We Hate Movies - S5: WHM Summer Rerun - Judge Dredd

Episode Date: August 18, 2015

Original Air Date: November 8th, 2011 What the gang thought of the film: "He’s just a big turd in this movie" - Steve Sajdak, on Rob Schneider's presence in the film. "It’s the biggest codpiece I’ve ever seen!" - Andrew Jupin, on, well, Stallone's codpiece. "It’s on them when I empty my bowels as I’m hung. Load me up with Taco Bell? I win!" - Eric Szyszka, on being executed in the Demolition Man future. Judge Dredd stars Sylvester Stallone, Rob Schneider, Diane Lane, Armand Assante, Jürgen Prochnow, Joan Chen, and Max von Sydow; directed by Danny Cannon. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

so at this point steve definitely has a terrible sunburn i mean we just we're just out here fun in the sun on coney island dude it's sand in my shorts Ooh, that ain't sands. Oh, no. Coney Island Sandman, which means there's bits of hot dogs. It's just ground Nathan's meat. By the time this airs, we've definitely had our annual dumb idiots eating hot dogs contest. Yeah. Can we just agree that that's stupid?

Yes. It's also gross, but yes, also stupid. Enjoy your hot dogs, America. Exactly. One dog at a time, right? Chew it. Here's the other sad thing about that stuff, too. There's, like, the big one, the Nathan's Coneyon one that's, like, on ESPN and all that stuff.

But here in New York, you can get a second one that's broadcast on, like, local New York TV. They do it in a park in Brooklyn for Crif Dog. Have you ever seen the Crif Dog Challenge? No, no. It's the same day. It takes place, like, hours apart. And are they wrapped in bacon? Crif Dog does, like, crazy dogs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're not eating like an actual Crif Dog. It's just like hot dogs provided by Crif Dog. You know, it's weird though? Like, here's the thing. This guy has a couple of hundred hot dogs in a day and he's a fucking hero, right? I have four hot dogs at a barbecue

and people are like, that guy's disgusting. Well, because you're a moderate. You got to go, you got to be radical. Never have them or have 500 of them. I understand the two is the appropriate number of hot dogs you're allowed to have in a day. In a day? Right.

I thought it was at least three. Well, welcome back to Hot Dog Radicals. We're talking dogs and buns. Oh, man. I can put five away without a problem. Yeah. Without issue. Absolutely.

So this week on We Hate Movie Summer rerun. Speaking of hot dogs. Yeah, we're talking about Judge Dread. We're talking about listening to an episode where we talked about Judge Dred. This was a while ago. This was, um, this is like, before the Carl Urban movie came out. This is one before the earth

cooled. I think at the time this episode came out, global warming wasn't as big of a deal as it is now. No, no, it wasn't a problem at all. Everything was fine. I knew nothing about Judge Dred when we did this episode, and now I read a bunch of the comics. Yeah, this episode turned

into a huge fan. It did. Those four Locos changed something in my brain chemistry that night. Oh, God. You know something you guys never brought up in the episode I got to bring up? You know how metallic was like, oh, we're never doing soundtrack movies, and then they did one for Mission Fucking Impossible, too.

What does that have to do with Judge Dred? Judge Dread, the Cure, didn't want to do any soundtrack songs, and then they did one, an original song for Judge Dread. What? What song? It's like never, I think it's called Never. Oh, mercy me.

Music inspired by and for the... Yeah, and it was the song on the top of the soundtrack when you bought it. And then the rest of it was, as we've talked about before, orchestral bullshit. oh man yeah those soundtracks soundtracks in quotation marks what a rip or there might have been some like junkie excel shit i don't know i got burned by the mrs downfire soundtrack the same way papa's got a brand new bag and then a bunch of orchestral nonsense uh so enjoy judge dread i mean it's just like everything the action the amount of bullets it takes to kill a person or not to kill a person but the amount of bullets these judges I just feel is necessary to take a human life, which is in the dozens.

But the problem is, I mean, it's just kind of walking this weird line. Like, I don't mind, like, ridiculous over-the-top action movies where you're, you know, blasting 60 bullets into somebody in their head explodes. But it's just a lot of bullets being fired without the consequences. Right. It's sort of like there's, they didn't have squibs on everything. It's like people are just getting, like, shot 60 times at once and it cuts away before. I would imagine when they cut away, if you stayed with the body.

it would have like to shatter It would just be like a shroud of a person left Like like a shadow of like a nuclear blast or something Yeah if you're shooting somebody that many times It's like stained on the wall like in watchman Yeah exactly exactly like much So this movie for folks who don't remember what was going on It's it's about

It's a it's I wouldn't say post-apocalyptic It's a bit dystopian. Well, it's kind of post-apocalyptic. Well, sort of. It's basically like society got right to the brink of apocalypse. They're like, hold on. Let's think about this. And then they just kind of bounced back a bit.

Yeah, they never recycled for a long time. And then that is what happened, right? Like garbage built up. Yeah. And population got out of control. Yeah. And then I guess they just turned the Midwest into a landfill.

Which you would do, I feel. Called the cursed Earth. That's like, they show a map at some point in this movie and the Midwest is just like the cursed earth. That's what they call it. You've got, the map is Megacity One, which is where the whole movie takes place. New York City. Yeah, which is, yeah, right on New York City.

There's a big curse at Earth. And in the middle of that, there's Aspen. Yeah. And below that is Texas City. and then right to all the way to the right all the way to the left there you've got your uh your los angeles which is mega city too right and aspen is like the prison colony

city because it's cold there so like they treat that as like you're fucking like hawth like tundra prison or something the cling on prison planet on uh star trek six yeah totally so i mean that's i guess even when the world ends like you have to break up your society into like regional shitholes and like metropolises and whatnot, you know. Do you think there's still skiing going on in the Aspenetian colony? Yeah, but it's like slave skiing.

Like that's how like the prisoners get their fucking like exercise. You get like 20 minutes of skiing a day. And you just, after the third day, you really don't want to be skiing anywhere, but you always have to be skiing. If I had to ski every day is like my like regimented exercise, like that would truly be prison for me. Well, you're getting, you're getting snow in that underwear no matter what happens. Well, that's just like, I mean, me personally, I have fucking zero interest in the sport of skiing or snowboarding or any of that nonsense.

Well, yeah, I mean, I just think if you have to do it every day, you're going to fall out of love with it. Even the most. So you go to prison and you're like, I was asking, I actually love the ski. So this is going to be nice. After a while, you know, you're being whipped with. chains down a mountain kind of not into it you think people go to prison now like man i love those like tricornered lunch trays like i love the idea of all my food be broken up and then just like by day 50 you fucking snaps you know i like my cobbler really separated from everything

else so one person who doesn't fall out of love with what he has to do every day is judge dread so the way the new system is set up is like they've abolished all lawyers you know they took a cue from Back to the Future too and you know and it's it's all wrapped up into this nice like they are like judge jury executioner these people these cops basically it's a fascist police state right and just

taking a cue from other movies this movie begins with a fucking Star Wars crawl of text yeah read by James Earl Jones big co-winky dick in the third millennium the world

changed climate Nations, all were in upheaval. The earth transformed into a poisonous, scorched desert, known as the cursed earth. Millions of people crowded into a few megacities, where roving bands of street savages created violence the justice system could not control. Law, as we know it, collapsed. From the decay rose a new order, a society ruled by a new elite force, a force with the power to dispense.

both justice and punishment they were the police jury and executioner all in one they were the judges and you know here's the thing it's like you know I really like the Star Wars movies and everything

but those beginnings are always the thing when I'm like just get to it just scroll through just get to it you know I'm fine with the crawls in Star Wars but like this is just it's just stupid well I think there's a difference between the Star Wars crawl and well the biggest difference I should say is that

the Star Wars crawls aren't narrated you can read it if you want to if not just close your eyes and listen to the music at least they're cinematic to look at their they're yellow they've got a weird perspective yeah what I always struck me about that it's like it's just these words float like

the way they present the words floating they're like floating into the cosmos yeah into a vanishing point yeah do you think like someone came across that down the line like like some alien like what the tells all these words doing out here.

