We Hate Movies - S5 Ep193: Teen Wolf Too

Episode Date: March 3, 2015

On this week's episode, the gang joins the Sideshow Network just in time to discuss the totally lame and completely joke-less sequel, Teen Wolf Too! Who was demanding sports stay in the story? Is Michael J. Fox's character supposed to be dead in this movie? And who on Earth would think it's a good idea to befriend Stiles? PLUS: The show's recorded in New York, which means it's time, once again, to yell at people out the window! Teen Wolf Too stars Jason Bateman, Kim Darby, John Astin, Paul Sand, James Hampton, Mark Holton, Estee Chandler and Stuart Fratkin as "Stiles"; directed by Christopher Leitch. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Cambridge Mass and surrounding areas Do not forget in just a few days from now March the 21st It's a Saturday night 8 p.m. We will be appearing at the lily pad And we're talking about the green lantern Chris Cabin's ready to go Well bring your jars of sauerkraut

To eat raw Just like Peter Sarsgaard does in his fucking movie Oh man that's just gnarly It's the grossest appearance anyone could ever have Right slopping it out of the jar Into your big hanging mouth He looks like a radioactive penis head in it that's what he winds up looking like

he kind of looks like honestly if you just painted his face pink and then like shot his head on a table he'd make a great crang yeah yeah you're right conversely a good adventure time villain yeah I can see that dog

transforming into something to fight that thing I'm not I'm getting a little nervous because it's already we're early March now and I just I'm realizing I really do have to watch this again you know what I mean it's just like we're getting down to the 11th hour here. We're going to have to rewatch the Green Lanter.

It's like when you say you're going to go to a wedding, but don't think about it. And you're like, oh, you know, I'll just fucking go. Fine, I'll go to your wedding. And then you're like, oh, wait, I got it. I got to get the hotel. Oh, fuck. Exactly. The block's all filled up. There's a card. I have to sign. I got to go to hallmark. I love that signing the card is what it. That's a Chris Cabin problem. Ladies and gentlemen, there are problems, and then there are Chris Cabin problem. Everyone else is booking hotels, spending hundreds of dollars I can give. Someone has to go to the hallmark store. I'm still

doing the other stuff, but that bothers me the most. Yeah. Yeah. I know it does. Chris Cabin problems. Look into it. So for more riffing like this on the Green Lantern Gang, come out to the lily pad in Cambridge Mass on March the 21st. It's a Saturday night, 8 p.m. All four of us will be in attendance. You can pick up tickets online, brown paper, or what is it? WHM podcast. papertickets.com. And remember, we will not be taking cash at the door. You have to get your tickets in advance and then roll up with your little print out there or showing on your phone what's going on. But we will not be taking money at the door. WHMpodcast.com brownpaper tickets.com. The 21st of this month, which is March. We will be at the lily pad. We'll see you in Cambridge Mass then. Hello, I'm Andrew Juven. Chris Gavin. Stephen Siddak. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to we hate movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. If you're new to the program, thank you for joining us.

This is the first episode, our debut episode, on the Sideshow Network. We're very excited to be here. Yeah, made it. This is a little air of legitimacy for this show, if you could believe it. Absolutely. How about that? Take that, naysayers. No more Andrew's mom coming down to the basement saying, what are you boys watching?

What is this for? No, we're very excited to be a part of the side show family. There's a lot of great shows on this network. We're happy to be a part of it. You're finding us through the Sideshow Network. This is a comedy show where we take a bad little shitty movie and then make fun of it endlessly for about an hour and a half. Yeah.

Is that accurately describing what We Hay movies is? That's the same point. That's the logline. Steve, if you had to say to someone who's just found us through sideshow, you know, some things that they could expect on We Hate Movies, what are some of the things that they could expect? Well, you know, nerd riffing. If you like nerd culture, you'll like this show.

obscure celebrity impressions? If you like the show, if you like bad obscure celebrity impressions, we got both kinds. Underline that one. Obscure celebrity impressions and bad obscure celebrity impressions. We listen to both kinds of music, country and western. Exactly. Do you enjoy filthy cursing? We got filthy cursing.

You got plenty of cursing. Oh, yeah, there's some of that. So put the kids to bed, everybody, or if you're a terrible parent, get them on out to the living room. And liberal goddamn politics, all right? You sons of bitches. So we are We Hate Movies, and we're very happy to be here. And for those of our loyal listeners who are following us over to Sideshow, check out the rest of the shows they have going on.

Sideshownetwork.tv. They've also got their own channel on the iTunes store. Check out their stuff. We're joining an army of podcasts on this network, so we're very excited to be here. And yeah, welcome new listeners, one and all. Now, to get a real taste of what we do here at We Hate Movies, this week's episode, Teen Wolf 2 from 1987 directed by Christopher Leach Oh God, good goddamn this movie

It's important to start because you're overhearing it I mean you probably downloaded the file It's 2 as a T-O-O as in I am also a teen wolf I am a teen wolf as well Yep, I'm a teenager, I'm a wolf also Look who's team wolfing now Yeah the next one Yeah no I think that's what's going to

Look who's a teen wolf now? And it's Danny DeVito. I'm a teen wolf. Oh, that'd be great. If you turn it, like, you know, you get the morphing thing down. He turns into Danny DeVito instead of, it's a teenage kid, you know, star athlete. You go in reverse, right? Yeah.

Whenever he gets, like, flustered or horned up, he turns into Danny DeVito. Still eating humans, though. As a werewolf should. Yeah. And a Danny DeVito should. Eating human flesh at all times. That was my question about, um, that new MTV show, like, are they eating people on there?

Because he's, like, a sexy teen wolf. I don't think he is, but isn't, aren't his nemesies? I think there's some bad teen wolves on there. Oh, really? And there's a whole, like, you know. It's a war. It's an outright war. Oh, yeah.

There's a war in this sleepy Pennsylvania town or wherever the fuck that is. What is it good for, man? That's what I want to know. It's a sexy show for sexy teens. Doing sexy things with sexy acrobatics. And there's like no humor, right? It's not a comedy at all. Well, no, the guy from the maze runner is in it, and that's where he got his start.

And he's kind of funny. Well, you know, lack of humor to connect it back to Teen Wolf 2. Because there's just no jokes in this. This is, when you talk about, like, bad sequels and, like, how unnecessary some sequels are, this is what you're talking about. It's a photocopy of the first movie. It's like they took the first script, just photocopied it. Some names were changed to avoid damaging the reputations of people. And we're moving to college from high school.

And here was my number one problem. And it's something, it's an animal house thing, right? Yeah. Where you start everything, and it's all the school. Yep. Haven't you seen the school? The school does not matter a thing in this movie. It's just, it's not like he's dealing with the dean constantly.

John Aston's just kind of fucking hanging around. Yeah, John Aston, Gomez Adams himself, as the snooty dean, you know, Rottweiler by his side. Like, we're introduced to the dean by, like, the outside of his office. There's a gigantic sign that's like, this is the dean's building, home of the dean. Dean of men, it says. Is there a woman dean? Maybe. Dean of women and dean of men.

Yeah, I think that's how this college is organized. Yeah, the first scene is, or the opening, it's all panoramic shots of the college, and it's that stupid fake song. It's like, nobody went to a college. Like, how many people in America go to Ivy League schools? It's a small percentage, right? Yeah. Hail to the camp crusty

Who can relate to that? No one can relate to that. There's a scene in this movie where they start just randomly singing the school fight song in the locker room and I'm like, nobody gave a shit about that. Amazing story about school songs, right? So Chris Cabin, you and I went to the same high school.

Some W.HM high days, right? Now, did you know that our high school had a fight song? No. greatest thing ever right so high school graduation comes around we're in this huge auditorium and they're like going over like what's going to happen like at the rehearsal you know and it's like so then when the last person goes off everybody's going to stand back up they're going to say like you know now you've graduated high school and we're going to sing the fight song and the principal turns on an overhead projector with these lyrics and some guy on a piano starts just tinkering away and like the principal and the vice principal and a couple other teachers starts singing this song and we're all like What? Like, do you ever see a room of like 500 kids just go, what the fuck? Like, nobody knew that the school had a song.

You know what? Build that shit up for four. You've got four years to teach me a fight song for singing under graduation. Exactly. And it was ridiculous because they were all pissed off that nobody knew it. And it turned into this like, you're not a pride in your school bullshit. We were like, I didn't know this song existed. In what situation am I getting the song other than from you?

You're responsible for me. the song. It was so, so funny. You know what's too late to teach me that? Graduation, because I've checked out. I checked out from high school about eight months ago, pal. Yeah, totally. Like, give me a break. I'm riding on fumes. Kind of literally. Yeah, we were doing whippets in the bathroom, getting ready for this. So, yeah, we cut to the Dean's, the crusty old dean played by, played admirably by John Aston. In a better film, he's making a fantastic rival to some nerdlinger and

friends. He's in perfect That's my ride, guys. Talk to you later. See you, see. To new listeners, by the way, we record this episode in the entire show in New York City. Work, it's very hot in my apartment, so the window has to be open, because you want three fat guys sweating it out in a room, by the way. It gets really gross. It smells great. You're going to notice buses.

I live Caddy Corner from a hospital, so there's ambulances from time to time. And it's New York, so everyone's an aggressive driver. So you will hear occasionally, what are you talking about, pencil neck? Move and a loser. And so on, that's for it. And then somebody throws a slice of pizza at my window. Every goddamn

week. So what were you saying, Steve, I'm sorry. No, but yeah, any other, he's in full Dean Wormer mode, but he doesn't have, you know, he's only got like three scenes, so he doesn't even get to say, I'll get you that rowdy teen wolf house. But his whole thing is, I really want this boxing championship to

get. How many colleges in the United States have a great boxing. Here's the thing. I'm sure there are, but nobody gives a shit. Exactly. That's the thing. No one's ever cared. That's the thing, right? I like watching the fight on TV. Like, I'll watch boxing. I actually like watching

quite a bit. If I can, I don't have cable, so the opportunities to watch boxing aren't really there. But it's a fine thing to watch. You know, the pugilism is a very interesting thing that's got a great rich history. Why on earth would you think it's a good idea to put this

in your college, cool dude werewolf movie. Like Michael J. Fox is playing basketball and that makes sense. It's a team thing. You know, it's basketball, so it's kind of bigger. We're used to seeing that in school settings. I didn't buy it when he was playing basketball. Even as a joke, I didn't buy it.

