We Hate Movies - S6 Ep238: Episode 238 - Olympus Has Fallen (Live in D.C.)

Episode Date: February 23, 2016

Record live at the D.C. Improv in Washington, D.C. - December 12th, 2015 On this week's episode, the guys are ragging on the ridiculous terrorism thriller, Olympus Has Fallen! Was anyone fooled by Dylan McDermott's traitor character? Will Morgan Freeman ever get that presidential sandwich? And can everyone just stop saying the name Mike? PLUS: American Mike is the most American Secret Service agent ever hired. Ever. Promise. Olympus Has Fallen stars Gerard Butler, Morgan Freeman, Aaron Eckhart, Rick Yune, Melissa Leo, Radha Mitchell, Angela Bassett, and Ashley Judd for about six minutes; directed by Antoine Fuqua.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Well, it turns out this is a live episode here at We Hate Movies. Wow. That's right. How is it going to be live if people can download it over and over again? Yeah, and I'm dead. It was a recorded live. It was before I died. It was earlier in the long-off year of 2015.

Recorded live at the D.C. improv in our nation's capital, Washington, the District of Columbia. Ooh, that's correct. Yeah. We were steps from the White House talking about the White House being blown up. Yeah, I'm surprised the club didn't get any phone calls. Well, we're lucky we're white. So that's all right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white. You know, if you like white guys in Washington DC, Washington, D.C. imagery, you should check out our limited edition print that is still available.

Man, you whore. It's so great, you whore. Well, the thing is, it was specifically made for this event. Well, that's true. It features the White House in our nation's capital, Washington District of Columbia. Right. With us on it, jump, jump, like jumping by with a jet ski to honor the second film we did Waterworld, which will be coming out down the pipe. Oh, wow, you get both of these guys. And you want to print because it's fun.

It's Etsy.com forward slash shop, forward slash WHM podcast. Look at that. WHM podcast. Steve putting in forward slash, by the way. Yeah, you never know who's on who's lesson. They could be really, really, really, really old. It could be really, really, really old. right yeah and you know we're putting this out now as well because it's in about a week from now the sequel london has fallen comes out how on earth did this get a sequel uh because it was super successful this movie was made for nothing and made a ton of money so that's what we do we just make more of them until people stop going to them that's fair so you know egypt is fallen melbourne is fallen i mean all these places are going to fall my bathroom has fallen

Gotta retile my bathroom. There's a bunch of South Koreans in my bathroom. Get out of me bathroom, South Koreans. If you like these terrible Scottish accents, you'll love our live episode on Olympus Has Fallen. Great time, great crowd, great town. Great club, too. So if you're in the, if you're in the DC area, check them out for sure.

Yeah, totally. D.Cimprove.com. Oh, thank you. Forward slash something, something. Index.hml. So please enjoy We Hate Movies Live from the D.C. Improft. This is Olympus. What's going on?

That's better. We're doing an acoustic set tonight. They've got these stools for us here. You know, I didn't feel comfortable enough to grab people's shoulders on the way up. That's good. That's at. You know what? That's a bad level of comfortability for you.

You sure, though? I'm going to touch strangers. I'm going to grab each and every one of them on my way up. My weird small hands on your shoulder? That's not going to... They'd be like, did a doll just grab me? Was there a living doll that touched me? It's kind of nice.

He's done it to me before. Yeah, right? Anyone who wants it later, just ask. It's fine. My name is Andrew Jupon. Hi, I'm Steve Sadek. I'm short. I'm...

I am Eric Siska. We are. We hate movies from New York City. We're very happy to be here in the District of Columbia. Now, how many of y'all are familiar with the show we run on the Internet? A couple of folks. Okay. Very cool. I thought they were going to be burning movies.

I got this whole stack of VHS tapes out in the truck that I hate the shit out of. We will do that in the parking lot after the show. Traditional we hate movies VHS burning. Don't you hate movies? Yeah, we will. in a orderly fashion. For any inexperienced people out there, this is a

comedy podcast that is normally on the internet where we pick a bad shitty movie every week and kind of just poke at it a little bit. This is a rare in-flesh appearance. So we're talking about Olympus has fallen

from 2014. Has anyone seen Olympus's Fallen? Yeah, that's what you want to hear. Oh, they hate movies. sounds like these guys hate movies too this is going great now this is not White House Down we kept confusing the titles

all week how many people accidentally watched White House Down anybody? I think yeah yeah all right some people did yeah well one has a president Jamie Fox and Channing Tatum doing something hot that's a sexy cast

it's a sexy ass guy and it's the first president with a head tattoo that I'm aware of that they didn't cover up for the movie no Jefferson had one I think Oh right the famous Jefferson head tattoo Of course No but then the other one The one that we're talking about tonight

Has President Two-Face Aaron Eckhart So then we have in this movie We've got Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman as the Secretary of State No no no no he's the speaker of the house Oh I'm sorry We'll get into the line of succession shortly

It's going to come in handy Pretty soon in this movie Melissa Leo what does she do What's her position? Uh, she's the secretary of getting the shit beat out of her for no reason in this movie. Okay, yeah, okay. The secretary of long, uncomfortable scenes. Yipe.

Uh, and then, uh, Gerard Butler, noted American, uh, Secret Service actor. Oh, my God. What is his name is? Mike what? Mike Banning, I'm from Wisconsin. Boren bread in Wisconsin. Yeah, I'm a real cheesehead. I'm from the moors of Wisconsin. Go packs.

Packers, I mean. Can you have a Secret Service agent who's not of American descent? That's not a good idea, I feel, right? Yeah, I mean, if you're worried about people sneaking in and doing stuff, you're not going to hire a Scotsman. Scotland's got an extra grind. And that's about the cast. Oh, Dylan McDermott, who the last time I saw him, he was jerking off and crying on American Horror Story. Which isn't that one of the best things you've ever seen?