Are you saying that in Star Wars, they have, like, word comets that just travel throughout the cosmos forever. And then you use the force to take that alphabet soup of comets and make your little story. Some alien flies by it is just like, is that the beginning of a story? Oh, shit. And then that one looks like it's picking up where something left off. Well, I probably, I must have missed everything that happened in the middle. episode four where are we good took a wrong turn

but with these credits though the judge dread credits you've got someone reading them so you're forced to just listen to everything james old jones is saying but it's kind of a cock tease in the movie because it's the first thing you see and it's scrolling just like credits and immediately I'm just thinking oh man when are we going to see the end credits now i just want to get through this

and it's just it seems like it's twice as long as anything else because it's just like and everyone was dead for a while but then they decided to abolish the legal system and they had to do that through many meetings of many councils it's really droning and like

yeah exactly I want to take a nap and you'd think maybe James Earl Jones is going to come up as a character in the movie you're just getting hired to read this and then that's it I mean if you well the thing is obviously this movie probably I mean

no this movie could have afforded James Roller Jones. Yeah, of course. So why not have him be one of the judges? The all-white judge panel, by the way. Yeah, he should have definitely been like one of the chief justices up there with Max von Seidow.

It's Max von Seidow, Yergan Proknaut and three nobodies. Yeah, one kind of looks like Captain Janeway from Star Trek Voyager, but I think that's only because she's like a strong, powerful older woman. Yeah, but you have to add like 20, 30 years on her.

Yeah, no, she's definitely older than Cate Mulgrew. Yes. I know that woman's name. So the idea of this movie is, yeah, there's no judges. It's taken from a British comic book from something called 2000 AD, which is where a lot of early, like anyone, all the people who, comic writers who have emigrated to the United States kind of started there.

It's like big anthology sci-fi, man. I got a question about that. Do you, does anyone know if Judge Dread, you know, since it was a British comic, Like, did that always take place in America, or is that an invention of this film? I think it's always been like, I think it's a British, it's Britain. I'm not actually sure. But I mean, Jesus Christ, like that's, it's, we're talking about this before. It's fucking Constantine syndrome.

Yeah. I mean, I guess technically it's Judge Dredd syndrome that Constantine had because it came out after. But, Constantine came down with the wicked symptoms of the Judge Judge syndrome. Totally. And I mean, that's just one of those things that, again, it makes no fucking sense. Like, grab some English actors and just make this move. movie. Yeah, American audiences will follow.

Like, they're not going to, I mean, like, nobody went to, in droves to this movie anyway, so, like, you might as well have some authenticity going. So, essentially, it's kind of like a, you know, man on the run to kind of clear his name story. It's a very basic premise. I feel like there was probably other more interesting Judge Dredd story arcs that happened in the comics, but this is the one we got stuck with for this movie. Yeah, I mean, at this point, it's like, what, 15 to 20 years of stories, and you kind of just do this really bland, like, who am I? Oh, my gosh, you know, like framed garbage.

Coming to the realization that he may, in fact, not be the law? You're right. He does actually believe. It's very conflicted. He actually does believe he is the law in this movie, and he will say it. And, like, people are, like, kind of, like, okay with it at the beginning. They think it's cute. Like, this guy just walked around saying, I am the law.

Oh, that's Judge Dred. He's like the guy at your job that's just like takes it all way too seriously. Yeah, exactly. Total asshole. I am accounting. Oh, all right, Pete. God.

I'm not going to touch your numbers. Can we talk about the first like instance of judging in this movie? Yeah. The first like action sequence we set upon. It's just like it's fucking total chaos because that's the future. Yeah. Like all fucking dystopian futures. It's just.

going to be like constant lawbreaking chaos and this is no different and we've got this gang kind of kind of led by james remor he's like the leader of the gang i'd say that somebody dialed one nine hundred scumbag like he said yeah absolutely they got the fucking remor hotline open and he got signed up and you know what too short of a movie lifespan for my taste you put james remar on screen like that i'm expecting at least getting midway through the movie honestly yeah like just he's the scummy character that kind of makes it around and you know fuck shit up yeah but this is just you know diane lane who's playing judge hirche uh is like trying to with her like rookie partner trying to you know calm the situation and of course she can't

because that's how we have to get introduced to judge dread right and he just it's it's a lot of just him going into situations making like these empty threats of like you know back down now else but you just know he's going to kill them anyway my favorite part of that that scene was he like before judge jrude arrives on the scene james remor and his buddies are murdering people on the street level like there are a few floors up shooting down at people judge dread shows up he's like they're like 300 yards away they can't hit us whatever judge threat take cover they're firing 20 millimeter chase the sledge around at 300 meters. The effective legal range is 200 meters.

You're safe. Just flip-flop logic. Like, whatever, that makes sense now. But no, Sylvester Stallone gives this, like, ridiculous, like, scientific explanation of, like, they're, like, such-and-such-caliber rounds, and their striking velocity is this much, and they can only kill at this distance, so we're safe. And it's just this bullshit, like, what are you talking about? Yeah.

Oh, maybe I didn't account for his, like, Lego armor. Yeah. Provided by Armanda. What was it? No, what was it? Versace. Johnny Versace designed the costumes in this movie. Let's get into the costumes.

I almost said that they were provided by Amanda Sonte. Armanda Sante, who's in this movie, just had them at his house. Oh, you want some, you want some judge-dred costumes. I got judged-dred costumes. I'll tell you if I'm judged-dred costumes. I own them. Is that? Close to what he actually sounds like.

Do you feel... Are you questioning my impression? Or are you talking about him in general? I just mean Armandis Sante in general. What is his actual voice? I think closest to Steve's impression. I think that's what it sounds like. Well, because we said he's either playing this or like shitty wannabe mobsters.

So it's like... It's hard to gauge. It is hard to gauge. But yet, designed by Johnny Versace, by the way, here's one way to not make your futuristic police costumes. threatening in any capacity. Have a big flaunty fashion designer make them for

your movie. No, and I mean, everything is just so plastic in this movie. Like, it's just so, it's all shiny and bubbly, and it's supposed, it just seems like it should be more gritty. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think Rissachi thought he was designing something for like an Italian nightclub. Like a

bouncer at an Italian nightclub. I do feel like when Stallone saw that, he was just like, man, this is going to look great in Planet Hollywood. I'm looking at you, Tampa. God, he's... Come down to the Tampa Bay, Planet Island. I can't do this alone.

This will draw people to the Tampa location, which has been struggling. What is the... Speaking of Planet Hollywood struggling, like, what is their deal? Are they bankrupt still? I think they got bought by some Native Americans recently. I think I read that, yeah. I think they got... Can you gamble at Planet Hollywood now?

You eat... Steve, you eat at Planet Hollywood. It's a gamble. I think that's how they got into the business, yeah. You throw money and you get fucking movie merchandise bag. They had, I went to the Planet Hollywood in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina quite frequently. Because we vacationed there every year. Like when you're a kid, it's like the coolest thing ever to go see movie paraphernalia.

Yeah. And we went there and they had the fucking the frozen naked Sylvester Stallone from Demolition Man just hanging in the lobby of the bar. That's amazing. Yeah, but it's like you walked in this family restaurant and there's just male butt cheeks just there. Like the butt cheeks were out, yeah. You watch Judge Dredd and there's male butt cheeks that are out everywhere.

Yeah, again, with these costumes is like the bot, like the top is all these like gaudy, winged, because they're like, they're supposed to be like the Eagles of justice, kind of a bullshit thing. So top heavy. It's very like... It's very tough heavy. Yeah, it's like the shoulder

pads of justice. Well, I mean, the character is kind of designed is this kind of like pastiche of like what was going on and like comics and like movies like this big like oh like he's he's like this kind of big dumb uh just like you know what he called there like kind of blank slate guy that can only kill and whatever and it's an intimidating design but yeah he's just got some buns in this movie like the buns are quite prevalent the buns are all over the place and it's like because it's just this black spandex and it's not just the men like Diane Lane's ass is all over this fucking movie.

