We Hate Movies - S6 Ep250: Episode 250 - Highlander II: The Quickening

Episode Date: May 17, 2016

On this very special 250th episode of We Hate Movies, the gang celebrates by finally talking about the ridiculous sequel, Highlander II: The Quickening! What's with the entire retcon of all we learned in the first film? Did we really need all that alley sex? And how is Connery doing all that magic at the end? PLUS: Sean Connery versus James Doohan leads to a Connery-produced reality show that no one would ever watch. Highlander II: The Quickening stars Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, Virginia Madsen, Michael Ironside, Allan Rich, and John C. McGinley; directed by Russell Mulachy. After 250 episodes, what's your favorite WHM moment? Write into the Mail Bag - [e-mail] - and let us know!Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today on the program, We Hate Movies celebrates 250 episodes on the air by talking about Highlander, too. Yeah. All right. Let's get into it. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadeh. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network. Thank you for tuning into our fine little program for what is the 250th time we've done this.

We're talking Highlander 2, Colin, the Quickening from 1991, directed by Russell Malacky, previously seen on the show, directing the Shacky, Right. And he's also the director of the first Thailander. Which just blows my mind. Because of how little respect this movie has for the first movie. It's weird, right? Like, it's a reboot. It's a sequel reboot.

A sequel boot. A seaboot? It's also kind of a pre-boot, too, a little bit. It gets into the how we became immortal, which is bullshit. Yeah. And then you said that the third movie kind of disavows this movie, which would make that a tribute? Yeah. It's a tree boot.

Weird. Terrence Malick's Tree Boot of Life. So, up front, Steve and I just saw this for the first time.

Which boggles my mind. Does it? Yeah, because I saw... Boggles? It's been boggled. Because I saw this movie in the early 90s.

This, I mean, as it was intended to be seen. Well, that's for sure. On a giant tube TV. That is one of those. In a pair of basketball shorts? In a pair of basketball shorts That I've never seen a basketball

court, mind you. With a Warner Brothers cartoon character on my t-shirt. On like an old Zenith TV that has to sit on the ground. Oh yeah. Sure. On a carpet. Oh, yeah. This is one of those you put your elbows in the carpet,

the shag carpet, and you kick back and you watch Highlander, too. You got a couple action figures keeping your company, maybe? Maybe you do. I mean, I'll just say up front that I didn't see the original Highlander until maybe like two or three years ago. Also insane.

This was a franchise that I just totally missed. Ditto as well, yeah. Andrew and I didn't grow up in the same house, but weirdly, I just never got to this movie. It wasn't, I feel like you had those franchises your family latched on to and then you didn't, and this is one that my family did not latch on to. My family went Highlander crazy.

I mean, I've always known what it was, but I've steered clear. And even that first one, man, like it took me like two or three times to watch it and get through it. I kept falling asleep. You are terrible. I do the first one's a fun romp.

I rewatched it not long ago and I remember, you know what? I still like this movie. I understand it's okay not to like a movie. Of course. If you don't like Highlander, that's fine. But I grew up in really enjoying that first movie. Well, you've got some badass Clancy Brown

in that movie, which I think something that distinguishes itself. from this movie, which there's zero Clancy Brown and 100% more terrible Michael Ironside. You, uh, yeah, you go from, uh, Lex, you go from Lex Luthor to Dark Side that way. Oh, that's actually true. Read a fucking comic book, Steve. I will one day. So we start, uh, this movie. It's 2024.

Right. The, uh, the future. Yeah. Eight years after, uh, Donald Trump's two-term, uh, presidency, which is why the ozone layer is dead and we had to have it's permanent night outside permanent night outside we had to have a previously immortal being design and under the dome-esque shields for the planet is what's going on and that's like Trump McLeod Trump McLeod he still hasn't announced his running mate and Carly Fiorina definitely won't be it so it could be Connor McLeod if he announces his running mate is Connor McLeod, oh, I might have to vote for him.

