fuck! It's a soil sample. So, speaking of mail and garbage, Seventh Son.

Seventh Sun. Seven Sun is a fantasy film in which they don't really tell you what this movie's about until about an hour and 20 minutes in. It's so funny because I feel like it's one of those things where we're always complaining one way about, oh my God, like, you know, how many times have I said, so then the exposition express

rolls in the station, and I'm whining. about it and now here I am like where's that fucking train bring me my movie information because there's nothing and in the one the one instance where you cannot afford to be skimpy

on the exposition it's in fantasy world yes this goes especially for a movie that does open with a young a young Gregory Gregory yes a young sir

Gregory being Jeff Bridges locking a woman in the middle of a mountain? Well, to be fair, Chris, she's a witch. Well, she's a witch, a dragon thing. And also his scorned lover, we find out much, much later. But we don't know this. There's no dialogue. It's just this woman's screaming

for her life while this guy's like, sorry, baby, like knock, hammering this thing, and then she's screaming, and I guess years and years pass, and then the blood moon shows up, and she flies out a dragon and you're like hold on that's it's already

way too much where is my scroll you know what just give me just give me a two page spread of a scroll get me a scroll and you know what maybe get me James Earl Jones someone else with a nice voice David Strait Thairn Malcolm McDowell could show up oh absolutely just a time of witches and warlords

and when the blood moon was rising now keep in mind everyone a blood moon is going to be very very important like you just need that for this we're just running blind through and thankfully this is not longer than Star Wars it's about an hour 45 minutes so do you think that maybe instead of

they were just so stubborn they were like no we're not going to put a scroll on the front of this thing yeah we're too smart for that just okay wait last year okay so one of those one of the Lord of Rings movies came out right the Hobbit thing came out there's a dragon in that right then they'll understand

wait there's no dragon in the first one how long do you take okay no no push it back too whole fucking years. And then it will be right after one of the dragon ones and then everybody will understand our universe. No, you're exactly right because when did they make this movie? 2013

it was originally set to come out. So they had to make it in late 2012 into 2013. And it's like, oh, wait a second. Yeah, there's no smog in that first movie. Well, the country's not going to be wrapped up in dragon fever. We've got to postpone this shit. So wait, there's dragons

a Game of Thrones, right? Good. Yeah, but you don't really see them until the second or Thurts, son of a bitch! Should we include references to Mormonism? Because I think Mitt Romney's going to be president and it's going to be Mormon fever. I just want to be sure that we're covered. The conversion rate's going to be out of control.

We don't have Mormonism in our movie and we're up shit's great. Also, I should fall on my sword. John Stockton is not a Mormon. Thank you for addressing it on the air because the emails we've been fielding from Mormons and Stockton fans alike that the Mormons are like, he's not one of us and then like the Stockton fans are like he's not a Mormon and I'm like

everybody chill the fuck out how about that yeah I've totally disgraced about this it's fucking Stockton gate why do we hate movies as as both a John Stockton fan and a guy that likes to read about Mormonism I thought I had I had a perfect lightning rod in John Stockton but no, he's just a very affable Roman Catholic. Which, you know, that'll get you. Man, I missed this. You really got tart and feathered, huh? I did.

I did. Oh, God. He disgraced himself on the air. So embarrassed. Why? Poor John Stockton. You did this, too? Yeah, I ordered him as a Mormon, and I was totally wrong. Totally wrong.

So I guess this movie is about Jeff Bridges, who plays a witch hunter, who in this movie, we're going to call a spook. Yep. Yeah. That's what they're called in this movie is a spook. spook so he's like a CIA agent yep you know or an FBI agent you know some sort of like shadow government person I think I was reading the Wikipedia a little bit on the book series this is based on I think in America it came out as the last apprentice and in England it came out as the spooks apprentice because I think we have a problem with that word in this in this country

putting that on a bookshelf no yeah we have ruined that word like America has ruined so much before. There's a dictionary of words we've ruined, including John Stockton, apparently. So, yes, he is this, it's not even like a knight, it's sort of a knight, mixed with a wizard, because he knows

how to do magic. He's cast in all sorts of Wolfsbane spells and whatnot. He owns Wolfsbane and scrotums and other kinds of things that you can toss. What is it? It's a something scrote. An ogre scrodom. An ogre scrodom. I don't think we could say work in this one.

No, orc, that's copyrighted material. Ork. But an ogre, that's anybody. Anybody's game. So, yeah, like we cut to a bunch of years later, Julianne Moore Dragon flies out of this cage. Can you say also when we were walking in the theater, when we were like, you know, three for seven son?

And you were like, wait, what is this movie called? I literally thought we were seeing a movie called Dragon Age based on the video game, Dragon Age. Not the Dragon Age, just Dragon. I was like, oh, they start up that Dragon Age series. But luckily, as it turned out, unlike your John Stockton flub, this movie's filled with dragons. I mean, I'm a very ill-informed person.

I'll be the first to announce it. When I went to see Catfish in theaters, I thought I was seeing a movie about devil-worshippers. I walked to this movie thinking that I was going to see a movie called Dragon Age. So I'm an idiot. And I'm fine with that. Sure. It's okay.

It's fair. Everybody makes mistakes. Yeah, nobody's pushing you. The point is we paid to see seventh son. Three matinee tickets. That's the other thing. To make this schedule all work and we could see a movie and then record it with enough, like, fresh in our minds. Sure.

We attended a 10.50 AM screening of this stink fest. So it's in the, we travel several years into the future. The blood moon has come up. So she breaks out of this. this Mario Brothers tube that she's been locked in. And it's like, oh, I guess that's some scary shit. I don't really know. I guess

she's a villain. The funny thing is they do, to show time passing, it's like, you know, it's fake, like, you know, time lap stuff. Fally's and streams. You know, snow's falling and melting and this and that and the other thing. And the entire time

it's just Julian more hilariously screaming over. I'm going to get you. Dude, she is Kind of just doing a Wicked Witch of the West in this movie. She's got nothing to do. I mean, and they keep telling me she's really badass and look out when she gets going. Yeah. But she never gets going.

Like, don't let her get that amulet. Whatever you do, when she gets that amulet, duck and cover. Okay, movie, I'll be ready for some crazy stuff to happen at the end. Straped right in. So, Jeff Bridges getting sauced at a bar. And then Kit Harrington shows up and I'm like, oh, wow. And again, I thought I'd see a Dragon Age. I didn't know who is in this.

He was like, oh, cool. Kid Harrington's like the squire or the son. He's the apprentice. He's the seventh son. Yep. So he's like, oh, master, we have to go and find this other witch. They found a witch in this church. Because everyone is American in this movie.

Yeah. Every last English person or Australian that's a part of this cast is just using bad American accents. And then Jeff Bridges reprising his accent from RIPD. It's the same voice. it's not quite a Texan. Like, that's the thing. He's, he's D. Southernified. Yeah, that's, he does have an accent. I just don't know what the hell it is. It's kind of got to dash Ale Guinness. I'll be honest with you. Yeah, I'd buy that. And this movie is kind of like a Star Wars-esque thing where an old man takes this teenage boy to go have this adventure with him. We're not there just yet. So Kit Harrington comes into this bar and he's like, all right, you slosh fest. You've been, you've been summoned. I guess, the whole thing is Jeff Bridges is part of this he's the last of this group of people that fights all these dragons and witches and whatever and it's

like when you hear a bell toll it's like the bat signal for these people so yeah you're saying he's part of a long lost religious order that had magic powers exactly right he's got to go find a farm boy that might be able to take up that mantle exactly right that's an interesting completely original material and so then Kid Harrington's like hey you drunk

bastard have you heard that bell ringing that bell's been ringing off the hook and he's like, but I heard it. Of course I heard it. I'm choosing to drink this mead or whatever he's consuming. It's probably mead. I would probably imagine. I mean, the accent that he's doing,

like, Jeff Bridges doesn't exactly have the most dulcet tones to begin with, but he's affecting something that makes him more unintelligible. And he's the guy holding all the cards of this movie. Dude, I was like, are we going to get some subtitles for something? Like, when he's getting really, like, wired up and, like, yelling and shit, I was like, what is happening? You don't drop the ale. You will drink the ale.

It's like one of your speakers blows out and you're watching Yukon Cornelius. And it's like too low to understand. What's that, Jeff Bridges? Oh. The chicken is supposed to be cooked that way. You're correct. Something this other guy comes in and he's like, excuse me, did you not hear that bell tolling?

And he tries to, like, fight him. And then Jeff Bridges just kicks this dude's ass while, like, pouring the ale. Because he's a drunken master, Andrew. And that's another thing we've never seen. Yeah, you're absolutely right. He's super drunk and, like, really cool about everything. And, you know, he can do better when he's drunk. And that's hilarious.

Oh, I got to go. What is this first monster that we see in? It's Julianne Moore. Oh, right. I lead over to Crystal, like, is this the end of the movie? It's totally this huge fight scene. I was like, okay, it's all digital now. So it's impossible for the projections to put this together out of order.