Also, by the way, speaking of like the male and female judges of this movie, of course it's futuristic and of course it's sci-fi. So that means co-ed locker room. Yeah, you can check it off. If you're at home with your scorecard, you can check off James Rehmore and it's co-ed locker rooms. They're just in every like sci-fi movie. Like, what was it? Starship Troopers, Robocop movies. It doesn't make, I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

because it's just, you're going to lead to just, you know, uncomfortable situations. It's a progressive society, Stephen. But how is it that, like, in the future, males and females aren't neurotic and paranoid about showing off their genitalia to the opposite sex? There's above it all. It's about duty in the judge's precincts. So, after we're, you know, introduced to how this fucking system works, we're also kind of at the same time introduced to, the unnecessary comic relief in this movie he rob schneider you can't even say it just a big turd in this movie like as always he's a big fucking turd in this movie it is painful it's painful he is every line out of his mouth it's just like you're questioning its existence in the screenplay you're trying to figure out like how is it got this far that a character was cast?

Like, why did they just cut it out? He doesn't help. There's one instance in the entire movie where he kind of like saves Judge Dredd's neck. But even then, like, he would have fucking figured it out. He's Judge Dredd. But you need your yucks, you know? You need your yucks.

And it was always the thing where, like, if you ever have a character that doesn't fit into the movie really, but he's, like, comic relief, well, I guess he's a hacker or something. Like, you know what I mean? It's just sort of like the funny hack. because there's no other way to put fucking comic relief. Like, why would he be part of this team?

Well, he's good with computers. Why would slubby three foot four Rob Schneider be like... Three foot four. Be helping out Celestial. But, I mean, and I use this movie as an example because it's the first one that came to mind when we were watching this. But, like, you know, think about, like, the first diehard movie. And Bruce Willis is just going through that movie.

And you know where the jokes are coming from? Fucking John McLean. Like, if you need levity in your action screenplay, you know, Stallone can deliver those lines. Like, they're not going to be great, but it's not going to be any better than Rob Schneider delivering them. No. Well, I mean, the problem is the fucking lines are all awful. I do give Rob Schneider credit. This is a fucking rotten script.

Oh, it's terrible. Like, it's all just the cheesiest fucking, like, you know, hackneyed quips back and forth. And even Stallone starts getting in on him because I'm sure, like, Stallone being an ego freak like he was, he looked at his like, Why is you getting all the laughs? I need some jokes. I want people rolling to my lines, please. I can be funny. Didn't you ever see that movie where I got the black cap in it?

It looks like my cap from Rocky, but it's not. What is that movie that he was in? I have no idea. Rocky, too. It's like him around the holidays. You know, I'm just buying a Christmas tree. Oscar. That's what it is.

Oscars is not about the holidays. We're wearing a cap. I thought he had a black hat in that movie. He's just like a gangster at the 1920s. I thought that movie was where he adopted a baby or something. I have no idea about his filmography. I have for no reason seen Oscar like four or five times. It was just on a tape in my house.

And I was just getting through it. Yeah, it's just like an open door farce kind of a thing. There's a baby involved, Marissa Tomey's in there. I guess I got the baby right. Now, is the baby named Oscar or is he named us? He's named Oz. Uh huh. Okay, so it's not Ghostbusters, too. No.

Mega City missile code 213. Will for destruction of property, that's two years. Code 310, illegal possession of assault weapons. Five years. Code 457. Resisting arrest. 20 years. And code 3613, the first degree murder. A street judge. Let me guess. Life. Ah!

I know we've talked about the costumes a lot, but there's just one more thing that I need to bring up because, like, it's a, it's a Versace thing again. Can we just real quick touch on the cod piece in this movie? It's out of control. It's glorious. It's the biggest cod piece I've ever seen. Because he's the biggest judge you've ever seen.

Do you think there's a poster somewhere where it's just the cod piece? This is the biggest pet you've ever seen. The magnum codpiece. It is the magnum con piece. And again, I guarantee you, they showed fucking Stallone five cod pieces. And he flipped the table over. Bigger. Yeah, exactly.

Go bigger. Twice the size. Which at what point, though, is it so big that you can't even, like, walk comfortably? No, he's not. It's like, why would your, whatever you're using to protect your, your genetic? tell you look like you're constantly hard the entire time like what's the benefit because he was those co-ed lockers yeah exactly it makes sense kept up seeing first she is like so judge dreads wearing this like fetish cod piece right why doesn't diane lane or any of the female judges

wear this cod piece because a cod piece is like it's a you know so your shit can fit in there like a baseball because they have men have penises and women have But I'm saying, you know, it's to protect the genitalia. So why wouldn't you protect your, you know, because the shit's not sticking out. Are we really sitting here explaining this to you? Also, it's there to, to like, I don't know how to say this, to emphasize the manhood. Well, I think that's more, that's more what you're getting at. Well, that's why King Arthur had the shit.

Did he? Really? Yeah. Was he a noted codpiece wear? All those knights had codpies. I think that was like a qualification of being the knights of the round table. Now, Merlin was so confident he didn't need one, right? Well, he had that, I don't think so.

He had that robe. Or he just had that robe. The flowing robe, which makes it really easy to jerk off at any time. Do you think that's what he was doing at the round table? He's all naturality that thing. Look, we have to stop inviting Merlin to the round table meetings. He doesn't put anything forth on the table, and he's constantly doodling with him. I was doing spells I was

Under your cloak, Merlin, really? All right, this is terrible, but you know, obviously, come a lot. That's our shitty comedy sketch called Come Al-A-Lot. We just put that out there. It'll be a mini episode that no one will download. A play in half an act. So we're introduced to our hero, our sort of leading lady, and our shitty comic non-relief.

And the basic premise going forward in the movie is that a criminal is released from prison, played by Armand Asante, by the name of Rico. And he's released by a, by a, I guess he's like one of the chief justices of the judge. Yeah. High court or whatever. Played by Yergen Proknow of, of what is he, Beverly Hills Cop 2 fame. The Keep. Oh, yeah, the Keep. Michael Mann's the Keep, great movie.

And the, what is that, what was the name of it? The TV movie where he plays Arnold Schwarzenegger. See Arnold Run. Yes. He played older Schwarzenegger. Yeah, like political era of Schwarzenegger. Which is so weird because like the middle of the movie, they have, they always flashback to his like bodybuilder days in that movie. And it's just, he's played by a humongous bodybuilder.

And then at some point, somewhere he turns into Juergen Prock now. Yeah, which doesn't make any fucking sense. I think the movie just justifies that by like, you know, Arnold has definitely shrunk since his bodybuilder days. But it's pretty drastic to just turn from a huge beefcake into old Juergen Brocknow, you know. How long do you think he struggled with that career choice? Like, is this going to kill my career? Like, is it that that's a bad? Arnold or this guy?

No, no, Yurgen Prachna. What, doing the C. Arnold Run movie? Yeah, like, that's just got to be. I feel like he knew he would. was at his end anyway. So it's like, at his wits' end. You get to go back to Star Wars?

It's like, Obi-Wan Kanoi turning his lightsaber off. Yeah. You know what movies? Just hit me. Take your best shot. I mean, he does a rancid Arnold Schwarzenegger

impression. There's a scene in the movie where he is talking with like the Maria Shriver character about like, you know, oh, I think I'm going to run for governor of California. and he's like, you know, he's announcing it to her, and she's like, oh, you know, fat chance or whatever.

Like, you don't have a, you don't have a shot. Like, just playfully joking with him or whatever. And he has this line. And it's Juergen Proctna, trying to do an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation. Yeah. And it just sounds like him saying, you want to be saying that when you're dancing with me at the Anaguru ball. He's trying to say the word inaugural and it comes out on a guru. So he sets Armand Asante free, and Judge Dredd is unfortunately framed for murder.

