We Hate Movies - S5 Ep205: Space Jam

Episode Date: May 26, 2015

On this week's episode, the gang tears into the completely ridiculous, total disgrace, live action/animation hybrid, Space Jam! Why is this movie about everyone in the universe bowing before Michael Jordan? If they're from our universe, why do these aliens look animated and not like real-life aliens? And what's with all the "slave" talk? PLUS: Those are some realistically drawn butt-cheeks on that Monstar... Space Jam stars Michael Jordan, Wayne Knight, Bill Murray, Larry Bird, Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Muggsy Bogues, Larry Johnson, Shawn Bradley and a bunch of sub-par third generation Looney Tunes voice actors; directed by Joe Pytka. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hey, gang, today's episode is brought to you by Next Issue. Go to Nextissue.com slash movies and sign up today for your free 30-day trial, which, by the way, is a $15 savings. This is a great deal, but it's only available if you go to Nextissue.com slash movies and sign up today. Now, here's the deal with Next Issue. It is like the Netflix of magazines. Okay.

Is what we're talking about here, which is awesome. Right. It's like an app that you've got it on your whatever. and you could Any tablet or any phone It doesn't have to be Apple nonsense Yeah and we're not talking about

Like just zines or anything right this Hello I'm Andrew Jupin Eric Siska Steven Sadek And we hate movies And we hate movies Hello everyone, welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning in.

As always, do we hate movies on the side show network? This week, we're talking about a movie that I saw twice in theaters, had the soundtrack on CD. I think there was a T-shirt involved. It's 1996's Space Jam, the Michael Jordan vehicle, directed, of course, by Joe Pitca, who I think he directed a bunch of music videos, and then the only other feature film he directed

was that movie where it's before Space Jam. It's where, what's it called, Steve? Where Richard Dreyfus has a gambling problem. He's like betting on horses, and he's like, oh, I want some money, and then gets addicted to gambling. That's the Richard Dreyfus story. Richard Dreyfus in the Richard Dreyfus story. Is that Pritz's honor?

No, it's not Priszie's honor. I think Jackson's. No, I don't know. I'll think of it at some point. But anyway, Joe Pitca directed this cartoon human hybrid of a movie that makes Roger Rabbit look like Citizen Kane. I mean, Roger Rabbit's a good-ass movie. Absolutely.

This movie's a piece of shit. If anyone is unfamiliar with this movie, and this was a massive movie. Sure. So much so that the website is still online to this day, which was always a fun thing to pull up. I think it's sentient. Oh, yeah, no, it's definitely...

I think Ultron was originally made up. Of the fucking space jam website. But Steve, if you went to say to somebody, there's this movie Space Jam, and they went, say, what? How would you qualify that statement? Michael Jordan, in his very short baseball heyday. Right. Gets pulled down to hell by the Looney Tunes who are being held hostage by aliens that want to take them to an alien theme park world. The only way to settle this is with a basketball.

game, which they do. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy, does it get settled? Sometimes you just got you got to resort to hoops. A lot of things in life sometimes comes down to a game of hoops. Is there some major thing that they settle via basketball in white men

can't jump? Everything. Yeah, right? Well, like, Woody Harrelson just keeps gambling and gambling. Not unlike Michael Jordan. And he gets like the shit kicked out of him a couple of times. Does Woody Harrelson gamble his way right? out of basketball like Michael did?

He kind of. Well, him and Wesley Snipes win that cool two-on-two tournament. Yep. And he's like, dude, I'll gamble you my half of the money that I could dunk. And, like, Wesley Snipes was like, no, man, the title of the movie. And he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, I can dunk.

Titles be damned. I'm Dunkin. Now, of course, if you're unfamiliar, this is also the movie that gave us one of the greatest soundtracks of the 1990s. And this movie gets right into it with I Believe I Can Fly, the R. Kelly song.

Eish. It plays three times in this movie. It's disgusting. I mean, in this song, everywhere in the late 90s, I mean, this song, it was all over the place. And radio stations that didn't play contemporary R&B were playing that song. You know what? Folks at home, try to take a

walk around a mall in 1990s, eight or seven. Yep. Absolutely. Try to go to a try to go to a graduation ceremony at all and not hear that song right graduation ceremony sixth grade dances i'm sure some weddings probably had it right do you think there's anyone out there that had i believe i can fly as their wedding first dance it's a weird song because it's an inspirational song it's not a romantic song no but it fills you with hope i guess but also i'm not looking to be inspired by the looney tunes or r kelly for that matter absolutely not really not

not. I don't need him inspiring anything. So that was your first wedding dance and did you get divorced? Yeah, that was my follow. Yeah, please write into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com.

So we start with Lil Michael Jordan. Oh, yeah. Because I believe I can fly. It's Michael Jordan. He's outside in the backyard. Little Michael Jordan. Shooting hoops. And his dad comes out. You know, not his real dad. uh just some guy playing his dad and this is also a

a kid playing young michael jordan oh yeah it's not michael jordan shrunk down i should be clear about yeah there wasn't a shrink ray involved but it's just like you know he's out there and he's just like shooting hoops and his dad's like what are you doing out here michael and he's like oh i'm just i can't sleep pop you know i'm just shooting some hoops and whatever and the dad like really kind of cuts this kid down because he's like michael what do you want to do with basketball and he's like I want to go to North Carolina and play basketball then I want to be in the NBA

then I want to go make a shitty movie with the Looney Tunes. Well he's like all right you can go to sleep when you miss which is also like there must be some weird training regiment going on here. Absolutely To create a Super Jordan This is the lab Yes exactly it's like

It's not unlike the age of Ultron's Black Widow he had to like kill some dude Oh yeah they put a Michael Jordan's dad put a bag over somebody's head Michael Jordan had to murder him. And then we cut to this super cut montage of all of, like, him being awesome at basketball. Oh, and it's, you know, Michael Jordan through the ages, playing in North Carolina, you know, him on the Bulls, him at the Olympics, just kicking ass in all sorts of basketball jerseys. You know what you don't see him do?

Study at the Stellar Adler acting studio. You don't see him working with Chas Palmetry on monologue. You know what? That's because not only was footage. unavailable footage was impossible. Dude, he is, I think the worst

athlete actor we've ever seen. You don't think so? Larry Bird. Larry Bird in this movie. Yeah, that's tough. But he's a leading man. Yeah, Larry Bird has never carried a movie that I know of. Well, I'm trying to think, you know, I mean,

by the way, I think the best athlete actor is possibly Peyton Manning. Just with comedic timing all of that you know though he it's only commercials I gotta see him in a movie I gotta see him talking to Bugs Bunny to see how that for him to be a good actor

I got to see him play someone else other than Forrest Gump whenever I see him in a commercial it's just Forrest Gump yeah actually you know what and you look fantastic when you're seeing partners that asshole Papa John Shatter

you're totally right you gotta go up with a Titan like Bugs Bunny to really get an accurate evaluation. They should do a new one for football. What would space jam football be called? I don't know. Space Blitz. The XFL?

The XF. Well, I think it would be the LTF, right? Yeah, Looney Tunes Football League. Oh, yeah. And then Lawrence Taylor's got a cameo. Like, I thought those were the LT. Oh, I get it. He just walks offstage. Bye, everybody. I'll go back into my planet now. Speaking of wasting money, things you earn playing sports

Lawrence Taylor I wasn't going to say something something about him being terrible oh another like kind of goodish actor doesn't the great one have a cameo in one of those Mighty Ducks movies I don't remember I think Kreske's in one

of those and they're like oh my God it's Wayne Kretzky and even him just being like hi kids that's better than all the acting Michael Jordan's doing in this movie Shaquille O'Neal better actor than Michael Jordan by far I think if we're talking about athletes who have had movies

I think it's got to be Shaquille O'Neal who is not surprisingly but very much noticeably absent from this movie because this is 1996

he's still on the magic at this point and he's a superstar he's an absolute NBA superstar by 1996 they play the Knicks play are no no they're playing the sons

at the beginning of the movie that's where you get Charles Barkley yes I think they're playing the magic at the end of the movie the Bulls are playing the magic but they're not there. Oh, oh, yeah. Also, Scotty Pippin, nowhere to be found.

Scotty Pippin, isn't he seen but not heard? Oh, is it? That was Michael Jordan's slogan for Scotty Pippin. Scottie Pippin should be seen, not heard. But also, like, you're leaving out the most loony-tuniest of the Chicago Bulls, Dennis Rodman. Yeah, that's absolutely true. Where was that cartoon character? That was pre-Rodman.

He was on the Spurs at the time. Rodman was like 97-98. Oh, okay. Yeah, so we just miss Rodman. He was around, but not. He should have been, he should have been one of the guys who got his soul sucked out. Yeah. So let's talk about that. So there are these aliens that work for Danny DeVito alien.

On a planet that's like a planet amusement park called Moron Island. Moron Mountain. Oh, Moron Mountain, excuse me. Moron Mountain. I see. So it's a planet that, now this is what's weird. So Michael Jordan gives that press conference. and it's like, I'm glad my dad died before he saw me play baseball.

And then we like tilt up to the heavens and we go into space. And in this same universe, we're told, we transfer into cartoon land. And there's this moron mountain planet. Well, they just look like cartoons because they're aliens. Right. And then underground, there's a dimensional vortex to Looney Tunes cartoon land. Right. But are the aliens supposed to be?

cartoons or are they supposed to be aliens? They're drawn the exact same way as the cartoons. Yeah, they look exactly like cartoons. But you never know. If it looks like a cartoon and talks like a cartoon, guess what? It's a fucking cartoon. How many planets are inhabited by cartoons is the question. Are there exactly planets to cartoon?

