We Hate Movies - S5: WHM Mail Bag: Awkward Dates, Brave Moms and Horrendous Theater Behavior

Episode Date: May 18, 2015

This month we open up the old WHM Mail Bag and read letters about awkward dates at the movies, people with horrendous movie theater etiquette and one amazing mother who did not stop busting on her son for taking her to see From Dusk Till Dawn!   If you've got a question for the gang or have a weird, awkward or crazy story you'd like read on the air, write in the to the Mail Bag! Drop us a line at [e-mail]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, everyone, welcome to the W. Good God. Just flying the fuck by. Life is already over. Andrew Juven, alongside Christopher Cabin and Eric Siska. You know, the mailbag, if you're not familiar, gang, is we open up the old mailbag, read some letters that you've written us on the internet. It's sort of like penthouse letters. Yeah, only, you know, thank God not that dirty.

There's not as much like... Well, well, we'll see. There's some humdiggers tonight. Oh, actually, yeah, we might be getting a little gross this evening, everybody. We'll see. We'll see. So I'll start off with one that's not so bad. This is from Ross.

Is it so bad it's good? Oh, it's so bad. It's great. I'm going to take a sip of this. You'll plug for no reason whatsoever. But six point craft ails guys, the Bengali. Yeah. Six point beer.

Excellent. Excellent choice for the evening. Yeah, if anyone at six points listening, please send us free beer. Yeah. All the beer. We'll plug you forever. It'll be great. So, okay, so this is Ross in Iowa.

The subject is a teenage movie love story. A long time listener, first time emailer. Although I have many teenage movie theater memories, there's really only one story that sticks out as vivid. The year was 1994. I was 14 years old and meeting my first girlfriend for our first ever date at our local mall. parenthetical dropped off by our parents of course

oh yeah that was tough I know that game that was a tough fucking dehumanizing thing maybe dehumanizing is a little rough but I just hated it

I think it was prehumanizing unfortunate how about that awkward as shit awkward as shit so let's see here he says after hitting the orange

Julius Aladdin's Castle Arcade. In my brain, she was very impressed by my Mortal Kombat 2 skills. She wasn't. We decided to hit a movie. We picked The River Wild. Seemed like a good action movie and not too romantic for a pair

of nervous 14-year-olds. No, no, no, no. It's boring. Yeah, that movie is boring. Oh, this beer's great. Well, we got our ticket, snacks, and plop down in our seats. This particular theater, as many did at the time, had the drapes that covered the screens

when movies were not in session. Once the film started rolling, the curtains would rise up into the ceiling, exposing the screen in all its glory. The problem on this particular day is that after the drapes went up, they went back down, and then back up, and then back down.

Eventually, a manager came into our theater and said they didn't know how to fix it, and we could either get a refund or go to any other movie and take a gift certificate for our troubles. This wasn't the end of the world because, hell, we were 14, and we were going to get free candy

and another movie ticket out of the deal. this is where things went downhill prepare yourselves hang on tight Kevin because the movie they decided to go see was Pulp Fiction did I mention that I was 14 and on a first date needless to say we were exposed to many

things that day I did not get a second date but Pulp Fiction is still one of my all-time favorites overall I think the day was a win cheers and keep up the great work Ross yeah that's that's some uncomfortable shit that's kind of like it's lesser

than like in taxi driver I was talking about this a couple weeks ago when he's like hey civil shepherd you want to go see this porno movie on a date well yeah I mean the thing is like selecting a movie for a date it's an important thing it's an important thing and cabin I'll tell

this story now because you're in the room yeah I didn't want there was another mailbag where this kind of came up and I was like Cabin's not here but there was a time where Chris Cabin and I went on a double date to go see a movie and that movie was The Mothman Prophsies.

Oh, we brought it up in butterfly effect. Oh, did it come up there? Okay, all right. I wasn't sure if we talked about it on the air, but I wanted to make sure you were in the room. But, yeah, remember that we went on that double day? Yeah, we almost all fell asleep. It's like, oh, yeah, like, yeah. Richard Gear horror movie, that'll work.