No. Because you know what a perfect big monster thing is good for? Football. And why is he not playing football? I'll tell you. Here's the thing. And I think this is, indicative of a lot of what's going on in this movie

faking a boxing team is very cheap faking a football team is very expensive but baseball you could pull off a teen wolf baseball situation it would be called like teen wolf a lot of home runs

teen wolf running the bases do you think that they were you know like maybe taking a bitter pill here because they're going to set up teen wolf three four and five like we don't want to burn out we got a good star in Jason Bateman we got John Aston tentatively signed up I think he's going to ink tomorrow

Let's not let's rewrite it to boxing I don't want to burn out the football thing That's Teen Wolf 3. Baseball, Teen Wolf 4 Maybe bowling, Teen Wolf 5? Sure. I would watch Golfing would be... Yeah What would be better golf or bowling For a Teen Wolf movie? Let's say you could only do one

Well, bowling makes more sense Because the applicable skill will be strength Right, yeah, that's true Although you get more celebrity came of golfing. That's true. You get Bob Barker. Well, I mean...

And all... I mean, I don't know. Who's a fan of Tiger Woods and Arnold Palmer? Oh, this is 1989. Well, no, but in this alternate timeline, and Routine Well, 5, this is not... We're talking like 1994, I think. Yeah, I guess you're right.

The franchise would extend into the mid to late 90s. Yeah. Like those air butt movies. Speaking of dog sports. But... Yeah, you're right. Speaking of dog sports.

Sure. Which, I mean, like, yeah, No, his whole thing is he's chewing out this, he's chewing out. He's chewing out the coach of the college boxing team. Everybody with us so far? There's a college boxing team. There's a coach who is the high school basketball coach from the first movie.

Same character, recast actor. That happens a couple of times in this movie. Sometimes it doesn't matter like this coach. other times, it totally matters later in the film. And a few people we're keeping. We're just going to have Chubs come back. Poor chubby, man.

Why? Why? Why does he have to go here? Why do they all have to go? I thought you were saying, why poor chubby? I was like, why not poor chubby? Well, I mean, why poor chubby? But still, why poor chubby in this movie? And so he's like, all right, we got to get this. The regional boxing championships

are in three months, and you better turn that team around. Because somehow, If the boxing team does poorly, the dean is ruined? What? They're going to look a fool? I don't know. If there's one person on this planet who refuses to ever look a fool, it's John Ashton. There should be every so often just a big black screen with a white label that just says scene missing.

Because there's so much that a lot of leaps have to be made to go from one to the other. And as we'll get to, this movie is mostly Oingo Boingo montages. Mostly, yes. Yeah. A lot of Oingo Boingo in this movie. And when Oingo Boingo's playing, that's when this movie's okay. Like, I prick up my ears. I'm like, oh, hey, this is kind of fun. And then you sort of forget for a second. You're watching Teen Wolf 2. But you know what's amazing is that indifference as far as runtime goes, it's a difference of a minute. Yeah. Between this and the original. Yeah. And the original feels so much. It's not good. But it's a movie. But it feels more substantial than this. Oh, I like that first movie. I'm totally fine. It's silly. But how do you deny the charm of Michael J. I mean, I guess so, but he's also a piece of shit in that movie.

Well, the character is not Michael J. Fox. Of course not, but his character in that movie is a piece of shit. Well, the funny thing is, apparently the first one came out like the same years back to the future or like right after, like really, really close on the heels. Yeah. Because this is probably cooling in development for a while. And then they're like, oh, shit, get it out there. So some of like the taglines are like, he's not going back to the future. He's going back to Teen Wolf or whatever the hell.

and in some alternate countries like Italy or whatever they changed the character's name to be Marty Are you kidding me? I'm not kidding you Well wait because this movie is 1987 Yeah that first back to the future is 85 I think that Teen Wolf 1 came out in 85

Oh you're talking Teen Wolf 1 Yeah I'm sorry yeah oh oh yeah I apologize Yeah gotcha gotcha gotcha No that's fine no Steve's doing the thing where he's like stop talking about it and just cut it out But it's totally fine We clarified what you were saying so it's not confusing. All right. The other thing, too, is not only is John Ashton going to be ruined, but apparently

he's going to be in some hot soup with the alumni association. Again, who could possibly care this much about a boxing team? And you know what? The first movie, it made sense, basketball, blah, blah, blah. You know, when you're doing a sequel, you can, you get all of hindsight. All right, what worked, what didn't, what makes this easier? You know what? Cut the sports right out. Let's just get him into sexy situations. Maybe he's, He's drinking a keg. It's college. Exactly, dude.

Like, he just gets wrapped up in some sort of frat war. Yeah. Right? Like, that's what you want. Forget college athletics. I don't need the NCAA involved in this. A comedy. I want a comedy.

The first one, the problem, here's what's good about the first one, is that it actually makes sense because he's going through puberty. Yeah, sure. This piece of thing happens. This, it's, it works. And that's it. He's just kind of like, I really hope I'm not a werewolf. Well, because that's a thing.

I really hope I'm not a werewolf. That's the weird thing. And we can get into talking about Jason Bateman in this movie as Todd. Todd. Todd, Howard. Todd, Todd, Todd, Howard. Yeah, he's a real Todd wolf, right? But the whole thing they explained in the first Teen Wolf movie is, like, when you start hitting puberty, man, your hormones are going all over the place.

And our family curses, we turn into werewolf. But it sometimes skips a generation, which they say this movie and the last one. I don't know, man. I didn't tell you, because I thought I was going to skip a generation. And your dad's been a werewolf this whole time, but I didn't deem you to know about it. Right. But so then we have Todd the werewolf, right? And it's like, you know, he thinks he's like in the clear.

Why does he have this delayed lichenthropy? Yeah, is he just a late bloomer? I don't know what's going on. I think it's a thing, like maybe in however he grew up, Jason Bateman just was not, because he's like a science nerd in this movie, too. That's the other thing is like he wants to be a veterinarian and he's going to study biology. in his first year at school. So, like, maybe he's never really, like, been interested in girls until he gets to college and then it's just, like, Bonertown.

Well, that's the thing. When you're a teen wolf, when you get a boner, here it comes. Like, that's the idea. Now you're a teen wolf. Absolutely. It's onset by boners. When you're riled up. But that's what I'm saying.

Like, he's a college freshman. You're telling me he's never got a boner until he's moving into college? Come on. Well, that's, I kind of wanted there to be, like, an opener where you, like, a passing of the torch. they're over at Michael J. Fox's house for Thanksgiving or something. And like, you know, accidentally he bites him or something.

Right, right. Just by accident. And that's how it goes. Now, let me throw this out there. I was mentioning this to Steve earlier today. And I think it's very important that we try to get to the bottom of it with this movie. Because when we're introduced to Jason Bateman, he's being driven to campus by his uncle,

who was the guy who played Michael J. Fox's father in the first movie. It's the same character, same actor. And he also is in the cartoon. playing reprising his role there too yeah that's embarrassing so it's the same character we're in the same world and they start talking about like well your cousin scott blah blah blah blah your cousin scott this and that yeah they speak about michael j fox's character as if he's no longer with them and it's really strange oh man per better teen wolf sequel he goes to a auburn you know it's the south and like you know he's already vowed to not be a teen wolf he's learned how to be himself and all this

kind of stuff. So he's just putting that away and he's trying to make a new start, a fresh start. He can control his urges, but he goes to a college party. It's the 80s. It's the first time he tries cocaine. Uh-oh, Teen Wolf, and he's rabid. Totally. And then they have to put him down. They put him down, dude. I think that's what happened.

See, I thought you were going for more of a school ties type situation. Cowards! Cowards! They put a dog leash over his bed and he rips it off. He's Who did this? Who fucking did this?

Matt Damon's just waving a milk bone in front of him. Go home, K-9. Matt Damon is a world-class shit in that movie. Oh, yeah. It's not a great movie, but that's a world... If I had to, like, draft a, you know, a starting nine of world-class shits from all movies past, Matt Damon in school ties is making the cut. It's a testament to his abilities as a performer.

Well, because you see how he, you know, appears on a lot of talk shows and Internet videos and stuff, seems like a really cool guy, real affable fella, you know, you're watching that school ties, and you're like, man, that's coming easy. That's coming real easy, Matt Damon. I really hope you turn out to be an okay guy, and you're just a really good actor.

Ben Affleck, you're here, too. Are you sure you're okay with this? But here's the other, we don't know what happens to Scott at all, and it's such an easy thing to just say, well, your cousin who went to Harvard, your cousin who went to Brown, or your cousin who all sequels do that. Yeah, it's the

old, you just missed him. You know what I mean? That's always, oh, you came here for Michael J. Fox. No, you just missed him. He's in another movie. But hey, Jason Bateman. Yep. He's his cousin.

You guys look like him. Hogan family, right? Similar haircut. Come on. Well, so was it just that he picked back to the future two over this? I mean, I think he picked a lot of things over. Yeah, he just didn't want to do this movie. One of the things I heard it was, he didn't like, he hated the makeup so much that, you know, the makeup process.

Oh, you need the mud that they just put on his face? Well, let me tell you something. man, that's another thing that's a step down in this movie. The wolf makeup in that first movie is pretty okay. It's your comical, like 1950s, werewolf bar mitzvah looking werewolf. This is just

a bad Halloween costume. He was like a bad caveman. Yeah, he does look more like a caveman. You're totally right. The funny thing is, so he's, you know, his uncle is like, you know, blah, blah, blah. You still might be a teen wolf. You know, it sometimes skips

a generation. It's like, yeah, I know. And he's Like, yeah, but your parents aren't teen wolves or werewolves, which you know what? Again, screenplay, just pick which one is he related to. You know what I mean? Is it the father or the mother? Yep. My sister, your father, your mother, whatever. And it's another thing where they don't explain why his parents aren't driving him.

