We Hate Movies - S5 Ep196: Twisted

Episode Date: March 24, 2015

On this week's episode, the gang hits the foggy streets of San Francisco to track down a serial killer with Ashley Judd and Andy Garcia in the totally macho cop flick, Twisted! Oh, of course we start with the creepy character actor from Se7en! How does Ashley Judd not figure out something's up with that wine? And how bad must Andy Garcia's apartment smell being near all those sea lions?! PLUS: Hey, fuck you, Delmarco! Twisted stars Ashely Judd, Andy Garcia, Samuel L. Jackson, David Strathairn, Camryn Manheim, Mark Pellegrino, Titus Welliver and Se7en and The Guest's Leland Orser; directed by Philip Kaufman. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin. Chris Cabin. Steven Seda. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies on the Sideshow Network. Thank you for tuning in, as always, if you're new to the program, thank you for checking us out. If you're old and have listened to us for a long time, you'll know that if there's one thing we hate, it's really bad serial killer movies. And today, we're talking about Philip Kaufman's 2004 disaster piece, twisted. And it's Philip Kaufman, man. That's the saddest part. He made made the best body snatchers movie he made the best body snatchers he made the right stuff he's helped make indiana god damn jones it's insane craziness it's twisted is what it is right guys oh

twisted oh yeah let's get some twisted teas and talk about twisted man thankfully we are all drinking twisted tea today as a matter of fact we hate movies sponsored by twisted tea you ever like reach for a beer at a party and it's dark and you start drinking it, it's a twisted tea, and you almost throw up. You know, it's happened to me more times than I'd like to admit. It's one of the most frustrating things I've ever dealt with in my life.

At first, your mouth recognizes flat beer. You're like, oh, fuck. And then you're like, wait, no. Ice tea flavor, twisted tea. Yeah. And the only thing worse than the taste of twisted tea are the people that get really pumped for

twisted tea. Like, you'll be having a football party or something like that. Someone comes or hey man i got some fucking twisted tea and you're like come on barry those people exist yeah and i've met them but like the my favorite ones are the ones who are like you know it's not that bad the guys who tried to reason with you the apologists you're totally right and that's unfortunate just say it tastes like shit and you still like drinking it that's fine that's fine absolutely fine you'll get those motherfuckers that do the same thing with smearing off ice man yeah it's really shitty but uh

In a pinch. It's like, no, it's not in a pinch. Go to the grocery store and buy beer. And it's not hilarious that you're drinking it either. I'll start that. I'll cut that right off. Yeah, totally. Take your fucking raspberry fermented nonsense and go home.

Oh, so twisted. Twisted. In the vein of, I would say, copycat, this is a copycat type movie. But this is an Ashley Judd movie. And there was a time when there was a genre of film called an Ashley Judd movie. Oh, absolutely. In which it's her being an intrigue. and kind of sexy situations.

And you usually had like a Samuel L. Jackson, like in this movie or a Morgan Freeman in a couple of other movies. A sagely black actor. Exactly. To offset her whiteness. Yeah. And it never works out for anybody. It really doesn't. No.

And this is like, this is like a powerhouse cast. You got Samuel L. Jackson. You got the handsome John L. L.O.S. Andy Garcia. Who else he got in this movie? Titus Welliver? Titus Welliver. Titus Welliver. And then

what's his name too, a dude from Fatal Beauty, Mark Pellegrino. Mark Pellegrino. Which is awesome for a lost nerd like me because it's Jacob and the man in black in the same movie. And Pellegrino gets a lot of fucking scream time in this movie. He doesn't usually, nobody gives

him this much. He's just staring at the camera with his mouth open, the whole movie and then he died. Well, somewhere in between those two things he also tries to rape Ashley Judd like three times. At least three. It's amazing. It's so amazing.

Titus Wellever is on some Netflix show where he's wearing a leather jacket. It's called Bosch. It's called Bosch and it's on Amazon. Oh, even worse. And let me reiterate one more time for fans of our Chudmuntary. The fucking show and his character

are both called Bosch. And he's probably a hard Apple detective, right? He's the hardest of apples. That's how those shows work. You think Bosch is going to be soft? Oh, man, I would love a Royal Rumble. You get Bosch in there. You get Low Winter Sun.

Who else could we throw at this one? Royal Rumble. Couple of true detectives. Couple of true detectives. Whatever the hell stupid. Halton Catch Fire maybe. Get him in. No, we're talking about it. We're talking about hard-nosed detectives. No one on that... Well, that's the thing. There's a hard-nosed... That bisexual programmer.

Yeah, well, there's a hard-nosed coder in there. Okay. I was thinking more in the Rain Wilson show. What's it called Blackheart? No. Uh, crap. Like... Hieronymus Bach. No. No, what is it? A canceled? Yes. Is it called canceled?

Rain Wilson stars in. Canceled. Coming up on Rain Wilson's canceled, a preview for Rayne Wilson's new movie, Box Office Poison. Tank, the movie. What is that fucking... It's some dumb show where he, again, is a genius detective. But he's also surly, Andrew. I don't know if you knew that. Yeah, and he makes jokes about lesbians, because that's all over the preview. Oh, man, isn't that just fucking hilarious? Well, the idea is they would all get into a ring together and then just drink signed I'd be dead and that would be the end

of it. And an empty stadium with just us in there. And then Sipowitz, then you should just see Sipowitz come up and be like, I told you. I won't. Did, um, wasn't Jimmy Smith's character's name on that show? Oh, crap. Dead?

He died on that show, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He died. I think his name is actually Jimmy. It was a Tony Danza situation. Oh, really? His name is Jimmy, but I forget what his last name is. Yeah, I don't know. I had some Jimmy Smith's joke in there about dying, but then I just completely forgot what happened

to that character on that show. So anyway, the point of the movie, if there is almost a point, and it fails, is it's like, oh, man, women can be sexually adventurous, too. And it's, you know, who are you to say that if a woman sleeps with a bunch of dudes, doesn't make her a slut, doesn't make her a blah,

but a bow, but this movie doesn't do that. And it actually punishes her for it. And it's really strange. That would be a great point to you. your movie right like you watch a detective movie he's always banging all sorts of broads and like you know you're supposed to applaud him but if it was a woman

you'd think differently I'm like ooh turn that around no but then she gets punished the entire film and it's like the character is being like what is this matter are you kidding me and then all the dudes are like no are you kidding us you fucking troll up and you're just like it's just endless it's 96

minutes of endless misogyny in this movie that's what I'm wondering is I'm wondering since it is Philip Coffin Maybe he made the right movie And then he was asked to cut it down To the wrong movie If it's 90 Because it's a fleet

Fucking 90 minutes Let me tell you something I went to rewatch this last night In preparation for today's program And I had recently Just watched it like three weeks ago And I was dreading I was so tired from work

I go on Netflix I was like oh a blessed 96 minutes Wow you feel every minute though You do Every single one of these minutes I will say unlike most male detective movies she gets roofied no less than 12 times

in this movie. She just keeps getting roofied. I don't know how, I don't know can you buy that stuff in bulk? Because like, Samuel L. Jackson is. Well, that's what I was going to say is, all right, now everybody, do you want to know the end of the movie

or do you want to wait until the end of the podcast but Samuel L. Jackson did it. Know it now. Because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. They totally tell you in the movie. It's important to know it because nothing makes sense at the end. Nothing.

And a lot of things are like, wait, how does that work if he's doing this? Yeah, he roofies are like 48 times in this movie. Now, and the thing about the roofying is, she is an alcoholic. Like, her character is, what she understands is that her dad was a cop. Sam Jackson was his partner. One day the dad went insane, killed a bunch of people. And then, like, killed the mother, his wife, and then himself. Played in a picture by Ashley Judd.

Yeah. It's Ashley Judd kind of like looking away from the camera. She's teary-eyed at a picture of herself. So she's got some issues, right? Samuel L. Jackson then goes on to raise her. Sure. So she's got a drinking problem. She doesn't deal with her demons like most hard-nosed detectives, right? Sure.

But so my question is, and all these scenes, like she gets home from work, she chugs. a tumbler of red wine and then gets the sways and falls down and passes out because we come to find out Sam Jackson's putting roofies here's the thing how how is Samuel L. Jackson

getting the roofies in these unopened bottle of bottles of wine what is happening his schedule makes no sense well he's also we should mention he's like the chief of police the commissioner oh he's the oh yes the commission and this takes place in San Francisco

where interesting fact the SFPD is the only police department in the country that doesn't have detectives. Yeah. They have inspectors. So it's like you're a cop until you get promoted to inspector and that's it. That's so much cooler than detectives. It's so badass. They kept saying inspector the entire time.

I was like, are we in the UK? What's going on? The only bet if somebody ever called me constable, my heart. That's the best one. Let me tell you, idea for a show, Constable Cabin. You know what, Lansing, Michigan? You want to get some tourism? change detective rank to constable.

Then we've got a little cheery old England vibe in Lansing, Michigan, and it's the only place in America that does it. Totally. So what were we saying? The Roofies, Sam Jackson. There's some weird schedule where he's the commissioner. Now, I'm sorry. I know that people think that the guys high up to kick up their feet quite often.

