We Hate Movies - S5 Ep197: Next of Kin

Episode Date: March 31, 2015

On this week's episode, the gang heads to Chicago by way of Kentucky to roughhouse with Patrick Swayze and Liam Neeson in the action packed family drama, Next of Kin! How many ponytails does Swayze have going at once here? Why cast Liam Neeson as a man born and bred in the rich hills of Kentucky coal country? And why is the Chicago mafia specializing in cigarette dispensers and pinball machines? PLUS: Is that noted comedian Ben Stiller playing a Sicilian gangster? Next of Kin stars the legendary Patrick Swayze, Liam Neeson, Bill Paxton, Ben Stiller, Helen Hunt, Michael J. Pollard and Internet madman, Adam Baldwin; directed by John Irvin. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, Mandra Jupin. Chris Gavin. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies on the Sideshow Network. Thank you for tuning in, as always. If you're new to the program, thank you for taking some time out of your day to download this episode, to listen to us talk about 1989's Next of King, directed by John Irvin.

Are you, wait, are you sure it's not directed by... Oh, that is unfair. Directed by a series of quiet snores? this movie boring i found this i found this morning i found this movie incredibly boring you're out of your mind folks at home i just i actually want to apologize that we're doing this movie because it's okay to like a movie out there of course it's fine to like this movie i find it i mean it's like nikewell to me it's just like there's so much bullshitting in between what i

want from this movie and what it's giving to me it's uh astounding to me that your version of NyQuil features Ben Stiller playing an Italian mafioso. And it does make you see things. Liam Neeson playing a hillbilly, like a West, is it West Virginia? No, it's Kentucky. Kentucky, okay. Oh, yeah, nice holla. Yeah. A holler.

Holler. Oh, I said, I said holla bread. No, no, no, no. I'm a New Yorker. Holla back, holla bread. No, no, no, no, no. No French toast being made. Yeah, no, they're from a holler, which I think is just like a hole in a mountain.

A bunch of people crawl out of it. And I think hollabred is illegal there. Oh, really? Well, you know, I'm sure they don't take too kindly. Well, I'm sure, I'm sure. Now, this movie, if you haven't seen it, gang, which it's been making the rounds on HBO recently. So some people may have already caught this. It's Patrick Swayze, Liam Neeson, Bill Paxton, all as Hillbilly Brothers, which is amazing.

It's what you want. Then you got noted conservative. antagonist Adam Baldwin. Oh, man. He's playing himself in this movie. More or less. And Ben Stiller playing these Italian gentlemen who are in the mafia.

And Sykes! Sykes from the fugitive. Oh, right. The one-armed man from the fugitive is the mafia boss. Benzler's father. Oh, are you kidding me? I am not kidding you.

I didn't realize that took this man. He's also in Babylon 5 as Gakar. Yeah, okay. You're on your own for that one, Kevin. I mean, I watched two seasons. Give me a break here. You got him. You got, now, this is a pretty awesome. Chicago area listeners and improv enthusiasts everywhere.

The great improv guru, Del Close, is in this movie, one of his few film appearances. He's playing, like, a D-grade version of Robert Duvall's Tom Hagan character from the Godfather movies. Oh, he's the older, the look out with the glasses. Yeah, that's Del Close. the lawyer. Yeah, he's like the singularity. Yeah, exactly. An F-grade Tom Hagan is what we're talking here. So he, I mean, this is a loaded cast man. He got Helen Hunt as, as Patrick Swayze's put upon violinist wife. Man, fucking Del Close sends Adam Baldwin up the river in this movie. He really does. And that's, you know, don't fuck with Del Close. Everybody will tell you. Everybody

will tell you that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a, let's see. It's an urban legend. And so rounding out cast at the beginning of the movie we've got Ted Levine once again playing a character at the end of his rope and it's like this weird thing I didn't know this was a problem with Chicago and I know like

you know the western you know northwestern border of Kentucky is you know neighboring with the southern tier of Illinois there but like I didn't know that like hillbillies escaping to the big windy city was such a

a problem in the late 80s? I honestly don't think it was. I mean, this movie presents it as such, because, like, this cop is like, oh, no, we got another one of them fucking hillbillies messing up this hotel. But as much as bad as that is, like

when you go home, when Swayze goes home, they act like it's Green Day went to a major label. Like, it's just bullshit. Like, they're just like, oh, you went and got a job, you motherfucker. Well, that's, I mean... That's true, I would say, probably. Yeah, in the those, you know, like, I mean, I guess we'll call them xenophobic, you know, parts of the country.

Honestly, I feel like I go to go home to my holler of upstate New York and people be, oh, Mr. Big Apple decided to grace us. City boy. La-di-da, Mr. Zip up hoodie. Exactly right. And so that's the guff that Patrick Swayze gets in this movie. He is a hillbilly made good, right? like he got out he's a member of the chicago police department he's a detective uh and i guess he just gets called whenever a hillbilly gets into some trouble because he's he's one of them like he can

talk the guy down he's the billy talker the billy whisperer maybe yes and so like here's ted levine he's just like roughed up a woman and like gotten a bar fight or something and he's he's held up in in this in this you know men's house that looks like elwood blues lives down the hall i mean he's going through a lot of shit like it doesn't seem like it's one single thing he walks in he's got five problems to lay you right down on patrick suasy's door no i know and i i felt like it's that episode of sinfeld where uh george is dating the woman that thinks he's a tourist and she's like no this this city would chew you up and spit you out george like i feel like we're supposed to believe ted levin ted levin has been

chewed up and spit out by the city of chicago and so you know suasy goes in and he's like oh hey there so and so I'm so and so I recall your kin and this is that the other thing and like it's a pass for Swayze not getting his face shot off by Ted Levine he's like oh yeah come on in we can have a beer and talk

about things and he's got to like talk him off this ledge or else the big tough police department in Chicago is just going to murder this guy like they are set like the guy in the car is like Patrick Swayze you have 15 minutes and then I'm going to go up there and put some hair on the

wall this guy says. But what's the difference between this guy and any other guy? Like, I understand that's part of the movie, but like, really, can you tell, go up there, a guy's got a gun, shoot him in the leg, and be you done with it. I don't know. Swift justice Chris Cabin over here.

That was actually the name of my 1988 miniseries. Swift justice. I would love to see that. At the age of five, I penned it all. One of the best parts about the opening of this movie, it starts with this shot of like the peaceful holler

and it's like a little like it's gore oh man so much mouth harp yeah there's a lot of mouth harp in this movie I thought it was gorgeous well combination oh it pulled the heart strings but what's awesome is this movie lets you know immediately

that we're getting thrown in the big Chicago City because we dissolve into like a shot of a street scenario whatever and that beautiful mouth harp like country music immediately turns into fat guy John candy music. And you're just like

in the fucking windy city. Here we go. And it's like this you know, it's like an urban street and there's like all these businesses and buildings. I'm certain it's, I'm pretty sure it's raining. Oh, it's raining in the beginning of this movie quite a lot.

It's like seven. It's moody. Yeah. It gets you right where you need to go. So like we're introduced to Patrick Swayze's character through this scene. We know that he's like good at what he does. Truman Gates. Truman Gates. Yes. Fantastic. name. So he talks Ted Levine down and whatnot. And then

like he takes him out in the street and some other detectives like, get this fucking hillbilly over here. And Patrick Swayze takes this dude by the throat and like shoves him up against the car and he's like don't you touch my prisoner. Like I was like, is he going to get in trouble for that? Like cops fighting other cops?

Well, I mean, if the guy's got cuffs on like that is get the fuck away from him. State like this is his collar. He did it. Well, we are in the United States where you're allowed to do whatever you want to a prisoner. I suppose that's true.

Even in 1989. It's a fuzzy. I mean, I think it's much easier in 1989. It's not a gray area. It's a blue area. And what's awesome is he's yelling at this guy and he's like, do you follow what I'm saying? Do you follow what I'm saying?

And I was like, man, if Patrick Swayze ever yelled at me. Like if I had ever had that happen to me, one, I'd be like, that's cool because I'm meeting Patrick Swayze technically. But then followed shortly thereafter, I'm shitting my pants. Pissing my self-feetal position, the whole nine yards. This movie really does remind you, man.

What a fucking absolute loss. He was a treasure. Oh, man. Oh, it just kills you. I mean, he leads this movie. This movie does not work at all. I said it was boring, but it works only because of him. Oh, yeah.

He's the main force driving this movie. Again, it's certainly not Ben Stiller playing an Italian mobster. Liam Neeson with whatever. this goddamn accent is. Oh, who could know? You know what? Liam Neeson's doing it for me, man. He's got that scraggle beard.

And he's, I don't, I'm an Irish holler. What do I need? Irish holler. Why do I need the city for? I can piss out my zinc right here. Yeah. Oh, the down, down, loud, loud city out there. That is a great line where Liam Neeson's talking about, like, why he's excited to own his

property. And he basically says, like he could kick open the door of his trailer and piss on his front steps and nobody can do anything about it and I was like yeah Liam Neeson's right if I opened my apartment door and just pissed in the hallway I'm sure

someone would have something to say about it I mean if you're quick nobody's going to know well I feel like I go out in my apartment hallway I take a breath someone's giving me a lecture oh really your building's terrible dude I don't know this

the weight of the city all together I thought you were going to say that you walk right outside of your apartment and all of a sudden the floor is covered in piss already. That might very well happen as well. I used to live in a building like that. I did. It sucked. Everyone's poor when you get out of college. Yeah.

You do with pissy hallways. Patrick Swayze, correct me if I'm wrong in this movie, but I'm pretty sure. Patrick Swayze has not one but two ponytails in this movie. He can do a double brick. Because what's going on here is there's like the ponytail that he's got, like, from the hair on his head. But then if you look closely, there's a neck one. There's a ponytail. You're exactly right.

Made out of the hair on his neck. Do they interconnect? No. What? That's how Patrick Swayze mated. He mated like the avatar aliens. They're separate. I thought it was like a Voltron situation where they all go together.

They're not becoming one ponytail, dude. it's a ponytail that rests on top of a smaller ponytail. Oh, it's like the support beam. Because when he's like shaking his head around in this movie, there's fucking two tails going around. Well, I had a theory that it's not the big city job. It's not the violinist wife. It's not of that that really bothers his clan back home.