That's a terrifying question to raise. Andrew, what would you do if first contact is breached on Earth? And it's a bunch of cartoons that come out. Well, like with any possible alien invasion, first step is to shit my pants. Yeah. Second step, buy erasers. And that's, to your point, Eric, Roger Rabbit had a really clean

idea. It's like, look, it's Hollywood. There's this one Hollywood studio. I don't know where these magical cartoon beings come from. Forget about it. But they're here. They actually, all those cartoons you're watching are actually just movies we're making. You know what I mean? And there are studios, they're actors, they live, they breathe, they die,

they fuck. That's what these cartoons. do, right? Post-mortem, fucking. They're cartoons they could never die. Unless they get in the dip, which is another thing that this movie's missing. Oh man, everybody needs a dip. I want to dip all the terrible Looney Tunes in this man. All the shit

voice acting that's going on, we'll get to it. And then you want to talk about 1996 and like a fat kid wet dream, a Steve Sadek fat kid wet dream. This movie's it. I loved basketball and I loved the Looney Tunes. I love them both almost equally. And it's like, oh my

God, my two favorite things are going together. But that's like a hamburger pizza. It's not very good. Sounds delicious. Probably terrible. Gonna make you throw up anyway. This movie's making me fucking puke. I remember seeing in theaters and thinking it was stupid.

I was a little embarrassed when I saw this in theaters. Even back then, like I was like, oh man, speech, damn. Oh, this is, am I going through puberty? And all of a sudden, it's so stupid. I can't believe I saw this movie in. theaters. And that is when the fat nerd Steve died. Well, he's still alive. Alive and well. You got to kill the boy, Steve. Let the man be born.

So Moron Mountain, it's going through a slump, I guess. Yeah, I guess there's not enough people in attendance. But so Moron Mountain's not the planet. There's a planet that houses an amusement park that's called Moron Mountain. I think it's all Moron Mountain. I don't know. I guess it's a planet or a space station that has moron things. Danny DeVito is voicing this big fat alien character that's constantly

walking around in open-toe sandals like my old Greek neighbor next door. You're just like, what is going on with that guy? I didn't even notice the open-toe sandals. I just could see green feet. I thought those were shoes. No, he's got like little little flip-flop things on.

But that's weird because he's a business man. He's got a big old cigar. He looks like a bad Don Bluth drawing. They love to animate cigars in the 90s For some reason I don't know what it is Because you know why Because cigars

Did not have the stigma that cigarettes got Yeah that's true And they still don't Yeah They absolutely still don't Because someone's smoking a cigarette You're like that's gonna kill you And everywhere else around you

That's disgusting And someone's smoking a cigar You're like look at that fucking asshole Different stigmas Look at that successful gentleman Like oh look I must make a lot of money Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

And sometimes your fucking Sylvester Stallone. That's how that works. So Danny DeVito's like, hey, little aliens, we need a new attraction here. How about the Looney Tunes? Which, wait, what? How are you aware of earthbound entertainment? He steps on a remote, he's like, we need something big, fantastic, amazing. And it's just like a close in your eyes and picture Danny DeVito is the penguin.

And he's just like, and he steps on this remote control. And a whole wall of TVs just plays the Looney Tunes. Like, I'm at Six Flags Great Adventure. And I'm like, oh, wait, okay. To your point, where is this TV signal coming? Absolutely. This is a signal. Broadcast into space back in the 50s or 60s or something.

Oh, we brought it on ourselves. Yeah. Right. It's like contact when they send back footage of Hitler. Yes. These moron mountainers finally see what the Looney tunes are and they go Looney for the Looney Tunes. It's more on Mountaineers. Oh, excuse me.

What do I... I don't know. More on Mountaineers. It's never actually specified. You think in contact after that Hitler scene that's really jarring and weird, they had like a cast meeting

and they're like, all right, guys. We could make one of two movies. One is the movie we're making right now where at the end, Jody Foster's father, David Morris, shows up, and not much else happens. Two, Nazi aliens invasion.

And they had to go, like, show out. hands and like scarrett was for it Jake Bucy was all about it Jake Bucy was definitely all about it oh man space Hitler's just an army of space Hitler that would have been my fat kid wet dreams so Danny DeVito enlists

four of I guess a group of five little aliens because he's got one little squeaker that's left behind okay they're best friend yeah they're all best friends I think he I mean he's probably fucking that one I think is what we're led to believe. Excuse me?

Yeah, why not? All right. Open-toed sandals. And so he sends them to Earth, and he's like, go get me the loony tunes. You're like, all right? And we're on our way, I guess is the deal. Well, it would be funny if they were like, a boss, those are cartoons. Wait, what do you mean?

Are we cartoons? They look just like, wait, what am I? Oh, no. He passes out. Blood starts coming out of his nose. He can't comprehend his own existence. And in the middle... So we go back to the Michael Jordan story.

We're on the baseball mound. Which is such a weird thing. Like, this movie, like, romanticizes. And, like, this is such a footnote in the Michael Jordan history. Do you know what I mean? Like, in retrospect, it's just so meaningless. The whole, like... It's meaningless.

It's embarrassing. All it did was, like, cost the Bulls two championships. It's literally all that happened. Yeah. No, honestly. And he... That's it. But everything else is like,

nobody cared nobody really like the baseball thing to to their credit like I guess he'd already come back to basketball at this point so they kind of make a bit of a joke of it like yeah he's shown to be really bad at baseball which he was he was terrible now how was just one more championship after he came back no then they had another three Pete they did so it was three and then three yes so it was three we took two years off yes exactly to fuck around in the outfield and then we're going so it was a another three after that. I see. Yeah. This whole baseball thing is just, it's so bizarre, and they're just constantly talking about how terrible he is in baseball. To the point where one of his children is like, you know your batting stance is shit, right?

You know it's absolute shit. And he's just like, what do you know about that little kid? And he's like, because I'm a little kid and I'm learning how to play baseball. You're just an idiot that left a game due to gambling. Enter Wayne Knight to this movie. Breath of Fresh Air, honestly.

I love Wayne Knight I do love Wayne Knight It's just embarrassing to watch him Have to do all this Yeah you're not wrong He plays Michael Jordan's publicist And the team owner Of the Chicago Barrens

Is that it? The Barons, yeah, yeah, yeah The Minor League White Sox team Is like, look, you have to go And make sure that Michael's happy Do whatever you have to do To make sure Michael's happy Well, and that's the theme of this movie

Is let's all blow Michael Jordan Right And it's like When we cut back Until he's space jam in your mouth good gravy I'm sorry

you're not wrong that's what it felt like when we get back from Moron Mountain and he's at the plate we're like we're treated to this hilarious scene

where the catcher is telling him what the pitches are going to be because he just fucking loves Michael Jordan so much thank you for signing that basketball

my kid thinks I'm my hero that's the thing is Michael Jordan's not only the best at everything he's also a great guy And there's not even one second in this movie

that is the Michael Jordan story that is like ever tries to dispute that. He doesn't raise his voice. He doesn't say, what the fuck are you? LouDy Toaddle him to pass. Which, you know, is a lot of like, what the fuck is your problem, Scotty Pippen? He doesn't have a character in this.

No. He's just... Well, because he's trying so hard to not be the asshole that everybody knows Michael Jordan to be. Is he really? He's a notorious jerk. Yeah, he's...

And just mean to everybody. Oh, wow. I would respect him had I seen this. Well, I mean, I would love a movie where it's kind of like a Christmas carol situation or something, right? You're going to be visited by three basketball ghosts. Yeah, exactly. Or three Looney Tunes. Get visited by three Looney Tunes, and they teach them to not be a total asshole.

They teach them that gambling on your own sport is wrong. You should treat, you know, Normos with just as much of respect as you demand from them. So two Looney Tunes ghosts and the ghost of people. Pete Rose. And Pete Rose is just dead. I'm not dead. I'm not dead. When can I get let back into a baseball stadium?

You all would have to sign that? It's $100. You all over to sign that? That's $100. But you're totally right, though. If anyone's going to teach Michael Jordan the lesson about gambling, fucking poor Pete Rose, man.

Can we all just get over the Pete Rose thing? It's fine. Let them back in. You know what? He's going to drop dead. And then they'll be like, reinstate it into. Major League Baseball.

If A-Rod can be shooting up every fucking game getting it all into his veins. And then gets caught, kicked out, and then can come back to, oh, shoot a little more. Then why not let Pete Rose? If A-Rod can have the audacity to date Madonna, Pete Rose can come back to baseball. I just feel like I would much rather celebrate people that are, you know, actually, you know, using competition outside of sports on sports like gambling. as opposed to turning themselves into monstars, which is unfair. Right, juicing. It's an unfair advantage to monster yourself up like Arad.

A Jose Canseco cocktail. Who, Montsayrod. Monstaerod. Oh, man. By the way, I apologize to, I mean, like, you, if you've been listening to the show for a long enough time, you realize we know a little bit about sports, and this is like the episode it's all kind of coming out. Yeah.

I'm sure some of you've turned it off, and that's a lot. fine. Well, you know, just keep with it because I don't know anything. And we're going to get to the Looney Tunes real soon. Because that's the weird thing is the Looney Tunes, it should be a Looney Tunes movie because it had been a long time for a Looney Tunes movie. They made a little cameo in Roger Rabbit. That's about it. Yes. I went to see the Looney Tunes, not really Michael Jordan struggle to act. Well, that's the other thing, right? Like you, Steve and like Eric, but he didn't follow sports. But like, we grew up in New York. You're a Knicks fan. I don't give a fuck about Michael Jordan.

never did. Yeah, I never did. Like, I get it. Six championships. It's fantastic. You're the best basketball player ever, and that's awesome. But you know who I will always love over you? Fucking Patrick Goddam, Ewing, who's a class act. He deserves to be a head coach in the NBA. And enough is enough already. Where's Patrick Ewing space jail? That would be nine minutes long. If they can have a side directed DVD movie of those two dummies from Get Smart, yeah. Harry and Lloyd or whatever, the scientists got their own little spin-off movie. I want a Patrick Ewing space jam spin-off where it's just him dealing with having his basketball abilities taken away. Because you know the city turned on it. Oh, dude, and instead of Bill Murray, you get Brian Doyle Murray. Absolutely. That sounds great.

And Brian Doyle Murray as the team doctor. And instead of Wayne Knight, you get Wayne Knight. But, I mean, New Yorkers turn on sports icons fast in this town. I mean, they'd be shitting all over him. That's the whole movie right there. Is Patrick Ewing having to deal with the city of New York hating his guts? Another thing about Michael Jordan, about the glorification of Michael Jordan in this movie, is they show him having this, like, normal suburban.

