We Hate Movies - S6 Ep243: Episode 243 - Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Episode Date: March 29, 2016

This is a WHM Emergency Broadcast! The 10 Year Rule is torn asunder this week as the guys cut into the schedule to record a lengthy rant on Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice! Why is Batman shooting so many people in the face? How did Superman botch that Congress job? And whoever thought urine would be such a major plot point in a superhero movie? PLUS: Nick Nolte as Grandpa Sajdak in A Steve Sajdak Thanksgiving. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice stars Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Gal Godot, Amy Adams, Jesse Eisenberg, Diane Lane, Laurence Fishburne, Jeremy Irons, Holly Hunter, and Scoot McNairy; directed by Zack Snyder.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Now this is a very important episode of We Hate Movies. This is some emergency programming. Let's get right into it. It's Batman v. Superman, Colin Dawn of Justice. My God, I'm Winded. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. And we hate movies.

Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network. Thank you for tuning in to what is an emergency broadcast. This is no joke. We are fresh from the theater. Well, we stopped off to get a bite to eat. But we're sort of fresh from the theater. Having seen Batman v. Superman, Colin Dawn of Justice from 2016, directed by Cinema. criminal, Zach Snyder.

Apologies to 10-year purists. Apologies to Listener Request Month, purists. Listener Request Month will be finished next week. That's correct. You will get the Dungeons and Dragons episode next week, but we had to get in here. We had to try to write what once went wrong and possibly prevent some people from spending harder and money. Now, I will say, it's okay to like a movie because I know I could see, I could see the kids coming

out. Sure. Coming out of their houses right now with the pitchforks and the knives. Well, you know, I would, I usually agree with you, Eric. I think it's not okay to like this movie. I think that there's a moral obligation to not like this movie. We need to rally in the streets. Just before

we get into it, I think we should just say spoiler alert on the whole movie. Yeah, we're talking about it. There's going to be no vague conversation here. We're talking about this movie. So, yeah, if you give a shit about it, go see it first and then come back and listen. Or maybe a better idea.

Don't give a shit. And just listen to the show. Listen to the we hate movies version of a Batman v. Superman, Colin Dawn of Justice. Oh, okay. Where to begin? Honestly, where to begin. And I think, Steve, to your point about, you know, this is like, you know, it's a bastardization of all you hold dear.

Like, if you're a fan of these characters, it's a this ain't yo mama's Batman v. Superman in the worst possible way. This ain't your mama's what you used to like. You know what I mean? Actually, I'm a D.C. guy. I like all comic books, but more, through and through, always like DC comics better. I've, you know, I love the old Superman movies or some of them. I love the old Batman movies or some of them. I love, you know, and I love all that stuff.

Yeah. But I, and I tried to remain neutrally. I gave this movie so many chances. The reviews came out on Friday. They were terrible. And I was like, oh, that sounds exactly like I don't want to see. And then like, we watched 20 minutes of this movie. I'm like, maybe it's, and then it just falls off a real big cliff.

A big, big, big, big cliff. And yeah, you know, and I saw some chatter to, you know, online that was like, you're just going into it, wanting to hate it. It's like, no, man, listen, I love Superman. I love Batman. I wanted this to be something. But it is quite clearly not anything. It's not anything for no one. Well, let's talk about some of the good things first thing.

Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I honestly, I was surprised. I actually liked Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne and Batman and Jeremy Irons, I thought, did a fine job. Yeah, like, the whole movie, I'm like, I just want to see that movie. Like, let's make a movie with them. Do it, here's the thing. Do it with a classy villain. Get a riddler in there.

Sure. Some dude doing a nice, classy riddler or like a not gross Oswald Cobblepot, maybe. And you got yourself a classy-ass Batman man. Oswald Cobblepot, you'd be okay to take home to mom kind of a thing? Yeah, exactly. Not one that's just munching fish in the back of a taxi. Yeah, like somebody with a large nose with a pension for birds.

Sure, why not? Actually, yeah, large nose would be like a classy actor. Dude, cast Adrian Brody. Oh, yeah, and then he gains like 600 pounds for the roll. Sure, he'd do it. I would love to see a fat Adrian Brody. With that alone.

Like, Affleck is, he's good as Bruce Wayne. do, like you've seen from the trailers. It's an older Bruce Wayne. I think they make some remark that he's been Batman for, is it, 20 years? Is that what they do? 20 on years here, Bruce. But that's what's bizarre. I don't know what year this movie is supposed to take place in because you see on the Wayne's headstones that they were murdered in this world of the movie in 1981. Oh, wow. I didn't notice that. Yeah. And it's, you know, because heaven forbid, we get a Batman movie without seeing the murder of his parents. It's literally the first thing you see in this movie.

Can't you just start the movie as him as Batman and just not address it? Everybody knows. Everyone knows. I don't need to see the Wains die ever again. I don't need to see Uncle Ben die in those Spider-Man movies. I just don't. I know what happens.

Yep. Just understand that you've made this movie 14 times and just cut that piece out. Also, look at how the comics do it. Like, you'll pick up a random comic. It's not going to, each single one is not going to have the Wains be murdered or previously on Batman. Yeah.

And it's like the pearls page. It's just a page dedicated to her pearls going all over the place. Can we talk about those pearls for a hot second? Please. So because this is a Zach Snyder movie, everything needs to be like slow motion and fetishized and fuckable, right? And so like even the murder of Bruce Wayne's parents are fuckable in this movie. It is. You could fuck this murder scene.

And it's just like, like, you know, they're coming out of the movies this time. They just went and saw Excalibur or something. Why did they see Excalibur of all movies? That's a bad, that's not the movie you want to go out on. No, yeah, talking about bad last movies before you die. Stealth and Excaliver. And Batman v. Superman. I hope you make it.

If you do happen to see it, I hope you make it to watch anything else before you can. Seriously. But so they're murdered outside of a movie theater. And by the way, we did have to see this in the 3D. Thanks for nothing with this 3D. Well, speaking of a fuckable, you get that gun coming right in your face. Dude, it's a gun that's going to blow. off right in your face.

You got, like, the, the murderer, like, takes the gun and puts it, like, up under her pearls. And then yanks it after she gets shot in her pretty face. And these 3D pearls are flying at my eyeballs, man. It's the shot in the, like, everybody knows Martha Wayne dies. And it's a real, the wanes get it. They always get it. It's always, you usually see Bruce's eyes go, oh, no. Or you see, like, maybe you get a nice aerial shot.

Like, the idea that this gun has to be in a fucking face. It's like you're picturing bits of teeth flying across the street. And it's like, you know what, just classily kill them. It's bad enough they weren't coming from the opera or the theater. They're seeing fucking Excalibur or whatever. Is John Travolta? Oh, no, I shot Martha Wayne in the face. Martha Wayne, as played by Phil Lamar.

That is an interesting. That's how you diversify this. cast. Yeah, that's true. I would not mind that. That would be interesting. And Phil Lamar as Dame Martha Wayne. Another weird image we get. Did you say Dame? Oh, they could.

They're Gotham royalty. That's true. When we get Batman, little Bruce Wayne, where he gets levitated by the bats, like what in the... Here's the thing. Yeah. Batman and Magic don't mix. And in this movie, you're mixing a little magic

with your Batman. The beginning, when he's got The bat swirl around him in the classic scene When he falls down the cave And he levitates Because here's what that is, Steve. Like David Blaine. I did think he was about to go sit in a cube In front of a performance theater for a week.

Whoa, Matt, what magic. But what it is, and it's because there's so much blink and you miss it Garbage Dialogue in this movie, it cuts to a voiceover of Ben Affleck saying like, and in the dream they raise me up towards the light. So what you're seeing is like a flashback that turns into a dream, but

nobody fucking knows it because this movie's terrible. Yep, big size all around. The dream stuff, like, if this was just an out and out regular, shmegular, superheroes clobber in each other movie, it's a D-minus. The dream sequences and flash forwards

and whatever else happens makes it an F-minus, like in a big positive way. It is ridiculous. Speaking of one of those dreams early on, Ben Affleck's like snooze at the console, man. And a long day of hack and whatever. And then he has this nightmare, bro, right? And it's just like this giant, like black bat pig monster that's eating him.

Yeah. And he wakes up. And it reminded me a little bit in the Nolan movies how he had the serum sprayed in his face that causes those types of visions. Right. So that was like contained to a reason. I think that it's doomsday that he sees. Is that what it is? I think he has like a premonition, like a weird like.

Is that just not? I thought that was just a regular Batman dream. Are we talking about when Batman's like in Afghanistan or North Africa or wherever we're supposed to say? I'm going to earmark that for that's a big conversation. But this is the dream where he's in his mother's mausoleum and like black ooze starts pouring out of her name.

Oh, right, right, right. It's kind of a jump scare in the middle of a Batman movie? It's a horror movie trip, you're totally right. It's insane and it's just this giant monster chomping on him and it's just and I guess you're right, it is doomsday. But I thought it was just what he thought bats were. Like, oh, my God, it's a big weird bat. Never saw that kind before.

Alfred, document this. It's a new bat species. All right, master Wayne, glug. I love alcoholic Alfred. Jeremy Irons is a lot of fun in this movie. Alcoholic mechanic jumpsuit, very a fete, Alfred. It's awesome. Jeremy Irons is awesome in this movie.

And he's got jack-all shit to do. There's nothing. It's him. you see him tinkering with shit and then like talking to ben affleck through a radio that's it's it's like metal gear solid it's like i don't know snake do you want to go down there all right bruce you're going to go right and then you're going to find a staircase go down the staircase bruce do you know you can archive your inventory by using the triangle button bruce we need to get your XP points up now go over here and chop some wood for a little bit you played metal gear solid right eric

do you chop do you chop wood in it no i think i i think i i play I think I was, what was the, was that on PS1 originally? Yeah, it was PS1 originally. That's, I played that game and nothing else. Yeah, that's what I couldn't tell you. Well, I just always loved when you died in that game and the people you were talking to, they were like, no, Snake! Like, every time you die.

Sorry. Every time you dies, I'm like, oh, no, Snake! Snake? Snake! Snake! Well, you know, they're very concerned for Snake. He's the hero. We could, I mean, I do think that you have Batman and Jeremy Irons are, Batman and Jeremy Irons

who are good friends Bruce Wayne and best friends with the bat The fact that we don't say Batman in this movie It's this like new Is no one saying Batman? Did I just miss that?

He's the bat of Gotham man He's the bat What about the bat? Bag of Farts It's like supposedly cooler I guess I don't know I think this movie title Should have been

Badman versus stupid man Bravo But you have to airlift them out of this movie because what they have to say and do in this movie makes them not good. Yeah.

They're not good. It's not like, oh man, there's this good Batman movie wrapped up in this shitty Superman movie. No, incorrect. That's the thing.

And I rewatched Man of Steel two nights ago in preparation for seeing this movie today. And I remember when I saw the movie in the theater, I was like, this is like a C-minus. My wife was like, well, that's grounds for divorce

because you're an idiot. I thought I was like kind of okay with it, but I wasn't like, this is great. No, yeah. I was the same, yeah. I rewatched it and, you know, like everything. Like, I am an idiot and my wife was right. Like, that movie's bad. It's a bad movie because it's bastardizing Superman.

Like, there's a poison in this movie world. Yeah. And it kills me watching this movie because that poison is now seeping into Batman. You know what I mean? And, like, let's get into it. Batman murders people in this movie. A lot of people. Just gleefully.

Ding-dong killing people. Excuse me, we hate movies, guys, but Michael Keaton murdered people. Not with guns, dude. Batman is straight up killing people with guns in this movie. And to be fair, it's a point of attention for me.

Christian Bales Batman does kill Raz Al-Guli at the end of that movie. That whole, I don't have to save you. Andrew, when I eventually cut the brakes on your car, I'll go to jail for murder because that's what... When I put you in a death trap that has no way out. It's not like, well, hey man, I don't

got to save you. I just cut the brakes on this train. Some people might argue that Razel Gould is the one who set up that train disaster. Although, I agree with you, he should have taken him out of there and just you know, for everyone, prison is a bigger punishment than deathness. That's actually the weird part about this movie. So

some of the Batman stuff you see him, like the first thing you see and also, here's something. Why can't we just have a good old fashioned jewel heist anymore? Whatever happened to that? The old days, you know, the penguins got, oh, the big diamonds coming into Gotham. Exactly. Why are the stakes always 75

9-11s at once instead of just something... A jewel heist? How about knocking over a nice quaint savings and loan? Yeah, or... The microfilm. Oh, my God, the microfilm that has the blue plurants for the bombs.

And here's what's amazing, though. You know, there is one of those in this movie. Yeah. Wonder Woman is just going after Lex Luthor? Because he's got a photo of her from 1914 or whatever it is. Like, and she's trying to cover up that she's Wonder Woman. That's like a classic golden age. Well, I got to find this photo.

You know, that's awesome. But meanwhile, 75-9-11. Or there's sex slavery in this movie. There's like human trafficking. That's the first Batman mission. Because it's dark and gritty, bro. Oh, it's super bro, grow, bro. Yeah, bro.