Why is it weird werewolf uncle Harold is driving him to college? It's not like, if his parents are dead, just tell me. You're not going to bring down the mood of Teen Wolf 2 by having the protagonist. I think it's a thing where, oh, you're at the other side of the country now and that your uncle's going to look after you, you know what I mean? Oh, so he's like he's moved to wherever, which is in driving distance from their town. Exactly. And it's like meet up with your uncle first. Why do we have to do this guesswork almost 30 years later?

Well, I mean, yeah, because I was thinking that the parents kind of knew he was already a teen wolf. He didn't know it yet, but they knew he. He was a teen wolf in his team. Send him to stay with the wolf. And then they were like, well, we can't talk to him about it. So send him to stay with your dirty-ass wolf brother. Tell your brother to come here, bring him there, get the U-Haul, do the whole thing. And you know what?

They can have a nice talk on the way there. Yeah. I can't have a teen. I don't want to have a teen wolf at Christmas. Let him go there. Let him go to that gross house that they have there. Yeah, you know, let him go cross-country to school so he can't come home easily for holidays. Oh, my God.

That whole family's team. wolves and they use mayonnaise jars for soda cups it's disgusting over there it's a disgusting house you know what we'll just wait for summer just we'll see him at summer you'll be you know first year out maybe he's better then if he turns it's summer we can shave him maybe it'll be okay maybe he got it out of his system well the weird thing about the circumstance of him going to this college is he one thing in the john assens here And you find out is the coach is like, oh, you know, I got my secret weapon coming today. Who is Jason Bateman?

Because his cousin was a teen wolf, and that teen wolf really worked out for me in the last movie. And in the car, you find out that Jason Baitman doesn't even box. No. He just got this weird boxing scholarship from the school site unseen. And he's like, hey, pretty cool. There's no way. I'd be so weirded out. I would be like, what is going?

Death cult. That's an invitation to die. Or you're sucking somebody. stick when you get there. Oh yeah absolutely. I mean it's all hell. Yeah, you like that air quotes boxing scholarship. Exactly. Zip. Yeah, totally. And then you know what? I'm never going to have a college education. It's just why would no one question this? Why would no one be like, did someone send a scout to the school to see him box? Like, what's his record? Well, not if it makes any sense because as we, as we find out, when he gets to the fucking place, Stiles has changed his whole course. Let's get a to Stiles, okay? You may remember Stiles as the fun, loving, money, grubbing friend from that first movie. Well, he's back,

and he kind of looks like a 1980s Jeff Goldblum. He does. He looks like he's jacked this movie. He's kind of like Jeff Goldblum's the fly. Yeah, no, they completely changed this actor to a real Mediterranean looking fellow. But he's more of a new metal fan because he's got that long gritty. Oh, the mullet is really

something. It is something else, man. This is a prize piece mullet, you guys. Oh, my God. Well, he's got like a Frankenstein top, right? It's like a box top head, and then this mullet looks like, I don't even know what. It is somehow a mullet that is simultaneously out of control and perfectly put together. Yeah, exactly. It's somewhere in the middle.

You only see this work at Sticks concerts. Yeah, no, it's unbelievable this mullet. I can't even tell you how impressed I was with it. I mean, it would take like hours to blow dry, right? Because you blow it around the top, that's like it's like 15 minutes. But the back, my God. And you're getting the best dryer on the market, by the way. You're not getting the $10, just plug it in, extend.

There's a great scene. So, like, they open the dorm room. You know, Jason Bateman goes in, and it's like, here's Stiles. It's like, oh, remember that first movie, everybody? How entertaining he was. Well, the funny thing is, of course, one of the reasons they rehired the father was so he could be like, Stiles, what are you doing here? He's like, hey, look, hey, guys, just look, this is what Stiles looks like in this movie.

It's fine. He's a different guy. Don't worry about it. I'm here. I'm endorsing this. And he's doing a little bit of like Fisher Stevens and my science project in this movie. He's like, hey, Mr. H. How is it going?

Shut the fuck up, Stiles. That's what that dad should have said. The door opens. Hey, Mr. You know what? Shut the fuck up, Stiles. I'm dropping my nephew off and I'm getting out of here. How this rooming arrangement even worked in the first place. And for some reason, A, we don't know.

Is it August? Is it September? Is it October? I don't know. Everyone seems to be established except for Teen Wolf in this movie. Totally. Everyone's already been there for ages. Like, is he moving in second semester?

He appears to also be the only one who's moving in. It's very weird. And Stiles knew that he was going to get him, and he knew that he was, and he's all, like, getting horned up because he's got another teen wolf in his clutches. So he's like, dude, we're going to be best pals. I had them switch your room here. I also, he's like, yeah, well, you know, I'm going to be taking a lot of science course. It's like, no, you're not.

I got you all the coolest courses. Yeah, I changed your courses. Why would you do that, Stiles? You know nothing about me. Yeah, I got a dummy passport and everything. I'm not for all of it. Dude, that's the thing. This is college.

It's the late 80s. Stiles needs to be wrapped up in dealing Coke. That's what has to happen. You know, because here's the thing. How much money can you make on a Teen Wolf 2 t-shirt anyway? Versus the profit margin on Coke, which is outrageous. Selling T-shirts and. stickers with your buddy's face on it

is high school Bush League shit. You're in college styles. You want to sell Teen Wolf cocaine. Just do it. Just be an adult and sell cocaine like everybody else. And you need to have the climactic scene where Teen Wolf dumps the baggie of freaking heroin into the toilet. Now you're moving it right up to age, huh?

Yeah, well, I mean, I think that's where he's moving. At this point, look at how he's living. Well, that's the thing, right? And because heroin always has cooler names than cocaine. You could totally have a thing where it's like, hey man, I'm just say some of this sweet Mexican wolf's bane. And it's just a cartoon

picture of the teen wolf on it, and you're fucking shooting that shit up. Fucking teen wolf t-shirts, you loser. I know. Why don't you open a fucking lemonade stand styles? By the way, this is the second time he's trying this enterprise. Totally right. In the first one, he tries to do it again.

And he gets burned the exact same way in two movies. At least like the dad isn't there. The coach, it kind of doesn't matter. But Stiles has the same bright idea twice and hasn't learned his lesson. And then, speaking of them not learning your lessons, our good friend Chubby is also back in the movie, played by the same actor, who I think also did the voice in the cartoon, if I'm not mistaken. So Chubby, he's just there. He's the fat guy in Peewee's Big Adventure, is it? Or is it Big To Peewee? Yeah, it's a Peewee's big adventure.

Yeah, he's the big fat guy in that. I mean, he's just kind of your lovable fat guy. He paid Gasey. Oh, right. Oh, man. That cover, I've never seen that movie, but the cover, with him and the clown makeup, that'll just cause you nightmares for weeks. It was just that period of time in the late 90s, early 2000, when we were just doing like one-off serial killer movies, like biopics, but they were kind of horror movies. Yeah, totally. It's that one and the Ed Gein one. The covers always freaked me out. Bundy had one.

Bundy had one. And then the best one is the Jeremy Renner one. The Dommer. I think that might have started at all. I don't know if it's like the same production happens. or like people are ripping people off or what that was like at sundance and then the rest of them were like dark sky films shit yeah no you're totally right that dommer movie did play sundance and was quite successful on the like independent film circuit which is so strange anyone see that domer files documentary it's a weird like i'd seen it i watched it's like mumblecore reenactments almost it's kind of interesting a lot of people hate that movie but uh i kind of recommend check into that i can't get enough got Oh, you definitely have to, it's called the, it's the Jeffrey Dahmer Files, I think it's called, or it might just be the Dommer Files. Look it up. It was on Netflix for a while, I think. Oh, here's some New York City honking, everybody. Welcome to the Big Apple, you fucking moron! We do have to engage them. It's New York. If somebody honks a horde, you have to say, you fucking moron. We're restraining ourselves. We're not out the window, waving our fists. There's a couple of great instances of like some serious ad plugs in this movie. movie like when they go into the dorm and styles is showing them around he's like here's our cesspool

like come move in with us or whatever there is just this perfectly placed like it's right at head level with them just dunkin donuts box of donuts like on the bookshelf just for all to see it's pretty fantastic so he moves in he's like i changed a bunch of courses you're taking girls volleyball you're taking french cooking for chefs or something cares and that's where chubby comes in he's like i've taken it twice taking it again this semester, because I'm big and fat. There is nothing to Chubby other than being a good friend and a fat guy.

He's got a big heart and a bigger gut. That's the way Chubby is characterized. So Jason Bateman's like, all right, you know, Stiles, I don't even know you. My dead cousin may have talked about you one time. You heard about what happened to him, right? He was murdered on his college campus. I met you guys at the funeral.

So he's like, I'm going to go down to the administration office. I got to change. I've got to go to the registrar and change these classes. bag and he goes down and this is a scene i forget what talk show it was on it was maybe the daily show or something where like they pulled this clip to make fun of jason bateman i think maybe it was uh conan it was some some late night show and they were like oh you have a clip from your new movie when he directed bad words yeah and they're like here's a clip from bad words and they played this clip from teen wolf too which total sick burn it's he goes in and he's like i'd like to change my

grades and it's the woman who's the nun and the blues brothers. Yeah, she's just a classic sass actress. Yeah, and she's like Oh, Kathleen Freeman, yeah, that's her name. And she's like, nobody changes classes. And I'm like, why? That happens all the time. It's the whole point of the

registrar. Most of your job. Yeah, that's literally your job is helping people add and drop classes, you fucking idiot. It's added drop week. I'm allowed to do this. Oh, maybe it is October. I have no idea about this movie. And so he like goes up and she's like, nobody. he does that and he's like

I don't like to chat and he starts like wolfen out a little bit and you get the wolf eyes and his forehead starts like you know boiling or he's turning into a cling on I don't know what that is I think I thought like a baby was going to come out of his head well that's the annoying thing

with both of these teen wolf movies the first one that kind of acknowledge it a little more like it affects him a little more but especially in this movie they're like that and you're a wolf there's no like oh my god my skin Peeling off and I'm turning into a wolf. One of my favorite scenes from the first movie is it's towards the end,

like after he's alienated everybody. Sure. And he's taking a shower as the wolf in the background. And you can tell it's just this one continuous shot where Michael J. Fox is turn on the shower as the wolf, ducks his head down as if he's washing his hair to take off the head. And then comes back up, it's perfect. Oh, wow. It's perfect Michael J. Fox.

