We Hate Movies - S6 Ep221: Freddy vs. Jason

Episode Date: October 20, 2015

This week on the 2015 WHM Spooktacular, it's Franchise Time as the gang heads to Crystal Lake by way of Springwood to challenge the long awaited 2003 monster team-up, Freddy vs. Jason! Why do they insist on reminding us about Freddy and Jason's backstories? How do they not capitalize on any previously existing supporting characters in either franchise? And how do you have the audacity to recast Kane Hodder? PLUS: That sure is a whole lot of homophobia and racism, screenplay! Freddy vs. Jason stars Robert Englund, Ken Kirzinger, Monica Keena, Jason Ritter, Kelly Rowland, Katharine Isabelle and Lochlyn Munro; directed by Ronny Yu. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, I'm Andrew Juffin. Steven Sadek. Eric Sissk. And we hate movies. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare. Sometimes.

That is better. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming. It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicter Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara. He's sick for Foxy. He's seen one too many movies. Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies?

Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos. More creative! Put the fucking ocean in the band! It was an excellent day for an exorcism. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network. Thank you for tuning in to what is the third week of the 2015 Halloween Spooktacular.

And that's right, gang. As is, I think, kind of like tradition now here on the WHM Spooktacular. It's franchise time. And it's a double franchise time. Well, the good thing is it's not a franchise without its star. It's a franchise with too many stars. Really? Yeah, it's a night of too many stars. See, the thing is, someone should have said no.

You remember how recently McDonald's and Burger King approached McDonald's? Like, hey, let's do a collaboration. Are you, wait, is that a truth story? I believe it is. And then McDonald's was like, no. No, I will not make out with you. No, McDonald's was probably like, they're the ones that put out the gay burger. No, thanks, Burger King.

It was something like a Mick Whopper or whatever. Oh, Mick Wopper. You know, we're going to get letters. Someone's going to complain that I got it wrong. It was probably the big whatever. It was actually the big whatever. New Burger from McDonald's and its joint partner Burger King, the Mick Whatever.

This is sort of the horror film whatever. Yeah, it is. And let me say right up front, full disclosure to our fans. I'm sorry, guys, I saw this twice in theaters. I owned it on DVD. in a big old collector's edition like three-discer and now I own it on Blu-ray

because I got that Crystal Lake box set dude I have it on Blu-ray too now because of that I know it just doesn't it just burn your ass that's just sitting in your house every day it's weird that it's part of the Jason box set because this is not a Jason movie it's a Freddie movie and like although Freddy only does have one kill

so Jason's doing all the grunt work right as you'd imagine this like horror relationship would go Jason is definitely the muscle. Freddy's the brains. By the way, did we mention it's Freddy versus Jason? Sure. I don't know.

2003. You saw it when you downloaded it. Yes, 2003, directed by Ronnie U. Excuse me, continue. Got to get the facts out there, Steve. Here's a question. I'll start off. I mean, I think it's an easy one.

Who would you rather get killed by, Freddie or Jason? Jason. Jason. A thousand times Jason. What would I rather watch Jason? Yeah. No, you're totally. What would I rather think about?

Jason. And no, I'll tell you why, because it's just going to be someone coming up and killing me. And I don't have to hear an annoying joke beforehand. I don't need the showboating, buddy. You know, just smash me up and slit me apart. That's what I appreciate to. It's quick. He's just going to come.

It's almost like, look, he kind of comes up to you silently. It's like, look, buddy, I don't want to be here. You don't want to be here. I got to do this thing. Yep. It's super quick. I'm not going to make a joke. I'm not going to turn you into a cockroach.

I'm not going to do anything stupid like that. I'm not going to turn into a cockroach to kill you. Like, it's just, oh, God, this dream stuff. It's so stupid. And I'll tell you, that's something that, like, really amped up in those sequels. The friggin comedy that this guy spewing out. The one-liners, like, you watch that first West Craven classic. The one-liners are there-ish, but it's still scary.

I mean, by the end of these sequels, Freddie Kruger is an absolute joke. And it's really unfortunate. Like those first two, and I'll give it three to Dream Warriors also. Yeah. He's still fairly menacing. But like, by the time you get to this, which is, by the way, the official last appearance of Robert England as Freddie Kruger, it's just so insufferable, the one-liners. It's a nightmare. It's actually, yeah.

This was a castaway from development hell, right? It made it through. It made it through. I was going to say this is, I don't remember, Steve, what you said you followed through development hell on an episode. Oh, I forget.

It must have had somebody in a cape in it, for sure. Yeah, I mean, I followed this through development hell. I followed this through fan scripts. I read so many scripts for this movie. Dude, the early days of like AOL, the horror community on there was ripe

with Freddie versus Jason fanscripts. Let me ask you something about those scripts. Sure. Were they at any, point in those. Were they kissing? I heard that a lot of these fan scripts, they like to kiss. I didn't stumble across

any slash scripts, but I'm sure they're out there. No, it was always, and here's the thing, it's always this. It starts with two of them, because that's like it was all ignited, like we said, by Jason goes to hell when the glove pulled the mask down. Yeah. And then 10 years later, this movie comes out, but in the interim, it was a lot

of like, it's the two of them, but then Michael Myers shows up, and leather face, and pinhead. And it's just a mad monster party. And it's so terrible. All right. Around the horn, who would you rather have sex with Freddy versus Jason?

Oh. I don't, I mean, I feel. Jason, more cushion for the pushing. He's a little, he's definitely quiet. He's the strong, silent type, but he must,

I think he smells worse. He smells like a bog. Yeah. That's a problem for me. What would you rather fuck a bog or a thing of burnt Chinese spare ribs? Well, also,

top or bottom, we got to figure this. Well, I mean, Jason's a bit. top for sure so if i think his verse i'll be honest you can go both ways sure so wait if i'm a bottom and i pick jason oh wait no if i pick jason i'm a bottom yeah sure and then oh geez man but look at the stature of jason though man that's got to be a power bottom if i ever saw one you're right i think

we can make it work you know i mean all my instincts says no but i'm going to say jason again man. Again, it's something where I'd want no talking. I don't need Fred Kruger making jokes through our love making. I mean, it's a really bad... I'm glad you're making love to Freddie Krueger, too, by the but here's the problem with this scenario. He's

not taking the gloves off? Well, no, Jason can't really consent because of his mental issues. And then I think Freddie Krueger consents too much. That kind of creeps me out even more. Freddie Kruger is an overt

rapist in almost all of these movies. That's actually a good place to start, like actually talk about stuff and not gross people out. But you didn't say what you would do. He's going to set it up and sneak out the door. I'm a Jason. I'm going to go. I'm going to go Jason all the way. I don't need the hat. You know, maybe both of us we could figure

that out. Dude, do you think that's a thing someone would say to him? It was like, no, no. Keep the hat on. Glove, please take off. Oh, no, I'm definitely. By the way, Jason better keep that fucking hockey mask on. I'll tell you that much. Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah. I don't need That shit.

I think we just wrote our own fan script. We did pretty much. Upload it to AOL. I think it's Tumblr these days, Eric. Uploaded to tumblers. Here's the question. Yes. Freddie was a child molester slash murderer, right?

Murderer first and then possible molester. I don't know where that landed. Are you, wait, so he did it to dead kids? No. No, no, no, no, no. So then you were wrong. It was a molestered then. No, I'm saying as far as the movies tell you, he was definitely killing kids.

Oh, so he was a prime. Okay, he primarily kills kids. Sometimes he dittles them. Yeah. I don't know where the movies land on molesting. But murder, he's definitely a child murderer. But the weird thing is, so here you are. I mean, you read stuff about murderers all the time.

They always have their types, right? It's like, you read stuff about murderers all the time. If me, I don't. Everybody, you know, like, you know, everybody does one kind of thing. Right. That, you know, you got your predilections, whatever. Why does he go from little kids to teenagers? You know what I mean?

Like, they always portray him as always killing little little children. And, like, it's always little girls on jump ropes. And then it's like, well, that's just kind of gross. Well, I think it's because he wants to get Jason involved in this, right? Well, Martin Cinemax is like, no, no, no, you got to bump it up. Yeah, no, no, no, no. I can't show any of that, but showing some naked girls. It's got to be above board.

This is Cinemax. We have the FCC to contend with. Excuse me. I was thirsty for my own tongue. What it is initially in that first movie is he is a child killer. And then the kids that he's killing or trying to kill, like, Heather Langenkamp, Johnny Depp, all those characters. They're the children of the people that murdered him. Sure.

So he's getting revenge on those people by killing their kids. So it doesn't matter what they're ages at that point. It's more of a vengeance. No. And then from there, it's like, well, teens. But that's the weird. In this movie, it starts off with a really atrocious monologue about how he loves old nightmares, children. Oh, I love the children.

And then he, like, hunts 24-year-olds the whole movie. Well, to be fair to the film, I think they're supposed to be, like, 18. but we're like bare minimum 25. Yes. It's a 25 and up situation. It's a real Luke Perry scenario. A lot of these actors voted for Clinton the first time. Okay.

You know what I'm saying? Like, there's some old-ass people playing children of Elm Street in this movie. And just the whole idea of saying Elm Street. And this, I mean, you brought it up a second ago. This whole monologue of just ham, the premise of this movie, boil it down is the people of Elm Street have forgotten about Freddie Krueger, which builds on the whole

idea in these sequels of like, if you ignore him, he just goes away. So this is like, they've completely forgotten about me. How could they do that? I needed to search, I'm going to stop doing it. He needed to search the bowels of hell. And he runs into Jason.

Of all the, all the gin joints and all the world. Yeah, exactly. Rick's all American. Anyway, so also they go through the entire origin basically of Freddie. They summarize that whole thing. You don't really get that with Jason and this, although I guess Jason's simpler. You definitely do, though, because Lachlan Monroe, like halfway through this movie is like, let me stop everything and tell you kids about the legend of Jason Borges. And he goes into it.