It's the fact that he has his ponytail and he's not letting it just go fucking free. Oh, yeah, that's like, it's like society is binding your hair into this ponytail. Like, look at you. You wear a tie to work. You put your hair in two ponytails. You ought to free that ponytail. Take it from me, letting this main fly free here in the holler.

You've changed. You've changed. Don't you also appreciate my southern accent? I'm born and bred in Kentucky. Liam Neeson. What is his character's name in this movie? Briar. Briar. Briar.

Brire. Like the patch. Yes. Briar like the patch Or Breyer Like the non-possessive version of the ice cream chain Every other shot of Breyer needs to feature the Confederate flag Oh yeah, yep Because that is who I am

Well, because it's like his accent is so unconvincing You have to be like, is this guy really Southern Oh, yep, he's draped almost exclusively in the Confederate flag I don't know who you are I don't know where you're from But if you do not cut that goddamn ponytail I'm coming for you Oh man

The union will be taken. He's got a special set of skills to cut that ponytail off, I bet. I do kind of think that if that's why they're so cautious about having him stay in their home, it's because at any moment, he could just walk in that fucking room and with a pair of scissors and the whole thing. Oh, yeah. It's done with. Also, he's bragging about pissing on the floor all the time. Yeah, that's also a problem.

I wonder if they did have a scene where, you know, Patrick Swayze takes him and toilet trains him. Because apparently he's been pissing and shitting in the woods, and that's kind of all he does. Well, that's freedom, Chris. Yes. Capital F. I think that there's a degree of freedom. That's what our ancestors did. They fought for.

Well, no, that's what we lived in the wild. I suppose that's true. And the world was a toilet. Then. The world's a toilet now, by the way. Wake up. Oh, especially the cities. Just one giant toilet.

Yeah. So. Bill Packer. Baxter's the other brother. Now, Bill Paxson is the youngest of the three brothers. And he has moved to Chicago, like, kind of against his will. Uh, you know, Patrick Swayze's like doing the old, you know, if you move here, you get out of the holler, you know, you can make a life for yourself. So he's like a truck driver and he's also like working at a gas station. He's doing a bunch of stuff. I mean, I think he stocks vending machines, I think is what he does. Because in the beginning, oh, you're totally right. He's stocking Marlboros. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God, cigarette machines. Like, it just takes you back. You see them. I was like, oh, my God.

They still exist. Do they? Yeah, but where? Texas. Only Texas, but when am I going to Texas? That's the last time I saw it anyway. But when am I going to go to Texas? I want one in my bar down the street from me.

Not to have to go all the way to Austin. Exactly. I don't even smoke. I just like the sight of them. Yeah, well. They were cool. You, you know, you got to branch out. I got to go down south, I guess.

Yeah, you got Bloomberg to blame. Yes, wow. Oh, man. Or someone. Remember that guy? Remember that billionaire king mayor we had for a dozen years? That was weird. It was the long haul.

So, you know, there's a scene at the beginning where there's this fight about, like, you know, oh, yeah, you're fighting over, like, you and Liam Neeson are fighting over me. Like, you want to control my life, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, Patrick Swayze then goes to a church where we're introduced to Helen a hunt, who, for the second time in her career, is playing a character that plays a stringed instrument because I'm mad about you, her character played a cello. It's an interesting connection.

Yeah, well, you know, I watched a lot of mad about you. This is like pop-up video. Blu-blop. That's the noise at me. And then it says, you know. Helen Hunt also played a classical trained musician in Next of Kinn with Patrick Twasey. You know, so they've got a pretty nice life.

They've got a nice house, you know, trying, I guess, to have a baby. There's a weird, this, like, prelude to sex scene that we have in this movie is like Patrick's Wazzy's making some creepy voices. And he's just like, oh, hey there, Helen Hunt. Are you, you're looking for the mountain man? Where's your mountain man, Helen Hunt? He's just chasing her with the fiddle. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right, because he's got her violin that we see her playing like classical music.

on. It's a violin for her. He grabs it and it turns into a fiddle. It turns into a fiddle real quick. I mean, as soon as you cross the county line, it's a fiddle. Well, and it's also how you hold it, right? Because like when she plays violin, it's up on her shoulder. She's very graceful. When he's playing it, he's holding it in the forearm like a waiter with a stack of plates. Right. Right. Right. Oh, yeah. And he's just going to town with that bow on this thing. Also, if you have grimy hands instantly becomes a fiddle. You can stain this violin. It's a fiddle. There's some dirt under those nails. Oh, at all times.

There's some, there are some close-ups of some grimy-ass fingernails in this movie. Well, any moment Liam Neeson is on screen in this movie, it's just Grub City. It is Grub City, and it's kind of off-putting. Like, dirty ass, like, black under

your nails, fucking grind. Liam Neeson in the 80s was weird, man. Like, they didn't know what to do with them in Krull, which we mentioned it the other week. He played a, he played like a giant or something. Well, the guy with the staff, I don't know. Well, I think it was all the way up to Schindler's list.

Everything before Schindler's list, he looks just strange in. I don't know what it is. Like, even husbands and wives, I was rewatching that recently. And just him on camera being like, yeah, kind of like Julie Davis. It seems wrong. It's just strange. And I was just like, okay. I never, I then Schindler's list comes out.

And I'm like, oh my God, this guy, this guy's amazing. And then I would have never have thought he would start. murdering people in every movie on mass. Yeah. So now it's like he's got his own genocide on his hands. Think about every character he's murdered in a movie in the last 10 years. A lot of

Eastern Europeans. Just take the Taken movies. A lot of Eastern Europeans sounds like Hitler to me. He what was I going to say about Liam? Well in this movie this is kind of like a prelude to those movies because he is kicking some major

ass in this movie. It's terrific. Whether he's fighting with Patrick Swayze, where there is a phenomenal fight scene between the two of them. You're in the briar patch now, boy. You stepped in the briar patch, and you're not getting out without getting poked. Is that what he says? Like, if he was a wrestler, like, he comes out and he calls out, like, Stone Cold. You're in the Briar Puts now. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's exactly what happened. You just made Schindler's list. You're on Schindler's shitless now, Stone Cold. I could see that happen. yeah i would be into it he's never had to appear on raw like promoting any of those shitty movies i figured that would have happened if it didn't it should oh john sino you want to run all night and then common comes out with his super weapon and shoots him i asked a colleague who saw that movie if common was a time cop in it turns out he's just the best assassin in queens

oh yeah he's a common's in this movie oh yeah he's a super a super assassin we're talking I'm talking about run all night? Yes, run all night. He's on the poster. I missed it. I think I thought he was Ed Harris or something. I don't know. This is a menacing, bald person.

And common as Jackson Pollock. I'd see that. Does anybody remember that Pollock biopic that Ed Harris was? I love that movie. Good time. Didn't he, he like, it's like Ed Harris doing a bunch of paintings hanging out and then he crashes a car? That's the movie.

I just remember that, like, And it's one of those, like, just striking moments of alcoholism in cinema where he is riding that little shitty bike and he's got the crate of beers on top of it trying to keep it even. Yep. That's how you did it back then, dude. That's how you did it. So then we are introduced to the mafia who's in this movie. And this is the main players, like we said, are Adam Baldwin and Ben Stiller. Ben Stiller is the actual biological son of the mafia guy.

Of Sykes, yes. And then Adam Baldwin is like the guy who's calling him Papa John. Well, it's like his right-hand man, I think. He calls him Uncle a lot. It's a lot of Uncle. Well, he's calling him Papa. He's calling him Papa John. No, that's what Ben Stiller.

I think. No, no, no, no, dude, it's Adam Baldwin for sure. Papa John is involved in this thing. Like that asshole pizza magnet. Yeah, that's, it's a front for this. That pizza chain is a front for the mafia. I think is this. Maybe they were named, what, maybe it was named after him, after this

character specifically oh you think you think john schnatter that fucking penny pinching dickhead you think you think that he's a huge fan of next of kin and he's like when i opened my pizza chain so i can rebuild that sports car that i put in my commercials see that's what you don't know about this guy is that he he was from a holler most he connected really hard with this movie and he's like i know i got out too i know what it's like to escape a holler you were right on the money cabin because that is holler pizza right there. That is not Italian Mafia pizza. It's

Kentucky pizza. Yeah, that is some shit-ass pizza pies. Papa Johns, don't waste your money. There's the fucking slogan for that place. What a shit hole. Horrendous. And our sponsor today.

Papa Johns, don't spend the money. So, whatever, man. So what happens is they're looking to take over this vending machine company or whatever. They're looking to buy it out or whatever the fuck. And so Bill Paxton is on a run

with like a partner. They're dropping off a vending machine somewhere. And Adam Baldwin, Ben Stiller, and two other dudes like, they basically try to crash the car to like jack the thing and take this. And the whole thing is like, the mob boss is like, take my son

Ben Stiller with you. You know, he wants to get involved in the family business. I'm so proud of him. Blah, blah. So they're out on this hit trying to like run this car off the road and bill paxton's uh buddy is like hey man you know just pull over they're just gonna jack the truck whatever it's fine they've sort of accepted it it's kind of like in um that snooze fest a most violent year when those oil trucks keep getting jacked and they're just like oh please just take the oil truck i'm just gonna be over here taking a nap because that's what happens in that i still haven't seen it i can't remember a movie so

reason that I wanted so much to like and that I was just not able to get rid of it. Oh yeah. It's such it was a struggle. It was a real struggle so they get pulled finally finally he relents because he crashes the car he doesn't acquiesce to their threats

crashes the truck and the partner gets out and witnesses Stiller and Baldwin and all them taking him right he takes they take Bill Paxton into the back of this truck and they shoot him in the face, which is

interesting because later in the movie Liam Neeson or Patrick Swayze somebody mentioned something about shot my brother in the back or something like that. And I was like, no, no, no, we saw that. He got shot right in the face. Like right in that beautiful Bill Paxton face. And this is like a

1989 Bill Paxton. So he's like a little bit of baby fat on him. He's youthful. I was like Bill Paxton is in this movie, like how exciting. Yeah, you could chew him up. He's in it for like four seconds. They have all different you know, these three brothers have distinctly different accents. Yeah.