That can't happen anymore. It was always funny when it did happen. Yes, she's possessed a little girl, and he puts a bunch of wolf spain on her. And it comes out, and she's Julianne Moore, and she's dressed like she's rated Helen a bottom Carter's closet. She also has the same hair design. I mean, she, they're making her, they're trying really hard to make her look capital C crazy. She does, as this wish.

She's got like David Bowie running makeup for most of this movie, too. Oh, yeah. She looks like a crazy one. Like, Eon Flux fingers. Oh, yeah, she's got a little extra finger things. Oh, yeah, gross, like long, like footlong fingernails. You just want to throw up. So she's like, aha, it's me.

And I'm like, who are you? She also has, and this is stupid as all hell, a, like a piece of body armor on her back. that's like a singular like Dr. Octopus tail arm thing. First I was like, oh, so she's like sort of a dragon so she's got this tail that's sticking out. No, this is all mechanical. It's this big metal tail that's slinking on to like,

it's like sticking on the back of this armor that she uses to kill people. Yeah, because the other drag, Jamon Hantu's dragon has the metal wing things that he drops down. Right, right. Those are a possible axe. Yeah.

That would, nobody can use. ever so it's amazing like they're trying to fight this thing and kit harrington's like got a good hold on it like he's trying to reel in a fish and she pulls him out they drop this like this like cage down on her but he gets at the end of mousetrap that's yeah yeah it just they both get caught in the mouse trap and then jeff bridges is like well this is my job i've got to do it and he just sets the both of them on fire well no she kills him she oh she definitely kills him before you know what though the life out of him a little bit i don't think jeff just gives the shit. And that's what I'm saying, though, he is not stopping to consider a pulse.

No. She's like, that darkness is in you now. And his face like kind of turns a little black or purple or whatever. He falls down. That doesn't seem like it's totally dead. Like, you cut his head off. Sure. Yeah, then he's dead. I'll burn his body. He kind of just falls over and he's like, well, I better just put a torch to this now. Let's go to war. Let's go to war. Harkin witches. It sets fire to the thing. to burn her but she just gets out because like oh I guess fire doesn't do shit on me it's a dragon why would you possibly try to burn a dragon well you know what here's something the beginning of this movie is like you can kill a witch by burning them

or by eating their heart you know what I never see anyone eat a fucking witch heart in this movie yeah I just want to see him do it you know what I mean create a world for me in where the possibility of eating a heart kills a witch Yeah. I want to see that happen. You have to. That's Chekhov's edible heart. Totally. That's also coming this Valentine's Day.

But yeah, like you reach inside, like her soft flesh, pull that heart out and chomp into it like that doctor and Jason goes to hell. I knocked on Steve at the end. I was sure that's what was going to happen. I was certain this is that's, we've got to do it. Just a big old whopper bite. Maybe we're not showing it, but he is putting his hand in her. you know, chest and ripping it out. Witch heart.

Have it your way. Motherfucker. It would sell like the McRib. It would probably taste better than a micrib to be completely honest. So she flies away. And you know what? I'm like, okay, so this was just a long cold open

and now someone's going to sit me down and say we're in the castle, we're in the kingdom of who gives this shit and this is the time of such and such. Is king? What's his name? We're going to go through the whole thing and it's going to take a little while.

But you know what? I'll be better for it. Good afternoon. I'm James Earl Jones. I'd be like, okay, perfect. James L. Jones in a library. Yeah, totally. What you've just seen was a reenactment of real events.

Wow, that was fun. Let me tell you about the history of criteria, which is where we live. Is that what it's called? No, I made that. Oh, all right. I was going to say, how did you get that little nugget? We're not given any nuggets.

You have no idea. At the end, they show a flag in the credits. I'm like, what flag is? that? Like, for what nation? And again, are we in medieval America? Because everyone's got this, why would

Kit Harrington, who, A, I think, because we were talking about this, because this movie was filmed so much earlier, I think if they filmed it now with Kit Harrington, he'd be the seventh son. Yeah, they'd have to switch it. And then Barnes would have to be the one who gets killed. Yeah. But he's just dead.

And it's weird to watch the movie like that, too. He's kind of like Drew Barrymore at the beginning of scream in that sense. Yeah. You're like, oh, here's the final seventh son. Oh, no. Oh, no.

He's murdered. Well, that's like what, when they did that second G.I. Joe movie and Channing Tatum's character gets killed. But that movie was made before 21 Jump Street was made,

but then 21 Jump Street, it came out first and exploded. And he was this huge star. And they were like, ah, well, we've got to go film some flashbacks or something. Because he's in the movie for like two seconds and gets

killed. Well, and it's not even like a good like he goes into like, oh God, plug that foxhole and then the foxhole blows up. Yeah, it's totally like nothing. It's a not big death at all. But this movie nobody's doing reshoots. This movie was just made.

It was, it just happened. They did as much post-production as they were contractually obligated to and put it out. Most of the dragon work is finished. Yeah, there's some stock footage of dragons. There's a couple of green screens visible those ghosts are definitely

those were like the prototype ghosts that was like the stock ghosts that you put in before you go in and put in the detail it was the clip art that they just put in there a little placeholder the head of the head of the special effects committee like sat down the producers like look this is what it looks like now I swear to god if you don't give me another million bucks it's gonna look like this it's like like dragon quest for window six it's that kind of level of ghosts we're talking about

It's bad ghosts. So we cut to Ben Barnes on a farm with his sister, and he's, like, training his knife skills. And then Olivia Williams shows up, who I had no idea was in this movie, and I didn't think we were going to do it twice in a month, doing a bad American accent both times, comes up to him.

He's like, hey, son, how is it going? At least this isn't trying to do, like, a real twanging southern accent. No, this is just your standard British actor, flattening everything out, which is, I have no problem. No, no, no. It's way better than her voice in. Evan Barnes is also British.

She's not trying to cool the heated intentions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh, no way. So it's much better for that alone. She's just your standard sainted mother. Yeah. And he's like having these, he gets these spells where he can, like he gets these visions of things that are yet to come.

Yeah. I hope that comes in handy later in this movie. And she has to, like, he's like, go get mom, I'm freaking out again. You know, and then so yeah, Olivia Williams comes out and she's like, it's all fine, it's just a bad movie, you don't have to be in Seven Sun forever. They smell good.

But it's all the same, like, I'm seeing all the footage the audience already saw. Yeah, he just sees like Julian Moore in the fucking caged tube and whatever else. In case you had to take a piss, here you go, the short version. Anybody who walked in late, this is for you, you're welcome.

How does he have visions of exposition? Like, oh, fuck, this is how, this is the structure of the movie, holy shit. This is plutonia. The age is 1896. that would be great 1896 and we're still looking like this that's a bit much that's an alternate earth

we might be on an alternate earth I don't know well yeah that's true did we evolve from dinosaurs in this world we might have oh that could be yeah you know it's the middle ages of the Mario Brothers Cooper universe

could entirely be there's violet dragons there's white dragons there could be a whole different you're totally right maybe there's some gumbas running around like some early versions of Goombas Some proto Goombas for sure

Oh exactly Prubas So then like Jeff Bridges rolls up And he's like Well I'm here, brother The seven side of the other seven side What?

And you're just like wait what And then it's like Oh we're talking some kid purchasing Yeah Just dealing in some human trafficking And I would like some food please Oh yeah Don't you hate that shit

Someone comes in with the intention Of buying your child and they also ask for a meal. That's just obnoxious. And it's the reptile Middle Ages, so you got to give it to him because that's what decorum dictates? Oh, yeah.

So then, like, she puts down like a bowl of food and then she's sitting outside in protest. Like out on the porch, you're like, oh, this are delicious. And she's like, I'm glad you like it. Is it warm enough in my house for you? And then the one, two, third, fourth, fifth, sixth sons are in the house just staring daggers at him.

Oh, yeah. eats this slop. It's great because it's not even like, you know, there should be a son talent show. You know what I mean? I mean, there's seven sons. You know, who's to say where to start counting? I mean, I just want the best of the sons.

Who's tall? Who's fat? Who's doing what? It also doesn't make any sense. Because there's definitely like three girls in that room. Yeah. So I'm like, you're not the seventh son. You might be the seventh kid.

Yeah. You're not the seventh son. I did not count enough kids. There's definitely like some way more. more fit sons in this room. And he's like, oh, well, you're seventh. Oh, this is going to be a long road ahead. It's going to be a long movie, folks.

Go to the bathroom anytime. We're not going to miss anything. And so he throws down, like, this sack of gold coins. That should be enough for a human life. Good day. Well, it's also like a township or a world besieged by goblins and shit. And this is like the way shit goes. Everybody knows the deal.

you're totally right you know what we're if that's the case i'm not having sex with my wife after the sixth kid yeah you know what i mean pull out save us the grief yeah and pull out especially if you're the seventh son yeah you're the seventh son you're having a kid just end at six but that's the thing that's crazy too it's double dose right yeah if you're you have to be the seventh son of another seven son why isn't the father yeah who's presumably a seventh son why isn't he in this brigade? Why is Jeff Bridges the only guy? Well, because he was an only child,

and that makes him a little more selfish and not prone to being chasing dragons. The dad? No, no, I've just made that up, but he's not the son of a seventh son. The dad is, and he is. No, but Jeff Bridges goes in this house

and says, I need the seventh son of a seventh son. So his father, Ben Barnes' father also had to be his seventh son. Exactly, but what I... Oh, yes, you're right. So that's what I'm saying. Why isn't Ben Barnes' father also on this dumb-ass witch night brigade?

