We Hate Movies - S6 Ep242: Episode 242 - Antitrust

Episode Date: March 22, 2016

On this episode, the gang continues the--randomly selected--Listener Request Month with a chat about the 2001 cyber thriller, Antitrust! Did this movie feel about five years too late to any one else? Could the Pepsi/Pringles product placement get any more obvious? And why does Tim Robbins have his dirty work done by teenagers? PLUS: Are real life billionaires mass murderers? Antitrust stars Ryan Phillippe, Rachael Leigh Cook, Claire Forlani, Richard Roundtree, Yee Jee Tso, Tyler Labine, and Tim Robbins; directed by Peter Howitt.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We are talking about a really terrible movie this week. It's antitrust. Let's get into it. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Zedach. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello everyone.

Welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network. Thank you for tuning in to our lovely little down-home podcast. No, you're here. You're not tuning into shit. Shut up. Pay attention. I still download this show. Oh, man.

You're trying to skew our numbers, huh? Eddie, every little bit helps. You got a lot of dupe accounts. Tell your friends about the show. And I want to apologize up front. I sound like garbage. I'm fighting a cold. So if you want to complain about that,

just complain it and use hashtag Steve's a hero. I appreciate it because this shit didn't go dark this week. I came in all the way from Jersey City with a cold. Oh, Eric and I would have figured something. Get that homeless guy that's been chomping at the bit to get in here. Totally. Hey, some weird movies, guys. This week's episode, we're talking about antitrust from the year 2000.

directed by Peter Howitt, as in Howitt get hired to direct this movie. I like it. But I will say, I know you're wondering, from the date alone, this is actually pre-9-11. Oh, yeah. So we got to put on your goggles, your rose-tinted glasses of the way the world used to be. Yeah, I mean, I guess I think we were most concerned about pre-9-11 is like, oh man, that Bill Gates, huh? getting too much power. This is the most we had to worry about.

And by the way, now look at us. Just look at it. Just back away from America and just look at it. It was that. And I don't know if you guys remember, the summers of the sharks. Oh, my God, everyone was terrified of sharks. Oh, yeah. There were sharks on the shores.

Now we celebrate sharks, though. Exactly. This episode, because it is indeed still listen to Request Month gang, comes to us requested by Jenny from Knoxville, Tennessee. Hi, this is Jenny from Knoxville, Tennessee, calling in to request antitrust. It's enemy of the state meets she's all that, a 90s time capsule movie that came out in 2001. And that's a call I like, by the way, in and out, under 15 fucking seconds. God bless you. God bless you, Jenny.

No, take your shoes off, stay alive. Yeah, yeah, you know what, do it. I'm just going to cut it right down. I'm going to cut it right. I'm going to whittle it down like a big piece of wood. Well, thank you. Down to a toothpick. Thank you, fans, for your outpour.

of calls and requests and nice words. Steve, what is... What is this movie about? This movie is about a teenage Wunderkind. I guess, no, he's older than teenage, right? He's a college graduate. He's a college graduate. Wait, did he graduate?

I guess he just graduated. Yeah, him and his friends. Right, he doesn't really have a job yet. Yeah, he's working out of a garage. He gets the attention of a Bill Gates stand-in. It's sort of... It's a mash-up between Bill. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.

Yes. Played by Tim Robbins. I think his name is Gary something. It's Gary, yeah. It's Gary, whatever. And he's... Gary Nerve. He pulls him out and he's like,

hey, I got this deadline. I have this really cool world-changing software I need you to help me with. And then shit gets intrigue-ish. Oh, yeah. The kid, by the way, is Ryan Phillips. Of course. You guys remember him.

Do I? Well, no, you remember him as being really great in the film McGruber. Oh, I thought you were going to say cruel intentions. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, the thing about cruel intentions is you can't single out just one performance because everything in that movie is just so fabulous.

Everyone is kissing. Everyone is kissing. I re-watched that movie recently. It doesn't hold up. Really? I don't believe it, yeah. But they kiss in it, don't they do kiss in it. Everybody's kissing. Fucking and suck until the sun comes up in that movie. Oh, yeah, definitely.

No one's fucking and sucking in this movie. That's a problem. I would appreciate at least some sucking. Just to see it. Yeah, just to see what's going on. Sure. not there's rich people all over the place they're you know they throw money around right this movie also

you want to talk about and by the way we should also mention this is kind of you could qualify this as a cyber thriller yes it is there's not I mean there's some internet stuff floating around including the HTML opening credits when you're when the end of your movie involved

someone like punching keys into a computer and saying come on come on yeah it's a cyber thrill yeah this is so this is indeed a cyber thriller. That's like, you know, four to seven years too late for cyber thrillers, man. I mean, also see our episode on

Swordfish, speaking of cyber thrills. Oh, hey, someone's sucking and fucking in that movie. Should have been more like Swordfish, antitrust. What movie I think is actually a little underrated and I'm going to be crucified for this, but I thought Black Hat was pretty fun. I didn't see it. There's some fucking and sucking.

And there's some hackin. Yeah. All three till the sun comes up. We're hacking in that one, huh? Yeah, there's a bit of hacking. Is Thor fucking and sucking in that movie? Yeah, but it's not like... Oh, is it a Thor body double, though? No, no, no.

He doesn't want to show his Australian penis. You know, it's Michael Mann. He's classy. Yeah. Show him wake up with a little bit of a towel over his son. Any buttock? We're talking half-mast or what? No, I don't know.

You know what? By the way, you just sold me on watching Blackhacks. I watched it on my phone during my commute, so I needed a bigger screen to tell about the mast. I wasn't quite in the heart of the sea. Dude, I told you you should have went to iPhone 6 plus. So you know why the sexuality might have been tamped down in this film in antitrust? Oh, right.

Not Black Hat. I don't know what goes on in that. The Pepsi Corporation wouldn't allow it, I'm guessing. Oh, man, there is just drink Pepsi. like all in this movie and it's like there's some like unsubtle product placement in movies this is about the most

unsubtle like a dude should have just come out like in a little circle in the corner of the screen going Pepsi you drink him Pepsi yet hey who's thirsty well I feel like laws were passed after this film to make sure that Pepsi couldn't have this much of a hold over a movie again

the antitrust product placement act of 2002 I mean it's ridiculous there is one shot of like an ominous looking Pepsi machine. So the Pepsi machine is kind of like the fourth-billed villain in this movie. It's kind of heavy. It's the 2001 model with or something. It's so weird.

Everyone becomes aware of like, you know, like everyone can now see their hacking potential because they've been awakened by the caffeine and feel-good refreshness. The climax takes place in front of a Pepsi machine. Right in front of it. Right in front of it. Again, just look at it. And kids at home, if you want a climax. Watch black hat

In front of a Pepsi machine Might be a good spot Do not climax in front of a Pepsi machine Because that definitely means you're in public It's all right if you know You're not old enough to be prosecuted In an adult In an adult court

In an adult court That holds up in the Supreme Court Doesn't it? Probably So this movie starts with Ryan Philippe And he's got like It's Ryan Philippi, his best friend

whose name is Teddy, who's an Asian man, and the only reason I'm letting you know he's Asian is that it plays a really big part later in the film. Oh, sure does. So they've both graduated. They got like a couple of other bro dudes that they got a start up with. There's two brown-haired guys that both look

like Noel Gallagher, and I can't tell them apart. I was mixing these dudes up in the movie, and I was, at one point towards the end of the movie, I was like, how's that guy in both of those places? And then I was like, it's two people I thought it was one guy the entire it was ridiculous one of them incredibly fast one of them is played by Nate dushku

who's Eliza dushku's brother no yeah dude that's his claim to fame yep wow yep he's an antitrust and then the other guy's just kind of somebody but the four of them are going to start this you know internet startup company they've got some code that they've been working to hackety hack don't talk back I don't know computers and they're going to start a business

in a garage just like Stephen the was man like that's what we're talking about you know we're going to change the world from a garage this that and the other thing and it's like bring bring oh Tim Robbins calls and offers Ryan Philippe and Teddy a job and this is like the big point of contention in the

early goings of this movie because Teddy's like that man's a monster man you're going to go work for the devil man and Ryan Philippe is like I need a job because this is the world and that's as simple as it gets, and this dude is so pissed off

that his friend had the audacity to get a job. It's like Tim Burton go to work for Disney, man. I'm sure, like his buddy, Ralph, was like, Tim, you can't do it, man. Dude, we were going to start up our own frank and weeny industries. It was going to be the next Mickey Mouse, man. The next one.

The next one, Tim. Fuck you, Tim. Yeah, we'll see you never again, Tim Burton. Holy shit. Now that you mentioned, like, he would be the next Disney. I would love to go to Burton World. How does Tim Burton not have a theme park under his belt? Good question.

Man, what a house of horrors that would be. What a treat. I'd pay $80 to go in. Of course. You just showed you the corpse bride. You have to stay there the whole time. Oh, maybe that the house of prostitution from Beetlejuice. Oh, yeah, that's exciting.

That's kind of like the adult zone. Disney World's got one of those. It's called Pleasure Island. Dude, I don't want to know what goes on there. It's got one of those things where they celebrate New Year's Eve every hour. Are you serious? Or every midnight they do New Year's Eve. That's creepy as fun.