It's sad and sexy all at the same time. Rada Mitchell plays the love interest. Rada scenes deleted Mitchell I think Like that and you know what And that's a flub in this movie This movie's like almost two hours You cut her out of this movie entirely Yeah you might as well

She's like oh I hope Mike's okay Like every time you cut to her She's in a hospital And everyone's like that was really intense And she's like okay yeah good And then like she'll do whatever She's like the movie's breathtaking Yeah exactly

We just had a big action scene Cut to her really quickly And then it's like her just being a nurse Not doing anything No zero It's always in these action movies We're like A dude's out doing

something and then cut to like his wife who's always a nurse at a hospital who's also under siege by the same event exactly uh so this movie's about north koreans yep uh taking down the white house almost as impossibly as that night crawler seen in x-men too right like that that seems more plausible you know you know what's also more plausible the aliens and independence day coming down and nuke in this town yeah i don't get how this plane gets through all that airs space. Because it's a bad movie that didn't think this through. Oh, I forgot. One person we forgot about was Ashley Judd, who plays with First Lady Deadme. Right. First Lady Deadme. Gerard Butler decides to let her die. That's the opening of the movie. So let's get into it. We're going to a Christmas party. It's a Christmas party attended

by the President of the United States. Pretty big deal. It's like some billionaire donor is the idea. And he's got a son who looks like Froggy from the Little Rascals. This kid's unfortunate looking he kind of looks like but they're going to a snowy Christmas party the roads are shit yet somehow the president is fit

to drive on them I don't understand why the first plow isn't in front of this clear in the way that's like oh no Mr. President I don't think we're going to be able to make this Christmas party enter the first plow or plow force one

one or the other It's definitely called Plow Force One. Oh man, new movie, Plot Force One with John Goodman. Who would pay for that? Yes. Oh, fuck you. I would pay for that. Sorry, I'm late, Mr. President.

He just burst through a wall of snow. Yes. Better movie. Absolutely. Oh, my God. What a missed opportunity. But that doesn't happen. They hit, like, a skid and like...

Now, this is what I don't understand. Sure. And bear with me, because we rewatched it last night. Mm-hmm. Their windshield. just kind of explodes. And I was like, did you hit a deer? No sign of a deer. Was there a bird? Why is a bird

flying around in a snow storm? It's hard snow. Oh, yes. There's an environmental message in this movie also. Watch out for hard snow. AKA sleet. And you do the... Every movie has this where the car is kind of tipping over a little bit on a cliff because everything's on a cliff and they're only allowed to save the president, right?

Well, yeah. That's Gerard Butler's call. That's protocol. Yes. Dude, that's why Gerard Butler was hired. He's making the hard decisions. Mike is the one who knows that if it's going down that way, if we skid off of a cliff halfway, the first lady's going out. Sorry, Ashley Judd. And, you know, his approval ratings will go through the roof because Aaron Heckard, you know, hunky bachelor president? Oh, yeah. And that brings to mind something. Sexy presidents in cinema. He's sweating all over this movie. It's pretty badass. There's never been that. sexy of a president. Michael Douglas

and the American president. Well, no, I mean, real life. Like, JFK is, like, good looking, but he's also, like, a hunk of ground chuck. Yeah. When you really look at him at, like, 2000-15 standards? Can you just imagine, though, oh, yeah, are you ready to get fucked? Nobody wants to hear

that before they get fucked? If he lived, he would have been all Robert Redford by now. Oh, yeah. Oh, Robert Redford would have played him in something, probably, like that Dan Rather useless movie. Truth. In theaters two weeks ago. He basically, you know, Aaron Eckhart's doing,

he's kind of doing the same thing he does in the dark night. He's like, no, don't save me, save her! And like... His face isn't being pushed into acid, though. It's the one difference in the two movies. And he gets, again, against his will, pull to safety. Yep.

And, you know, he's like, I'm sorry, sir. I have to do it. I'll take you out on your first singles night. And the card drops. And she plummets to her death. I know this is the wrong time, but one word, stewardesses. It's like, no, that's not appropriate. And he's like, you're not supposed to call him that anymore.

Yes, I'm even politically correct when I'm in trouble. So she's dead. And it brings to mind, why bother casting Ashley Judd in this movie? She's a big star. For five minutes, I mean, do you think it was like teasing the audience? I think she was a big star. Oh, and then she fell off the cliff? Yes.

She fell off Hollywood's clip? It's kind of like that executive decision movie It's Steven Seaguyall, like, oh, cool, it's an Ashley Judd. Oh, she's dead. Oh, yeah. Oh, see, that would be great. If Aaron Eckhart says, we're going to make it. And she goes, you will and falls like Seagal does in that movie.

Does he get chopped up by like a jet propeller in that movie? Something bad happens to him. I think he gets decapitated, right? Yeah, the ponytail first, I think. If you're going to decapitate Steven Seagull, you always got to go ponytail first. Well, I also feel like it's, I want to see the people that left the theater when Ashley Judd died. I was like, oh, well, bullshit. I made fucking $15 for Ashley Goddamn Judd.

In the fucking trailer or everything. Well, you never know. She might be a ghost. Oh, a forced ghost, you think? I would love a forced ghost to this movie. You know what? It's like, you know, like the White House is under siege, and Aaron Eckhart gets hit in the head, and he sees her, like, from afar. And she's like, you're going to get out of this.

Scottish mics on his way. She could be one of the specters in the Lincoln bedroom. Oh, yeah. We'll get to that haunted room in a little bit. So we cut to, like, six months later. Mike has retired from the Secret Service because he feels really bad. Oh, actually, no, Aaron Eckhart's like, I can't look at you anymore. Oh, that's probably how it went down.

Yeah, his wife's killer. He's disgraced. And they're about, like, the president's talking to his son. He's like, hey, you want to, there's this weird scene who's like, you want to go to Camp David this weekend? He's like, oh, where mom died? No, I'll skip it. I'll skip that one. Let's go to Arby's instead.

Yeah, let's celebrate Easter anywhere else. But no, they're going to go. He's got to meet some delegates first, some South Korean delegates is what happens. And so they come in, and it turns out a couple of people aren't who they say they are. Oh, no. Yeah, and then it turns out they're just going to take the White House down one person at a time. In one of the most brutal and cruelest sequences you can ever see in a movie. Yeah, I'm sorry to come to your city and destroy it, but that's what this movie is about, right?

It happens all the time in New York, you know what I mean? We get it a lot. We do get it a lot. And this time, it's, because it's almost impossible to do anything in Washington without getting your head blown off. By the Secret Service, right? Assume it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does that happen here?

Yeah. You guys are just getting killed all the time. Anyone get their head blown off in here? Oh, my Lord. The Secret Service is in this room, is what I'm saying. Probably. Yeah, they're everywhere. They're working at Starbucks.