A bridge, I'm sorry. In the trailer, a bridge collapses. And this was before bridges collapsed in every movie. So it was a unique thing, and I thought it looked. Cool. Well, at least, you know, you could say you slept together with this young lady because you slept during the movie. Dozing through all what seemed like six and a half hours of that movie. Jesus Christ, the Mothman prophecy. You know, the fine thing about that movie is like, every once in a while, someone's like, please do that movie. It gets requested a lot, you know. And I just don't want to do it. I don't want to watch it again.

There might not be a lot to talk about because not a lot happens. It's honestly true. Richard Gere goes to a library and then the bridge falls down. And then Laura Linney's yelling at somebody. But speaking of Pulp Fiction, I saw that in the theater. Oh, really? Did you? When I was, I guess I would have been 11.

Yeah, like 10 or 11. With whom? I think my mother maybe or my brother or something. Your parents are great. It was a small town theater. No one cares. Well, actually, I will say that I will say that. I didn't see it in theaters, but I went to, like, my parents and me used to do the thing.

They would go see their adult movie. I'd go see, you know, my kid movie. Right, right, right. And I got my kid movie. Wait, wait, hold on a second. Your parents went to see an adult movie? Yeah, they're watching pornoes. Oh, oh, you, oh, I see.

Like rated art flicks. No, I thought you were talking about skinflicts. Not the Jenna Jameson review, no, I'm saying. Chris, Debbie does Dallas, is having a retro, so. So, yeah, your mother and I are going to see... Original print. You've got a... 4K restoration. It's really beautiful.

You're going to go see Mouse Hunt. See you on the other side. You're going to go see Mouse Hunt. I'm going to be hunting something else. Oh, Lord. Well, you know, the, what are you, cat? Anyway, go on. Anyway, I got out of my movie super early.

Or I was just bored and I left. Yeah. And I went to... I was just, I just walked into Pulp. and it happened to be the exact scene where he sticks the syringe in her oh really i walked in directly i was like holy shit oh man that's fantastic out of context screenings uh i always enjoyed when like as an audience member not as a uh like i have to go in and deal with this situation but when you had those great projector fuckups you know and like the

manager had to come in and be like I'm sorry here's free stuff. If that happens it's like here's your comp pass get out of my fucking face. I just had a projector fuck-up happened to me. Oh really? In the 21st century you get digital fuck-ups, huh? Oh yeah. I went to see the first screening of the day of Age of Ultron.

Uh-huh. And the movie started half an hour late. Half an hour that's unacceptable. Half an hour late because the employees at this particular movie theater in Queens, New York did not know how to turn on the projector. This is the day and age

we're living in, by the way. Yeah, we don't need projectionists anymore because the fucking popcorn sweeper can do it right? Wrong. It's fucking wrong. Yeah, it's a big time wrong. And then when we finally got picture, we got some of the trailers and there was a picture, no sound. Then there was sound,

no picture. Jesus Christ. It's just like, well, you know, I would have been nice to watch the Ant Man preview. I guess it would have been better than this. You get compasses? They said, listen, we'll get afterwards. We'll give you compasses.

Just ask a theater employee on your way out. So I'm, you know, after I see Thanos do his dance. Jesus Christ, who could possibly care? There's all these people lined up to try to, because their movies now starting 30 minutes late. Right. Yeah. And that's the, by the way, that's the fault of the theater management.

If you're half an hour late, fucking cancel it. Yeah. Give the compasses. Sorry, everybody. Well, okay, speaking of compasses, I'm walking out and I ask an employee They said they'd give out a pass for this They said they'd be just handed them out

What? I'm like, okay buddy All right, I'm not dealing with this That's bullshit and I'll tell you what I don't care. You're not saying it, I'm saying it The Kaufman Astoria Regal in Queens, New York It's constant bullshit with that place

And it's a joke It's a fucking joke So I'm calling you out in a public forum You terrible movie theater Remember that time we saw righteous kill All right, all right, we'll get out of the next letter after this. Eric and I went and saw Righteous Kill. We're like, ah, super sweet De Niro and fucking Pacino on the screen at the same time.