It's great. I had to stop it twice just to look at it. That's so great. This episode's brought you in part by Rocket Money, and they have this question for you. They handed to me just now, Mr. Rocket just handed me this. Do you know how much your subscriptions really cost? Most Americans think they pay around $80 a month on subscription services, but the actual total is closer to $200.

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dot com slash w hm that is rocket money dot com slash w hm once more rocket money dot com slash w hm which stands for we hate movies um yeah so then

you know he he is told by Kathleen Freeman he's like you just have to get your professor to sign off on this and you can go you know you can join this class so he meets uh this teacher who is Mrs. Brooks I don't know what her name. Yeah, Professor Brooks. Professor Brooks, and she's the science teacher and she's his advisor and he meets her assistant who is

the love interest in this movie whose name I don't even know because she's just like... She stopped acting before we were born. She stopped acting before this movie ended, I'll tell you that much. I mean, yeah, she's just not in this movie. I'm trying to pull up her names. But I mean, she's a brunette. He has to know he's ending up with her. Yeah, I mean, she's got glasses. Yeah, Esty Chandler.

is the name of the actress. The character's name is Nicky. Yeah. So she's like his romantic interest right off the bat and she's like, oh, you like science? And he's like yes, I like science. Because that's his whole thing. He wants to be a scientist so they go out and they're talking about science in very vague terms.

So did you get really good grades in science? Actually, I'm here on a boxing scholarship. I don't want to talk about it. It's really... Oh my God, you're in a box. You have to go now. You have to leave right now. Get out of here. Get out of here. Right now. I'll distract them. let me see your wrist

and they're like a symbol on it It's two boxing gloves burned into his arm Oh we heard we got ourselves A boxing scholarship here This is like six rednecks Yeah

Yeah totally Oh we got ourselves A pretty little boxing scholarship The professor's Kim Darby Who is in like Better Off Dead And actually she's in the original true grit among several others she's been around for a while

yeah um but yeah it's just talk about zero point zero percent chemistry these two and it's supposed to be like love at first sight and you're just like come on man there's nothing and it's just like oh science and you know he changes

the class and like the teacher is like oh I can see good science in you student you've got good science aura Nothing about this movie has any idea how college works. One of the classes they show they're learning about Lincoln's assassination. They're fucking dissecting frogs at one point. I'm like, what Mickey Mouse college is this?

Community. It should be. College. It's so insane that this is supposed to be, like, you started off this movie with a big pomp and circumstance song. The font on all the actors and crew's names is very prestigious looking. The dean's got his own sign. He's the Dean of Men. It's like the opening of the social network.

What a prestigious university this must be. Cut an open a frog. Like, I'm surprising they have to fucking climb the rope in gym class. Next week we're going to learn a long division guys. Get ready for it. Learning about Lincoln's assassination like that. Embarrassing. Like, come on.

So, like, he meets up with the boxing coach and he's like, hey man, I think there's been some mistake. Somebody gave me a ton of money to come to this school, and I've never boxed. And he's like, yeah, well, your cousin's a werewolf, but I'm pretty sure you're going to be a werewolf, too. So, you know, you're my ace in the hole, pal. Talk about a last ditch effort. Like, this coach doesn't have any clue how, like, the whole lichanthropy situation works. Like, in this movie, you know, in the world of these movies, it's like a family curse, a genetic thing or whatever. Well, that's what I imagine, the urgency.

see behind this boxing match is that he's like nine grand into the shies or something like that. Hell yeah. And like somehow John Ashton got pulled into it all and like now he owns his debt. Oh he sold his debt. Yeah. I see what you're saying. But how

how is it like see and here's why you need like a passing of the torch scene like Chris said because you need a scene where it's like maybe picking up right after the events of Teen Wolf right and like Michael J. Fox they go off the basketball court because of remembering right that movie freeze frames on the basketball court yeah he wins

the big game right so it's like they go to the the locker room and you know he's just like talking to the coach and he's like blah blah blah oh yeah and i got this cousin you know he's starting college next year too you know and the guy's like say because otherwise how is this coach hip to any other relatives that michael j fox has does he have a private detective somewhere like what is going on is he just showing up at their house and asking them? And why is this high school basketball coach getting picked up in the first place by this university? He wasn't even a good high school basketball coach

and this is boxing. Like again, he would either be the college basketball coach or nothing. Like, it's fine if you want to weave in some connections to your first movie. Sure. Like, because we do have those sequels, right, where it's like nothing to do with anything.

Net 2.0, wild things too, like all those stupid movies. Chud 2 by the chud. Chud 2 Bud the Chud, exactly. And with Chud 2 Bud the Chud, they kind of, like, they just mentioned, like, a little part of it. Yep. And then the rest of it goes off on its own thing. With this, it's like, just have him be a teen wolf. And maybe he's doing research in the library one day.

And it's like, oh, this other town also had a teen wolf. He was good at basketball, it turned out. Well, that's so interesting. You don't have to make them related. It's true. You've actually done the work for yourself of the title. He's a teen wolf, too. Done. I don't need to know how or why.

Totally. Exactly. You're all teen wolves. Well, I would like to think there's a little bit of teen wolf in all of us. Well, sure. I'm just going to put that way. I think that's the point of the first movie. So we finally have the first boxing match. Oh, no, no, no. Well, there's the library flip out that happens.

Oh, yeah, he loses his fucking shit because this girl is like, takes the last book. It's his romantic interest, takes the last book. The big fat science textbook, your body and you or whatever. Well, yeah, the way the basic levels of shit going at this college, they might be doing the family cycle program. 12th grade level science. No, it's mine. Here's how babies are made. Take this book out.

So she takes the last one. He loses his mind. He freaks out. He's like, you know, I'm at this box. I have this boxing scholarship. I don't know what the hell boxing is. I got this. I got that.

He goes, I got this fat kid in my room. Eat me at a house and home. Oh, it's so great. This fat kid, you know his name is Chubby. Also, he's 20 years older than you. Yeah, he really is. Chubby has been at this college for a while. It's so mean, like, to throw that, like, that's the least of your problems.

I'm sorry. Yeah, totally. Like, worry about the fact that you're on this free ride you don't deserve, and some dude told you he expects you to turn into a werewolf. That's a tall order. It really is. He's rooting for you to be a werewolf. So, yeah, he just starts screaming all this stuff.

And, of course, this movie's, like, so terrible. We're taking all these cheap, like, you know, pot-shot jokes. Like, there's a librarian shushing joke. Well, the great thing is this girl, this Nikki, who's beautiful and, like, apparently really smart, et cetera. Got a ton of things going for. This guy's a dick to her from point A all the way to point Z. Yep. But she follows him around.

little puppy dog, the whole movie. It's like, hey, you need a soda. And they go outside, they have this, like, sweet conversation. Instead of being like, you know what, fuck you. You know, I didn't ask for any of this. Seriously, if we're to believe that, like, we're all college freshman here or whatever, this is like the first week of school. Yeah.

I got to be here for four years. Fuck you, dude. I'm not wasting another second thinking about you. Milton is less attractive, but he looks me in the fucking eyes when I talk. There's millions of dudes. She's got her pick of the litter, for sure. Totally. Go get out there and make.

some mistakes all right and she's instead doing this like you know that we're meant to be together todd look shut up nicky how about that they make they make a plan to have a date at this at this banquet some i guess a welcome freshman kind of situation no it's another alumni event this is one of those deleted storylines we were talking about the possibility that this movie's actually like you know a solid hour in 45 minutes and there's a whole other side plot of like this lady who's like the head of the alumni association they're getting all this money because what the the gala is is like come say thank you to the people that gave you money for your scholarship yeah so it's like all of these students on these rides are coming in to be like thank you alumni blah blah blah this is what i'm gonna do with your money and it'd be great because he he meets like the snooty ladies like oh hello you're the boy with the boxing scholarship is it looks awfully nudely for a boxer a d You've got to be eating some more beef, young man. Interesting.

Boxing scholarship. Oh, look at that boy, that boxing scholarship. There he is. Just like those rednecks that follow him from scene to scene, waiting to collect their boxing scholarship. All you have to do is say boxing scholarship, and these guys come out of the shadows. And I kind of like the idea of her being like the villain mother, like, Oh, get them, boys.

I like to watch. She's like Margo Martindale In the second season To justify She's like, go get them, boys I'll be here with my poison cider It's the Grissom gang It's like we got here

A boxing scholarship Six dudes descend on him Yeah so before we get to that though He does like have his first training sash or whatever Yeah The scene starts with The coach is sitting there barefoot while the dean's dogs just licking his feet

I don't need to be seeing this shit Teen Wolf movie you know the dog never gets his comeuppance that usually happens in raucous college comedies where the dean has a dog which I believe there's at least sick like the dog usually like gets a pill and passes out or falls in the pool by accident because he's chasing something he usually gets diarrhea like more often than not oh eat up a ball sack is going in that

mouth. No matter what, that dog is eating the scrotum. Yes. You know, it's just like, he eats chilly and it's like, bow, do, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, chik-ch-ch-c-cah. Oh, yeah. And it just goes, and then there's just a huge explosion of fart sounds. Exactly. Yeah. Steam. Like billows the steam. A smoke machine goes off and this dog's just howling. I mean, we've all walked dogs in the cold. You have that moment when that dog's asshole starts steaming when you're What am I doing with my life? It's always a very centering moment. When you're out in the woods and some animal next to you's asshole is protruding heat.

