We Hate Movies - S6 Ep233: Episode 233 - Pixels

Episode Date: January 19, 2016

On this week's episode, the Worst of 2015 month continues as the gang levels down to watch one of two Adam Sandler movies to come out last year, the totally inept Pixels! Why did we need the first fifteen minutes of this movie to explain what arcades and video games are? Why does this screenplay think playing video games is comparable to firing massive weaponry and driving race cars IRL? And why would you let a creepy cable guy type fella sit with you in your bedroom closet? PLUS: Reelect President Hot Dog in 2020! Pixels stars a tired Adam Sandler, Michelle Monaghan, Peter Dinklage, Josh Gad, Brian Cox, Sean Bean, Jane Krakowski, Dan Aykroyd, and Kevin James as the President of the United States--somehow; directed by Chris Columbus.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Side Show Network. Thank you for tuning in for what is the third week

in our worst of 2015 extravaganza. And let me tell you, I think this one's the money melon. It's pixels. Directed by Chris Columbus, by the way. You guys remember Chris Columbus? Good one, Colombo. No, no, Columbaz.

I didn't know this was him directing. Use the... Oh, I thought you were interrupting me to say that I was wrong. And I was like, no, he definitely directed this movie. No, but like in the opening credits. It's like, happy Madison. Like, what you expect. This is an Adam Sandler movie and that guy's

like terrific. Like, whatever that dude is. Yeah, yeah. I guess it's fucking hilarious if you're in on the joke. But then 1492 pictures comes up and I was like, oh Chris Columbus. This is a double dose of douching. Yeah, Home Alone's, Chris Columbus, right?

Yeah. Harry Potter, one and two Chris Columbus. Oh, he did the oh, all right. The ones that nobody liked. I saw the first one and I was like, nope, never again. Percy Jackson and the something something, he's at least one of those movies. Gremlins, you wrote the script. So the point is he's done a bunch of terrible shit and some good shit. It's great stuff.

Yeah, but this falls into terrible territory. I actually, when I saw this, I saw this twice in about a month. Yikes. The first time, I just kind of assumed it was Dennis Dugan, so I didn't even look at the director credit. I was just like, I literally watched me the entire way through. And I was like, oh, we should make an episode out of it. It's so terrible. And then I watched it again last night.

I was like, oh, Chris Columbus? So you couldn't spot his director trademarks? No. Okay. Well, what's funny is the only thing I could think of is that if it were to be a Dennis Dugan movie that budgets way less and there's way more Sandler guys rolling around. The one thing that you can kind of tell from the start of this movie is like, or when like the video game action stuff gets going is like it's on a lot. larger scale, like a Percy Jackson, Monsters in New York kind of garbage thing. I do you think this is probably the biggest, I mean, like, Tent Poli movie Sandler's ever

tried to do, right? Yeah, I mean, this opened right in the heart of the summer and it turned out to be the fart of the summers. Bravo. Yeah, it did make much money. It was a bob. For those who don't know, this is the movie where aliens disguised themselves. as classic arcade game characters.

That is... Yep. It's, is it really explained at all? It's just like... Nope. They apparently saw the broadcasts of video games into space, question mark. Yeah, well, we said to space

like a time capsule of the year 1982 into space. What a banner year it was for the United States. It was, and for some reason this alien race found it and thought it was a challenge and kind of... And decided to put in video games.

stuff that didn't exist yet. Like, what was Mario and Paperboy are in the background at one point? Is that even, is that doesn't go back to 82, does it? I think Paperboy was an old-ass arcade game. Well, maybe, yeah. And Mario is in, what you'd be called it?

He's in Donkey Kong. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. But that was Mario Origins. Yeah, Mario begins. That'd be a great movie. That's what I think the fucking Mario Brothers movie was, though. That's their origin story. I want to go further.

No, it's just him and Donkey Kong. He finds himself on some guerrillo planet. He's got to like... Yeah. You know, like... Donkey Kong country or something. And he's like an intrepid explorer. You know, getting to all kinds of crazy stuff.

Oh, that could be sort of like you get like a King Kong vibe out of it. Definitely, yeah. Making more sense. And then, you know, he finds, like second act, he finds Yoshi helps him rise up. Yeah, we could get this made. The thing about Yoshi in that first movie and in all, I want... I want to watch Yoshi, like, because what Yoshi likes to do is eat living things that have, like, minds and, like, eat them alive. Like, he's immediately.

He eats henchmen. He does. He's like, oh, yeah, you're a fucking turtle with a wife and a kid in my mouth. And the kid's like, no! Oh, you're a sentient mushroom. Not anymore. Now you're lizard shit. Oh, nice babies, bird.

Oh, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Those are your children, huh? That's what never made any sense about, like, in Super Mario. world. When Yoshi was first introduced and he would like eat stuff and then you'd hit like down and whatever

and an egg would pop out, I was like, no, that should be feces. Oh, do you think maybe shit's in a shell? Just like shitting eggs, right? It's like you eat these things and then he can immediately dump it out his ass and it's an egg weapon. Or maybe he's just like

oh no, I'm pregnant. Again and again and again. Man, anything can impress This male lizard. His ovaries are in his mouth, apparently. From eating all the male turtles and male mushroom men? Exactly. That is, wow.

You know, Kronenberg should direct this. Oh, man, David Kronenberg's Yoshi's Island. Oh, yeah. Now we're talking. Definitely. So pixels, maybe? Yeah, so pixels. You know, here's a miracle.

Maybe. Here's a miracle about pixels. I was shocked to find out. that this movie's under two hours long. It's still too long. Or something, I don't know. Well, here's the thing. It's too long, but I'm just surprised

that we are not dragging ass through the galaxy in this movie. You know what I mean? It's an hour 45. It's a cool hour 45, which is too long. And it's not begging for a franchise either. They do wrap it up pretty succinctly at the end.

Yeah. Almost too succinctly. I mean, we'll get there. But so we start in 1982. Again, like I said, the banner year for the United States. And it's a little Adam Sandler, little Kevin James, and little Josh Gaderet at like a wizard-esque video game tournament. Well, you're wrong because that should be, that's, that, you're right, that's the beginning of the movie. But there's 10 minutes of little Adam Sandler and little Kevin James going to the arcade. What are video games?

Oh, right. Here, let's do this. And there's like a montage of him like being. really good and it's an Adam Sandler movie so Kevin James's character has to go to a little Adam Sandler like wow you're really great at this and Kevin James's character is only good at the claw machine oh that's sad but you're right like let's start at all you start at the arcade at the championship and I know exactly what's going on because we as a society know what video games are and we know that they existed before 2015 yes we've figured that shit out but you're right the only thing though

was that got me so nostalgic for like class classic games. It kind of made me want to watch joysticks again. Oh, yeah, better movie. The Joe Don Baker boob comedy set in an arcade. Yeah, it kind of made me want to play all these old video games again. Oh, big time. But you know, one thing about this opening scene of Josh Gad being, what is he in this? Eight years old is supposed to be eight. Yeah. Real, he was born in 1981. So he's playing older. Which stands to reason since, uh, He can look the part. He looks a little older, I guess.

And I think Sandler's trying to play a little younger, too. He always does, doesn't he? He's kind of like being a contemporary of Josh Gad, like a little bit, but not really. You know what I mean? That's a failure. Lainey Kazan's in this movie for two seconds. Oh, right. As Josh Gad's grandmother.

You remember Lainey Kazan? She was the mom in that classic independent film, my big fat Greek wedding, soon to be seen in the classic not independent film My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 colon who asked for this Are they really? Wait, are they doing a sequel? It's done. Trailers out.

Is it my big fat Greek funeral? Oh no, my dad died And now I got to have all these Greek people In my house He ate too much pastitio That's kind of like lasagna if you don't know No, it's literally called My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2

And in classic dumb comedy sequel fashion, I think they're going to Greece for a wedding. Hold up. Hold up. This franchise has been going on a while. Wasn't there, what was there, a TV show? There wasn't a big show. Greek life. The whole series fits on one DVD. It wasn't that fat. So it's the movie. Yeah. The TV show. And now this. I'm not missing anything. No, and I'll tell you this. It may have been an adult swim show. I'm not sure. Those come and go pretty quick

Yeah Well, this thing is like There's another wedding It's a younger person I don't know if it's supposed to be their child I'm pretty sure they're going to Greece Here's the thing, full disclosure I watched the entire trailer with no volume

I was like Yeah, I got it This is fine Totally fine Anyway so Laney Kazan Who is a funny comedic actor She's in this movie She has like three lines of dialogue

Because women don't do much in this movie Sorry everybody They get gazed upon So we have this video game tournament Dan Aykroyd Hi, Dan Aykroyd To the video game competition Dude the host of this video game competition

And the thing I realized when I was watching it Was like oh Well this whole movie won't be set in 1982 And this character would definitely be dead in 2015 So good, this is the only scene with Dan Aykroyd I was kind of hoping for him being like an older guy Later in the movie There is a cameo later

Did anybody else notice it? A cameo? From Ackroyd? From Dan Ackroyd's Crystal Skull Vodka. Oh, yes. Hey, Adam, I'll be in your movie. You got to drink a little bit of my Crystal Skull Vodka. You know and Adam, I'm just going to leave this on the craft services table.

You want to put it in the film, that's fine. It's not going to cost you anything. Just leave it right there. Just free billboard for me. You know, everybody's going to see this Pixels movie, right? Everyone's going to see it. Could you do a live read in the middle of the movie from Martini's liquor warehouse? I got a good deal with Don Martini down there.

So in the world, in the world of the movie, Dan Eckerd exists as who he is. As an entrepreneur. Selling vodka. Yeah. And he also happened to know a guy that looked exactly like him. No, it's a guy who looks like 2015 Dan Aykrad, but he looked like that in 1982. Right. Back when Dan Aykrad was, you know, like a rail thin.

Elwood. Yes. Coke thin, one might call it. So they're playing this thing. It's at, you know, you work your way through the arcade. Yeah. Of course, the final round is Adam Sandler and a guy who's playing a young Peter Dinklage. Sure.