That sweet beat that's down the street, whatever the fuck that restaurant. What do you think behinds of this curtain, huh? It's not just a thing. this is the improv. There's a dude back there. Scottish Mike. He's back there right now. So Scottish Mike's, like, working at an office. Like, he's crunching some deadline. He's got a stress ball. Like, he's, like, getting ready

to write a sports column. He just can't find the right opening line. It's like, what did the capitals do tonight? Oh, oh. So, like, this enormous super plane flies into D.C. And, like, I guess, goes past any and all security measures.

Every last one. Every last one of them. Did they get on the radio and we're like, no, no, no, South Korea. Don't worry, this is totally cool. We're supposed to be here. And they have like Sky Captain in the World of Tomorrow guns on them. It's a lot of steam punk

horseshit that's building this plane up. Apparently North Korea's in steampunk. It would make sense. They would think it's like the highest form of technology. A bunch of fucking whistles and pipes. Some goggles. Whatever that shit is. There's sparks coming off of everything.

Hey, why not a handsome top hat? Yeah. Oh, I've got a large key, but it's also a sword. They've all seen Sleep No More seven times. But, yeah, everyone, like, here's something. You want to take care of the White House, that's fine. They just go up the Washington Mall and start murdering people. Just anyone who's in the way.

Look out, Washington. Here comes North Korea. And that's like 35 minutes of this movie. It's just... Yeah. Right? And what it is also, I think someone paid a lot of money for, like, a fake... blood computer patch thing

and they're getting their money's worth because everyone is just exploding in this movie. Yeah, yeah, just put that everywhere. It's like playing like, you know, Castle Wolfenstein or something. Just like the shittiest graphics you've ever seen. Thank you for pronouncing it right. No. Hey, anytime.

I do what I can for great pronunciation. I grew up there, so. I thought you're going to say you grew up on that game, but no, you grew up in the castle. You know, I was. Makes total sense. Last Man Out. And this happens. for minutes and minutes and minutes and minutes and like...

And minutes and minutes more. And they put the president, the sexy president in the sexy panic room. Morgan Freeman's like, oh, I'll meet you later at Starbucks and, like, walks away for some reason. I mean, you know, I think the ideas maybe separate them, you know, that order of succession. You've got to figure that.

It's bad enough the president and the vice president are already in the same safe room or whatever. Get Morgan Freeman someplace else. You know what I mean? Oh, let's also get these shifty delegates in here, too. Like, big mistakes. And that is Aaron Eckhart's problem because they're like, get these fucking people

out of here. And he's like, no, it would be my honor if you came with us. And I was like, that's a bad idea. Like, I'm not trying to be rude here, but that's a bad idea. You don't know what's going on. You don't know what's going on. Like, you're a guest of the White House. You would be kicked out. You'd be asked to leave. The president has to go in his bunker.

Can you please leave where they're shooting outside? Part of C. They're not the president, dude. A number one dog. Sure. They're getting kicked out. They can't even hang out in the veranda? Oh, maybe the veranda. That's where the guests go. In the case there's any problems happening.

So they're in this safe room, right? And you think all is safe? Nope, turns out. There's some shifty people in there, too. They all turn and start shooting people in the face, in the fucking face in this movie. No, thank you. Especially double down Dylan McDermott.

You know he's a bad dude the second you see him. He's looking at really shifty and like... Well, it's that weird scene where, like, Gerard Butler's like, oh, hey there, Dylan McDermott. And he goes... Hello? You're like, that guy's up to something, Dylan McDermott. And the first thing he does

that they kill a bunch of agents, and then Dylan McDermott starts smoking in the White House, which... That's a bigger offense, right? I think that's kind of cool. He's like the first one since Kennedy to smoke in the White House. Oh, come on.

They've been smoking in the White House after Kennedy. Yeah, maybe. How far do you think that went? I think Obama's doing it right now. That's probably true. What is he smoking? He's on the veranda, dude. He goes out there.

Oh, yeah, Nixon was chopping on some cigars, I bet. Sure. Why not? Chekers was even smoking in the Nixon White House. It was the 70s. Dogs were smoking. Babies were smoking. I saw madmen.

So, Mike, because he's a hero. And an American. He's an American hero. The president of my country's in trouble. I'm not running away. I'm going towards it. And then it kind of begins. becomes like a really soulless

diehard. It becomes Mike the movie. Yeah, it's World War Mike. And everyone is saying, Mike this and Mike that. That is the funniest part of this movie is like 93% of the sentences start with Mike. No, he's not even there.

Mike! I really got to go to the bathroom. Will you pull over? It's ridiculous. I mean, drink every time they say Mike. You'll be dead. You'd be dead. You'd be dead. Long, long dead. Long dead. So he's like taking things into his own hands, because everyone else is incompetent, but Mike.

Right. For some reason. They try to shoot this plane down, but it has force fields. There's some sort of weird force field technology. You know what? Shockingly, it's not explained.

I think it's shooting out steam, the steampunk. It's just blaring rammstein, and it's just deflecting the bullets. Oh, no. Steam punkers. Not again. Cosplays in town.

Oh, man. And Gerard Butler taking down a team of LARPERS. We're going to get the president. Was that a bean bag you threw at me? Yeah, there's a spell on you now. I'm going to break your neck. He's just killing all those larpers? I would love it.

Breaking larpur necks with Gerard Butler. All those foam swords could be their tombstones. It won't even stick in the dirt. And what were you going to do? that and he like pulls it further in because it's just foam and then he crinkles it up into a little ball and throws it at them better moving that'd be brutal yeah and not only uh our steampunk airplanes coming garbage trucks that were like outfitted maybe by the penguin i'm not sure like they they have like they're like super garbage trucks here's the thing is waste management famously associated with the mafia that's right they tricked out all these garbage trucks true and by trick out we mean have exploding tires and, you know, guns that I think you have to shoot like that, right?

Yeah. I don't know, guns. He's just how gun went. Or like a gatling gun. You mean robot guns? Yeah. Or you can shoot a silent film and bullets will come out of the same time. That's my knowledge about guns. They plow through the gate and then everybody gets

in and, like, these are super terrorists that murder every single the best of the best that you could serve it. Checkers got it, too. Yeah, there's no White House dog. There's no White House dog in this movie. There should be. Well, yeah.