Because even Pax is doing a little bit of a country twang a little bit. Yeah, but he's just kind of doing that country twang. He's done in a lot of movies, which is just like Bill Paxton doing a southern accent. I feel like, isn't he kind of doing a southern accent and aliens a little bit or not really? I mean, it's a, yeho kind of thing. But I'm not sure if he necessarily has an accent. That's just American. And then Patrick Swayze is doing his like Southern accent,

which Patrick Swayze's done in other movies. So he gets shot in the face and the whole thing is like Patrick Swayze shows up and he knows, he knows what is about to happen because he has to call back to the holler and be like, hey man, I'm going to be coming back to town with Bill Paxton except, well, he's in a pine box and, you know, I'm sorry I dragged him to the city

against all of your wishes, including his own. and now he was murdered. And could you tell Breyer about this now so that he can go on his tear before I get there and I'm forced to go with him? Yeah, and so what he knows is about to happen is that once the family hears about this, they're going to want what is the overall theory of this film,

Hillbilly Justice, which is the swiftest and fairest of all the American justices. This is what your miniseries is about. I mean we had we we changed it up because the first it was swift corporate justice and then we turned it into swift hillbilly justice which is more you know elemental so I wasn't I was interested in it um but here's the thing with this with hillbillie justice yes the movie is called next of kin correct it should be called hillbilly justice yeah but you know what you're not getting hillbilly justice on a poster because at the end of the day there's some folks that are that are finding hillbilly offensive is it oh yeah but can't you get like one of those things where it's like written in blood on the poster kind of look i mean if you wrote next of kin in blood that's pretty cool too like the knockoff movie is hillbilly justice yeah like in japan it's called hillbilly justice no he's talking about if like trauma made some movie the asylum or one of those people or someone because you know at at the essence this movie is part of the hick exploitation genre i guess it's a it's a

Classy Hicksploitation film. So that's why they use the classy title of Next of Kin. Because, you know, these people are always talking about their kid. One thing I don't want to lose is during Bill Paxton's murder scene, Adam Baldwin is talking about like he's seen this kind of person, that kind of person, but hillbillies are the dumbest. And when he's saying this kind of person and that kind of person, it's every slur under the sun.

Oh, my God. And let me tell you something. Yeah. Those are coming, again, real easy to add him Baldwin. Yeah. Because, wait, he became like a super racist or something, right? I don't know if he's a super racist. He's a very touchy, conservative person who likes spouting out Palin-esque theories about things.

Which is a really unfortunate. Yeah. Yeah, I almost prefer Stephen Baldwin yacking about God. I honestly. Now back to Stephen Baldwin, yakking about God. Is he part of that clan? Oh, man. He's a nutton. No, he's not related to them. Okay, good. Yeah. So he's not next of kin. Okay. I just wanted to get that out of the way.

No, no. But I just always assume all Baldwin's are of one Baldwin. Well, if you go far back enough, probably, right? There's some primordial ooze. Or at least, you know, Ireland. So we've got this funeral going on. And, you know, they take the train down into the holler. Helen Hunt comes with. And, you know, It's a really awkward, like, meeting the in-laws for the first time, except it's, like, a clan of people who fear outside contact. Jesus, that's a lot of pressure for hell.

Not fun. Did you guys catch the name of the town? No. Dumpsville? Close. It's really weird, actually. Carbon glow. What?

At least that's the name at the train station. Carbon glow, Kentucky? Yeah, so I guess that's where they did a lot of coal mining, I guess? well they make Liam Neeson says because Patrick Swayze says something about like where's your truck or something like that and he's like

oh it was owned by the mine and company took it when the mine folded it did so like he's out of a job they took his truck he's fucking live in a country song I mean that's my again my problem with this is like the yammering on about the coal truck and all this stuff that I don't need to know about

it doesn't help the movie I love that part I couldn't take it. You loved that part? Just him talking about the truck? Well, I think I just liked hearing Liam Neeson as Breyer. I could not get enough. That accent is just outrageous.

Yeah. Why would you cast Liam Neeson as this character? Well, you know, Irish hillbilly. Yes. What's the difference? I guess so. I mean, that's always the mystery with Liam Neeson, though. in this movie it's different because you are specifically told like this is a character who's born and bred in this part of the country and whatever in a lot of these Liam Neeson movies much like Arnold Schwarzenegger movies like his origin point is kind of a gray area like in the taken movies is he an Irish guy no he's just American they say that anyway you know well I mean oh do they yeah yeah

Well, he's, I don't know, he's like, Brian Mills, they don't really explain it. Well, that's like in a walk among the tombstones, which I think is a good movie, actually. I liked it. I was like, is he doing like an Irish cop thing? But then I guess not. Like, it's always impossible to tell if he, what I'm trying to say is if it's, if he's trying to cover up his accent or not. I'm not sure if you can. I mean, that's a lion on a leash kind of situation.

I actually want, really want to rewatch Schindler's list now. He actually covers it up very well in that. That's what got him the Oscar. Yeah, I think that's just hiding that, that bro. I mean, honestly, they were like, holy shit, you covered that up really well, Academy Award. I think it's technically an honorary Oscar. Did he win for that? I'm almost positive.

He had. Did he? Oh, I was about to ask you guys. You know, if he didn't, he should have. I'm going to get on the internet ticker. Fair enough. And so we, you know, they have the funeral and there's an awkward moment where, uh, like all the all the ladies are out on the porch and they're like uh Patrick Swayze tells us that you play the violin will you play for us and she's like right now that's like yeah of course right now idiot like they want something to lift their spirits like come on let's play some fiddle and she gets this like a little kid runs in the house grabs this fiddle and is like here fiddle it up and she starts playing like the most downtrodden

sad as shit classical music and the whole town is listening to this and you can hear everyone just going into this state of depression well it's amazing it's like the bells at the end of breaking the waves it's just like everybody throughout the county can hear this fucking thing yeah and they're like we you like how about playing something a little more upbeat like you're just finishing up a funeral we're just looking to laugh again helen hunt we just want to laugh again there's just four or five shots of people bawling their eyes out or looking solidly at the sky or throwing an axe at a playing card, which I guess is a traditional holler post funeral activity. Sure.

Which actually looked like a lot of fun. I will be the first to admit it. I'd like to throw an axe at something. Oh, in from the ticker. Nominated, did not win. Oh, does it say who won over him? Let me check. Because that's just crazy.

Yeah, that is kind of insane. He's great in that movie. Yeah. What was that, 93? 94. why that's what i've been oh well that's why tom hanks philadelphia

uh yeah that'll get you every time speaking of a sophie's choice aides or holocaust that is kind of that is oscar's sophie's choice yeah you're totally right so

whatever we're wrapping up this funeral and the whole thing is Patrick's ways he walks into the kitchen or the the dining room where Liam Neeson and the rest of like the elders of the holler have gathered around this like family bible and they're basically saying some credo that's like all right the blood feud is on they took one of ours we're going to take one of theirs kind of a thing and Patrick Swayze walks in and he's like now briar you're going to

leave this up to the Chicago police department we are going to catch the killer and blah blah blah and he's like no I'm going to go to Chicago and I'm going to kill him in the right nothing you can do about it because that's Hillbilly Justice. And then someone goes, that's what this should have been called. So now we've set up like what the big feud of this movie is, right? Like two feuding brothers who

hate each other's guts have different opinions as to how the killer of their other brothers should be brought to and they both have to also wrangle the mafia on top of this. Yeah, you got to, well, when you're trying to get a mafioso, you know, you got to break into the mafia.

It's true. It is. It's very true. You can't just go to the mafia and be like, you know, excuse me. Although I think one of your guys killed my brother. Well, actually, that's kind of what Swayze does. Well, but he's doing it the cop route, though. Yes. Yeah, he walks in. They're moving. They've, I guess the assassination of Bill Paxton somehow allowed the mafia to just take over this vending machine company. Which makes no sense at all. Absolutely no sense. And I'm pretty sure. that this is a company that makes two things. Vending machines for cigarettes and pinball machines. Because they're moving into this new office space slash mafia hideout.

And it's like cigarette machines all over the place. And then just a ton of awesome pinball machines all over the place. And I was like, this is a pretty sweet hideout for the mafia. It's like if the mafia was run by 10 year old boys, what do you want? Cigarettes and video games. Oh, maybe it's like big. Do you think Adam Baldwin is like a 10-year-old in an adult's body? Oh, no, I was going to say like Sykes is Fred Savage and like, you know, what, two months?

He's going to shrink back to Fred Savage. I think there's a certain percentage of mafiosas just have baby brains. That's also possible. Oh, that could be. They're kind of underdeveloped. They think you get something by hitting someone. But also, I feel like, I think it's kind of implied that Adam Baldwin kills Bill Packer. that in a way to, like, scare Ben Stiller's character to be like, now, do you really want to be involved in your father's business?

Oh, yeah. Because he was, like, Adam Baldwin was about to basically take over the business once Sykes retires. Yeah. And then his son gets involved late in the game. Right. That's what I kind of thought is that he was going, he was scaring him. Like, he was like, get the fuck out of here. This is what I do because Sykes is pissed off when he finds out he killed him.

He's like, so it doesn't. I got a cop on my ass now. Are you serious? Yeah. So it's like, oh, you want to be in the mafia? Well, this is what the mafia does? But in reality, it's like, what the fuck did you do that for? Yeah.

The mafia does not want cops. Exactly. They want to just do their business, crime business. That's all they need to do. Absolutely. There's an awesome shot when Patrick Swayzey, like, first pulls up to the hideout. Like, he's got to get checked in by some security guard who's at a gate. The mullet on this security guard.

Like, it's just some actor. but it looks like Gene Simmons. Well, I mean, it's a real cornucopia between the Hala and the city. The hairstyles are just up and down the boardwalk. Oh, it's fantastic. It's wonderful. I love it.

I did want to bring up something in the holler. Speaking of, you know, getting ages mixed up. Uh-huh. There is a picture at the funeral. There is this picture of Bill Paxton. 35-year-old Bill Paxton in a, I just graduated high school. Oh, really?

With a diploma. And it's like, it was clearly taking. and the day before the movie was shot. Well, I'll say this for authenticity's sake, Chris, we are talking about a high school and a holler. Who knows how long it took him to graduate? Just putting that out there. Got my diploma.