Yeah, it's suicide-inducing. They wouldn't have that at Burton World, though. Nothing but creepy fun. It's Halloween every night. No, it's split down the middle. It's Halloween and then it's Christmas because that man loves him some Christmas. He loves Christmas. A spooky Christmas.

A spooky Christmas. Shane Black loves Christmas as well. Shane Black could not have a thing. theme park though. No. No. He can have a stunt show somewhere, maybe inside Burton World. I like that. Shane Black Stunt World. Yeah, every Tuesday at 1 o'clock, Shane Black's

out there coordinated some stunts for you. It's just him pushing you off a building onto a giant mat. It's just the opening of lethal weapon one. All you have to do is try to talk someone out of killing themselves. Oh, the yeah, yeah. Doesn't a prostitute jump

off a building at the start of that, or is it just a girl? I think it's No, it's not Riggs's wife. It's just a, it's a girl, I believe. It's a general's daughter, I believe. No, I think she can go to film The General's Daughter. And then Tommy Lee Jones is called in to investigate? No, that's John Travolta, the General's daughter.

Are you shinned me? Yeah, man. Why hasn't either of them worked with Tim Burton? I don't know, but I think you're thinking of U.S. Marshals. I think I might be. Either way, there should be a chicken suit at Burton's world. They definitely would be. You see what happens when you start talking about antitrust?

It's like a knot of. 90s movies that just kind of yeah can't unravel and jenny's call is totally right it's the best 90s movie to be made in the 2000 I mean because this it's just 90s runoff like you flush a toilet yeah and there's just like a

little bit of the 90s still just floating in the ball and they scooped it out and they made antitrust because you got Ryan Philippi who the fuck could care you got Rachel Lee Cook the world stopped caring about that and you know 99 right like she's

that was like 99, 97, something like that. And then you got Claire Forlotti, possibly the worst actress in history. Let's just, I'm pulling the WHM emergency lever so we can stop the episode. Yeah, sorry, I should have warned you sooner. A lot of whiplash there. Oh, no, people are getting whiplash at Burton World. Ooh, how twisted. She is one of the worst actors I've ever seen.

Yeah, I don't know how she got work. I think she's got a tape of someone getting killed. Someone killing somebody. Really? And the problem, they're all really bad, to be quite honest. No one is good in this movie. Even Tim Robbins, who I think is great. He kind of disappears without most of the movie.

But, like, this is a paranoid thriller. Like, kind of, it's a cyber thriller, but it's also more importantly, a paranoid thriller, I guess. You need the likes of Gene Hackman in this movie. It's a NOIA film. Yeah, dude. You're totally right. And this is like No one is

believable in any of like the paranoid whatever. You know what I mean? They just talk faster. They just like, it's Ryan Philip be like pretending to be out of breath constantly.

Like that's this movie. And Claire Forlani who should only be hired to play English people because this English accent is just, it's like water falling through a sponge, man.

You can't keep this. thing in. I don't understand, like, later in the movie, like, she's revealed to be a double agent, like, just make her double agent be English. And you're like, oh, wow. It was a fake accent the whole time. That'd be great if she was like,

I was just playing a double. And there'd just be every movie she's in. At the end of Marats at the game show. Boy, I was just playing a double me once. Sorry, La Forse. I was just playing a trick on you I was. That would be awesome. I was so.

I was British, and that one wasn't, oh, I wasn't on British in the Rock. Of the Rock. She's in this. Yeah, she plays his daughter. Yeah. Oh, Mike, the Rock's daughter. I was just wondering if one day we could have a nice relationship together. No.

All right. I just, I got my hunt for Red October hair going, so is that doing anything for you from a father's perspective? That size of a role, though, like her and the Rock. Yeah, sure. That's where she needs to be, or preferably much lower. You know, and she's in this movie a lot. She's Ryan Philippi's girlfriend. Yes.

Who turns out to be this double agent who's working for Tim Robbins. Whatever. Hey, you know what movie? Whatever. You lost me a long time ago. We could cut out. The first hour of this movie is mood setting and it goes nowhere. Well, because it drops the mood that it sets. Yeah.

Which is, and let me tell you, a lot of what's wrong about that first, like, 40 minutes of the movie. this score is wholly inappropriate. Like, you're trying to set up like, you know, nothing is as it seems, this, that, and the other thing. And it's like, da-bo-da-da-do-l-l-l. Like, you know, the fucking theme from, I don't know, carpool or one of those stupid

kid power movies, you know what I mean? Hey, having a job in computers is fun. Let's... It's just like, you're doing that for a while, and you're like, yeah, you know, life can be good sometimes. And then... you know the other shoe falls oh yeah and then it's a sudden oh my god and then it's just a lot of early 2000s rat and roll music and nobody's asking for it and this is i realized something that's

crazy about when a bunch of bad music is shoved into a terrible movie and then they use like a good song at one point it's poisoned the rest of like any possibility of good music to sound good like at one point in this movie there's an elliot smith song and i was like god the fucking music in this movie. Isn't there a Bowie song? There's a, well, there's a, but, like, Bowie like super stands out. Right, yeah. They play heroes at one point. There's two Dandy Warhol songs. Who cares? Do people care about the Danny Warhol?

I wore out that scene. I wore out the digital grooves in that CD. And I can tell you the two tracks played without looking at it, we're godless and Nietzsche. Yeah, man, or Nietzsche, depending. You know what, yeah, they're not that bad. I don't know, but like, it's not like

Jamarquai show. Well, no. That's true. That's true. This could use virtual insanity. Yes, exactly what it works. This needs it. How do you not have virtual insanity on this soundtrack? And why the fuck are you playing Elliot Smith?

And I felt terrible because I was like, listen to this shit. And I was like, oh no, that's Elliot Smith. They just put him in this terrible garbage movie with a terrible garbage soundtrack. And now I'm thinking Elliot Smith's garbage. Fuck you, antitrust. Well, that's the goodwill hunting phenomenon as well. Oh, that's right. Tim Robbins was both Ryan, Philippi and Teddy.

And he doesn't, Teddy says, no man, not only does, yeah, Teddy's a real dick about it and stomps his feet and goes, he's like, I'm going to start my own company. And like, you just signed your own death warrant. And in Portland, you know, Ryan Philip, he gets his dope house. He's got like a car, I guess, and some other stuff going on. I believe according to IMDB trivia, which some of you say we need to cite more of. I would say we should cite less, but can.

continue. I think it was like a Mercedes SUV. Is that significant for some reason? No, but it's on IMDB trivia and some people say we don't mention the trivia. Well, listen, some people read IMDB trivia like someone reads the Daily News. I don't think you can get your news from the IMDB trivia. I want to see a guy on a commuter train folding up the IMDB. Rattling through the pages. I don't know, man. Ryan Phillips driving Mercedes SUV. Hey, that's news to me, baby.

Well, Mother, seems like they made 16 Batman outfits of this new Batman v. Superman film. Still not going to see it, though, Mother. Couldn't care less. What's an election year? What? Oh, year 2000, Matthew Broderick. Reese Spoon as well, yes.

Oh, yeah, it says it. It says it right here. Oh, you're speaking of the film, Election. Yeah. Oh, did you mean election year? Oh, but there's also the purge election year coming up. It's out in theaters, Mother, in July 4th for some shit. And, you know, they shot some of that in Vancouver, Canada.

Oh, oh, sit down, mother. It's time for goofs and gaps. And yes, Junior, we will get to crazy credits. But speaking of which, and now you're going to, now I know you devoted IMDB The fans are going to mention this. Apparently, I might have been under crazy credits, actually. For this film, the opening credits of the HTML is part of the source code of IMDP. Wow.

Just blowing minds left and right. That's them kissing the fucking ring. Yeah. Yeah, you want to be on IMDB, baby. You put us in the source fucking code. You kiss the ring. I believe Ryan Philipy to be a hacker as much as I believe my physical appearance to resemble Thor. Like, it is so unbelievable that he's a hacker in this movie.

You're saying it's unlikely. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's wholly unbelievable. He looks, he does look like a 14-year-old in this one. Yeah, well, he looked like a 14-year-old until like last year. That's true. He was pretty buffing McGruber.

Oh, yeah. He's getting it going on with McGruber. Yeah, well, you know, that's probably the best movie. he's ever been in? Yeah. I'm not a big Gosford Park fan. I forgot he's in that movie.

Yeah, you know, I like that movie. I think I kind of like McGruber Moore. Yeah. Take that the ghost of Robert Altman. So who else? We got Rachel Lee Cook in this movie. She's a co-worker of his.

He goes to work for this company. This like non-jack black guy who kind of becomes like the heavy and the later in the movie. I think he was on Reaper for a while. Tyler, He's in that Tucker versus Dale versus Evil movie

Am I correct? Tucker and Dale versus Evil? I think that's him. Tyler Labine again is the actor's name. Labine. He's giving him a tour and he's like, hey man, this is how cool it is. This is where the daycare center is.

This is where, oh man, Rachel Lee Cook looked at you. She never looks at any of us. It's weird, like, okay. And then Ryan Phillipie's like, yeah, well, I have a girlfriend. And yeah, she does have a real American. accent. Just shut up about it.

