We Hate Movies - S6 Ep226: Weekend at Bernie's II

Episode Date: November 24, 2015

On this week's episode, the gang goes back to the beach to spend another couple days with Rich, Larry, and old Bern in Weekend at Bernie's II! How did they not have a more... accurate production design with that porno theater? What happened with Gwen? And how is this zombie not talking? PLUS: Sweet Jeff Dahmer calls a couple customer service lines. Weekend at Bernie's II stars Andrew McCarthy, Jonathan Silverman, Terry Kiser, Troy Byer, Barry Bostwick, Tom Wright, Steve James, and Novella Nelson as "The Mobu"; directed by Robert Klane. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Hello, Mandra Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network. Thank you for tuning in, as always. Welcome to the second week of Bernie Mania here on We Hate Movies. The second and last.

The second and last. Yeah, there's no more Bernie movies. There might be a third one. Fingers crossed. A reboot. A gritty reboot. But until then, this is Weekend at Bernie's 2 from 1993, directed by Robert Clayne. I got a question.

Sure. Was the sequel? made because anyone saw the first one? Were they so amazed that literally anyone saw that first movie? Like, well, we got to do a sequel. Clearly, it's got an audience. Here's what I think might have happened.

Okay. Because this is four years after the first movie. That's a long time. It is. We went from Bush to Bush 1. We're in Clinton country now. Oh, we're in Clinton country big time. And my theory is that while this might not have been like a massive success

at the box office, it may have been a big thing on the VHS like rental market. Sure. That may explain like the four years later business and it's like, yeah, we're just going to do a bullshit sequel. Because also remember it's the early 90s, what were any of these actors doing?

We were still a ways off from the single guy. We were. By just a few years. I think this movie may have gotten the single guy. Wow. Yeah. They were like, oh, hey, we remember Jonathan Silverman, says NBC. I just realized that this is, you know, because of that

big gap in years, this is actually a period piece. You're right. Since this is a prestigious period piece. Yep, we're making it in the early 90s, but it's set in the very late 80s. My time's changed. It's supposed to be like a few days after the first one. Maybe like the next day or something like that. I mean, that's a good place to start.

What time is it? Because we are introduced, and like I promised, didn't I promise you guys? Cartoon opening. oh yeah cartoon opening in this movie and what this is doing first of all i appreciate it oh yeah best part of the movie probably hands down but it's telling you a little bit of a story here i'm imagining that this cartoon opening is canon and this was all the the hoops that these guys had to go through to get bernie's body from the hamptons back to manhattan but there was not their problem anymore yep that's the police get involved goodbye 100% not their problem there's a there's like

an ambulance driver taking the corpse out of there at the end of the first movie, why would they have to do anything? Well, remember the end of the movie, though, is the body falls off the thing and it spooks him, and then the kid gets buries them, so who knows what could happen? Exactly. So maybe it's like they have that weekend

staying out of the Hamptons, Andrew McCarthy creeping around Bernie's house still. That criminal urge to play with the dead. Weird stuff. Oh, yeah. These dead didlers, dude, they're out there. Well, then, and also it happens. Do you think he was diddling him?

I mean, there's entirely a possibility wherein he diddles. These guys, didlin? I bet, yeah. Because Bernie gets diddled in both movies. That's true, but do you think, like, Andrew McCarthy's, like, checking out his dick? Um, no. I think he might look at it.

You think so? I don't know if he's going to play with it necessarily, but I think he might look at it. Richard Larry, Richard, Bernie's dick is bigger than mine. Richard, Richard, help! Richard, help me! Rich! Look at his dick, Richie! Look at the size of that dick! Can you believe it?

It's like a log. This accent that he's given this character in both of these movies. It's worse of the second one by far. Oh, it is a cartoon and a half in this one. Well, because this movie has your bad movie, bad sequel checklist, right? So it's like, one, the chemistry is incredibly strained in the second movie. Like, you know what I mean? And the performances are less like, oh, man, and the first one, you can tell, they kind of gave a shit the second one.

they don't uh two one of the stars is notably aging worse than the other which is Andrew McCarthy versus silverman silver looks like he just walked off the set of the first one silverman's looking great and i'll tell you another thing silverman's the only one of the two of them taking his shirt off when we get to the virgin island yeah McCarthy's looking a little doughy in this now and that's the thing that's interesting he looks great now sure he's like a travel writer he really doesn't act anymore he directs a lot of tv he looks fucking fantastic he took a shirt off right at the when he meets Claudia on the beach

oh you're right you're right I sit corrected I'm looking out for them nips man Nip alert so that's one to the third being voodoo is inextricably introduced for a bad sequel yeah that is like we're trying to find a thing and it's like

I can imagine it now right it's like we don't want this weekend at Bernie's too to just be a carbon copy of weekend at Bernies so we're gonna sit in this fucking writer's room until you come up with something. I'm locking the door. How about magic?

Done. Unlocking the door. I didn't even have time to lock the door. Good one. Great work, everybody. Put the magic back in. So, yeah, the cartoon opening's fun. The cartoon opening kind of sounds like a more exciting movie than Weekend at Bernie's

too. He's getting run over by a train. There's all sorts of car accidents happening. It looks great. Once we start really getting paid for this show, I'm going to make a feature piece. on a cartoon opening power rankings. And I think City Slickers might be number one. Oh, I find that an obnoxious cartoon opening.

Exactly. Oh, so you're talking to the shit is. Oh, okay. A cartoon opening. I was going to say, because this one is like a movie I would like to say. You know, it's another, a bad one is that the one from Madhouse. Oh, right, yeah. With Laracette and Kirstie Alley.

Yeah, yeah. It's a shit cartoon opening. Loverboy with the pizza truck trying to screw. Steve, I think, Mm. Lover boy. might be up there. It's cars fucking. Other cars. The best

is probably National Lappoon's Christmas vacation. That's a really good cartoon. It's solid. And you know what? Good animation. And we're using animation to make jokes. Like there's a fucking point to it. Yeah, we're setting the tone of the movie. Things are going to get blundered around

the holidays. You know, that's what you're telling me to do. And it's priming you, just like any other good opening act. It's priming you. It's warming you up. And you're getting ready to laugh. You know, it's making Chevy Chase's job a whole lot easier in that movie. Right into the We All Hit Movies mailbag

for your favorite cartoon opening, because I'm sure there's a hundred that we're forgetting. Oh, exactly right. Yeah. So, cartoon opening aside, we get to the New York Coroner's Office. Because it's a nice transition from NYMorg, which is in the cartoon into the actual real life. Sure. Which this movie is... Real life

cartoon world. We're still getting some filming on the streets of New York City in this movie, though. This movie actually... I think you're talking bigger, budget because we're not faking, you know, the Virgin Islands, you know, for somewhere else. This is, we're in New York City

and we are in the Virgin Islands filming this movie. Didn't I see sort of Florida? Or that's something else? In the first movie, North Carolina is in place of the Hamptons. I saw Florida casting in the... Oh, really? Yeah. I checked

the IMDB and it said the Virgin Islands in New York. I mean, there could be a casting office there. Then we're taking us off the mainland to go to the islands. You know, if you need an actor and you don't have an abundant supply in the Virgin Islands, the plane ticket's probably cheaper from Florida to... Hey, another thing before we get too far away from this cartoon opening, because it's kind of everywhere in this movie,

the score to this movie is terrible, and it is just riddled with saxophone. And it's not even good saxophone. It's just fun, poppy, 80s vacation saxophone. We're always going on vacation, man. We love our vacations. It's America. We've got too much money now with the Clinton surplus.

Yep. Let's go on vacation. And another thing you better get ready for in this movie, and you better love it to death is calypso music. Oh, the calypso music. And you know what's interesting? I think there's a little foreshadowing in that first movie. The opening of the first movie, there's like some light calypso being played,

like right at the beginning. I think they took inspiration from that. They're like, let's set it in a world where there's nothing but calypso music 24-7 but it's like sub-calypso music this is not canon to calypso it would be great if in the first like you know we're gonna burnies one happens we get a Bernie two they go this other direction with the voodoo like andrew said that they kind of try and tie it together if they put out a special edition of we're gonna birdie's one with some witch doctors in the back just like in the back of you know right when Bernie dies right that that hitman walks away and there's like a voodoo doctor like rubbing his hands in the back like really bad yeah yeah well yeah like Alan Corman's grave in Legalistrate here gentleman. Yeah, that dude's just standing by the tree being a weirdo.

Yeah, sprinkles of dust on Bernie. Like, I'll see you the next movie and goes away. Steve, you are so right. We needed a special edition re-release of all these putting in the stuff that you couldn't do yet. We already mentioned that they changed part of the continuity of the first film.

That's right. To make this one make sense. That's just way movies are. You don't have the technology at the time. go back and tinker with them. The best thing to do with movies, Eric, is to tinker with them after they're done. I mean, you can only make them better. What? You're making, you're adding,

you're pumping in more movie. Who's to complain? Can I just say this? And I, because I just wanted to do this. Next month, to you coincide with Star Wars coming out, we're doing a Star Wars episode. Yeah. And we're doing a Star Wars commentary. That's true. And now we're putting it on the air, so we have to do it. We kind of really have to

damage it. And I will, I also, I vow to not cut this bit out of the episode when I'm editing it. So we will be held to... And you know, here's the thing. We're not going to say what Star Wars is going to be what. We're just saying,

Star Wars. An episode and a commentary coming out in the month of the summer. Watch your back, Empire Strikes Back. We hate movies. Empire Strikes Back. Oh, man. I'm just giggling at the emails now.

