We Hate Movies - S6 Ep235: Episode 235 - American Shaolin: King of the Kickboxers II (or No Retreat, No Surrender 5)

Episode Date: February 2, 2016

On this week's episode, the gang gets back to their roots by railing on a good, old fashioned, "White Guy Karate" movie: it's American Shaolin: King of the Kickboxers II! Is this the most obnoxious, American pig in all of white guy martial arts? How do we only see the villain for four minutes? And what's with that knock-off NFL merchandise? PLUS: George H. W. Bush and the plot line that made him give up on Melrose Place. American Shaolin: King of the Kickboxers II stars Reese Madigan, Trent Bushey, Daniel Dae Kim, and Kim Chan; directed by Lucas Lowe.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Let's get this episode going, gang. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadey. I'm Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network. Thank you for tuning.

in as always this week coming off of the worst of 2015 month. We're getting back to basics here if we hit movies. A lot of white trash fighting going on in this week's episode. American Shaolin Colin, King of the Kickboxers 2, from 1991

directed by someone named Lucas Lowe, who Hollywood just forgot. Hollywood forgot everybody in this movie except for Daniel Day Kim, star of Lost, and CBS is Hawaii 50. CBS's, it's going to keep going. Oh, yeah. I was shocked. We were up at my parents' house for Thanksgiving, flipping through the old boob tube. I could not believe that Hawaii 5-0 is still on the air. Celebrating however many seasons.

It's over 100 episodes at this point. Ah, yikes. They got that syndication number. That's all you need. So, you know, grown up, I saw this movie a bunch. And the title was always just American Shaolin. There's different releases out there, folks. This is your VHS bait and switch before IMDB existed. Like, yes. VHS companies love to do this. I'm making a sequel. Like, oh, I like the King of Kickboxers.

Wait, what? America shall win. Oh, man. That's what's great, because one of them is no retreat, no surrender, five or something. What guy at the video store was like, you know, I loved those four no retreat, no surrender movies. I wish they made a fifth one say, what? Thanks, Blockbuster. I think they're all unrelated.

I read the description of two, by the way. Two of what? No retreat, no surrender, two. It sounds incredible. Oh, really? Check it out, yeah. The interesting thing, yeah, I mean, like, this is actually more of a spiritual cousin to no retreat, no surrender,

because it starts with a humiliation. That's true. In a karate arena, which is where you want a humiliation. And it builds up to another humiliation. So here we are, the year of, 1991, probably 1989 when we're making this movie if we want to be realistic about it. It looks like

1975. Yes, that's also correct. What was their shot on? I don't know. A homeless man's camcorder. It looks terrible. This is somebody's Christmas present. What, I made you this movie? Or no, like, oh, I got you this camera. Go with your friends. Oh, yeah,

totally. So here we are. We're in sunny, California. Possibly also dirtbag, Florida. I don't know which. Or Jersey Shore, maybe. I'm getting a vine. Have you guys noticed all the Mets and Giants paraphernalia? He's got a lot of New York paraphernalia. I think what that is, though,

because while this is a spiritual cousin to something like no retreat, no surrender, it's also kind of the beginning anyway, a blatant rip-off of the karate kid. Yes, I think this is East Coast Karate Kid. It is. It's Karate Kid Part 3, because Trevor got it all who were about to meet. Oh, man. the only thing I enjoyed about this movie

is this villain's last name but he's exactly the guy from Karate Kid Part 3 and Karate Kid Part 3 had come out before this Are you talking about Terry Silver Or Karate's Bad Boy Mike Barnes No no I was talking specifically Terry Silver The guy who does business in the bath

He's got the ponytail It's as if they saw like the trailer for it Like oh we could make that movie You know what I mean Like the trailer for Karate Kid Part 3 Oh, that guy in my karate class kind of looks like that guy. That guy who had a failed audition

to be a Power Ranger could be that guy. Here's my problem with Trevor Goddett all's ponytail because at the beginning of the movie I was like, ponytail alert. And I got super stoked. Trevor Goddahl does not have the disgusting, grisly ponytail I expect

from my karate masters, my white karate master. Wait, does that mean you respected this ponytail more than you should have? No, no, no, no, no, no. The exact opposite. I want my ponytails greasy, grody, and gnarly. And this dude has a conditioned ponytail. It looks like a horseman and a competition horseman.

Listeners at home, Andrew, was pointing in my face when he said competition horseman. I don't know why I was pointing at you, but it looks like this is too well kept for a man's ponytail. I agree. And it's just, I don't understand. At least like when you got your ponytail. It all? When you got it all. When you got your ponytail all greased up

It's at least like kind of It becomes a weapon almost It's not just a hindrance on the back of your neck That's right And also Trevor got it all If we're going to do this Salomon Rushdie-esque naming convention Wherein the last name

Tells you what the character's ideals are Yeah That's got to be for everybody Which means our main character has to be Johnny annoying piece of shit I completely agree with you on this And before we get to our guy, Drew Carson.

Accounts. Hi, I'm Drew Carson. Accounts. Yeah, totally. This guy's renting you a car. No, my problem with the Trevor God at all is, aside from cheating at karate tournaments, there's not much evidence that tells us he indeed has it all. Right.

There should have been a few scenes of him flaunting it up with a couple babes. Oh, yeah. Maybe, you know, Ferrari Tessarosa. Yeah, maybe we find out that his dad, you know, is a billionaire. and that's what happened. Oil baron. Yeah, where the Montana got it all's, you know what I mean?

Like, whatever it is. Because we just start off with Trevor got it all in a very Terry Silver-esque kind of fighting sequence. He's fighting all these guys, you know, one after another, to learn to be the best of the best, which this might also be another,

this might be the best four and a half, maybe. There is a four. There is not a four and a half, I don't think. But, and he's got this trainer and, like, there's this, like, scientist lady that's like, oh, your kicks are like 4.8 PSIs and so on. He's also got like a weird like wrestling manager.

Yeah. Who's just like, Trevor, it's not enough to destroy your opponent. You have to humiliate them or whatever. This movie has, it envisions a martial arts, a competitive martial arts world, gone amuck. The shit that this guy gets away with in this opening scene. Now we're talking,

this is just. This is when they deregulated the. dojos the late 80s. Controversial policy, George H.W. I think you're totally right because what we see here. Got to get the government out of those dojos bar. I mean, honestly, you can't even throw a spin kick anymore. You know what, Barr? It's one thing to give the banks all the power. It's another thing to give these dojo masters all the power. We got to break them up, bar. We got to break them right up. You're telling me, I can't go into a dojo without fear of getting bicycle kicked right in the throat.

Not good bar. I should be able to pull that boy's pants down. There is no AIDS in this dojo. No, there's certainly not. There's not AIDS in this dojo or that dojo or any dojo because AIDS is a fantasy.

This is when Reagan stumped for him on the campaign trail. People like say, oh, read my lips was a big thing. It was really about the dojoes. That's what no one's talking about. We're going to get the hell out of Iran, and we're going to get the hell out of those dojos. And another thing, Barr, I'm taking the color off those belts.

It's either black or white. No man should be walking around wearing a blue belt bar. A little effeminate bar is all I'm saying. Bar? Bar. Talking to myself again. So you would think, again, from the beginning of this movie, this first scene, the first scene we see in like, you know, seasonal pictures presents this movie.

Is that what it was called? Because it's got a real word dodging tax's name. Deregulating the karate movies bar. You got the best of the best two, four. I don't care. You know, you can have a movie called American Shaolin King of the Kickboxers, too, if it's got nothing to do with those kickboxers.

You know what? We're getting the hell out of the video stores too, Barr. Let it go. Let it go to the wolves. But no, you'd think it's Trevor Goddardall's movie, you know? Or he's like the villain that's going to be in it a lot. Oh, more than four minutes? Yeah, that is what I was expecting.

Sure. Somewhere in here, by the way, is the first, I believe, screen appearance, and I think it's like he's credited as like competitor to Melrose Place's Andrew Shoe. Oh, wow. Yeah, Billy from Melrose Place, everybody. Wow. Yeah, he's a competitor in this movie. He was a competitor for a lot of ladies' hearts on Melrose Place. Mostly Allison. Oh, man.

I fucking hated that piece. I watched, I did myself a little bit of what you call until the water starts to boil Melrose Place watch where you watch it as much as you can and then you're like, I can't do this anymore. Yeah, that show got bad. Got bad fast. Not going to do it, Barr.

Can't keep watching this Melrose Bar. Got a country to run. I'm going to get the hell out of Melrose Place, Barr. You know what, Barr? If you want to watch past Jack's car accident, that's fine with you, Barr. That's fine by you, Barr. I'm walking.

Once Jack got in that car accident bar, you're telling me, no, no, nope, that's not quality programming. I stayed as long as Billy and Allison's engagement bar and then I got the heck out of Dodge. I mean, Barr, really, how many times can the same apartment building catch on fire? Whatever. We cut from Trevor Goddoll's like murder studio to the big event, which is, again, like, you you would think, honestly, like, because it's called King of the Kickboxers, whatever the fuck, you would think this is

a, it feels like a sequel, right? Because it doesn't tell you who anyone is. No, I was, I honestly, listen, I stream this on YouTube, it's there right now. Allegedly, all right? What? No, you, unless you uploaded it, enough.

