We Hate Movies - S5 Ep204: Blind Fury

Episode Date: May 19, 2015

On this week's episode, the gang has nothing but love for 1989's incredible white guy ninja masterpiece, Blind Fury! Why do all movies with blind characters have other characters "test" them to see if they're actually blind? How lame is this terrible wimp of a villain, MacCready? And how is Chris not impressed by a blind guy chopping a flying squash in half? PLUS: How many Academy Award-winning films have ripped this movie off? Answer: At least two. Blind Fury stars Rutger Hauer, Terry O'Quinn, Brandon Call, Noble Willingham, Randall 'Tex' Cobb, Nick Cassavetes Meg Foser, and Shô Kosugi; directed by Phillip Noyce. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to we hate movies on the side show network. Thank you for tuning in as always this week. Guys, I think I'm in love. He's back. I think I'm in love. It's 1989's Blind Fury, directed by Philip Nois, starring the delicious Rutger Hower. Him, him, capital H. Yeah, he is back.

The Almighty. And I'm telling you, this is the closest I'm coming on this show. We're over 200 episodes now. This is the closest I've come to trying to figure out what we're doing here. I think this is a totally great movie I had so much friggin' fun I had to get up a busy-ass schedule the past couple weeks

We had a lot going on We had the Gilbert interview Was just recorded yesterday Which by the way You can pick that up If you haven't checked it out yet Our interview with Gilbert Godfried So you know busy busy busy busy busy

I'd wake up at like 6 o'clock this morning To watch this week I don't think anyone's ever had to wake up At 6 o'clock in the morning To watch a Rutker Hauer fucking ninja movie No one no one

but I did and it was a great way to come up with the sun this movie is an American remake of Zatoichi the Blind Swordsman so already you're working off

a fantastic source material do they actually credit it oh yeah oh great it's a direct I mean yeah I mean that was obvious I'm just surprised

they actually gave them gave them their due and I mean as good as it is and I am in agreement is it's a good movie but like let us not forget

it is crazy nonsense oh it's fucking ridiculous. So this is probably the most fun I've had since, I don't know, pray for death maybe. Yeah, in that vein. And we got a cast connection here. The dude from Pray for Death and Enter the Ninja and all that shit. He's the final guy, right?

He's the dude at the other day. Oh, right. Yeah, dude. Hey, cool. Hey, cool. I don't read cast notes. Eric just had the look in his eye like he found out the date he's going to die. I actually did

Simultaneously to both of those things Fuckin what's his name Shokosugi You know, or Kosugi, I don't know how to say it But that's the dude Awesome, yeah, that's awesome He once made you pray for death And then he got the shit kicked out of him by Rutger Howard

Somehow, somehow Fucking loving it Fucking loving this movie Loving this movie Yeah, so You know, our title of the show We're not always that negative Yeah, exactly

You know? You're starting it off with a little bit of a Vietnam flashback. That's where you want to be. Indeed. But this is a weird, like, we're just doing this dolly shot through this war zone, and it's just fucking corpses everywhere. And I didn't know what this movie was about. I saw the clip where he, like, spits the rock at the kid's head, and that was it.

So I had no idea what this movie was. But that's a big selling point. Oh, well, sold me on the movie. Huge selling point. Eric was like, I want to do Blind Fury. I was like, what's that? He sent me that clip. I was like, doing it.

There it is. I grew up on this movie. I've seen this movie like 10 times. Oh, really? Oh, God. Sometimes I envy the weird cable TV raised lifestyle of Eric Siska. It was a wild time, man. It was just like, we just had the wrong hours.

You were watching the hours where all this shit happened. And like, I was like watching Shawshank a hundred times. Yeah. Well, you guys were watching, what was it, the Hogan's family? I was watching this bizarre shit on Cinemax. See, that's the thing. It's the Cinemax. It does it. I definitely didn't have the movie channels as a little kid.

That's why I've got all the fucking ridiculous TV knowledge that I don't need. We were raised on TV. Just TV that nobody needs to remember. I know a lot about movies with shirtless men fighting each other. Nothing wrong with that. And that's what we're getting in this movie. So Rector Hauer, you know, we're going through. What I didn't know until later in the movie was it was because,

like a little mortar had gone off and blew the place of the shit. I could have sworn I saw like a helicopter crash. And I was like, oh, something, like a chopper went down or some shit. Well, I think it was just, isn't it just the sounds coming from the radio? And it's like also overlaying with what was happening in the past or something. Right. Oh, is that what's going on? Yeah, because it's a crashed, it is like a blown up bunker is what it is.

Right. They use, they use, this is the same set they used on the Twilight Zone movie. no that shit got torn down salted and everything yeah was that a set or was that like real jungle um i don't know might i guess it might have been real either way torn down salted the earth what happened was real

anyway it was that much that's when the movie's got a little too real but uh so so he realizes you know you get to rutker and he's like crawling around on the ground and you just hear him say like i can't see i can't see anything and he kind of like futses around and he's walking, walk and walking, he's blind, he's clearly blind. And he hits this tripwire

and gets pulled up in a net. And I'm like, how's he getting out of this? Oh, the Ewarks have got him this time. Oh, let's eat him. It's the weird Ewarks that speak English. Yeah. Oh, God, that's terrifying. It's the fucking pre- Jedi Ewoks, man. It's sheer terror.

no subtitles necessary um so i'm just like all right like he's he's finished but instead he's like you know brought to a village or whatever you cut to him he's got like leaves over his eyes someone's taking care of him and i'm just like how is he not being murdered right he would have totally been murdered oh yeah he would have been you know sliced and diced you don't see the fact that he's like rescued by kindly villagers yeah you know you don't see him getting out of the thing it just cuts to him with like shit over his eyes and I'm like

you have to show like a little kid come out of the forest and be like oh I'll get you down or something like that because you get pulled up in a net in Vietnam dude you're done for it like unless it's like a lost tribe or like some crazy thing where like this village has been isolated

they don't know about the Viet Cong well I mean they very well might be the way these people I mean like they're out of the way they do seem oddly untouched by the conflict yeah right I mean I mean they kind of like they're kind of fucked up people like they they they they don't have dirt bikes and cars because like the tests of strength is cut in a squash

well you know that's like basic training it's like level one yeah but no but it's what the master does that's what your final thing is is cut in the squash listen dude to be blind and you have to stand in a room and hear for someone tossing a squash across a room and successfully dice it, that's fucking advanced level shit. I would... That's impressive. Let's see your ass do that. Well, I'm not blind yet.

Well, I'll fix that shit. This is like Daredevil. I mean, this movie is like a ninja daredevil. It's pretty much what's going on. It's great. So these villagers start training him. Because I guess they realize like, okay, this guy's blind. He's got a hard road ahead.

The least we can do is train him to be a ninja assassin. Yeah, it's just swordsmanship. It's, it's, I'm, you know, I don't know too much about culture, but. But I'm wondering. Just in general, like all culture? Vietnamese. Vietnamese? Vietnamese.

Oh, excuse me. I didn't realize I was podcasting with Ho Chi men. I didn't realize I was podcasting with Larry the cable guy. You always are. He's always there. The Spector. Always in the back. The specter.

The chickens. smelling specter is always just hovering above. Oh, my God. Well, I was just wondering if they have this, I don't know, if the swords, the swordsmanship would be similar to what they're showing on the screen. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. And also, it's weird, too, like, why are Vietnamese people training him to be?

Like a Sanjana? Yeah. It doesn't make a lot of sense. Maybe they're like a lost Japanese group. Well, that's why I buy that it was just like some, you know, random tribe in the middle of nam, and they just picked them up. They thought they were getting a hog or something. Get ready to eat, kids. We caught ourselves a hot.

No, fuck, it's a blind white dog. Drunker hogger? I guess it would depend upon, like, how hungry they were. Yeah. All right. Can everybody suck it up and eat this guy? Because I'll fix it. Well, I think that's what they cut.

out of the movie, and I, like, I kind of would have liked that. A little touch of cannibalism. No, just like a couple of guys, you know, the elders of the tribe being like, look, yeah, we could eat them. But, you know, that's just, what's that going to do? One day, two days for our entire. That's true. You know, like, eat a fish. You got a meal.

Teach Amanda Fish eats forever. There you go. Whatever the fuck that saying is. Yeah, I think Jesus. Who's that guy? Oh, yeah, Jesus. I just, I butchered that Jesus quote. Well, if it wasn't Jesus is one of his pals.

