We Hate Movies - S5: WHM Mailbag: Ninja Scroll, Angry Audiences & Our Favorite Films

Episode Date: November 29, 2014

A perfect treat to download before your drive home from what was surely a wholesome family gathering! On this WHM Mailbag, we chat about awkward Ninja Scroll screenings, terrible, yet amazing Jason Goes to Hell audiences, and we also mention some of our favorite films, both new and old!  If you have a ridiculous WHM-relate story or have a question for the gang, be sure to email us at [e-mail]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Welcome to another W.H.M. Mailbag, everybody. I'm Andrew Jupin alongside Christopher Cabin and Eric Siska fellas. We've got three emails here for the month. of November to kind of get through. And a lot of letters to Santa that have been lost along the way. Yeah, don't write into our mailbag if you're trying to get Santa, by the way. That shit's going to get lost

in the mail. I'm not sending you an Amazon gift cards to stop it now. So like with every mailbag episode, you write us some letters and we take some interesting ones that we've read and we read them on the air and dissect them. I was going to say make fun of them, but we don't always make fun. Yeah, exactly. We laugh with you.

Yeah, exactly. We laugh with you. you very good so um this is a letter that comes to us from james he writes in and says uh really enjoyed your episode on jason goes to hell the final friday i agree with and eric that it is the nader of the friday the thirteenth franchise placing it below even the dreaded part five a new beginning for years i held jason goes to hell in much higher esteem because of the gore and the very vocal opening night audience so this is a it's a movie theater audience letter um As my friend Scott and I took our seats near the back in a sold-out Friday the 13th showing,

a latecomer correctly noted, shit, Jason already killing somebody. A woman in the row in front of us was so completely baffled by the film, I began to doubt if she'd ever seen a film before. She peppered her silent date with a barrage of, where's the baby? Questions, including during the ineptly stage final shot,

as noted by you fine gentlemen. when Jason emerged fully formed bursting through the floorboard someone yelled fuck me he came out with the mask and everything but the best was the excited young man in the front row who upon seeing his slasher hero blown limb from limb

jumped up to his feet and screamed Jason Voorhees is not dead best audience ever love the show and thanks for bringing back memories of that excited southern Mississippi crowd we love our Jason down there that is how you go to the movies like that's here's the thing

movie audiences for me it has to be either like we're fine we're paying attention everybody's behaving or like a teacher that's lost control of the classroom it's got to be raucous or nothing exactly like I just don't want a couple of bone heads you know

ruining it for everybody it's it's amazing when you see an audience kind of resign themselves to like yeah this isn't worth it Well, it's worth, for me, the worst is the one guy. The one, or the one family. Like, I went to see Gone Girl not too long ago. Uh-huh.

I brought my girlfriend. I had seen it before, but I brought my girlfriend to see it. And we're watching it. And there's this family in the corner who had, no kidding you, one child. No. Less than one years old. Another child less than five years old. Both in the theater with the family.

How many did you kidnap? Um, just the little one, because it was easy. to pack. That's a good point. You fit it in your large popcorn bucket and ran out. You know, you don't really have to box up your shoes anymore,

so I just put where my shoebox was in my suitcase. But anyway, this, the one that was younger than five, I mean, it's a four-year-old kid. She's like got nothing but energy. So she was running around

the theater. Nope. The whole time. And then at one point, and this is my favorite thing in the world, at one point, she goes, screens now you can have like that

big area right below the screen it's all black yeah she was doing this run around thing somebody just yelled out stop that and this girl that guy's a hero stops and pushes herself up against that black spot

right below the theater and just stands there for I'm not kidding you 25 minutes like a jail break and there's a spotlight yeah exactly it was it was the most insane thing I've ever seen that is obnoxious I mean you got you got control your kids a little bit better. I mean, well, here's a note, parents, don't be taking

your kids to Gone Girl. How about that shit? Don't do that. I got a little older movie theater story that's, that's, I thought was pretty good at the moment. You be the judge now, but it reminds me of the woman that, in this story that hasn't seen a movie before, type of thing. I saw

memento with some of my friends back when it came out. Yeah. And at the end of the movie, you know, like, like boom, like, oh, it was great. Credit started playing. You get that nice David Bowie's song coming up, you know? Yeah. And then out of nowhere, this older woman just yells out, did anybody get it? Oh, that's so great. Yeah. So whenever I see Memento now, I love it. Did anybody get it? Yeah.

