We Hate Movies - S5 Ep206: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (with Justin J. Case)

Episode Date: June 2, 2015

We kick off the 2015 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza by getting dino-fever for 1997's The Lost World: Jurassic Park! How was John Hammond not put in jail after the events of the first film? Did they honestly believe a T-Rex could sneak onto a boat without rocking it just a little? And didn't anyone think to check a weather forecast before launching another ill-fated trip to Dinosaur Island? PLUS: We didn't know they made delicious Krackel bars that big!  The Lost World: Jurassic Park stars Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Vince Vaughn, Pete Postlethwaite, Arliss Howard, Peter Stormare, Vanessa Lee Chester, Richard Schiff and Sir Richard Attenborough; directed by Steven Spielberg. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin. Chris Cabin. Just in case. Steven Seda. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network. Welcome to the first episode of the summer blockbuster extravaganza for 2015. Yeah, you look excited as hell, Chris Cabin. We're joined today.

That guys don't get excited for the summer, all right? That's true. That's true. It's a sweat house. We're joined today by our dear friend, Justin J.K. It's coming all the way from the windy city to hang out with us. How are you, buddy? Excellent. Thanks for having you guys. Well, I think it's appropriate because you're our disaster movie expert,

and this kind of teeters towards a disaster movie. It leads into it, yeah. Because this movie's just a disaster. Yeah, so when I was given the crown, I was like, yeah, this works for pretty much anyway. But no, a natural force kills a lot of people that T-Rex is running through the streets, killing people. Yeah, but it's man-made, though. Actually, that's a very good point because Hurricane Margaret or Megan, I forgot the right name of the hurricane, the inciting incident for this film is a natural disaster. It's a hurricane that comes through and wipes out the Isla Numbler, the first island and the second island.

Oh. And the whole reason they have to go in is because, yeah, yeah. All the cages have got opened up again, again, because fucking John Hammond does not have to consult a meteorologist before he builds two dinosaur islands. Or even, like, a reputable security firm, apparently. A lock company. By the way, the episode is about the film The Lost World Jurassic Park, directed by Steven Spielberg. from the great year of 1997. This was his...

I don't know. Wasn't our right year? Sure, why not? We still had Clinton around? Sure. Pretty fun. As Americans, we were riding high on the hog in 1997. Now, this was his return to directing

because he did Schindler's List in Jurassic Park in the same year in 93 and was like burned out and went away from directing. So this is the less than stellar return to the cinema for Steven Spielberg. Yeah, this one was. hurt i think if this is like i i just did like this huge holocaust picture and i did the biggest

fx shoot ever yeah you're burned out i'm gone and then i'm like okay took three years or i guess two years with production probably only a whole uh and you come back and you just do this horrible thing that david kept handed you i mean i fucking shit platter he should have stayed on vacation for a couple more years i don't think he was ready that turkey wasn't cooked yet Is this worst, is this Spielberg's worst? Ooh, look. Hook, hook, hook, give me the hook.

Terminal, terminal, give me the terminal. Terminal, terminal. That movie's a Your vote is terminal? Yeah. I think it might be. Yeah, no, he's getting me on the terminal, but I feel like I find hook totally watchable. It's silly as balls, but I can't

sit through that terminal. I thought it was this or Crystal Skull would be the... Oh, yeah. Oh, man, so many opportunities for that. It's a hat trick. I think it's the three. It's a three-way tie between Lost World Terminal and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I feel. And so it makes him 50-50 on directing sequels. Yep.

Yeah. Because Crystal Skull and this are wretch vests, but then the other two Indiana Jones movies in the middle are great. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I mean, compared to the Lost World Jurassic Park, Temple of Doom is a fantastic movie. I would say compared to Lost World Jurassic Park 3 is a fantastic movie. It absolutely is. I've been saying since 2001 that the Jurassic Park movie order

has been 1-3-2. Yeah, it just is, absolutely. And, of course, we're doing this because Jurassic World is coming out. I kind of have no expectations for that movie. I don't either. It has to be better than this. I refuse to believe it's going to be worse than this.

That's true. But it just looks like a clone of the first movie. You've got the same, like, stock characters. This is a clone of the first. They, they fucking repeat scenes ad nauseum throughout this fucking thing. Do you think anyone listening to this right now hasn't seen this movie yet you know i feel like if you missed it why would you go back

well maybe like you're you're older now you want to be a completest before Jurassic world comes yeah maybe people are gearing up being like oh why did I do that oh wow what a mistake i'll i'll tell you he does elude to must go faster a lot like he they bring that back more than once yeah they certainly do with what does he say he's like uh must climb Climb wicker or something. Yes. Yes. Must climb rope quicker.

Yeah. Yeah. God, that's terrible. I will say, though, I think that Jurassic Part 3 is technically less believable because William H. Macy, Lance, Taya Leone, what? Please, what, explain to me? And they're not even real rich people. They actually fake being rich to convince Sam Neal to go on the adventure.

So, yeah, it's not like he's got money. Yeah. He owns a patent tile wear. Airhouse, which I remember too much about this movie. His business's name is Paint and Tile Plus. And remember that stock cell phone ring when like cell phones first came out and it was like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yes, yeah.

In that movie, in Jurassic Park 3, that song plays. And William H. Macy's like, that's the jingle to my, my store. Payton tile, paint and tile, paint and tile plus. Wow. That's a thing that, it's like, what the fuck for? that must have been Nokia product placement yeah yeah probably something like that yeah okay yes alternate title for this movie

Jurassic Park 2 T-O oh because that's what basically John Hammond's like you know like the movie starts a little girl should be killed but isn't because of movie magic it must be like grotesque because like they cut away so the girl is on the island and she's going and she's feeding a bunch of little tiny dinosaurs

and, of course, eventually they all want to eat her. Right. And they cut away. And all of a sudden she's like, help me! And the mother comes to get her. And she gives us look like finding Johnny Depp's bedroom after Freddy had his way. The mom does a really good, like, horror movie, like, pause build up for it and then scream kind of a thing. Because it's a horror movie called Open.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But then the father, this bothered me. There's so much. I think that the small dialogue in this is like kind of my biggest problem with. it perhaps that the guy says get away from my daughter to a whole bunch of little dinosaurs like that doesn't like if it was funny you like get away man yeah but like they're like oh

I'm sorry yeah I do think like my daughter I'm not a father so I don't know but my first instinct would be oh my god dinosaurs still even if my child was in mortal danger and that is a gigantic problem in this movie and they don't entirely ignore it but the whole like seeing a dinosaur for the first time is not given the do that it deserves like in

that first movie Laura Dern's jaw drops Sam Neal's taken off the sunglasses sure in this it's just like yep dinosaurs it's like Richard Schiff he'd be like it's exquisite it's like seeing the Grand Canyon the second time yeah that's exactly what is that's the level

of a reaction they get but the only person who even remotely deserves to be having that reaction is Jeff Goldblum. Ian Malcolm having already seen dinosaurs. Everyone else is a first timer. Well, I mean, all the poachers are just like, oh, whatever.

Don't even get me starting on the poachers. The poachers who were just like, oh yeah, it's just like any other animal? No, it's still a dinosaur. But also, Pete, I know I'm jumping around a bit, but Pete Posselsway, I guess his dream from being a little boy was to hunt a D-Rex? Dude, his

His, what is the line where he's, a tyrannosaur? And he's just like, the payment is, I get to hunt and kill this thing. And it has to be a male. Don't ask me why I have my reasons. Yeah, yeah. I was like, it's like, was that dude's stepdad, a dinosaur? Like, I don't understand why it's got to be a male that he wants to kill. I have a rare collection of exotic animal penises.

Although it's a reptile, though. think they've got cocks. How does that work? Wrong guy. A lot of science questions. You're not zoological experts, Steve say that? No, it's common. Don't worry. Neither is Julian Moore. So then we By the way, Andrew, did you notice who the dad was

in this scene? It's the dude from Buffy. Yeah, Ethan Rain. Yep. R-I-P. Oh, that's right. He died. He's dead. Robin Sachs is dead. Yeah, he passed away. It's sad. It's the only second. he's on screen in this movie what i hate about this opening too it's like it just says like the lost world Jurassic park and the credits are so unimpressive it's like you're watching you know like in tv pilots

when they don't have the graphics set up for the series yet yeah and it'll just be words of you know the titles plane tech that's what this is it's like the lost world Jurassic park well I do think a lot of the problem with this movie especially on the technical side is like I think usually Spielberg is like overseeing all the details he wants to see see every part of it and the studio as much as they might want to come in he's like i'm steven fucking spielberg leave it alone yep i think this time he was like the studio do whatever you want just if you want to make the fucking stupid you know credits fine do it it was you want to cut out you know wild sound that would actually make sense in certain scenes fine go ahead do it i don't

care yeah i had like it's universal pictures presents which is what you expect yeah and then i i i just and it was like what's sure to be a disappointing picture like it just is like huh the credits to catch me if you can or better than this you know and that's about a guy flying an airplane on a fucking dinosaur island so we cut to

Jeff Goldblum taking the B train to John Havins' house and he's when we cut to him he's yawning and you're just like yep you just set the tone exactly right because it's like we're trying to juxtapose it's like the woman's screaming into him like

and you're like uh-huh and he gets recognized and he's like oh man you know where you're recognized you're dressed exactly like Ian Malcolm yeah and you know what's terrifying and you know for those out there who've been on like a New York City subway I guess the other are relatively the same size wherever you go in the world subways Jeff Goldblum if he had like a baseball hat on it would be touching the top of this train he's almost as tall as a train car it's terrifying it's tall as a T-Rex a T-Rex so we Go to John Hammond's house. Where does he live, by the way?

He's off the fucking... Off the subway. Yeah, I don't know what that's about. Oh, this is my sublet in the store here. Jurassic Park robbed me blind. I've got a two family here. That's what you need to have it be. John Hammond's split level?

I got two hot plates here. Two whole hot plates. That's what it has to be. Like, he's broke from that last debacle. He gets a lawyer named John, and he's like, we're going to have to leave the two-car garage. He goes, that hurts, John. And so he's, like, sort of on his deathbed, but not really. Well, he doesn't want to fucking get up for this scene.

