We Hate Movies - S6 Ep249: Episode 249 - American Dreamz

Episode Date: May 10, 2016

On this week's episode, the gang welcomes back comedian and long time friend of the show, Justin J. Case, as they try to wrap their heads around the complete and total satirical misfire that is, American Dreamz! Why try to lampoon so many institutions at once? Who ever truly cared about Hugh Grant? And are we really trying to create sympathy for George W. Bush? PLUS: The guys create a new band called "Corn" and hope that Jonathan Davis doesn't sue. American Dreamz stars Dennis Quaid, Hugh Grant, Mandy Moore, Willem Dafoe, Chris Klein, Jennifer Coolidge, Sam Golzari, Marcia Gay Harden, and Seth Meyers, for some reason; directed by Paul Weitz.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, everyone, welcome to we hate movies on the side show network. Thank you for tuning in as always this week. We are joined by our friend Justin J.K.s in the studio. How are you, buddy? I'm great. You're usually the disaster expert, and today's disaster is America. Well, it is. I think that, you know, everyone is a disaster. And I have to say that this movie reminds me so much of Mars attacks.

It kind of is a disaster movie. We are talking about American Dreams from 2006, directed by Paul White's, Mr. American Pie himself, and another bunch of assorted movies you don't want to watch. What was that Tofer Grace movie he directed? Also with Dennis Quaid, by the way. In the company of good guys? In good company. In good company.

That's what one of the men... A couple of good guys. That's one of the many movies where emotional growth equates running on a beach. Like at the end of the movie, if you're running on a beach, you've grown. It's like, oh, wow, you really made it. And if you're female, you get a three-legged dog. Yeah, you can double up on that. Is that the savages that happens in?

Yeah. Okay. And it's got to be by the water. And a cityscape has to be in the back. Yeah, because you're moving. Now your legs are leaving your problems right behind you. There's what's going on there. So this movie is Paul White's trying to say something about American culture and politics is the idea.

It's a capital T with trying. Yeah, keyword trying. It's desperate to say something, to find something. This is the movie that it's Hugh Grant as like a Simon Cowell-esque figure. The whole thing's based around a fake American idol called. American Dreams with a Z because that's what we're doing.

It's sad tire comedy. That's a joke my uncle would tell. Well, I guess sit, I'm glad you're sitting down because I am your uncle. Oh my God, what a revelation. Uncle Sisks.

You know, I think we gave up. With a Z. With double Z. So we also have Dennis Quaid doing, I guess, George W. Bush. You're right. He's got the same haircut he did when he played Clinton in that other terrible movie where he's a president.

Dennis Quaid always has the same haircut, right? It's like perpetual. I guess that's true. Is it? Yeah, it is the same haircut. You're right. I think he's worse as Clinton because he's supposed to be Clinton specifically. Yeah, this is kind of like how John Travolta had like some leeway when he was not playing Clinton in, what was that movie with Kathy Bates?

Primary colors. Yes, primary colors. It's sort of what's going on here. because he's doing like a slight George W. accent and like vocabulary. You know what I didn't appreciate about primary colors is they put Billy Bob Thornton in as James Carville but didn't have the balls to do the accent.

And you think, if anything, Billy Bob Thornton could probably pull that off. Yeah. He's a Southern guy. Not from the same part of the South, but, you know. He's heard it before. And he's an actor. also that

who else is in this movie Mandy Moore and Chris Klein remember them yeah it's kind of a remember it's like a snapshot of people that could be in movies in 2006

it's a pop-up video interview I mean you're going to get Chris Klein on like a directed like Vimeo movie nowadays I feel like Chris Klein's like arm wrestling people in a bar or something right this second right this second for money yeah that could be I did not see that

what was it that legend of Chung Lee Street Fighter movie oh right yeah oh who's he playing in that I think he's like playing like Chun Lee right we really do have a problem with casting Asians in Hollywood and all of a sudden now we notice he's someone I think he's like a like a cop or something oh yeah oh it's a fake character he might be playing Charlie there's like a Charlie that's in some of those games. Chan? No, no.

And not Chris Klein as Charlie Chan either. It was like Street Fighter Alpha. It was where they were like, I don't know. Everybody's got friends and like, hi, I'm Giles' buddy, Charlie. And it's like, I don't know what Charlie. Get out of here, Charlie. What's your super move, Charlie? My super move is like, I don't know.

I show up on time all the time. I'm a really, he calls me when his mom's upset, you know? We like to keep Charlie around. Sometimes he picks up the check. when we go have our street fighter dinners Oh that's a down-down Backback A I think is picking up the check So then like here's where we're doing

Like the real satire of this movie Cut to a terrorist training camp Where we're directing like a terrorist recruitment video And I'm laughing This movie The first fuck you to this movie Is I'm watching it This terrorists

and at first I'm like oh well like it was a different time but fuck you movie for me having me thinking like terrorism isn't funny or not more or less funny it's not more or less ripe for comedy no it's always unfunny

but it's weird you're like oh you didn't know how bad it was over there it's okay well it's more lighthearted because it's Al Qaeda you know what we have now is a little a little more hardcore oh now it's hardcore with ISIS. Like, you couldn't try to make

ISIS funny. Al-Qaeda, that's a mile a minute laughing. Sure, yeah, exactly, because you couldn't have some guy cut someone's head off and then sing a song and a competition. Well, it's weird because these terrorists are devoid of all religion, like, and they're very smartly so, because they just

don't want to touch that, the M word there, so everyone's just like, we're Iraqi and we're upset. Yeah, but you're probably Muslim. The only thing they'll say they're fighting against is decadence. Yeah, like, I fight against that every day. Oh, shit.

Oh, no, I gave up. That's what Taco Bell is for. So the whole, like, premise of this movie is we're sending a terrorist to compete on American Idol slash American Dreams with a Z. He's played by James Carville, I think. No, I don't think so. It's played by an Englishman, this main terrorist here. And he's going to somehow make his way all the way to the way to the. the top of the show and then

kill the president who's a guest judge in the finale. It's a happy coincidence because he's a blundering bad terrorist and they're like, oh, go to California and live, you're going to be a sleeper cell forever. And he's a blundering bad president.

Yeah, so they meet up with each other. That's cute. He winds up on the show by happenstance and then they're like ooh, then the president's going to be on there, so then that'll happen. Well, the whole thing is he's basically like, exile to California because he's bad at being

a terrorist because all he wants like he's kind of like Charlie the elf yeah you know because he just he wants to be a Broadway show tune singer slash dentist you know like he doesn't fit in with the rest of the terrorists and all their terrorist games and they're like oh you go live with family in California and like wait for the call

and the guy's like oh okay when's the call and some dude says like very quietly like never like they're just ditching him and I was like just murder him in the desert that that is usually how that ends well it's good to have a backup sleeper cell yeah never know when you're gonna need it you've got agents all over don't you hail hydro just in case uh and so we've got um we've got like the the new season of this show is starting and we're introduced to Hugh Grant like the first character and he gets broken up with

this girlfriend or like she breaks up with her kind of everything and you realize like right away this guy's like heartless, soulless Simon Cowell type character. The funny thing is they don't do the thing like it takes forever for the show to start because the show is just about to start for about an hour and 29

minutes like the season like there's so much about like the beforehand stuff we don't do the stupid audition thing which is the only joke you have to make when you're making an American Idol parody. That's all you want. You just want a bunch of goofballs like waiting on a line, farting in front of the camera. And as a movie you're saying with such a small budget

and the mileage you get out of... You realize that like doing... That's why American Idol is so cheap to make because you have just thousands of people spending time, their time working for you. Yeah. Right? Because every audition is airable. Yeah.

So why couldn't they have leveraged that same principle for the filmmaking process? Right? As soon as the movie started out, I was like, there's going to be a beep, you know, seven you know seven to eight bad auditions and then there's a dog and you're like oh that's fun they took it really

far with that dog yeah what's his name William hung or whatever oh William hung would have made a cameo although I mean this was 2006 where we pre-repost hung I don't know I think I'm always hung I don't think we're hung yet the wave hasn't broken yet

he was like the apex of that show no it was right around there because he's on that second season of Arrested Development oh that's how you date a hung so yeah you're right so no he had already happened so how do you not have William home yeah that's the joke

or Bridget Boyle was the other one Susan Boyle Susan Boyle she was never on American Idol though what was that the voice no I think it was like Britain's got talent she was the opera singer

there's an America's got talents yeah that's where Howard Stern farts on that show are used to I think he farts on Howie Mandel specifically it's Howard's turn every week shitting on a glass table

while Howie Mandel stays under it with a rubber glove on his head I think that's what happened and that's when he likes you and then there's so you think you can dance I was like

I like so you think you can dance like everything else is pretty so you think come on hey go ahead and dance it's my wedding but you go ahead and dance

then there's Wheel of Fortune that we're going Yeah, now, you know, we're not doing that. I think it's like scrapped plots from Love Actually and Mars attacks. Just put together into a movie. Could you see all of those people? If aliens, like, invaded in the middle of this movie. Oh, my God, it would be so good then, right?