Yeah. Somebody in his crew. One of the dudes who wrote Jesus' lyrics, but crazy people still say that Jesus said it. Which, uh, which apostle of Jesus is, is his turtle? Oh, man, it's got to be, uh, maybe Paul. Paul, I was going to say, yeah. Paul's the one you want to go to. Really? Was he a, was he a crumbum? He founded the church, didn't he? Or was that Peter?

Wait, no, Peter's got the gates. Let's move along. we're ignorant about Christianity and Vietnam Catholic school whipping boy Steve Zedek is not on this episode to let us know which apostle would have been Jesus's turtle

and which one would have been the crumbum well I know they're all great Jesus' turtle goes hand in hand with Jesus' crumb I suppose it's true it's the same apostle whichever one it is

maybe Peter all right so so he's we get like this training montage You know, it's like, not only will we teach you to walk around, we'll teach you to, like, defend yourself. Yeah. Because also, it's not just, like, sword play and whatever else, because, you know, he's just an army guy. Like, they have to train him in, like, the martial arts.

He's building his senses. Yeah, his rank is army guy. You know, he's building his senses. Right. How to live is a blind man. Yeah, you know. He learns swordsmanship by, like, hugging the guy. Yeah, it's kind of like in, like, team.

romance movies where it's like I'll teach you how to shoot pool sexy lady and like the dude bends over you know to like you just got to put your arm like this or it's also used a lot with golf more dangerous films maybe this is how you shoot a gun sexily just here's out or you know another one aiming a bow and arrow and that's a big one that's all over the hunger game sexy bow and arrow instruction oh yeah that's how you flirt take this weapon with me This guy's flirting with Rucker Howard. So long that we flash forward to Rucker Howard having a big old beard, and it's great. 20 years.

Well, not yet. Not yet. Oh, right. But he's still deep in the jungle and he gets that big blonde beard. But he's like a regular in the village now. They stop yelling out like, hey, white man. It's like, oh, there's Fred. Yes.

Right, exactly. He's a regular. Parker? Parker is his name, right? Yeah. Yeah. You know, and eventually, so, yeah, we get like the final thing. There's a crowd of people around, and someone hucks. this squash or whatever, and he

slices that thing up good. And he graduates so they send him back to the U.S. Who wants to roast? Root Vegetables. Yeah, no, exactly. The prize is you just eat that thing that you sliced open. We do not know how he gets back to America. We just know that he does.

It's 20 years later now. He doesn't get back to America for 20 years because he's presumed dead. Oh, no, I know that and he was on the wall and whatnot. Right, right. Wow, yeah. So he's is he's fresh off the boat here? Well, I get, it's a little wishy-wash, yeah, I don't know.

I'm just assuming in that tribe, they also gave him, like, night crawler powers. Oh, sure, yeah, why not? I mean, they knew all the ninja skills. He's got the power to, like, run around, like, a scumbag, filming dead people in car. Oh, oh, oh, you meant the X-Man. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Not, you know, play with the murder scenes.

No, no, not Rutger. So he's just walking on the side of the street now in, Florida. And this soundtrack, this score, this like 80s, bing, twangmy, 80s. You have a hard target score reminded me very much of. Yes.

It is like roots fart rock. Oh, yeah. You know, that's kind of where we're at. And oh, it's got a little bit of a twang too. Yes. Oh, it just tickles your ears because it's so synthetic too. It's got that synth to it. Oh, yeah, dude. It should be like the law that all music is made.

like this i agree i would let's pass some legislation let's do it so then after we've been watching this blind man learn all these skills and you know really be able to you know make something of his life now has a lot to work with yeah now begins just blind man jokes and we start with him almost stepping in dog shit yeah he walks right over that dog shit though and pretty great and then almost angering an alligator. It's kind of great because this alligator is very cartoonish. Yeah. It's just sitting there and he's just like, oh, thank you, doggy.

Yeah, he's like, good doggy. You know, because he hits it with his little walking stick. And the alligator's just like, hey, good doggy. And he steps over it. Hey, I'm just tan in here. On the side of the road, because Florida. Yes. Yeah.

Always because Florida. Jesus, what a fucking death trap. and he makes his way to a restaurant and he sits down and he's getting himself a burrito and this is this now there's blind man jokes and then the other thing in this movie is fucking with blind people

which I do not under and I've never understood this I've been around blind people a ton and you never fucked with them I've never fucked with them I've never this is the thing in movies all the time in TV where it's like the wave your hand in front of the blind person

flip off the blind person you've never done that no I'm kidding I never did I'm a fucking human being. But it's just, I don't, like, the fascination with the blind kind of, like, someone, and it's with the blind, because, like, you know, you don't see in movies, someone's like, oh, that guy's deaf, and someone sneaks up behind that person and is like, oh, like, right behind them, you know. Sure. But with blind people, it's... Not a lot of people die behind death people. Yeah, I realized that was the Chucky scream.

But, you know, no one's ever, like, testing the deaf like that in movies, that? much but blind people all the fucking time waving hands in front of faces you're really blind buddy are you really blind well that's what like everybody does it in this movie it's like every other scene even the fucking kid does it

no one is believing in the blind the kid is the biggest offender and we'll get there but let's talk about these burrito bags because they're douchebags with this hot sauce fucking prank they pull man let me tell you let me tell you something I don't get offended

by much in movies. But squandering a burrito for the purposes of an offensive, insensitive prank really steams my clans. Yeah, you do not mess with a burrito. He's got a delicious You know what? Burritos, tacos and cassidias as far as I'm concerned. You don't go near them. I'll co-sign that legislation. Thank you. Write your congressman. We can get the Senate on board. We've got this. They can't agree on important things. So let's send him shit like this. The House just passed Iran nuclear tests. We can do whatever we want, man. We get these burritos in.

Well, shit, man, I don't know. With the Republicans controlling things now up there, I don't know. I'm not going to let you pass legislation about Mexican food. Yeah, they're going to try to deport our burritos. That's sad. I don't want to think about that. We want the amnesty for burritos. We want.

So this poor burrito, right, like he's about to bite into this delicious burrito. This ass hat comes up and he's just like, oh, hey there, buddy. You need some hot sauce on that burrito. And it's like, you know, here's mild or fucking, you know, rat poison. And he's like, oh, I guess I'll take mild. Thank you. And the guy, of course, puts in the super spicy. There's a skull and crossbones on it.

Like a bowlful. Yeah. Browns this thing. Like pure cap or something like that. And then Rucker Howard takes a bite and it's like, you know, and all these dudes start laughing their balls off. What the fuck is wrong with you? Just laughing.

Yeah. And then he turns it, though, because he's a badass, and he's like, oh, actually, it's a little mild for my taste kind of a thing. And he finishes that fucking burrito. Yep. It's awesome. And then so, like, they start messing with a lady, and her purse goes flying. And he picks it up, and they're like, give me the purse back, blind guy. And he's like, no, that's okay.

And beats the shit out of these dudes, daredevil style. It's awesome. It's pretty great. And he does the stumble, like, he's pretending like he's stumbling, but he's beating the shit out of people. Yes. It's the, I'm gonna like mess with you Like, a little bit of like drunken master It's almost like a Jacques Tattee move

Like he's just kind of like Oh, did I do that? He flops out of a folding chair and kicks someone in the teeth. It's so awesome. And that's when you read, that's the moment when I was like, oh, oh, it's this movie. Oh, absolutely. I'm on board.

I'm on board from burrito scene one. Yeah, man. With this movie. But we don't got any like big. cuts with this fight. No. He's not even using the sword yet. No, he's just, this is just like a staff at this point. Well, he's on his way to Meg Foster's house. Right. So he rolls up to the old Foster residence. And, uh, now she, did she date Stallone or Schwarzenegger? Does it matter?

I mean, they are. I guess they are the same thing. I have no idea. I think she did, but I would wager Sylvester Stallone just because I think Arnold was married to Maria Shriver for a very long time, but I have no knowledge of her dating either beefing. I just, I was just thinking of... I don't know her dating history. I mean, she was in movies with Roddy Parker and Dolph Lundgren. When I was reading trivia about her at some point,

I read something about one of them. Oh, yeah, I don't know. But also, but she's also, but she's in Lords of Salem, is she not? Is she not the witch and the main... Yes, I do believe that is Meg Foster. And I wanted to do a shout-up for Lord of Sam because it's the best thing in... Yeah, I'll keep plugging that movie four years on.

What the hell? It's great. He's got a movie coming out. It already has distribution. It's not even made yet. Oh, really? It's called 31 or something like that. Oh. Because he was going to do the blob for so long. Never mind. Let's get in there. Someone else is doing the blob because Sam Jackson just got cast. Oh, yeah, I didn't see that.