Anybody get it? I love that she was reaching out to a sea of strangers trying to find a common friend. Yeah. And this was like a super art house theater. We saw this in, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That made it even more offensive. Let's see, let's compare, like, how close we were in proximity to each other growing up. Where did you see that movie? I saw that movie at Upstate Films in Rinebeck, New York.

Oh, upstate films, good outfit. I thought you were going to say, maybe you saw it at the Spectrum in Albany, because I know sometimes you went up that far. Yeah, yeah, on the rare occasion. I actually, I saw a movie that you detest at Spectrum. Which is what? Napoleon Dynamite. Yeah, I hate that movie's rotten cinema guts. I thought it was alright.

I hate everything about it. All right. I'll do one. I'll do one. And I told the story actually when we were, when we played the last time we were at Philomoka, we did the Sinadelphia Film Festival, Lady in the Water.

So if anyone was at that show, sorry for the repeat tale. Maybe I want to fast forward a couple minutes. But when I saw Lady in the Water, afterwards, it's like the feeling you get whenever you're standing up after an M. Night Shyamalan movie, right?

And, well, I would say, I would argue a post-unbreakable M-Night Shyamalan movie. so everybody's just like kind of slogging out of the theater like can't believe we fell for it again you know we're like you know it's the the cattle call out of the theater this guy had just had it with m night shaman and he's like he's like five feet or so in front of me all of a sudden i'd just hear i paid $60 to bring my family to this and like in a last act of rebellion this dude hucks this large so cup against the wall of the theater and it exploded and all I could think as Diet Coke was

raining down upon me and my friends was well he's got a point he's not wrong I wasn't mad I was like this is what happens M Night Shyamalan like you're killing your father Larry like that's I was like yeah no buddy if I

had a soda I'd chuck it to if my friends weren't having to clean this up after you you know I'd chuck one with Just burn the whole goddamn town down. Just raised that mall. Oh my God, that is the worst. So, yeah, bad audiences can ruin it. But when, like, when we saw snakes on a plane, the audience was so just, like, into it, making fun of that movie.

It was a wild time. And also, when I saw hustle and flow, people were actually, like, getting up and, like, rock an app to the music. Like, we're actually, like, throwing arms and stuff. It was, it was actually really, like, exciting. Yeah, totally. when I saw that film there's a new doc I think it came out in September it's called Take Me to the River it's about the Memphis Blues scene

I saw it in Chicago at the Sim Fest and people were like dancing in the aisles like to the music and I was like that's cool like that's an appropriate way to react like I'm digging this movie you know I was totally fine with that yeah yeah I think I'd be fine with that but I couldn't ever imagine doing that in a movie

oh I would do it like well well Oh, that's a good. Oh, wait. I'm going to get, excuse me. Excuse me, I'm going to get out to the aisle here. Sorry, I'm going to get out and dance. Feel free to come with me if you want. I hope you don't mind if I groove out for a little bit.

All right, on to the next one. Okay, now this next email is, Subject is Awkward Family Movie Night. It's from Drew in Maryland. Uh-huh. And he has this to say, Hey, gang, I was just listening to the Johnny Nemonic podcast and laughed out loud when I heard you talk about Ninja Scroll.

Now, for those who don't know, this was, it's a horribly violent anime film that I haven't seen. But apparently it gets like, so it goes places. Yeah, there's a bunch of things that, that, that, uh, happen. It's not, there's, it's like a series, right? No, I believe it's a film. I saw this, uh, I think in the early days of college and it was just terrible. See, that's how you can justify it, though. You can just go, well, I saw it in film school.