Like, that's how basic this plot is. It's like a fucking framed for murder situation. Like, that's what we're going on, movie? Well, when Amandesante escapes from prison, he shoots the warden in the throat. Well, he's sort of released from prison, sort of escaped. Like, it's a half and half. It's sort of like he's allowed, like, the chief. justice is setting it up so he can escape

and he's not like no one's really chasing him but he's just allowed some free murder like some free murder points yeah it's kind of like you know we engineer you're he engineers his escape as opposed to yes part true you know you don't want to get that paper trail coming right he has the warden

give him a box that's like turns into a gun you know no one ever checks for those it's a box that holds his badge but also holds a picture that turns into a gun Yeah, that's, you know, turns into a hang glider So he could fly away back to Mega City One

And that turns into a cod piece at the end of it. Yeah, and then he puts it on his dong And then he puts on the rest of his little get-up And then he walks in and shoots What was this guy's name? Vargas Hammond Yeah, Varg, like Vargas Hammond or something? Good old Vargas Hammond, do it?

He's played by the dude who's like the colonel in the first blood movies. Are you thinking of Charles Napier? Oh, I thought that was Charles Napier. Some other guy. He kind of looks. He looks like Richard Mulligan from Empty Nest. Oh, yeah, totally.

Who I always also confused with the dad from Punky Brewster? They're all three different. Oh, who's Eric Lassard in the Police Academy movies? There you go. How many casting couches? Do you think the three of them were waiting on for the fucking casting later to be like, they're like, they come out and he calls one name and they all stand up yes we need nondescript older white man yeah we're now reading for the part of nondescript older white man uh we're going with mulligan

er punky yeah so this guy's like mahony yeah my goldfish mahoney is that a fourth guy or is that one of the guys we just mentioned No, no, he's also... Punky's also a police academy. Okay, good, good, good. Yeah, Lassard is Mr. Brewster, whatever that doctor's name was. Can I just point out real quick, Eric's drinking a four loco, and I don't know how he's still alive. Wait, is this on the record?

I feel like it's... I feel like this is private life being broadcasted. Well, you know, I needed somebody to keep me awake, and it's terrible. I had one before, and I knew it was a bad idea, but I don't know. It's what the kids like, right? I'm like trying to get involved with youth culture again. I'm going to get a ponytail. Is that why you wear blue sunglasses?

Yes. No, you're not waiting. It's getting your finger back on the pulse. Yes. So this dude who's not Lassard, but looks like Lassard kind of, is just like this liberal muckraker who's like down on the streets like reporting about how fucking terrible it is in Mega City. Well, it doesn't make it kind of right. He's totally right, but it kind of doesn't make any sense. because, like, even his wife is like,

dude, we live in a fascist state. What are you trying to, you know what I mean? It's true. What are you trying to accomplish here? I don't know what the end game is, but also just like, yeah, why don't we live in a fascist state, so don't go talking shit. Don't poke your head out, you know?

Yeah, and the brown shirts are marching down the street. I mean, you know, get a radio show. Like, he's out there on the street with a camera being like, this is me, this is my name, and fuck you the government. Yeah. I'll end up some grumblings confirming a suspicion of mine. The cancer of oppression goes far deeper than the street judges.

And you're going to say that over the air. It's the truth. Oh, Vardis, you're insane. I'm a reporter. They're never going to let this get onto the air, Vardis. Something like this could bring down the council. Maybe it should. What is he shedding light on that isn't just glaringly obvious from looking out your bedroom window?

Like, this city fucking sucks. There is, like, murder and fucking rioting every ding-dong day. And this guy's out here like, don't be fooled by the judge system. It's horrible here. Yeah, this guy's like, I'm Eric Lassard with the obvious now. It's kind of not nice outside. Yeah, but the thing of it is, it's like, yeah, you're living in a world where block wars exist. Block wars, I guess, are wars between blocks of streets where everyone's fucking.

and shooting each other up. And everyone's got, like, automatic weapons somehow. Imagine if that existed. I got to walk, like, 10 blocks home. Yes. You don't be in the wrong block in block war, man. They say block wars quite a bit in this movie. That's like, block wars are like the turning point of it all.

Like, you know, things were bad before, but now there's block wars. Block wars. And I don't know. I said this when we were watching the movie, but like, I don't, this is such a fascist police state. they're obviously trying to quell block wars, why do they have the Second Amendment still? Like, why are you giving these people guns? And we're in the year 3,000.

So at this point, every single gun has like a rocket launcher, laser, and like, you press it once, it shoots 60 bullets at a time. It's insane. That's the only way we can stay free from the English, Eric. That's the only way. You know what? That's, this is what they tell the people like, what do you mean you don't have, what do you mean it's fascist and this police state, this, you, you have freedom.

You have the biggest gun you want. And if you can kill our super judges, you know, you're free to go. Kudos. And also, so along with this whole like frame job or whatever, he gets like a trial, which the whole fucking system here does not make any sense. Because the rest of the society is like judge jury executioner by these judges that walk around with their huge guns and fucking uphold some semblance of law

or whatever. But if a judge is accused of breaking the law, like, he gets this fucking huge hearing. He gets due process. He's the only one. Which, I mean, hello, rioting in the street. I mean, why is that the case? It makes no, I mean, it's only to further

the story along to, like, obviously he's going to be found guilty and whatever. Yeah. But it's just, you know, for an action movie, like, I'm going in. I'm ready for Judge Dread, I guess, you know, I I don't know. I'm begrudgingly ready for Judge Tread. And I get in there.

And all of a sudden, like, everything stops for this, like, 25-minute legal drama where Diane Lane's just representing him. And she's trying to, like, they're talking about, like, video evidence and all this shit. There's DNA evidence, which I think was probably spurred upon by the O.J. Simpson trial. That's where they're... 1999. Come on. You know, people were...

It was fresh in everybody's mind. That's true. this movie was trying to say something you're exactly right but the one friend that judge dread has in in all of the high council or whatever all the grand poobas is uh played by max von sidel yeah the grand council of esoteric germanic people that's the good german or norwegian or swedish actually yeah yeah max von sidow uh celebrating his 109th birthday on the set of this movie I mean, my God, the guy worked with fucking Ingmar Bergman, and here you are, however many decades later, being like, so thus, judges, and what's happened? Oh, forget it.

I'll just say my lines. Well, you want to talk about somebody, yeah, he worked in Mar Bergman. This was like the head, if you want to talk about, like, imagine a straight line. This would be the middle, and priest would be the end of the line. 2010's priest Was he in that? He was in that And almost the same role

Like he's more evil in priest Well then it's kind of more like His minority report character Yeah yeah yeah yeah And he was also He was also in Shutter Island in 2010 It's all a big graph that goes up and down But Priest is like almost the same movie

It's a European comic book Where everybody's wearing flowing robes And everyone's very good at violence These European comic books man Yeah exactly And again police officers were replaced by people that aren't police officers

but act exactly like police officers in one it's priests and in the other one it's judges that's the fucking premise for that is like priests uphold the law and there's vampires and all sorts of wackiness so they can like get away with fucking kids well I guess they do now

yeah they get away with that now yeah sorry so judge dread is found guilty but uh von Seidau decides to like enact this rule that I guess happens and to preface this I guess they kind of have a Logan's run thing in this society it's not age 25 or whatever it is in that movie what is it 23 I think it's 25 but it's something like that but in this movie it's just whenever you think

you're you're ready for retiring well Florida is now part of cursed earth so yeah it's like you go to Florida you go to cursed earth Florida it's lovely this time of year. And essentially what that is is like they give you a fucking a book of laws, a gun and a good luck pat on the back and open the doors to this city

and then you just walk out into a desert. It's exile. Yeah. What is that book fucking worth the damn out there? That's like, I imagine they give it to you for like kindling or something. That's the first thing. It's fucking toilet paper, man. That's the only thing I would use it for. I mean, it's...