And I love dogs as much as the next guy. But it's just like, what am I doing with my life? I'm watching a dog's asshole steam up right now. Yeah, dude, you pass the time in interesting ways. Whatever. We've all been there. Right into the We Hate Movies Mailbag. So, like, John Astin comes in, and he's like, so let me see my prize boxing scholarship.

And Jason Bateman's doing some sparring with Chubbs, and he's like... Noodle-armed Jason Bateman. This is, like, definitely pre-puberty for him or something. Oh, big time. Oh, I don't think his voice dropped in this movie. Yeah, his voice is super high. He's like, scrawny as anything. And it's like, oh, great.

Yeah. I guess we got our super duper flyweight. So Chubs, he's doing, like, fake boxing with Chubs. Yeah. come on, you got to make it look good, so I can apparently just keep this up for four years to come to the school for free. He never thinks, like, well, eventually I'm going to have to fight in a match, like we're going to go to tournaments or whatever. No, no, no, no. I'll just kind of fake practice fight for a while.

That'll get me through the next four years of my life. And where is the rest of the boxing team, like, waking him up and be like, man, it's time for practice or man, it's time for it. Hit the weights, dude, the weights. Well, that's the thing, is like, this coach is terrible. And the team itself is kind of fairly terrible. Like when eventually we get to a point where they're doing like one of the first matches, everybody gets their ass kicked. Yeah, of course. It's just it's a bad.

They're a poorly coached team. Totally. And I mean, that's the whole thing, right? Is eventually when he does like become the wolf, it's like he raises up the whole team. And he's, he's, well, no, he starts fighting all the fights for the whole team. Oh, we'll get to that. It bothers me. Yeah.

So, you know, then John Aston comes in. And it's another threatening scene of like, you. better do good or else that boxing scholarship's getting taken away. So he's like, and by the way, Wolfman, you know, you better be at this alumni gala that's happening at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, like later that day. It's so, like, why can't you set this at night? Make it like an actual gala. This is a shitty luncheon with no more than 13 extras.

In, like, what looks like the basketball court. Oh, yeah, it is. It's so cheap. It's so cheap. Like, you can't even get a good reception hall. This movie sucks. I mean, what is, what are you going to give him bologna sandwich? Like, dude, the food that you see in this, this scene looks disgusting, too.

Everything about this. Like, there's a shot. So he goes, he goes with the lady friend. It's a date. They're on a date. They say they're on a date. Right. And, you know, they go, and it's like, oh, let me introduce it to this person, blah, blah, blah.

And then, like, John. And Aston starts pulling some funky shit because he's like, hey, two bimboes that are under my thumb somehow. Get over here. And he's like, now you go over there and you pay attention to that point. You're going to dance with him. And you're not going anywhere because you're next. And it's just like throwing these like babes on him

for whatever reason. It's really strange because like you hate him anyway. And he hasn't done anything. Yeah. You have shockingly never seen his boxing record. You've never seen tape of him boxing. It's almost as if he's never boxed a day in his life. So this is when he gets his first erection, I guess, in his life. His first ever erection.

Because he, you know, the hot babe, I don't know what her name is in this movie, what her character, Lisa. Lisa Gold Flust. That's a great name. So she starts dancing with him. She's like, I don't want to do this, but my dad said, I have to dance. And he's like, oh, man. And his, like, his hands start to change. And he's like, totally.

Oh shit, she's getting up close to me. And in true shitty comedy fashion, where there's, like, not enough money to pay other characters. Stiles is a waiter at this thing. And Chubes is playing tuba in, like, whatever quartet they have. Which is a fat guy joke because why isn't he playing the guitar? You know, you're exactly right. You just see him because he, they're like, because the two of them, right, are like helicopter friending him right now. because styles is just seeing dollar signs

and it's just like we have to monitor him because the second he starts turning into the wolf we got to get those t-shirts pressed you know or I guess break the t-shirts out of storage I'd like to oh we definitely breaking the t-eat you know that's what it is he's got all this inventory he's got to move

totally he's been burned by the his friend was murdered he's got he's got to get you know get the stuff offloaded or he's losing too large he had to add two to all the other t-shirts Dude, it's just like your regular teen wolf t-shirt and then styles.

There's a scene where he's just writing two and a black sharpie on all of it. He's just got scotch tape. He's just making a T and an O. So he gets a hard boner, right? Totally. Like anybody else would in this situation. The hardest. Ready to go.

He turns into his caveman werewolf. Everyone's like, ew, he's like a dog as opposed to, oh my God! You know anyone transform into anything? in front of you. I know that he's not as intimidating as a werewolf as like, you know, I don't know what, Monster Squad or something. Yeah, that werewolf wasn't that intimidating either. No. Like

American werewolf in London. I can understand howling. Shit in your fucking rompers, man. So we're at this thing. Your jaw would drop. You wouldn't be like, ew, that's gross. Or let's make fun of that kid. You'd be like, oh my God, it's a monster. Get me the ghostbuster.

On the other side of that. Sure. Your jaw would be ripped. off. Because he's a fucking werewolf. Well, he's a party loving werewolf. Fucking fine. Well, he's a teen wolf, dude. But he's got to eat some. I'm sorry, he has to eat somebody. Some blood's got to get in that mouth.

Yeah, I mean, would that ruin the comedy? Probably. To Chris's point, he needs to eat like a raw steak or something. Yes, exactly. To deal with the, because like, it's nothing. He doesn't have to deal with anything other than the fact that he's better at things.

Yeah, no, it's really, there's nothing wrong with him turning to the wolf and like there's no struggle to it other than he kind of becomes an asshole but not really but the other thing too is like where in the first movie Michael J. Fox is like unhappy that this is happening at first he's scared he's confused

Jason Bateman I guess because he's heard all about dead cousin Scott and the family tradition he's just like ah fuck yeah it's kind of like oh shit now I got to change schools yeah I'm a werewolf I guess I'll drop out maybe go back to Wolfington and you know

Stiles tries to be like, dude, this is it. Trust me, everybody's going to love this and he's like, why? Why would anyone really care about me being a werewolf? He's like, I know everything that's going to happen. You might say I've done this exact same thing before. Like, first step is discovery, second step is acceptance. Third step is T-shirts. Get those T-shirts made.

I'm a little bit more hairy. I'm a little faster and I'm a little stronger. What? I'm a freak show. I am an attraction at a sense. circus. The girl gets freaked out, right? She gets grossed out and it's like, oh, that's great. And then, like, people start talking about him at school and they're like, you know that guy turned into a dog? I don't know what his problem is. Dude, I wrote down the exact same thing. It's amazing because he's walking down his hallway, like in the dorm and there's some asshole on a pay phone and he bumps into him and he's like, oh, sorry. And then the guy goes back on the phone and it's just an extra with some bad ADR. Totally not a character. And you just hear him say that. I don't know. and his problem is his problem is a werewolf he's a monster you've never heard of that that's got to be shocking to you this whole campus is like that guy's a dog they put fleas on him in

class or whatever as a prank they give no well no they itchy ants yes that's to get him back no that's when he becomes an asshole okay uh but when uh they do put a fucking dog ball in front of his door which great great that is that is kind of school ties totally that's a coward's moment I thought it was fleas in the Abraham Lecture, the Abraham Lincoln lecture. When they put it near his foot. Yeah, and then it goes up his leg. Yeah, please.

That's before, no, that's when they just think that he's, they just know he's a wolf and they don't think it's cool yet. Oh, I just know. Okay. Nobody thinks it's cool yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, because the, like, the two babes are in that class and then there's like the guy who's like a bully. Yeah.

And they're like, fucking with him. And they're like, hey, we found this petri dish full of fleas. And they're like, wouldn't it be hilarious if, we just had these bugs just crawl all over this kid. Like, it's fucking horrible. Hey, let's tempt that monster. He hasn't killed anybody yet. Let's just poke at him.

Let's poke that dog with a stick. And honestly, that's a motto for anyone out there who encounters a teen wolf, man. Fuck around and get hurt. Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? Like, you better be best buds with that teen wolf because he'll rip your throat out. You don't know him from anybody. Exactly.

Like, thankfully, the two instances of cinematic teen wolves, they've been like pretty level-headed guys. What if it was some, like, roided out for? football player who then turned out to be a teen wolf oh double trouble right there speaking to write it out we go to the first boxing match and yeah like i guess the rules are very similar to wrestling where you know my five guys will fight your five guys one after another whoever wins the most wins the match we're using points you're using points per fight and you know everybody's losing and all of a sudden it's it's it's todd's turn and wouldn't you know what he turns into a teen wolf during

And he's not trying to Because he doesn't think it's cool yet And he does and he beats it A Disqualified So he gets he gets all like horned up or whatever And he's getting angry because he's getting hit You know And he turns to do a teen wolf

And everything stops And like the guy The guy's fighting is terrified The refs like Goes to both coaches And he's like You want to keep fighting Yeah

No absolutely not Either A get that kid to a hospital or B put a bullet in his head. Yeah, totally. Because, like, the visiting coach is like, of course I want to stop the fight. And the home team coach, like our coach, is like, no, no, no, no.

Let's see where this goes. Or go find the Zucker brothers, because that's the only place where something like this should just be acted, like, oh, whatever. It's just, I mean, and I get it, everybody, right? Like, we have to accept that this is the world and it's just, it's going to happen.

but at least one person has to be like standing up in that gymnasium like you know what this isn't right and just leaves there has to be at least one character in this movie who's like this is kind of fucked up here's the thing though in the first movie it's basketball and being a werewolf isn't really a competitive advantage in basketball maybe it'll make you faster you can dunk you can dunk you won't take as many quite as many hard fouls you know right whatever however however if you're if your whole thing is to fight someone in the ring being a

a werewolf is a huge competitive advantage. And let me tell you something, for the first time you fully fully, fully turn into a werewolf. Like, he doesn't go full werewolf at the dinner. Yeah. Because he runs out. Yeah. The first time this happens to you, and you have

to be in a fight, you're telling me you're in complete control of all your faculties. Oh, nothing changes. Yeah. He goes from there to the... He nothing happens. He's just good at boxing. And he's just like, okay. And And I think it would be a huge competitive advantage in like a UFC kind of.