We go and see this movie. And they do that bullshit thing where they make the poor kid come in with the cart and we're selling candy in the theater. Oh, that's humiliating. Well, the trailer start. This guy's still selling candy. That's not good. And I'm just like, all right, it's the previews, whatever.

Movie starts. Pacino. on screen. Lights up. Motherfucker selling candy. Oh, I was pissed. I wrote a letter. That theater is a joke. I don't care. Kaufman Astoria, Regal Cinemas, you're a joke. Yeah, it's probably one of the worst theaters I've ever been in, but I keep going back.

Because it's down the street from our house. What are you going to do? Don't announce that. It's a big neighborhood. It's the only movie theater in the neighborhood. You'll never find me. All right, let's get on before I go burn that movie. theater down. All right, let's get on to the next letter, shall we? Here we go. Hey, gang, love the

podcast. I thought I'd get in on this uncomfortable movie watching story sharing trend. Now, this is what we, you know, hashtag, what are you watching? Right. And as you may have noticed from the email title, which is, what are we watching? This one comes with a twist. Let me paint a picture. Oh, man. I like it. I lived in a strict household, meaning that I could not get a car until I worked long enough to pay for it myself. That sounds about average, buddy. It doesn't sound so strict yet. Welcome to life.

A scam few months after my 16th birthday, this meant I was still without wheels in rural Kansas. I mean, that's tough, right? Yeah. No mass transit system to set me free there. Oh, man. So on a... Poor bastard.

On a weekend when I was visiting my mother, we went to... We went and saw a movie at the India Springs theater my childhood movie going mecca true story related to the podcast it closed the following year a day after i saw andaconda it mysteriously reopened long enough years later for me to see die another day oh god and star trek nemesis in one day that's wow you know what that's an afternoon that's an afternoon at the movies yeah the theater then returned back into the mists oh god dude that's a twilight zone yeah what's like mystery movie theater this is a

haunted theater or something like why would it close down and then come back to show some terrible movies in 2002 and then disappear again you were destined to see these anyway so it was so it was with the frustration of knowing that I was so close to being able to take myself out to see the movies that at the last minute I changed my mind about the more conventional movie I had originally planned and turned to my mom and point I went to do another movie, which I had heard was pretty violent and possibly had nudity. After all, I was able to guess the name of the strip club in the movie, even though a picture in sci-fi magazine obscured the lettering on the sign,

but the nipple-pinching Dion sign was there. That's right. It was from Dust Till Dawn. So this guy's going to see from Dust Till Dawn with his mother. I want to know what the original movie was before the Dust Till Dawn upgrade. Right, yeah. Like, what are we talking? That's, that's, what year is that, 97?

No. Sent of a woman's 92. That wasn't happening. 97. It's got, maybe it's like 96, 97, something like that, maybe. Maybe it's Toy Story. Slingblade, maybe Slingblade. Oh, man, you opted out as Slingblade.

Well, you know what? Good move. Slingblade's like fucking three hours long. No thanks. Yeah, probably should have cut that down. That just ain't rad. It's just a movie. My mom shrugged.

saying she could handle it. Oh, man. I recall her perking up when she saw John Saxton. You know what? Like we all do. Of course. And she whispered that she knew who that was. Oh, I know him.

The first moment of discomfort came when she asked me why Juliet Lewis asked Quinn Tarantino to eat her pussy. Good gravy. I had to whisper that she didn't because it was his whole, his, his, Quinn, it was in that movie, if you remember, it was Tarantino's hallucinating. Oh, right. He's fantasized. Oh, that's right, because he's craziest shit in that. But when we got to the twitty twister. But when we got to the titty twister.