Yeah. Because then someone would be. Like, oh, maybe it was for an assignment. It was not always a late night in the dorms, you know, like, like, oh, like some weird kid had it or something. So anyway, well, those are the people that have that movie, by the way. What detested me about that film before I continue with this email is the fact that you get to see this, like, weird demon thing go into town on a lady's chest. And I'm just like, I don't want to see him sucking this. Oh, I, you said going to town.

I thought you said go into town. Oh, and I just imagine some dude riding this like huge breasted steed creature. Yeah. It could happen. No, no, no. It wasn't heavy metal. Gee, that's another weird I one. Speaking of skin crawling.

All right. So back to this letter here. Okay. My buddies and I had a geeky underground anime tape trading ring in middle school and Ninja Scroll was one of the titles we never watched with anyone else in the house. Yep. At least our parents commit us to therapy. don't get me wrong it's not a porn title but it has a lot of gratuitous sex and violence people riding into town on breast yeah it's a few years back i found a copy of ninja scroll on vhs at the salvation army and decided to show it to my then girlfriend now wife so a lucky that worked out you know what that's true love yeah that's if there was ever an example of true love in this universe talk about purity man yeah that's beautiful yeah yeah she didn't fucking leave you guys you guys she didn't fucking leave you your ass right there.

I was just out of college and living at home for a brief stint. We popped the video in and after about 10 minutes, my dad walks into the living room. No, no, no, no. With his dinner and asked to sit on the couch with us. What are you watching?

My father is a real life embodiment of Hank Hill. Oh no. Oh, man. Bummer. Nothing was going to prepare him for this. I tried several times to turn the movie off, but he insisted that we don't pick another movie on account of him. I sat there sweating bullets.

I'm sorry, I would insist. Yeah. You know what? That's when you pretend like the tape broke, right? Like, just hit stop, the VCR, the screen goes blue. Oh, something happened. Bad tape. Better put in anything else.

You put the remote control between you and your girlfriend, he just hit the pause. I don't know what's happening here. There's something wrong. Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you get to watch these movies while your parents are still awake, right? I'm not going on Thanksgiving and popping in a... From Beyond or Ninja Scroll or... Ilsa Sheelof of the SS. Yeah, that's not happening.

Yes, anything we watched at your Bachelor party, any single one. None of that. So, okay, now where was I? I sat there sweating bullets while naked anime. women writhered around and ninja sliced people into chunks. He quietly chewed his dinner with a confused expression. This poor bastard. Booms and blood everywhere.

My dad, my dad to my left and my girlfriend to my right. Everyone is miserable and no one moves or talks. Oh my God. I can feel this. I know. It's so horrible. It's so fucking horrible. He eventually got up and quietly left.

Yeah. And never spoke to me again. Seriously? That's basically the next nine. We don't talk about that night. No, I meant in general. Just never again. We were done.

And I never saw him again. He went out for cigarettes and never came back. That was the last day I saw my father. And then I actually continues with, the last time dad tried, watching a movie with us was last Christmas. We put on Inception. Who's that?

My dad kept asking, what is he doing there? Watch the movie, Dad. I tell him, they'll explain. Well, what's this guy doing on a beach? He says. How'd they get in an airplane? I wish I had a Hank Hill impression.

Yeah. Just watch, Dad. I keep saying, it'll make sense later. Minutes go by and Dad is getting more and more frustrated. Finally, he stands up and yells. I don't want to watch this movie No one's telling me what the hell's going on He stormed out and went to bed

I blame the trauma of Ninja Scroll Thanks for the laughs love the podcast You know what though Like just be happy He wasn't like This is just like the last time With that boobs and ninja filth you watched And then stormed out of the room

Because that's the signifier of I still remember that It's my dreams Yeah we don't talk about it but it's never left my core. Oh, and you know the fact that the family pulled through, everybody's happy and watching Inception on Christmas, it's a miracle.

It's a goddamn Christmas miracle. You certainly can't have mother watching it. No, mother's going to leave the room. Mother's going to leave the room. And he's going to ask very pointedly, what are you watching? What are you watching? Oh, absolutely.