Oh, yeah. And this, but like this is like you got like regulations. You got all the things. You just, I mean, you presumably as a werewolf, you would just beat the shit out of this person and then eat them. Now here's my thing about turning into a werewolf mid boxing men. Sure. Okay. From what I know about boxing, when you are, you know, strapped in there with those mitts on, right?

You got your boxing gloves on. those things are on their tight they're taped down when you all of a sudden grow huge big werewolf hands and your werewolf fingernails like he's still just hilariously like they put it in a little bit of a body suit so he's got some bulk but then he still just has these hilarious little boxing gloves on like no your hands breaking out of those things

and you're cutting this guy's face open absolutely this guy's dead meat that you're gonna eat he wins the match and everyone's like say we like this teen wool Yeah, and the coach is just like, saved my job. And this is when, all of that was the first act. The second act is two Oingo Boingo songs. We might as well cut to the third.

Yes. Because now we're in a montage of Ongo, like, he starts winning all these fights. Yep. You know, Stiles is selling all the T-shirts back. He got those out of storage. He cleared out all the penance. Yeah, yeah, totally. He's selling everything.

I'll say this. Go ahead. well the one thing I just wanted to point out there's one scene that is truly terrible because it is just it's a complete knockoff of the first movie this is what I want to talk about yeah I forgot about this

the singing and dancing because he's a fucking Dean Wolf and he's got to be singing and dancing this is such a D level version of the same stuff that happens in the first movie where they're like okay now we're going to go to this frat party and Stiles and Chubs and the teen wolf and Todd

go to this party and he's as the wolf and he's got a suit on. And somehow Stiles has like... Cocaine Werewolf, this whole movie, by the way. It's like a slim suit with a tie. Oh, yeah. No, he looks like a real scumbag. And they just like, they get up there and he's like, all right, everybody, it's the moment you've been waiting for.

My best friend in the whole world, Todd the Wolf. And then they just start singing, do you love me? And this is some of the worst ADR. Jason Bateman is barely singing the words to this song. And he's just dancing. around it's this big number but in such a cheap limited capacity it's so pathetic it's pathetic but also dude i am leaving this party the second someone's like all right everybody no no stop what you're doing he's gonna do a routine he's like hey you want to go smoke weed somewhere yeah totally

hey we're in college can we go do anything else and does anyone want cocaine let's go have some weird sex let's go find ourselves oh that asshole's gonna sing no i don't want to be this assholes Coronation, you know what I mean? Like everyone else, everyone else at this party is like, who's that fucking guy? Oh, I don't know. He did some shit at that boxing tournament no one went to. The school's got a boxing team? Yeah, it's fucking stupid. Yeah,

do you want to go smoke weed? Why is he at a Halloween costume? No, no, he's a werewolf. Wait, what the fuck? That's the guy I was telling you about. The motherfucker looks like he should be shot by Riggs. He does. Like, really? Get him out of here. I'm going to go smoke weed. There is, I mean, also it's

1987, there's no text messaging, there's no internet, word does not travel that fast, werewolf or no. Like, it's barely hours later. And it is a very ill-attended boxing match. You know what I mean? And it's, it's a win. Who cares if the boxing team won, or if they

won by werewolf-related circumstances. And they won once. It's one win. And everyone's like, oh my God, it's a fucking werewolf. And, like, grab it all over him and shit. It's like, you know what? He is getting molested on the dance floor. It's just, you know, he's dancing.

It's terrible. There's a lot of synchronized dancing for some reason. Oh, choreography. Oh, my Lord. Oh, man, it's so stupid. Like this movie, you know what movie? You don't get to do that. No, you don't get to do that.

And then, like, Chubbs is kind of just up on this balcony, and he's kind of like the DJ or some shit. There's a dude who's just playing guitar for no reason. Yep. Yep. Just this white guy just, like, jamming out on this kitchen. I guess flush out the scene. It's so pathetic. Well, that goes to the animal house thing.

Yeah, I guess so. No drinking in this movie, no drinking or drugs. I mean, like, but that's what I want to see. Like, I don't know why this has to be a family comedy because sex is all over it. Oh, yeah. And it's gross. Oh, yeah, let's just get right to it. Because it's, the montage is going on.

We're seeing, he's getting all this stuff. And what he's definitely getting are girls whilst a werewolf. Yeah. So, like, what winds up happening? is like he's spending all of his time with these two babes who are like totally attracted to him now that he's a werewolf. That happens to the first movie too and it's weird. It's weird. It's beastiality, right? It's got to be like, absolutely. Sexually progressive women. I mean, you'll fuck that dog. It's 1987. I'll fuck that dog.

So, yeah. So I mean, it's the same track as the other movie. Like he starts being a dickhead to his friends and everything. But so then there's a scene where Stiles is like, oh, I'm going to go into my dorm room and he hears like some shenanigans going on. By the way, on the door right now are two bumper stickers. One says Teen Wolf number one, and the other one says Wolf Crazy. You think I'm going to hang out with this dickhead? He's got his own bumper stickers on his fucking door? No, this dude is so in love with himself. Like, let's find another werewolf to hang out with.

I mean, I know he's got great Coke, but you know what? Let's go someplace else. I was trying to find there's an Adam Arkin movie where he's also a werewolf. Oh, Full Moon High. Full Moon High, which I think is more of like a partying, sexy werewolf. movie um but so so styles like goes to the door and he's they're like oh styles and then like the girl comes to the door yeah and she's like oh hey styles go away and closes the door and notice how todd doesn't come to the door you want to know why everybody because todd is still

the wolf having sex with two women yep yep and it's an orgy it's an implied orgy you don't want to have this guy drinking jack and coax but you'll have him sleep with two women at once oh absolutely werewolf three way dude that's what you call the full moon here's the problem with comedies is like this is because you can never be in a situation where you're one door swing away from being a kronenberg movie my god you're right that would just sour your comedy me you see inside that door you are scarred for life totally and thank god styles doesn't get a peek in no no you would never be the same ever again never get in their action he goes he goes to chubbs room though and I have to say this because he goes to Chubbs's room

and Chubbs has his own bumper sticker on the door. Oh yeah, he sure does. Which says, when in doubt, pig out. Like, you know what, Chubbs? Why don't you try and get laid? Like, once? Totally. Fat guys can get laid, man. Absolutely. It happens. You're totally fine. You just have

to stop announcing to the world as loud as you can that you're overweight. Totally. My name's Derek. Could you stop calling me Chubs? It's fucking college. That's another thing. I'm pretty mad at this point. Let me, Derek. Let me. tell you something. That's what doesn't make any sense

about what's happening in this movie, right? Like, when Bateman walks through that door and he's like, oh, hey, Stiles, oh, hey, Chubs, Chubs immediately has to bite back. I am in college now. It's Derek. Chubs is dead. Chubs has been dead. I am Derek.

And a lot of people like hanging out with Derek. So, yeah, it's whatever his friends hate him, the girl hates him. At this point, Stiles is like, oh, I've created a monster. And you know what this movie deserves, but it doesn't do? He should just look at the camera and go, again. Because that's what he should say.

You're totally right. And then it's just, whoop, wwap, oh, is that a boxing scholarship? No, that's what? Yeah, did someone say boxing scholarship?

No, get out of here. And then, of course, there's a Send Me an Angel montage. Well, that's coming up because he has to learn. That's the third act. So the second act is literally these two montages where he gets,

it's kind of like this bullshit like, actual critique of the NCAA. He gets a lot of money. He gets a car from where is John Aston getting this Porsche? I don't know. And he's sweating enough as it is. I don't think he's making the mistake of giving a college athlete a car. Dude, he bought the coach's debt. He's in with the mafia. And they're like, they're setting this kid up. He's going to have to take a fall at some point. It's going to be on the waterfront. Dude, it's a boxing movie. How are you not doing a thing where a werewolf has to take a fall. Come on.

Yeah, no, dude, there's so much action on that werewolf, you'd clean up. Who's going to bet against a werewolf? That's, you're totally right. And, I mean, how is the NCAA not getting involved in being like, oh, wait a minute, that's a werewolf? Like, don't put red flags. Like, you're right, don't give them the car

because you don't want that shit. You don't want any kind of governing body near this school. But not even as far as, like, the gifts. Like, those dickheads flip out when a kid gets a free tattoo for an autograph, which is insane nonsense. But when they get wind that there's a fucking werewolf on a boxing team,

somebody is saying something down at the league office. You don't think that's making the papers come on. I don't understand it. And I mean, I know, again, pre-internet or whatever, but they were reporting. There's a fucking phone that works. Yeah, I mean, I guess David Remneck would be there already with the profile at this point.

But like back then, somebody, he's down there. New York Times has got some guy down there. Yeah, there was smart sports back then. You're absolutely right. The funny thing is also, at one point John Aston's like, oh, he was in the car, and he's like, think about it. First it's

regionals, then it's nationals, then it's the Olympics. Think about your future. Like, where could this even lead? And you're not getting into the Olympics. I'm sorry. Nope. Maybe this college, this regional college horseshit, you're maybe getting to nationals, possibly. You're never getting into the Olympics. A werewolf

will never be featured on the world athletic stage. Yeah, exactly. No way. There's another humiliating Stiles or Chubbs thing that I just wanted to point out when Stiles does go to like see him and he's like, hey, isn't our friend an asshole I've created a monster blah blah blah blah. Chubs is

like sleeping and he comes and he's like yo Chubs what's going on and the response is it's just like a fat man farting in his sleep just how fucking humiliating. That's definitely ADR that wasn't in the script. That's not the scene that Chubs the actor

signed on to do it. That was inspiration. Yeah. But then that's you know what the scene isn't working. I don't know. Should we cut it? I could put a fart in it. Well what's great is when Stiles comes in like he sits down and he's like chubs. I think what happened was they told everybody but Chubs.

So like between cuts the actor was like, hey man, why did why do they have your character come in and say, woof, chubs? Oh, Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, this is a bad script, man. We all know this is a bad script.

Who knows what these guys are thinking, am I right? It's taking odd turns. I mean, wouldn't you say so yourself. If I was you, I wouldn't even watch the finished cut. I wouldn't even bother. And then, of course, Chubbs goes to the premiere, and it's like, Oh, come on! A fucking fart noise!