Get this motherfucking blob out of my motherfucking movie theater. I think it's Simon West, by the way. Oh, is Simon West directing it? I think it's a Simon West movie. I see. So he goes to Meg Foster's house, and he's he's looking for renowned character actor Terry O'Quinn who I've been noticing early on

in movies is being credited as Terrence O'Quinn. It's a Terrence O'Quinn. And he is moustacheless in this movie and you can fucking keep it. Goodbye. I mean he's moustacheless as John Locke on Lost but like when I think of like Terry O' Quinn in anything else but lost, I'm like he's got to have that mustache.

He's got a mustache when he plays a character. He plays a Super Soldier on the X-Files in season nine. But he's also in the X-Files movie as a different character. Look, if he's not going to have a mustache. Right. Just get David Morse. You're, wow. David Morse is the moustachless equivalent of Terry O'Quinn.

That's what you mean. You're getting the same caliber of excellent, older man character. You know, I'm glad we're getting to the bottom of something. Dude, we hate movies. Clearing up questions. Left and right. So he's like, hey, I was, I'm looking for your husband. And she's like, well, we got divorced and he lives in. Reno. Right. Mr. Devereaux. Yes. Devereaux. So she's like, you know, come on in, war buddy. And don't we before this, see him being hung from a building? Oh, he is being dangled Shug Knight style. Right, right. Yeah. Like a casino with this evil Western businessman. Mr. Devereux, you're going to cook us that meth. And the guy who has a name, but his nickname's Tex, and I've just always called him Tex, who's in every movie. Oh, yes.

Yes, big, just know him as text. Tex Cobb or something? I don't know. Ty Cobb. Are we talking about the gentleman that plays the bounty hunter in Raising Arizona? Yes. Skaggs? Slag. Slag. Slag. Slag it is. Slag it is.

Right. He was also in one of the naked guns. It's the third one maybe? In prison? I don't remember. He is in a naked gun movie. Yeah, he's all over the place. Tex whatever. Tex. I'm just calling them text. Yeah.

I'm pulling up the internet ticket. You can't take it. The thing is, so the other side of this movie is Terry O'Quinn. Chris Cab and Randall Tex Cobb. Oh, really? Ah, I said Cobb. Well, you guys, whoa, the powers combined right here. Dude, we are Captain Idiot.

Our powers combined. So, yeah, the whole thing is Terio Quinn's kind of been, like, held captive by this drug lord. and forced to do like Heisenberg work Yeah So it's like And it is blue by the way It's blue

It's totally blue meth Blue meth This is the Breaking Bad Stole it Yeah I'm sorry Vince Gilligan I love you

But let me see Your VHS copy A Blind Fury You're signed VHS Signed by Terry O'Quinn I gotta say guys This is the past week

I'm my I don't I feel like Vince Gilligan It's not always cracked up to be why what else happened um he came what else happened to you this week with vince gilligan he came in third on celebrity jeopardy oh wait you said he got housed by someone who he shouldn't have neil flyne neil flynn yeah from uh the janitor from scrubs and the guy in the middle

oh yes yeah for those eight people out there watching the middle yeah i believe he's a second city guy yeah he's a he's a big improv guy you might remember him from the fugitive giving a shot on the fugitive. Of course I do. Which, um, did what's his face direct the fugitive? No, he directed at least clear and present danger. Philip No. Yeah, he did clear and present danger. All right. Yeah. And I think Patriot games as well. Getting my Harrison Ford movies mixed up.

So, yeah, so Terrio Quinn's being held captive in the penthouse of a Reno casino. And he's being forced to cook blue meth. Oh, it's not a penthouse. It's like a janitor's closet. But it's on the penthouse level. It's the janitor's closet on the pan-house level. Yes, yes. And he's cooking that sweet, sweet blue dream. It's getting visited by this showgirl who comes into this movie for no reason.

Well, I think she's his girlfriend, actually. I think that's what we're led to believe. Yes, I think, yes. Because they sort of hint that they live together, even though he's been fucking kidnapped and putting this janitor's closet for most of the movie. This is what happens when you're a chemist in America. Exactly. dude, exactly.

Better look out. Unless you want to go work for big pharma. Right. Yeah, you either make boner pills or you make fucking blue meth for some Reno tycoon. Yeah, both are totally blue.

And what is the the kingpins name here, McCready or something? I think it's McCready. It's almost always McCready. Yeah, well, it's also sort of a vague drug trade, except the situation is he's terrible at being

like a king's He's awful at it. And he's in debt to, like, other mafia or something? Well, he's, like, the loser of the group. It's so awesome. On the strip. Yeah, McCready, by the way. They are making fun of him at all the big, like, union meetings that they've got.

Well, let's point out, first of all, not for nothing. We're in Reno and not Las Vegas. Oh, yes. So, you know, Reno, if he... Well, even for shitty... I mean, we'll get to it, but even for shitty casinos, this place looks like a Denny's. yeah you're getting home fries wherever you turn it's really gross but anyway so so we cut we cut back to florida and it's like you know yeah we got a divorce he talked about you all the time his

picture is still up oh by the way you're presumed dead and you're on the vietnam war memorial wall uh you know all this stuff and they're just kind of chatting catching up the shit-eaten kid comes in and this is the kid by the way played j t on step by step really And we have talked about this kid before Because he was Yeah Because he's also He's been a piece of shit somewhere else

Yeah he's the piece of shit He's the kid in Ford Fairling Wow That the dice man adopts at the end of the moment Oh my God That's this guy Oh my God Interesting trivia about this kid

Please While shooting some season of step by step He was involved in a traffic incident Where he was shot in both arms What does that even happen? I don't know but he thought it was a great idea to put this on his IMDB profile.

What? That and yeah, and he dropped out of acting and he's like working out a gas station. In his IMDB bio, he says that he's in a gas station. It's a gas station owned by his parents. Wait a second.

So says his IMDB bio. Why would somebody update that? I'm saying. I don't know. Leave it a dream, man. That might be. true, but it's not him putting it up there. It's a people. It was some mean

person. Yeah, people that hate his guts, some townies. Oh, I saw JT from step by step working at a gas station. Better go update IMDB. If that's the case, that person's the biggest loser on the planet. Yes. Yeah, they're out there. Updating JT's IMDB

profile. Oh, they're out there. They'll do it. So anyway, you know, there's a knock at the door, a little ratat-tat-tat. And these two police officers just barge into this house and I'm like, well, that's fake police. Like, it's clearly fake police because, like, and here's the thing, if you're dressing up like a police officer, as a criminal, if you're dressing up as a police officer to like fool somebody. Also a great

idea. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Are they not? I thought they were corrupt cops. No, I think that, I think, well, I think they're phony baloney police officers. I think they are phony baloney, but there is a chance. There's always a chance that they're a corrupt cop because that line. I mean, it could, I mean, it just could be the bad acting. I'm not. I'm not. I I'm not going to tell you it couldn't be that. Yeah, you know what? It might be the bad acting. But, you know, well, you would think if it's a trained police officer,

even if he's crooked, you're going to come to the door, you're going to do everything right, you know. You're going to be how Joe Pesci pretends to be a cop in the first home alone. And I guess you're not going to be followed by a cigar chomping fucking stonehead. Yeah, you're not being followed around by a man named Slag. Yes, that's correct. Correct. And so they really aren't great at, like, keeping the facade up for very long. Like, they barge in, like, where's the kid, bitch? And she's like, what? And they're like, ah, we need to talk to your son. He may have been witness to a crime. And she's like, oh, okay. I thought you called me a bitch for a second.

And, you know, they're looking around for the kid. And then Rucker Hauer, like, smells evil on these guys. The thing here. And, you know, it's all like what seems to be the problem officer. And then, again, not keeping up. the facade, in-run slag, and he's just breaking in, and so, like, Rucker Hower assumes, or she assumes that he's a detective, because he's wearing this cheap suit, and he's not dressed like a police

officer. Right. And they just, they get into it. Oh, my God. And this is where, if I was like, ever, if an ounce of my soul was on the fence about this movie, oh, this scene hammers at home.

Because you realize his walking stick is also a sword. And you realize Slag is actually shooting Meg Foster with a shotgun. Dude, that's how this thing kicks off. It's like, oh yeah, shotgun. And I'm like,

oh, Meg Foster's in this movie, that's cool. Nope, not making it out of this scene. Dude, we're not even at like 15 minutes. She's blasted away. It's a cameo performance. And the cops are like, hey man, we didn't sign up for this. But the blind man is a witness to the crimes.

