We Hate Movies - S6 Ep220: Killer Workout

Episode Date: October 13, 2015

On this week's episode, our Halloween Spooktacular turn steps, hop turns and high kicks into week two with the totally sleazy Killer Workout! Are there secret deleted porn scenes from this film? How did Rhonda's Workout not get shut down by the police? And why was there never a Chuck Dawson prequel film franchise? PLUS: It's a sheets-up kind of aerobics studio! Killer Workout stars Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews, Teresa Van der Woude and Ted Prior; directed by David A. Prior. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Jupin. Eric Siska. Steven Zaynay. And we hate working out. Don't you know it? We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare.

Sometimes. That is better. Zombies are in the building. They're at the door. They're coming in. It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicter Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara. He's sick for fucks. He's seen one too many movies.

Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies? Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos. More creative! Put the fucking ocean in the bad. It was an excellent day. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network. Thank you for tuning into what is the second week of our annual Halloween spooktacular. This week we're tackling a movie with two titles. At least. At least. That we know of. It's 1987's killer workout or 1987's aerobicide, both versions directed by the late great David A. Pryor. It's kind of like a Iraqi and Bullwinkle cartoon.

And here's something we think we'll really like. Just like, what a pussy way to advertise another cartoon, Rocky. Yeah, you know what, Rocky, you got it fucking wrong. I don't like any of this. Yeah, I never like fucking. Yeah, just choose something. Just say this is what it is. Why do we need the alternate titles?

And, you know, we're not going to get into the production history of Killer Workout. That's the one we're going with, by the way. We're going with Killer Workout. It's a better title. It is. Killer Workout's a thing. Arobicide isn't. Arobicide sounds like something you spray on the floor to kill bugs.

Stupid. I think that it's always weird when that happens. It just shows that you're in trouble. When half the population is calling your movie one thing and the other half is calling it something else. Because what are you going to do with the fan conventions? Do you have two booths? I don't know. That'll kill your overhead.

We've got to rent two booths now. Two booths for killer workout. Don't you mean two booths for aerobicide? Well, no, does this, well, actually, it doesn't, I was going to say. Because this is like the direct to video market and all that. But I was just thinking about like how Roger Corman would retitle all of his movies to, like, if a certain title didn't perform so well in one area where they're shipping all these reels, then they'd change it for the Midwest or whatever. Yeah. Choppingwall did that.

And that's where it found its audience was it was something else. We see our chopping mall episode. We talk about it. But yeah, it was something else. And then, like, Chopping Mall is a superior title. And they went with that. Yeah, Chopping Mall is the one you want. This is, and this is kind of a spiritual cousin to Chopping Mall, in my opinion.

It really is. It's just, it's your late 80s. Schlockfest. Schlockfest. It's your, your whodunit murder mystery, which is rotten in the slasher genre. Like, April Fool's Day. I mean, all of those, dude. Final exam, graduation day.

Prom night, probably. Prom night. Yeah, it's kind of like a whodunit, but there's more of a lore around it. Prouler, for sure. Oh, the Prouler, great movie, by the way. That's a good one. That's a fucking total recommend. But yeah, yeah, this sort of like, you know, you're here because you want to see TNA, you want to see people doing drugs, you want to see murders.

Sure. But we're going to Agatha Christie the shit out of this. And nobody's doing that. I'm not at Blockbuster. picking up a robicide or picking up killer workout if I live in Illinois you know what I mean? Like I'm not doing it because I want a good old

fashion murder mystery. Who done it? Just get to killin. Yes. Get to fucking and get to killing. You know, hopefully in that order. But it's also one of those like zeitgeisty like you know what the kids are doing these days?

They're getting out there and they're going to, they're packing into these gyms and they're just going nuts about it. They're going to aerobicide themselves. This is what they're going to do. Yeah, I guess so. I guess that, well, you know, that's not a problem today, is it? No, not at all. Mother, whatever happened to medicine balls.

I'll tell you what, man. This, uh, old bummer White House really wants us to let's move thatgov. We're, we're doing, this is a Halloween themed, you know, month. Yeah. What is scarier than the, the white house right now. So this movie, Steve, if you had to boil it down. to its real aerobic essence. What are we talking?

Aside from the first scene, which is totally baffling, and kind of makes sense at the end of the movie, it's in and around a gym called Rhonda's workout. Rhonda's workout, man. Which is both for both,

you know, both of her meatheads and for people who like the aerobics, and everyone gets murdered. Like literally, day in, day out, you're pumping weights and someone's getting butchered at this place. And you're coming back tomorrow for your, for, for, for leg day, I guess.

Let's address this right up top. How is this place not out of a business immediately slash, you know, by mandate of the police department closed until further notice? Like this movie gets to a point where in one scene, two people get murdered in a locker room. And in the other scene, like going on. And at the same time, there's just an aerobics class happening. Yes. Shut it the fuck down. That would stop the murders pretty easily.

Yeah, if you just board it up Rhonda's workout, like, bye-bye murders. And it's not a summer camp. It's not like, well, the parents have to get here sometime. It's a fucking business. Yeah, it's just a small business. Put it out of business. And this is a gross gym, man. It's disgusting.

Nasty. A lot of wood paneling all over it, including in the locker room. And you know that shit's rotten away. A ton of carpeting which you don't want it to gym Because that's where sweat goes and lives and stinks It's disgusting You know Rhonda's workout smells like shit Yes, it does

Just everywhere It smells like balls mostly Like it's that pervading ball smell you get It's like sweat condensed And then like reintroduced in the atmosphere Maybe a little, it's like a burning ozone odor It's like working out in a your own like gym's sized dutch of it.

Oh, yeah, dude. It's just disgusting. Yeah, it's a sheets up aerobic studio. So the first scene is, it's like, first of all, the soundtrack is fucking killer to this movie. I look at the dark guy high in my face. I feel the spark I chase. There's no turning back. I know because I have.

The hunger I feel It just won't be denied This is This is the reason to watch this movie Or you like butts Or you like a lot of butts And some T's It's butt heavy man

It's T&A all over like ugly looking beefcakes too there is some like this is what I don't understand like the women in this movie you're very attractive women all over the place doing the aerobics and the beef cakes are just some of the ugliest guys you'll ever see

the side of New Jersey well what of the the lead beefcake who is I think Jimmy who winds up being a red herring contributed not only did the stunts in this movie but also contributed to the props in the first scene he built this tanning bed apparently.

Whoa, whoa. Where did you read this? On the IMDB, I believe. Really? They just detailed that whole thing? Yes. How long are to take them? I don't know.

It's a nice looking tanning bed. It does, but it does look like, yeah, that's not real. It looks like Spock's coffin a bit. It does look like Spock's coffin, which is just a photon torpedo bed, by the way. That's the way I want to go. Dude, I want to be shot out of the Enterprise.

Are you kidding? It would be pretty great. It would be pretty great. So the first scene is like awesome song cut to a woman coming back from like an audition or something. She's got a message on her answering machine because it's 1987 saying, oh my God, you got the part. Congratulations. It's exciting. No, no, no. It's even bigger than that, dude. She is being flown to Paris the next morning because she's like out of photo shoot.

Oh, that's right. She's going to be on the cover of Vogue magazine. Wow, that's pretty big. It's a big deal, dude. I've heard of that magazine. And so it's like her agent or whatever. And it's like, Bubba, make sure you get in the tanning bed. I told him you had a tan.