And you're just like, I know, I've been here since the beginning. I've seen all these movies Anyone who's watching this piece of shit Has seen all of the other pieces of shit And also if you're If you're a kid in this world You know about Jason Jason Voorhees is like Ted Bundy

Times 10 right Like he's been on TV In that last movie we did Oh American crime whatever Yeah he's trust me Everybody the FBI Took him down six times from Sunday Oh yeah he's like

He's like folklore Yes You know what I mean Like an episode of Unsolved Mysteries about Because the thing is, like, Freddie Krueger is, like, just a child killer, and, like, there are, I hear tell that he comes into people's dreams. But fucking Freddy, Jason is going everywhere. Oh, absolutely. He's, like, he's tactilely murdering people in the real world.

There's pictures of them, like, like Sasquatch. You know what I mean? That's hairy old Jason walking nude through the Crystal Lake Forest. I don't know. I think that's a guy with a suit. You can kind of see the zipper on the back. You can see the back of Jason's zipper. but yeah yeah it's like a confer like he's a thing yes american case file wow i don't need to remember that

that's the name of that fake hard copy show in yeah yeah yeah when jason goes to hell yeah sorry everybody but this movie i mean the problem about this movie too is like it should be more it it doesn't know if it wants to be a real movie or just fan service and i would actually almost prefer it to be more fan service like get get john saxon in there you know find the way for kevin bacon to show up Like, let's put some money in here and move some stuff around and, like, you know, call back the earlier movies. Because, yes, it's all horror hounds. That's the only people that don't show up to see this movie. No one at the box office that opening weekend was like, say, now what's that picture?

Freddie versus Jason. Well, say, mother, that sounds interesting. How about a night out at the cinema? Like, everybody in that theater knows the score. And you're just like, it's honestly so disrespectful. Because if it's anything you'll say about horror hounds, man, they are a dedicated people. Sure. You know, I know my people.

We are a dedicated bunch. And it's insulting to them to go into this movie. And someone spells out the story of Freddie Krueger in the first three minutes. Wait, hold on a second. These people can be insulted? Because to me, it looks like nothing's been working. They keep putting movies in their face insulting them day and day out. Speaking of things that are insulting, let's talk really quickly.

about the soundtrack to this movie. Oof. I mean, here's the thing. I think what they're thinking, and I said this to yesterday, I think, Steve, the idea that the rest of these movies, the music that's in it is music that the characters would listen to at the time or whatever.

Like, the music in this movie is, like, them thinking, well, what do most, like, stereotypical horror fans listen to? Fucking new metal. Like, it's just, it's the most garbage, metal you'll i mean garbage new metal yeah that's an oxymoron but like yeah it's just it's this shit movie music that takes you right out of everything and you know what dude like let's just don't get il nino for your movie spend some money and get lincoln park to show up exactly right guys it was also what 2003 which is unequivocally the worst year in history

i mean i think we can all agree right i mean the iraq war's going on right everyone's looking and weird and gross and they're listening to trash I mean that's another thing about this movie it looks like the early 2000s the haircuts in this movie which is for all the men

it's the pushed forward and flipped up wall of hair at the top we're all wearing gap sweaters there are just a little too big to be sweaters we've got like some nice everything's a little bit ribbed somewhere everything's got a rib on it somewhere or another yeah exactly right so yeah

Everybody looks like garbage. It sounds like garbage, you know. And these opening credits are disgusting. It's just like blood splatter, like paint effects everywhere spelling out Freddy versus Jason. Well, the problem with this movie is none of these franchises should have made it to the 2000s. Correct. There's no need for them to be brought into the cold light of day. You know what I mean?

I actually read on IMDB that there was a bunch of properties that were going to verse each other if this movie succeeded. Really? Yeah, police academy versus Ghostbusters was going to happen. Indiana Jones versus Black Rain. Star Trek 4 versus Star Trek 6 was going to happen. That makes sense. Oh, wow. You know what?

Star Trek 6 wins. Oh, guaranteed. Sorry, everyone. Ordinary People versus a Cry in the Dark. Harry and the Andersons versus Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? That I would watch. That one I would actually legitimately watch. Maybe a sequel to this, Kramer versus Kramer versus Freddie versus Jason.

We're getting divorced. I want the kids. And then Jason's just heavy breathing. The entire time. Mr. Vorhees, this is the time for your testimony in the courtroom. Permission to treat the witness as hostile. Mr. Vojus, could you drop your machete please?

And then he goes on Arsenio Hall. Oh, God, gross. Big trouble in little China. versus Sophie's Choice. Big trouble on Little China wins. And Amadeus versus Beetlejuice. Oh, yeah. That's really...

You'd get me in the theater with that much. Oh, yeah, man. You get to see... The music alone. Harry Belafonte meets Mozart. Yes. And you got, you know, Michael Keaton versus...

Come on. Who's... Oh, Jack Nicholson? What's his name? Tom Hulse? Tom Hulse. Yeah, whatever. Mr. Animal House?

F. Marie Abraham in there mixing it up. Dancing with Gina Davis? I'll watch that movie. Yeah. Dancing with Gina Davis would be a good movie title, actually. So we get this Freddie monologue, and it's just garbage town. And then, so his whole mission is recruit Jason to, I guess, kill a bunch of kids and make them think that Freddie did it. So people start thinking about Freddie again.

This is an ass backwards plan, first of all, Freddy. And also what's stupid about this plan is that, wait a second, an undead being Jason Voorhees has dreams, including nightmares. Yeah, we're really taking some leaps with this character. But yeah, the whole thing is like, he's not dead. They pretend that Jason X didn't happen. So it's the end of, he also didn't get pulled into hell. Yeah. How far do we have to back this up?

So he didn't go to space. He didn't get pulled down into hell. He didn't go to Manhattan. He didn't melt in a. sewer in Manhattan. So it's the end of part seven. He's just been in the lake since part seven when the psychic girl's dead dad pulls him under the water. But he's, he's already undead by then. And I am, I think that undead people, they just power down like C3PL. Yeah, until they don't dream. No, he's made out of pond scum by this point. Like, there's no organs inside of him. There's

mushrooms growing on his brain. Do undead beings dream of electric sheep, guys? Think about it. Good question. Philip K. Dick versus Freddy versus I mean so it's just It's total bullshit And I think because I had to back it up like four movies I don't know if this is canon No Kane Hodder by the way

Yeah Kane Hodder told he's not big enough To play Jason in this movie Screw you movie producers That's an insult to Kane Hodder Right because they said he was like 6-2 And they wanted someone 6-5 to Hulk over Robert England Yeah because they wanted it to be like a David versus

Goliath thing. How about this? Andrew versus not giving a shit. Like, come on. Kane Hodder is the best Jason, man. And also, that's, why would you piss off the community that you're trying to service with this movie by bringing in some dude off the street? Who does a fine enough job? I mean, it's not like, again, this is, it's not Celieri.

You know what I mean? It's not the toughest role. Well, it's also... It's a mask. You barely see Jason in this movie, though. Like, he does get some killing in, but like... We're still, there's just so much either Freddie Krueger farting around, given his monologs. He's a complete afterthought.

Or it's these kids, we're spending a lot of time with these kids doing research at the library. Right. Oh, I'm terrified. They're hanging out in high school the whole time. What the hell is Jason Voorhe's doing? Like, what is he doing? Sharpening his machete? What does he do during the day?

Right. Where is he cooling his eels? I could use a day in the life of Jason Warhe's movie. Like him wandering around the bog, right? It's just a lot of him ripping the heads off of rabbits. Maybe he's got a nice little apartment in a rooming house, like in the fugitive. He gets it from some Albanian lady.

He's living in her basement. He thinks that Tommy Lee Jones is out to get him, but it's just going after that Albanian son to haul him off. That was a close one. He starts working in hospitals and saving little kids. I probably killed my wife. We can talk about the kids now. Monica Kina is our lead.

Also, named Lori, which fuck you can't do that. Nope, seriously. Way to make me just sit around thinking about watching Halloween's stupid movie. Yep. Monica Kina from Undeclared and Almost Nothing Else. Yeah. What else has she been in? I haven't followed the career of Monica Kina.

She went, she was the mean girl on Dawson's Creek who drowned in a lake and everyone was still kind of mean to her after that. So, does she, does she become Jason for him? She might become Jason after that. Man, that'd be awesome. Just ripping Pacey's head off. Yeah, you know what? Everybody, by the way, it's 2015. How about a female Jason?

Yeah, no, that's actually a good point. Why can't there be a female boogeyman or booger woman, I guess I should say? Well, that could go out and murder teenagers. I actually kind of now want to see that. Funny enough, the girl who plays, like, the sporty chick with the baseball cap, some unknown actress, she is the titular. What's her name? Do you know? Catherine.

No, I have. Whatever. She plays the titular role in this flick American Mary, which is a woman, she's like a med student-ish kind of a thing. And she's killing people left and right in that movie. She's also the lead in Ginger Snaps, which is actually a really good movie. That's a werewolf-related movie. Yeah, it holds up. It's a cool movie, yeah.

And that's set in Old Time Canada, right? Yeah, well, no, today, Canada, or 2000, whatever Canada. Any time in Canada's old time. Well, I think it's like... I apologize to our Canadian listeners. The trilogy, which I haven't seen yet, is... I've only seen the first one. It's the first one, that it's the second one.

And then it's in Ginger Snaps in the old country. That's what I was thinking is. Oh, are you serious? They go back in time in that, and it sounds amazing. And that's like old time Canada? Yeah, yeah. Oh, perfect. I got to watch these...

Ginger Snaps movies. You eat enough cookies, you go back in time. That's what I honestly was like, is that movie about the cookie? Is it like killer cookies? Like that Gary Busey Ginger Dead Man? Oh man, that's a doof. Did you watch?