It's on YouTube for free. I'm just saying these people need to be compensated for this film they created. All the remaining people who are left alive. I saw that PSA that Benjamin Affleck did. And he said, don't you do it? Don't you dare do it? The point is, I thought that there was something wrong with a YouTube file. And this started in like the middle of the movie. I thought it jumped from the opening credits to the middle of the movie. Because this is like, this is like your end

of act two fight scenes. Yes. And it's like, I should know that guy. I should know that trainer. I should know that lady. This is, you know, this is what we call the inciting incidents. Now, he's humiliated in this karate ring. Our buddy Drew Carson. Right. By being pantsed during a martial arts competition. Just so we're clear. As I said last week, I think he's actually

I think like Shaolin is probably a derivative of kung fu, right? I don't know. That's why I keep saying martial arts. So this is mixed martial arts. It's supposed to, I guess it's a kickboxing sort of, I don't know. Trevor got it all. I think it's a kickboxer. And he's studying, I guess, Kung Fu.

This is what happened. This is the peril what happens when you deregulate the dojoes. People are pants and people left and right. You got kickboxers fighting karateers. It's madness. And what's amazing is... You got Brazilian jiu jettis guys fighting a horse? Right. That's why Bill Clinton had to get in there and clean it up. You can't be fighting horses, man. I know you want to and I get it. I get it.

As a man from the South, I get it. But you can't be punching a horse in the face for money. Look, who hasn't gone to a shout? in Temple for Enlightment and getting the sweet sweet gonged. Holy fuck. Right bar. That's right, George.

I'm talking to your wife. I'll pants your wife, George. What are you going to do about it, George? I'll play the saxophone all over Barbara's back. That was actually the title of his second saxophone

solo album was Barbara's back. You know, I know, like, that the idea of regulating the dojo sounds good but uh george hw did have the surplus the karate fighting surplus by the time clinton left office dry as a desert out there you know do you think that i mean because i would imagine i mean you know martial arts classes and whatnot are still pretty popular but it's certainly not the huge boom that it was in the 80s and 90s clearly because of these movies. Like, I think we got to start making more of these white guy karate movies again.

Definitely. Wasn't there a movie that came out recently? Like, Ninja movie or whatever? Oh, yeah, maybe like two years ago. There was some sort of a ninja movie. Yeah. I mean, you'll get them every so often. It's more about the mixed martial arts now.

Like that Joel Edgerton movie with Nick Nulte, right? Oh, Fighter. Fighter or something. That's a good movie. You want a classic scene of two brothers telling Nick Nelty is a piece of shit father. tune in to the fighter or just fighting. Oh, God damn it. You know, maybe I didn't do a great job of raising you,

but you're a fighter now. All right, you got to fight. Don't you have to fight? Why don't you use it, kid? Where's your VHS tape of American Shalit? Fucking bought it to you for your seventh birthday. Today's lesson. We're watching American Shalette.

Take notes. Studio's fucking notes. It'll remind you a lot of yesterday's lesson. I think you got it all, huh? Just to be super clear. So Trevor Got It All, who we thought it was our hero of the movie, isn't. He comes to this...

It's like an all-valley type situation. It's a very all-valley situation. We barely get introduced to Drew Carson. They have a fight. Drew is the first runner-up. You know what I mean? It's the last fight, the final. The end of someone's movie.

Exactly. And they fight, and not only does Trevor Gotts all beat the shit, out of Drew, he also pants is him in front of everybody. We don't get any ding-dong, but a lot of tidy wighties. He opens this dude's fighting robe. And it's just hilarious tidy-whitties, and this guy's

going down like King Hippo. That's going to get you disqualified. That's what I'm talking about. This is the wild west of fighting competitions. Deregulated. Anything goes. Sort of like M.MA now, right, you could probably pull a guy's dick out in these fights. They let anything happen.

If you pull it out, I think you have to rip it off, though, is the rule. Otherwise, you lose points. Oh, goddamn it. Tug it. Rip it off. You dug that. You rip that guy's dick off or you're not my son. Finish what you started. All right, we're going to trade with a bushel of bananas.

I want to see this thing bare by the end of the minute. Go. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. The peach. So, all right, so Drew's humiliated. and so we cut to this is great I think he and this

Mr. Miyagi ripoff character Mr. Kwan by the way are totally homeless because cut to them just on a beach there's an abandoned burned out car they're sitting next to

that's why I was like oh this is Jersey and again we don't know we don't know anything about anybody we just see this they look enough like the characters from the other movie you're like oh I know what the relationship is

He's the hardscrabble white kid And he's the old master Like the amazing turn though Is this dude What's his name? Mr. Kwan? Yeah, Mr. Kwan reveals That unlike Mr. Miyagi He's been bullshitting this kid

He's like, I have a confession to make with you I'm not any kind of sensei of anything He's like but you told me you went to the Shaolin Temple He's like, yeah I just told you what you needed to hear And this dude is now sitting on a beach with this homeless man next to a burned-out car. It's the plot of a Bruce Springsteen song. Just come under the docks with me.

I'll teach you something. And he's like, everything I knew is a lie. I thought I could be this martial arts champion. But no, my guy pretended to be a master. Which brings to mine, like, what are you teaching this kid then? And how is this kid falling for it? What's the arrangement? Is there money being changing hands?

Oh, yeah. Something's changing hands. How much did Kwan rip this kid off for? You know what I mean? Oh, yeah? I'm a showlin master. sure all those all the money he earned you know delivering dominoes that summer right to right to kwan's bank account hashtag bring back the noid absolutely oh of course without question but yeah it's

just really like it is like the greatest sequel to karate kid ever is at the beginning miagi's like yeah you lost because yes i never taught you anything i just watched a bunch of karate movies and kind of faked it yeah nick nulte was my dad So this dude is like, this kid's like, I'll go to the Shaolin Temple. And this guy is feeling so bad for yelling or lying to him. He's like, all right, well, let me pay your ticket to get there. I'm like, what am I watching? They're like haggling over travel arrangements because this guy lied about being a martial arts master.

You know what, man, your security deposit, I'll return that for sure. I feel really bad about this. I'll also move out of your. your mom's apartment or whatever the arrangement is. And I will pay her back in installments. I owe her a lot of money. I'll give you, and I'll let your mom change her ATM password.

So there's no scene where like a Mrs. LaRousseau-esque mother is told like I'm leaving. This kid just bolts for China. Cut to we're in China. What is this, what is this visa arrangement? Where do you get the, he's like, oh, I'll pay my own way.

Mr. Kwan, you don't have to worry about. about nothing. I'm like, that's like a couple of grand. Did you really want to see him filling out visas? I mean, it's just... The movie is already an hour and 45 minutes. But you can't just up and go to China. Exactly. You can't... You should get

some shots, by the way. Listen, it's not like one day you're like, you know, I've never really walked around to experience this neighborhood of New York City. I'm just going to go there and see what see what I find, see what tickles my fancy. You can do that.

with a New York neighborhood. You can't just be like, you know, I'm going to go to China, see what happened, see if I can find this temple, don't really know where it is, vaguely know the town. Well, this is... And I'm going to be there indefinitely.

Right. This is the call to adventure, guys. Okay. In your life, you come to a crossroads. Right. You know? And you're like, for us, it's like,

am I going to visit Little Italy or Chinatown? For people trying to better themselves, it's, oh, I'm going to... up and move across the world. You know, we actually know a guy who did this. Chris Cabin. Oh, right. That's why he's in my name.

That's what he's going to Shaolin Temple right now. He's training. He's training right now. So what I like about this episode, Eric, is you're giving us a nice little screenwriting class here. We had our inciting incident. That's right. Now we have our call to adventure. Okay, this is like a movie.

Yeah, now we're getting going, right? So now it's like we had our second act. We've got the rising action, which will be leading us to a climax of some kind. This is a perfect film. Yeah, I mean, we had our classic first act mentor, turns out to be a fraud, sends you off to another place. Classic screenplay set up. Yeah. He goes to, he winds up in front of the Shaolin Temple, and he's like, I mean, like, this guy's dressed like an asshole the entire movie.

Without question, grade A asshole. You know, people are. Oh, yeah, he's got a Giants T-shirt on and a Mets hat. Let me tell you something about this giant's t-shirt. shirt before we get too far away from it. This is bootleg NFL memorabilia if I've ever seen it. I can spot that shit a mile away and this is just

screaming, you bought that off the street from somebody. Right after the game in front of the Meadowlands, the then Meadowlands. Oh sure. But the thing is you want to, rule number one about traveling abroad, leave your sports shirt at home. Yep. That's the, you just don't, you don't want to get

mugged or like bad service or anything like that. Just leave the Giants shirt at home. Well, if you have to wear one. Don't have it clash with an MLB item as well, you know? Like, pick one for your outfit. If you must have an outfit. Yeah, we're critiquing outfits now. Be coordinated. It's a fashion podcast now. The other thing is, though, it's bad enough. Like, you're coming to this place and just yelling down the street, where is the temple? You know, like, don't be dressed like an asshole while you're doing it. That's all I'm asking of you, stupid character, Drew Carson, who I hate. Well, this

This is when you start to hate him, because you don't really know anything about him. You feel bad for him initially. He gets pants in scene one. In scene two, you realize he's been fleeced for months, if not years, on this phony dojo. That's what I need. I need that timetable. I need to know how long this guy's grift was going. Maybe he was good enough to get him to the semifinals, man.

It's probably since his, like, sixth birthday. He's given Mr. Kwan all his birthday money since he was six. The movie should start with Kwan reading about the deregulation of the dojos and then rubbing his hands together like, oh, don't mind if I do. Cha-Ching. And then he finds out crime doesn't pay. It weighs on his moral conscience. Oh, yeah, that's interesting.