And she goes, and I mean, like, here's the thing. It malfunctions and burns are alive. Is that because this guy made it? Oh, man, is this just a snuff film stuck at the beginning of it? Steve, did this woman really burn? I don't know. Well, no, she lives on to murder people later in the film. Is this a documentary?

It might be a documentary. you better. It's a companion piece to pumping iron with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Man, Arnold is number one in that flick. You know what? I think Pumping Iron does have a sequel. I don't remember the name of it, but I'm pretty sure there's

a sequel to Pumping Iron. Not sure if Arnold is involved. Oh, really? So why would anyone care? Is it called Running Laps? So she goes into she's like, oh my God, I got to do this thing. She goes inside of a tanning booth and

I mean yeah this thing looks like shit and I mean to be honest you if you're tanning in the 1980s and a rickety old it's like called second son is this place yep you're taking your life in your own hands and it's your own fault if you burned to death oh the second I saw that sign I was like is this thing coin

operated and yeah it just malfunctions and she cooks up it's not like I still know what you did last summer where they jam the thing and she can't get out. This is just this woman chooses to fry.

I was like, open it up. It's not locked at all. I had to rewatch the scene. I was like, when did the killer lock the... Oh. You know, actually... You know, rule of thumb, if you're in trouble, thrash your limbs around as violent ways you can. That'll... Jim, you don't open.

I mean, I guess the thing is also like, it's so hot, you can't really get some leverage on there. Let me tell you something. Or those tannin bids don't heat up on you in the 1980s. Oh, you don't want to hot to the touch they are. Didn't have any of those energy star efficient tanning beds. No UV lights. We used hot lamps.

Two hot lamps. Energy star is more like death star. She kids, I'm hip. Yeah, return a Jedi out a few years ago. About five years ago. So, yeah, this chick cooks up. And then it's like

cut to Ronda's workout. And cut to, I mean, we are talking. the unsung heroes of this movie are all these women and men extras doing these aerobics classes because it's the same group of people and they just shift them around like little chess pieces

and it's just like you're doing aerobics and we're cut into aerobics whenever this movie's got nothing to do at least 25% of this movie is women doing aerobics oh yeah and let me tell you something it's pervy it's straight up pervy

it's so pervy that let me tell you this you know safe to say I don't know much about aerobics. I don't know much about jazz or size. None of it, right? Seems to me that a lot of the moves that these babes are doing in this, a lot of like

fucking the floor stuff, might not exactly be legit aerobics moves. Yeah, I'm not sure. We would have to get an aerobics expert in here to really kind of justify. So that means you've got to travel back quite a ways in time to find yourself an aerobics expert. They've all retired.

We're all on yoga now and we're a better country for it. But fucking the floor. Is that Tybo or what? It's got to be something, right? There's got to be a name for this. Crab McCroach. I do want to say that this episode

Unretire's side under order of sleaze because this is a sleazy fucking movie. Oh, I took two showers after this. I really did. I'll tell you what, if you want a classy movie with women doing aerobics, Todd Haynes is safe For some reason

I was thinking of that movie While watching this movie You're totally right Julianne Moore is doing a lot of aerobics in that movie Great movie If you haven't seen it seeking out That's a mandatory viewing And I'm gonna get this out of the way

Because again I think the murder mystery Is the worst part of all these movies It's Rhonda It's always been Rhonda Rhonda was in the first scene She's the one that gets cooked up Apparently Is she?

Yes Yeah What's this valor See, here's a thing. I watched this movie twice. I couldn't make hide nor hair of it. And then I read online and like, it was IMDB. And I told this to Andrew and he said that it was contributed by Anonymous.

So who knows? Uh-huh. They said her sister Valerie got cooked up. And then I guess it's, but she's cooked up in the end. It's worse shit. I think that is like, oh, I want to throw people off trail because the minute i'm a i'm a i'm a i'm a i'm trying to keep the mystery alive on i mdb so i'm going to throw people off the trip the last thing we want to do here at i mdb is spoil the twist

ending of a 20 year old slasher movie almost 30 year old slasher movie this movie's just so like convoluted and fucked up that like listen if we're not getting it right you don't you know don't have to send it to the complaint department there's one dude in the basement with his huge killer workout chest tattoo he's like all right fine closed gmail draft no he's sending it

I know you but it's Rhonda the whole time she goes by the name Rhonda I think her old she changed her name from Valerie to Ronda to sort of throw everybody off the trail and all that stuff and get the paparato away from her but like apparently like she's

really horrifically burned over most of her body she looks like two people yes She looks like Darth Vader at the end of Jedi. Yep. But there's one part where she flashes one of these ugly ass beef cakes. And when she does that, when she shows her chest, she looks like Kevin Spacey and pay it forward. My God, you know.

Looking like two cinema legends. At one point she's got peanut butter all over her body. I'll be honest with you. Dude of a dog just came up and sort of licking her. I was just going to say that when you said Darth, he just looks like two people, Darth Vader. And then you were like, it's like, is he going to say Kevin Spacey and they thought that coming, huh? I did.

I couldn't believe it. But she's the one doing all the killing. And in the beginning, she's the one running this aerobics class. And it's so hilarious because it's one of those things where it's a bad movie. So like the whole time, if you watch this movie enough, you'll see like, well, she's not burned under there. Well, she's not burned under there. There's one shot like of her in a pool and you can see her whole body. And it's like, well, she's not burned.

And also, during that tanning bed debacle at the beginning of this... Blunder right there. You know, she's definitely lying face down on this tanning bed. How does she have a totally perfect face? Yes, it's true. Why did the burns just stop, you know, neck down? Yes. And hands are fine, too.

The hands would go up. Yeah. This movie is garbage. The funny thing is... This is like barely a movie. We haven't done a movie that's barely a movie. in a while. It's kind of pornography. I'll be quite honest. You're sure. This is

a case where we could go level 10 porno at any second. You can measure this movie in strokes per minute. That's when you know you're in trouble. Yes. I guess the reason she got the month, the way she could open run this workout is like whatever huge settlement she got from this tanning

bed company. Oh yes. Second son? They're finished. Yes. How is there not? I'm sorry. But at Second Son, how is there not some sort of supervisor? No, not at all, man. There's just nobody, like, was she just there alone? Did Rhonda or Valerie used to work at Second Sun? Oh, yeah, she's going in after hour.

Look, buddy system, don't tan alone. No, you can't. You'll get Ronded. And don't fall asleep in there. You'll wake up dead. Are you'll wake up like Kramer? Whatever happened to the beach. Just go outside.

This movie, you know, it's got some messages. and one of them is whatever happened to the beach. Yeah, exactly. I think that with most movies I'm watching. I don't care what it is. You watch Forest Gump, like, whatever happened to the beach. Do, Forrest Gump, brain scan, what? I'm like, whatever happened to the beach.

Just go to the beach. Yeah. Come on, Forrest. You're watching the white ribbon. Whatever happened to the beach. Yep. I would love to see a part of the white ribbon where they're go to a gloomy northern German beach.

Just take a few days off from that weird town. Please. Yeah. So her ditsy friend shows up who's like super flaking and she almost fires her in her sweet office with an awesome L.A. gear poster the whole time. Oh, absolutely. That draws the eye. Let me tell you. Yeah, it really does.