Let's make that very clear. Yeah. He wanted to spend as much time in bed in this movie as possible. Listen, if I was the legendary Sir Richard Attenborough, I would be getting out of bed for this movie either. No, I don't blame the man. But he's lazen about. and he is he he says the line right he says the title right

the lost world a lost world oh yeah man whiff well because he he also has the titular you know welcome to Jurassic Park so he's got to fucking say it again I guess

because as much as you know we want to say like this movie was directed by Steven Spielberg so we should have hopes and dreams about it it's still just a cookie cutter sequel so if he's saying Jurassic Park he's saying the lost world It's probably in the contract.

Anybody else get flashes of Ghostbusters, too, with Jeff Goldblum's backstory. Like, he's kind of doing kids' birthday parties. Yeah, he's been ruined. He saved the city and, like, all of it. Well, not really. He got off Jurassic Park. But, like, I guess he's been ruined by this experience. He's been dragged through the mud.

He lost his tenure. I know that. That was the big thing. And that one kid recognizes him on the subway. Yeah, that's it. The one guy who's like, you're the guy from that thing. Roar. That guy is credited as somebody's nephew.

so Rob Rallaban shows up This other guy I don't know who this guy is Slopo Catalan Mr. Debra Winger Yeah it's Arles Howard From from fucking full metal jacket Private Cowboys

Oh okay Yeah doing an English accent For some reason He's again And this is the thing I don't understand John Hammond has a rotten family Because he's John Hammond's nephew And in the first movie

Dennis Nedry his son He's also a rotten prick. I think he's a nephew as well. Is he? He's got a kid whoever sired Lex and Tim, but we never see them. They're like Huey Dewey and Louie living with fucking

you know, with Scrooge, Grandma Scrooge. Yeah, why are they there? That's the weirdest walk by. Why are they aware of his financial ruin? Because he's like, what's going on? They're like, not good. It's just, uh.

And that's why you think, like, oh, he's going to be hooked up to life support or something. But it's like, no, no, no. We're just exclusively talking about the money with that comment. Like, grandpa's broke. He's only got five mill left in the bank. We're trouble.

He's selling all of his PT Barnum shit on eBay. I mean, it's going pretty well, but the flea circus is up on the chalk chopping block. So he's like, oh. A flea circus down in Brian Park. Oh, welcome to Jurassic Park as well. Because there was another island you didn't know about. Like, why would there be a second island of dinosaurs? Why is one not enough?

Because as he explains, they weren't engineering the dinosaurs on that. You know what it's like? Fuck that. B.D. Wong was doing that shit. He was diddling all sorts of dinosaurs. But this is, now hear me out, because this is what I think it is. When a, take the example of the Brooklyn Brewery. Sure. The Brooklyn Brewery started out as like a little brewery and they're making beer and what now.

But then it got really popular. And now they brew most of their beer off site at another location upstate. But for the purposes of tours, they still do little tiny brew batches at the original compound. And that's what it is. Okay. B.D. Wong is doing the specialty microbrewed dinosaurs for the tours to go through. And they're breeding the other, like the main cast of characters on this. the pennant raptors are being

made at the on site, okay, I get it I can see you. So yeah, on this island, this is where the big stuff, this is where they're making all the kegs. I don't know if it made any, if it didn't make sense to you guys either, but... Probably didn't no. So

the hurricane wiped out both sites, so, but site B is the one that movie takes place on. That's the breeding ground. But then Jurassic Park itself was site A? Yes. But that means that they were like welcome to site

B and they're like what's about side A? Like we're not there yet. Like why would you I don't know if you're a farmer you don't call your farm site B in the store site A. Right. I don't know I just made no sense that they would that that this was B I mean yes it's the second movie I think it's just a bad writing where

it's like the second movie comes sequentially and B comes after A but in the production of the whole the whole process it doesn't make sense to I don't know but I guess like because site A is the main site because that's where like the park was. That's where the public were intended to go. Anyway,

the same hurricane wiped all two of both of them out of the exact same time. And, you know, John Hammond is like, well, I'm happy to leave well enough alone an island of misfit dinosaurs. Just hanging out, no fucking, no sign or anything. Nothing. You know what? You're a billionaire with

a failed ridiculous project like this. You spend some of your billionaire money and get an electrified thing around the island that's like private, no, no trespassing. And by the way, take public transportation to my house so I can tell you I sent your girlfriend without telling you. No fucking town car, John. Yeah, that's you're totally right. Taking the scuzzy subway. Oh, I've spared

every expense this time, boys. No tubs of ice cream this time. Also, considering all the genetic engineering you're doing on this site, isn't it possible? Just possible that one of them can start to learn how to breathe underwater and comes to our shores, it just reaches abbey. Yeah, exactly. Well, don't spoil the surprise ending.

Sort of. So he's like, yeah, by the way, everything was going gravy on my abandoned dinosaur island until this little girl got fucking mauled. And he's like, oh, no. And Goldman goes,

oh, no, no, no. She's fine. She's fine. Like, yeah, right. No, the girl's got no mouth, no eyes. She looks like Gary Oldman and Hannah. Yes, exactly. Just a fucked up face, and she's

feeding pigs for the rest of her. She's breeding pigs for John Hammond. You would love it. Welcome to Swine Park. But it is because he's like, and that board is taking control away from me. Like, my, just forget about it, plan.

The board was unconvinced by me letting dinosaurs exist and never checking it on them. His strategy is essentially when the Simpsons can't sell their house, and Homer Nails abandoned to the front door. Like, that's a Jurassic Park, abandoned. Look, I let chaos rain, and they didn't think that was enough. How, man.

So he's like, all right, but I've got an ironclad plan to figure this out. I'm going to make a documentary with four people. Okay. I'm sending in a team, in parentheses, not of seals. No, no, no, no, no. Just four people. Not any mercenaries. You've got noted heavy Richard Schiff.

You know, believable documentary filmmaker, Vince Vaughn. And, you know, I guess believable scientist Julianne Moore. Sure. And then, well, Malcolm, Ian Malcolm is the four. You're the four. No way. And he says no. And then he finds out that he's, you know, that he sent Julianne Moore.

And they're dating. And like, he's like, oh, my God, my girlfriend. And he's like, this is just turned into a rescue mission. And, like, he gets all, like, butch about it. Yeah. It's kind of fucked up, honestly. like he's like he's John Hammond's like she's fine she's over there she's doing it like I don't know what he's like no fuck you I'm going to save her well yeah but like it's a she like this I think is a little

it's just a little dubious to be because clearly she knows what a dinosaur is and she went over there to see dinosaurs yeah but here's the thing dude and Ian Malcolm knows this because the first time through everybody was just just brainwashed the same way like oh you want to go see some dinosaurs, like, you know, here's these dinosaurs, it's great. So you're telling someone, like, you can go see a dinosaur. They don't care about the danger. But here's the thing, is that

for years now, she's been here in Malcolm's side of it. Yeah. So she knows all the, like, she has a very nightmarish vision, rightly so, of this place, and she decided to go anyway. I, I, I, it just doesn't. If you look at that scene and change the element slightly, it's kind of

like a dude I fucked her girlfriend conversation. because it is it's true because he's like he's like she was begging for it I couldn't keep her away I tried I really did I promise I tried I couldn't keep her off the island

There's this weird other subtext to this scene where it's like a couple of drop lines about Julianne Moore about how like the only reason she was with Jeff Goldblum was because he was with like she tracked him down

like Lily Taylor and I shot Andy Warhol Yeah he gets like he She only likes you because of that anyway Yeah it's really weird and like she was faking it or something I don't know what's going on yeah it's a little like he just has this weird attitude of like

what are you going to do about it it's just really she's already there and you're already here and so he's like okay it's a rescue mission before I leave in a huff I'm like how much are you paying me because you know what like you can still negotiate this old fuck's got money you know and like

he ruined your life I still want to get paid oh yeah I mean even if I'm saving my girlfriend. Oh, what you're going to give me, like, a gun and a camera. Thank you. Very much, John. You know the big mistake, though, that I feel Jeff Goldblum's character makes is that he says that, like, he rejected whatever, like, severance, like, in Jen offered them. Like, you know, that was a pretty penny. Like, that's your own fault if you're bankrupt taking the subway. Wasn't it, like, hush, hush money? Wasn't it? Oh, yeah, it was all hush, hush, money. Yeah. Which they wouldn't have paid him if he signed an NDA, which they say that they

Yeah, absolutely. And then violated. Yeah, that's not how that works. We're saying InGen way too much. Did they even say InGen in the first fucking movie? I don't think so. Very rarely. Maybe once.

So now we get to Jeff Goldblum's daughter who, you know what? Whatever, man. She's actually a pretty good kid actor. I think she's actually... She's fine, yeah. She's better than Lex and Tim as an actor. Yes. By the way, Kristen Dunst just looked at Lex's career.

I'll have that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Dude, there's a really... sad, sad video. I think you can find it on YouTube. It might be, I think I maybe saw it. I've got the Jurassic Park Blu-ray. I think

it's an extra on there. It's like, where are they now? Some of the cast and it's her, the girl who played Lex, and she's like, yeah, I don't really act that much anymore, but here's a painting I did of Jurassic Park. You're just like, oh, that stinks.

You know, somewhere waiting for a baton to be passed back. You know, I was an Angus one. Oh, yeah, oh, she's the, like, girlfriend in Angus. But, I mean, she's fine, but there's no need for this kid in this movie. And the first one, like, whatever, I think that they're actually good. And, again, I think she's fine in this, but, like... Well, part of the reason, like, kids work in that is the whole thing is, like,

Sam Neal's character doesn't know if he wants to have kids, blah, blah, blah. So there's, like, a reason for them to be there. And you want to have that, like, childhood wonder. They're supposed to be that element of it, so it makes sense. Exactly. all this horror that's about to happen. And that's a big problem, is the tone of this movie is completely different from Jurassic Park. There is very few seconds paid to, like, oh, my God, dinosaurs, how great is this?

It's, like, dark and violent. I mean, this is a slasher movie with dinosaurs. Because, like, 20 people get murdered in this movie. They say more, like, more than the first and the third combined. Oh, yeah, it's a big body count. Also, they're not nearly as memorable as the death. in the first one. Like, no one gets eaten off the toilet. You know, spoiler alert. Shifts death. Yes, memorable.

Oh, he got shift. But everybody else, it's just kind of like, oh, yeah, the Raptor's tail went up. Yeah. And they're dead, I guess. Yeah, no, it's really weird. I don't get it. Well, because they're not character. There's no characters in this, not many characters that actually die. No. So we're on this island. Well, yeah, she just stows away, and I hate fucking kids stow away every single time. Oh, yeah, you can keep it. I hated that because, yeah, what are you laughing to me, Justin? In what other scenario where you asked your opinion?