I'm one heartbeat away from being the leader of the free world. If that was the case, now, if you guys are being serious, and if that was actually the case, we would have to elect Trump and find a way to kill him the same, right when he gets in office. Right, and then make a Highlander the president before he can make any bad decisions. Exactly. Although the Highlander wasn't born in this country. Well, I guess it didn't matter for Ted Cruz. Everyone was fine with that So I guess he's all right Yeah so it's 2024

And And it's a blade runner world Is what we're ripping off hard And this is the big problem With going from Highlander 1 to Highlander 2 Is Highlander 1 very much fantasy This is sci-fi garbage Right

This is just the cyberpunk nonsense And Highlander 1 is for the most part Shot on location in New York big time i mean the end of that movie you have the famous fight scene between lambert and clancy brown on the roof of silver cup studios in long island city our former stomping grounds like it's kind of cool they're all over central park in that movie like yeah it's nice seeing all this stuff but because it's like the nearish future and everything's a shit hole now we're inside silver cup studios yeah yeah exactly right um so that's like the world we're living in and like yeah it's

runnery so that means like it's always night time and it's like film noir era so this everything like cars buildings closed it's all like 1940s like the shadow which you right direct right after this totally a very uh batman the animated series which i believe started before this maybe yeah uh christopher lamb bear sleeping at the opera which uh that's that's the beginning of this he's had an opera and he that's what i'd be doing at the opera by the way taking a big fat nap he's kind of have like Batman begins nightmares like oh dad mom can we leave can we leave the opera now

I'm remembering the beds well that's what's weird is like it's this opera that he's watching that inspires these flashback memories of his in where we're told that Connor McLeod as we knew

him as this immortal Scottish so-and-so is not the case and he's an alien from another time that's like literally like a long time ago

in a galaxy far far away type situation right it's another planet it's future past 100 years in the past and him and Ramirez Sean Connery

for anyone who don't remember Ramirez played by Sean Coley even call him like Ramirez in the past they do they call him he's McLeod and Ramirez I guess that their documents came over with them when they get exiled.

It's just the dumbest fucking shit in the world. And they get exiled. They start at the beginning of that Apple commercial. Like it's all these people, all these drones waiting and like, Sean Conner is given a speech and he's like, oh, by the way, I'm not going to lead us to greatness. This guy is. And that's McLeod. The spotlight comes on Christopher Lambert.

They lead this rebellion against katana. Catana. How weird is it? that you hear Christopher Lambert say Kitana in another movie before Mortal Kombat. What the fucking stupid movie. Who is Michael Ironside. Right.

Who is like the Saddam Hussein of this planet. So I guess this planet that he lives on, what's it called? Planet Iraq. I don't think it's named. It's a planet of white guys with ethnic names that don't match where they're actually from. Wow. A Belgian man named McLeod. You've got a Scottish man named Ramirez

and you've got a Canadian named Catana. Is he? Well, I don't think... Very good. Is he Belgian? I don't think he, like, American Swiss or something? Oh, I got to look that up. Oh, I think he may have grew up in Switzerland,

but he was born in the United States. He certainly is not Scottish. He's vaguely European and not Scottish. Well, yeah, either way. Yeah, not Scottish. And it's like, it's like a dune. planet kind of and there's very much a Dune planet which is a mistake

yes I like anything associated with Dune is a mistake just a quick pause I like how Eric is like oh I think that he was born in New York and grew up in Switzerland that's exactly what it is because you know a lot about Christopher Lambert Who for a second I thought you were going to throw in my face that he's Belgium asshole no no no no but you would have had to turn in

your Christopher Lambert fan club badge no refunds I'm keeping every penny of your yearly dues Oh man But I got to pay For the GioCities pay But I almost got all my punch cards You see

You see nine of my movies And the 10th one is free Nobody knows Christopher Lambert Officiated Eric's wedding It was a beautiful ceremony Oh man it was great I couldn't believe you got him

What a great day My number one fan Honestly, that would have made it better You're the only one who's completed the punch card Now I officiate your wedding day After ten punches I officiate a wedding Or give a funeral mass Whichever you want

Oh man, I would have loved it Here is a man I did not know But he saw ten of my movies He lived a good life Obviously. That is 10 more than most. Oh, man. And so, all right, so there is some gobbledy gook.

They're on Dune Planet. Sorry, yeah, that's where we were. Yeah, so doon planet. There's a bunch of, like, huge humanoid-looking sculptures in the desert kind of a thing. I thought there'd be sandworms. Oh, get some beetle juice involved in this? I think this is where beetle juice goes. What is that, Saturn or something?

Yeah, it is, I believe. Yeah. In Beetlejuice, it's Saturn? Yeah, they say the word Saturn at least once. Saturn's a gaseous planet. Well, not anymore, buddy. All right. Maybe not once there's Halloween magic in the air.

So something, something. Sean Connery and Christopher Lambert like bond themselves by each sticking their hand in a thing of like melted wax. Yeah, it's a hot scene. Yeah, Sean Connery's like, you know, okay, so this is going to bond us forever. Blood Brothers.