It's a nice house, but it's like a normal suburban home. Like, it's the house of somebody that owns, like, three pizzerias. and it's doing really good. Well, Mother, I don't know if we should franchise it just yet, but I think three is pretty sharp. Exactly, like a nice, adorable, well-to-do guy. Michael Jordan lived in a golden palace. Since, like, 1999, it was like a golden palace.

Absolutely. There is not one golden toilet in that farmhouse. I'm telling you right now. And what's amazing is you feel bad for poor Wayne Knight, because Wayne Knight has to give him a ride home from the baseball stadium one day. which, whatever, you're Michael Jordan, you got a dude full time driving you around.

Yes, exactly. So Wayne Knight's got to pull Michael Jordan up to this house in his shitbox car, and Wayne Knight's like, oh, my God, look at this house, Mr. Jordan. Oh, it's fantastic. And you're just like, none of this is real. Like, none of this. I don't know if you have three kids like this.

He's married to the woman who's the wife in Spawn. That's not real. Oh, man. I'm now imagining, like, Al Simmons in, like, hobo. garb it's just like oh no my wife's married to Michael Jordan now cloud you gotta help me

she'll never dump me for Michael Jordan I dub the air Jordan fucking John Leguizamo in that movie see the back catalogue on WHM podcast dot com for our episode on that wretched film spawn so there's also

cartoons in this movie we come to find out this is the weirdest part so like We go to Tune Town or what they call Looney Tune Town because they can't be bothered to actually improve on the Roger Rabbit formula. And I am sick and tired of these cartoons saying Looney Tunes in this movie.

It's like we as the Looney Tunes, we need to have a Looney Tunes union meeting. And also I don't think it happened a lot where like bugs would be like Hey Elmer Fudd. You know what I mean? It was like, there's a guy that's trying to shoot me in the face

and I'm going to mess with him. It wasn't this, like, direct addressing character to characters, you know. Yeah. We're not using, you know, formal names here. But what's also crazy, too, is, like, these kids are watching the Looney Tunes. Oh, right. Kids are watching the Looney Tunes when all the shit starts going down, and everyone just leaves the TV. It's just like, so they get a still shot of the desert, but they don't get the roadrunner.

So it's like, wait a second. It's actually... Was this an alive feat the whole time? It's one of my favorite parts of the movie because what they're watching initially is like a bunch of sports reports about how he's terrible at baseball. And he's just like, what are you kids watching this for? How about, yeah, Looney Tunes, that'll do. And yeah, it's a weird thing where it's like, it's a classic, you know, Roadrunner Wiley Coyote bit. And you're like, all right, this is the best thing Looney Tunes did.

This is great. And you're watching it. You're enjoying it. And then fucking Porky Pig comes out of nowhere. And he's like, ebabeep, stop it everybody. We have to have a union meeting. And Wiley Coyote is like, well, all right. Thank you for letting me know, pork e-pig.

Thank you so much. And they walk off. I, as a loony tune, I'm required at a meeting. Goodbye, kids. The roadrunner stands up. He's like, thank you for letting me know. And like, they walk off. And, yeah, Eric, it's just like this, it's the desert road.

And the kids are just like, wait, what? But it's a weird thing. And we're joking about this before we went on the air. Like, are these Looney Tunes damned to repeat these same bits for 50 years? Well, we come to learn that they actually are in hell. They exist in a portal under the earth's surface. Yeah. So I think, yes.

So weird. You go through a Warner Brothers logo. Yeah, that is, it's guarded by the Warner Brothers shield. So somehow Warner Brothers makes money on these goblins that live beneath the earth. Jack Warner, man, invented hell. You know he's in hell. Jack Warner is definitely in hell right now. Of course.

He's running the show probably. Jack Warner is like the devil. It's kind of like the Castro situation in Cuba right now. Like Satan stepped down and like Jack Warner just took his seat on the throat. It's quite an analogy. It is. Thank you. So the Monstars come to the Looney Tune Town.

They're like, hey, guess what? We're going to turn you into our slaves up on Monster Mountain. Can we talk about the word slaves? Yeah, because we're not just saying that being jerks on the internet, this is a real thing that happens throughout the movie. It's just slave, slaves, slave, slave, slave in this. There's two ways, there's two kinds of slaves in this world, and neither of which should be in a Looney Tunes movie. One is the biggest tragedy in American history and the other ones people who like to pay people to make that happen. Yeah, and that's neither of which are okay for a Looney Tunes cartoon.

Because they're like, that's a slave. And then Danny DeVito and his buddies are slavers. And you're just like, what the fuck? Come on, Looney Tunes. It's like when the Simpsons family guy crossover happened and they make the rape joke. And we said like rape should not be in the Simpsons world. Well, fucking slavery is certainly not a part of the Looney Tunes universe. And it's just like, oh my God, they're going to turn us into slaves.

They want us to be their slaves. When they have this town hall meeting in Looney Tuneville, The sign outside, much like a Simpson's sign gag, is, like, meeting tonight. We're possibly slaves. I thought there was a clear distinction that Disney gets the slavery material. Right? Because of the South and whatnot? Yeah.

I mean, that's where it belongs. Let Donald figure that puzzle out. It's not a daffy issue. No, it's not a daffy issue. Daffy, I don't know, Holocaust. we're talking about Daffy so let's talk about what is the worst part of this movie

that doesn't have anything to do with slavery and that is the voice acting this is so we're talking like we're making this movie like 40 years 35 years after these original shorts sure right maybe even a little longer some of them

Mel Blank died in the 80s I want to say so I mean these are it's like the dudes now on like Muppets and Sesame Street and all that, like we're getting these second generation voices. And sometimes this stuff works. Like, I think the Muppets have

most of those voices figured out. The trailer for the new TV show, which I am excited about on ABC, most of those Muppets sound okay. Vossey's a little wonky still. Yeah. But the Looney Tunes voices in Space Jam specifically. Yes, in Space Jam specifically. And I should mention, I never saw the

Steve Martin, Brendan Fraser, Darman Gregg movie. What's her name? Jenna Elfman. Yes. I never saw that movie. Or the new cartoon that people always say, hey, it's pretty good. I'm like, yeah, that's fine. You know, that's a thing. That's a thing. That's like when people are like,

you know what, man. Like, Andrew, listen, I know you really truly love Batman the animated series. But you know what's great? Honestly, some of these new Batman cartoons they're putting out. And I'm like, oh yeah, trusted source? Okay, I'll check it out. And it's garbage. I have to imagine that's what's going on with this Looney Tune show. You show me a fucking rabbit with a cell phone. I'm not doing it.

Yeah, I watched like 13 minutes of it once. It's Bugs Bunny. Thirteen minutes. Bugs Bunny was trying to get a gym membership. I was like, you know what, guys? Get the fuck out of here. I'm not in the mood for it. What is he overweight?

No, it's just, it's 2010. You got to join a gym. Oh, man. It's like how poor cookie monster can't even have cookies anymore. We're just killing everything. killing everything that was entertaining fucking cookie monster can't eat cookies so killing everything that's entertaining

back to space gym Daffy Ducks voice I think is the worst out of all of them It's a train wreck It's like such a bad And I love Daffy Duck I feel like I might be alone in this room As a Daffy Duck fan

I was a Bugs guy I'm a Marvin the Martian fan Sorry everyone Can I tell you my Marvin the Martian story You met him once Kind of I kind of met him in the most terrifying way possible

So when I was a kid I was like A little too old for this But you know Three kids you gotta save up money Right We finally do the big vacation To Disney World

Sure And it's a split vacation It's four days in Disney World Four days on the big red boat And the big red boat I think you're gonna say The Big Red Planet Mars No no no

I'm getting there So we're on the big red boat It's the last half of this vacation and the big red boat was like it was it was a Warner Brothers thing like all the Warner Brothers characters fucked around on it it was a Warner Brothers thing I don't know I mean the Warner Brothers characters were all over okay so it's like you know how Disney World they dance around in suits it was the same thing on the big red boat but with like Bugs Bunny Davy they're all there and everything right so I go to get on this elevator in the

boat one night it's like after dinner and I'm going up to the cabin to get something and then go I mean here's the thing why Andrew Jupin loves a good cruise fucking 24 7 all you can eat buffets. Sure. So I was like, I'm leaving one buffet and going to another one. Better go up to my room and get some emotium AD in between. Oh, God. So I get in this, I buzzed the elevator, right? This door opens. And I don't know if I was where I shouldn't have been or he was where he shouldn't have been. But these elevator doors open. And there is Marvin the Martian holding his own head in his hands while this dude is just like, ah, and he had a human head? It's the, it's the

little, it's the dude playing Marvin the Martian. Okay, just specify. And he's holding the costume's head in his, like, it would also be terrifying to see a headless Marvin the Martian. No, you could, the guy's head was popping up through the costume, and he's looking at me like, I might be fucking fired. And it was just a weird, like, I didn't get on the

elevator, like, I won't tell if you won't kind of a thing, and the door just closed. And then for the rest of the cruise. Like, I would see Marvin the Martian running around the ship and I'd be like, I wonder if that's the same guy that fucked up on the elevator. You make the face of Shelly Duvall and the

Shining which you see that dog blowing that guy. It was just, it was such, even though, I was 16 when we went on this cruise. So I understand that it's a person in his suit. And I was still just like, what the fuck? Like, it was so strange.

But yeah, I mean, I was a bugger. But Daffy, is terrible. It's the worst. It's really bad. So their idea is okay, these aliens are really, really tiny. How do we they're challenging us to some sort of a duel. And if they win, if we win, they go away. If they win, we become their slaves. So slaves. And they're really short. So what are really, what can we beat them at? Ooh, basketball's really hot right now. Also, we also get a Bugs Bunny patent spoof.

And boy, do I hate when anyone spoofs Patton. Dude, what are we even doing with Patton spoofs? And I feel like... There's so many. Patton is a thing that... And of course we're talking about specifically Patton giving the speech in front of the American flag. Or also, you might remember it from Superman 3 and everything else that spoofs this scene. Exactly.

And it's just like, no one is seeing that movie. You know what I mean? Like kids. Yeah, they don't know what it is. They don't get it. Honestly, it turned me off of Patton for years. And when I finally watched it, I was like, this is great. Patton's a great movie.