Whatever. And he's like, you know, doing the, like, Peter Dinklage's character in this. And he's like, it's this weird thing where, like, everyone, like, is fawning over him. Like, he's super famous for some reason. I know. He's sort of like Mary Sue in this. It's a bit of a video game Mary Sue. But that actually bites him in the ass by the end of the movie.

Eric. We'll get there. Well, which is good. Thank God there's some character development. So, again, we don't even actually cut it in any need this scene. We cut forward to Adam Sandler and Kevin James in a bar. Like most dudes do, just talking about hot chicks they like in the old movies there. Oh, man. Oh, my God. It's like the grossest conversation. It's just like, you know, like Adam Sandler, old like,

Scarlett Johansson. To be fair. Kevin James says Scarlett Johansson, to which Adam Sandler's character says she's way too young, that's a little gross, buddy. He does say that. He does. I got... Because it's Kevin James just like

licking his lips like a wolf in a cartoon and Sandler's character is like, dude, that's disgusting. I had the mixed up. I had my big boys mixed up. But it's not even like, oh, did you see that new Scarlett Johansson movie? Man, does she look good? It's just two dudes sitting in a bar

alone listing ladies that they find attractive one after another. Now, this movie likes to believe and I'm sure some listeners like to believe that this is what men do when they hang out. They're just like

let's, hey guys, let's go through the list. Yeah, let's start from the top and work our way to the bottom. You know what? Fellas. Coming in at number five. Fellas, I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

there are definitely dudes out there that do that. But do they just, like, list people? Yes, yes, they do. Yes, dude, because dudes are terrible. Sure. There's definitely dudes right now at a Buffalo Wild Wings, just like, all right, Kevin, who you got for number six? Well, I got Mariel Hemingway.

Mariel Hemingway, huh? Well, okay, Kevin always brings weird lists to Buffalo Wild Wing Lady List Thursday. All right, Don, what about you? Margot Kidder. What the fuck? happened this week, guys. What happened? Why are we talking only

about people who are in Superman 4 of the Quest for Peace? What the fuck? This is a disgrace to the Young Tail List Club. Meets every Thursday of Buffalo Wild Wings. I got Christopher Reeve. Oh, great. Someone brought Dale.

Shut up, Kevin. And so on. All right. Yeah. Okay. So I guess it does happen. I've never been privy to it. But it's stupid to just introduce your characters this way. And the twist here is in the middle of the scene, we realized that Kevin

James is the president of the United States. What? Wait, the United States of America? The United States of these United States. Oh, man. Just open a window, crinkle up your suspension of disbelief

into a ball and throw it out that window. Oh my God. Could you imagine like Barack Obama going to Buffalo Wild Wings being like, that's Scarlet Johansson. I'd pound her good. No, I can't.

Man. Dude, it is so impossible for me to accept him as the president of the United States. I think it was on IMDB, like that somebody was like oh, which is a total lie that Kevin James models his performance after Chris Christie,

which is fake. Because he's just fat. Because they're both fat? Kevin James is just doing Kevin James in this movie just like everyone else is just doing themselves. He's not modeling anything. I will say that they acknowledge that this is a post Barack Obama presidency.

Yes. In this movie and it's like he's a big fat guy. Chris Christie's a big fat pig. In my head I was kind of like ha ha ha he's supposed to be kind of like a Christie president. He's not modeling quote his performance quote

off of anything because it's Kevin James with a Buffalo Wild Wings T-shirt on. I mean, he doesn't literally have that, but he might as well. Was it Buffalo Wild Wings? No, they're just at some sports for it. But it's like he's playing the King of Queens becomes the president. And there's like a little George Bush joke.

That's a hot take of him like trying to read a children's book in front of a bunch of kids. Oh yeah. You know what that is? It's kind of a Dan Quail joke. That's a 9-11 joke. It's a 9-11 joke, dude. That's him reading the book. And I was like, oh man, is someone going to come up a lot?

alongside him and like whisper a tragedy in his ear and then he's sir a video game just collided with the world trade center what I'll keep reading sir tapper is on top of the trade center he's slinging roopier all over downtown Manhattan but yeah and like he like he

mispronounces catastrophic I think for some reason and like the kids are correcting him and it's not and the thing about this scene that bugs me is like it's not filmed like the George Bush video which would be one camera in the back and that's all it is like we're like cutting to little girls and it's like know what a news clip is oh right because they're supposed to be

watching it on TV yes yeah yeah yeah yeah you're cut to like little girls who are like oh actually it's this and he's like oh shut up your little kid it's like it's better if it's just one camera in the back because then I'm like kind of believing what's going on which is disappointing because like Chris Columbus knows how to make a movie

like don't make those mistakes they just don't care no oh my God does nobody. Sandler, like, and I think that I've never seen him care less than this movie. Yeah, and it's crazy to say that because he doesn't care often, but this is zero regard for

the audience. It's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're a bunch of fat idiots anyway. They hate you. And the other thing, too, is Adam Sandler playing a nerd, which is what he's doing in this movie. Right. Doesn't make any sense because Adam Sandler hates nerds. And Adam Sandler does not even try to be a nerd in this movie. No.

One where, like, at best case, He's kind of booger, but not really. Booker the cool nerd. Yeah, because he's just like a weirdo, like, drunk guy. But, like, he never is like, oh, man, comic books or, oh, man, like, you know. Star Trek. Yeah, exactly. It's just like, I liked video games growing up, but I also kind of like ladies, too.

And, like. Yeah, you can't have the Sandler persona fit into the nerd block. Adam Sandler goes on a call to Michelle Monaghan's house. Now, he is, like, working for a version of the Best Buy. Geek Squad type thing. It's a little more humiliating because he's wearing these really unflattering orange shorts. And an orange shirt.

You see some thighs on Sandler. I think this is just what Sandler wears. It's not too dissimilar from the grown-ups apparel. No, it's not. I think it's just like they had to, he had those orange shorts and they're like, all right, we have to make this like a UPS guy uniform. So like, we'll find you a matching shirt and put a name tag on it. Don't worry, Adam.

We'll fix it. Yeah, songs that don't have to change my pants. Those are definitely just his shoes Without question Those are his sneakers It's a little kid Who's really precocious and annoying Sure you have to have those

He's like yeah Hook up all these video game systems for me And he's like wow Could you win the lottery or what He's like well actually I did My parents are getting divorced And it's like eesh But from right there

It's Sandler Like this character in his head Like divorce day Wait till this lady Comes around the corner hoping I can spot a prize piece. Dood dood doodoo da. Man, I could have used some doodoo da doodoo's in this movie. A little bit of hibbidi-divody would have been nice.

Oh, man, a nice classic old-fashioned hibbidi-dibody would have done the trick. I'm praying on ladies. But yeah, if he was doing that, he'd be like, oh, it's a centipede. You know what I mean? Like, I would be like, oh, I could buy this guy being a weird video game nerd. Oh, Donkey Kong. It's on, big boy. Yeah, something.

Anything. If that's him trying way back when, and now it's just, it's a sad. Michelle Monaghan comes down and he's like, oh, she's a sexy lady. He's just like, that Michelle Monaghan is one hot piece of ace. Man, now I just want to watch Billy Madison. Totally. Like six months ago, it totally holds up. Oh, really?

I've been meaning to rewatch Happy Gilmore actually That's one I haven't seen in years Which I don't think is on Netflix That's too bad I saw most of it on cable recently And I thought it held up Oh yeah Yeah

I mean those are See just to show you We like we don't outright hate Adam Sandler We just hate what became of him Yes he mutated into pixels He sees her and like a lot of this The problem is like there's a lot of like sitcom jokes in this

Like where like people would say stuff And then people would have to stop and be like, wait, let's deal with that for a while. She's like, she comes down and is like, oh, wow. She's, you're looking much better than I thought. When I heard divorced mother, blah, blah, blah. I wish I brushed my teeth this morning. And she's like, wait, what?

And they like, move on, but I'd be like, wait, why are you telling me this right now? Yeah, why did you say that to a person? Anytime I forget to brush my teeth, I'm like, oh, far. Yeah, you just let anybody know. Don't directly speak at someone. I've never forgotten. I think I have maybe like three tops five times in my life.

I could see you staying around the house. Sure, yeah. All right, so flash forward, whatever. Blah, blah, blah, blah, getting divorced. She goes in a closet with a bottle of wine and starts crying. He needs, like, an invoice signed as this Best Buy employee, this Geek Squad guy. And he's like, oh, you're crying in there? You know what, miss?

I'm coming in now. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, dude hooking up the stereo system. You can just stay outside and have the kid initial it. Also, everyone's creeped out by the Geek Squad in their house. Enough because of all those stories of people putting those little spy cams and stuff. In your turlet. That happened.

Really? A Geek Squad was the perpetrator? Probably. No, yeah. There was a guy that like, at least one geek squad guy. I was like, oh, sexy lady. You probably was like, ooh, divorced mom. Hibbitty-dibbitty and drilled some holes and put like little spy cams and watched her for a while.

You got Geek Squad coming over. Dial 9-1. and then when I say, dial one again. I totally agree. And like, yeah, she also leaves this dude with her kid for long stretches of time. I mean, he's hooking up multiple video game systems, a TV, a 7-1 surround sound.

What else is he hooking up? He's chatting up this little kid, too. You know what I mean? Like, how a real conversation. This is working him. It happens in a lot of Adam Sandler movies where he befriends children. Yeah.

Because they're at this, these characters are at, like, the same mental capacity. Sure. So I was like, oh, so here's the little boy Who's gonna be his friend for the movie in one way or another And of course that is what happens But it's also like, it's like, oh, I just meet you kid Oh, your mom is pretty

I guess I'm gonna be your new dad Do do do do dad do da do So he goes into the closet Whether he starts drinking and like They kind of have a moment-ish Like he says some story was like Oh yeah I was trying to get pregnant with my wife And the doctor knocked her up

And it's like wait, what happened? And it's like, I forget it. You know what I mean? Stupid educated doctor. Exactly. And then like he moves into kiss her. She goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on?

And he's like, well, you snobby bitch. The second she says, she like pushes away, a new, a newly freshly divorced woman moves away from some repair man in her house. He goes instantly to snob in zero to snob. Which is like, I'm sorry, you know, you got to have your wits about you when you have anyone in your house. Absolutely. Like, in the city, there's been tons of cases of, like, people being sexually assaulted or whatnot. Yeah, it's the real world. Right.

