We Hate Movies - S5: WHM Interview: Gilbert Gottfried

Episode Date: May 15, 2015

[Note from 2024: We were lucky enough to record this convo with Gilbert at his home back in 2015 and honestly, hanging out with him will forever be a career highlight for us. He was so funny and so kind. His wife, Dara, was also incredibly nice to us, just three creeps she found hanging out in her living room one morning. We continue to miss him terribly. Please enjoy listening to us as we're just happy to be there as Gilbert is non-stop hilarious! - Andrew] On this very special episode, the gang sits down to chat with the legendary Gilbert Gottfried! Just as we'd hoped, our talk jumped all over the place, hitting such topics as Adolf Hitler, The Twilight Zone, some of Gilbert's early impression bits, the Universal Monster films, our mutual disapproval of The Jackie Gleason Show, and, of course, several of Gilbert's hilarious appearances in film and television, including: the Problem Child movies, Beverly Hills Cop II, Highway to Hell and the live action Superboy show!  Much thanks to Gilbert for coming on and being so friggin' funny. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, everyone to the show, I'm Andrew Juven here with Steve and Eric, and we're Welcome to the show. I'm Andrew Juffin here with Steve and Eric, and we have a very special guest today. He's the host of Gilbert Godfrey's amazing colossal podcast, Gilbert Godfrey. Oh, okay. Now, you say you have no language restrictions on the show. Yeah, I feel like we maybe just opened up the floodgates and fucked ourselves.

Yeah, no. Oh, you see, I hate when you start using obscenity in front of me, because I just think it's a cheap way to communicate. That's what this show is all about. It's a cheap way to communicate. So we are a bad movie podcast, but more like in a loving way.

I think it's a bad podcast. Oh, it's definitely a bad podcast. Yeah, yeah. What the subject matter doesn't really matter. You have a very, very bad podcast. That we can all agree on. Well, it started with putting hate in the title of the show. Yeah, it's not hate speech, but, you know, it's hateful.

It's close. Well, I hate it so far, and I've been on blush in a minute. Well, that is the natural reaction, so we're doing perfectly. So we're a New York-based show. You're a New York-based guy. You grew up in Brooklyn. We're about some Brooklyn. Oh, jeez.

Does it still exist anymore? Not the same way. It would be unrecognizable most of it. Coney Island and then Crown Heights and then Borough Park. Oh, well, Borough Park's beautiful. Now it's beautiful. Lots of pretty people walking around and strutting these days. You can't walk around Borough Park without a strut.

They'll take you right out of the neighborhood. So you've done a lot of stuff over the years And we thought we'd cherry pick some of it Okay You know, in situations like this Maybe you might not remember something I try to forget most of them That I've done in my career

So this is something I thought I'd never say Gilbert, do you remember that time you played Hitler? Oh, yes, yes See, that was in Highway to Hell Yes, he remembered it, all right, yeah with Patrick Bergen. And he's the guy from sleeping with the enemy? Yeah, with Julia Roberts.

He played Robin Hood as well, I think. Oh, oh, I think so. Yeah. And I remember in sleeping with the enemy, they have Julia Roberts escapes from her abusive husband, Patrick Bergen. And talk about well-written. They say, how did she escape? They're on an island.

Well, secretly, she's been going to the YMCA and taking swimming lessons. Absolutely. Yeah. That's how you get out of most abusive relationships and swim away. And I go, okay, all right. I won't ask any further questions as an audience member. We never saw her leave the house in any point or sign up for it. And I guess the YMCA are such good.

Good swimming teachers that they taught her how to swim across an entire lake. Yeah. Current, dealing with the currents and everything else and smelly barges. Someone who's never swam before is all of a sudden an expert. She's Greg Lugate. Greg Lugate. Yes. And, well, that's kind of like there was that one with Jennifer Lopez.

Enough. Yeah. She takes self-defense lessons. Yes, exactly. Also, like at the YMCA or so, and becomes like Jackie Chan. It's a great organization. They do so much that you just don't know about. Don't call the police.

Call the YMCA and that'll get you out of your abusive relationship. I think that's a deleted verse from the village people song. Oh, yes. It's fun to hide away at the YMCA. Yeah, so it was a hide. way to hell. He'd had the entire practice. Yeah, the entire Stiller and Mira family. Right. Ben

Stiller was next to you playing, what, Attila the Hun? Yes. Yeah, he's believable as a hunt. Yes. But, you know, your Hitler was very believable. I liked you almost as much as the real guy. I mean, the thing about it is the credit line, Gilbert Gottfried as Hitler, is a lot funnier than the actual scene.

Yes. Yeah. In execution, it's not that nothing in the movie is all that funny. Gilbert Godfrey is Hitler is like a think piece, really. Yeah. So if you're deciding on watching this film, just go right to the end credits. Look at that. You know, laugh when it says Gilbert Godfrey is Hitler and don't bother to watch the scene

because it doesn't live up to anything. Do you think they were debating between as Hitler and is Hitler? Oh, yeah. That's a really more point. Well, that would be in the poster. Uh-huh. Gilbert, got where it is, Hitler. And then it's just they do the great dictator poster and just put your face over Charlie's.

Oh, yes. But then it's like a drama, like that Bruno Gans movie, Der Untergang. Oh, under... Downfall. Downfall, yes, yes, where he's yelling in the bunker and screaming. We're all impressed that you pulled out. the German title of that. You're welcome.