It is a great movie. It's probably George C. Scott's best movie. But you know what has never been funny? Any scene making fun or light of Patton. Yeah, exactly. And I'm looking at you, Richard Pryor and Superman 3. That shit's just as wretched. Yep.

Oh, yeah. So, yeah, it's like, well, they're nice and tiny. So, okay, you know, we'll obviously challenge them to basketball. And then they go. they have the idea like we'll go up to Earth. The aliens do. We'll go up to Earth and steal the talent of

like somehow these aliens also know that the NBA exists. They know if they travel north from hell they'll get to the surface of the earth and there will be this group of people playing basketball. And so they go around and they take the souls of several people including my favorite

basketball player, Patrick Ewing. Charles Barkley's also involved. Larry Johnson, Mugsy, bogs and weirdly Sean Bradley who was terrible at basketball but he was like the tallest one so they're like oh that must be he's really good well because I feel like they wanted

to find basket now and but this is a question so I don't know if this is true or not what I said to your question is Chris Mullen if you wanted a white guy no or John Stockton yeah John Stockton also well so but my question was

because these oh man when they take the energy or the talent of these basketball players and put them inside the aliens. They grow into the monstars. The big monsters that they have to play. And now, these alien monsters kind of resemble their basketball counterparts.

So my question is, are we drawn the monsters first and figuring out which players look most like them? Or are we getting the players who will agree to do this dumb movie and then draw on them? That's a good one. Because this white guy looks exactly like his...

Sean Bradley... Yeah, looks exactly like his counterpart, the cartoon counterpart. Yes. So it's either the cartoon is drawn to look like Sean Bradley, and they were like, oh, Jesus, you drew that one like that? Who does he? You know, fuck, he looks like Sean Bradley. Well, he can get him for cheap, I guess.

Because why? It doesn't make any sense. And you're telling me, because Larry Bird is all over this movie, you're telling me that you couldn't go inside Larry Bird and take his basketball talent because the talent's not gone. He just got old. Yeah, his bad knees. Yeah, exactly.

But the talent is still there if he had better knees. If he was a younger man, take the talent from Larry Bird. Can we talk about the first stealing scene because basically they do a tried and true animation trick where they're in a big trench coat, all these little alien. They go to Madison Square Garden and they're sitting next to Dan Castanella and Patricia Heaton. Yes. And there's like a weird jerk-off joke because it's a big guy in a trench coat. He's all hunched over because he's a series of cartoons under there.

It's a real-life trench coat and hat with drawn cartoons inside it. And like he's hunched over and Patricia Heaton's like, ew. And like that only means he's masturbating. Or she's suspecting he's a ninja turtle. Oh, fuck, a ninja turtle sitting next to me. Oh, coming up here in raw sewage.

How the hell did this ninja turtle get second row? Well, it's amazing because They're playing like a yuppie couple. And Patricia Heaton's like, oh, honey, I thought you said you were going to get better seats than this. And Dan Costell and that is like, shut up and watch the game, Marge. And like, but they weirdly like slime onto the floor. Yeah, they turn into gooblins. My thing about the jerking off, man, it's the mid-90s.

You're at the garden. Someone's jerking off in a trench card. Yeah. It was New York pre-9-11. Man. There's any one time, 50 people doing it. Fifty people. Yeah, yeah.

Well, they used to pack the garden back in those days. It was two years after that 94 Nick team. People still had the faith. Yeah, you're right. It was that. You know, you're at Penn Station practically. Everyone's jerking off at Penn Station. Everyone, everyone listening at home, look at your watch right now.

Someone's jerking off at Penn Station. Welcome to New York. It's just perpetual, man. 24 forever. They change shifts like. Those looney-tuned sheep dogs. Sam, Ralph, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk. So they suck all this stuff into a basketball.

They take all the aforementioned basketball players. God, whatever, space jam. And, like, you know, this is calling upon more bad acting from Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing. And they're all, like, trying to pretend they're bad at basketball. And, like, what's going on? Yeah, which is, like, they can't pretend that they're bad at basketball because they're such bad actors. so they have to lose all physical coordination. Like Charles Barkley can barely walk once his basketball talent is taken away.

Come on. And this is what causes like some panic in the NBA, which is a weird like, they think a disease is going around? Yes, they think they have eight. Guys, too many people have jerked off at Madison Square Garden. The players have been affected. It's airborne at this point.

We got to put that tent over it, like breaking bed. The whole garden's contaminated. There's like black and white pictures of that trench-coated figure. That we think is the guy that jerked off too much. He's the guy that ruined it for everybody else, jerking off at the garden. That's it. New rule. No one can jerk off at the garden.

And that's how the Knicks lost attendance. That's it. That's it. It wasn't being the worst team in the NBA last year. And there's this weird thing like basketball, basically stops. You get a nice Vladi Divops cameo, which is terrible. Oh, when he's, I wrote

it down what his line is because it's the worst. Do you remember it, Steve? He goes, it's like a press conference, and they're like, what do you think about closing down the NBA? And he's like, yes, virus going around. It's like invasion of body snatcher. Everybody was clamoring for

his cameo. So we're closing down the NBA. Michael Jordan sucked into the seventh circle of hell because they need help. The Looney Tunes decide that they need help. Somehow the Looney know who Michael Jordan is. I think it's because Bugs Bunny

did those commercials with him. Him and Marvin the Martian were getting together. They're like, you know who we could call upon. He always said if we ever needed anything, he was a real asshole on the set of those fucking Nike commercials. The best thing is there's this awful scene where Wayne Knight goes into Michael Jordan's hotel room.

And Michael Jordan, who's in peak physical condition, is just sitting around eating McDonald's. That should be illegal. It's a whole ton of McDonald's. Yeah. And sitting down right before bed eating a Big Mac and I was like, oh, man, can't wait to have this body tomorrow after I do this? Well, you know what? That's probably why he was terrible at baseball.

He's eating all that McDonald's. This is the message you're selling the children. Oh, absolutely. Like, you want to be like Mike? Yeah. Better get as big as Wayne Knight. And also the other thing about that, he is in like, oh, a grody-ass hotel room, you know, that Michael Jordan would never have slept in.

He's at the Lincoln Motor Inn out by LaGuardia right there. But it's a bullshit joke here, too, when Wayne Knight comes in and he's like, hey, Mike, let me know if you need anything. If you need McDonald's or Nike or a Gatorade or Haynes or... And I'm like, you fucking dicks. You dicks. It's one of those jokes that that's a joke, but it's also like, just so you know, all these corporate interests are right here.

Yeah. And, you know, it's not funny, like, how Wayne's World did it. Yes. That's one of the most amazing things. The bits about selling out. Like, Newprin, little, yellow, dear friend. That's, I mean, that's so great. This is just like, yeah, we're cramming all this in. It's contractually obligated. Come on. This is the easiest way to do it in a 71-minute movie. So there you go. So then he's at, like, he's golfing with Larry Bird and Bill Murray. Like you would.

And, I mean, listen. This is an end of your rope pre-West Anderson, Bill Murray. This is like, man who knew too little Bill Murray, quick change, Bill Murray. Which one was Quick Change? It's him and Randy Quaid and they rob a bank. Is Danny Glover in that movie? Not that I know of.

What's the movie? It's him and Dennis Quill. Oh, I'm thinking of Switchback. Yeah. Bill Murray's not in that at all. You guys hate this era of Bill Murray, but I honestly think there's some gems here in the rough, you know. I'm willing to listen, like

what? Ed Wood? I mean, it's small role, but he's great in it. I think Kingpin is good. His role is Big Ernie McCracken. Same year as Space Gym. Right. And I said I have to return to Kingpin. I have not seen it, you know, in almost 15 years. He's very

funny in Kingpin. But I think this was a shift in the Bill Murray where he saw him. He had to wear an umbrella hat in this scene. Yeah. Like he is just huckin and hucking all over the point. This is It's him just doing like, oh, it's sort of like I'm doing caddyshack again, kind of. I mean, that's when we're introduced to him.

He's talking to the ball. He's about to tee off. Yeah, it's very catty shack. Yeah, he's wearing boots and he's playing golf. I mean, but you can't say, you know, that he's not thanking the Lord for Wes Sanderson every day. I'm not saying he isn't. And Larry Bird's in this scene, who I think is only in this scene to make my. Michael Jordan look a little better.

You know what I mean? He makes him look like Marlon fucking Brando in this scene. I mean, Larry Bird acting is like if one of those Easter Island statues came to life and started flapping its little rock cums, that's what we're dealing with. I think they had to fire a gun at the beginning and end of every scene to let him know when to do things. And it's just like, you know what, Larry Bird, I am sure in your, I'm not, I'm not knocking his basketball career at all.

Sure. Like your prestigious prestigious basketball career. One of the best basketball players of all time. You've talked some shit to Michael George. Oh, for sure. Okay? So it's like, just think about all those times on the court. You talk shit to Michael Jordan. And just transfer that shit talk

into it on the golf course. That's all you have to do in the scene. And instead he's like, buy another thing, Michael. And his mouth just falls off his face. And you're Like, what happened? Larry Byrd's mouth fell off. Oh, he's a loony tune. Michael Jordan wishes he was acting. It's a loony tune in this.

So he, you know, he goes into the fucking looney tunes world. He gets sucked through a golf hole. And after the Looney Tunes engineer a totally fake hole in one. Yes. I hope that's not getting counted on the scorecard. Oh, it got counted. What's amazing is he gets sucked into this hole. And Larry Bird and Bill Murray are like, yeah, fuck it.

Like, get the golf cart and drive off, and Wayne Knight starts, like, digging a hole to try to find him. Well, because he's going to take the heat for it, it seems. Well, that's, I mean, the other thing is, if he doesn't find him, he'll never be able to blow Michael Jordan ever again. And this character loves Michael Jordan. He needs his space jam. So Bugs Bunny, you know, proposes, like, what? I don't know. He proposes that, you know, to help them play.

basketball. And this is where Michael Jordan says that he's a baseball player now. And they all laugh in his fucking face. Bugs Bunny says, yeah, right. And I'm a Chinese jet pilot. Does he does not? No, I took my note wrong. No, he

says, yeah, right, and I'm a Shakespearean actor. I think that might have been from Army of Darkness. I don't know where that came from. And then Michael Jordan just goes, what does a Shakespearean actor mean? Am I a Shakespearean actor? And then all the cartoons laugh at him again.