Voiced by John Goodman. White House dog? They shoot that dog in the face. Oh, a dog does get shot in the face in this movie. Yeah, on the lawn. That was just a... It's a Secret Service dog. It's not like a dog for play.

Agent Hound. Agent Hound is down. Oh, man, that'd be great to Gerard Butler's saw him. He was like, one more week until retirement. Agent Hound. There's like 100 dead people are out of him. He's picking up this dog. Oh, you've gone too.

Honestly, that's what would set me off. It's all fine until you get that dog, dude. Look out. And, like, I don't know, everybody just gets assassinated. There's so many headshots and so many cruel deaths that go on instantaneously. And the whole time, like, if this were diehard and that's happening, it's okay because John McLean is cracking jokes and he's talking shit. And he's making sure us as moviegoers are having a great time watching carnage. This is just Gerard Butler going, Mike's mad, oh.

I mean, yeah, it's great. It's so devoid of comedy. I would like to see the North Koreans cracking jokes. Oh, sure. Why not? This is their die-hard. Somebody just loosen things up. Anybody.

Yeah, the main bad guy, Kang, is no Alan Rickman. He's not, you know his nose flare there. Jesus, and you're wishing for Alan Rickman. You're wishing for Jeremy Irons. You're wishing for William Sadler and that other guy who was on that TV show. Timothy Oliphant? No, well, Timothy Oliphant was on a TV show. Sure.

No, who's the other general in Die Hard 2? Oh, no. Who's also on a television program in the 80s? No, I just lost this trivia contest. That's okay. Timothy Oliphant works, too, though, so that's fun. The point is, a charismatic villain. This guy is so straightforward.

He's wearing Steve's glasses. So you know he's dangerous. I was kind of hoping that those glasses, as it glasses wear, I was like, oh, my God, those glasses are really knives. That's like, nobody told me that. And I was just, like, getting a glass. like, no, no, no, wait, guys, those glasses, they're going to re-reelie nighed. And you weren't one of the ones super stoned last night watching this movie.

We were like, wait, what did you say, nines? No, no, no, give it. The third act, Knive glasses. It's not, to be fair. It's not a bad idea. No. It's just silly. And this movie's not silly.

No, not at all. So, Morgan Freeman is now the President of America because both the President and the Vice President of Compromise. Right. He's the acting president now. Well, that's not bad. I'll take what I can get. I want to know about those aliens. Take me to Air Force One.

We're going now. No, the president is finished. I'm the president there. No, no. He's gone now. He's gone. I am President Freeman. What's the deal with those presidential sandwiches? I know we're in trouble now, but I want to get those, you know, the chefs that live under the White House that work with. I can literally say any food combination and you have to make it because I'm the president. That's how it works. I've heard rumors about it.

But the White House is down. I want a chicken lo-main and salami panini. I want it yesterday. That's what Mike's job is. I got to go down for the salami. Oh, no. The White House kitchen is down. Yeah.

Forget about finding the first kid, by the way. He's just got to find the first sandwich. Oh, fucking first kid, dude. If Sinbad was working for the secret service of this movie. Fuck, yeah. Oh, yeah, he's going to take a paper towel roll And just shoot one of these dudes with it You know, Sinbad needs to do like a take-and-roll, right?

He's getting older, get back in the game! Oh, my God, that would be amazing. He's like pacing a stage saying he's got a special set of skills. He's all walking like this with the microphone. He's got a sleeping bag of potato chips with him. Dude, in that movie, by the way, when Sinbad, as a grown adult, who takes a paper towel and wets a bunch of paper towels

and honks it at that home improvement kid's face and breaks his neck that's like child abuse right and everyone's kind of like yucking at it like all the kids are like he's like I told you he'd get in trouble as a secret service agent

I mean it's not as bad as the real life secret service agent's getting caught with prostitutes and whatever else they keep doing they're here sorry about that American Mike stay back there Thank you for your service. So, Kang, who's the bad guy, his...

I keep thinking you're going to say Crang. I'm sorry. And if this movie was a little pink brain inside a big dummy, better movie. Oh, absolutely. Just saying. I don't mind when aliens take over the White House. I don't need to see people shoot up the White House.

Yeah, bring on the aliens. Yes, exactly. Even if it's, you know, he's got shredder in tow, bebop and rock steady. By the way, you see the preview for that thing? The second Ninja Turles movie? What? Oh, yeah, it's out there

Oh, hey, homework for when you go home There's a new trailer out for it It looks fucking dumb If you just had diarrhea On a hot dog bun Same difference But you know, they need to up the stakes In those movies

In Ninja Turtles? Yeah, have Shredder go for the White House Go for the Gold Well, he's a bumbling fool in those movies That's the thing That's the thing That's true, cobra got the job done They took over the White House

And what was that, that second one? Yeah, the second one, yeah Those movies are unwatchable. I don't care how much weed you have. So, his, he wants America to withdraw from the demilitarized zone. Oh, right, yeah. Pull out of the DMZ. And, like, remove the fleet as well.

Yes, just get everybody out of there because he wants a United Korea. Sure. Sure. I mean, who doesn't? And he also... That's not a villain's plan. Can't we all have peace? He also wants the three nuclear launch codes called Cerebus.

Oh, Operation Cerebus, or Project Cerebus, or something clever. I really wish there's a three-headed dog in this movie. I was like, I don't... Dude, knife glasses and a three-headed dog are coming up in this movie. Are you sure he wasn't taking any of that? Turns out Agent Hound was a Hydra. Oh, man, if that dog, it was like the thing, and that dog's corpse came back to life

and sprouted two other dog heads, and it started chasing down Korean terrorists. Better movie. Yeah, much, much, much better. Yeah, I would believe the U.S. government has engineered a dog. capable of that. Oh, sure. We've tinkered.

We've definitely tinkered with it. I don't know how far we got. We have sown dogs' heads on things a lot. Mainly other dogs. Area 51. Yeah, I still am waiting to see that. We'll get to the president who's on the siege in a minute, but where is that three-headed dog?

Jimmy Carter's three-headed dog. First, it's Billy Beer. Then we're going to have a three-headed dog. I'm inventing all sorts of stuff for president. Oh, no. Now they're using it for military. military purposes. Yeah, of course.