I just feel like whenever a kid stows away, it's like, I'm stowing away in this movie. Yeah, I'm sneaking onto this movie. That's exactly what it is. Were you just fuming the whole Into the Wild when he's on the trains? Yeah, a little bit.

You know what? Pay your way. Did the shooting a night of the museum ruin a date for you? Fair enough. What I hate about the store, and I hate stoways as well, but specifically,

But specifically, what I hate about this stowaway is that So Jeff Goldblum is trying to tell her go home Like you're going to stay with Catherine or whoever And just stay here, I'll be right back And she goes to stow away Yeah And like it acts like he wouldn't go back and be like Okay, I have to take my daughter, put her in a car

And bring her over to Catherine Oh, you're totally right It just skips completely to them go into the island Yeah, you're right It makes no goddamn sense And this movie's only a minute shorter than Star Wars. So you could have a scene of Jeff Goldblum being like, you know, get in the car or whatever. If you do that, she can still jump out the other side and sneak on and whatever.

But we're trying to look at the whole thing about him, the hour and a half of this movie where he's looking for frequencies. That's all him trying to get her back, trying to call her a cab back home or whatever. Which he makes her take to some abandoned warehouse at the beginning, by the way. But that's what I love is like, oh my God, you snuck away to this haunted. dinosaur island. Well, I'm going to call you a boat and you're getting out of here immediately, young lady. No, you're in the middle of nowhere. We're all going. We're all going

or no one's going? So we're all going. We're all going. It's a skull island. I mean, yeah, we're making a lot of references to King Khan in this movie. Not just the entire third act. Which, what a

fucking bad idea that was. So they get there and Vince Vaughn's like, it's great because Vince Vaughn's taking like he's the documentarian of the group. He's taken footage of, I think it's a bunch of Stegosaurus as we see first, right? Yeah. He's like, oh, man, oh my God.

He's got a little bit of Jurassic Park wonder. And Vince Vaughn's good in this, you know, it's early Vince Vaughn. He's probably the, like him and Jeff Goldblum are doing the best in this movie, I think. I like, uh, Pee Pulse away. I think he does really well. Oh, yeah, he's my thing.

Yeah, that's true. As Muldoon 2. Yeah, doing Muldoon. A Tyrannosaur. And he's like, oh, my God. This footage is fantastic. People wait their whole life. But it's like, no, no one waits anything because it's dinosaurs.

No one's ever done this before. Nobody was thinking, oh, one day. And he's there to get the shots to get paid. There's just so many small bits of dialogue that really get me bothered. And so he's there to get the shots. And then Julian Moore's like, hey, is that a Nikon? Can I have it? He's like, okay.

Well, because he's there for slightly nefarious reasons as well, though. Because he's not actually a documentary. filmmaker. The whole twist with that character is he's like an eco-terrorist. Yeah. Because when the poachers arrive and everything and he's like, oh, John Hammond had a backup plan and Goldblum's like,

ah, ah, what's that? And he's like, me. And it's like, lock and load, motherfucker. But all he does is unload a gun. Which, by unloading that gun, by the way, prevents Pete Possible from killing the T-Rex.

Thus, Vince Vaughn is responsible for the terror at the end of this movie. Sorry, Vince Vaughn is responsible for all the death in this movie. Almost every single death in this movie he is responsible for. Because not only did he unload the gun, he unlocked a lock. All the dinosaur locks. It was him and the 50 yards between the dinosaur and that shotgun that he was going to shoot him with. Speaking of nefarious reasons why people are on this island,

do you know what Julian Moore did this movie? Oh, I know. To pay off a divorce settlement? Oh, man, I want to be Mr. Julianne Moore so bad. If you ever see an interview she did about the film Evolution, it's fantastic. Is it a similar story? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's just like, dude, that guy took her to town, huh?

She'll just go, yeah, no, she'll just, like, she for a while, she was pretty open about how she had, like, not that she had a lot of debts, but that she had kind of a compulsion to make money at that age. Like, she was actually getting a little bit older. She was actually interesting, like, she's like, I'm just like, nobody's going to. to hire me eventually. I'm going to be a wash-up. And so she went through a series where she was like Samuel L. Jackson making movies. Yeah. Oh, I do remember that. She's in a lot of dirt movies. Wasn't she in Freedom Land

with Samuel Jackson? Yes, she is. I have a question. Better cast pound for pound, Jurassic Park or the Lost World? Because you've got to think about this. Now, go mail lead to male lead. Jeff Goldblum to

Sam Neal, win column in Lost World. now you got female lead Julian Moore to Laura Dern I feel like that's an edge on I go Dern I'll go Dern every time JJ where are you standing on Dern

Dern V Moore It's tough isn't it We're to take a 15 minute break Just the process You're gentlemen see me in my quarters Third it's you get Vince Vaughn versus Jeff Goldblum because that's where he goes. You know, so that's...

That's Jurassic Park. That's one for Jurassic Park. Fourth, you probably got what? Richard Attenborough versus... Richard Attenborough. That's a tie. Everybody... Each movie gets one.

That's the Attenborough conundrum. Pete Pothelswate versus the guy who played Muldoon. That's Pete Pothelswate, even though Muldoon's a better character. So you're just talking about like actors, not like the characters and the performance cast cast I guess it's got to be Pete Possel Wade but goddamn Muldoon's

a better character and is it what Wayne Knight v. Richard Schiff yeah no it's Wayne Knight v. Arliss Howard I think it's the slime trader So maybe Samuel Jackson v. Richard Schiff yeah that's true yeah maybe I'm wrong here

I don't know it's a close it's a fucking close one oh it's a close call we could spend the rest of the episode doing this I kind of want to Well, we should We should have to trudge through And can I just say about the The repeating the movie thing Yeah

It happens here And it happens hard And it happens hard More is like Just in wonder Of a baby Stegosaurus Oh my God And it's the triceratops

Like she's cradling its head Yep She's doing the whole fucking thing And they're like No no we have to go She's like I want to stay Yeah It's infuriating

I thought it was gonna sneeze on her Because that's like the brachiosaurus in the first one. Yeah. I misremembered that. Oh, you mean like a fun scene in this movie? No, no, no, no. Because this movie is just sheer terror, death and destruction at every turn. We cannot stop to be like, my God, this beautiful world.

This beautiful lost world. Julianne Moore's, like, her objective there is to like, it's too much of a mix of zoology and sociology? I think the movie doesn't know the difference. Yes. Because she was like, a bunch of people say that T-Rex has abandoned their babies. I'm here to prove them wrong. They're actually our good movies.

Like, who's arguing about it? File that whole thing under who gives a shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Why would we care? I agree. I don't care how a T-Rex is. Like me as Andrew the movie watcher or me possibly in another dimension as Andrew the dinosaur scientist.

I don't fucking care. It's an extinct animal. What does it matter? I would, if, beyond even caring, knowing the facts, who's arguing on either side? Like, like, there's a passionate, so if there's a, if there's a debate over whether or not the T-Rexes take care of their kids, which I can't imagine. I don't know what journal you're subscribing to. Like, how does one person like, no, I know more than you? Yeah, I mean, that's what I don't.

It's fantasy. I don't understand it, but there were two arguing scientists that this. whole thing was based on. Like, a Minotaur, obviously, like, takes a shit standing up. I know it, for sure. Like, you buffoon? Yeah, I mean, I guess without the existence of Jurassic Park, there's really no way to figure that out. So who cares?

But it's very clearly, like, that's the kid angle, right? And that's where most of the T-Rex's motivation, because the T-Rex is a character in this movie. Oh, absolutely. It's all about my baby. The T-Rex family, because there's two of them. And a little baby T-Rex, which looks like fucking dog shit. Dude, Yoshi and the Mario Brothers movie looks way better. It looks exactly like it.

But less good. Well, no, it's just a puppet. And like the when they have to hold the puppet, it's just like, it's the most ridiculous thing. It's like holding Kermit. So the evil team of evil scientists shows up. And they're like, oh, no, Buzzkill, right? These are like the in-gen. The whole thing is Arles Howard is like,

You know, Hammon thinks that we're just going to, you know, let these dinosaurs, whatever. No, no, no, no, no. We're going to make Jurassic Park back in California is like his business proposal. So they are there to kidnap dinosaurs and bring them to California. Is the plan. It's a pretty bad idea. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's the worst.

I mean, look at what happened in the first one. Come on, everybody. Okay, so we tried this before with only like 100 people. Let's try the population of Earth plus this. Yeah, that should work. Did no one see King Kong? That movie was out. Did no one see what happened to fucking Samuel L. Jackson?

Did anyone get the pictures on that? That's on the cover of the post. I'm sorry. That's what's happening here. Gotta hand it to you. Hammond does it again. Hammond. Hammond.

Hold on to your guts. I just love to. this argument that like you know what we could have had this park up and running john hammond just had the wrong vision he just fucked it up we're gonna do it one better like no something's gonna go wrong

put these dinosaurs down let's just fucking end it just firebom it murder every you know what extinction too i don't mind the idea so john hammond's idea of just letting them be is actually fine but set a

perimeter no that's what i'm saying you gotta have a fence. Yeah, a fence and some helicopter circling. Yeah, you're paying a security team like to work there indefinitely. Somebody that takes their headphones off. Oh, wow. Oh, we'll get to that guy. So it's a team of it's Peter Possible Swate, who's great RIPD, that guy. Absolutely. Peter Stomerer, RIPD,

his career, right? He's just, I love Pete Stormere because he's just a guy who will play any number of ambiguous European. Oh, it's and he's kind of, I guess, Swedish in this movie. Sure. Who knows? It's Peter Stormair, whatever. And 40 fucking corpses show up.

Like, these guys... Let me just dump them off the boat. Yeah. And, I mean, so they basically, I don't know, they come in and say, hey, it's our operation now, et cetera, et cetera. And they start fucking, you know,

Pete Pazel made me, makes this weird sexual request about the T-Rex. Yep. It's got to be a male, don't ask why. Yeah, he's just like, all right, I won't. You could forego my payment, which is real weird. Yeah, because you know that's good dino money. Oh, for sure.

Some solid dino bucks you're getting paid to capture this T-Rex. And isn't this your posse of like, I feel like he's the wrangler for all of these guys. Like, he's the run of the show. Yeah. So I figure, like, his payment is their payment. Nah, I got to, I think he's saying like his own compensations. Oh, just his cut of the... Pass it on to your guy's spouses.