Time to go to Chicago with my big brother. There's another awesome holler moment where like there's a little kid with a bow and arrow like shooting at a target. And Helen Hunt's like, oh, hey Patrick Swazey, you were good at this once, right? Why don't you show up this little? kid. And he does. And then he like teaches the little kid like how to aim. Yeah, this is

great. And he's like, there you go, son. You just got yourself a 10 point buck. And this little kid just goes, no, sir, I just killed the man who shot Uncle Gerald. And I was like, holy children of the corn, everybody. I mean, wouldn't you want to take the kid, like Patrick Swayze just pats him on the head after that? There's, there's two reactions to something like that, right? There's either like total outright fear and you just yeah you pat the kid on the head like that's great Elijah and back away or you know kind of like grab him by the shirt collar like killing is wrong no violence don't do that don't say things like that and say it exactly like that too yeah nice and unorganized but it's it's amazing because like Patrick Swayze and Helen Hunt both look

at each other like and we want one of these You're going to have yourself a holla baby Oh yeah Smells like she could give birth to a nice holla baby It's just a you know Murderous little kid Well yeah then it turns into like it's alive right Speaking of murderous babies

Monster babies Monster babies with weird teeth There's a bullshit scene I don't know how Ben Stiller's making this power play in this movie I don't know how we got cast in this movie. Well, that's just a mystery for the ages. I mean, Ben Stiller's a superstar now. Del Close is dead.

Patrick Swayze's dead. There's nothing we can do about it. Somehow, Ben Stiller got cast in this movie. I always chalk it up to Jerry's got a lot of pull. You think Jerry Stiller's got a lot of pull? I think he's got a lot of pull. Really? Because, I mean, he was, what?

He was a big, like, stage comedian for a long time. Yeah. So, I mean, I assume he had a lot of content. You're doing that much king of queens. You've got a lot of pull. I don't know. Maybe it was like he did have some pull with the mom. It's just like, it's just like, Ben, you're going to go in with the mob.

Learn the tricks. Yeah. You'll be ready to go to Hollywood right after. Gotta go method. No, I was just wondering about Ben Stiller's power play in this movie. I guess that's because his father's like the dawn, but they're like fighting over who has the best office in this hideout. and all of this shit. And I guess, Chris, this is where I could sort of see where you're talking about like the boring parts of it. Because I'm like, just get to the hillbilly justice. Like, I know it's coming. I know Liam Neeson's ready to leave for Chicago tomorrow. Get to that. I don't care about Adam Baldwin arguing over the fucking material that a couch is made out of it.

I honestly don't need these characters to be legitimized. I know this is an action movie where the mafia is fighting hillbillies. That's all I want is the mafia fighting hillbillies. There's this great moment where after Patrick Swayze, like he comes to the hideout and kind of fucks with them looking through files and stuff he's looking for the guy who was bill paxton's like co-driver and he goes there like kind of fucks with them a little bit like oh i'm looking for the guy who killed uh my brother and i know that his co-worker worked for you and blah blah blah and it kind of like just shakes things shakes the tree a little bit and then adam baldwin's like let's follow that fucker so patrick suasy like lures them to his apartment complex Oh, man, it's awesome.

One, because you know already that Adam Baldwin's character is a huge racist. So they get to this apartment complex and he's got to be like shaking in his boots already. And they run, they think they're following Patrick's ways. And he's like, oh, they yell at some kid like, well, you see some white guy come through here? He's probably got two ponytails and a cowboy hat on. And he's just like, oh, yeah, he's down at like room 152 or whatever. Or apartment 152 and they go down there. and you see this guy like go oh no there's no 152 cut to these dudes getting their car stripped oh it's awesome it's like they've been parked for five minutes and there's like nothing left to their car at all oh it's great it's like a vacation moment roll them up yeah exactly it's a bunch of inner city cartoon characters rush out and strip the car of everything and i understand this used to be a problem but this quickly

It's, I mean, I don't know. It's not a Ralph Backshee cartoon. Stop it. It's so fucking funny. And, you know, Adam Baldwin's like, slur, slur, slur! And it turns out like Patrick Swayzey's paid off this kid to do that, whatever. And it's awesome because Patrick Swayze, like, peels out of this parking lot laughing at them. Oh, nothing like a racist getting theirs. It's so great.

I kind of imagined he was going to wave to them as he left. He should have. He's giving big thumbs up and, like, laughing, like, audibly laughing out the way. window he's driving a cool like thunderbird in this car too or piss out the window while driving the car it could happen it's your property i own this city i'm a cop sometimes i sleep in here pay taxes i own the street too so leom nison comes to chicago like against the the wishes of patrick suasy and this is where the movie really heats up because unlike patrick swazy Liam Neeson wastes no time.

But there's also, it's like, it's like this buildup. It's great. You see him in a pickup truck drive it into the city. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Troubles afoot. With all this rooster rock going on in the background. Rooster rock.

I love it. This bullshit, like, what's the one when he's driving is the best way. It's backwards. Yeah. Coming to the city. Like it's such. It's like blues traveler meets Jack Mack in the heart attack. Yes.

It's almost exactly that. Country twang to it. I mean, it is one of those songs, though, that you're like, did you write this for the movie? Because it is like, Hillbilly, coming to the big city, avenging the murder of his brother who used to stuff cigarette machines for a living. Well, that's definitely the case where there's another one where it's just like, brother to brother. Oh, that fucking brother to brother. Like, it just goes on. I love it, man.

It pops up no less than three times in this movie. And it's like whenever there's a brother on screen together. It's like fucking Ben Stiller and Adam Baldwin, they're doing it. They're doing it with Bill Paxton and Patrick Swayze. Patrick Swayze and Liam Neeson. Oh, it's all when Patrick Stewart has to. Well, oh, I wish Patrick Stewart was in this movie. I'd be so happy.

Hello, Adam Baldwin. That sure is some racist stuff you're saying. He's out of fear, Adam. I don't need to hear that. Where is the British mob coming in? too? Oh, yeah, dude. Then it's then it's a Guy Ritchie movie. Yeah, it would be.

Then everybody's fucking checking out. Then it's even worse. Much worse. Well, because I was going to say, this is not, because John Irvin, who directed this, he also directed Raw Deal with Schwarzenegger. Right. It's kind of the same movie. It's sort of the same plot as Raw. He's just like a local sheriff.

Come on. Don't bullshit me. I do like Raw Deal a whole lot more than that. Isn't Raw Deal, though? Isn't there something with the FBI in that movie? used to be an FBI agent, but he's now a small town sheriff. Oh, that's right. In a hollah. He's a cop, you idiot. Liam Neeson moves into this flop house. He starts making bullets right off the bat.

Oh, yep, exactly. And this guy that runs the flop house is a great, small-time character actor. I forget his name, but he was in Scrooge. Yes, that's like probably his biggest thing that he's known for it. Oh, Michael J. Polard. Yes. Yeah, that's great. So he's playing like the, half-brained

proprietor of this pseudo-establishment. And again, it's another like Elwood Blues is living down the hall from you, like dude's flop house. Right. And they're like one point Liam Neeson looks at the wall. There's this sign that's like like no women.

No alcohol. Bed by 10. You know, I forget what this line was. Sounds good to me, I think is what it is. But it was like sarcastic. It's like, oh, this what you call freedom. In a big, oh, the big city, eh? oh yeah i'm real impressed big city can't fuck a prostitute after 10 p.m. while eating a sandwich

great because he's used to being able to fuck whatever he wants and pee out the windows eat a sandwich at the same time the holla does not have a state legislature so no no no no no it's barely recognized as part of the united states of america they tried once but i took them took them all that would be great it's just i was taking people you just hear some dude talk like Oh, they tried that once, but I took care of it. And you're like, what? Took care of who? Who are you talking about?

Don't worry, they're not around anymore. Who's not around anymore? Where are they now? Killed them all, of course. Oh, man. Don't chill my bones all over again. Jesus Christ. You know, it's a great thing, and how they left this out of that documentary?

I have no idea. Do you know? The jigs? The jinks, yes. Now we're talking about Bob Durst for no reason. But that guy was important. Apparently recently arrested and fined $500 for whipping it out in a CVS checkout line and taking a piss on the candy counter. Wow.

And you're, and that's, you're, you're allowed to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, $500 with, only $500. I feel like I couldn't get away with that. I'd be in, right. Oh, no, you'd be in jail. I'd be a sex offender instantly. I think if you're whipping it out and pissing on stuff in a store after 10 p.m., it's a much lesser fine. is what's going on.

Oh, really? If you're pissing on, if you're pissing on stuff in a store, like in family hours. Did you see the fact that AP did in fact refer to it?

They thought in an article they refer to him as Fred Durst. They had to correct. AP had to put a retraction out. Sorry, we let the new intern post that story.

He's a huge limp biscuit fan still for some reason. That's a, that's a bunch of it. He said she, said bullshit. It is exactly that. Hey, does anyone want to put bets on how quickly he skates from this one?

Or does he get the death penalty in California? I think he's going down. I think it's like a life in prison thing. They don't light people up anymore, Kelly, do they? They certainly do. Well, not old white man, am I right? He's all right. He'll be fine.

Folks, he just tapped notes on the table like it was a late night talk show again. Letterman over here. It's pretty great. So Liam Neeson's making these bullets and, you know, Michael J. Pollard's like, oh, wow, that's looking like you're going to do a bunch of stuff I'm never going to ask you about. And it's like, yep, that's right, dude. That's how you own a place like this asking zero questions. Like, what are you doing, hanging out with a guy preparing bullets and stuff? Don't you have a nudie mag to get back to? Yeah, this character's looking at a lot of nudie mags. You know, you definitely can't evict him anymore. No. But. don't hang out with the guy and don't be like putting your ear up again like this guy's a pervert he keeps on putting his ear up to the guy's door i'm just listening to you sorry and briar instantly finds him and he's like how'd you find me i could smell you through the door he says he could smell him now either this dude smells which is entirely possible a country nose or he's got a country nose which is like wolverine you can smell the dude from down the hall well that's the thing with the holler is that when you do you do do, because the smells get so bad, like, because nobody's showering. Right. And then it just gets so dense and complex that you can pick out smells from everywhere.

Like, all the B.O. becomes so, it's like, it's layered. Like a potpourri. You're like, uh, you're like whoever starred in that Tom Tickiver movie perfume. Oh, yeah. That's not Dustin Hoffman. No. Who's the guy in that movie? Is it, uh, I don't know. Point is he's got a great nose for making perfume or whatever. ever happened in that that movie's like something something something dustin hoffman something weird

orgy at the end yeah there's a lot of stuff because like he makes that perfume that's so strong everybody just gets down to fucking yeah it becomes an orgy at the end yeah no it's weird wild orgy imagine that happened to the end of this movie that's probably what's going on back at the holler once the funeral services are over i was actually gonna say maybe he's like hannibal lector because he has all that kind of perfume bullshit in that Hannibal movie oh yeah you're totally right oh man that's what you want is Liam Neeson turns out to be like an A-grade serial killer. Yeah.