I guess it's bad to hold this movie up to that standard. But the fact that this random dude who's hooking up a stereo is trying to, trying to bang you in your closet. It's like, you know what, dude, I'm sorry this didn't work out, like, the setup scene to a porno. Well, I'm the electronic setup guy, and you're the lonely lady. We're obviously going to have sex. Do do do, do, babu, babu. Thankfully, this awkward scene is broken up by a call from the president. In where Kevin James just says, hey, man, I need you to get to the White House quick.

Oh, my God. I don't believe for a second you're the president. What was Kevin James? Well, I think, honestly, like, Kevin James is the ultimate, I want to have a beer with this guy candidate, right? Like, what would his platform be? You know what I mean? What would get him elected, aside from being like, hey, man, I love football just as much as you do. That's the thing.

It's like the Gerald Ford effect. Like, I don't know what else there is. Like, he's, do you think someone died or got, like, resigned in office? Like, he's like an in-betweener, right? I guess that's a bad example. But it's that similar, like, you know, I'm just a guy, you know? Like, that's, I guess I'm thinking more the Gerald Ford joke on The Simpsons where he's like, do you like football? Do you like nachos?

I was thinking more of a King Ralph situation Maybe like a whole line of succession Right, the American royal family does Well president, vice president speaker Like a whole bunch of people All down the line until the Capitol Hill janitor And there he is For the Capitol Hill Zookeeper or whatever

The Zookeeper, yeah You know, you totally are like what are the circumstances? It's not a strong fucking platform on Iran I'll tell you that much And he's talking about like how much people like Oh, his approval rating is down? Of course it is. You're getting like beers with your buddy

in the middle of the day. President Nacho cheese. You can't do that. You're not hanging out with your buddies anymore while you're president, right? No, and you also can't just... More Obama's buddies. Name me one Obama buddy.

Well, the Obama buddies. He was friends with that nefarious liberal professor. Oh, yeah. That they made an issue out of once. And then I, I mean, he doesn't have time to hang out with that dude anymore. Obama, like, he's a big, like,

he is, like, a normal guy, like, he likes sports, but he, like, watches sports alone by himself with one glass of scotch at the end of the day. Locked in a room, he gets his, like, one cigarette that he sneaks behind Michelle's back. He watches, like, oh, man. He's also got a wife and kids. He's in a big bed with his wife.

He's not going out to Buffalo Wild Rings and Rankin Poon-Tang! You got to rank that tang man so in Guam is the first attack which I think is Gallagher and this he's the only black guy in the movie

so like you know really much like the Academy Awards not a lot of representation we see his two lines in the movie are literally oh mama and I voted for Obama I swear to God though this is the two guys the guys two lines oh the guy that gets kidnapped by the aliens

yes yes yes oh I voted for Obama what's that going to do to stop you from getting abducted by aliens. Well, he says it to Kevin James later in the movie, but still. Oh, yeah. Did he run against Obama? I think he did, actually. Does this take place in, like, an alternate 2012?

It possibly takes place as an alternate 2012, but I mean, they... They really... Yeah, Romney's not involved. You got... No, but I think they just do their best to say, like, it's fucking... It's post-Obama's second term, as I feel what they're doing it. An alternate 20-16. Yes, this is set in a dystopian future.

With Kevin James. is the president. Yeah, talk about moving to Canada. President Nacho cheese. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. His vice president would be some ESPN broadcaster. Which one?

Any of them. It doesn't matter because a person like this would never become the president. And not that Tony Kornheiser, that guy, you know, like, he's kind of like the Joe Biden of ESPN. God, he's so old. He is. Just because,

like, not that it takes a lot to take you out of a movie like pixels, but every time I remembered that Kevin James is playing the president, I was like, no, I can't. Because that's a whole another movie. You know what I mean? Like, and Adam Sandler, like, that's hail to the chimp. It kind of is. And like, Adam Sandler is doing a movie in the beginning of this called The President's Buddy. You know what I mean? Like, it's like an abandoned Adam Sandler movie that, like, gets interfered with, with this alien invasion. So in Guam, uh, they get attacked by Gallagher, everyone gets, and the way it happens is, like, people get

pixelated and turn to shit, and then, like, into little Minecrafty blocks. Yeah, they turn into, like, little energy blocks or something. And then other people get abducted by, like, the blocks go up into a tractor beam. And now, those blocks are pixels. Sure. I get, but,

like, what? God, I still can't get over the fact we never learn anything about these aliens. No. No. You never see anything beyond characters from video games look flash forward to the end of the movie Kevin james stands on the fucking lawn of the white house

and says that he personally brokered a deal with these aliens that it was like this big peace treaty and whatever and then you see this spaceship fly away there's never once any depiction of these aliens that he's brokering this deal with just president fat liar you didn't do that

shit was this video game invasion an inside job I think it was. Oh, no. It's entirely possible. I think it was. So he's like, hey, Brenner, look at my video that I've got from Guam. OMG, doesn't this look like Gallagher? Let's crack the case open.

And there's this like bullshit thing with like, Sandler and Michelle Monaghan are like, they get in this big cruffel and they're like driving to the White House at the same time. Because spoiler alert, she's a lieutenant colonel in the military. Sure. Sure. And there's all this obnoxious stuff about him like, look who's getting to see the president first lady boss the only time

he actually tries this movie is when he very sadly reprises his line from Happy Gilmore when they're going in and she gets put in the situation room with all the rest of the military and like they're like oh we'll see you in the Oval Office Mr. Brenner and he goes somebody's more important yeah totally man that age like fucking sour one

didn't it? It really did. Oh, man. But so he has this like meeting with the president in the Oval Office. And yeah, he's like, look at the screen, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they're like, Mr. President, you have a meeting in the situation room. And he's like, all right, you stay here, Adam Sandler, and keep watching this video. I have to go talk to, you know, the most powerful people in this country. Cut to Adam Sandler just waltzing into the situation room. And like, this is the ultimate. ultimate slobs versus snobs. Because here is Best Buy Geek Squad guy

versus like every head of military intelligence. And he's like, I'm about to school each and every one of you five star generals. Yeah, led by Brian Cox, unfortunately. Oh, man. Fresh off the slap.

Man, one day I'll just, I think I'll do a podcast by myself about the slap, episode by episode. And it'll be 100 hours long. But it's Brian Cox. And, like, he's, like, playing the crusty dean of the generals, I guess. The crusty dean of the American military? I guess so.

Is it the Army Chief of Staff or whatever? I think that's what he's supposed to be. Yeah, that would be the dean, right? He's like, oh, this isn't some bong party and college buddy. And it's like, what are you talking about? And then Adam Sandler's like, oh, hey, look at that grandpa over there. He biddy-dib-di-dib-any. Anyway, military personnel, let me lay this down for you.

And you're just like, no, this dude's being detained. You can't just run into the situation. Well, the president's just like, no, you've got to listen to what he has to say. And he's like, oh, hey, but de, baby, d'em it did it? Oh, this version of Gallagher, you can't get anymore. It doesn't, you know, this version doesn't exist. And, like, you know, these people are like, oh, you could buy it on your phone or whatever. But turns out the aliens are using 1982 Gallagher, which had this certain glitch.

man yeah he knows like some detail that means it's like the arcade tower Gallagher versus whatever the fuck and they they drum up the idea that it's linked back to that tape that they sent up into space of them playing video games sure and whatever which is never ever explained so he like leaves to add Eric's point like knows this incredible secret because they're like oh we're going to cover this up we're going to say it was a weapons test gone wrong and he's like well goodbye white house I'm going home now

No way You're getting fucking Dustin Hoffman Wag the dog at the end of this situation Oh man You just totally reminded me The sad end of that movie

But he like drives away In his van And Josh Gad Like approaches him And like falls out of his van And rolls around Because he's fat too No he's Adam Sandler

He's driving down the road I'm sorry but Because he's fat too Yeah And Josh Gad has been hiding in the back of the van And he's sneaks up right behind Sandler's head

and he's like, oh hey Adam Sandler and Sandler like freaks out and like Josh Gad falls out of the van probably because of obesity like Steve mentioned. Like Steve needed to point out. I also love that like and he's like oh I've been watching you all day. I've been

in this van all day. I think when you bring a van to the White House, I don't care at you're the president's number one best brother like hey let's just open the back and get a quick look and see what's going on. Every single time. Without question, you're getting dusted.

It's getting swept. Fucking metal detector. Dogs, the whole thing. Oh, no, it's Sam Brett at the president's A number one pal. Just park it in front, Sam. You want a peanut butter sandwich, you fucking dick. Trojan horses, the White House. Exactly.

Like, we don't know if this guy got turned or what. Dude, he's the president's A number one cable guy. So he, uh, Josh Gad reveals that he knows a little bit more. hey come to my super stereotypical basement apartment because I'm a big nerd and that's where all nerds live. Lady Kazan gets her second line which is the same it's the same joke from Men in Black one or two the David Cross bit remember that one? Oh I think they drag that character into

at least both of those first two movies which is just like I have friends in my apartment and then you start yelling at your mother which is funny because you live with your mother which makes you a loser in the old joke of Ma wears the meatloaf from wedding crashers or whatever else in the world and so like he's got this command center he was watching

a rerun of some program and the broadcast was interrupted by so what they're doing is using other bits of 80s television nostalgia to like send messages to them in English it was part of that package the tape they said they say oh we sent

we're sending the best of right oh we're going to sell the best of pop culture we're going to send videos and video games and say that live and blues music it's a it's a it's a it's a uh uh a uh

it's a ginnis world records thing okay is what dan acrid like says at the beginning of that movie you also you know what i just realized you know what this movie is by the way it's just stealing the plot of star trek the motion picture right because now that actually makes sense because voyager did send out certain things It had music and classical music and whatnot. Yeah, I mean, why not make a movie about that?

They did. It was Star Trek the Motion Picture. Right, but maybe you could make aliens coming to kill us movie about it. Right, yeah. But it wouldn't be as sexy. No, I think there's something interesting, though, like about 80s nostalgia coming to kill us. You know what I mean? Like, that's kind of a cool concept for a movie.