Well, no, that's what I'm saying, because Ben Barnes' father probably only had two brothers or something. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's less kids in that family. He's got to be, as I understand it. Let's just, you know what, everybody stop. Get out a piece of paper. Everybody at home, get a piece of paper. Get ready to carry a whole lot of ones.

That's so. There are, if his father, yeah, if his father, like, there was only, he only had two brothers and that's it. Therefore, his father, oh, wait, no, I see what you're saying. But if his father wasn't a seventh son, then Ben Barnes wouldn't be able to do this history. But his father's father would have had to have been a seventh son,

is what we're saying. And that guy might have been an only child or had two brothers. Okay. So that's the problem. That's why Jeff Bridges didn't come to him before. Okay, okay. So you're saying it's, this, the dad is patient zero of the seventh son family chain. I think so.

I think so. Yes. Okay. It's none of that. Now that we spelled that out, it does make sense to me what you're saying, but holy shit. Yeah, that was just four minutes of everyone's life. So because it's this accepted way of life, he's like, all right, let's go. Like, there's no like, you're taking my son.

There's none of that. But there's also this weird, this really bullshit. lazy exposition where he's just like picking up pig shit and he's like I'm bound for better things I can feel it and it's just like sure hope in the next seed this gets paid off oh wait there's their fridges

him feeding those pigs is kind of one of the best parts of the movie because they're like adorable baby pigs and I was like that's great well that's the thing is that you would think because they do show him chasing a deer yeah oh he's throwing axes at this deer and he's missing all of them like

well so then you wonder if he's going to hit something at the end of the I'm like, well, I wouldn't, there's got to be another seventh son. I would start looking, because if he can't even hit a deer, you just really think he's taking out a dragon. All right, now it's time for the ancient ritual of the seventh son. Everybody lined up. Eity, beady, mighty mo. Catch a dragon by a cold.

If he hollers, the movie will go on. Eity, bitty, right, bo. Oh, he didn't holler. Everybody go home. Movies over, folks. By the way, this is, our impression of Jeff Bridges has turned into Bill Cosby at age 115. We can all hope he certainly doesn't live that long. No, we all want him gone.

Like Bill Chosby with the U70s Sam, like, mustad. So it's like, all right, now you're just going to get a bunch of training sessions. Like, fucking come on. And so they go to Jeff Bridges' his house. And, like, the whole time they're on the road, he's like, Mr. Bridges, what is his seventh son? How does this work? What's the dress? Like, he's like, well, it's good time.

They're a good question. The wrong question. It's the wrong answer. The right question. Or it's the right answer. I love the goat, they blow into like this village. And he's like, why need some supplies? And he just walks into a bar.

And he's like, you go get a bunch of other shit. I'm going to be getting shitty over here. And so then we meet this. The young woman, you know, love interest of the movie. Yeah. She's the, the woman who's going to be an ex-Machina coming out. She's in a royal affair. A ton of stuff.

Yeah, yeah, big filmography for such a young person. She looks exactly like Fiona Apple almost to the point where it's distracting. Yeah, I was like, oh man, now I'm just thinking about watching that criminal video. That's only like three minutes long. Yeah, totally. So she's about to be burned at the stake for being a witch, by the way. That's also what's going on. And this is what was bothering me because, like, you know, all you have to do is ring a bell.

And Jeff Bridges is going to come and take care of this witch. But this is some mob justice. This woman's going to be burned to death in public. Also, isn't that his, like, duty? You know what I mean? Exactly. That's what we're paying our medieval taxes for. That's what this guy does.

Yeah, it's a Benson and Stabler mentality, I think. Oh, I seriously. Because we're already here. We got the witch. We're going to do this. No, no, you're not needed. And so this guy just comes up And like this is

Ladies and gentlemen This is an established fact in this universe That witches exist Yep dragons exist There's no like that's a myth Like it's all real right So someone is saying like this person's a witch And then this guy

Our hero comes out and he's like I don't know I'm the apprentice of Jeff Bridges there Sir Gregory like don't worry about I got it And then he's like get out of here I know you're not a witch And she's like Are you sure?

Oh, it's great. Because the only thing he knows about his job that he just got, first week on the job, we kill witches. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that he's, that he's, we're, that, he's, we're, that, you know, that, you know, oh, it's a temporary hiring period. You just lost your probation. Goodbye. This was supposed to go for six months, but you're fired. And look, I, I, I understand, like, he's the last of these.

these of these seven sons which was supposedly an army of 1,000 men and the city isn't you know long for this world however the next guy who wants to go in there and cite jurisdiction when they're like we're going to kill

this wish and he's like no that's my fucking job they're going to be like fuck you you let the last one go yeah totally we know your reputation we're just going to kill them all fuck you get out of the seven sons that's a Mickey Mouse outfit all right what a bunch of horse shit we're just going to string her up and burn her ourselves and to be honest by by depleting the notoriety of

seven sons more mob justice and more innocent women being burned down because then you know you get bad investigations yeah oh yeah just total nonsense idiots out there trying to do the work of professionals it's a slippery slope and he starts it all by letting this woman go because he has a crush yeah and also she's definitely a witch yes and she's a witch this entire movie and she keeps doing the She keeps doing villainous things And he's like, oh, the love of my life Totally screwed me again. Mind you, she's not even just a witch.

She's witch royalty. That's right. Because we now cut to Fuck Mountain, which is where... Fuck Mountain, yes. Or whatever, it's like the Palomino's cave or something. I think we can go with Fuck Mountain. I think it's better. Julian Moore flies to Fuck Mountain.

And she's the queen of all the witches. Yes. And that's the thing. Her sister, who's played by somebody, I don't know, is like, who's a very, like, she's got like a gross face and Julianne Moore heals it. And she's like, oh, my God, my witch queen's sister is back. This is going to be great. My daughter's out in town being a witch. Can't wait for you to meet her. She's like, great. Let's assemble. And, you know, Julianne Moore does put a clock. She's like, in seven days, the moon will be full. The blood moon will be full. And then I'll get all the powers and all, you know, it's going to be really great. It's one of those things that happens in these movies all the time, which is, I can't wait for all the power. Well, why? Well, because it's all the power.

I get big. I can, a bigger fireball. Yeah, I mean, I guess we'll see. I don't know, but I just know I'm going to get all the power. And, you know, when this happens, it's going to be impossible for those good guys to beat me. I'm telling you now, I'm telling you the first act, nothing will stop me once I have all the power. Oh, and let me tell you about this talisman. If I get this talisman.

It's just going to be the best day you've ever had in your life. Shit is going to go off the chain. I have a few tickets to paradise and they're all riding on that talisman. Let's assemble our monster troops, which, you know, we'll get to that. So then we go back to Jeff Bridges' house and he's finally like, all right, well, you know, here's a deal. I'm totally Bill Cosby. He's like, here's a deal. You know what?

You're a seven son. There used to be a thousand of us for you guys at home. if there is a thousand seven sons, how many brothers, but seven of them die on the way to the palace, how many are you left with? And which one will get there first? That's the real question. That's the question.

If they're on a train from Cincinnati. I think the answer is Jeff Bridges. Yes. So he's like, there used to be a thousand of us. I'm the last one. I'm the last dragon. You know, the whole thing. He kind of lives in this hideout

that looks like the hideout on the set of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Yes. It's kind of the same, like, it's a basement dungeony sort of there's a lot of wooden tables like you can you could live there yeah it seems nice and he's like you know i'm gonna and the guys like please train me he's like no he's like you're just kind of here to hold my dick yeah just stay in the room you stay in this room right here you need your rest because tomorrow we fight witches and he's like uh oh we fight witches

i thought we let them go yeah oh fog do we flirt with witches before we killed them. Well, that's up to you. We're going to fucking winters. I bronzed the sword in a cave. With a bunch of scraps. So at the end you know, in the middle of the night,

a skeleton monster attacks Ben Barnes and it's like, oh my God. They get to a fight and he's like, that was the first lesson and you lost. Because, you know, obviously he has to come out and save him. He's like, that's because you haven't trained me yet. Totally. He's Like, listen, I got up in the middle of the night.

I thought it was the bathroom. Turns out there's a haunted skeleton in there that tried to kill me. I'm seeing all these fucking books around your house. Can I read one of them? If you had to give me your top three books to brush up on whatever this or shit is. A history of things that will kill me. Do you have it? Do you have a volume of that here?

Look, at least give a thorough tour of the hideout before you go to bed. Don't throw this on him because you said, stay in this room. Also, he's young. You're an old man. You're going to bed at 8 o'clock. He's going to be up to 11 o'clock, just twiddling his thumbs. Yeah, what's it going to do, stare into the fireplace, you idiot. And he doesn't have what seems like ounces upon ounces of port that you're guzzling down. Where's all the booze? At least leave him with that. So, but so then this is what's ridiculous. It's like we have to sleep the night, you know, and then our journey starts. To fuck mount. We're going to fuck mount.

we have to make our way to Fuck Mountain and the journey starts at dawn and then in one of several I'm sure great examples of horrendous editing that you could find in this movie the very next time we see them it's again night but they're camping

by a river you don't see them leave he's not like well now the journey begins my young apprentice let us go none of it now we're just magically camping we missed a whole day packing up all that booze How are you fucking traveling with all this booze?