Yeah, you know what? Almost to a fault, though, because all of a sudden I'm not paying attention to this great. seen between Ronda and whoever, Jamie or whatever. Yeah, the good name is Jamie. I'm just looking at L.A. Gear and being like, remember that time L.A. Gear was a thing? Ah, the 80s. By the way, you could probably find a lot of good commercials

and stuff on YouTube about L.A. gear, and it would be better than this movie. If you cut them all together and made an 80-minute L.A. Gear promo real, better than killer work out. Maybe that'll be at the Halloween, It's pretty spooky. It is a specter of the past. Can we talk about the two beef cakes?

Two of the main beefcakes is the third one is about to come in. These fucking ugly ass beefcakes. They're both like Italian dudes and one wears a red tank top and one wears a black tank top. And I could not tell you which is which at all. I'm telling you, there's a scene in this movie. I was like, are those twins? Or like, is he supposed to be the same person? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was, yeah, that's the scary part. Well, the one guy who's dressed in black is Jimmy. Yes. And Jimmy is, like, the main red herring throughout this movie. But also, a pretty accomplished murderer in his own right. Oh, absolutely. Oh, he gets there. Everybody, here's the thing about killer workout.

Everybody's escalated. Everybody achieves more than what they started out with. He's definitely killing people, right? Yeah, he is. A couple people, not everybody. Jimmy kills one person in this movie Is he in cahoots? No, no, no.

Here's the thing. Fuling banjos. Turns out he's in love with Ronda, Kevin Spacey's scarring or no. So he says he knows Ronda's doing the killing. He doesn't want Ronda to go to jail. So he kills this other dude later in the movie

to get the detective to come on him to arrest him for all the other murders. That's how much he loves Ronda. The power of love, dude. Whatever happened to the beach. Exactly That makes nose That's a stupid idea

What a jerk The guy in the red tank tops In love with Jamie But he kind of doesn't do anything But gets murdered later on He gets murdered later on That's correct So the first murder in Ronda's workout

Is this one lady who's taking a shower And thanks a lot in 1980s The only black woman in the film Is the first one immediately slaughtered Yep. Oh. Yeah. Does she even have a line? No.

Well, I think she's like, I'm taking a shower now. Okay, yeah, there you go. Whatever happened to the beach. Oh, no. I think that's her only line is when she's closing the shower doors. She says, whatever happened to the beach. And then this is an excuse for a lot of TNA. Oh, man.

But, you know, also, why are you should not take a sensual shower at a grody-ass gym, man? That's a quick, in and out. I'll take a real one when I go. Don't tell me what to do. It's disgusting. No one strokes their. neck when they take a juke shower you know what's sexy meningitis isn't that that's what those college kids get right all men meningitis all over the campus where flip flops if you're sharing

a shower i'm sorry you're not at a golds you're not at a planet fitness you're at fucking ronda's workout off a highway 47 i guarantee you it's disgusting yeah fungus among us everybody Exactly. That's a quick get everything wet and get out shower. Oh, yeah, exactly. I don't want to stink on the bus shower. That's that shower. And you know, Rhonda's workout definitely has a problem with hard water. Just putting it out there.

There's buildup. And she gets killed ritualistically with the main weapon of this movie, which makes no sense and is never explained, which is an oversized Gallagher-esque fucking safety pin. Here's my theory about this. one point somewhere somebody came into ronda's workout and in their gym bag was their costume for their fetish of being an adult baby oh i see and they left it there one day at ronda's workout ronda as we have spoiled from the beginning is the killer finds the adult baby paraphernalia

and it's a big old swadlin diaper thing with this huge adult baby size safety pin and she goes well this could be used to murder people and she does and she gets stabbed like a couple times This is a pretty good death, actually. It's not bad. It's got a good blood spurt. She's just hold on to her neck. It's clearly like, you know. She gets the neck shot and the blood spurts,

and the blood goes all over the tease, and you got yourself a movie. Now we're cooking. Now here's the thing, though, Martin Cinemax would have been all over this day. Guaranteed if Martin Cinemax had his network when this movie came out. Hey, I'm not going to put that on.

I don't want to go to prison. The Cineineinex is a classy establishment. Now, here's what I don't need, though, is cut to this chick getting wrapped up in the body bag and it's just dead nudity. Yeah. No thanks. No thanks with the dead nudity. No. What are you fucking talking about you?

Enter Detective Morgan, who looks like the RA from Saved by the Bell to college years. He's still an ex-football player of some kind. He is Bob Golick. Yes. ESPN's Mike Golick's brother. And if you don't know who any of those people are, just think of the last thing you scraped off your shoe. That's kind of what his face looks like.

This guy, you know what he also looks like is ex-possibly dead professional wrestler, Kurt Henning. Yes, yeah. He kind of looks like Kurt Henning a little bit. I think Kurt Heading is Mr. Perfect, right? He was Mr. Perfect, right? Yeah, I think he's... Who cares?

He looks like he could also be some sort of possibly dead professional wrestler. He's a big beefy dude, and he's like, on the trail of nothing. He lets so much chaos go on in this 10 by 10 workout arena. This guy's the biggest moron in the world. It's insane. And somehow, his mere presence

in this aerobics studio makes Ronda's workout smell even worse. Yes. You just look at this guy and you're like, those clothes aren't clean. You slept in a fucking bathtub full of whiskey with those that suit jacket on his first clue is a knitting needle he finds covered in blood in the locker and he's like oh what's this what's this about so he goes and he interviews ronda and jamie

they're like oh that's um some like bookworm i guess that hangs around the gym this woman kimmy or something like that and she becomes the main suspect because as as as uh whatever not ronda the other one jamie jamie's like yeah i don't know haven't heard much about her She's not that social. It's just like... This woman wants to come in, exercise, and not be your fucking best friend. And all of a sudden, you're like, yeah, she's a murder.

What a weirdo. She's like, oh, well, we see her at the gym, at the bars sometimes. She's always by herself. She always wants to fit in. What a deranged loner. Diane Matthews, by the way. Oh, nice.

And, you know, honestly, I worked at a gym for a long time. That's a spit-take line. but it's true but you worked at a gym it doesn't mean you part took I did out I did indeed it was a gold's gym first

which is a big like heavy meat head gym and those guys all are hanging out all the time we're talking about the gym we're going to the gym it's a culture and I think that's what Ronda's is

we're all it's a community Rhonda has successfully built a scuzzy community filled of ugly men and aerobic addicted women. Like, that's what we're dealing with. Steve, let me ask you a question. Now, your time at the gym.

Did at any moment it feel like it could tip over into a collegial ask orgy? Because this gym, they're primed. They're ready to go. They're ready to any second. Someone just has to make one false move and everybody's fucking and sucking. So you haven't answered the question.

Yes. Well, because I interrupted to make my dumb joke. No, I know, but we're those guys about to screw? No, I don't think so. You said you walked in on stuff. Well, yeah, you're going to walk in on some stuff. Tell us about this. Well, we had a sauna, and I would close up on Saturday nights.

And a couple of times, you know, you'd go in and be like, last call. And people like, don't come in yet. You're like, okay. And then, like, you know, one guy would leave. And then maybe eight minutes later, another guy would leave. And you're like, well, sure, why not? I'm not responsible for cleaning the sauna. So good night.

and it's just cooking in there geez so this detective yeah I mean whatever then the next she has a silent partner who you never see

it's just this boss man who authorizes my favorite character of the movie oh yeah Chuck Dawson Chuck Dawson private eye

Chuck Dawson's secret private yes who goes undercover at this gym the first thing you see is him like looking at files

and Rhonda's like who the fuck are you? He's like Chuck Dawson, your secret, your, uh, your, uh, silent partner sent me here. Yeah, let's start today. He's got a big blonde mullet, uh, jacked. Um,

he's wearing a blue tank top for the the same blue tank. He's kind of dressed like he's got one outfit like Bart Simpson. It's just like one, one blue Nike tank top and like red short shorts. He's all American. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, this guy, he's a red blood in America. This is apple pie on a

plate. Which starts my favorite sequence So Rhonda's like, who are you? He's like, yeah, you know, your partner needs me here. He thinks he needs a little more help. In actuality, he's a secret private eye. It's like, well, you can start by taking out the trash. So he does.