We got to get some slaves. These cops go into this house in Gotham, and I'm like, oh, it looks like a crack house. Maybe it's like some drug running or something. Drug running's fine. In the grand scheme of 75-9-11s, drug running, totally fine. I'm okay with that. You walk into this basement, there's just sex prisoners, and everyone's screaming that the devil's here. And I'm like, what the fuck?

Now, you know, okay, you want to make an argument about the movie. We don't actually see them be sexed. Yeah. Maybe it's a sweatshop, we don't know, but it's, they're all female, they're all huddled and crying. I was going to say damp, but that might be the tears. That might be a tear. No, you're right. There are like a little bit.

It's weird. A little worse for wear, really. It's like a leaky basement. There's foundation issues in this house. I spotted them. Maybe there's going to be a kidnapping, a prized opera singer is coming into Gotham and, uh-oh, the Riddler's going to get that guy. held him for ransom maybe. Sounds like the fifth element.

You know what? Hijack a dirigible. Don't crash it into a building. Just hijack it. Maybe take it to an island. Maybe a bank or train robbery. That'd be fun. Oh, sure.

Knock off the 815 from Gotham to Metropolis. So Batman, what he does, though, in this movie, and it's actually more, we will get into direct murder as well, but he does this thing where he brands a bat on, like, that he really hates. Yeah. And when they go to jail, that's a sign that they have to be killed. So he's setting up this bizarre mercantile system with like lifers, I guess.

How does that even work? Is it just like, why would someone in prison want to immediately kill a new inmate that had been sent there by Batman? Most of them were probably sent there by Batman. That's what I understand. Who's the guy on the inside? Like, did Batman flip killer crock? And he's like, when you see these guys, bite their throat out. Then I need a scene of him going down there.

Like, I feel like I got this visitor's form. I want to see Killer Crap. I brought him a cake. There's no iron in it. I just need him to do a job. Got him all these precious reptile eggs. I don't know what he's going to do. So also at the beginning of this movie, this is kind of a, previously, on Superman.

Yeah. Like you see. the final fucking hour long fight scene from Man of Steel you see that from like Bruce Wayne's perspective, right? And he's like he lands in Metropolis

and he's driving to Wayne Tower like through all this 9-11 shit. Well because apparently by the way geographically like I guess in New York terms we're talking like Manhattan and Hoboken are Gotham and New York

and Gotham and Metropolis. Right next to each other for some unknown reason. They're sharing like a tiny bay. Like, Steve, has that ever geographically been accurate from the comics? There is some stuff. It's always kind of springfieldy to me.

Like, I don't know wherever. There's no accurate map of the DC world. I don't know where Keystone City is. I know Coast City's all the way on the west side. I thought Keystone City is supposed to be like Kansas City. Yeah, I think it's somewhere in the middle there. Well, there's the great line in Batman Forever when Val Kilmer's like, the circus has to be

halfway to Metropolis by now. And that's all the that's all the the uh mixing i'll allow yes exactly the so but yeah that that first scene so it's it's bruce wayne trying like he's oh my god i got to do something because these monsters are tearing up by my right this the city next door well and so he's driving through the streets and jeep commercial jeep commercial jeep commercial totally and it's a weird like he calls some office manager at wayne tower and he's like jack jack jack you got to get him out of And then this old bastard is like, all right, you're a boss. And turns around and he's like, hey, everybody, the boss said we got to go.

We can leave now. And I'm like, were they sitting around in this high rise waiting for Bruce Wayne to give the okay to evacuate? They see like a UFO glowing red outside. And all the buildings next to them are due dominoes. And they're like, oh, well, I got these expense reports. They're due next week. You know, we've been working really hard. Lucius Fox is just sitting in front of an adding machine.

Like, no, no, Mr. Wayne said nothing about this. Oh, you know what it is? It's kind of like that bullshit thing that some offices do when it's like snowing. And it's like, well, you know what? We're not going to close the office. If you can come in, that's fine. But if you can possibly make it in, try to get in. If you feel like it's unsafe for you to try.

Like, they put it on you, man, that's horseshit. If you feel like the alien invasion outside makes it unsafe for you to get home or that your trains won't be running, you're totally free to leave but the offices will remain open you know what you get also like as there's a shot of bruce wayne like running down a street in metropolis and it's like it's the big it's the big final set piece and there's the big alien whatever the shit goes on at the end of man of steel and you see the chris maloney richard shift suicide bombing like you see that helicopter crash into it again totally forgot either than we're in that movie oh yeah and chris maloney's got some horse shit line at the end where he's just like uh like a brave death is a death you can be proud of or something like that is he wharf it's he kind of pulls a wharf at the end he's eating a bowl full of worms yeah that whole sequence at the end of that movie is like chris maloney's fighting the the other chick from zad's army yeah and then like richard shift puts the little Lego piece back in the thing and activates the who gives his shit and then he just turns the rudder towards the spaceship and kills them all but so this guy jack

everyone else is leaving everybody else everybody else cuts out early bruce wayne has great cell reception in the middle of this disaster he's like all right jack you're still there why are he still there jack jack got to go and then like the building collapses and then it's like no jack he's just yelling for jack and this guy this guy is like a little prayer like this like our father like it's not like our father but it's almost that it's just a made up one and i was like what you couldn't get the fucking copyright for the Lord's prayer. I'm not paying the Catholics for this shit. Not giving the

vatty can one cent. But like, who could care? And then he pulls this guy's legs out from under a beam because now we're on the ground in 9-11. Pretty much. That's what you want. So if you're wondering, I guess Batman has

about 10, 15 years before he's has those respiratory issues that kill him. Pretty much, right? Yeah. And, you know, the city he lives in won't give him any fucking funding for health care. Congress, yeah, defunds it. Until a former late night talk show host goes and

shames them into doing it. There's, well, so that guy that he saves, by the way, is actor Scoot McNary from Houghton Catch Fire. He's in a bunch of stuff. He's a great actor. He's great in a... Horton Catch Fire. So he's got like a beam and he's yelling like, I can't feel my legs

and like, you know, Bruce Wayne saves him. Like, it's... So it's Scoot McNary and you're like, okay, well, he's something later, I guess. And so we cut 18 months later and I get now we're in Africa. Lois Lane's on a story

with some sort of warlord guy. She got an interview. It's kind of like the beginning of the insider. It's a little bit of the beginning of the insider. Just a little bit. Yeah. You know, that investigative journalism thing and she's just working on this story and it turns out there's

some mercenaries there that aren't working for this warlord. And there's this other photographer guy that's part of the CIA I guess. Yeah, they like break his camera and there's a tracking device. And then he gets shot in the face. And it's a whole thing because it's like, you know, of course

Superman's going to come and save her. You know, so like Superman comes in, takes this dude out, but a bunch of innocent people get killed. This is a big point of contention for the United States, I guess. This is also like a big like, huh? Maybe this will matter later because a bunch of the

security detail for like seemingly the warlord turns on some of the people there and starts shooting them. Yeah, they just murder all these people and you're like, oh, that's kind of strange. And then Superman is up tackling this dude that has her hostage.

The interviewee, I guess, the warlord takes her for a human shield. And I don't understand how many other people died like, oh my God, so many people died in this like thing. That's what doesn't make any sense. It's like Congress is up in arms about this event that happens.

and it's like, why don't you just pissed off at Superman about all the Metropolis shit from the last movie? That would be the problem, right? That's what I thought it was going to be because, like, the trailer is like, oh, there's a God on Earth and we can't control it and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, so they're pissed off about that thing from the last movie.

No, no, no, no, no, they're totally fine with that. Well, no, they're sort of pissed about that. Kind of, but they're more pissed about this event in Africa with a warlord. I think it's just the latest thing. You know what I mean? Yeah, it was on two strikes now. Come on Africa, too. Yeah, there's Benghazi.

you know, which brings us to Holly Hunter who's how there Senator Fidge who's kind of running it's like a Democrat from Kentucky or a Dixiecrat

I'm a junior senator from Kentucky she's running the Superman hearings I guess which is something I'd love to go to oh sure the Superman hearings if you couldn't get tickets that's a transcript worth reading

I guess that's her thing I want to legislate Superman. I want a little oversight, Superman. I want to know what he's doing, how he's doing it, and where's that budget going to come from? Who's going to pay for them capes? Kentucky's not paying for them capes,

not a cent from Kentucky, Superman. Not one red cent, y'all. It'd be great if they could, like, cut off coverage, and now it's like, Superman can't operate in Kentucky. Oh, nice. He's just flying up to state lines. I'm like, sorry.

Burn to death, little girl. Sorry. You're in Kentucky. Matalo runs Kentucky now. Sorry. Oh, looks like Brainiac just took West Virginia. That's it. States rights.

Bye-bye. So whatever. I mean, like, so she's, this is when Lex Luthor kind of gets introduced. Am I right? Like, yeah, yeah. We can get into Lex Luthor and Jesse Eisenberg is just chomping on this. And I really like Jesse Eisenberg. I do too.

I think he's a really great actor. I think he's an interesting guy. Yeah. This is just bad. It's just bad. I think the funny thing is the movie kind of needs it. As bad as this movie is, everyone is growling at each other for two and a half hours. Yeah.

It's a little bit of a manic presence that does at least like put some ice in the fucking whiskey. But it's like, yeah, but it's like misplaced levity though. Sure. I mean. Like, because there's no. in this movie other than him like there's a couple jokes here and there that someone an hour in like lois makes a joke about flying coach i'm like fucking thank god yeah totally airline jokes yeah thanks you stole a bit from jerry seinfeld in 1992 thanks for putting that in this movie

i mean you have that there's a really great bit of batman going oh shit which is a nice one but that's all like too little too late and you got lex luther who it's like It's not a hackman and, you know, Paul Dooley's situation. Not Paul Dooley. Otis, who is played by Ned Beatty. Ned Beatty, who's kind of like a Paul Dooley character actor. But yeah, Ned Beatty. There's, you know, like...

That's comedy. That's comedy. And that's fine because, like, in those movies, it's a way lighter everything else. Yeah, sure. And this is Jesse Eisenberg, I guess, auditioning to maybe play the Joker someday. But everything else is just, like, dark and grim and fuck all. and he's just tap dancing around this movie. And he's just like doing like a culture and societies in the Westpaper the entire time.

Just reading it out and verbatim about like Greek culture and Prometheus and all sorts of gods and who's a god and who's not a god and blah, blah. The themes on this movie are worn on everyone's sleeves. Like everyone just talks about what the movie's about all the time. Yeah, it's a, well, it's a Zach Snyder movie, so it's not exactly subtle. uh yeah but so like he is i mean they don't actually what's annoying is they don't establish him to be like the genius we know lex luther to be yeah and you're right when you said a cultural society in the west paper because it's kind of just like he's like a college freshman who comes home for winter break yeah so he's got one semester under his belt and he's just spitting out all this

cool shit he learned at college yeah college boy and you're just like yeah i get it dude we're all fucking impressed. You took an intro to philosophy class. And I mean, his thing is like, Cryptonite gets introduced in this movie because it's not in the last one. Did I make that up? It is not in the last movie.

Okay, so Cryptonite's introduced. We all know what Cryptonite is. Everyone learns what Cryptonite is again, which is fine. It's not fine, though. It's so not fine. You're right, because people learn in kindergarten these days, right? Or pre-K.

Like, they sit down the kids. It's like, all right, well, if you ever see a Superman movie, you might need to know this. But I was actually thinking about it. watching the movie, though. Like, kryptonite is a thing that has permeated our culture, right?

It's like, oh my God, Twinkies, that's my kryptonite. You know what I mean? Like, we use it in passing in that way. Yeah, everyone knows what Cryptonite is, but keep Cryptonite out of the classrooms, please. If you don't want, I don't want, my little girl is not going to learn about

kryptonite from some preschool teacher. I'm working to get that out of the textbooks in Kentucky. Listen, listen, in Kentucky, we're going to learn two. There ain't no such thing as kryptonot And slaves were actually just black Helpers

Evolution's bow hockey too Oh big time You know I voted for Holly Hunter For our anti-Superman legislature And then all this All this creationism keeps creeping in Taking the word slave out of a text Superman's not a god

Real gods in the sky There's only one lord thou god He's up in heaven Why is our Holly Hunter Superman's never been to heaven Don't tell me That's a great actress For some reason

She has a repulsive impression on this show So apologies to Holly Hunter And all the Holly Hunter heads out there too I know you're listening The Hunter maniacs Get it right I mean it's kind of just I mean it's literally Gary Jussie

It's all fun There's the thing is like in this movie And I think she is a great actress. But in this movie, it really weirdly works for this specific movie because she's playing a senator from Kentucky and she's doing a weird accent. Yeah, she is doing a weird.