If you ever need me, you just have to call my name, and I'll be there. And you're just like, okay. They're like rewriting the history of this franchise, or like rewriting the history of the first movie. Which is the premise of the first movie. Basic understanding of each other's characters in the first movie. Of, hey, I don't know who you are, you Spanish peacock.

Like, they don't know each other. Right. None of this shit's connected. They just happen to be immortal, and they form a kind of a brotherhood from that. Right. But this script in Highlander to the Quickening is sure to cover all those bases, though,

because Connery's got a line where he's like, now the next time we see each other on earth, you might not recognize me, but you've always known me. Like, so they cover all of that. So it's still quoted. Makes sense. The whole like, forget me gas bullshit.

Yeah. When they're transported, they know they're going to be immortal, right? Like, it's weird that they get there and they live a regular life. Like, how are they, how did Connor even get into this, like, Scottish clan and then go and fight in a battle with that? It also, it makes, so basically that they get sentenced to this. Ironside's pissed. He's like, hey, they broke the cause. He goes in front of some council that makes no sense whatsoever.

It's like the Bill and Ted's council. Everyone's kind of speaking telepathically. I'm right. No, no lips are moving, but like... No, I think lips are moving, because these are some terrible actors. I think only one of them speaks. Like, he says something to Ironside. God. There's probably ADR.

And it's basically like, oh, they're immortal, which is unnatural on our world, which we're not going to explain. But they will either kill them or we will exile them, which is sentencing them. sentencing them to Earth which is a prison I already know it's like and he's like oh and they kind of go through the Highlander thing they kind of like fold that in they're like

yeah Earth is a prison but there's a bunch of other immortals on there and they will all fight each other until there is only one left and at that point that person will get gain their mortality and so are we to believe then that like so this is what happened to Clancy Brown and he was maybe

there before these dudes Yeah, he was jaywalking. He was just jaywalking on that planet. They're like exile him. You crossed Desert Avenue against the light. That guy... Get him out of here. Get him out of here.

Get him out of here. Get him out of here. That guy that ambushes Lambert in the wrestling match. That was tax evasion. That was tough. Why is there no wrestling in this movie? What? There's wrestling.

The first movie starts with professional wrestling. This movie starts with the opera. Nice drive. that is a good point yeah well there's kind of professional wrestling in this movie because michael ironside's costume he's wearing like the fucking intercontinental belt the whole time it's this big

like gaudy belt it's like it's all black but it looks like a wrestling title belt it's hilarious so i think that's maybe that's a nod for the fans so he's sleeping in this he pulls a j sherman the critic in this movie he falls a leave, like, thinking about...

Lambert, by the way. Yes, Lambert, thinking about his, like, horrible life or whatever. And then he wakes up to some usher and, like, excuse me, Mr. McLeod, shows over. And here's Lambert. He's in, like, terrible looking age makeup. He looks like Vigo the

Carpathian. And what is this voice he's doing? He's just like... I'm at the opera. Oh? Thank you, baby. Mommy. Mommy? Are we in the opera? opera? It's a Vito Corleone

kind of like after his throat gets cut or whatever like it's a it's a very bad old man voice. It's so terrible and you're like counting the seconds until this doesn't exist anymore. You know it's coming back and I guess this is their nod like because he did he killed Clancy

Brown who was the last of the Highlanders blew up Silver Cup Studios and became mortal and now it's 40 years later he's lived a life he's like kind of on the last days He's just waiting to die Because I guess the option, by the way The only thing that's missing

I mean him going to the opera Go to the Met Yeah He just needs a big old backpack And a sandwich You know what I mean Like that's Now we're talking about

An old guy at the Met Falling asleep toward the production You want a backpack And a packed lunch Waking up only to bitch About how cold it is In the auditorium All of his newspapers

And New Yorkers Oh man Yeah he's got like a little Canvas bag With weeks old news papers in it. Yeah, it says the strand on it. Yeah, like not to be agist, but there are some old-timey New Yorkers who are better off just hunkering down in their fucking quarter apartment and just

getting crushed to death under a pile of newspapers. That's true, and it sounds terrible. When I see them on the subway, I'm like, what are you doing now? Seriously. Or like, why haven't you left this city yet? Or left this earth? Because they haven't removed their head from their body. Oh. Speaking of which, I think you were getting at, that Connor McLeod wins the prize in which lets him age and become an old man. But the other alternative, which did not exist until this movie. It has a multiple choice.