That's a good movie. But he, so first scene, pants, second scene, frauded. Third scene, he's in China saying, hey, does anybody speak English or what? Oh, man. And this is... Just like, you fucking dick. Dude, this is America comes to pig town with this guy. And this is from that first, that, well, I guess the third scene with this guy, I'm like, oh, I despise this character.

And everything that he is and everything that he will become. And it never gets any better. It doesn't stop. It doesn't stop. And like this, he yells at some girl and she's like, oh. And then this other girl who does speak English is like, oh, hi, I'm really nice. Fucking finally. He's just like, you're in fucking China, man, guys.

And she kind of does have this line. Like, wouldn't you think everyone speaks Chinese? And he's like, yeah, I guess so. Dude, it's amazing. He reacts. He reacts like an angry parent who just finally found their shitty kid in the food court. Like, oh, there you are. There's English.

Friggin' English, finally. And it is awesome because he's like, don't you think it's more weird that you don't speak Chinese is the way she puts it? And he's like, fucking shut up and tell me where the monastery is. You know, I'm the here. hero of this film he goes to the monastery and in a great turn of events is instantly jazzy jeffed out of the facility which is great because he comes up like any big old American pig and is like I deserve to get training here and they're like yeah but no and he's like but America but red white blue 50 fucking stars motherfucker and they just like toss this dude

but he goes up to the first monkey he sees like oh hi master I'd like to be trained and like the guy's sweeping and he's like, oh, you don't fucking, fucking speak English. What are you deaf, you fucking monk? You know, like, dude, where is your inner tranquility or anything or subservience or anything you need to become a monk? And he's also calling the dude balding. And it's like, I thought you wanted to be one of these guys. No, he doesn't.

I mean, there's such wrongheaded motivation. You know what I mean? He keeps saying that shit. He's just like, yeah, I want to be a monk. Of course I want to be a monk. always wanted to be a monk. It's like, no, you only wanted to be a monk once the fucking gas ran out on the Kwan train. What's he got pantsed in front of ex-girlfriend? There's a sequence of he just walks into the monastery while they're doing like a ceremony.

And he's just like, hey, I want to be trained. I'm an American. They are meditating. They're in the middle of like meditation or a prayer session or whatever. And he just fat American pigs his way in. and he just pigs out all over this place. I think one of the things that this movie is missing. Just one. This character being assassinated in the street? I think a lot of this thing is like it's a religious order. It's predominantly about practicing that religious whatever.

Yes. It's not all about kung fu kicks, kid. And he never learns that. No one ever really... People do explain it to him and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure, yeah, yeah, shut up. Just teach me how to fight back. Buddhism, I'm a leafing upon.

Got it. Fuck you. Great, great, great. You better kick somebody. I don't want to get pantsed again. Won't be pantsed again. So they toss his, you know, they toss him out or whatever. He gets jazzy Jeff.

It's my favorite part of the movie. And then he goes to the village and he stays with the one girl that speaks English. Right. They're at like some restaurant that her uncle owns or some such business. She's like, she's sitting quietly with her uncle. They're about to eat dinner. She's like, you'll never believe who I ran into today.

It was just the most annoying obnoxious. Hey, does anybody speak English or what? He's like, oh my God, he's back. I thought he was going to go. I thought he was just going to, I guess. Oh, shit, he saw me in the window. Oh, God, he's coming in. He's coming in. He's coming in. Finally, the fucking one girl in the world

who got to speak my language, the one true language. Hey. What are we out for dinner? I hate that. I live here now. Move over. Don't you like my Mets hat? And then...

Give you a hamburger. Where's a hamburger? What do you got any hamburgers in this house? No cheese in this country. This uncle's just talking to her. And then she's like, you know what? I'm going to spin a yarn. Get this guy out of my hair.

You know, I heard... He was just telling me about... There was this mug that went down to that modest... They wouldn't let him in, too. Wouldn't you know it? What a thing? And he sat outside for like 50 days. You know, they let him in or something.

So I don't know. maybe try it. And then it's great because he's like, oh, thanks for the advice, old wise man or whatever. And he's like mildly polite to this gentleman. Just mildly. So he goes and he sits in front of this monastery and it's just like they keep treating him like shit and ignoring him and whatever. And finally, the dude that he verbally assaulted at the beginning of his venture into this monastery comes out. And he's like, hey, you know, whatever.

learn anything by sitting out here? And he's like, yeah, it was this great experience. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He also says, yeah, but you're just a janitor. So what do I care? He's like, yeah, great advice, pal. But you're just a janitor, so you can't help me anyway. And the dude's like, hi, I'm a Fred monastery.

I run this monastery. I'm the fucking abbot here, you piece of shit. But so the thing is, and, you know, I got to put it on these monks, man. Put it on them, man. Stack it up. All of the frustration. an obnoxious behavior that they are forced to deal with for the coming months, including some legal trouble later.

It's all on them. Just close the door and let this dude freeze to death. Why would you admit this guy? You know, especially, okay, maybe you do for, you know, because he does the thing. As a laugh. Yeah, it's a goof. Yeah, you're just goofing him. You're going to kick him out eventually, as we'll get to, there's many transgressions.

Yeah, the first one he's gone. And I agree with Yerick. Like, it's a thing, it's one thing if somebody comes up and is like, hey, look, I want to, I need to learn, you know, my mind, my mind is cloudy. I'm angry all the time. I need to learn your interesting Buddhist ways. And if I can learn some karate along the way, that'd be great. He's like, hey, what day is karate class? When do we learn how to kick?

And it's like, dude, just go to fucking the valley and go to, go to Cobra Kai if you want. Go, I mean, that's the thing. You didn't have to leave the valley to do what this kid wants to do. Yes. And that's what kills me. He's just this fucking moron that's like, I guess I'll go become a monk, which like is such a major life choice.

You know what I mean? It's supposed to be, you know, maybe a lifelong commitment. Certainly. It's not supposed to be like your magical summer. Yes. And also the cost of the plane ticket would be two years worth of karate classes at least.

Oh, sure. Well, I guess the thing is, if you are going to be really committed to this lifestyle, you're kind of just off the grid, right? Monks aren't getting bills. It's true. It's not. A monk getting a credit card bill? Hold on a second. That sounds pretty good. Yeah, I was about to say, I'm going to get my monk shoes on and get out of here.

Sally Mae Monk would find you. That is the deadliest Shatlin monk of them all. Oh, yes, she will bleed you dry. Yes. What I love is, so they admit him, and they're like, all right, coincidentally, there's this new incoming class of monks that you can join immediately. and they're doing this ceremony where they're like taking the vows, like these very serious vows. And every dude is expected to say the same thing,

which is like, yes, master, without hesitation or whatever it is, right? Oh, my God. It's without pause. Oh, without pause, you're right. And you have seen this 15 times. Probably, yeah. And every single person is doing it, right? One after another.

Including Daniel Z. Kim from Lost. And you're listening to him too. You're at a ceremony. You're watching people say things. He's in the same room as, these people and then they get to this kid and they say the same thing and he goes, sure do, master, you bet

at this point. I'm this, I'm this like temple master, right? I'm grabbing this kid by the balls and I'm dragging him out of my temple for all time. I would knock his teeth out and then grab his skull and keep pounding it on the ground until it fractures. Oh, wow.

I mean, you gotta, you gotta make an example of someone. It's the first day of class. It's much like prison. It is Very much like prison. Munkery? Yep. The head, not the head monk, but the drill surgeon as this obnoxious kid keeps calling him, even though I'm sure he's got a more beneficent title.

Oh yeah. And this guy is my favorite character. And never have I wished harder for a movie to be about a supporting player versus the protagonist of this situation. This guy has a very interesting life that we get almost nothing about. but this dude comes in and he's like quick tip stop being a disrespectful piece of shit and answer the way you just heard

40 other dudes say exactly the same thing what's his name anybody I don't recall this guy's name he's another master so then what we get remember we're talking about right oh yeah yeah go ahead deleted scene in the ceremony because

everybody something tells me all the scenes shot for this movie made it into the film the deleted scene is when they're like, oh, we're going to, in Chinese, everyone says, welcome to the ceremony, thank you so much. By the way, we have one white student, so everyone in the world is going to speak

flawless English for the rest of the movie. And like, okay, got it. And then they just go. And it's almost as if 90% of the people that are in this monastery were American-born Asian actors. What? Oh, yeah. It's crazy. The most flawless, like, California

English every single one of these dudes has. Oh, Calabunga, Master. I I would totally love to be a monk. I mean, yes, Master. But, like, there is a switch where it's like, everyone's just like, I guess we're not speaking Chinese anymore. They drop, they drop speaking whatever dialect of Chinese they're speaking in favor of humoring this blowhard and speaking English.