Because his acting is so heinous. And there's just, we don't really get the rules of this Looney Tune world. Well, we're forgetting we're cartoons at some point, which is annoying. Yes, it is. Like, we're having a town hall meeting. Cartoons don't have town hall meetings. And if there's a town hall, by the way, who is the mayor? is it bugs of course he's the king of all looney tunes

or is it mayor mccheath hey that reminds me by the way you see that they've redone the hamburgler yes he's a hunk it's disgusting yeah right man show me a real guy that likes to steal hamburgers I'll show you a fucking 500 pound bohemian I mean speaking of Wayne Knight

yeah exactly I love him cast Wayne Knight as the new hamburger not this beefcake Because he can't be eating all those beef cakes I don't need a fucking hamburger with a great metabolism. Yeah, exactly. I'm eating McDonald's because I hate myself.

That's the new slogan. I look like garbage and I hate myself. I'm a fat pig. Now, it's okay to like McDonald's on occasion. I love McDonald's. I just can't eat it because I feel like garbage. Yes. A balanced diet once in a while, kids. Sure, it's a treat. This is a public service.

It's a sometimes food. Just like poor fucking cookie monster has to treat cookies now. Like it's sometimes. Exactly. Poor bastard, man. Just living your life between the sometimes, you know? Just between the tics of that sometimes. Yeah.

Cookie monster, like feeling a razor's edge. Sitting in the bathtub. A Tom Petty albums on. Oh, yeah, dude. We've all been there. Mary Jane's last dance. I had cookies yesterday. This is the worst part of my week.

It's the longest I have between eating cookies. The day after cookie is the worst day. I don't know why I even ate cookies yesterday. He's precariously dangling a plugged-in toaster over the tub. He puts his head in the tub and starts screaming into the water. Speaking of Wes Anderson, a needle in the hay. Yeah, that's coming on.

Cookie Monsters changing the track over. He shaves his beard. If I can't have cookie and sleep with my sister, I kill self. Oh, so he's dead. And around this time is when the lunitudes decide to spit shine the basketball court. I almost threw right up. Yeah, it's disgust. It's so good.

They're just all hawk and lugies all over the floor. Again, this is a children's movie. Don't encourage spitting. Well, so they go into the Looney Tunes Town Gymnasium. And they're just like, Michael Jordan's like, this place is a dump. We can't play basketball here. And they're like, oh, hey, give us a second. And all these cartoons are just hawk and lugs all over the place.

And then one of them runs around with a little mop and cleans everything up. And it looks like a prestigious animated gymnasium. That's your Taz cameo. Yeah. Why isn't Taz on the team? He is on the team, but he doesn't do anything. Oh, okay, great. He gets fucked up in two seconds, just like most of the team members.

He does a speedball before the match. Yeah. This is during that, there was that Fox Show, Tasmania, which was like a Tasmanian devil sitcom. I watched a ton of Tasmania. Sure. And you know what? Wasn't great. Wasn't bad.

Sure. It wasn't great. It was like the Eke the Cat era of that Fox after school block, you know. But it was fun. They gave him a son, I think. Yeah. Or there was like a lady devil or something. She's a lady because she's got a bow in her hair.

I mean, it was the Ms. Pac-Man motto. Speaking of, we're about to flip that whole model over again. We're tired of just making female characters that are just the regular male characters with a bow in there. Uh-uh. Let's get some sexy bunnies in this cartoon movie. Yep. And now enter, what is it? Lola Bunny.

Lola Bunny. Yeah. And it's just this like sexified little cartoon. She has breasts. Like there's cleavage-ish going on. Her ears are tied back with a scrunchy. It's insane. And this sensual dialogue and then like her tank top falling just below her shoulder.

Her bunny shoulder. Her softs. Wide breasts. Yeah. She's got eyeliner on. Rabbits don't have breasts. Yeah. This one does.

Well, I guess so. So now she's a hybrid of some kind. Well, I mean, Bugs has the motor mouth of a human. Sure. Yeah, I guess the motor mouth. So I guess, ergo if she doesn't have, ergo if she doesn't have the quick wits of Bugs Bunny, she's got to have something really.

Aside from the granny character, who, Granny is the owner of Sylvester and Tweedy. Sure. And she's got like, you know, she's drawn to have like old lady bosom. Sure, yeah. Are there any other like female loony tunes? There was the witch who also makes a little cameo in this.

Oh, very briefly. And she's got some bosom. Yeah, but I mean, they're both like humanoid. Welcome back to we hate movies where we rank cartoon dits. Oh man. Speaking of better movies, It's Jessica Rabbit, am I right?

Again, humanoid cartoon. This is a rabbit. You're saying Roger Rabbit. A rabbit can screw the humanoid, but we can't have a little bit of a mix. What if they had a baby? What if they named that baby Loa? Oh, wow. Oh, shit, dude.

After one crit. Here it is, though. It's not Roger's daughter. Oh. One crazy night and two. Toontown. No. Bugs bunnies walking drunk through the streets.

There is Jessica Rabbit after a fight with Roger one evening. I think there's something to this. I think, oh my God. And then what happens? Space Jam happens. And he hooks up with his own daughter. Oh, my God. And then the end of the movie after the credits, he blows his brains out.

It's like old boy. It's like only old boy. Old boy. You know what? Debbie Duck pulled the street. the whole time. Take notes, Spike Lee. That's how you remake old boy.

With beloved cartoon characters. Now go back and get it right. And take Josh Brolin with you. But it's a, you know, like I'm all for like, hey, look, you look at the cast. It's Michael Jordan. And like, it's Michael Jordan and a bunch of male cartoon characters. You'd be like, hey, well, maybe a girl wants to see this, which I totally agree with. Yeah.

And like, you know, you want to go in. New characters are always. kind of tough with an existing mythos such as this. The Pucci you know, the Pucci model. To bring in a female character is a great idea but to sexualize her to this degree is insane. And she's only

Bugs' girlfriend. She's actually shown as being great at basketball. Like they have this thing where she's like, you know, I don't need no man to tell me how to do basketball which is also great. It starts off all fine. And then she's just like, but I want to fuck Bugs Bunny. Well, you know he had something. You know what, Lola? I mean

we all want to fuck Bugs Bunny. I get it. All right. Let's just move past that. And then fucking Elmer Fudd's heartbreaks. All I wanted was a little kiss. It's going to go and spell a bunch of shirt. That's where it starts. See, that's a great cartoon. Absolutely.

As is the storied career of Looney Tunes on the whole until. This is my question. Steve, you are a little more knowledgeable about Looney Tunes than I am. But was this the first, like, major Looney Tunes? iTunes Motion Picture? I mean, they had, they'd released movies that in the past throughout the 80s that were essentially, and I think early 90s as well, that were essentially repackaged cartoons with, um, an overarching story of whatever, like clip shows essentially, but packaged into movies. Daffy Ducks Quackbusters is like this. Daffy Ducks Fantasy Island as well But these were theatrically released I think at least some of them were

Okay I mean because they're really blowing it With this big 90s debut Well yeah and I mean It made sense because you couldn't really watch those Aside from you know Whatever you couldn't watch them aside from TV So it's like oh cool I get to watch these again

In the big screen etc So we're playing basketball We suck at basketball But he's really trying his best But to this movie's credit it's like barely 80 minutes so we're like instantly at the big game yeah right there's a scene where they have to break into michael's house to get his basketball gear oh because he's dressed up with uh for golf with his hilarious pleaded gray slacks and he's still got like golf cleats on

and whatnot they go in and it's bugs and daffy break into his house like the strangers dude if they had little like straw sacks over their heads perfect scare the shit out of these kids. They wake up all the kids while they're doing this. But also, there's this dog. It's like a bulldog that like gives the business. Do you know who did the voice of that bulldog? Frank Welker. Yeah. Are you shit? Are you fucking

no, I'm not. I think this is like the theme of the podcast is connecting the Frank Welker dots throughout history. It's the Frank Welker conspiracy. Absolutely. And this is Frank Welker doing the voice of a real life dog. Which is whatever. Michael Jordan's bulldog that he has.

He's got this bulldog. can't remember it having lines. It's just noises. It's just it's Frank Welker growling into a microphone for $60,000. The man has it figured out. And I mean, I think that they weren't going to hire him

for this movie and they're like, look, I just got a call from Frank. It's the voice actor's union. They're like, look, he's going to walk off 40 projects tomorrow if he's not part of space jam. You've got to figure it out. There's like a mafia involved in Frank Welker's career. But here's the thing, dude. He's like Frank

He's like Frank Sinatra. Yes, exactly. But because Frank Welker is such an amazingly talented voice actor, he's just voicing all these union representatives. There's no people calling the space jam offices. It's all Frank Welker. It's such a house of cards, he's built himself. An intricate web of lies.

Oh, you better hire Frank Welker. Are they going to kill me? Takes the phone. Yeah, that's right. We're going to kill him. Calm down, Rocco the dog. Oh no, a dinosaur! Hire him quick!

That's right, Frank Welker, will be hired, or else the devil from Spawn is going to get you. Oh, no, the devil from Spawn, we better hire him. Man, that's a shitty animated devil. Speaking of shitty animation. They get all these materials from Michael Jordan's trophy room. You know, his like suburb... It's like... These are like where a suburban dad who put his bowling trophies.

Not the greatest basketball player ever keeping his accolades. Yeah, including Olympic gold medals all over the plays, you know. And he's got like, I don't know, are they supposed to be magic shoes in this movie? It's Michael Jordan, so he doesn't need magic shoes. He's the magic. Yeah, that's true. How are you not in some way or another getting Magic Johnson in for some sort of candy? Oh, no, we weren't okay with that yet.

Oh, right. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, it was just like, oh, Magic Johnson. Oh, I'm so sad for that man. Oh, I'm just so sad for that man. Then Jack Warner is down in hell. Like, I can't wait to see you. But he had enough money to beat everything.