No, I wish. Did they even watch Ginger Dead Man? I've seen one of them and it's virtually unwatchable. Oh, okay, because that's what I thought it would be and you've now confirmed it. Yeah, don't worry. You don't have to watch the Ginger Dead Man movies. So the best death in the movie is the first one you get.

Oh, yeah. I think so. The sporty girl is having sex with her boyfriend at Monica Keena's house. This guy is one of the biggest scumbags in slasher history. Well, it's an abusive relation. This girl's got a raw deal this whole movie. By the way, speaking of a raw deal, she actually had a big... Was it in raw deal with shortsmaker?

I wish. Well, she had a big problem with Ronnie Yu because she signed the contract. And he's like, by the way, you're going to get naked in this movie, right? He's like, no, I'm not. Well, because they changed which character she was going to play. Oh, that's right. Because, you know, surprise, surprise, this movie had like 18 drafts of the screenplay. Yeah, and then, of course, it's the most obvious body double in the universe.

I always hate body doubles because it's like, then why bother? Like, what, what, I mean, listen, I don't need nudity in this movie. And also, like, way to Martin Cinemax the third out, Ronnie, you, Jesus Christ. Like, your movie's not going to sink or swim by a shower scene that's eight seconds long. The title alone is selling the tickets. Exactly. No one saw that trailer and was like, my God, I hope there's bare breasts in this movie. I know the Jason movies are rotten with him, but is there a lot of nudity in the nightmare movies or not that much?

Not especially. No, no. It's grosser because Robert England's tongues everywhere. And I was like, you know what? I don't need any nudity. It's like if you're, if that scarred tongue is out, that blouse is buttoned. Let me just. I mean, if it's unbuttoned, then you're bumping it up to NC17.

Yeah. Exactly. If you're just seeing gross nipple licks with that dumb movie. Gross nipple licks. That's what it would be if Freddie Grueger licked a breast in a movie would be a gross nipple licks. So she's showering after sex or her body double is. And Jason comes in, stab this dude in the back and then like folds them up like laundry, which is awesome. Oh, yeah. This dude just, it's like closing a briefcase. And this dude's just like wedged in it.

And it's just, oh, it's good. It's kind of a fatality a little bit. It's a total fatality. You know, and here's the thing we can kind of like touch on this a little. When they fight each other in this movie, dude, it is Mortal Kombat fighting. And there's a baby malady. There's a total badality. But he does.

Someone turns into a baby. From their magical sorcerer fighting, someone turns into a baby. And where is Satan and all of this? Honestly, where is it? Like, you know, close that gate. He got dropped a couple of drafts back, but believe, me, Satan was involved in this movie in one form.

They were supposed to fight in front of the devil at the end of the movie. Oh, really? Yeah, one of the things was they were supposed to go to hell and there's a thing, you can't really see it because it's shrouded in darkness, but there's glowing eyes and sort of horns watching them battle in all hell's

eternal flame or whatever. It's just rear projection of legend. I was going to say the only person that could, that Freddie and Jason would both respect is Tim Curry's devil, yeah. Yeah, that's actually totally true. The thing is, the devil has probably got too much important stuff to do

because the plot of this is stupid. Who cares? The devil's not going to bother with this. You're totally right. I have better places to be. These are also... Don't let your dogs run all over the earth. These are lesser demons.

That's true. These are just trash. Now, after... Freddie Hooger is a white trash demon. You're right. Oh, he absolutely is. And Jason Voorhees is too. He's from Backwater, New Jersey.

No offense. But what happens immediately after this murder is, so the girl comes out of the bathroom, sees what's going on and starts screaming, runs out the house. And what we're introduced to is like a very, like, not particularly well calculated shift in tone. Because it's like, holy fuck, that guy got killed. She's terrified. everybody's screaming. She runs out of the house

and the towel. It's like kind of a little party going on, but not really. It's like an intimate gathering of people who don't really like each other. And they all run out of the house. And here's our deputy dofess Lachlan Monroe rolls down the window. And this woman is screaming her head

off. And he just goes, do you kids need assistance? And she's like, what the fuck do you think? And it's like, you know what I don't need? I don't need this much comedy right away. Like I just saw this dude get folded up like a clam. Like, let's let that play out a little bit. Instead, we're cracking jokes right away, and it takes you right out of it.

Also, what takes you right out of it? Lockland Monroe's frosted tips that he has in this movie. Deputies don't have frosted tips. No, no one would take this dude seriously at the police station. I feel like every screen appearance of this fella, he's had frosted tips. I think you're right. At least every memorable screen appearance. So the interesting thing is the deputies all sort of swummed his house.

They're doing a little CSI stuff. And I guess the sheriff is like some sort of warlock or magician because he's in league with this, like, everyone knows that Freddie is from hell and he's a mystical being. And the only way to keep the curse alive is to keep his name under wraps. So, like, everyone's like, don't say it. Voldemort can't show up if you don't say it. To keep Freddie away, you mean.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, but he's some sort of like, he casted a spell. he put like a ring of salt around the neighborhood just to make sure that Freddie can't show up. It's like you can't say Beetlejuice three times. Exactly. Yeah, and like, so this other little dude who works for the sheriff's department is like, well, say sheriff, don't you think it's got to be Fred Krueger

and he's like, don't you dare? And it's like, I work too long and too hard to eradicate the memory of Freddie Krueger from everyone in this town for you to go mucking it up again, deputy idiot. Do you remember that virgin sacrifice we did three years ago was that for nothing you gave

your sister to that cause how quickly we forget that's we cast her into the hell mouth and also something that like is so glossed over but could have been a really cool important detail in the movie is that in the back of the box by the way

that that dick is like Monica Kina's character this is her house that they're at where this murder happens this is Nancy's house from Friday, or from Nightmare 1. Yeah. Like, this is the nightmare house. And it's just this dude's like, Sheriff,

that's, it's whatever it is. Like, 4781, Elm Street. Remember what happened here? And then never again. Do they do anything with it? And it's like, do, like, that's the house. Like, we go to Crystal Lake later in the movie and that's like sort of paid

some sort of attention, but not really. Like, you're using this iconic place. Like, use it in your movie. Do you need me to lend you $3,500 to get Langencamp in this movie? Do you really need me to do it? Because I could do it. I mean, like, honestly, how expensive is it to get Heather Langenkamp to be like, oh, that's my house? Like, have her be in it. That's kind of something. Get Corey fucking Feldman off the goddamn bathroom floor. Get him in this movie. Then we're having a good time. Apparently, again, one of these drafts, Tommy Jarvis was supposed to be in this movie. Wow. Not, you know, I don't think it ever got to casting, so I don't know if the fell dog was, uh... Was Roy supposed to be in this movie? I think Roy was supposed to make a cameo appearance. in Jason's dreams.

Actually, IMDB listed him as supposed to be played by Jason Bateman, which would have been interesting. Oh, Tommy Jarvis was supposed to be Jason Bateman? Not Roy. I would nobody thought about Roy. Roy as Tommy Jarvis. I could use, well, I know we were saying

no joky joke, but I could use Bateman as that role. Why not? Yeah, it would have been something. Of 2003, so you're shooting this movie in 2002, so a rest of development was like just about to happen. He was still a nobody then. You could have got him to do some serious. conventions at that point.

Oh, man, that sucks. How about Teen Wolf versus Freddy versus Jason? That's how you would get a contemporaneous, like, 80s werewolf involved. It would have to be a teen wolf on the swim team, and, you know, Jason's afraid to go in the water. And they have their, like, swimming competitions at Crystal Lake. Obviously. Which, why would you hold it there? Everyone's always stupid in these movies.

You know why it would be a throwaway line Like the permit was the cheapest Yeah It would say like the sheriff would be like Or like the gym coach is like Because the permit cost this much And he holds up a big O Right or like oh

We have to the way we get to the nationals Is we have to beat this New Jersey team And they're holding it at this haunted pond To try to psych us out But you get in there wolf Little do they know we got a teen wolf on our team So we're not afraid Get in there and dog paddle boy

So apparently Her Monica Kina had a boyfriend Who witnessed the death of her mother Right And like part of this large conspiracy I mean this is like huge Oh I think this is going all the way to the top Of Springwood Illinois

But it's going all the way to the top Speaking of conspiracies all Like one of the fathers in this movie To me looked exactly like Alex Joe He kind of did. Oh, the fat guy that gets decapitated? Yeah, he does look like Alex Jones. He looks just like him.

So this conspiracy. Apparently him and his buddy were locked up in... Anyone who knows about Freddie Crew gets locked up at the... Westin Institute, I think, or whatever it is. Everybody's there and they get hypnicell, which is also in Nightmare 3, where it suppresses your dreams. And they've been, like, living through it their entire... For the past, like, what are X amount of you. Right. And they're not aware of Freddie. Like they, they, they, hypnosis makes you not have dreams. So it's like, hey man, when was the last time you had a nightmare? Like all this stuff that's going on. Yeah. So at the same time, this murder is being reported on TV. We cut to the Weston Institute. And it's, it's, uh, uh, Jason Ritter. Jason Ritter. Uh, son of the legendary John Ritter, of course, RIPP. And then some other guy. And it's like, you know, we're doing a little like cuckoo's nest for a little bit. And he sees on the

TV like oh there was a murder at that famed freddie Kruger house so long story short they break out to like make their way back to Springwood because he's friends with those people also you know what you got that you're going through this mass conspiracy you're trying to fucking you know you're putting people in mental institutions you put people on the ground you know what condemn that stupid house yep that's the that's the cheapest one of them all like why isn't it like a flop house or something yes in this movie that would have been kind of well why he's still read that property. That's what they have in like those Halloween movies is the old

Myers house is abandoned. Eventually in the later sequels it is fixed up and people move back in but like you know for the most part like when a horrible tragedy happens there you board that shit up. Condemned. Exactly. You don't renovate it instantly and start sleeping in the murder pool.