Like, if it is video games, if it is like, you know, like maybe Jason Voorhees gets involved or something. something like because like it's the idea of that nostalgia you know there's no no good thing about looking backwards you have to look forward like that right that could be the point of this movie there's a there's a there's like a little little nugget of an idea here that is good yeah that they could make a new of a fine film the finest they don't so it's this message from the aliens i think it's madonna or something saying we're going to you know yes it's it's regan and madonna and they're doing like creepy ass you Using real footage and putting a computer mouth on it.

It's Russell Madness Town. Welcome back to Russell Madness. Yeah. It looks so bad. It's really terrible. It happens multiple times because they're talking to him through this whole movie. That's the only time you see the aliens. You see them as either 80s pop culture, human beings, or video game characters.

Right. Emperor Reagan, Madonna, Hall and Oates. I mean, oh, right, Hall and Oates, I forgot about that one. If, like, Reagan's consciousness after he passed away just went to this alien universe and just just like, I'm coming back to take the kitten cabooder. Mommy, daddy's home. And he's brought the Valdarians with him. It's like transcendence. Yes.

Which I didn't see. But I understand that's like, is consciousness going into the cloud? Yeah, exactly. That movie is a e-turd. It's an electronic turd because it's the cloud. In the future, we'll only do e-turd. E-Turds.

I think this podcast is actually an E-turn. So it's certainly an E-turn. E-turned.m.3. If you took our catalog and launched it into space, aliens would definitely come and slaughter humanity. Yeah. What would they come down as, though? Just themselves.

Disembodied fat voices. You'd be getting killed like the wind, like that M-night Shamaun movie. So Josh Gadga roped in they go back to the president's house and it's kind of we're kind of doing an independent the president's house the white house

but it's funny because that's how they treat it because they just drive right you can't just pop into the white house he has nothing to do he wonders why his approval ratings in the dirt because he's not doing anything he's just having beers with the boys

talking about Tang again it'd be great if like they like Jeff Goldblum and I want to say Alex Rieger Judd Nell Judd Hirsch Are out

Because I'm 100 years old Are out in front of the White House With like all the answers They bypass them And it's like David tell Oh David didn't get in Okay Adam Stan let tell him

Dude I don't think David tell him's in this new movie I didn't see her Oh no Goldboom and Hirsch are there Yeah she's not coming back That's too bad though David could have told him something else Oh my God

So we realize what the thing is, they decode the message, and their thing is like, oh, we're going to, we have these coordinates, we're going to, the next challenge is coming. You have three lives, by the way. We took one, we took a trophy, which is the first guy. Oh, right. Right, Guam counts as the first round, and that gentleman is the trophy. Yeah, and your second life is coming up tonight at such and such coordinates, which happened to be India, which, who cares? It's the Taj Mahal. That's kind of what the president says.

It's like, I don't know who, well, he just. Well, the president's, by the way. I know. That's what I'm talking about. It's so impossible. So president. The zookeeper. President Zookeeper.

President Cheezburger. President KJ is like, oh, my approval ratings in the dirt. I can't do anything because no one believes in me. You know what you could do? Call India and be like, hey, dude, this coordinate's, but there's no. You don't have to tell them what it is. Just be like, we've got word that.

attack is imminent at the Taj Mahal or whatever. Blame it on ISIS, dude. Just say ISIS is coming for the Taj Mahal. Don't just sit on this information and be like, well, whatever. Can I tell you what my favorite scene is or my favorite moment in this particular scene is? Sure, please. So it's President Hot Dog, President Chili Cheeseburger himself, Adam Sandler and Josh Gad, they're all in the Oval Office and they're like,

what are we going to do? Flibiddy-Dubiddy. and Josh Gadd is like, well, you know, it's this, that, the other thing, Mr. President, and Kevin James is just like, you know, Josh Gad, we've known each other for 30 years. I think you can call me Chewy because his nickname is Chewy because back in the 80s he bought a Chewbacca mask and was wearing it around that video game tournament. So the president of the United States says, hey, deranged lunatic I haven't seen in 25 years. Enough with this Mr. President nonsense. I think you can call me Chewy. President Chewy! President Chewy! It's so fucking aggravated.

It's also funny because Josh Gad is like, he's not only just a nerd, but he's also like a conspiracy theory nut. Oh, he's blaming on outer space his biggest fan. And like that's his thing. It's like, oh, the Secret Service is a file on me. I don't think you get in the Oval Office, even if you are the president's pal.

Because like you can totally bokeem would buy somebody in the Oval Office be like, you know, shake your hand and then you've got a fucking taxi driver gun and blow his brains out.

You're right. This guy would be taken to a black site. You know, they can interrogate them there and the information will trickle up.

Yeah, the president doesn't need to hang out with you alone in the Oval Office. I don't care if you frequented the same arcade. You're still getting

your fingernails ripped out one at a time. No, no, no, no, no. Secret Service and CIA. Don't worry about it. We frequented the same arcade. Come on, you stupid movie.

So the president, due to the president's extreme hot dog negligence, the Taj Mahal is destroyed. Sure. And, you know, even Josh Gad gives him a little shit in the next scene. He's like, well, I guess there's only six wonders in the world now. Durp per Durp. But like, just call the Indian government and be like, dude, what the fuck? Never in the, like, England gets a little bit involved, but there should be a world coalition that goes on. Oh, England gets involved.

Do you mean when the United States invades it in just a few minutes in this movie? So they're like, okay. I like that. I don't care who you are. That's funny. Oh, yeah. I don't care who you are. You should be back to killing red coats.

So they're like, all right, I guess we believe you. Michelle Monaghan has been working in this top secret lab to develop all this weaponry. Question mark, question mark. Like, they've got blasters and fucking pixel grenades. There's a robot in this movie for no reason. Are you talking about the guy with, like, the weird robot head? Yeah. It's like a guy with a robot head coming out of the back of his head.

That guy's played by somebody, by the way. Is he real? Everybody, somebody's son. I'm going to the internet ticker here, but it's like a known actor. But they have this whole workshop. It's like a robot. It's like, wait. I mean, I guess it's the idea of, like, nobody knows what the government's up to.

da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da but I guess so it's like she says like they figured out how to destroy the aliens by shooting like a light particle or something sure she had listened to Incubis's light grenades and was is that their album I think

is that what it's called why not a crow left foot of murder well crow left of the murder was one of them I won't look up light grenades well I'll tell you this the robot funny enough because we were just talking about two of his movies off the air is played by Oscar-nominated director Tom McCarthy. Oh, really?

Spotlights and the cobbler's, Tom McCarthy, playing this robot. For this cameo, it's the cobbler's. And I also want to apologize to the audience for doubting my incubus knowledge. Light Grenades is certainly an album of theirs. There you go. There you go.

Thank you so much. Yeah, they've developed. She just had incubus on her disc man while she was working in this secret thing that I guess is under the White House because we don't see them go anywhere. No, I mean. That seems really dangerous to test experimental weaponry

right under 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Oh, I saw the pixels. That movie was full of horse hockey. Yeah, right. You're going to tell me that experimental weaponry using advanced space age light technology is being experimented with right under Casa D.O.

Obama? I don't think show. That better movie, by the way. If Jesse Ventura was the president? 80s. 80s nostalgic coming back to bite us. It's not video games. It's just 100 feet tall 80s wrestlers. Oh! You get macho man. You get Ventura. You get Hulkster. You get Sting. You get the ultimate

warriors. The works, man. Everybody's just like fucking do it. The Holkster does a leg drop out of the White House and destroys it. Wouldn't that be something? I have any belches and say. Shouldn't have had that much pork. The pork stink waves would wipe out the whole district. Yeah, it's like a nuclear bomb.

So they... All right, we just got to flash forward here. They trained to use all these weapons. Yes. Well, yeah, basically they train this group of Navy SEALs because, like, obviously, they're the best of the best. And, like, light grenades or light guns that they invent immediately can destroy these aliens. Also, now the aliens are like, it's fair for us to challenge you at this video game stuff. Because you challenged us.

But hopefully you know how to shoot a light particle to destroy what this is. Know what game we're going to choose. And also, like, the problem. So the first game that they pick is Gallagher. The second one, I forget this. Is it defender or is it? It's that game, what was it called, Arconoid? Yes, yeah, I think.

With the blocks and the ball. It was like the colored bricks and you bounce the ball. off it. I think it was called Arkenoid. Why not Space Invaders? I bet you, you're only paying for so much licensing. They pay a lot for this movie. Maybe Space invaders just didn't make the cut. They got

the godfathered them all in Donkey Kong. For a second, I think you're saying they got Godfathered the video game. Which exists. Suddenly there's a really bad cut scene of someone doing a Marlon Brando impression. And James Conn has to act with it.

You get that weird CG con-fro. Oh, man. What a stupid endeavor that game was. YouTube the trailer to that game. YouTube the trailer to Sopranos Rise of Whatever. Man, that sucked. Oh, I totally forgot that existed. Everybody's in it.

It's a CGI game. And like you play like a young enforcer and like big, fat, fake James Gandalfi. It's actually James Gendifini, but like, CGI pixels. James Gandelfini. Yikes. It's like in your face like, you better know what this family wants to do, video game character.

I think this is, we just stumbled on a great idea here. Italian pixels. It's all just Italian video games. Or, you know, Italian men and video games. The funny thing is to be fair.

You can look at Mario in there. Yes. Yes. That's true. Oh my God. King of all the Italian video games. We just found her three stages. To be fair,

like, another version of that that you could argue is also just as stupid but I think it's actually a good game is that Ghostbusters game where it's like you're a new Ghostbuster recruit and we're all here still busting ghosts

okay let's go bustin you're like all right why can't I just be Peter okay whatever because I'm Peter they're all there they're all in that game I think

whatever so we Centipede Centipede, we go to England, we invade England. It's amazing. They're just like, we're setting up shop. And a rampant strain of anti-intellectualism, Fiona Shaw is the prime minister and is like, oh, hey, Kevin James, I'm here to work with you. And he's like, I don't know what this bitch is talking about. And it's like, dude, shut up. You're the fucking president of the goddamn United States.