Not good, but it would be better. Well, replace terrorists with aliens, and you got yourself a movie. I could laugh at aliens, man. Like, you know what? I haven't seen people blown to bits by aliens in real life. so I can have a good chuckle when an alien gets his comeuppance. Get a couple of bleep-glops

making a propaganda film. Yeah. And you can still criticize reality TV culture that way. Like an alien ascends all the way to the finals just like this terrorist does. But you're along the way

also making a bunch of hilarious like the alien doesn't get the culture jokes. That's something. It's not a good movie, but there's a movie in there. But instead we get the terrorist doesn't understand

the culture jokes where it's like you're going to the mall again oh right it's like kind of like balky bartakam it's a little bit it's a little balky he's he's actually and this is on intentional of the movie is like he's the most well-rounded best person

in the movie you know what I mean like that's like the flip on it like he's a good guy except that like I guess his mom died in a bomb crash or something a bomb crash boom Steve Sadegh say bomb go boom. The invasion of

Iraq, right? Numerous bomb crashes. Well, that's the thing. Like, the U.S. killed his mother. So that's supposed to be his motivation for wanting to do this. But even still, he's like, yeah, I just, I really like singing show tunes

in my tent. That's my thing. But he moves in with like these cousins and they're supposed to be kind of like a Shaz of Sunset type family. Sure. Ultra American eyes. Like totally rich. you know, situation. And they've got this, like, total gay stereotype son.

This character's obnoxious. It just happens. And it's like, oh, that's fun. And then he, like, turns into a real character. And you're like, oh, I wish he was just a person. You know, I just wish he could talk like a person. It's like, oh, I'm going to have to deal with this for more than three and a half minutes. Well, rats.

Yeah. So it's just, like, that's the problem with this movie is it's just like you're basically watching a condensed TV. season and you have no real sense of time as far as like how things are chugging along except for people getting kicked off the show but it's all people you don't know because you haven't met any of them except like the three well that's the thing is we spend so much time with Mandy Moore a little bit with Hugh Grant and a lot with Omer who is the terrorist Iraqi guy and I'll say Iraqi guy I'm trying again we're on a game show right what is Middle Eastern

Even better. Are we doing a form of a question? Shit. But he spent so much time with them, you don't get to see what the show is. Right. Because this movie's so incredibly cheap. It's filmed in like... When 25 people walked out on this stage, I was legitimately like, oh, that's what this show is.

I thought that it was a condensed version. I thought that the show really did only pick three people. Yeah. Which is dumb, but, like, 25, like, circus animals. They may as well have just been mannequins. There was. One of everything. There was a couple of, like, kid rock types.

There was a couple kid rocks. It's like Noah's Ark. A couple of kid rocks. A couple of Clay Clarks is on there. Two kid rocks. What else do you need? Two modest Yahoo's? Yeah, you want to spread the net wide?

A couple of Uncle crackers and a snow in there. Oh, yeah, dude. Wow. That is a petri dish. I think you need a lady antebellum so people can procreate. Well, you got a couple of Britney's Spears is, you know, this Mandy Moore is called White Trash. You can get a ludicrous in there if you wanted.

Oh, yeah, a couple ludas. Well, that's like Hugh Grant's whole thing is like, he has like the highest rated show on TV. Oh, poor him, like his life is terrible. He hates doing the show. So his idea to spice it up is he's going to have an Arab guy and an Israeli dude be contestants on the show. But because the show works and functions just like American Idol. people call in and vote people off so there's no way to control

what happens in this movie which is the Arab dude the Israeli guy and Mandy Moore are like the final three Right but do you think that's like not controlled at all because like they vetted those Like we only see them vet those people And we see like the Mandy Moore shit's interesting right Because they're looking at her audition tape

And it's like oh she knows that she's like playing a part Right she knows how to play the game right Yeah they're very interesting I guess maybe she advances just by playing the game well, but I got a vibe that there was some dirty politics going on. But here's the thing. Then just give me a scene with Hugh Grant where he's like, oh, and of course, we're fixing the whole thing.

And the calls from America don't mean anything. Like, just do that. It takes 10 seconds. No, no, make it, make it dumber. I'm going to call it 100 times on my own. Here's a question. Hugh Grant's terrible, right? Yes.

Without question. We were right, Steve. Okay, good. Just that I had a bet that you grant was terrible. I guess we're right. Oh, yeah. Which one of you didn't think that he was terrible? I don't know.

Like, people like him, I guess. People do. People love him. Oh, they find him charming, don't they? Go to the IMDB boards for this thing, man. When has he ever worked? Like, when has he ever put a lot into a film? I can't think of a movie where he, like, did a whole lot of work.

I kind of like, the only movie that I really like of him is Ken Russell's Lair of the White Worm. It's like this weird, like, Yeah, I've seen it. Yeah, it's like a fun movie. It's okay. He doesn't have a ton to do in it. It's like his first feature. Yeah, it's him and Doctor Who hanging out.

Yeah. Oh, wow, that sounds great. Now, is it better or worse than Ken Russell's whore? It's got to be better than Ken Russell's whore. I'll check it out. Layer of the White Worm is a movie that gets requested quite a bit, and I'm like, nah. It's a good movie. So, like, anyone out there, you know, just don't bother.

I'm not talking about Lair of the White Worm. I don't care. But, I mean, like, four weddings and a funeral is, like, fun and airy, but also not very good. He just plays the same prick in every movie. Like, I don't care about this character that he's developed. I've never seen him dye his hair. That means you're not really trying. Yeah, yeah.

You've seen me with dyed hair before. Yeah. And not you, Grant. I think he's the kind of actor that comes to set, and he's just wearing his clothes that he has. No matter what the role. Like, if he has to play the, you know, Britain's prime minister, he just gets a Hugh Grant suit out of a Hugh Grant closet and he comes to set. You just predicted it.

The David Cameron story. Oh, there you go. But the thing is, Hugh Grant was for some reason considered attractive in the 90s. And people were like, oh, that's Hugh Grant. Well, he's a handsome guy, but that's where it stops. He's handsome enough. You know, not by today's standards. Well, they just love his fuddy, awkward.

like that was charming it's like the cute British accent oh yeah kind of a dick which I guess you're supposed to like like in about a boy he's like oh I drink beer and I hate children oh no I have a child right that's what it is yeah people love dicks what was his scandal speaking of dicks oh he had sex with a prostitute while he was dating Elizabeth Hurley yeah because that's something you need to do while you're dating Elizabeth Hurley was it like a classic weird like what was the I mean, that wasn't anything juicy of that? Literally, I mean. Well, he filled up his car with gas.

Okay. Drove down to that part of town, right? Man, right? Thinking like, I'm just going to talk to these ladies. Oh, I see. You know, just get my flirt on a little bit. Maybe he was just looking for directions. That happens. I think there was, like, something like that.

Yeah, I mean, but because, like, he's, I mean, like, the idea was he was, like, such a sweet guy before that. And I was like, oh, my God, he has sex with people. Like, yeah. Like, yeah. Yeah, he does. I love, like, Hugh Grant's mugshot from that prostitute arrest is one of my favorite, celebrity mugshots. Because he's just looking like, let's get on with it.

I have places to be. No, he's like, you gotta be a wild grant or what? Been there, done that. This should be the next season of American crime story. Oh, the Hugh Grant prostitution scandal? It'll be two episodes. It'll be good. Wait, that's break up the season to vote two episodes apiece, so you get five cases of celebrity sex scandals.

Oh, yeah. That's a season. And then, you know what? Just throw in one episode there of Nick Nolty. It's got to be. I don't know how we got this far without mentioning Nick Nolty. Well, just the Ruhypnol. He's like, that's my favorite thing in the world is he didn't know Rihpnol was illegal.

Yeah. And he was taking himself. He was Roofie himself. He didn't know better. That's what he said. Well, I think it's a little bit of a misnolid. Homer because I've been high on it several times and nobody's ever tried to rape me that's what he said that's exactly that's what he said

at least that I know off I'm gonna go home I have some rehypnal relax put on some coach you ever watch coach under him now dauber's even funnier you're out of your fucking mind laughing at dauber I mean you can't even say jennie and dyke when you're on little hip now. That's all I'm saying. It's very funny. Funny fucking dog on coach. Okay, look at the camera.