So she goes to, like, she meets Lux Luther once. They find out what Cryptonite is and, like, he's trying to sell them on getting government access to the spaceship that crash landed from the first movie, Zod's corpse. And this is part of the first 20 minutes

where I'm like, oh, is this kind of a good movie? Because, like, he has a speech about a silver bullet and like, you know, we need a silver bullet. But not to kill Superman just to keep him in line. So he knows. And I'm like, oh, that's kind of cool. He's kind of like playing both sides a little bit.

Right. As you'd expect a well-written Lex Luter to do. And since you said, like, oh, maybe this is a good movie. We went into this just to reiterate. We were going to do an on-screen episode. Correct. We did not, like, know it would be as bad as it was when we read the reviews. But you heard the rest of the top of the show.

And we're going to get there because it's about to happen. So, like, she goes to Lex Lither's house, which is my. One of my favorite scenes of the top two. The other one is a direct result of this scene because she goes there and like, you know, she's basically telling him like, hey, we're not going to give you this access or I'm not going to vote for it and blah, blah, blah.

She's vetoing it. And she's also like throwing it back in his face because she's like, you're not going to get that access that you were asking for because I couldn't trust you as far I can fucking throw you. And she's like, don't tell me that,

don't tell me a piss is Granny's peach tea, all right? Because I ain't going to drink it. That's for one goddamn. thing and that's like almost a direct quote that was almost a sound bite from the movie so put that in your back pocket also that seems weird because like

he's trying to have sex with her a little bit the way Eisenberg is playing it is he's kind to try to get an angle on the situation and I'm like dude not in this movie man come on now you need to help taking my bra off is this your first time Lex

Oh, man. Yeah. Never know. You do never know. I mean, who's fucking a Lex Luthor looking Jesse Eisenberg? This is Zach Snyder joint who did a movie famously that was just a bunch of schoolgirls getting booped off screen, right? Yep. Pretty much.

Mostly by Oscar Isaac and that fat guy. Look up our sucker punchmentary, a sinkable commentary track. We recorded. and sold on the internet that's still selling on the internet still there so the one thing in the first movie that my big bummer was in man of steel in man of steel i was like oh man i was like oh man i one of the things i don't like about it was there was no daily planet and there is no because that's a big part of the superman mythos that i love it's barely a daily planet well yeah it's there right it's there but you're not spending a lot of time and it's just kind of like larry fishburn yelling at lowest lane

for a couple scenes and that's really all there is because then fucking 9-11 happens and everybody's out of the office and Perry White gave the okay to leave the office building and we don't get Clark Kent

like glasses funny whatever we kind of don't get Clark Kent in this movie either either like he's in like three scenes the one scene that's important is he goes to Lois's house after or I guess

I'm not sure if they're living together I think they're living together because at the end of the last movie like they're together like they're making out on a pile of corpses they're tongue kissing over the dead

is what's happening. So after Africa Lois is taking this it looks like a really cold bath for some reason It's a very tepid bath It looked really cold And a lot of

There's a lot of side move in this In this scene Which is something It was something man I was like okay Like this is in your Superman movie As we're sitting next to like six year old I thought yeah I know

I was like Should these kids be here Seeing American Hustle? Oh what? He comes And he's like, oh, I was going to make dinner. And she's like, she starts spouting out about like all the fucking god horse shit

that you have to listen to this entire movie. What is right? What's not right? And he's like, oh, yeah. And he gets into the bath with her and they start making it out. I'm like, oh, they're fucking in this movie. Holy shit, Superman's fucking Lois Lane. Not just fucking. This is tub fucking. Tub thumping.

There was a song written about it. Superman will get up again. Don't worry about it. So that's something. And like, in Superman too, he famously has to give up all of his powers and put the world in jeopardy to fuck. I guess he's able to do it this time. Well, that's, I mean, they don't really address

it. It's like, what kind of precautions do we need to take here? You're definitely pulling out. I think that's without question. Really? Yeah, that's without question. Yeah, okay. For all sorts of reasons that you at home can make up. He pulls out and

destroys six buildings because it's a Zach Snyder movie. Sure. No. Here's what it is. Hold on. Hold on. I'm just going to finish on this building. No, Lois Lane wants to get into edging, and he gets pissed off and goes and knocks down a bunch of skyscrapers. What is edging? It's when, like, he get, like, right to the point where you're going to go and then you back off. And then you, like, wait a little while, then you do it again, and then you back off. Like tantric sex. Sort of, yeah. And so, like, he doesn't want to try it, you know. Yeah, Desert Rose, exactly.

No, and then, like, you know, he gets pissed off because. she's into it, but he's, you know, he's Superman, and he's just got to do it. You know, so he goes and he knocks down a bunch of skyscrapes. You'd have to. I mean, he's Kryptonian. That's how they, that's how they unwind. That's exactly right. So I guess Batman's hunting this, he's hunting the white Portuguese, which is a little weird to me. I was like, the whole movie, I'm like, white Portuguese, huh? Well, whatever, Batman. Search on, Bruce.

And he's looking for the white Portuguese. He's also looking for the guy that was in Africa, that it's all kind of connected, I guess. Because Batman knows the score about the thing of kryptonite. Because there's also, like, there's a little bit of kryptonite that Lex Luthor has, but then, like, there's a cutaway scene where these divers find a big hunk of kryptonite. So it's like the biggest piece of kryptonite that's yet to be found. So, like, Lex Luthor's trying to get his hands on it, but Batman's trying to also get in on it because he knows this is a way, because also he hates Superman because of 75-9-11s. Yeah, yeah. So this is a way he can make, he knows, Bruce Wayne knows that he can.

engineer kryptonian weapons to destroy or at least stop him or whatever but I guess he slowboats it the white Portuguese like why wouldn't you just put that in a fucking FedEx box you get it next day this is this it's on this big barge for the whole movie and Batman's like oh the white

Portuguese it's not a man it's a bow I just like that in general Frank when Nordberg said I love you he wasn't talking he wasn't saying I love you he was talking about the name of a boat Big misunderstanding. RIP George Kennedy. RIPD, indeed, George Kennedy.

When I was watching this movie, you were wishing George Kennedy was in it? Not only that. Blah, Batman. I also wish I wish George Kennedy was Batman and I wish Paul Newman was Superman and they punched like a cool-hand Luke. A bear-shirted punch match?

What we got here is a failure to communicate. Unicate. But, yeah, I mean, during the movie, I was just thinking about the naked gun. I was. It's a long enough movie you could start thinking about other movies. You're like, oh, that's kind of fun. You could watch the first half hour of this movie

and then leave and go watch another movie. Yeah. And then come back and this movie will still be on. So, yeah, because we are longer than Star Wars. This is... By a country mile. This is the longest thing I've ever sat through. It's two and a half hours.

And it's boring. You know, I might forgive this movie more if it wasn't so boring. It's very dull. And they pepper it up the very, very long, because there's so much ins and outs about, like, Lois Lane goes to Washington, D.C. to talk to Harry Lennox about, like, some super-engineered bullet that comes to nothing. Like, the only thing you realize is that Lex Luther provided these CIA operatives or whatever

with this, like, military-grade technology or whatever, in order to get, The kryptonite. On a boat, that takes a very long time. Those military contractors were hired by Lex Luthor. Right. And they're actually one of those gentlemen is one of the bad guys later in the movie. Well, that's a bullshit, like, dropped thing is like, yeah, so Lex Luthor engineered.

Like, part of his plan to get this kryptonite contract is that he engineered the whole thing so that the world would turn on Superman. Yes. even more so, I guess. He engineers that whole Africa thing. And yeah, it's like, what a fucking waste of time, dude. They were already pissed off about 75-9-11s. I don't know, though. They did build him a monolith in the middle of matro-this.

This is a statue. Like, you know what, dude? Like, you need a tasteful statue after a tragedy. And this is not a tasteful statue after a tragedy. He has to be looking sad. This is, like, he's wagging his dick on the dead in the statue. Maybe a tasteful little fucking Superman symbol is fine. It's a, it's like, he's 20 feet tall and he's like kneeling down and putting his hand down.

Like, he's trying to get a dog to smell it. He's doing like nude gardening. He looks terrible and it's massive. He's trying to get something to smell it. I'll tell you that much. And Scoot McNary actually in a wheelchair because he has no legs at this point. This is later in the movie. Rolls up to it and he starts like.

Because I guess he's been fired from Wayne Enterprise. I mean, I guess they're. building is gone, but he's like on hard times. Right. It's almost like a hobo. Yeah. And he like climbs up this statue and this guy's like, hey man, don't do that. The cops like, hey man, don't do that. And he spray paints, which you saw in the trailer.

He writes false god. Right. Oh, big, big dramatic moment. False God. And CNN reports, because CNN reports everything in this movie. CNN, you also got headline news though, because I got to look at that pig, Nancy Grace. You do also

get, uh, you also got to look at that ferret Anderson Goop You do get a little bit of... You got to look at that tired hedgehog Wolf Blitzer. All right, Steve. I think we ran out of

newscaster insults. Wait, is this... We're doing Zootopia today, right? You got to look at that Fox Soledadad O'Brien. I think that's all the professional news. No, wait. What's his face is in it? Charlie Rose.

Charlie Rose. An aged rabbit. Neil DeGraster Grass Tyson goes on a fucking like five-minute spiel about aliens and Superman and it's like I'm just thinking about the 55 minutes on the cutting room floor with that guy. Enough is enough,

Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Holly Hunter goes on Charlie Rose and he keeps calling him Superman. It's got a fun way to say it's Superman. Charlie Rose has a fun way of doing a lot of things. He sure does. Scoo McNary gets arrested for vandalism.

and they also call it a hate crime which is kind of amazing Well I mean Superman's the ultimate minority Yeah it's true Is he all Or he's a superiority maybe Oh Maybe liberalism has gone mad

I guess This is the only time I've ever seen hate crime When I was like Oh god this BC culture Oh god damn And now we can't even vandalize A fucking Superman's that show What the fuck?

My time we used to break shit over Nothing. It's fine. You can't call a fucking alien a glee club. We're all doomed. Cryptoian can't be a protected class. One time I tried to fight the hall. Been a fucking electrical cable.

You can't commit a hate crime about it over a race that can lift a car over the head. That's it. That's my stop. Stopping point, okay? And that is rhyme. Hate crimes don't exist at all. That's the end of that argument, unfortunately. Find a guy strong enough.

All right, Grandpa. All right. You know, you had me with the Superman part. Again, like... Oh, God damn it, past the gravy. You start with anti-Cryptonian stuff, and I'm kind of with you, and then you veer off into... Steer it, Steerick, Stain-Base.

A beautiful Thanksgiving. So happy to see all of you. And Nick Nolte, as Grandpa say down. I got it. Did you? Steering. You block me on Facebook. I'm sharing a meme about fucking Cryptonians.

Ah, didn't you hear about Obama. They go, Obama's a Kryptonian. Obama's from Krypton. Obama's from Krypton and Trump's from Venus. So he gets arrested, and that's kind of a big thing. Lex Luthor, bailes him out of jail and gives him a very... special wheelchair. He gives him a Charles Xavier wheelchair. And I'm like, all right, that's pretty nice. And he's like, do you want to do something with your life? But it's like,

ooh, where's that going to go? Can we talk about Batman's most famous dream? So he's like, he's like doing whatever. I mean, Clark Kent doesn't do a whole lot in this movie. He's barely in this movie. No, there's not a lot of Clark. And I mean, Clark, he's Superman. Well, yeah, well, Clark Kent's supposed to be covering this football story. And this is where like the uselessness of Perry White in this movie kicks in. Because 90% of Lawrence Fishburn's dialogue is like hey kent did you get that story about the football team yet the football team people want to read about the football team and i'm like you know what nobody wants to read about your fucking football team and clark kit rightfully is like hey how about i write a story

about that bat man guy or the gotham bat are we really not saying bat someone else can write in i believe they don't say the word batman once because it was annoying the piss out of me this entire movie. That's terrible. I didn't even notice. I noticed a lot of the bat and the bat of Gotham and I just assumed someone said bad Batman. Wouldn't you though? It's in the fucking title of the

movie. Yeah. The titular line. Batman. Nick Noltey says that. Batman be super daughter justice. Fight! Dawn of justice. How dumb is that? Justice does dawn. So

Batman's investigating this Russian guy and I guess like you don't know like the screen goes black like he's just looking at a computer screen the screen the screen goes black there's a lot of cuts to black in this movie which is obnoxious and now all of a sudden batman's in the desert wearing a pretty dope jacket this is awesome this is a nice little trench code batman middle east avenger i don't know what this shit is but it's pretty cool looking and this is probably the only time we see daylight in the movie yep in a fucking dream sequence well it turns out to me i who who knew at the start but also just

too hot for a coat, probably. Come on. Yeah, you're not wrong. You're wearing all this body armor. Yeah, you're wearing a towel too. Like, your neck can't breathe as it is. You're right. It did look fantastic. It's a different coat. Really cool. You know, that's the thing is like, pull these fucking movies back from the 9-11s and just have Batman in a cool coat in another country or something. Like, have just a little adventure. Just a little adventure. Batman's dressed like a disguised ninja turtle. And it's pretty cool It's pretty cool The Digital Turtles go to the movies And the police force from Moonwalker

There essentially Yeah so there's these guys With black uniforms And like basically black storm trooper Helmets for all I know Yeah And they got these Superman patches On their shoulders

Oh they're their arm bands Are they not arm bands? Yeah they are on bands This is very They're getting at the whole see there was a long time ago right there was a thing called national socialists oh okay sure right is that

what bernie sanders is uh yes oh okay got you so far they were all jewish and from new york heard their big communists same thing yep the exact same continue and um they were they were very bad guys so bad you don't know what's going on we're in this other country we don't know what country we're in and Batman goes into like

It doesn't matter says Zach Snyder Because it's just something Something Middle East Bing Bong whatever He just kind of goes Bing Bong whatever He goes into his shipping crate And he's like You got the kryptonite

And they open the box You got the stuff And it's like this It's like a green glow And you're like Yeah they got it But it's actually It's a light bulb

But it's like Oh man It was a fucking sting Oh no And the guy's like I'm sorry Ben They doesn't say bad I'm sorry the bat

I'm sorry Mr. The bad The Super is better than you And by that I mean Joe Pesci at the Super Ooh Better movie Yeah, oh big time Sure, why not But there's no cool basketball

Seed in this movie Or any cool hot tubs There's a hot tub in that right Or am I thinking of I know coming to America has one But at the time We loved hot tubs Especially indoors

There could have been a hot tub in this movie. I would have liked a... I would have... Batman v. Superman settling it in a hot tub. Yeah, was there any pools in this movie? There might have been. At the end, there might be a little pool. Yeah, there's a little tiny pool.