Show that woman respect. They make her try, like, they make her use a bunch of, like, English. slang that may or may not even be real, I don't know. That's like a second language. Sure. And the whole gag is like she said all that because she's like excitable and whatever. And he's like,

what's this cuckoo bird talking about? This ain't how the babes at Buffalo Wild Wings talk. But there is so much anti-intellectualism. Like there's a press conference. Yes. And like a reporter is trying to trip up president hot dog. Which they would be doing all of the

die by using big words played by Robert Smigel Yep triumphed the insult comic dogs Arm Robert Smigel And yeah like Dan Patrick is like Shut up you'd just be it Dan Patrick by the way Speaking of Sports fucking Jeopardy Which nobody was

Dude you can walk into any room in this country right now And go with someone talking about sports jeopardy The answer a hundred times out of a hundred will be no 100% No, I wasn't talking about sports Jeopardy. Get out of my house. But like the president just having a press conference and like

bad mouthing vocabulary? Yeah, that's the move. Dangerous precedent. It is. So they invade England and Sean Bean is there and like he's also like Brian Cox is known to be a bully right? Because he's like, oh, these video game guys don't know what they're talking about

even though they actually clearly do. And Sean Bean is of that ilk. is like being gruff. Oh, he hates these little nerd weasels. So the it turns out to be, you don't know a video game it's going to be until the last second. It turns out at Centipede. Oh, cool. And Adam Sandler's

like, oh, I got all this centipede knowledge. Hubiddy, doobody. And they're like, okay, we know how to fire guns. So clearly we're better at this. But they can't do it. For some reason. Yeah. Like why, how does playing an arcade game 30 something

years ago translate into firing a gun into the sky. It doesn't. It does not. Like all the things they do in this movie. And Sandler says that the orientation of this thing, like, we spent years attuning our hand-eye coordination and memorizing patterns and whatever, which is fine. And that's totally what those games were.

It's all memorizing patterns, reflexes, hand-eye coordination. Yes, that's accurate. That does not translate into firing a fucking light cannon. Into the sky. Yeah, and like, because the angle would A would be totally different because you're seeing it from something else it's a whole different ball game it's as if let's just

even for argument's sake you me and Andrew are the best at Madden 96 right and then aliens come to Earth as the mon stars and they're like we challenge you to a football game like you know who'd be good at that any football player

anyone else even if we're good at the fucking football video game it's different because you're taking into a real space Yes, exactly. By the way, we kind of glossed over, we didn't get to it. They spring Peter Dinklage from prison. Oh, right.

That's coming up. That's actually, that's not the end? Yeah, no, no, no, Pac-Man happens after. Oh, my goodness, Pac-Man. So Centipede happens, and, like, all these, like, military guys who are good at firing guns. And, like, again, Adam Sandler and Josh Gad should be in the command center being, like, oh, do this, do that, and helping a little bit. Johnson, look out. At your 11 o'clock or something.

Yeah, remember that trick I told you. Move to your left. Yeah. But, like, they all fail. And then, like, Sandler picks up the gun and is, of course, get ready for this gang. Amazing at it. And him and Josh Gad, like, are just destroying everything because they're amazing. Sandler is amazing at this.

And you know what else he's good at? Kissing ladies. Oh, yeah, he does say when she refuses to kiss him, he's like, well, that's your fault. lady because you just get refused kissing a nerd and everybody knows nerds kiss the best and I'm like you fucking hate nerds

Adam Sandler What is like Revenge of the Nerds lines right? You're 40 years old move on. Yes Is that a line from Revenge of the Nerds? I think like I think there's an implied like nerds fuck better Oh that's certainly true

And then it's proved It's proved right from the famous rape scene of the film. That's what you want to do after you rape a woman is mock her in her face. That's great. Hey, great movie to bring your kids to. That laugh was almost chewy. That's how he laughs in the movie.

No, I know, I know, but the laugh also reminded me of the mighty Chubaka. Oh, I see. Which is also the namesake of our president. Oh, right, President Chewy. So Cetepete's happening, and then like one centipede goes off and starts like ripping up a hotel or something and I'm like

where does this come into the challenge that the aliens are talking about? Yeah I guess they're just like letting loose and Sandler like does this really cool shoot thing and then this little other little white kid is like wow that's awesome I know kid I'm Adam Sandler

I'll be here all week. It's also a dumb thing because like Sandler chastises this kid earlier in the movie for liking like Call of Duty type games you know and so it's like Yeah, kid. Turns out our video games were pretty sweet, too. Daboodoo da-da.

Then they go to a bar, even though the world is still under attack. Oh, farts this scene. And then this is where we get our famous crystal skull vodka. Hey, Adam, I'm just going to leave this right here in the shot. I was looking at the script here, and there's a scene later in the movie where President Cheeseburger takes a bunch of army men to a bar. Just thinking, I know you're probably going to want to be slamming a bunch of English pints of beer,

but maybe some Crystal Skull could work its way in. And I'm going to use these martini's beer coasters just because that guy really hooked me up with a sweet distribution deal. Don Martini, really nice guy down on the freeway. Dude, one of the funniest things ever was that time Cabin found out that Dan Aykroyd was doing like an appearance on a liquor warehouse in New Jersey. But it had been like the week prior or something like that. We were all heartbroken that we missed it. We were going to go and talk to Dan Aykroyd about that. Maybe some free samples, right, Dad?

No free samples. Run into business here, boys. No samples. I am filling vodka with crystal skulls, so it's pretty expensive on the overhead. So they're all drinking and like Michelle Monahan's like, hey, you're gross looking, but I kind of like you now, right? Obviously. And then they decide, oh, we should break out of prison. Peter Dinklage's character who is actually the one actor in this movie who's trying and has the least amount of screen time. He's doing something. Yeah. He's doing anything. He's doing Billy Mitchell from the King of Kong documentary. He's got the hair. He's kind of doing a voice. Like it's a bit broad, but like it's a fuck. He knows he can level it up and down. You know what I mean?

Speaking of King of Kong, man, what a better movie. Oh man, isn't it? Leaps and bounce. You want to watch a guy cry about a video game watch King of Kong. That dude keeps crying Steve Weeby is crying that entire movie Steve Webe's in this movie Is he really? He's playing like a press guy or something Oh I'm sort of like uncredited press guy You probably didn't recognize him

He's not crying Honestly, this movie could use Some nerds weeping Like what nerds love to cry Sure I'm crying right now And you know who would never admit He's ever cried

Adam Sandlin Oh not at all Nope. I'm too cool for that. I only cry when I play a 9-11 victim. Heap-de-bo-Bee-Boo-B-Dee. Rain or me. God, just remember that Eddie Vetter's song in that movie came out.

Rain over me. Now, was that an uproarious comedy? No, his family was wiped out in 9-11 and he had mental problems because of it. I'm laughing. Why did Don Chittle get part of the crew? I guess you probably hated it. I'm saying there, huh? As I'm sure some people do.

So they go to prison. The president and all of the president's pals. All the president's pals. Go to prison. That was a good movie. It's such a different Robert Redford movie, but it's still a good movie. They go and like, you know, he's a dick.

What you would call it? Dinklage. Dinklage is, and his character is the fire blaster. That's his like self-imposed nickname. and like everyone hates his guts but he's really good at like Donkey Kong and other stuff so like he beat Adam Sandler in the Pac-Man championship

at the beginning of the movie and they're like oh well you clearly anyone who's good at video games is really good at fighting aliens come on out sure and he makes some like bullshit demands he wants like an island he wants a threesome with Martha Stewart and Serena Williams which keep that in the back of your pocket

yep he wants to never pay taxes again he wants an island yeah get out of prison obviously. By the way, never pay taxes again. That's a joke from Armageddon in case anyone was wondering. Oh, that's right. That is their demands of the oil rig crew. Yeah, they're like, oh, we want to pay never a tax. We don't

want to pay taxes. Like, okay, ever again. And that's like kind of a line, right? Yeah, I think that line made the Armageddon trailer. I certainly think it did. Why do we have to spring this guy from prison if it's established anyone who's good at video games can do this? Why don't we get other people? Why does it have to be

the guys that they grew up with? You know who are good at video games guys uh japanese people like there's a lot of whoa racists no like anyone else there are like there are video game competitions in Japan there are video game competitions everywhere everywhere everywhere in the world

clearly like the four best people wouldn't be all American white guys is what I'm saying right yeah well we want to keep president hot dog feeling alright give something for his pals to do presidential is it too late to change it to President Cheesesteak? No, it should change throughout the entire episode. Now he's

President Cheese steak. Depends on what he had for lunch. But we do get a Japanese guy, the creator of Pac-Man later on. They spring him from prison and they're like, oh, the next thing, the next coordinates are in New York. And we cut to Nick Swardson who plays a young

they literally call him a rookie police officer, even though he's 39 years old. And they're like, oh, what did you see a rookie? And he like describes Pac-Man eating up the thing. Which, by the way, so in Gallagher and in the last attacks, the aliens were always the bad guys, right? Like they're in Gallagher, in Arcanoid, in Centipede, all the bad guys. Now they're the good guy.

Now they're Pac-Man. Right. Why would they be Pac-Man all of a sudden? Well, because the aliens don't know which is what. They're just being aliens. Well, the movie doesn't know which is. Well, thank you. The movie also doesn't know which is what.

That's damn true. And like Michelle Monaghan pulls right out of her ass. She's like, oh, we were expecting Pac-Man, and we were expecting that you guys would be the ghosts. So we equipped these mini-Coopers. Oh, Lord. This fucking Mini-Cooper commercial in the middle of this thing. Oh, man, it's like, yeah, so we got to be the ghosts.

How are we going to be the ghost? Here's these cars we souped up. Also, also, you somehow were able to figure out the last second that Pac-Man's coming. You scrounged up this dude that invented Pac-Man? Yep. No. No. No. And you have the dude

who created Mario and who created Donkey Kong. Why aren't all those dudes on hand? Yes, of course they would be. Fucking fuck you, movie. Why is it fucking Dale Earnhardt Jr. and a bunch of fucking race car drivers in these mini-coopers?