It's eaten people. And then, yeah, and then that's the thing, right? Then Patrick Swayze is like, oh, no. My one brother was murdered, and I'm trying to take care of that. But it turns out my other brother is a cannibalistic serial killer. It would be amazing if Liam Neeson just started eating these Italian mobsters. Ordered out some Italian. Note to the Hannibal showrunners, Liam Neeson, as Hannibal's younger brother,

Jack Lector. Jack Lector. How you doing? Jack Lector. Winter University of Dublin. There's a great moment where Liam Neeson outsmarts guard dogs in this movie. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

It's so stupid. The dog dodger. You know, this is a man who knows his way around a hound. And I think this might be possible. Yeah. I mean, if you really, if you're a real hound man, like you raised broods of dogs for years. But he's not like the dog whisperer. The shot is as

such, he's at the opening of this gate and the two Rottweilers come out, they're not Rottweiler. They're Doberman Pinsers. Yeah. And they're running at him and he will not move. Well, that's, you know, stand your ground. And then right when they're about to eat him alive.

Yeah. He just moves. Like, he just does a quick step to the left. Dog Dodgers in the 24th and a half century. Right. And then he closes the gate behind him and he's unscathed. He actually quips at the dogs. Yeah. He's like, gonna have to do better than that, boys.

Yeah. And you're just like, are you talking shit to a dog? A dog who's going to be there when you come back out, by the way. By the way, this is a guy who knows dogs, man. And these people know dogs. And later in the movie, we'll get to it. But these are, these people, a dog is just a weapon to them. This is as if Liam Nisha just be like, would grab a gun out of

your hand and be like no you don't that's what it is with these dogs so he's basically he's doing some reconnaissance work for when he later goes and ransacks this mafia hideout so it's like just in your your average day in a mafia hideout we're eating Chinese food we're saying a lot of racist things the boss is upstairs having sex with a prostitute uh and ben stiller's the only one trying to get work done like he's trying to file paperwork and he's like hey where's Adam Baldwin? I got to get him to sign this thing. And everybody's like, he's upstairs fucking a prostitute. Leave him alone. And all of a sudden the lights go out. And everybody's like trying to blame it on Ben Stiller for some reason. And that's like Liam Neeson is sneaking into this place. And Adam Baldwin comes up like zipping his pants up. Like what the fuck's going on out here? Slurs, slurs, slur. Adam Baldwin, the blue balls you don't even want to know. Nope, not at all. And he runs downstairs like slur, slurs, slur. and then all of a sudden the lights come back up and there is Liam Neeson on the stairs behind him shotgun pointed right at his chest and it's like oh now it's on here we go and you would think the whole point of all of this is to get some answers but really all Liam Neeson is there to do is to mess up the joint and I've never seen mafiososos get so pissed off oh man Adam Baldwin has a water tank blown up and, like, it covers him.

He's like a gremlin. He gets so pissed off that the goddamn water got on him. He says he's never been so pissed off in his life. Oh, my God. It would be great if he had, like, little Italian gubas grow on his shoulders and pop up. Little Adam Baldwin start popping out of his back. Yeah, I would like that. Oh, man, and they're all popping off his back like slur, slur, slur, slur, slur.

It's kind of cute when a little one says it. So Liam Neeson's like, hey, I know one of you killed my brother, Gerald. Or as Liam Neeson, like, actually says with his accent, jar. Because you can't, he's trying to do something, but his body's doing something else. And the name Gerald is just jar. Lying on a leash. And it does. It sounds like he's saying jar.

Yeah. His brother jar, which would actually make sense if one's named Breyer and the other one's named Truman. I don't know, Breyer, Truman, Jar. jar works that's a nice christian name uh piss pot let me look around the room flake little hammer ice box hey there little hammer chitlin oh there's like four chitlin chitlin gates chitlin gates so you know he's like just tell me who did it you know i'll be out of here we'll settle this our blood feud will be over and everyone in the mafia is like blood feud

what the fuck is this guy talking about we didn't get the blood feud newsletter and they don't they don't tell them and he keeps shooting up pinball machines he shoots up the Chinese food oh yeah and it's it's like all right well I'm gonna come back because you someone oh that's what happens the prostitute runs

downstairs and she's like I told you no kinky stuff and this shit's just weird yeah it's like you know what I don't need this comedy like this prostitute knows exactly what's going on this is not the first time she's been fucking a John and all of a sudden someone came in and started shooting up the hideout by the way if i'm a prostitute and i walk down i'm with you so far

and i'm walking down and i just hear a bunch of gunshots i ain't saying goodbye to nobody oh yeah i'm not out of there i'm not going down the stairs to talk shit and then announced that i called the police i would instantly steal stuff and then leave precisely because you know this has got to be rife with this oh absolutely yeah and they ever accuse you you're like what weren't you robbed that day Because kind of, right? They're broken into. Yeah. You know what I realize just now is kind of low stakes about this mafia?

They kind of only control the cigarette machine racket. Uh-huh. And arcades. Which it's not necessarily to say like they're controlling something like cigarette sales. It's just like the machines. Where the fuck is like the cocaine dealing? Where's that? Where's the gun running?

This is some Mickey Mouse mafia. Well, Sykes does say he's a businessman. And you know what? He's a legitimate businessman, apparently. I'm sorry, you're making spaghetti sauce at 2 o'clock in the afternoon in the back of a social club where there's a bunch of illegal gambling going on. You're in the fucking mafia. I mean, gambling and illegal cigarettes, that could bring you home a lot of money.

I don't know. I would be, I mean... But has the mafia ever been known to peddle in pinball machines? Maybe they could pack drugs in the pinball machines. Well, they were once illegal. A la steel. Oh, yeah. Now you're talking, Cabin.

They're opening up the pinball machines and hiding coke in it, much like the Shaquille O'Neal film, Steele. But it's guns in that movie, but still. Right, right, right, right. I guess you could put anything in there. You could put anything in a pinball machine. You could put anything inside a pinball machine. Probably Fett Savage in there, too.

Fit them right in. Get in there, Fred Savage. It's going to get you across the line. And then they forget to check on them. And it's just, next time you play pinball, there might be a little bull. boy's skeleton in it. Just open it up. You're like, I found the

wizard. Or no, the other one was the wizard. He was just along for the ride or which one was the wizard? No, the wizard. He's not the wizard. It's the other kid, right? The other kid, nobody knows. So immediately, Patrick Swayze rolls up and he's like, oh, he looks at like a shell casing, and he's like, my brother made these. And you're like, what the fuck? Like, how did you, is Liam Neeson initialing these shotgun shells? Well, because he probably has never

seen a bullet with so much grub on it and just like this shotgun shell looks like the palettes were loaded by someone with dirty fingernails he also looks at like the the shotgun shot up Chinese food

oh it's just like oh Briar hates Chinese food I'm sure Breyer hates a lot of things about Chinese culture okay the food is probably the least of the things he has to say about Chinese culture sly slur slur slur slur slur that's what's going on yeah that's what you don't hear in the holler

it's a little bit of illegitimacy for this movie holler yes so suasy talks a big game and then basically just leaves there's a lot of him like i get that he's trying to play like by the book police officer we're going to catch this guy but how about we toughen up a little bit he's also just rubbing it in their faces and it's weird like what are you doing yeah well that's just poking the bear yeah exactly bullshitting until I can finally watch the hillbillies and the mafiosos go at it. And then here's the thing Sykes shows up to see what's happened while he was out and like how the place is wrecked and stuff.

And that's when Adam Baldwin's doing more slur, slur, slur. And he says something about like the hillbillies again. And Sykes is like, you know, they used to say that about Sicilians like us. Oh, yeah. So it's just like, you know, he's felt what it's like to be a hillbillian. So stop going off about it. You do kind of glean from this movie that the mob boss is like not. He's not the worst guy in the world, right?

He's feeding his illegal gambling buddies. He's pissed off that Bill Paxton was murdered, you know. He loves his son. Oh, he loves that little definitely 100% legitimate Sicilian son of his. Ben Stiller, the most Sicilian one of them all. And I do give him great. Because he doesn't even try the accent. Nope. No, no, no, no. He's just been stillering.

Well, no, good. Yeah, because he's like, you know, he's young enough to be raised in America. Yeah, right. I assume he's gone home once or twice, gone to the homeland, probably. If your father is a mom, is a dawn. Oh, yeah. You make the pilgrimage. Yeah. Oh, man. That must be nice. Yeah, dude. Think about that. It's like, it's like when you go, like when, when, when Michael Corleone, you know, goes to

goes to Italy to go and hiding after he. murders the guys in the godfather right that's like the italian mafia's version of the birthright program right it's like you did your first mafia hit then you got to go back to the motherland to wait it out oh man i can't wait for my first hit so at some point Patrick's wazzy arrests leam nison in a bar like you went in there and shot up this place like i'm taking you downtown which you know that shit's not going to stick no way no it's Liam neason don't try to arrest you step in a briar patch it sticks you well the other way around that's the thing is suasy handcuffs him but then what you're doing there's a sick bar fight that happens right here

between the two of them they just start going at it like wolves and it's great brother to brother man and it's awesome because you get a lot of in the background there's a lot of ADR like just let them settle it up guys just let them you know what they're just got to blow off some steam meanwhile it's just like all these extras not even looking at what's happening But it's like this gruesome fucking bar fight. The bartender starts to call the police and some regular like hangs up the phone. Yeah, that's how it happens, dude.

I think it's that bartender's like first week on the job. Yeah, what an idiot. He doesn't know that there's a guy's a lawman. He's a law man. He's a brother. And this bar has its own way of handling things. This is a holo fight. You don't break up a holo fight.

Holler fight! That'd be great if someone just hollered that in this movie, right? Yeah, man. So they come to an agreement, right? So Patrick Swayze, of course, lets him out of jail. And the whole thing is Patrick Swayze is like, give me a day or whatever it is to get some leads on finding this coworker of Bill Paxton's. That's going to, you know, we need this guy to testify. Then everybody's going down.