A commissioner's busy. Oh, yeah, dude. And he does not have time to be going there what seems like every single day going into breaking into her apartment lacing the thing with Roofies leaving and getting back to work an hour out of your day. He's the busiest,

thoroughest serial killer I've seen in a while. And also, just by the way, if you're, okay, so she goes to a couple of bars in this movie. A couple of bars. Okay. A couple of Batman bars. So you are drinking all the time. You're an alcoholic.

Sure. And you notice that specifically the drink that always makes you specifically really drunk and tired is red wine. Right. But meanwhile, you're at the bar pounding whiskey. And you're fine. You're just fine. And then all of a sudden you get home one glass of, not even

a glass, a tumbler. Switch to beer. That's all I got to say. Just switch to beer. Just go on your way home, you go to the bodega and you pick up a six pack and you're like, you know what, I'm not going to have that red wine because that shit makes me sleepy and I wanted to watch the honeymooners today. And it seems like every time I

wake up after it, another dead person's around me. And I have a roofie hangover every day. That's really shitty. Like you have to do this booze arithmetic. Right? Like out all night pounding shots. Yeah. Totally fine.

Home for five minutes. The first sip of red wine, I'm on my face waking up the next morning. And the roofy hangover, by the way, you're calling out of work the next day. You're not doing anything else. She does bad hangover acting in this movie. It's a lot of like her picking up the phone.

Hello? And she's like rubbing her face. And then five minutes later she's fine. Yeah, coffee does not negate roofies. Well, that's just the movies. Everybody in movies recovers from being drunk or hungover really fast. So we start the movie, rightfully so, with everybody's favorite creepy hyper actor. What's this guy's name?

Oh, it's the he made me fuck her from seven. And I did. I fucked her. I think he's also on Caroline of the City as the character with the character with The roller skates? That was that guy, and it's rollerblades. Oh, yeah, I apologize. And the father from the guest.

Yes, he's definitely the father from... Wow, is that the guy from Caroline in the city that was rollerblading all the time? He's going to take a second, but I'm pretty sure. My wife is in the room shaking her head, no at you, Steve, so I think you're wrong in that department. That's fair. So he's got a knife up to her throat. Yeah, and he's doing his best, I'm going to fucking kill you. And he's like, that's the first, like, opening.

live. It's like either that or like I can smell you, I can hear your heart beat. The best one is, he's like, I can feel your heartbeat. It's like a rabbit trying to get out of a cage. I'm just like fuck you, man. Stop this. Like seriously. And all you can see is his mouth, but you're like, oh, it's that

guy. You know who it is. You can hear it, you know, so he's got a knife to her throat. And apparently he's just some run-of-the-mill serial killer and, you know, she does the old that's a gun in my pocket and elbows him in the stomach and headbutts him and saves the day, captures this guy, winds up getting a promotion to inspector because of

this. And we have her, like, it's like, all right, dirtbag serial killer, you're going downtown. Cut to Ashley Judd's ass, extreme close-up, dancing in this bar to James Brown. It's just, that's, it's sexy. It's time to get a little sexy in this movie, finally. And you know who's the James Brown, of course. You know who's the opposite of sexy, Andy Garcia. who looks like a pile of wet towels in this movie. Dude, I've been saying he's like a slightly more handsome John Lovitz. He's exactly that.

Are you still trying to look up this guy's name? Too late. God, the show's over. I'm going to call the show later when I get home. Andrew edit this in. I found out that guy's name. And I was totally wrong. I'm going to get it.

Keep going. I don't I I am curious now I'm calling you out on this what is the process in which you were trying to look up I was trying Wikipedia and it was a big mistake Oh Jesus IMDB to twisted or seven and you're there So she's dancing around

She's got this promotion and everybody's like Hey Ashley Judd Do the thing Oh my God And she does a stupid like Flash the Inspector badge And she's just like Ashley Judd

Inspector and they're like fuck yeah this cop bar's going crazy over this they're so thrilled for her which is really weird because it doesn't make sense with like she got this promo like she probably got this promotion on her own merits

but the commissioner is always hanging out with her and always being like doing a good job sweetheart and it's like clearly this would be a problem amongst cops well it's it's not just you're doing a great job it's also Sam Jackson coming in doing the same test like three times

in this movie like oh god guy down at the end of the bar tell me everything about him without looking back at him and all this shit and i'm just like dude sam jackson you're really annoying in this movie my favorite line and it's something i've always wanted to say to somebody and i've never gotten a chance to do it yet i'm late and you're wrong that one that's up there that's in the top tenor this might be number one hold back boys you're breathing my air oh yeah you're breathing my air says sam jackson nice and also if you're the police commissioner i don't think you should be going to cop bars no again and like if you're her you're like dude just this is my moment thank you so much seriously like i no one wants to hang out and get

drinks with their boss nobody and he like gives fucking mark pelegrino shit which everybody should anyway oh yeah because he's terrible because he's just staring at as he's done with his mouth open again he's like you want to go you want to go home tonight she's like no it's such a sad like Why'd you break up? I miss you and I'm drunk. Oh, no, Mark Pellegrino. I remember your smell. Oh, he totally says that too. You know what, fellas, great way to get back into ladies' good graces. Just tell her you remember her smell. Good tip. I don't think, I know that movies will tell you that's romantic. I don't think anyone ever wants to be commented on their smell. Oh, you smell fantastic. This movie doesn't say that. No, but other movies like, oh, like, it's never. unless you're in a current sexual relationship with the person I don't think you're allowed to bring up sense well it's not a first date thing

but like you know like we know each other well that perfume well that's wonderful not I miss your smell you can't say things like your smell it's like oh that what is that fragrance that's nice yeah get out of here wolverid you smell fantastic

that's a lovely stank you have so then Sam Jackson like takes are in the back room of this bar and starts giving her shit. He goes, coming to my office? Oh, man. Oh, man. And there's a box of cigars for him there, right? He opens it up and starts...

Well, it's his office. He's got a skunk on his head with this rug that he's supporting in this movie. Yeah, it's terrible. It's like, it's like slightly red, and he's got, I think he's got the same glasses he wore in Jurassic Park, too. Well, because you have to make, and like, I don't think this...

I don't know how old Asher's... Judd is and I don't know how old Samuel Jackson is. Yeah. But I don't believe the age difference they're trying to sell me here. Sable Jackson's older than you think. He's old, like he's in his 50s. I know that. He's in his 60s.

Is he? Yeah, he's. Oh. Well, he would like marched with Martin Luther King. Did he really? Yeah, he was like a, I believe, a Paul Bear at somebody's funeral that was important. Oh, that's pretty cool. He's been around the block, man. But I don't think it matters in this instance because it's not like she's his

biological child. It's just like he was partners with her father, so, you know, he just like raised her. To me, this is part of why he has the rug is because they have to have the salt and pepper. Yeah. But is there salt and pepper? Because it just looks like orange tainted to me.

It's like, maybe there's something wrong with my TV. Check your RGB levels, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, were you watching Chairman of the Board? Oh, you know what? That could be. That's what happens when I watch movies back to back like that. Were you watching Meteor, man? and Edward and Jamesville Jones's ridiculous wig in that movie.

There's a lot of ridiculous blonde hair in that movie. That's why we'll never do Meteor Man because I won't be able to hold my voice out because I'll be going like this and I'll be dead. No, we tried to watch that one time for an episode. We found it to be too boring. So, I mean, you know, he just kind of gives her shit and he's like, you know, giving her a test or whatever. And then she goes to sit with Andy Garcia. And, you know, he's like hitting on her, but not really. And she doesn't know him at all.

No, no, no, no. But he knows that they're, you know, she's going to be his new partner. Sure. Come the next day when she's got this, you know, in this promotion to inspect her. But so she's talking to her old partner and then, you know, Andy Garcia comes in, waving his dong all over the scene, you know, and starts giving this guy's shit. And his name is DeMarco in this movie, something DeMarco. And speaking of our friend Bosch from Chud, they're definitely doing a Bosch thing in this movie where every... Four minutes or so, someone, regardless of whether or not Andy Garcia is in the scene, is saying the name DeMarco, including a couple of amazing deliveries of, hey, fuck you, DeMarco, and I'm just laughing.

But, like, everybody's saying DeMarco in this movie. Pellegrino has the best one, because he orders him to go get him breakfast. Yes. Oh, that's my favorite one. Andy Garcia is like, oh, hey, patrolman, how about some steak and eggs, well done bacon? Hey, fuck you, DeMarco. And I'm like, yeah, fuck you, Andy Garcia. I would love to be able to say, fuck you to somebody at my job.

Mean it, but also have no repercussions. Wouldn't that be something? Oh, my God, the day I had today. It would have been heaven. So then she's like, all right, party's over. Time for the after party. This is when she goes to her favorite Batman bar. Now, what do you mean to, you know, help the audience a little bit when you say Batman bar?

It's filled full of would-be henchmen. Right. Like, yeah, you could go, when Toface gets out of Arkham, he goes to this bar, and he's like, who wants it? And everyone's like, yeah, me. Exactly. It's like, it's like a hoodlum job fair. A bunch of Clay faces clay guys. Yeah, exactly.