Yeah, because they're definitely not coming back. Yeah. Also, dude, you could build this guy out of money and hunt that fucking T-Rex, man. Oh, yeah, because what is he going to do about it? Yeah. Arles Howard's not going to do anything. He's just a worming nothing in this movie.

So they do pretty good for a first night's hall of hunting dinosaurs. They've got like 40 dinosaurs all penned up without locks for some. reason. No, there's locks. No, there's, the whole time, it's like a circus. They're just pulling up the pin.

Oh, the pin pull. Oh, is that what it was? Yeah, it's like they put a pin in, so it's not like, it's not like a bolted master lock. You know what was weird watching? I've seen this movie maybe like five times and this time only like watching it last night. Isn't they like the dino wrangling scene for some reason?

I was getting upset like as like an abuse to animals thing. I was like, fuck those guys because I started thinking about like, like all those pricks that like, you know, go to Africa and fucking shoot lions in the head and then post it on Facebook. Sure. Those people should be given the fucking chair. But I just, I started thinking about those people, I guess. And I was like, oh, those poor dinosaurs. Can I make it put us a theory behind that?

Yeah. And then I had the same feeling, right? And but they weren't other, other than Peter Stamare's behavior. It was actually a fairly humane effort. Yeah. But I think that what it was is that what. bother me about this movie. I think that it's, it's just making you think of

the respect and, like, awe that the first movie brought up in you. Yeah. Is that the first movie, there's, there's a really, there's a really great kind of like childhood, like, some animals are dangerous, but they're not bad things, right? And a lion is is a predator, but by,

you know, but he's not, you know, evil. It's not a villain. Yeah, it's a really nice kind of very respectful, elegant way to think about the animal kingdom that the first movie brought up. Yes. And the second one, it just, This movie is just classless. Like, it's lost... It's like, it's not classy, like, the first one.

And that's why I got the same feeling. You're totally right. Can we... Apparently, when David Kep was writing the script of this movie, this little IMDB tidbit, where he's... The director of Secret Window, by the way. Let's not forget that. He put up a fan letter on his computer monitor,

or right next to it, at his workstation that said, I didn't like the first Jurassic Park movie because it took so long to get to the Dern Dinosaurs. So he's like that's number one I'm going to fix that How fucking dare you Use Laura Dern's name In an email without her permission

Dude The first scene is a dinosaur Eating a guy in the first movie But you don't see You don't see a car or something Get to see a dinosaur Oh good Now I get to wait for an hour

In 12 minutes Yeah I mean Oh shit Oh who cares Like he got a letter from an idiot who doesn't know anything

about how to make a good movie and he was like just gonna keep this at the top of my noodle the entire time I write this movie gonna improve on that fucking Jurassic Park things like a fat moron what is the back of jaws look like

another problem well because he does okay I'll give him this you do see dinosaur like actual dinosaurs within the first five minutes sure you see them do almost nothing and then for the rest

Until an hour and 12 minutes when, you know, the great shift death happens. Yeah. It's all just them walking around and fucking, like, strutton. Like, oh, sweet, he listened to my ladder. Look at them, walk. It's a lot of fucking police brutality. Mason kids says they're leaving a protest in this movie. Like, that's what I got to.

Like, that's what it is. Because remember, they say that all the predators are in the center and all the peaceful runs. That's why that's how the movie. progresses. It's a lot of like flat top like just like fern eaters like oh fucking what I'm around my neck all right all right thank you I guess if anything

that's what was really getting to me because it was just all the innocent like ones that aren't going to harm a fly we're just trying to eat plants here like no what's happening and also a headbutting dinosaur is really sweet that's a sweet dinosaur and the whole thing is compounded by that one

scene where Pete Stormer because he's a psychopath is like, oh look at that little dinosaur and he electrocutes it and he's like, why wasn't it scared of me? And the scientist that's there who's hilariously just wearing a cowboy hat through this whole movie

is... He looks like the kid the bastard son of Dusty from Twister and Michael Jeter. And he's just like, you know, that dinosaur had no reason to be afraid of you because it doesn't, it's never interacted with man before. So there's this whole innocence about it and then these things

are getting fucking choked to death Then you're just like, oh, man, movie. But that's like a fucking phoning in poetic justice from mile away. He's like, oh, I'm going to fucking buzz this little thing. Like, so, listen, I've seen dead meat in my life before. But never, ever have I seen an imperialistic, mean-speetered Peter Stamare. With one coming to him lost while a Spanish guy listens to his headphones after slipping down a ravine. Dead meat.

Like, that's 15 minutes of him about to get it. You know what you don't get to bring on a trip to a dinosaur island? A Walkman. There's enough to entertain you. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's like, it's the classic, like, why you play your Game Boy, why we bring you all the way to Sea World just to play Game Boy?

Exactly. Look, when I... What is he thinking? Look, when I said take a rest, I meant lean up against a tree. Yep. Or talk to a friend. I don't care. With an infinite number of...

unknown dangers, but I just have to be blaring this ranchero music off my walkman. Oh, that guy just deserves everything that comes to him. He's got one of the worst deaths in the movie or one of the best. Yeah. So first night... Oh, is he gum on your shoe, dad? Yeah, yeah. He's the repeated stomping.

First night, you know, Vince Vaughn reveals himself at Eco-Terrorist, and he's like, that's what I'm here for. So he starts opening up all these cages and causes the death of at least two people that night. Yep. And he's like, oh, and like, Pete Pazolid's already got this dinosaur, this little T-Rex chained up. He's like, it's bait for the buck. And I'm like, whoa, man. Whoa, why are you wearing that leather outfit right now? Especially in the jungle, my God. And he, Vince Vaughn is like, oh, that poor little T-Rex, let me go pick it up because it's got a broken leg. And I'm like, dude, no. Yep. No, no, no, no, no. It's also so, and I do understand that likely that T-Rex broke its leg. through the tying up process

but there's a whole so one of the other thing that is so it's just such a dumbing down in this movie is that the chaos theory is really sweet like the chaos theory

sets the tone of the Jurassic Park movie so well right it's short and it's awesome and it's like you know like we do this

you know things are gonna if we do this you know things need to go the drip of water and Golden was about to close in that scene if she if Sam Neal didn't show up

yeah yeah you're totally right throughout it they'll just be like, I have another theory, but the theory that they're putting out is just the basic theory of science and testing. And they're like, there's a theory that you can't, you can't observe a system without altering it. Right. Well, here's the fucking thing. What altering a system is, is taking a dinosaur that's broken its leg.

Yes, it could have been because of the tying up. But if their whole thing is he's eco-terrorist and he's like, let science, let nature be nature. Right. And if a dinosaur breaks its leg, you let the mother come and take care of it. Sure. Yeah. And it's either going to kill it or fuck it or whatever. Talk about, like, interfering with an ecosystem is putting your chewing gum on a makeshift cast on a dinosaur and let it, like, and let it, and then releasing. And then when you're ready to let it go, giving it back to its mom, it's actually completely opposite to any kind of animal rights, like, theorem that would be out there.

So we're, like, running from this camp and we're going to fix this dinosaur's legs in this trailer. Dinosaurs have broken their legs in the wild before. I'm sure it totally happened Happened all the time They're brittle bird bones You know Good point And those avian bones

Jeff Goldblum Richard Schiff And Jeff Goldblum's daughter Are in this hidey way This like little The high hide The high hide as they call it Wow that's just really creative It was just as creative as that remark I made

Where I thought I was gonna make a joke And then I just said well that was really creative You think all the guys Do you think Richard Schiff smokes weed up there Absolutely Before the high hide, Giggle. And the storm, there's a storm coming in, by the way.

Of course. Because we're on Jurassic Park. There's a storm coming. And you know John Havitt didn't pay for any fucking storm shutters anywhere. There's one thing that idiot didn't figure out. He didn't pay for rain jackets. I know. Why would you need umbrellas?

It's Costa Rica. Not even those ponchos you keep in your car, man. They got nothing. nothing. So they're hiding up there and we're playing ER with this goddamn dinosaur baby. Trying to put a little cast on this thing or whatever's

going to. This little fucking carnosaur looking piece of shit dinosaur. Man, you just reminded me of a carnosaur and just how terrible that movie is. That is virtually unwatchable. And like Jeff Goldblum starts hearing the T-Rex coming

and you know, it's that scene. Because the T-Rex is like, the baby T-Rex is screaming on the operating table and Vince Vaughn's like putting a belt over its snout like shut up told you to be quiet Daddy wants to fire well I don't understand you're both apparently I mean Julia more

specifically knows these things inside and out did you not think when you picked this thing up and ran away with it? Yes that a T-Rex might just be on your trail I mean that's the thing earlier in the movie we're arguing about like which dinosaur has the largest scent radius and all this shit so like

you've talked about things like The protectivity of dinosaurs, like how protectful they are. They're young. The smell radius. Let's just pick this thing up and bring it back to the campsite. You boobs. And they're like keeping jokes and like ripping each other. Like nothing's ever going to happen.

Oh, yeah. He spits on her. Oh, yeah. That is uncomfortable. It is a bit weird, huh? And that's no computer spit either. That's Vince Vaughn's alive. In real life spit in Julianne Moore's hand.

Thank God she had a medical glove on. She did. So, yeah, we're doing work on this thing. And this, I mean, it essentially leads to the best sequence in the movie. There is, it does, the T-Rex does have a little wink at the cat, a little, I'm back. He does have that little thing where he goes to the window and gives a wink. It's, hey, everybody, you miss me? It's the T-Rex.

Well, because it's a surprise T-Rexing, too, because they're looking out one window. And then the T-Rex head comes down, and it's the first time you see it in the movie. and it's like, hey. I expect him to snort and then, right, like, Still hungry. And guess who I brought with me, Mrs. Rex. Oh, did she have a bow in her hair? If she had a bow in her hair, it'd be so great.

Oh, then that little baby's got the little spitty hat on. A little beady on its head. I mean, you know, we really needed the gender specification because I had no idea which one was the mother and which one was the father the entire time. Need that bow. You need that Mrs. Pac-Man bow. Just a little pink bow.

Worked for video games for 35 years. So then Julianne Moore's like, all right, we're just going to do a handoff. We're going to deal with this fucking carnosaur. We're trying to cool down a hostage situation here. It's like, well, let one out of the time. I'm going to let the baby out and you let the pizzas come in. Because we're in here all night. What is this?