Oh, how'd that blow up in my face? But the weird thing is, like, the one thing is, yeah, you got the president, so you kind of can write your own ticket. Like, yeah, they're all like, I don't know, do we want to, like, pull out of North Korea? But, like, the fact that they have to really put the screws to everybody for these cerebus codes

are the most uncomfortable scenes in the movie, right? Yeah, I mean, this is how Melissa Leo gets it. And it's like, you know what? You just want an Academy Award. How about you just get kicked in the stomach a bunch by Dylan McDermann. Oh, no, it's the other guy. Kang's really doing it.

Oh, Kang's getting in on it. He's doing the Robert De Niro kicking. Yeah. Do you guys know what Robert DeNiro kicking is? For anyone who doesn't. Well, I'll, I'll mime it. But so he gets, like, Robert De Niro will get a guy down on the ground,

and it's kind of like a professional wrestling thing that he's doing like this. My God, Robert De Niro kicked him in the head. Oh, my God. Joe Pesci is dead. He is dead. I have seen the lot go out in his eyes. I am walking out of Olympus' fall.

Melissa Leo has to be dead now. They're, like, beating her up, and, like, the Dudley boys are setting up a table behind her. And everyone's like, no, do not do that. Dylan McDermott's slowly folding up a chair and creeping up. So they kick the shit out of her. And Aaron Eckhart's, like, seriously, it's fine.

Just fuck it. Just give them the code. And it's one of two, or it's two at that point. I mean, I don't know, one, two, three. Oh, they torture some no-nothing guy. Yeah, they put a knife to his head, and they're going to cut his throat right in front of everybody. And it's just, it's one of those, like,

like, he's really starting to choke on the coming death or whatever it is. And you're just watching it, like, I thought this was supposed to be this entertaining action movie, instead it's fucking faces of death. My favorite part of this movie is Mike, you know, he gets in the White House because he's that damn good. Mike! He's breaking necks all over the place.

He gets at the Oval Office, The first thing he does is erase the president's hard drive. Oh, yeah. I got to get rid of that porn hub search engine. That's like the weird protocol that Aaron Eckhart specifically put. I don't care where my son is. I don't care who's dead. I don't care about nuclear launch codes.

You erase my fucking computer. Mike, Mike, it's me, the president. Initiate Operation, my wife's coming. Oh, crap. How much time do I do. God. Well, we have a similar protocol on We Hate Movies is, you know, if I ever get kidnapped, Andrew

has to put my computer in the toilet. That's like a good. Drive to my house. Right in a toilet. Exactly. Oh, no. Agent Hound is in some of these videos. Oh, no. Oh, Agent Hound. Why? Poor Agent Hound. It's better that he was killed.

Put him out of his misery. Seriously. That poor dog. At this point, he could. gets like the presidential Bluetooth and he's talking to Morgan Freeman, Angela Bassett and Robert Forster. The language in the crisis center is a bit much.

Mike, where are we with that sandwich? What the fuck are you talking about? Everyone's just cursing at each other in this movie. Angel Bassett's like, fuck you, Robert Forster. And he's like, oh yeah, well fuck you too, lady, I don't know. And fuck you, Morgan Freeman and fuck that fat guy in the back. Fuck him good. And he's like, what

is happening? These guys are the White House, man. How about some fucking decorum? These are apparently the best of the best at their jobs, and they're just cursing, like, sailors? It's, it's unbelievable. So what happens now? He saves the sun or something? Like, he's calming through the walls?

The sun's hiding in the walls, like, people under the stairs. Like, Gerard Butler comes around that corner, and he's like, and he's like, no, it's just me, American Mike. Well, no, he, and it's ironic because Mike was actually just trying to burn Aaron Eckhart's porno mags that he had in the wall. I was like, all right, step one, get my computer. Step two, the pictures. Step three, the tapes.

All go in the secret fireplace behind the wall. Oh, his son. Okay, that's cool. Which it's like, you know what I don't care about at this moment? This dumb kid. Just get him out of there. It's kind of built up to be something and it's not. Like, he just grabs him, ushers him out.

And that's that. Where does he go? Does he get, like, let loose? Wait, what do you mean? Like, wandering D.C., the son? It's just like, you're out of the house, go. No, the army gets. Oh, the army gets him, don't, do they?

Yeah, there's like a tunnel that he goes. There's army guys out there. Oh, he goes through the Kennedy tunnels. Yes. Yeah, where he went to meet Maryland, right? That's what I heard. A little history lesson. Are you ready to get fucked in the tunnel?

See, it's so unappealing. At this point, what you recall, Morgan Freeman goes on national television. The White House is on fire! And he's like, the government is 100% A-OK. If a garbage truck is replacing the gate, in front of the White House? I think we're at 85 tops. That's being really generous.

85. A bunch of tires exploded and then this happened. That's all it took. That's all it took. Just the crank gun. Everyone's getting beat up. The president's got a knife to his throat.

100% really? Well, to be fair to Morgan Freeman, he doesn't know what's going on in that room. Yeah, that's true. There's no camera in there. Or is there? I don't know. I don't remember.

I think there's an occasional camera. Oh well because Kang comes on And he's just like What's going on with those codes? Any updates? And he's like, no And my sandwich isn't here either Turns out the service even for the president

It's terrible in this White House And the vice president gets shot in the head And most like everything else And it's like eh That guy is a non-characteric If you're hiring Ashley Judd To live for four and a half minutes In this movie

Who are you going to get? I mean anybody Hires a name for that character Hire Ashley Judd as the vice president. There you go. Now you've got a movie. As two roles, right? Yeah, yeah.

She's got a mustache as the vice president. I mean, I don't know. Sam Jackson, somebody with a little gravitas, you know? Something to watch on screen, not this dead fish. That guy's dead before he gets shot in the head. He never really lived. Can we talk about one of my favorite die-hard rip-off scenes is when Dillard.

Dylan McDermott and Gerard Butler meet. Oh, yeah. And he's like, Gerard Butler doesn't know the score with Dylan McDermott. So it's like they're pretending to be buddies. And it's like when Bruce Willis runs into Hans, right? Oh, no, you're one of them.

Oh, man. And Alan Rickman pulling a totally great American accent. Unlike Gerard Butler pulling a not great American accent. Yeah, I'd be like, wait, are you one of the terrorists? Were we invaded by Scotland? It's coming. Hey, keep an eye out. Stay vigilant, everybody.