They have like a garbage can where you put your Mr. Freeze Parker when he gets canned. You're like, oh, fuck. The back room's got a bunch of clown makeup so you can work with the penguin. Yeah, it's all, or anyone in Gotham. Really? You could be a clown in anybody's outfit. That's true. If you're clowning around as a, like, a criminal in Gotham, you're an employable person. See, I would always think that the Penguins henchmen would have, like, I don't know, like t-shirts. They do sometimes.

Andrew's talking about Danny DeVito's the Penguins. Yes, that's what I mean. The Red Triangle game. Yes. Oh, man. Yeah, that's right. Steve's also wearing a shirt with the Xenamore from Alien on it right now. Oh, it's my most loser shirt that I've got.

and you know speaking of losers what world is it in which you're at a bar by yourself and all of a sudden Ashley Judd comes up to you like hey

you want to have anonymous sex and there's no money changing hands wait you're saying Ashley Judd has to pay for sex no that this any dude is just sitting like because she's fucking

a guy with a ponytail leader in this movie and that guy ain't pulling nothing yeah that dude looks like Kenny G Yeah, he's pretty, it's like, it's like if Kenny G. bulked up a little bit and became a professional wrestler in the early 90s. And gave up on life, yes.

Yeah, that's what this guy looks like. Yeah, well, you know, she just, she doesn't care, man. She's not picky. Sure. She's just trying to, you know, fuck the memory of her parents murder suicide out of her head. But like every dude that, like, goes to, like, a singles bar is, that's the problem. Every dude who goes to single bar is expecting Ashley Judd to show up. She ain't showing up.

Yeah. She's not showing up. Well, this is a movie. Sure. So they go back to this dude's place. He's like a handsome guy and they're making it out. And then like, speaking of the alien, she gets into her hyper sleep outfit, which is like this like, it's like boy shorts and a black tank top. She looks like she's going to sleep.

Yeah. Yeah. She kind of looks like Sandra Bullock floating in the little thing. Yeah, she does. Oh yeah. It's totally right. That outfit too. She's looking at astronaut in this scene.

It is a cryo sleep costume. It's a sexy astronaut. Which, where did she... Does she have this in a bag or something? Because she's at this dude's apartment. Now the choking begins, which is pretty weird. I just picture Philip Kaufman, like, directing this scene. He's like, all right, everybody.

And now the choking begins. No, get your feet up more, Ashley. Yeah, and it's just like some fighting sex, which is always kind of weird. It's like you're watching The Matrix. Is there fighting sex in that trilogy? No, I don't think anyone ever gets... No, it's more like haywire. Oh, haywire.

Yeah, that's more appropriate. Why wasn't there ever a haywire, too? I would have signed up for that. Because Soderberg didn't want to do it. Well, that's fair. Well, they're making goddamn Magic Mike XXL. And he's shooting it. Yeah, but he's not directing it.

Well, no, he's not directing it. Get some other loser to direct Haywire 2. I'm pretty sure if he wanted to shoot Haywire 2, he would have gotten in there. That movie kicks ass. It does. Literally and figuratively. So she, you know, we, we, we, fade back to her going to her apartment and there's this weird thing like i guess she's got this

concerned old elderly asian lady that every night she comes home and she she like kind of nods her head to say hey how's it going i got home okay and then this woman goes to sleep is that what you took away from this i thought she hated her guts i just thought it was a weird thing where it was like some creepy old lady who just she keeps like getting caught staring at her i kind of wanted at the end like that lady to have a sniper rifle and affect the event Change the course of history, if you will. Yeah, possibly. Also, we should not forget that when she is having like the fighting sex with this dude,

you see there's like a shot from outside looking into this dude's apartment. Yeah. This dude's butt cheeks are hanging out all over the place. Sure. And you hear the flicking of a zippo lighter. Oh, God. Okay, so this is how you know. I mean, when we're in Sam Jackson's office, he opens a zippo very loudly to light that cigar.

But they do throw you a little bit because she's looking at pictures of her father's Zippo. Oh, so you're... But that was what I might... Because for about 20 minutes of this movie, I was like, well, she did it. And they're just trying to cut around the fact that she did it. Right, right, right. Well, I mean, this is like from outside looking in and you just hear this Zippo flicking. And also, every time she passes out from the roofy wine, you hear the flicking of this Zippo lighter.

Well, that's the point. I thought that it was like, this is the father taking over. Yeah, whatever that is. Yeah. Oh, man, split personality. She's also her dad. I thought that's where it was going, too, to be honest. I didn't know it was Sam Jackson. A sick, like, possession thing where, like, she's held onto his lighter and it's got, like, his essence in it. So then, like, every time she uses the lighter to set something on fire, like, he takes over. She gets the snake hair. Yeah. All of a sudden, her hair turns into a dude parted hair. That would be pretty cool

The Scolari brothers are in there Set him to the burner Give him the chair Be quiet My second week in a row Doing a ghostbusters 2 Impression of that character So like she gets

She roofies herself Wakes up And then all of a sudden It's her first day on the job She goes into the squad room And everyone's like Yeah it's a lady And they're all like

Do the la la la la la thing And like whatever else Needs to happen in this movie Yeah you know because they're just trying to make her like one of the guys, right? That's how that works. Sure. Yeah.

I mean, that's what they're thinking. That's what that fucking pig Titus Wellever's thinking in this movie. Also, she's seeing the cop shrink played by the great David Straithairn. Which I, for a little bit, thought he did it because I'm like, why else are you in this movie? Well, that's the thing is they totally set up. There's one scene where you think it might be him because she's hilariously dropped her cell phone under the car. Yeah. And she goes to get it.

there's a bunch of rats like hanging out. She's like, oh, rats! And then like a dude comes up behind her and she pulls a gun on David Strait-Aren and he's got like this huge hockey equipment bag and he's like, hello, oh, fine night we're having. I'm going to put this gigantic bag in my trunk. I coach

the Pee-Wee team. They're four and O. It's something. It's unfortunate the track of David Strait-Ayr, and I think he's one of our greatest working actors. He's great. in that piece of shit best exotic Marigold Hotel too. Oh, he's

Wait, was he in the first one? I don't think so. No, I didn't see it, but this is it's clearly set up to be a new character. Oh, okay. He's like an American hotel magnate that, you know what, I don't want to talk about that movie. That's fair. You know what? Here's a movie. Somebody's getting an Oscar out of this one, and I'm happy about it.

David Strathairn and Jeff Goldblum play brothers, and one of them's autistic. You can flip that over. Whoever you want to put there. And you know, they got to do something. They got to open a restaurant. Goldblum's like closer there naturally. Sure, yeah, that's a little easier. I mean, they're too old for it,

but that could be like a good Sacco and Vanzetti movie. They're way too old for it. I just said that. Like, you would have to let Sack, like, it would be an alternate history Sacco and Vanzetti movie where they beat the first murder, live for 30 years, open a pizza parlor, and all of a sudden, Sacko and Vennedy ride again

and get mob justice said murder. You know what? If you found a way to make Easy Rider 2, you could do Sacco and Vanzetti. The legend continues. It was a big conspiracy. They were actually government agents. Yep. Yep. See, Steve, it writes itself.

Sacco M. Zendezzi as the men in black. Like, oh yeah, it was a big cover-ups to get them to become men in black. Exactly. Yeah. That's all. Agent S and V. writes itself it does so he's you know he's got the

the role of like you know I know you don't want to be here nothing you tell me is leaving this room I just got to make sure you're not gun crazy because that dude from seven put a knife to your throat well she kicks him in the face and breaks his nose which is a bit too much

the dude from seven not David's straight thing yeah well she's breaking all kinds of things because she's got that uh what's it the orca the orca The Orica, that stick thing? Oh, whatever that thing is. The Oura or Ora? Something. It's like Tai Chi kind of thing.

Uwara, I think it might be called. By the way, the guy from Seven's name is Leland Oarser. Jesus Christ, we're 30 minutes into this podcast. I think you've been searching for that fucking name for 25 of them. His name is Leland Orser, and he's not the guy from Carolina in the city. Did my Wi-Fi go out? What was happening over there? I just got distracted with putting on a comedy show.

Fair enough. I'm glad that your focus is here and not on the internet. That's great. Yeah, Leland Orser, great actor. I'm going to keep saying it. We've seen it. I've been seeing a lot of people on Twitter responding nicely. If you haven't seen it yet, see the guest. Character actor Leland Orser is in it. Pause the podcast. Come back to it tomorrow morning. Tonight, you watch the guest.

So we get like the first call, like it's their first day. There's a body that's washed up next to where the, where the job. Giants play baseball, which is the coolest baseball stadium ever because they got like the kayakers out behind it. So it's pretty cool. So there's a dude who's washed up on the rocks there and they go to check it out. And, you know, they're looking at this body and they're looking at this body. And then she's like, wait a second. I totally slept with this guy one time. You're using slept awfully loosely there. She got fucked against a tree. Oh, that's this guy. Yeah, you're totally right. That's a weird seat. Like it's just like, nobody. She's like, I think I slept with this guy. And there's this weird scene where they're, again, they're having sex in the park. Like, it's the 1970s and they're gay men. You know, like, I thought I was watching Stranger by the Lake for a second.