He throws her out? He's taking out the trash. Jimmy, black shirt beefcake, shows up in his transam. Oh man, this is a cool car. It's bitching. He's like, Hey man, what are you doing here? And he's like, I work here now.

And he's like, you better to leave Rhonda to me. And he's like, who wants to know? And then he, Jimmy throws a punch to which Chuck Dawson says, big mistake. And this is the first of many karate sequences in this movie. This horror movie. These guys are black belts. They're disgusting blackbouts. Actually, Chuck Dawson, handsome dude.

Yeah. I think he's the only handsome beefcake in the movie. movie. Jimmy on the other hand. Just, uh-go fighting. Straight out of a bum fight video, this Jimmy.

And it goes on for minutes. Oh my God. They are beating the shit out of each other. And then this babe walks out because she's done with her aerobics for the daddy. And she's just standing there like, hmm, good view him. And just watches this fucking slug fest go down.

This is probably the best scene in the movie. Yeah. The altercation happens. And then like Jimmy gets beaten. And then he's like, all right, I'm going to get in my car and drive away. I guess Chess Day will have to wait. I'm going to drive away now. Now, this was my question about Jimmy, though.

Is he also employed by the gym or no? He's just a gym rat? I think he might be just a gym rat. Oh, wow. I've never seen his W-2, so I can't be too short. He might be just a preferred customer. Yeah. He's a black card member of Rhonda's workout.

Now, let me ask you guys this. We skipped over, but it's a really dumb gag that makes no sense. and I want to try to get some clarification. And because we mentioned that Steve used to work at a gym, maybe this happened to him before. Sure. So the scene in where, right after that first woman is murdered in the shower, when, what's her name, Tammy, Kimmy, no.

Jamie. Jamie, thank you. A lot of names in this movie ending with M-Y or L-Y. So Jamie discovers this woman, right? But as she's doing the discovering, it's like she's cleaning up the locker room. She opens a locker and like a dummy arm falls out. like a gag. And then the body falls out like the next locker over. But I want

to ask about this dummy arm. Steve, did you ever find any prop comedy in the locker rooms of these gyms? I think if I worked in the city, I certainly would have. But I was in Westchester. It's a little, you know, a little more buttoned up up there. It's like, what is the fucking point of this in this movie?

Just a plastic Halloween gag. It would be great if, you know, the whole movies, this is when Carrots Top started working out. He started at Rondas. They just It's all a bunch of beefcakes and then squirly little carrot tops starting up. There is to mention a rather obese gentleman on a like a bike. Oh my God, cardio bike.

Hilarious. He's wearing coveralls. Yeah, coveralls that actually do cover all. Thank God. But it's important to mention for later in the movie. But there's an obese man on a stationary bike. Anyway. So after beating the crap out of Jimmy, Jimmy drives away.

Chuck Dawson's like, hey, baby, how's it going? She's like, want to go for a ride? And he goes, yeah, the best offer I had all day. And I'm like, is this pornography? Yeah, I mean, because this is where we're going to go back to this babe's house. And we're to see what's going to happen. Exactly. But my question instead was, aren't you on the clock?

Like, and now I get it. You're Chuck Dawson's secret PI. But don't blow the cover and get fucking fired by just ditching out on work, dude. You are an employee of Rhonda's workout. get back in there and see what else needs doing ronda's workout is hemorrhaging money it's a sinking ship i think but also by the way secret private partner the mafia you know what yeah definitely ronda's workout more like ronda's money pit yeah i you know we could use i could use some mafia coming in here snacking some people around and then also getting killed by ronda yeah and having sex and smacking people people around. So Chuck Dawson goes to this lady's house and he's like, so what's up with this Jimmy's guy?

And she's like, oh, he's really weird. He, uh, you know, he likes to tie women up and do really weird things to them, to which Chuck Dawson says, do you have his address? I just wanted to come over and trade some notes. I understand. Switch some trade secrets. I promise. Tie them up.

Is that right? I promise I'm not a secret private eye. What then? And it's amazing because she's just like, okay, like they're in the middle of this woman's backyard. And she's like, let me go see if I can find his address. And she leaves. Chuck Dawson just, I didn't even see it before.

All of a sudden, there's a huge red phone. And he just picks up the phone connected to nothing. No, it's a phone with a cord attached to it. Like just a regular old phone. like a rotary phone and he's like hello secret boss and I'm like

where did this phone come from and he has this like fake conversation like yeah uh huh I'll take care of it nope I did that already bye oh yeah it's like and now I'd like to think that I've mastered the fake phone call

in my years of pretending to be on the phone to avoid talking to people this is a this is a Bush League fake phone call I saw right through that Chuck Dawson you gotta fucking harness that skill man wait so is he just bad acting or is it a fake phone call?

Why would he make a fake phone call with no one around? Maybe he's the killer. I don't know. Hello, Mr. President. Yeah, it's your best friend, Chuck Dawson. Sometimes people like to have fun. So then this babe comes out with like this torn piece of note paper and she's like, here's Jimmy's address.

Speaking of kink, let's get down to fucking. And she, because she's in her aerobics workout. Sure. which they all look like the bathing suit that Sasha Baron Cohen wears in Borat These are these aerobics outfits Just like a neon yellow piece of string Oh yeah, it's intense

But so she trades that out to come out in a bathrobe And drops that off and she's in a bathing suit And Chuck Dawson's like All right, well I can stop being undercover Chuck Dawson for a few minutes I'll go from a PI to a dick real quickly As Borat used to say very nice.

Oh, man. You know what? I was, I was nervous. He said, he said, Borat, and I was like, oh, fuck, here it comes. I didn't say the voice. Yeah, actually, I think that's,

you know what? Eric is just, you know, like we've said on this show before, sighting sources. Exactly. Being thorough. Okay. We're not doing the voice.

Going through it, site, encyclopedia. You know what? If we get canceled this week, it's going to be your fault. Man, that Borat impression did him in. dude that'll torpedo any conversation

you'll have a conversation where you respect someone right and then like you know you're having a drink you're talking about blah blah blah and then all of a sudden like you know the football team scores and then the boarad impression comes out right and you're like oh i don't like this guy anymore but what if you just turned to you and said very nice borat right oh like yeah a very stoic yeah yeah i'm trying to i'm reinventing it Oh, okay. Put a new spoke on that wheel, huh?

So Chuck Dawson fucks this woman, and you don't see any of it. But I have a feeling they filmed an actual sex scene in case it was a porno. Yeah, I think it's a thing where it's like, we can't break into the regular mom-and-pop video operation market. Edit those fucking scenes back in, and we're putting it out as a porno, everybody. Do you think that maybe they made this movie thinking it was like, oh, we're making a part? porno movie. That's why all these aerobic shots are shot like this and then they were like

no one wants to watch this. This is disgusting. Look at this fucking dirty ass gym. It looks gross. No one's going to want to beat to this. And then they're like, oh shit. All right. A couple pickup shots. Horror movie. You're totally

right. It could have been made either way and then flip flopped. Nobody knows it's a real chicken or the egg situation. Well, this movie is 80 minutes long, so something's missing. There's definitely a real missing. There's a lot missing. Good acting, a script that makes sense, competent directing.