I'm sorry. I just feel like if you're going down to the cursed earth you need everything you can get so i think your toilet paper is going to be your left hand and the sand well i think it's more of a thing that like in this movie organized religion has been abolished yeah and it's like the book of laws like the bible so it's like pray to your laws in the desert or something you're supposed to like preach law and give law to the lawless which doesn't make any fucking sense because all i can tell of cursed earth is its hillbillies and cannibals I mean, I don't know what they're trying to accomplish out there then in this desert. Like, it makes no fucking sense.

And it's only for, to clarify, it's not for everybody. It's only for judges. So you fucking, you, you, it's this weird cast system? You give your judge so you have all these special rights. But at the end of it, you go out, you have the worst death imaginable. Thanks for your years of service. Now burn in the sun and be eaten by another human being. Good job.

So, so Van Seidel, at the end of the trial, Judge Dredd is found guilty of his fucking crimes. He killed this liberal muckraker and his wife. And so he's being sentenced to death. In the charge of premeditated murder, this tribunal finds Joseph Dred guilty as charged. Joseph Dredd. you're aware the law allows only one punishment for your crime death and von siredo stands up and he's like

as we all know the final wishes of a retiring judge have to be honored like what the fuck like the godfather can't resist a request on the day of his daughter's wedding or some fucking horse shit right and so he stands up and he's like it has long been our custom to carry out the last order of a retiring senior judge. And so, I stepped down.

As you know, I just saw a comet and wished upon it. My wishes must be granted. I get three wishes for catching this lepricon under a rainbow. And not to mention, I have this lamp I haven't told anyone about it. Let me just give it An old shine here Alacazam, do your worth. But yeah, so his

request is not like pardon this man, whatever. He just says, put him in prison and just don't go that hard on him. It's your final wish. It can't be turned down. He's like your pupil and whatever. Like you love him like a son,

which they get into later in the movie. So it's like, set him for, But he's still going to go to this horrible Aspen jail colony? Isn't death better than being eaten by cannibals and curse at Earth and also going down your slopes,

your Aspen ski slopes of chain whips? We're kind of making up the chain whip Aspen slope ski thing. But I feel like it's there. We don't see any skiing in this movie. But the weird part about this movie is it's not just, he's not just

trying to save Judge Dredge He's also trying to, like, clear his name because there was this shady thing called, wait for it, the Janus Project. Could you say that one more time? The Janus Project. Now saying that two times, you've said that 164th of the amount of times they say the Janus Project in this fucking movie. So it's, which was this, uh, which is spoiler to everybody. Take your headphones off. You don't want to the fucking twisted judge dread ruin and then fucking kill yourself.

but it's this idea the Jadis Project is a cloning thing that was designed to make the perfect judge and they made two judges one was Judge Dredd and the other was Armanda Sante's judge Rico who had the genetic abnormality of becoming

the world's best criminal Yeah they actually say that That's a quote Which is like they're like Okay so we had this experiment You were fine But Rico there was a mutation And the mutation was

it was the exact opposite of what we wanted to do? It's total evil twin syndrome. Yeah, yeah, no, he's definitely an evil twin. By the way, you're fucking cursed when you name it the Janus Project that you're going to get a fucking evil side to something. That's absolutely true.

That's your Roman mythology, folks. Well, let's pick a name. Call it the massive success project. Call it the success with nose strings. attached initiative told the two good guys the buddy project the nice cop program

so then it just goes into this fucking bullshit like you know that part of the the movie sort of splits in half and it's like Armanda Santi is trying to like become the kingpin of fucking mega city backed by Juergen Prock now right yeah so it's

kind of like started this like puppet regime kind of a thing. Yeah, I think it's like an attempt at a coup of the government. Right, yeah, totally. Meanwhile, Judge Dred is sent on an airplane because he's getting like shipped off to this fucking prison colony in Aspen where it's like the fate's align and Rob Schneider's like back in his life after Judge Dredd has sentenced him to another five years in prison or whatever.

For just being at the scene of a crime? Essentially. Honestly, if I was a judge in Mega City. Rob Schneider's character's like mere fucking presence, I'd be like, I judge the death sentence and just fucking murdered it. This is why no one gives you a badge. Yeah, I would throw my power around willy-nilly. Yeah, you'd use that plastic badge for evil, that's for sure. Yeah, you'd be a real re-co.

But yeah, it's got to be very easy for someone in that position to just fucking off somebody without any real consequences. Oh, yeah, there's just kind of like back alley killing left and right, I feel. Because, you know, you're just like, oh, yeah, he had a gun, I guess. Like, I'm a judge. Oh, yeah, no, it's a dirty fucking system. Damn right. So Judge Dred's like on this plane. And then all of a sudden, we kind of just get like an action scene from Conair because they're shot out of the sky by these like cannibalistic hillbillies.

Not enough Leonard Skinnered for my taste of that scene. Yeah, the soundtrack. to this movie is 100% Skinnered free and I'm not too happy about it. I would love the Con Air soundtrack to this movie. That's right and Steve Buscemi doesn't play a likable child rapist

in this movie. See look at all the things this movie's missing honestly. So these hillbillies are like, oh, it's a sign from God we're going to eat tonight. I've never seen like excited cannibals by the way. Like that's a bizarre thing. These are like jovial cannibals.

Like at the sight of a meal, they're like, thank the good lord we can eat flesh but you know what i hate about that is like i was like feeling for them i'm like oh yeah they probably had a good meal in a while yeah and then like they finally get judge dread and fergie which is the name of rap schneider yeah into into their like cave dwelling and they got a bun in the oven already there's a dude in there with like garlic cloves on his face and shit and it's like i thought these guys were going hungry like yeah it's It's just a big roasting body on a spit, which is just weird. It's like they started cooking dinner and it was like, oh, look, more dinner's coming.

Like, yeah, there's just some greedy ass candy. No, I understand you would want to wrangle in all the food you can get at that point. But like, don't, don't act like you're starving, buddy. Also, if we're going to go for cannibalistic food preparation, this is a fucking lazy, fucking job. Because you don't just get a chicken and shove it in the oven. No. You fucking, you cut the head off. Because you don't want to eat the beak

You cut off the chicken feet You do you fucking gut it You know what I mean Like this is just like I might not expect they're gonna fucking eat The fingernails on this guy And the asshole Yeah yeah

Like just The lower intestines and stuff Get a good cut of meat out of them Well I guess I guess the thing that we're supposed to take away from this Is like Not only are they like crazy Like religious fanatics They're cannibals

But they're also like inbred so like the inbred part of it is maybe they're just like well we eat whatever it don't matter none well I think the problem I'm having a hair sandwich tonight what I think is a little ridiculous is that they would even want

to immediately cook them or kill them like like you're going to eat what you got cooking right and then after you want to save some of this for a while so you should eat them in stages I feel like I would want some good free range type of meat so maybe take judge dread or fergian for a walk in a few days yeah you know

just get a friend yeah you know like just take your time you know well the problem is uh there's no refrigerate steroids come on yeah true that's tainted meat yeah you want to take a bite to the human growth form what was that that crap that he had HGH human growth hormone yeah the legendary angel family

curse her as pirates murderers scavengers and of course scumbbacks oh that'll win him over so I mean this this scene of them just

captured in this like hillbilly church or whatever just kind of goes on yeah the one guy is not Peter Boyle a little cameo from Ewan Bremner as the son there junior who's Ewan Bremner

you and Bremner you and Bremner is spud from train spotting and just kind of oh yeah okay British they're There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, it's a bit of stumble down the stairs ever since for him.

I mean, he's been in, like, some things. He's been in all the Guy Ritchie stuff, or at least some of it. Yeah, he pops up here and there, and you're just kind of like, oh, yeah, all right. Well, you could have been better. You could have had it more. But, like, do you think of this movie he was, like, on set? And he's just like, um, hello, I was a big fan of these comics growing up. And, uh, what in the bloody fuck are you doing to this title?

Like, that's, but that's what the director was saying, too. The director, I read this, this guy, Danny Cannon, it was also British, and he, like, before he, I think even before he got the job, but he was a teenager, he made, like, a poster to a Judge Dredd movie and sent it into 2000 AD, and, like, they printed it or whatever. Like, he was, like, a fan boy, and he got this job. And then, like, he just kept clashing with Stallone because Stallone wanted all these changes. Which is just, like, who are you going to believe here, Sylvester Stallone? I'm like you, who has no idea what this is. Like, don't sit there and tell me you're a Judge Dredd fan. I read that he had no idea what Judge Dred was until he's offered the part.