Goose. That's awesome. That's the thing. You know what? Ninja Scroll. Absolutely not until you have your own place. You have to be independently living before you can watch it into scroll. And I'm not talking about roommates either, all right?

It's got to be a controlled environment. Like, I always had that terrible luck. You know, I'd be watching something and my parents would come home from work or whatever. I remember one time I was watching, and this is an example of the perfect timing that my parents had with that shit. I was watching Animal House with my brother and sister. That's Animal House, right? Like it's a college comedy, but whatever.

My mom comes home from work and turns her gaze towards the television set at the exact second when Belushi's looking in the window at that girl and she slides her hand into her underwear. What are you watching? Oh, oh, it was horrendous. And I'd be like, it's Animal House.

It's a comedy classic from your generation. But that's the thing. I was like, but mom, it's animal house. Followed up with, well, I don't remember that part. I had a similar, it's almost weirdly identical with an aunt coming in to check out. My mom and my dad were on vacation, and I was watching Caddyshack. And it was right where Danny Noon and the niece go into the bedroom. I was just like, no, I'm sorry.

No, it's not pornography. I swear to God. Meanwhile at the Siska Ranch My mother thinks it's a good idea For me to watch cruising With El Pacino With her Just the two of you

I believe so Maybe my brother was there Maybe he also got it on the trauma We were This was like I don't know 12 My dad sent me out of the room for cruising Him and my mom were watching cruising

They're like no Yeah that's a go play in the other room My parents did not believe in censorship. Well, you know, that's good. But when it comes to watching movies. Let me just say I've learned what not to do. Oh, gravy. All right, we got one more, Chris Cameron.

Okay. Hey, guys, huge fan of the show and can't stop listening to your episode on Secret Window. I agree completely that Johnny Depp is better off playing pretty much anything other than a contemporary human being. Yep. He needs to play like a monster, a demon. Darylix, again, I always laugh back to Darylix. I love hearing about movies that you hate, but I would also love to hear from each of you

what your all-time favorite movies are. The only one I recall hearing about was from Chris Cabin, who happens to be here today, when he mentioned Quiz Show as one of his favorites, which it is, it's one of my favorites, I'd say. It's a great movie. I love that movie. So who's that from, by the way?

Keep Up the Great Work, that's what it's from. Oh, it's from Keep Up the Great Work. Oh, wow, great. Yeah, I'm sorry for the person who wrote this in. I must have not copied down your name. But nevertheless, thank you. Thank you very much. Keep Up the Great Work.

It's like the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Precisely like that, you're right. Tomb of the Unknown We Hate Movies, yeah. So Chris Gavin says quiz show is one of his favorite. But see, it's hard for me. It's very hard. I mean, I'm going to preface it with like, you know, these will be.

one of you know what I'm saying you don't have a single fit I mean like the older it's tough it's tough and you ask you know it depends on the day as well also you know like I'll get us started like Blaine Runner for instance I find to be one of the most perfect movies from me it blends everything I love murdering cyborg women sleeping with cyborg women doing business with crooked Chinese cyborg women sci-fi noir you know Rudger Hauer with no shirt on. Oh, yeah. That's peak physical Rutger right there.

Some older movies I love, This Gun for Hire is one of them. Actually, you know, Fritz Lang, you can't go wrong with. Manhunt is a great earlier movie of his that, well, not earlier movie, actually, more 1940s about trying to kill Hitler. Obviously, M is great as well. M is like, I would also be in that quiz show area of favorite movies. See, when I try to always,

do this, right? And letterbox makes you do it, right? When you join letterboxed, one of their, like, cute things is when you make your profile do, like, you know, favorite movies. And I just, I always have to think back to re-watchability. You know what I mean? Like, I can constantly watch something and I don't

tire of it. And for me, there's, there's three that I can think of off the top of my head, I guess. I don't know. Jonathan Demi stopped making sense, the Talking Heads concert film. I'd probably watch that at least like twice a year you know um the first back to the future right i can do kind of all the time um

and like there's like things that'll happen outside of like my tv that'll be like oh that made me feel like watching back to the future like my wife and i were at a met game this summer and after the game sometimes at city field they have concerts and hughy louis on the news played after this one game and we're driving home and i was like I'm going to put on back to the future. We totally watched it that night. It was awesome. And Royal Tenen bombs, I could just watch over and over again.