Oh, so... Where was I going with this? Oh, so, like, we spend 90-ish, whatever minutes in that first movie trying to rid ourselves of this problem. Sure. So what are we going to do when we get to the start of this movie? Let's get right back ass cheeks deep in this situation.

Because the coroner is like, oh, here's his personal effects. We sign for him. And Jonathan Silverman is very much like, I don't want this to be a movie. We don't know this guy. And Andrew McCarthy is like, but, Leah, I need it to be a movie. Come on, this sequel's happened, Larry. Or Richard. Richie.

Richie. So stupidly interchangeable. So he's like, oh, yeah, I'll sign. for him so I can get his Rolex watch that he's been like pining for since the first movie. It tends to be his nephew. Yes. One of many crimes coming up. Piling up the

fraud. One Rolex watch, gold. One cigarette lighter, gold. And then he starts, stops walking with a limp. One prophylactic used. But then Eric went into the Blues Brothers. Oh, a little who's happening there. It's a little duality.

Shared cinematic universe. of people getting out of jail. The Blues Brothers versus Kaiser Soze. Oh, sure. Blues Brothers 3,000. No, that's, all the rampage that they went through was all put up by Kaiser Sese because he had all that information on them. He had, like, two packets.

Kobayashi showed up to the Blues Brother with two packets, one for Elwood and one with the other guy. Kobayashi was buying that nunnery or whatever. The orphanage. Unless you'd like Carrie Fisher, to meet with her most gruesome violation before she is killed. We're on a mission from Gann.

So it's like they're doing this nonsense in New York and then we cut to the Virgin Islands where we meet two hapless tourists who were there for the carnival. One is played by the dude who was Mr. Morgan on Seinfeld or George worked with him at the Yankees. I didn't know. Were they hapless tourists

or were they in on it? Like I'm confused by what they're supposed to be. No, they, like, get roped into it. Like, they are there for the carnival. Okay. And then somehow it's, like, we got to, like, we're going to go see this mobo lady, like this witch doctor lady or something. Since we're on vacation, we'll see the moboos, see what they're up to,

kind of a deal? Kind of, like, they just, they fall into it. They're innocent victims just like anyone else in this game. So, but yeah, to your point, it's, it's the moboo. They're doing some, you know, witch-doctory stuff. It's a lady called the Mobu, I guess. She's referred to as the Mobu. I have no further information on the MoBoo.

It's probably a title of some sort. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the funny thing is there is, and this is a flaw in the film, the mafia is. What? The Mafia is putting them up to it, right? The Mobu and the Mafia, or as they refer to it in this movie for some reason, the cartel. Yeah, it's just two drug dealers. You know what movie?

Two drug dealers does not a cartel make. And also, they don't have names. They're referred to as cartel member number one and cartel member number two. That's a huge. These are the villains of your movie, right? Technically speaking. They're pulling the strings. Technically speaking.

Even the mafia in the first movie had names. Yes. They were all Tony and Vito and Paulie and whatever. Yeah. This basically has no villain. No. This movie. Like, I mean, I guess the guy from their office.

Barry Bostwick is supposed to be the villain of this movie. But it's not really a villain. You've got car. Cartel guys. Heavy air quotes. Cartel guys. One of which, it's the first movie role of that dude who's on CSI, who I think is a scumbag for, like, beating up his wife. Oh, that guy. Yeah, that's this dude. And then some Italian gentleman playing the other person. That guy probably went to porn. Just, you got as high as weekend at Fernies 2 and then went right back into Porn Valley. Or maybe not.

You mean performing it? So basically. Yeah. No, writing it. I don't know. He's mostly a distribution. Yeah. He was in charge for duping the tapes.

There's a cutscene of Larry's showing him Bernie's dick. Gave him the inspiration. Leo, look at this. Can you believe it for a dead guy? I could barely fit the Rolex around it. Get a load of it, Richie. Rotesque So they go back to work

And they're expecting a big promotion Because they're like Oh you know We thought we were going to get a big promotion From the last one They bring up I'm surprised The whole like

Oh we saved them on We found this flaw Two million dollars All these funny claims etc etc Right See nobody cares And Barry Bostrig is like Well yes you did

But also We think you were in on it Yes And you're just like, why? You know, he's like, what were you doing out at Mr. Lomax's house? And, like, one, they don't tell the, like, you could just from right there start telling the whole story. It's like, Bernie was doing this. We were calling him out on it.

He clearly, you know, didn't want to be found out. And he was going to have us murdered. But instead, it's like, we were working. And they immediately start lying to it. I know, they should tell him the truth, say, we, you know, we don't like Mr. Lomax either. That's why we desecrated his corpse for. for days on end. And they get fired immediately

Ronsel Termination suit on its way. Without question. And so it's like, then here's where a weird threat comes into this movie because there's like a boss who's seated the whole time. And then it's Barry Bostwick's character who's like an internal affairs representative. Sure. Again, it's still just the company.

The company this. It's still an insurance company. He's an insurance investigator, right? Like he's Memento, Leonard. Leonard Shelby from Memento. Oh, is that Tobo's character in that movie? No, Guy Pearce. Spoiler alert, everybody.

Spoiler. I haven't seen that movie. I'm not even kidding you in well over 10 years. Hey, Lenny, you're going to shoot me in the head of what? This movie could have used some Joey pants as well, I feel. I think so, yeah. Oh, look, it's my old friend Bernie Lomax. Liddy, take a look at a dick

That's, you know, that's the move It's you get Joey Pants in the movie Then he dies That's the thing That's the thing That's the thing You're making a sequel to a movie About two dudes fucking with a corpse

How does the sequel not have a second corpse in it That's what you need That's the answer to this broken screen play I agree You got two living guys to hold up their bodies Yeah, and Joey Pants is small He's slight and stature Oh actually what it should have been

These two other dudes who are dealing with the Mobu and all that stuff, they get their own corpse to deal with. Maybe the Mobu dies. Get a lady corpse around. You know what I mean? By the way, the thing we didn't mention is when they meet with the Mobu for the first time,

she puts a spell on them, and she's like, you are going to go back to New York, you're going to get this body, you're going to put a spell on it, and you're going to bring it back here. Very important plot point. Or else you're going to turn into a goat. Oh, yeah.

If you don't do this, I'm going to turn you into a goat. Hey, sure. whatever movie And then we like We actually see like a A goat And like people are like That used to be a person

Hey We're not fucking around That was a person Now it's a goat That was the last person That crossed the Mobu Hey I'm a fucking goat over here Joey Pansleyano is a goat

Oh yes Oh talking goat Played by Joey Pants That's a pretty perfect So this So I was saying Was it's like IAB played by

Barry Bostwick and then this other boss who's just seated the whole time and they get fired and they leave and then the boss is like and another thing Barry Bostwick if you don't prove this by the time I have a board meeting at the end of the week you're fucking through and it's like

these investigations take months if not years this is a terrible place to work yeah this is the company yeah the company's shit just firing everyone right and left speaking of fired right and left

I guess John and Sullivan broke up with the love of his life somewhere in between this movie that's a note I had somewhere Where's Gwen? You fucking loved her so much You took her up to that lighthouse You just wanted to get married

Maybe The rest of the weekend At Gwen's parents' place You know, it just maybe fell to shit Yeah, maybe she was the second corpse Oh man I think he got a little He's just like

You know it's like of mice and men He's just like Oh I can't let you get away And he strangles her to death on the beach. Another murder on Long Island. Rich Long Island murder. Then Curley and Curley's wife get involved?

Yeah, why not? Get them all in there. Curly from what? From both mice and men. There's a curly, I believe. Oh, there was a Curly? I thought you were talking about the stew. No.

So did I. I was like, when did they introduce Curly's wife? Or are you thinking about City Slickers, too, the legend of Curley's wife? Oh, yeah. Somehow that fake movie would also wind up co-starring John Lovitz. And Jack Palitz as Curley's wife. Man, that whole movie was him in drag.

Oh, yeah. I'm Duke, Curly's wife. Duke Golds. That's my maiden name. Oh, I'm getting hot flashes. I'm Jack Palant as a lady. I'm still a hundred years old. You know what, Jack, this isn't.

going to work. You know what, let's rewrite. Take two buds, everybody. One interesting detail about like the Mobu and what she gives on this assignment. She's like, here's your packet with instructions for this curse.

Also take this voodoo doll and they close in on like a close up of this voodoo doll. And it's supposed to be Bernie. Sure. But like the face is drawn on with a Sharpie. How does the Mobu know that Bernie is constantly wearing sun

He's not, though. That's something that's attributed to him by Richie and Larry to keep him to not look like a dead guy, I guess. Exactly. Well, she could have looked in her crystal ball. Oh, she saw the whole first movie. Oh, she rented. She was one of the people that rented it. I see. She attributed to this sequel being made by her constant renting of Weekend of Bernies.

The stupid thing on those fucking sunglasses is he's got them on the examining table. Oh, yeah. Which is stupid as anything. They are taking those right off when you get to the morgue. You know what it's going in? The personal effects envelope. Yeah, so here's his stupid little sunglasses. They took the fucking watch off.