Dry hunting. Yeah, that's long gone from that cut. Hey, Eric, very nice. Thank you. Thank you, Steve. The next scene is Detective Morgan going after this spinster, right? Because he's like, oh, that knitting needle. That old...

And he's on the phone, and he's on the radio, and he's like, did that report come back yet from the lab? And the guy's like, tell that college boy, if he doesn't have it in five minutes, it's his ass. No, it's not his ass. He's going to do an autopsy on his face, says the detective. College boy, great retired insult because most people go to college now. Yeah. It's not 1987 and, you know, the college worker's. The rule instead of the exception? Yes, exactly.

It's unfortunate you can't call somebody a college boy anymore. That's true. We should go through all the dying insults. Maybe we start doing master's boy. Is that weird? Or doctorate boy? I think we definitely need to because those people are a little too high on their hog. Oh, oh, did you only go to undergrad?

Yeah, you know what? You're right. You never hear the end of it if you only have a bachelor's degree with those people. people. So this dude is just like, I am going to go to this woman's house and see what happens. Yeah, I'm a detective. That's being a detective, Andrew. And now, but you know what's not, you know what's not being a detective, though? Coming up to this woman's door and it's just a pound party, he's banging on this fucking door, open the door. And you see this woman like very quiet home life. She really just enjoys going to aerobics. she's so shy about talking to the other people at Rhonda's workout. Maybe someday, maybe someday.

Like, she could be played by Lily Taylor. Yeah, she could be. And, you know, it's a quiet home life. The only thing that's missing is she innocently feeds an old cat. The cat's not there. Cat need not apply. Like, she turns the answering machine on no messages, you know. And this dude slamming on this door and scaring the shit out of her.

And sure enough, from behind, it's the killer who stabs her with a safe, pin again and this woman dies immediately she must have like pinpoint precision on the jugular vein or there's like cyanide attached to the tip of it or she has like polio or something I don't understand it would take you a very long time no matter how big that safety pin is oh yeah to die from that adult baby or no you really got to slam that thing a couple times I mean and you may be done for you'll probably bleed out but it'll take you like an hour or so like you could probably walk to the hospital like, ow, that hurt a lot. This woman pops like a balloon. It's unbelievably quick. And then Dawson breaks down the door. She jumps out the back. Not Dawson Morgan, I apologize.

There's two detective characters for no reason in this movie. Well, one's an undercover detective. Yeah, that's true. No, like, the dude breaks down the door and the killer jumps out, like, not out the window, through the window. And let me tell you something, movie. This is some bullshit red herring stuff. because they cut to like looking out the window down to the ground and it's clearly a man.

Yes. It's a man just running in the street. Like you can almost see his face. Because never in the world is Lori Metcalf dawning the fucking ghost-faced costume. No, no way. And she's certainly not choke slamming Jamie Kennedy, but whatever. How they let that slip. What a mistake.

What a total mistake. Yeah, the Scream franchise went a little bit. downhill. Yeah, I just, and this woman's dead. So this detective is just back at square one because he thinks he's got this wrapped up. Yeah, he's like, well, lonely woman, that's all I need. Get the cuffs out. I think the next people to die are the vandals.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Well, it's great because these people, I think it's actually the woman that Chuck Dawson has affair with for a second there. Yes, it's, it's, they're all, and this is what I don't understand. Are they teenagers? Are they in their 20s? What's going on? What is their story? Let's go back to their origins. Well, it's like a man and two women, one of which is the woman that sleeps with the ace detective Chuck Dawson. Uh-huh. And yeah, I don't know. I think it's a thing where it's like the rumors are starting to swirl that like people keep getting killed at Rhonda's workout. And for some reason, the police are closing them down. So they're like, I think, I think they're trying to. I think they're trying to. to do Ronda a bit of good here because they're like maybe if we horrendously spray paint her window with things like a robicide and you know people go here to die and death spa yeah i think they they're like you know what's the title of this movie let's put let's write some out on the wall there see what sticks isn't death spa another alternate title for this movie it very well might be or is

death spa another movie i don't know i've definitely heard of death spa so have i right so that may or may not three titles, man. So, yeah, they spray paint all these possible titles all over this window. And they're like, ha, ha, ha, take that, Rhonda. You know, and they run away. They think that they're like, cheese it. The cops are coming, and they split up.

But Rhonda just tracks them all down and murders them one by one. Is this where it's revealed that there's also a machete in play? Or a despot is a 1989 horror movie. Oh, that sounds like the same movie. What? Oh, do you have a plot description? Michael's Health Club is besieged with a series of terrible murders involving killer saunas and other grisly devices.

Michael's wife killed herself a while before and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Wow, this sounds like a better movie. I could use this real sauna death than this. How do you not have a sauna death? By the way, there's a sauna death in Friday the 13th, Part 8, Jason takes Manhattan. Sure. Which will be live riffing next Friday at the Jacob Burns Film Center. Steve Sadek, Jim, Worker.

worker. Ex-gym worker. Sona death then in there? No, but people hooking up in the sauna happen. Yeah. Oh, of course. See 12 minutes ago. All right, so spilled seed, okay. Yes, that's all you got. Oh, guaranteed. That's why you got to wear flip-flops everywhere. Yes, yes. In a gym. I don't care if it's a shower or if it's the newly clean sauna. Flip-flops, ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, yeah. So, yeah, Rhonda murders one dude with the safety pin in the neck. Again, trusty safety pin. And to your point, Eric, actually, you're right. I think what would make this movie better, and it only happens a few times, use your surroundings, man. It's a gym. How do you kill people at a gym in a sauna with weights using a workout tape? I don't know.

There's a good weight death. There is a good way. Yeah, this one totally rando-a-go beefcake, definitely got. gets a dumbbell to the face. But more of that. This fucking safety pin, what does that have to do with the gym? It doesn't make any sense. She should be, like, rigging the equipment, right?

You know, because that's what faulted her, a tanning. Yes. A super treadmill death. Maybe there's, like, spikes at the end of it or something. I would love that. Or, like, there's something on the wall where, like, the treadmill can go really fast.

They fly off and they smash into the wall. And there's like, oh, that's where I put my sword. Or whatever. Yeah, sure. Absolutely. A ceremonial. Rhonda's workout. Now offering fencing classes.

Yes, exactly. A foil and saber. And what's the other one? Epi? Oh, I have no idea. Wow, that's a lot of sword knowledge you got there. Pretty impressive. That's when, so two people get killed by the safety pin,

and the last girl is trying to leave in her convertible with the top up. Yes. And this is when we're stabbing through the top and we get her through the head. That's a pretty good. one. It's a pretty good one. And I was actually pretty impressed with the choreography. Yes. You know, like this is, it's obviously not a knife, but it's like a

knife-shaped thing coming down. Yeah. Through this top and this actress is like dodging them. I would be scared, shitless to do this. She probably was too. In a no budget movie where that knife is probably real because it should be. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to get two knives.