And I think even they are doing the little wave across the face thing. Oh, everyone's awful. Oh, by the way, by the, geez, did we, do we mention that Billy flips him off? Oh, yeah, the kid flips him off and he grabs his hand. That's how he's announced. That's how you announce your secondary character, man. Yep. I'm a shithead. Yep. This kid kind of sucks. Oh, yeah, big time. So anyway, that kid's already gone. And here we're, uh, here we're. we have three guns pointed at Rucker Howard and he's got his

walking stick and he's pulling it up oh boy what comes out of that Sword Town we're going to Sword Town and what happens completely severes one of these cops' hands and what's awesome it's like muscle memory of the hand yeah the hand

fires the gun post severing yeah it's on the floor and it shoots a bullet oh God it's great and then he just slashes these other fuckers up oh man The one guy gets, like, jacked up against the wall, and Rutger Howard, like, just pulls that up a little bit. Oh, yeah.

Just that, eh, eh, eh, just get that sword right up into that rib cage. This dude's dead instantly. Oh, yeah, dude, all those bones are gone. That's what I, the second cop is hilarious to me, because first he gets him up against a wall, and he, like, does the old, like, back forth thing. Yes. Like, and Chris just acted it out for everyone.

I acted it out. I don't know why I did that. I wasn't even looking, so I, still have no idea. Oh, do it again. Oh, yeah. The old, like, I'm going to slash one way and then slash the other way across your chest. It's the under upper.

But because, like, they don't, like, it's a, uh, the uniform is like dark blue. You can't see blood. So it just looked like he was having a heart attack suddenly. He's like, ghar. Yeah, no, he's not having a heart attack, though. His insides are falling out onto the floor. Well, no, because he comes back out for him. Who?

Slag. Oh, slag. No, no, no. The second cop comes back out. Oh, before he gets jacked up against the wall? Yeah, after that, he comes back. Oh, Jesus. And he gets like...

And he gets like... And he gets like the... Well, I'm going to do the movement again. Where... Oh, right. He takes the sword and, like, Rucker Howard does the cool. Like, he's not even looking and, like, shoots it backwards. That's what you're right.

That's when he gets the guy. Oh, it's all awesome, you guys. It's all awesome. Don't worry about it. It's pretty wonderful. It's so awesome. It's confusing because there's a sword flying around. You don't know what's happening.

The fight. choreography in this movie is really impressive. It's great. It's really, really well done. This is better than your age of Ultrons and all your other fighter movies. Let me tell you something. This movie cost $180 million less than the age of Ultron

action scenes you can follow. Yeah. Like, I like that movie, but I'm not getting dizzy watching Blind Fury. I know where every character is at all times. On the screen, where they're standing on the set. I mean, I kind of miss back in the old days when I could just watch a, you know,

a 40-year-old man hit someone with a sword. Instead, I got to watch a green monster get punched with a space arm. Do you also miss big band music? Sometimes, if it's a raucous evening, I've had a couple drinks. Eric really misses the year 1998. That fucking big band revival. Crank in the vitroa. What a time to be alive.

Back then, man, when I was traveling around following the Bryant Setser Orchestra across the country. So anyway, Meg Foster's dying words are like, my ex-husband's in Reno, take the kid there, avenge me dead. And I'm like, wow. Adios, Meg Foster. Thought we had more time with your beautiful gray eyes. Well, but now we also know that, like, so, you know, Terrence O'Quinn. Yeah, and Rucker Hauer were in NOM together, and, like, he was the one that... Yeah, Tario Quinn's kind of, like, responsible for the blinding for some reason.

I didn't understand that. He's like, he was a complete coward, and then he got blinded? Is that what happened? Terrio Quinn, like, like, pussyed out about something? Yeah, that's what it sounded. Like, Hacker lost his son. They were, like, juggling a grenade or something. That's not what happened. It was a sneak attack. Right. Well, yeah, and... Grenade. juggling. They were playing with

phosphorus, you know, the flares. They were just joking around with one another. I was trying to show them how cool it is when you burn certain compounds and they make different colored flames. And then I just lit gunpowder on fire. No, seriously, I could put it in my ass. Come look closer. And that's how it happens. You had to pass

the time somehow. If you blind your best friend in war by lighting a fart on fire, that's embarrassing. It's probably happened. That's shameful. I would, I mean, I think, yeah. They got I'm going to take you to the hague for that. That's a dishonorable discharge.

Yeah, I think that's... I don't think the hayd necessarily. Can we just all stop for a second and acknowledge the dual joke that was dishonorable discharge? You're welcome, everyone. Thank you. Actually, I'm going to leave now on high note.

So Rucker takes this kid and, like, the kid kind of just goes quietly at first. Like, all right, fine. He's like, where's my mom? And he's like, don't worry. about that now. We just have to get going. And the kid's like, all right. We'll pick this

up again later. Sure, stranger. And then, you know, we proceed the first of many scenes of people riding on a bus in this movie. We're on public transportation an awful lot in this movie. And there's a thing where he almost gets busted by a cop, but then

like... Oh, well, because the kid's making a scene in the bus station, and this police officer comes up like, hey, is everything right over? Oh, right over here? And Rutger Hower touches this dude's chest, and he's like, sure is. and he feels around for the badge and he's like, officer. Like, if you're not wearing a badge

in that situation, right? And he's feeling your chest, I'd be like, all right, blind guy, I get it, but what are you doing? I'd be like... What are you feeling around for? I'd be like, yo, if someone like Rekar Howard did that to me, I'd be like, I'm in my apartment's not too far from here.

You know? Like the prom queen for once? Yeah. So probably the most famous scene in this movie, I guess like internet famous. is, because this is the scene that sold me on doing this episode. Yeah.

They're at a bus stop. Or the bus is like, you know, pulled over, taking a bathroom break or whatever. They're on the bus. They're on the bus to go to. We're taking a bus from Florida to Reno, Nevada, by the way. That is a long, fucking ride. Yeah, listeners not familiar with American geography.

Jesus Christ, that's a long time to be on a bus. And yeah, they don't account for it in the movie. No, not really. All of a sudden. Again, nightcrawler. Yeah. All of a sudden, it's like, now, leaving Alabama and you're just like

Jesus, that's already like fucking 20 hours on a bus. And you're on a butt like man, the smell. Yeah, a bus coming from the swamp of Florida. People eager to go to Reno, Nevada. Yeah, it's not

good. Plug it up, Bruno. Smell of vision. So, man. So we make a pit stop and you're refueling or whatever's going on. It's pouring rain outside. And Rutger Howard slips in the mud and you're like Jesus that's embarrassing this board you know blind guy

falls in the mud he takes it hard man well what's great is the kid like an asshole's laughing at him and then this kid eats shit too which is awesome right because the kid then runs out there and he fucking face plants on the dirt it's amazing it's just what this kid had coming and then he starts crying and that's no you know what there is no sweeter treat for me in a movie than when like a shitty kid who's being a dick about something like goes to like be arrogant in some way and hurts themselves or whatever and then starts crying oh yeah oh who's so tough now

doesn't he trip him with the cane oh does he really oh I didn't notice that does he yeah it's a whole like you swift justice this ninja shit man blink and you miss it this is some great yeah totally were you watching this on like a quarter of the speed no he was watching the movie He was slowing it down To catch the night crawling

Slown it This is where he teleports The verb is night crawling, by the way I think that's fantastic To catch the night crawling And then the kid says something about God he says that he might get pneumonia But the way he pronounces it

Do you remember that it? No, what does he say? Amunia or something? Amunia. Jesus. Maybe I was drunk But I think that happens And then the kid does the, this is the famous part, man.

He picks up this like gumball sized rock and he's like, okay, hey, they gave me a piece of candy, want it? And he's like, yeah, okay. And like Rutger Hower, at this point, you've been blind for two decades, okay? If someone's going to give you something to eat, like don't open your mouth like a baby bird. Like put your hand out. The village, maybe they fed him like that. Oh, I guess that could be. Actually, you do see him being fed by the villagers, hand to mouth.

But also, this kid's been nothing but a piece of shit to you. Like, from beginning to end, and I understand it's a kid, and you have to be understanding and everything. But, like, why do you think, like, really honestly, if a kid's, like, been a shit to you this whole day, and then all of a sudden's like, hey, here's a piece of candy. Yeah, the shit tap has not been plugged just yet. So he puts a rock in Rutger-Hauer's mouth, and then Rutger Hauer, pretends to swallow it and the kid's like mortified and then he spits it back at him and nails him right in the noggin oh yeah take that kid take it once again eat shit

j t you little monster god it's awesome i mean in andrew's defense this kid is pretty obnoxious in this movie and he's really overdoing it and you know what's kind of weird like they're just getting on that bus covered in mud yeah gross it's really really gross And, I mean, again, you're in, that's a long trip you still got ahead of you. Because this is just in Alabama, right? It's like right when they cross over. It's not specified, but... Odds are they still had a long way to go.