And they all speak English amazingly well. Better than him! Oh, yeah, better than that troglodyte? Absolutely. Yep. So now we're First scene is The haircut

Which I was actually surprised That he shaved his head Because he's got your Your average Scruffy piece of shit haircut Yeah Oh for sure But listen

You can't Make a movie like this And have this asshole In a bald cap The entire time Yeah that's true Did you guys read the trivia? I did yeah go ahead

Oh my God Apparently Yeah Lay it on me Jason Bateman was gonna play this part And dropped out Because he didn't want to shave his head. I think this might be

a lie and hubris by the director because, but I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jason Bateman turned us down for a haircut. Okay. But think about it, man. That, him wanting his beautiful hair and I know it is beautiful. The Bateman main? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Like a lioness. But It surprised me of a Bateman white guy karate movie, which is something I never knew I needed until I read that. Yeah, that's true. Now that I'm just thinking on of it. It is a loss to cinema. It is because you can't do it now because he's

too old. You needed that 1988 to 1992 Jason Bateman. That's what you want. Why couldn't that have been a Teen Wolf Sequel? Yep. Carot Wolf Martial Arts. I mean, that's, it's all it's right there, Hollywood. You idiots. It's just

it's just sitting there. And it's a beautiful thing. Like a worn pie on a cartoon windowsill waiting for a wolf to steal it. Someone needs. Someone needs to make a werewolf karate movie. Listen, it's got no-brainer written all over it as far as I'm concerned. I think it's a great idea.

And, like, everyone's like, wait, why are you letting this werewolf compete? And they're like, well, he's got tranquility. He's got, you know what I mean? He's everything else. He could break those boards. Oh, sure. His head's in the right place. He can do it.

So they cut to like, I mean, remember we talked about how, like, you know, your second act has to be rising action to a crescendo leading to a climax. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. So we're just going to watch them, like, do a bunch of chores for most of the movie, including digging out the new shitter, which is great. Which he's offended by, but it's like you're not digging shit. You're digging a pit that will be shit stores. It'll be filled with shit.

And he's like, oh, why do I get? I traveled halfway around the world to diggle the tree and why didn't I just join the fucking army? What the fuck? And they're like, dude, go ahead and leave. Do everyone a favor and leave. You know what else is complaining a lot in this movie, and I noticed it right away? Who's that? No one.

Not one of these other dudes is like, yeah, fuck it. This manual labor is ridiculous. We should lead a revolt. It's just the asshole, lazy American. It's supposed to be like a pious, selfless thing. You're supposed to give yourself to the church. You joined a clergy. Yep.

And now you're mad that they're not giving you twinkies every day. of my favorite scene in this like kind of whatever middling thing is when he sits down for he spends all day digging a ditch oh yeah much against his own will and then sits down finally for dinner and they gave him a bowl of white rice

and a bowl of like a broth and he goes oh great and the monk the head monk the drill sergeant guy he's like oh fine you don't want it you don't get to eat and I was like oh let this happen for 12 days and then he dies oh totally I want to see this dude turn

to fucking hunger directed by Steve McQueen. Also around this part, so he's had a long day at digging this shitter, right? All these dudes have been working real hard. They get back to the barracks. They're a little, you know, bungalow that they live in. And he's like, huh, rough day. I need to relax.

Oh, Jesus. And he pulls out a porno bag. And the, like, this other kid is like, hey, what's that? And he's like, oh, right. Communist China. Maybe you haven't seen pornography. Cut to all these dudes gathered round

while this guy, this American, is laughing, is laughing hysterically at the porno mag. And I mean like... Jack, Jack, Jack. Yeah. Now you're in a room of 12 vicious Shalid monks jerk it off vigorously. I mean, that's they don't show it, but I think that's what you're like to believe. There is that there is that puzzling

scene and I think you put it together for me now. The puzzling scene right after this where it's the next morning and the master comes in and he's like finally a night where you guys all just slept and weren't fucking around you were sleeping like rocks. What's going on? It's because they jerked off to that porno after they laughed at it. I'll accept Daniel Day Kim who's there for the right reasons. He's the one character that I'm with through and through this entire movie because he doesn't like this white assholes bullshit. Oh yeah. Daniel Day Kim is the

hero of this film and unfortunately sidelined into like a, you know, like sidecar role. Like he's the sidekick almost. It should have been the other way around. Like, think about like this guy going through his life. Like, oh my God, one day when I'm old enough, I'm going to become a shell and monk. I'm going to join the church. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. We start the movie from his story. Exactly. Yeah. And then he's like, oh, God, I'm finally here. This is amazing. It would be learning from the masters. Hey, what's up? And then this fucking ugly piece of shit.

American. This is the ugliest of ugly Americans, man. Oh, of course. I keep calling him a pig for a reason. And then he's just farting up your temple, dude. And that drives Gao to murder. Oh, yeah, if Gao killed him. He would have to, right? Just for the greater good of the Shal and Temple is like, I thought they were going to expel this guy three times ago. They're not.

It's up to me now. Exactly. bury him in that latrine pit. Oh, they'll, listen, he didn't tell anyone he was coming here. No one's going to find this guy. If his parents, like, hear word, you know, that he went there or whatever, you know, and then they go, they fly themselves out there. And it's like, ah, we heard rumors that are suddenly have come here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He came here. We didn't let him in, though. Yeah. You know, then, you know, you cut them up and you scatter those bones. Dude, you know, you're not walking around the entire property of a monastery. They're not going to comb through that shit. Yeah, you bury a femur there, collarbone there. No one's going to find it.

Maybe you're wearing his skull as a hat for a little while? Yeah, why not? The one thing... They leave your car in the back of your your chop shop lot, you know? Never find him. Not in Maniton County. Here's something. A deleted scene that I think also happened.

Another one of my deleted scenes. Oh, yeah, yeah. He comes in first day and he's like, ah, got to train me. And they're like, oh, fuck. Is this... It's another American kid, right? Yeah, it's a Kwan. It's that Kwan on the other side of the pond. He tells these kids that he knows Shaolin and then two years in after they lose some karate competition, he says, oh, by the way, I didn't.

And then it's up to us to train them because this asshole is smirching Shaolin in the greater county areas of fucking Venice. Listen, kid, you got Kwaned. That's not our problem. Get out. Or maybe this. Last one. Last one. This might be like, it could lead into like a Thai Westian type of horror movie.

Like, no, I didn't train at the Shaolin Temple. well, you got to go on your own. And then you get there, and they're merciless, man. And they rip you apart. Yeah. And they kill you. And they keep killing all these Americans that show up. And there's a brilliantly...

I guess this is more like Eli Rothian. Yeah, I was going to say, well, it could be Westian if you then add a brilliantly choreographed 10th sequence of someone dancing to a song by the fix. Right, yeah. And then maybe, I don't know, an old fat ghost. There's a... You cut...

to the, what he called there, the Abbott's like, like his private room. It's got all these baseball caps. It's like the Broncos, the cowboys, just everything. I collect them. I almost have the entire NFL. But I do love your fat ghost idea. This is our Jim Belushi cameo, obviously. Oh, sure.

The ghost of Rick Latimer. Oh, man, I was training with this guy, Quad. He said he was a phony. So I wanted to get the real stuff, and they slit my throat. Oh, man, I should have seen it coming. The master kept commenting on my cubby's hat. Oh, yeah, Jim, you got a nice pretty cubby's hat there. It looked pretty good on my wall, he said.

I thought he was joking. Now I'm a fat ghost. Jim Volussey is fat ghost. Oh, yeah, you wouldn't even have the article the. It's just fat ghost. One for a fat ghost, please. Huh, I didn't think this was going to be a bad guy. a Shaolin monastery.

I thought it was going to be a fat ghost having fun. Also, I guarantee you a lot of single ticket sales for Fat Ghost. Yep. A lot of lonely hearts at the Fat Ghost screenings.

Whatever, man. Oh, woof. Oh, actually, here's the most putrid part of this movie. I'm trying to think of different ways to describe how offensive and Horrible. So the most putrid part of this movie is so they're

back digging this latrine and he starts singing summertime blues. Oh man. Oh man. And this is our first time out of what? Safe to say seven times. They sing this song. Or play

summertime blues. Now in the first time, is this when they they change it to Shell and Temple Blues? No, no, no. That happened, right? Oh, it does happen. Tell me it didn't happen. Listen, I saw it happen last night. Well, he's singing it, and then the drill sergeant's like, hey, no singing. It's about mindfulness and being present in the moment, you asshole.

You're supposed to learn some humility. And then this kid reaches into his pocket, and he pulls out a chicken parm sandwich and throws it at him. No, he just jerks off from the pornography he's looking at right then and there. Dude, laughing at pornography in a group is for losers. Just laughing. Look how fucking funny this pornography is. It's so funny. We're all getting a bunch of chappies.

Oh, man, I'm laughing so hard that I'm hard. Did Shepin say copies? No fat ghost. Oh, you're stuck in some porno mags. I like the new kid. I hope he doesn't get murdered. Gee, wish I thought to sneak in some nudie mags before they cut my throne. My offense was preparing a Chicago-style hot dog.

These monks claim they never saw pickles on a dog before. I tried to prove them wrong and they caught my throat, fat gold. Well, it was my third strike after listening to the World Series. Oh, yeah, he would be demanding a radio get placed in the monastery. But the Cubbies. He's breaking out of the monastery to hear the Cubbies in the World Series. And he's like, this is a little familiar. Oh, man, there's that Monk's File Effects.

Hey, what's going on? Streams crossing. This is Jim Balushi in the Nexus, I think. That would be awesome to see that idiot toil in the Nexus. I would love to see him in Star Trek. Oh, hey Picard, you fucking bald idiot. What, I'm being jettisoned out of a torpedo bay? Goodbye.

Fat Ghost. Much like Hamlet before me, I too must wave goodbye to a fat ghost. Oh, man. So this movie, American Shal Liz. What's this movie? He sings

summertime blues. He gets yelled at. And then everyone around him doesn't know what rock and roll is, which is total bullshit. They would. Of course. They're like, oh, what are you doing? White guy sounds so interesting. It's going to change our I was like, all right, guys, let me teach you this song. And they're singing, this is when it turns to the Shaolin Temple Blues.