Yeah, well, he always has a flask, which is very small, but you know there's got to be a crate somewhere. Well, there's got to be a crate. Or that may be, maybe when he was married to the dragon lady, she put a curse on the flask, and now he can, like, it just siphons through. May you never see the bottom of that flask? Oh, what a great spell. That was like an anniversary present.

It's such a great anniversary present. It really would. I need a date of witch. So, oh, there's a gross thing that I didn't want to lose. At some point, like, Julian Moore goes, when she enters the palace at Fuck Mountain, she's like, well, this place is disgusting. And she, like, waves her arm. Vampire in Brooklyn.

She pulls the vampire in Brooklyn. You're totally right. She just cleans this place up with one spell, and it's like a pretty hip pad. And you're like, okay. And so then, like, the niece comes home, you know, and the mother, who I'm pretty sure is the actresses must be like three years apart. Yeah, but I mean she's got evil witch power so it kind of works. Oh, that's true. Yeah. So

she's just like, I want you to meet your aunt. Queen of the witches. And she's like, oh, that's cool. And Julianne Moore is eating something. She's got like a tray of something. And she's like, oh, come on here and try these blood cakes. They're great. Dude, blood cakes was one of the, and listen,

we were in a theater. It wasn't packed. There was maybe like five other people. I'm sure we were annoying them a little bit with all the laughing and throwing her hands up in the air. I totally, like, did a blurt-out cackle at blood cakes. And I'm sure some guy was like, oh, it's not that funny. Yes, it is. If in the middle of your movie and you hadn't said anything even kind of like blood cakes before that,

and then all of a sudden you offer a plate of this gross-looking thing. It's like it looks like a pot pie with worms. It's maggots. It's all over the thing. It's disgusting. And again, like, witches in this movie are a different species than human, right? Nobody told me this This is what I've gathered

You know what I mean So they eat blood And all sorts of stuff Does that we never see this girl That it's so dough-eyed and nice Like actually eat blood or whatever We don't know if she eats that blood cake actually I don't think she does

She goes like I usually you know what I like to juice my blood And drink it in the morning Before my run I don't like it in cake form But they do say at one point in the movie You know

I think it's Olivia Williams is like, so listen, there's like bad witches, there's some good witches and then there's witches that just stay out of it. Spoiler alert, Olivia Williams is a witch that has decided to just stay out of it. Those are my kind of witches.

But I think maybe it's like this niece is like, I don't want blood cakes, man. Like, I'm a good witch. Give me a salad. Give me a blood salad, okay? I don't eat the carbs in your blood cake. But since winter, which has eaten blood things. I mean, again, because here's... I mean, I'm not up on

My witch lore. Well, no, they eat babies, yes? Oh, do they? Oh, I guess that's a thing. That is a thing. Just like vampires, just like werewolves, when you start, you know, fiddling with the mythology,

which you're allowed to do in your movie. Sure. You just got to tell me what it is. You just got to say, hey, in this world, witches are evolved from dinosaurs and they eat blood cakes, and they all look a little bit like Dennis Hopper.

That's the bigger thing. The bigger problem to me is that, like, I don't, if you're taking, again, you're taking the witch lore for a walk. Yeah. I don't remember anything about which is turning into dragons ever in my life I think that's a little bit of a liberty

Yeah I think that they may be taking that for a bit of And again I need that more explained like we have always been dragon And then Jim and Hun Su shows up And I let out an audible groan It happens and I love Guardians a Galaxy Man But it's the same thing in that movie where I'm like All right I guess so You're not saying anything right

You don't have to act, do you? I mean, yeah, he started out with, you know, a couple of big hits. Amistad he's really good in and all that stuff. And then just sort of he started not acting. And he's like, whatever, I'm just going to show up and be in this bad movie. I think after that blood diamond, I think that was kind of his letdown. Even that movie, I thought, was a little bit of a snore. Oh, it's a total snore, but it's like, oh, yeah.

He plays a human in it. Yeah, not a witch doctor or an alien person. Yeah, you're right. Or in this movie, he plays, like, the League of Assassins, whatever. The Dragon Lord of the Assassins Creed. Holy moly, man. Because he is a dragon as well. I didn't even know that he turned into a dragon until he does in the end.

I'm like, wait, now he's turning into a dragon. I almost left. Well, that's what the episode over. I'm leaving this movie. There's two things apparently that witches can turn into. Dragons or, like, leopard people. Or bears sometimes. Oh, there's the bear.

I forgot about the bear. Yeah. Yeah, all right. So it's three things. Yeah. So, by the way, there's a stupid ogre character in this movie that does absolute nothing in this movie. Like, literally, he can't, he speaks less intelligibly than Jeff Bridges.

Why? Which makes him a liability in this film. I need everyone firing it full, all cylinders giving me information to get me to the end of this film. If Jeff Bridges is doing the voice that he's doing, everybody else needs to be poets on the screen, man. To make up for it. Well, because it's like Chewbacca growls and then Han Solo speaks Chinese. I'm like, no,

no, no, no. I need that guy to speak English so that I can understand it. The whole thing is just lost. Well, that, because there's scenes where, like, Jeff Bridges is talking to this thing and he's just like, oh, I'm Tuska-Bri-a-Bad-D-D-Bad. And then the ogre's like, ma.

And then the third guy is like, did someone say something? I don't think of his you buy it's more of a sloth character yeah it is yeah you're too it's much more of oh tuss come here yeah i'm gonna go bye bye now say goodbye by tusk because it was like oh you're ugly but you're a good

friend and he goes and there's some like ridiculous thing where he can't be killed because there's all these times where this ogre's getting slung all over the countryside by dragons and bow rods and whatever else happens in this movie and you're like wow that thing is

dead and then he just comes out and goes, hey. And then Jeff Bridges is like, Oh, Tusk, you're my best friend. He's just like, who keeps this shit about this character? He's basically Jeff Bridges footman in this movie. He's driving his wagon everywhere. The scene between Tusk and Jeff Bridges is like the Twin Peaks dream.

You know what I mean? Everyone's speaking backwards. They want to be sitting in red chairs looking at each other sexily. so much worse than that because he keeps on talking to him about how ugly he is. You're just a real ugly guy. You're as ugly as you are friendly, booty. Like, well, he's a really lovable guy, so you must think he's really ugly. And he, don't worry, he never comes in handy.

Like, you keep expecting him like, oh, this is going to be Tusk's seed, man. Like, it's going to be, when the big dragon shows up, Tusk's going to be the one to do it. It's a loki scene. It's throwing loki scene. No, and what it turns, you realize, too, it's like it's got to be a little bit of a burden for Jeff Bridges because there's a scene after after the camping has happened by this riverbed and like the the the knee switch rolls up like swimming nude in this river yeah and he's like hey what are you doing going for a swim that's cool I love you they wake up the next morning and Jeff Bridges is like well we got to get on the road and like they have this conversation him and the boy and then you realize Jeff Bridges is urinating on the fire yeah like ha ha that's funny and then tosses comes over and just starts letting

it rip all over this fire and he's like Oh Tusk, watch your aim there. I'm like, you're teaching this thing how to use the bathroom? No, Tuck, no, no, no, no, no. That's the food Tusk. Oh, come, God. Tuss, stop eating the horse. Stop eating the horse. Pishing all over my booze.

We did miss Everyone's favorite line in this movie, everyone in this room, which is 25% of the box office I'm imagining opening weekend. Yeah, we spent, it was mat-nay ticket prices. We spent, what, $30 on this movie? New York prices, am I right, everybody?

So he's telling him, it was like, and then, you know, so in seven days it's going to be a blood moon, it's going to be a really bad scene. And, you know, she's going to get all the power. I got either either either heart or burn her to death. Fucking witches. And I was just like, what? Dude.

And I was saying this, like, in these fantasy worlds, you know, it's like, I damn you to end. Like, you can do that. Like, you can do that. Like, you can do that. Rot in the belly of a, yeah. And like, in a pinch, it can be like, the shit on that cow's foot or something like that. And Game of Thrones is guilty of this too,

where they're just like, fucking fuck, fuck you, cuck suckers. Whoa. And so then, like, so here's Jeff Bridges dressed as a night wizard thing in a castle where there's like a water wheel that's powering a fireplace. and we just killed a skeleton that comes to life

just by touching it and he's just like fucking witches and I'm like not the time of the place for that word in this world I kind of just feel like somebody just forgot to yell cut and it's just like because he's walking out of his shot

and he's just like he has his back to the camera he's like oh you're all fucking witches but a goddamn fucking witch movie and Tony Stark built those in a cave with a bunch of scrab what I have to get killed

out of that first fucking Ironman movie. Now I'm doing a goddamn witch slayer movie. You know, and everybody else gets to come back in flashbacks and videos. That's got to be in a goddamn RIPD or the giver or whatever the else fuck. Toby Jones even got uploaded into a computer. Got to put out a fucking record to help people go to sleep for fucking life I lead. I was the dude, God damn it. One of the fucking fabulous Baker boys.