So here's this dude who's like, I'm so excited to be a part of this project. Like, I love this comic. Like, this is my fucking bag. And he's like, well, I don't know. I mean, I got Versace in the line and he wants to make the shoulder blitz. So what the fuck are you going to do about it, lie me? And it's just, yeah, it's, it's Sylvester Stallone. taking a shit on the glass table that is the judge dread comic right and then like the all the

english fans are underneath the glass table being like he's ruining this he's ruining this whole glass table comic franchise he's having a poo on our franchise so eventually stalone you know of course he's going to kill off all these hillbillies uh and then max von Seido burst down the door if only to continue this scene further. Yeah. And he's just there for two, like two seconds of Stallone be like, whoa, what, you're alive

in this hellhole? And then a huge fucking pirate sword comes through his chest. That's from the fucking Midnight Express is coming through. A specter locomotive from our spookacular has invaded this podcast. It's the fucking midnight

meat train. nobody knows that this uh the uh this podcast is recorded in the old west a bunch of varmits the acela just came through on its way to Boston everybody anyway we skipped over what we skipped over my favorite part which is uh cyber hillbilly for no reason uh yeah yeah he's like a bored billy he's a board billy he's like the judge dread version of griff tannin. Yes.

Like, and it's just a weird thing where the dad's like, you know, it's hard for a little kid to grow up out here in the wasteland or whatever. So he's got all these implants. It's hard. Yeah, it's hard for him to grow up out there in the wasteland. But apparently it's easy for him to rebuild his spinal cord with metal machinery and like a metal arm and like a metal head that does like mind control. Yeah. It's hard for a kid out here, but it's real easy for a human cybernetics.

Yeah. You know, I'm just tinkered in the back shed for a little bit, and I made myself a new son out of my ruin, son. And that's just what you do. We're handy people. But I don't know how to feed Macillard. It is a complicated setup that guy's got going on all over his body. But I love, like, because obviously he's just there because it looks cool or whatever,

or it supposedly looks cool. Well, because it's the future, so you have to fucking have something that looks. You can't just have a heavy go up against alone. need like a heavy plus machinery. Right, exactly. He's got to be like Uber bionic. So like when Stallone inevitably topples him, it's going to be that much

more impressive. Right, or it's going to be that much closer of a call. Because if it's just some dude, like, well, clearly Judge Dredd's going to win. Yeah, exactly. He's taken out like 47 dudes at the beginning of this movie. And the problem with this is, I mean, this is kind of the shift of the movie for Judge Dredd's

character, and I really hate to say these words, but there's this sort of like dramatic shift where he kind of he undergo, like he's hanging out with Rob Schneider so he starts getting in on the de-action on the jokes like he finds a personality like the beginning of the movie he's just like

I'll kill people and like he'll have like some puns but they're very like subdued but then this part is like hey better up you know like really shitty fucking well that's because Rob Schneider's character has an infectious personality that's what you'd call that

the fucking disease of this guy who seeps into the pores of your skin and then you start acting like Rob Schneider because that's what it is like Stallone just starts corning it up all over the place. You know it's so it becomes a lot like demolition man in terms of

of Stallone just joking around and Rob Schneider's also there to talk about three she shells here. Oh yeah I forgot Schneider's also a demolition it's like the fucking Abedon Costello of shitty sci-fi action movies and he also kind of has a priest

color in that movie, too. Sci-fi action cop movies. Yeah. It's so specific. It is so specific. Like, the only thing Judge Dredd doesn't have is, like, time-travelish capability, like, you know,

cryogenic freezing and whatnot. Essentially, it's kind of just the same movie in a way. Here's the question. Which is better? Demolition, man. Yeah, demolition is better. Yeah, I was going to air that out because I'm

sure, you know, maybe somebody cared. But, no, I mean, Because the thing, too, is you kind of have a trade up on, like, the comedian who's in your movie, too. Because Demolition Man's rocking Dennis Leary there for a little while. Yeah, yeah. King of the Rats or whatever his fucking characters in that movie. Also interesting about that is, like, how Demolition Man is like, it becomes a pussy hippie society. And in this one, it becomes, like, the fascist right-wing society.

Yeah, totally. And clearly, you're going to have more fun in the hippie society. Oh, yeah, I would love to live with a Demolition Man future. I mean, like, yeah, you're easily toppled over. but you know oh no it's totally awesome man and also like they have that great line on that movie about like taco bell is the only thing that survived the fast food wars which i always just pictured like the fucking burger king just putting a dagger and grimace's heart although if you did say fuck you'd be fine 50 critics for the verbal morality code yeah that was the big one

this podcast we'd be hung The fucking trainers They'd be gallows outside the Taco Bell Future gallows Yeah like a little laser beam gallows All right we hate movies cast You get your last meal at the Taco Bell And then it's off to the Taco Gallows for you

That's you know It's on them when I empty my bowels As I'm hung Yeah maybe that's not such a good idea Load me up with Taco Bell I win. Citizen Siska, are you sure you want 16 bean burritos? Just you wait.

I want this to happen so bad. I know it means your sentence to death, but you would show them a thing or two. I would like your last words to be welcome to the party, pal. I'll promise this to you guys and any listeners out there. If I am put on death row, my last meal, I will try to make as much Taco Bell as possible to really give it to whoever has to clean up my body. You might be the law, but you got to shovel shit. So Judge Dredd makes it back into Mega City.

And it's just him trying to clear his name against Armanda Sante. And it's like, you find out their brothers, you know, at some point. Test two baby brothers. They're from Max Fonsido's, uh, whatever stock, right? Balls. Is he, yeah, is he donating the sperm for these clones? Is that the idea? Did I make that up?

No, I think, I think it's sort of like, oh, you were like the sons to me. And it's like, I feel like it's sort of like, it's definitely possible. It's implied, yeah. By the way, because that's the only way that makes sense because, Because for no the fuck reason, both Sylvester Stallone and Italian and Armand Asante, also Italian and Irish, both have blue eyes. Yeah, it's like robotically blue, like unnatural eyes. Yeah, terrible contact lens. It doesn't make sense on a fucking olive-skinned Italian.

No, that makes any sense. So they kind of have it out. I mean, the thing about it is like once Judge Dredd gets back to me, mega city there's not a lot to take care of yeah i mean he gets back there and third act yeah no and that's what's like weird about it too is you realize what's going on you think like okay like now the movie's going to get going or whatever but like all of that shit that happens at that cannibal holocaust is like that's a gigantic portion of this movie like you don't even realize but like 40 minutes is gone by yeah yeah you're you're you're well into the last

part like eric you said something about all right 48 minutes Now, this is happening. It's like 48 minutes. Yeah, yeah. I think that's when they come to the Cannibal Ranch there. It's like 48 minutes in. We're about an hour in by the time they finally go through the fireball, Mario Pit, whatever. Yeah.

But that's, they're taking that from the fucking rock, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like, there's some sort of exhaust pipe where flames come out. And he's like, oh, well, if you look at that, the flames pop out of there every 30 seconds. So if you run right through, you can, something, something. And that's totally from the rock. How, like, Sean Conner, remember. like you know when the flames go through and the turbines are doing this fucking thing and like that's how he breaks out of the the prison and whatever else the rock came out 96 oh oh my god no i just double

no michael bay ripped off this movie in a way that's nobody's surprised yeah i think there is something very similar in super mario brother's movie that that that's the production design of this movie yeah let's get into this for a second looks uh a lot like The Mario Brothers future or alternate dimension mixed with Blade Runner, like a lot of Blade Runner rip-off. This movie wants to be fucking Blade Runner, big, big, hardcore. Do you think the director was like, I would like it to be Blade Runner? And Slo's like, Mario Brothers. Blade Runner. Mario Brothers.