Right, and this is the worst use of montage in cinema history. Oh, big time. Fikunuch and Eisenstein are rolling over in their burned graves. But you don't even, at the end of the montage, he's not even good at being a monk. Usually it's like, it's usually it's like, oh. Usually it's like, oh, during this montage, we'll see him. He won't get it right the first time. He'll get it right the second time or the third time or whatever.

And then by the end of it, he's doing pretty well. Right. Well, he's doing worse in this case because he's not studying to be a monkey. He's too busy pretending to be fucking weird Al Yankovic and writing a goddamn Shaolin Temple Blues parody of a song that everybody hates in the first place. And so often they cut to Daniel DeKim with his arms folded, shaking his head like, man, I came here for religious enlightenment. Meanwhile, this white idiot is leading a crusade of 40 other dudes

down the wrong right he's got them jerking off he's got them singing bad music they play a prank on the on the on the drill sergeant which is so ridiculous this is like this guy is like

your piece of shit friend from high school who comes and visits you like in your adult life and it's like we're up to all our old tricks here's this gag and we're going to look at a nudie mag and you're like you know what Trevor just go home just go home

we can't be friends anymore Trevor I'm not no Trevor I'm not gonna set a booby trap for my religious enlightenment drill sergeant I thought Trevor got it all no not that Trevor oh this is a loser Trevor yeah this is a fictitious Trevor you wouldn't want visiting your home

actually I don't think I want Trevor got it all there either I don't think I want any Trevor there apologies to any listener named Trevor you got a bad rap yeah I mean it you all seem like a bunch pancers. You seem like I need to tighten my belt around you. It's all Goddadol's fault. You take it up with him.

That's a belt and suspenders day. Wow, a belt and suspenders day. Those are rare. You're paranoid. You're either paranoid about being pantsed or you're too old to know that you put on a belt already. I always wear a belt and

suspenders data. I was pants in the academy by Commandant Gottadol's son. I wear it. I wear it. underneath my Unitad zip-up uniform. Figure that out, Mr. Data. Is that how he got stabbed in the heart or whatever? Oh, man.

What a tragic episode of that show. What a delightful episode. Young Picard just getting lit up in that bar fight. Because I wasn't wearing my suspenders. My bulletproof vest fell down and I was stabbed through the heart by a monster. But it made him the man who he is. It is, yeah. I thought he'd be just some wussy medical officer.

Fat Ghost, I have a report from Guyin that you've been breaking into ten forward in the middle of the night and's drinking all of our synthahol. Actually, it's an alternate timeline where you were totally pussyed out. Now it's kept in Fat Ghost. Oh, no. Medical officer. Oh, God. Oh, Q, I need to go back. I can't tell you.

take orders from the fat ghost anymore. Q, send me back. Did someone say Q like Quiznos? Boy, I'm starving. That's the Q. Sorry, Picard, in this universe, in this universe, Q means quiznos. You can't go back to your timeline.

You're not going to get an omnipotent god alien. You're going to get a toast and sub. And it's going to be toasted whether or not you want it that way, Picard because it's Quiznos and that's company policy. I hope you like mayonnaise. Man, you just try to get a Quiznos sandwich maker

to not toast your sandwich. They'll spit in your face. They still exist. Probably not, right? Quisnos, they're around. I think they're falling though. They're getting schooled by that Jimmy Johns. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the owner of that Jimmy Johns hunts big game, so that makes that guy a huge

asshole. Oh, and then the Subway's touch kids. Oh, that was, that's no one at the Subway Corporation. Of course, that was... I heard they did. That was advertising legend Jared Fogel. Well, I don't know. It sounds, uh, you know, one round nap will probably spoil us the buns.

Take that nice businessman who operates the subway on my block. So after not being expelled for doing this prank, this like stupid Home Alone-esque prank where there's like a bucket of water and another bucket of flour and who cares? After that, after all this shit, he's like,

He's sitting around. He goes back to the cot, and he's really tired from a day of ditch-dig. And he's like, you know what, guys? I am so fucking sick and tired of these monks telling me how to dig shit. I just want to learn how to do karate. Isn't that why you signed up? And everyone's like, no, not really. And he's like, yeah, let's go tell these monks, we want to learn karate right now. No, I was actually born into this religion. You know, my grandfather actually did this. And I don't want to dump. I don't want to waste food, first of all. No, shut up. We'll shove you.

You know, I wasn't going to say anything because I figured you'd eventually just drop out after the first week, but it's been a month, and I have to tell you, I find it very insulting the way that you continually, endlessly, offensively shit all over

the culture I was born into. I just had to say it. I just had to get it off my back. Drew. Drew. You know, in China, we use our full names everywhere at all times.

Drew. Just put that out there. And, you know, I would love. love to be speaking Chinese right now, but the monks say we have to all speak English all the time, because Drew is here, and we don't want Drew to feel isolated.

Heaven the F. forbid. You're making me curse, Drew. You know what you're doing? You're making a monk curse. Okay, Drew, I get it. What, did your dad cut a check to help put a new wing on the monastery? I get it, Drew. We're going to have the new Drew

Monk Library soon. You freeloader. He does gather everybody up Somehow these dudes are behind him Except for Daniel Day Kim Again the only guy That you're behind in this movie

I think there should be a side movie called Daniel Day Kim stars in The Good Monk So they go up there And he's about to tell him off And the Monk is like Oh you know I've heard so many good things About all you guys Blah blah blah

We're gonna start the fight training tomorrow Because that's what you guys are really excited about And he does this Hamana Hamana Yeah I was just coming to say You're doing a great job job too. And then he gets all these monks to lie for him. Yeah. It's just another like, it's not what they believe

in. You're just putting these kids in quicksand with you, Drew. They learn, they start learning how to fight. Daniel DeKim beats the shit out of him at the first chance he gets. Oh, it's awesome. And he gets trained by, like, side trained by this deaf monk who

he berates the entire time. Oh, he's got a real problem with the fact that he doesn't know exactly what's wrong with this guy. But he knows that this guy is different from him and he hates it. This guy's name is what? I think it's Yaba? Yeah, something like that. And he speaks in a series

of like grunts and grounds Right. Yeah. But that dude kicks this guy's ass. And but he's like, oh, what are you going to teach me, Yaba? You fucking idiot. And he's like well, I'll show you and he beats the shit out this day. Yeah, it's actually

we're meant to be, we're meant to seem less than we are. You know, like Right. That's like the whole point. Also, by the way, when I'm, I almost said buying a ticket, what I meant was discount renting on a two-for-one deal, American chowlin, colon, king of the kickboxers, two, colon diehard six. Colin, the prequel to Schindler's list. I'm expecting a certain level of, you know, a certain number of fight scenes. Yep. And when they finally get back to the fight training in this movie, I was like, oh, right, that movie.

Oh, with fighting in it, that's weird. Because you think, like, the way that the movie is structured, it should be, you know, humiliated first. Sure. I go for a little while, I get trained about 40 minutes later. I'm back in America and now I'm back on the circuit and I'm trying to get, I'm trying to qualify or something. Dude, I was missing the All Valley Qualifiers. This entire movie, I really was. there's another another this is what kills me too it's like this kid is that kid in in your grade school that was always getting into trouble and he always had a line for everything and he kind of like he got in trouble so much he kind of had like a buddy buddy barton skinner relationship with the principal and that's what this prick is and it's just like there's another thing where he sneaks them all out to uh they get like a day where they get to go out it's like there's sunday

They go to the town. They go to the town. They wind up getting in a fight with these dudes. The sense is there. The master is there and he beats the shit out of all these locals. It's pretty good scene. Oh, it's pretty great. Yeah.

We're fighting. He's got like his prayer beads and he like ties all these dudes into a knot together. It's pretty awesome. The master is built like a fucking brick shit house. Oh, yeah. They couldn't build this latrine that this guy's built out early. It's awesome. And that's, this scene.

This is where God shits. This scene was where I was like, I want this movie to be about this guy. but at the end of that scene the girl who directed him to the monastery at the beginning of the movie that he berated horribly and unfairly is like for some reason she's like hey

my school's having a dance you and all your friends should totally come so he sneaks them out and before that though we get this thing of like well all the other monk candidates are like well we don't know what to do with girls we don't know how to talk with girls one of them says actually oh no the vow

not talking to women is the most important vow we're about to take And he's like, yeah, but karate. It's like, but you idiot. So they're like, we don't know what you do with girls. We don't know how to dance. And this guy, this guy is like, yeah, I'll teach you monks how to dance. Let's watch this white guy dance.

And oh, man, I don't say this lightly because of the low level at which I conduct myself on the dance floor. I can dance better than this guy. I can dance fabulous. I'm fucking Fred Astaire compared to this guy. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. This guy's terrible. Yeah, he's pretty bad. It's just embarrassing, fake movie dancing.

And these guys, like these poor bastards that have to play these classmates of this kid are like mimicking what he's doing and like taking notes. This guy's dance moves are basically like jump around like you're doing an impression of a monkey. Yeah. You know, and these guys are then having to do it To be fair, it was in 18902.

Just throwing that out there. 92. Yeah, or 91, whatever it was. The movie was out in 91. I guarantee you this was filmed in 1989. Yeah. Struggled to find release. Now, is it monkey with an E in it?