Exactly. Well, it's amazing because Andy Garcia, before he was promoted to Inspector, he used to be like a boat cop. So he knows all the boat cops and whatever. And he's like, hey, other boat cop, give me the keys. I'm going to take a cop boat out tomorrow. and they're like going around the bay and he's like you know we'll follow the tide

he had sand in his jeans so he was dragged on a beach or whatever let's find the nearest beach and they get there and like she's looking at this tree and he's like wow you know this is a pretty open area you don't think people would try to get away with much around here and she's like

yeah and then it's the flashback of this tree sex and he's like well yeah nothing could have happened here let's go and she's like yeah let's get out of it. Case closed. So then we have to get the autopsy and we're getting some DNA samples as well.

From Cameron Mannheim. Good old Cameron Mannheim, who I think might be, and this character would tell you herself, the greatest forensic scientist in the history of cinema. Because 90% of her dialogue is, just give it to me. I'm Lisa and I'm the fucking best with DNA. And she's just, it's one of those like, it's like Rodney Dangerfield on The Simpsons. Like, hey, who am I talking to? Like, she's talking to nobody.

Just like, Lisa's the best with DNA. Looking at this blood. It looks pretty obvious. It's a match. Way to go, Lisa. Hello? Although, at the end of this movie, she is a fucking cinematic dead end, man.

It's like a what, huh? And it comes to nothing. She places a phone call, and you'd never know who she called. and that's the last time you see her in the movie. It's great. But yeah, she's just like, oh, she's doing a lot of exposition and like doing, it's a 2004 serial killer movie. You know what she's talking about, right?

Exactly. It's the same thing we were talking about in 1999's copycat. Yeah, exactly. This and that, you got to get a match. This is a partial who's a fudge. It's going to take two days. Oh, we're always taking at least a week with this. And I'm just, I never understand that, you know, like I think the only time in movies that stuff

really ever gets rushed is when. Morgan Freeman's like, take that to the lab. And you're like, holy fuck, Morgan Freeman needs this done yesterday. But everybody else is always like, ah, man, 48 hours a week? That's ridiculous. But also, like, I question that all the time. I'm like, why don't we have more people working on that? If it's taking a whole week for us to.

Yeah, well, you know, police departments are backlogged with a lot of stuff like that. What? Yeah, no, it's shocking. Don't do, no, right? No. so it's Andy Garcia's like so you slept with this person that doesn't mean anything that's kind of a you know just a coincidence thank you for telling me he tells and the funny thing is immediately she goes he goes to the captain he's like hey you know she's got something

to say she knew the victim she slept with him and instead of immediately taking her off the case which you would immediately yeah like you would have to like not not she wouldn't be a suspect she would it would just be like they definitely ask her some questions right well Her three complimentary questions. The way they get around this and arrange for Ashley Judd's character to remain the main character of this film is Sam Jackson steps in and he's like, he says to like the, you know, the chief of this department or whatever, he's like, you know, you can't take her off this case. It's her first homicide as an inspector. This will kill her career. You know what's killing her career?

You by budding in and just always being like, you know, I kind of raised, she's kind of my daughter. the fact that she's a brown noser? Yeah, exactly. Like, well, at the same time, you know, in hindsight, he's the serial killer. So he's just saying this to do his own bidding. You know, whatever. But he thinks he's doing her, it's stupid.

He thinks he's doing her a favor at some point. Yeah, which it doesn't make any sense. That's for sure. The motivation in this movie makes no sense. So we have another, she goes home, she has like a sip of Merlobe, just falls flat on the floor. Get yourself a 22.

Of course, Corona Extra. 40 ounces to freedom, okay? So then she's totally passed out. And then, like, apparently Andy Garcia's been calling her all day because she finally picks up this awesome 2004 cell phone. And he's like, oh, where you've been all day? I've been trying to get a hold of you. And she wakes up, and it's nighttime.

You're like, wow, that was a bad one. And there's been another murder. And then the whole thing is she realized, as this dude, too. Now, who is this? This was the fellow from... No, no, no, the one at night is the first one. That's the first one? Because remember, it's a night game at the giant stadium and they find him on the peat. Remember? Yes, but then isn't... The next one isn't.

Fighting sex guy isn't... I don't think that's at night. No matter what. There's another murder. And it's the fight sex guy. Yeah, it's the fight sex guy. And there's another calling card. And not only does she know all these people. And it's kind of amazing because every time it's like, all right, brand new murder. Let me just put my detective hat in. Oh, I slept with that guy. Yeah. Yeah. She's always disappointed. Like, it's going to be interesting. Maybe it was his landlord.

No, I slow put that guy. Oh, and you're totally right, Chris, because now I remember this guy's like floating by some docks or something like that. Because this is where you get the amazing fuck you, DeMarco, which is great. But also, she's like, she gets to the scene of the crime with Andy Garcia, and this is one of the scuzziest things he says to her in this movie. She's like, oh, man, I totally had too much to drink last night, and I passed out. And Andy Garcia just goes, oh, too bad I wasn't there. What? Are you fucking kidding me?

It's weird. It's a weird relationship from the get-go. Oh, yeah? Look, it's not like their partners, and then there's, like, an attraction there. He has an attraction, and he wants to be her partner. Yeah, it's been 48 hours you've known this lady. Yeah, dude. Like, come on, really? Like, just a sliver of professionalism, DeMarco. Look, you have to make up for Titus Wellover doing all of that.

Yeah, totally. Why don't you just be a little cool about this? Yeah, exactly. And if something happens, maybe three to four years from now, good for you. But let's build up a professional rapport for her. Look at who she's sleeping with. They're all scumbags. You don't think that you can maybe get an inn in a couple of months?

Well, I mean, if there's anything this character has to know about himself, is that he is indeed also a scumbag. Well, he lives on the docks, Andrew. He lives in a beat-up shanty on the docks. Everyone's telling him, fuck you, DeMarco, wherever he goes. And his neighbors, as he says, are the sea lions. Oh, man, there are no less than 13 cast sea lions in this movie. Well, that's the thing.

Was there a sea lion wrangler going on? Oh, there would have to be, right? Because there's just too many. I've never been to San Francisco, but the way they portrays. sea lions in this movie is how we have a problem with rats in New York. Oh no, they're just hanging out. You can go to some docks. They're just hanging out. Everywhere? Oh, yeah. They're just

hanging out. That's awesome. Oh, yeah. And that's the thing actually... That's way better than subway rats. The one thing I will give this movie is that Philip Kaufman clearly knew how to portray San Francisco. The city in this movie is the best part of the movie. They're hitting a lot of the nice landmarks and everything. And I only know their landmarks because I saw them all on an

Anthony Bourdain, no reservation. Yeah, the Reds Java House. Yeah, I was like, oh, that was on the food network once or whatever that program was on. But also, there's a lot of like really obvious symbolism, like, oh, my God, it's foggy everywhere. Like, you can't remember anything like you were visually rupeed. It's like, the whole movie's fucking hung over. This I think is what you're supposed to take from this. So she's like, yep, number two.

And he's like, really? And he's just like, yeah. Well, this is, it's awesome because. She doesn't say anything to him about this one first and kind of lets it go. And, like, she tells David Strathairn, and he's like, well, you definitely have to tell your partner. This is unacceptable police behavior. You should probably just, you know, quit that force you're on because this is fucking weird. And so, like, they're trying to explain, like, what they have in the case so far.

This is, is this where she kicks Titus Wellever in the back? Yeah, it's cool because she does go up to her, to her superior, like, hey, guess what, I kind of slip with this guy. They all go out to lunch with Samuel Hull Jackson And he's like, yeah, she's going to stay on the case And like whatever movie And then like, you know, it's the case part Where we all have like, we're putting pictures on clipboards And we got the red yarn, we're making all the connections

And you know, he's like, oh, what, she's gonna sleep with everybody? He makes some crack and she fucking kiaz him in the back. Dude, there is nothing funnier than someone getting kicked in the back Because there's just like the way your body bends from the middle out oh my god and he goes down like a sack of potatoes it's fucking great five people have to get on titus will of him to hold him back it's so awesome because he's like okay you kick me in the back I'm gonna punch a woman in the face and so then she storms out and Andy Garcia's like what's that all about and she's like I fuck that dead guy too and then he has there's two

great things about this reaction it's Andy Garcia the character is like running after her screaming in this stairwell but then there's Andy Garcia the actor who's desperately trying not to fall down these stairs Ashley Judd's just like walking ahead of him pretty briskly down these stairs

and it's like a slippery old police station marble staircase and you can see him be like oh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck while he's also trying to yell in character amazing part of this movie he gets to flip it back around because everybody's been saying

Fuck you, DeMarco, fuck you DeMarco, and he says, fuck you, Shepherd. You know, my whole career people have been saying, fuck you DeMarco to me. Well, you know what? Fuck you, Shepherd. That's not a sea lion said, fuck you, DeMarco to me.