Stop asking. You see sort of like right away like how this is like in physical appearance, Tim Robbins is supposed to look like Bill Gates. Yeah. In like execution, this dude is Steve Jobs. Yes, he doesn't believe in open systems. He doesn't want any modifications to any of his stuff. Yeah. A lot of flying off the handle like co-workers and whatnot. A lot of him yelling at these two poor sad sack lawyers in this movie.

just like three or four scenes of these people getting chewed right out you know it's the best scenes of the movie probably you know it's also getting chewed out Pringles because he fucking loves Pringles oh man so on Rob Phillie's first day he comes over and he's like hey man you want to come to my

office I'll show you some cool stuff and he shows him like his whole satellite hook up and whatever and he's like yeah it's pretty awesome right and he Tim Robbins is shoving Pringles into his face and it's plain Pringles by the way you couldn't even bother to get a sour cream onion in there. Even with the original

flavor, once you pop, man. You can't stop. He hasn't been able to stop since like the early 80s, I guess. Just eating these fucking Pringles. Skid Row looking for your fix. Yeah. Well, it's ridiculous. Like, Tim Robbins is going really over the top

in this movie. Like, he's shoving these Pringles into his mouth and there's like, Pringle's getting stuck to his face and he's like, I love this job. You're just like, Jesus Christ. You're getting paid at least a million dollars to eat Pringles right now in front of this camera. The amount of pounds he must have packed on from those Pringles, man.

And on the Pepsi, someone needed to book a trip to the dentist after all this. So it's like, basically, here's what's basically going on in this movie. Tim Robbins kind of has a Hank Scorpio plan. Yes. And it's like everybody's got

to do their part to get this satellite system online or something. It's a media sharing thing, but it's like directly through satellites. And it seems like Like, you can turn your shitty 90s flip phone into an iPhone, like you can play videos on it, I guess. And it's like all your PDAs and TVs and every single thing that has a computer in it will be able to sync to a program called synapse. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Yeah, this is just getting ready to blow minds, man. And what its purpose is, no one really knows. Nobody, the movie doesn't know. What the fuck is this? I don't know. I mean, it's the MacGuffin of the movie. Yeah.

But tell us some sort of intention, right? Like, Tim Robbins is the bad guy in this movie. It's no surprise, right? So, like, maybe it's some sort of devious thing where he's going to, I don't know, I mean, steal all the world's credit card information. Like, anything. Or just anything. But what is the consumer, like, need for this?

I think it's basically like you can share videos and take videos or something. It's like he's inventing YouTube and sending YouTube's to people. I guess so. I don't know. I guess it is like... I mean, listen, this movie was ahead of its time. This movie invented YouTube. And smartphones. So, Ryan Phillip's part is super...

The funny thing is, like, he's like this down and out programmer. This guy's leaving at 5 o'clock every day. Like, Tim Robbins... The whole point is like, Tim Robbins, like, overestimated the date. He's like, it's got to be June 15th, and that's a really short amount of time to make it live. He's like, we'll figure it out, man. His, like, kind of mantra is, I don't care.

There's no such thing as a problem. beat get creative right here will yeah sheer the the triumph of the will of this fella will will will make it happen but i mean like he's like philippi's leaving at five o'clock he's taking an hour for lunch and i'm like are you kidding me like you're eating those pringles and drinking that pepsi at that desk till three a m asshole now get coden even like one point like later later in the movie like he comes over to philippi's desk and like philip he's doing some nefarious shit and he's like oh still here huh i'm like yeah of course he is yeah why didn't say Deadline. Hey, Tim Robbins, why aren't you pissed off

that the rest of the office is dark right now? Yeah. There's a deadline here. This like global phenomenon that you're starting. That was a really creepy hour, though, right? It was like 3.20 in the morning. Okay. That's like weird, man. That's like why is he there? Why would Bill Gates

be wandering the halls? If not, I don't know what he's doing there, right? Besides like putting his pubs on shit. Like, what could he be doing there? That's, listen, that's a real power play. I think most people do it It's like ass pennies

The problem is like You know that he does that He's your boss You get to your desk And there's like just pubs on your keyboard You just brush him off You know it And you're just like I have to move on

You're keeping a lot of canned air At the office is what you're doing Just blowing pubs off your keyboard Every morning No no can't air You have to touch it You gotta touch it You gotta brush it off

You can't just leave touch it You touch that napkin You're fired Hey Ryan Philippi You got change For a dime So I mean like

Basically Ryan Philip He checks in it With his friend He's like yeah You know Teddy He's like

Everything's going well I'm working on My own deadline I've got this cool code Blah blah blah Blah Can't wait

Just show it to you Talk to you Later The next day Teddy is Bat shit murdered By baseball bats By baseball bats

By baseball bats And People holding Baseball bats Oh no Dude, it's like an army of she in casino. Dominic!

If an army of moving baseball beds, like animated baseball bats, you beat this guy of death? Are you talking about the clone wars? Well, I was thinking more Fantasia. Yeah, yeah. If all the broomsticks or mops, mop handles came together and beat this dude to death.

That would be at Burton World. That would be at Burton World, actually. Well, this is after this dude Teddy has said that Tim Robbins is like the Third Reich, by the way. Well, because, yeah, like, yeah, like, yeah, he's throwing that around. Is it, oh, he's always stealing people's code and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, Philip was like, there's no proof of that. And, like, a couple of times early in the movie, Tim Robbins is like, hey, man, I just found this new code. He's like, oh, cool, where'd you get this?

He's like, don't worry about it. It's just going to make your job so much easier. Yeah. And he uses it. So Teddy's got this new thing. He's like, yeah, I made a great breakthrough. And then like these two dudes, Jack Black, another guy, beat the shit out of him until he's dead. They spray paint a racial epithet on the wall called die Asian slur.

Yeah. And then Chinese slur. Well, we'll go even that far. And it's like. Isn't that specific? Well, yeah. And it's, it's, it's, what it's, what they do is frame this, this skinhead group that's been in the, like in, like, right? Yeah, the Aryan brothers.

Oh, are you not familiar with their work? I don't have a lot of information on them. I know nothing about them. I don't know what they said about me. That's good for court purposes. No, but it's like Tim Robbins' network is like blaming this Portland area hate group that's been going around. Apparently it's their MO to leave that exact. Yeah, like they did it on like a storefront and things like that.

So these innocent skinheads like go down. Like, this is kind of like a Robin Hood situation of some kind. No, they're innocent skinheads. Well, but they've committed other similar crimes. They committed hate crimes. They didn't kill anyone. I don't think. Well, so this dude's murdered and cut to some of the worst acting in the movie.

Ryan Philippi talking to one of those two white guys after the funeral. I think it's a day discus at this point. Is it? I couldn't tell. They all look the same. You know, maybe they got too close and they merged. Oh, shit. They time cut.

Yeah, same space can't occupy the same matter. You know what? Checks out. Yeah, and it's just like, did you at least get to talk to Teddy at some point? Yes, I did. I called him the other day on the phone. Yes, he told me he was very happy that you called and spoke and made up.

Yes, I'm glad I am too, especially considering he's dead. And you're just like, man, look at these two robots acting in this movie. The best thing is he's like, yes. Also, by the way, he did say that he was very close. to a breakthrough. He said the answer is not in the band. It's not in the box. It's in the band. It's not in the box.

It's in the band. So, what does that exactly mean? I don't know. Just a bunch of hacker horse shit. Something about broadband, I feel. Like the box maybe is the computer. Oh, I hear you. All right, I got you. You know what?

Hashtag, who cares? Hashtag three liberal arts degrees. That gets you. You just don't know how the world works, but you know how to go on Twitter and talk about it. I'm going to lecture you on it. Don't worry. Dude, speaking of going on Twitter, there's a great part in this movie where Tim Robbins is talking about how the world hates him. Yeah. And how all, like, these hackers hate him and shit.

And he's just like, he's like, yeah, say whichever, you know, they say whatever they want about me. It doesn't bother me. But digitizing my wife's face on a porn star's body, now that's taking it too far. That's a 90s problem. That's what we were doing in the 90s. So the next day, Philippi's at lunch again, taking a fucking full hour at lunch. Dude, at least it's an on-campus lunch. Him and Rachel Lee Cook are going to this coffee shop a couple times a week.

Yeah. It's a real you've got mail. That's a cyber thriller. That's a cyber thriller. It's an erotic cyber. Wait, that's not a, that's not a, that's not a cyber. thriller at all. It's just a cyber erotica. There's nothing really sexy about that.