And they compromise. Yeah. I love the Mario Brothers movie. I want to be in the sequel when it comes out because I saw it, and it had a sequel at the end, and I would like to play a Mario Carrick. You play a mushroom guy? Oh, the fucking Goombas?

Yeah, Sylvester still like to play a Goomba on that movie. Wait, what are you trying to say to me? Look, all I'm saying is I'm sitting in the theaters, right? And the princess storms through the front door, and I thought, wait, I think the movie's over with. And then she says, you're not going to believe this. Jump to credits. That's where I immediately started writing my own screenplay for the sequel.

I'm a writer, you know, I wrote Rocky that won an Oscar. Uh, yeah, hey, by the way, uh, Mr. Danny Cannon, one word for you. Oscar winner. How much do you think he throws that in people's face? Oh, every fucking chance he gets. Like, do you think, like, on Copland? And, like, he was like, no, lucid, Bobby, every one of those movies is just going to be fat. Because we're all just going to get a bunch of cop cuts.

And then De Niro's just like, like, I don't think that's really a good idea. It just sounds kind of stupid and unhealthy. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, one word. Oscar winner. The funny thing about Stolen and Copeland, I remember watching the old Conan O'Brien show. And really, like, was kind of talking out of school a bit about. about Deneer about Stallone? Oh, no kidding. Because, you know, I think Conan brings it up. He's like, oh, you know, what's this, you know, Stallone put on a lot of way for this movie. And, like, Leo is like, yeah, every time we went out on the town or whatever, we went out for drinks or something, anyone would come up to him. He would immediately say, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I put this way on for a movie. I put, like, he was really insecure about it. Which kind of fits with my idea of what Stallone is. That's probably true. At what point, by the way, because I'm just thinking of this, I got Stallone. on the brain lately because last night

I watched the expendables and you got Stallone. I did get Stalloned while I was watching it and I'm sitting there my whole thing about it is this like when did he get like the juice body that he's got going on right now because he's juiced in that he's juiced in that Rambo movie that came out a couple years ago.

Even worse I think that Rambo movie man he's like just he's like the Cloverfield monster in Myanmar. Well no I mean that's the thing He's probably juiced in Judge Dred. Like, that's, that's steroids. Oh, I'm sure. But this is HGH, which is so much worse for you.

And, like, rapidly, like, fucking warps your fucking jeans to where you look like what Stallone does now. I mean, he looks like he should be on the cover of a magazine I'd never think to purchase. Like, that's... Bonds? Yeah, buns. Bonds monthly. You know, like, the shitty, like, flex magazine and all that for shit. I mean, that's what his body looks like now.

And he's just got this, like, pencil-thin-goatty in the expendables. And he's 60-something. Well, that's what I think it is. And, I mean, again, it comes to the insecurity of, like, oh, my God, my body's falling apart. I better take this experimental serum. Oh, no, I missed the hide. He's the red skull. He turns into the red skull.

I mean, but there's ways to handle that shit gracefully, though. And, like, the expendables, as an example, like, look at all the older dudes in that movie. You got the fucking great Arnold cameo at the beginning of the movie. And Arnold's just kind of like letting himself get old And he's like kind of flabby a little bit But like you know He's probably exercising here and there But he's not fucking taking you know

Human Growth hormone and whatever else is going on You know whatever fucking Nicaraguan syrup That fucking Stallone found Yeah no totally He's got a fucking charter a boat to international waters Just to get his medicine You know I never understood that Why did you judge me?

Why did you judge me? You killed innocent people That means to an end You started a massacre. I caused the revolution. You betrayed the law. Law. I betrayed this.

Your counsel's experiment, which failed in you. I was your brother, your blood, your friend. Who betrayed who? When are you going to stuck me to a goddamn slave and grow up? That's your birthright. That's your family. I'm your family. I'm the only family you ever had.

So, can we just talk about our mom? Mand Asante for a few minutes and the ridiculous, no Stallone puns intended here, over the top nature of his fucking performance and just all around like behavior and, and look in this movie. Everybody's, everybody in this movie, everything in this movie is cranked up to 11 in the worst way possible. Oh yeah, it's not a good 11 by any means. No, because it's like 10 is as far as you should. go you know when you fucking put a speaker on too loud like this is just doesn't even sound like anything anymore yeah you don't even want to listen to the song that's what he is and he is the most of it like he's just he's walking around he's talking really fast and he's talking in this weird

droll that he never uses but it's like this it's like this new york thing but that doesn't make sense because it's actually it's a mega city accent so it's a rega city regional accent yeah i think i think i agree with you eric because it's like kind of like new york metro but And then, like, he kind of just, he's talking like this. He's talking really fast, well, and they'll dip into a little bit of a Russian accent. And then come out the other end of it with doing an Irish bit. And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Just slow down and think about this.

You see, guys, mega city is what we call a melting plot. And it's a little like contemporary New York City, but mega. It's a fucking melting pop that is in the process of boiling over with grime and filth and shady characters. By the way, the best thing about this movie is Amand de Sante's headquarters, is his evil headquarters. is in the Statue of Liberty. Jesus, H. Yeah. I think we kind of,

we were watching this movie as we always do just kind of half acidly. And then we found out it was in the Statue of Liberty. Because I'm sure there's a lot of dialogue explaining that somewhere. We're like, really movie.

I don't think it was. There is a line in the movie where they talk, it's like something, something. That's where they put it after they moved the Statue of Liberty. Why? Did the ocean turn to acid?

Like, why did you have to move the Statue of Liberty anywhere? It's like in the middle of like a bad neighborhood now. They put the Statue of Liberty in fucking bed stuff. And yet it's somehow lowered its property value even more. That's just a... Well, no, because you're talking about... They also talk about this movie is overpopulation. Like, oh, we have 30 million people where there should only be 10 million.

And oh, my God, that's so many. You know what we should do? Take up a city block for a... fucking statue that could that could be a great big apartment building what of your you know what but we're we gotta put Operation Janus

somewhere Janus yeah Janus needs a fucking huge headquarters and that's the statue of liberty yeah it takes a gigantic historic monument to house this clone project the problem with Armand Asante v. Sylvester Sloan in this movie is they're both like hamming it up

but like it's just these two extremes of one is Armanda He's over enunciating every single one of his words. And fucking goddamn Sloan is just loud, lousalus. It's like, what are you talking about something? I don't even want to know you anymore. You're not my brother. And so it all, I mean, it's good that we got into the headquarters of the Statue of Liberty,

because that's kind of where stuff comes to an end. And it's Armandis Santes come up with this great idea. He has very much in fucking revenge. of the Sith fashion, he has all of the judges just murdered. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Judges big and small just taking the fuck out. But that's

also Yergen Prokna. Like, Yergan Prokna thinks he's, he's his number one and what you call, Assate's number two. Is that how it's working? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He takes him out, like he... Yeah, then he assumes his position. Yeah. And I think the end game is to, like, get these clone troopers and do, like, a

Operation Valkyrie from the movie Valkyrie and take over the government by like sitting out your clone troopers to be like, hey, these are the ones you listen to now. So he's like, he's like, I don't need this, this fucking judge army. I'm going to make my own clone army.