And the whole thing, too, is this is some serious, some pot call in the kettle black nonsense here, because he's like, you know, we're partners, we have to be professional, you have to tell me everything. And don't bring up the fact that I've tried to sleep with you

at least two times since we've met and I totally made a weird rape joke to you in the car earlier. Which he refers to as our thing. You know what? You. You know what? We have that thing that we have, right? Where you're just an innocent woman and I just make pretend rape jokes at you.

Make some female friends. You know, just maybe ask them how they feel. Ask for an opinion. You know what, DeMarco, did you ever wonder why people keep saying fuck you, DeMarco all the time. Just record yourself for a day and play it back.

And I get it. Pellegrino's a shit, but like, there are nice people saying fuck you as well. Do you want to talk about my favorite scene? Which you could put anywhere in this first act. I don't know where it goes. It's like, they're talking about the case. They go to a nice Mexican

restaurant for no reason. And they're just having drinks at the bar. This is step one of the DeMarco seduction plan. And he's just like, hey, take a drink they're drinking and he's looking at her and then all of a sudden

Mark Pellegrino is at the entrance and she's like oh fuck Mark Pellegrino he's like well oh you want to kick his ass and she's like

no not really and he by the way by Andy Garcia is Beetlejuice in case you're wondering so I don't think that he ever calls her babe in this movie

and he looks there's this three minute interaction without dialogue of Andy Garcia giving nasty looks to Mark Pellegrino and Mark Pelligrino doing the same back to him.

It's fantastic. They're just like staring at each other and Ashley John doesn't have anything to do. She's just kind of like whatever. She's like, don't go up to him or something like that. And I think the character, like DeMarco is just like, all right, you didn't say anything about staring at him ruthlessly. And like Mark O'German is kind of looking for an inn to join this party. Yeah. Like it's half dirty look, half that.

she goes home and Mark Pellegrino's there. It's one of like four times he goes to her apartment unannounced. Yeah, I think he still has keys which you know what, Shepard? Ask for that back. No, he does not. Oh no, wait, you're totally right. Chris Cabin explained why I was wrong. He, he reveals this.

She's like, how did you get in here? And he's like, like a cute face like, I picked the lock. Yeah, he says something about it. It's like something, something good detective. Yeah. And then he holds up the two little things you use to Pickleock and he's like I did it. I don't understand

what those tools are. Just like whenever they show them on like movies or TV I'm like is that a broken pair of tweezers? What is it happening? But yeah he's got one of those and he's like Old habits die hard or something let's have sex you smell wonderful and she's just like please

leave and this is one of the only time he does please leave right? Yeah he It takes a while yeah but he does do it. It gets much worse. It's so uncomfortable. Like, he's just begging her for sex in her home, which he inserted himself into. And she's like, please get out of here. And here's why I think your theory about that old lady neighbor is completely off base. Okay. Because three times in this movie, he breaks into

this house. Yeah. And each time it escalates. And none of those times does that lady break out her sniper rifle and put him down. That's fair. Or, Or call the police. Well, that too, you know. I'm the police. So she just likes watching. This lady does. She's just like, why is she still drinking that red wine?

It's clearly roofy. That would be great if she comes home and looks at her kitchen window and the lady's looking back at her. And instead of turning off the light, she's like, don't drink it. Doing the old like hand across the throat. No. She somehow makes up a hand signal for roofies. It's like, I guess. it looks like throwing out trash kind of

she bumps into her in the grocery store she's like so is Sam Phil Jackson your roommate he's in there all the time yeah when you're not home and she's like wait what is he your royal drink taster are you a queen

for poison speaking of Sam Jackson we're treated to brunch at his house in one scene and this is a weird where he's like because he raised her so he's like a little bit father and whatnot but he tries to like be cool about it but he's clearly this old-fashioned prude kind of a guy which makes sense you know in the whole serial killers sure things you know because he's just like

yeah so you had sex with two of the victims i don't know what you're doing sleeping around that much or something like that you're just like back off and eat your grapefruit and whatever else is happening on this patio well the weird thing is like for the first like 40 minutes of this movie there's just this idea that she's sleeping with so many men that clearly the sample size or the people killed isn't exactly reflective

you know what I mean it's just like I don't know you see but that many men enough of them are going to wind up dead you know it's like

well not really the next one is the piece of shit defense attorney oh yeah oh my God that dude plays a scumbag in a lot of things

only plays scumbags I think well because he's defending our friend from seven yes and you know

he's kind of got a case because she put her handcuffs on him and then kicked him in the face and broke his nose yeah like this is how those dudes get off all the time you know like Fred Kruger got off on a technicality

you know what I mean and he's and this also played into my whole like oh man maybe she did it well he's like she lured me there she asked me to come out there and do that stuff to her right

and this guy is defending her and in the middle of defending him they're both at the jail sale talking to the guy He turns to her, he's like, you know, got a new hot tub. Why don't you, why don't you come by even though I'm suing your ass? It's such horseshock. Because, like, he comes into the jail and he's pissed off that she's there talking to him without the attorney present.

So he's, he's yelling at her about that. And he's like, can I talk to you in private, please? And you think it's going to be like a, you stay away from my client, this, that, and the other thing. And she's like, okay. And they go, like, off in the corner. And he's like, so hot tub. Everybody talking. how hot. And you're just like, wait, what? What is happening? And then it's, yeah, she also dated this gentleman for a fashion. And so he's like, why don't you come back over and we'll spark that up again? Remember, you smell awfully sweet. Everybody's saying it. Well, he blackmails her into coming over his house for breakfast. That's what happens. He's like, I got some good shit on you, on you shepherd. You better come to my house tomorrow morning for breakfast or it's going to be on. So she's like, all right, whatever. Let's go. She goes home, blacks out like you do, because you do, you, you

You do need to relax with a glass of roofied wine. I mean, how many nights in a row must you do this before you're like, I need to, I'm going to get a bottle of vodka? Maybe you want to try a new brand of wine. Like, you're a professional, fully functioning alcoholic, okay? You know what does it for you. You know what doesn't. You also know how long it takes. Yep.

Figure it out. I'm saying it again, no one's doing booze math in this movie. And so she goes over and she's like, he's in the high. tub and she's like nice try and of course he's beaten to death he's beaten to death the same way all these other dudes have been like slashed in the face it's awesome too because

like she's looking around the house he's not there she goes out in the backyard and you see him from behind he's got his arms up on the tub and she's like oh defense attorney and she gets closer and she sees his shirt on the ground and she's like oh he's naked in there and she picks it up and it's just covered in blood

and she starts freaking out so Then, yeah, it's just a big old bloody hot tub, which, you know, you don't want a bloody hot tub. She kind of realizes, okay, it could be me. I could be blacking out. You know what I'm definitely blacking out. You know, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how I'm spending my night. She kind of asked a couple people some leading questions.

And she goes to Cameron Mannheim, because Cameron Mannheim finds a drop of blood on one of the bodies. And she's like, oh, if I only had another drop blood from the serial killer, I'd be able to put it together. So she takes her own blood, which she cuts with a fucking finger razor. Oh, man, I wanted to throw up. finger razor? She cuts her finger with a lady shaver on the tip of her finger and there's just blood everywhere. You know what?

I thought the same thing. You know what? Shepherd, there's better ways to do that. There is. Like, that's a cut that's sticking with you for like two weeks. You just do a little, get a needle to prick yourself somewhere. You get a little bit of blood. You're done. That's like a stitch. Yeah. That's a bad wound.

And also, I find this problematic. So if you're like quietly concerned that you're a serial killer who's blacking out and Mr. hiding all over San Francisco, right? And you're trying to secretly ask this medical examiner, you know, if you could, if she could test this for you and whatnot. Don't push the evidence across the table with your clearly new Band-Aid on your finger.

Like, don't lead with the bloody finger. Flintstone's Band-Aid, just covering it all up. And she's like, I think I have blood from that killer. Why don't you test it and let me know if it matches the blood you have? I think it might be the Atlanta Falcons. Exactly. And this is, I think it's my favorite line. It's my favorite non-hey-Fuck-you-Demarco line in this movie where she's like,

could you please just test it? Like, you know, I need to know if this is the blood of the killer I'm looking for. And she's like, okay, it's going to take some time. And she's like, no, you don't understand. Like, I really need this cleared up. And what Cameron Mannheim, her character, as I'm told the best medical examiner in the United States, sure, right? She goes, okay, well, I guess it could go faster. Maybe if I skipped a couple steps.

And I was like, wait a minute. I'm sorry, you're trying to nab a serial killer. And you're saying if I skipped a couple steps. Don't need a blood type this one. Yeah. And so she gives it to like some lab assistant. You know, she's like, go do this and that and the other thing. And this is the last we see of camera man having this movie because she picks up the phone.

And she's like, hi. Yeah, it's Lisa down at the medical examiner's office. Nothing after that. But it's very leading. Like she's got to, she does the look around, the suspicious. And she's like puts on the serious tone because she's all like bouncy and fun. Right. She's like, we've got a problem.