It's filled with my dirty undies, dude. yeah so they're doing a handle dude are you fucking this dinosaur handoff up and it works and they're like ooh and then the fucking teorexes of course mauled a shit out of their trailer of course because it's like yeah thanks we got our kid back also we're not going to forget that you fucked with our family

come on and like the two of them are just like wow dodged that bullet well of course there you go I think Jeff Goldblum's also in the trailer at this point He runs down, it's like, oh, the T-Rexes are coming, you know. The trailer that they have a long conversation about, or maybe that's somebody else, but the trailer that they parked 25 feet from a cliff. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

You're right. It couldn't possibly rain. There's not going to be a mudslide. Why would you not bring it in? Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Look at that, look at that nice bottle of beer. You didn't put it right on the corner now, did you?

No, I didn't. It's about four inches in. from the edge of the table. Same principle. Just in case it rains in here. Or if a T-R-X wants to fucking nudge you off a cliff. Which I love is they realize like, oh my God, they're pushing us off the cliff.

But that part is great too because I would feel like, especially like on a building suspense, you'd be pushing and pushing. He's like, knock out, we're off the cliff. It's really quick how quick he gets them off that. So we're hanging off this thing. Richard Schiff, greatest American hero comes down. I mean, like, he's a really good guy.

He comes in. These guns blazed into a two T-Rex territory. Oh, yeah. And he's tying a rope from the truck to the trailer, and we're trying to back up and whatnot. Because half the trailer's off the cliff and half the trailer's on. Right. And they're in the off-the-cliff part.

And he's like, oh, my God, are you guys okay? They're like, yeah. And he's like, do you need anything? And this is what Jeff Goldblum says, a rope. He's like, okay, good. You need anything else? Which is being like, hostage, you know, crisis situation. Who needs bandages?

who needs whatever. And they're like, what do they say? It's something like, let me get three double cheese burgers. Julian Morris says an apple turnover. And fucking Vince Fonz's like, hold the onion. Fuck you, I'm leaving. I would turn back around and be like,

oh, okay, and suck my cock and I'd leave. How dare you mouth off to me in this situation? Enjoy the cliffs. Seriously. Seriously. Enjoy falling to your death. Fall to your death. I'm done with this.

See how fucking hilarious they. Chishburgers. You just almost got eaten. You have this cavalier shit. I don't need it. It's just you know like basically this is, he's kind of doing a Dennis Nedry tying the tree

around and whatever. We certainly are just mirroring everything. And not this T-Rex death though because the T-Rex, I don't know why the T-Rex is like they fucking push it almost off a cliff and then I guess they smell Richard Schiff and then they're like hey aren't you on the West Wing? And then just

fucking tear him limb from limb. Well, that smells much more prestigious. That's West Wing meat. I guess we'll have to share. They do. Oh, man.

They fucking two-time him. Oh, God. I mean, it's awesome. It's essentially the lawyer getting eaten off the toilet in sequel form. Sure.

And they just tear that little dummy in half and he just gets shift. It's so great. And the last thing he hears is some fucking sarcastic Jeff Goldblum nod for whom he's

risking his life. That's the last human interaction he has on this earth is cold the onions, you fucking douchebags. And then he gets I don't know who is editing this movie either. Because

no sooner is he torn asunder it just goes into the triumph. It goes from him dying right into the triumphant Jurassic Park theme. Yes. I noted the same thing is the weirdest transition. The music is so inappropriate it's inappropriate

and they like what and here's we're getting into some unbelievable bullshit though because they're hanging out on this rope that the late Richard Schiff has set up for them and then the trailer like falls and they go through the trailer and whatever and they're still just hanging onto this rope

and they are hanging on to this rope like no one no human being has ever been able to hang onto a rope and they're doing things like falling down the rope and then catching themselves like I don't care how strong you are. You are falling off of this clip.

Fuck it up four or five times. There's no way all three human beings are holding onto this rope like this. This is Ninja Warrior shit. They can't do that. You know what I mean? Those guys are falling into that pool. Yes. So the poachers show up and they climb up and whatever.

They save them and then they're like, hey, thanks for killing half our camp. I guess we have to work together now that all the dinosaurs are loose. Yeah, totally. And you got the T-Rex pissed off at us. And so Pete Posselwaite says, you know, there's a... Oh, they lose all their equipment because the dinosaur rampage knocked out their equipment at the camp. Thanks for nothing. Yeah, the trailer fell off the cliff because we're making fucking cheeseburger jokes to Richard Schiff.

So there's no communication there. So Pete Possiblewait says there's a village in the middle of the island. Remember, where all the predators live. If we get to that, we can radio for help and get out of here. So that is like the goal of the movie is to get to the middle of the island as opposed to the last movie where we're trying to get out to the...

God damn, this movie's really dumb. What sucks is that? So after they get rescued, first of all, they get the girl down from the high hide. Yeah. She saw all of that. A little older. A lot older.

She just watched a man get ripped in half. Oh, yeah, that'll age you real quick. She's not talking to anybody for the rest of the movie. freaks out and she looks down there's like a little glass case that says smash a case of emergency and it's just a spliff oh yeah i mean that's the thing yeah i have to hand it to richard shift because i am just up in that high hide smoking weed till i fall right asleep watching fucking jeff bloom be turned to do a goddamn cheeseburger see how you like it well that's the thing no you just turn the other way and you're just looking at a beautiful rainforest enjoy your cheeseburger

in hell, asshole. And you can even write it off, be like, look, someone's got to protect this little girl. You know what I mean? I imagine him just smoking this flip with one hand and then the other hand just covering her eyes. Terrible way to go. They're still alive.

This is when Pete Possible, I'm sorry, Pete Stomerer is poetic justice. So we're on the march to the thing and this fucking assholes listen to his music. And Pete Stormere is crying his heart out to get, like, to get freed because his friend is, like, supposed to be watching him. Right. And so he falls down this thing

and the little compy dinosaurs come out. And they're, like, chewing on him and stuff. Bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, bite, bite. And he's just screaming, and then you cut back to the guy and it's just like Ranchero music. He's, like, running. It's kind of an annoying sequence that's dragged out. It goes so long.

Like, that first time they drop on him, I was like, oh, here's where he gets eaten. Yeah, pan the camera up, but we're good. Yeah, like he gets back up, runs another 20 feet, falls over a log, and then that's when they really get him. And then we also borrow from the death of Dennis Nedry with the water. It's regular water running, and then it turns into blood water. Which happens twice in this movie. Oh, really?

Yeah. Because when the cowboy scientist gets pulled through the waterfall by the T-Rex, the waterfall turns bloody. It's a nice trick. The first time, the storm. Yeah. It was the nice trick in 1993 when it happened to Wayne Nights. So it's been a long night, a long day of hiking. You know, we're on a fucking volatile dinosaur island.

Let's all go to sleep at the same time. What a mistake. And we know that every step we take, we're going into the more dangerous part of the island. Right. So why not take a nap first and then do that? Yeah, exactly. During the day, maybe. Man.

how is how is no one keeping watch how is people asleep him I mean he seems like the guy who's just up all the time well Robert Shaw you know he was he slept pretty well

on the boat and jaws sure he ain't he ain't afraid of no ghost I suppose it's the same thing with this character question is this the only crackle product placement anyone's ever seen the crackle candy bar I didn't even notice a crackle candy bar because that in the tent

is Julian Moore and Jeff Gouldman's daughter in a big, fat, red crackle candy bar? Oh, is that what she hides under the sleeping bag? Yeah, and I'm like, dude, wow, they put money in this, huh? The Crackle Corporation's like, hey, we're not just mini candy, motherfucker. We're not just for Halloween. Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen a full-sized crackle bar.

I know. It took me out of the movie to be honest. Was that movie magic? Crackle is only a candy bar. You know, technically that crackle's a stowaway as well. Fuck that far. I do wonder if they took a meeting like, look for

for dress part two, we're making a T-Rex-sized Crackle bar. I do think that's... I don't remember what was on sale at the drug store during the release of this movie.

Crackle doesn't have Nikon paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to be in this movie. So the T-Rex comes and fucking does a panty rate on the girl's game.

Yeah. Oh, must have been the buck, huh? Because this guy is just sniffing into the girl's tent, man. Which is the most frustrating that nobody, it sneaks in silently. The first

of two times this T-Rex is sneaking around in this movie. And here's something, I can't remember if it's the young girl, if it's Julianne Moore, goes, what's that? Like, I'll give you one guess. It's the young girl, because Julian Moore is terrified. Like, I don't know, 20 tons.

And is that not enough for you? It's starving. What's weird? You've got a taste for human blood. There's a bit of a continuity error here, I think, unless I miss something, because they're in this tent and the girl's screaming. And then, you know, she covers up her mouth and the T-Rex is still, like, the last thing we see, the T-Rex has its head in the tent. And then some dude on the outside or whatever wakes up and is like, ah! And the T-Rex attention turns to the crowd of guys outside.

And what you see is the T-Rex stand up and shake its head because the tent is stuck on it. Yeah, yeah. And he flings the tent. Yeah. But then all of a sudden, they're just running. Like Julian Moore and the daughter don't get flung through the air. It could be a tent that doesn't have a bottom to it. You know what I mean?

Like it's just a... Oh, those are a thing? Yeah, kind of right? A bottomless tent? Yeah. How about that? Like a cover? Yeah, no.

Again, it's a Hammond expedition. He's cutting corners left and right. I mean, that's... No, our tents don't need floors. That does even... I mean, compared to the idea that this camp, that the little tent that Julianne and this kid have,

is so far off from the rest of the people that he didn't step on any other people on his way to do this tent. Well, dude, it's a twinkled toesesaurus. It's very capable of snooping through campgrounds. T-Rex stars and don't wake down. Eddie. Fucking absurd.

So, yeah, this is where Mr. Ranchero headphones get stepped on. Oh, man. It's a great death. It might. It's the second best death under the shiffening. Because the dude gets stepped on and you're like, that's cool. That's also a King Kong reference.

Yeah. But then the T-Rex keeps walking and the guy's just stuck and he gets stomped like three times. Oh, it's beautiful. But because it's Steven Spielberg. Of course, there's no blood. So I kept on thinking about Christopher walking at the end of Roger Rabbit. Yo, yeah, Christopher Lloyd. Oh, yeah, Christopher Lloyd.

Chris for Lloyd, sorry. Imagine like in the cartoon, he gets back up still alive. Hi, Dios, me, oh. This falls back down. Dude, surprise cartoon in this movie, that would be pretty cool. Everything's a surprise cartoon. Well, we got to mirror Mr. DNA somehow. Oh, yeah.