And turn. And you're done. Marsha Gay Harden is Laura Bush surrogate in this movie. I hate when I'm watching movies like this. And I'm like, this movie's already a piece of shit in the opening credits. And then it's like, boom, Marsha Gay Hardin.

I'm like, what? why you're so much better than this she does shit constantly she's on that code black medical show oh I thought you were talking about a mountain dew new tar flavored code black mountain dew

brought you by Marsha K Hart spokesman for Mountain Dew Extreme Marcia Gayhart don't take our word for it it's just her on a snowboard and she skates up like in front of the camera and she just goes

Stavislovsky Beownau! It's just like the idea of like it's like LeBron James about to introduce it and like no no no I'm just over here I'm waiting for something else and then you pan over to Marsha Gayhart The problem with this movie is that

it's got too many balls in the air and the thing that you can cut out speaking of Marsha Gay Harden is so much time with the president like the thing needs to be oh at the end of this season the president's coming and you like build up suspense like you don't even see the president it's a real like who's gonna play the president and you get somebody you get fucking alan alda for a cameo as the president or whatever and you cut all of that out because it's like Dennis Quaid like just wins re-election and he's like having this this like midlife crisis kind of a deal he feels like and this is all like you this movie tries to draw sympathy for George W. Bush which is obnoxious I think think he's depressed he's he's he's disillusioned yeah he's like he well he's realizing that like

people are doing like his job as president for him like he's just like a maybe i placebo the thing is i think it's it's george w bush becoming self-aware yeah oh should just like sky net yeah he became set no but it's i mean it's it's it's weird because like it does like it's that stupid thing where, like, everybody likes to pretend that Dick Cheney was like the bad guy and George W. Bush was the sweet baby? Like, no. They're both kind of crooks.

Yeah. No, he's just... They're both monsters. One was just a real big idiot. One actually shot somebody while there in the lighthouse. How pissed do you think he was that that dude lived, huh? Because it would be so too easy. God damn it. It's so easier if he didn't. I'll miss next time.

Now that guy's going to talk. they should have sent him on that same hunting trip with Antonin Scalia Gu-gu Gaga I'm George W. Bush I'm a baby It's like oh

His I think is like Oh he gets briefings He's like But I don't understand The Iraqis are like Dr. Octopus And the What is this?

Magneto and Dr. Octopus Are the Iraqis And the people from Iran It's like okay I get it A couple of Magneto They're using Magneto Technology

First of all Everybody knows George W. Bush was a D.C. man. A couple of jokers out there. But it's like the Sunni Shiite and the curse. Right. He's like, did you know? And this was a line from the trailer where he's like, do you know there's two cons of Iraq of Stanis?

And then Marcia Gayharton, like, holds up three fingers. And he's like, actually, three cons. And Willem Defoe as basically like a Karl Rove Dick Cheney mashup is like, You're talking about Sunnis and Shiites and Kurds, Mr. President? And it's just like, there's nothing about this that's entertaining. It's a one-note, like, bad Saturday Night Live sketch that is given, like, nine scenes in this movie. Do you think the, so the whole production staff and the writer and the director and... Same dude, by the way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Dennis Quaid, do they think they're really doing it? Like, do they really think they're saying something? Yeah, like digging in. I think they do. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, oh, yeah, we're going to make this movie.

And you know what? We're probably going to put on the no-fly list. Whatever America. But somebody, like, I think that they think that they're effectively sticking it to George Bush in this movie. Oh, without question. Like, this movie thinks it's like sharp as attack. It's too hot to handle too cold to hold. You call Dennis Quaid and he's in control, right?

Oh, right. That's what, yeah. No. Man, Bobby Brown should have done some songs on this soundtrack. Anyone should have done some songs. Get music rights of like anything. There's a couple of show tunes and like one Sinatra tune and that's it. But there should be like, yeah, there should be like legitimate covers.

Yeah, we're not licensing any pop songs. When you see them sing on the show, like for the most part they're singing the theme song to the show where it's like, we're all in it together. Our American dreams. Dreams with a Z. The weird thing is they cut to this one guy who's like, I'm a rock and roll. rock and roll man i'm a rock and roll man i'm like what are we even talking about this is more of the satire it's like what kinds of tropes do you get on this show like the rock guy the country guy

pop gal these are satires of music now this is there's so many facets oh dude chris whites is tearing america a new asshole or paul whites is tearing america a new asshole pretty good in his own regard yeah they're all helping out there the whites family yep Paul White's is saying something about anything you can get his claws on in this movie. What happens is that at some points it's full. Like, it's full on, it's going at the VAPID characters, the puppeteering in Washington. Right. The commercialization.

Sometimes it's actually going for it. But then in between, it keeps confusing satire and parody. Oh, big time. So a guy going, I'm a rock and roll man, a rock and rocking, man. It's not satire because you're not taking an opinion. You're just parodying something. Yeah, exactly. But it doesn't seem to know when it's doing which.

And the George Bush stuff is so bad because it goes back and forth. Sometimes it's like doing something and sometimes it's just aping what we expect. Right. Like it's basically like how much of Will Ferrell's George W. Bush can we steal without actually having to hire fucking Will Ferrell to play this president? Which is weird because that's what that whole W movie was. That was terrible also. Oh, the Oliver Stone. film. Yeah, that's a

Saturday Night Live skats dramatized and strung out for two and a half hours. Did you guys see the trailer for Snowden yet? I saw the first one. I didn't see this new one with him in it. Oh, lordy lord. Is he doing a bad impression like he did in that Robert Zemeckis movie? He's doing an insanely

bad impression. And I think, I was like is Oliver Stone just making people do this? It's because honestly, Joseph Gordon Levitt in that trailer sounds like a Muppet. He's like trying to do Edward Snow. Snowden and he's just a Muppet. That's so stupid.

I'm a Muppet. I will use computer. Oh, why? He's Swedish chef? No, no. I was trying to do a Muppet and it became Swedish chef. It would be funny if it was like, it was Joseph Gwyn Levin,

but then somebody's really big hands were his hands. I think he's more like the news reporter. Oh, I got it. Yeah. No, like a Sam Eagle or like the human news reporter. I was always impressed what the news reporter. He's a human Muppet. That's what he's doing.

You got a puppet that can hold the paper? That's really difficult, right? Yeah, yeah. You're gluing paper to that puppets. If you're a Muppet with thumbs, you're a little further up evolution-wise. You know what I don't need in like new Muppet technology that's disgusting? Their feet? Yes, yes.

Muppet Peter Bed. There's a new Muppet on the ABC show, which is not great, but it got better towards the end of that first season. It's because they fired everybody. I dropped it because I didn't want to see these Muppets fucking all the time. Yeah, they toned that stuff down and it feels more like a Muppet show, which is nice. But they've got this one, the Muppet that's like, it's just a little nerdy guy, but he's got eyes with like his pupils blink. Ew. It's disgusting.

And he's just like, he's like buck-toothed and like mouth breathing. And he's like, oh, hey, Kermit, I'm an intern on this show or like whatever it is. And then he's like, eh. And it just goes, bink. and his little irises blink it's disgusting just give me two dead golf balls with dots on them

yeah that's it a nice little like black little stick that makes his arm go around it's worked well enough for fucking 50 years I don't need this new technology in puppets there's plenty of them I think that goes against there's probably some henson code where it's like

thou shalt not embalm and stuff human beings he's like reading it over Do I really have to put this in here? Listen, there's some sick people out there. You never know. Jim, Jim, you're going to wish you had. I see here you boys have a Frankenstein clause on your contract. I won't be joining the team.

You'd be surprised how many jobs I've turned down due to a Frankenstein clause in them. Not just puppeteering jobs. Oh, so here's another kind of bullshit. that they don't bother to do anything with. So Mandy Moore, like, she gets on the show and they're having, like, a party for her, like to celebrate her getting on. And Chris Klein is her, like, high school sweetheart.

They're going to get married. He just got a promotion at the hardware store or whatever the else fuck. And she's like, yeah, we're going to break up because I'm going to go be a star and whatever. Did you say this was Chris Klein? Chris Klein. Isn't this someone else that's at the hardware store at the beginning?

No, it's Chris Klein. She dumps him and Chris Klein. Oh, and then it's... Joins the Army. Holy shit. I didn't realize it flashed back. I thought it was a different... He gets a haircut.