I could, all right, around the horn, could you sleep in a house where a horrific famed murder happened? Depends on how much it cuts down my rent. I would say yes unless a supernatural entity was involved in the murder

well I feel like you're not getting that detail until you move in though yeah it's like yeah there was a murder here by the way it was committed by ghosts new versus the entity versus Casper a rape ghost versus

a wisecrack and cherub a team entity team entity yeah the entity is clearly yeah that movie is going down that movie's uncomfortable. Oh, the Barbara Hershey The Entity? Yeah. Yeah, that's hard to watch. It's a good movie, but it's uncomfortable. You know what, though? It gets all sciencey

at the end, and you can kind of keep that. We're going to flash freeze a ghost or whatever. Casper is a bad movie, but it is uncomfortable. I do not recommend Casper. Previous

episode, Casper, by the way. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So, yeah, whatever. Monica Keena's downtown at the police station. She's fallen asleep. You know, so we get some Freddy stuff. And what we realize with this Freddie nonsense is he's not quite strong enough

yet to do harm to people. And it's like, you get it from watching what happens. Like, he tries to slash at her and he like goes through or nothing happens. And he literally says, oh, not strong enough yet. Exactly right. Like, then it's just like, you think

idiots are watching this movie new line cinema? Because not only is it, oh not strong enough yet then he like goes time to let Jason have some fun like oh yeah it's so operatic he's like talking to the camera

like hey audience would you like to see Jason kill some people now that I've failed I mean this movie is a perfect movie for Alzheimer's patients it keeps telling you what the look no no no this is what we're doing this is exactly it every time every nine minutes somebody has to remind you

of what the plot is there is um there's a lot of bad dialogue in this movie oh really it's uh mostly out of the mouth of kelly rollins i think it's 95 minutes oh man kelly rollins we haven't talked about it no she's one of the friends and one of the lines around the destiny's children yes she was one of destiny's children uh one of the lines she has kind of around this part like there it's basically like the morning after the murder right so it's like it's the one murder but then also like that shitty boyfriend's buddy and his father also get murdered by Jason.

Yes, pretty immediately, which is he wakes up, he has a nightmare. This is another one of those like, Freddy can't kill him, so Jason better do it. You better get in to sub in, Jason. I got to tap out for right now. You better tag me before macho man gets all revved up. I know he's down

on the mat right now, but he looks like he's gaining his wind. Hurry up, Jason. Hogan's running down the ramp and he's got a chair with him. Oh. Eat too much pork. Dude, Freddy versus Hulk Hogan. I'd watch that.

I bet here's the thing. Wrestling fans out there in the 80s, was there ever a television promotion when one of these nightmare or Jason sequels came out when they appeared on a wrestling broadcast? I feel like that had to have happened. I could see Jason running around the ring.

Yeah, Jason like choke slamming somebody. If John Stewart was at SummerSlam or whatever, like Jason Voorhees may have appeared at a wrestling. Well, the Undertaker was kind of like that. You know, we could have used, the Undertaker could have done a movie where he was killing people. I don't know why. They did the Kane movie, Cino Evil, but the Undertaker was due. Yeah.

And by the way, you're telling me that Cain was a better actor than the Undertaker. Don't think so. I saw Ceno Evil in theaters. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What's your problem? Midnight show, man.

Didn't that like Triple H fellow do a movie or so? Paul Levesque, I believe so. Yeah, he's got a movie called The Chaperone, which is like a rip-off of that rock family movie. Yikes. Yeah, nobody cares about Paul Levesque movies. Nobody cared about Ceno Evil either. That theater was M.Tay.

It was like me and five dudes in wrestling t-shirts. I was not wearing a wrestling. You sure? My t-shirt was just as tight as theirs, but it was not a wrestling t-shirt. There were six people then. So the dudes break out of the mental institution And the next day in high school They start

They start spitting up a blue streak About Freddie Krueger's origin Which I've heard at this point Three whole times Exactly right And it's like Kelly Rollins is Is like running around Like it's sort of like the first scene in scream

After Drew Barrymore gets murdered There's so much scream like Yes big time We're trying to be as snappy as the scream screen plays. And the score when it's not New Metal is again very scream. It's got the yeah, you're totally right. I didn't

think about that. That's Star Trek, I think. But one other things she says is like they're trying to blame so basically they're saying like the buddy who died with his dad like murdered the other friend in the bed and then went home killed his dad and killed himself. Yeah. And she's like

they're trying to pin him on it like it's some sort of Columbine shit. And I'm like what in the flying fuck is wrong with you screenplay? Why are we invoking the Columbine Massacre in this movie? I'm shocked that we didn't like mention 9-11 since after that.

Totally. It was, it was right there, dude, 2003. This is some Twin Towers shit. Slasher movies suffered a real blow at Columbine because everybody realized the dead teenagers aren't hilarious. Right. So it's very important in your slasher movie a couple of years later

that you just don't talk about Columbine. But if everyone was like, oh, man, that's right. That teenagers aren't funny. They're kind of like little children, only a little older. Conversely, some people were probably like, well, we got to say it because it's going to be on everyone's minds. No.

It's going to be on everyone's minds. I mean, it's just so stupid and so fucking irresponsible. And it's because there's a much more famous line that we'll get to towards the end of the movie that this movie is remembered for. But this one's kind of forgotten. And I think it's... it's also fucking offensive. And you're totally right, Steve.

Like, that shit needs to be as far apart as possible. Could you, I mean, could you, I mean, it's been a, it's been a couple years now. Could you imagine a horror movie being like, that's some Sandy Hook shit? That's exactly, I mean, that's what it is. And you're just leaving it in this movie and she just passes it off. Like, it's supposed to be a joke. Like, also, she's definitely saying it in the tone like it's a joke. Oh, no, yeah.

It's a pop reference. Yeah. And you're like, wow. Like, wow. Pop-up video. Columbine was a tragedy a few years ago. It's just, it's so, it stops the movie and you're like, all right, Kelly Rollins, thanks for being here. And that's the most bone-chilling part of the movie. Kelly Rollins, I guess, wants to get a nose job in this movie for some reason.

They make that her character thing. Sure, why not? She has a nightmare again, Freddie still isn't strong enough yet. But he's strong enough to make a really bad pun where he rips her nose off. And he goes, got your nose. Oh, and I just roll my eyes over and over. And it's also, that's indicative of why this movie looks weird in the cold light of 2003. CGI nose rip.

And I don't need it. Yep. Let's get some puppets on there. Let's rip a nose off this lady. And let me tell you, there is a lot of CGI kills in this movie. and they stick out like sore-ass thumbs. It all looks terrible. Every last bit of computer nonsense in this movie

looks like complete garbage. And, you know, you can't erase that. George Lucas isn't coming back in and fiddling with this movie. I would love, I mean, the concept got random to the ground, but if you did a right now period piece, Freddie versus Jason, by the guy who did the guest,

now we're hanging out and we're having a good time. Yeah. Like, we've kind of posited this before. like I wanted like a just straight 80s throwback Friday the 13th directed by Ty West. Anything like that. Like that's what needs to happen because I'm sorry these movies, it's not just the 2000s because we proved it with Jason goes to hell. The 90s didn't work with these movies either. No.

You know, like, uh, what is it? New Nightmare gets away with being in the 90s because that's like this is coming out into the reality. So we're not trying to make the same exact feeling movie. It's a meta movie. Yeah. It still sucks. But yeah. Yeah. But, like, just this kind of movie making, it needs to look grainy and shitty, and it needs to be in the 1980s.

It just has to. And that's where I think you will see your most success from any of these reboots that we try to do with these franchises. Set it in the 80s. Make it as 80s as possible. Go all out. Like, that Ty West movie, The House of the Devil, isn't tied to any franchise. But the fact that he did that, you could argue it's gimmicky, but also, like, it's awesome. And that movie's like totally watchable because of that.

It's a great movie, but it's also, you need someone with capable hands. That too. Ty West is a very talented guy. You get, you get someone else trying to make the 80s slasher. It might look like not another teen movie. Yeah, that's very true. And also like, because we're talking about like you need somebody who knows what they're doing, stay out of horror movies, Michael Bay and your fucking platinum dunes production company.

That's who did that 2009 Friday. did all those new Texas chainsaws. Didn't they share a director to maybe Marcus Nispell? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like, people who direct perfume commercials for a living have no business in the genre to begin with. You're totally right, man. So I don't even know.

Jason Ritter meets up with her and he's like, hey, this is what's going on. He tells everybody who can listen about Freddie Kruger. Well, this, I would love it if they cut to Freddie Krueger and hell just jerking off. Oh, they're remembering. They're starting to remember. I can't wait to turn into a bug and then a lobster and then a big building. Oh, man, I'm going to wear a Superman cape.

It's going to get fucking stupid in here in 10 minutes. You're still killing, Jason? Still doing my bidding? I got a lot of great ideas about things to turn into. Man. I'm like the genie from Aladdin, but worse. Wow, that's hard to. But the thing about this hallway scene, too, is, like, Monica Kina's trying to explain,

because she's like, I can't remember his name and this, that, the other thing. And it's just like, this dude is like, oh, he finishes the theme song, the one, two, Freddy's coming for you, whatever. And he's like, three, you know, five, six, whatever, whatever it is, never sleep again. And he's like, oh, sound familiar. Then did this happen? Then did that. And he's like screaming at this girl in the hallway. And Jason Ritter's like, dude, we escaped from a mental institution six hours ago.