You never know. I think we need to close the borders to Scots. Come back here. There you go. So what are we doing? The kid's out. Oh, we have this famous scene. Well, yeah, he's like...

Again, Dylan McDermott just smoking it up a chimney in the White House, right? And he's like, no smoking in the White House. I knew you are evil. He kind of does, like, a W.W.E. movie, like, he does... Is this when he, like, wraps his legs around his neck and breaks it? Oh, yeah. This is the first of several breaking necks with Gerard. Butler in this movie. And he

takes him down. Right, because he knew the name of... My mistake. Oh, no, yeah, you're right. He knows Kang's name. Yeah, he's like, oh, that Kang is a real jerk. How'd you know his name? Oh, I... I'm gonna, homina, haemna, haemna.

And then they kind of fight for a little bit, but it's like Dylan McDermott trying to do a fight scene. Yeah. So Mike extinguishes him. Oh, yeah, that flames put out. Oh, I was able to kill you because I've had plenty of practice. Remember the ABC show The Practice? Dylan McDermott was the lead on that.

Wait, who was Profiler? That was some other dude. But he kind of looks like. Yeah, the practice. He was a lawyer? Yeah, he was a lawyer. James Spader was there. I guess what's his...

Oh, yeah. The Genesis, right, of what, Boston Legal? Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Origin Story. No one paid to look at this, right? Then they just started talking about the practice for like 40 minutes. Did they love Richard Kelly television? Yeah.

Is it Richard E. Kelly? Oh, no, one of them did Donnie Darko and then the other one's a different guy. Oh, yeah. Who cares? So he's dead. And Gerard Butler's like continuing this mission. And this is when he starts die-harding with Kang. He's like, oh, Kang, I'm going to break your neck and then cut your head off and then put it on YouTube.

He says that he says that he's. he's going to, after the fact of murder, upload the murder video to YouTube. Like, this guy fucking cares. Like, that's the sicker of the burns. He's like, well, I wasn't mad when you said you were going to shoot me or stabby in the head. But that YouTube upload, that's too far.

I'm picturing doing it to you. It's fine. I get murdered. Are there's knives in those classes? Can you take those apart? Is that something? It's in play, is all. I'm saying. And that Dylan McDermott reveal comes

way too early in the movie I feel. That's going to be like a third act thing where he's like, come on, help me fight them. And like, we shouldn't know that. As audience members, we shouldn't know that. That should be a surprise. Haven't ever been there's some fucking mystery in this movie.

No, it's all about like watching people be methodically murdered. He's kind of like Mike Myers. It's really what his last name should be. Noted Toronto comedian, Mike Myers. Well, Michael Myers. Oh, yeah. The mass murderer.

Yeah. Yeah, a different dude. Yeah, that guy just kills people for no reason. That's Donald Pleasance. He'll give you a whole speech about it, though. I better hide behind this bleached out William Shatler mask. I met a cold, 45-year-old Scotsman. He had dark eyes.

They were the devil's eyes. Somehow worked with a Secret Service firm, Hatching. Counseled him for seven years, and I realized one thing, Sheriff, is that Secret Service agent was pure evil. side note i feel like michael myers could write his own ticket in private security right like sure with that resume i'm all you'll need but i've been dying for a movie like that right you get him or jason for he's throw him in a situation you know you like drop him on a rack or

wherever anything's going wrong well that is i feel like those later Halloween sequels that producers caught of that last one with paul rudd yeah they're kind of setting him up to be the agent for the government. It's like a thing with like a witch cult and it's like do you know the things that this could do for us, we could drop him into wherever. But seriously, drop Jason Vortiz into like Afghanistan or wherever you got

trouble? Wherever. He'll sort it out. Yeah. He's Jason and you don't care if he's going to get killed because he won't get killed. He'll just keep going. He will. Now if you stay for the 945 show, you will hear topical jokes about that last Halloween movie with Paul Rudd and the practice.

So, I don't know if you bought, it sold out, but no, no, no. Those two things on public consciousness right now. Oh, they're on everyone's tongues. The other thing about this stupid Dylan McDermott scene is, like, the whole time he's like, uh, Gerard Butler, oh, uh, tu-do, too, too, uh.

Oh, he's doing a dice man, you think? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, oh, the president sat on a tuffet. Guess what happened next? No, he's like, he's an asshole to him, and he's like, you know we used to be friends but whatever I love Korea but then he helps out

yes he helps he's like what is he gives some sort of different he gives the okay like over the radio to Kang like it's fine I definitely am not about to get murdered by Gerard Butler don't worry about it and he's like thanks a lot or he's with his feet it's like

yeah you know deep down when push came to shove he's an American yeah that's right and he wants to go to American hell. You decided the last minute this Korean hell? No, no. You don't want to go down there.

There's bad people down there. Better food though. True. Yeah. Yes, that's actually very true. Now that I'm thinking about it, I think I want to go to Korean hell. Dude, if I'm in Korean hell, I got a nice spicy bowl of beef babimba. Microphone didn't like that joke.

You don't have a say in it. So, like, I think Robert Forster Oh, this is my favorite one. The Super Gun that comes out. This one? No, no, no. The one on top of the White House, the White House play set that this movie takes place in.

Oh, yeah. That they didn't think to use at the beginning of the movie. Gun Force One was sitting there. And it's a bullshit thing where he's like, hey, acting President Morgan Freeman. How about, you know, Gun Force One? And he's like, but that's experimental technology. Or some horseshit.

Well, no, Robert Forster is going to get Navy SEALs. like fly them in and like... Oh, finally get some seals in here. Yeah, and the local cops aren't doing the job. Well, they're bullet food. Yeah, it's awkward as fuck, man. And then, like, Gerard Butler picks up his diehard script and is like, no, get those police officers out of here, you know what I mean?

Like, because he knows more, and then Gun Force One comes up and blows them all away, I guess. Wait, but it's the Koreans that are controlling Gun Force War. Yes, they are. They get control of it, and they... Gun Force One has fallen into enemy hands. Oh, this is... Oh, this is my favorite part of the movie, because this is Gerard Butler's magic. rocket launcher. Because he comes out of a door and you can see him

and it's just Gerard Butler. He's handsome as fuck and he's like, now what's a medic and Mike gonna do about that? And then like a magician out of his jeans. He's like this rocket launcher and he's like, glad I brought you, Sally. And this thing just blows up

Gunforce One. And then that rocket launchers never seen again. And then like I think he walks on broken glass or something. No, that's what that's diehard. That's Diehard. He talks to Morgan. He talks to Morgan Freeman. He talks to Morgan Freeman.