A long time and a lot of not washing to do. So there's a little bit of like a flashback thing going. Not a flashback so much as like, he's like, so you were friends with my dad and he kind of goes into it. Like, you know, we were friends. Oh, no, this is, it's literally a flashback. This is where he... you see what happens. Right.

And he's like, you know, yeah, your dad and I, like, met in basic training. We were fast friends, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then, you know, we learned we were coming home or whatever the situation was. You know, it was the night before they were going to go home. Right. Yeah, two days away from retirement from Army. And, like, it's really, like, they're treated as, like, really, like, assholes. Like, they're setting off fireworks in this fucking, like, this tiny, like, I'm sorry, you're in Vietnam still.

Like, yeah. I know tomorrow was the day, but, like, really, like, saying off fireworks and stuff like that, and, like, not to say they deserve what happens here. But so someone throws a mortar in and the place goes to shit. Right, that's, right. That's why I thought they were juggling grenades. Okay.

Well, yeah, they were playing a little grab-ass in the barracks. Yeah, they're playing grab-ass with fireworks. That's all. Yeah. That's all. You know, just tossing fireworks around like you do. Yeah. And then...

So they pull over... See, this is the thing. this movie little bit of a little bit of a lag like not a slow start but a little bit of a lag once we get going into the second act kind of thing because we're just making another pit stop and this

is the pit stop where the kid gets out and he's like kind of buddies with Rucker now and he's like the story the story kind of yeah exactly yeah exactly the story did exactly what it was supposed to do made this kid fall for it but so he's like he runs to a pay phone

and Rucker like hangs up on him And he's like, hey, I got to call my mom. And he's like, eh, your mom's dead. Well, it's amazing. He goes down, he's like, look, Billy, I got something to tell you. And then they do this crane shot. Like, it's the end of the majestic. That's a good reference.

And, like, it did, like, he goes running off. He goes running off into the cornfields. Yeah, so all of a sudden, we're north by northwesting here for a little bit. And this is when slag and the, like, this is what I appreciate about, about, about, slag. He does not outsource his goons. He hires local talent. Oh, that wasn't the suicide squad? It was not the suicide squad. The truck full of hillbillies? I was certain that was the suicide squad. Who knows how that movie's going to turn out? But if Tex Cobb was in it, I would be more excited for that. Oh, I'd be way more. Him is the gator person. Oh, yeah. Oh, of course. I'm Gator Man or something.

Well, they got Killer Crock. Killer Crock. That's what I'm thinking about. That's what you meant when You said the gator man. Okay. So we're running through these cornfields. And this is what I appreciate about Slag. He's hiring the local talent. Yeah. He's a big Reno so-and-so of the Reno Mafioso.

And we don't even know really how he's tracked them down. No, it is completely not explained at all. I imagine it's kind of like wildling calls. He just goes into like the middle of town and just does like a wah. Right. And then other hillbillies. Yeah, hillbilly call out. Oh, I saw a kid.

So all of a sudden, yeah, the banjo is flipping the fuck out, and we are hillbilly hunting this kid in the cornfield. And Rutger Hauer, again, just using his hearing powers to daredevil these people. He tricks a dude into shooting another dude, awesome. Then just straight up murders the other guy. Oh, this is the guy, I think, that he jams it in and then pulls the soul. up, thus cutting him in half. Yeah,

there, this is... I mean, there's a couple of those as we'll get to the end of this. I mean, it's just amazing. He fertilizes those crops. Oh, Jesus. Because you know when you die, you also shit. Yes. That's why I was... So it's double to. Yes. There's a weird

moment where we cut back to McCready and it's like, so slag messed up or whatever. This guy's a ninja or something, boss. And he's like, then get me Bruce Lee. And this guy's just like, Bruce Lee's dead.

And he's like, all right. Well, get me Bruce Lee's brother. A martial artist, perhaps, sir. You're just like, Jesus Christ, McCready. Come on. Bruce Lee's brother. Yeah, get me friendly. Take this guy out.

So we make it to Reno, like after this cornfield incident. And then they're instantly kidnapped by Nick Cassavetes and another guy? Oh, by the way, this is my favorite. Nick Cassavetes is Lyle. The other guy? Tector.

Oh, Tector. Tector is this name. Tector is the name. Lyle and Tector, it's a reference to some big Western movie that I can't think of right now. Lyle and Tector are characters in other movies. Oh, are they?

Yeah, but, you know. So we've got a shared cinematic universe. I think that's what we're led to believe. Blind Fury and whatever movie I don't know if it's a magnificent seminar And the naked spur So they put They put the kid

And Rutger Hower in this van They're kidnapping them And this is they got Nick Cassavetes This dude tecter And then the lady friend Yes I guess she was used as bait or something I don't really remember what the situation was

Like she's staying at this house I think she is bait Like I think she's just like To get them in the door Right But I don't like Like again they don't really make it clear exactly

what her relationship to Terry O'Quinn is like she just kind of like goes in and says hi to him once. Oh, it's a wild bunch reference. Oh yes. There we go. Thank you. Yeah, Lyle and Tector, a wild bunch of people. So, yeah, they have all three of them and so in the back are the kid

Billy and Parker. Yes. And so the sword gets through, this is an amazing trick that Rutger Howard's character pulls off here. Because the sword gets thrown out the window. And Rutgers just like, start counting. Yeah.

Count out loud. And the kid's like, okay. But did we notice before then that two things. One, Lyle cuts his finger and makes. Oh, grossest line I've heard in a while. Makes the show, like, makes the show grow. What's the line? Lick my wound?

Like he cuts his thumb. And then he's like, hey, hey, baby doll, I'm bleeding. How about you lick my wound? Also, check your year. AIDS. Oh, God. Yeah, so she's got it. Yeah, like.

Meanwhile, in the back. But then, like... It gets worse, though, because she does it. Yeah. And then he's, like, she starts biting him. And he's like, oh, fuck, yeah, harder. Oh, yeah, baby. This is fantastic.

And poor Tectors just driving this van, like, I didn't sign up for that. Fuck that. I know, I mean, we're brothers, but like, man, no. No. You promised me no wound licking. Thankfully by now Rutger Howard has freed himself of his chains

and has started to set shit on fire in the back of this truck. I love this. Like just the sheer not giving his shit about how you get out just so long as you get out the van. They're like, how are we going to get out of here? And he's like, just start stuff on fire. They'll figure it out. Hey, Billy.

Did you hear about what happened in Waco, Texas? I'm going to I'm going to caress these motherfuckers. Do you want a blaze? Let's make a blaze. So this van's on fire. And they pull over and they open the door. And this kid's hitting him in the mouth with a fire extinguisher.

They're getting the foam all in their mouth. And then, like, he chucks it at Nick Cassavetes and knocks him unconscious. What happens to the other guy? How does he get knocked down? I think he's got... I think Rucker Howard had knocked him with the door. Oh, yeah. That's a good move.

And then they grab the car, the late. Yeah, they grab the van and now the woman's driving and they have to turn around and go back and he makes Billy counts the count backwards to get to the point where they could find the cane. Yeah, he stopped at like 34 or something like that. And he's like, all right, stop the van. And we're just going to get out and look for this. you know what I would have appreciated right here this is where like why are we going back for this sword

little bit of sword backstory this movie is only like 86 minutes long I could have used like you know four minutes of sword backstory like I got this from the people that rescued me in Vietnam is something like that

well actually I kind of like the training sequence I kind of wanted more again like I get it cutting the squash quite enthralling but uh... let's see you do it

I understand I'm never going to have that chance. Oh, yeah, you're goddamn right, you won't. I find cutting a vegetable to be the highest thing of martial art. It's just a little silly. It was like that what happened to him, it was like a good rescue Don. It was like, now that worked out for me. Yeah, this dude had no little Dieter experience.

That's for sure. Yes. That's for sure. Yeah, he looked out there. What would impress you if they hucked a fucking pig at him and he cut that in? A live pig? Yeah. Maybe if they hucked Steve Zahn at him?

Like, he was another... They'll just cut him in half. It's like they made him cut up other POWs. No, like, I just want to norm, like, defeat your master type scene. Right, okay. That's like, that's all I'm talking about. I'm not talking about nothing crazy here. Well, that's what's sort of nice about this training thing, because, like, there's no clear-cut master.