Pipe down. And they, it turns out like they, you know, Monica Kina and Jason Ritter used to date. And that's the whole thing. And whatever. Young tortured romance. I mean. But while we're, while we're holding off on the terror, why don't we see a couple of losers planning a big old cornfield rave? And we're just getting ready for this.

party and then we're going to go to this party sure and the nerd Linderman is going to be there Oh man Linderman's going to be there And poor Linderman man Well the thing about Linderman is he gets Like beat up on his way to the party And it's very much

Dazed and confused to the point where I kind of Want Jason to show up at Dazed and confused Like hey Jason party at the moon tower All right Jason I saw you take down them three boys All right, all right. Thing I love about Crystal Lake, I get older, the kids stay the same age.

I want to see Ben Affleck chasing Jason trying to give him a paddling on a behind. He's just covered in blood instead of white paint. Yeah, I think that that's a movie that I'd like to see. Parker Posey and that dude from Rent, Anthony Rap, is just like, they're standing in the back silently judging all of Jason's. activities in a sarcastic fashion you know i think link letter could do a good slasher yeah dude a richard

link later horror movie yeah i would love that that's like two of my favorite things combined he gets uh wiley wiggins right at the sinus when he keeps grabbing it it's just like jason just puts his knife through it oh god that would be great oh but instead freddie versus jason so we got this cornfield party and we totally steal from scream uh there's this like like Jason Mews stand in that nobody wanted and nobody cared for. And all of a sudden this Freeburg? Freeburg.

I thought they were yelling Freebird the whole time. And this guy talk about the character nobody asked for and totally overstays his welcome. And it had been like, oh, pathetically, just a few months since I had watched this movie last. Because when I got the box out, I watched all of them.

So I'm watching it last night and I'm like, oh, that stoner guy is really annoying. Good thing I don't have to put up with him for too long. What's that? He's around for 45 minutes of this movie? Yep. He's like a third-tier character, this Friedberg. He makes some off-hand remark on the girl whose boyfriend got folded up like a sandwich. Yeah.

And she goes, nice job, idiot, which is totally the line. Like, he even says it gutted from stend to sternum or whatever the hell that line is. Oh, right. It's very scream. And she runs off. And she falls us, she passes out drunk because she's an alcoholic or whatever. Yes. And her boyfriend kind of leads her, who's her dead.

boyfriend leads her into the cornfield because it's really Freddie. Right. And it turns into a Freddie nightmare and she goes in the whole fucking boiler room thing. And while she's doing the whole boiler room thing, by the way, because this is what I want in my slasher film, this gross rave kid like kind of starts

date raping. He for real starts date raping her. He's like licking her and shit while she's like passed out. This poor girl is dealing with like Freddie Kruger in the boiler room underworld and then is also like got this scum bag on top of her. And Noted feminist Jason will not have it.

Dude, this is actually kind of the only time computer graphics pay off in this movie because he just fucking boots this kid. And it's like a football, man. This guy goes flying down the cornfield, never seen again. It's kind of amazing. Yeah, it was pretty good. And Freddie's about to kill her in her. He's got this whole boiler room.

Oh, it's so awesome. I've got this girl in a boiler room. I love boiler rooms. Right. He's like side show bobbing it up. going his whole spiel, and it's too late. Because she gets murdered and, like, leaves the dream. And he goes, no.

Oh, man. And then, and so then this is what's really, really stupid is after that happens, he realized what's going on. It's like, oh, Jason killed her. Well, now I'm mad at Jason. And you're like, oh, this is why it's versus because he gets pissed off that, like, he fucking cock blocked him from killing this chicken or dreams. Well, great. This is where you get Satan involved. He's keeping track of who's getting the most souls.

Better pick up the pace, Freddie. Jason's winning. Well, he's not playing fair, Lord and Master. It's hell. There is no fair. Kills or kills. This is one of my favorite parts of the movie is when Jason gets on fire and he's just walking through this cornfield.

Yes. And it's so, yeah, so he then stumbles upon a fat guy and like a, jock doofus who were like smoking weed or no they're like drinking the chugging the yeah a pitcher of everclear and this fat guy's got some funny lines here he's like this ever clear is kicking my ass which i get a legitimate laugh every time i don't know why that guy saw josh gadden a lot casting couches and went fuck and now he sees jesh gad and everything and he's like fuck so this you know they're there and then like jason comes up and they start making fun of them as if he's a hillbilly And they're like, well, get out of here,

throw and find a pind to fuck. And it's like, it's one of those things where I've seen it a thousand times as someone comes across Jason in the woods, makes fun of them because they presume he's some sort of swamp rat. And then they're instantly murdered. He's still built like Andre the giant. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, I'm sorry.

In the night, you come across a gigantic, giant person in a mask. Yeah. That's unsettling. I'm not talking shit. I'm taking shit. in my pants i walk outside at night i think no one's around and oh oh it's just an 85 year old man walking his dog i get afraid yeah i get unsettled a giant man in a mask oh yeah no i'm shitting myself tonight so this is it's it's another

really lame cg i think he kills the jock guy the fat guy starts running and it's pretty funny because jason's just like i can walk all night fat guy and this dude's trying to like chug it through the cornfield and then he runs out to the party like there's a murderous hillbilly and here comes like machete cam we're throwing the CGI machete and it goes through this fat guy and he falls down dead and whatever and like at this point they've already lit him on fire like the fat guy lights him on fire yeah he's actually pretty quick to react like he breaks the neck of the other guy and he's like you killed my friend well all right I got this stick here and I'm gonna pour some ever clear on it set it on fire and then I'm gonna set you on fire and so then yeah

Jason's running around. He's totally on fire. It's the only time I can remember that Jason's ever, like, taken on a group like this and is just going to town on these people. Not bad. This movie's terrible, but this scene, not bad. You know what's a bad idea is when you're fleeing the scene of such a heinous crime. Yeah. And, you know, Freeburg and all our Scooby-Doo pals get in the van. Sure. Don't smoke weed right after this. It's a harrowing experience. You've got to have your senses clear. Totally. And I love a tall glass of water as much as the next guy, but this is neither the time nor the place. Yeah, you can't hotbox a van after you saw Jason Rohe's kill a bunch of people. No, dude, you need to be on your game.

Yeah. And now you know, you know, there's another boogerman out there, too. There's at least two boogerman. Yeah, you come on. You got to focus. I mean, they try and get to the other guy that went to the mental institution. Jason actually, I'm sorry, Freddie actually achieves in killing him because he got strong. wrong enough, I guess. Oh, finally, I'm rock hard and I can kill this boy. Jason got me enough

power-ups that now I'm strong. Tag me in, Jason. I'm going after Sting. The hearty boys are going down tonight. Doink the clown? This movie could use Doink the Clown. Oh, sure. Why not? Come on, I got to go after both members of the Legion of Doom. Oh, no. Now Doink is tagging in. And it. What was the actual name of that clown? It? Oh, Pennywise. Pennywise.

Oh, yeah. Tagging in it. We know who it is in Ohio. And then it tags in them. And now there's giant ants Rome in Ohio. I mean, what the fuck ever. We figure, like, everyone start. I think this is when Lachlan Monroe show.

up. They form a little club and they're all going to hang out and talk about it. And everyone's like, Freddy, Freddy, Freddy, Freddy, Freddy. And then Lockhart was like, I think we have a Jason Voorhees copycat killer. Because Lockland Monroe has gone to the chief. And the chief, like, Lockland, I guess is, his character is new to town. So he hasn't been led in on the whole Fred Kruger nonsense. So he's like, say- Chief-slash-lead Warlock, please.

Oh, pardon me. Chief-slash dude from Halloween three. And, you know, he's just like, I'm not going to tell you again, you shut the fuck up about this. And so, like, Lachlan's ass is really burned. So I don't understand how he makes this connection, though, and this is just, it's a shitty movie and a bad script. But it's like, all of a sudden he just walks into this house.

Yes. And they're like, how did you find us? And he's like, well, the Scooby van parked out front gave it away. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's just a van. Like, you're like, oh, there's a van. People inside must be talking. about Jason Vorees.

What connection is that shit? Nope. None whatsoever. But so they're sitting around this table. They're all like theorizing about like what's going on. And this is where... And I don't know where this came up. It's somewhere in We Hate Movies history. This line has been talked about before. It's the worst line in any movie ever. Take it away, Steve.

It's Monica Keena. She's in the back. Everyone's like, oh, blah, blah, blah. Freddie, Jason, blah. It's like... Wait a minute. Freddy died by fire. Jason by water. How can we use that? clunk and it comes to nothing because they don't use it no one even hears her say it she's ignored they're i guess they're elemental spirits right like no they're not oh okay no it's just garbage talk it's just smelly hot new york city garbage talk all it is doing is is kind of setting up like later when freddie uses water against jason right i think is also kind of bullshit. It's bullshit. He's fucking walking

through that lake all the time. Including it up to the end of this movie. But somehow he sees this waterfall and he's like, nope, won't go chasing that. Thank you. You know that song's about AIDS, you know.

Way to bring down the room, Jason. Sorry. The plan is they're going to go, they figure out what Hypnacil is six times over And they're like, let's go to the, let's go all the way back to the mental institution and go get some. They do, Freddie gains control of Jason Mews stand in by like some, oh, I finally are going to turn into a fun little slug monster. Jesus tap dancing Christ. It's not a slug monster.

It's a caterpillar because we're just doing Alice in Wonderland because this dude loves smoking weed. It's exactly Alice in Wonderland. But he's somehow like in the dream of this stone. and I guess what he falls asleep from smoking weed, like, I don't know. And he's walking around and like the caterpillar goes inside this kid's mouth in the dream. So that means on the outside, Freddy's possessed his body. And he's making the kid dump all the hypnacill down the sink so the kids can't get it. Yeah, big old question mark.

You know what, Eric, there's some plot holes in this movie. Well, the problem with Jason versus Freddie is Jason is really well defined. I mean, aside from how he can keep coming back, but who cares? Right. But Freddie, like, it's just like whatever he feels like doing that week, he can do it. He's throwing Superman cellophane asses at everybody. Whatever he feels like, including, yeah, possessing this kid somehow, whatever. And then, like, you know, he destroys all the hypnosis, so that was a waste of time. Yeah.