There was a Twilight Zone episode that me and a friend of mine love to talk about all the time where with oh, oh, what's his name? Dennis Hopper? No, no, no. Oh, though that's another one. A lot of Nazis

that was Hitler's ghost. Was the Dennis Hopper one of those hour long? Yeah, it was very. Where they went to video too they stopped using film yes yep the season four yeah oh this was the one with luther adler okay okay luther adler's like i think like a jewish porn broker and he makes a wish with either the a genie or the devil oh yes and with that's the old thing whatever wish you make is twisted around yeah so uh he at one point he goes i I want to be very powerful and respected.

And then boom. And then the next scene he's got the little mustache on. And he goes, oh, no, I'm Hitler in the bunker. Which is like, oh, no, I'm Hitler at the wrong part. It's not even the golden age of Hitler. It's the 11th hour of Hitler. You didn't get all those good Hitler years. What does that say about that gene?

too. He's like, oh, respected, powerful. He wants to be Hitler. Yeah. It's kind of like being Orson Wells when he'd be doing like the Dean Martin Rost. I think that there's one of those twilight zones they had to write backwards. It's like, all right, Jewish guy is Hitler. Go. How do we do it? I don't know. Maybe there's a genie. Be careful what you wish for. Sure. Now he's Hitler. That's great. It was a teaching show. That was a teaching moment for the twilight zone.

Well, it's just like there was another twilight zone like that, also with the devil, I think. And this, the guy says, you know, I want to go back in time. I want to relive what I, and he goes, but I want to make sure I look exactly the way I looked then. So, of course, he looks that way, but he's still old. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. And I thought, nobody would ever say, hey, I want to look that way. I don't want to be young. Yes.

I don't want to feel. I don't want to have more energy or anything. I just want to look that way. I feel like if you're in a genie situation and somebody's like, you have a wish, you've got to like take 10 minutes and really write out your wish and like cross out. Find all the possible loopholes. Like I'm like, I don't want to be turned into an old man. I want to be, you know, I want to, I want to be rich and not like rich in heart. rich. I want actual money. This is the

denominator. I don't want to get hit by a truck and be rich because I got hit by a truck. Just take that time. Just take the time if you have the time. It's kind of like, but just like that one with Look Young,

it's a lot of times in those stories, they always purposely phrase it in a dumb way. Like they'll go, I want to be rich. hatch it through the skull rich you know it's like what that's not a realist i've never heard rich described that way your hitler in that movie though the whole bit is you're saying to whoever's listening

yes that you're not the real hit yeah is the whole gag right it's like how would the devil fuck that up the devil knows who hitler is he's been doing this for thousands of years maybe he was a twilight zone character He's not the real Hitler. I just want to be Hitler for a little bit. Also, what I remember in that movie, too, the devil gets angry at someone and kills him. And I'm going, well, wait, wait, wait, you're in hell. You're in hell.

You're dead already. And if you're in hell and you're killed, that's like a good thing to have that. You're no longer in hell. I would rather cease to exist than be in hell. Thank you very much. So, you know, jumping off of Hitler, you recently played Abraham Lincoln. Another one of our great leaders.

Yes. A million ways to die in the West. It's a very not Abraham Lincoln. It's a Gilbert Ham Lincoln, which is great. Because you launch into the whole bit, like, I'm rich and you're fucking poor Western people. And this one line they cut out at the end, which I don't know why, was my favorite line. in that speech. And the last line was supposed to be,

if any men want to kiss me, I'll be out by the barn. Oh, my God. There are all those writings about how Lincoln was possibly a closeted homosexual. Maybe that's why they wanted to cut it out. They left that for Daniel Day. That was Daniel Day. Abraham Lincoln.

Now with the Daniel Day. Did they hint at that? No, I guess not. Another missed opportunity, if you asked me. It was like a day in the life of Lincoln, basically. You know, it was just a very bottle-centric thing. I think it was the Lincoln played by Charles Nelson and Riley. That docudrama that he did.

So we wanted to see, where will you go ahead? No, no. You just started talking and then decided to stop. Well, okay. Let's go back in time even further. Then problem, child? But I want to look. exactly how I did.

I want to be big and morbidly obese. Oh, fuck. Yes. I want to be young. Stab to death, young. And I want to be rich. I scourged out of my skull, rich. I want to have the best sex of my life with demons.

Oh, shit. I should have really. phrase that better. But speaking of demons... I want to be happy. Caste straight isn't happy. So speaking of demons,

problem child, that's a nice segue. Because that kid's a monster. Well, the IMDB listed as a, you know, blah, blah, blah, a young kid who is some kind of monster. Like, literally, there The IMDB is judging this child.

You know what? I had the writers, Larry Karazuski and Scott Alexander, on my podcast. And they said, believe it or not, Problem Child was based on a true story. Oh, my God. Yeah. And they said that it was originally, the way they wrote it was to be a much. much darker script because it was some kid who was causing lots of problems and the parents were terrified of this kid and they were running away from the kids.

And then like Universal turned it into a comedy, but they were going to make it like more of a dark scary film. Well, that's the most terrifying thing, right? It's like the idea of like, especially like adoption. You don't know who you're going to get. Yeah. And then you get the bad seed and he's watching his sleeve and he's fucking. With the food, you know?

They're like that newer movie orphan where it's like you accidentally adopted a murderous little person. What? Yeah. See, now that they did that in that Wayne's Brothers movie. Yeah. Oh, the little guy who comes in and pretends to be a baby or whatever. Yeah, it's the same thing, but darker. And before that, I think the Wayne's Brothers movie was based on a bugs.

bunny cartoon. Yes. Yes. So that's when you're really doing your plagiarizing. Ripp it off cartoons. You know, based on a true Bugs Bunny story. I mean, I guess everybody's afraid of like either like raising

Dahmer or, you know what I mean? Like the last thing you want to do is like, oh yeah, I'm, yep, Mallory Dahmer. Little Jeffrey always loved Little League. Well, I always liked the movie. And I really do enjoy it. Boys from

Brazil. Oh, yeah. Where they're going to make the next Hitler. Yep. Yeah. Also a movie with one of the Stiller in Mira Klan and mirrors in it. Is she in the West of Brazil? Yeah. That's almost a genie thing, too.