Yeah, so they break in, they steal all this stuff, and they're like, see, Michael, now you can get dressed to play basketball with us. They foil this dog. And the thing about this dog, by the way, they're doing like some green screen on this dog that is really. Wretched. Oh, yeah. Because there's a part where the dog's, like, kind of chasing them around the room. The kids come in like, get out of here, scruffy, or whatever, you know. And the dog, like, turns around, like, you know.

That's a Frank Welker. That's Frank Welker. That's, Frank Welk to Ching right there. Yep, that's fucking $60,000. And I noticed, like, the shot is this dog turning around, like, but then you look at the background, and they've green-screened in a shot of this living room. But the proportions are so off. The dog is bigger than this fireplace. How do you fuck that up?

I mean, the animation, the greenscreen, everything technical about this movie is really subpar. The lighting is really bad. Like the computer shading of all the characters, like the shadows. Right. To try to blend them in with an actual Michael Jordan. And it just does not work.

It does not. Why are they called Monstars? Well, because they're monsters and stars. Oh, maybe they're monsters. Is it like monsters and all stars? Yeah. Jesus, that's stupid. They should be called morons.

Yeah, the morons because they're a moron mountain. Oh, right. Or the mountaineers, possibly? Yeah. We're the bears. Oh, okay. Sure. There aren't any bears in the NBA.

Why not? So the weird thing about this scene where they take his shoes and his shorts and whatever. Yeah. It's like later in the movie, they make him a human, basketball costume branded with the tunes logo. Right. So it's like, who's sewing human fabric in Toontown? Yeah, I mean, I presume that Granny's making all the costumes for the cartoons.

Sure. But does Granny have real-life material to make a basketball jersey for a human being? And I think in there lies a little bit of the problem. Because if you're thinking about it logically, Michael Jordan needs to have a green screen jersey on and you make it a cartoon. Yep. And that's kind of cool. Sure. He's wearing a cartoon piece of clothing.

That would be kind of cool. Right? Like that's, just do that. Just, you know what? Just do that. Also, Michael Jordan would be dead by now because in this movie, one of the monsters grabs him and turns him into a basketball. Oh, that's a Tim Burton nightmare right there.

Oh, my God. He just crushes every little bone. And it's just like, oh my God, he's just, he's ruined. And that's an interesting thing. They dribble him. they're dribbling that man officer they're dribbling that man but like when bob hoskins goes to tune town yeah he can get killed yeah you can get straight up dead on the streets of tune town right but in this movie yeah he's turned into a little basketball his face is all stretched out it's terrifying then you have uh when he's trying to do he's doing a you know air jordan dunk and he's jumping on the monster's heads and they grab him and his arm starts armstronging and stretches to make the dunk. That's disgusting.

But it's weird because he gets turned into a basketball and bounced around. Right. And then like he shakes it off. And in his Michael Jordan killer delivery, he's like, wow, that was weird. You know, and like the weird thing about that is later in the movie, Bugs Bunny is like, yeah, it's a tune town. Anything can happen. And he's like, oh, thanks for telling me now, Bugs, right when the game's about it. And I'm like, dude, you were turned into a fucking basketball.

Yeah. Do you remember that? No. I mean, maybe the trauma was such. Yeah. He just wiped that. He just wiped that shit from your mind. I mean, I don't know.

But yeah, like, you know what movie? Like, you want to get to 90 minutes? How about a scene where it's like, yeah, welcome to Tune Town, Doc? And it's like, this is shit that can happen to you. Sure. And the fucking Anvil falls on Michael Jordan. How cool is that? Why not?

Yeah. A bunch of Nazi scientists made Toontown in the center of the earth 60 years ago. Dude, I would love it if cartoons were a product of Nazi science. Hitler was trying to get an edge in the war, so he dropped the ark down here and somehow Toon Town existed. Decided to use American cartoons against him in this propaganda effort. We were all ass sleeper agents, Doc. Now we're doomed to repeat our cartoons for a team. Like get Michael Jordan involved in classic loony tune situations, right?

Get Joseph Goebbels involved in classic lunitude situations. So we're playing basketball. It's the big game. Everyone's getting their ass kicked by the Monstar. Is this when we hear the space jam song or space jam? Take your chance. Do your dance at the space jam. Yeah. Yeah, top that.

And they're getting their ass kick, mainly because, and Steve, you have the answer to this, but mainly because they've got a really weak starting five. Well, it's all because it's like, oh, who's the most popular? You can't do it from popularity. It can't be a popularity contest. This is a chance between a game with slavery on the line, okay? So, like, we've got to get our best and brightest out there. I love that Tweetybirds on all sorts of tank tops you see.

at water parks. But guess what? Tweedy Bird is terrible. Basketball. Sit him down. He's not as big as a basketball. So he shouldn't be anywhere near this match. It's stupid to even consider him.

Of course it is. You know what he can do? Take his little bird feed. Pick up a thing of water and fly it out to Michael Jordan. Yes. There you go, Tweedy. You're helping the cause. My starting five, if I had you.

Which I spent a lot of time thinking about. There's a lot of, like, names crossed out question marks, torn up pieces of paper. You probably want Wiley Coyote is point guard, right? You know, he's athletic, he's live, he can... Scrappy, he can get all over the court when you need him to. Exactly. You get Roadrunner, you know, maybe he's another, you know... Road, that's a natural.

They need Roadrunner on this team, and they don't... I don't think he is. Exactly. A fast break with Roadrunner, my God. He gets it to the... He gets it right outside the hoop. Mike's right there waiting to do it. Oh, yeah, the assist level.

Yeah, Roadrunner probably would be actually would be the point guard. The assist level would be off the charts. You want him to be able to do those sweet breakaway layups. You know what I mean? Because he's down to the basket before the west of him can cross the half point lines. You have the big red monster as the center because he's big. He's imposing. And he can fucking mix it up with the monsters.

Hello. And that's where you're using your noodle. You're digging into that Looney Tunes cast and you're saying, And how can I help these guys not become slaves for eternity? The answer is the big red monster that nobody gives a shit about. You're not seeing him on a tank top of a water park, but he's helping you in the pain. You might see him as a white trash tattoo. I'm just saying it's entirely possible.

They're all white trash tattoos. Oh, absolutely. Well, yeah, I mean, the red monster is probably like, and this is my girlfriend, and Julia tattoo they kind of got it wrong now I just said you know what just keep putting hair on there man let me tell you something

if you get a tattoo that every time you show somebody you have to say they kind of got it wrong get it either touched up or take it off that's why you touch it up to be a looney too well I wanted this to be my kid's name but they misspelled it so it's Tweedy Bird

now You get big fat foghorn Leghorn is the power forward You know he's he's bouncing butts with everybody Bouncing people out of bounds Oh yeah dude you know You need to box somebody out Get Froghorn on the court

Exactly and you know what He's doing a lot of racist trash talk also Absolutely get right in your head Big time And he's a lot of mumbling too with that accent It's like what the fuck did you say He's like a what I wouldn't you like to know What a dick

Did you say, who's your center? Oh, no, the big red monster. Oh, he's the center, okay. Yes, and I think, yeah, that's it. And then, of course, if you have Michael Jordan, you would keep Michael Jordan at the game. You're going to use Michael Jordan. You're going to keep Michael Jordan.

Yes, for sure. But yeah, you want, the big red monster makes the most sense because you're fucking hurting, you're hurting the monsters. Oh, yeah. The monsters. Yeah, excuse me. They're monster all stars. So they're monsters.

Hey, now, you're a monster. Get your game. on, go play some cartoon basketball. Thank God. Smash Mouth didn't exist yet. Yeah, we dodged it by like a year, man. It was really fucking close. They would have been slathered all over this same track.

Like those Shrek movies, man, they were covering all the hits. Aren't they all over that fucking mystery men's soundtrack? Jesus Christ. Yeah, they were everywhere. Poisoning soundtracks all over the sunset strip. The first half goes without incident. I'd like to smash their mouth.

Sorry, go on Heyo Heyo I'll do my own Yeah I'm gonna get you a soundboard So you can do it Please

It's gonna be the only soundboard We've ever used Is this is gonna be that The first half happens I think they score like two points Because they have this really terribly Put together roster And

Wayne Knight Goes to spy on the monster in their locker room, to which Danny DeVito's like, you're doing great. Keep doing great. You know, it's just like, we did everything. He finds out that, oh, my God, they have stolen the NBA's talent. Oh, yes. Wayne Knight gets the scoop. Which it's like, I, you know, I guess it's like the cliche of every villain who has a plan.

But it's like, all the dudes in that room know what they did. Why is Danny DeVito like, it's so great we stole the talent from all those NBA players. It's like, Wayne Knight's like, say what? Is he hides in a locker? Now, is it at the end of the first half

where we have like this pan down the bench and it looks like a battlefield and they're all fucked up? But that's at the end of the game when Bill Murray comes in. Oh, okay, because there's a really terrifying thing I want to get to in there. I think this is around the time

where now the good team locker has heard about these allegations. Yes. Wayne Night comes back after being brutalized by the monsters, but they some, for some reason, let him go. And he goes back into the locker room. He looks like they just put him over a grill. He's all char broiled.

There is one more monster that stole Ron Arte's talent and beat the shit out of him. But this is where Bugs Bunny gets the idea of, all right, so Michael Jordan's pep talk is garbage. and not working. That makes me think, you know, was he having to say shit in the locker room?

Because, Jesus, how are you inspiring championship teams with this kind of acting? I think it's usually like, stop fucking this up for me. I'm doing everything out there, stop fucking get up.

Oh, sorry, Mike. He's got a tattoo on his back where he would just take off his jersey and point to it because it disgusted him to talk to his own teammates. Was it the big red monster? Well, yeah, they tried to do

the big red monster, but they fucked it up, so they just reworked it so it said stop fucking this up for me. Well, Bugs Bunny comes up with the idea of tricking all of his teammates into thinking they're using steroids. Sure. In order to

win the rest of the game. It's Michael Jordan's secret stuff. It's a water bottle he writes on Michael Jordan's secret stuff. Yeah, and it's just water, but everyone's chugging it and they think they're getting powerful because they're cartoons. And I think

it was, I forget, well, who is the hold at was it Daffy or something? Yeah, Daffy's the one. And then Oh no, Sylvester, I think, maybe. Yeah. And then Michael Jordan or someone's like, well, you want to win, don't you?