They don't fuck. I mean, I'm sure they eventually. Yeah, when like Tom... It's a sweet fucking knoll. Tom Hanks puts her bookstore out of business or something. Yeah, it's a real sweet fuck. That's what nice people engage in intercourse. Yeah, like real people. Real people are monsters. So, uh, the next day, Tim Robbins is like,

hey man, I found one more code for you. it's pretty sweet he's like oh yeah he's like oh by the way is this too early i know your friend's dead he's like no no it'll help me get my mind off and it's like oh okay your face isn't registering any grief so i'll just sit down and he's like isn't it no it's not um he chat act kid it's called acting tim robins boom hey pretend you're upset about something how about this make the face you'd make if i told you you're fired from this film there it is roll it so uh he sits down he's like and an interesting thing is it wasn't in the box, it was in the

band. And like, this is my favorite part of the movie. Oh, it's awesome. Because it's like, you know, we're doing an extreme close up on him and like, it's not just an extreme close up. It's a Dolly Zoom. It's a Hitchcock Vertigo shot. And his face is like, and now

we have to be replayed the last 40 minutes of this inane fucking movie. Almost in its entirety. I'm, it's like, I'm Claire Ferlani. I'm Rachel Lik. cook. I'm Tim Robbins. And they go through the whole fucking thing all over again. Working for the Third Reich, are you? Not taking

that phone call. It's in the band. Lisa needs braces. And then all of a sudden like he does this great silent scream, which is my favorite. And it's awesome because in reality he's just staring at Tim Robbins. So this is all in his head. This is how his head's feeling

silent scream. Danny Warholz. I believe that's a third album Silent Scream. Not really. And it's like, okay, I have to go work on your program now. I'll see you at lunch two,

which is after lunch one, but before lunch three. Wow. I didn't want you to think I meant lunch T-O-O also. He's a lot of lunches. Is he a hot? All they're doing is

eating Pringles and fucking around in the cafeteria in this movie. No wonder this thing is not on track for deadline. She quickly mentioned that Richard Roundtree is in this movie. Yes, Shaft himself is in this film. Richard Roundtree will be in your movie. You know what? No matter what it is, if there's a good hotel

if there's a good hotel situation and craft services is pretty organized, Richard Roundtire will do your movie. He's playing like some Department of Justice. I don't know if it's an attorney or an investigator of some sort. I think he's an investigator for the DOJ

is the idea. He's looking around. Shaft was kind of an investigator. Yeah, dude. So he actually at one point offers Ryan Felipe a job. Yeah, to come work for the Department of Justice. Now, what I didn't understand about that,

was that just like a straight up working for the DOJ or was it like being a mole inside Tim Robbins? No, I think it's a real job. It's $42,000 a year. You come in. You get a Buick. Oh, right.

He's going to get a company car, dude, pretty cool. I mean, and right out of college, that's salary. It's pretty sweet. 2001, buddy, before the fucking bottom fell out? Holy Christ, you could be living like an emperor. He's living in Portland? Holy fuck, that's good living. That is fantastic.

Oh, speaking to which, I forgot about this. I wanted to mention this from this start. Uh-huh. Tim Robbins lives in what I would call a future castle. You're right. This castle, parapets, and, like, clear walkways. This castle should be in the clouds. And digital paintings left and right that changed.

Based on who is there and what their favorite music and art is. And what their mood is currently. Oh, yeah. So apparently Ryan Filpies' mood is always, like, Mortal Kombat porn? I was going to say it's a blank canvas. The thing just turns off. I can't read you. It looks like deviant art.

It does. It's like these ladies getting strangled. Are they're all like puckering their mouth at you? Well, I thought those were supposed to be like mad things because it turns out in that scene you're referencing Tim Robbins is like standing there being mad at him. Oh, I see. Because he's like hacking into his computer. It looks like deviant art, Mortal Kombat porn, which I'm sure exists. Oh, of course it exists.

Mortal Kombat porn drawings have to exist. Just look at them. Look at those game play characters. Is there any like a Goro and that other monster going at it? Sure. Oh, Shiva, for sure, yeah. Absolutely, dude. Or maybe Goro Kintaro, where are those arms going?

Look at all those hands. They're going everywhere. There's Mortal Kombat sex larping. I guarantee you. Really? A lot of like, get over here. But they're, like, dancing while they're doing that. You got to address on this?

I don't. Honey, honey, I'm going to put on all the air conditioners. It's going to be sub-zero tonight. Like six different air conditioning. All right, I'll turn on the oven. Get ready for Scorpion. Those were my favorite two to fight. Oh, yeah, that's it.

And whatever else. And whatever else happens, happens, man. If they kiss, they kiss. So, yeah, so, oh, man, my fetish is coming into the room and two people are having sex, yelling toasty and then running out. No sex occurs. I'm a noob cybot. Yeah.

Yeah, that's my move. You're just like a sexual prankster. I dress all in black and go, Dusty! No, I know he did it again. Oh, now it's gone. Oh, man. God damn you, noob signbot.

Wow, that might actually work for me. Hey, speaking of fucking, just tell me what? Whoa. We've got to schedule it out. Wait, so speaking of fucking. Dusty. One of my favorite parts of this movie is like, he's laying in bed

it's like he he's given like a hiring packet like all this shit including like a book that Tim Robbins has written it's like a book on CD so cut to one night after like his first day of work and Ryan Philipp he's like laying in bed and he's listening to this Tim Robbins

ironically it sounds a lot like Tony Robbins bullshit motivational whatever and he's listening to it and Claire Forlani comes in like hey baby and like he won't take the headphones off and whatever and she's like uh excuse me i'm i mean a year 2000 claire for loni and i would like to have intercourse with you and he's like oh i'm sorry and he just like puts the headphones around his neck and it's like

yeah baby let's fuck while my boss's audio book is playing yeah it's also weird because he's like reading the audio book like the disc jacket like uh-huh uh-huh he's kind of like into what gary's vibe there right yeah he's kind of getting it he's kind of I'm surprised they didn't make love in this film I'm sure there's deviant art of Tim Robbins and Ryan Phillips in making love there needs to be and if not hey we're looking for some

antitrust larping or whatever happens do you know how you can tell that where they work in this movie is a pretty hip office space how's that because on the wall they have both snow and skateboards hanging oh yeah whatever the mood strikes you

There is just a wall of them, like, organized by color, and it's just hip as shit. Okay, so, Philippi comes home, and he's like, oh, my God, Claire Fralani, they killed Teddy. Oh, my God, they killed Teddy, man. Oh, my teddy bear! And she's like, oh, my God, you're yelling like a madman. You're like a madman right now. I'm an American woman. And basically, they hatch a plan to make a pipe bomb.

I don't know which it's done over like cool music. So you don't know A, who suggests a pipe bomb? B, who knows how to make a pipe bomb? It's ridiculous. He's bought like a little chemistry set. Yeah. And I'd never seen this movie before. And I'm saying then I'm like, what are they building?

A bomb? Cut to them holding a bomb. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry, movies. Stop reading my thoughts. And without getting too micro on this, there's a building that isn't complete that he thinks is where all the surveillance. is happening. Building 21. Building 21. And he's like, oh, that's where it is because no one's allowed in there and they're

bullshitting us. That's where all the secrets are. So he puts a bomb, blah, blah, blah. So much of this movie is the will they, won't they get caught bullshit which is the most least effective thrill a movie can give me because I know it's going to work. Like someone's typing on a computer

and like someone's away from their office and then they're going to come back and like they drop their keys and it's like, is he going to get there and of course. Every time he's going to get there and And the way they're going to cut it, it's like there's, it looks like there's no way that he's going to do this in time because he's still working and the dude's like at the door. And then they like open and it's like, you know, Ryan Philip he's like, was there a problem officer? And it's like, I know, I know it's going to be okay. That happens six to eight times in this.

That's like all this movie is. But how stupid is this character that Ryan Philip he's playing though? Because like you're at this like Bill Gates, Steve Jones. Jobs-esque facility, and you know that there's cameras everywhere. And he's just, like, running around this campus, no hoodie on or anything. It's like, you know you're being filmed. He's putting bombs at this place. It's so aggravating.

And they have to, in the bomb part, like, they go and investigate it in this head of security, who's a big joke because he's just like a working class guy. And they're all like, he's like an ex-cop. His name is Bob. Yeah. And Bob the head of security is like, hey, someone put a pipe bomb in here or something. It looks pretty dangerous. And then like Tim Robbins, like two goon head hackers, one of which is the dude who's wearing the fatigues on Seinfeld that's working with Elaine. He's also, he also plays, I think he's like a dentist or something in Ed Wood that becomes the body double for Bella Lugosi after he dies. Speaking of Burt World. Oh, really? Oh, that's, dude, that would be another attraction of Burton World. Bella Legosi impersonating.

You get to be filmed as if you're in plan nine. They put the cape up. Totally cool. I'd do that. Get edited into plan nine. Yeah. Why not? So that dude...

Come down to Burton World. Why the fuck not? I'll be there. I live here now. Wow. He's got his magic castle. Yeah, dude. It's kind of like a little dilatant.

Like kind of like Edward Cisorhands Oh yeah We look like a little There's like like holes in the The roof and whatnot Dude you can go in in Burton World There's like an area where all the houses

Look like the video game paper boy And you can go get your hair cut by a guy With scissor hands Got a sign Dude you got to sign a waiver You might die We're not responsible for nicks And cuts at Burton world

Get ready for Come on down to Burton World Now offering Helena Bada bumper cars While you're here Check out the Big Fish Aquarium And before you ask No there's nothing to do with Batman here Because we couldn't license any of it

And don't worry All of the ushers are Johnny Depp And all the waiters at the restaurants and cafes of Burton World would be dressed like Peewey Herman, guaranteed. We also have a recreation of the alamo. No, Peewey's bike's not there, man. Keep looking. Just on a scale of 1 to 10,

what did you guys think of hell in a bottom bumper cars? Because I thought it was an 11. I was really holding on to that one. That's a good joke. I appreciate it. I thought you were going to say hell in a bottom bumper stickers at the gift shop. It also works.

Is it with her as an ape? It's just all the different characters she's played. Come be an ape in my planet of the apes auditorium. Oook, ook, man. Read the other scripts. And no, I never stole from Kevin Smith. Also, Kevin Smith isn't allowed.