I thought it was Matt Klein. It's not like the London brothers. Oh, okay. All right. All right. No, no, I'm catching up. There's only one Klein, yeah. I thought it was like her current boyfriend, and then, like, the high school boyfriend

comes back from the war. No, he's got shaggy, like, dazed and confused hair. But then, like, he goes up to the army that, like, prove himself to her. I forget, does he sign the contract for political or no? I got to admit,

I watched this as George W. Bush in the 1980s. Oh, I see. High on cocaine. I was in the bag a little bit. You and all your frat brothers? Talking about Muppets.

Hey, Poppy, you mind if we put out American dreams in the dead? I'm having a couple of friends over. Some of the old skull and Bones guys. I don't know, Barr. He didn't even ask

to take over the study tonight. Jeopardy was on. I got my tapes to watch. I got the new Ken Burns came out last night, Barr. He's watching movies in the studies with his friends. I got nine hours of Civil War to get through, Barr. Don't know how I'm going to do it.

One VCR household. Which is the AV to take the Nintendo off the television? I know which AV puts it on because W has just got it Lockdown there. I'm thinking of Goodwill hunting when he's like, is there another VCR in the house?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dude, there were times when you lived in a one VCR household. There was a little bit of a struggle. He was like one line over at the grocery store, man. It was. You had to queue up. Get in line to play that tape, man.

We had to rewind tapes uphill. You kids today don't know how good you got it. Bar, he put a piece. peanut butter sandwich at the car rewinder. You know, I bought, I got this car rewinder for Christmas. Dude, we had one of those in the jupe and house old red Cadillac.

Oh, wow. The rich get richer at the jupeanah. Oh, yeah, right. What the fuck is a car rewinder? Dude, so rewinder, you put it in your car. Like a tape rewind? No, no, no. Remember the VHS tape? Rewinders? So you didn't have to stress out your VCR's motor. When

the movie was over, you take the tape out, you put it in the rewinder contraption. You never had one of these? Dude, it's one of the most useless inventions of all time. You know what? Maybe not. We did go through a couple VCRs. I don't know.

Yeah, dude, these things were cheap. You changed them out like every year or so because they always broke. And you like pimped your ride and had it in there? They built like different models of them. And one was just like a car. Exhibit did this? Exhibit came in and he sort of fiddled with my VHS tape rewinder. Yeah.

We heard you love it. rewinding. It was great. He put drop-down TVs in the VCR tape rewinders. And they immediately caught fire after the show wrap. It was the easiest, cheapest, shittiest Christmas present you can get

for someone. It took no thought. It was like, here's a rewind, oh, you kind of like cars. But the only good thing about getting a rewinder is a present. If they were like, oh, I have one, you're like, well, not for long. Yeah, you'll need it. Just hold on to it. It's going to break. And then ours can slide right in.

and take its place. It's like extra version olive oil. What are these things broke? Just to get the logistics out of the way. Yeah. Did the tape get stuck in it? No, we never had a tape get stuck in it. It just wouldn't do it.

And it was made out of like the cheapest plastic. If it got stuck, it wasn't a problem. Like, you know, my dad broke a couple of them open with his bare hands. They're like, you know, easier than clams. Oh. Which your dad breaks open with ease. Oh, yeah, with his teeth just chomping clams over. I got a bunch of oysters in my car rewinder here.

bar. I mean, these things aren't cheap. This kid's not moving out. I just got to like the idea of, you know, just a little sour George W. Oh, totally. George H.W. I apologize. Oh, yeah. Herbert Walker. So Chris Klein

joins the Army for about two seconds, and it's like, cut to him in a Humvee. Killing Omar's mother. No, that's no, that's not what happens. No, I know. I know it's not what happens, but it should have.

It should have. I mean, that's basically... If you want to do things like set up character motivation and, you know... Other things like that. Sure, you're totally right. But this is American Dreams and it's a flaming mess of a movie. Oh, sorry, you're right, with a Z. I don't want anyone out there getting confused. I think there was like an American Dreams TV show and it was like Dreams with an S.

It wasn't called American Dreams with an S. But yeah, there is. about the Z Yeah please please Exist ends is the only other film I can think of on this list What do we got? Who invited that Z to the party? What does that Z do?

I don't know but are we just talking movies Because there's extends the boner pill Yeah sure But it's like bodega boner pills And you don't want to buy those Wait these are bono pills They sell at a bodega Yeah it's like you know stuff that barely passed the FDA

And you can get it from like $4 a pack at a 7-11 taste like I'm learning a lot today I got a question you are learning a lot

if we decided to form a rock band we got four people here yeah and we wanted to call ourselves corn but not spell like a complete asshole like are we allowed to do that

or would we get sued corn with corn with a C with a C in an or there would be corn with a C yeah all the letters are in the right fucking order

I will join your band Corns K with a Z at the end Corns well we're breaking up I'm out of the band could I get sued for having

it spelled the right way here's the thing maybe what does the band look like and what kind of music are we producing nobody's named monkey so you got that going for you great start wait but is there anyone

named Jonathan Davis Steve in one of our songs corn just C-O-R-N regular is there any point where like Eric's on drums and like J-J's playing a guitar and I'm on bass and we go into a sick breakdown and you just on vocals start going

because if you do that we might get sued also provided less than 25% of our music videos take place in an asylum we should be fine I'm trying I can't do the I can't do the corn so I can't do it either no you just did it was flawless oh Jonathan Davis is coming after me you might I mean that guy's looking monkey you're going to break my legs monkey might be dead I don't think monkey passed away he's got to be a lot I hope so anyway yeah monkey get him

you can't die working at foot locker oh man no he's too alright yes you can it's called athletes foot I also feel like you know so long as we steer clear of limp biscuit like we're not doing any songs of lip biscuit we're in a good spot

I learned my lesson already in my life to steer clear a limb biscuit that's a good note for any bands steer clear of lymphiskin and person yeah dude if you're shopping in a you know CD store makes your Fred Durst ain't in there I got fucking kicked out right the tower records in Times Square

it was the Virgin Megastore in Times Square excuse me sir Mr. Durst is trying to shop said the eight foot tall bodyguard let him shop I was like I'm not impeding the shopping you are let him buy his fucking how far did they move you out of the area I had to leave the eye

Dude, if you just did your Jonathan Davis impression, you would have been like, right this way, Mr. Davis. Because nobody knows what Jonathan Davis actually looks like. That's true. And it's kind of weird, so I think anyone could pass is Jonathan Davis. Right this way, remarkably young, Jonathan Davis. Speaking of which, this is also the most... Rotund to Jonathan Davis.

Oh, yeah, without question. Oh, my, Mr. Davis. Jonathan Davis, why are you dressed up like a... late 90s ska kid. This is the most anyone who's talked about Jonathan Davis in years. Even like a Thanksgiving

at the Davis household? Yeah. Everyone decided to not follow the leader. Jonathan, past the you know, past the peas, Jonathan. He's kind of a muppet

at this point. He's kind of a muppet at this point. I'm not my dad. Jonathan Davis. Jonathan Davis. Oh, man. Wes Borland's playing bass in the back. Oh, sure.

That was the biscuit. That's the weird thing, though. And I was a new middle. The biscuit? Hold on. I called it the biscuit. $3 bill, y'all. I, there was this idea that, like, that was cooler than pop music. Do you know what I mean?

Like, you wanted, you were not an American Idol kid. I mean, that doesn't really cross over, right? It's a little bit after that. Yeah, I mean, American Idol was like, what, 2002-ish is when that started? That's kind of around there. But you were like, I don't do that American Idol. Cooley Clarkson, crap, man. I listen to real music like corn and limp biscuit and stained and God smash.

Don't act like you weren't that kid. No, I'm standing up on a soapbox letting you know. He's admitting to this on the air. But that's the idea is like that music you could listen to. You could listen to a Kelly Clarkson. I'm like, yeah, since you've been gone. You try and listen to Freak on a Leach. Your eye bottle stop.

Like, what the fuck are you doing? I'm sorry, I can't do that, Dave. I can't play Freak on a Leach, Dave. You know what's weird? There's a part in this movie where Dennis Quaid predicts the plot of Olympus has fallen, by the way. Oh, does he? Because he wakes up and he's, like, having his breakfast and he's reading the funny papers and whatnot. And he's like, you know, I had a dream.

Oh, no, this is what it is. He's talking to the premiere of China. And he goes, like, he's just talking to this dude. And he's like, you know, I had a dream that I was meeting with some people. And they turned out to be North Korean terrorists. And they started attacking. And I'm like, what are you even talking about right now? And then I realize he's talking about the plot of Olympus is falling.

He's like, he's been dreaming that he's a better looking president, like Eric Eckhart. Like those movies take place. inside the world of American dreams inside this president's head? Oh, wow, it's inside of a snow globe the whole time. Oh, yes, it's the Tommy Westfall verse. It's Dennis Quay's head, is that you're saying? Yeah, I think that's what's going on.