Oh, mercy me. She couldn't help but elbow me excitedly to mock my discomfort. Oh, yeah. That's great. I love it. I honestly think it was this experience that ruined Salma Hayek for me. You know what ruined Salma Hayek for me? Everly.

Did you see that? Oh, is that when she's like an assassin? Yeah, it's like her taken. It's terrible. It's really bad. I act like it's good, but it's fucking... No, it's just, it's exactly her take. Yeah, no thanks.

Yeah, you might as well lit a bag of dog shit, put it on my doorstep. Probably would have had more fun. You get a little exercise that way. Stomping. I recall later that she teased me even more when telling a neighbor about the grossest movie she had ever seen. And she doesn't know why I was uncomfortable because she said, now this is what his mother said.

Most of them didn't even have any good tits anyway. God. There's her boobers. Yeah, there's her boobers indeed. A calculated decision gone wrong if there ever was one. You know, it doesn't sound like it was this much of a calculated decision. It was a split-section decision. But what I love is this mom realized what was going on. Like, oh, yeah, sure. I'll take you to see this movie you're asking me to see. Yeah, your last second change of mind. I'm going to break your balls through the entire thing. Afterwards, when we're talking to the neighbors over the fence in the backyard you're just never living this down oh bravo bravo although the most here we go although the most embarrassing part came before the movie

when she farted loudly enough for the whole theater to hear this lady's great he said it was pretty empty though so but keep up the great work with the shows and you know he likes the podcast, Dustin. Thank you so much, Dustin. Oh, my God, Dustin. That is... I'm not sure. Like, have you ever, like, I'm trying to think, because, like, I've seen, I mean, I have, I do, I remember my mom once telling me in the middle of necessary roughness extremely loudly. Um, Christopher, this is stupid. Because I had wanted to see. I don't know why, but I wanted to see it. But, like, yeah, I mean, like, mothers in movie theaters. Yeah, I mean, like, It's interesting.

They don't mix. I didn't see a lot of movies with my parents. To this day, I have not. I think I can, I probably can't remember all of them. But like, you know, I took my mom to see Moulin Rouge. I took my dad to see the majestic. I took both of them to see Royal Tenenbaum's and they hated it. That's how I knew I just, I wasn't meant for these times.

I was like, what? You thought that was stupid? All right. I think the last and maybe one of the only movies I saw with my father was saving Private Rine. Really? That's when he'll get up for that one. I do remember me and my dad left Moulin Rouge. Walked out, did you?

We walked out Moulin. We did a lot of drive-ins as a family, though. That we did quite, because you know, and here's the thing. I do have to respect my parents for this. Three shit-eaten kids to raise. You don't want to take us monsters to the movies all at once. Can you imagine? So it was smart.

We went to the drive-ins. It's a smart move there. They decided to sacrifice themselves to be miserable inside a car with three monsters for the runtime of two movies. I cannot believe they didn't throw you all three in a sack. Oh, I know. Huck you in a river. Every day I can't believe we weren't murdered. When I see your face, all I think is bottom of the Hudson.

Oh, yeah, like a sack of cats, dude. Oh, yeah, definitely. All right, we got one more here, Cabin. Yeah, whichever one you prefer. There's a theater going one And there's New York City one I'll go with the theater All right Chris Cabin take us into the last email

For the mailbag this evening Hello WHM crew Really enjoy the podcast You guys crack me up endlessly Keep up the good work Hey stop that brown nose them Geez don't blow a gasket With all the enthusiastic reading over there

I'm sorry Well at least you can get through a letter Unlike me Although we haven't gotten through it yet No that's amazing Yeah, well, now the pressure. Okay. I wanted to pass on a story of a terrible

movie theater experience I once had. Okay. One year for Halloween, a local theater decided to show a bunch of popular horror films. The thing, Silence of the Lambs, Nightmare on Elm Street. Is it a horror movie? It's a horror thriller. Like, there's horror

elements. There are. Here's a thing. This is a debate for the ages. For a Halloween theme, I think a serial killer type of thing. I think it works in a Halloween theme. I feel like if you can see some asshole dressing up as Hannibal You know, I'd like to see

someone come to the theater dressed up like Buffalo Bill. Oh yeah, dude. Post tuck and struck. Yeah, tuck and struck. The Q Lazarus playing back. Exactly, dude. He's just got the mangina out. It's great. Getting ready for it. I love Ted Levine, man. I do. What a brave actor. All right.