I know Kevin Smith's allowed. No fat people in general. No, no. Unless you look like Otho. You must be this Otho to take the ride. Wasn't there at some point somewhere a Beetlejuice stage show? Wasn't that a thing? I don't know.

Maybe. If not, there should be. Yeah, right? I'd go watch a Beetleju's show. I would. Maybe. I'd think of Hamilton. You know, if I had a dime for everyone.

Every time I confused, smash Broadway musical Hamilton with Beetlejuice. You know, if you look at the life of Alexander Hamilton, it's kind of as fantastical as a beetle juice. That guy really had some amazing life. So antitrust. Oh, another very important plot point in this movie. There's a lot we're missing. Ryan Philippi, deathly allergic to sesame seeds. That's so stupid.

And I know you're out there But are you? Some of you are But I'm sure you are But you know what? No one's making a movie about you Exactly And they shouldn't

In the beginning Him and Claire Falani are out to dinner And like he gets some role And he's like talking about Tim Robbins He's like oh he's so great It's amazing I love it there And he grabs this roll

And she goes Honey sesame seeds And he goes Oh thanks babe I was totally ignoring that It's awesome I was ignoring my allergy For a minute

She grabs it from him Like, she's yelling at a dog. And it's just like, no. She, like, grabs the roll out of his head and just, Sesame C. Stupid! She hits him on the nose with a newspaper. You don't get this! And then she just, she just eats it in front of it.

Oh, the sesame seeds really make this roll. It's delicious. Oh, now that's my fetish. Claire for Lonnie eating sesame rolls in the brownie in? And then I go, Toasty! Where's the deviant art page of that? No, so anyways, basically there's, he thinks it's this one room, this one building, but oh my God, it's actually in this ridiculous daycare center they have, which is really dangerous. There's a lot of jagged edges of like keyboard-centric things going on.

My question was, is it like a front? Are they just like busing kids into this thing and just making them sit in a pan or something? See, not Jack Black mentions it towards the start of the movie that's like... The man's name is Tyler Labine. He has an identity. So Mr. Bean says... Close enough. Says that.

The daycare center, none of the geeks even have kids. That's for like the stupid clerks and accounting people. Oh, right. It's where all the plebs take their children. Exactly. So I think the idea there is that no one with a brain would ever enter that building to unearth the evil conspiracy. I see.

Yeah. So the evil conspiracy is he goes in there, he hacks the net. And he finds... It's a hardcore net hack, man. It is. It's a righteous hat. It's a fairly righteous act. I think he's hacking a Gibson.

Dude, he knocked that Gibson on its ass. This is a Bill Gates-esque figure. You know he's got a couple of Gibson. Sure. So he finds out not only Bill Gates has been... Gary, I don't know. Gary whatever has been surveilling all of that. the hackers in the world, it seems.

Okay, now this is where it gets really dumb. Because this is not only just surveilling the hackers of the world. Like, I know you at home are probably thinking if you haven't seen the film. Oh, he's just hacking everyone and seeing what they're doing. No, no, no, no. One of his goons goes to every single hacker's house in the world or coder or programmer's house in the world. Everybody, everybody. And puts up a physical fucking camera in their room, specifically.

aimed at their computer monitor. So that he can see what they're doing, Eric. That makes perfect sense. And they scan it and they steal the code from their monitors through the camera. I think also part of this though is they're

being surveilled at their office. I think some of these people they do have files on all these hackers but some of the people are people like at their desks at Gatesland. Okay, but like some of these people are definitely at home. There's one guy with a nice fedora.

All around the world. Statues crumble for you? Yes. Where was Sugar Ray at this movie? How the fuck did you beef that antitrust soundtrack? I'm sure they had some darker tunes. Oh, guys. I'm sorry.

The negotiations with Sugar Ray fell through. We're going to have to go with Everclear. What the fuck? I hate Art Alexakis. All right. Fine, but he can't sing about his dad. They're all about his dad. What do you want the guy to sing about?

Come this Saturday to Burton World where we'll feature musical guest, Sugar Ray. Boah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So, but, and then he finds out that he was being surveilled. He finds out, through hyperlink Asian slur, or die Asian slur, he gets the video of Teddy's death. And it's like, why would you have any? hyperlinked to somebody's death

ever. Well, it's actually, like, he clicks on it and it's like, that file has been deleted. So then he does this little what you just did is way more intricate. He writes forward slash restore video. Yeah, it's that easy. And he watches his friend just get murdered

and it's awesome. His, again, my lord, everyone is terrible in this movie. Right, and it was Mr. Bean that killed him. It's Mr. Bean. What was the murder? Quinton Labien? Tyler. Tyler Labina, I apologize. He beats him to death by smothering a turkey over his head and kills him.

He's showing a teddy bear in a crime scene. This, no, when he sees the video, Ryan Phillips' reaction is just, oh. It's just this like quarter orgasm. It's like when you, imagine looking at your bank account and finding you have 38 less dollars. That's the face. you would make. Oh, what? Oh, yeah, I did go to the bar.

Oh, yeah, right. Am I missing $38? Exactly. The other hyperlink he finds, he's going through all these employee files. There's so many good fines in this scene. He finds, he goes into Racial Lee Cook's file. Hyperlink molested as a child. Oh, man.

And what in the world is this doing in this movie? You don't want to click on that. It's this whole thing where, like, her dad is arrested and there's like... There's footage of his arrest or something. it's outrageous and it's just he reads her whole file he also reads uh claire forlani's file spoiler alert her real name is like rebecca something rebecca paul or something when she was she said her name was alice oh which is there you go and apparently like she was some like car criminal or something and they expunged her record and like basically hired her how is any of

this economically viable like you know what i mean like he's a billionaire pay these people be like hey, can you help me with my fucking thing? Here's a lot of money. As opposed to, like, having goods all throughout the country, changing these, someone has to change these surveillance things. Physically change these cameras. If you move your monitor too far to the right, oh, got to have Tyler Labine make a geek squad run.

No, maybe they are, like, posing as, you know, best by, well, no, because hackers wouldn't need those people to set up shit. You know what, you're right, it makes no sense. It's super criminals, breaking it to your house at all hours and putting it in these little, you know, like spy cameras. Well, like I said, it's a Hank Scorpio thing, man. Like, just the resources are just endless, endless for this plan, all to make this sort of satellite YouTube thing. Here's the problem. There's so much that's being invested in this for something that's not a sinister thing that would harm humanity.

You know what I mean? If you're doing all this shit because you're going to build a super laser, totally understandable. Or like there's like a nefarious reason. Like like yeah, I'm making everything into a smart tablet and everyone's going to have a video. Yeah. But then it's mind control or something.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, he's basically like inventing Kazaa. You know what I mean? Like cool. Wow. You better murder people for that, Tim Robbins. A lot of people lost their lives, dude. But like the funny thing, how much you have to pay Claire Forlani

or how much you have to pay? to expunge someone's record. Well, how much of that do you think is, like, blackmail in some way? You know what I mean? Like, we'll do this if you help us out. So there might, like, with Claire Forlani, maybe there's not a money thing. Maybe there's no transaction. But he's also killing people left and right in this movie.

There's like a car accident. There's, there's Teddy. There's other people. Everyone's, and like, he's all set up to kill Ryan Phillip. He's like, I'm sure anyone who's a billionaire has killed at least one person. You just can't, like, it's impossible to be, to get a billion dollars in this country. and not have to be directly involved with somebody's death. Donald Trump is responsible for several deaths and probably more to come.

Bill Gates, you know, everybody. They've all, they've all killed people. Just just one or two, that's the thing. You keep it to a load manageable number. But it's not like, they're not like surveillanceing them forever. It's just, you know, you know, it's someone like personal to get, or it's like a thrill-seeking type of thing. Yeah, sure.

Well, just like you get like just one little juicy, like little bit on somebody. and then you're out of there. You know, or you like that one guy has a great idea, so you kill him and you start the company. Then you got money. You don't have to kill anymore. Yeah, Mark Cuban has killed like six people. Like, not that many people.

He drops them in that shark tank. That's how people should. And then Robert Urgevich eats them. That's how people should get kicked off that show. You literally get dropped into his shark tank. Yeah, that's it. Hey, look, you want to be a millionaire? Cool.

You might die, though. There's a, there is a Bonville that does that. I can't recall which one at the moment. But, like, that's... There needs to be some kind of nefarious something or other, not we're getting Napster off the ground. So, uh, the next phase of the movie is like, Ryan Philippe goes to the Justice Department,

and also the Justice Department is in on it. We have Richard Roundtree's crooked. He's wearing a Spawn t-shirt, by the way. Who, Richard Roundtree? Oh, no, I wish. Oh, can I wear this Spong t-shirt I brought from old? Who's wearing a Spawn T-shirt? Ryan Philippine.

Oh, is he really? Yeah, it's really lame. That would have been way better. Can you imagine Richard Roundtree? He's got like a sharp pair of slacks on, a nice blazer, some polished shoes, and a spawned t-shirt. He's the cool cop. I would love it. But the way that he finds out that Roundtree is crooked is he's like going through that database of everyone's murder and molestation videos. Murder or a molestation, depending.