And your porting of films, who is Mr. DNA in the movie? That's a great question. question. Maybe the guy on the subway. You mean the guy that was in one episode of Battle Creek? Yes. This is the waterfall sequence, which is really

stupid because it's all of our principal cast and this other guy hiding under this waterfall. It's like, you know what, Mr. Cowboy hat, you've seemed like a pretty nice fella, but I'm doing the math here. And the T-Rex comes in and he can't

quite reach anybody and he starts licking Julianne Moore. Oh, yeah. Yep, up and down. Must have been the buck again. Dinosaur tongue, get it out of here. Yeah, it looks like a fucking painting in Robert Morse's office on Mad Men, huh? Just an octopus going places? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so this dude gets eaten and this is... He gets a snake on him, he goes, oh, a snake! That's ridiculous. A snake got on my broken tongue t-shirt. Is he wearing a Brooks and Dunn T-shirt?

No, I just imagine. He's a fan. So, yeah, he gets pulled through, and this is the second blood water thing, because he gets pulled through, and, yeah, the blood comes down. And then, and this is ridiculous because there's another,

this is another weird thing where they're like, oh, Vince Bond's like, he's coming back! And then Jeff Goldblum runs through the waterfall. And I was like, is Jeff Goldblum secretly a T-Rex? I don't know.

What is that costume change? That's somebody, yeah. It's so weird. It's like, the dinosaur has just seconds ago eaten that other scientist. How did Jeff Goldblum sneak around? And I, that is just another snippet of dialogue that just got me so upset. So everybody's looking at the same waterfall of Inflon. And you're looking at it.

He's like, he's coming back. And like, but he's not. He's not. He says who. I think it's easier. I think it's easier to believe that Jeff Goldblum and T-Rex are collaborating. And he really is like, I don't want, I don't want this place to be found.

John Hammond has to be ruined forever, as does all of InGen. So, wait, so in this scenario, Jeff Goldblum is a dinosaur mole? He's working for the dinosaurs? He offers up all of InGen to the T-Rex. Oh, I see. Are the T-Rex is paying better than John Hammond? I mean, I think he's just so fucking done with it at this point. Oh, I see.

Oh, he's a turn code. Yes. He's a dino turncoat. Oh, yeah, that could be. Well, Jeff Goldblum, Ian Malcolm is a great character in the first movie. You know what I mean? Like, he's kind of, he's off the wall. He has really great speeches.

He's really intelligent. In this one, he's just kind of a shitty action hero. It doesn't, yes. Any motivation, like, he has is, like, I've got to protect my girls. At one point, I think that the Stegosaurus scene, like, a Stegosaurus steps to Julianne Moore, and, like, Jeff Goldman pulls her back. And she's like, oh, he was just trying to protect her, his baby. And he's like, so am I.

And I'm like, dude, fuck you, man. Like problem. Yeah, yeah. And it's so weird. I mean, because the whole thing, the whole genesis of what this, how this came about is Garbage Town to begin with. Because the first movie was so successful. And they were like, well, we want to do another one, but you don't have another book.

And Michael Crichton was like, I don't want to write a sequel to my book. And Stephen Spielberg was like, write a sequel to your book. Because the whole, in the first book, Ian Malcolm gets killed. Yes. And so the fucking, I remember reading The Lost World as a kid. And the whole thing is like, Ian Malcolm's introduced and he's like, oh, the doctor did fine work. I was like, no, you were murdered by dinosaurs, dude. Come on.

Reanimator. Is it a thing where Sam Neal didn't want to do it? Is that the idea? And then they just had to go to Jeff Goldblum or was Jeff Goldblum so popular in that first one? They decided to give it to him. I think it was probably, he was such a popular character. He was definitely a more popular character than Sam Neal. But no, it's a

It's a chicken and the egg thing though Because the book, the book doesn't have Alan Grant in it. Oh, no, okay. But I also think that the book was written with like, all right, who can we get for this one? You know what I mean? Like Spielberg had an idea of who we wanted this movie. So you're saying that the book, that the Lost Word book

is the first novel adaptation of a movie written before the movie was made? Possibly. Pretty much. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a secret meeting where Steven Spielberg was like, hey Michael Grighton here's my notes for what your book should be

possibly I mean even though but then the movie does stray a lot from the book anyway like so much so that it's like you know what it says like based on it's like yeah it's loosely adapted from that book that you made that dude right

oh man why couldn't you at least be true to the novel thank you Michael everybody's gonna notice when you die now we're going to Raptor Congress like it's like literally one of monorail at a theme park and we get into raptor country oh yeah totally and this is like this is some of the laziest shit because this it's supposed to be terrifying right because we're running through this field and these dudes are just getting pulled down one by one yep and it's supposed to be terrifying but it's not it's just lazy yep and then even lazier is the introduction of the jumping raptor the high jumping raptor which we couldn't see in the first movie because that movie had integrity and mainly used puppets and the computer Dinosaur dinosaurs in this movie. Dude, it looks like garbage.

We were really overzealous with the CGIUs in the late 90s. I thought Denver was going to show up. Just going to be hanging out in the forest. No, I mean, like, what I hate about it is that the first, the first one was like the Raptors are all characters. Yep. Like the mother and like, oh, she's, she's the smart one and all that stuff. And like there's a very specific, they are the villains of this.

This is just like, I mean they're dinosaurs, and they're going to eat you. You get Stephen the penultimate dinosaurs? Well, because it's a thing where it's like, you remember all the raptors from the first one, right? Well, they're back. Everybody loves the raptors. This one really wants Julia M. Moore's backpack. Give me a backpack, lady. And, I mean, they look terrible.

Bad. They're mostly computer in this movie. Yep. There's a little raptor puppetry. but not really. I think there's maybe two or three, like puppet shots. And it's essentially just this one

sequence with the Raptors, and that's it. They go on and on and on. I mean, we go on and on and on and on. Everybody, it's also that field sequence is a really good way to get a high body count without doing any work. You know what I mean? People are just film, film dudes

falling over. That you've never seen before. They have some sort of hunter's intuition and intelligence about like, don't sleep down wind and, oh don't you don't want to camp on their particular trails and they're like how do we get to point A to point B

we're like let's go through a place where our visibility is four inches seriously let's run through this tall grass that happened oh my God now I know I was so freaked out I was at college and I was walking through there was some like high wheat fields to go to work at like 4.30 in the morning and it was super dark and there were deer on either side of me

jumping in and out of the eating. I was like, oh, fuck, it's like the Raptors. They're going to pull me down, man. You're going to the distillery? Yeah, why were you taking that way to work? Did you work at a gym? Yeah. I had to get a cab. It was a long story.

So we're in... We're in this, like, control room thing. We're going in and out of it and, like... Yeah. By the way, in case you were wondering, in the beginning of the movie, Jeff Goldblum was like, what? whatever happened to your gymnastics class. Oh, God. And, like, he says it and stops.

It's like, everybody, uh, uh, remember now. Uh, I'll put that in your back pocket. Uh, she, she does gymnastics. Uh, uh, ah, ah. I like to see, like, him teaching like a Robert McKee style, like, screen writing. That's foreshadowing. And so, yeah, we're trying to fight off these raptors and one like gets in this

control room and she's like, oh, those pipes look like uneven bars and just starts swinging around and flip kicks this raptor out a window. Get the fuck out of here, movie. Get out of my face with that horse shit. I think that it's not a bad move for her to save if she runs and kicks.

But she's like doing multiple tricks and shit. Yeah, there's a whole routine. There's a routine. She does a full routine before she kicked her. She's going for the bronze. She's going for the gold. She's going to get the bronze. Yeah, it goes for bronze. In the Raptor Olympics, she is.

Oh, wait, in Raptor Olympics it goes bronze silver gold yes don't you know this no are you a mole you working with them Chris Kavan's a dino turn code collaborating it's more classy that one

yeah and whatever we just and this is another thing about the laziness and like the lack of awe and respect for these animals because even though these characters are like terrified in quotation marks of of these raptors,

they are just walking in and out of these raptors. There's a scene where Julian Moore makes one fall out a window or something, and it falls on another one, or it falls off a roof, and it falls onto another raftingle scene, which I love because the raptor's like, I don't understand, shingles. Yeah, but then these raptors start fighting,

and she falls right next to them. Instead of immediately getting up and be like, fuck everything! She just, like, slowly gets up, and is, like, crawling away, not as scared of a velociraptor, as she deserves to be. It's so infuriating.

The laissez-faire attitude that we have towards these dinosaurs, just, oh, they're there, whatever. Don't mind them. They're just velociraptors. This is after the second time that Jeff Goldblum references the first one, saying he says both like must-clim swifter

or something like that. Yeah, must climb quicker or something. That's back before the shiffening happens. Yeah, yeah. And then again, he goes, run, as fast as you can Like specifying the speed In which you should be traveling In a movie full of dinosaurs

You're a dinosaur island I'm doing everything as fast Run, all right, I'm going to start as a jog and you can change I'll start jogging and you can tell you can throttle me up or down You can draft behind me. No, we're all running as fast as we can. Meanwhile

Vince Vaughn has made his way to this village center and he's like fired up the control panel and there's actually nothing that stands in his way of doing this. No, yeah, there's no, like, cool scene. It's not Lex and Tim with the fucking control room when they're trying to close the door on the Raptor,

which is great. You know what? How about Vince Vaughn v. De Lafosaurus at this point? There's just a DeLafosaurus hanging out in there, and it spits on him and kills him. Yep. Because Vince Vaughn should be a dead meat character in this movie, and he's not.

Well, because we only care about a T-Rex in the Raptors, and we barely care about the Raptors anyway. Yeah, I mean, this really is T-Rex the motion picture this time around. Like, the Segasaurus isn't beginning fine. That's great and all. But, like, I need a little more dangerous. And, like, one thing I will say, I'm glad they're doing in the new movie is underwater dinosaurs.

Yes. I think that was something they should have done probably in this movie. Can I make a prediction for the new movie? Yeah. One of Chris Pratt's Raptors dies a heroic death. Guaranteed. Oh, yeah. I bet you're totally right.

I put fucking every dollar I have on it. Oh, maybe they do, like, a stunt to save him at the end. Like, they have a routine that they got to do. Yeah. It's a routine that you see at the beginning of the movie And then they do it to save him And one dies I think that's...