He was like, how did you become the speaker of the house? Well, I killed a kid. He had a laser gun. Thought it was a real gun. Sergeant Al Powell. That's Reginald Vell Johnson and Die Hard. That's the route of that joke. Looks like you guys need a diehard rewatch.

Can we talk with Gerard Butler's career a bit? Sure. Hey, why not? Well, there was 300. There was 300. That was a big thing. He had a shirt off the whole time. cool yeah he's in like a diaper that whole movie

like a leather diaper it's just he's like a sexy baby like what if a baby was really sexy oh yeah good go go god baby fetish man oh no now the baby's killing everyone and he's got a Harley Davidson goatee like a pointy one yeah no one in that movie is

nearly as dirty as they need to be and then he did that like oh I'm dead Hillary Swank but I'm right in your letters. Oh, hey, P.S. It's a scavenger hunt to get over your grief. Whatever with that movie. Yeah. Man, sexy ghost. That's the thing. No ghost in that movie.

What? No, he just leaves her letters. So it's just him reading things. Oh, I thought at the end he was like a Lazarus pit or something. No. See, that's what you want. You want a Lazarus pit in your romantic drama. Wait, so before he died, he wrote tons of letters. Yes. Wow, this guy's a psycho Like, you're going to have to jump through hoops after I'm dead

She gets home from the funeral And it's like an answering machine message And it's like, want to play a game And she's like, I guess so Is this your last wish? Fine, we'll play a game And then it's 90 minutes of her farting around Solving Clues or something

It like leads to some hate speech manifesto or something Like that's the only way that movie can end either Lazarus Pitt or a hate speech manifesto. It's like a cabin in the wood. Yes. Now remember, the front doors, the booby-trapped one. Go around back. Ted Kaczynski?

Yeah. Maybe. This house was booby-trapped, right? Sure. The practice. The Unabomber. And, I mean, the last act of this movie, I guess, the president's son's okay, but they crack his cerebis code, right?

Yes, and yeah, and so we find out what... Cerebus actually is, which is far in away, the dumbest idea, any military organization and federal government can think of. It is a thing where they can remotely launch all of the nuclear weapons we have everywhere. But they're not going to launch them. They're just going to detonate them in the silos and destroy America. But it's a computer program that can only be accessed in the White House. they're like, oh, could we Skype in or hack it? And like, no, no, we thought of everything

and now we can't do that. They'd sound as resigned as you did right there. We, unfortunately, thought of everything. We're totally fucked. And, like, I guess if you unplug it, it starts counting down faster. Is that the idea? Now, this is my question about countdowns.

Whenever this happens, like, a villain's going to set the timer, right? He's like, I want this to succeed. I need this pulled off. how about we let this run for like seven minutes set the countdown at a safe seven minutes here's something

they set they crack it and the president's like oh my god and he's like your land will be a wasteland because every nuclear weapon's going to go off and he's like but I'm going to get a magic plane and go five minutes away and be all right no you're dead I mean maybe that's the motive

for the seven minutes that he thinks he can fly away but no you know the world is over with. You know what I mean? Well, America's over with. America is over with. Yeah, final chapter. Let's go back to Korea. Oh, wait, then it's a new beginning. Oh, right. And America lives.

America lives. America 7, the new blood. America 8. America takes Manhattan. Right? And then... America goes to hell. Yeah. There you go. American hell. No, in America hell, that's a fucking cheeseburger hell if you ever saw it. Culminating in my

favorite movie, Freddy versus America. Yes. Yes. Yes. the final humiliation of Melissa Leo happens where they like... That is the title of a book somewhere. Because like they're about to they're about to like unlock all the codes

but they're like first... Oh yeah. They're like, oh, this fuck... We're gonna make Mike look like shit by killing Melissa Leo on live television. Oh yeah. They like make her walk the walk of shame or something.

It's basically like you're gonna walk out of the White House and it's gonna be cool and everybody's like... Ooh. You as the... concerned audience member. This is after, by the way, she's crawled on the floor.

When you're trying to beat this code out of her? This is a part that I forgot about. She's crawling on the floor saying the pledge of allegiance. Fucking come on. Say something that means something or matters. Read the Bill of Rights. The Bill of Rights. Say some of the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence. How are you able to

manipulate a typewriter with such a heavy hand? You can't lift that shit Or sing one of our songs The National Anthem Take Me Out to the Ball Game Whatever you can fucking think of Take me out of the ball game

Yeah, that's the one Well, that's all the brain damage She's got from the Robert De Niro kicking And The brain damage It's not nearly enough So she's about to get murdered on live television I guess she escapes that one or something

What happened? There's a fruit fly Oh, cool So anyway, no, she's not murdered Yeah, Gerard Butler distracts him or something, right? It's just another, we're blowing up parts of this house left and right. Imagine seeing the White House on fire on television, and Morgan Freeman's like 100% everybody.

I'm telling you. He's forgetting that there's like TV cameras and stuff, you know? Schools will open tomorrow. No snow day. And some kids like, fuck. There's got to be one kid like, I don't know, that history report. The president's on fire. I think I don't have to go in the Mars.

Cut to some little fat kid crinkling up homework. Oh, shit! I was that fat kid on 9-12. Oh, man. School was in session. Lord. Read about Building 7 is all I'm trying to say. Here we go with Building 7.

Oh, my God. That is for your other fucking podcast. You're building seven chatter Someone's got to ask questions Which all I'm saying is who's asking the questions There is a really dumb line at the end of this movie So the day is saved Which is nice

Well he does True to his word Gerard Butler breaks this guy's neck And then stabs him in the head He kills this dude twice Meanwhile the president has been shot in the stomach and the country's about to explode, but he's like, a promise,

you know what? Well, this is, and this is why he, listen, Mike Banner, American Mike Banner, he's the most thorough secret service agent out there and here's why. He kills this dude and then he's like, wait, I don't know all the details of this attack.

I don't know what's going on. Could be zombie apocalypse, in which case, destroy the head or kill the battle. Oh, I see, yeah. So he's just like while I'm here, Zombie terrorists, by the way. Oh, there's a shitty movie coming down the pike. We're less than five years out from that.