You know, my brother, my fat fucking brother Gets to be in the descendants and I got to go fucking fight Julianne Moore witch. Fucking witches. Fucking be a crazy heart and be an opening act for Colin Farrell. And then you hear this dude

just off of the distance. Cut! That was great. We could use some of that, right? I love it. A. five minute rant was cut down to two words. Yeah, just fucking witches.

That's in, that's in, that's in character. You can use that. So out of left. Although this fucking witches. Well, it's kind of the, and you know, I'm, I'm to blame because it gets me every single time. There's that PG-13 rule that you get one fuck and you're good. You get one fuck and it has to be like, fuck, not like, you fucked her.

Yes, exactly. Which it killed me in that first X-Men movie, which I think is actually real. That scene when Wolverine, the first class movie, where he's like, oh, when they go up to like, hey, you want to be in this movie? He's like, no fucking way or whatever. Yeah, that's pretty fun. Fuck off or whatever. It always gets me because I'm a clown.

And it got me in this movie, but it was just, oh, no, that was a rib-tickler moment in this movie. Unintentional rib-ticklers are the best. So now we're fighting, like, so, yeah, this witch keeps coming back to him like, hey, how's it going? How's your, how's the big quest going? And he's like, you know, I guess it's going, okay. Here's all the information I can give you, you know. Oh, we're going to slay your aunt.

But the funny thing about this is she's like, Go spy on them, my beautiful niece. What do you have to spy on them for? They're on the road to your house. Yeah, you know what's happening. Just send all your dudes to go get them now or fortify and fortify, and when they get here, you fucking kill them. That's all you need to do.

But they're like, oh, I wonder what they're up to. They're coming to your house. It's the Middle Ages. You have to ride on horses. It's going to take a while. And listen, this is the old times. You know, you live on the top of Fuck Mountain. Guaranteed there's one road to Fuck Mountain.

Absolutely. Okay? So just put someone on guard. And when you see them in the distance, be like, hey, they're almost here. They've almost reached Fuck Mountain. And most people die climbing Fuck Mountain. So what exactly do you think is going to happen here? Then they get called in by the Jeff Bridges hears a bell.

Oh, it's got to be a pretty big bell to get me off my car. call my goddamn mission. That's what's so obnoxious about this is like he's ignoring it again and all these dudes roll up and they're like, did you not hear that bell? And he's like, don't you think I have a pretty established track record of ignoring bells? We're heading to fuck mountain! So the movie has to take this detour and he's like, well, now it's going to cost us two

days. I was like, no, you're costing this story two days? Come on. I'm just dangerously close to losing my funding here. I mean, I got, there's two jobs. I got a micromanage and macromanage. Macromanage is fuck Mountain. This is micromanaging.

God damn it. The micromanages is how I keep the bills paid. Keep the lights on. Back at my hideout. So then they go to this village. This is what's confusing to me, Andrew. Because it's the same village that comes up later. They've been riding for days, right?

Yeah. They go to this village and you don't know it's the same village later because this guy, this king or whatever, like, you need to slay the dragon thing. Oh, this guy who's dressed like a 16th century Dutch master. Yes. Out of nowhere and has nothing to do with any of the costume design of the rest of the movie. But later, when they lay siege to this town, Olivia Williams is there.

Like, they're just off to market. Have they been just in a circle this entire time? Oh, son of a bitch, I got lost. Well, that's the thing is I think it's like four miles away, but because it's not horseback, It's taken fucking forever. Yeah. Oh, I would love that. If they could literally see the top of fuck mountain from that village.

Like, it's right there. What's taking you so long? What are you talking about two days? I could walk that in an afternoon. This is the bear fight. There's a big bear in a cage. Oh, man, is it hilarious? Jeff Bridges has a magic staff.

I don't even know if it's worth anything. It's the first weapon that the first person, which, by the way, their little group name, it's not the seven sons. The little group name is the Falcons, which is hilarious. He's a 1950s gang. They were the falcons. He's like, this staff was forged by the first ever falcon, baby. And it's just like, it's a magic staff that kind of does stuff.

But it's not like Gandalf levels of power. I got it from my friend Nikki. He works at the Malt Shop. This is the Falcon Territory. And he says something to the kid. He's like, if you master using this falcon staff, or you can use just about any weapon. And I was like, I don't believe that to be true.

They fight this bear. And again, this guy's like, the bear who turns into Jason Scott Lee. And, you know, I was like, oh, that's where he was. He was pretending to be a bear somewhere. And basically, you know, they got him on the ropes. She was like, kill him, burn him. It's a witch. You got him murder a witch.

And he's like, I can't do it. I'm not going to be like you. And he's like, well, what the fuck am I doing here for? What did I pay this? What did I pay this boy for? Oh, do you want to flirt with him too? So it's kind of awesome because Jeff Bridges just dumps hot grease on this guy and then sets him on fire. Pretty cool.

And like it's this thing where, and this is a big problem for me at the end of the movie, we'll get to it. But like in the world of this movie, they set up that when you kill a witch, it like bursts, kind of like a vampire getting sunlight. It kind of like bursts apart and dies. So this dude just goes up. It's pretty awesome. And that's the end of it. And it's one of several times in this movie where he's like, well, fine. I'm going to go sleep over here tonight.

I'll see you later, maybe. And they, like, break up. Yes. There's two breakup scenes in this movie. And so, you know, they go and he's like, hey, how's it going? Yeah, exactly. She just comes back in. Like, how's the big journey?

Any updates on the journey? You're getting closer to that fuck mountain you keep talking about? I don't know anything about it, but it sounds pretty interesting. You know, I didn't do my job today because of you. Again. So you think that gets me? Oh, nothing. Do you have maybe implied sex

at this point? I think it's a safe hand job. It's a safe We're in the middle of the village bazaar, you know, we found a bale of hay and you're going to just quick do something. Because they make out and we have a very strong cut and then we're laying on a bail of hay. So I don't know what just happened.

We're all fully clothed again. There's no like blanket over my chest or anything. So I think it was just a quick hey Jay. A quick hair job. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, oh no, a monk is coming. Cover up. Or whatever. Oh, I don't think they're doing the French way or anything. I think it's just...

But she is actually conflicted because, like, Julianne Moore, she's like, oh, being a witch is so awesome, he's just kind of hang out. And then Julian Moore's like, no, you eat babies and blood cake. Blood cake. And so he's... This is around where it's revealed that Jeff Bridges was once, like, in love with Julianne Moore, like, they were together.

She wasn't always an evil witch. She used to be a good witch. We're not eating blood cakes and killing babies. Of course she was a good witch. We're in the big fucking Lubbowski together. Now we just, you know, the fucking Hollywood. Which also, that's a huge problem for me. You put these two back together in this dumbass dragon slayer movie.

And I'm like, cannot wait to go home and put on Big Lebowski. Which, speaking of which, after this is put away. But so, yeah, so they were once together and she, like, somehow was cursed to something. I mean, who cares? I kind of hint at that the whole time. because well because you don't you don't really find out that he was the one who put her in the whole because it was a different actor yeah right you assume yeah and but like yeah now now we know and now she's pissed and he says something about because this is it's the next morning and the kids like

i'm gonna go back to jeff bridges and jeff bridges is like sleeping out in the woods or whatever and he finds him and he's like yeah it's true like we were in love blah blah blah but then i you know she became evil or whatever i got married yeah and my remembering this right he says that julian more like murdered his wife yeah he said murdered her in cold blood in a cave turned her into scraps but it's great because like he's like yeah murdered her in cold blood and this that the other thing oh there's her grave oh right do we happen to be in this graveyard no that's what's amazing though i'm sorry what's amazing and she's like he goes he says uh like oh she was a big fan of my wife by the way

I'd like you to meet Esmeralda and he points and it cuts and it's just a shot of a tombstone. And more bullshit, it's written in a magical language that no one could read. I'm like, you know what? Why is that written in Hyrule? Why is that have to be the thing?

We're all speaking American in this movie. Except you just reminded me of another bit of nonsense in this movie at the beginning when John Snow's stuck in that birdcage with her. Jeff Bridges starts spouting this other language and we get sub-titles. A whole bunch of Hocum.

It is outright hokom. And it's a one and done hoagum, too. Yep. It's like he says, and then it's like subtitles, and she goes, Ha-do Hyundai! Subtitles.

And then it's immediately back to English. And you're like, for what? For what? Why? Why are you paying some dude to master subtitles for your movie? It's immediately back to Philadelphia English,

I guess. Just stop it. It's so pointless. So, you know, honestly, then, you know... Well, then the boggart comes. Oh, go to look out for this big old boggart.

And I was like, we just had a side adventure fighting that bear. Because it's a big rock monster. And this is when Tusk gets, like, knocked off a clip. And you're like, oh, man, that's it. I was, I was, because it was an empty theater. I was actually just sitting there on my phone taking notes. And I just wrote Tusk dead question mark. Yes.