And there, yeah, well, I'm going to like take over the city, which also like, why would you want to take over this city? Like, what do you have to gain? Yeah. It's, everyone's established that this city is terrible. What is left to stick? Like, what is

you can't even get a good meal in this town and then what's going to happen right listen okay so megacity one has fallen to this new evil ruler named Rico and I guess he has to now he would reasonably have to go to war with megacity too I would assume

and then where does Texas City fall in all this yeah I feel they should just succeed from the union right I feel like they've been itch it for it for a while for thousands of years at this point Yes Can we talk There's this weird

scene Which is hilarious Where you know So Yergen Prochnow's like So Rico gets out And he starts killing all the judges Like that's the thing It's like

You know Proctor I was like You must raise chaos So he starts raising chaos And he goes to the council Yergen Procter goes to the council He's like

Oh my God it's so bad out there Like We need to reopen the Janus Project And they're like The Janus Project I don't know That sounds like a terrible idea Okay let's

reopen the Janus Project. This is fucking long scene where everyone says Janus Project six times in a mirror and the Janus Project is reopened and then the second it happens they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is so bad that you can't reopen the Janus Project and then he murders everybody. It just

makes no sense because also like just by opening the Janus Project, like what does that mean? You're opening the Janus Project, nothing happens. They're like, okay, the project's open. But that requires like Joan Chen to start making all these clones again like she's this fucking top secret

scientist and this that and the other thing it doesn't really matter yeah no but it's like what what instant effect did any of that have it's it's one of those like we all have to turn our keys at the same time kind of bullshit yeah and the second they do it yeah you're right it's all like wait what have we done we haven't done anything

you signed off to reopen this project but it's not like you launched some fucking nerve gas all over this city yeah it's not like you sent a nuke to Moscow or anything yeah exactly you just kind of made a decision to start up a research project again. No.

Wait, wait. We're fund a government grant. No. Pork belly spending's going to eat us alive. Yeah. So the Janus project unfortunately is reopened and he's building these clones

and they kind of start rising out from their clone cribs but not really. They don't really get that far. Well, yeah, he, RICO tries to unleash them pre like Stallonation or whatever Like they're supposed to look like him

Like Amandesante or Stallone or whatever It's that DNA But then they just turn out to be like These nasty monsters They sort of look like One of the villains in the Beastmaster movies They're these mouthless white things That just don't make any fucking sense

Which also like I know you're brewing these things from a Petrie tradition, whatever, but like, if you're making a human being clone, like, it's not ever like all white with purple veins and like amber eyeballs. Like, that's not going on. No, and it doesn't make sense, like, these creatures wouldn't exist without flesh. Like, that's just, you know, they're not able to walk around. I know that they're not done yet.

And we say that in the movie, but they can't just be like, oh, well, fuck it. We're just not going to not have flesh right now. And they instantly know to, like, kill Stallone or try to. And all they do is just sort of grab at things and fall over, you know. They're a bunch of goddamn big old babies. Big whiff in the fucking bad guy department. Armanda Sante really screws the pooch on this. Like, he cocks up this deal big time.

Too busy making fucking speeches. If he left those goddamn things in there long enough, maybe, I mean, he might not live to see it, but maybe, you know, Stallone would get his comeuppets. Yeah, no. Judge Dred might get his comeuppance. Absolutely. You never know. But that it just is the, you know, it's pointing towards the bigger issue of like Armanda Sante doesn't really have an end game. Like no one in this movie has an end game. But like his end game of like, oh, I'm going to take over Mega City. So what? Yeah. There's no money involved, which is, I mean, like there's no like money McGuffin. Usually it's like a big briefcase full of something. You know, he doesn't have. that so it's just sort of like this power power but it's just in the most abstract sense now joseph dread i hear by judge you to the charge of betraying the flesh guilty the charge of being human when we could have been gods guilty the sentence is death corpse adjourned

So, yeah, so Armand Asante is killed. He's got a big old. I'm going to fall out of the building thing. Again, kind of just like die hard. I'm going to fall off the roof. Not the roof. I guess the face of the Statue of Liberty. It's sort of like, what's that Hitchcock flick that does that?

Saboteur. Saboteur. Yeah, they took a page on a Saboteur's book. And what about Mario? brothers. Why are you talking about that fairy movie and not the Mario Brothers movie, which I loved?

Can we talk about the shitty decision Judge Dred makes at the end of this movie? Oh, God. Because this is just, again, it's like no one wants to pick up the ball and run with it with this fucking town. So Armand Asante's defeated the Janus Project

is no more. Diane Lane blows away Joan Chen. Totally fucking shoots the shit out of her. Max von Seido's dead. The entire justice system essentially the entire government of Mega City is gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine fucking like the

Supreme Court, Congress, the Senate, you know, all White House officials, you know, the FBI, the CIA, everything is just fucking gone. Yeah, and there's nothing left. And the line of succession falls to you as part of the judicial branch. Right.

And so Judge Dredd walks out of the building and he's like, But the Statue of Liberty. Yeah, like the base of it or however it's structured. And he walks out. He walks out of his French broad. And he's like, well, that was fun. Who's for Chinese?

And someone comes up to him and they're like, oh, Judge Dredd, we realized you didn't murder those people. That's great. Hey, listen, our entire country's infrastructure is in shambles. And we have selected you as the fucking. messiah of it all to rise up and lead us to greatness and this that and the other thing and he's just like yeah I'm just a street cop

don't look at me and like gets on his motor cycle and drives away nobody's like oh I got work to do no you don't there's no government anymore who's telling no one's signing paychecks like what are you going to do and what is he acting like a big man for putting on his helmet going to drive

away and do the sense of do my job like go fucking take a nap you just had a fucking weak man Yeah, yeah. God. Oh, yeah. That takes me back. So, Eric, you're a big. I think that, am I the only one on this show that's not a fan of that Carl Urban movie? Are you? Oh, my God. I just want to shoot you out of a cannon right now.

I'm kind of with you. What is? Good. Good. I think it's fine. I think it's just fine. 50-50 on We Hate Movies. I think that movie's awesome. I don't hate it. I had a fine time watching it, but, like, it's not something I ever need or want to watch it. Well, no, I hate you. you. Thank you. Thank you for that, Eric. You know, I understand that the structure of that movie is similar to this other movie.

The raid. Yeah. Honestly, dread's better. I think dread is better than the raid. Yeah, that's wrong. Yeah, yeah. I think the rate is much better. See, the raid is like, you're at a party and some dude is like trying to be the life of the party. And he's done coke beforehand. He's telling you this awesome story, bro. And it just won't have that he punched 50 guys. that is not that's not a movie guys that's just that's like a I think that's a movie

and I don't think it's all Browie I feel like Dred is kind of this weird nether space which is not a bad place to be like it's almost a fan film you know what I mean where it's like we're taking an established property we're assuming you know what it is

and we're just kind of putting it in a different context you know what I mean and like trying to give it a story engine that sort of works it's not literally an origin story I appreciate all that. I just think it's kind of bullshit. I don't know why. It just... The the story didn't really grab me. I'll be honest. Like, the action in Carl Urban...

Carl Orban is great. I will say that. I thought Carl Orban is... You think it should have been more grounded in like real drugs or something? Yes. Much more. I don't understand. PCP. Yeah, that's what you have to get is PCP. But then would you have liked the movie more if it had been more relatable?

No. By the way, slow-mo is a dumb concept. Why would anyone... But it wasn't the Oh, you mean the actual drug slow-mo? As a drug. As a, like, oh, man, like, here's what I want to do when I do drugs. I want to fucking go faster. Or I want, like, just not.

I don't want everything. Oh, man, like, my life is, I need to fucking take the edge off. Let me make this day 12 times long. You know what? Oh, I don't know. See, that's the difference. You guys are big Coke guys. Yeah.

You guys want to watch the raid. I want to do a little slow-mo, right? Exactly, dude. Relax. I also appreciate an inhaler. like intake system for drugs that's pretty great I will say this too I saw this in the theaters

the new one the 3D with the slow mo was awesome it's one of the first times I was like 3D worked to the benefit of this movie like I rewatched it on Netflix and I was like thinking about watching it in 3D like oh it's actually much better in 3D but so there's Judge Dread everybody so

and a pseudo on screen for dread so there you go a little bonus feature. Yeah, a little, see, even though we're on vacation, we're still just working overtime. And we're at each other's throat. Yeah. Well, we rented that two-bedroom bungalow for the summer, so, you know, we're just, we're rooming with everybody anyways.

And we had that rassling room built. I'll see you in the rassling room. All right, so Clue for next week's rerun episode. Rob Schneider. Sweet Robbie Schneider. You like it a juice. Sweet Robbie Schneider is back again. So until next rerun, I'm Andrew Jupe and Chris Gabby.

Here it says good. Steve and say that. Enjoy the summer.