Like, you're trying to clone Hitler. Turns out you don't get the Hitler you want. Oh, yes. Bud Hitler? Yeah, the kid like Boring one. Six the dogs on Mangalor or whatever. It's a very sad ending.

But so it's a testament to you in that movie, because you say Problem Child to anybody, you think of Gilbert in that movie. Yeah. It's like, yeah, the kid, but Gilbert in that movie is what those movies are. And that second one, what's the thing in that second

one? You get like crushed by something in a Chinese restaurant or what's happening? There's like a food fight. Oh, there's a food fight. Someone's throwing up on somebody. Because the thing crushed in a Chinese restaurants, I'm thinking, Gee. Oh, that's the way

the fly guy in the original movie. He has that big crushing machine. Luckily, he just happened to have a machine that crushes the thing. Yeah. It's weird how memories work with that, because I haven't seen that second one in ages. And in my

head, there's something like Raiders of the Ark-esque, like rolling over somebody in that fucking movie. Yeah, our faces start melting at the end. And the little kid opens a box. And you're Face melts. John Ritter and Amy Asbeck keep their eyes closed, which lets them not have, which is always, that's the best part is like, all right, here comes God's wrath, all right? Old Testament, God's wrath. If you keep your eyes closed. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. If you're just, you're fine. If you just keep your eyes closed. Well, it's just like when they talked about like the curse of like, say the exorcist. Yeah. When they were making that movie and they'd say, well, like one of the cameras broke down. And a guy's, you know, great-grandmother died.

And I'm thinking, boy, you know, the devil really doesn't have the power. It's kind of like with God, when people say, oh, I was in that coal mine. And I saw, like, a trace of sunlight. And I'm thinking, so that's basically a card trick that God could do. he shines a light there why don't you lift the mountain up off him yeah exactly like that's like

God's saying like look at that light it's great out here sex here in this fucking mind I'm not gonna do anything about that but it is a beautiful day those are those mysterious ways why does he do it I don't know yeah it's sunny out here

I'm getting laid like crazy yeah it's it's amazing I remember the same story is coming around the passion of the Christ it was like the same Was that another haunted movie? It was like, oh, Jesus doesn't like movies being made about him because, like, three guys had heart attack.

Somebody got a heat stroke. Someone got struck by lightning. You're filming in the fucking desert. Yeah, you're in the desert where it's 300 degrees, and it's like, oh, somebody passed out. How could that have? Has to be Satan. You're having everybody mesmerized, memorize Aramaic for no reason.

That movie needed subtitles. That's what I'm going there for. I remember actually thinking, when I saw that movie in the theater, the theater had an air conditioning problem. And it just, every few minutes would be, and I remember thinking, is that God? No, that's a waste. That's a waste of his time.

I saw an old lady cry at the end of that movie, so maybe that was God. Oh, yes. The greatest example of that movie being released in America that, like, putting everything together, we saw that movie. I see this little Asian woman walking into the theater. She has a huge tray, like three bags of massive popcorn bags,

four huge sodas, chicken tenders, mozzarella sticks. Like, I'm going to settle in and watch this guy die up there and have a fucking feast about it. Why do you need that much food? You know, around the time the Caddo Nine Tales gets his eyelid. I was like, how are those tenders sitting, lady, watching this gore fess? You know, I remember, I saw that movie in, I had just done, I had just been on the Tonight Show, and they were sent a copy of Passion of the Christ. They were going to be screening it right next door.

And they had gotten pizza beforehand. I remember I wasn't hungry before. And then, for some reason, right after he's crucified and dies. and the lights go up, I ran right to the pizza. And I'm like, and I'm the only one there. Gobbling the pizza and everyone's looking at me, going, boy, he gets a real appetite. Watching the crucifixion.

You just saw a man covered in marinero sauce. Was that, like, intended for a clip? Like, oh, yeah, I played Jesus. Oh, let's take a second. And it's just him getting whipped. Like, yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun. Now, you did a really great thing on TV that we used to watch all the time. The USA Up All Night series.

Oh, yes, yes. How did that come about? Because that's a special kind of TV that doesn't exist anymore. No, they have very little in the way of hosts. Yeah, hosting a movie, like a million-dollar movie type thing. Yeah. I mean, I remember I grew up with Zacharly and, uh, he was he did like the horror movies

uh-huh yeah there was a lot of those local house like an elvira type oh yeah yeah yeah i think that's kind of a it's it you're watching a movie with somebody you know what i mean like whether or not it's the even the host is talking about the movie or has interesting facts like maybe they're doing a joke maybe they're telling a personal story but like now we're connecting we're watching this movie together kind of a thing and it's a it's a lost just like i used to watch the three stooges With Officer Joe Bolton was the guy in New York.

And he hosted the shorts? Yeah, yeah. He was in being a cop outfit, swinging his night stick. Was he looking for the stooges? Or was he just kind of like... If you kids see him out there, let Officer Joe know. He's going to arrest that. For hitting each other with a hammer.

But what was great about up all night was you got to do bits. It wasn't just like hosting. You had actual... Comedy bits. Were you doing any of the writing for that? Did you have any sway in what movies they licensed at all? I never was able to pick, like, what, movies. Yeah. I mean, I remember it was like tits and ass comedies with the tits and ass cut out.