I turned that joke down three times. Put it in anyway. Read your contract, Chuck. There is, in this montage, the only thing I want to touch on in this montage, because it gets really dangerous, is he's driving around in this sports car with Chubs. Chubs is getting in on it because he's dressed like Miami Vice smoking a cigar. And they're driving around in this Ferrari or whatever it is, this convertible. And Jason Bateman totally runs down this bicyclist. Like there's a guy in a bike and he's like, bra, a bike, that's for pussies.

And they just runs this dude off the road. I was like, come on, Wolf. vehicular manslaughter? Vehicular wolf slaughter? Come on. It's just so It's so like Not what the rest of this character is

Like he's an asshole But he's not like Running a dude down in the street Kind of asshole He's just the kind of asshole Who like has to flirt with every woman who looks at him And have orgies And just plain oh have orgies

Now we're in the third act And the girl is like Oh you know You missed so many classes At the professor's thing and blah blah blah remember when you liked science he's like

sorry lady science isn't cutting it anymore I'm a werewolf and she's like okay whatever and instead of being like wow that guy's an asshole let me talk to it

she's like on him she's trying to be his conscience yeah they've kissed once in this movie yeah it's and she's like she keeps saying shit like I know you feel about me the way I feel about you

and I'm like clearly not no like he's fucking these two women after this frat party you're home drink an ecto cooler. Like, come on. The best thing is she's like, you know, these people are going to use you, you're wasting your

life, blah, blah, blah. And he says, what is a great put down? And I want to use it at one point? He goes, you're wrong and I'm late. And he just leaves. Oh, no, it's I'm late and you're wrong. That's right. Yeah, I'm late and you're wrong. That is just sick of... That is fantastic.

That's my dream is to do that at work. I'm late and you're wrong. And then walk out. That's a quit when you quit. Yes, exactly. Like, you walk in, you say, I'm quitting. They tried to talk to you and say, I'm late and you're wrong. I mean, I don't understand how she didn't instantly burst into flames because that is getting burnt by the sun. It's on, I was like, ooh, teen wolf, holy shit.

They should have cut back to her. Well, she's like, oh, that after a burn where you're like, there is nothing. Like, she just lightly holds onto a garbage can for, just to steady herself. It's true, though, because when you get burned that bad, your brain, your synapses are going nuts because it's kind of up. You're so pissed, but you're paralyzed with anger? Oh, it's just the worst. I'm late and you're wrong. That's a good one.

Oh, that's good. Good tattoo idea. Oh, man. I don't know what turns him Is it when the No, the uncle comes back The uncle says stop being an asshole So he stops being an asshole

Yeah, really that's it And I mean like, it's stupid Because like first of all Like just as much as she has no claim to him He was never friends with Stiles Like Stiles is like hey buddy And he's like Ah, you're kind of gross

Yeah And then he's like oh man I lost Stiles Like nobody gives a fuck Like talk about a boon Yeah You shook off styles Drip yourself of all these people

Well, Chubbs is a good friend. Chubbs is a good friend. The only thing Chubes asked for was a ride in that car and a nice Cuban cigar. He does wind up leaving him on the side of the road, by the way. But, you know, that's not that he's a jerk. He's a werewolf. What are you going to do? That's this wherewolves do.

But so then, yeah, so we get those two Oingo-Boingo montage. She says, you're a dickhead. The sickest burn in the history of cinema happens. And then there's another montage after the uncle comes back. And it's just the, you're my angel. Send me an angel. Yes, send me an. And it was used in the wizard, not long after, much better.

Yeah, and she's just like, I'll help you study. Like, the professor's like, what am I missing? What are you saying? No, because two things are going to happen tomorrow. One is his final for the class. The biology final. For the biology final so he could be great at science and be the science king. I want to be a veterinarian.

And the other one is the last match with his rival. It's a romantic rival. His romantic rival, this guy made out of granite who we haven't touched on. But he's just, he's the same. The same thing is the first movie, but he's this enormous guy that is clearly really good at boxing. And the team that they keep fighting, which is kind of hilarious, is just some military academy over and over and over again. That's the only team that they fight. It's so weird.

Like, you just see all these dudes in like cadet uniforms like, yeah, fucking get him, Rocco. And you're just like, okay. And he fought him once, or he didn't fight him once, they fought that team once, and now they're going to fight him again at the end. And that's what's going to happen tomorrow. And this is how detached this movie is from the whole. whole werewolf reality of it all is that when Sir Granite

is like making fun of him because he catches the wolf with his girlfriend Lisa playing mini golf playing mini golf and he says I can't believe you're dating a freshman not you're dating a monster that's a pretty good joke I'll be honest

that's a pretty good bird that's a pretty good joke then the non werewolf teenager this guy who's cut from stone crushes golf ball in his hands and throws it at Jason Bateman. I'd be freaked out even as a werewolf. Like, dude, that guy's cut. Like, holy shit, I can't do that

and I'm a fucking werewolf. It's unbelievable. So he's like, oh, I got to fight him in the big match tomorrow. And like, the uncle comes out. He's like, well, first of all, don't be a werewolf. And he's like, well, that doesn't make any sense. No, don't worry, it does. If there was ever a reason to be a werewolf

one last time, it's to fight this dude that's going to kill you. Look here, I watched the last movie. Did you? I know how this is supposed to end. The uncle, by the way, something on IMDB is that he went, they got some information from Teen Wolf Con that that man was in attendance. Oh, no. Yeah, he's going to all the Teen Wolf Conn's. How many Teen Wolf Conn's happen across the United States every year?

Now more than ever, I would say, because now you got a whole new crop, right? Right, but this, I have a feeling. Teen Wolf Con 2015, the new blood. but this is my question though with that because that's like a serious show it's a sexy show I have a feeling that's more like we're going to make announcements at Comic Con like that's a big deal

these are two movies from the 80s but nobody gives you shit about if you look like a Nolan movie then yeah you're going to be a Comic Con you're not going to be a you know but maybe there is a Teen Wolf Con and there's like it just it's really sad like that guy shows up one time he's like hey that's right I was the dead in both teenagers Wolf movies. Yeah.

They're like, oh, no, we're not doing that Teen Wolf. Sorry. Well, because that one's in Missouri. And he's like, but, but, but, but, but I got all the, I got the plane ticket. Like, yeah, I'm sorry and you're late. And he walks away. Oh, no, I got burned.

Fucking burned by my own movie. Also, the reverse of that, that's kind of sadder, is the Teen Wolf Conns that he's supposed to be at. They constantly reserve two tables that are always empty. A table for Michael J. Fox and a table from any cast member from the super successful MTV show. Maybe they'll show up this

year. No. Maybe it'll be a vine. Maybe we'll have a vine. Dude, it's, and honestly, there's another table for Jason and Bateman, all collecting dust. All just collecting dust. Honestly, you could probably get both styles. Chubbs is there. In the 90s, John Aston had a table.

Before he passed on, he had a table. John Aston Memorial table. He's not dead. Is he not? I thought well. No, he's still very much alive. He's just not going to Teen Wolf conventions. He's still a lot. He's going to Adam's conventions. Adams' con.

So whatever. But now we get this like, send me an angel studying montage. And this is the best kind of studying montage ever. Because it's studying, studying, studying, studying. Let's take a break to have unprompted sex for

the first time as a couple. And then I'll get back to studying it's so awesome he looks at his watch like whoops six o'clock yeah it's amazing because it's this sexy song and it's studying and you're you're like well that doesn't go together and then she's like she's helping him like this is the fact she they're doing like cute cards and then she's just rubbing his shoulder and it's like say yep is that a pretty cool song let's go for this yeah i've been listening to this for a while and i've been trying to keep my emotions down but i think i'm about to turn into it do a teen wolf if we don't do something about this and you know here's the question we we do find

out that he has really good control over being a teen wolf can he keep it down whilst having sex i mean we don't know and i want that teen wolf sex scene yeah i want it now more than ever well because it's less controllable in the first one yes yes this one he's got complete command over it's a like yeah yeah i don't i mean i don't know i have a feeling i would like to think that jason bateman keeps it in control yeah yet chooses to wolf out in the bedroom. He's like, I don't have to do this, but I'm cool with it if you are.

And then she's competing with those two other babes, so she's like, well, I have to. Yeah, this is what he's into. I guess this is what everybody's doing these days. Exactly. Every girl my age is sleeping with a teen wolf. Totally. People in my class are fucking dogs. I have to fuck a dog. If I love the man, I have to love his monster

alter ego. That's what my mother told me. What's amazing, too, is there's some nonsense that the professor says about like when they're asking her like oh do you think we can make up the test and she's like well i only have till three o'clock because i have to send them in or something like that and she's like well the test takes exactly three hours so you'll be fine i was like what i guess so sure and he goes he takes the test he gives it to it's great because like she's like his academic

advisor and she's the one who's hurt the most because he's got so much science promise right and And he gives her the test, and he's like, I don't know how I did, but I hope I passed the class. She looks at it for three seconds and goes, you, that looks like you have at least enough here to pass. I'm like, what? Because he finished it? You're telling me, you just glanced at a test that takes three hours to complete and were able to glean that he passed the class? Well, as we find out, it's wolf nepotism. Oh, yeah.

Let's get right. Because he's like, all right, I got to go because the real end of the movie's coming on. And obviously, school doesn't matter. Talk to you later, bye. Yeah, he's like, it's what everybody came here to see, boxing. Wolf Boxing. And John Aston comes up and goes like, you better be a fucking teen wolf in this next shot. And he's like, I don't know.

And he's like, well, if you don't, I'm going to. He threatens him the most bizarre way possible. He's like, if you don't, you're out of this school. And I'll tell you another thing. You'll be out of this school. And I'll call every dean I know. And you'll be out of every college in the country. Was I the only one who thought about the society of the.

Cross Keys. Yes, in the Grand Food Invest Hotel, exactly. Like him calling every Bob Ballivan picks up. Bill Murray picks up. It's so stupid. What do you mean you're going to call every dean, you idiot? That's just one of those hilarious teacher empty threats. Like, what's going on your permanent record?