It's not for recreation, though. So you're like, oh, oh, this deal went bad and this part of the movie that I don't understand. And then all of these Superman troops come in and Superman shows up, and these B-Police shows up. Listen, I think these are some of them Kryptonium... Gleep, glop, alien buzzards.

Okay, now, what these guys are referring to right now, because I know you're asking yourself, listener, are... What the hell are these guys talking about? There are, like, flying bug people that look like from attacking the clothes. Wado? Oh, it's Wado. Yeah. Yeah, a bunch of...

A bunch of young Wadoos. Ah, Wado, my good man. Could you help me kill Superman? Did you call Superman dead? No, no, no, no. I meant Batman. I mean, it's the bat. I can't afford a kryptonian, that's for sure.

I'm just killing both. But all this stuff happens. And like, this is when Batman takes out a gun and starts shooting people in the face. Blam Town, man. You're going to Blam Town in this scene. And like, it's so jarring. Like, you know, you're Batman 89. Like, he's got guns in the Batmobile.

You don't really see people actually die. He blows up that factory, but you assume people are gone. I guess in returns he throws some guy, a clown down a well with a grenade or something. Yeah, and he dies, which is sad. But, like, not Batman just fucking, like, Metal Gear Soliding people. It's just shooting people in the face, in the fucking face in this movie. We get to see Batman commit a mass shooting in this movie. And it's like you think, like, this movie's modeling itself after the Frank Miller Dark Night Returns, blah, blah, right?

Isn't, now Steve, correct me if I'm wrong, isn't that the book where Batman breaks the gun? And he's like, this is the weapon of the enemy, all that shit. It's kind of what Batman's all about. Totally. I mean, take a life if you have to. But, like, he doesn't use guns in that way. And all this stuff happens. And you're like, wait, what, what, what?

And Batman's got this cool jacket. I think he takes it off at this point, which is a little disappointing. I think it's like a, I guess what they're getting at is a post-apocalyptic world wherein Superman is like a fascist leader. Right. Yeah, it's like what would happen if Superman decided to be, a super dick. Right.

And then Superman like ties him up a lethal weapon style. Arms hang. It's suspended. I was going to say Homeland Season 3. And I know this is very much against the characters, but I kind of like this scene, this one particular part, because

Superman walks into this like shed they got Batman tied up in. And he just looks at the guys around him and just incinerates them with his eyes. Yeah. And I feel like this is where we all heard rumors, rumors, but news about the R-rated cut coming to

Blu-ray. You're seeing these people fall in half. You better because what the fuck else is going to be rated are other than all this gun play in this movie. Immortal combat rips Batman's heart out in this scene. Yeah, but that's... He really does. Finish him.

Now, I'm confused, or maybe I'm not confused, but I'm trying to remember because... You're probably confused. Well, yeah. Well, because we were sitting in the theater, like, is this a dream? What the fuck? Superman punches him in the back of the head, right? Is it Well, well, some thing punches him in the back of the head. Oh, right, it's a gleepglob.

It's one of his bug people punches him. And then it cuts to black. And that's when he wakes up tied up. And then Superman takes off his cow. Oh, that's right. See, because here's the thing. Like, spoiler alert, it's a dream sequence. Yeah.

But, like, he gets punched in the back of the head and it cuts to black. And I'm like, okay, it's a dream sequence. But then he comes to tied up in this chair. And I'm like, is this a fucking reality or not? How can you be knocked out of a consciousness and wake up within the same dream. Dude, Inception, he just went down a level. He went deeper into that shit.

Nolan was an executive producer. Oh, America just went down a level with this fucking movie. But the thing is like, okay, so the cow comes off and Superman, I don't know, insults him or something. Well, no, he says like, oh, you took the one thing. She was my everything and you took her away from me. Insinuating Lois Lane. And I'm like, what the fuck's happening? So Batman, I guess, killed Lois Lane sometime after the Third World War.

Yeah, gang retaliation. He probably executed her in town. square yeah probably chopped her head off and threw it down the stairwell but anyway but anyway so it's like boom bruce wayne wakes up at the desk or does he then a rift freddie kruger comes in i think so a rift in reality happens and a guy that i assume we didn't all see it this the same way i think it's the flash comes out and he's like bruce you got to help us he's the one he's the reason this happens. You got to stop him. You got to. And I'm like, and he mentions like the key being lowest lane. Again, I guess insinuating that this fascist future under Superman is that right? I guess so.

See, you guys thought it was the flash. I thought it was literally a random time traveler. Just like some random guys like, oh no, the future sucks. I got to go tell Batman. Well, here's the thing. I didn't, I didn't recognize it because it just looks like garbage. Yeah, it looks really shitty. And it's just someone screaming and I have no idea and I think like okay maybe the thing is like this is something that might happen in those Justice League movies we'll get into why that might be I think but let's

remember the scene when we talk about the end of the movie I mean incomprehensible screaming from a character showing up out of nowhere I thought I thought I wandered into my big fat Greek wedding too I know because they weren't fucking drinking windex or whatever the shit they're doing in that movie and then

then he wakes up and I'm like well now what a fuck's even going on. And the weird thing about this scene is it happens. It's like six minutes long. A lot of murder happens. There's bug people and it's never discussed again. It's never brought up Batman never, he was like, I had a dream where you were

I was wearing a cool coat. I got to buy a coat like that. Or if he's like Hey Alfred, I got to talk to you. I've been having some weird things happen to me. Because this is the second time Batman has some sort of weird fantasy thing happen. And it's out of nowhere

And it's never even acknowledged. Totally inconsequential and baffling and like takes you right out of this movie. So this whole thing is like because Batman is, he falls asleep while trying to decrypt this bit of information he stole from Lex Luthor. Yeah. And what he, I think, opens up, yes, I am remembering this right. It's a file that Lex Luthor has on all these people that will become part of the Justice League. It's a Dropbox file in case you're wondering. Yes.

So Batman spends an entire weird nightmare fantasy sequence decrypting a Dropbox folder. And what's awesome is he falls asleep at 2% and he wakes up right at 99% as this thing's finishing. And this folder opens and it's like, it's four folders. And it's a big old WW for Wonder Woman. You got a nice aquatic looking A for Aquaman. You've got the fucking flash lightning bolt. And then Cyborg, which is a person I've never heard of. You will, though.

Well, yeah, no, we even see it later on in the movie. But, like, wait a second, I'm sorry, the universe that this movie's in. Lex Luthor's naming all these people? Lex Luthor decided on Wonder Woman? What? He's got a great art department, that's for sure. I mean, these logos look like they could be on MLB licensed baseball cap. If you were going to call him the Flash...

You know they will be. Oh, sure. If you're going to call him the Flash, why would you just be like, oh, let me design him a really cool lightning bolt here? then I think this racing stripes pretty sharp Maybe Maybe he named him lightning bolt The lightning bolt

And then everyone else calls him the flash And they're like yeah You're a lightning bolt to me So I'm going to put that next to the flash Oh and the W's just stands for woman I guess Yeah It's a woman woman

No it's two W Oh yeah that's right It's a WW It's the Wonder Woman symbol practically It is Yeah C yeah And then C for Cyborg

And there's that Oh and then Aquaman Yeah Aquaman is the A and there's just these folders. And, like, the first one he opens is a folder for Wonder Woman, and he stumbles across this photo. It looks like the photo you would get at Disney World

if you wanted to look like you were in the Old West for a day. Like, that really does. The sepia tone, you put a fun hat on. What I think it actually is, though, is, like, Wonder Woman, like, doing something in the Armenian genocide. Like, I really don't know what's going on. That's the same neck of the woods out there, yeah. And it's, like, her, and I guess I didn't notice this,

but it's Chris Pine. And I guess that's, you know, the Wonder Woman movie is going to be that. Which is cool, that's fine. It's fine. You're just, you know, you're throwing a lob for the next movie to catch. I'm fine with that. That's the only one that they do in this movie that's actually, like, fine and subtle. This is kind of the problem with this movie is it only really exists to set up the cinematic universe.

Oh, big time. Oh, big time. And it's, like, so obvious, it's disgusting. It's an incredibly cynical movie through and through. And I'm not crazy about all those Marvel movies, but at least. they took the time to be like, all right, we're going to do it. What they should have done is done a Superman movie, done a Batman movie. And then do this.

And then, no, how about don't do this? And just, just do the Justice League. We'll also never make this movie. Yeah. And then just do the Justice League and Wonder Woman and Aquaman, all this, you know, like, there's no reason I got to see. Oh, what would happen if Batman punch Superman. That's, I mean, that's where we're-

Does anyone care? No. And that's what 80% of this movie is. And it's like Batman being a real shit and Superman being a real shit. Superman's a bigger asshole in this movie than he is in the last movie. And he's a huge flaming asshole in that movie. Who am I supposed to like? If it was too, like sometimes Batman and sometimes Mommy and Daddy fight.

That's fine, sure. But like they have to be likable beforehand and afterwards. And they're not. This is the first time we're meeting Ben Affleck's Batman. And he's like kind of just a jerk. The only character I liked in this movie was Jeremy Irons. Yeah, Alfred. Because he's not doing anything to piss you off.

He's just trying to help the cause. He's mostly telling everyone to stop being such assholes. Actually, here's the thing. He's like, you want to think this through Bruce? He's like, I got to kill that son of a bitch. Is it really? Really? My family legacy is to kill that son of a bitch.

I also, though, I don't think Gallagado as Wonderland. Gallagher? No, not Gallagher. Galgado. Look out waterbellets. Oh, hey there. I could do it. I could be Wonder Woman, Mark.

I could do what Wonder Woman does, Mark. Oh, come on, Gallagher. Oh, my God. Gallagher's walking out. I would love to see Gallagher. Now, welcome to the island of Themisgirah. I'm Wonder Woman. I'm going to take this big old watermelon and throw it at your stupid head.

Now, this watermelon represents male-dominated society, smash. going to get my lasso out and just throw you across the moon with it. I wonder what the next watermelon is going to represent and the one after that

and the one after that? I got a whole cart full of watermelons and they represent all sorts of stuff. I could do it, Mark. Does he waste any more food or is it just water notes?

No, but Galgado I think is actually pretty awesome in this movie. For the fucking pub's length of time she gets to be Wonder Woman this movie, it's awesome. For the first,

pub's length, very short. Did I go to the bathroom for that part? But for the other part of the movie, she's kind of just being Catwoman a little bit, right? Like, she steals stuff from Bruce Wayne, and they have this kind of like very Bruce Wayne and Catwoman conversation. You're right.

Where they talk about what, like, about being a thief. We're talking about whatever, but we should be fucking. I mean, we should probably be fucking, we might be fucking. We might be fucking... I bet Catwoman's long dead, right? In this universe, you'd have to be. I mean, he's been doing this for 20 years.

Well, that's an interesting thing. Oh, Master Bruce, remember when Catwoman tried to do a jewel heist in this post-9-11 era and they just murdered her? That's why you don't have just good old-fashioned jewel heists anymore. You can't just heist some jewels anymore, Master Wayne. You'll get murdered for it. The stakes are high! Well, it's a weird thing. I don't think anyone but Batman and Alfred

live in Gotham City anymore. That's very true. It's weird because like the only time... We're in Gotham very little in this movie. And whenever you are there, it's kind of just like a bunch of abandoned streets. And like, I mean, it looks like, you know, just some like dead post-apocalyptic city.