Speaking of which, there's a great line earlier in the film where Gary's complaining that why he's being invented. to get it's like it's not like we're strip mining or or making kitty porn yeah oh that was amazing because i was like you went right to child pornography like pretty quick pal well it turns out he's got all these molestation files so in those files it's like like some of the info was like gathered by like code name n d 47 oh right yeah yeah and then he goes to round trees to to tattle on gary and he sees like in his office there's like

he was like a Notre Dame football player or something so his number was like 47 so he's like oh my God I'm putting it together

and so that like Rich and Rantrie comes in to be like did you have something to tell me and he's like nope and like

Claire for a lot he's like hey why did you go to the Justice Department and he's like well oh, I wanted to see, check on Teddy's Killers, blah, blah, blah, blah. He enlists Rachel Lee Cook because he thinks she's one of the good guys.

Oh, right, right, right. And the way he gains her trust is really creepy. Like, she's like, he's like, oh, my God, Gary knows everything, blah, blah, blah, blah. I saw these files and she's like, that's crazy. I don't want to risk my job. And he's like, Rachel, I know what they did to you. And I know why you don't go, you won't let anyone get too close. And her answer should be, fuck you?

And, like, walk out of the movie. But instead, she's like, oh, my God, you're right. She's like, you must have seen my molestation. Why does she have a... There's no video of her getting molested. No, no. But some movies just don't need child molestation even mentioned. Sure.

One of which, being a 90s cyber thriller that was made inexplicably in the year 2001. Well, also, throwing that fact around as a recruiting tool. Like, oh, you don't want to come take down this company? well I know you got molested that's right you do want to work with me like where's the logic that's what ISIS does it's just outrageous that scene is filmed in the pouring rain

yeah and it kind of feels like they didn't think it was going to be raining that night just just go for it they're just getting totally douched for no reason in this scene it's weird so things get escalated later in the movie

my favorite scene of the movie is right if Philip he comes home. He knows the Claire Florelani's evil. And she's like, hey, honey, I found a Houdan cooking book. You know how we can't go to Chinese restaurants? Because you are allergic to sesame seeds? Well, this meal I'm cooking up, sure as hell doesn't have sesame seeds in it. Meanwhile, previously he found a bag.

By this time, he's found a bag of sesame seeds. A baggie of sesame seeds. A little baggie. For a second, I was like, oh, fuck. Dude, what is that? Is that Coke? No, because he opens a toolbox Because he's like looking for

They get invited to this fancy schmancy art show That Tim Robbins is hosting And he's looking for scissors Because he just bought this tuxedo The price tag's still on it And he's like, oh I just got to get these scissors And he opens up this toolbox And he moves it and there's like a box

It's her art supply Oh right it's not a toolbox You're right she's an artist Yeah And there's like a box with a huge marijuana leaf on it And I was like, say Claire for Lonnie. And then he opens it up and it's like a bunch of torture tweezers and this little baggie of sesame seeds. Like just in case, I guess.

Well, that's the murder weapon, dude. Right. Because also it's in his file hyperlink allergic to sesame seeds. It shows all of his medical records and like it looks like pictures of his arm like after he had eaten sesame seeds. No, it was an allergy test that he got done on it. I was going to say it looked like the gray aliens were experimented. that thing on them. That's what an allergy test kind of looks like. They put a sheet

over your arm with like holes in it and then they prick you with different allergens to see what like pops up. And do they probe your anus? Not the one I had done. I got the lower level one. I didn't go for the deluxe gold package. What's lower than anus?

But the line or the line that's like written on the thing, it just says catastrophic allergy to sesame seeds. It's that bad man. It's catastrophic. It says he might die. So he comes home and she's like, honey, I'm hooking.

And she's like, no, sesame seeds. Oh, no, she's probably going to kill me with sesame seeds. Now, my answer here is, sorry, HUD got explosive diarrhea. I'll be down for the rest of the night. You know what? Seriously, don't be afraid to pull the diarrhea card on your girlfriend. It'll end if you want to get out of something. I mean, it's going to make shit awkward for a couple of days. But if she's a double agent anyway, fuck it.

Well, you care. Yeah, exactly. You know, you don't want to be known as the boy who cried diarrhea. After a certain point, you can't keep using it. Well, listen, clearly their relationship is over. Just say, sorry, babe, explosion diarrhea, and off to bed you go to plot how you're going to bring down your girlfriend, your series of co-workers, your megalomaniacal boss. Wait, wait, wait, wait. When you have diarrhea, you go to bed? You should probably sleep it off if you can.

I mean, maybe sleeping in the tub if that's what you're getting at. I don't know. Yeah, man. Just taking that tough. You know, like the, I would say feet to the faucet there. And listen, this scene, you look, hon, sorry, you grab Jonathan Friends, it's the corrections, and you go to the turlid. And you get through that novel. Sorry, hon, it's an infinite jest kind of night in the bathroom.

I'm going to read all the footnotes. He said you did. Didn't have to, but I got time. I ain't going nowhere. What's ridiculous, though, about this scene is, like, she's cooked this Chinese food, and he's trying to see, like, he scratches his arm open with a fork and rub some of the sauce in it, and he knows that, like, it will take a minute for this thing to kick in, and he's like, oh, oh, babe, do we have any chopsticks?

Yeah, go in the kitchen and get me some chopsticks. And again, this is all, like, he's waiting, he's looking at his watch. It's like, dude, get up and go to the bathroom. also just don't even leave it to chance and he's tested it out and she's then like aren't you hungry oh let's have some right and he's like yeah a toast first and he makes this bullshit toast to like

life or the few some fucking cliche not being poison I really thought the twist of this scene was she ground up those sesame seeds into that wine oh hell yeah that would have been cool pretty cool and then like she sits on his lap and she's like sticking her finger in this fucking chicken sauce and like

sticking in his mouth and I'm like I'm sitting there my skin's crawling because it's like shit or get off the pot with this scene there's no tension I know it's not going to kill the main character with you know 30 minutes left of the movie but thank God we got some sucking there's some finger sucking

sure roasty oh man again god damn it noob man noob Zibat's the worst roommate to have Trying to get laid. He keeps running in with that toasty gag. Why does that guy think that shit's fucking funny?

He's doing it for 25 years. Do we really have to wait until the end of the semester to kick this guy out? This guy sucks. I mean, doesn't he see the tie on the door? So I left my blue mask on the doorknob. My ninja gauntlet was wrapped around the door. So at some point, at this point, she says, like, I really love you. And you realize that she, like, actually.

has feelings for him and it's amazing because she's not that bright he's like do you Rebecca and she's like yes and she's like oh shit man that's my fake name and what this movie starts doing

like right from here and it's like cry me a fucking river is like try to reposition it so she's not an evil double aging you know and like make you feel for her and like the end of the movie you know whatever all is said and done

and it's like everybody's getting arrested but her. And she's like you know Ryan Philippi not all of it was lies and he's like I know and it's like happy music and she drives off I'd be like go screw like kiss my ass get arrested

you're also implicated you're at least an accomplice to my best friend's brutal murder totally and he's in this movie like he has totally forgiven her and it's complete bullshit so the last act is really like he's got he's made he's burned some CDs with all this footage

got it of all of like the murders and stuff. Dude, there is a red hot CD burning action montage in this movie. I was at the edge of my seat. I got to say this movie made me feel a lot of nostalgia. And at the same time like, how did I ever live through this? Dude, I said the same thing last night. I was like,

the 2000s were a terrible time. A bit of a nightmare for sure. The early 2000s, man, my goodness. Worst time in history. And he's got some hard metal CD jewel cases? Dad, I never saw. You're not making the money.

Oh, this guy's making the Gary money. I wasn't making Hacker Gary money. This is N-U-R-Money. N-U-R-V. Which is their Microsoft standing. This could be a really great name for like an energy drink. Oh, yeah.

Nerve. Pound some nerve. Get your nerve up. Nerve Redwave. Now in blue wave. We got tired of just the red wave. Now it's blue. It's like code red. That's what I was going to get it.

Why are there multiple mountain dew flavors? Why do we live in that society? The idea. Because people use computers. Yeah. What? People get jacked up, man. You're not, you don't understand it, bro.

You're not a gamer, all right? You're not a gamer. It's not just gamers. It's literally anyone that eats at Taco Bell. You're not a computer guy. Computer guys get that flavor. What? Code Red?

Sure. Well, who's Baja Blast for? That I do not know. I don't need to drink turquoise soda. No, I think only Lou Bega gets Baja Blas. Sorry, that's only Mr. Bega's soda. But I'm going to talk about it's also known as a number five. Give me a number five.

There it is. I'm sorry, a what? Oh, sorry. a Mambo number five. Yeah, and I was going to list women. The creepiest thing you could do in his song. Could you put a little Jessica in my Gordita and make it fast? I have to go.

That's early 2000s, the worst, the nadir of American culture. Do you remember? That wasn't in the 90s? No, no, that was the early. Very early, if that, I remember he went on Jason Leno's show. That's what the astounding thing is, at the end of this movie, is it's a freeze frame on three smiling white guys, and you're just like, all right.

So whatever you say, antitrust. One of them works at a public access studio and he's like, all right, me and Rachel Luke Cook, who I'm sure is the good guy here, is going to come with me and we're going to play all this stuff over the, we're going to hack into his satellites. Righteous fucking public access hack, man.

Yeah, dude. This is like that dude in the early 90s or 80s that hacked into all those TV networks is Max Headroom. It's on YouTube. It's pretty fucking. Wait, wait, wait, that's a real story? Yeah, there's someone actually interrupted a broadcast.