Get Danica Patrick, get that guy with the M&M's car that everybody hates. But no, instead they use their time. Tony Stewart, I think. They use their time and resources to so one-up badges on their jackets. Dude, they have out and out uniforms now.

They have the name of their unit, like their military unit on their arcaders. They're the arcaders. Oh, man, isn't it so much like Ghostbusters? Remember that disbelief you crumbled up and throughout the window. That thing just flew away. It's like so far away. And it gets so much worse from here on out.

my hair went white watching this and so they all get into they all get into mini cooper including the the guy who created Pac-Man and there's this funnyish scene funny-ish scene where he goes it's like I will reason it with Pac-Man I created him he's my son

and they play it for a gag and Pac-Man bites his arm off and I think this is the trailer line he's like somebody kill that bitch or something like that right and you know what that would have been so great if I could have just seen that clean but it was just all over every freaking trailer.

It's the only humorous thing that happens in the film. You've got to use it. You're just like, all right, here's that Pac-Man thing I saw it nine months ago in the preview. And so now we're the ghosts and we're driving around trying to catch Pac-Man and we also realize that there are power pellets that when Pac-Man gets them for 10 seconds, you can be eaten by Pac-Man for some reason. Somehow the color of these cars change. royal blue like the ghosts in the game

How, how, and how? I'll tell you how, how, how and how. Whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever, the fuck ever, man. We're making pixels. Just whatever. Whatever, you, whatever, her, whatever, that dog, whatever, it's pixels. And nobody cared for half a second about this movie. Including Chris Columbus.

No, none. No care. What should we call it? Killing me. Dinklitch keeps doing all these moves and you don't see them actually. The camera always cuts away, and you go to Michelle Monaghan. She's like, how did you get there so fast? And he's like, don't worry about it, lady.

And like, he keeps getting Pac-Man. He gets him twice. You got to run the car into Pac-Man, is the idea, by the way. When you're not blue. And we find out that Peter Dinklage is a cheater. A one? And the only way he beat... He's a what?

The only way he beat Adam Sandler years and years ago, because Adam Sandler is the best, was by cheating by having a cheat code written on his glasses. You know, that makes sense because there's no way Adam Sandler could be beaten at anything. And the worst part is somehow a cheat code, which would only apply to Pac-Man only because that's the character you can manipulate in that game. Yes. Would not only transfer to ghosts if the situation was reversed, but also transfer to a mini-cooper that is actually a gas and electric fucking vehicle. Wait, wait, what the fuck is the A and B button? dude it's just him jerking off to a certain pattern and that's then and it works

that's like crazy it literally does like she keeps being like how did you do that so fast what how are you getting there so quickly yeah there's a there's a split second where you see him kind of like blip like out of existence like he blips and then like shows up somewhere but how how how would he know to do this how would he do it why would it work how does the physics work in the real world slash did the aliens program in the cheat codes. But also did the Pac-Man

arcade game have cheat codes? It definitely must not have. I don't know. There's no game genies back then. No, but it's all the like... You do a combo of certain things. A.D.A. Turn the joystick. You get a glitch kind of a thing. Yeah. Maybe. This is a case for Snopes.

But so this happens. Adam Sandler wins at the end, actually. Because like, uh, even though he's cheating dinklage, drives into a ditch. Adam Sender does this thing where, like, this really heroic driving backwards, a move which should kill him. It's kind of cool though. He's driving

in reverse up a parking garage. Which he couldn't, which a fucking fat geek squad guy could not know. I mean, Dale Jr. would have trouble with this. James Bond would have trouble with this. Exactly. But he does it and he's counting down because they say at the beginning like you turn blue for 10 seconds

and Pac-Man can getches. And so he's chasing him up and everything and he drives out the, like, the top window of this garage and he hits one and Pac-Man eats him and he turns back into the car and Pac-Man commits, you know, Pac-Man's epic. But in the game, in the game, if Pac-Man's about to eat a ghost, yeah. They usually give it to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Adam Sandler's character is dead from here on out. Or he's a pixel trophy.

The rest is in his mind. Oh, sweet fan theory. bro. You better get that to Reddit. You better overnight that to Reddit right now. I think I've had that fan theory for every episode the past five, six episodes. So they win.

This is when they get a very important new character, Cuber. Oh, man. Because apparently he's the trophy. When they win, you get a trophy. You get slaves, yeah. When they won you get nice slaves. When they won Senefeed, they got the duck hunt dog which is pretty funny. But you never see

the duck hunt dog again. Like he shows up with this old woman's apartment. He's holding the dead duck and he's like, er, like, licks the old lady's face. And I was like, that's adorable. I always love the duck hunt dog. Everybody loves the duck and listen, I'm going to be completely honest. Cubert made me laugh a couple of times in this movie. Cubert speaks fluent English, weird.

He's just doing like a little kid. Like, he's a minion essentially. He's a minion. He's a man child. He's got like, you know, he's a guy that's mentally handicapped. And there's nothing wrong with that, but that's how we talk. They use this character for like abusive physical comedy and it's a lot of like, why? Why was I programmed to feel pain? Like kind of jokes, which I was getting some legitimate laughs. I will just admit it. I'm admitting to laughing during pixels. So the president is two challenges up. The president.

Cheese steak. President number four, which is a quarter pounder with cheese, double quarter pound of cheese. Yeah, four is that double. Don't you forget it? Is up two challenges to one on the aliens. And he's like, hey, where's the? in the middle of being invaded. The whole world hangs in the balance. Let's throw a fucking ball. Let's not wait until we win. No, no, no. The night

whatever, they have this ball and like Adam Sandler asks her out. This is a thing in the Arcader's honor, by the way. It's a black tie white house affair. The world is still in peril. Why are we celebrating? Yes. It's like if they

just stopped at like the middle of the second act of Independence Day. And Bill Pullman's like, we're having a party right now. Everybody get to the White House. We're going to have a party. We're going to celebrate sort of figuring out a way to beat these aliens. Yeah, well, we haven't done it yet, but we're hanging out. Man, talk about putting the cart before the horse, man. It's just crazy. I mean, like, even after mission accomplished in Iraq, we didn't throw a fucking party. You know what I mean? We knew well enough to wait a we might have. I don't think I got the invite, but they're having this big ball. And

And Dinklidge shows up with Serena Williams. Right. And she's like, oh, you know, the government told me to do this. It's a fine. They have fun little bits together. It's fine. It's one of those like, I'm an excellent tennis player and couldn't act my way out of a paper bag kind of cameos.

But, you know, that's fine. She's not claiming to be an actor. And Dinklage is just playing a scumbag and he's like, you know, being gross. Hey, baby, kind of stuff. What was he in prison for anyway? Oh, he was like he had hacked something and like computer crimes. Man, nerds, huh?

They love hacktivism. No, this was something like he was like basically stealing like credit card numbers or something. They love stealing credit card numbers to buy toys with. Dust off your copy of old school because Josh Gads just going to do that for a little while. He just gets up on stage and is dancing with this band and singing along. What's the song he's singing? Do you remember? It's something.

He just gets up there and he's singing and I'm sitting there like, why is this character getting on stage during a presidential affair and singing? These are the most extroverted nerds I've ever seen. Yes, it's almost as if they're not nerds at all. Yeah. Yeah. These are a jocks in nerds clothing?

Is that the idiom? I think that's what happens. In the middle of the party, Michelle Monaghan's little boy gets kidnapped by the aliens because we and a message comes through saying by the way you broke the rules you cheated therefore you forfeit

Right this is Holland Oates Yeah yes Hollin Oates doing this Therefore we come down tomorrow And we'll destroy the world And everyone's like Oh no we cheated now we're in trouble While they're at this ball Right yep they're all like

Oh man we must have thrown this ball A little too early Yeah good thing I'm in my formal wear For my coffin You know what I didn't My biggest question about this scene, honestly, it's a really quick question that doesn't have an answer, but where did Cubert get that formal wear? He does get something. Cuberts's wearing a little Cubert tuxedo.

He's got like pants on and like loafers. Can I just say I think Cubert might be my favorite video game of all time? I love Cuberts. Of those like old school games, I love Cubert, man. Listen, you get like a tall glass of water put on like, you know, apropos like a Bowie record. play some Hubert. Oh, you're in for a good Friday night. You go to Barcade and drink some beer and play some Cuban.

God, what do you work for them? I like that place. They're right down the street. Guys, question about Cuba. Also, I'm currently unemployed, so make me an offer, barcade. Just make me an offer. So you both love Cuba. Yeah, he's great.

What'd you fuck him? The answer is I would not have sex with Cuberet, no. You wouldn't fuck him? No, not even if he turned into a bodacious babe. I would be like, oh, that's Cuber. People might be fucking Cuber. So the last act of this movie, by the way, they finally asked Cuber any questions. They're like, oh, hey, alien.

Yeah. Torture him, rip pixel by pixel out until he spills the beans. Exactly. Why is this fucking alien in Abu Grave? Thank you for mispronouncing Abu Ghraib. and sing Abu Grave. Yeah, that's really awesome. That's like a title of like a patriotic metal song, probably.

That is great. Or like Guantanamo, any of those places. Or like an Iraqi zombie film that we're now making. Get Jessica Chastain a fucking metal album and a guy with some fucking pliers and let's figure it out. Let's figure out what Cupert's up to. Oh, man, you would just pick that little adorable alien apart and you would get all the information. And it's weird, too, because, like, he is kind of a turncoat. It's like, you know, you got to go, you know, get right under it and you can somehow, like, get up inside the spaceship.

It becomes very independent state. Yes, yeah. The spaceship comes down over wherever, and it opens up in the middle, and all these video game characters start coming out. I'm surprised you saw Mario in there. I didn't notice anybody. Mario is definitely in the background at one point. And by the way, I think I just looked up on the Internet ticker that Duck Hunt came out. After 1980s.

Oh, I'm sure. Because it was a Nintendo. I believe it was a console game. You know what I mean? Yeah. So, yeah, there's a bunch of, you know, maybe this movie's not that real. Oh, interesting. There's, uh...