It's like the apocalypse didn't come all the way across the bay and hit Metropolis. Turns out everyone in Gotham was a criminal and Batman got the ball, so there's no one that lives there anymore. He branded them in his weird prison system and now they're all dead. Yeah, he simultaneously murders them in prison like Walter White. Well, it's a weird, like I'm very fascinated by the state of the Batman universe in this movie because as you noticed, Steve, I thought it was a Batman suit, but in the movie there's a robin suit with a Joker taunt spray painted on it.

You know, so indicating it's like a post-death-death. in the family, whatever. Which is cool, and that's a story that I'd like... I kind of want to hear them talk about that shit, though. Like, oh, master way in that time when the Joker, blah, blah, blah. Well, it's weird, because I feel like they don't want to do too much Batman stuff in here because they haven't figured it out yet. Sure, yeah.

They're like, uh, well, just throw that ball up. Someone will catch it. I mean, because that doesn't even insinuate that, like, he's defeated the Joker necessarily. Yeah, or that even Robin existed or he's dead, or maybe that's just an outfit he wore once, and then maybe he vandal. that outfit. I have your laundry and I'm spray painting it.

I'm going to have to put this in a glass case so this never happens again. I want my uniforms to be vandalized like that. I'm just sick of it. I want that movie, I guess prequel movie where... Joker laundromat vandal? Yes, and he also

beats Robin to death with a tire iron or whatever the fuck. Sure, why the hell not? Then he goes and addresses the UN. Fuck it. As the ambassador for Iran. So things are simmering for a bit here, right? And then Superman's going to speak talking about speaking about in front of the U.N.

Right. Superman goes to, he's Holly Hunter's like, oh, thank God. Superman's coming in to shed a few things straight. I appreciate your candor Superman. I appreciate you being here. It's not that, though. And it should be, man. Welcome to the hot seat.

Yeah, he walks in and she's like, well, look who decided to fucking shit. Show up. You're just like, oh, come on. Lex Luthor addresses her before she goes in. Right. Oh, sure. You know, I'm going to go in there and I'm going to torpedo you. I'm going to be the star witness and you're going to be sunk and fuck you.

And she's like, well, fuck you do. Because he's like trying to set up. You couldn't have it if you even wanted it. He wants to weaponize kryptonite to potentially stop these, what are these you called? Meta-humans. Meta-Humans. Which I don't really get, because, I mean, that would only stop Superman. Yeah, right.

That's what I was saying. It's a bit presumptuous to think that Aquaman get taken out with a fucking krypton, you know, kryptonite bullet. Right. It's sharp enough. What are Aquaman's weaknesses, Steve? I was going to say, if he stays out the water too long, is he just dry up, like a raisin? He's not as strong as Superman.

Like, you could rip out of Aquaman's head off. Could I shoot him in the fucking head? Yeah. I mean, like, no, probably. I don't know. I mean, you know, he might try, but then a wave would come down. If I throw him in a freshwater pond, does he get poison because it's not ocean water? No, I think he could live through that.

I actually, I think in some, in the, in some, I read one of the new 52s, and I think he's just living in a house. Yeah. Oh, really? He's just got like a log cabin next to the water. I was going to say, I hope it's a beach house. Yeah. It's close. So he goes in there, and Scoot McNary has gone up to the senator, and he's like, I want to be your.

star witness and like he goes on TV and he doesn't have legs. Luther gave him a brand new wheelchair and kind of gave him a makeover all together. Yeah, he looks less scummy. He's less lieutenant Dan and more like someone that could testify before Congress. And like Batman's watching CNN.

Like he's doing something in Wayne Tower. You know, as we've all known Batman to do, he's a big fan of CNN. And he's watching it and he's like oh, hey, isn't that that guy that I've been sending checks to it? He asked his like underling to get him all the checks. He's like, oh, are we sending him a check? It's Greg, by the way. Greg.

Greg. Greg. That was a project I asked you to do, very specific project where you have to send him checks every month. Well, it's bullshit because, like, Bruce Wayne's watching the TV, and he's like, why is this guy pissed on? Because, like, Scoot McNary in an interview on TV says something about, like, you know, Wayne Enterprises has abandoned me. And Bruce Wayne's like, fuck that. man we've been sending him the checks what's going on and this guy Greg is just like uh actually sir he's been sending them back and there's like a huge stack

of like a year's worth and Bruce Wayne's like hey man get those what the fuck are you why am I just hearing about this Greg and they just said they have he had written on them what was it stuff like he's like threatening in practice it's like I don't you let me down you're gonna die everyone's gonna die you're dead to me next check you'll lose everything You let your family die insinuating Wayne Enterprises was his family. Right, right, right, right. It cuts close to heart because of his parents. Right.

And he, like, flips out. It's later revealed that that was Lex Luther again. Hey, Greg, how about this? You know, people send his checks back. That's fine. When they write threatening things in Red Magic Marker, why don't you stop the meeting and talk about that? When I say, hey, anything else to add to this meeting, Greg,

that's when you pipe up about the fucking threats I've been getting for months. Sorry, Mr. Wayne. No, no, we have that part of the meeting Just so anything that Anything doesn't fall through the cracks Am I a bad guy, Greg? Am I threatening? Am I a scary guy, Greg?

Yes. Well, guess what? It's about to get a whole lot more frightening Because Greg, I'm Batman And now that you know that, you're getting fucking murdered Because this Batman loves killing people. I'm going to brand you and when you go on the unemployment line

They're going to fucking kill you. They're going to eat you alive there, Greg. I don't know. why, but they do. Sure wish you told me about those checks now, don't you, Greg? So, Superman goes in and, like, Holly Hunter's like, well, thank you, Superman. I

appreciate the time. I'm happy to see you. And he's like, and Superman's like, ahem, and he's about to say something, and oops, suicide bomb. No, no, no, wait, I'm sorry, because this is the best scene in the movie, and let's just take it back a little bit, dude.

This is the best part of the movie. She's like, all right, Superman. Now, I've got a laundry list of stuff to accuse you with now let's just get right down to because the thing Superman could reason being Superman and you're like what the fuck

and she's like you follow her gaze and she's looking and there's a mason jar on her desk filled with piss and it says granny's peach tea and she's like because another thing up at it

God's on earth problem being and then Congress explodes. Which, by the way, I just realized, is Congress in Metropolis now? No, the Superman goes to D.C. Because Lois goes to D.C. D.C. exists. Okay, D.C. does exist in this world.

And she realized, she's looking at the jar. The jar of piss. A jar of piss is a plot point in a Superman movie. Here's a question. How did he, who got that jar of piss into Congress? Big question. Like, oh, oh, this is, this is, this is, this is, a glass for the senator.

It's a creepy mason jar that smells like piss. Could you please put that in front of her? Yeah, there's no top on it so you can definitely smell that piss. She is from Kentucky. I just imagine like the... I'm kidding to all our listeners in Kentucky. The honorable senator next to her is just like,

is she drinking piss during this reading? I think we need to stop. Do I have a gavel? Can I use my gavel? Hey, hey, I'm sorry. Am I the only one here who's a doomsday prepper? Better get used to that taste now because when the water supply dries up you're going to be drinking a tea I guess that makes sense

and it's so amazing because she's like looking at the piss looking at Superman looking at the piss looking at Superman looking at the piss looking at oh no Lex Luthor's empty chair although his his female assistant shows up

oh yeah Steve you said that this is a character from the comics well she's more from the cartoon Mercy that's his like chauffeur that like beats the shit out of people yeah so she's there and then Scoot McNary just lights up. And it's kind of hilarious because Superman has this like

super disappointed look on his face. Everyone around him is burnt to death. It's so, it's kind of an awesome shot. It's like everything else is just in flames or already ashes. Slash kind of some of it's covered in piss. I guess that piss was flash boiled though. It went right in Holly,

that was the last thing she tasted aside from fucking soot was fucking Jesse Eisenberg's piss. Congratulations and welcome to Superman 2016. Just Superman 2016, we're playing with piss. This is what we're doing. And I'm like, like, the theater's kind of laughing at it. And we're just like, man. And now, like, Hollywood is just, we're down to piss jokes.

Piss jokes in our Superman movie. That's where it's at, everybody. And, like, for some reason, Superman is blamed. They're like, oh, was he in on it or something? Oh, sure. He blew up Congress, I guess. And also, he goes to Lois Lane, and he's super disappointed in himself. And he's like, they have this little balcony scene.

He's like, I didn't see it, Lois. I didn't see it because I wasn't looking. And I'm like, wait, hold on. How do you not know that there's a, like, how do you not, just instinct? I'm fucking x-raying everything every time. You know what I mean? Any room I go into. Because it's also horseshit because Henry Cavill definitely looks at Scoot McNary in the scene.

Yes. So, like, you'd think Superman would look and be like, oh, that crazy guy that's bray-painted false god on my monument. Oh, he's got a nicer looking wheelchair. Oh, what's in that wheelchair? Oh, there's an explosive device in there, you know. And also, is Superman so fast that, like, even when he hears the butt right before the explosion, he can get, like, 20 people out. Or, like, save someone. Grab, scoot and toss him into space. Yeah, throw him in the sun. Yeah, yeah, that's what you're going to do. Though they will turn this on.

Although there is no sun in this movie. No, because we can't have light in a Zach Snyder movie. I fucking hate how grim this looks. It's disgusting. All of the color correction in this movie, like, they just had it saved from the last movie. And it's like, make this movie look like grim shit. And Superman's suit is like a dark, dark, dark, dark, dark blue. Like, it's practically black.

Yeah. For all intents of purposes, it's black. so now things are like much worse for Superman and yeah the the world at large has turned on him i thought they were no i thought at this point in the movie it was going to be a setup to be like holy sh Superman blew up congress but it's not like they immediately start reporting that scoot mcnary's wheelchair was full of bombs right but it's like was Superman involved in it too why would you pay them to do that yeah exactly like and that's the thing that's so dumb because it's like Like, listen, if Superman wanted those people dead, he can do it. He's got to just fucking fart in that room would be dead. You know what I mean? Like, the dude's got laser vision.

He's got heat vision times 20 in this movie. So it just burns. He could do more damage than Scoot McNary's stupid wheelchair bomb. So kind of cutting towards the end of this movie, Diane Lane gets kidnapped. Because why is she even in this movie in the first? Superman goes a walking. And this, he's like, oh, I got to go find my. self, man. He puts on a sensitive... He puts on that hat. He loads his fucking iPod up with Bob Dylan. You know what I mean? And he just starts walking the country. We've had days like that. He goes to the front door of the Fortress of Solitude and never enters it in this movie. Come on. All of a sudden, he's just walking on snow. And I'm like, all right, Fortress of Solitude. Awesome. And then he walks into the ghost of Paw Kent or something. It's my second. It's my second.

One of my favorite lines in this movie Pat Kent tells the story He's like Oh, the Lang farm was right next to our farm And we had to do all this stuff And like basically

There was a flood There was a flood And he stopped the flood And he said to stop the flood And him and his dad worked all night To block up this flood And they were considered heroes

And grandma Kent baked a cake A hero's cake And he says As I was eating He literally says As I was eating My hero cake

The horse is drowned I was eating my hero cake That son of a bitch is eating hero cake I can't breathe This movie tries to eat its hero cake Have its hero cake and eat it too And have the horse's ground as well Yeah

Totally let those horses ground One it's a great thing Because you imagine like Lana Lang's family Fucking out of business Or dead which is funny But also like it's what he basically Which is funny That's kind of funny

What he basically tells Is like Jody Foster's lamb story. Because he's like, I just kept thinking about those dead horses. And Superman's like, when did you stop hearing the horses in your nightmares? And he's like, when I met your mother. And I'm like,

oh, Dr. Lector. Oh, the lambs, Dr. Lector, they were just screaming. They were crying Dr. Lector. And I was so cold and I was so scared. Tell me about the horses. Tell me, Jonathan. Tell me all about the horses. What was in the hero cake? Was that human

blood? was it a red velvet here okay Jonathan you come in here with your stupid suit and your cheap shoes oh my mercy I don't even know what the world of the story

shit happens I guess the idea is because they are setting up the romance of Lois and Clark is big in this movie so I guess the idea is like oh if you find the right woman you don't care about who dies, question mark.

Sure. As long as you get your hero cake. Listen, as long as there is a cake delivered at some point, you meet the right lady. It doesn't matter how many horses drown in the process. Come on down to Hannibal Lecter's hero cakes. The recipe remains top secret. So at this point, Lex Luther kidnaps Diane Lane,

who she has some horseshit scene, which she kind of also says, like, either you're the best or you should just probably leave the planet man i don't know it's one of the other listen clark i'm getting really tired of having these talks with you also i had about four of them in the last movie i don't know why he doesn't leave the planet and like scrap the costume maybe come back yeah have a new alias somewhere and don't get into any trouble you know just be yourself well he tries to do that man of steel but it just doesn't work out man oh yeah life found a way so She gets kidnapped, and so does Lois.

Lois gets kidnapped by whom again? That dude who looks like the guy who played the white and green power ranger. Oh, right? The Russian guy, right? Yes. And he was actually the military contractor in North Africa. Correct. That stomped out that camera.