And... Except for the ones that he injects him to Jason. Oh, no, that's like a paralytic that they get from there's like a pink whatever. Right. It's something that makes them dream. I think it's the pink slime from ghost. Ghostbusters, too. The food medicine. Oh,

Vigo versus Freddie versus Jason? Oh, man. Actually, a solid like Vigo v. Jason, that's what you want. Just two big old muscle men going at it. Man, the scourge of Moldavia versus the Terra Crystal Lake. I love it.

Lock and Roe bites it. In hilarious. No holds Bard style by getting electrocuted. Just totally zapped. While Jason's machete is stuck in a control panel and he's getting zapped and Jason, you know, daisy

chains him and starts zapping him. Did somebody say Daisy chain? You're me. Yeah, so it's like this whole trip was for nothing. The kid via Freddie sacrifices himself by putting Jason

out with this paralytic. And then I can go inside of his dreams. And this is the first of many. Finally, Freddy versus Jason, which ultimately ends up to be fucking Tom and Jerry fights. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Because neither of them have any biology or have any kind of, there's no damage, it doesn't matter.

They keep just dropping anvils on each other for the last hour of the fighting. You never see the adults that live in the house? I mean, they're totally fighting on the board game mouse trap. Yes. Is what's happening. But, yeah, so Freddie realizes, like, if he wants to get his kill count up

in the eyes of his Lord Satan, he's got to get Jason to get Jason to, pass out so he can kill Jason in his dreams and then continue the madness but so yeah this kid who like injects Jason via being possessed by Freddie gets

cut in half with a machete it's a pretty good takedown although still a computer take down just cut a dummy in half it's right there please and some plan that the idiots make up is like okay Freddy's after us because we all live on Elm Street Jason really doesn't have anything to do with us so let's

drive him back to Crystal Lake nine states away. Yeah. Nine state, isn't this Ohio? Ohio, it's less than nine. I thought Springwood is in Illinois. I think it's Ohio.

Is it Ohio? Oh, Halloween takes place. So it's not insane. It's far, but it's not insanely far. It's like it's kind of a good idea. The bad idea is sitting in the back of a van with him. Tie him to the roof. Tie him to the roof.

Thank you. Well, they have to keep injecting him with that paralytic for whatever reason. Linderman's there like, you know, we're running out of this smooth slime. And everyone's like, shut up, Linderman. Oh, my God. I hate the moments in this where Jason is like dreaming and it's just his body. And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, man, he's drowning. And it's just water coming out of his mouth.

Oh, it's disgusting. Yeah. And it's so, so this is where we get our, we're driving to Crystal Lake. And yeah, we're doing a 15 hour drive in 15 minutes. Yes. whatever. And so while this is happening, so you got Jason Ritters driving the car, Linderman's

in the backseat, administering the paralytic, and Kelly Rellins is there to entertain us all. I wish it was like a road movie where they had to keep stopping off at different motels and like, oh, this is my friend, he's totally wasted. We're going to leave him in the trunk. Don't worry. I'd love it if they stopped off

like a truck stop and they decided to give up on the whole plan and they do the end of five easy pieces. And Jason goes to the bathroom at the truck stop and everybody just gets in like the cab of a truck and just drives off like Nicholson. Or just put him on a plane

to Bangkok. Like just literally you're China's problem now. That's like that Jim Jarmish movie where they get on the plane to Hungary. Oh yeah. Which one is that? Hungary. Hungary. Hungry. Stranger than Paradise. Yeah. Oh yeah. And by the way, I meant Thailand. It's Thailand's problem

now. Bangkok, Thailand. Exactly. Just put him there. Freddy Kruger can follow them to you. I'm sure Freddie Cree would love it in Thailand. Well, yeah. I mean, this is a great point. Oh, my God. It's like Christmas every day. What an industry.

You're right. You're right. But it's like how Nevada gets rid of their homeless population. Put him on a bus to San Francisco. Exactly. Just get Jason bus fare. And so the whole thing is here's the plan. We've got to get to Crystal

Lake for vague reasons. Jason's home turf. Yeah, Monica Kina's like, oh, We'll give Jason Holmfield advantage. I don't know. She literally... It's a movie, guys. Let's go.

I think it's like we get him there. Yeah. And then, you know, we can go back to Ohio and he's not going to follow us because he's back. Well, because the whole thing is on top of driving all the way to Crystal Lake, Monica Kina is going to go under and find Freddy in the dream world and take him out. Sure. Because she realizes back in that basement, because she falls asleep at one point, and she rips Freddy's ear off and takes it back out into the...

the real world, which we all know can happen because we've seen other Nightmare and Elm Street. Because anything could happen because of the nightmare and Elm Street. Right. Well, this actually does happen in quite a few movies. The hat comes back in the first one, for example. But so they're like, okay, I'll go in there.

I'll give him a big old bear hug. You wake me up, and then we'll make him fight Jason in the real world where Jason has home field advantage on Crystal Lake. So that's what we're doing. Oh, don't go to sleep. Oh, sorry. Do you imagine a big Freddy claw just burst out of my chest while recording this pod? I would be, well, no, I'm not, I wouldn't be okay with him.

It would at least be more entertaining than Freddie versus Jason. Or we hate movies. So yeah, to your point, Eric, this is when they're fighting in a basement and Freddie like cuts open a water main. And Jason's like, Hamana, homina, homina, I can't move through this for some reason. All of a sudden it's kryptonite, which makes zero sense. And then Freddy's like, say, that's funny. And then like makes water go all the way around him. Like, Jason Voorhees will walk through that.

I'm sorry. He's worked in the rain before. We've seen it. He's had no problem with boats. Like, he's always, if anything, he's an aquatic monster. Yeah. Oh, Drat. It's raining outside.

Well, it looks like work's canceled for this evening. I'll sit in my cabin and fuck my mother's skull until morning. Those two. Oh, man, those rowdy kids are really rubbing it in my face by having a party. I thought my cabin. Skinny dipping in the rain, well, that's obnoxious. I remember when these kids

used to have class. This is ridiculous. Come on, Mother. Let's watch the weather channel. Nobody stops raining. Counting the minutes till it stops. Also, is this the scene, is it not, where he plays Jason like a fucking pinball

machine? With that scene. sucks. Oh, yeah. And you, you know, dude, it was those extreme screenwriters from Butterfly Effect that was like, oh, wait a second, dude, I got it. He's playing them like a pinball machine. Oh, man. Bravo, Dexter. Hey, man, why don't we write me in the movie? How about Freeburg? You know? It's like Freebird. Dude, you're not Jewish. So, yeah, that scene happens.

And so then, but like Jason's waking up and, well, he's not waking up. He's being murdered because this is where we get the Jason flashback and we're Crystal Lake in the 50s. And these kids are making fun of them. I mean, it's the thing you've seen a thousand times. The best thing is one of the drafts of this script from the ages had Freddie is a camp counselor at Crystal Lake and molested Jason. Yep. Ew, and thanks for cutting that out. Wow.

I mean, there are ways to connect characters, and there are ways to not connect characters. Freddie begins, the molestation of Jason 40s. Seriously, just like, well, what if he fucked him? How much are you getting paid to write this screenplay, and your idea was what if he fucked him? Fuck you, whoever came up with that. Now that I'm done being a camp counselor, I guess I'll be a janitor a few states over. Yeah, well, he had to cheese it because the fuzz was on to him. Oh, yeah, small of the fucking.

Oh, no, it'll be great. We'll get guest director, the guy who directed mysterious skin. It's going to be awesome. Ew. Yeah, what a bad eye. I mean, there are bad ideas. Like, killer workout in general is a bad idea. Sure.

But this is a bad idea. Because they never say that Freddy's a child molester because it's too gross. You know what I mean? Exactly. He's just a killer. Yeah. He just is a killer. And it's like, look at these beautiful children. No, yeah.

You get the vibe. You know what's going on. But that's the thing. We know what's going on. We don't want it to be like, hey, Jason, come to the woodshed with me. And then it's like, you know, a challenged boy screaming. And then in this fight where he's dumping the water all around him is when we get the babeality where Jason turns into a baby. Right.

Right. Yeah. And he takes off the mask and he's, you know, got his weird. head and he's just screaming and Freddy's laughing and then it's like he's trying to drown him in the lake in the dream and this is where in the van Jason the adult monster

starts like choking on water and Kelly Rollins is this close away from giving mouth to mouth to a monster why would you give him mouth to mouth electricity isn't stop him bullets don't stop him he's not going to drown here's yeah that's exactly because the whole water thing's bullshit but

they just want to keep Jason alive because Jason is better to have around than Freddie because, you know, Jason, you can go to sleep. That's true. You know, I mean, he might murder you, but you can go to sleep.

You ditch him back in Jersey and get the hell out of there before he comes to. It's like It Follows, right? You got to... Just drive really far and leave him. Yeah. That's another thing.

The last person who fucked the It Follows person, get him on a boat back to Bangkok. No, the move is, and It follows. You go, you've got the It follows. You fly to fucking Las Vegas where prostitution is legal.

Oh, yep. You have sex. You give that woman, you're not a jerk. You give that woman, be like, hey, you go to Japan. You know what I mean? Like, really do it up. Oh, yeah. You mean, you'll drop $4,000, but you'll do it all right.

Get someone who's involved in the sex tourism industry. Yes. It's a billion dollar field. They'll figure it out. Keep that demon busy for all time. Then what you do is you get somebody who's got cancer, right? And you have sex with him. And you're like, hey, look.