Or is it like were monks at a Y? Oh, no, they weren't dancing like famous fake stoner band The Monkeys. Well, I thought maybe, is there like a drunken fighter dance they could do? That'd be fun. Sure. And you know what? quite literally anything is better than the dancing that we see here.

So they throw their vows in the garbage and they're like, you know, I might as well just chuck this whole, I guess this whole summer's been ruined. Yeah, let's take a huge, a huge wet dump on our heritage. And, you know, maybe ruin my life. Because I might be working at

the Quiznos in Beijing after this. Oh man, the Beijing Quiznos, you don't want to eat there. They're definitely going to toast that sandwich. Also, this white guy can get an H.J. That's what my life is worth Yep Oh exactly

I'm gonna sneak out And endanger all that I know So this dude can get jerked off In the corner of the dark gymnasium Hey Gal Watch if the coast is clear I'm getting a hey J Oh yeah totally

Gow's definitely playing lookout Because Gao and him become friends Because there's yet another inciting incident Where they start a fight Oh right And like they knock over a priceless statue Yeah that's only 2,000 years old Fuck it

And the guy of the abbey It's like, look, you keep calling him an abbot. I mean, there's got to be a name for this, but we're going with Abbott. It's that or his eminence, whichever is fun right now. That's what I read on Wikipedia. That's what the head of a monastery is an abbot. Is it? Okay.

Well, I thought you were just saying, like, you know. Monastery. That's like we're making Abby Yale here. Hey, Abba! Oh, come on, everybody. Listen, here's the thing is we're ugly Americans making fun of an ugly American. But we don't know shit from Shinole. We don't know shit from Shianola.

This guy's a level. 13 pig akin. Yeah. Okay. Pigish American. Sure. Why not? Listen, I'm inventing stuff on the spot.

What do you want? But he puts them all on Blandisdick one more time and you're fucking out. I swear to God. And because of that, they kind of. I swear to God. That's a big deal. I'm an avid. I mean, I know him.

I know him. They become like friends because they covered for each other like, you know, you would. Like, again, if you were in the military, not if you were both trying to become monks. Right. So they're all there. They're dancing. And then another group of guys, they get into another karate fight, right when this guy's about to make out. He's also wearing, by the way, he's wearing a sweatsuit that is black and pink and says Seaside Heights all up and down it. Yipe. That's, I mean, to your point, Eric, this was filmed in New Jersey. It had to have been. You don't have a Seaside Heights sweatsuit unless you're in and around

the Philadelphia area. I mean, maybe he, He's from that area. I didn't see American Kickboxer Kings 1 or whatever the fuck fake movie there was that didn't even happen. Oh, that's got nothing to do with this. I looked up that movie. There's like a gargoyle on the covers. What? I don't know.

It's just some obscene cover that looks nothing like the cover for this movie. They get into another fight. The cops break it up. Oh, they am scray, though, is what they do. Like real noble monks. And now the Chinese government is coming. into this guy's monastery. They're puffing their cigarettes all through this scene.

And it's like smoking in a monastery. And this monk is like, great. That's exactly what I needed. Yeah. This is, I've been fighting. Oh, by the way, I just, the internet ticker. Yeah. It looks like the head of a Sheldon temple, I guess, is an abbot.

Wow. Steve used the internet correctly for once. That's right. Hey, all right. So the abbot. Hey, Abbot. The abbot is just like, Great. This is exactly what I need.

The Chinese government that's been... It's kind of like the end of like meatballs. It's like the government's would wait and close this monastery down. We just had to give them a reason and now here they are sniffing at the front gates. Now we need a talent contest. Only a talent contest will save this monastery. That crusty old supreme leader. Whatever.

So they're like, we want this guy deported. We want him out of here. He's definitely out of your monastery. We won him out of America. By the way, or out of China. By the way, what's his visa status? Like, what's... Yeah.

How did he get there? Who is this guy? You know, like, yeah, where is the papers? Also, is he CIA? He's probably CIA. That's my guess. Yeah. No, then this kid waddles in and farts and knocks over another 2,000-year-old statue.

And they're like, you know what? No, he's definitely not CIA. And that the Abbott is like, look, you know, he tells this whole story about like, you know, peace and respectfulness and blah, blah, blah, blah. We need to save this kid's life. This is the only thing that's keeping them on the right path, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, like the Chinese government gives a shit about this white kid. Oh, man, do they pull a Jedi mind trick on these two government representatives?

You're right. Because, like, the other guy, the big beautiful muscular dude, he comes in and he's just like, hey, Abbott, let me give it a try. And he's like, you guys are so great and honorable for bringing this issue to our attention and start spinning a beautiful. crafted line of bullshit to these people. And this guy he's just sitting there. He's playing

like a cold Chinese militant like sucking back these cigarettes. And the guy's heart is like melted and they're like well very well. You just see that you take care of him. We'll be on our way. Yeah, right. Yeah. No, this dude's being fucking beheaded in the town square. I mean a firing

squad probably. Oh, that's probably more realistic. Oh yeah, they love it. And what you call it? Drew saw this and he's like, oh man, they stuck up for but he comes in he's like he's chumming around with everybody's like thank god you guys you guys are awesome thank i'll never happen again like oh by the way you're totally expelled yeah oh man oh it's beautiful what a satisfying moment the film yeah because he walks in there like yeah got my get out of jail free card yeah yeah totally just do whatever whatever crimes i want say i'm with

chowlin by the way i am cia it's just like cia the whole time all right And they expel him. And I don't even remember the circumstances into which they let him. Oh, that's right. Everybody says, we're all going to walk. Right, because he gets kicked out. He's got, he's got all of his New York, New Jersey area sports memorabilia. He's got his bootleg merch.

He's got a New York, New Jersey hit men t-shirt. Yeah. He takes his dirty old Mets cap and he leaves that, that Chalent Temple. And lo and behold, what's this? What's going around the town? Emerging are his fellow students. All with their bags ready to hit the road. Oh, yeah, they're standing in solidarity with this idiot.

Oh, we're all going back to America with you, right, Drew? Yeah, sure. Because our families would kick us out if they knew that we blew this tremendous opportunity. Oh, yeah, they disown us. But don't worry, Drew, we're throwing our lives away for you. So all 30 of us are going to come sleep in your mom's apartment. So this poor old Abbott's got to be like, oh, Jesus, fuck. I can't let these like 30 other good.

people's lives be torn asunder for this kid. All right, yeah, all can come back in. Everybody wins. So they decide, like, he's like, all right, I'm really serious about this now. We get into, like, some serious training. And then for no reason

other than this is the protagonist of a film, the Abbott is like, hey man, you have this all-important task. You have to take this scroll Oh, whatever. Up to the world's most powerful monk and you have to hand deliver

it to him. And when you do that you get to ask him any question you want. Cut to three minutes into this journey. This fucking moron drops it in a river. Yeah, but he saves like a farmer's life. So it's like he's learning

the path. Right. But I don't understand why he wouldn't chase it down in the river. I mean, we see it in the river. The current's not that strong. He could have caught. He could have gone down. That was killing me. I was like, get your lazy American ass down that hill and get the scroll. Oh, the paper's wet, it's

ruins. The best part is he's like, oh, whatever, and he goes up, he does complete the journey, goes to the monk and he's like, look, I'm so sorry, I failed. I tried to save this guy's life. You're right, no, there's no excuse. He tries to walk away and the monk is like, oh, you've succeeded.

It was all a trick because the scroll was meaningless and the same life. He's like, oh, awesome. He's like, ask your question, and he asks him like, what's the meaning of life? And I forget what the answer is. I can tell you. Oh, please. It's something like, what is reality?

What is a dream? To have a dead cat. He's like, oh, I don't even know why I'm asking this fucking isolate. The second any time this kid, this monk, this Buddhist monk, still is a fucking leaf on a pond. Get runs into any adversity. He's like, oh, well, you fucking idiot. You don't even know the answer anyway. You probably don't even speak English, you asshole.

Meanwhile, he's yelling at the most powerful monk in the world. Who is dressed like a cast member from El Topo? This guy is in this ridiculous purple balloon garb. I have no idea what this outfit is. You're right. It's like it could go El Topo. He might expose himself at any moment. Or he might cast a spell or something and turn him into a frog.

He's kind of wizardly. I would like him to go all Gordon Lew and kill Bill Volume 2 and rip this kid's eye right out. Oh, yeah. Now we're talking. But that didn't happen. But I just love how it's like, you know, you had one question to ask this fella and you asked him some douche bag, run of the mill, there's no actual answer to it question. You stupid, walking, cliched American dumbass. This is the wisest man you'll ever mean your life.

Yeah. Treating him like a snapple bottle or something. Or even ask him, you know, ask him a meaningful thing. Look, I got a lot of beef with this like six foot two be ponytailed rich kid in a little. America that pantsed me. How do I beat him? You know what I mean? Will I ever beat Trevor Gott at all? Sure. How do I prevent someone there? How do I

prevent someone from pantsing me? What is the proper stance? You must wear a belt. And suspenders. Here I am. Trying to pants me, Mr. Data. Also, maybe not give a fuck and maybe not enter these frivolous fighting matches for

your own empty pride. Well, because that's, it's the biggest question of it all, right? where is this all leading? What are you doing this for? Well, this is when it gets really weird because he comes back down the hill and like everyone's like,

they slow clap because he's the best monk of the monk because he's white. And they're like, oh, and he's like, you know what? Congratulations, you are now a Shaolin monk. Because you have already expressed that you don't want to stay here as a monk, you can just go. Like, you could just go.