Why aren't you taking sunglasses off? And to your point, Andrew, John Silverman's like, no, no, no, I don't want to make this movie. And then Richie is, Larry's like, oh, you know what? You know what's fun? Fraud. Because that's what he's doing this entire movie. Oh, it's just 100% fraud.

He's using Bernie's credit cards out at fancy restaurants. He's buying everything with this. He's buying the plane tickets to say the paper trail on this movie. Ooh, boy, are you in trouble? Oh, and the way they get around it, too, at the end is infuriating. But so they get fired and everything. And then Andrew McCarthy, we cut to this restaurant, the scene that Eric just mentioned. And in walks Jonathan Silverman in pajamas and a raincoat.

And he's like, what are you doing? It's the middle of the night. And you're at the most expensive restaurant in the city or something like that. And it's like, one, the middle of the night. this restaurant is packed two if he says you know come meet me at LaSerk or whatever it is put some fucking

clothes on yes yes it's just it's a stupid gag that's always bothered me about this movie and may I remind our listeners I've seen this probably 20 times and that was the one problem that was my first ride with this one are you serious yeah man it's like I said last week I had it taped off of Foxman

I have seen this fucking movie maybe I was thinking about this scene because maybe they're just trying to emulate Ghostbusters, too. To get the gang back together, somebody's got to be in pajamas at the time. Like when the Ghostbusters storm into the restaurants? Yeah, no, no, the restaurant. Oh, right.

Where they're covered in slime and, you know, all that fun stuff happens. That's totally true. So this is a weird part about this is like, he's like, Richie, Larry had, Bernie had $2 million, you know, stored away, blah, blah, blah. It's on St. Thomas. you know, offshore accounts, blah, blah, blah.

All of them do is break back into the office and we'll get it. And they become criminals immediately. Sure. Where in the first movie, there's that $100,000 they leave right on the table because they're not criminals. Neither Richie or Larry or either say, hey, look, no one's looking at that $100,000, dude. Let's just walk away with it, which they totally could. Oh, I would have. But no qualms.

Their characters change immediately. I think it's supposed to be like because they got fired, so they've got like this vendetta against the company or whatever. desperation. Also, they're fired that day. Jonathan Silverman is saying that night that he's got three job interviews in the morning. Wow, lucky duck Clinton's America, man. Holy shit. I made a note of that too. It's probably the most unbelievable part. We've got walking zombies in this movie, but three job interviews lined up overnight. Overnight, no fucking way.

Here's an employment weather report for 2015. It's cold out there. You're not getting three job interviews in one day overnight. Also, you're just some shitty insurance clerk. You're not some hot commodity, three job interviews. This is pre-linked. He had to call all those things, I guess. He immediately started pounding those pavements. It's such horseshit, three job interviews. So the plan is he's found a key, it says, to a safety deposit box.

So they want to break in to bank records. and figure out, like, you know, where it is. If it's actually there, if the money is in this account. So somehow, this movie goes from then working at an insurance company to somehow they're able to access bank records from the same place they just got fired from, which, again, I state, is an insurance company. So I don't know what's going on there necessarily. And they break in and they get caught immediately.

They get the information they need. The security guard, who has a gun, by the way, which is very surprising. Oh, sure. And they get arrested, spend the night in jail, and get let go immediately. Because Barry Bostwick, I guess, pulled the strings or something. Because Barry Bostwick, you know, he wants to see where this is going. Yes, exactly. Barry Bostwick's character also wants a movie to happen here.

He's the Phantom Menace. He is pulling the strings behind the curtain of the Galactic Senate. And Bernie is Jar Jar. Bernie is something. Yeah. Would Bernie be Jar Jar? Jar Jar? It's a lot of physical comedy. Sure. Andrew McCarthy

might be Jar Jar. That's true. That's true. Noxious. What would Bernie be then? What's one of those frog monsters? Yeah, he's like that frog king. Whatever that big fat old thing is. Yeah, the frog king. Sure. And then Jonathan Silverman is Liam Nishon. Oh, yeah.

He would be the quigon gin of the situation. If at the end of this movie, he was just getting burned on a table, I'd be so excited. Just cooking? So we've got that storyline. And so back our true tourist friends. They're back in Manhattan. And they go to the morgue to get Bernie. Shenanigans ensues. They throw him out a window and he lands in a dumpster.

Yes. And then it's like, we got to find a place to do this spell. They're fucking pushing them around in a shopping cart, by the way. They go to a little place I like to call pre-Juliani New York. Sure. They go to an old-timey porn theater in Times Square. Yep. Oh, we're going right in. And let me tell you, this place is packed. It's packed with women and, like, upper-scale white guys. Well, those guys are definitely. No, they are, but, like, I mean, like, rich people. Oh, what I mean?

Yeah, it's up for a night at the theater. Exactly. It's not like dudes and trench coats and whatever else. Yeah, there's monocles and champagne flutes. My goodness, Muffy, look at the size of that man's cock. And look at that woman's Muffy, Muffy. Well, let's go to Sardis and then jerk off at a porn theater. Also unbelievable about this.

porno theater there's several people eating popcorn yeah i know the concessions the most unbelievable part is okay they lose their chicken they're going to sacrifice a chicken to bring back bernie and it's run around this porno theater so they crawl on the floor of a porno theater talk about most unbelievable parts of this movie that's a DNA dump but they're just sliding through the aisles Slippin Sly. But you know what? I got to hand it to the folly artist, man. There is some stick, stack, sticky sounds happening in this scene.

Oh, yeah. Well, fuck the set designer and art people because I don't see any goop anywhere. It's immaculate. It is a macular. If we're trying to emulate Ghostbusters, too, by the way, where's all the slime? It's a river of slime right in this porno theater. They do. Mood slime.

I like it when it fights back There's a guy Petting a chicken And they're trying to get the chick Oh, this is mine This is the guy I said in the last episode There's a cameo by someone from the Law & Order franchise

It's that dude And he's choking a chicken in a porno theater Great gag It's a great gag That guy has gone on to play a judge In countless episodes Oh I know exactly you're talking about Of SVU, I think he was on the regular Law & Order as well.

That dude, and every time, because I have seen this movie so many times, the first time I saw that judge appear, I was like, fucking porno theater chicken guy from Weekend at Bernie's 2. And my wife was like, well, that's weird. But like, there's no, he's the only pervert there. Come on. Yeah, where are all the perverts? Where's Tom Hanks in Philadelphia? That scene when he's got that mustache. That's great.

this is the most unbelievable porno theater ever put in cinema like you know what you need you need the porno theater from taxi driver when Robert De Niro takes her out on that date and it's like that's the thing is all the invisible donut in a porn theater

is well respected as I imagine from films because they don't exist anymore but like everyone's like I'm here 12 feet away there's another guy I'm doubly in a porno theater because you don't want to be part of the splash zone exactly this is my area I'm trying to watch a movie

I'm not seeing a Gallagher show here. Move over. You've got to bring a poncho. Stupid clean porno theater in this movie. Then they take Bernie into this bathroom. Okay? They're trying to set up. They're going to do the spell or the ritual in this bathroom.

Also, by the way, I'm pretty sure, again, don't know, didn't live through it. I'm pretty sure porn theater bathrooms are just as gross, if not grosser. And probably had to be monitored at all times. Yes. And this is a huge. stall, by the way. Yep. It's a huge bathroom. It's clean as hell. No, no, no, no. These are zero doors on the stall. It's like a two. It's like a urinal and a toilet. And like maybe a sink. Oh, no. The sink is out in the hallway because you got to share it with the ladies room, which is never used in a point.

Because there's never been a lady there. Exactly. So we're in this totally fake porno theater bathroom. They're trying to do this bell. The chicken gets loose. And they're like, oh, it's got to be a live bird. They're about to buy a rotisserie chicken, which is funny. fucking hilarious. But they see a pigeon and it's like, oh, they go, cockadoodle do. I kind of like these guys. I kind of wish it was their movie. Yeah. I agree. Yeah. They have way more quotable lines than fucking Richard and Larry. And chemistry and whatever else. Richard and Larry should be the corpses this time around. Yes. That'd be great. They don't get just murdered. Well, it's like how Bill Murray always said he wouldn't appear in a Ghostbusters 3 unless he could be a ghost. Yes. One of two of these guys should have said, I'm not going to do Weekend of Bernie's 2 unless I can be a corpse.

So they do this spell and you know I almost said we all know but I don't know how many people have seen Weekend of Burnies 2 probably not as many as I'm assuming because I've seen this movie 20 times but so the whole gag is this music is playing

and the whole thing is they're going to do this spell and the corpse will start walking and tell them where to go but because they used a pigeon instead of a chicken the whole gag is he only walks when he hears music playing. So that's it. That's the set up. Yep. That's the setup for this movie.

That's why you want to get a genuine chicken for your voodoo. And I guess the weird thing is like, why not have him like have to write out where it is as opposed to show you because it's impossible unless you know generally where it is. Like if it's in Texas, he's got to walk to Texas. Yeah, totally. It's not a time. It's not conducive to your time. time. Yes, exactly. You know, weekend of Bernie's three, it should be like, it follows, but with Bernie, you know. Oh, shit.

Yeah. Like, now he's, like, he's just, like, walking behind you at all times. He was just dead. Now he's, he's dead and he's leading you to treasure. And now the next time, he's coming for you. He's coming back for you. I mean, he's been now resurrected from the dead. He's a zombie.