Or something like that. She says like we've got a problem. Yeah. And it's nothing. And like that means it was probably Samuel L. Jackson. Almost certainly Samuel Jackson. So that means Kevin Mannheim is in on these murders? Right. Is that what's going on?

Like Sam Jackson's like, listen, Lisa, I know you're the best at what you do. I'm going to cut you in on something. Is he like paying her? I don't know what's happening. I think it's just to follow her. Like he probably sells it as like, oh, you know, I'm just trying to keep Ted, my protege. Or maybe he's doing it back to the future to some days. Dude, dude, the joke I was just about to make.

oh yeah someday as a judge may or may not give you a swab of blood when that happens you call me first things first and say we have a problem yeah and she's like well that's weird police commissioner but you're a boss and like when the third act happens i keep expecting cameron manhive to show up either dead or in on it one or the other now here's another thing so after this happens she's trying to clear her head you know It's been a rough couple of days for Ashley Jenner's really. She's been roofied literally every night this week. I know, right? So, you know, she's noticing a pattern like I keep passing out. I don't know what's going on. Not going to cut out the road. She's like looking at all of her schedule.

It's like, well, maybe if I, you know what, I'm going to skip the soda after lunch. That might be it. You know what? Getting up at 6 a.m. for that run. I'm going to get up at 6 a.m. for that run, not 7 a.m. Fuck it. So it's like, you know the best way. to deal with you just keep randomly passing out

some nice old fashion drinking in the tub I'm like come on and there she is just chugging away and she's getting a little woozy and you're like oh great and she's just going to drown in the tub now this is great I thought she was going to Courtney love herself instead there's a knock at the door or she hears a noise or something and she thinks like someone's in the apartment

and is this it's another Pellegrino break This is the second time, which is the better one, where he, like, literally tries to rape her and she knocks, she knocks him off, beats him up and gets him away. And he's so pissed off and so frustrated that he slams her CD tower on the way out. Yeah, if there's any way you want to drive a point home to someone, knock over their stack of CDs. Oh, yeah, it's 2004. Also, though, it's important to point out because this is a really bad. continuity are in this movie when she she doesn't just like push him away like she knocks him down and she has like that self-defense stick yeah and she beats him in the nose with it she bashes him in the face with this thing and breaks his nose and what's amazing is he has the audacity to try to turn it on her like how dare you do you broke my nose i'm like dude you're trying to rape this woman well your cdies are broken now too my nose is broken now you see these are broken Try listen to that first Arcay Fire record now.

What's this Mariah Carey's music box? Broken. That's more like it. Mariah Carey's music box, Janet Jackson's Velvet Rope. Oh, yeah. Although I thought we had ourselves a little bit of a homeland situation here

because the beginning of this movie is like, Ah, San Francisco. And there's like a lone trumpet being played. Oh, yeah. Here's the thing, shitty serial killer movie. A lone jazz trumpet does not class up your shitty serial killer movie. Don't try to pull the wool over my eyes with that shit. I'm trying to think of how we get to the third time Mark Pellegrino comes into this house.

I mean, I don't even know. It doesn't matter. Are more bodies piling up or is the lawyer the last? The lawyer is the next to last? And like she gets really questioned this time. Right? Yeah, it's like, look, we have to bring you in. And like the captain is like, really, Sam Jackson, you still want her on this case? Well, he doesn't want her career ruined. He keeps saying it.

And, you know, at another point, Mark Pellegrino comes back in, and this is where things get really crazy. Oh, wait, no, no, no, there's one in between here. At one point, Andy Garcia comes a knock in. Oh, no, she goes to his house. Well, yes. Where's the part where they're romantically just eating a slab of fish? When she goes to his house, that's when they're eating the salmon. Which I was kind of chuckling because I was like, did you pick that up in your backyard, Andy Garcia?

Backyard being the bay you live on. He pulled it out of his neighbor's mouth. His neighbor, the sea lion. Well, that's the thing. Look, man, I like R. Kelly as much as the next person. But in the case of you trying to seduce a person who's last. Last three lovers are found dead. Sure.

There is a problem with a little bump and grind. So just stop it. Don't try to seduce her. She's clearly not a good. Ah. Well, I think she comes over his house to like, they had a fight at work at one point. Like, you know, I think it's after the stairway scene. Oh, it might be.

And she goes to his house and she's like, how dare you talk to? He's like, you're right. I don't know what I was thinking about. Hey, come on in, babe. You know, just, hey, you want to do a, want to do a little bit of work? Which I imagine we're going to, like, sit over, get a couple of beers or some glasses of wine, pour over some files, a little seven style, let's figure out what the motive is. Because you want to make sure John Doe doesn't have the upper hand now.

But he's just, then he goes over to make this romantic dinner. And, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay. So you're so obviously like trying to do this, right? I mean, there's obvious, and then there's DeMarco obvious. Because we got a jazz CD on. He is, like, thinly slicing off some fish, right? And you're like, what's going on?

Is he going to, like, put that in a pan? Like, what's happening? No, no, no, no, no. He, like, crinkles it into a ball and puts it in her mouth. And she's just like, well, I'm new to this promotion. I guess this is what police work is now. How much I'm a fish shoved in my fucking face? And then he shoves his old fish.

and hers and they make out for a while and it's gross and she's just like listen you taste like smoke salmon this isn't right you know you smell like a barge de marco you smell like seagulls we're landing on your back no he must smell like pure shit

in this movie and it's one of those things too where this house looks like absolute garbage it looks like two trailers stapled together but then you get inside and it's gorgeous. It's like a gorgeous soundstage set that they made inside DeMarco's fucking Hooverville that he's got.

I mean, and then like later in the movie he goes to Ashley Judd's apartment and like I think she's already had the wine at this point. This is the tub part. I just remembered him. This is the tub part because he's knocking on the door. She pulls a gun on him when she opens the door and he's like, oh, I thought I'd come over because I had a feeling and she's like what and he's like yeah you know how you keep saying that you feel like people are watching you well uh yeah i feel like people are watching me too obvious to marco and like he tries to make out with her again and she's like no and but she's already been roofied and there's some weird smelling stuff going on with this too because he's like oh shepherd your neck

head and shoulder oh you have bad dandruff but you're taking care of it and she like falls over on her couch in her robe and her legs are open yep and there's a fucking demarcrow crained neck it's a real get a good look costanza as he likes this cigarette and as we know the calling card for the serial killer is burning the cigarette onto the top of the hands but you know what also this scene accomplishes because since she wakes up the next morning and she sees like 12 cigarettes in this ashtray because this guy was there for a while just watching and waiting. Taking a few pictures.

Making a few memories. A couple of DeMarco Polaroids, you think? Yeah, there's some Andy Garcia hairs in your underwear drawer, ma'am. And there's also some pairs of something missing from your underwear drawer, ma'am. Oh, yeah, yeah. There was a classic DeMarco Panny raid. Then she calls up Morgan Freeman, and she's like, I had Andy Garcia in my house. that he was, you know, he's hanging out and I passed out.

He's like, oh, no, you better check your underwear, I drop. He's a collector. Took five of mine. Oh, no, Democco has the upper hand now. Lost all my hot boxes to him. So then the thing that really gets her in some hot soup is Mark Pellegrino comes over again. A third time a knock it. And this time, like, she's already taken the roof.

Koolada for the evening. And she's starting to feel a little woozy and she's freaking out. And she locks herself in her bedroom. But whoops, the bedroom's got like, you know, some nice glass doors. You know what? If I am in this situation and either fucking Mark Pellegrino or Andy Garcia are coming unannounced to my house at all hours, you know what I'm drinking when I get home? Black coffee. Oh yeah, dude.

It's like fucking Freddie Krueger. Don't go to sleep. Exactly. You never went to Marco is going to come slinking through the door. door or licking you through the phone or Pellegrito with his little needle pick pocket set that he's got and so he's like punching through the glass because he's not even pretending that I'm trying to rekindle this relationship no this is like I need to get a good rape in yeah like this is we're gonna go to hell tonight like this is what's so he is like Jason Voorhees

through this door like just punching through glass like it's not hurting him he breaks in And then when he gets into the room, she passes out. Yeah. Wakes up the next morning. She's got the bad hangover again. And Pellegrino's just, you know, doing a little bit of the old spooning while holding the little self-defense stick. And she's like, oh, no. Oh, it happened with Mark Pellegrino turns over.

Whoops, he's beaten to death. So it's like, okay, you know what, Sam Jackson? You can't, you don't have a leg to stand on it. point there's a corpse in her bed she's covered in blood like the fucking godfather you know she's getting arrested the godfather three she's getting arrested and so she's in jail david strait errands pathetically trying to counsel her because he's barely a character in this movie how does he not wind up like in on it or dead like that's that's what this movie's missing you could have taken another five minutes this movie would have cracked a hundred minutes there's a scene where david's

straight there and finds out that it's Samuel L. Jackson, you know, and it's one of those things where, as the audience, we don't know, but, you know, he's like, I know what's going. He confronts whoever, you don't see who it is, and this person, like, shoots him in the head or something. Yeah, or like, you know, maybe Sam Jackson goes over his house and he gets L.A. confidentialed by him, you know, like, he's trying to make a lunch and then like, oops, I get shot in the head in my own house. Totally. Very hush, hush. so sam jackson like bales her out and he's like okay shepherd now's your chance to solve this case you know it's not you let's do this let's do some good old-fashioned inspector work together and it's just a lot of him like driving her around asking questions it's more of this test bullshit can we take a little interlude to think about uh daddy de vito getting beaten the shit out of by russell crow in that chair oh man la confidential that's just like a little a little we hate movies interlude Yeah, that's, it's just so nice and sad at the same time.