We'll know what's what. You know, and if you help me, you know, we can do this. And Liam Neeson's like, all right, well, if I don't help you, then I'm going back to jail. So he kind of has my hand here. Yeah, it has no choice in the matter kind of a thing So that's like the agreement that they make Liam Neeson's like kind of staying with them now too Like in the house

We get a lot of Helen Hunt teaching kids to shittily play the violin Which it reminded me like I have all the respect in the world For like music teachers who teach beginner instruments Especially string instruments Oh of course their job is hearing garbage be played every day And they have to go well you're getting a little better. That was good.

And in their head, they're like, God, that's garbage. Like, I mean, that's just some patience that I would not have. I could not teach an instrument to someone. It's exactly. I mean, if you had to judge

a competition of nails on chalkboard, it's essentially what it is. Oh, let's talk about the creepiest part of this movie, which is Patrick Swayze comes home. I think it's like after, he's like,

Liam Neeson, you got to cool off in the drunk tank. He goes home, and Helen Hunt, there gives him a big old smooch when he walks in the door and she's like oh I got something to tell you and he's like what one of your shitty students

play a song correctly and she's like no and she kind of like leans out of the way and you don't see what he's looking at but then he's like are you serious are you fucking serious right now oh my god you're pregnant and they like hug and whatever and then it cuts to like what he was looking at and it's

from the back of this thing it's a teddy bear sitting in a high chair yeah oh man what what are we doing there there are ways to tell people things too much and then there's putting a teddy bear in a high chair you went over the line it's the creepiest oh yeah oh you know how i'm going to tell my husband i'm pregnant i'm going to put this furry fucking doll where our baby's going to sit take out the stick and show it to him it's all you got to do chris cabin always a romantic i was just going to say the endless romanticism of chris

scabbin. Now here's the thing with a movie like this though. You've got the mafia involved making all sorts of threats and you have this side character who announces to our hero that she's pregnant. Now in this revenge

type movie you'd think that it's She's getting thrown down the stairs something, something. She's either getting killed or something's happening where she loses the baby. Well, something worse happens to her. Well, that's the thing is we should talk about this stupid scene.

How on earth is this worse than what I just said? It's not. Oh, all right. But you know, she's outside for a second and then it's all of a sudden like, hey, you Helen Hunt. Hello? And it's like, tomato face. Hey Oswald. It's a Hey Oswald

moment with Adam Baldwin. Oh yeah. He totally Hey Oswald's her with it's red paint. Right, but I thought it was... Acid. No, really? I thought it was tomato sauce. This is the Italian Mafia I thought it was tomato sauce

Holy shit she just got chicken parmed in the middle of the street Well that's a little hot isn't it Hot tomato sauce Acid is the way to go That was because she and she has like problems with her Like when she's trying to get back in the house She has problems Climbing up the stairs

Because she can't see And I'm like oh my God They blinded her She can't read music anymore She can't teach the shitty kids Yeah It's all over for her Destroy her livelihood actually

That's a good call And probably the stress make her have like a miscarriage more unlikely I mean that's you want your character to be like ready for full on revenge mode yeah absolutely but Adam Baldwin's just doing this Mickey again this Mickey Mouse bullshit also

why is it that it's Adam Baldwin himself doing this this is when you send one of your goblins to go do it like go park outside of this lady's house when she comes out outside throw this spaghetti sauce in her face well that's the thing it would seem that Adam Baldwin's the only real

goblin mafioso they have all the other ones are like legitimate businessmen who are like trying to make everything work out for everybody. One of the guys, one of the other mafia henchmen legitimately seems like a nice guy. Yeah, they all seem like totally fine guys and then there's just

Adam Baldwin as a villain. You know what they sometimes say is a rotten apple. Yeah. Spoil the bunch. The bunch. Spoil the bunch. A member of that bunch, by the way, is the dude who was one of the orphans and the warriors, the guy with like the

lazy eye. He seems like a nice dude in this. There's an awesome, like, total accident caught on camera in this movie with that guy. After Liam Neeson, like, jets out of the hideout after he shoots it up, Adam Baldwin is so pissed off. He kicks the water cooler container, like, across the room. You can totally see it hit this actor in the shin, and the guy just be like, oh, my fucking God! Like, he grabs his shin, like, this is the fourth time Adam. Baldwin's done this to me. He keeps, you know what?

Next time he does it, I'm going to tell John Irvin about it. I'm going to go right the director and say, he keeps kicking that shit in my leg. Well, that makes complete sense because Adam Baldwin does have a bully vibe to me. Oh, yeah. Off screen, I bet he was a bit of an ass. Also on Twitter. Oh, God, what a creeper.

Yeah, the guy who you know, so fantastically played Animal Mother in full metal jacket. Who knew he'd turn out to be a creep? A shit. A real shit. so wait so now the mafioso goes after nisen correct and they're in his little apartment they they turn this place over and it's kind of like you know what italian guys when you're going to like shake somebody down or rough somebody up and you're trying to get

into where he lives don't show up in full like tacky mafia suit and ties this is the most hilarious shit ever because they bring a fucking pizza that's they ate beforehand. They got a pizza box. I'm sorry, they're dressed in mafioso suits, walking around

the pizza box, telling people they have a delivery for this room number. I would be so unsettled. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Let me see here.

Let me see here. Two grown men in suits, not a teenager with a stupid hat on. But a grown man in a suit delivering anything besides a lawsuit would show me to the bone.

Like, it's just like, yeah, like the buzz like oh UPS and it's a kind of suit yeah that would freak me here I would shit my pants yeah dude you're totally right like uh yeah it's a it's a special delivery oh is it you order something from amazon yeah are you here to deliver me to hell well that's the thing is it either assassins or like a stripper gram oh I can use a beefcake yeah these two uhgos delivering this pizza are taking it off for anybody they're

Un settling. Taking it off for the fucking prison processor. Their names very well might be Mike, but they are not magic. And if anything, they're going by Mikey in this movie. So Michael Pollard's character, like, you know, of course we'll

let these two dangerous henchmen in. And they kind of just tear up the place. Nisim escapes out the window. You are led to believe he just jumps under the tracks of the L. It's a wonderful sequence of events. Yes, yes.

He hides in the room. Somehow these guys turn around, turn the whole place around. And he's hiding in the room. He's hiding in the room. Blinking, you miss it? And then all of a sudden, the guy looks out the window and he gets them from behind. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're right.

He throws that dude out the window. He throws a dude out the window and he's hanging there. Oh, that's great. He falls off and, like, falls onto the fire escape and everything. Well, what happens is Liam Neeson, like, he pushes him out, and then he goes out and he steps on his hand. Oh, yeah. Just to say, fuck you, and then he gets on, he does, he jumps on a subway train. Yeah, he jumps on the train.

Yep. Which he also doesn't run all night. Oh, oh, you saw it? Yeah. Oh. It's not bad. All right. It's fine.

Better or worse than walk among the tombstones? I liked it better, but I had a lot of problems walking at walks months. Were your problems with the detective junior? Jesus Christ. You know how you get me to stop looking at the TV? Apparently I'm Neeson with a child detective. Yeah, I don't need it. Yeah, unless he's playing bad.

Batman or there's a Robin. I could go for a Liam Neeson Batman kind of a Dark Night Returns. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he can do that. But then you'd be like, oh, well, he also played

Razagool. Oh, yeah, you're right. That's true. Well, um, what's his face? Chris Evans has played like two superheroes. Ryan Reynolds has played like three. I think Pine's going to probably get up there soon. Right. Thank you for acknowledging that Captain

Kirk is a superhero. He is. What else is you playing? He's going to play Green Lantern. Get the fuck out of here. Rumored, yeah. He might be taking it over. Oh, shit, dude.

But not confirmed. But still, I mean, I would have liked to see Neeson as one of these, you know, superhero types. Right. You would also, I mean, like Superman's father. That would be good. Superman Sr. If he was Jorel. Yeah, that would be kind of cool.

I would like that. So another weird thing that happens in this movie. be like Patrick Swayze gets the call of the precinct, you know, something, something they threw paint in my eyes. So he rushes home and he's looking for Helen Hunt. He's got his gun drawn in the house. And she's in the shower, like trying to wash the paint out. And he opens the shower door.

And she's there with her clothes on, like just trying to, you know, wash, you know, rinse her eyeballs out or whatever. And he's like, what happened? What happened? Oh, let me, let me help you. And she like kind of tries to push him away or whatever. She's pissed off because she finds out. that him and Liam Neeson are kind of like hunting for this guy and she knows, you know, Patrick

Swayze's not using appropriate channels. But then Patrick Swayze gets in the shower and they're like hugging and they both have their clothes on and I was like, you know what? I'm sure in the grand scheme of humanity like when someone hears that like their partner had a

traumatic thing and they're in the shower yes, that's happened. But for the sake of this movie get out of the damn shower. It's so awkward. They're trying to say lines of dialogue and they're just getting covered in water and his cool jacket's getting ruined. It just doesn't make any sense.

I mean, like, yeah. It's not more emotional that he got in the shower with his clothes on to give him. It doesn't make sense. You guys are actually like it defies physics. It's not that it defies physics. It's just stupid looking. It's just, and it's also like the biggest cliche in the world.

It's emotional, guys. You know, if you have a heart, maybe this would happen to you. Well, I got to go find mine then. There's an awesome scene. Check the toilet. oh wait a second everybody i talked over that but chris said he had to go find his heart and eric told him to check the toilet i'm just saying it might be there it's where you least expected last place you look so leam nison is like weaponless you know i don't know at some point in like the the chase with

the mafia or something he loses his shotgun and whatever take his shotgun. Oh, they take it from him? Well, that's the thing is I thought, I thought this was setting up, you know, we're here and as soon as he opens the door, we're going to blow his brains out. And that's how it's going. But that really, they just take the gun. They take the gun for a reason.

Well, yeah. It comes back. Oh, yes, yes, right, right. So, Liam Neeson needs a gun to go kill Adam Baldwin. So he goes to this bar. I think it's the same bar that he was previously at when the big hillbilly brawl happened. And he's like, hey, bartender, here's a

hundred dollars give me your gun that's behind the bar and the guy's like this is a peaceful bar buddy there's no gun behind here and then like the wwee's mick foley Liam neeson puts this guy in like the mandible claw and start shoving him behind this bar like with his fucking fingers in his mouth like you're gonna give me your shotgun bar keep you're gonna take my hundred dollars and you're gonna like it and he just like takes the gun Have a nice day. But it's just this weird scene where he's just, like, got his fucking fingers in this dude's mouth. The same grimy fingernail fingers.