It's like Jason lives. Yeah, he's very much. I mean, also, like, he's kind of dancewalk in a little bit. This dance walking. Terry Kaiser's having a little fun with it. He's the best part of the movie. I thought he was a pretty good job. Not nearly enough dead hijinks in this film. Sure, yeah. But Terry Kaiser's the best of both of these movies. He is. He really delivers on this role.

Now, there's not a lot of corpse hijinks. I mean, the last 20 minutes we really amp up the corpse hijinks. But you know what we increase in this movie is the corpse brutality. Yeah. We are beating the shit out of this thing. So cut to it's a big old yada yada. Richard and Larry come across Bernie again back at the coroner's office. They take this body out of the coroner's office. I do want to say one thing. Sure.

Richard and Larry get arrested for breaking into a multinational corporation. Yes. And are left get out in one day. These two other guys who are both African-American fight each other in a fun little henchman kind of way. They get in a silly slap fight in the 42nd Street shuttle terminal. They get arrested for 48. percent of this movie. They're like do a dime. It takes them a

very long time to leave the police station. It's cut to this cop being like let's see what 24 hours in the tank does to cool you off. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and meanwhile Barry Bostwick's letting these guys go on white collar charges. White collar charges, by the way.

Precisely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The other thing is Jonathan Silverman never buys on to Larry's plan. Like, he never, like he says no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But we never see his thought process of like, well, I'll do this because. He's just doing it. He says no.

Well, because he's a fucking lemming, dude. He's a lemming in that first movie. He's got to stand up, have a fucking spine. Maybe that's why things didn't work out with Gwen. Yeah. Because he's just a pussy. Hey, Richie, you're going to hang out with your new girlfriend all weekend. I thought we were going to hang out.

Richie, Richie. We got a whole house over here. Oh, Gwen, good. You're here. Look at his dick. Look at Bernie's dick. It's amazing. You guys are about having fun at that lighthouse.

I'm your diddling a dick, Richie. I'm playing Monopoly with Bernie's dick. Oh, man. See, that's what doesn't happen in this movie is like his descent into madness needs to get worse. Like, instead they just become criminals. Yes. But it's, I want it more like Andrew McCarthy starts thinking like Bernie's a lie. Yeah.

And he's talking to him way more. He like writes like his memoir on the wall in blood. Or feces. Little Marquis de Sade. Look, look, I got it out of Bernie's butt. It takes them the whole movie to figure out what's going on with Bernie, which is a big problem for me. Yeah, they really don't figure out that there's a voodoo spell on Bernie, like until the last 20 minutes of the movie, which is really bizarre. So they go to St. Thomas, because that's where it is.

There's a weird gag of, like, Andrew McCarthy cramming Bernie into a suitcase. That's what I'm talking about. It cuts to a close-up of a Bernie dummy in the series. suitcase and Andrew McCarthy's shoving it the fuck in there and it's like cricking and cracking and then he tries to zip it up and he's jumping on it and fucking slamming his ass down on the suitcase it is brutal what they do to this thing this I think this is desecration of a corpse it's another crime and you're breaking every bone in that body it's not going to be able to walk around like a cute little zombie it's going to be like a slug like slowly Yeah, you.

Yeah, you've got a bunch of, like, broken femurs and tibias and all those important bones. He's a jellyfish. It's going to be a lot less week in at Bernie's a lot more beetle juice this time around. See, and actually, speaking of beetle juice, missed opportunity. You want to put a fucking spell on this corpse or whatever? Bernie's talking again. Yeah. It's a talking zombie.

It's a talking zombie. Or like there's like a, like, a, like, a, like. a fight like Bernie's ghost repossesses the body at one point. Get a spirit going. Oh, that's what we need is more paranormal shit. Yeah, exactly. You're already doing voodoo and zombies.

You might as well throw a vengeful spirit in there because his body's been desecrated across the hemisphere. Sure. And listen, like we're down in the Virgin Islands, maybe get a little serpent in the rainbow. There's some Caribbean vampires around. Oh, yeah.

What the hell? Hey, what the hell? Andrew McCarthy wakes up in a coffin. He's like, what the fuck just happened last night? You got monster mashed. Exactly. Bernie's there zipping up. You don't know what happened.

It's crazy. I think that would be a better movie. Anything would be a better movie. Close your eyes at America. Don't tell that to Andrew. This is his favorite film. So they get to their little hotel room, a little bungalow. It's a night.

We're talking $600 a day. Because, again, we're paying for everything on Bernie's credit card because we're fucking stupid. And here's the thing. I've never committed credit card fraud. Not yet. I'd never say never again. But were I to do so, I would do it in, let's say, much less flashy manner

than Andrew McCarthy is dancing around committing credit card fraud in this movie. All the tips that he's given people, he's walking around, he goes, this is actually kind of a good gag. When they're walking into the resort, there's like some stuffy old white man walking by and McCarthy walks past him and he's like

hello there Bernie Lomax I'm going to be with you for a few days nice to meet you and it's like he's going around referring to himself as Bernie Lomax it's crazy the weird thing is this is the Larry show this is weekend at Bernie's two colon the Larry show big time because the first one he was

the sidekick Richie was the straight man but he became the fan favorite right? Yes all the action figures all the one shoot posters that were sold of him. Oh, sure. Well, that's the interesting thing, though,

is the weekend of Bernie's role-playing game that they were able to determine who was picking who. Right, right. And a lot more people chose Larry. But I think this is, it was true in the first movie. It was still true in the second movie.

And I think it's still true today that Andrew McCarthy is the bigger star than Jonathan Silverman. Yeah, he always was. I mean, that's the thing. And that's what's weird about that first movie is he is technically playing second fiddle the Jonathan Silverman.

Yes. So I think this time it's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, you want me to do another week in a Bernie's movie. I'll play your little cartoon character, but it is this cartoon character's show. Yeah. And that's why you have it the way you have. And Jonathan Silverman goes to sleep for most of this movie. He's literally taking a nap through a large sequence of this film. We didn't really exactly mention it, but once they stuff that corpse into that bag, they take it on an airliner. And you know what? But I don't care that this is pre-9-11.

It's pre-9-11. But that's not happening. That changed everything, Andrew. Well, it turns out we now live in a different America. But before then, they still scan shit at the airport. Especially if you're going across, you know, not like maybe if you're flying from, you know, New York to Dallas, maybe they're not going to scan you. Maybe in 1993. I don't know, man.

But the way they dance around it is Jonathan Silverman's like, but what about customs? And McCarthy's like, ain't no customs. It's America. It's like, yeah, the Virgin Islands is a territory we have. But like, you're getting it fucking scan. And they addressed that this corpse has a stench to it. It's smelling up the place. Just once.

They spray it down one time. And you're telling me, it's wandering around the humid tropics of the Virgin Islands. And that one spray from deodorant is letting it kick around this whole weekend. I think we should do another. We Hate Movies Challenge. Okay. Put a human body, a dead human body in a suitcase, and see if you could take it from one airport to another.

We hate movies in any of its parent companies. It's not responsible for any of the consequences incurred by this ridiculous challenge. Hashtag WHM Bernie Challenge. Can I amend the Bernie Challenge? Please do. You want to keep true to the series. Yeah. Two days before you do this, you'd better take that on a beach,

put it in the sand, roll it around in the world. water for a while. Let some crabs get at it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You want at least some high-tide stuff going on with this corpse before you put it into the corpse into the bag and then take it on a plane. And then shove it in a fucking refrigerator, by the way, like a college campus refrigerator. And that's another creepy Andrew McCarthy scene. He's just shoving it in this refrigerator. And he's kicking it. He is Robert De Niro kicking this thing into a refrigerator. How many heads are in his fridge at home? Oh, at least six. Well, that's the thing. I think McCartney could have played back in the day a good Dahmer.

He's got the Dahmer physique, the Sandy Hair. And Andrew McCarthy is Jeffrey Dahmer. Domer also loved zombies. Exactly. Way better than that Jeremy Renner movie. Oh, yeah. Where he plays Dahmer. Hi, can I speak to the Mobu?

It's Jeffrey Dahmer. I want my corpses to dance around my apartment, please. Looking for some tips as to how to get some of these little gadgets and gizmos stuck in my fridge to start dancing. if the Mobu could call me back anytime soon Well I'd sure appreciate it I got some dicks in here That I'd like to see twinkle toes Across my kitchen counter

Hey Mobu This is Jeff Dahmer again Colin Just seeing if I can follow up About those tips for making all those men's heads And penises dance in my fridge I bought your book I love your book I just cannot for the life of me

Finding the Appendix the Dancing Curse And I am just going nuts over here I use that term loosely Going crazy over here trying to get these little suckers to dance. You know what, I don't like this guy. I'm glad he got beaten to death of the plunger. Yeah, what a way to go, by the way. It's like getting

killed by Super Mario. A lot of people got killed by Super Mario. Turtles, mushroom fellas, lizard people. Yeah, man. No actual people, though. That's what you needed in one of those movies. A consequence of being Super Mario. He actually

accidentally kills a plumbing colleague. Oh, wow. He becomes Super Mario and he stomps down on something. And it's like, yeah, take that. And he looks and it's like his friend Giuseppe. Oh, man. I stumped Giuseppe's head out. I thought it was a mushroom man.

Do you think the Mario brothers were like these hard knocking racists or something? Like humans only, pal. We're coming to the mushroom kingdom to cleanse it. To be fair, I believe... Romper Stomper was about... That Jeffrey Dahmer was killed by Wario and Waluigi in prison, not Mario and Lilliju. I think you're right.