I think he's got a snow globe for a brain. Yeah, that checks out. We are kind of talking about this off the air, but like what is the Dennis Quaid career overall score? It's like a C-minus, I feel like, And most of that is inner space. Like, that's when you show up and really nail the one test.

And then you fucking fuck off the rest of the year. That's inner space. I think he's like, he's, he's like the Pippin to Kevin Costner's Jordan, right? Oh, no. No? Don't besmirch Scotty Pippin. Yeah, but he's not Michael Jordan. No, he's certainly not.

Kevin Costner's the Jordan there, right? Oh, damn. Well, well, Kevin Costner had a lot of championships in the 90s. Yeah, he did, yeah. That's a couple of three-petees, I think, right? A couple of victory laps, and then he went to play. Fierce competitor. He went to play in the message in a bottle. Mm-hmm.

And that was sort of like the white, the, what was it, the White Sox AAA team that Jordan went to? Oh, that's right, yeah. So most of this movie is just like training, not training montages, but like you're seeing, like, this show go on. The guy who played Warren on Buffy is the dude from Israel. Which it's like, that's a potential to be a funny character. He's kind of like a modest Yahoo-esque performer, you know. But they do nothing with it. They do absolutely nothing.

I was like, okay, because Hugh Grant states like, this is the movie I want. Get me an Arab guy and an Israeli guy. Like, get him in there. But then you get that dude and it's like no development. I don't even know his name. And he gets kicked off pretty quickly too. It's like, oh, okay. Well, he's the, no, he's the third guy.

Oh, that's right. He's the third guy And we have to wait to find out And he's like After this commercial break And I'm like I'm more angry watching a movie I know what's going to happen

But then the movie makes you wait to find out Who do you think Is he to be the top two in his film? It might be the guy The guy that we've been following And Mandy fucking Moore Now hold on There is a third contestant

We should wait Well it's weird This third contestant It doesn't have any supporting cast whatsoever, and both of the other two have a lot. Yes, but he has over 23 seconds of screen time. And now this message from Mountain Dew Code Black. Yeah, let's go out of our way to make fun of product placement.

Sure. You don't take the high road. You can't take the high road on product placement while you're using product placement. No, it's the... Unless you're Wayne's World. That happened once. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the one time you were able to do that.

Here's the thing is, this is a satire. Oh. So they could do whatever. they want and that's what that means because no one knows what it means nobody knows what it means general audience I guess

well it's like you know it's just like the people that say a bunch of racist shit and then they're like well it's satire right or I was in character which is my excuse on this show

no but it's like if you're gonna if you're gonna try to conduct some parody or some satire whatever it is know which pool you're pissing in I think that's why they hired Marsha Gaye Harden

because they were like, it sounds like a parody to me. It's like, no, no, no. Marsha Gay Hardin, dude, it's a satire. It's like, oh, okay. Marsha Gay Hardin, man. She was in Pollock, which is just like a really,

that movie's a really classy Saturday Night Live sketch. Because it's just like a bunch of like pretty well-known actors playing a bunch of people from the New York postmodern art world scene. So if you, you know, ever took an art history class, you're sitting there like, Oh, that's that person. Val Kilmer's playing this person, this and, oh, oh, how interesting. But they're just playing, like, cartoons of incredibly obscure people.

Useless. Yeah, oh, it's useless. I was sitting there like, oh, that's neat. I know these people. Oh, she had talent? I didn't know. Yes, I did. Oh, he died young.

Oh, the thing with Chris Klein that I was trying to bring up was so he goes to the army, like, he gets shipped to Iraq. And he's, like, talking to this dude in the Hungvi, and he's like, yeah I went through this like accelerated training camp so now I'm like here already and I thought that they were fucking with me you got any advice and the dude's like I don't know don't get shot and then he immediately gets shot and this is like we're trying to cram in war criticism right the whole thing like you know like sped up boot camp this that and the other thing really trying to like say something it's saying nothing well also it makes our soldiers look like assholes too because yeah client's the only representation of the American Armed Forces, and he's a dick. Yeah, you don't have a single other like member of the military in this movie at all. That's the thing is like the satire focus on one fucking thing.

Don't say something about the White House, the TV show, this military, you know, like, set it in one of those worlds. And terrorism as well. Yeah, I mean a crossover that I think works a little bit is how

popular television just use soldiers for ratings. Sure. That was kind of fine. Most definitely. So, like, when he comes back, he's like a war hero. Yeah, it's immediately, yeah, he's like, oh, he's a war hero, then he's on TV. Yeah, so that, like, that sells right now. Segment producer, Seth Myers, you know, like, sees dollar signs in this thing,

and is, like, immediately filming them making out, and, you know. Seth Myers made me laugh more than once in this. Him and Jennifer Coolidge, you can't put Jennifer Coolidge in a bad movie. Jennifer, well, you can. You certainly should. She's just good in that. Jennifer Coolidge is the high watermark of this movie. I think the one moment when she's, you can't.

She's like, she's like, are you single or are you seeing anybody? Yeah. Just like shakes his head in the movies. That was, that was funny. Yeah, it's fun. The one thing, the one question I had, because I don't, I don't really know anything about Seth Myers, really. But he's looking like really tired and, like, sweating throughout this movie. And I was like, is this the character?

Is that, like, his life? Was he, like, getting burned out doing other things? Like, was he on S&L at this time also? Yeah, he's not for a long time. So by, like, 05 when they're making this movie, he was on S&L? Oh, yeah. I mean, he was on there for what, like 19 years? He met, Belushi's understudy. Might as well, yes.

Then I feel like I see him in this and like, am I watching Mad TV? Even though I know it was his brother that was on Mad TV. Wait, he's had a brother on Mad TV? Oh, yeah. Mike Myers. Oh, man. No, it's like something Myers was his brother that was on Mad TV. It could have been Cody.

It really could have been Cody. Cody Myers printed. That's what it is now. I did not know that. Yeah, that's the only time that's ever happened. They should have fought each other or something, right? Do you think if it was still on the air, they could have had a match on Celebrity Death Match?

Ooh. Yeah. Like the latter seasons of Celebrity Death Match where they were desperate for matchups? Well, you're saying that at a certain point, Celebrity Death Match wasn't as good anymore. I think Yeah, that's what I'm saying

When James Carville was on there For the third time We already got it made Remember that the ref on there What was his Lane Miller? Mills Lane And then he became like a mini celeb for a couple months

He was a real boxing ref He got like a judge show then Yeah, he was Judge Mills Lane Stop, was he? That's him? It was like Judge Judy It was and he was like That's out of order

All right. TK. Oh. Yeah. It's just like, shut up. Did he wear like little weird

rubber gloves the whole time? No way. No, no, it would be weird if he did. He keeps checking

to see if the defendant's cut is opening up. Because I think he was the referee when Tyson got his ear. Tyson bit Holyfield's ear,

yeah, he was. In celebrity death match? No, in both. In real life death match. Oh, okay. Well, he was also the referee when Marilyn Manson

Bitt Hansen's ear off or whatever happened on that show. When Ozzy ate that bat? Did they do that on that show? I'm positive. I don't know, but I'm positive. Every thought you've ever had about celebrities doing anything to each other

has been on that show. It's called satire. You're right. That was the most satirical of all the claymation comedies. It's not satire unless Marsha Gay Hardin is involved. We've established. Oh, she was on there.

Yeah. So people want to... She piled drove Laura Flynn Boyle in one of your women. That would have been their celebrity death match. Yeah, yeah. Got a marshy gate hard on for you. Yeah, oh, man, you should write for that show, man. I did, Stephen.

That's why I know so much. Doesn't it in case is oral history of celebrity death match? Oh, wow. I want it recorded in black and white. that's an article I'd click on and then forget to read that's a save it for land that's a tab I'd leave open

exactly that's a tab I eventually close when I close my computer at the end of the day you ever bring an article with you into the bathroom and then you start playing video games instead that's what that is

no I read everything I bring into the bathroom no So people are paying hard-earned money for us to talk about American dreams. Yeah, you're right. And if you're getting this for free, it's illegal. What do you got?

American dreams related. Well, I just want to talk about how they're popping pills in the Oval Office. Oh, right. Oh, right, he's like, medicated. I've got to have my happy pills. Well, that just leads into the whole, like, it furthers this idea that, like, Willem Defoe is

like conducting this puppet regime, right? Well, actually, I think because Marshall Gay-Harden is taking the pills as well, I think it's like Prozac Nation commentary five years too late. Oh, that's what's going on? Yeah, I think that's what it is.