Yeah. Okay. Fucking every dean, you stupid idiot. So then the teacher comes up to John Aston and she's like, hey, quit fucking around with that werewolf. And then she gets the. red eyes and the audience goes and then she walks away and it's just the sexy

teen wolf tail but that's the thing she doesn't have a tail Michael J. Fox had a tail. Is she like a mink? What is she that has a tail? I don't know but isn't there a tale in the second movie or the first movie? I don't remember a tale. There's no one in that movie that has a tail. The mom, somebody

I don't know. I guess I was just always thinking about this movie with the tail. Yeah, because that's a quite famous shot if there is such a thing. Yeah, totally. turns around and she's got the tail sashang. Yeah, it's whatever. So what, like a fox, maybe? I don't know.

Like, why does he not have a tail and she does do wolf? We've never seen a female teen wolf, so maybe that's what's going on? I don't know, but Professor Fox is also probably the name of a porno movie of some kind of a waiter. So whatever, it's this boxing, and it's just, it's the longest, most boring boxing scene. For a movie that features a lot of boxing, there's bad boxing footage in this movie. There was a guy that's credited as, like, Like the boxing coach, that poor bastard just working with these people. You can't just, you can't fake it.

There's been so much good boxing on film. Yeah. It's tough to do boxing, man. It really is. I've seen Raging Bull. You're out of luck. Totally. I've seen, I mean, honestly, some of those movies are bad, but the boxing in all of the Rocky movies is always on par.

It's always fantastic. The fighter is great. Yeah. It's not easy to do. And it's, you can't just show two people fighting each other and be like, You're like, oh, it's boxing, right? You can't whip each other with wet noodles for 30 minutes. And again, it goes back to why you's boxing.

I guarantee you it's much easier to film baseball. Yeah. It's much easier to film a dull baseball game. I still think it's much easier to do a football. Just get a bunch of extras to play the other players. Cut out sports. No one from the first movie. Oh, man, I wish there was more sports than Teen Wolf.

Like Teen Wolf 2 is fine, but why wasn't he playing a sport? That's what I came here for. Exactly. I didn't come here for Wolf had tics. I came here for sports. Sports, sports, sports. Why on earth would you have sports in this movie? So they box and he's like, I promise myself, I'm not going to be a teen wolf, for no reason again.

And this guy is enormous. He's the undertaker. Totally. And he's Jason Bateman's frigging Mighty Mac. And he's just getting this shit kicked out of him for like 12 rounds. Just sloshed. It's horrible. No blood because there's no blood in this movie at all.

Just a lot of fake spit though. Yes, exactly. and he's getting the crap with out of the whole match and then he gets knocked to the mat at one time and like his eyes are glowing red because he's getting so pissed off and the girl in the audience his girlfriend mouths I love you and it calms him

not only does it calm him down Andrew he gets up and wins the match totally nowhere for no reason there was never any like the dad the uncle was like hey look which do the old secret Howard move rice sash to the right and then get him Dude, or something. The advice that the uncle gives during the match, like, first he looks at the uncle, and the guy just, like, takes a...

He, like, makes a fist and just kind of puts it up, like, to his face a little bit. I was like, what kind of tip is that? Wasn't I just doing that? Yeah. Hey, hey, here's a tip. Hit him. But, yeah, she says, I love you. He gets up, beats the shit out of him.

Just like someone on the other side of the TV screen with a controller was hit an A&B really fast, and he stood back up and beat the shit out of this guy. And it doesn't make any sense because, like, this is. guy has been pounding, Michael Jason Bateman. Oh, he's a hamburger. Yeah. And he gets all of this extra energy and beats the crap out of this guy. Like, is the idea, is it the Homer Simpson effect? Where he exasperated

all his energy beating him up? Totally. Steve, it's the love fist. Oh, he loved fisted. They love fisted him. Love, you know what? Stop trying to push Love Fist. Dude, nobody wants to buy your album, okay? Chris Cabin's love fist. Wait, volume one or

volume two? Two, we all know one's a class. Okay. But I thought it was a thing where, because he kind of wolves out for a second. His eyes turned red. They do. He's like, forget this, man. What I thought was, it's a mix of, of course, the power of love. But then also, like, the wolfing out, just a tiny bit gives you, like, a little bit of an energy boost.

And he gets up. So he's got, like, wolf residuals going on and just, like, I got to do it now because this is going to be gone in another minute, kind of a thing. And he wins, and we freeze frame, and that's the end of it. Or maybe he's gotten so good at werewolfing. he just wear wolves his hands You can't tell because they're in boxing gloves Oh yeah just partial wolfing out Yeah that's how you do it

That is how you do it And then I was like oh wow You had the strength in yourself And he's like yeah Sure Hand shrinking back down That's the other thing that I never understand About both of these movies

What is the message? Like so I I mean what am I supposed to relate to As a regular teen that's not a teen wolf So I find out that I'm good at something Really good at something Supernaturally good by my own like Like, good graces, I should not do that?

Because that's the thing, right? You can't say that the message of both of these movies is be yourself. It's not because yourself is the werewolf. Teamwork. Yeah, I guess. The message is kind of just teamwork. Or maybe it's about like, you know, trample down your ethnic background and be American, God damn it. Because like, you've got this old world, something around your neck.

Kick that Eastern European heritage to the curb, baby. This is America. Maybe that's what I don't understand what the message. could be I don't you're totally right I was thinking the same thing like what are we saying with this movie like take what and that's what it is too right it's kind of a weird like suppress who you are kind of thing like take all that like yeah yeah it's fine if you play around with that wolf shit in college but then take that crumple it up into a ball and put it back down inside yourself and never acknowledge it again yeah it's really weird don't let it get to your head I think is ultimately the thing but like Also, it's just, I don't know. It makes zero sense to me because they keep on switching back. I don't like anybody in this movie. All these characters suck.

Yep, they're terrible. There's nothing to anybody. I barely liked Michael J. Fox in the first one, and that's only because he was played by Michael J. Fox. Yeah, you got the good graces of Michael J. Fox being a great guy. That character's a jerk. Yeah, so, I mean, the message of the movie doesn't even freaking matter because all the people who are saying the message suck.

And this is kind of what you would call pre-beck. Bateman, you know, he's just, he's not, he doesn't have any of the tools that you like about Jason Bateman now, you know what I mean, depending on whether you like him now, which you do, you know, he's great in the rest of development, he's great in some things, but like, he's got, he's got a skill set, like he's sarcastic, he's funny, he's got great comic timing, et cetera, et cetera. None of that is on display. No. It's the old, why did you pick him? I'm sure there were plenty of people that wanted to be the next teen wolf. He's like, kind of a braggart and like, what, really no? Was R.D.J. Too, too,

to be a teen wolf? Yeah, at this point probably. 87, yeah, I guess so. He was doing that less than zero movie at this point. Oh, that's right. That's an underrated film. And this whole thing ends with Chubbs like kind of like kissing one of the other babes

and her. Like this movie freeze frames on this woman disgustingly wiping her mouth. Yeah, it's really weird and of course that's the only way Chubbs can get laid. No, you know what? Start calling yourself, Derek, put on some clothes that fit you. Yes.

Get into good music. I'm not even saying lose weight You can get laid You just got to be your That's he needs to be himself Chubs needs to be himself Maybe Calla Cuts on the short shorts

Yeah yeah exactly Let's get some slacks on those tracks Some jeans And you know what Here's a good tip for everybody Stop hanging out with styles Yep Because eventually if you keep hanging out

With styles into adulthood He's gonna be that guy That comes around In the middle of the night And he really needs $10,000 and he can't tell you why Stop purchasing anything that refers to the layer that you are in as a sty

and you as a pig. You know what I just realized about Stiles and why Chubbs is Chubs is because Stiles is always trying to get Chubbs started. You know what I mean? Just like everyone goes crazy about Teen Wolf, he's like, dude Chubbs, I got a stable going on. We got the wolf over here.

He's doing all that stuff. You're going to be the fat guy. You're going to be the fattest guy in this school. It's going to be what's Chubbs not going to eat. You know what I mean? You're going to go to the party. You're going to do. drink the keg in one gulp and everyone's

going to be chubs chubs chubs i got these chubs t-shirts i got these i'm just waiting for chubs to happen i'm making a hot dog eating contest just centered around you all around you we'll have the bot we'll have we'll have todd doing the boxing thing you know he'll do that you'll eat these hot dogs it'll be great i hate you styles all right so would

would anyone recommend teen wolf too i would it's it's a breezy 90 minutes it's a Comedy Central classic. If you had Comedy Central, in the late 90s, you've seen this movie 148 times. It's not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination, but it's a hangover movie. Skip it. All right. Chris Cabin with a Skip It. I agree with Steve that it is a hangover movie. If anything, it's like, oh, Teen Wolf's Son. Oh, it's Teen Wolf 2? I feel like shit anyway. I'm going to feel like shit today anyway.

That's Teen Wolf 2 from 1987, directed by Christopher Leach. If you want to get a hold of us, Check out our website, wHMpodcast.com. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast. Right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. And for our listeners who are following us over to the sideshow network, check out sideshow network. TV.

Check out all the shows they have there again. We are happy as pigs and shit or wolves and shit. Teen Wolfs and shit to be. Or chubs and shit, I guess. Regardless, we're very stoked to be a part of the sideshow family. Check us out next week. New episodes of We Hate Mood. movies every Tuesday.

So what we do on We Hate Movies for our new listeners, right, is we will leave a clue. We don't tell you what the episode is or what the film is that we're going to do, but we leave a clue for what it is. So Chris Cabin, clue for next week's episode. Whoopee? Whoopi? Oh, the whoopsters finally being inducted into the We Hate Movies Pantheon. Who knows?

Maybe he's just excited. Oh, maybe he's just Whoopi, right? It's not Whoopi goal. I don't know. Another season. Another reason. I'm making. Never mind.

So until next week with Whoopi. I'm Andrew Juipin. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.