Well, because, well, here's the thing. And here's why I'm glad, spoiler alert that he is not dead. Because then if we don't, if he's not coming back, we definitely have a sweet farewell to Utah. Oh, yeah. We're putting them out on the ocean with like maybe we're shooting a fiery arrow. Oh, guaranteed it's a Viking funeral in this world. That or like a nice cobblestone grave. Yeah.

I kind of want a cobblestone grave. You mean like being buried under a pile of rocks like Picard does to Kirk? Yes, exactly. That's kind of the grave I want. You know, but I'd be worried about where that happens, though, because if it's like what Picard does to Kirk and you're kind of in the desert, I'd be worried about scorpions getting at me. Yeah. Right? Like scorpions probably getting at you. Yeah. Eventually. Well, this movie,

this, this Seven Sun movie was filmed mostly in Vancouver. So it's nice like they're on like a grassy knoller. Well, goodbye, Tusk. I'm going to put a bunch of rocks on top of your ugly ass ogre body. Well, but see you later. Eventually the bears are going to find the meat. No, but actually, maybe it's a thing where it's like, the bear's like, oh, oh, hey other bear, you smell that? Yeah. Let's go take a look at that. Oh, oh. Oh, sorry, bear. Bear clan. It's just a disgusting ogre.

Nobody wants to eat this. Ew. Larry, we almost ate an ogre. Isn't that gross? I'm sorry, Kevin. Let's get out of here. Said the bears that were hunting for food. I like him better cook than all. Yeah, it's just me. It's another one of those, this Boggart fight is another one of the movie things

where like, you know, he's like, what do we do in case that we meet a Bogger? He's like, run! There's no way to kill a Boggart. Try 20 nine different times. And this guy just kills him in like two minutes. And let me tell you something, folks, if you're thinking about venturing out to see this movie in the theaters, the Boggart time is the perfect time to go to the bathroom. Take a big

old pee break. Yeah, I was like, oh, this is going to take a while. Bathroom break. That's because already dead or not dead. And these two guys aren't going to get killed by this Boggart. The Boggart can't be killed. How about if we put him over a cliff? Well, that's the bullshit. He just stands with a little dead three times in the Boggart. It's like, I'm dead now. Well, see, I was going to ask you guys because I was in the bathroom when the Bogger got murdered. But where I got up was like, they get to the edge of a cliff, and it's like a bunch of water, and they're like

jump! And they do like a bad boy's three and jump into the water or whatever. And then he's like, perfect. Boggerts hate water. And this thing just jumps off the cliff after. Oh, no. Boggerts bound! Oh, no, I'm an idiot. Oh, I'm mixing Boggerts up with dragons.

How silly of me, run! I'm sorry. Swim! Now I'm just thinking, I kind of want at the end, like, you know, there's a big Christmas celebration and the bonger doesn't have any teeth that he's putting the star on the tree. Oh, totally. They just castrated him? Yeah, exactly.

Oh, man, they fucking... Yukon Cornelius does some sick shit to that bumble, man. That's what you don't see, dude, is the deleted scene where that bumble's locked in a basement somewhere. And, like, Yukon Cornelius has a car battery hooked up to his little bumble testicles. And he's like, now what is it you do? and I offer you this Christmas present, Bumble. And then he's like, he's got, like, the little wet knob,

and he's, like, got it over the battery, and the Bumble's, like, sweating, like, uh, uh, eat it. And he's like, I don't think so, Zapp. Ooh, what's this in your wallet here? You got a hot little Bumble wife. Be a shame if I paid her a visit after I'm done with you. Oh, who's that behind you there? A bunch of cute little Bumble kids.

I know where they go to school. There's only one school bumble's going to go to. Of course, if you were to tell me where the rest of your cond is. I wouldn't have to do that. Zero bumble 30. He just locks a bumble in a box and starts playing heavy metal really loud. That's the only way we're going to get that information, Andrew. The only way we're going to get detooth that bumble.

partial information will be trying to have no information I hear you like to hunt bubbles you've got a real flare for it pretty good food in this year cafeteria I'm the head of the CIA Leon Panetta we're all smart so I don't know

somebody steals his aim because Olivia Williams gave him an amulet she's like dude don't let any witches get this and you know what I mean by witches and winks, right? And then basically the girl, the sister grabs that because she's like, stay away from my

daughter. Stop filling her head with beautiful ideas and so on and so forth. And she rips it off and she flies away and it's like, oh my God, now they have the amulet, you guys. Yeah. Oh, shit. Here it comes. Almost immediately after Jeff Bridges catches the

younger girl witch and it's like, what's fucking burn her? Right here. Tosh has a steak ready to go. Thanks, Tuss. Okay. And he goes, he's like, you got to do it because she's young and I'm going to like watching this.

I'm just going to sit back over here with a blanket over my lap and watch you burn that witch. The last time, I'm here to burn the fucking witch. Fucking bear wits. I just, because it's the thing of this movie, right? Where it's like, I'm not like you.

I'm not like you. And it's like, dude, you have been sold into like, you know, semi-professional whatever to be trained as a witch hunter deal with it and you haven't run away yet yeah totally if you're so opposed to this

just get out of there guaranteed Jeff Bridges character in this movie is a pretty hard sleeper and are you telling me if you went to Julian Moore was like look fuck him I can tell you exactly where he is yeah your daughter's totally hot like I'm really into this family I want to be part of this

this palace here at Fuck Mountain you've done gorgeous things with it what's so bad sure you can rule why not oh that's a nice accent color you got over there and you're you can actually teach me something about you know turning into a dragon oh like the other person who doesn't want to teach me anything what's the oh those blood cakes smell delicious oh I could here so he lets her go and oh fuck you're the worst little seven son I ever didn't see I'll tell you that much right immediately after it basically you know she Jim and Hsu shows up and they fight and Jeff Bridges gets captured

And both Tusk and the kid Ben Barnes gets knocked I don't remember saying kid this guy's 38 years old Well you were saying though in this series of books the little little guys like 12 years old It's like a Harry Potter's story It's a real kid's book like it's and you know the story is totally different It's all about like this witch keeps trying to actually ask for blood cakes And he gives it to her and he learns a lesson and it's all smart and wonderful or whatever So you know basically

Jeff Bridges gets captured It's the end of the movie And he's like, I'm gonna go Tusk is still alive It's like well we Now we're gonna go Tusk And Tusk is like wrong wrong And it's like whatever Tusk

You're useless At some point there's a siege on that city All the witches convene on the town And kill a bunch of people Yes this is when Olivia Williams gets killed too Right because Julianne Moore Just straight up executes her And even though she's a witch

All she has to do Julianne Moore All she has to do is put her fingers in her It's so insane, dude. She just, like, kind of pricks her a little bit, and she just bursts into silver nothing. She explodes into glitter. Yeah. It's crazy.

I'm like, all right. Lights right up for no reason. It's just so. Then she can reach her son who's, like, sort of fallen off a cliff and is kind of knocked unconscious a little. And come on, you want to give this, you know, this Julian Moore, a little, you know, little edge. Have her eat Olivia Williams heart. That's what I thought was because she goes to touch her chest and I was like, there's going to be some heart eating. Yeah, exactly.

I can't wait for this heart eating. A big heart steak. So then like Ben Barnes gets the motivation from his mom's ghost to be like, all right, Tusk, I guess you're with me. We're going to go get to Fuck Mountain and save Jeff Bridges and get to the end of this movie. Yeah, because she's like, hey, I'm a good witch.

And he's like, oh, then maybe my girlfriend's a good witch too. I just need to make her a good witch or something. Make a good witch out of her or whatever the fuck. So there's a big siege on Fuck Mountain. There's this great scene. So the amulet, by the way, I guess it's an immense. an imagination amulet or whatever because she's got the amulet

and Julianne Moore who looks a little craggy in this movie on purpose you know they make her look a little right then you know she's like Jeff Bridges come to me and there's a real like join us join us Jeff Bridges who will be my king

and you know she's looking all monstrous but what he sees is like regular Julianne Moore which looks great you know what I mean he's like come on come on and the kid shows up and takes the amulet all No, I'm sorry, the daughter takes the amulet. She rips it, yeah. And then, because of that, Julianne Moore goes to kill the daughter.

But then Julianne Moore's witch sister steps in and is like, not in my house. And then it's a dragon fight. Straight up dragon fight, which, admittedly, kind of cool. Two dragons just battling it out. Pretty sweet. You got there. And that's going on. Then J-Men-Hunsu, and it's kind of great because J-Manu turns into a dragon himself.