It's all, like, the village coming together to be like, yeah, we're going to help this guy. Well, the one guy is training him. It's the one guy is the guy who is, like, training with the sword. Well, you got to have a guy who's, like, managing... Sure. The outfit. So, Chris, you wanted him to get to the point where he would strike down this master? Yes.

And become the Lord of the Village, man. Oh, wow. He should never come home. So then, like, they get the sword, and he accidentally steps on this woman's glasses. And at this point, these two hoodlums have stolen a car from an old lady. From these old ladies. And that's a great moment because they're just like, what? And then, well, no, it's awesome because this badass granny, like, stands up and picks up a,

pulls a, like, revolver out of her purse. It's a god killer, man. It's amazing. It's right out of dirty Harold. She's just like, suck this dirt bags. And just, like, starts firing at this car and, like, blows out the back windshield. And I'm like, this movie's so awesome. Even the grandmas are kicking ass.

And then in the background, so I was like, Mom, stop shooting. Oh, man. So this lady's like, okay, well, I can't drive without my glasses. And Rutger Hower's idea is, well, I can. The kid will just navigate. Cut to speeding through downtown Reno with a blind guy driving, which, hello, this movie, 1989, a certain scent of a woman, 1992. There's even more connections we'll get to later. Oh, yeah.

But this scene is crazy because Lyle and Tector are now. brandishing firearms shooting at this van in broad daylight downtown yeah in the middle of day day traffic so we're going through these streets like firing wildly and it's like what i was kind of wondering what's more dangerous at this point the gunfire or this blind man driving a van through crowded city streets i don't know he's almost driving he's almost like knocking this one guy off the road and the guy's like oh hey what are you blind and he just looks he turns and he's like as a Matter of fact, I am. And the guy puts on the break, like, go ahead.

Rucker and Howard also says, what's your problem? He's like, yes, I am. What's your problem? Well, the best thing is, is that the woman, the reason the woman isn't driving is because she lost her glasses. And she's like, I'm blind without my glasses. He's actually blind. Yeah, totally. What shit's going to be a little fuzzy for you?

This guy's blind is a bad. Oh, my God. And he does have sonar. So that does help a little bit A little bit But they come like inches away from Like crashing into a brick wall Which is pretty hilarious

Yeah and it's one of those like Billy yells Stop And then Rucker Howard slams on those brakes To the point where it instantly stops Right before impact So they get away They get to You know this woman brings them to a safe house

Where there's like another friend And now this is It's very smart What this movie does at this point because this movie knows this kid totally sucks so he's like listen

hang out here on the movie sidelines while I go do some really cool shit without you and I was like oh my god this movie has the brains to ditch the kid for a little bit awesome

and he goes to like the hotel where he knows you know McCready works and whatever and Denny's the Denny's the casino it's the casino The Denny's slots.

Denny's casino and 24-hour breakfast. Yeah, and you can get a room if you find a dame you like. No bed. Talk about a grand slam breakfast. Just a blanket and pillows. I'm going to give you the moon over Miami. Oh, excuse me, Miami. There's a weird moment where he's sitting at a roulette table.

Oh, this is great. They do a... Do you guys know? this for a second. They do a special effect to like show you how he can hear them from across the room. Because like he's sitting at this roulette table

and you see McCready and Slag and everybody like way off in the distance. Yeah. And you can hear what they're saying but it's like kind of garbled with an audio filter. Yeah. And as they you hear Rucker Hower Howard like listening to them. You see him listening to them from across the room

and it's like it's like all right that's like his he's got superpowers this movie confirms Murdoching he's Matthew Murdocking and as they get closer the like the effect wears off you just hear them talking normally they don't recognize him they haven't met him yet

and so he's just kind of gambling and I don't understand he's gambling for a really long time he's made a lot of money at this roulette table his case in the joint man is that what he's just sitting there getting the lay of the land I think so and it's like I'm gonna wait until you know I'm gonna build up my empire

fire here. Yeah, wait till I, you know, hear McCready come too close or something on, you know, then I'll strike or whatever. And this is where we hear a little more about like McCready's problems where it's like he has to sell these drugs to get out of debt he owes on the casino

because the casino's been losing a lot of money or something. Like, worst vague drug trade operator ever. Oh, yeah. It's amazing. And so they notice like, oh, this dude's doing really well at the table. I think maybe this is why he does it to get their attention or something.

Right. And then he hears like this beeping thing going off. And you're like, what is that noise? And, you know, they're gambling and gambling and gambling. And the beeping is getting louder. And then Rutger takes out this sword. Well, it's, they change the guy. A dude swaps out.

Right. Yeah. And so it's a new guy who's dealing or dropping the ball and taking the bets or whatever. And he hears the beeping and he swipes at this guy's pocket. And a little like indicator thing is in his pocket. Right. says like the number it actually landed on. Yes. And then he uses

the sword then to flip up the roulette thing instantly exposing the con. In like two swipes of a sword, he exposes the fraudulent casino to everyone in the room. It's amazing. Like they have like a magnetic thing going on with the with the ball. Yeah. And this, it's amazing because

what happens next is one of my favorite parts of this movie, it's a good old fashion casino flip out. Because everyone is just like They're fleece and us. And everyone starts like flipping tables and grabbing chips. Oh my God. It's mass hysteria.

Yeah, chips are flying. And then Lyle and Tector finally catch up. And they're like, oh, what's going on in the boss's casino? They're just preoccupied punching random customers in the face. Yeah, they've got to punch their way through it, actually. And he's also overheard the keypad to this like private elevator to get up to the penthouse or whatever. Because he's searching for Terry O'Quinn at this point. He's heard, or the lady has said, like, they keep him up at the top floor.

I've never, I've seen him. He's somewhere in the building. The guy at the top floor knows where he is. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah. And so he makes his way over there and a couple of, like, bodyguards try to catch him, but it doesn't, you know, it comes to nothing. He gets to the top floor. And did you notice who one of these, like, beefcakes were?

Oh, I don't know. The guy with the mullet, the Asian fella, his tiger chunk. Lee. He's the guy from the beginning of red heat that Arnold beats the shit out of in the snow. Oh, yeah. He throws out the window of the bathhouse and beats him to death. Nice. Same dude. Makes sense. Playing this bodyguard.

I love seeing that guy getting beaten to death. And we're just getting more fights with these dudes and everything. And he finds Terry O'Quinn. He's locked in this room, this broom closet making this mess. You missed him getting, he disarming these two guards. He gets to the fat

man. McCready's fat man oh right it's like this this is like a older gentleman yeah the it's a mini boss in like a texan hat it's like a Jabba do hut but like I don't remember though what does he do to this guy he does the he slices his

eyebrows off oh yeah because the fact I don't understand this fat guy like the fat guy logic doesn't work he's sitting there he's a lazy shit and all he's done he's got a gun don't get me wrong he's got a gun but Rutger Howard comes up to him, and he's, like, taken out his blade, and he's like,

you're going to tell me where Terrence O'Quinn is. Right. And he's like, no, I'm not. Like, dude, no, no, no, no. This dude has heard pray tell of the blind guy fucking with all the other hoodlums. And I just remembered this is actually the climax of a scene where he's like kind of like, they're kind of running back and forth at each other. Yeah.

And Rutger Howard at one point has to just run out of the room. room and like get away from everyone to regroup yes and he's crawling on the ground he's having flashbacks to vietnam yes and then we cut back to where he is crawling on the ground and somehow he's gotten into like a musical equipment room he's in like it's a ballroom and he's on the stage and there's guitars falling on it but he's just crawling there's he's crawling onto a drum set with a guitar on his back making the loudest racket you ever heard like what are you doing this is around the time one of the funniest

most ridiculous lines in the movie is one of the guys goes I'm going to put that blind guy in a wheelchair I fucking lost it and so this is it's pretty great

because he's surrounded at this point well this is way we're skipping over a lot of stuff it's all just fighting fucking well I mean they get well because they kid

the kid and they kidnap the lady and they're like and Terrence O'Quiv and we're still at the hotel but doesn't the rock concert thing happen at the happens at the end because the fat guy that he just cut the eyebrows off of gets killed there oh i see well the the point about the eyebrows was he he swipes at this dude's face and you just see a fake pair of eyebrows just fall on the floor it's a good gag this movie has

a sense of humor about stuff no yeah i like that stuff was what like really drives it i think yeah So in the spirit of how we're going to get out of this enclosed space, let's set this meth lab on fire. Terry O'Quinn's like dumping chemicals all over the place. He takes like the one box of blue meth, I guess for posterity. I don't really understand why he keeps it with him. I think just to have like a coin in the game, like just in case, like because, I mean, it turns out he does need it. Oh, he definitely needs it. I mean, so, I mean, I think it's just good to have a chip in the game.