It's just the meanest thing ever on cinema. Because he is just a Hulk at Ozzie and he's beaten this shit out of this little Brooklyn man. There's just nothing he can do about it. There is. Like if Russell Crow came for one of us, I feel it would be the same thing. Oh, it would be worse. There's nothing you can do, you know. I mean, it's so much that you can't overpower James.

I've been around since time, Cromwell. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. He's the one who finishes off. Crow doesn't even have anything to do with that. I thought about the other day how stupid it is that he's in the Oliver Stone W movie playing Herbert Walker. Yep. And he's just doing James Cromwell.

Yeah. You couldn't figure anything else out. Like, everybody else is playing a cartoon character in that movie. Yeah, it's a Saturday Live sketch. Yeah, let's just do it. I mean, I know you were a dignified actor, James Cromwell. Well, yep. Hired Danny DeVito.

And Danny DeVito as George Herbert Walker Bush. Hey, my son's a real egghead. Uh-oh, I bombed Kuwait. Sure. I'm into it. If we're going to do it, do it. It would make that movie better. Oh, my God.

He just read my lips. And then the black penguin juice starts coming out of it. No, he vomits that stuff. on the guy's lap oh yeah him whatever that uh dignitary was i forget so you know this is this is like the last part of our movie here we're driving around trying to solve the case and what happens is the movie is sam jackson's you know he's he's the invisible hand here he's guiding everything we start to put together before we get our twist that it's him um our twist dead right before the movie gets twisted before it's before it's twisted our answer seems to be

that it is, in fact, DeMarco himself is the murderers. So we're back to DeMarco's Hooverville for one final showdown here. And, you know, it's like, there's like a three-way roofing scene here that sort of happens. Well, because we go to DeMarco's Swampshack

and they're like, hey, wake up DeMarco. What? Quit wrestling that sea lion. Get over here. And she's like, oh, you didn't visit me and jealous. What are you talking about if you're like nine times? He does the old, didn't get my phone call or like you didn't get my message or whatever and sam jackson is like orchestrating

this parlor you realize very quickly that he's wearing gloves the whole time you're like oh interesting right and so it's like oh how about we have some wine demarko and you're like okay and mark what are your famous fish salads what do you feed me fish demarko you piece of shit oh what do we have here DeMarco, some roofies, huh? And then he somehow knows that DeMarco's wife died of a roofy overdose or something like that? Wait, what? Yeah, that's something

that is... There's some weird thing. It's thrown off, like, just nothing. He's like, oh, look, is this your stash? Is this part of the same stash that killed your wife? And then Andy Garcia's like, hey, fuck you, DeMarco. Oh, no, wait, that's for me. No, fuck you, Samuel Jackson. Hey, fuck you, DeMarco.

Shut up out there. Art, Art, Art, Art, DeMarco. Shut up, Jerry. Fucking neighbor's always telling me, fuck you, DeMarco. Yeah, I miss that his wife died of a Rufiel. I don't know if it's maybe a wife or a girlfriend, but there's... It's when he pulls the packet of rohypnal, like, out of a draw. Yeah.

And he's like, oh, you're stashed to Markos. This will kill your old lady. And he gets upset about it for like two... It's like, he's almost like, hey, oh, yeah, no, never mind. You're right. Well, the best part is like, all right, let's talk. He pours three glasses of wine Is it like

Let's toast Is her name Julie in this movie? I want to think Something we're going to toast to Shepard I don't want to I'm like this great scene about like Oh I won't you toast her She's your partner

And Ashley John figures it out And you know There's a big scuffle DeMarco does get roofied at this point Oh he does Andy Garcia totally passes out From the roofies like in a chair And then Sam Jackson

starts like setting a crime scene and that's when Ashley Judd puts it together because he very foolishly is staging the crime scene the exact same way it turns out he staged the supposed murder suicide of her father and mother putting like ashtray in a certain place on the table

the gun and the badge on the table whatever washing the glasses a very specific way yeah so like she figures it out and everything now we have our parlor scene where he's talking to her about like he says that her he's like I loved your mother and blah blah blah and she was sleeping with all this hippie scum. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's like the second time in this movie you get the feeling, you get information that he's this total prude person. He's like, she was just sleeping around with all that hippie scum. And it's something about, like, I think the motivation was somewhere in there. Like, he also loved her.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Was a thing, right? Yeah, absolutely. And like, but he also, like, really respected his partner. And he's like, and I had to tell my partner because he needed to know about it. And then I just, I had to put him out of his mission. you're making an awful lot of assumptions about somebody else's

relationship exactly and so it's going on and on and on and I realize something this is the only time I feel in the history of cinema where someone is conducting a parlor scene and just gently

quietly like a soft summer breeze through your window you just get because these little sea lions are just out there They're barking while he's like, fucking hippie scum, and yeah, I killed your father. It's art, art, art. I mean, that's the Marco security system.

At some point, by the way, Andy Garcia, like, wakes up and hops off this chair and jumps down. Because he's got a great tolerance to Rufi's for some reason. He's lived through it, I guess. This is like the Nick Nolte thing of, like, Nick Nolte, did you know that you were arrested being high on GHB? Well, what's that? It's known as the date rape drug. Oh, I think that's kind of a little bit of a misnomer. I've used it for years.

And while nobody's ever tried to rape me, 1992 sexiest man of the year, Nick fucking Nolte. That was the thing that he actually said was... How the fuck else are you going to fall asleep after film of the Prince of Tide? That was the thing he actually said, though, when asked about that, is I've taken it several times and no one's ever tried to rape me. that you know of, by the way, Nick Nolty.

Yeah, I don't know. Were you hanging out with DeMarco at all? And the best thing, the funniest thing is as they're introducing Rufis in the third act, he's like, oh, it's Rehipno. Rufis, the date rape drug. And then somebody else goes,

Rouhipnail, and somebody else goes, Rufis, the date rape drug. Like three times. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Exactly. Thanks, Jerry. Like, they have to keep saying it

in that order, like, oh, Rufis, like maybe they switch Rufis. Oh, you mean Rhupinol? Yes, the date rape drug. The date rape drug. Oh, you mean, uh, ruhypnal. Yes, Rufis. It's just like, I get it.

Yeah. No, I think if you're doing like a word count, it's like, DeMarco, and then Rufi's right under it as far as like words used the most times in this screenplay. What I also wanted to have happened, it totally doesn't, is so Andy Garcia jumps out of his shanty shack or whatever and falls into the water around all these sea lions and I was like this is kind of like the penguin like he's he's he's injured he falls into the water you know like cool drink yeah I'm getting saved by all these sea lions I'm gonna become the sea lion man and then it's like a completely different movie oh man that's a great

idea right where he it's like he once was a cop but then a certain cocktail forced him to become the sea lion and he's like taking San Francisco's crime scene by storm. And the sea lions are pushing them to shore. Yeah. They're all Paul bears for him. Dude, that fucking penguin funeral in Batman Returns is one of

the saddest things you'll ever see. They're just sadly dragging him into the water, their father or something. All those little poor animatronic penguin. And their weird uncle just died.

Yeah. Man, you know Tim Burton's got an animatronic penguin in his house, right? Oh, I'd keep them. Yeah. It's got to be the one with the rocket launcher, right? That's the one you keep. You don't want one of the regular old funeral penguins. Well, does he have the Duckmobile?

That's the one I would have kept. Oh, I'm keeping it. I'm putting that shit in my pool. That's staying in my pool. I'm going to ride it at least twice a week since 1992. That's the thing is the only place where you could actually ride it down the street is Miami. I wasn't invited. So I crack.

Tim Burton going to hell in a bottom Carter's party in the Duckmobile. Oh man. So then at some point like Ashley Judd makes her way down to the docks. We're on the dock and this, we're just going to rip off the end of the negotiator,

beat for beat, which stars Samuel fucking Jackson. Oh, wow. I didn't think of this. I haven't seen that movie in ages, but you're totally right. Because she like, she disappeared. for a while she comes back she's got her gun and clearly in her she's got like she's doing like the cop thing where you cross your hands yeah in one hand she's got the gun

and the other she has this enormous 2004 cell phone I mean this thing is gigantic and you cannot miss it it puts Zach Morris to shame and she's just like why'd you do it Sam Jackson is like well and he goes through the whole thing it's another parlor scene

it's a parlor scene it's a parlor scene two on the docks you know and again it's like I did it because hippies coming oh oh oh oh you know and it's the same scene except this time she's placed a little phone call because he's like but you'll never pin it on me because i'm the commissioner and then like somebody comes in on his on his radio's like we heard you commission and it's you and we're coming to get you it's her old patrol partner the one nice guy

the one nice guy in san francisco yeah in the whole city in this movie the one nice guy only guy who doesn't sexually harassed arrest everybody. And I think it's not a thing where it's a radio. That's supposed to be him talking on the cell phone. Yeah, yeah, you're right. And it's just like, yeah, we were here the whole time. Listen.