Yeah, that just started blowing people away. He's like a Luther henchman, basically. Yeah. And because this is the Zach Snyder verse. everything's got to be extreme. He's a totally extreme dude with throat tattoos. Exactly. So they both get kidnapped.

And Lex Luthor has a nice little scene with Amy Adams and throws her off a building. Superman saves her. At this point, I guess also... Oh, there's another scene of Batman murdering people, that long car chase where he's blowing up cars left and right. And this is not a fantasy scene, ladies and gentlemen. This is him just blowing up cars.

I'm sorry, but you see human people on the backs of these trucks like in Gun Tour, it's trying to shoot at the Batmobile. Oh, yeah. I mean, big mistake. It is a mistake in general, but the fact that Batman just lights them up. Oh, man, they are just getting lit left and right. Because he's trying to get Cryptonite because that's what Lex Lutut. This is the boat finally came in.

The fucking white Portuguese finally gets into Gotham Harbor, for Christ's sakes. And Batman's there. He's trying to steal it because he wants the big nug of kryptonite for himself. He puts a tracker on it. Yeah. That's another thing. You see, man, in better, smarter iterations of Batman, it's like a, I'm throwing a battererang and it's got a detector on it.

No, no, no, no, no. In Zach Snyder's Batman, Batman's got a goddamn sniper rifle. And I saw, Steve, I was sitting next to you in the theater. Steve thought there was about to be a fucking Dallas 11-2263 head shot out. Because I'd been watching this movie. I'm like, he's going to fucking get him. He's going to shoot this guy. this Russian guy in the fucking head

and then jerk off about it. It's like, no, he needs a sniper rifle to stick a stupid tracker on a van. Whatever, Zach Snyder. It's crazy. Like, all three of us had that same reaction. Like, how, he didn't shoot him. Yeah, no.

No, Batman, don't do it. We're watching a bad of Gotham movie. And we have to have that reaction to something? It's outrageous. I mean, this whole movie's outrageous. So Batman gets the kryptonite after a long series of misadventure. weaponizes it and starts doing a lot of cross-fit, which is fun.

Oh, this is Ben Affleck hitting a tire with a sledgehammer. Yeah, and like just, you know, doing all sorts of fun... Which, yeah, you get to see his beautiful physique. Oh, yeah, I mean, Jesus Christ, he looks fantastic. Him and Henry Cavill both look fantastic. Why didn't they make it out in this movie? I was wondering at the whole two and a half hours. I would like that.

There's a fantasy sequence, Zach Snyder. That would be great. Like, the flash is like, oh, no! they're making out I came back through time to tell you you gotta make out with Superman to save the future I do think it's kind of cool that

Ben Affleck is like a bigger dude Batman he's a gruff bat he's not a slim Batman Yeah no he's a Batman that's seen it all So he's got he gets in his Frank Miller stupid knight costume Which looks like shit in the scene Oh this big Batman suit of armor thing

Yeah and he's like all right here we go I'm gonna fucking kill that guy I'm Batman. Get ready to kill. This outfit looks so stupid. It does. And it looks even stupider as the fight goes on. He looks like in, what was it, a Christmas story

where the little brother gets put into the snow suit and the snow jacket and wrapped up. Yeah, it's not good. He's about as agile. He doesn't look like he can move. He looks like he's about to fall over the snow and that's it. Yeah. And Lex Luthor throws Lois Lane off the building.

Right. Superman catches her because I guess he can always hear. He's always two in that. He can't see a fucking bomb in a building that he's in. But any time, maybe Adams fucking farts. Anytime. Anytime. Yeah.

So, yeah, so then he says it. He breaks down the bathroom door. Are you okay? I was having a loud shit. It's fine. A loud. You know what, Clark? I have to be allowed to have diarrhea, okay?

Not anymore. I guess so. You know what, Clark? I'm not the one that took me on a date to Red Lobster. cheddar biscuits Unlimited cheddar biscuits Clark Whose fucking fault

Do you think this is Clark Now get out of my bathroom And replace that fucking door And replace the other door From when I saw a mouse You dick My God Doors aren't cheap

No Somebody saves her And then he flies up And then he Another really long-winded Lex Luther speech About God knows what God with a capital G knows what

Sure and he lays out there's like these weird like sexualized victim pictures of Diane Lane With the witch written on her forehead It's so bizarre He's like anyone who

Anyone who born to heathen Then she's got to be a witch And you know witches have to burn And you're like All right sure I mean it's just a way To shoehorn her into this movie And she's got you know

The Tiri mascara The gag in the mouth I'm like what are we watching Why do I have to see Market Why? Why? Why?

Does Batman have to fight Superman? Ladies and gentlemen, why? You're right. I don't need to see Maquette get like roughed up. Dude,

it's a scene out of fucking 8mmeter. I thought James Gandalfini was going to be jerking off on a pile of burning Polaroids. This is also where we get the part of basically the entire trailer of the gladiator made match of the century,

the bad of Gotham versus Superman. Man, the fucking pontification in this scene. This is where he reveals that he was like working Batman to put him over the edge to get Superman. And now it's like, okay, now Superman has to go bring me the head of Batman

in order for Ma Kent to be released and live. Meanwhile, he's also, by this point, recovered the ship of Zod and Zod's corpse and Michael Shannon, your best actor of the film being

a corpse. It's just a dummy. It's just a Michael Shannon dummy. Yeah. Yeah. They went to Madam Tussauds. The boardwalk Empire section and grabbed a fucking Michael Shannon.

Well, if we give him a really bad haircut, put him go tea on him. And, yeah. And very importantly, I guess, not really, but like, he fucking like cuts off Zod's fingerprints

and makes a hand thing so he can get control of this ship. And once he gets control of the ship, he puts Zod's corpse in a, regeneration pool and whatever this is how he makes doomsday right he's he also he cuts his own hand and puts the blood on his on zad's face and it's like the ship is like do you really want

to do that davy it's like the the krypton consul uh is against abominations davy he's like and then lex luther's all like well where's the uh counsel today well they're dead davy and he's like Well, and then proceed. You got it, says the computer. It's so funny. It's so funny because the computer is like, well, the council, you know, prevents this from happening. And he's like, oh, yeah, computer. And where's the council right now?

Well, they're dead. Well, what do you think I want you to do, computer? Why make an uncontrollable monster? Yep. When you can just maybe bring Zod back. And talk to them. And, yeah, reason with them, I brought you back to life. Dude, we're kind of cool, right?

We both hate Superman. Yeah, no. I mean, and let's just get into it. This Doomsday looks like garbage. He looks, I mean, it's very Peter Jackson orc-esque. Sure. You know, this reminded me of, I think it was Aliens 4. Yeah.

Oh, Resurrection? Yeah, where there's, where's that, there's that weird, like, baby man alien monster? Oh, yeah. The hybrid that happens. Yeah, that gets sucked out the hole. That's such a good scene of a not good movie. because it's so horrific he's got like sad eyes

yeah better movie than this though alien resurrection much better movie so instead of Superman being like he's like you only have one hour Superman to fucking kill Batman he's like okay I guess I'll use Batman to find my mother as opposed to

I'm Superman I can fucking circle the globe six times over and find where three fucking henchmen but like how can you zero in on Amy Adams anytime and you can't find your own mom mother.

Yeah. What a dick. So he winds up going to Batman and he starts talking to him. He's like, well, they have the big fight. He's like, I need your help,

but Batman's not here. Oh, right. He's a fucking inhuman monster that just wants to murder him. Correct. And Batman's also, he's made like Krypton bombs,

but also a Krypton spear. Because he had, he found the white porch. Yeah, he stole it from the Lexus warehouse, the kryptonite. In his exercise montage, it's like half exercise

and half like he's fashioning all sorts of kryptonite-made weapons. Right. Like gas bombs and the spear and some bullets and this, that, and the other thing. And they get into it. And the Cryptonite gas bombs make him a little weaker and he could now Batman could beat the shit out of him. Right. And it's like, you know, it's so dark in this scene. I can't see shit. The movie's called Batman versus Superman. Somebody make this look viewable. Yeah. And it just, it looks like shit. All 20 minutes of it looks like garbage. Two big old clumps of turds flying out each other. Snowshing into each other And so I don't know what happened. And they're like swinging. Even Batman grabs Superman when he's weak by the cape and like swings him around like a fucking rag doll. And I'm like, why don't they just fucking fight?

Everyone's getting thrown into buildings no matter what. Yep. Well, this is, they make a very obnoxious point of saying like this is like it's in an abandoned area. Of course. Because like clearly everyone was pissed off in the last movie about, you know, 75, 9-11s. And so Batman's got the upper hand He's got the javelin in his face And he starts

Like again If Batman were to kill Superman Strictly for like morality reasons or whatever Which would never happen He would just stab him in the heart And like weep a little bit But he's like cutting It starts to cut his face

Like you're gonna fucking feel this You son of a bitch Yeah I'm gonna cut your face off And then put it on my face Then I'll be Superman Then I got Lois Lane He puts his face

would you fuck me I'd fuck me goodbye Batman I'm crying out for Gotham Goodbye Batman And welcome everyone

To the stupidest part of the movie And podcast Amy Adams Shows up But she's like You can't kill a Batman And he's like And he's like

Martha You have to save Martha and Batman was like, what did you say? How'd you know that name, Martha? You fucking say Martha? And he said, why did you say Martha? Why did you say Martha? And, like, Loisland's like, that's his mother's name.

And it's like, he's like, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you. You're, your mother's Martha. My mother's Martha. I don't want to wait for our lives to be over. And this two hour long tension is diffused by them. having the same mother's name? Holy bag of fart,

Zach Snyder. What are you talking about? Are we brothers? Am I an alien? I like aliens now. I didn't know your mother's name was Martha, Joker. You can go. I mean, my mother's name is... Anyone who's got a mother named by Martha, that's a fine man. Hey, Martha, free pass. Free pass for sons of Martha.

Welcome. We will not be the Justice League. We'll be the sons of Martha. Daily Planet headline Sons of Martha Free Pass from Superheroes Everyone's like My mother's Martha Mom just change your name to Martha

Get over here Martha Man Hunter It's so fucking stupid Because He's ready to fucking kill Superman Right And he's kill him dead

And he's I didn't know your name Oh Martha Your kryptonites a rock from your whole planet. Mine's just the name, Martha. And here is something outright criminal that happens in the movie is we've been sitting in the theater now. Two hours and 15 minutes and then we have to get a full fucking flashback of the Wayne family being killed again, down to dialogue, down to slow-mo pearls. Oh, man, those pearls are just blapping in my face again.

I've seen it in seven other movies. Ended this one already. Yeah, like twice. This movie, and I don't know. I mean, possibly rightfully so, thinks that its audience are the dumbest piles of shit that's ever bought a ticket to a movie.

Now I'm imagining Bruce Wayne just listening to that Tom White's song, Martha, and just cried. That's his ringtone. It's been so many years. Master Wayne, your phone's ringing again. There was no to me. Tomorrow.

I love Tom Boy, she sings about Martha. Anyone who says, Martha Mary Marcy Merlead is my favorite movie. Oh, no, Martha Stewart. Oh, no, I can't go around in this world. I'm a big dumb baby and a big night costume. I'm going to fight everybody unless their mother's name's Martha. Fucking Martha, man. And, like, he backs off and he's like, I'm going to save your mom.

And now we're best friends. Sorry, rest of the movie. And he's like, you have to go. Lex Luthor has activated the Doomsday, whatever. He's like, you got to go fight Lex Luthor. I'm going to, don't worry. I'm going to go find your mom. And like, he gets into Batplane, and Jeremy Ones, like,

I've already found her, Master Bruce. Don't ask why. And it's like, all right. He flies there. Superman flies in as a scene with Lex Luthor. Doomsday gets unearthed. And he looks like a... He's birthed from a sack.

a jelly he's like 10 feet tall he's very smooth in the beginning he gets the rocks hold on a second maybe doomsday you learn to walk first right you just got born why are you fighting these people now steve doomsday am i correct in thinking that doomsday is the thing that kills superman in the comics yeah the death of superman was doomsday and so is he like talking yeah he's talking a little bit because this is just growling and rowling in this movie i kind of missed doomsday like had a long white wrestler in the comics. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow, we missed out on something.

Totally, man. He could have looked like Kevin Nash. Higher Triple H, actually. Oh, yeah. Dude, get John Paul Levesque in this movie, man. I'd prefer him to look like Rick Flair. Nature boy, right? Woo! A Rick Flair playing Doomsday would be fantastic. A little old for it now.

You're going to mo-capped. Exactly. Mo-cap. So, Doomsday gets around and starts beat. Now he's fighting. fighting Superman. Sure. It's your Zach Snyder's superhero movie with the last 58 minutes are punches. And so this is now, we are

I punch you. We're intercutting between this fight scene and fucking Wonder Woman getting on a Turkish Airlines flight. She's, oh, this is the big part of her. The big part of her in the movies, we're watching Anderson Cooper

on CNN. She's another character of this movie is fucking watching CNN. Whatever happened to G&N. Yeah, thank you. Where is fucking Anthony Michael Hall when you need him? Vicki Vale is doing

like whatever, you know what I mean? Sure. That's something. Let's pretend we know anything about what we're being paid millions of dollars to create. Possibly. She gets an email from Batman.