I would do the same thing. So they escape from the hotel And they go back to the safe house And he's like Your son's here Don't worry about it They get in there This lady who barely has a name

Like the friend who owns this house Is just shot in the head And the kids kidnapped And the lady friend Showgirl is yeah Annie And so it's like You have to meet us at this ski resort For some reason

And I was like skiing in Nevada Where are we going? I mean I guess it is I'm sure it exists What are you going up there meet Matthew Mulrick? Like, what the fuck is going on here? Any good villain has a good ski lodge hideout, I guess. That's true. It is the

late 80s. Well, there's a weird thing. There has to be a lot of skiing. We're going up on like the big ski lift up to the lodge and we have the Terrio Quinn and Rutger Hauer heart to heart where he's like Rutgers like, you know, by the way, I want to tell you like, yeah

I was mad, you're responsible for blinding me in Vietnam, but I got over it and I'm a different person. but you know we're cool like the patience on this man like it's all practice it's all thanks to those villagers i would have been so petty i would have been like even if you turned into a supernatural being because of that experience i still think i have to give him one like good like fuck you dude i mean i think even matt murdock is still kind of pissed off with that truck driver oh really yeah oh man come on everyone let's stop i mean i don't think stick you know

totally turned him. Yeah, all right. Terry O'Quinn mentioned something in the ski lift, too, about how he's made, quote, bathtub napalm? Good God. Sure.

Okay. That's something you want to be brewing at home. Yeah, in a bathtub. Some homemade napalm. Yikes. I've made that in the toilet, not in the tub. Well, it suggests that you're,

like, so poor, like, you deal in napalm, but you're so, poor, you have to make it in a bathtub. So the ski lift gets to the top of the thing and all the dudes are there waiting for them and they open fire on this thing. Really shoot the shit out of

it good. And Nick Cassavetes has another disgusting line where he's like, that thing's got more holes than daddy's rubbers. Oh yeah. And you're just like, oh, for the love of God. Oh man, do we need his origin story?

You can fit it in here. Again, like I said, this is that you said me, you want to fit in five minutes of figuring out how this guy with, is it a sleeveless cowboy shirt it is, isn't it? Yes. It's a sleeveless cowboy shirt. It doesn't look like homemade either. No. Someone tailored that shirt to look like that. That's intentional.

Someone paid good money for that. Idiot brother, co. Yeah. Oh, man. But so, you know, I don't understand how they got out of the ski lift. thing. They go underneath. There's like a, like, I guess they went under... I see how the movie tries to

present that, but it is the tiniest little hole. Danny DeVito's not fitting through that hole. Well, yeah, but he's a round shape. Yeah, he's a little... He's got a string being like Terrence O'Quinn. I guess so, but they could have done a better job at opening up that floor. I don't know how they're getting all their

packs and stuff down there, too. That's a little dubious. You're dragging all the homemade napalm. That's as well. Your bathtub napalms on your person which he totally drops on the floor of this like people mover and Rucker Hauer's like

fuck! And he's like oh no no don't worry about it it's good I got it I'm sorry Really? Are you sure? You just told me that's napalm Which and here's the thing Rucker Hauer has got to be shit in his pants a little bit because here's the guy

who was a coward in Vietnam Right And he's his number two for this final battle And he's dropping napalm on the floor Get your shit together Maybe if that explodes, I'll become not blind. Yeah, maybe that's got to be the same guy who did it. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, it's a magic trick. Oh, I see what you're saying. But anyway, they get underneath and now we're fighting in a hallway. Fighting in a hallway, this is the best. This is because this is where his cowardice comes back into play. It's because they're both in the middle of this place and like Lyle and Tector and Hank and Hulk and Jack and Dink and whatever the hell else. Doink the clown. Yeah, Dink and Dink and Dink and Dink and Dink and Dink.

Doink, don't leave each other's side. They were both there. The doink twins are there as well. Well, they weren't twins. One was tall and one was a tiny person. Dick and Doink, the WWF wrestlers? Yeah, but what was their relationship? Were they fucking or were they related?

Possibly both. It is professional wrestling. That's an unwieldy backstory. I think they were just circus buddies that liked a good wrestling match. All right. Fair enough. I mean, call it what you want. Just don't rub it in my face.

You know, I can live with blinders on, too, Andrew. I decide not to. Speaking of living with blinders on, Rutger Howard. So Rucker Hauer and Terranzo Quinn are stuck in the middle of this hallway, and they're being like, like, guns are going off. They cannot move. Terence O'Kin gets one move to go and, like, Rucker Hauer is like, just go.

But wait for me at this place. Oh, yeah, you're right. Because I need you to do. this thing for me. Yep. And so he's like, okay, go. Go, go, go. Terrence O'Quinn just bail. He just books it. He books it.

Again. Like number two, I am shooting this guy when I see him next. It's that simple. Or, like, at least, like, a good smacking. So this is awesome though. So Nick Cassavetes has, like, Rucker Howard puts his sword up to his mouth or something. I don't really

remember what happens here, but, like, I remember the sword in the mouth and I was like shuddering. Like that was a real visceral reaction. Of course, he's just laughing and he's like, La la la la la. Oh yeah, your sword's so fucking sexy. I'm a weirdo assassin guy. La la la la la la la. Yeah, he's ready to die. He's ready

to go to hell tonight. And he winds up tricking, or it's not a trick, but like Nick Cassavetti's shoots Tector in the head like through the cowboy hat. Is that what happens? Yeah, I think they accidentally take each other out, Kind of, yeah.

Yeah. Because doesn't that happen? Is that at the rock concert fight off that we're at now? Um, I mean, that's how they die. I don't know the order of killing. Because listen, there's a lot of fucking killing. Yeah, there is a lot. I think this might be where they, where he goes on the floor, what I was saying earlier.

I'm sorry to ever jumping around too much. Yeah, it's a jumble. Oh, oh, it's a jumble. Because there's so much awesome shit happening. You cannot keep track of it. Yeah, you cannot count the awesome in this movie. It's 86 minutes of. pure gold. But on the cherry on top

of this this like rock concert massacre that's going on. That's a title for a movie. The best line of the movie happens in here because they surround him and he

stands up and is it Terry O'Quinn who takes out the lights? Yes. So the lights go out, complete darkness and they're like, where is he? Where is he? What's going on? And one guy says like I can't see him in all this darkness and Rutger Hower

like Batman like sneaks up behind him and goes that's where I live and starts breaking necks with Gerard Butler just slicing and dice in oh my God he takes out like

eight guys text butch dink doink Fred fart they're all getting taken out oh it's amazing man he cut fart laying waste yeah and the pig who had his eyebrows cut off he's the last one. The pig.

And he gets his taint cut. He's gutted. Oh, yeah. Bottoms up. Bottoms up. Eyebrowless old man. Your intestines are falling out through your taint. It's crazy. It's fucking crazy. I mean, I've never seen an old man get

murdered like this. That guy, that guy died nine times in half a second. I love it. It should happen more often. So then McGrady comes back out And he's like So you think you've taken out all my guys Well, I sent slag

What I do you point out The line The line, right before he says that McCreedy goes Well, well, well, Mr. Blindman Again, you know what, McCready You can't get this drug operation Off the ground, you can't keep a casino afloat

And you've got terrible one-liners Worst villain ever Yeah, he's pretty terrible villain. Mr. Blind man. Yeah. Nailed him.

And this is where like, listen, when you get the vague drug trade and you get so deep into that shit and you keep on going to the top, going to the top,

eventually a ninja shows up. Right? It has to. It happens in Marvel's Daredevil. It happens all the time. Too much drugs going around. There's going to be

a Japanese swordsman. Because that guy's cleaning house because that dude's not fucking around. Yeah. So here Shogesugi comes in and he's just ready to rock. I paid a pretty penny for this. Oh yeah. For a show. And we

just get down to some fucking fighting. Oh, and it's great. Oh, it's so good. Fight and fight and fighting. It's totally great. At one point you feel like, well this just might not come to anything but like a wire falls down by this hot tub

kind of precariously. But then all of a sudden, Rutger is standing up on the hot tub. And I'm like, is this the first movie where, like, someone has dangerously hovered above a hot tub? And long story short, Rutger jumps this dude in this electrified hot tub. Oh, yeah, because this dude, they're sword fighting. This dude grabs a line from the ceiling and swings across the hot tub to try to get one on Rutger here. Rutger just cuts the fucking wire out from under him. Yep.