Exactly how you want to watch those movies. Yeah, so you could concentrate on the writing. I want to see more of this ski school, all right? Oh, yes, yes. Enough with a TNA. Let's get down to the mechanics of the ski. The actual course load of the ski school, not they're off the slope's antics. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, ski school was that played a lot. And what was some of the other? Nightmare Beach was one that I remember specifically. I think wasn't that one like bikini? They were about a million with bikini. Like bikini like race or bikini Island. Bikini Beach Massacre. There's a lot of like horror stuff

Because that stuff's cheap That's the license that stuff And I remember a lot of those One movie in particular Had everybody's like sibling Yeah Like they had a Jim Hanks And Frank Stallone

And they had all those people I would love an expendables movie like that Like literally You get Roger Clinton in there You know Like maybe he's a crooked cent I could see that. That'd be great.

Is Jim Belushi too big for something like that? He's still a brother? Yeah. Yeah, we did get to him in time. Or maybe he'll play like the CIA officer that brings it all together. I could see like all the Baldwin brothers teaming up in that movie as like a hitman squad. You know, the other one's not Alex. Everybody, but.

Now that reminds me when you said the guy who brings it all together. That was basically Spencer Tracy and Mad Mad World. Yeah, he was the mastermind of that whole race. But his whole reason in the movie seemed to be like going, okay, now he's stuck in the basement of a building and this guy is in the river. And he was basically telling you what's going on in the movie. though. That was his whole reason for being there. I think his credit in that movie is the puppet master. He's just the

one... Thank you, everybody. Pull the strings. We were watching some of your material on YouTube, which is a great Gilbert resource. And your impressions, we wanted to talk about, because we do what's known as terrible impressions

on our show. Well, you do a terrible podcast. It's just... If it makes you feel any better. We said from day one, consistency. Terrible show, terrible jokes, terrible and freshness. Well, about four years ago, I was approached by a man in an antique shop, and he said, give me your wish.

It's like, I wish to have a rip-roar and awful podcast. Sure enough, here's where I am. But you had this bit where it's an alternate cast to the honeymooners. Do you remember this? Oh, God. I used to do the honeymooners like as a movie. movie trailer where it was uh i think it was jack oh no no no james mason as jackie yeah i think it was james mason as uh jackie gleason richard burton as uh norton yeah yeah jack nicholson as alice

that is the best but what is the do you remember what the the button on that was when you say jack nicholson and it's you're not going fucking bowling oh yeah just the best You just, you hear Jack Nicholson, you're like, well, there's two guys on that show. Who's left? As Alice, what, you're not going fucking bowling? That slays me. Did you always, when you started out, you've been doing a stand-up. You know, that's an interesting thing, too, because in that, I remember I was doing more the young Jack Nicholson when he talked like that.

Yeah. And then later on he talked like that. It was almost like he turned into Don Nott. Like, I'm a dip, you need. Yeah. He talks not like he's got like a permanent hernia. Oh, yeah. That's what that is.

That's what that noise is. Yeah. Like, you can't actually, you know, you can't handle the truth. Yeah. There it is. So did you, when you started out to stand up. Like Rod Steiger. Yeah.

Oh, God. Yeah. He went from like he, it was talking like that. All the time it was Rott Stiger used to talk. And then he became, because it's funny, he played W.C. Fields in the movie. And then he kind of became W.C. Fields. Like in his later interviews, he would talk. Rod Steiger sounded like, wow, when I did that movie.

free. Yeah, he just like looked at got stung by a bunch of bees. Oh, yeah. Were you always doing impressions? Is that how your stand-up started?

When I started out, it was all impressions. So it was really not that different from those. And it's funny, they don't have out-and-out impressionists now. No. No. They have people who do lots of impressions, like in comedy

shows and sketches, but the idea of a guy on a variety show going, and if it was Bert Lancaster, it might go a little something like this. And then he would turn around, pull his

collar up, mess his hair, and then turn around with a weird face. That's what I feel ruined the impressionist. Is those like the warm up for it? Like, get ready. Get ready. Get ready.

for what's about, and you pretend to fuck with your face, but you're not funny. Oh, yeah, yeah, you're just making a face. Yeah. It's like, oh, let me just move my nose here. I think it's psychological, too. Like, if I turned around and said,

hey, imagine if it was Hallie Berry. And I just, like, stick my tongue out and make my eyes cross-eye, and they go, oh, my God, that's just the way she looks. He fucking nailed it. Well, when he turned around, he had magical powers and now he looks exactly like her.

Oh my God, how do you do that? But, like, you know, the way you do stuff like that, the way you did it was you're just launching it. You're not turning around. You're not preparing. You're not putting on an invisible mustache. You're like, this is the next person

and doing it. You know, there's something about seeing it the same face, go through those voices. That's what's impressive about impressionists, which all those hacked. that do the warm up. Oh, yeah, okay. Get ready for it.

Are you ready? Hang up, you know. Maybe adjust my invisible coat. Or if, like, you get, like, a team of makeup artists on stage, they do, like, they get you ready. Like, it's really going to be good. Hold on. Four hours later. Well, the more prep is because the shitter the impression, right?

The more makeup and whatever. Hey, are you familiar with the 70s honeymoon? Oh, yeah, the musical. The variety show they had, right? Oh, God. That's wretched, huh? Yes. And it was like in color.

Yep. And I remember, like, Gleeson, a Brooklyn bus driver is there with that orange-brown tan. Yes. And you wonder how this bus driver in Brooklyn gets a tan like that. Yeah, everyone on that show looked like they fell us. sleep at the beach. Oh, yes, yes. And he oh, and he'd have a pinky ring. Yeah, exactly. I just forgot.