I think it was maybe WGN or something. Uh-huh. And he was like pretending to be Max Headroom? He had the mask on and he was like, and like playing around on the camera. At one point he gets his naked ass spanked. Oh, really? Yeah. I can find this on YouTube?

You sure can. I know what I'm doing after the show. There was also another TV hack. These are my favorite hacks, by the way. I think this one was in the UK. I think it interrupted maybe. be a doctor who broadcast or something oh they'll fucking burn your house down if you do that to those people and it was a supposedly fake i think may be real um broadcast from um an alien race

the like the virillion high command oh what yeah wait so that wasn't just like a stunt for doctor who no it was like because that would seem like a nice rating sweep it would be but apparently not oh hey man hashtag future case file definitely So what do we do? We're going to, we're going to pirate this public access signal. And so Tim Burton's whole life is... Tim Burton? Tim, I wish.

I wish Tim Burton's life is at stake. No, Tim Robbins' whole livelihood is at stake. And he sends two teenagers to deal with it. Like, how do you not have fucking real Michael Clayton heavies? You know what I mean? Oh, the teenagers, yeah, they'll do stuff. But when shit really gets dark, it's these two X-CIA dudes. They know how to get shit done.

At least the bald guy from science. Feld, that guy's kind of a tough. There's these two like 17-year-old dudes running around. And that's like, it sort of gives this movie a little bit of a kid power feel. Like just a little bit. Like a teenage kid power kind of thing. So they rush the

TV station. No one's on rollerblades in this movie, which I was pretty shocked to see. Which is kind of surprising. Yeah. They rush a TV station. Rachel Lee Cook portrays him because of course she does. Sure. And oh my God, he actually has two discs, not just one. So he's running around.

there's like during this chase scene Tyler Labine's like trying to get Ryan Philippi down on the ground and Philippi like turns this corner and he's like running down this alley and then like Jason Voorhees this guy just jumps through a window and bear

hugs him and I'm like what are you getting paid to chase this guy down? What is your commitment level here? You're 21 years old running through windows my God it's crazy and he also even says weirdly it's like Enough for this Mission Impossible 3, crap, man.

Oh, yeah, which was hilarious because only one of them had come out. Was two out by this one? No, because two was like 02, wasn't it? I guess so. I think maybe the trailer came out, so he's referencing like, Oh, Brian, Philippe, you're running around. Like, oh, no, maybe it's part three. Maybe you're like the next one.

Which actually isn't Mission Impossible 3 kind of about like a global hack sort of? Isn't that what Philip Seymour Hoffman's doing in that movie? Did JJ watch this? Oh shit. Maybe. Hey, maybe. I don't know. Did someone say Mission Impossible 3 in a movie? Hyperlink antitrust.

And then he watched it. Forward slash. Yes, definitely. No backslash is here. So he's dragged back to the compound. We have a big parlor scene. We have a huge parlor scene. The cop and the other kid that you never cared about are parked in front of a

Pepsi machine. The security officer named Bob who like most of his point in this film is like, hey, you better not be coming in here without scatting your own ID. Right. They all make fun of him. Yeah. Well, I've worked

at a company like that. They all make fun of him because he's like trying to be good at his job and they're all like, look at this fucking loser. Like when that pipe bomb goes off and he's running to the building, they're all laughing at him. Yeah, what a square? It's like a school principle that has lost total

grasp of the respective students. By the way, pre-9-11 world is all I'm saying. Oh, sure. Exactly. A bomb goes off today. Look out. You're certainly not laughing at security guards. So he actually catches Ryan Phillipie leaving the daycare center with the server full of murder

and snuff films and surveillance. And job of a station stuff and a lot of bootleg signfeld episodes on there. And all the allergies in the world. Bob stops him. Bob stops him and, like, Ryan Filby's like, oh, Bob, let me tell you, these guys you're working for

are criminals to have bootleg Seinfeld episodes on here. And he's like, kid, you wouldn't believe what I would believe about these people. These people are scum. I bet they are, I bet they even got the puffy shirt episode in there. And then now Bob is on the good guy's side. Bob's on the good side. It takes less than a second for him. to turn. And he's like, it's kind of funny

because he's like, hey, is there anything I can do to help out that doesn't have anything to do with your Gizmo gadgets? And one of those two white guys is just like, well, we need a TV. And he's like, TV, got it. I can install a TV. Look at he split. And he's just walking back and forth

clapping his hands by a Pepsi machine. Pepsi. Pepsi. It's like, I want some Pringles? I got pringles in my pockets loose. No, Bob. We don't need your help, but Pepsi machine, we could use your help. It's like R2D2 and it jacks into the computer. That would be amazing.

Pepsi, you are the choice of a new generation. Thank you so much. Pepsi did not get a medal at the end of the movie, though. No. Fucked up. No, it's ridiculous. I mean, the contributions that Pepsi made to take this organization down. It's fucking discrimination.

It's a robot discrimination. So he's doing this long parlor scene, Tim Robbins is, and he's laying out all the stuff and blah, blah, blah. And he's like, and I'm going to kill you eventually. Oh, no. And he's like, right for those, like, hey, why don't you put on your television set? There's a pretty cool broadcast coming on right about now. And somehow, like, from this public access thing,

they've hacked into a satellite, and it's broadcasting on every station. We have the... They hacked into a Pepsi machine into a product machine. Right, right, right, right. They rewrot wired a Pepsi machine into broadcast. All of this stuff. We have the ubiquitous shot of Times Square where all the screens in Times Square

turn on to this broadcast. You know, some of those are just electric signs, right? Exactly. And by the way, no one's fucking looking besides like five people from Milwaukee. Yeah, none of us care. No one's paying attention. It's a closed system saying, you know, drink Coke.

Or back in the glory days, smoke bar burrows. There's no live broadcasts there. I mean, maybe for special. occasions now, but not back in 2001. But that all gets hacked, dude. So everybody is watching this thing. And it's basically like an anonymous style video where

like they're showing the footage of the dude getting murdered. It's a YouTube. It's a proto YouTube video. Yeah. Yeah. No, exactly. Like, you know, it now looks like the 2016 or the 2001 equivalent of a 2016 like conspiracy video kind of thing. Right. Yeah. It's like

murder, conspiracy. They stole this. stuff. It's like loose change being broadcast in Times Square. In a perfect world, it would be. But like everyone, like, the idea is that everyone's going to believe this? I don't believe in loose change. Why not?

Yeah. What are you hiding? Oh, shit, they got to them. But, like, it shows, like, Teddy's murder and it shows, like, the car crash that was shown on a news footage. Apparently he had some woman murdered. That's not even mentioned in the movie. Yeah, I think that was just personal.

And it goes through all this thing about how he's been stealing code and this, that, and the other thing. There's some like loop of Tim Robbins, like saying something. Yeah, that they just keep playing. I can play this stinking city like a harp from hell. Harp from hell. Harp from hell. Hell, hell, hell.

By the way, did you guys see that awesome video? That new returns? I love it. No, no, no, no. better than Batman returns. What? No, maybe not. Wait, no, is that in Burton World?

No, there's no Batman licensing to you. At the Big Fish Aquarium, there isn't a couple of penguins. Yeah, but they don't have rocket launchers on. Danny DeVito is just wandering the streets. Did you guys see the video of Danny DeVito introducing Bernie at Arras?

Yeah, it was fabulous. It's so amazing, but were you not just thinking about the penguin the entire time? When he just gets up there and he's like, hello! I wasn't invited, so I cry. Bernie Sanders comes out tied up.

I'll be honest, I would vote for Max Schreck in this day. Max Schreck came out of the Republican convention. I'd be okay with it. Oh, sure. Why not? I mean, or Harvey Dent. I'm talking about Billy D. Harvey Dent. Or Oswald Cobblepot.

He was a politician. I would, you know what? Honestly, he's better. He's better than Trump. Cobble pots got my vote, man. That guy brought a circus with him wherever he went, but it was a fucking real circus and not a racist war. I'm going to drown babies in a sewer.

Better than Trump. I'm going to eat fish raw publicly in front of everyone. At least he's honest about it. You know Trump's doing the same thing. I would eat a raw fish over a fucking well-done Trump steak. Oh, yeah. Of course. It's called sushi.

No, I would just bite into a fish. flip flapping on my plate. You're talking about how he apparently prefers well done burnt to a crisp steaks. Yeah, like a fucking maniac. Which is the only way Trump steaks are ingestable. So Tim Robbins goes down.

They're like, oh, by the way, the FBI's on their way so the lawyers come in like, oh, now what? Well, there's this thing where they're about to take the heat for it. Like he's got like Plan B, which is like all of like, they all go in, like, Rachel Lee Cook, these two lawyers and like the henchmen all go in a car. like, clear for a lot, are you getting in the getaway car? And he's like, no.

She has some line where she's like, no, I'm going to stay behind an answer for the things I've, what's the line? Oh, yeah, done. And you're just like, please let that be the last thing you're saying in this movie. You've already done enough. You've done far too much. To be way terrible in this movie. But so then the lawyers come in and he start, Tim Robbins starts like dictating some like statement that he wants to release, blah, blah, blah.