You ever thought about being an astronaut? He's like, why, yes, I did. And then he goes in a space shuttle to the moon and dies. But then if that person dies, it reverts back, though. Oh, that's right now. Yeah, you need some. Although I do like the idea of launching someone into space for no reason. Well, you can't do that in America anymore unless you sleep with Richard Branson.

And now that's a perfect guy to give the its follow demons. Yeah, exactly. Let him. He's got enough SDDs. He won't even notice. No, yeah. He's just like, oh, what, another one of those? Oh, another sex demon trying to kill me.

Well, get in line, sex demon. I'll just go to my sex island, my private island. Trying to find me there, sex demon. And it's just a bunch of It Follows running around. Like, it's a living. It's like they're all circling the island. Come on, It Follows. Let's play a game of Where's Waldo?

Oh, It follows, that follows. follows, she follows. All the demons are after me. Look out for donkey follows. That's a tough one. This is like a sexual horror Dr. Seuss story. Which I always thought would be a good idea. I think it would be a great idea. One fish, two

fish, red fish, nude fish. Yeah, I can see that happening. So anyway, we're on the road to Crystal Lake and this big fucking monster wakes up. The van crashes. This is a severe car accident, by the way, and they get out like, it's totally fine. They're like, Sam Jackson in Unbreakable or Bruce Willis

an Unbreakable rather. Immediately afterwards Linderman falls, gets thrown into just like an exposed stick or whatever and gets killed on that. Oh yeah. So I mean we get to Camp Crystal Lake. We run there and they see like Jason like gets up and you know runs away or whatever. They're at the campgrounds and they're in a cabin and they see Jason just

walking around like Home Sweet Home you know and they're waiting for Monica Keena to wake up and they can't they can't shake her away because he's stuck in the dream Because she's, like, drugged out or whatnot. This is when we also get, like, some dream incest, which I don't need in any movie. Like, even though it's fake dream incest, and it's a friend. And he's, like, make it out with her, and it just grosses me out. Oh, my sweet little girl.

And I'm like, I just, I don't need it. There's enough going on. I don't need this dad tongue kiss in his daughter. You're not edgy. By the way, wake up. You're not edgy. This movie's not edgy. Oh, man, what if we have, like, the father trying to fuck?

But he's Freddy Kruger, so it's cool. Oh, man, I like where this is going. Oh, man, we can get away with that. Also, I happen to have Il Nino's number on my phone. They're going to do the whole soundtrack, too, dude, yeah, call him. Jeff, that's a great idea. Let's put on some Il Nino right now. My pants are big enough to keep six CDs in my, in my jeez.

So here you go. The next morning they wake up and be like, wait, wait, what? Who'd we? We signed a contract for this guy to do this music? I thought we were just joking around. Il, Vino, you were serious? Slash, you know them? Also, I'm cutting this molestation scene with Freddie Mission.

Oh, man, that's like the whole theme, brother. That brought the whole thing together. So, whatever, man. Jason breaks into this cabin, cue the new metal. Oh, yeah. That's the thing, like, when we're getting revved up for a good old Mortal Kombat WWF monster fight, it's always like grind that fucking guitar because it's on now.

Tune your guitar to low C, brother, and just go for it. Whale, man. Drop it down, dude. Jason kicks the door in. Everybody theoretically goes wild in the audience. Freddie shows up and now they're fighting in the real world and if you die in the real world you die for real I guess Oh yeah

And they fight on some construct I don't know what kind of construction they're doing on Crystal Lake They're making a bomb factory apparently There's a sign very briefly And I've seen this movie like five times But I just noticed it last night Where it's like coming soon Crystal Lake outdoor whatever the fuck

It's like always some stupid sap land developer buys up the property and is going to do something with it. Also featured in the novel I have, the Friday of the 13th, Hate Kill Repeat, where Jason is stalking some evil Crystal Lake land developers.

That's pretty awesome. Yeah, it sucks. I mean, honestly, I mean, that's a bad deal to get. Wow, this price is so great for this Crystal Lake. Is the lake involved? You're telling me, I'm buying a whole town

for $50,000? Like I know we've been mentioning Scooby-Doo a few times But like you could almost like pull off the Jason mask And it's the land developer Oh my God, that'd be awesome Just to drive down the prices Oh, $50,000 is that too high? We can go lower

By this whole town for a song And this is when we get really Tom and Jerry Because like Freddie is just throwing all sorts of like What rebar at him and all sorts of He also like notices in the one part if he cuts the top off the whatever there are oxygen tanks that are there for some reason on this construction site.

He can launch him like torpedoes in which he says load the torpedoes and he's firing these things at Jason. Jason gets hit with it like a cartoon and flies through the air. This is really just construction versus Jason. Seriously. Because it's the real world so Freddie doesn't have

that's what's weird. In the real world, Jason has supernatural powers. Freddie does not. He's supposed to just be a person. A burned man with a hand. Yeah. So he's like... He's just instantly in pain.

Yeah, that's what I never understood. Because those wounds aren't healed. Get me solacane. Get me lots and lots of solacade. Oh, my God. This is torture. Oh, this is what I've been doing to people. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Jason, please, just put the machete on my... Just go for it. Yeah, just go to town and kill me. I'll go to hell. I'll figure things out there. I got a standing poker game with Hitler. Me, Hitler, JFK, we're all good card buddies. I mean, why would Freddie be afraid of the big sleep?

No, exactly. He wouldn't. He's been there before, man. He's a child killer, but he's pretty good at poker. We got a child killer. We got a lady killer, and we got a, well, I'll keep that down on the down low. Got a everybody killer.

Hey, Walt Disney, want to sit down? Freddy's back. It says coming out, Patty. Hey, Mother Teresa,

I know you're cheating. So, by the way, the last 30 minutes of this movie is nothing but the two of them wrestle fighting. Because that's,

I mean, this is the fan service part of it, I guess. It's just like throwing Freddie into window and who cares.

And it's not what I came to either of these franchises for, which is kids getting cut up and fuck it. And none of that's happening. No, but instead, this is, we're at now, what is, without a doubt, the lowest point of this movie, which is Ms. Destiny's Child herself, just using a gay slur toward Freddie Kruger.

And, like, supposedly, the line is improvised. And the screenwriters came out and they're like, we did not write that. And a lot of people like on the cast was like, that's not cool. It's just astounding to me because it's like caught it out. Unless you did the same take 50 times

and she kept doing it. Prove me wrong, but I don't think that word shows up in any of the earlier movies of either franchise in the 80s. I don't entirely know that that's true. I mean, it's the 80s. Right, but I think both of these franchises were a little more tasteful than Monster Squad. Yeah, that's very true.

You're totally right. And we're not talking about. And Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. Dude, in both of those movies, it hits like a fucking thud there too. And it hits like a thud here. And this is 2003 we're talking about. And she just out and says it. And you're just like...

Well, it is the worst year ever. We're talking about we're having a monster fight. It's fine. Then it turns into Eddie Murphy's Raw all of a sudden. And I'm like, I don't need that shit. Tell me something. What kind of faggot runs around in a Christmas sweater? I don't need track two of Eddie Murphy Raw, okay?

That's the one that everybody skips nowadays. I could go for Raw versus Freddie versus Germany. Oh, man. He's wearing that leather suit? Yeah, he'd be impenetrable to Freddy's blades. Alternatively, Meteor Man versus Freddie versus Jr. get James Earl Jones in there beating the shit out of people

I like it Yeah it just It hits like such a thud It takes you right out of the movie And it's like why Cut that shit out Cut it out of your movie Do it some other way

Like it doesn't need to happen It's not funny It's not funny Again like her Columbine line It's supposed to hit like a joke Right because she's making funny Oh you're wearing your Christmas sweater You know

And then you're like To be fair though Freddy was a little racist to her in the beginning. He's like, how sweet, dark meat. That's his worst line. This is her worst line. At least he's the villain. I'll say that. But also... Racism versus homophobia coming this fall. Seriously, but you're just... Also, Freddie, like, you've definitely taken down people of all races before.

It's not the first time you've seen a black person. I remember specifically you had a field day with Larry Fishburn and Dream Warriors. I'm pretty sure you died in the 20th century. it's just it's so unforgivable that it's left in this movie and it's it does nothing it's not like it's a movie about a serial killer going after homophones like if you're killing the family from american history acts sure i get it throw all of those things at freddie kruger oh man the dad for boy meets world gets it after saying the n word for no reason man Daniel Vineyard versus Freddy Oh man that would be something Freddy gets curbed Holy shit

Yeah you'd put those dumb ass sharp teeth of his onto the sidewalk Yeah once he comes into the real world I don't know I don't know I don't know if he I don't know Freddy's gonna win against this Jacked Ed Norton's skinhead He was really tough in that movie

He was toughest he's never been that tough Before or since And Elliot Gould uses this opportunity That he's now He's now being totally distracted. He can finally date Beverly DeAngelo. Now that the boys and the monsters are fighting, maybe we could go get some ice cream.

Beverly, I'm going to need 12 guys. Ocean's 11 versus Freddie versus Jason. There it is. Yes. Yes. You know that Chinese acrobat's going to be kicking some ass in that movie. And they're going to have a lot of fun doing it. George Clooney can dress up nice.

Somehow schmooze his way to get all the townsfolk out of there so they can have a clean fight. Oh, and it's all going to be at Andy Garcia's Casino. He's like, you did it again, Ocean's Eleven. And then Scott Kahn gets cut in half. That'd be fun. Oh, yeah. Oh, what's his name? Don.

Don Cheatel just knocks Jason over with that horrendous accent. Oh, yeah, that would be cool. I'd watch that movie. I don't know. The end of this movie happened. The world's biggest bomb explodes, because again, this is going to be a fireworks factory. And somehow, both Jason Ritter and Monica Kina survived this, which, I don't know. It's the old jump in the water.