The other thing was they were like, okay, you know what? Those two actresses, Audrey Meadows and I forget, Gene, shit. Who was the other one? What the hell was? Not Jane King was later, I think. But they just replaced them, you know what I mean? As if, oh, Audrey Meadows didn't add anything to the other.

We could just get some actress off the street. It's like, no, Audrey Meadows actually had a lot to do with why that show is so good. Oh, yeah. And it was like, and then they'd break into songs. Yeah, Gene Audrey, sorry. Ralph Cramden's not singing a fucking song. Yeah. Like, come on with that.

Like, why, you want a Jackie Gleeson variety show? That's fun. Don't make it the honeymoon. Oh, yeah. Taint the classic show. Well, it's like, uh, Jack Lugman had his vocal cords removed and

then they did that TV movie Yes. And it's and so Oscar has his vocal cords removed and I go no no I mean it said Jack Lugman had his vocal cords removed but don't make Oscar Madison What would Oscar do to deserve

Yeah and and they played cards with a different group of card players Yep just to swap them in go, well, wait a minute. We know the other card players. That's a great Twilight Zone, if I'm remembering, right? The Jack Klugman Pool Hall episode?

Oh, yes. And that's Jackie Gleason as well, isn't it, or did I make that up? No, no. Jonathan Winters. Jonathan Winters, yes, yes. And he's great in that one. He's also like playing, what's that famous. Minnesota Fats.

Minnesota Fats. Yeah, and it's like he dies, but he wants to beat him, so he's playing a ghost at pool, which is great. Klugman was on a couple of those Oh yeah, he was on another And on my podcast I had on Billy Mummy Oh yeah, listen to that one, that's great

And that was another great twilight zone Where Klugman is a small-time Thugge And he finds out that his son Was shot in Vietnam And he wants to spend one more day with him Because he always ignored him Those are the weird ones that I watch at him

older and I really appreciate the sentimental ones because like when you're younger or whatever it's like it wears the horror where's the twist who's got a pig nose who doesn't have a pig nose but now it's just like you get a little older like oh my god there's the one with the guy and his dog and they're trying to get to heaven or whatever that is that's the final episode of the show oh is it where where it's like the fence and he's walking beyond the fence and beyond the fence is heaven yeah it's not the final episode of the show never I'm wrong the final episode is the one with the little kids in the pool and they jump into the pool or some

shit and it's like another fantasy world. They shit in the pool. That was the shit in the pool episode of Twilight. It was a surlain. It was really running on fumes at that point. Submitted for your approval. Is it a candy bar? But they were pieces of

shit with pig noses. That's what that's real scary. That is otherworldly. It's in the eye of the beholder. I don't know if it's shit. It's got a pig nose. In my world, that's beautiful. You're trying to fix that magic mask onto the piece of shit. That's the problem. In my world, everyone's shit. This is what you do.

Do you remember this one? It was two little kids and their parents were terrible. So they dove into a pool and it unlocked a door to a magical universe. That will honestly tell your parents what's what. Oh, there's a bunch of shit in the pool. we should get our act together. And then after they shit in the pool, somebody jumps out of the pool and goes to serve, man, it's a cookbook. I see we're down to the recipe for stew.

But that old man in the dog episode is heartbreaking because he's like, I have to go beyond, but like you're a dog, so you have to stay. Oh, that's horrible. If your heart is being torn out, you're like, fuck you, Rod Serling. Yeah. That's hard for me. Now you're leaving a dog by itself.

That's cheating. In purgatory, you know what? What the hell's that dog going to do in it? Oh, you know, another sentimental one I really like? Was the one with Gig Young, where I think it was walking distance, it was called. With his hometown? Yes. Yes.

That's another, I wish things were like they used to be. Yes. And you're just like, it's another person with. the shitty life. Oh, yeah. But that's a weird one, though, because doesn't he, like, break a leg or something on a carousel?

He's chasing himself. Oh, that's right. He wants to talk to himself as a kid. And the kid trips and falls and injuries is like, then he also feels it in his leg. Well, you know, you got to understand from that kid, there's some creepy old man chasing me on the merry-go-round. No, this is a little bit of the merry-go-round.

No, this is. the innocent 50s here's some guy saying you're me come back I'd freak out too and then how many episodes did people find

out uh oh we'll call this planet Earth that's the thing it was Earth all along the devil did it it was a genie or a magic pig mask I think you could distill that show into four plot lines

Speaking of Jeannie, I have to do it Because I'm a huge comic book guy You played Mr. Mitzelplick a couple of times Oh, yes That's one of my favorite I love that old Superman show The Bruce Tim, the 90s one That's one of my favorite episodes

And I really love the character And it's really I think I read the books now Like even Alan Moore comics or whatever And Mr. Mitzelplick shows up And your voice pops into my head You know? Oh wow, yeah

That would be here with Tim Daley Yes, exactly Superman And, yeah, and everyone has a different way of saying it. Like, in the cartoon, it was Mishie S. Picklett. Yes. Yeah, and I say, it's one of those things. It's like 12 axes and a Z, and you're like, all right, all right, kids figure it out.

So you have to eventually. Yeah, what Eastern European country was this dude from? All those consonants are jammed into there. Maybe it's the one Dr. Doom runs. Or it could be a thing where that would be his, like, weaknesses. as he goes to Ellis Island and they change it. The magic was in my ethnic name and you've ripped it from me.

They changed it to Mitchell. It's a lot easy to say backwards, that's for sure. What was the thing we were talking about? Oh, and I was saying two or three episodes of Superboy. A live action. Yeah. As Nickknack. Nickknack.

Yeah. Very good. Nicknack, which we were, there's one where somebody's on vacation because you're on a Hawaiian shirt. Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah. Which it's like Superboy can't even let these villains go on vacation.