So you've seen what this guy can do. Do you just want to give the guy the gun, take the $100 and be happy? Exactly. And he said he's going to return it even. He said he's just taking it out for a day. So at some point there's a scene where Adam Baldwin's like, get me the hillbilly's gun. And you're like, oh, that's weird. You know, what's going on?

Cut to there's like an outside shot. there's some cops around it starts very awkwardly with like a shot of a river and there's this big boat like going down the river and this there's this woman or if you guys notice this because it is nothing it's like an extra but there's a woman in this bright red dress standing on the bow of this boat doing like the titanic thing and you're like who the fuck is this woman like why are they waiting for her but then the boat just passes by and you're like oh that's an extra i mean this woman is clear as day like look at me movie and I'm like all right who's this character like the like the like the mafioso's wife or something like that yeah it's uh foreshadowing she represents the specter of death that booms over everyone well so then this cop is just like oh uh hey patrick suez you might want to get down here we found something interesting it's ben stiller burned to a chris tortured and burned oh my god oh my god he looks like it's like it's like your mom spilled the plate of sloppy joes on the floor

that's what he looks like all you see is his hand and it's just this red fucking claw oh man and you're just like why is that not a scene in the movie why because they make no mistake there was a there was a brief moment where patrick suezie was trying to like reason with ben stiller and say you know i just want the guy that did this right it's like obviously it's like uh you know but Ben Stiller doesn't want that crack pot around anymore either. Oh, good. So, you know, he, so I guess somehow Adam Baldwin finds out about that. Well, Adam, because like Adam Baldwin is like, oh, I got another, uh, another lesson to teach you.

Let's go. And it's, yeah, him and these two other guys. And what I don't understand is how did the two other guys not just be like, uh, how about, yeah, I mean, I don't know what's going on here, but so he's just hilariously burned to death in this movie. doesn't get a final scene whatsoever. It's just like, all right. I mean, it's not a huge loss. And for 1989, this is a nothing actor that nobody knew anyway.

But it's weird watching this in 2015. And it's Ben Stiller is a huge actor. And you're just like, oh, he's just hilariously burned alive. And, you know. But so they're able to figure out, like, he was shot with Liam Neeson's gun. So it's Adam Baldwin's pinning everything to make the mafia head give the O'Kee's, okay for him to go kill him, which makes no sense because Adam Baldwin's just trying

to do it anyway, so who gives a shit? I guess it's like to get the full support of the mafia behind him. Right. And also, well, it's also to eliminate the air to the throne here. Oh, that's, yeah, true. So that he can now be. Right. Yeah. Yeah, that's, I think, the major thing is just

to get the bottom off and get him out of here. But, and like, also, I wouldn't, I'm sorry, but if I was, you know, if, if you're Sykes and you hear about him killing Paxton you immediately take him off the bench oh yeah and you put him

away he's not he's doing paperwork killed the brother of a cop you put him on the bench well I don't want even you what what he's trying to say is he would be benched yes yeah yeah yeah he's benched I just don't want him around anymore no he's not on the playing

yeah you're you're killing you know kin of cops I would say drown him yeah I would have frankly yeah there's there's Chicago River there's like Michigan A lot of places. Wisconsin's got some lakes. You got the fuzz on us, man.

And we're just doing cigarettes and gambling. Yeah, that's it. He's like, you know what? You are way too extreme for the Chicago Mafia. Like, that's some New York Mafia bullshit, okay? Yeah. Like, save that shit for Atlantic City. Here in Chicago, we just sell and steal cigarette machines and fucking pinball games.

This is just Chicago, the home of Al Capone, okay? Yeah, totally. Would Al Capone do this? No. Al Capone set up a rich tradition. of some innocent illegal gambling and yes from time to time stealing

and selling cigarettes illegally and completely logical use of baseball bats yeah never laid a finger on anybody this is just ridiculous Adam Baldwin and then he's like oh yeah buddy will slur slur slur on you oh yeah this is another

where he goes off about how these people are animals you've got to let me kill him a lot of these people are animals in this movie you could see more of that on Adam Baldwin's Twitter account where he is once again the internet's greatest monster it's insane what happened to that guy

is his name on Twitter Haydham Baldwin I think so it's a good handle yeah if he doesn't you know he should consider scooping that shit up just in case so now the stage

is pretty much set there's the one thing that's weird is the Del Close double cross at the end of this movie like this movie's pretty much over but there's the close double cross where like he says to one of the other nameless mafia guys like hey adam baldwin likes to brag so i'm gonna put a wire on you when you go out to dinner with this dude and just you make sure you get him talking yeah we can't miss briar getting killed oh shit i totally forgot about that in all the in all the craziness there's a shootout at the at the hideout because again he tries to get

the drop on these guys and yeah Liam Neeson is murdered. Yes by Adam Baldwin and Swayzey has a sweet goodbye to him Yeah it's very sad. Brier takes out a couple of henchmen Oh yeah it's it's an outright massacre It's great he does a good job

You know before being murdered Yeah he can't Early early on he told the flop house proprietor that you like If I'm not if I'm not back in the morning You better call my Phone my kin. The thing I was thinking was like, these guys

have a phone? Or are you like calling a general store and then they got to send a pigeon? Or I guess a carrier hog is more like it. This phone number is for the whole county. You call that number. You heard about the county line, right? I'm related to everyone in that county.

Whoever you speak to, they'll know me. They'll know Brian. So, I mean, he does make that phone call and the guy like well thanks a lot good buddy and hangs up the phone and you're like huh I wonder what's gonna happen with that and this is where the brother to brother song kicks

in again your brother to brother all over the place snake man is introduced now here's the thing everybody let me get this out here is there a snake fucker in this movie I'm telling you you can't fuck snakes no and I'm not saying like fucking a snake like fucking a prior theory you've guys brought up together

I texted cabin last night when I was watching this movie and I said, is there a snake fucker in this movie? Because this guy, and yes, not like actually fucking a snake, but like there are people that like... Losing it as a condom? No. Like, there are people who like having like snakes and bugs

crawl on them and stuff while they're naked and it gets them hard. Yeah, there's an actual name for it. I mean, there's actually... There are, I can believe and I can get behind the idea of a man who's masturbating while snakes are just crawling all over him. That's what I mean while I'm saying snake fucker. I'm not saying he's penetrating

the snake. Oh, that's what I thought you meant. No, no, I just mean like, is he like jerking off with a snake around his waist? I would say almost certainly. Because this dude is like, oh, my precious little sexy Bessie, we're going to go for a ride. And he takes this snake and puts it in a fish tank and you're

like, okay. And then like, we back out a little wider and it's a school bus full of snakes. And I was like, this dude's jerking off with these snakes. That's what you think. That's where your mind goes. Yeah. Straight to the gutter. I know. I know how it sounds. I just thought this guy likes buses and snakes.

You naive child. He's doing shit with those snakes. There's just too many snakes. Also, because he's like, hey, rest of my kinfolk, anybody want to ride with me? I got a whole school bus. And this old man's like, not on your life, kin. And like, slaps him on the back. And I was like, what's he talking about? Oh, because they all know he's doing shit with the snakes. I do believe that he is jerking off with the snakes. Thank you. That is absolutely. Thanks for Chris Cabin having his feet on the ground and not his head in the clouds like Eric.

I'm going to give this guy what I like to call my benefit of the death. I think he may be jerked. He's definitely jerking off on that bus. Yes. But maybe it doesn't involve the snakes and the snakes are just there. But then you're just making these poor snakes watch you jerk off. Aren't you feel a little, I mean, shameful? That's what happens.

You got pets. What do you want to do? Walk outside your bus and jerk off outside your bus. Well, like, like you would piss on the property, jerk off on your own property. Thank you. That everyone has the gusto of briar. I guess that is a fair point. So cut to this Chinese restaurant.

I mean, the mafia in this movie. I hate Chinese food. No, but the mafia loves Chinese food in this movie because they're at a Chinese restaurant. And Adam Baldwin's like telling the story. And he's like, yeah. Yeah, and then he was kind of begging for his life, and he's, like, chewing with his mouth open like a fucking pig. Oh, God. And then the greatest delivery ever, he's just like, and then I said, fuck it, and I shot him.

And these guys are like, that's hilarious, dude. You totally murdered our boss's son and told us about it. Check, check, check. Yeah, seriously. Finally, I just said fucking shot him. So the guy from the Warriors. Idiot Adam Baldwin. Oh, yeah.

The guy from the Warriors, like, goes out to have a smoke or something. thing like outside the restaurant. Patrick Swayze like finds this dude and it's just like, FYI, you've now killed two of my brothers and throws this guy through a window. Oh, it's awesome. At this point, I

believe he's suspended from the force. No, no, he's not suspended. He fucking gives that badge away. And it's just like, what do you what? You're telling your boss, you know what? I'm just going to be a vigilante now. Yeah, can we just get a

of guys on him like because he's clearly going to go and try to kill the guy yeah yeah i think he'd be watched yeah there's a great there's a great moment where it's it's when he gives the badge up and he's like you know adam baldwin killed my brother right and this cop's like you know that i know that rossolini knows that and like he's going on and on and this is the shittiest shot in this movie because they're trying to get close on this cop who's like given this big moment the camera just goes completely out of focus and you're like, what the fuck? Was that the best take of him yelling about Rossellini?