God, you can't shoehorn that into this. Oh my God, it falls into America. Yeah. It's like one of the, it's another thing. They're satiring us. Yeah. It's like even the president can get depressed. George W. Bush

walking in one of those commercials with a cartoon. A blue thing over. A little shad cartoon. Hey, Poppy, am I breaking my alcoholism if I take pills? I don't know, W.

But I just need you out of the living room. I don't care if it's a schedule one narcotic. Just get it out of the den. Get it out of the den. Bubba. Get out of here.

I got a couple of belvidiers saved up here, W. And I just, want to watch it. I don't know what Wesley's going to get into. Oh, great. Great. Great, Debbie. Now your mother has to watch as the world turns. I don't have much time left.

So, the plot, like, the scheme overall is he makes it to the finals. Three of his, like, terrorist contacts get tickets to the show? Because, like, basically, like, this, he's the crux of the story because

Omer. Omer is because at first he's against America because his mom died in a raid but he goes he kind of loses his way and he gets like he likes everybody and he turns into like a really good guy that's the thing is like he never seems to really give a shit that his mom died in the

American invasion like he doesn't care at the terrorist camp he's kind of half-assing it I'll say it I'll tell you he's a half-ass terrorist he starts to care in a scene that is also a thesis statement where he has a monologue that says everything that the movie is about

when he's saying... Is this when he's at the hotel bar with Mandy Moore? No, it's a little bit... Oh, is this the ending? Yeah, yeah, when he's like, he's like, is America responsible? Is her... Oh, yeah.

And then he talks about his mom, like, does killing Americans bring my mom back, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah. But that's the only time he, like, talks about. He tax it on to a lot of sentences. Yes, it's there. He keeps reminding you that it's going on so that he has any kind of movement.

But yeah, but like, it's basically like his bad past. catches up with him and they kind of, they force him into being like, hey, look, I know that you're a really good singer or something, but when the president comes there, you have to blow yourself up and be a suicide bomber. Right. Oh, okay. Which is what would have happened. Yes.

That guy, they're not sending him to Cushy L.A. No. They're sending him into a children's hospital. Well, that's the thing. That show did not come out yet. On the set of Children's Hospital. Oh, man, and a plot to kill Rob Cordy. Rividing.

Maybe they read the script for Hot Tub Time Machine, too, and they were like, this must not happen. Oh, man, they're time travelers. Yeah, totally. Oh, cool. That fits in with a lot of Hot Tub Time Machine. Where was I going?

It's... That's the thing. Listen, you're sending this guy who's like... He's a half-ass terrorist. You know, like, you're saying... sending him like kind of into exile anyway and then they're like well proximity to the president was like he's right in california so let's make him do this but basically like you're sending

like a g-list guy yeah to kill the most powerful person in the free world like you got to send in your a number one guy to get on that show and do this whole you want to make sure that he believes in what he's supposed to believe so that he carries it through so that you complete your mission you're just it's not like you're kicking a dog to death you're killing the president. Like, you've got to send in the best guy. You've got to get the best terrorist you can find and teach him how to tap dance immediately. It's a talent

show. I got the feeling that it was sort of an unsanctioned but overzealous hit. Like, those three guys, like, they never talk about checking in or anything. Oh, shit, they're fucking rogue. I think, what's the torture? I think he's just trying to, like, make a name for himself out there. That's kind of

interesting because they are... What you have to do when you go to LA? You know, you know, make a splash. It's true. But you're totally right, though, Justin, because what I was reminded of when I was watching these guys, these three stooges, right, is like, they're like, in the 90s we had, like, Mickey Mouse Mafia. Yeah, yeah. And this is like Mickey Mouse terrorists. Like, they're all, like, bumbling fools. They're all fans of the singing contest kind of a thing.

They tell more jokes than any other character in this movie. Well, because it's trying to make it less harrow. terrorism is very real and it's like oh well if they're funny and silly it's kind of fun and silly it's like colonel clink in the gang those guys were hilarious and you have to also think like they were how many years later just four lions come out because i think that's we could talk about maybe at the end because that movie's amazing and that movie does what this movie thinks it's trying to do and it does it very effectively but i think four lions was like 2007 yeah oh so not so not so not so Literally, like, the next year.

So you're so close. It's not like things have changed. The same, they're all, it's all the same subject matter, guys. Yeah. Right. That's like English filmmakers there. So it's like kind of good. Well, yeah.

Like it's the guys from Brass Iron who are brilliant. Well, this is, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is Hugh Grant. How more English do you get to get? This is also the team that brought us American Pie. Let's not forget. So Brass Eye. this and that. Who fucked a pie on that show?

It's my question. They have matured. Thank you. Remember in the company of good guys? This is the sophisticated news. The men who walk the earth. That's right. Do you think that Jason Biggs got an audition for this movie and got turned down? Because you got Chris Klein, you got Jennifer Coolidge. I think those are the only AP transfers.

I'm calling them AP now. Sure. What an American pie Legitimately thought about this A couple days ago What was he training for in that scene? What for the fucking the pie? Yeah

He's training to Ejaculate He hears If I remember correctly Yeah He hears one of his friends say That having sexual intercourse Like what does it feel like

And he says like it feels like Warm Apple Pie So he's like I want to see what fucking feels like And he fucks a hot pie I guess like he's bored with masturbation question mark wake me when that happens

so it was like the next level it was his bridging the gap but I always felt like it was like a coming of age like you don't want to get in there with the girl not knowing what to do so make sure you know how to stick your dick at something well maybe he doesn't want to be like thrown off by how it feels so it's like if I know how it feels before

I actually feel it I won't be throwing off my game better fuck this pie. And fuck that pie for a long time and hey while you're at it, throwing a couple curve balls to make sure you'll last Alamode. Oh, right. Drop some vanilla ice cream on your

on your dick as well? Sure. Just to make sure that you can last in that pie. Steve, did that wake you up or what? No, no. You know what? Fast to sleep. The regular smegular old way that my dad did, it's good enough for me, man.

That's a slice of cheddar cheese on that pie. Does he lose his bone when fucking Eugene Levy shows up or what? Oh, of course. I don't know how he got it in the first place. I don't know. I want to know if he finished. Why doesn't that kid lock a goddamn door? You know what, man?

Let's lock some doors in this fucking house. That's eight years of American comedy filmmaking is unlocked doors. That franchise alone has four movies. The same person not locking a door. It's a shared cinematic universe where locks don't exist. They do, but they're just very expensive. Speaking of Hugh Grant, by the way, he's got a line in this movie that's one letter away from stealing a joke from the Simpsons. Oh, really?

When he's like, Omer has his audition or whatever, and it's in that montage of Hugh Grant at his most Simon Cowell, like, just like tearing people down. And he's like, oh, Omar, I think you're fantastic. fantastic. You may even say I'm an homosexual. Oh, right. And it's just like the most is like homosexual joke. And like, and the audience, the studio audience goes wild for this

homer sexual joke. Yikes. His character Hugh Grant is like he's so vapid and so like he's so into it. He's so into being it. And then he like finds his muse and Mandy Moore I guess. Oh right. They like silently fall in love in this movie. Which it

should be like raunchier and like whatever. It should be like that it's because she's like the dark Kelly Clarkson, right? So why not let's make it the dark Kelly Clarkson from the dark timeline?

Yeah, so I don't know, let's cut to the end, the big thing here. We're ripping off the godfather kind of in this movie? Well, the plan is very loosely ripping off the godfather. The president is performing in front of 18 people because this movie's incredibly cheap. Small studio audience. I've seen

bigger studio audiences on double there. my own eyes so these three guys the three terrorist guys his leaders have to smuggle the bomb

and even though it would make more sense from Omer to do it because they're not going to check him because he's a contestant right yeah so they come in chewing gum which is actually C4 and like it's 2006 three Middle Eastern gentlemen

are walking anywhere near the president they're going to go in a separate line yeah you thought the airport was bad the airport when the president there is even worse. Everyone's getting checked. All gum from everyone's mouth is being spit out.

You can't bring in, we're not bringing in food today because the president's here. I don't care if it's a fucking ass and just spitting it out. The president said, if you brought enough to share with everyone,

it's okay. Oh, what's that? You don't have 22 pieces of gum? That's including audience and crew. It's a real skeleton cast we have here.

So they make him a suicide vest. of C4 and other things they And a CD. Yeah, oh yeah, it's It looks like shit. It looks like a thing E.T. built. I thought the joke was like it's not going to work at all. Yeah, that would be funny. It looks like shit. That should be the joke.