Vampires, this and that. Vampires. Talking about vampires. Watching vampires. Is that my code in there? Speaking of molested. Well, see, that's the thing. The whole movie, the twist is he wasn't actually a nefarious businessman. He had actually just killed a pervert three days prior,

but he was acting like a nefarious businessman and didn't get it. It was because he was so afraid about the pervert that he killed three days prior. Oh, also in that broadcast, they released. the code for oh right now it's open source and he's got some line about like oh yeah dude like knowledge for the people for the people of the world

it also doesn't make any sense because you need the use of satellites which are proprietary to use it yeah you can't just like all these satellites we need the people's satellite oh okay we'll get to it you get Elon Musk on that too yeah launch a couple of people's

satellites up there I mean so the end of the movie is like Claire Forlani like drops him off at his old garage and she's like Hey you know it wasn't all fake and he's like I know It should just be a swift And firm go fuck yourself

Yeah like by the way you also kind of killed my friend Yeah remember Ronnie or whatever His name was Teddy Teddy he's dead He should just kill her That'd be a good ending She should just go to jail with the rest of him Like that's the thing is like maybe they find her body parts Along the interstate

But she does she is responsible For him getting away So she does kind of help about it. But that's what, I mean, that's what it's, it's just really annoying about this movie is like, you got one, she's a dabbo. And then Rachel Lee Cook, she's another double. Like, just pick one. I thought it was going to be at the end of the movie, Rachel Lee Cook, she was just lying about being a double. You know, she's a trippo.

You know, and she was going to turn. But that treasure. Can I tell you, and I tweeted about it a little bit, Ray Winstone is playing King Saul on fucking. of gods and prophets or of kings and prophets. I don't know anything what you said beyond Ray Winstone. He's playing King David's father, the king of Israel. Is that supposed to mean something to me? It's in the Bible.

I know we talk about the Bible too much. But is that a, yeah, we do. We got complaints recently that we were too religious apparently. What the fuck is that person talking about? But no, it's just like, because it's the idea that anything old has to be by British people. No matter what race or nationality You're not going to hire Jewish people to be Jewish on TV You're going to get Ray Winstone to be like

I'm going to unite old 12 trams of Israel on two Also probably not a white guy Yeah exactly British or not So is he a double Is he working for the Egyptians or something I was just lying about being a double Moses It's amazing

Because he's like kind of a crooked king He's like Oh le treas It's like, oh, he's doing it! Always doing it again. The treasure. Go, Mozy. Just go, Mosey.

Show I'm working with Goliath now. Wait a second. What is this show? It's a movie? It's an ABC miniseries about the story of King David. It's like, great God Almighty. Well, he got the time for that. It's all sexy Games of Thrones.

He gets a blowjob in the first time. Are you kidding me? I'm not kidding you. Oh, happy Easter. he does he's like it's like some like sultry lady is like yeah some sultry lady's like you could have all the gold you want it's like oh that's right oh it's so fucking hot and like her her head on ABC goes below frame and he goes eh and then like you want some treasure how about these family jewels now you uh know what this

Bible drama is missing some hot fellatio get filming why and on ABC by the world oh go easy that don't crucify yourself on that Walt Disney's rolling over in his cryogenic grave

that doesn't even belong at Burton World Burton World now with a hundred percent less blow jobs boeh ha ha ha ha I think Stephen Wright is hosted Burton World maybe. And Stephen Wright as Tim Burton. Well, no, yeah, because it's like...

I'm his understudy. Yeah, he's not showing up to rehearsal. Tim couldn't be here today or any day. I have to open Alice in Wonderland. I am Tim Burton today. I'm cutting the ribbon on Allison Wonderland. I'm wearing a baggie. black suit in striped socks

can't you tell I'm Tim Burton please remember to tip your Johnny Depps oh man so the movie's over I mean the movie's done been over for a while

an army of press show up to this garage and uh this is where they get their famous picture together the two undistinguishable white guys and Ryan Phillip and why would you end

a cyber thriller on a fucking freeze frame maybe the computer broke oh shit was this whole movie in animated jiff man oh fuck it's so dumb and they're just smiling like it's a high school graduation photo

people are dead Teddy is dead may I remind you there's someone who's not smiling in that freeze frame because he was beating a death with a baseball bat freeze frame and wait you know what bothers me about this ending you ever clear sod

everything but also I don't think we get to see the Aryan brothers get exonerated I don't think so those dudes are rotten in jail man oh come on now this is the problem with the prison industrial complex let those boys out

you didn't do anything oh good God yeah and then it's just Art Alexakis just singing into our hearts for the rest of the credits. And it's like not a well-known song. It was, it's not one of the ever-clear singles, no. You know what the original title of this movie was, which is such a better title? Sesame Seeds.

The Sesame Seed Killer. Conspiracy.com. Man, we had, in the early aughts, we needed to cool it with the fucking dot-com movie titles. I love the idea of like, somebody was like, we'll call it conspiracy.com. And I was like, that's going to age terribly. more ever clear please meanwhile antitrust is a great great title you know what was shocking

actually was totally shocking at the start of the movie you get like a news footage thing and it's like Tim Robbins being investigated for antitrust blah blah blah and I was like jupping you got it from the first one and I started keeping a tally in my notes

of how many times they say antitrust in this movie do you know how many times they say it 217 take a guess is to how How many times they say antitrust? 217. Eight. One time. Really?

I was so surprised. One time in this movie they say antitrust. That's it. Wow. That's it. Shockingly, that's it. Wow. This movie you think they'd be antitrust and all over the place.

You'd think so. How many times do they say conspiracy? You know, the thing is that title is they couldn't, they, is like someone who owned the URL where's asking for the sky. Oh, yeah, nice. Probably, yeah. I guess Fear.com was a very much. well, though.

Fear.com.com. Would anybody recommend this movie? No. No. No, I would not. I did not like this movie. I'm Claire Phelani. I would recommend of kings and prophets.

No, you wouldn't. For that sweet beege anyway. That Winstonian-style beege. You're yammering on about. How wet we talk? Well, it was, I guess it was the desert. It might have been dry.

Yeah, no. I mean, the next episode, I believe... Some beastiality in there? What's going on now? Ep 2. Ben Kingsley plays God and he tries to come over where he Winston's house. He's like, oh, no, we won't leave.

He plays God? No, no, I'm kidding. Oh, my God, that would be amazing. The sexy beast joke. Yeah, that's what I was just connecting the dots to. Yeah, it would be great, though, if Ben Kingsley played God, I'd buy that. Trying to leave that TV show

getting on a plane and flipping out because he can't see. I also would not recommend this movie It's not even a hangover movie It's just a who cares movie Yeah, no, no thank you There was a split second where I thought I saw this movie in theaters But I think I just remembered seeing the trailer a lot

I feel like they were trying to get in front of this movie Yeah I did not see this until last night Yeah, so that's you know But the next week's movie I saw in theaters Oh shit well that for now is antitrust from 2001, directed by Peter Howitt. Thanks again to Jenny for calling in all the way from Knoxville, Tennessee.

If you want to get a hold of us, check out our website, wh-hmpodcast.com, or find us over at sideshownetwork.tv.com.com.com. Like us on Facebook.com slash we hate movies. And follow us on Twitter. That's at WHM podcast. Right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. Yes. And could I make a quick plug? Oh, please. Please plug away. Plug it up. Well, speaking of future case files, Blame it Outer Space, side podcast. I do on the conspiracies and the paranormal, which is back here and there.

Yeah. Here and there. Well, Andrew, you were on the show. I think this or next week. Oh, there you go. Check your local listings, Blamed it on Outerspace.com. Very, very good. Rate review.

What? What? No, no, no. You had something else? Well, it's about the goat. Oh, the goat man. Also known as the Pope Lick monster. Pope Lick.

And we also talk about if aliens are dead or not. Oh, I remember talking about that. When was this film? We recorded this one. Oh, wow. Pre-9-11. See, yeah, you'd have to listen to it with a different

different ear, I guess. Yes. Keep that in mind. You'd have to listen to it on your Roxyo MP3 player. Winamp. Oh, yeah, please check out the We Hate Movies, Winampskin. We're selling it for $2.99. That's an outrageous price for a Winam skin.

Holy shit. Well, no, I mean, I guess you'd probably get like a dozen or something. It would be a Winampskin pack. Yeah. There's a BIOS one in there. God, didn't the early 2000 suck? Oh, my God, Winampskins, and you cared about them. I think that's why we spent it drunk the entire time.

No, that's very true. rate and review the show in iTunes or wherever you get it we would greatly appreciate it. Now, next week, it's the final week of the 2016 listener request month and the episode, yeah. Oh, man. Some of these movies, woof.

Speaking of woof, Dungeons and Dragons. So you got Jeremy Hirons in this movie. I believe Marlon Wayans. Is it a London brother in this? Speaking of Allrats. You might be right. I think he's playing Stanis Barathe. And just so

Because I haven't seen it So before You know I never see this one Before I just walk into the electric fence That is Dungeon and Dragons No Claire Forlani around right Not to my own

Because I can really only take Claire Forlani Like once twice a year tops There's so There's some early Oth's going on there I don't remember it exactly We'll get into it next week Oh man I'm not looking forward to watching

Dungeon and Dragons Nope Thanks to Jenny for calling in antitrust, which we had a lot of fun with. I already thanked her, but it's fine that you already thanked her, too. Wait, now, do I have to think you got to thank Jenny. Thank you, Jenny. Until next week with Dungeons and Dragons. I'm Andrew Chupin.

Stephen Siddharicke. Eric Sisker. Take it easy. Thank you.