I'm shocked that this movie would have anachronisms in it. There's, like, Tetris happening. There's also... Smurfs. Smurf show up for no reason. No, there was a Smurf video game that was for like Atari, something or other. Not in 1982, though, but yeah. Oh, was it later?

Yeah, I think so. Oh, all right. But Michelle Monaghan shoots it in the face and it's kind of funny. There's also a fake video game. Oh, yeah. With ninjas and a bodacious lady called Lady Lisa who's Josh, that's like Josh Gads' character-only motivation. Aside from, by the way, in the middle of the movie, they make like a lot of gay jokes at his expense. Like, he's like kind of hitting on guys and he's like, oh, you beautiful Marine and he's like hitting dudes on the ass.

Smackin asses left and right. Which is my least favorite trope, which is like where homosexual just means weird. like he's not gay like he just likes dudes because that's what weird people do but he actually likes ladies you know what I mean like gay is actually a thing like if he's hitting on guys probably he's gay he's not like in love with Lady Lisa later in the movie he makes something like so this Lady Lisa comes to life and this is what doesn't make any sense about Lady Lisa Lisa is like a big like a Red Sonia kind of character yes and so it's like here's this you know bodacious pixelized babe and she's like got a sword and a shield and whatever she kind of looks like link she's armed like link yeah sure and unlike every other video game that we see come through the centipede Mario whoever else

Hubert who's got like fucking a house in Texas at this point Cuberts had a black site somewhere getting picked to pieces oh no Lady Lisa comes out and Josh Gads like oh that pixelized monster over there is my future bride that's cool

and then for no explanation no reason Lady Lisa depixelizes and just turns into a person And it's just some actress And it's like Because she's sexy And you get some more TNA

To look at my brothers Oh man Thank you Adam Sandler and Chris Columbus Oh man We gotta go revise our lists Oh man Get to Wild Wings We gotta edit that list

Get that list going No I'm thinking that video games Going up there Then I'd fuck Hubert Also Honestly though Dog from Duck Hunt No, but Link maybe

Oh yeah, Link is always Yeah, Link's all right Link, I think it's Indiogynous enough Yeah, sure By the way, there was a Smurf video game in 1982 Oh, wow

There you go Yeah So we're getting Pulled up into the spaceship Josh Gad like What you call it? Josh Gad like makes out with her Or something

And then like she instantly turns On their side For some reason That like when they make out Is when like She should kill him Yeah Oh like just fucking entail him

No, no, no, no, that's what happens, though. You're just remembering two parts of the movie. No. When she turns into a human, he's like, howma, how'm gonna, how many, how many, and goes up to her and is like, oh, yeah, here it comes. And then she attacks him. But no, she eventually does start working with them.

Right, because if you just keep at it with a lady, you just keep going hard at it. I don't care if she's an alien bread for your destruction. If you really don't want to be friend zoned and really, like, get really aggressive and in her face, she'll just fall in love with you right over. See, I just remembered, like, yeah, she, like, attacks him, and he's like, maybe not.

And then the end of the movie when she's there again. No, but she definitely joins up with that. Yeah, like, and then... You just got a trickleady, all right? And then, uh, Dinklid shows up and just shoots a bunch of people. But we go up to inside the video game. Where we're pulled up, by the way, by Max Headroom.

Yeah, uh, reprised by, uh, what you're going? Matt Fruer. Matt Fruer there. Why is this the only, like, TV thing? Was that a video game? Was Max Headroom like a computer game or anything? No, it was just a TV. There was a TV. There was Fantasy Island with Ricardo Montelbaum.

Yes. In the alien broadcast. Yeah, this counts as an alien broadcast because Max Headroom's just talking to them. Oh, but it's like in the sky kind of alien TV. Oh, you know, if you can come up to this thing and best us, I guess we'll stop. They go up. Okay. Even though the aliens definitely have the upper hand and would take over the world right now.

Earth just already lost. Why are they just like, okay, sure, we'll play again. But also, yeah, and they're taking over Washington incredibly slowly, by the way. It's not like Independence Day where we're blowing up the White House. It's like, oh, donkey, or like, Mario's going to, like, jump on the White House for an hour and a half until it crushes. Like, you know what I mean? Like, Tetris.

The only things that are really destroyed are Guam and India. Yep. You know, like, what, like, who cares? It's not, it's not America. File that on who cares. It's not really. America. I don't care what you say. The last level is

Donkey Kong and Adam Sandler's like, oh no, I was never so good at Donkey Kong. I do, do, do, do that would do it, donkey? And it's Donkey? By the way, the President of the United States, he's like, uh, joins up with them, President of Hot Dogs like,

yeah, they wanted to put me in a bunker or something. And I said, no way, I got to help my buddies. No secret service present at all. Are you, are you, how did he give them the slip? Dude, President Fahita gets abducted by aliens. The president of the United States is abducted by aliens on his own free will. And it's not, and you know what?

When the Secret Service puts you in a bunker, it's not because, like, oh, my God, you're such a good president. We love you so much. It's like, literally, you're a bargaining chip we don't want to fucking play with right now. Like, literally, we're the leader of the free world. We have to get you to safety because we just need to get you being safe. Chili cheese fries or no. You're the leader. of the free world and we need you

in our pocket you're getting in that bunker dude we will we will knock you out whatever it takes you're getting in that bunker but he's really good at the claw game so he the arcators need him so I can't get over it he gets his own arcader outfit

he does where are you getting the time to make a big fat Kevin James Arcader outfit also if I'm the seamstress or whatever the team that's making all the arcader outfits at the president's like make one you know, 48 large. And you're like, wait, what? Like, no, don't worry about it. How many X-Ls? Listen, it's for me, but I'm just a fan of the arcaders, okay? I want to wear

the jacket at the press conference when they win. XXL Arcader jumps. Who's this for? So they get, it's Donkey Kong and all of the trophies, including the sun, the guy from Guam, and the Indian gentleman that gets abducted in the Indian scene are up there. And they're like, Oh, we're coming to get you. And all of a sudden, everyone, like, Michelle Monaghan is doing some flips in this scene. Yeah. That are just like, whatever. It's like, where did it come from?

I think, I think this might be the most unbelievable scene in the movie. Oh, really? And I'll tell you why. Do you guys remember when you play Donkey Kong and you're Mario and you got to climb up all the ladders and everything and whatever? What do you do, you know, through most of that way up there? Like, what's Donkey Kong throwing at you? He's throwing the barrels, right? You had to jump over them?

Yeah. President $5 foot long is jumping over these barrels and give me a break. Kevin James is leaping through the air. Not in a million. It's not just Michelle Monaghan. Everyone is an athlete.

Sandler is. Yeah, it's like it's force jumps. Yeah, they are. And like, like, Sandler's like jumping up different levels and like really, LeBron James would have difficulty playing a real version of Donkey Kong.

All set to We Will Rock. you, by the way. Again, the reprise of because it was in the beginning. Oh, so they get whatever. Like Michelle Monaghan does a bunch of flips and everyone's doing jumps. And Sandler, which again, the way that Donkey Kong ends is you get to the top level

and then Donkey Kong goes up further and that's the end of the level. Right. But Sandler like throws the hammer at Donkey Kong which isn't a Donkey Kong move and like kills him. He shoots him right in the face. That's another cheat code. I think so. It's a hammer cheat code. and he wins

and everyone's like yay and like oh before he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't have the confidence I was never so good at Donkey Kong

and Kevin James is like oh no Fire Blaster always cheated you're the best in the world don't worry about it

yeah oh okay good I am the best well I can do this now yeah the kid also the kid had given him

like advice earlier on because he's like why do you like these games or whatever he's like I like playing

as a character doesn't want to die. Yeah. And so he's like, hey, Adam Sandler, you're the character that doesn't want to die. So, like, he's not playing Donkey Kong like you play Donkey Kong. Yes. He's playing Donkey Kong like you play Call of Duty. And he's jumping over fireballs

and it's like, dude, it's such bullshit. On Nick Arcade, that was difficult. Nick Arcade guy showed up as the leader of the alien race. Like, this was all... Oh, shit. He was planning this attack. You know what I mean? And that's what Nick Arcade was. It was like the trial

run. Now that wasn't Donnie Jeffcoat. Doop but doop no arcade. Donnie Jeffcoat was a wild and crazy kids. What was the name of that dude? Do you remember? That's all right. It's fine. It's totally fine. He's in an Abu grave somewhere. This, this actually seen one of my only legitimate laughs. Oh, yeah? Yeah, Michelle Monaghan. Like the kid is like, like, oh, go save Hubert. Because Hubert's surrounded by fire and whatnot. Yeah. And she looks down at him. He's like, no, I'm pretty sure he's dead. Oh, yeah. That's right. She's like, Like, no, no, no, your dog's dead. What do I care about the little fucking gleep-glob alien?

But don't worry, she does 10, like, back flips and gets down there and saves and whatever. And so Donkey Kong's dead, and it's like, all right, so you won, we as, like, I guess this very honorable alien race are going to leave. Sure. And this is where Kevin James, you know, President fucking Ponderosa Buffet himself, negotiates this peace treaty, which you don't see. Like, here's the thing. Donkey Kong is defeated. The lights come on in this spaceship. And some alien walks out.

It's like, you beat us. You know, you're very good at this. You are the best at him, Sandler. And maybe it's a gag. They're really, really tiny. Maybe they look like gross, like fat dudes. Like, whatever the joke is. Whatever joke you want to try to tell in pixels, now's your chance.

Yeah. And so, yeah, to your point, President Halapeno Popper is on the White House lawn. And he is just like, by the way. that thanks to the arcaders, we've won. Oh, Al-a-Duda. And, oh, my favorite line of this movie is Kevin James literally goes up to Peter Dinklage and is like, Peter Dinklis is like, oh, we won. Does that mean I have to go back to jail?

And he's like, no, you don't. But you do have to tell Adam Sandler he's the best in the world. It's like literally, this character has to stop what he's doing. Like in all Adam Sandler movies, bow down and be like, you are the best. the best at this. Oh, hey, Fireblaster, you got something to say to me? I'm all here. Somebody's the president's best pal. All the president's pals, man.