It's like, you know, he goes to do it and hits the thing and it doesn't happen. They write on a blank CD like press here to blow yourself up. Like, that's the joke. Yeah. And so like I said ripping off the godfather, they're like we're going to hide it in the stall.

And you've got to go in and get it. And it's like, as if this movie wasn't slow and boring and long enough. He goes into the stall and it's like hidden in the seat cover dispenser, you know? And he like sticks his hand in and it's empty. And he's like, what? And then just goes to the immediate next stall and it's there. And I was like, what was the point of that? There's nothing to that.

Just have him find it. There's a, there's, it says other stall. Yeah, they expected him to not know. Oh, is that a thing? I think it's supposed to be a good gag. Oh, I missed that part. Yeah, he pulls it out. It says, other stall jackass or something.

Oh, man, that's not funny at all. That's satire. Marsha Gaye Hardin was in its own satire. She wrote the note. It was satire. Anyone who's in Miller's crossing accounts of satire, all right? Albert Finney's satire. Joe Polito, Satire.

Oh man, there's a lot of satires of Joe Polito can. The high hat. Speaking of Joe Polito and how he used to be morbidly obese, there's a... Did he slim down? Yeah, he lost a ton of weight. Got picks? Got some Polito picks, man? I don't.

I'm sure you can find him on the web, though. All right, I'll check it later. There's another, like, aspect to Mandy Moore's character that's, like, slamming this industry is that it's the scene at the hotel bar where, like, Omer's having a soda. and she comes up with a beer. And she's like, you know, I used to be 200 pounds when I was 10 years old. And I said to myself that if I didn't lose 90 pounds by the time I was 14, I was going to commit suicide. And he's like, uh-huh. And she's just like, and you know what?

I lost it. That's the speech. That's just the monologue in this movie. You know, I had the same pact. I didn't kill my son. it's a thing it's a bad joke that we loved in the late 90s 2000s like

man what of this attractive lady used to be fat oh that went both ways though remember that Ryan Reynolds movie Ryan Reynolds movie is that that fucking Gwyneth Paltrow movie too Gwyneth Paltrow Oh shallow how

Friends is rotten with it It's like oh man what if Monica was fat I guess no one would ever love her It's like wait what are we talking about Dude that show does not let up on the fat jokes. It's nine seasons of fat jokes on that character. It's like, here's your old pants, you fat

fucking pig. It's like, what are we talking about? Do they do those flashbacks where she's in a fat suit? Oh, it's rotten. Oh, it's rotten. Where all those fat suits went? Oh, yeah, that's a good question. Well, I suppose, you know, you can reuse a fat suit, not the face so much.

Not the crotch. You definitely want to throw the crotch out. Here's the thing is like, once you're fat suiting it up for so many years, what do you do with that fat suit? Well, do you think, oh, here's one, maybe Monica's fat suit went to Martin Short as Jiminy Glick. Oh, I think a couple of them did. He blew through fat suits. Yeah, that makes sense.

That answers my question. Thank you. Is Jiminy Glick a thing that's funny that I just don't get? No. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. The listening audience will tell you.

I don't think anybody knows if I should have. No idea. Because I watched some of it, and I was like, well, this is stupid. And then he got a movie made, and I was like, well, that's stupid. And a lot of celebrities were on there. And Martin Short is legitimately really talented guys. I can never, the jury's still out on that one. Yeah, like, it took me a really long time to figure out if his character on Arrested Development was funny.

I was like, do I like this? Oh, I loved it. Eventually, I came around to it. But, like, I feel like with every Martin Short thing, I'm like, is this stupid? The jury's still out on corn, though, because, I mean, like, yeah, you think the, that's a stupid band but like you listen to freak on a leash though maybe we're all just freaks on leashes

that was their peak musicianship I feel you work with Todd McFarlane enough you're going to be a good musician oh really what they designed some action for you did that he drew an album for him right oh really follow the leader was his his art oh my god no wonder

you're talking to the fattest man in America right well I was going to say that album cover was breathless but so are you you know it was a nice little detail I noticed and it's kind of weird and I don't know if you guys remember the shot but there's a part where like it's

Hugh Grant, maybe it's like the night before the finale or something like that and he's like going through a script or something and it's supposed to be like after hours so he doesn't have like his hair done up he doesn't have his Hugh Grant makeup on and he's just wearing like reading glasses he kind of looks like

Jared Fogel it was like the ultimate you grant dethroning in this one scene or rachel maddow i'm not saying it's a bad look no no no i got you i was gonna work it for me it's happening so you know another thing this movie did we talk about how uh willem defoe is like basically the voice like he's he's oh right yeah dennis quay is wearing an earpiece for like weeks on end as president and willam defoe as turdblossom cheney is feeding him lines for everything and that comes out ahead once they stupidly decide to do it on a live television show and they get feedback in the earpiece like they didn't think that would have

that would happen or be a possibility but like of all the times you don't need him to have it is when he's on a dipshit game show. Like, when he's talking to dignitaries or giving his speech, sure, you can serenough de Bergerac, the president of the United States. That's fine. But, like, this thing, he's just got to be like, all right, you're a good singer. Oh, I like that one. That's cool.

Hey, God bless America. And that's it. But, like, Willem Defoe insists on keeping this thing in there. And it's like, he's getting, like, the gag is, like, multiple feedback. We've got a, like, Willem Defoe is like, this piece of shit's broken. And then, like, Dennis Quaid says that on the air. Like, a hop from hell. Get me Spider-Man.

This is a part when you first has that earpiece. And they set it up. He's like, he's like, oh, these things are remarkable. Good reception. And then he just puts it away. He totally winds up for, like, a three good things about the earpiece. That was it. Well, like, yeah, Willem Defoe is, like, the gatekeeper of that thing.

Because it's, like, after a hard day of being the. president and he's like all right mr president give me your earpiece and he like takes it and puts up a little like keepsake case last case one he pulls it out of his ear and the president's like a dog like he's like well do you you don't want to sleep in it all night now do you yeah ruffles shakes dennis quade's hair his perfect hair that's been the same in every film you know what comes way too late in this movie the end uh sexual intercourse between Hugh Grant and Mandy Moore. Yeah. That's something that

like they're trying to set up because again it felt like out of left field. Well they pull this thing where it's like you have to feel for Dennis Quaid in being like sad president and then you have to feel for Hugh Grant like sort of falling in love with Mandy Moore but it's a weird

thing where he's like oh I can treat you like garbage and you respond positively to that and she's like and I hate your guts and we're falling in love kind of a thing. You guys have that at like minute 25. Yeah, and then they start doing it and then it happens. It's one time Chris

Klein catches him. And Chris Klein at this point, basically Omer removes the bomb because he's so moved by the power of America and he doesn't want to kill the president. Also, doesn't want to die. That's not really explained. He was never too keen on dying. And they don't explain the religious reason

people do that really. Like, do you know what I mean? It's not there. So it's like why would he even care to do that? Yeah. Because of America's decadence. They just keep saying decadence. That's all it is. Yeah.

So he leaves it in the garbage. Chris Klein is really upset. Because he sees them fucking. Yeah, through a keyhole, peep. Through a keyhole. Yeah, that's what we're going with. In an office or a studio, through a keyhole. With a lead pipe.

Yeah, is there some long skeleton key that opens this door? Like, when was this door built? I haven't seen a keyhole in, like, Like 40 years. This is the Crimson Peak House. Guillermo del Toro's American Dreams. Oh, God, it would be so much better. So Chris Klein puts the bomb on, and he goes out and confronts everybody.

Now he's kind of a Nicholas Brody. Yeah, this is slightly like homeland. Yeah, this is where they got it from. Well, because the whole thing is he's also now going to play an actor. They got them in Israeli television. that's actually true he uh no he's like a part of the show like he's going to propose to her on the air they've got like a whole thing but yeah he just like queers the deal because he comes out and like set meyers has to do the like he's missing his cue what's this business and then like

he reveals himself to have the bomb dennis a dozen people run away yeah like the dozen extras that are in the studio audience flee dennis quade isn't removed from the thing but a secret service which drives me nuts. They let him go to the back. Yeah, he wiggles away from the Secret Service scrum and, like, gives an impassioned speech to this guy? Nope. And this speech is just the dumbest thing ever.

He's like, you know, I've had hard days. I've had days where I didn't want to get out of bed. Had days where turd blossom was telling me what to say. Well, look at this idiot on TV bar. He's not even running away. You're going to run over into 60 minutes. One day that I get my TV to myself, and he's on it. This is going to upset the whole DVR schedule, Barr.

It's not programmed for this. It doesn't know about run on live broadcast bar. Now the whole thing's messed up. Bar, when's 48 hours start, Barr? It's going to offset it. It's all offset. All 47 hours. Sunday night's important to me, Barr.