Boom. You got yourself an electrocuted... Ninja. Yeah. Ninja Master. Zaptown, dude. One way ticket to Zaptown. And he is just electrocuted.

Oh, man, is it great? Fantastic. And so now, because it's a video game, we've got the second to last bad guy, which here's Slag back in action. And Rucker Howard, like, from across the room, throws a sword at him. Bad ass.

He's done with it at this point. He's like killed Slag twice already. And like, you know, he slag gets stabbed. He pulls the sword out. He throws it to the floor. Yep. Now we're into some serious trouble here. What is Rucker Howard going to do?

And folks, let me tell you, new favorite villain death in this movie. It's like he gets up, like, near a window, of course. Yep. Cuts him right in half. Slices him up. But this is what's great. about how they do it. Slice him up, the force throws

slag out the window, and remember everybody, we're on the top of a huge mountain, and he's fallen down this mountain, and just before he's out of sight, you see the little cartoon split in half. And you want to get, if you really want to get angry at George Lucas. Yes, this is exactly where

it's from. This is where Darth Mall. He gets Darth Mauled. He got Darth Mauled. This is where it's from. I don't give a fuck if you think he wrote those movies in the 70s. It is almost exactly the same shot. Almost exactly.

It's exactly the same shot. This is exactly where the gobbler got the idea to do that scene. It's all so much is connected from Blind Fury. If we did not have Blind Fury, we would be an empty society. I had to rewind it because it was early in the morning. I was just watching it on my laptop. I was so tired. I was like, I can't even hook the shit up to the TV.

We're just watching it on the laptop. And I'd been like sipping coffee and just kind of distract. and I was like, that motherfucker just break in half? I had to rewind it. I was like, greatest death ever. But you're totally right. He gets Darth mauled. Or rather, Darth Maul, gets

slagged. There we go. Much better. That's it. Now, this is what I... I guess I totally fucking missed it. But what happens to McCready? Because the next thing I know, we're getting ready to, you know, reunite families and we're at the bus station again.

I thought he just got cut up. I thought it was a good old fashioned cut job. Yeah, probably. But is it before or after the slag murder? Oh, no, it's after. Right? But I really think he's kind of like an afterthought. No, he is.

He totally is. He definitely is an afterthought. You know, maybe the fuzz picks him up. Whatever. I would like to think that he was also gutted in some fashion to keep the consistency with everything. I'm sure he was. But so we're reunited.

You know, we're all getting on a bus. It's a big happy family. It's my two dads. You know, and Rucker Hauer is like, you know what, you got to work on building this family, you know, like any good samurai, I'm just going to walk off, be on my own, be the lone wolf. And the kids like flipping the fuck out about it. He's like, I don't really even know this guy. My parents have been divorced for years. Your uncle Nick.

Well, fuck this. And Rucker Hauer walks off, basically. and this kid's throwing a tantrum but I love you I hate you how could you leave me and like dude how I mean like not I mean I'm sure yes I feel bad for the kid but like Terrence O'Quinn is like I lost my wife

I just like I'm trying to get my life back I was held captive making meth for fucking weeks he is he is more like a season 5 Jesse Pinkman than he is a Heisenberg yeah he's like burnt out and now his shit kid. Oh yeah. It's just like I want Uncle Nick

give me Uncle Nick and you know so you know what? Fine go with Uncle Nick then. Fucking Uncle Nick crosses the street a bus comes by and he's gone the best trick the devil ever pulled. Well there's the biggest bullshit line in this movie

is this terrible kid is like pouting down the street and he's like Uncle Nick I hate you. Or no what is it goes Uncle Nick I need you. I hate you. I hate you. I love you. And I'm like, you know, someday, kid, you're going to get in a traffic altercation and someone's going to shoot you in both your arms. And then he throws his like toy dinosaur thing over the overpass. Right. And Rucker Hauer's walking under it and he like, I presume

on water. It's a repeat. It's a, it's a callback to the beginning of the movie. When when Rucker first shows up at the house, this kid's got this little dinosaur statue and he throws it out the window and Rutger catches it and he throws the same statue off this bridge like I hate you fucking forever and he catches it like I'll always remember him by this shitty clay model he made

I always when that happened I pictured like 20 years from then yeah Rucker Howard is going to come come in to the dusty old town to visit this kid working at that gas station his parents own and be like look

I kept that after all these years Uncle Nick was always with you. And this kid's just like who? He's strung out on meth. I don't remember you. Do you want like, pack of lucky strikes for it? My real dad's Patrick Duffy. My stepmom was Suzanne

Summers. You guys ever watch that show? What? Step by step? No. No, I did not watch. I watch the shit out of that show. No, I did. That's what this kid was on. That was his biggest thing. No, I just like, I remember, the only thing I know about step by step is the credit sequence. Oh, yeah, that's one of the most

famous theme songs in the 1990s. That Full House, Urkel, they were all great. I don't think I ever watched a single episode of it, though. Yeah, I mean, you're not missing much. The two interesting things about this movie, one's great, one's a disappointment. One, produced by Tim Matheson. Tim Matheson Passion Project,

he spent years trying to get this off the ground. Well, that was the thing is I saw it. I'm like, oh, that's just some guy who's also named Tim Matheson. Yeah, you're going to find that guy's IMDB, and it's going to be Tim Matheson, parenthesis, number two in Roman numerals. But no, it's actual Animal House Tim Matheson wanted to adapt an American's out to Aichi. It's great. God bless him.

Yeah. He gave me something. Thank you, Tim Matheson. This movie's fucking awesome. This movie was my uncle Nick. I needed this movie. Now, let me tell you the bad news, though. Uh-oh.

They immediately tried to turn around a sequel that never materialized. Can you imagine Another round of this movie You know what You could still make this movie now Rutger Howard You can make the sequel Yeah do it

He's still just wandering around He could bring that goddamn toy dinosaur To the gas station like I said And then maybe I don't know Maybe there's some type of robbery No like he would have to It would be like a new kid

Like he would have to be like training a kid I would prefer You're still running around For whatever reason Maybe Terry O'Quinn is murdered. Sure. You know, and it turns out it's like a crooked army colonel or something like that. Someone from their old division.

Played by Powers Booth. Yes. Or Michael Ironside. Either. No, it's always Powers Booth. It's almost always Powers Booth says no. And then it's Michael Ironside. Then it's Michael Ironside. Because that's a definite yes. Now, who's recommending this movie?

Oh, I am definitely. You should see this. Immediately. I think it kind of goes without saying for me as well. Chris Cabin, what do you say? Oh, yeah. This is a great movie. What a fantastic time. What a fantastic 80-some-odd minutes.

We had so much fun with it. We couldn't even, you know, we couldn't remember it. It's all just a blur of swords, guts, and kick an ass. And that's also a credit to the movie because we were absorbed into it, having fun with it. And we weren't really thinking about, oh, we got to talk about it. Yeah, I wasn't sitting here writing down endless. plot points in my phone so I remember the movie I was enjoying it like I was caught

up enjoying this movie several points I was like oh fuck we're doing an episode on this look alive asshole yeah you know oh my god what fun what great fun blind fury and it's like if you've only seen that little internet clip that kid just get in the rock spit in his face that's only the beginning

oh yeah that's just half the story right there half the story okay an eighth maybe A little, a pebble. That's the fantastic blind fury from 1989, directed by Philip Noyes. If you want to get a hold of us, check out our website, wh-hmpodcast.com.

Check out the other shows on the network. Visit sideshownetwork.com. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast. If you have not got the Gilbert Godfrey episode yet, please go download that. We had a fantastic time chatting with him a couple weeks ago. It was a lot of fun. Right into the mailbag.

We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. Have you seen this movie? Is this one of the greatest American Ninja movies of all time? I think so. Sorry Michael Dutnikov and American Ninja and all that nonsense. Oh, man, he's going to take that hard. I know, I'm sorry. Well, that fourth movie, there's a weird pedophile villain.

Yeah. It creeps me out. Oh, yeah, he's like licking little boys' faces and stuff. It's fucked up. Stay tuned. It just might be a stay tuned. It's been a while since I've seen American Ninja 4, which is something no one should say ever.

it's either I haven't seen it or yeah I saw it and who cares but I'm like oh I don't rewatch that yeah looking faces clue for next week's episode basketball the clue for next week's episode is basketball and you know what I'm just going to say it's the basketball

diaries Spoiler we're ripping on the basketball I kid I kid of course It is not the basketball It's so funny So tune in next week, where we might be making fun of the basketball diaries. Possibly.

Until then, I'm Andrew Juppin. Chris Cabin. Eric Sisker. Take it easy.