A fake one and a real one. Of course you're going to dodge a real knife. This is a robicide. I thought it was killer workout. We'll talk about that later. The point is, you're dodging a real knife. I don't have fake knives at home. I got real knives. It's B-Y-O-P. You're bringing your own

goddamn prop to this movie. I brought a knife. We can talk about, so the next people to die is this beefcake. He's working on like a press machine and the wire cuts out and the weight hits him in the head. I think this is really

to avoid a lawsuit. Rodna's like, well, I better finish him. You know what I mean? Like, ooh, that could be really bad. She's coming back from killing those vandals, and she's like, oh, geez, on the floor accident, better take care of him. And she kills them with a dumbbell, which is pretty cool. Just a big old bash. And this is, now, some of these murders are happening. And we're cutting in between people working out.

Like, they're open for business. Ronda is getting really cocky with all of this. Yeah, she is. Well, the best part about it is right before that, it's a guy with no beard and a guy with a beard. And the guy, they're talking about the first woman to die. And they're like, it's a shame. She was a total babe. Did you fuck her?

He's like, no, but I wanted to. Cool conversation, guys. That is most gym conversations. The men's locker room. Talking about dead people. Well, I don't engage in them myself. I'm more of the deranged loner type. Yeah, sure.

But I've been in gyms where guys are just chatting away. Yeah, talking about who at the gym, they want a bang. Oh, Jesus, man. That's why you got to go to a judgment free zone, like a plan of fitness. None of that toilet talk at a planet fitness, man. That's right. It's disgusting. I heard it at blink.

That's such a good for going to blink. Yeah. Now, is this also, when these two dudes... Because then there's another dude that dies. So it's two dudes laying in here. And then there's that... The third dude is the dude in red who comes in. And he's like, oh, my God, my gym friends are dead.

And then in comes our PI and starts beating the shit out of him? He does. And he knocks him out. Wrigan knocks him out. Out cold. He wakes up in handcuffs, right? And he's like, all right, I got my prime suspect. They got dead bodies, got a beefcake. I think this case is good. And he's like, all right, buddy, instead of taking you down to the station, I've got to do something else for a while. Yep. You stay in this locker room and I'll be back. Yep. Uh-huh. How about you call someone? Well, here's why no one calls anybody. Because in comes Jamie. And she's like, oh, hey, Mario. Bummer that you're locked up in here

I don't believe that you did it either And she's talking to him for a second And then she just takes her clothes off Yeah And you're like, wait, what? And she starts fucking this dude What the fuck's going on? And then this dude wakes up

From this fantasy sequence And I was like, that was the tipping point I was like, this used to be a porno. Yeah. That was a, it was so useless. I don't know. Maybe the, uh, The porno scenes are now dreams scenes.

Everybody dreams about porno, right? It's just, it's so unbelievably unnecessary. This just, and it's like, and you can tell too, because it's heavily edited. Yes. Right? Like, we're cutting that frame so there's no nudity. You know that there was definitely nudity at one point. Yeah.

But to Eric's point, this is a scene where I think in this scene, Jimmy comes out of nowhere and, like, cuts her throat. Oh, right. And you don't know which is which and how is who? Oh, no, no, no. Oh, that's the same guy. Oh, is it? He cuts his own throat. Yes.

He's a, this is a clone. Oh, yeah, that's what, it's, you're out, it's a twin thing. This dude, so the woman is, like, sitting on him and they're having sex. Like, he's laying on a bench. Yeah. And she's sitting on him, and they're fucking. And then this dude, this, I'm calling a Mario. Yeah, sure.

Mario. He's wearing red. That's the only identifiable character. He's Mario. He's got black curly hair. It's a me at the gym. Where's Yoshi? Well, then.

other Mario comes in and this dude is looking like Are you sure it's not Luigi? I'm confident. Is there Wario? It could a good point Eric It could have been Mario. There's always the X factor

aka Wau Luigi. But he's like they're fucking and he's looking up and then he sees himself walk in and you can see in the dude's head he's like wait that's me but I'm enjoying this fucking right now.

what's happening? And then, like, he keeps fucking this girl while he himself cuts her throat. And she says something like, like, goodbye, Mario. Like, whatever it is, she gets her throat cut. And this dude wakes up. The princess is there another castle?

Very nice. And she, he wakes up just like, that was hot. Also, am I a murderer? And, like, he may as well turn to the camera and be like, hey, movie, am I a murderer? This has been the most confused I've been by a movie in a while.

It's so fucking weird. But don't worry, he gets immediately murdered by a safety pin. Yeah. What the hell is happening? The whole movie went to his POV and apparently he's the main character all of a sudden. He went into the Twin Peaks as the Black Lodge

for a second and then he got out and then murdered. I was just going to say it's like in Lost Highway when Bill Palman turns into Balthazar Getty for no reason. Just overnight in that jail cell? Yep. Is that the transformation?

That's the two actors? It's just like, we're just doing shit that makes no sense in killer workout, man. It's the first and only time this movie will ever be, a David Pryor film will ever be called Lynchian. And this is my favorite part of the movie is, so two people just got murdered, right? And you had the lead suspect, he gets murdered. And like every time there's this kind of running gag with the mortuary attendants. Oh, yeah. And then they're zipping this guy up.

Right? And then they look at the detective and they go, See you tomorrow, Lieutenant. It's just a real, like, snotty. Like, why are you not stopping this murderer? Yeah. Further to the point, why is Rhonda's workout still in business? Shut it down, detective. Shut the whole thing down.

You're well within your rights. Now that we're getting into this movie, let's stop for a break and have some guy at Pepsi. And admire our night. products. I don't think this is actual product placement. I think this is just what they had. Yep. It's what you brought from home. It's all over the place. Pepsi and Nike is all over this movie.

And we're not paying a cent in licensing. Not a nickel. I feel it's got to be one of those things where someone's like, hey, Pepsi, guess what happened? And Pepsi's like, nobody will see that movie. At this point, Detective Morgan makes the smart movies like, well, if Ronda's has to open tomorrow. I will get my scroniest, most inefficient police officer to stand guard. And this dude is just a weenie. Oh, man, it's ridiculous. His uniform doesn't fit. He looks like if a little kid puts on a real officer's police hat and it just like sinks over his eyebrows. Here's something, detective. No matter

what, I know you have a lot of wackadoo theories about who may be killing these people. The person works out all the time. And they're great shape. Oh, yeah. So you should get your beefiest police officer or your team of, or just close the goddamn gym already. Yeah, it's nothing about police staffing. Close that gym down. You have the

authority. Just wrap it up with crime seam tape and that's the end of it. And then go through the membership roles. Yes, exactly. Speaking of, here I am. You know, it's 1987. I got a gym membership. It's probably like 75 bucks a year, which is really

expensive. Oh, yeah. I paid that up up front in cash because we're not doing like any kind of electronic debit kind of thing. If people start dropping dead at my gym every day, I'm going somewhere else. Oh, yeah. But this place is packed

to the gills. The aerobics class never misses a session. Yeah, and you know, Steve, and that's the other side of this whole thing, isn't it? Because like, yeah, you know what? We're not closing down Ronda's workout. But at the same time, don't show up to Ronda's workout. And it's only in the last like 15 minutes of the movie

that you see like these two women just like, everyone's getting killed around here. I'm going to get out of here. They just instantly get married. She's like, well, everyone's getting killed around here. I'm going to get out of here. Hey, have you seen Jamie? I got to say goodbye to her.