Got to have my stories. Barr, what specific palisades? What's that doing on here? Just keep it. Not going to do it, Barr. Delete. Oh, yeah. And then, like, kind of the best part of this movie

is, like, then, like, everybody flees. Hugh Grant is, like, filming it. Because that's, like, we're really saying something now. Like, he's got to keep filming this. He's obsessed with the show, man. Now, he's, man. the camera. Yeah. You know? Because all the crewmen ran away. And like Chris Klein bumps into it with like the detonator and the two of them blow up. It doesn't even make any sense like Hugh Grant wanting

to film this at the end. Like he's so disinterested in everything the entire movie. Yeah. If he was a ratings hungry, crazy maniac, that would make sense. But he's just sort of like this like, oh, nihilistic whatever. And it's like, well, then he wouldn't care. He would just keep his own life going. You make a good point. You have a protagonist. Yeah. It wants absolutely nothing. Zero. Nothing. Nothing. Like, occasionally he'll say, oh,

ratings. I was like, okay. But he's got the ratings because it's like the highest rated show on television. He gets a fax at the beginning of the movie that tells him that. A real solid 2006 facts. When I got this, they had the subtitles on, and just the first, I just glanced over and saw a fax machine

bleeping and just went, well, that's not a good sign. it's the first second of the movie dude like the first sound you hear in the movie is a modem oh it's terrible and this is it's 2006 but it feels like 1996 yeah yeah it's weird

disgusting so he blows up and at the end by the way all the local affiliates would have cut away oh hours ago what's the point of even doing this they're not going to show like like Fox Atlanta's

not going to be like yeah we'll show some guy explode. Hold on. I want to see where this goes. Eric, this is society gone mad. This is a capital S. Marsha Gay Harden satire.

So we can really enjoy the fact that, oh yeah, we wouldn't cut away because it's all about the almighty dollar. Oh. Oh, damn it. I see, I was in Parodyville still. Oh, that's a bad place to be.

Should have taken a left at Albuquerque. Oh, Chris Klein also dies while singing like this. American Dreams team song. And the whole gag is like the thing cuts to snow you know like the snow screen, no signal and then...

Info... Oh, no, no. Oh, that'd be great of this. Like, the evergreen emergency message was just the snow video? That'd be... Yes, yes. When the aliens come,

snow gets pumped into every television and you know we're in dire shit. Dude, that might draw the aliens away. It will in the third. act now but if it went static like that like it did it didn't play the snow video it'd be great if it like seized their ghosts right because we learned from poltergeist okay that ghosts can get like eaten up by tv or they travel through tv how's that work it's a little bit of both that's what happens in white noise too right you're right you're all of it in tv waves previous episode white noise

um but so like when the thing comes back up it's like call in now for your vote and like all of America starts voting like that's the joke and this is a bit of fucking bullshit man there's two contestants left there's only two options yeah you can't vote for chris klein who went splatter he wins somehow that's the gag at the end of the movie he won but like yeah the functionality would have been press one for any more press two for omer they're not like taking your voice and saying oh you're saying chris klein There's not a lot of write-in ballads. Yeah, exactly. And then Mandy Moore becomes the new host of the next season? Yeah, we cut to... It's a six months later situation, and now the movie's got a narrator for some reason.

And it's Mandy Moore, and she tells you everything that happened. Burl lives. Well, I became the host of the New American Dreams with a Z. I wish. Chris Klein turned out to be the de facto winner. And Hugh Grant, well, he was blown to smithers, Well, you know, it's all a little bit of silver and gold, isn't it?

Not a lot happens out here in L.A. town. Folks are simple, folks. Dude, that would be great if it was Sam Elliott and Tumble and Tumbleweed started playing. It would be awesome. How about Sue City, Sasparilla? And Omer's like, it's like, well, and Omer went on a tour doing all sorts of Broadway reviews. Oh, and he wasn't murdered by his terrorist shell after. after the fact. Oh, and by the way, Guantanamo Bay is a pretty funny place, everybody, because we cut to the three terrorist gentlemen get arrested at the end. It's like, get them out of here. And they're just like kind of fun orange jumpsuits, like watching TV. I'm like, no, they're fucking heads in a fucking bag and somebody's working them over. You know what's happening to them, man? Is they're stuck in a cage with headphones on and all they can hear for like four days straight is boom.

Man, right? Yeah, how is there no evidence that corn was used at Guantanamo? It seems like a go-to album to license. I can't for the life and remember it, but there is evidence of the... They do have the list of the pop music that they did torture them with. Yeah, corn's pretty great. Corn's not on it, though. Drown and pool.

That's why we didn't get what we wanted. You're not using the right song. That would break anybody. Oh, yeah. Bar, I was telling him, I was trying to tell W, you got to use Freak on a Leash Bar. get him singing like jaybirds bar would have got osama bin laden bar if you just followed the leader

use some of god smacks later stuff oh you'll get anything you want which reminds me bar I got tickets to go see Aaron Lewis in concert Staines Aaron Lewis bar big fan of his solo work I think I'd rather listen to corn

than Aaron Lewis is stained whatever crying about I don't even know what. I got a bad tattoo today. That's an Aaron Lewis song probably, right? Sure. Is he the one that covered Bridget over? Over troubled water?

That one that everybody was freaking out about. Oh, I don't know. Oh, it's awful. It's really awful. I feel like that goes without saying. Yeah. Yeah, and that's kind of just the end of the movie. And it's like, oh, wow, the world keeps spinning, I guess.

what do they say he ends up with Dennis Quaid I mean he just gets to be like a good president yeah like it's just like George he was the best president ever because he learned to speak his mind it all came back to him when he told that boy that blew himself up to stand up for himself and then he didn't yeah he hires his wife

Marsha Gay Hardin gets William to foe's job oh right and it's like they're sitting in bed and he's like I'll read the paper and you do the debriefs and then we'll swap it because we're a team now. George and Laura working together. They became a power couple. But

every time Marsha Gayharten went in the bathroom Willem Defoe is in the mirror saying, avenge me! And then one night, jolly old St. Nick parked on the White House roof and died. And now the president had to

become Santa Claus. That would actually be an amazing. If I was Willem Defoe, and he seems like a fun dude, like I would have a guest room that I would have the Green Goblin outfit, the actual Green Goblin outfit, all like ready to go with a sled and some pumpkin bombs. And you tell someone that's where the bathroom is. And they're like, open it by accident. Oh, my God.

The door immediately locks, he has to run around to the two-way mirror. Okay. I mean, he's got to have a little bit of sense of humor. about himself? Oh, I'm sure he does. Yeah. Would anybody recommend this movie? No. No. But it's such a smart satire. There's nothing fun

about this movie. I just it's also, it shows the ne' dear of American culture with this 2006, maybe. We've talked about it on the show before, man. The year's 1999 to 2009. It's an awkward time for pop culture in this country. It's the worst time imaginable.

That's the worst timeline. And I wouldn't recommend this, because this is barely a movie. Yeah. It's really just barely a movie. So no. For our lives, what do you have to say? Yeah, no, there's nothing there, man. It reminds me of 2006, which is, don't remind me of 2006.

I wouldn't recommend this either. I saw this in the theaters. I wanted to. My wife was quick to remind me that she wanted to go see the new Nicole Holliff Center movie at the time. She's a great director and I was like, no, there's this new movie out and I think it's really

saying something. And then we saw this in the theater. Oh, you do you use the wag the dog? Like leverage wag the dog? I thought it was a wag the dog, primary colors, kind of situation. It thinks it is. It thinks it is. It also thinks it's

like network and Dr. Strange Love. Like it thinks it's all of these things. It's really just a pile a wet farts in reality. Also, I spent the last three weeks with this movie on the docket thinking we were going to watch America's Sweethearts. I totally had these movies mixed up for weeks. You're the one that put this on the docket. I know, and I was thinking about America's sweethearts the whole time. See, there you go. There you go, America. It was all. This is sort of a mistake almost. That's American Dreams from 2006, directed by Paul White.

If you want more We Hate Movies, check out WHMpodcast.com or sideshownetwork.com. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast and right into the mailbag. We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. So next week on the program, we're visiting Sequel Town with the Clan McLeod. Yes, the much promised Highlander 2. Colon the Quickening? The new bash.

Is this The Quickening? Yes. Bar, he left the Highlander 2 in the Highlander 1 box and I watched the whole darn movie. I already seen that one, Barr. So until next week, where we celebrate the quickening. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Say that.

Eric Siska. Just in case. Take it easy. Thank you.