She got an email from Pac-Man? No, Batman. From the bat of God. From Pac-Man. Oh, man, Pac-Man. We didn't stay for the end. and end to end, maybe Pac-Man's in the stinger scene.

That's true. The usher cleaning in the theater or whatever told us like, hey man, there's nothing at the end. Get the hell out of here. God bless that guy. What a fucking hero. Just watching this 20 minutes of credit. But if it turns out there's Pac-Man set up as the next movie's villain. Oh, that's cool. Then this guy's a dick. She gets an email

from Bat, or the Bat of Gotham. We don't know what I'm not saying Batman at this movie. And she... The Bat of Gotham at Batman.com. He sends her the picture. And he also sends her all these files. And she just kind of scrolls through. teasers of the next couple of movies pretty much test footage

it's ridiculous you see Jason what's his name who's playing Aquaman oh yeah Jason Momoa and he's just it's a weird like like James Cameron investigating the Titanic footage and then like

Aquaman swims out and like does like a no pictures please and you're like all right and then it's like the flash on convenience store footage as yeah Ezra Miller is there like looking at like a carton of milk. He stops like a robbery from happening at the convenience store.

That's a fun little scene. Yeah. You know, Aquaman grossly miscast. Because as a blonde man, oh, here we go. I want representation. I don't have it. It's true.

Is Aquaman blonde in the comic? Oh, is he really? Big time. Oh, man, boner jam. And so is the flash, actually. Pretty good swimmer, too. Not you, though. And then we have this.

And this confused. to you guys because you're... And I think this is confusing a lot of people is the cyborg scene. Right. It kind of goes on. It's the longest one of these little teasers. And it's like Joe Morton, which... There was kind of a woo-hoo

from our part of the theater seeing Joe Morton. And he's just like doing like test on his son who's Victor Stone. But we don't know that. I don't know that. The audience is no idea. They're just seeing this guy. Steve, this is what you believe. But once the movie comes out, it probably

has nothing to do with the comics. It's probably true. So wait, yeah, so I was confused because there's a little, like, oily looking cube that attaches itself to him or something? Yeah, I mean, like, basically the idea of Cyborg is his, he's a young guy who gets into some sort of an accident. Cut down

in his prime. His father is a scientist and creates a cyborg body for him that has cool guns and stuff. Oh, yeah. All right. But in this one, it takes a while. So she's like, oh, she's about to leave, and then, like, I guess, does the plane go to Themiskeery, I think? Like, is that, like, maybe, maybe, fly emirates goes there?

She just gets off the plane, though, and then it's like, oh, now you're finally going to be Wonder Woman in this movie. Stop being Catwoman and start being Wonder Woman, which she does. Oh, well, let's just get into it. So, like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, let's just. Let's get to Batman's last murder of the movie. He goes in. know he goes into this warehouse where martha's being held he's like oh fuck he's listen to that top weight song and he's like on his old bat earbuds yeah and he goes in and he beats the shit out

of everybody like it's a totally fine batman take down scene yeah it's actually it's the best batmaning you get in this movie until he goes into the other room and he finds martha tight and like he just like you want to burn an old lady alive dude set a bomb more power to you yeah yeah set a bomb or you get to get a fucking you know do a Pull a little reservoir dogs, a gas can. I disagree. I think the flamethrower was a nice touch. I think it's a bit over-gly.

I think pointing a flamethrower in an old woman's face is pretty cool. I mean, like, yeah, I mean, I think I can get you a cheaper, I can get a cheaper way to burn an old lady. I'll tell you that much. But he, I mean, it's important because he's got the wealth of Lex Corp. Also, excuse me, this guy is just following Luther's orders because he makes the whole witch analogy.

and it's like we got a burner so this dude is just interpreting what his boss said you're right you're right he was just following orders um he's let him off he's about to burn her alive he's pulling a burn man uh and he's about to get a murder beef Batman shows up and

I think he's got one of the bad guys guns he grabs it he's like let her go man and he's like I'm going to do it and he goes I believe you and shoots his canister blowing this man to high hell oh yeah this dude a light What's up? Pretty good, man.

He swings in there and saves Martha just a time. Martha, are you my mother? Oh, God, that would be a great creep. Maybe that's on the R-rated cut. It's Batman takes her to a diner, and he's like, tell me I'm a good boy. Just tell me I'm a good boy. I bet he tries to breastfeed.

Oh, my God. I'm just saying he's got parental issues. Hey, Martha, you ever take a vacation at Gotham City, you circa 1973. Did you? Alfred, I found my mother.

Alfred! Oh, no, it's another Martha. Oh, shit. Initiate Martha Protocol. What the fuck ever this movie? And it's some fucking

horseshit. Like, there's some line here where, like, he's like, I knew I'd save you, Martha. You know, something like that. And Diane Lane's like, I, or no, no, no.

He's like, oh, he was going to light you up martha and she's just like i figured he would all my son's friends are the same it's not that but it's a bullshit exchange like because he's got a cape like i knew you were a friend of my son oh that's what it is yeah all the capes and it's just like you you and your failed levity in this movie zach snide i was just trying to kill your son for i don't know five months or actually no excuse me 18 months right because there's a and by the way why are we getting a cut to 18 months later

in this movie. How about a year? Yeah. How about a year and a half? A little more time needs to be passed. How about two years? Why don't you just make it the fucking length that it's been betwixt the two movies and say three years? Because you know what? It doesn't matter. Oh, it does matter. You know how long it takes to get a meeting with Congress together? Now I'm

in Ghost World with Kevin Costner. All the ghosts. Oh, let's ghosts walk the earth I got pissed all over my face I'm a pissed ghost Oh man, you've ever seen yellow ghost before It's a ghost that got pissed on when it died I'm running for ghost office

Ghost rights I'm gonna be Congresswoman ghost Oh Holly Hunter and Congresswoman ghost Yep coming this fall to CBS Sond me up Haunting the halls of the house man I would love it That's a great idea

So at the end of this movie is all three of them get together and when they start fighting the fart rock from at it's been all choir noise nonsense Right but it's really specifically when Wonder Woman. It's Wonder Woman. It is Wonder Woman centric guitar

Farts. And amazingly to prove to you to you all how big of nerds we are. The second that happened, the three of us the theater are Bill and Ted air guitaring at the exact same

time. Because it's so stupid. It's so stupid. It's so out of nowhere. What's great is by the third air guitar, I'm like, this is still happening. You get a little tired of it. Because it's such a joke. It's like the camera's on Wonder Woman and it's like and then it like cuts to Doomsday and he like

takes a shit on a building and then it goes back to Wonder Woman and the guitar kicks. It's only It's only when the camera is on Wonder Woman. So Superman takes Doomsday into space and the president begrudgingly nukes them both. Which is crazy. He's called a nuclear strike right above Metropolis.

Or D.C. or wherever the fuck we are. I can't get geography right. I think we're in Gotham, maybe. But he flies all the way up. And he's like, ah, that's far enough. Newk it. And he nukes them both, which it only makes Doomsday stronger. But does kind of kill Superman.

We get like three shots of zombies. Superman for a little while? It's so weird. He's just like he looks like Day of the Dead, man. It's ridiculous. And this is again straight out of Dark Night Returns, which apparently is the greatest comic book anyone could ever write

because we're just cribbing it left and right. I was going to say it's the greatest comic anyone can ever ruin while turning it into a movie. Where he, Superman stops is involved in a nuclear blast and the sun regenerates him pretty much immediately. But just like any other old Zach,

Snyder movie. Like, you've got Superman. We know that Superman is powered by the sun. Sure. You know, and he looks like a zombie. And then it's like we come back on. He looks a lot like thriller. Oh, big time. And who's great if Vincent Price started narrating this part of the movie? Superman. Every night Superman gets ghouls and goblins. You know another thing that's great about that time I narrated as Superman. movie. They gave me a free t-shirt afterwards.

Didn't make a dime of it, but I got a free t-shirt. Any time old Vince's wardrobe gets an update, I love it. No, but so he's a zombie, and then it's like the sun regenerates him, and it's like, because we know how Superman functions, we know what's going on, but because at the Zach Snyder movie, we can't possibly cut to a shot of the fucking sun. No. You don't see the sun once in this movie. It's crazy.

Then they all join forces start fighting each other. Batman at some point before like, damn, he leaves the spear and wherever the the kryptonite spear, wherever the fuck they were fighting. And it's up to poor old Lois Layden to fish it out. No, no, no.

Lois. Oh, my God. Oh, it's all. I touched a nerve. Uh-oh, the podcast's boiling over. Well, this is where, Lois Lane, after whatever, after the... After the Martha incident, we'll call it.

After Superman v. Batman occurs. Colin Martha. She's like, I love Superman and takes the spear and hucks it into this basement water. I don't even know what this fucking is. She throws it into a flooded basement. Exactly. And then she's like, and that's that. And then what happens is like, later on in the movie, they're like, oh, that's the only thing.

like, hey, hey, Superman, that's the only thing I could kill Doomsday's my spear. Hold on, Superman. We sure his mom's name ain't Martha? He might be one of us. He might be one of the good guys. One of the sons of Martha. So then Lois Lane is just like,

no, I got to go fish it out. So she jumps into the water and basically. She drowns, basically. And Superman, again, he's fighting Doomsday. There's bigger problems here. than Lois Lane drowning in a basement. But thankfully, you know, you got Wonder Woman who's holding her own.

She's doing the most damage to do this thing. She's got a... We are wild stallions. We are sons of Martha. She cuts off Toomstay's hand, which is pretty badass. That was pretty awesome. And her shield can take any of his blast. It's fun.

She's also doing a lot of tendon cuts on his legs. Yeah, little critters, man. They love cutting tendons. So Superman has one more scene with Lois. He saves her out of that basement water. And instead, again, Superman, Wonder Woman can handle this shit. Instead of being like, hey, Wonder Woman, take this javelin and jamming into that, gank this dude. He's like, I got to do it, man.

And I guess they formed this team formation that they never could imagine. Like, Wonder Woman finally uses the lasso, Lasso's Doomsday. Batman gasses him with kryptonite gas Which weakens him And then Superman drives his javelin right to his heart Right And every time Dumesday loses an appendage He like gets rocks I guess or something

So like he gets like horns He gets horny He gets horny Fricket horny dude So as as Dumesday's being impaled He impaled Superman In this pretty gross scene Yeah that's pretty horny right

And then we're cut into the last temptation of Christ because Superman's dead so much harder than the last movie Man. Conscious pilot washes his hands of it. It's crazy.

Like, they're kind of on top of a hill. Batman, like the Centurion, removes Superman from the spear, a Doomsday spear. And like, the two women are there,

the mother and the whore by them. I mean, that's like, honestly. No, a series, that's what they're doing here. But yeah, he kind of wraps him

in his own cape and Batman, like, lowers him down and they're all yeah it's just and there's like crosses in the background it's the weirdest shot of any movie it's like not as weird as that weird uh future sequence that makes no sense it goes nowhere but almost as i mean i mean this isn't weird it's not surprising at all because that's all the last movie yeah i mean this is just like it's the most obvious thing to ever be obvious in the most obvious movie ever made you know what i it's like fucking ridiculous dude

If they replaced Henry Cavill with Willem Defoe out of nowhere, like, I wouldn't have blinked. It's just so, look at this fucking passion of the Christ. Do you think Henry Cavill is afraid he's going to get hit by lightning like Jim Caviesel was or whatever else happened? Oh, it might be. Or that he's going to be on person of interest in three years. He hopes he's on person of interest in three years. I really think, though, that's why they're releasing this movie on Easter weekend.

Yeah, you're right. Not for nothing. You're not wrong. I think the Justice League movie is going to take place three days later. So now we're watching a DVD, the chapter would be called the two funerals of Superman. Are we still naming chapters on DVDs in 2016? I think so. We better be.

You know what, Eric, look into it. That's a project for you. When we ask for new business at the end of the meeting, to hear about it. I don't want the default to the fucking cracks, Greg. Goddamn 12 fucking checks! Fucking Greg Sisko over here. Dropping the check ball.

Oh, boy, that doesn't, that person doesn't exist. I'll figure it out. There's a big public funeral for Superman. A military funeral, by the way. Oh, sure. Right. I think Michael Bay might have directed this scene. I'm not entirely sure.

And then you've got like the Smallville funeral, where I mean, the differences could not be any more obvious. Superman in Arlington. It's like a, it's more of like a, it's an empty coffin. It's just for show. It's a show funeral, you know what I mean? But it's like this gorgeous black coffin with the S emblem on it.

Oh, you could fucking put Spock in that thing and it would be just all right. Oh, totally. Meanwhile, cut to Smallville. He's literally in a pine box. And then like a Diane Lane just to fucking twist the knife is like, oh, hey, Lois Lane. Clark before he died, I guess. ordered your engagement ring off eBay? It's just like gross little...