He's there ruining your good time. And I think that, you know, that show didn't have the highest budget. No. The gag is you're like, I got you now, Superboy. Here's a bucket on your head. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

If it was modern times, like, you'd use that bucket and then, you know, that leads to, like, you know, water torture. There was one scene where he, like, grabs me by the lapels and lifts me off the ground. And they basically, they had me standing on a seesaw. And when he grasped my lapels, you know, a couple of the crew guys, you know, get on the other side. You have to be terrible. terrified like oh shit yeah here comes superboy well that's like going home from a day of work what did you do on the set today oh i was the seesaw guy yeah and gilbert got picked up i pushed the seesaw you know there is probably like a conversation with the union guys oh no

you got to get three seesaw guys you know what i mean it's like no no no we need more than one to to lift gilbert we need yeah no we need uh it has to be from the seesaw union and we can't have non-seesaw guys there. They can't get there for a couple of weeks. This whole episodes postponed. And we need 12 guys working that seesaw. Yeah. You need to make sure everything goes safely or else

somebody to fall off that seasaw. My God. One of your first movies was the bit you've got in Beverly Hills Cop 2. Yes. Which, now, some people say this, and I don't know if there's truth to it. How much of that was just you riffing on that, improvving on that?

That we were, in the original script it was I have these traffic tickets and he says is there some way we can avoid this unpleasantness and he gives him 200 times and that's the scene yeah and so we just started playing around I like ignored it and the whole script and just thought it whatever came into my head and I think we did it different each time and you've got people like Eddie and Judge who can riff on that stuff too Do you find yourself doing that a lot when you do these scripted things Just kind of like, you know, I got it

It was especially then I used to, I'd love to ignore It, you know, a problem child I did it And Fort Fairlane I just, but you know, on TV Because it's such, such a filthy word Went on when they show Beverly Hills Cop 2 That scene where I pick up the phone and scream bitch

They cut out because bitch is such a dirty word now. Filty word. And so they cut it and they don't dub you over? Do you find yourself getting dubbed sometimes? Oh my God. Sometimes they dub me over and it's it they didn't call me to dub me. And so all of a sudden the voice is like, oh, fiddleston.

And it's like, what? You know, where? No, that used to be a dirty word, right? Oh, fiddleston. As filthy as it got. Victorian age. That was the worst thing you could say. Those TV dubs are so lazy sometimes.

We were talking about this. We did an episode we were talking about the McCauley Calkin movie, The Good Son. Remember that where it's another evil child movie? And there's a part in that where he's threatening Elijah Wood. And he says, don't fuck with me is the line. And for the TV dub, they got a guy who's clearly not a little white child. Like a middle-aged black gentleman. And it's just, you hear the little tiny voice.

They got Red Fox. Go, you big damn it! But they only they only dubbed over fuck. Well, my favorite. My favorite is cops and gangsters where one throws the other again and goes,

forget you, man. And I'll go, who in real life has ever said, forget you? Well, all the cops in those shows when they get dubbed, they've turned into more. Or I remember they showed the Godfather on TV.

It's the first time they had it. It was son of a buck. Sure. Those things you cut that down. It's like, what is it, 45 minutes long, a three-hour movie of all the inappropriate stuff. In Problem Child, my favorite, my favorite of, like, replacing was in the movie. he's uh and two uh it's like these women are bringing him pies to welcome him to the neighborhood and then he's going on a date with one of the women and the kid goes oh her pie gave us the runs

so they they decided that's disgusting so they changed it to her pie gave us the rash that sounds worse it's way more disgusting it goes from diet And I mean, it changes the whole story, too. A bad pie, I understand, it gives you the runs. A bad pie gives you a rash. What the fuck's going on in this kitchen? What did they give to that pie before they served it? What I loved in those movies was he had like this great, like I'm trying to be an awesome single dad house where they had like a jukebox and a pinball machine.

And you're just looking at it as like a kid from suburbia. Like, that's a fake movie house. Oh, yes. He bought a catalog of cool dad garbage and had it moved in there. And if I was the social service worker who's like investigating his home, if I go to this guy's house and he's got this tricked out apartment to make this kid seem like he's cool, I'm like, you know what? Maybe we'll move him to the next.

Someone's trying too hard to get something. And I don't know what it is. I remember, too, like on TV and movies, every teenager had a, stop sign that's like your office in the second one where he comes in and you're like oh it's this monster kid again the office

that they decorated for you as the principal or whatever is like stop signs and crossing signs I was like what office is this desk is made out of pencils a whole bunch of pencils that's the set of a Nickelodeon TV show that's not an 80s comedy I can't help

admiring this enormous awesome Frankenstein you have over here is that, so you're a universal guy right? You love the universal monster movies? Yeah, yeah. I got that one from when I was a little kid. That's the same poster. Wow. I had.

When I was a little kid, I ordered it from the back of famous monsters of film land. It must be worth like a million. I know. I mean, I, if I could go back to time, number one, I'd like to look. As young as I did this, I'd like to be old, but look, young.

And I'd like to have my eyes scorched down. I'd like to go out of back in time and have the penis ability of a four-year-old boy. Oh, fuck. I'm living forever, but I have a kicker. I'd like to be rich, Billy Barney's penis rich. So jumping off of Have you been Have you treated yourself

To viewing I Frankenstein yet I, oh wait a second What was Aaron Eckhart? Oh, it's a terrible film Oh, I'll have to see that Oh, it's awful And they also did Dracula Untold Yeah, the origins

story of Dracula. These are these things we have to explain away how things came to be. You know, he can't just be a vampire. You know, it's him as Vlad the Impaler. You could see Dracula at home, which is what you want. I'm like raising his kid. That's what that movie is. It's Dracula trying to be a good

father. And I'm like, who could possibly care? Bite somebody. Bite your kid. That's the movie. But apparently this is all an attempt to make like a connected cinematic universe and they wanted like how Marvel's doing. They wanted to bring back the universal monsters and make

it... All the crossovers? They tried to bring the old universal monsters back and in a whole disc, a whole box head or whatever, with Van Hessling. Oh, Van Helsing.