It's art. No, it's not. It's a fucking professional mistake. It's noticeable in a major motion picture. When that happens, it's called art. It's a little trick of the movies. Speaking of Jackson Pollock. Oh yeah, I meant that cigarette

to be on that canvas. Yeah. Yeah. Professional mistake. personal touch. So, I mean, this movie's over, right? It's on. We're going to the graveyard. Finally, the part of the movie I wanted. Oh, my God. The kin show up. They go to the flop house and they're just like, where is Patrick Swayze? We got to get it on, you know? And hilariously enough, it's in a, it's like exactly like the end of Walk Among the Tombstones. Yeah, you're totally right. They go for a walk among the tombstones in this movie, but Liam

Nason's fucking six feet under already. Yeah. And so Patrick Swayze's there. There's kind of like a standoff. Then the shootout begins. And you're like, okay. And then in the greatest turn of Hillbilly Justice, Patrick Swayze has a bow and arrow out of nowhere. He goes full on arrow on these people. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's just arrows in the chest everywhere to these mafia guys. He's hidden several bows long and cross amongst the tombstones. And he's just shooting these people and it's nice oh it's gorgeous this whole thing is awesome pure legolus it's like

he's like he's got a right he can like go around a tree and shoot a guy it's incredible like these italians are shooting off guns you can hear where that's coming from these arrows they don't they don't know where it's coming from yeah just a quick oh yeah it's fantastic so like right when he's cornered all of a sudden he starts hearing like all these animal noises yeah and as far as the movie

making is concerned these are some ADR like dog barks and cat meows right and bird sounds but we find out that these noises are being made by the hillbilly kids. The wildlings are here and I'm just like how is that dude making that dog noise? Like if I'm making a dog noise I'm like roo and it clearly sounds like a man just making a rough sound. This is what I was telling you before dude these people know hounds man they they haven't figured out. Well a smell hound is part of hillbilly army yeah because dogs are just a gun to them it's just another weapon this this albino hillbilly releases the hounds on some italian dudes well i also great i also think it's probably just

what they do like to pass the time in the minds is work on their animal calls you know what else they work on is their axe throwing which we saw earlier in the movie and their snake masturbation they also work on the snake masturbation but it's tricky more importantly and coming way more in handy than jerking off with snakes is axe throwing because this one mafia guy is like, oh, what are we doing here? Adam Baldwin's sitting around with our hands up our ass, real heroic. And he's like,

all right, Vito, why don't you fucking go out there if you're so brave? And this dude's like, all right, I will. He sees actors, like, his big part of the movie, motherfucker takes two steps. This dude throws an axe right in his chest. It's awesome. What sucks about

it is when he lands, you can clearly see, it was like one of those things where they were just like, okay, so we're just going to tape the blade of the axe to your shirt and like, it's not any blood and it's not like it's half dug in or anything. Stop ruining the magic. The magic. So, like,

we, this is where we get, we got a full on hillbilly army versus Italian mafia army and it's amazing. And it's like the tricks of the trade that the hillbillies pull are amazing. Number one trick locking a dude in that snake bus. Yep, locks a dude in that snake bus.

He gets eaten by snakes and, and, And that guy probably jerks off later about that. Also, a guy runs into a bear trap. Gets his leg chumps. Oh, my God. There's nothing more entertaining than Hillbilly Justice. Well, that's the thing. The one thing I've learned from justified is that you all hill folk have bear traps.

And they will use them on you at any time. Absolutely. Without a doubt. They're terrifying to come across in the woods. You know, back in my old holler, I've seen them. Oh, bear traps? Yeah, that shit's no joke. kinds of traps

So Patrick Swayze is cornered We think his number is up And then here comes Isabella Or what is his name? Yeah Isabella

Yeah The mobster Yeah We were calling him Zikes I just called him Sykes But yeah It's Isabella

Yeah Don Isabella Right So Isabella comes out And you're like Ah shit He's fucked Here we go

And dude like And he's like All right Adam Baldwin Step away It's time to finish this And he totally points the gun at him.

There's a really terribly delivered, this is for murdering my son! And then just fucking shoots Adam Baldwin dead. And the world applauds. Yeah. Oh, it's great. There's also a couple great Swayze punching the shit out of him, too. Oh, yeah, there is a great fight before he's cornered.

He kicks the shit out of him. But it's great. I will say, this was not the death I won for Adam Baldwin. Now, snake eating? That, I would have preferred that. And, you know, just getting bit by a bunch of snakes. maybe his heart his heart gets ripped out and he gets sent down into a swirling lava pit like temple of dudes well yeah if sikes want to do you know with my god if suddenly the italian mob boss rips a dude's beating heart out and sends him into hell that's the death you've set up for adam baldwin in this movie you cannot just shoot him what looks like in the shoulder yeah he deserves to get collie ma shakti day or just get full anacondaed

like Owen Wilson I'm looking for it. Or then it could be like John Voight and then get vomited back out wink and then die. Remember that shit in that movie? What fucking horse shit that movie since the mid to late 90s? That may be my favorite of the bad movies. Of like the

famous bad movies. That is up there for me. This is probably to stay tuned right. More than likely but. Indiconda maybe. Yeah. I mean, it's in the territory of, like, a Batman and Robin, though, like, people have done it. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's just, it is one of the great disasters. But you know what makes it kind of, like, more unbelievable than anything else is in that movie, Owen Wilson's playing, like, a sex god, kind of. He's just, like, just dick, dick, dick all over the place. And you're like, that's not you, Owen Wilson.

That's not the Owen Wilson I love. That's not the Shanghai Knights Owen Wilson. Maybe Luke Wilson gets on to that fucking shit, but, like. Come on, Owen. So, Isabella shakes hands with Patrick Swayze, and he's like, so this means it's done, right? And Patrick Swayze agrees that the blood feud between the Italian mafia and the Kentucky Hill folk has been settled. Thank God for that. It only took two brothers. That's the thing, though.

It's a little uneven. Well, I guess he's counting Adam Baldwin in this, like two sons for two brothers. Right. And there were a lot of henchmen that went down. that's true I guess like five henchmen equals one brother yeah that's

that's fair it's a conversion rate it depends if they're your first your second cousin your third cousin I mean there's a whole system I'm sure they have a chart

somewhere an Excel spreadsheet so here's the bit of bullshit about this movie one thing a Kentucky Hill folk has never heard before is Excel spreadsheet is that a NASCAR team

is that something I can open the door and piss on hey cool Hey cool, I'm pissing on my computer Hey cool, it's broken Check this out of blogging on Um

The bit of bullshit about the end of this movie though Is this movie needs to end With that cemetery handshake Yeah We fade to black and that's the end of it Here's my problem This ending scene is totally And obviously tacked on

Because you know what Patrick Swayze Has the hair he has in ghost and not in this. The two ponytails are completely gone. Are you talking about the scene where they bring back Hellen Hunts? Yeah.

And he's like in, what is it? They're in the police station and he like limps out and whatever. And there's no, he's limping. It's like that morning. Yeah. There's no like six months later or anything like that. And he has a completely different haircut. How do you not have an actor through your entire movie?

Like noticing that he has two ponytails. And then you're like, all right. So then four hours later, what do you get a five? haircut at the doctor? Yeah. Well, no, your character must change at the end of the movie. That's true.

That's really just screenwriting 101. That would be awesome if he just pulled both the ponytails off and he was like, I've been undercover for 10 years. One for each brother, right? Now he can cut it off. I'm going to pour out a couple of these ponytails for my brother.

Interestingly enough, they're leaving the police station there and then just some dude smacks a piece of paper really hard in his hand. for no apparent reason. It's, I mean, that's why this is horseshit. As Helen Hunt comes up, like, oh, I'm so glad you're alive. I was so worried.

Fuck you for lying to me. Let's get out of here. And he's like, you know, oh, I'm excited to, you know, be a father. Blah, blah, blah. He tells Breyer's dead. Yeah, she's like, she's like Breyer and he's like, oh, I didn't make it. And then they walk out, like, they walk off into the sunset out of the police station. This cop, it's the same, like, sort of partner of his that's been going through this whole movie.

the guy who's like Rossellini knows you know like that guy and he's just got this newspaper and he just yeah he slaps the newspaper against his other hand and on the slap we fade to black and we cut to black we cut to the credits and there's just rooster rock it's that brother to brother bullshit

I got to say I love this I love the smack of the newspaper and right to the rooster rock gorgeous but here's the thing honestly just did it for me I know it's stupid well no I mean if you're going to have My problem is that this scene doesn't add anything to the movie.

I kind of would have rather to end. He has to bring Breyer's body back to the holler. Is he staying in the holler, though? Maybe he's going to clean up the holler. Well, it's the fuck you to the big city, right? He's like, no, I'm going to move back to the hills. Also, I'm probably going to run for mayor of the holler. And Helen Hunt's like great.

Yeah, I can't wait to be able to teach classical violin in the holler. Oh, great. The Kentucky Symphony Orchestra. The Kentucky Symphony Orchestra, a.k.a. the Charlie Daniels band. Would anybody recommend next of kin? Yes, I would. I had fun watching this. I know some people thought it was a snooze, but

I thought it was fun. Just watching Liam Neeson jumping on train cars and killing Italians, sign me up. Well, that's, I mean, and it's, I'm going to, I'm conflicted. I'm going to say no, but like, here's the thing is the action scenes work very well. You just have to wait for fucking ever. Yeah. There's so much stuff about like, oh, man, you shouldn't be doing this. Oh, well, I'm going to do this.

Well, it's, it gets, it lags down the movie. The movie is what, 110 minutes or some God. Yeah, we're, we're kind of closing in on two hours. And it's just doesn't need that. I would totally recommend this movie. And I think one of the things is, in the downtime, there are interesting things to laugh at, including a scene we didn't talk about where it's Liam Neeson and Patrick's Wazzie driving in a car, and they're reminiscing about

what a rough and tumble, you know, group of guys they used to be. And he's like, remember that time? I went out with Mary Lou, whatever, and you thought that she was your gal. And he's like, well, because she was. And he's like, yeah, we duked it out good that night. We were duke it out to like 3 a.m. Like, he says dukeing it out like four times. With the real dukes of hazard. But then what's a. It's a fucking totally garbage, amazing line is Liam Neeson's just like, yeah, can't believe we were fighting over her. You should see her now. Real Scuzz Bucket.

And I'm like, you are calling anybody a Scuzz Bucket, Breyer? Have you seen those fingernails? Betty Jean, man, you should see her today. Real Scuzz Bucket. No shit. Yeah. That's Next of Kin from 1989, directed by John Irvin. If you want to get a hold of us, check out our website, wh-hmpodcast.com.

Find us on the sideshow network and check out the other shows on there. Sideshownetwork.com. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast. Right into the mailbag, we all hate movies at gmail.com. If you have ever had to go avenge your brother's murder from a holler. If you're from a holler, if you're from a holler, we apologize. We were just joking around.

I just don't want to me to that H. Justice Eric was just getting around. All right. Clue for next week's episode. Alec Baldwin. Oh, man. We're getting to the actual Baldwin clan next week.

Not this fucking poser. This really mean poser. Yeah, kick him to the curb, man. So until next week, where we're talking about something with Alec Baldwin. And, wow, that is a deep filmography. I'm Andrew Jupin. Chris Cabin.

Eric Sisker. Take it easy.