Yeah. So it's like you better fucking drink the serum. I got 20 grand on this game. He's got a side bet going with Davido. Hard cash. Absolutely. There's also in this scene again, Lola Bunny, who's got like six lines,

one of which is when Bugs Bunny drinks his secret stuff, he turns into a big hulking monster because he's a cartoon and his physiology doesn't mean anything. He looks like a fucking Mr. Universe contestant. And she's like, oh my God, that bunny. And they do the sexy sac, they do a little bit of sexophone in my Looney Tunes movie. Just a little bit, which I don't need. Just enough to make kids curious. Pickle it with sexuality. Just tickle it a little bit. Yeah, you know what? You don't sprinkle sexuality. You tickle a little sexuality in there. That's right. But it's just so unnecessary.

It's like, you know, she's just like, ah, you're like, not now. It's halftime. We're about to become slaves. We're down, they were down like 40 points. Totally. They're getting blown out. And then they realize, oh, we're cartoons.

We could do cartoon things. This is bullshit. Where, like, Bugs Bunny turns into a delivery man. He's on a Vespa. He throws it to Michael Jordan. They score some points. There's only slam dunks in this movie. Yep.

Only slam dunks. But holding a basketball on a Vespa is traveling. Marvin the Martian is the ref. He calls it nothing. Yeah, you know, good on him, you know, because it's, I guess he's on the side of freedom, I suppose. He wants to just let this shit play out. Like, I'm not going to blow a bunch of whistles. He is kind of impartial because he's also an alien.

Yeah. And I don't know where outer space is in relation to Looney Tune Town because it's underground. Does he go out into the space space where the monsters are from? I mean, well, that's confusing, right? Because he's a Martian. He's from Mars. Yeah. But is it the Mars of like, if you're down in Looney Tune Town?

There's a sky, a moon, and a sun. Right. Do you have to go up to that space to get to Marvin's Mars? I think it might be. It's like an alternate dimension space. Yeah. And the Monstars and Moron Mountain is obviously from our own universe. Right, obviously.

I guess. The villain sounds like Earthbound actor Danny DeVito, you know. That could be a good Weird Al Bruce Springsteen parody song Down in Looney Tune Town. You get a little Lucky Town parody in there.

I could see it happening. Sure, he'll do that. So, oh, the other one that's a bunch of bullshit because we're only doing slam dunks is one of the monsters goes to do a slam dunk. And only in the second half of this game does Wiley Coyote think to wire the basketball with a bunch of

TNT? Yep. You know what I'm like why are we just remembering in the second half of this game that we're cartoons? And it's to your point earlier like weird hearing these guys talk to each other like their pals. Bugsby's like great job Wiley Coyote

and I'm like shut the fuck up. I hate that. I hate it. I hate it so much. Like imagine in Roger Rabbit when like you know you see like Mickey and Oh, how you doing there, Bugs Bunny? No way, dude. They're just looking like, I see you, motherfucker.

I get it. You stay to the opposite side of the street. Yeah, hey, eh, what's up, goofy? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here, oh, yuck. This is Disney Town. It's like the blood and the crypts, man. Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely, dude. So did you guys know that a popular movie came out two years before this? Oh, no. What was that called? It was called Quentin. Tarantino's Pulp Fiction. Oh man, fuck this part. You know who loves Pulp Fiction at this time? Twelve-year-old.

Yeah. And cartoon characters, apparently. It's, uh, Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam, and they play the riff from Pulp Fiction and they're dressed in the black suits and they shoot up people. And it's like, yay. It's like five seconds. Less than. Yeah, it's like, why have it

in here? Like, why have it in here? I mean, and this is, if you're trying to think, like, Well, we're just trying to have fun for the parents. Like, the parents don't give a fuck. If anything, that would annoy me more. We're 79 minutes to do an 87-minute movie and you're throwing out a Pulp Fiction reference. This is like Shrek again to bring up a big offender, doing the macarena in that first movie. After it was like five years gone.

Way more than five years, dude. I'm sorry, dude. Those movies are trash. The Shrek movie? Yeah, wall to wall trash I know everyone I know we're gonna get hate mail now But I'm sorry to break it to you

It's trash I checked out after that second one I was like you can fucking keep it And all your Halloween donkey adventures And Shrek's magical Christmas horse shit I don't care Mike Myers Mike Myers found fucking Chris Farley's

voice performance in the garbage And it was like Oh well he's dead I could do a skittish catac that I gauge Oh, man, oh man, Shrek. Again, and Pepe Lepew is like stinking up the joint and all the monsters pass out because he smells like shit so bad, right?

And he's just like, oh, I could just go to the best, could score points. And by the way, the way he does that is the ball's like right on the rim and he kisses it and it falls in. Gross. Why would he kiss it? It doesn't look like a skunk. Why don't you do that? the whole game. Like, oh, that worked. Let's keep doing that. You know what? Hey,

same, uh, Yosemite Sam and Elmer Fudd, you keep shooting them with guns. We're going to, because that, Marvin the Martians is not going to blow a whistle. You keep shooting them with guns. Peppy, you stay over there and stink it up. Yeah, hey, Peppy. How much stink juice you got in that smell sack?

Then we're going to start spraying. And they're going to have Michael Jordan, fucking just put out a Harlem Globetrotter show for a while. Run up the score a bit. Dude, honestly. that's a better movie. Don't kidnap Michael Jordan. Kidnap the goddamn Harlem Globetrotters. Because that's a theme song I can get behind. Yeah. So I think this is where like they've been playing hard. They're coming back a bit. But they are run ragged. And we get this is where

we get this pan of like what's happened to all of them. Right. And the two that really stand are the little vulture character, whatever his name is, or an eagle or whatever. He's in like a complete mummy wrap and then you have what's a horrifying image is you go by and there's like a roast chicken with a knife in it on a platter and it's steaming and I'm like oh my god that's foghorn leghorn just cooking on that bench they killed him one of the monsters needs to be eating him by the way you also get Tweedy Bird in an iron lung oh yeah the acme iron lung acme so you know it doesn't work so you know he's dead too a lot of acme iron lungs and that hospice

but can we it's a real snippet when one of the monsters gets his pants pulled down and you get to see his big orange man ass. Let me tell you something. There's a difference between an ass that's drawn for a cartoon. Yeah. And the ass of a man that is drawn to be

orange. And let me tell you two things that really man up this alien ass we're looking at. One, there's like pimples and hair all over it. And two, some animator in South Korea spent like six weeks perfecting the jiggle motion for this monster's butt cheeks for what and for whom? I don't know, man. And it's not the last time because then like obviously we're just getting pictures through all the credits to keep kids entertained until the lights come up. You get that big, juicy ass a second time.

It's like, my God in heaven. This monster's ass is not the ass of a cartoon. Look, I got kids here. I knew that you were going to try and get them on McDonald's and to make them pre-diabetic. But I will not stand for this blatant sexuality in my Looney Tunes movie. So we're down to the wire.

All the Looney Tunes are hit. So let's get Wayne Knight in the thing. And Wayne Knight gets crushed. And this is one of, this is like, I don't know what. this is from. It's sheer terror. He gets flattened like a... He gets flattened like a pancake and then some medics

come in and blow him up. It's a classic cartoon trope. Platten like a pancake, what do you do? You blow him with hot air. They turn into a balloon and fart around and then that's the end of it. Except it's Newman from Seinfeld. And he's made to look like a person

through bad CG and looks like claymation too. I mean, there's all sorts of things trying to make this fly. and it's disgusting and he just kind of like falls back down on the gurney and they shuffle him out and he's farting too

he's notably farting oh absolutely oh it's just big juicy farts all over the place and then so in comes Bill Murray to save the day and he just

there's some stupid thing where one of the cartoons is like no offense but how the hell did you get in here yeah and it's just some joke oh I'm friends with the producer because Ivan Reitman produced it right right right

it's Daffy Duck by the way oh yes you're right it is Daffy. And even Daffy's like, that's fucking stupid. He's like, that's a stupid joke, Bill Murray. And so, I mean, he plays terribly. And I think, I mean, it's Michael Jordan

that wins the game for them, right? That's one with the arm stretch happens. Yeah, he pulls the Reed Richards and he wins. And that's it. Like, basically, Danny DeVito is like, well, I'm going to take everybody anyway. And then the monsters realize that they're built like a big

shit house. And they beat the plastic butt cheeks. They've got real man asses now so they can really fuck them up. And they beat him up and send him to space. Did we mention that Michael Jordan decided to like up the bet? Oh, right, because he's a terrible

degenerate gambler. In the real world and in the cartoon world, gambling in space jam. What does that tell you about his gambling problem? He found a way to gamble in space jam. So Eric, what is he doing to up the

anti here? It's like, God, I forget what happens if he wins. Well, if he, no, that's right. If he wins, the monsters have to give, he finds out that the monster stole the NBA talent. Oh, right, right. If I win, I get all the talent back to give back to my

basketball friends, in quotes. Yeah, but if you win, I'll be a slave too. Okay. Michael Jordan, whatever. Then we have this animated sequence with Michael Jordan and Chains, which I'm not a big fan of at all. It looks like it's animated by Todd McFarland. It does, speaking

of spawn. It's like Michael Jordan he's like chained to the floor sitting at a desk and Danny DeVito's like, and you're going to sign autographs, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And you're like, what do these fucking aliens at Moran Mountain

care about Michael Jordan? This doesn't make any sense. Maybe they get all those McDonald's commercials. If they get Looney Tunes, maybe they're getting those McDonald's commercials too. I mean, it's just like the balls of Michael Jordan to be like, of course I'm popular all over the

galaxy. Why not? Audacity. It's that same audacity that made him think it was okay to have the Hitler mustache. God damn. Oh, who else had this mustache? Whatever. Never heard of him. Anyway,

none of that comes to pass except for the Hitler mustache. Danny DeVito. in this movie. The space butt of Danny DeVito is beaten into oblivion and dragged away or whatever. And then the Monstars are like,

okay, I guess it was fucked up. We'll give you back the NBA talent. Sure. And then trying to set up a backdoor pilot, by the way, because Space Jam will be so popular. We're bringing it to TV. The Monstars, when they give up the talent, they turn back into little nugget dudes. Yeah. And they're like, gee, we don't want to go back and live with Danny DeVito.