Yes, that movie... That was so bad. That's like, it's one of those things they cram in so many because he's chasing Dr. You know, Mr. Hyde at the beginning and you're like, all right, that's one. There's a werewolf in There's a Dracula, there's a Frankenstein.

But there's this impulse to make everything an action movie. But these are horror movies. You can't just turn them into an action movie where it's Bruce Willis fighting fucking Frankenstein. Frankenstein's supposed to be scary. You know what I mean? And like the Lagosie was subtle, you know? It wasn't like he was, he wasn't kickboxing. Yeah.

But the Universal movie, those sequels had crossovers all the time. and Lon Cheney would come play, you know, opposite Lagosy and whatever. But it was still horror mood. Oh, yeah. It's not like Lon Cheney Jr. with a shotgun. The Invisible Man, they did at the Invisible Agent, where he goes behind enemy lines in Germany. Oh, my God, yes. That was a great one, but that was more of an action turf.

It kind of worked. Yeah. He was like throwing blankets on Nazis. In Penn Hessling, it's like the only thing missing is, sorry, you saw the candle move. Oh, chick, chick. Evan and Costello needed to change their bus route. Yeah, we got, hey, Van Esseling, we got to take these crates to McDougal's house of horror. I would love that if they were his, like, little sidekicks.

You know, he keeps doing all this hunky action, and they get scared. Was I think Bella Legosi was buried in his Dracula cave? Oh, yes. That's dedication. I'm committed to this role, literally for eternity. That goes beyond De Niro or Meryl Streep. I think he was a little convinced you as Dracula. You know, he's like, look, I'm going to get buried in this cape, but then you'll fucking see.

See, you know where they started putting in logic and explanations where they were really fucking it up. Yep. was the last of the monster rally ones of Universal, where they explain away all of their mystery to all these monsters like, they go for a cure to the mad doctor. And the mad doctor's going, well, what causes vampireism is cells in the blood. And you have a pressure on your cranium. Which turns you into a werewolf.

What? Lobotomies for everybody. How about fucking magic? You know what I mean? Let's just say magic is magic. Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned curse. Gypsies did it. Go.

And that's the beginning of that thing that we do now in modern movies where everyone's looking in a microscope at the cells. And like, oh, my God, Dracula's cells are fighting each other. Oh, yes. Even his cells are kickboxing each other. Speaking of monsters, you performed at the gathering of the juggalo's last year? Oh, yes. Is there an initiation ceremony?

Are you a juggalo now? Is there secretly a picture of you with clown makeup on? It's very, very weird. I had done that TV show or that cable of, um... Oh, right, is it an ICP theater or some such? Yeah, that of clown posse Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I went to that thing, the juggalo's And the very fact that I wasn't killed I consider one of these remarkable accomplishments At what point did you realize you made a mistake? From the very beginning I remember they pick me up in a car

and we're driving along and then all of a sudden we're driving up a dirt road. Yeah, that pavement stops really quickly. Yeah, the pavement stops. There are no lights where we're going. It just looks like, you know,

this is for a ritual killing. And then all of a sudden it lights up in the, and millions of the most freakish-looking people in a weird makeshift circus kind of looking place. It's like seconds away from a Jones Town.

I feel like it could go Jones Town, you know, at any moment with that. And the fact that I got on actually performed and got off with, with no, I mean, I've heard people have had like razors thrown at them. Yeah, like there's, it's a tough crowd like literally prison times. Oh, yeah, yeah. Are you adjusting the act for juggaloes at all? Like, oh, they might not find that. Exactly. How do you read the room in a situation?

I bring out more of my maniac clowns. My John Wayne Gacy imitation kills there. Well, the thing is, was Gacy an evil clown? Or was he just a fucked up guy that liked clowns? Well, no, I think he would dress up as a clown. Well, like, different events. Yeah, he played children's birthday parties. Yeah, and there's one scene with him and Mrs. Jimmy Carter.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Where he's in a clown outfit with his arm around the president. Wait, he got to perform at the White House? Yes, I think. How did the security people not catch that? And somewhere Ted Bundy is going, fuck, why didn't they invite? he was the clean cut handsome serial killer you invited the fat clown to the white so he did so well at these kids birthday parties that the word got all the way to the

white house well you know jimmy's got a part a birthday coming up definitely paid in billy beer yeah yeah and he was he he dressed up as a clown and he made clown paintings also yeah I think that that was, like, his good side. You know what I mean? Literally. I have all this good at me. I have to get it out somehow. Kind of like how Hitler could tap him.

Oh, he was beautiful. Oh, if you could see him. If only they had just analyzed his cells, they would have been able to figure out the cure for what we call gaseism. Yes. His cranium is way too tight. And there are cells in his bloodstream.

Needs a couple of leach. It'll be fine. One of the episodes we did early on in this show was we talked about Dice Clay's Ford Fair Lane, which you're in as like a stern-esque shock-chalk kind of guy. How did that come to be? That's one of your earlier roles.

Oh, yes. That's like 82 or something, maybe a little later? It's 90, actually. Is it 90, really? 89, 99. Okay, yeah. Yeah, another one of those movies that is so entrenched in the 80s. Everything about it,

you just have to watch half a second of that and go, this is an 80s film. Right down to the koala bear that's hung from the little ceiling fan. Well, that's a weird movie because it's a comedy, but it's directed by Rennie Harlan, who's an action director.