No, no, no. You were right the first time. Get out of there. Get out of there while you're still breathing. Instead, she goes back into that disgusting aerobic studio with that disgusting red carpet on the floor. And she's like, Jamie, Jamie opens this door. There's Jamie, who at some point,

you're sort of led to believe she's like the number two character. Yes. And you're like, wow, all bets are off in killer workout. Because there's Jamie hanging from the ceiling with a noose around her neck, not fitting the M.O. of this killer at all. Why did Jamie warrant a noose around her neck when everybody else is getting this safety pit? I think Jamie committed suicide. It was her only way out?

Yeah, I think she took a look around and said, yeah, I'm taking myself out. Do you think it was because she found out that it was her hero, Rhonda. Oh, wow. Her personal mentor and hero. It was too much to take, yeah. Well, what's amazing? There's a scene. You don't really know what's going on or why.

Let's kill her work out. Why would you? Yeah, that's true. Because now we know Rhonda's the killer, right? So if you look back at this one exchange, so it's like the day after that first murder, we're open for business for no reason. Jamie's leading this this aerobics class right and then she like Ronda like pulls her over and she's like what's up Ronda just doing a workout and she's like why don't you stop showing off your tits and your tight ass and teach that fucking class and I was like whoa Ronda chill out like she's just she's not even doing I mean this was like we're fucking the floor so maybe that's what she was she was unimpressed by you know can we talk about my second favorite scene in the movie which is when Chuck Dawson really thinks it's Jimmy, right? So he's like, oh, I know where he's going to go, Ronda's house.

Yep. No, I'm sorry, he finds Jimmy, Chuck Dawson goes undercover into Jimmy's house by putting on a hat, right? It's his snooping hat. He puts the same outfit, but he puts on a hat. He got a flashlight. And he finds this big shrine of Ronda, and he's like, oh. So he goes to Ronda's house, and he's watching her take a swim. And this is when you can totally see that Ronda has nothing wrong with her.

Yes, no scars. And he looks out And he sees Jimmy across the way Like, oh, man. And this is when they have a nice, a sweet patio fight. And this is a fight where we're getting weapons involved Because he's got like a rake that he's trying to swipe at Jimmy. Oh, it's awesome.

He gets it in his leg and he takes it out like the Terminator. This is like Streets of Rage, the movie. Yes. He doesn't live the guy from Streets of Rage. Yeah. Oh, man, that would actually be a pretty sweet adaptation. Why can't we have that video game? Why can't we have that movie, right?

The movie of the video game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want that. Streets of Rage, the movie. Yeah, they should hire us to make it. That's it. We'll hire beefcakes. We won't be in it, I promise.

But you know what? I might play the kangaroo from the second game, but we'll see. Our beefcakes will be way hotter than the beefcakes in this movie, guarantee. Oh, yeah. I'll play a garbage can that I could be hucked at someone. The fight ends Like basically Jimmy's power runs out And he gets punched into a pool

It's a fatality Chuck Dawson I apologize Yeah Chuck Dawson's energizer battery Fails him And then he wakes up And he's in Ronda's living room With the detective and Ronda

And the detective's like Well if it isn't my old friend Chuck Dawson Was that the Simpson case Five or six years ago You were messing around And he's like more like seven What?

Yeah. Slash who gives a shit. The Simpson case. Shut up. You find out he's a private eye, nothing else happens. And Jimmy is our lead suspect. Next day, Chuck Dawson gets murdered by Jimmy. Pretty quickly.

He runs him down with his car and then stabs him in the head with an ice pick. Yep. All for the love of Rhonda. Also, like, I don't know. If I had to choose between Chuck Dawson and this Detective Morgan character, I'm going Chuck Dawson every time. I wanted a Chuck Dawson franchise. Yeah.

Him infiltrating a karate studio. Uh-huh. There's some sexy stuff happening there. Him infiltrating a pinball, you know, place. Factory, maybe. I'm sure they sell condoms in the restroom. Him infiltrating the 1988 Republican National Convention. Definitely condoms in the restroom.

The 1986 Mets. Yes. There's some stories there, man. I'm sure. Oh, yeah. just every all of the 80s touchstones through Chuck Dawson's infiltrations and when it comes in a huge box set

it's just called Chuck Dawson the infiltrate maybe the Reagan White House yes I don't know Chuck should I fund the contrast yes you should that's a great idea

there you go there's another one why do you always wear a tank top to the office Chuck this is the White House It's a little more formal than a tank top. I wish it wasn't. Believe you me. I'd love to show off these guns as much as the next guy. Hey, Chuck, if you're being undercover, why are you always using your real name? By the way, Chuck, AIDS doesn't exist.

This tank top symbolizes limited government. Well, I'm a big fan of that, Chuck. You'd have my vote if the rolls were reversed, but they're not. Oh, man, Chuck Dawson infiltrating the Stonewall? better than that stolewall movie sure why not so there's apparently there's a lot of negative press about that movie

just a little bit yeah it's what you call whitewashing history oh yeah who knew the director of Independence Day would fuck up an historical biopic about the LGBTQ revolution right yeah who saw that coming the director of Godzilla

would fuck it up Godzilla 98 yeah also So, not American. Oh, big mistake. Oh, shit. I'm putting that out there. So now we're at the last act, right? And I mean, the last act takes a long fucking time.

Well, because it's like the last act. And a little more. So, I mean, it's like, oh, man, whatever. So this dude is like, it's got to be this guy, this Jimmy. Well, actually, no, no, no, Chuck, Morgan decided. it has to be Rhonda. He's like, oh, this Jimmy's a Patsy, right? Oh, right. And he shows up to her house and he's like, I know who you really are. You used to be Valerie Johnson, not Rhonda Johnson, who's going to be an ace model, not Rhonda Johnson, who couldn't star in a freak show. He's being real, fucking edgy with his language. Yeah, well, because he's got her. He also says, he's got her right where he wants her. Valerie Johnson could have sex with any man she wanted, not Rhonda Johnson, who'll make men. Throw up if they have to look at her. Such a burn, man.

Wow, yeah. Such a burn? Oh, oh, rewind 30 minutes to the, it's my favorite burn in any movie. It's Jimmy, right? Sexy Jimmy, and the very mousy girl goes up to, he's like, hey, Jimmy, you got any plans tonight? And he says, no, what about you? And she goes, no. And he's like, too bad and walks away.

Yeah. Oh, man, sick burn. Yeah. Oh, and then she's murdered minutes later. Yeah, that's sad. But so basically it's like, and the greatest part about this is he has no evidence whatsoever, only knowing that she was in a fire. Yeah. And it's like, you're just so sick and twisted. You had to kill all their tight bodies because you couldn't have them. Yeah, kill all these beautiful people. And she's like, yeah, I legally changed my name. You know, and I legally have a burn on my body.

so like he takes her in like he puts the cuffs on her puts her in the car and then it's like hey chief Jimmy just killed that PI you've sort of been working with and he's like ah fuck and it's like cut to ronda and she's like and cut to the last act of a tj hooker episode complete with a factory that they get to run around in oh absolutely it goes on forever it's another fucking fight and it's not it's not a horror movie at this point it's it's it's it's it's it's a 1970s action show right yeah also this this movie's only like what 85 minutes yeah yeah feels like 85 years dude i'll tell you what i timed it because here's the thing this was the fourth time i watched this movie the other three times i fell asleep and when i woke up like the file was over so i'm watching it and i'm like all right here's this

end thing they're in this t j hooker esk factory i checked the time code 17 minutes left in this movie. I almost fell off the couch. I couldn't... 17 minutes. Because like a T.J. Hooker episode, you've got to go behind something. You're going to shoot for a while. You're going to run away. Jimmy pulls out this like Joker-esque godkiller that he's got.