I'll go double a nothing top hat Raptor to Top Hat You want it? Can we talk about when Pete Possal's weight Drops a T-Rex? Because it's kind of important in the movie. Oh right, yeah, totally forgot about this. I think he leaves a crackle bar out for Bates

A very large T-Rex-sized crackle bar. Well, a baby T-Rex didn't work. Let me try this. My God, it's a full-size crackled, has anyone ever seen this? Well, this is just big enough to satisfy anybody's hunger. Derex's have the same appetite as Beetlejuice. I don't know. I mean, like, he just fucking drops it.

And what's annoying, though, for all the dino-computery we're doing in this movie, you don't see this thing fall. No. You see the dinosaur come out, and he's like, smile, you son of a, you know, and shoots it and then we just cut to it's been captured like I need to see this thing

fall over with its because he like stuns it yeah well possibly it's like I got a shotgun I'm gonna fucking drop it in the head and he's like oh wait some fucking eco-terrorist took that out

I guess he's gonna destroy San Diego now yeah so I'll just fucking trank it so they get they meet up with Vince Vaugh and we're in the helicopter

and we're getting out of here movies over really and yeah I remember in the theater being like wow this didn't take that long. Okay, we're in the helicopter. That's fine. And they're flying off the island and then they fly over and they're like, wait, look at that. And it's the crew and they've like captured this T-Rex and are in the process of putting it in a cage. Yeah. Cut to an

indeterminate amount of time later. Who knows? I don't even know. Who knows? But, well, you can figure out. They say it's two hours by plane. So a good amount of time. But he takes a boat for some The D-Rex is a lot of... Thanks for giving me this boat, guys. Now, we're in San Diego, but this is what I understand, because they're all like shit shower and shave. Yes, yes.

Like, Julianne Moore got a haircut. You know, like, they pull up, and... Can anyone explain this? It's just Julianne Moore and Jeff Goldblum. Vince Vaughn is out of this movie, as is the daughter. It's really... I mean, I have a very, very last scene.

yeah yeah the very very end she comes back for two seconds but i understand the reason why the daughter's not in you wouldn't bring your daughter to a dinosaur press conference after all she's yeah i guess that yeah that is strictly an 18 and up scenario but yeah viz fawn as the hero of this one you have to keep him away from the camera he is looking for the camera i don't understand it how do you just drop a character the last time you see him he's looking out the window of the helicopter like look at that they captured him and he's got the two bullets he's like oh they didn't get these motherfucker. Yeah, but like,

we already know. Also, hey, we already know. He opened the damn shotgun, saw the empty things. And I'm like, Vince Vaughn's the only one doing shit in this movie. He did it. Yeah, but we're spelling stuff out, though. But how you just drop a main character like that? Like,

I don't know if there's a deleted scene or something that's like, oh, there's something. He's on vacation. There's some stuff that they shot about the T-Rex getting off the boat, or how they take over the boat or whatever. Well, because it's weird, because it's Rob Ralaban about to do this press conference. Like, oh, man, you've never seen it before.

Dinosaurs, as far as I can see. And here comes the king of the dinosaur on this boat that's going to be here any minute now. And the boat shows up like Dracula got to it. Like, everyone's dead off the fucking. It's ghost shit, man. And it makes no fucking sense. Well, it's a deleted scene that explains it. But what doesn't explain it is that they must, the dinosaurs must have killed them, like, weighted.

to the, they must have waited to the captain, got the boat right lined up. Also, I mean, yes, that doesn't make any sense. Like, now, boys. Also, all the deaths are, like, inside of small spaces. Like, a Raptor's the only one who could really do that. That's what I'm trying to tell you, Chris Cabin. There's a deleted scene that says that Raptors got on the boat. But then why aren't they there on the, because the T-Rex then...

Okay. Raptors got on the boat and killed the people in the small spaces, like in the captain's... The T-Rex was in a coffin, turned to mist, and picked off the crew one by one. And then a group of stowaways. Oh, fuck that. In this scenario, I agree with you. Yeah, those Velociraptors were stowaways. And why?

Why? Oh, why, sweet God, the editor of this movie, you would cut that out. Of course I want to see Raptors on a ship messing things up, making things interesting, having a little fucking fun with this movie. And as you left it, it makes no goddamn sense. You know what makes even less sense? Again, because we're just making references to that first movie, the hand holding the steering wheel

that's been chomped off. The rest of the body's gone, but it's just Sam Jackson's hand driving the boat thing from, Captain Thing from the Adams family. It winds up making no sense. Absolutely zero sense. A boat crashes into the barge. Like speed two cruise control.

And, you know, it's a whole dead crew. And the T-Rex is locked up. The T-Rex, and And the baby, no, the baby, T-Rex is on a different site. The site that apparently John Hammond essentially finished construction on Jurassic Park, San Diego, and then it was like, nah, I should really buy an island and do this there. Because this is like a football stadium. I'm going to keep the sign up and everything. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

And how is he like, I have a really big announcement. They're like, well, is it that Jurassic Park? It's been here for five years. You can't build a football stadium without somebody asking. What is it? You petitioned, listen, Mr. Hammond, you petition this city to extend our subway line to come through and attach itself to your amusement park that then you decided to not open. What did you write on the permits? A Jurassic Park?

What is that? It's an animal king, though? It's a pet in zoo. You can't write, oh, you'll see on a permit, all right? What is that? Oh, Jurassic means horses. The best damn pet shop. in town and why aren't there a bunch of hobos fucking in this thing oh yeah this thing has to be

the mall from gone girl absolutely is just fucking sucking and shooting up in this abandoned amusement park in the middle of san die and it's just covered in bird shit i mean oh yeah oh yeah it's like a barclays center and they don't got like old eugene up there scraping it off every day no But that's where the baby T-Rex is. So the T-R-X gets out, right? And now we're doing the fucking thing. The T-Rex is out through San Diego and just king conning down the street. And Jeff Goldblum and Julianne, the only two that could figure out,

oh, my God, we could use the T-Rex's baby as bait because that's what this whole stupid movie's been about. It's worked the first two times they tried it. So they drive to Jurassic Park Site F, I guess. And this T-Rex is fucking killing people in San Diego. Oh, absolutely, including a David Kep at a gas station. Credit it as unlucky bastard. And he kills his whole goddamn family, too. The dog first.

Yeah, let me tell you something. You think it's so fucking hilarious to show that dog house ding dangling from this T-Rex's mouth. Eat shit, dude. I don't need that dog getting killed. What I need is for the T-Rex to be like, oh, a dog. And then smash its face into that family's house and kill all three of them. Well, he does, because they all go. go, and we get a cut.

So that's the only end of that scene, right? As he murders all of them. What I love there is the kid sees the dinosaur and is like, oh, geez, and goes into his parents' room and it's like, there's a dinosaur in the backyard. And he wakes the parents up. And what's great is, like, it's good that this family gets murdered because this marriage is on the rocks. Like, these two parents are, like, snapping and fighting, like, velociraptors. I don't know if it was his way. Like, I don't think this is a conscious choice.

Like to have that broken home syndrome that he has in his movies that are there. Oh, yeah. I have, I just, I'm going to ask this, because I remember it even from the last time I saw it. The whole argument that the parents are having with about the kid is about the how they shouldn't have got on that fish tank. Yes. Which is actually kind of an analogy to how we shouldn't be putting animals in cages. Yes. Yeah. I just noticed it again.

I wanted to bring it up. I mean, that's the underlying thing of all of this is like, oh, why do you do this to animals? And like, I get it. I'm on your side, but like, get it out of the fucking movie, man. And, like, honestly, how angry do you have to be when the first thing you do when you wake up in the middle of night is argue? Yeah. Yeah, honestly. Like, you've been fighting in your sleeve.

You were dreaming of reasons to just yammer at each other. They just start into it immediately. Yeah, that's it. That fucking T-Rex Babadukes the shit out of both of them. So I would put a rapper on I don't think that you guys agree But maybe That I would put a rapper on

Once it's loose in San Diego I actually don't mind this movie I like the King Kong stretch of this movie I don't think that it's terrible If this was the beginning Of the movie Going into a movie about us trying to Get a T-Rangle a T-Rex

In the middle I'm more into that movie Half-Baked ill-placed, totally lopsided film overall. Yeah. But just the sequence of it, of him just like biting it, biting at things and the video store stuff. The guy's trying to fucking go into a blockbuster and gets eaten.

I mean, that stuff, I'm actually more for that than, you know, staring at cartoon stegasoruses. Well, because it's a cool idea that comes off as an afterthought. Exactly. Yes. You know, and like, yeah, King Kong is structured the same way. Like, he's not rampaging around New York for that long. But that's fine Because that's how King Kong did it

It's like a vampire in Brooklyn Not a vampire is mostly stuck on the LIE And then gets to Brooklyn Well it's like Friday the 13th Jason takes Manhattan We're in Manhattan for like 15 minutes We're on a cruise ship for most of that movie Well I mean I do kind of think it's like

You get an email from like Subway or something like oh man You've got your punch card You've gotten enough for your free subway P S you won the lottery It's the beginning of a really mediocre movie and then like a really good idea is that you're right i i will take i will take umbrage with it for two reasons it's really it gets fucking hammy in this part like really bad because we got

in blockbuster for some reason we're doing last action hero bits of king lear with fucking arnold schwarzenegger in king lear it's like get the fuck out of jurasic park with fucking industry jokes if you don't mind there's another one though then it's it's tom hanks doing something else like i got them written down here we go It's Robin Williams and a Jack of the Beanstalk remake. Oh, man. And it's Tom Hanks in Who Knows What, Called, Tsunami Rising, where he looks like a bad guy where he's riding a wave.

And we get the fucking Godzilla joke. Man, with the Japanese tourists. Oh, get the fuck out of my movie. Hey, just get the fuck out of here. And they said that it's translated to, I left Japan to get away from this or something. Yeah, which I guess intimates that in this world of the lost world also exists all those troubles with Godzilla and dear friends. Shared universe. That proves a shared universe.

That proves to me as a shared universe. So they fucking drive to Derelict Jurassic Park, pick up that T-Rex, and drive back to the boat, and the T-Rex follows them. Which not for nothing. This whole thing needs to end at Darylick Jurassic Park. Yes. And the fucking dinosaur gets killed. It blows up something. Exactly.

Like, it's not... Let's kill this dinosaur. That's the problem I have with the sequence is we're running around. We're doing stuff and it's cool. It's cool seeing a dinosaur, like walk down a suburban street and look at houses. Sure, that's neat. But then we just immediately turn around and go back to the boat. Like, you need to drag that T-Rex to the Jurassic Park compound.