Like a walking dragon, a wingless. dragon. Yeah, it's weird. It kind of looks. It's like a dragon mixed with Godzilla and a little, like a dash of Cloverfield over the whole thing. And Jeffers like, oh, you've got to be a dragon to fight me a big pussy. Yeah. He can't find me like

a man, which translation is, boy, that looks expensive. How about you just fight me, Jimon Honsu? I mean, I mean, Jimon Honsu's getting paid the same amount if he's a dragon or a man. All I'm saying probably makes more sense to get

more FaceTime out of Jima Nutsu. He was at Blood Diamond. Stretch that Jimon Hansu dollar just a little farther, filmmakers. The pricey Godzilla monster. I mean, we're making a movie that's either coming out in August or January. No one's going to see it. It's either coming out next

summer or four years from now. Man, I can't I sure hope Romney doesn't win. Wall-on-Edge fucking Romney. they just kind of fight and Jeff Bridges just murders him and he explodes into nothing

and he goes oh you should have stayed a dragon which is a pretty good line. That's not bad and we see throughout that city siege there's like the other witches that are in Julianne Moore's army like all getting like killed and taken out and whatnot and keep in mind gang they're all exploding into

silver glitter and skeletons and whatever. You think that's what happened when Ruth Taylor dies? Oh yeah he's just going to explode into a gigantic ball of glitter. That'd be kind of Absolutely. That'd be a little beautiful, I think. I don't think that's the first time I've thought of that. Yeah.

So let's say Rip Torn's fighting a dragon. Not Rip Torn. Oh, Rip Taylor. Rip Toul, he's going to turn it into a pile of salt. Is he still alive? Rip Torn might be passed away. Is Rip Taylor alive? I think.

Yeah. Yeah, they're both. They're both alive. Let's carry on with this dragon discussion. So, I mean, Jim and Hunts, who's dead, a bunch of her army. There's a bunch of, like, non-mentioned. there's a woman that turns into a cougar who cares she just instantly gets killed that

woman is dressed like Tina Turner and Beyond Thunderdome which is kind of funny he grabs the amulet and now with the amulet he gets the super staff power which is like levels up power up pseudo yeah no it's exactly a power up there's definitely some other video game shit strewn throughout this movie because at one

point Jeff level six she's a level six which I was like level six your ass out of this movie with that kind of talk levels power ups the ghost It's like, Oh, that's a level six graphic.

Don't even look at it. Oh, because that's the other thing, right? We've got ghosts. We've got, what is it? What are they saying?

It's not ghouls. It's like ghosts. Gasts. Gast. Look out for the gassed. It's like a ghost, but lazy. It's a fart ghost.

Oh, shit. I rolled a two. I got to be in the seventh son. Oh, fucking witches. So then it's like, they're all on like the outside, like they're at like the front door

of the palace at fuck mountain right and so it's like Julian Moore's the only one left and the kids like get ready to go in and he's like no I gotta do this alone even though this kid is 25 40 years younger has now a magic staff and they even

say like you're the special one because you're half witch half spook you got hired solely for the purposes of murdering this witch queen And no, he's like, I'll do it myself because I'm old and incompetent. And so they go in and he's like, you know, it's like when they can, there's no one else in the room and they can have this one-on-one.

And he's like, we loved each other once. And she's like, I know. Well, that was a long time ago. And now it's time for murder. What does she? He's like, oh, I still love you a little bit, baby. You're still number one in my heart. And he's got this knife and he's like getting closer.

Well, that's what I kind of like the whole time I just wanted. him to like be putting on a bib and like sharpening his knife oh for the heart dinner putting out a platter yeah I still love you baby building a little fire licking his lips like a fucking cartoon

wolf he looks at her and she's a big steak oh my god but she gets the better of him and like takes the knife but is about to kill him and what's his face, Ben, whatever the hell, uses his knife-throwing

tactics to throw a knife into the side of this witch who's the most powerful thing, and it's on her birthday, too, or whatever, like the moon is, no, I mean, the moon is full, she's got all of her moon powers. I thought it was literally her birthday. I mean, it's like, I missed the birthday

discussion. No, it's, the moon is full, she had the animal at one point, she's the most powerful thing that anyone ever saw. Right. This little turns throws a throwing knife at her. She's Oh, that's it for me then. And like, it's like, oh, you've killed me. But I'll haunt you in further installment.

Yeah, it's a real. You're not going to believe this. I'll haunt you. I'm not haunting you now, but I'll haunt you the next time we meet. Well, that's the thing. As I was assuming, there would be like a Jeff Bridges dragon egg. Somewhere a dragon that speaks like Jeff Bridges because it's half dragon and half Jeff Bridges.

Dude, remake that movie Dragonheart and replace Sean Connery with Jeff Bridges. Now we're in business. You know, honestly, the way his career is going and I love the guy to death, he might be in a directed DVD Dragon Heart sequel. This thing got released in theaters by the skin of its teeth. It might as well be a directed DVD movie. So that's the end of the movie. He's like, well, you know, you finally killed a witch.

It took your whole goddamn movie to do it. And he's like, well, you're going to burn this bitch. sure what? And he's like, well, I guess I will. But this was the point I wanted to make, is she gets this tiny little dagger thrown in her side and says, I'll be back and dies.

Does not explode into silver glitter skeleton bones. She's just a person that's dead or even like, wouldn't she like revert to a dragon at that point? Possibly. Or something. No, she's just a person. And like she gets cooked up like Quigon Jin. Oh, they just burn this house

down bed first. because she is kind of like laid out on a bed like hello Jeff Bridges and they leave and the last scene of the movie is like you know what you would call it Ben Barnes is like saddling up this horse and he's got the new garb on which I guess he kind of looks like Hayden Christensen in the last Star Wars movie

totally that's I think they might have stolen it from the costume department there it's the big hood the whole thing it's almost like a hellfish banana thing me. Because I've killed all the dragons. I did it all. And now I get all the riches. So I'm going up. I'm going now to Fantasy World Tahiti. Congratulations. You won the tauntine we set up. A thousand guys down to one. Because it looks like for the first time in his life, he's taking a shower at the end. And he's got new clothes on. And because he's retiring. He's Tommy Lee Jones at the end of men in black. He's like, all right, Will Smith, I trained you to be a men in black. I'm going to retire and work at the post. And he's probably immortal now, right? I mean, if you beat all those dragons, you become an immortal. Oh, if you're taking that many dragon souls, dude, guaranteed.

Well, you know, he's, no, Ben Barnes isn't retiring. Jeff Bridges. No, I know, but that's the thing is Ben Barnes thinks that he's going to go out on some mission. And Jeff Bridges is like, nope, this is your house now. I'm moving out. I'm moving out of the clubhouse. You won the tauntine. I'm getting on the horse and I'm just going to go.

What prize is this, though, because then he's like, and also Tusk is going to stay here with you and you can take care of. all of that shit. Talk to you later. Now, just to remember, two cans of slop a day. Don't feed them after midnight,

and whatever you do, make sure Tusk don't get wet. You want to come in here to the other room for a second. Tusk, don't worry about it. You just hang out there, buddy.

Always put him down. Never let him get too pig for his brits. Tell him he's ugly. Remind him the last time he had a girlfriend. Which was never. Oh beautiful

So then the girl shows up too And she's like hey you're going away Hey Because she's sort of A betrayed her mother And led to her death Her mother who didn't seem like That bad of a witch to begin with

Yeah she was kind of like She was like okay But Julianne Moore was like But riches You can live in the palace At Fuck Mountain She's like Oh that's kind of sweet

Killed her whole family For this dude And she's like So we like Live together now right And he's like, yeah, but, I got to go. I got shit to do. It's a, because you know what, man, they are just from two different worlds.

You know, as long as he's the witch slayer and she's a witch, never the two shall meet. Oh, man, rewind four hours. The middle of this movie, when she's swimming in a lake, they touch hands for a second. Oh, God, damn it. This is the dumbest, laziest thing in the world. They touch hands. And a blue spark happens. And she's like, that's the spark.

And he's like, wait, what? And it's like, whenever a witch meets her true love, a blue spark shall appear. Or it means nothing. Yeah. Some historians have found that to mean nothing. And at the end, she's like, well, I guess it meant nothing at all. I was like, maybe, but maybe we'll meet each other in another movie. Yeah, right, man.

And she's like, well, I'll see you in another movie, I guess. And she walks away. When we have the eighth son. Yeah. She says something to him like, yeah, you can say that. but I know how you feel. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, okay.

And then this bell starts going off. And he's like, well, Tusk got a suit up. It's a real like, we got one. Like here's my first case as a witch hunter. How many witches are roaming around this countryside? Dude, do you think he was like, all right, I think I know what's going on here. I think Jeff Bridges is retiring. I think he's got to saddle me with Tusk.

I'm going to tell the guy two towns over to start ringing that bell. What Bridges is out of town? And I'm going to leave. Tus doesn't know how to get back to this. house. Just abandoned him of the forest. Oh, there's a witch out in the country tuss. Come on, buddy.

Like a bad dog. Take him out to the town line and speed away on a horse. That's what you got to do, man. I didn't sign on for this ogre shit. Yeah, totally. You know what, Jeff Bridges, you can't just leave an ogre with a person.