Yeah, we have one final graduation ceremony that really seals the deal. but you can just get the hell out of here. But it's amazing. Are you allowed to audit classes with these guys? What are we talking about? He's that annoying 70-year-old person who had a 60% discount on the class admission?

I'm here till I die. That's a senior auditor. But that's what's bullshit about this because no way, right? No, you can just go in there and you have to make that commitment. That's the only reason they're spending their time and resources. Right.

But like they're totally cool. cool with like, okay, you could train fighting with us and then you're done, go back to America. Like, you don't have like a residency or something assigned to some temple to like pay out your dues a little bit? And also like

the whole point is not about the fighting for them. It's all about everything else. So like, why would you put the fighting in the wrong hands? Because this guy's just going to go to the local blockbuster and start kicking people. You know what if he's like? Nobody needs that. So 9-11, 12,

people kicked at Blockbuster. Local white monk appears to be perpetrator. War with China imminent now that the white monk has returned. Bar, it came back to bite me in the ass. Deregulated those dojoes.

Now this guy's, he's just going overseas. He's getting all this radical training bar, and then he's coming back on our soil, and we're just reaping what he sews. Our blockbusters aren't safe, Barr. I can't even go in to rent Fletch Lives bar. A blockbuster is the building blocks of society.

I was going to go in there to rent the edited bad lieutenant bar, the one that I love. Don't have to watch Harvey Kitell's dingling singing along in that movie bar. Blockbuster edited out all the parts I don't want to watch. No, thank you. Not going to do it. Not going to watch that dingling, not after the piano. Fell for it once, bar. not going to fall for that dingling again

I read the family values reviews bar they tell me when there's a dingling alert hey diggling alert motherfucker dingling alert all over your wave I get to finish the year out you didn't want to see Harvey's dingling but you're seeing mine

I'm moving in mother fuck that's american politics for you in a nutshell um so the final listen listen a game show host might be our president okay that's true so the last challenge he does he's like no i want to do it anyway just because and he's like yeah sure whatever whatever you know what whatever the fuck whatever also thousands of years of tradition you know what burn those scrolls why don't you also i'm going first this fucking pig if anything it's like we're going to let everyone else go

and then if you still want to if there's enough time left in the ceremony you can go through and so he goes through this thing it's like the pit of the whatever and it's basically him fighting wooden robots this is amazing there it takes forever with these wooden robots

the showans have developed wooden robots this is a deleted scene from Thor and you'd think that's like some of them are like you're obviously moving on like like a track like it's just coming at you right but then their arms and legs move and then eventually one of the robots is like I'll grab them from the back you two other robots punch them in the stomach these wooden robots have got them in a little headlock they definitely have a mind of their own there's a mind of their own going it's a high

collective mind now they mafia beat this kid for like an hour yeah remember that one wooden robot that's just Robert De Niro kicking that guy Go get your fucking shine box. Wooden robot. But it's like, okay, now, are these robots, are there like, are there like robots? Are they like sentient beings possibly? No, yes, definitely. But are they like robot innards, like mechanical innards, or is this a magic spell robot?

I think there's a mysticism. Initially, to your point, Eric, it does seem like it's all ropes, right? But yeah, I think at some point, yes, somewhere it's either like, it crosses over, dude. It does cross over to a weird degree. They're either enchanted or bejeweled with actual, like, gears. Are we all? Is this just Fat Ghost stream on the holodeck? Now is my time to shine.

I operate the obstacle course. Fat Goal. Maybe that's what it is. It's like it's the ghosts of fallen, failed monks that are now inhabiting the bodies of the wooden dummies. Yeah, like Patrick Swayze and ghosts. Exactly. Or Vincent Chevelli and Ghost. Exactly like Vincent Chevelli and goes.

I mean, he beats the, like, they do, they do have a headlock and are beating the crap out of him, but somehow, like, he finds the inner white guy strength to beat them all. And he escapes. Dude, and what they do, this is some bullshit. I'm trying to be a filmmaker. Yeah, I hated that. Here from Mr. Lowe.

But at the, like, he just seemingly just runs out at one point, like out of the, the, the exit of this temple thing or whatever and they'll start cheering him and you're like well that's terrible I didn't see anything and then like this kid artfully looks back and the camera gets him in just the right light and then we just flash back to three minutes

beforehand and he's fighting these robots again bad move movie I'm not impressed by that I will say one thing this guy can't act as well as Ralph Machio however much better martial artist in much better shape like this guy he is doing most of the work like 60% of the time it's actually him and then like the real hard stuff they bring in right yeah they couldn't afford someone else to do it right well what's interesting though is there's definitely some scenes at least early on in the movie where they're definitely going at like half speed and i don't know if they're using like rehearsal takes or what but yeah a lot of this movie i was like why did they hire this guy he can't act and he can't do these fight moves fast enough yeah yeah and then by the end of the movie he's doing it It's doing it. And I don't think it's a thing where it's like, he learned to be a better fighter. That didn't happen. He learned to just be three degrees less piggish, if you will. So he wins and he gets all of the prizes. And they're like, oh, we just wasted six months of our time and all of the race that we had and all the stuff and blah, blah, blah. By the way, goodbye. And they're like, oh, you know, we are going to this expo. The Shaolin monks are going to some karate expo in Shang.

Oh, it's some sort of martial arts expo. Man, an expo. I don't know. I don't know. They're flaunting it? I don't know. Anyway, they... We'd like you and...

Gow is selected to fight. To fight, yes. And then you can come and be like my buddy there if you want. Carry Gow's suitcase, you piece of shit. And it's like, okay, cool. And wouldn't you know it? Wouldn't you fucking know it, Trevor got it all this there? It's like, oh, man, it's like the worst high school reunion ever.

Before we get to the expo itself when they're traveling. This is what strikes me is very weird. This happens several times in the movie. They're traveling by train. Oh, wait. Yeah, this is bullshit. They're traveling by train. And, like, everyone's dressed as a monk. Yep.

And he's just like, wear his Giants fucking jersey or whatever the fuck. Where does Jeff Hostelor jersey? But it's like, what the fuck are you doing, asshole? You're going with monks. You're representing the temple. Why are you wearing your Giants fucking t-shirt? Well, they give him this bizarre position, right? Right? Like, he's not a monk, and he's not not a monk.

He's like, he's like screech and saved by the bell, the new class. Like, you're still there, but what you have is not a job. And then it's great, too, because the abbots is like, no, no, no, you sit up front. Oh, but I want to sit with you guys. The seats are not all together. So, yeah. Like, we don't want to sit next to a guy in a Mets hat spitting on the floor right now. No, they do it because, dude, they.

are setting him up with the lady fair oh you're right because then that celibate monks are like oh young love conquers all listen you know what get it wet on this train because when we get to this fucking expo you put it back in your pants god damn it you're a monk act like it i guess wait wait what and then he sees confusing isn't it that's life in the nexus for you goodbye wait for me back old so he's like like, why don't she go up front and he sees his lady friend and they start making out and I'm like, they get to second

base. Listen, there's only so much room in a train car bathroom, okay? Wait, he's not home running it? No, not in a train car bathroom. But he's got his Mets hat on. He's ready to round those bases. He beat all those

wooden robots? I mean, come on. Now, he and and Gow were laughing at a nudie mag before they left for the train station. So he took care of it. But so they get to the Expo. It's the last scene in the movie. Wouldn't you know Trevor Godd it all shows up?

Wouldn't you know it? I'm looking at the clock like 20 minutes. And I'm like, oh, wait, who's this guy? Oh, right. Yeah. Oh, the Villain of the movie. And then you realize this film has spent like an hour and a half without an antagonist anywhere. The antagonist was drew himself.

It really was. Yeah, you know, this movie's like a mirror. it really makes you give a good look at yourself when you realize you got duped by American Shaolin colon king of the kickboxers too so him and Galfi oh you know he sees

he sees Drew Carson and he's like oh hey it's the kid I pants nice haircut you fucking monk which by the way it's been so much time later he's got a shaved head how you never would have ever You're Trevor got it all you're high on all sorts of cocaine in the first place

to you've pantsed at least seven people since that. You know what I mean? That's been your move. You've been pantsing across the USA, which, by the way, would be a great arcade game, sort of like, what, cruising USA?

Oh, yeah. But you're, like, driving around and getting out of the car and, like, pants and people and then driving to the next place and pants and someone. It would have to be people, like, using public telephones.

Like that, because that would be, that's the move. That is the move. He walks into this arena and he's got, like, babes on each arm, you know, and they're walking, and he's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, ladies.

I think I smell someone I've pantsed in here before and he spots this dude in this huge crowd and he's like oh hey Drew Carson remember those tidy white he's pretty mightily and then there's like some other guy in the other end like oh my god he didn't see me thank God oh man I don't want to get pantsed again but in therapy for years after Trevor got it all publicly

humiliated me the ref is like oh that's that guy that pants to me oh man I better be on my toes looking out for pantsing as the referee. I remember the famous Drew Carson pantsing at the All Valley. So he like shoves him or whatever and Drew's like, I'm a monk now, man. You know, I don't even think about that pantsing

although that's the whole reason for my being at this point. I literally became a monk due to pantsing. Like he should thank him for changing his life. Yeah, yeah, he doesn't do that though, which leads me to believe that this kid is still just a piggish American. He is still a piggish American.