That's what I read. They put Wally... Walawee... Waluigi. It's hard to say because it's an impossible stupid name. Yeah. Well, it's not that hard to say. You just put a Wai in front of Luigi.

Waluigi. Yeah. Okay. You did it. Okay. We got to the bottom. So they're there, and they're like, oh, we got like a, we have to, we have to wait overnight until the bank opens the next day. So Andrew McCarthy's just going to go out and get laid.

Yeah, big if. And the, and Richard, the steadfast one, is like, I'm going to figure out a plan in order so that we don't get hideously arrested. And he's like writing all these graphs down and all this stuff. I've never understood what this is. It's some real doggone research. and I don't know what you could be doing. What are you writing down? What do you need to write down?

Did we even mention that they're coming? Yeah, obviously that makes no sense whatsoever. But apparently they're going down to commit more fraud to go and get a safety deposit box from this bank. Yes. And they need the corpse for that. That's why that's all going on. Oh, yes. Visual ID, yeah.

Yeah. The only person who can sign off to have this open is indeed Bernie Lomax himself. And only Jonathan Silverman, master criminal, can figure this scheme out. And he's spending all night like Sherlock, locked up, writing all these notes. By the way, when you're doing massive fraud, don't write any notes down. Yeah, no way. No way. Sherlock kept it in his head.

Exactly. Because he knew what he was doing was not on the level. I was going to say, Steve, something tells me Jonathan Silverman's character does not have a mind palace. That's unfortunate. Yeah, you got to get one of those. It's free. Larry meets a lady, a local lady. Yes.

They kind of hit it off a little bit. Claudia. Claudia. He charges up to her on the sandy beach there, takes his shirt off, shows his goods, if you will. He doesn't flash her. No, but he, the nips, man. I'm talking about the nips. Oh, I forgot.

You are indeed always focused on the nips. This movie's got a little more nip than you think. Well, there's some useless nudity on the lady side coming up a little later in the movie. Which, I don't think, was in the first one, right? The first one was kind of... Yeah, just totally clean. Well, that's the thing. We've never seen the theatrical cut of Weekend at Bernie's.

Remember that they dulled it down because... The NC-17. Oh, yeah. Then you really saw the fucking necrophilia in that first movie. Well, that's the thing is, like, that movie was not finished. We've established that. They needed to change the continuity. I'm sure they took out more stuff.

Maybe they added some. type of... Look, get ILM on the horn. We can fix Weekend at Bernies. Yeah, sure. Put IG 88 in the background in one of those scenes at one of the parties. That's fun.

Now you see, Stephen, this will come up in the next or third or fourth film. IG88's true motivations will be revealed. And did I tell you about IG88's brother? He's got a few of them. One of them was trying to upload his system into the death star. Oh, man.

Oh, yeah, you don't want an IG88, the death star. You're going to get run out of town. It's true. I've got all sorts of great ideas. Oh, the lineology of IG88? You think he's just a robot, but he's got brothers and sisters and cousins? No, no, you think I might be joking. No, I know you're telling me the whole truth and nothing but it.

Some of that was in the expanded universe. But so he... But he's a creep, because Larry's a creep, and he's lying to her immediately. He's using a fake voice at first. He's like, hi there. It's like, oh, okay, this guy's- Hi there, Lawrence. I'm a serial killer. I mean, windsurfer.

I've got a broken arm. I'll help me, please. You want to see where the bodies are kept? You know, Mobu, I am still just trying for the life of me to get this whole spell sorted out. Please call me back. You know what, Mobu? I do not want to raise my voice on the phone, but this is some of the absolute worst customer service I have ever seen.

The Kenmore people were very accommodating with their incredibly large refrigerator, all right? They were beautiful, beautiful people. I just want the Mobu to come on down here and get this bell hunkered out. Now, look, you got me all upset yelling on the phone and such. My apartment complex has thin walls. My neighbors are going to be yelling. Oh, wait, he's waking up. I'll be back in a minute.

And then he's just dropping acid in it. head or something. Yeah, whatever else happens. He was a monster. Speaking of a monster. That Jeffrey Dahmer was a real monster. Yeah, he wasn't the happy go lucky character you've portrayed. You know, this instant favorite Jeff Dahmer persona. Wasn't his cheery in real life.

So, um, there's, they go on a nice little date and Larry pulls this real rapy tactic. He's like, oh, this is a, this is a trick. He's like dropping her off at, in a can. And he goes to the cab driver And he's like, oh, I got to walk you home. I got to walk you up to stairs. And she's like, well, I don't want you to do that. He's like, no, no, no, let me do it.

She's like, fine. And he goes to the cab drives. When I get out of the cab, I want you to speed off immediately so that I'm stranded here. Here's an extra 20 bucks or whatever. And you know what? He's got this down so hard. Like, he's got slang for it. He's like, look, when I get halfway up the steps, ping the pedal.

Yeah. You're like, oh, not the first time he's told a cabby to drive away. And then she'll have no choice. but to sleep with me. I'll just sleep on the couch. And I'll wake up in her bed and she'll be dead. They'll have two corpses dancing together. Look, Richie.

Look, Richie. I got Bernie a friend. You guys make out now. It's like outlets, Rich. You got a male and a female. What happens when you're not? you put him together sparks fly richie i gotta say for a woman who teaches like wind surfing at a vacation resort she's living in a fucking palace well because her dad just so happens to be the uh the doctor of st thomas it seems of in of all of st thomas because he's dealing with like crazy people

and like medical related situations i've been to st thomas it's pretty small you might just need one doctor, I don't know. But he's also a noted occultist. Just, you know, slash. I do appreciate that he's out about it. Like, it's not like a secret occult thing. Oh, he's out, like, Dan Aykroyd's out about aliens, man. Which means this guy's kind of Dr. Strange.

FYI. Oh, is that what that character's all about? He was a surgeon and then he became an occultist. At one point, he does inject the insurance fellow there full of happy juice. Oh, yeah, Barry Bostwick gets it. Barry Bostwick, by the way, we should mention, is just like a shadow in the background of this movie. Just taking pictures.

Constantly photographing these two. Real shutterbug. Snap. Mobu, this is the last time I'm going to call, and I just want to say, I'm going to send you my phone bill now. You know how expensive it is to constantly call the U.S. Virgin Islands six times a day? And again, the good people at Kenmore have a 1-800 customer service. line. That's all I'm asking you, Mobu. That's all I'm asking. Thanks for never

calling me back. This is the last time I buy one of your spell books. So is a guy, like, is MoBoo's supposed to send someone in like a Maytag repair man uniform, like all black or something? Hey, Mobu man. I got your spell working. Ah, that's a problem. You got chicken blood here. You need rat blood. Oh, yeah, that's why your voodoo's on the fritz there, pal. Yes, I think that's what this character is Oh, hey, Canmore. I would like to send you a personal gift basket. Thank you so much for the shelfless refrigerator you sent me. I could fit so much of big, large meats in there. It is just, it's a dream. For a hunter like myself, that's really easy for me. So I just want to send you all gift baskets because you're just so nice to deal with. Is Marcy there? Can I talk to Marcy personally? Yeah, and, you know, like a good hunter, he's only after 10 point bucks. Can you just go ahead and tell Marcy that she's my energy star?

Oh, Lord. Where are with this movie? They're still committing fraud. Whatever. I think we're going to jail now. This is, you know, Claudia, he goes inside Claudia's apartment, and she reveals that her dad's a witch doctor, etc. Reveals. And there's a voodoo shrine.

Yeah. And he's being real ignorant about the whole thing. He's like, what's this mumbo-jumbo? That's why this guy closes zero deals. Because he's constantly making fun of prospective dates of religions. Yes. Sure. So Richard is asleep back at the hotel.

And at this point, music, there's like conga line right outside of his doorway. The music causes Bernie to pop out of the refrigerator. And he is wearing a really silly outfit. I mean, the part of Terry, Kiser, why he gets this is that man has no dignity whatsoever. It's like literally like he's wearing a big oversized

like Flavor Flav hat and like a windbreaker. This windbreaker. Well, funnier is that was Jonathan Silver's clothes. Yeah, it's Silverman's clothes because they're like, we got to dress him. Yeah. And so because they they, this is pretty dumb. But they pack for the airport before they

go to the morgue. And they get there and it's like, oh, Bernie's naked. and where'd all his clothes go, because he got, long story short, he was left on the subway and robbed of everything but his underwear. And tagged with spray paints. Oh, sure. Because he's only in New York. But nice continuity keeping here.

The white tank top, under shit that he's wearing, has the bullet holes in it from the first movie. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it is pretty neat, huh? It's not covered in blood, though, which it would be. I guess I had to have seen it 20 times to notice. You're goddamn right. And, you know, so he's wearing this thing. And, I mean, like, the problem is there's so many shots of these Windbreaker pants and Terry Kaiser's rump just move into the music.

Oh, just jiggling around to all this calypso music. You get to see everything. Oh, yeah. Do you think it was a thing, though, where he was like, all right, listen, you want to have me flip flopping all over this movie? That's fine. But I'm not doing it in Bernie's khaki pants that he had. stuffy shirt and whatever else. I'm going to bring a windbreaker from home.