You do a fucking mangina on screen for the world to see. I love Dead Levine. Yeah, all right. Even through Monk. Oh, yikes. I was excited to say the least.

The nightmare screening in particular was packed. Original nightmare in Elm Street, does it specify? I doesn't specify, but I assume. All right. Maybe I'm wrong to, but I do. Well, just thinking of John Saxon. It's either that, Dream Warriors or New Nightmare. He's popping up all over this mailman.

Him and his fucking well-maintained toupee. I'm sorry, go ahead. So my girlfriend and I had to take a seat back near a sweaty guy with a giant bowl of popcorn. A bowl or an actual, like, a bowl signifies food from home. Yes. That's a whole lot of effort you're putting into. Bringing a bowl from home with popcorn. I'm going to assume you mean, you know, just to really, yeah, a tub.

A tub would be what the word would be. Yeah, like the large ones. A bucket. Yeah, the bucket tub. Better get a bucket. You're going to throw up. So, this man proceeded to laugh at the top of his lungs through the entire film. Not one or two chuckles at the outdated effects.

I kind of get that. Non-stop for every scene. Neckbeard didn't care. Neckbeard don't care. About anybody. I just wanted to troll an entire theater of people. What a fucking asshole. Just laughing throughout the entire movie at every scene.

What the fuck? No amount of shushing from people around us helped. I've never wanted to fight someone so badly in my entire life. Neither have I. What type of bad experiences have you had with other people in theaters? Man, you're about to get it. Like, I mean, I assume you guys have had hundreds. Oh, sure.

Which is like encounters with fucking horrendous people. I mean, I remember seeing Independence Day. I saw Independence Day. Opening day. Yep. That's what that's what. America did that day. We all went collectively as a country and saw

Independence Day. The theater was packed to the gills. And in the front there's this guy. And I see he's doing something with his hands. He's kind of like and his friends are clearly very loudly saying don't do that. Oh, Jesus. And then the movie starts jerking

off. His friends are politely telling him to quit masturbating. In anticipation of Independence Day. So it turns out, the lights dim. The movie comes on. He lights up a cigar. Get the fuck out of it. He Cape feared that theater. He just started puffing away at this thing. Was he laughing too? Oh yeah. Robert De Niro laughing in that movie. And then like a manager had to come in and like, sir, could you please not do the thing that clearly you know you're not supposed to be fucking doing.

Oh man. Trying to think. Oh, at the prestige, I had people who did not want to stop laughing. I thought Hugh Jackman was just a barrel laughs I saw Guardians of the Galaxy in the theater actually went to a really nice theater went to the Ziegfeld Theater If you come to New York City That's the theater to go to it's in Midtown It's an old movie palace

It's gorgeous It's gorgeous and by the way I'm about to have A terrible experience story from there That you just reminded me of But please continue Well you know I saw Guardians of the Galaxy there And and you know We sat down and

Oh who would you think would walk in to a theater showing a Marvel movie. Well, I'll tell you, a whole gaggle of the most stereotypical fat gross nerds you've ever seen. And I know that's coming from a fat gross nerd. Sure. I'm telling you, I'm halfway

normal compared to these fellas. You know how to behave in a theater. I'm talking ponytails. I'm talking cargo shorts. I'm talking you talking tucked in t-shirts? There was a couple. With wolves on them? I think they were

comic book characters. Well, all right. You got to go in uniform. You got to go in uniform. The guardians are coming out. You got to go in uniform. Your fucking raccoon t-shirt. They sit down right in front of us.