And it's a classic, we have two really good zingers for Monica Kina to say it adjacent to Freddie before she kills him. So we might as well use them both. Because at first she goes, hey, Freddy, go to hell! And then like does something. Yeah. And then everybody falls down like a wrestling match and, like, catches their breath for five. minutes oh yeah you gotta wait to hear it from the crowd until you can stand back up and freddie pops up out of the water and she's got and uh he gets impaled with his own hand by jason right and she goes welcome to my world bitch

which is a refrain of what he said right because he's calling everybody bitch in this movie's like fucking jesse pinkman everybody's a bitch in this movie but i will say one thing i mean this movie looks like shit sounds like shit written like shit acted like shit directed like shit i will say the shot of Freddy jumping out of Crystal Lake and he's like kind of hanging in the air like a Mortal Kombat character. It's a little Dragon Ball Z for me, but I'm totally cool with it. I think it's a pretty neat looking shot. Yeah, it's kind of cool. It's like the red tint all over. I mean, yeah, someone's about to Hadookin somebody in the background, I feel. But you might as well, you know, you might as well introduce Ryu and whatever else. Oh man, Piccolo versus Jason.

I mean, you could throw anything you want in this. Dragon Ball Z, Street Fighter. Get some Pokemon in there fucking shit up. Get a charmander after Freddy. Yeah. Why is there not a ghost in this? Oh, good call. How about a vampire?

A vampire. Oh, even get a vampire. Get a vampire. Get a old world vampire to fucking, from Carl Theodore Dreyer's vampire to figure it out. Yeah. It'd be great if he tried to kill the girl from Ginger Snaps that she turned to a fucking werewolf.

Now where are you, Jason? Yeah. Now you've got a big fat Canadian Werewolf coming at you. Oh, man, and she's just hungry for your syrupy blood? Yeah, and just a metaphor for menstruation. It's fucked up.

I mean, so, and then here is the final question for this movie, right? Like, how do we end Freddy versus Jason? Who's going to win? Now, here's the thing. The answer is you do what Clue did and you have a bunch of endings. That's not what they did.

They decided to like just... Or this happened. Dude, if Tim Curry's running around, explaining who actually won the fight? Tim Curry as the legend devil. Oh, yeah. Running around as Tim Curry include. As the fellow? Oh, man.

That's awesome. Well, it's Satan and you realize the whole movie was Satan telling a story to all his minions. And he's just like And then Freddy comes and he's like running around. Freddy and Jason are just his meat puppets. He's been banging around. God, that would be great.

Instead, it's, yeah, so like, Freddie, gets his arm shoved through. At one point, Jason rips the arm off. Then he finds it again and shoves it through. And here's the thing that they do in this movie. It's really annoying is they try to like make you feel for Jason as like the boy who was picked on and murdered. He's the good guy.

Yeah, like the end of the movie is like Jason is sinking down into the water. Monica Kina is looking at him longingly. Like, shut up. He's not Harry from Harry and the Henderson's. He's a fucking murderer that's killed hundreds of teenagers at this point. Get out of here, Jason. Don't you see we don't want you anymore? Jason just walking through the Seattle suburbs alone.

Oh, man, I'm going to shed a tear, actually. It's so sad. She killed hundreds of teenagers. But it's all because she saw the dumb flashback in the dream sequence. She feels bad for him. You got to understand that Jason's dead. This is a monster. It's a man monster.

But to be fair, he's a lot. less rapy than Freddie. And everyone prefers him to Freddie. He's all business. That's why. Yeah, exactly. He doesn't say shit. He's not trying to make you laugh before he kills you.

That's the other thing. His tongue is guarded by a fucking hockey mask as it should be. Who were those jokes for, by the way? Freddie, right? Yeah. He's not trying to make you laugh before he murders you, right? Maybe it's Satan. Maybe he's got, like, it's always like, it's kind of Clarissa explains it all with Satan watching it.

That's exactly what it is. That's exactly what this is. Oh, hey, Jay. Jason? Blown. Yes. Yes. Freddy's nerdy redheaded brother, Chucky.

Yes. Sure. Why not? That's a good point. The Chucky movies, they kind of laid the path for this, right? Because it was like slashes in the 2000. Because they were all so garbage.

And they made money, though. I mean, that was the thing. Yeah. No, it's the bride of Chucky horse shit that no one should ever watch. Yeah, I haven't seen any of those. ladder chuckster movies and I'm fine with it. Hey believe me guys I'm fine with it so yeah that's the end of the movie and it's like we cut to

what's actually another kind of good shot in the movie is like the next morning crystal lake like the fogs rolling across the water kind of reminiscent of like evil dead like those shots of the lake at the beginning of evil dead and it's just kind of this nice shot but then we cut to you know boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom and it's like jason yeah and jason's walk and jason's walk out and you're like oh jason lived man and then he's holding freddie's head and freddie you know winks

and it's well you almost thought you watched a movie but then he had to wink and remind you you didn't watch a movie at all and all that says is we can't make decisions as storytellers and we're just a bunch of pussy money grabbing filmmakers speaking of evil dead do you guys know about that there's a comic series with ash after this movie yeah they brought ash into it do not need the that's a like These two worlds coming together suck enough. I love Evil Dead. Keep it out of this. Don't Sully another franchise I enjoy watching films from.

You know what I'm by just cramming this shit together, you know? And like there's all sorts of people that do it. There's the comics. There's fucking fan films out there where all these monsters come together. I guess there's precedence for the Ash thing because the Necronomicon was in the background of one of the Jason. But like, who cares? I mean, it was just a thing. It's just a thing indeed.

There's precedence, you know, so-and-so meets the wolfman. That's the idea. All the universal stuff. Yeah. Where's Abbott and Costello in this stuff? Oh, my God, I wish. Or it's like Sean Hayes and whatever the hell the rest of the bad three stooges are. Oh, geez.

Sean Hayes, the dude. Will Sassow. Will Sassow and the guy, the Greek guy, who's, on Season 2 of Silicon Valley. Yeah, nobody cared. I can't think of his name. He's amazing on Silicon Valley. Yeah, it's a great show. It's a great show. But, yeah, man, I hate myself that I don't totally despise that Fairley Brothers Three Stooges movie.

But get them, get them wandering around. Yeah. Crystal Lake. Oh, yeah. These contemporary Three Stooges, that would be kind of funny. All right. Would anybody recommend this? No, I mean, it's just watch any of the other movies. Any of them. Almost any of them. Even Jason takes Manhattan. They're separate corners you two. Honestly, like, they're two.

And that's the thing is that the mood of each movie is totally different. Even with their bad sequels, the mood is totally different. And trying to cram them together is like trying to listen to, you know, corn and Stone Temple pilots at the same time. Yeah, that's a bad mixtape. Yes, it is. It's a mixtape nobody wants to listen to. I'm actually going to say, why not? Oh.

Because, you know, complete. complete the series is I mean this is stupid this is I kind of agree with your idea of it's not canon right it's like a fan film right but it's a multi-million dollar fan film which I'm not saying it's a good movie I'm not saying it's so bad it's good either but it's sort of like a watch it you know like I just got to look at this watch it for a minute I kind of agree with you it is a curiosity and if you haven't seen it you know know, maybe for our younger listeners out there who, you know, were five in 2003 or something, I don't know, but like... Or probably born. I think a lot of young people who were just born listen to the show.

Yeah. Either way, like, if you haven't seen the movie, you know, I mean, if you're a completest for this horror stuff, like, I think you should see it because it's an example of why we shouldn't do things like this. See also those AVP movies. Oh, Lord. Because that's another piece of shit idea that spawned two piece of shit ideas. how that got a sequel and this didn't I don't know I mean this this wasn't a super smash but it made money it's weird

I did well I think that they decided reboots were the way to go and they just decided to make that gross Jackie O'Hurley movie that's a bad movie so this wasn't a super smash but was it a graveyard smash that's Freddy versus Jason from 2003 directed

by Ronnie you if you want to get a hold of us and find out more information about our fine program Check out our website, WHMpodcast.com, or find us over on the Sideshow Network, which is, of course, sideshownetwork.com. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast. Where do you stand with all this horror franchise monster mash business? You know what?

I'm going to put out a poll. Who would you rather have sex with Freddie versus Jason? There you go. And why? Don't just answer. I want complete sentences. Well, yeah, we'll do a poll, but you've got to comment on it on the inside there. Yeah, exactly right.

Paint us a picture. A gross one, please. Right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. Be sure to catch us this Friday night at the Jacob Brenz Film Center. That's October 23rd for the overnight Halloween marathon where we will watch a bunch of movies,

but also RIF on Friday the 13th 8, Jason takes Manhattan. Eric, are you going to wear your paraphernalia there? Ooh, boy, which one? He's talking about your Jason mask. Oh, I was thinking of your T-shirt there. You got that cool, or your sweater, the Camp Christmas. Lake T-shirt. Oh, you know what? Maybe I'll wear it all. You've got to come out and see what I'm wearing. You know, there's going to be a red carpet pre-shed. Yes. There'll be a step and repeat where Eric will be taking

pictures in front of. If you haven't picked up your pass yet, gang, visit burnsfilmcenter.org for ticket information. That is this Friday, October the 23rd. You don't want to miss it. Now, clue for next week's episode, which is indeed the final episode of the 2015 Halloween spooktacular, Steve Sadek. The longest running joke in show history, which we have not done an episode. Ooh, the longest running joke in show history that we have not done an episode on yet. Which fits in the spookacular mode.

Oh, which also fits in the spookerical mode. So there you go. By the way, some people that have been guessing episodes for this past month that aren't horror episodes, pay attention, gang. What are you doing? It's spooktacular. You gotta guess horror movies.

So next week, a long-running joke, the longest running, about a film we have not yet addressed on the program. Until then, I'm Andrew Jupe. David Seda. Eric Siska. Take it easy. Wait a minute.

Freddy died by fire, Jason by water. How can we use it?