I'm going to be comfortable. Yeah, and you're going to find a way to put me in this thing. And that's what I'm staying in for the whole movie. Because you have to admit, he looks comfortable as far. He does. But, yeah, so he's dancer. He gets in this conga line and introduce two of the worst, like, fucking fourth-tier characters of all time.

This couple that's on vacation. They're constantly arguing it's abusive relationship. Right, it's Brenda and I didn't... Arnold. Arnold, okay. Oh. Get it because he's a bodybuilder. And this big beefcake idiot is just sitting there like, oh, Brenda, I don't want to dance.

I'm waiting for my chicken. Oh, I've got food coming here. She's like, all you want to do is eat and lift weights. It's like, yeah, I want to eat and lift weights. And I'm going to fucking punch you in the face if you don't get out of here. Like that's where it's going with Brenda and Arnold. Presumably maybe a honeymoon situation. It's entirely possible.

Oh, yeah, a honeymoon gone wrong. Oh, yeah. Turned out. Yeah, I was, you know, she should have been a zombie by the end of this. Arnold beat her to death after this. I mean, what she does, I wouldn't be surprised about this guy. You know what you never want to do is get on a boat with somebody? You watch them 2020s and the date lines.

You never want to get on a boat with anybody. Yeah, or even a kayak. I seriously. Yeah, that's actually true. Yeah. We had one of those around. here recently. Hudson, a couple of people got sunk.

So, Mobu, I got a quick question. And it's just, and I really need you to answer this in a timely fashion. I got a long weekend coming up. Will your spells work if I produce them over water? Taking a boat trip, just want to see if I'll be able to do your beautiful magic on this cruise. Please call me back. Mobu, I have limited resources. I work in a chocolate factory.

I do not have a ton of money. Is that true? My phone bill is going through the hoof. Mobu, you ever try to subsist on nothing but chocolate Easter rabbits? Oh, it's disgusting, but I live for my passion. Please call me back. I have a limited budget. Chocolate Easter rabbits and human flesh.

Yeah, well, neither or. So they get the girl, Brenda, it's like, well, screw you, your big lug. And she's, Bernie's dancing in the Congo line. She's like, hey, he's sexy, even though he's not. Like, she would be like, there's an old man in a gross windbreaker. There's a gross degenerate old man. And he smells like shit, by the way. Yeah, shit and fucking body spray of some kind.

But let's not judge Brenda here, you know? Everyone's got their thing. For instance, Jeff Dahmer liked dead young men. Sure. She might like old dead men. So they like, they hit it off. I guess you could say. They're dancing around.

And then Jonathan Silverman wakes up. And he sees like some pretty lady. And he, you know, she smiles at him and whatnot. So he goes out in the conga line to see if he can actually have some time away from the paperwork that he's been filing.

And Larry. For God's sake, fucking break yourself off from that guy. He's doing nothing but dragging you down. So he's dancing. They do like a nice thing where like he just misses seeing Bernie in this conga line, which you know what?

you needed to be like a was that no it couldn't be you know what i mean like he doesn't see him and it's like like you said steve they don't find this out until the end of the movie like you need to start hinting at it like layer think i'm seeing bernie walking around yeah whatever it is but whatever and uh she winds up spending the night on the beach with bernie and you don't know whether or not anything happened it's not as straightforward as the first movie And it's like she keeps She does keep saying things Like he's such a good listener

Blah blah blah blah He's such a gentleman Yeah So I think it's like This idiot just slept with a dead body On the beach Which smells like shit Yeah

So Larry comes home After getting absolutely nowhere With Claudia And winds up sleeping With Jonathan Silverman for a little while And then they wake up And then it's the big day And whoops

Wouldn't you know it Bernie's not in the fridge Wouldn't you know it He's somehow been misplaced. Excuse me, Kenmore. A couple of them going missing.

Now, if I learned anything from that episode of Punky Brewster I watch is that you cannot open a refrigerator from the inside. So I need to ask you, Kenmore, what in the hell is my body doing

getting out of the fridge? You know, Kenmore, now that I'll think about this might be my Mobu guys, perfume, I'll get back to you. You know, more, I had to call and apologize to

Marcy and all the rest of y'all down there. I was getting my lines crossed as to who was responsible for what. It was this idiot, Mobu, voodoo, repair man. What? Geez, Pally, I didn't realize you didn't want your corpses to walk around and maybe leave.

You wanted more docile zombies. Oh, also, before they fall asleep on the beach, this dude Arnold beats the shit out of this corpse, brutalizing it once again. Yeah, punching it in the face with all of his might. Why wouldn't the head, like, spin around or get not, like, really speaking of Beetlejuice.

Knocked clean off at this point, right? Let's go for it. We should go for it because it is insane that this body is held up so well. There's so many instances. It goes parasailing about now, I think. Oh, that does happen soon enough. And it just smashes into trees. Now, Mobu, I am running into some wear and tire with my zombies.

I saw that weekend at Bernie's 2. That guy held up for a long, long time. And they were doing all sorts of stuff to it. I haven't even dreamed up yet. So I'm just saying, Moby, why don't you get me some of that salve or whatever it is and send it on over with your repair, man? Hopefully soon, because I'm just getting bored over here, y'all. Jeff Dahmer, call me back.

Oh, by the way, this is Jeff Dahmer. Case it wasn't very apparent. oh also so there's a part where they these fellas uh they get back to the virgin islands after they're let out of prison yes and they have to go back to the mobo and they're like listen we kind lost him this that and the other thing and this lady's like if you don't do this successfully i'm gonna like turn you into a go or she she threatens them a second time in some way oh that's what it is they drive back I think I'm skipping ahead a little here, but who cares?

Whatever. There's nothing that goes on. Yeah, these fellas eventually get Bernie back. They steal him from Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman. And then, like, they're going to drive away. Richard and Larry are buying a trench coat for Bernie in a store. They leave Bernie sitting in a Jeep. These dudes drive by in a convertible. They're like, oh, here he is.

Let's grab him. McCarthy and Silverman run back out. Grab him back. But these fellas don't notice that. So they drive back to the Mobu, and they're like, oh, fuck, he's not here. What happened? We got to go find him again. And this is where this dude is getting ready to pull out.

And the other guy's like, oh, Charles, look at that fine lady right there. And the guy's like, oh, yeah. And he turns around. And this dude is looking at a goat. And the guy's like, uh, okay, just going to not acknowledge this attraction to a goat that's happening. The man that's Derek goats. Terrible movie. Oh, yeah, bad movie.

No, but yeah. So it's a thing where it's like, are they slowly transforming into? He goes, the other dude lets out a little, like, goat yell earlier in the film when they're like, we're not going to go back there. She has no control over us, and he lets out like a bat. Can we talk about the moment when it all should come crashing down? Sure. The opening credits. No, when Richard and Larry dress up Bernie like Teddy Roosevelt for no reason.

He's got the hat and the dredge coat. You just need like a plastic cigarette holder. And they basically, they puppet him. They put, like, their arms through, so their arms are kind of are, they're puppeting him. But going into a bank and getting into a safety deposit box and they're like, oh, our uncle heard his teeth and he can't talk. What's that uncle? You're all going to jail. Also, you're all, this is all ending terrible.

The uncle has two right hands. Yeah, yes, yeah. Because Andrew McCarthy is forging his signature as he. The hand looks completely different. It's so stupid, and this bank manager doesn't notice. And let me tell you something else, I'm pretty sure that no one has used the old gauze around the head for a toothache gag since around the Great Depression. Yes, that's a honeymooner's gang. And he's dressed up like fucking Panama Jack with this hat and the sunglasses on and the fucking gauze.

And then they're doing a thing as if Jonathan Silverman's. actually capable of throwing his voice. Yes. Like, oh, the guy says, like, here's your pen, Mr. Lomax. And, like, Silverman's like, mm. And then they both go, what's that? It's like, yeah,

crashing down. I mean, coming crashing down is when you try to get a corpse through airport security. But yeah, let's say you do that successfully. This is the scene where everybody's going down. Oh, hi there, Capital One Bank. This is my uncle. He wants to withdraw

all of his funds from your bank. What's that, Uncle Bernie? Sir, this gentleman has no arms. Oh, yeah, he was in the war. Uncle Bernie was in the war. Can I just withdraw all them funds, please? Yes, right away. Thank you for your service, sir.

So at some point, our dudes who are attracted to goats cross paths again with Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman they kidnap them bring them to the MoBoo and they're like these two dudes lost the body blobbidi blobbidi

because music starts playing again and Bernie just wanders off In the safety deposit box by the way it's a treasure map I'm honest a treasure map Which you know Classic sign of any great sequel Treasure map was involved

Legend of Curley's gold motherfucker treasure map Yeah the sign of any great secret. So, by the way... Empire strikes back, man, treasure map. Where'd Lando bury that stuff?

The legend of Lando's gold. I love it. How do you bury something in a fucking cloud? Figure it out. It's a Star Wars mystery. Wouldn't you like to know? So, okay, so this treasure map... Sure. Now this means that, okay, so Bernie was in

vault... Wait, no, this is not this is not an occult map. It's Kind of like, we got a show to that girl because we don't know how to read it. That's what kind of doesn't make any sense. So Bernie was involved potentially with the occult down in this resort. That's what they're saying. He's involved in a drug cartel and some sort of voodoo cult. On top of the mafia from the last movie, just in case.