And then you're like, what? Cut to this cop in a bar with the rest of the police department around him, like running out the door, like, let's go get the commissioner. He's the bad guy. And I was like, what was everybody off duty when this got set up? And at what point did she set this up? All right, everybody, finish him up. Finish him up.

Finish him up, finish him up, finish him up. I just ordered this. Well, chug it, Jerry. We got to go. It's just a taccate. Come on. Take it in the car. No road sodas.

We got to put this guy away. What am I going to get arrested? Everyone laughs. The whole bar full of drunk cops. Classic cop comedy. And like, it's exactly the end of the negotiator. Is it John Spencer in that movie who gets it at the end? No, no, it's Rod Riffkin.

He does the same fucking thing where he's like, I'm going to tell everyone my story and everything's going to, oh no, I was on the cell phone the whole time, modern technology. There's an awesome thing where when everybody finally gets to the docks because then of course he puts a gun to his head and he's like, oh, try to figure this out,

Shepard or whatever. But then he's going to kill Andy Garcia and she just shoots him in the chest and he falls into the water. Again, becoming the sea lion also possibly. Yeah, because the sea lion's all like flutter around him. There's definitely a sea lion that floats under Samuel L. Jackson grows huge whiskers.

Yes. Yes. Or he just gets chomped on and pulled to the bottom of the bay. I would accept either ending. Both of these movies better than Kevin Smith's tusks. Just throw that up. Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. We disagree on that movie, but oh, yeah, absolutely. A thousand times, yes. But what's awesome is, like, after he gets shot, then all the drunk cops roll up. And it's awesome because a couple of the cops come down like onto the dock but there's like a line of 20 guys like uniform police officers just looking down like so our boss just got murdered huh we uh get a day off

out of this or anything what's going there's just all these like looky loos and like Andy Garcia is fighting roofies he's like what he's really struggling through the sleep here he's having a real sleep attack and the stupidest most

condescending thing that happens at the end of this movie she's the hero she's the goddamn hero cop right yes uh she's wearing a leather jacket too oh yeah the whole movie titus welliver comes out and puts his coat around and he's like pretty cold cold on these docs and she's like thanks it's like no no dude that's fucking patronizing

Steve it's even worse what happens what he said he does the jacket thing and he goes nice work kid does he really he calls her kid I'm like, you're tops five years older than she is. And she's wearing a jacket already. That's the part that gets me. And it's San Francisco.

How fucking cold can it be? Well, I don't know. You're down by that bay. No, I don't know about that. All those sea lions with their notoriously cold breath. Sure. The cold stench of death from Samuel L. Jackson still all over. I'm like, dude, this is too much.

Yeah, now I'm just uncut. You know what? I was fine with everything. I was fine with holding. my roofied partner. I was fine with murdering my father figure slash boss slash police commissioner. But now this second jacket has just

made me completely uncomfortable. Am I going to have to kick you in the back again? Did you not get it the first time? Don't condescend to me, shit. Dude, a kick to the back followed by falling into a bay, followed by getting eaten by sea lions.

That should have been the fate of tight as well of his care. Jerry don't play around. Jerry, the sea lion. Also, this is when she has to stand up, take the jacket off, and be like, no, fuck you, dude, back kick. Yeah. Or something. I solved the case and you did jack damn shit. Nothing.

This is one of those like, oh, the movie's over? Because, hey, I'm still waiting for Cameron Mannheim to come out and be like, I loved him. Or something. That was my final note is who did she call and why? Why would you just leave that? end it on I'm skipping a few steps with this DNA test get that to the lab cut out that phone call

and nobody even calls her back to find out whose blood it was or it's not like Sam Jackson's ever like oh I got a call from Lisa world's greatest medical examiner anything like that she's gone just nothing oh hachi machi and then they they kiss at the end of this movie

are we making that up no I don't think so He's fighting against the Ruffies valiantly and then She's like He did a good kid or so He did something like that or just like It's nice out here

It's some line Yeah I think that is how the movie ends Boy it's nice out here She gives him like a warm smile In the movie It's something It should end with someone screaming fuck you DeMarco

Is what has to happen Or why don't we get something about like six months later the dude from the beginning of the movie like his the trial verdict comes down this dude's getting the chair something her new partner's a sea lion

something this is how you get your fuck you demarco that's exactly how you get your fuck you to Marko oh I can't wait Titus Wellover tries to put the coat over and he's like oh maybe we can uh maybe we can go out some time you know me and you and then DeMarco comes up

And he's just like, no thanks. And he just, like, pulls her away. And then Ty's Welfer is just stunted there. And he just said, oh, fuck you, DeMarco. And then credits. Oh, yeah. Yep, that's how you do it. Yeah, I don't remember what the line.

It's something about like, you're going to be okay. You're doing great. And he's like, yeah, I am eating raw fish and fucking shanty. Whatever, twisted. Would anybody recommend this movie? it's fun enough for 96 minutes it's you know you could do a lot worse I think you couldn't do a lot better but or no actually you could you could do you could do a ton better oh yeah but it's it's a stupid funish movie yeah it's like a TBSser like in the

TBSsor yeah you know you'll turn on TBSs you got nothing to do that day and 96 minutes ain't that long so yeah yeah I agree I mean this this does deliciously fall into a nice like hangover, cloudy, rainy Sunday kind of movie. Yeah, I mean, if you just happened to accidentally roofie yourself and your own home. Yeah. And then the next morning, you got one of those vicious roofy hangovers. Maybe you'll put on some twisted. I don't think I've ever seen another movie where roofies are used as like this much of a plot point. Like, it's crazy. I mean, I would recommend this

movie. And I would say this though, Chris, you can't watch it on TBS because you're not getting any of the great fuck you demarko's out of it yeah that's that's that's the price of what are you so what the buck you demarco or like step off demarco probably step off de marco yeah which is just fine enough for me i mean like find a way to weasel that in i've all shut up debarko yeah stuff like that there i mean there's really nothing better than the delivery from mark pellegrino to andy garcia yep oh yeah the handsome john lovitz oh man i was going to say something Oh, because I was comparing it to this. What is a better movie? This or

Copicat? Copycat's a way better movie. Copycat's a better movie, yeah. Okay, three-way agree with that, too. All right, that's... I was waiting for someone to say, Twisted. No, but even... Copycat, you've got Sigourney Weaver, at least. Yeah. Much better actress than Ashley Judd. And also, it's two women

really holding the movie together versus one woman being condescended to every man. At every turn. You know what I wish happened in the middle of this movie? For no reason. reason like Copycat, an Asian gang just kills Andy Garcia. Oh, just like her partner in Copycat. Yeah, it has nothing to do with the movie.

It doesn't come back for any reason. I think that's what might have happened to Cameron Mannheim. Oh, no, oh no. She's feeding the sea lions, and then all of a sudden, hey Oswald. Yeah, like, yeah, like, I don't know, she, like the Yakuza bust down the door of the office, and they're like, nobody, and we mean nobody, skips a step when it comes to DNA investment. and just murders her. That's what you get for skipping

steps. Oh, no, who she was calling was her Japanese bookie. And it was like, we got a problem. I'm not going to cover the spread. Nothing. That's twisted from 2004 directed by legendary

director, Philip Kaufman. Oh, man, if you want to get a hold of us, check out more we hate movies on the Sideshow Network. Sideshownetwork.com. or go to our website WHMpodcast.com like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM

podcast. Right into the mailbag. We do a mailbag show every month if you want to get your wacky story read on the air. Write in, we all hate movies at gmail.com. Rate and review wherever you get our fine program. We would greatly appreciate it. Clue for next week's episode.

Chris Cabin. He's thinking. He's thinking about it. Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson is the clue for next week's episode. And I'm going to say this before we sign off. I'm going to do a little bit of a personal, professional plug here to our New York metro area listeners. I've got a great thing coming up at the Jacob Burns Film Center for all our film fanatics out there.

The great director, Bong Joon Ho from Korea, is doing a residency at the Burns right now. We just had a screening of his film, Memories of Murder. But we also have screenings coming up of the host of Mother and Snowpiercer. and he is in attendance at all of these things. He's staying at the Burns working on his new screenplay that he's getting ready to shoot in New York. So this is like a real, you know,

once in a blue moon opportunity to come and see like a totally kick-ass director. Visit burnsfilmcenter.org for ticket information. I just wanted to put a plug out there because it's a super cool, rare thing that we're doing. It's a lot of fun. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, no. I mean, I cannot wait for this thing to go down.

We're recording it before it happens, but it's going to be a lot of fun. So burnsfilmcenter.org, check that. out. And then next week, we are going to be dealing with Liam Neeson in one way or another. So until we figure out what's going on there, I'm Andrew Jupin. Chris Kemp. Take it easy.