Do you think we could live here? in Looney Tune Town? And they're like, sure, come be a Looney Tune. And you're like, I don't want to see the Bond Stars on another Looney Tune cartoon. No way. I barely wanted to see them excrete magic into a basketball. But they did it. Yeah, it is that like same gelatinous weird substance. Yeah, it's, it's called magic. Hey, look, they're oozing magic. Johnson. So, Michael Jordan takes this basketball and the Looney Tunes are like unceremoniously out of

this movie. Yep. They take Lola and Bugs Kiss and he goes, oh boy and that's the end of the movie. Yeah. And so we go back and he finds all of these basketball players hanging out in some YMCA gymnasium like lamenting that they can't play basketball anymore and then like Michael Jordan walks in and the

five of them are like, oh fucking great. Now look who walked in. I'm sorry, there is the earth-shattering revelation. Michael Jordan has to get to his baseball game. That's the thing. Oh, this is ridiculous. Like, oh, my God, we have to go to this minor league baseball game.

My boss is going to fire me. You really need to do this. All right, well, he takes the Monstar's spaceship. Yes. Lands it. You know, he could have landed it in the parking lot. Absolutely. He could have landed in a block away.

A field of some kind. Could have done it back to the future. Let me just push this behind a couple of trees and then come out. Yeah. The smart way. He lands on the field. Yes. And has Wade Knight come out first?

He demands Wade Knight come out first. He certainly does. And wait a night's like, ladies and gentlemen, Michael Jordan. Q R. Kelly and my simultaneous vomiting. And, I don't know, Mulder and Scully, the SWAT team. Michael, he's Michael Jordan just arrived in a UFO. The game is not happening. Yeah, your game is canceled.

Michael Jordan is going under the knife tonight. Like, game canceled due to first comment. You know what I mean? Due to alien autopsy. Well, that's why he was so good at basketball. He was an alien the whole time. That's what it would happen. Yes.

The media would get their teeth sunk in that idea. Oh, yeah. They'd never let go. And this baseball stadium is woo-hoo and a he-hawn instead of pants shitting. And they're just like, come on. Everyone's pants would shit. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, like I'm talking about a two-leggar, man.

Not only are there aliens, but one of them is fucking Michael Jordan. Also, the funny thing is the game won't start because Michael Jordan isn't there. Everyone's chanting, we want Michael. Like, it's a concert. It's a baseball game. He's not there. He's on the fucking DNR list. Yep.

DnP list. Not to do that resuscitate. Did not play list. He's probably on a DNR list as well. Wayne Knight's on a DNR list. Also, the game's not happening until Michael Jordan moves his fucking space. You mind lifting off You parked right on the mound

By the way, our starting pitcher's dead Crushed under your cartoon spaceship And by the way, that's a cartoon Michael Jordan What's happening? What the fuck is going on? Oh, our coach had a heart attack We have to stop the game Because he saw that thing

He's an old fat guy He drinks beer every day So yeah, I guess they play that baseball game Deleted scene You know You would think right there has to be a scene where Michael Jordan hits a home run. Nope.

You know, that must have. He watched the final cut like, um, so it was pretty good. But, uh, I noticed the, the home run scene. The whole home run sequence. I believe, what do you call it when it's like four? It's a grand slam?

Where'd that go? Yeah, I believe my baseball was supposed to fly out to all the way into space and hit moron mountain and it was supposed to look something like Alderon. He bet Larry Bird 20 bucks Is like, see all that basketball Baseball stuff at this movie? At the end of the movie, I bet you I don't hit a home run. Larry Bird's like, oh, Michael, you're about to lose a lot of money.

Then he went to Warner Bros. And had the scene cut. And so, yeah, so then we're going to this YMCA gym. They're like, oh, great, we hate you too. But they're just sitting around, like, just being like, oh, well, I guess we're not rich and power. You know what I mean? Like, and it's so insane that.

But it's like, you're not just benched. You're just, like, banned from the NBA. We're closing the whole league because five dudes from different teams just got shitty all of a sudden. Yeah. You know, if that happened every time an athlete went cold, we'd never have sports. Exactly. It's not like they're dead or, like, they're in comas or mysterious comas or something. They're just not good for a while.

And so he's like, just everybody touched this ball. Don't worry about it. And then because, hi, everybody, I'm Michael Jordan, here to save him. the NBA. Yeah, again. The Messiah of Basketball. Did anybody miss me? And then, speaking of did anybody miss me, like, they get all their powers back. And you know they did because they all slam dunk, except for Mugsy Bugs. And you're like, okay, great. And then it's the return of Michael Jordan to the Bulls. And it's just like him going back out on the court, everybody's shit in pants. Well, because they ride him a little bit like Patrick Ewing's like, yeah, Mr.

baseball doesn't want to play basketball anymore. He's like, you don't think. And then we cut to that. Yeah. No Scotty Pippin. Nope. We do get treated to Larry Bird and Bill Murray in the stand. Yeah. Oh, man.

A little bit of bird banter. Yeah, exactly. And we're out of there. A bird would do better than Larry Bird. I'd rather watch Bill Murray and a pigeon and let's see Larry Bird. It just kills me that I don't get to see Larry Bird do like one layup. Yeah, or take a three-pointer. Come on.

Just one. Just let him play basketball. He does it in blue chips. That's, oh, yeah, that's right. There's that, like, backyard scene where he's taking some shot. Ah, man, and then, and, and, and that's it. It's just a photo montage where space jam song and all over the place. You, I believe I could fly again for the third time in one 70-minute presentation.

It's like, I believe I can fly basketball Jones, the space jam theme song itself. Fly like an eagle. Yep. By, I don't remember who sang that song. Well, I know, yeah, it's a cover. Right, it was Steve Miller. Right, yeah, I don't know who's doing this version. The R&Bed up cover.

But, I mean, yeah, it's just like, remember all the dumb moments that happened in this movie? Now here's some stills while the credits run. And of course, you know, we get a little, that's all folks at the end of it. Because, you know, yeah, oh, right. Yeah, Looney Tunes, they were in this movie, right? Yeah, shove them at the end of the credits. When kids are long gone from the theater, by the way. Doesn't Michael Jordan have, like, a line there?

Like, can I go home now? Oh, yeah, he does do. that mercy because Porky Pig can't get the last word at a Michael Jordan movie Porky Pig was really diminished in this film

Yeah I agree I didn't appreciate that Nope it's just like they treat him In the cartoons sometimes It's just a pushover Yeah Would anybody recommend Space Jam For someone who may not have seen it

I don't think so I mean honestly like Go to that website That's a lot of fun That's the funniest thing ever Nothing on the internet does That's about it. I mean, there's nothing really funny or fun or cool about it.

Like, I do kind of like it because I do love this era of basketball. And I like seeing, like, Patrick Ewing and, like, Charles Barkley in his prime, even for four seconds. It's kind of fun. But that's about it. I would have recommended it only for residents of Washington or Colorado. Okay. But that's about it, I guess. Why those states, Eric?

I just think that they might be interested in basketball The law might be bent to their favors They can enjoy this movie? Well, I think he means Especially Washington You're missing the Supersonics You want a little basketball

Oh, okay, got it got it And Colorado, I mean, what are you? The Nuggets, all right I would not recommend this You know, like watch blue chips And then watch Duck a Muck And other assorted shorts Put on ESPN Classic

If you really want to Yeah, watch Jordan play basketball Watch Larry Bird get to play some basketball For price sakes Bugs Bunny not want to have sex Yeah, exactly right Watch Looney Tunes void of the temptation

Of sexual intercourse You know, I'll take Tex Avery's wolf over This Lola business I also just think that there hasn't been And again, prove me wrong With this new series There hasn't been a relevant Looney Tunes moment

since Mel Blank died. That's it. That's really it. And I mean, even the 70s were a bit rough with some of those Speedy Gonzalez cartoons and stuff like that. Speedy Gonzalez in general is a rough character. I mean, notice how he's absent from this movie in 1996. Well, people realized, oh, we can't do that.

Like, you know what? And we shouldn't be able to do that. Yeah, I was, you know, because I haven't seen that Steve Martin movie. What is it? Luton's back in action? Back in action, yes. I would have to wager, though, just because Michael Jordan's not in it. It might be a better movie. Yeah, it would almost have to be. Is Steve Martin playing a secret cartoon?

Is he like a Christopher Lloyd judge? Well, he seems he's the bad guy and he's out to get him some loony tunes, I think. He's going to gobble up those loony tunes for some reason. And noted actor Brendan Fraser is there to just be there. That's Space Jam

from 1996, directed by Joe Pitca. If you want more information about We-Hit movies, check out our website WHMpodcast.com. Check out the other shows on our network. Visit sideshownetwork. com. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

We're at WHM Podcast. And right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. We've got another mailbag episode. I think maybe airing this week. Check around either Thursday or Friday. We'll figure it out. We've got to do, it's May.

So animation damnations around the corner. Mailbag. We've got to get to it. You know, more bonus content from We Hate Movies. And, you know, I'm sure you've got a good space jam story. Everybody saw this in theaters. We'll hear it. Yep. And oh, and by the way, you know, if you didn't notice because it dropped like a couple Fridays ago, we had Gilbert Godfrey, we had a great talk with him. Check that out. It's on the main feed. You know, W.HM interview, Gilbert Godfried. We had a blast with Gilbert. So check that out if you missed it. So clue for next week's episode. And may I say, get the hashtags ready, everybody. SBE 2015. Holy shit. Starting next week. The summer blockbuster extravaganza is back, which of course means it is the lead up to our season. finale, but we have

a cavalcade of big budget ridiculous movies to get to before then. So how do we want to clue this next one? There's several ways you can do it. Can we say Jeff Goldblum? I think we can.

Yeah, I think we can say Jeff Goldblum and let everybody know what that movie is. So next week, a big budget movie starring Jeff Goldblum. Until then, I'm Andrew Juffin. Eric Sisker. Steven said that. Take it easy.