Well, you know what? This guy was fucking busy. He had a lot of fingers and a lot of different pies. What was he doing at the company every day when you're managing three other offshore businesses? one of which being supernatural. Man, that takes up a lot of time. There's a lot of checks and balances when you are managing a supernatural organization.

Yeah, there's a lot of ways it can go. You can't really predict all the ins and out to that. Whatever. I mean, so they put a curse on Jonathan Silverman that he's going to die by nightfall if they don't come back with either the map or the money or both. Correct. So then it's like

we're leaving all that for Bernie Lomax's wild ride where he just kind of walks down to the beach and this is where some of the most astounding piles of bullshit happened in this movie. He gets like wrapped up in a parasailer's

parachute so he's flying through the air. He rips the tops off of a couple of ladies who are sunbathing on the beach. Then we've got a real Batman the Motion Picture moment here. when this like hilarious, it cuts to like gritty, grainy, scratched film print B-roll of a shark just like, say, this is me in the 1960s. And then it cuts to a puppet jumping up and grabbing this dead body and chomping on for dear life, which it pulls him like into the water or whatever. Or it falls back down.

Something, something. Oh, man, just whatever. I imagine Jeff Dahmer in the theater being like, oh, come on, you can't do that to a dead. Oh, really? Really? You know what movie? Because believe me, I have tried. Hello, TriStar Pictures. It's your complaint department? I got some inconsistencies I found, and your motion picture weekend at Bernie's 2.

So you guys are saying that Jeff Dahmer, desecrated bodies less than this film? I think so. I mean, he was 100% more cannibalism and the sex, too. But sex is happening here, too. Yeah, and plus we already established that Larry's least looking. He's at least looking. He's a least looking. He's a looky-loo.

But, I mean, he was definitely gentler to these corpses than these people are. They're punching it in the face. They're fucking kicking it in the balls. And the water skiing again? Didn't it happen in both movies? He water skisies? Well, he gets dragged behind a boat in the first movie and he's clanging against all the buoys. So kind of.

Yeah, and in this, he's just being dragged behind by a parasailing parachute. parachute. It's just vacation areas. Like, I want to see Bernie's corpse somewhere else. You know? Maybe in an office setting? Yeah, sure. Maybe in a movie theater. Oh, we almost got

that. We almost got it. Yeah, that's true. Now, I was just thinking where I used to work, this dude died one time. Oh, and then you had to tell him, Mr. Sherman, you have to leave the theater. A dude we knew. Cabin and I knew this dude. He was the guy that was like, hey, pal, you got to get out of here the movie's over with yeah and then what happened he was dead did you

play with him it was before my time oh did he play with him did you like put some strings around his arms and move him around yeah he got him to empty his bank account it turned out all you had to do is pretend that the dead body had a toothache just drag that corpse to the bank you know now that I'm saying all this and this was might not be a good movie at all no no no no no we'll leave that judgment for the end of the episode no I'm thinking wasn't there's something around here within the last five years that was some kind of

weekend at Bernie's-esque scam in New York? It was like it was New York somewhere possibly Jersey I bet every day. Yeah. Just every day you think that's happening? I think about half the people I see in the subway are dead. No, this was a thing where like two people

were like doing something with a corpse to make it look like the guy was still alive for some reason. Oh wow. Yeah, because the joke was like, the joke was the joke headline was like weekend at bernie's three question mark it was oh man now it's I'll have to you know what I'll search the internet after we record yeah important use searchies so I mean the last act of this movie um they figure out a way for Bernie to go they're gonna scuba dive with Bernie and they they have these magical headphones why not they got them from the

mobo that work underwater for some reason yeah again a bunch of horse shit because like he's dancing and he's like going into the water and he stops. And this is amazing because they're like, why do you stop, Richie? I don't know. Why'd he stop? And then this Claudia woman is just like very earned, like this woman's delivery of this is

kind of total garbage. She's just like, he can't hear the music under the water. It's the most sincere trying to like deliver this line. It's like late a year and weekend of Bernie's too. Or maybe a walkman wouldn't work under water. Yes. Well then

Then they strap a walkman to him As if that would make any difference But yeah, it's stupid Don't, hey, don't worry, it's stupid Yeah, no, it is stupid And coincidentally, Barry Bostwick Is on a glass bottom boat ride Or some horse shit

Well, because Barry Bostwick Is taking over the role Of that Polly guy from the first movie Which is like seeing Bernie everywhere He knows that he's dead But he thinks he's alive now And it starts making him crazy He does get arrested at one point

Because of this And the guy's like, listen, you just got to relax. You're in paradise. Like, just go take it easy. This guy's definitely dead. Here's his death certificate from New York, blah, blah, blah. And so he decides to go on a little submarine tour. Sure, like you would.

Which is being the tour guide is the woman who voiced Patty Maynays on Doug and she's on Orange is the New Black. Oh, that's who that is. Yeah. She's like, hi, everybody. Welcome to this underwater adventure. And so then there comes Bernie walking a lot. along the floor of the ocean. Barry Boswick sees him.

He gets arrested again. No one else sees him. This is like the Twilight Zone. There's a thing on the plane. Something out on the wing. It's a reanimated corpse. Bernie Lomax. You know what I was kind of interested in what they did in this movie, though?

Is like how they filmed all of the Terry Kaiser walking in the water thing. Because it's like him doing it, I'm pretty sure. The only thing that's annoying is in the first movie, they have that psych gag of oh my god Bernie had a wig the whole time what are they using to keep this wig on out of curiosity if you recall from the first movie they stapled it to his fucking

head so that's still in there I mean I don't know and then Larry accidentally harpoons him through the skull so I guess that keeps the rest of it on man oh man does he get Steve martin in this movie so hard and it's like again just

brutalizing this fucking corpse but if that's the point then let's do that 10 times in this movie I want an arm falling off At the end of the movie I want him to have one arm I want him to have like you know A bunch of bricks on him or something He's got cement shoes

Yes All sorts of wacky shit You know what I want him to finally turn And start biting people Like he's a zombie right And you know He can only take it so far And he finally starts biting Larry

Yeah Maybe Larry becomes a zombie Listen here's what I keep saying I mean this movie is post day of the dead which I believe was 85 or something. Day of the Dead introduced the concept of like talking zombies, right? So Bernie's got to be talking with this spell. It just has to happen.

It doesn't have to be like the same businessy, quippy Terry Kaiser from the first movie, but make him say something. Hey, George Romero, this is a Jeff Dahmer again. I just got finished watching that Day of the Dead movie. You really effed up your franchise. Nobody wants to watch a movie where a zombie talks back, y'all. that's the whole point of zombies What's the name of the zombie in the day

The Dead Buck or something like that? Bud, I think. Bud, maybe. Well, that's Bud the Chud. Oh, yeah, maybe I'm just confused with Bud the Chud. That's what it is, though. The level of talking in which Bud the Chud possessed.

That's what you give Bernie in the sequel. Where he's like, say, and baby. Very nice. Barat. I will say it. Bud the Chud is a better movie than this. Yes. Yeah, 100%.

Yeah, no, I will concede to that. But so he's got a thing, he finds a big box of treasure that he kind of walks up to the shore but he won't let go of it and now more hijinks. This is when they somehow fucking make him into a rigshaw.

They sure do. They tie reins around the arrow through his head and make him pull a fucking car to jail forever. And also stop acting like no one is around to see him. everything that you're doing. It's a hot vacation spot.

It's a highly populated island. Everyone is noticing what you're fucking doing. Including using a man like a horse to pull your fucking cart. A tiny dead man that could not pull that cart anyway. And now here's the thing that's garbage, though, because they're like, oh, we can't get him to let go of this case or whatever. You know what? He's waterlogged for a third time.

Cut him off. Yeah. Cut those hands off. The Mobu don't care. You can give her a crate with hands on it. Whatever. It's probably a bonus. She can use the bones for something.

Yeah, put that in the cauldron, cook up some spells. Hell yeah, dude. That's how it works, right? That's exactly how that way. Cook up spells in a cauldron. I think you cook them right up. That's what William Shakespeare said. That's exactly what he said.

He did a lot about Zambis, right? Yeah, he loved Zambis. I'm thinking of pride and pride. prejudice with Zambis. Anyways, they get to the Mobu. Yes. After a long story short, and the fucking corpse kicks her in the face.

Oh, yeah, he does a cool, like, back. He got to Lukangs are a bit here. He does a little bit of a Luchang move and kicks her in the face. She's out for the count and possibly dead. The money goes flying all over the place. Andrew McCarthy is very like, money, money, money right here. And it starts like trying to pick up all this money and whatever. He stashes some.

You see him doing that. He puts under a bunch of little. leaves. He's like, here's your money, Mobo. And he gives it to Barry Bostwick at this point. Because listen, it turns out the jig is up. Uh-huh. And so Barry Bostwick comes in, he's hepped up on all sorts of goofballs. And he's like, I have you now. And he's like, here's your money. And he just says, thanks. And that's the end of that. That's cleaned up. Nice and tidy. Just so happens the doctor that gave him mood medicine is Claudia's father, who happens to be a witch doctor as well.

And so this is one of the best lines of the movie is because, So Jonathan Silverman's dying. The son's going down. And I guess the Mobu is dead. She cannot reverse this some else. She's out for the count. So, like, Claudia says to the father, like, you know, there has to be a spell that can reverse this. Or, you know, this, that, and everything.