You have to let that dude decide if he wants the responsibility of caring for this ogre. He's tacking a burlapse. act full of slop or the road to hard row for dusk. Oh, God. And that's

seventh sun. Now one of these people are in an Oscar race right now for best actress. I have not seen Still Alice. Is that a good? The only thing that's good about Still Alice is her. Yeah. Everything about that movie otherwise is

very flat. I thought Stewart was pretty good. Kristen Stewart is pretty good to that movie. Yeah. She's kind of like the next best part of it is like the daughter who's kind of like living on the West Coast far removed from the family business and tries to like spend time with Julianne Moore while the illness

is taking hold. I mean but Julianne Moore is great right you know what I mean? Like this is I mean she's been nominated for a bunch of stuff but this is not definitely not her first rodeo no I don't think I don't think she's ever won anything but she's been nominated before far from having at least a couple of other stuff here and there dress part two probably

probably what was that movie ever evolution with her and David Dukovina. Yeah, that would be for... Maybe something for a cameo and ladies' man. Well, she's... I mean, the thing is, she's really good. She's definitely not a picky actor.

You know what I mean? She's just gonna... I mean, and she is the queen of directed DVD at this point. I watched some movie called Six Souls with her a couple of years ago. What on earth is that? That's a serial killer movie. It's kind of like Fallen where there's like a goblin that gets inside you and... Oh, really?

Is Jonathan Reese Myers doing a bunch of bad accents? because he keeps playing different characters. Nobody needs that. No, that guy can't act for shit. Well, because then the other folks you have in this race are the one I don't understand. Rosamund Pike and Gone Girl. I mean, that's like, she's fine. I actually want her, she was the one I wanted to win for a while.

I think she's pretty great. I thought she held that movie for a lot of scenes that other one. She's good in the movie. I just didn't see that movie as like getting nominations for anything. I think it's Fincher. It's a finchered movie. They needed to give it something, really? But I do think that, yeah, if you're going to nominate anything in that movie, it's her.

And marrying Cotillard, though, in two days one night, that's a great performance. But they're not going to get it. It's a foreign movie. I guess that's true. Oscar voters don't want to have to read their goddamn movies, goddammit. I will be goddamned if a freaking foreign movie, an actor from a foreign movie wins this guy. But what I'm paranoid about is it is it going to be a sweep of the theory of everything and give it to Felicity Jones? I don't think they're going to get, I think it's probably going to go.

Actually, Reese already has one though. She does, but that's just more of the story. By the way, the fact that she's back in an Oscar race after I'm obstructing your justice is a credit to her more than, that video is the best. Oh, my God, it's so great. You know who I am. I'm a southern belt. I'm obstructing your justice. Get out of you.

It's the best. You stupid cop. But you're talking about a fucking performance. I think Reese Witherspins great in that movie. I think the movie's great. I think that movie's a little underrepresented this year maybe. I think so. Yeah.

I think it might be up there for a couple of different things. Surprisingly, Nick Hornby writing that, was that nominated for screenwriting, best to death? I don't. It might have been. I don't know. What else was adapted these days? Let's see.

I got the internet ticker up here. So we'll see what's going on. so it's not original screenplay it's going to be screenplay adapted uh no that's kind of surprising yeah whiplash american sniper imitation game through of everything and inherent vice

yeah i think laura durn could have been nominated for best supporting as well she was oh she was oh then there you go that's what we were saying on last week's episode that we were thinking we wanted we thought it would be laura durn yeah i mean i think that reese witherspoon is totally deserving of it. I didn't see Still Alice, but I would like to see Julian.

If there's ever a career award to give to somebody, it would be this. I think it's more unlikely going to be, actually, I think it's going to come down to Julianne Moore and Rosambe because they're going to want to give Gone Girls something. Right. Yeah. And I don't think he's one in director. Was he even up with director? No, that movie was pretty much

snubbed for everything. Yeah, so I think if they're going to give it to anything, they would give it to her. Right. So I think it's between her and Julian Moore. Now, in the meantime, though, Is anyone going to recommend people go out to the theater and see Seventh Sun? No. Wait a week and a half. It'll be on Netflix.

I guarantee you before the snow melts in New York. That movie's going to be on Netflix or VOD. Because let me tell you something. I feel that this is a get your friends in a room, get a nice ice cold, tall glass of water, get some beers on the table, and just laugh your ass off at this.

movie. I was howling it in the theater. Oh, yeah. We're being real obnoxious jerks. Three of eight people in that theater were laughing loudly, and the other people were just kind of sitting quietly, being very patient with us. Well, the problem is when the three of us go to a movie together, and you know, it's a dead

movie, it's like a dead fantasy movie. Everyone's, if you were the one there to see, you're like, all right, there's two scenarios in play here. Either one, they're fan of the source materials, and they just finished playing D&D, and they're going to play D&D right after this, or this is going to be

three halen fat guys enjoying this movie. Right, yeah. Like, ruining my good time by making their own. Well, there was a woman that got up in the middle of the movie, and it was right after I'd been doing some loud like, what is that? You know, like being a real prick about it. And I was like, oh man, she's getting a manager.

Like, you're going to get ejected from seventh son. Yeah, totally. No, it was really bad. I thought that's what was going to happen, but I think she just took the boggart break that I did, too. And she probably wasn't having a good time. No. No one. No one was having a good time in the theater. That's seventh son from this year, 2015, directed by Sergei Bodruff. If you want to get a hold of us, check out our website, WHMpodcast.com. You can like our Facebook page and follow us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast. Right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. If you've seen this movie in the theaters, I'd like to know what people out there thought. If you're in the New England area on March 21st, you should definitely check us out.

at the lily pad. You can pick up tickets for that on our brown paper tickets. I'm W-HM podcast brownpaportickets.com. I'll tell you now, gang. It's already like kind of like late-ish February. The show isn't until late-ish March. We've sold a ton of tickets.

There are still some tickets available, though, so do not wait. Cambridge, Massachusetts. March 21st, 8 p.m. We're doing the Green Lantern. Yep, that's right. That's another just dog-shit movie, dog-shit fantasy movie. I haven't re-watched yet. I'm really putting it off. No, I'm waiting until the last second. I'm going to wait till the night

before I have to get in the car and drive up there dude, because seriously. You have to. I'll say this. Something happened today. It would be a nice plug to work this in. WHMpodcast.spreadshirt.com. That's a merchandise store. Haven't plugged it on the air in a while. You can go. You can buy t-shirts and dog actor

bandanas and mugs and baby onesies or hoodies, which I happen to be wearing today when we were getting lunch and an old woman approached to me and said, now, wait a second. Do you mind if I ask you something and I was being polite? Also, it's New York and you got to be polite to crazy people at first. You don't want to be immediately like

fuck you because you don't know if they have a knife you know, old lady or no. Cautious at all time. And I was like, yes, of course, ma'am. And she was like, now if you hate movies, why would you wear a shirt that said that you did? And it just kind of had to go into the whole thing. So let me tell you, gang, if you want to be bothered by old people

at Subway, WHM podcast, Spreadshirt.com. Pick yourself up some we hate movies merchandise. You paid a glamorous picture of our lives, don't you? We're not eating lunch at the fucking rainbow room, dude. You left the shitty movie theater and went and got the shitty sandwich before you came and did this.

As we were leaving the Russian tea room, she was very... Yes. She was very well dressed and totally not wearing bags on her feet. We were at Robert de Niro's No Boo. All right, one week left in our Oscar month. Oscar month, yeah.

And we will have to give the predictions for who we think is going to win because this last episode is going to air after the Oscars. So the last episode that we're doing, the clue is Michael Keaton. Yeah, that's the clue. That's a whole laundry list of things that we could possibly be doing. so now the race for that is on though what are we thinking as far as lead actor goes it's probably him

I mean I can't see how I mean who what are so sorry so you got him for Birdman Eddie Redmayne theory of everything no good old Benedict Cumberbatch for imitation game Bradley Cooper for American sniper David O'Yellow no oh wait he's black

sorry I'll just take that scratch that but then you have the one that's most confusing of all because I firmly believe it's a supporting role, Steve Carell and Foxcatcher. I don't get it. It makes absolutely no sense, but he's nominated in the lead actor category. I think it has to be Keaton.

The only other people, the person, they're possibly giving it to Red Main, I think. Maybe Cumberbatch. No way. I don't think it's out of the possibility. Red Maine is either, if it's Keaton 40%, Red Main 30%, it would be Cumberbatch 20%, and then like 10% everybody else. But here's the thing that you have to, have to, have to, have to, remember when we're talking about Benedict Cumberbatch and

imitation game and all of this. That movie it's the Oscars. It's not the Golden Globes. It's the Oscars and that movie has Harvey Weinstein behind it. And as everyone knows, if you want your movie to win Oscars, you get Harvey behind it. Harvey Weinstein spends money championing his movies and he doesn't give a shit about the Golden Globes. Like that's a nice icing on the cake. Harvey wins Oscars. So I would not be surprised if come Oscar Sunday

it is more about imitation game than not. So Benedict Cumberbatch would not be a surprise to me. I'm also thinking Michael Keaton. I would almost, I would actually, there's a possibility it would be an 11th hour one, but there's a possibility of Cooper upside. Well, with all this box

office, who knows the way those academy... That was kind of what made me think it might happen. I don't know how those academy voters think with stuff like that. Who knows? What about that fake baby? Is that a best supporting or what are we talking? Well, I think that American sniper was nominated for us in the special effects department. Special baby department.

So until next week when we talk about a really terrible Michael Keaton movie, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sater. Chris Gap. Take it easy.