And yet, a big explosion happens. And this thing gets blown to Kingdom Come. And it's not entirely harper. Because, like, the baby's still alive. The movie ends with you taking the baby back to the island, whatever. I just feel like I have not seen in two movies now. In four hours, I have not seen what a gun does to a fucking dinosaur. And you know what I think I should at this point?

Like an actual honest-to-goodness handgun. What's going to happen? Yeah, because there is actually, he gets himself in a bit of trouble because he gets, I think it's funny. I think it gets fun. But a whole bunch of cops pull up and you totally expect to, like, you know, when they shoot the hall, and the Hulk's like, come on, you didn't check with anybody else that's file that didn't work. But then they get that and he sets, he gets himself in trouble because he sets it up, the cops are all going to get out and unload on the T-Rex and it's not going to do anything.

And the cops just pull right back out again. It's kind of hilarious because they look and they're like, fuck this, and like all just turn around and drive away. Yeah, I mean, they get it back to the boat successfully. Arles Howard gets fucking thrown to the wolves pretty much. And this is another, the T-Rex. So the baby is down in the hall, and he's down there. And Ours Howard has already said, like, look, kill the fucking big T-Rex. I just want the baby alive.

He's like me in this situation. And so he goes down in there, which it's kind of awesome that Jeff Goldblum and Julianne Moore aren't like, you should probably get out of there. No, no, no, no. They jump right off the boat into the water, and he's down there like, oh. They use the T-Rex's bait to get the bad guy. Oh, yeah, I guess that's true. They engineer his death Yeah

Collaboration They're down there And he's like Oh precious And then this T-Rex Just silently As if a T-Rex Getting onto a boat

Wouldn't shake the boat Yeah You put it on there That boat's tipping a bit It's a boat Yeah I didn't even think of that And then it creeps down This little staircase

Somebody's snow globe was falling off of the mantle or whatever they have there. The biggest thing is at the very end, because he's got, you know, T-Rex, like, he does a little jump. Yep. And it doesn't, nothing happens. It's amazing. Oh. And then, and then

what's kind of fucked up. It's pretty cool. It's a cool. It's like, the T-Rex, like, sets up the kill, but then lets the baby execute it. Yeah. He teaches it how to hunt. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And you can see it just like, oh, proud mama. You're like, yeah. You would rather,

be eaten by a big T-Rex than a baby T-Rex, right? Yes, because a baby T-Rex has taken a little longer. Yeah, Big T-Rex is just, it's like two chomps you're out. Yeah, you see Schifko. Yeah. When he, the shiffening happens, you know, that's instantaneous death. This is like you're getting maybe like a hand or like a arm at a time or something. And then it's the last scene.

Bernard Shaw is narrating this dinosaur being sent back. Oh, by the way, there's an island of dinosaurs. Here's John Hammond, not in chains. Dude, he would be in a fucking tribunal. Like, I mean, he's, you're going to the Hague. He's getting hung. You're getting tied to a stick. And then a bunch of people are shooting you.

This T-Rex is killed in San Diego, like 12 people probably. Yeah. Ish. Yeah, yeah. And it's a minor fucking huge disaster. And not to mention all the bodies that are on fucking Ila-Serna. And like he gives this impassioned speech on Oh, if the Costa Rican government let us go

It'll all be fine if we could work hand in hand And you know what, I'm sorry I find another pot of gold It's not It's not like a mountain lion Got loose and killed a bunch of people This is a fucking engineered Spliced clone of a fucking T-Rex

mixed with a bullfrog that killed 30 people has fucking a taste for human blood. Oh, yeah. And they're just letting it go. I'll be honest, when he does the speech, I kind of wanted them to cut to like a montage of all the homes of the families of people

who have been lost on Islesorna. And him, like, him like, and we're working with Costa Rica and then just like throwing TV sets out the window. Oh, yeah. Or it's like the end of Watchmen, but he like, he gets the contract to rebuild San Diego.

Yep. Exactly. He's getting that one. But, I mean, yeah, if he's not getting the chair, he's paying endless reparations to these families. Oh, yeah. Right? Like, it's still all on it. Now, but here's the problem, though. I think he got fired from InGen at just the right time, first and foremost. Oh, it does all that Ingen. Oh, I don't know. Oh, maybe he sold his stock.

I think he sold his stock. That's what fucking Goldblum left. The second he walked down the door, and he took the phone to the stockbroker. The money he was going to pay and reinvested it to sell it. Yep, there it is. Oh, man. But to be fair, he did not send Arles Howard and all those goons. They were all on orders of Arles Howard to go down there. So like, you know, Muldoon 2, all those guys.

That's not technically on John Hammond. Picks up the phone, sells his in-gen stock, and he's like, oh, yeah. And also sell those blockbusters I own and sell. Diego all of them but how are people going to get movies uh yeah so then and they're just

it's julian more and Jeff Goldblum and the daughter just sleeping on the couch watching this shit sure whatever whatever where it gets the Navy transport it should have had to begin with yes it's the like the full effort of the US

Navy and other nations it's like they all get together like the world came together and was like put this dinosaur back please you know i don't know if you want to fucking save a triceratops or a couple of stegosaurus fine yep look at them you got to nuke that island though right i feel you got to nuke that that that's the most unrealistic part because sure nations would come together yeah to firebom the fuck out of both of those islands yep not to bring this i mean let's be realistic about this like we would be murdering those things left and Yeah, of course.

Testing them. Doing all kinds of weird ass shit. Not just, and then we have, you know, he's like, oh, life will find a way. And, you know, all the, like, all of it stole my lines. The fucking, you know, the T-Rex family's back together again.

Other dinosaur flying all over the place. And then, because why not? Yep. The end of this movie is a taradactal, like perching itself on this branch being like, shows over. I almost had a heart attack. You had a fucking teraductal the whole time?

And John Hammond's like, oh, they're just harmless little dinosaurs on the little dinosaur island. That thing could fucking fly. Right. It kind of proves that he was like dishonest the whole time, right? Yeah. That's what I thought that ending was. I thought that the ending that you found out that John Hammond was a bad guy. And that's, I mean, it's the, it's the baby in its mouth.

No, I think John Hammond is Hannibal. This is his design. No, you're totally right. And because then in the third movie, they go back to the second island. And they find the big fucking aviary where all the pteradactyls are hanging. Like, you knew that was there.

And you didn't say shit about it. You monster, you madman. Fucking savage land, bro. Like, John Hammond is the most reprehensible mad scientist in cinema history. He might, he just might be, I mean, he's got 38 deaths or, and however many happen in the next one and the third one. It's, it's all on him. Whatever happens in Jurassic World, it's his fault and he's long dead.

I don't know. Who killed more, Jason or John Hammond? I think that's still Jason. Yeah, okay, yeah. But not by much, honestly. Not by as much as he should have him beat for a kindly old grandfather's scientist. He might actually be about. even Q with Mike Myers. Yeah, yeah, that's...

I think about... I actually kind of do believe that he has a extra room in his house and it's just got a chalkboard on it and every time he takes a soul. That's another year I live. He puts a little notch on his cane. It's a dollar per notch.

Grandpa, why do you keep cutting into your cane? No reason, Timmy. Carve, carve. Oh, that poor little family. Carve, carve, carve. Oh, do you worry Mr. Hammond. Little girl will be okay. Puts away a file.

Great. Son of which. Do let me know if anything changes. He's sneaking into her hotel room at night. The dino did most of the work. The pillow finishes the job. He's got one of the dinosaur pillow cases. Just because he's a man.

Bad it needs to finish it the right way. Cut to the triumphant John Williams, I believe. The music. Yeah, it's John Williams E. We're adding a lot of like island sounds to this score, so it's not exactly the same. Which sounds like shit, by the way. Yeah, it's bad.

Yeah, they just added bongos. Yeah, like, you know what I'm not going to have a problem with? You just using the amazing Jurassic Park score over again. Uh, would anybody recommend this? movie? No. Absolutely not. Get away from it. Yeah? Absolutely. Nothing good here. I think it's okay. It's kind of middle of the road. It's a middle of the road sequel. We're reenacting a lot of the stuff from the first one. It's bad. It's very, very bad. But I feel like as an experience, if you haven't, I didn't actually super hate this because the body count kind of

did it for me, even though it shits on everything the first movie is about. It's, it's the Ian Malcolm thing. And I feel like this about the third one. I didn't see it. I've never I've never seen the third one? No, and I'm not super thrilled about the fourth one, but I will see it. It's like, you know, they asked so much if they should, if they could, they never bothered to ask if they should. And they never should have. No, don't see it. I'm kind of in Steve's position.

I mean, at the end of the day, you're still watching dinosaurs stomp around. They're shittier computer dinosaurs, but at least we're using T-Rex puppets for the shiffening. Yeah. That's still mostly, you know. animatronic stuff which is cool I mean don't race out to see I mean see three before you see two if you haven't seen any of these movies

yeah now one thing I want to pimp out here because it's kind of the perfect combination of people to tell this story Justin do you want to tell the I have to write this review story oh this would be just a fine time for me to tell this story I would see if Chris Gavin remembers

this first of all this is a great story Chris Gavin you know what it is But one time, me, you, and a friend of ours were drinking at a bar, and we were drinking, and then you were like going out of pretty hard or whatever. And we were like, Chris, it's like, what's up, man? You're all right? And you're like, yeah, I just got to write this review. I just, I guess I'm just a little nervous.

And, like, you were, like, I don't know what you would drink like that for, like a fucking funeral, I guess. and you got real wasted and you left before us and we came home like an hour later and we opened it up the door and we just heard the Jurassic Park theme blaring from your room you got to get a little sauce stuff for that review. Is that what happened? For a DVD review of Jurassic Park?

I do remember the story. I don't remember watching the movie that night. Well, you did. It must have been a great review. A silent film Jurassic Park I just love that It's one of my favorite things

I've got to write this review Pound Pound Oh shit Oh shit That is the lost world Jurassic Park directed by the great

Stevens Spielberg If you want more information about the show Check out WHMpodcast.com Or sideshownetwork. com WHM podcast and right into the mailbag. We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. Rate and review the show in iTunes, we would greatly appreciate it.

Clue for next week's episode, I will say Jamie Fox. Oh. Yeah. A little Jamie Fox action. So, yeah, that's it for the Lost World. Justin, thank you for coming on the program. Thank you, guys. Until next week, I'm Andrew Jupin.

Chris Gavin. Just in case. Stephen's say that. Take it easy. We're going to be able to be.