Daddy, I've seen you do this. And I'm like, whoa, wait a second. I want that movie. The spell, they say, is like, it takes the curse from him and puts it on to the person who originally cast it. Yes. So this is essentially, she's like, Daddy, kill that MoBoo. Oh, totally. That Mo Boo's dead at this ending.

Well, that's why no one's answering my G.D. phone calls. This lady's been dead for days. Turned out, I just had to get the end of weekend at Bernie's 2 to find out about it. You know, that's still bad customer service. You know, I take it back. I could use a talking zombie now. If you could bring that MoBoo back, maybe I figure out how to do this right. Get the talking zombie to come here

And shut my zombie up That's what I need I've seen you do these spells before And the guy's like In the world are you talking about This guy's a fucking doctor Shut up And he's like

Doctor of what You would think it's a thing where he'd be like Shut up But he's like Yeah but unfortunately We need the blood of a virgin And they're all like Huh

And then you see Andrew McCarthy and this is why they edited the first movie because he sticks his finger out and he's like, just take the blood, duck. We didn't have the technology at the time to present him as a virgin. Which, here's the thing, you're making one movie

and then the story choice that you write in is making you go back and re-edit your first movie? That's crazy, dog. How about you edit that fucking screenplay? That's the cheaper option. What gigantic horseshit? You know, Stephen Dengar was a, Virgin.

Little known fact, we're going to put that into episode Return of the Jedi. Everyone thinks Dengar was just getting it left and right. Turns out, never had a first time. You know what? IG88 got it on the reg. He was just cleaning up. That little

robot hat he wore? Oh, man, the ladies couldn't stand it. He's wearing a robot hat, right? Like a little ball cap? That's always got to imagine IGA. He's got that bill. Wasn't it just part of his head? That's a part of his head? I thought it was like, I thought it was wearing a little robot ball cap for the last 20 years.

No, no. But Dengar's got a cat, like a metal cap on it. And he's got the gauze around his head. Sure, sure. Because he has a toothache. By the way, in talking about Star Wars robots, you just went, that's part of his head, you fool. Holy shit. I think, you know, I think it is.

All right. Maybe I'm right. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm probably wrong. I only read. one tail of IGA8. No hat was mentioned. Didn't mention the hat.

Although his head is in, now the Mosaisley Cantina. Right. In the background. Uh-huh. Right. Yeah. There is IG88's head as like a coffee dispenser. Digitally inserted in the 90s. No, no. It was just a prop they used and like,

oh, let's stick this on a robot in the next movie. That's amazing. Um, so yeah, it's like the dude takes the blood. Andrew McCarthy falls down. and then you just cut to the two of them on a yacht there's no instance of like spells and you don't see any of that happen no ironing any of this out with the police again

skipping right over it skipping you don't the cartel gets arrested I guess cartel man number one and number two our favorite characters do they get arrested because they get like clobbered or something right so everybody well the mobo's getting kicked in the face well she I think is like the drug queen pin

so she's going down well she's dead anywhere from that spell like Eric said yeah no she's rotting. Oh, she ate that thinner pie. Exactly. Double back. I went double back on her. Yep.

And, yeah, on this yacht and like Andrew McCarton's like, let, you know, Rich, why do we have to go back to New York? It's like, well, we have to because all this stuff is like, what if I told you I had a million dollars that I stole? I stole a million

dollars, Rich and I want to split it with you. And he's like, what? And, you know, basically blah, blah, blah. Horshit. This yacht is powered by babes. It's the staff is like it's just blonde Swedish babes. And what a way? That's a waste of money. Guess what?

Huge waste of money. Guess what? Rich, the money's all gone. Yes. We can go from here to Barbados and then we're gone. We'll find another voodoo plot there. You're dropping at least $200,000 to staff this boat with these bodacious babes. The bodacious babes, the boat itself, the SS Babe Arama. No, that costs some serious cash. Is he going to lose his virginity on this thing? Like, is that the idea?

No, you're just going to have six dead sexy sea hands. Dead? Weekend at Bernie's three, it's six dead women on a boat. Oh, wow. Because the whole thing is that they're going somewhere in you. Let's sail to wherever in Europe. And they're like, all right, ladies, take us out. It's going to be like when Dracula's boat pulls into England.

It's just fucking eight dead people on it. And someone's tied to the steering wheel, bringing it. We get at Bernie's three, Davy Jones's locker. And then we can have a guy with an octopus face. Well, you know, there was another murder mystery movie about a bunch of sexy people on a boat. It was called Donkey Punch. Remember that motion picture, Donkey Punch? I never saw it.

I skipped it. I know Chris Cabin saw it with you, right? No, I haven't seen it. I'm just, I know what it's about. Chris Cabin is the only one of the We Hate Movies family that's seen Donkey Punch. And to his credit, I think you might have had to review it. At least I hope so. Let me try to find that review in the archives.

Interesting. The only person in the staff to watch donkey punch is also mysteriously vanished. Just a little food for thought there. And also loves zoo. Mysteriously vanished. Love zoo saw donkey punch publicly mysteriously vanished. Maybe he got donkey punched. To hell.

So they stole a million dollars, even though in the first movie they could have easily stole 100 grand and walked away and nobody would have noticed. And the thing is they're like, remember that $2 million that Burns stole from the company? It was three. So he magically can look at this box. Yes. And be like, oh, that's not $2 million. That's clearly a hard three. And then take it out in front of the authorities.

Dump exactly $1 million under some brush and then give Barry Bostwick exactly $2 million. Just fine. Cool. Whatever. End your movie. It ends with Bernie is walking in the carnival parade because there's fucking. steal drum music everywhere and these two fellas of ours have been

turned into goats. Well, that's unfortunate. They really didn't do much wrong. And if the Mobu is dead, who's doing the goat turning? Oh, I think she died before she could take it off, maybe because she put it on earlier? Oh, so you're saying they were the entire time slowly

turning? That's why they were getting goat horny. But you know what? Speaking of horns, I need to see these dudes growing horns. The one guy takes his hat off and there's horns there. It's like, Oh, my God, I have horns. That costs money. It would be great if they hired Rick Baker to turn both these guys into goats, like, dramatically and horribly and painfully.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Seeing the goat transition. Their flesh is ripping off. Oh, yeah. Just screaming. Melbu, I saw that movie that you could turn them into goats. I could turn one of them fellas into a goat.

Hey, that might be fun. You know, my friend's birthday's coming up, but I could use a good gag gift. If I could turn one of these all into a goat, I could go for that. Thank you so much. Jeff Dahmer, 518, 299. Oh, no, I left that on the Kenmore line. Well, I'm ruined. And that's how we got caught.

That is finally how they got them. Mixing up customer service complaints. Would anybody recommend this movie? I kind of find it a little more fun than the first movie It's a little more light on its feet I feel like the first one is Trying to be a movie

This one's clearly it's a garbage sequel And it knows it through and through Oh yeah it does It's quick, it's stupid, it's silly There's magic, it's dumb I would give it a soft recommend Ooh I would say Avoid at all costs

Oh wow I thought the first one was the better film Wow I thought it was more fun Because maybe it was slightly more grounded i don't know i just i felt like this one got bogged down and plot or the first one you're like just kicking around a corpse but this one i got to know about black magic yeah yeah i mean you know different strokes for different folks yeah weekend at bernies too is making

you do more legwork to watch it uh i see what you're saying i think though i appreciate just stupid sequel not giving a shit and this movie does go by fast like by the time they're in like the final chase scene where they're again using him like a horse sure uh i was like wow this movie's almost over with i couldn't believe it i couldn't believe how fast whereas the first one i was like i was looking at my watch really yeah interesting now i'm gonna update this because we've been talking about him all night but have either of you yet seen the geoffrey domer files no no no no no no oh that documentary were they like i just know him from personal life yeah i just know a lot about Jeffrey Dahmer.

I know of his crimes, I guess, yeah. You guys are a couple of weird dudes. Sure. That's my friend Dahmer as well is a great book. What's that? My friend Dahmer is a great book. Oh, right. Oh, and I haven't read that.

So we'll make a deal. You guys watch that movie. I'll find that comic and track it down. There you go. So we'll see if that ever comes to fruition. Wait a second. You've been reading a Jeffrey Dahmer comic book? I talked about it in the show before.

It's a graphic novel about... It's not a continuing series, no, no, no, no. Does he get bitten by a magical something that turns him into? A radioactive creep. Now I'm a creep. Oh, no. I'm a super creep, y'all. That's Weekend at Bernie's 2 from 1993, directed by Robert Clayne.

If you want to get a hold of us, check out our website, wh-hmpodcast.com. Or find us over at sideshownetwork. Dot TV. Right into the mailbag, we all hate movies at gmail.com. What was the challenge we had for the old mailbag? What do we want people to write in about? We want people to put a corpse into luggage. No, not your, not your, not your, not your,

WHA Bernie challenge. Not your barely legal challenge. Steve was, was asking people to write in about something, but now we can't remember it. But it is a good time that I remind everybody, do not do the challenge that Eric is asking. Well, it's not barely legal. It's totally illegal.

Yeah, you're actually right. Clue for next week's episode, Summer Camp. Ooh, a little cold for Summer Camp. Yeah, getting into December. Yeah, but it'll warm your heart, you know. It's going to warm your heart big time. So until next week, when we're talking about something that takes place at a summer camp, I'm Andrew Jupin.

Do you say that? Eric Siska. Take it easy.