This long barrel pistol. And he's firing away at the detective. The detective's firing back. And he eventually just shoots him to death, right? Is that what happens to Jimmy? Yeah. As I remember it, he's just blown away, I feel. Yeah. He's murdered. And you're like, all right, well, that's the end of it.

No, no, no, I'm sorry. He doesn't know. Jimmy gets away. Oh, he goes back to Rhonda and he's like, oh, I did it. It's all for you, Damien, right? Right. And Rhonda shoots him in the chest. Yes.

Like, he finally sees Rhonda be gross, which I, you know, as this movie says. Yeah. Does it Ronda hits someone with her car or? No, that's Jimmy. Oh, okay, yeah. Jimmy, Jimmy hits the detective with the car. That was pretty cool. Yeah.

And then he, uh, And then he runs away, he gets killed by Rhonda, cut to, I guess, six months later or whatever. She's in a car with the detective, right? Yeah. The detective, and he takes her out to a field. Thus begins a monologue in a movie that should have no monologue. And can I just mention, as this monologue is beginning, Rhonda is dressed like M.C. Hammer's grandmother. This is like a parachute dress.

I don't know, like it's like if MC Hammer went to Krypton and influenced fashion. This is what women would wear. It's just outrageously stupid-looking. And it's this whole thing about, like, my father was a cop, and he did everything right, and this, that. He played by the rules, and he was still murdered by some scumbag that he pulled over. Well, it's kind of like the Mike Irman Trout monologue about,

like, no more half measures, because he's like, and then this serial killer starts singing Danny Boy in the back of my car. So I had to kill her, Walter. And it's this thing where it's like, I know my dad's know when I'm going to make the right decision. You know what I mean? Yes.

And he's like, he's got this shovel, I guess, to dig the grave. Maybe he's going to make her dig her own grave. And he's just talking at her. That's the good move, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make them dig their own grave because, you know, you don't want to be sweaty and run into questions. Yeah. Here's my question.

I've never been asked to dig my own grave, nor has I ever asked anyone to dig their own grave. Right. Why would you dig your own grave? Like, you know what's coming up, right? That's true, yeah. I'm not doing this guy any favors. Well, because I think that's like the instant death if you refuse. I guess if you dig your own grave, it's a few more minutes left on the planet.

And but... Doing manual labor, Andrew, no thank you. You lose your dignity and it's a, your best shot, man, is using that shovel, swipe at something. Exactly. It's a few more minutes to try to come up with a plan. plan. I'm going to start digging and while I'm digging, I'm thinking. And you're losing the high grounds. Yeah. You know what? I mean, you're being shot in a hole at that point. True. I mean, listen, folks at home, don't dig your own grave. Just die with some

dignity with your boots on. You know what I'm going to do? Because we've never done this on the Facebook feed. You can make a poll. I'm going to ask a poll. Would you dig your own grave? Good idea. I'm really curious. Go to the We Hate Movies Facebook page to vote on would you or would you not dig your own grave and I'm curious what the answers are going to be and be honest don't be cool and if you're a new listener that's facebook.com slash we hate movies and please like that page while you're there but yeah no be serious about it

I don't want any fucking funny answers no totally I just want to say will you dig your own got a couple funny guys here if you answer funny we make you dig your own grave but Rhonda gets the better of him gets the shovel and hits him with it because his back has turned the entire time

Talking into talking. Never turn your back when you're forcing someone to dig their own grave. Especially when that person is a known serial killer. Listen, five, six feet away, gun cocked, ready to go. That's how I do it. That's what you do, man. Which you've never done, but you would do that.

Yeah, no, I've never done that. It just makes sense logically. Right, yeah. Yeah, no, no, no, I never. No, I didn't do that. And we don't even see the like, you know, maybe she buries up. him alive, like, how cool it would that be? He wakes up and there's dirt getting thrown on him. It's hitting the face with a shovel and then cut to Rhonda coming back into the studio to a wild round

of applause, which is amazing. And she's like smiling and everybody's like, Ronda! Well, because apparently, like, because she killed Jimmy, she's like the hero of the whole thing. Oh, is that what it is? That's one of the many things that Morgan rants on about. And, you know, her new partner is like, Rhonda, I'm going to go to the paper and, you know, get a New advertiser. By the end of the week, hot young bodies will be walled the wall on this place. Yep. And it's like, and Rhonda's like, sounds good to me. Looking at the camera with a sinister smile. Pulls out the safety pin and goes, like, shaking it around.

Yep. Yep. Oh, because it's on a, she's made a key chain out. Oh, I see. Is what it is. Oh, a little keepsake. Exactly, dude. She's taken souvenirs from that killing spree. Yeah. And then we just cut to more. aerobics montages with people who are known to be dead. Yeah, it's a ghost aerobics montage. Spooky. And what's great is...

The monster mash. That fat guy that was on that stationary bike is still alive at Rhonda's workout because Rhonda considers him a lesser person. So sometimes, just sometimes, it pays to be out of shape. It's hip to be fat. Start eating America. Would anybody recommend this movie? Well, yeah, I recommended it to both of you,

and I'll recommend it to America. If you can find it. I mean, it's probably like an eBay. We had a little side story. I had a VHS of this that we were supposed to do this episode about four spooktaculars ago. You're right. This was way back when, I think, what was that movie?

Visiting Hours? Yeah, because it was back when we all got together and watched the movie together, and I put it in the VCR and it broke. And we're like, ah. What's on Netflix? What's on Netflix? It was a real what's on Netflix situation.

And thus the Visiting Hours episode was born. But yeah, I've watched this movie like 10 times. It's so stupid. It's so all over the place. It's such a perfect crystalline moment in time. Oh, yeah. You got to watch it. I'd say see it if you want to see some TNA, man.

I mean, that's what it is, right? Sure, sure. I mean, it's just crotch fucking. or whoops. Crotch fucking. It's just, what was, what would we call that? Floor fucking. Floor fucking. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I see what you're saying. I'm saying, like, maybe, I'm saying it's not, I'm basically not recommended. I would recommend it. I've seen it four times. I stayed awake through it once. But, you know, if you're coming into it for like the kills, it's not there. Because it's all just like poking with a pin and they're dead.

But come for the soundtrack, stay for those ugly beefcakes, stay for this detective who's just the biggest idiot character. But, man, this plot. Oh, yeah. No, it's confusing as far. It's elaborate. I mean, this is, I feel like this is a better movie to turn on, hang out with some people, talk about something else, watch it. You're a name. Oh, it's a good party movie for that.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly right. That I feel, if you want to watch it, but not pay attention to it, killer workout. But now I feel like we also have to watch Death Spa. Yeah, we might have to do that too. It might be the superior film when I've seen it. Maybe that'll be another poll after we watch it, which one is the superior aerobic studio murder movie?

But that is killer workout or possibly aerobicide, depending upon what your video store bought from 1987, directed by David A. Pryor. If you want to get a hold of us, check out our website, which is wh-h-mpodcast.com, or find us on our network, sideshownetwork. Like us on Facebook, like Eric said, or follow us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast and write into the mailbag.

We all hate movies at gmail.com. Now, the clue for next week's third spooktacular episode of 2015, team up. Oh, yeah, team up. The clue for next week is team up. So until then, I'm Andrew Jupin. Eric Sisker. Stephen Seda. Take it easy.

Thank you.