Oh, I just remembered another one. Dead Man with Johnny Depp. Oh, Jimmy Jarmish one. Yeah, Jim Jarmish. It's a great one. Hitchcock's North by Northwest. I'm a big Hitchcock guy. I could watch that movie all the time.

That is a perfect... The Great Dictator is a big one for me. Yes. I'm obsessed with it. I'm trying to think of, like... You know what? And speaking of just rewatchability, I do still watch Caddyshack at least once a year.

Caddyshack is one of those movies that's like, I'm missing it. Like I've got to put on Caddyshack. It's been a while. You know what movie I've seen like way too much that like people probably think I'm weird now? Taxi driver. There's a time I've watched that like three times in a day before.

Three times in a day? There was a dog period. We were getting ready to go volunteer at a politician's office? Yep. And I was planning on being. shot by the police in doing so. Also, recent movies, drive, I really love. Some people don't. Only God forgives, I thought, was also good.

Both of us just recently saw the guest. All of us did. The guest, talking about new awesome movies. What a fun-ass movie that is, for sure. Also, I mean, cliche as fuck, right? Citizen Kane, I think, is awesome. You know, not, people try to hold the godfather above it, and they're incorrect.

That's not even discussion. No, no, no, no. Are you on the cane train, too? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, wow. The Godfather. That's not, I don't. It's still great.

It definitely is. 2001, I saw twice in 70 millimeter this year. Amazing. Yeah, that's also. I've also seen that movie twice in 70 millimeter. That's the way to do it. That's, God bless the museum of the moving image for doing shit like that. Also, and speaking of them, I saw a playtime in 70 millimeter.

Jacques Tattee. And it's, I watch that movie pretty often. Those are movies. can go back to quite a bit. And the criterion box is beautiful. It's like one of the... Oh, the new the complete... It's a beautiful package. It's one of the lucky duck. I will say this. I think this is a perfect time to announce

by the way. By the time this drops, which is I guess next week sometimes so it can make the November mailbag quota. Sure. We will have recorded. Speaking of... We're talking about favorite movies. Mm-hmm. Talk about something

that's not a favorite movie. Announcing it here on the mailbag episode. And maybe we should start doing something like this. Because, you know, I'll say, the numbers on these mailbag episodes don't add up to our normal download rate of actual episodes. So maybe this will inspire people, right? You're like, hey, man, start downloading these mailbag episodes. They tell you shit that's happening. Right, yeah, yeah.

We will have recorded the Sucker Punchment Terry. It's happening, gang. This is where Andrew has never seen Sucker Punch. I still have not. I don't really even know entirely what the movie's about. You know what I've seen it, and I don't entirely know what the movie's about. Neither do I. Perfect.

But I saw it once with myself and Chris Cabman, and I think we were a couple tall glasses in at that point. And we're not going to prep for it. We're going to see what comes out of this experience. This is a very exciting experience. Andrew's seeing it for the first time, us kind of guiding him through it. And Steve's also seen it already.

Right. And Steve will also be on the commentary. It's going to be a forer. A forer. A forer. A forer of horror. Which is what this film is. So hopefully we will have that ready in December at some point.

So again, by the way, we're plugging the Spreadshirt store, right? WHModcast.spreadshirt.com. Be on the lookout for this commentary, the gift of commentary giving. Make that a new thing. Totally. Here's your We Hate Movies baby onesie and a download code to get We Hate Movies sucker Punchmentary. So by the time you're listening to this, it's in the can game.

So be on the lookout for that. For more information about We Hate Movies, check out our website, WHM Podcast.com. And if you want to be featured on a WHM Mailbag episode, write us an interesting tale of some kind. We All Hate Movies at gmail.mell.com. Until December, this has been The Mailbag. I'm Andrew Jupin. Eric Siska. Take it easy.