In real life or in the movies? The movie will be out in real life in five years. Oh, I see. But, yeah, actually, that would shorten every horror movie by 10 minutes, as if, like, oh, we just killed the guy. Oh, just stab him in the head real quick. Just to make sure. Be thorough.

Absolutely. Be thorough. Be thorough in your horror movie. But, and he's like, oh, let me get on YouTube. I got to put this on there. He's like, hey, do you want to disarm those missiles? Hold on, Mr. President. filming it

getting I'm in the head The president has been shot in the stomach at this point too He just gets shot for no reason They try to like stage a coup It doesn't work You want to talk about why Ashley Judd Why Aaron Eckhart You could have had Fred Dalton Thompson in this movie

RIPB by the way He's just sitting around like he's doing nothing He's not like in the beginning They show him like boxing being all sexy And like listen If a president boxes in your first deck He beats the shit out of someone With them fists in the third

Yeah That's how it works Don't just uselessly show me two hunks boxing. I mean, show me hunks boxing. Yeah, sure, absolutely. For a reason. Yeah, yeah. For a reason.

I don't need a reason. Fair enough. So what's a stupid line you were talking about? Oh, because, like, he's dragging him out, and Aaron Eckhart's like, this could be going quicker. And he's dragging him out, and they're looking around, and Aaron Eckhart's, like, thinking of the speech he's going to have to make for the real end of the movie. And he goes, Gerard Butler's like,

Mr. President, sorry about the house. Fucking fuck you. That's your final. That's your joke. That's the joke he's going to tell. The one fucking joke, Bruce Willis has 25 of them in that movie.

One joke. That's the end of home alone, not the White House, was just raped and pillaged. Dude, Tom Hanks' money pit falls apart. Sorry about the house. That's how you end those movies. Melissa Leo's at a wheelchair, yucking it up.

Oh, good one. That was hilarious. I pledge allegiance to the flag. Man, I just can't get over that Pledge of Allegiance. Stupid. So stupid. So Morgan Freeman gets ousted from office. That would have been great if he tried to make up a puppet dictatorship or something.

Listen, we all thought you were dead. I got sworn in. I'm the real deal. He's got to be so mad. It's like Conan losing the Tonight Show. I was promised the presidency. Jay Leno came and took it away from me All hail President Leno

That's a fucking dystopian society Everyone's got to own classic cars It's mandated by the government I can't afford these Oh no they're provided by the government And the trunk is filled with denim shirts Sounds kind of okay I might vote for them

You know what I love about this movie Well yeah about this movie No you love about this movie One thing Yes It's one of those one crazy night All one night. Totally.

It's like a John Hughes movie. Oh, yeah, there is a needless, like, it's 8.51 when this happens. Oh, my God. It's nine who gives the shit when that happens. Why? What do they do? Like, for what and for whom? And we're never cutting to 10.30.

It's always 1029. It's more realistic, Eric. I guess. You know, because things are happening at all times, just not on the hour, like news radio, I guess. I guess that's the motivation for it. And then so we've got, like, Aaron Eckhart giving this great speech, this whole, like, America will bounce back, like, that whole yada whatever speech that no one's listening to in the audience. I think if this happened, we'd be at World War 6 because World War 3, 4, 5 all get merged into 1 because everyone's so pissed off. Right?

Like, there's no, well, that's he ends it with like, you know, we will rise, this, that, the other thing. It's got to be like, P.S. I love you. P.S. We're going to go into the war with North Korea. We're going to bomb the shit out of Pyongyang. It's over with. It'd be great if Gerard Butler is, like, breaking all these and next things, he's like, oh, I might die.

I better start writing a bunch of letters. I've only written like two or three letters. Oh, I'm way down on my letter quota right now. Oh, no, I've got to get this post-mortem scavenger hunt figured out. So my wife, who's sort of a character in this movie, can hunt. Oh, we've totally forgot about her in this movie. So did the movie. Yeah, that's true.

The movie forgot about it pretty quickly. Oh, but no, it's the biggest bunch of horseshit. She somehow gets, like, access to the White House grounds at the end. To put a blanket on him? Yeah, she's, like, at the, in an ambulance or something. No one is going anywhere near the White House for quite some time. When this happens, like, that whole area of town is shut down. Is that my mic in there?

She's just, like, yelling at the gate. Oh, well, if that's your mic in there. Oh, my God. Oh, you're married to Mike. Oh, right this way. He's married to Mike. Mike, make a pass! Super Agent Mike!

They have no qualms about letting him back into the White House, by the way. It's like, oh, good, Mike's here. Thank God we're not fucked anymore. He gets his job back, right? Now he's, like, playing with the kid again? Oh, well, he is a top grade A American Secret Service agent again. He's back on top. I mean, he's the only one that did anything in this movie.

I kind of think he should be the president at the end, right? Oh, yeah. You do all that. Come on. Hey, there's an open spot for Speaker of the House now. Well, that's a good question. Would you die? No, the vice president.

They can just get moved up, right? Oh, yeah, that's how that works. Sure. It's president, vice president, and then... Speaker of the House. And then random secret service agent. Yeah, I think... And just it goes down the line.

Here's a question. Would Aaron Eckhart win re-election? Because I feel like you blow up the White House on your watch. Well, if he was... See, here's the thing. And this is where White House down gets it right. The president gets to play a hero. Jamie Fox, heroic is Fox.

in that movie. Aaron Eckhart just kind of getting kicked in the stomach the whole time. It's going to come out that Mike Banner was the real hero and President Eckhart did fuck all nothing. I don't know guys. I got to support a wartime president. Yeah, okay. Oh, yeah that's true. Yeah, you can't just kick him out. He's the one that started it.

But all that Well, I mean, the Korean started it, but he's going to finish it. All the work Dolly Madison did? Just down the tubes, man. Yeah, she is spinning in her grave, looking at that house from hell.

She's in hell, right? Dolly Madison? No, no. No, she's probably not. Wait, Korean hell? No. I sure do love this, Park Babimba. Dali Madison impression.

Who knew I had it? I guess would you recommend this movie, sort of? No. No. Oh, Lord, no. No, no. No, no. We'll see what London has fallen.

Oh, that's right yet. Oh, stupid. the safe big bend oh man we are we hate movies from new york city everybody thanks so much for coming out Thank you.