Jesus. You know what? It's your fault for not moving. You saw this coming a mile away. You are correct. You are correct. You know, you were watching the movie. You start getting an odor.

Of course you'd stop. They were like, I'm serious. There was one dude just fucking ripping farts. Get the fuck out of here. They were talking and it's just like... Were they displeased with the way the characters were being represented on screen? You know, Rocket Raccoon would not really... I don't know what exactly was said.

It was a horrific experience. The movie was great. Yeah, great movie. I managed to enjoy it through the haze. A fart and cheese. A fucking, you know, these comic book people, man. I mean, I get it to a degree, but come on, you're in public. I mean, the farting, you can be a fan of anything.

Stop farting in public. Or just go to the bedroom. You go see the movie again. I'm sorry. If it's really that bad. You know you're going to see it twice anyway. Also, if you're a new listener, go back to the. the archives, listen to the episode on

Swats. Oh, where you tell the greatest movie theater of revenge of all time. Where I almost fight an old man. You almost did it. What have I had ruin for me? Oh, so at the Ziegfeld, it's a gorgeous movie palace. My God. One of the best. Most beautiful thing you'll see

in New York City. You know, fuck go into the Statue of Liberty. You can't... If you go visit this town, go see a movie at the Ziegfeld. Doesn't even matter what's playing. Just go. It's glorious. It's a beautiful thing. Well, don't I go see it? Iron Man 2 there. Speaking to Marvel movies. I think it's a curse.

Oh yeah. It brings out the worst in humanity. So there we are. Behind us, we got a dad who only sees his kids every other weekend situation. Okay. We got the two little brothers, right? One's like fine and excited

to see Iron Man on the big screen once again. But this other little turd the whole time talking shit. Talking shit to the movie. What? Talking shit to the movie, kicking chairs, okay? I turn around.

I say, you want to tell your kid to keep it down? Motherfucker is on his Blackberry, not even paying attention to Iron Man 2, which I get because it's Iron Man 2. Sure. It's understandable. But the dude doesn't even acknowledge me. Wow. Then, oh, then. When the kid realizes that weekend dad is on his Blackberry and ignoring me.

Oh, shit. Business Dad don't give a shit. Kid starts laughing at it. me laughing at me that i asked the dad to tell the kid to stop talking and it only fuels the fire oh my blood would boil and this kid is just talking shit surprised you can be still watching the movie with all the steam getting out in front of you coming out my ears yeah i know oh man was i ready to go and that's the worst part about it because he's like a fucking 12 year old kid and i just wanted nothing more did you just put speaking of putting a in a sack and throwing him in the river.

Oh, my God. Oh, laughing at me. Laughing because I asked him to keep it down. Oh, oh, man. The fucking week was ruined. It was unbelievable. I saw the gray one time. That was the Liam Neeson Wolf movie. Yeah, when you should find the wolves.

Which is, I think it's a great movie. I enjoy it. Yeah, people try to talk shit. It's a fun. It's a fun movie. Well, speaking to talking shit during the gray, it's, we're seeing it at another one the worst movie theaters in New York City, the Court Square Theater, down in Brooklyn. I think it's another Regal, by the way.

Get your fucking shit together, Regal Cinemas. This theater, I mean, it's the theater. Was there a wolf heckling the screens? Dude, there was an entire theater of people that just, they wanted to come see taken with wolves. That's why we were all there.