Just whatever. And in one of the two grossest jokes, he looks, Fire Blaster does this and he feels a little bad, and he looks up in the Lincoln bedroom. He gets a text message. He gets a text message. He looks at the Lincoln bedroom, and it's Serena Williams and Martha Stewart and we as the audience and I got kids here have to imagine what a threesome

looks like between Serena Williams Peter Dinklage and Martha Stewart Martha Stewart who's holding a cake by the way it's getting into some kinky shit and I mean like I'm alright I'm all right imagining it all right fine I just find it I'm bugnan

no I just think it's a bit weird it's a kid's a kid's movie this is a movie for children right yeah like that's all Adamson the movies are anyway. Our movies for younger children. Got to learn sometime. 12 year old kids like it because it's like, oh, that, it's like how we were with Jim Carrey movies back of the day. It was like, it was a little above us because they were saying shit sometimes. Right. How about when, like, it took me like a year or two to realize that Ace Venture was

getting a mighty beach in that fucking scene. Exactly. Yeah, some things you missed as a kid. Yeah. And you're like, oh, that's fun. And like, yeah. Well, that's more, see, that's the thing. It's like, Ace Venture is more a adult than this movie. Yes. You have to imagine Ace Ventura in that mighty beech where here it's just like,

they're gonna go talk in that room. Yeah, all three of them. Well, because that's... They're gonna go eat that cake. Here's the thing that this movie like pretty much holds off until the end, until this moment. Like, what I realized watching it was

because I didn't know that Chris Columbus directed it. I think that has a big part of it. This is not a quote, Adam Sandler movie. No. This is not, that's my boy. No.

of shit, right? Like, this is just a, it's another movie that Adam Sandler's in, but this three-way joke is a joke from an Adam Sandler movie. Yes. And it has no place in pixels, because it isn't I got kids who's situation. I saw cute Pac-Man in that trailer. Yeah. Oh, Cuberts so cute, blah, blah, blah. This is so much fun. Everybody loves him. Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. I don't need to picture. I don't need to picture Martha Stewart shoving cake up Peter Dinklage's ass. Which is what I did. Yeah. It's what I did because that happened. I would want more of that, actually. I want that. I want more of it. I want less pixels.

And to your point, like, yeah, the whole movie is pretty wholesome. And then the end happens, and it gets really gross. It gets even grosser because Lady Lisa, like, goes up with the rest of the pixels. And, like, Josh Gads all sad. He's like, I can't believe it. Oh, my one true love, he starts whining. He had something, by the way, not to do real this further. But he had something when he's talking to Lady Lisa at the beginning,

when she first comes in and he's like I've tried so many ways of making you real some weird science type stuff ew gross yeah you're just like fucking a plastic bag at some point and I mean like oh if I do this long enough it's going to turn into

Lady Lisa a lot of custom made blow up dolls yes deflated so Cubert there's some reason we get to keep the trophies and they have to give theirs back but no one is bringing bring him bring him back the duck hunt dog man

he's the best part of this movie. Do that old lady ate that dog? Fair enough. Just so a shot with the dog, like, the dog, like, sleeping in her house or something. Yeah, exactly. He's got the dead duck in his mouth and he's snoring. But what, Steve, what happens to Kuber? Cubert is hearing Josh Gad mode on and on about how he'll never find true love because

Lady Lisa's gone and, like, has an idea and morphs into Lady Lisa, and they start making out and Adam Sandler calls it out because he's a cool guy. He's like nobody else is weirded out that that just used to be Cubert. And like that's the guy. So like Cuberts's manchild brain is stuck in this

sexy lady body. So you're just having you're having sex with something that doesn't even know what's going on. There's a lot of questions on the table here. That's one of them we do a one year later gag. Oh right. We do this confirms a lot of my fears.

A one year later gag, and it's Josh Gadd coming home to a crib full of little Cuberts. Oh, it's gross. It's a litter. It's a litter of Cuberts. Josh Gads' semen went into this... Lady Lisa. Uh-huh. And merged with pixels to recreate Cuberts. Yeah. It's creepy stuff, man. It's incredibly terrifying. Here's the thing. You brought up an interesting thing that made me think, because I thought of it differently. You're saying you think,

Cubert makes a conscious decision to do this. I thought it was a thing where the aliens were just like, whatever, fuck it. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Cubert, like, feels bad. He's like, oh, no, my good buddy doesn't have a friend. I better turn into his sex bot. Oh, and then do you think when Josh Gadd started making, like, sexual moves on it? He was like, wait, what's my friend doing to me? No.

I don't know what this is. Slash, how am I pregnant now? Wait, how does biology work? Also, here's the thing. If you so desperately have to make this your last joke, they have to be little Cuberts with, like, his little Josh Gads throw that he has or glasses on. Anything. Something.

Not just a litter of Cuberts. Oh, it's gross to even think of them. It was probably like, oh, you can't get me pregnant, but I can't just respawn because I'm an alien and I want to make this relationship work. Oh, shit. Do you think it's like Fantasia? and he just cut off pieces of himself and it turned into little cubrit? Yeah, because he was so ashamed

that he couldn't get pregnant from Josh Gad and Josh Gad was like so it was so important to him. Right, he was going to leave. Yeah, he was going to leave. I mean, like, you know, that's really important. He's a religious guy. You know, you ought to procreate and that's part of the deal

or else I got to go, right? Yeah. And she had to convert to Judaism. It was a really big Cuban converted to Judaism. Like, anything to keep this relationship going. Oh man, and that's the end of this putrid movie I will say it's not the end of the movie The end of the movie actually pisses me off

Because the guys The credits did I miss something The guy, the creator of Pac-Man The one time I kind of laughed His arm gets bitten off and he runs away Right At the end of the movie somehow His arm grows back

His arm grows back Yet the Tash Mahal isn't fixed Nope You know what I mean All the army guys that died in Guam Are probably still dead Yeah but we just grow this dude's arm back? Like, come on.

Have some balls and let that dude just be a guy without an arm for the rest of his life. That's fine. Well, because I'll tell the other thing too. The family's leaving that theater aren't worried about that character. Of course not. Nobody cares. Yeah, why do we have to check back in at all? Yeah, because it's just, it's

spineless. Over the credits, we do get some code monkeys esk retelling of the entire movie in a thing. The entire movie. Yes. Oh, man, do I hate this? You know what? You got to have the arcaders like do a second dumb adventure that no one cares about and it's over this like you know little kid rock song where it's like game on here we go yeah doing things and make it friends yeah yeah yeah yeah no i mean like it's a little like you know like little kid rock songs that

oh child rock child rock but in the middle of it in the middle of it some dude starts rapping oh does he oh yeah that's right he's because it's like yeah because it's like yeah it's like game on hit select it's gonna happen in your dick and then like some and then like some Josh Gad had sex with an alien and then some some grown man is like yeah here it goes arcaders and you're like wait what and this dude does this long rap and then it's like bah blah blah blah blah but Josh Gad's fucking Cuber and we're all friends it's the president's pals It marries the 80s and 2015. Perfect. Oh, it really

does. It's like a blending of the two eras. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, God. Would anyone recommend this movie? No, I've never seen Adam Sandler more disengaged. I would say go on YouTube, because it's actually kind of fun. The kernel of this movie was a short film

called pixels by some French director or maybe French Canadian. I'm not sure, but his name is French. Just type in pixels short film. You'll find it. It's two minutes, 15 seconds. That's what you want. It's no dialogue. And it's just like little,

oh, like, what would it be like if video games tried to destroy the world? It'd be a little something like this really shortly. I would say, I'm not going to recommend it. I've never seen myself so disengaged. Yeah, it's a big old not recommend for me. I think this might be technically

the worst video game movie. Yeah. Right? I'd rather watch Mario Brothers. 100% better better movie. I've never seen Doom. I'd rather watch any of those mortal combats. Yeah. It's weird, too, because when you spend that much money getting the licenses,

you know what I mean? And to waste it like this? Just totally flush it down the toilet. I would say watch Reckett Ralph way more than this. I still haven't seen it, actually. Go do that. I liked it when I saw it. I did too. I mean, I've only seen it once, but I think it's a really fun movie. It does like, it does all this stuff, but smarter and funnier and like. Well, smarter and funny.

The exact, the opposite you would have to go to get to an Adam Sandler movie. And it's for a younger audience, too. And actually doesn't have, like, you know, big fat comedians having sex with Hubert, which is nice. Which I don't want to think about. That's pixels, directed by Chris Columbus. If you want to get a hold of us, check out our website, WHMpodcast.com, or find us over at sideshownetwork. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast.

And, of course, right into the mailbag. we all hate movies at gmail.com let's hear your opinions on some video game films or if you saw this and wanted to kill yourself I want to hear about that experience in the theater rate and review the show wherever you can we would greatly appreciate it and next week the final episode

of the 2015 worst of the year it's gonna be it's Vin Diesel hunting witches in a movie based off a D&D sesh oh no is that true that's a true story a couple guys played D&D and they're like let's make this a movie. Yeah, they did.

Like, they played and it's not Dungeons and Dragons. It's not, but it's like, you know, in Dungeons and Dragons, you can like make up your own tails. Yeah. And they're like, oh, this is such a good story. It would make a great Finn Diesel movie. It's the last Winch Hunter. Welcome back

to the show, Michael Cain. Oh, my God, everybody. So that is going to round up our worst of 2015. And yes, we acknowledge that there's several movies from 2015 we didn't do. They make their way into things. like listener request months and live shows and whatnot.

So don't give up hope. Maybe someday we will talk about Jupiter ascending. Specifically. Yeah. We heard your pleas, everybody. We just got to other things first. So until next week, when we are wrapping up the worst of 2015, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Siddak.

And taking us out for the second to last time. This is Rua with butterflies. We'll see you next week. Love is a secret Well, you check on the internet Tell me about your day Like out a macbary disguise Where only you have recognized

I'm hiding So call me out Call me out It's been so long Since we got high play In my sister's doing okay She took a search to the hospital

She knew that she needed help So better than she was last year When the angels came and told her lies, filled the rains with the butterflies, and I pulled them out, I pulled them out, I pulled them out, and now I'm tired and I want to die. In your eyes, hide me in plain sight. ...their... ...then... ...that... ...withal...