Oh, yes, who directed the wonderful film Pirate, I think, was called... Oh, Cutthroat Island. Cutthroat Island with Gina Davis That split up his marriage It ruined like every career It touched it's like Matthew Modine was done after that Oh my God, yes

I saw like about 10 minutes Of that on TV And it was fascinatingly bad You know those movies that are so bad They hypnotize you Oh yeah, you can't look away Yeah you go How much worse can this be

but that movie you've got a hilarious death in and I don't know I think it might have been I don't know how many times you've been killed on movies but this is like someone had a vendetta again you are electrocuted and set on fire yeah you're like wow someone really wanted Gilbert to bite it someone just didn't like

did you know dice at all before doing that movie not well I run into him yeah yeah so who were who were some of the guys that you you consider your comedy buddies oh let's see the rich brothers wheeler and wolsey all the heavy hitters doodles weaver we used to hang gasey and you were tight i heard you were just to warm up the crowd

For him. Casey had a solid like 20 minutes. So you also have your podcast. You're coming up on a year anniversary of that, by the way. Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast on Gilbert Gottfried.com and iTunes and Sideshow Network. TV. So why a podcast for you?

I have no idea. I think I turned to a podcast the way those old actors used to turn to murder she wrote. That show, I never understood why anyone would hang out around her because everyone she hung out with turned up dead. Every last one,

you couldn't be friends with Angela. You wound up dead. The last episode should have been like her, she was the mastermind the whole time. Yeah, she's pulling the strings. Or she has to solve her own murder. Right. Like D-O-A.

Remember that movie? Yeah, D-O-A was a great movie. The old film noir where he solves his own murder? I've been poisoned. I'm here to report a murder. My own. That was one of those movies that when I watched it, I said, boy, you know, the beginning's great.

Yeah. And I wish it could have been a better movie. It just doesn't quite live up to the beginning. When you have one of those initial, like, impact, scenes and it's got like a great premise and it just sort of fizzles out towards the end. Then it's him checking out this warehouse for a little bit.

Oh, but also in that movie how everything switches around, Luther Adler is the gangster. He's the ringleader? He had wished to be a very powerful man. I want to be a successful gangster. A successful

gangster being shot down by the police. That's what I wanted to ask you about Because we're talking about 80s movies That are so 80s There's a remake of an original great Did you ever see the original cat people From the 40s

Universal movies And then there was the one Yeah with Natasha Akinski And Annette O'Toole and Malcolm McDowell And John Hurd And who's the other guy in it What's his face? Ed Begley Jr. is another guy

Yeah, because he's complaining with the catch that they can reuse the litter box for ecology reasons. They're wasting too much. He's trying to make that zoo green. Yeah. You can rinse off the litter afterwards and save the planet. But it's an amazing movie because what they did, they took a classic horror movie with all the ambiguity of is she a cat purse, is she not? And they just kind of remade it based off of your aristocrat. That's joke.

It's a movie where we've got brother's sister incest. We've got bestiality in that movie. I'm sure feces is thrown about in one way or another. It's like, what are you doing? You take this perfect movie. And then it's like, no, she's definitely a cat. She's definitely fucking her brother. Yeah.

We're definitely turning. You're eating the gristle off of you. It's disgusting. Although Natasha Kinski and Nettoll have great nude scenes. Yes. So I can't attack the movie Okay, it doesn't work as a horror But as a jerkoffel

A high given an A plus You pick the Oscar movies, right? Yes, yes. That's why ski school did so well. Surprisingly. And then her father did that remake of Nospherado. Oh, yeah, the Werner-Hertzog Nospherato. It's a very strange movie

It's just kind of out there. I think there's a lot of people like dancing in Transylvania. Like, you know what I mean? It was based on the book, Dancing in Transylvania. Isn't that that, oh, Walking in Memphis? Who's that guy? Whoever that, who sang Walking in Memphis? Yeah, I don't know.

Dancing in Transylvania. All right, well, I think we should wrap up. We've been having a lot of fun. But Gilbert Godfrey's amazing colossal podcast, which in itself is a nice, like, B-movie. Yeah, from Bird Eye Gordon, amazing colossal man. Like, and in that vein of, like, nuclear attack at the 50-foot woman, them, all that great stuff. The Cyclops.

Yeah. Dancing with Cyclops, I think, was a later sequel over that. Was Natasha Kinski in that? Yeah, she's naked through the entire thing. And I think because in Cyclops, he makes a wish. I want to be rich, but a mutant cyclot. Oh shit, I should have worded that better. Gilbert, thank you so much

to be in a we hate movies. Oh, thank you. So, that was us talking with Gilbert Godfried, by the way. What an experience. It was kind of awesome hanging out with Gilbert Godfried for an afternoon. Sure. Some of the things we did mention on the show for new listeners, we did do an episode on The Adventures of Ford Fairlane,

Gilbert is in, it's not on the main feed, so check out WHMpodcast.com, click on the episodes tab, and somewhere in there, maybe towards the middle, I don't know, it was a while ago. I think it was like episode like 50 or some such thing. Yeah, a while back we talked about, you know, the action movie, starring the Dice Man, starring Gilbert does a shock jock. Be sure and check that out. You can stream it live on our website. Again, not on the main feed. And if you want to check out more episodes of We Hate Movies, check out our website, WHMpodcast.

or check out the other shows on the Side Show Network, sidejoin.org.com. And like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast. So that's it for this edition of WHM interview. Hope we get to do some more of these. Until next time, I'm Andrew Jupin. Eric Siska.

Stephen Seda. Take it easy. Thank you. Thank you.