We thought it was going to be taken with wolves. But I realized right away that it's something like much more nuanced and patient and different. And I accepted that. got into it. The other 200 people in that theater thought it was taken with wolves. And when it wasn't

it's that scenario where the movie theater turns on the movie and it just, it couldn't be stopped. Nothing could stem the Avalanche. Yeah, because none of them seen alive, they're not ready for alive. No, and I mean

it was just the worst. Every, like, and it's a quiet movie. It's just yelling at the screen. Which brings me to a final point I want to make about like theater disruption and that is theater comedians and theater comedians I know you're listening out there you mean like when we do a live show no no no this is what I mean by theater comedians the theater comedians are the people the attention whore people that when there's a movie going on it's a big sold out opening night or something like that they're the people that

during the quiet moments yell something that is just it's so hilarious that they can't keep it inside themselves and they have to vomit out this hilarious joke during a quiet part in a movie and just soak up the laughs from all the idiots that are dumb enough to laugh at theater comedians

right? Yeah. Age of Ultron this happens to me. There's some like silent moments in that movie where we're like quickly reflecting. I was during like the um when Scarlet Witch like makes them see fucked up things and whatever sure and all the theater comedian was there. He was all warmed up.

up cracked his knuckles, had a warm cup of tea to get the vocal cords ready. And I can't even, I can't even hear what he's saying, because I'm so far away. But you just hear like, and then just the waves of laughter permeating out throughout the theater. And the theater comedian is just there, just feeding off of it. And that's the problem. If you're laughing at a theater comedian, you're only making it worse for everybody. So wait, are you sure it wasn't Ultron? Ultron was busy telling his own jokes on the screen

This douchebag in this theater Well that's the thing is they're they're cowards right Get up on a stage and tell a joke No exactly yeah you're just yelling nonsense At fucking a computer James Spader Thanks thanks theater comedians I wouldn't be able to go to the movies without you Also quick Ultron story

When I saw the movie is like 11 o'clock Before it opened like the Fridays Like the Thursday night 11 o'clock show Pack Theater I'm in the back like off on the side and it's like a little three seat row and this huge dude comes up

and I say he's got a security guard shirt on and he's like hey man is this seat taken and I was like no so this huge fat dude sits down on the aisle seat but it's perfect because we have the buffer so I know I'm not going to have to sit next to anybody I hate sitting next to people at the movies

which I know is the dumbest thing ever I hate it unless it's my wife I hate it When we see movies, we leave buffers usually together. I'm not sitting next to you, Chris Cabin. You're pulling shit. What? You're pulling shit. Pulling shit?

Yeah, you're, stop masturbating. So, but so this security guard. It was the great Gatsby. What else was I going to do? That's a movie we all saw together. We did. That's right. No, so lights go down, right?

Movie starts up. We're not even, like, Ultron hadn't made his first appearance yet at the party. And that's what I really appreciate about that movie. We get to Ultron Mighty Quick, right? For the most part, like Mighty Quick for a two hour and twenty-hour movie. So Ultron hasn't even been born yet. I don't even think they had the party yet. This dude, whose job it is, to guard the movie from, like, bootlegging, falls asleep.

Out cold snoring during an action movie. And we got, like, one of those bars in front of us, you know, because there's like the front row of the thing or whatever. So he's got his foot up on it And he's just snoring his big fat guy Big fat guy snore I start kicking this bar Every time this dude started snoring Dude I was getting a workout

During the age of Ultron Because I'm kicking the shit out of this bar To wake this fat guy up Did he wake up? He would wake up for like two seconds And look around And just be like Movies still on

And just right back I was seriously kicking this bar Like every four and a half minutes It was unbelievable I've never, that's crazy. It was great. And I was like, if this movie winds up on the internet, it's that guy's fault. Definitely not the Russian.

Don't blame the Russians, don't blame the Chinese. Well, that's WHM Mailbag for this month, gang. Again, if you want your weird stories read on the air, if you have some questions for us about the show or about our moviegoing experiences, right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. Until next month, I'm Andrew Juppin. Chris Gavin. Eric Siska. Take it easy.

Okay, you guys, listen up. People pay good money to see this movie. When they go out to a theater, they want cold sodas, hot popcorn, and no monsters in the projection booth. Do I have to come up there myself? Do you think the grimsters can stand up to the holster? Well, if I were you, I'd run the rest of gremlins too right now. Sorry, folks.

happen again.