So Gao gets beaten by Trevor. Oh, big time. Bad beating. And again, this is an expo. Remember everybody. It's an expo. And it's a, you know what I mean? Did everyone fill out the newsletter mailing list?

We want to be able to remind you about the date for next year's expo. No, no, no. Stop the fight. We really have to mention the sign-in sheet, guys. There have been a couple of people who think they don't have to sign in. I'm not going to name names, but one of them, the title of an ad. I thought it was too important to sign in. And if you guys enjoy Trevor's fight, you can see Got It All, Drop and Trow, his speech and workshop on how to pants your opponent.

That's tomorrow two to four in the pavilion there. Wow, let me tell you, a two-hour pantsing workshop. Well, you've got to get everyone, you've got to break people to teams, right? It gets intensive. I'll tell you what, this expo's got it all. Okay, you ever want to pant someone wearing long johns? A little extra effort. You don't expect it sometimes.

But I'm telling you, you go to some of these martial art tournaments in Canada. You're going to find some long johns. That's true. They prep you for all sorts of scenarios. How to disarm a cumber bun? I mean, look, if you're at a high society party, you want to pant somebody, uh-oh, you have a cumber bun. Also, Battle of the Bulge.

When the guy has a dick so big that it actually embarrasses you when you pants him, what do you do then? Oh, then you're just, I don't think there's any. coming back from that. Or, you know, you find yourself, find out. You find yourself in the middle of a Starfleet mission. You want to pants your captain in his unitarred. What are you going to do? Goddol's going to tell you how to rip that zipper in one swift motion. Get to rip the zip. It's simple. Remember it. Rip the zip. And that's a good thing. It's not just all talking. There's a lot of activities. It's breaking into pairs. He's going

to, you know, examine technique. It's a big intensive course. Somehow it's all sponsored by meundies.com, which I understand how that's working. he beats the shit out of Gao and again there's no ref in the ring there's no point system it's apparently a street fight in the middle of this is like the fucking ECW what is going on here

he's got his leg on Gow's throat about to break his neck and he's like I want him I want Drew Carson I'm going to pants that motherfucker in front of everybody you're all going to see his Willie and then the Abbott's like reluctantly like all right alright like

sometimes someone needs to be taught a lesson Oh, yeah. It's abbot code for go beat the shit out of that ponytail prick. Try and get a Buddhist to say, sometimes people need to be taught a lesson. Oh, no, here comes Taz running down the ramp with some barb wire or some shit. ECW. All that other guy whose name I don't remember is doing that spider move or something. Rob Van Damme?

I don't know. Sure. Listen, my wrestling knowledge is lacking enough. get me talking about ECW. I can tell you about Barb wire, thumbtacks, and taz. And how, when they used to air ECW rerun things

on like local upstate cable or whatever, 10 times out of 10 these late night Saturday broadcasts, the commercial break was always porno chat lines. They knew who was watching ECW wrestling reruns. You know what? My wrestling knowledge is

vaudeville. I know. I remember when box card Joe went up against hobo bill wow you're a real you know an old time or a real true believer yeah you know I that's when it was pure frankly so they fight

they fight he and like I think the first time maybe Drew beats him a little bit he's a little better than he thought he was yeah and then at this point and he's got it he beats him and like he beats him to the ground and he picks him up right he offers his hand in friendship because he has grown a little bit right

is when he oh I mean look look I know you're a monk I know you spent so much time Learning about inner peace and all that stuff Yes The one thing you gotta know about this Opponent when you enter the ring Is at some point

He's going to try and pants you That is his thing He tells Gao before Gao Gow starts his match He's like by the way This dude's totally gonna try to cheat And pull your pants down Keep your eyes wide open for a pants

So he beats him and he tries He offers his hand in friendship And wouldn't you know he pantses him? Like, but he gets a half one on him. It's a half pantsing. And this is where at this martial arts expo, someone has to come out and be like, what are you doing?

This is a martial arts expo and arrest this guy. Yeah. Or at least kick him out. But they just let this continue. Cancel his lecture tomorrow or something. Oh, yeah, that workshops canceled. Two to four, more like never to never. Uh, yeah, like they, all the crowd is totally into it.

And all of a sudden it's like you are watching professional wrestling because they're like, boo, a pancing. And it's like, no, boo, he's taking a dump on your culture. The ponytail's bad enough. That's what everybody wants to watch in Shanghai is two white guys fight each other while panting.

At the Shanghai Martial Arts Expo. That might actually go over well. But so, like, Drew beats the shit out of this guy. He beats the shit out of him a second time. And our ridiculous freeze frame ending is he pulls a up and he's trying to like pull goddoll's arm up as like we're both winners right and it's like

freeze frame that's it no you're missing the the last line of the film which is the most insane ending to this movie is the abbot stands up yes after you know he this guy uh you know uh weasles his way out of a pantsing and then like raises this guy like we've all done the abbot stands up and he's like we're all going to get laid He points at this white guy that has fleeced him at a karate lessons, essentially. He quoned him at a karate lesson. Oh, you got quans. And he goes, he points at this kid that isn't even going to be at the temple full time.

And he goes, the future of Shaolin. Oh, yeah, take that Chinese culture. And then he puts on sunglasses. Any way you want it, that's the way you need. Everyone's big-handed tropical drinks. No what? So let's dance. No, it's not any way you want it.

It's fucking summertime blues again. Of course it is. Oh, man, there ain't no cure for the summertime blues. That is one of the worst fucking songs ever written. And you're hearing it. They get their money's worth. And you know what? Slip it by me once.

I might not take offense. But you fool me twice. Fool me thrice? Fool me seven times. Good God. I'd rather get pants than. listen to summertime blues again. I would rather be... Like, listen, if someone

publicly panced me with the promise that my ears would never have to hear summertime blues ever again in any form pull away, get tugging. I'll wear breakaway Adidas pants to make it easy for you. Andrew Jubin stars in, get

tugging. In our next live appearance, you'll have a chance to pantsing. We'll have a pantsing booth. It's like an autograph booth. Is anybody recommend in this movie? Because that's the end of it. Big time, enthusiastically.

You know it. 15 times, you think you've seen this movie? Probably. But like as a kid, maybe it's more in the 10 club. But that's pretty serious. It's pretty serious. For a movie like this, it's as serious as a four-alarm heart attack. This is also kind of like a half-watch.

Like, let's thumb through the Nintendo Power while we're doing this. Oh, bravo. Maybe breaking out some Milano cookies. Here's my question. I think it's a soft recommend for me. It's, it's an hour and 45 minutes, which is insane. That's unforgivable. But it's kind of fun in a one and done scenario.

It would be a fun party movie, I think. Eric, are you quoting this movie in Daily Life? You know, or like, are you ever reminded of this movie? And you're like, oh, that reminds you American? I'm not even being a day. I'm just curious. My brother can quote it a little bit. Okay.

He's more of the American show. What would be the circumstance, though? Did you see it like a commercial? for Lost and you were like, oh shit, it's Guan. No, actually, I had no idea that that was this guy until just recently. That's because I haven't seen this movie in so long.

But no, no, no real it's not as quotable as you'd think it would be. Fair enough. But yeah. I can tell you this. In no uncertain terms, am I recommending this movie? No, no way. But

I remember when you suggested it, you were like, how about this movie American Shaolin and I had seen because I am a huge lost fan they had something that was like lost actors like first appearances and whatever and this was like the first or one of the first things he's done

and I had seen this goddamn ain't no cure for the Shaolin Temple Blues horseshit musical number before and you were like how about American Shaolin and my first thought was is that the movie with Shaolin Temple Blues and I asked you and you said yes

and I said fuck me and agreed do it. I think this movie is trash. There are way better white guy karate movies out there. And I found it's... Again, guys, we've been saying karate a lot. This is probably... I mean, it's not karate. It's not karate. Who knows?

I don't know. I'm not a man. Someone is definitely going to tell us that it's not karate, which is fine. We know it's not karate. But this is in the we hate movies sphere, a white guy karate movie which means mustache grease balls doing martial arts. Yes. In any shape or form.

And feel free to tell us how wrong I got any and all temple specifics, which I'm sure that I did. Yeah, I'm sure this was all riddled with errors. But one thing we know for sure, that's not an error. Yeah. Is that fat ghost is out there. That's American Shaolin, Colin, King of the Kickboxers 2, directed by Lucas Lowe. If you want to get a hold of us, check out the website, WHMpodcast.com, or find us over at sideshownetwork. like us on Facebook and follow us

on Twitter. We are at WHM podcast. Right into the mailbag We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. Rate and review the show wherever you get it. We would greatly appreciate it. Do not forget the window is still open, gang, till the stroke of midnight on February 8th. 718-925-3893

is the WHM hotline to write in and request a movie for listener request month. Also please write in an email only for the animation damnation request month title. We All Hate Movie movies at gmail.com your name the title and where to get that cartoon

now next week on the program what are we we got coming up it's daredevil gang from 2003 with beneflect that's how my mother says his name for no reason beneflect yes oh that benifleck it's one word it sounds like some sort of boner

medication ask your doctor if your heart is right for Beneflex you know what it's not that's what Jennifer Garner down. Oh, yeah. She's also in this movie. So this is that movie. Oh, my God. Yeah, the famed Daredevil.

Right. The Netflix show is a lot better. Oh, leaps and bounds. We'll get into it. We will get into it. Next week, when we're talking about Daredevil on We Hate Movies. Until then, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Schellin. Eric Sisker. Take it easy. Thank you.