This belongs to some dead woman, I guess, but this came in the mail for you. Clark bought it off an estate sale. So now she's, I guess, even... He's dead, but I guess she was to be Mrs. Superman. She could have been Mr. Superman. Now she's just wearing a double dead ring. So they bury him.

And then, I mean, again, it's kind of like an inverse almost of Dark Night Returns where Superman buries Batman, but this time Batman's burying Superman and he has a conversation with Wonder Woman and he's like we should form the Justice League what the fuck are you talking about

but there are other super people that will have to fight one day and she's like what? Because Batman's like being Batman and he's being like incredibly vague and she's like what the fuck are you talking about Batman

and he's like you'll see I'm like come on man He's like, we got to find those other ones like us, and we've got to find them. Well, first of all, we're not like you. You're just a rich asshole. You literally have no powers. I live this shit, dude.

She's like, I'm a goddess. You're just a rich, jaded fuck. I'm kind of a financial goddess if you think about it. Do you have a tower named after you, Wonder Woman? You know, I started very humble. My father gave me a humble. one million dollar alone and hey wonder woman

have you filed for bankruptcy 12 times didn't think so so what do you know you're very sexy wonder woman and my hands aren't small so they're like

okay well make the Justice League and this is worse than Lord of the Rings the endings of this movie there's 14 of Return of the King you mean of the King yeah because there's this scene there's the fucking military funeral scene with the slow motion

cannons and shit. Oh my god then we get Samwise Gamgey's family did I need it? Did I need it? It's so terrible we're intercutting Lex Luthor getting a prison haircut for some reason. I think he got lice in the big house. Oh no that's a problem. They just shave him clean

and Batman comes in and he's about to brand him which we all know what that means death I guess. Yeah and then it's a it's a bullshit it like he throws the brand at the wall. Yeah. And it's like, I'll be watching you, blah, blah, blah. And this is where Steve, you

are guessing that they're setting up dark side. Yeah, because he's like loser. Yeah, Jesse Eisenberg's running off on a rant here and he goes like we can't put the toothpaste back of the tube and there's going to be bigger and bigger threats especially one from out on high and we know for sure that he's coming

because he heard us and you can't unring that bell. You can't unring that bell. says a million times. You're going to unring my bell. Now, I generally, generally, genuinely don't know what dark side is. So can you take me through the cliff notes? He's a new god. You've ever hear of the new gods?

Yeah, I'm one of them. Yeah. He lives on apocalypse. He's kind of just like the devil. He lives on an X-Men? No, he lives on a planet called Apocalypse. That's a weird name for a planet. The old Grass Tyson better be in this sequel.

The kind of the problem is A Doomsday looks a lot like Darkside Darkside is a big rock dude So we got a big rock god coming? Wait, wait, wait, this one actually talks. A rock god, do you do, do it, do you. Oh, shit, is Brett Michael's going to be the villain in the next year?

Oh, snap. He's going to mocap Darkside. Hashtag Brett Michaels for Darkside. Hashtag Wonder Woman Guitar. That's what the whole nation will be hashtagging. I think D.C. is going to commission an emoji of a guitar and Wonder Woman. That's a sponsored hashtag. And, yeah, it's like Luther's just kind of, he keeps saying you can't unring the bell over and over again or whatever it is.

It's a little bit of a Batman's forever ending when he's flapping his wings there. Oh, you're totally right. But is that, is that the last scene in the movie? I keep forgetting how this movie actually closes. Oh, no, I'm sorry. back to the funeral and Lois is crying and she throws dirt on Superman's fucking grave and spits on it. No, I'm sorry. She just throws dirt on his grain respectfully and the dirt starts to levitate and then we end.

For like a quarter second and then it's like an inception ending like oh did the top stop spinning or what? It's like a fucking league of extraordinary gentleman ending. But they spent 20 minutes built not living in the death of Superman and like everyone's crying and it's like how is the world going to go on and blah blah blah. Yeah. And they make a new memorial over the old memorial which I'm sure will get destroyed in the next movie. You know what though? New memorial much more sensible than the first one

classier. Yeah I agree. It's just a big black ass emblem and it's a weird like someone is hilariously someone's kind of already vandalized it because it's a big crowd and there's flowers and blah blah blah and I think it says something like if you're looking for him

just look all around you or something. What in the ever-loving fuck are we to Superman? He's not God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's not all of us. He's better than all of us. He's a fucking alien that is powered by our son. I'm sorry. Well, I think they're referring to the ruined hellscape of it that has become Earth. Just look at the charred Capitol building. That smells like hot piss. You think that this over does the smell of charred bodies? I think so. I think so. I think. Downtown D.C. smells like hot piss. You know why?

Because fucking Jesse Eisenberg because he really wanted to get... Luther wanted to get back at Holly Hunter. So not only did he piss in a jar and give it to her, but he ate all sorts of asparagus. Like he held it for...

He drank a lot of beer and he held it like for a long, long, long time. Because that was dark, man. That was like fucking knee-Nye Brown. Oh, it was gnarly. Do you think also he made Scoot McNary

drink a 12 pack of Coors Light before he got in there? Just fill them right up. Oh, hi, Doomsday. Welcome to Ghost World. I'll be your senator. Vote for me in the upcoming elections, Doomsday. Oh, hi, Superman.

We read again. Now we can finally have that tent-a-tete-t about what's right and wrong about Superman. Sit down on the afterlife, Superman. We got eternity for me to ask you some questions. Doomsday, take some notes. Doomsday, you get the minutes. And my voting constituents are people's dead fathers and mothers. Come on, meet the wanes.

Hey, Martha, come on in. I got some questions for ye, tea. Oh, man. Half the city walks in. Yeah, exactly. Everybody. Isn't it kind of weird that both do? Doomsday and General Zoddre here?

You're like Escobo brothers in the afterlife. Oh, weird, because he made you from you. Doomsday, keep it the minutes. I can't read your shorthand, shorthand, doomsday. Doomsday, read back the last five minutes. Good Lord. I mean, that's that movie, right? I mean, like, so Superman's clearly coming back.

No one at all. Yeah. I remember being a little kid watching Superman 4, Quest for Peace. and when a nuclear man beats the shit out of Superman and his cape falls off. I bawled like a fucking baby because I was like, oh my God, that's the most trauma I could imagine Superman being in.

Sure. In this, when he gets killed, he's got a fucking David Kronerberg like a hole in his chest. He's got a chest vagina. Yes. He's got a videodrome chest vagina. And you know, the funny thing about it is

when that happened, I felt nothing. Yeah, of course. You know why? Because you just know it doesn't matter. And Superman's not a good guy in these movies. He's not a guy that I care about. Yeah. But it's, I don't even mean about caring about him. You're right.

But I just mean more like, you know, chest vaginas a general. No, I love me a good chest vagina. A good James Wood stomach vagina too? Why the hell not? That is a nice little pouch. No, but I'm just, I'm just saying, like, you just know that

because of the way these movies go doesn't mean anything. Like, in Star Trek into darkness, Kirk dies. Listen, I fucking burst into tears with the dialogue exchange, because it just reminded me of Rath of Khan, which it's supposed to. That's going to bring out the waterworks.

But you're just like, well, you know Captain Kirk isn't dead. Yes. Right. The same thing with this, it's like, well, of course fucking Superman isn't dead. What are we doing here? It's just waste time. It's just like an excuse to have a 40-minute funeral sequence. They play fucking

bagpipes for Superman. That's the fun. Which was weird, right? Yeah. that the slow motion cannons with like the slow mo like cannon shells falling on the ground that's how long it takes and then they do like five times yep uh would anybody recommend this movie uh no actually let me i got a little a dispatch right right right yeah well i was doing the formality of a we hate movies episode this is a dispatch from christopher columbus no Chris Cabin, foreign correspondent

on the We Hate Movies show. None of us recommend the movie, but let's just get that out of the way. Eric, no? No, I'm not, but it's okay to like it. If you're, for some reason you do... Sure, yeah. I mean, I think it'll...

I think this is one of these movies where people go to the theaters might, like, enjoy their time there, but over the years, it'll wear on you. And by the way, we, the three of us collectively did not like this movie. None of us were given a dime by Marvel. Can we cut that shit out, you lunatics?

But if Marvel would like to give it down. Yeah. Oh, sure. What the fuck? You could donate on the, we hate movies, on the WHM podcast website. Sure. Kevin Feig kicking a couple of shackles. WHMpodcast.com if you'd like to contribute corporation.

Large corporate. But, I mean, and like, it's, I get, we're begging for a soft reboot here, right? Because they can't, they're two pot committed now. Suicide squad's coming out. I mean, they can't stop what's happening now. I feel like they're just going to have to make a better movie going forward, and I hope to God, Zach Snyder's not involved because he really hasn't made a good movie before.

I mean, maybe he's made an okay movie before. His only good movie is the Dawn of the Dead remake. I like that movie. Watchman's like a C-minus to a D. Exactly. Like, Man of Steel's a C-minus to a D, 300's an F, sucker punches, is less than an F if that's possible.

And like, he doesn't, and this is a, this is kind of an F for me. It's a D minus, but this is what's insane though. Like, the trains already left the station. They start filming Justice League

in a few weeks. He's set to direct it. The card was way before the horse. Yeah, sick time. Get rid of him and get George Miller in there. I remember there was talk of that years ago. They hashtag George Miller for Justice League.

They should pause Justice League. Let, let, you know, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, Man be Aquaman, let the Wonder Woman movie go on because you're already done. Well, that's what's insane is the Wonder Woman movie and Justice League Part 1 are happening in the same year. Next year. Spread that shit out.

And let's slow down. Get a reaction first. See what your fans like. Totally. Your fans don't like. Which is weird because they had so much time and they clearly wrote this movie a bunch that this movie is that bad. Because they just kept digging in, digging in and digging in. It's too many cooks.

Too many. So, so I'm sorry, I interrupted the dispatch from afar. Steven's going to read an excerpt of Chris Cabin's statement on this film, the full diatribe. Now, can I get part of the story in, though, is that I'm at dinner last night. Uh-oh. I got a text message, middle of dinner. Chris Cabin, all it says is it's far worse than you could possibly think. And you know what?

Chris Cabin was right. He was. So you got a part of this, but Eric, you said we'll have it where? The full, the full rant. Yes, we'll be on WHM podcast.com. Yes, we do indeed have a Tumblr, mostly just to post episodes, but we also sometimes will post supplemental material like interesting tidbits, such as Chris Cabin's Rant of the Superman.

This is sort of how he ends it. As bad as movies like X-Men The Last Day and, Green Lantern and Spider-Man 3 are, their ultimate goal isn't to condemn and shit on the world of man, but rather to expand it, to see some little splinter of hope in the world. I never felt anything like that for a moment of this

150-minute fiasco, which I honestly hope I can get through the rest of my life without seeing again. And I agree with you, Chris. This is a one and done. I'm glad we did this. This is kind of why we did this as an emergency broadcast. Exactly right. It's really why. We didn't want to watch this again at the end of

the year. That's the thing. We saw so many people saying like oh geez fellas worst of 2016 next january no sir no ma'am because i don't want to watch this ever again we're doing it now while it's fresh in our heads and that's the end of it and next week we'll have dungeons and dragons as promised correct but maybe this week we'll have animation damnation that was also a request so request month goes on yes that will be that will be initiated this this week as well the last the listener requested animation damnation on the rack And we're doing the first episode of that. Yeah.

Brilliant show. Brilliant show. You know what? The raccoons? Better than Batman v. Superman, Colin Dawn of Justice. Oh, man. And you know what the funny thing is?

I'm so raw from this. I'm going to be thinking about, I'm going to be stewing about this movie and stewing about this movie for days. And honestly, you know, if you like it, you know, if you like it, you know, that's your prerogative. And, yeah. Sorry for shitting on it. Well, if you liked this movie, you probably turned this off a long time. That's true. That's true.

I just want to show that, you know, it's a big tent party, all right? And if you're a new listener, there are many other episodes to listen to, and please subscribe to the podcast and stick around. That's very true. That's We Hate Movies on a special emergency broadcast of Batman v. Superman, Colin the Dawn of Justice. If you want to get a hold of us or find out more information about We Hate Movies, check out our website, WHMpodcast.com, or find us over at sideshownetwork.tv. Like us on Facebook, facebook.com slash we hate movies, and follow us on Twitter.

We are at WHM podcast right into the mailbag. We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. As Eric said, write and review the show wherever you get it. We would greatly appreciate it. Next week, we'll be the as promised Dungeons and Dragons to officially wrap up our listener request. are Jeremy Irons-a-thon Yeah, that's very true.

The We Hate Movies Unit on Jeremy Irons will end next week. And there's a quiz after Dungeons and Dragons. It's true. So until next week, when it definitely is Dungeons and Dragons this time. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Say-Dak. Eric Siska.

Take it easy. Keep it cheesy. Thank you.