Is that you can like go back in time to where you're from, this other planet. And I guess be the age you were when you left. Right. Well, I think is that like a right-away situation? Like, okay, you killed. the last one now it's you you can either hang out or you can go back it seems like you can hang

out until you just want to go back but he doesn't know that he's an alien right he doesn't know until he goes to the opera 800 years later until Wagner kicks his memory back into gear but I it's very Proustian actually this song reminds me

about that time I was hanging out with Adolf Hitler he did not hang out with Adolf Hitler there are photographs in this movie that insinuates that he served in World War II in some way. Maybe he was on the good guy. Maybe he was lying about being a double.

It's entirely possible. That's possible, but I think I read years ago, because I've been a kind of a secret Highlander head, that I think there are deleted scenes or there was a different cut of this film in which there did explore his military

service a little more. Hey, Highlander Maniacs, I'm sending you a tape with the alternate cut of Highlander 2. Only you Highlander maniacs can get it. By the way, Eric, see you at your wedding. It's only

for Highlander Maniacs with six punches or more. I'm monitoring those punch cards very carefully. Don't try to game the system to get Highlander 2 deleted scenes early. You need to see six of my

movies before you can get it. Don't bullshit me. So the threat of Michael Ironsides recognizes that McLeod could always just come back to this fucking stupid planet. We're just totally ill to find it. Dune Town. Yeah, go back to Dune Town.

And then, you know, potentially stage another rebellion and remove him from power. So he decides, I'm going to send two hedgehog assassins. into the future to fight McLeod which is just bullshit because you're just setting off the cycle again Exactly it makes no sense Like it's a real

If you want something done You should do it yourself or whatever But he sends like Yeah they look like hedgehog porcupine type things But they're also kind of birds Because they have like beak like masks And they have wings Yeah you're right

Yeah yeah yeah I mean they're just Shockingly they're ill-conceived villains But the weird thing is like Even them even the henchmen, the lowly henchmen are like, dude, this guy's going to die in a couple of weeks. Let's wait it out.

It's like, no, for reasons. What's awesome is later in the movie, when like it's the first time of many that Michael Ironside and Lambert meet up, Lambert says to him like, hey man, I was planning

on just croaking here. What are you doing? And you can see it in Ironside's face, he's like, well, shit. So he sends these two henchmen back To like you know take him out once and for all And Lambert is at a diner He meets up with Virginia Manson who is by the way So the earth is dead or the ozone

The global warming was so bad That apparently back in the 90s Lambert and some other guy Alan Rich In 1999 they They launched this project Like a global shield that like shields the world and so on and so forth. The downside being

were plunged into eternal darkness. And Virginia Madsen leads a group of revolutionaries that try and take it down or something. Terrorists. I guess one person's terrorists and another person's revolutionary. I mean you're not wrong. But there's like there's rumors circulating

that by this point the ozone layer may have healed itself and in fact the corporation that runs the shield the shield because, of course, it's been monetized, is just lying about it to keep the shield up because I guess there's, shockingly, again, it's ill-conceived and unexplained,

but like the people of the world, I guess through taxes maybe, pay to keep the service of this shield in action. Sure. This business run by John C. McGinley. So Virginia Madsen's group of people are saying, like, hey, we want to take this down because we believe, like, the ozone layer is fine,

and we can see the sun again and yada, yada. So we meet her conducting what you might argue is a terrorist attack trying to take down this organization to stop this shield. But she fails and then immediately just

bumps into Christopher Lambert is the idea. And sparks fly. Do they ever? They are... So he's very old. He's still doing his old bad voice. Yeah. When... Why is he's like hanging out with that bartending? Like, oh, thank you, Tommy.

Give me a whiskey And a glass of milk You got it, Mr. Lambert. I mean, Mr. McLeod. Well, that's a weird thing is like At this point in time, Connor McLeod is like a global sensation Because of inventing this thing.

Apparently, he went back to his real name To, I guess, live out his days and die. Right. Because it was Russell Nash in Highlander 1. I'm almost worried we're getting tweets right now. Oh, but from the Super Highlander Maniacs? Yeah, right? Yeah, it's possible.

That could only be one. No, I'm just realizing. Maybe they've aged out. Maybe they're all dead. Well, these two little bird porcupines come back in time to kill him, and we get this, like, ridiculous fight scene. This is Mario Brothers-esque fight scene. Well, one of them is basically on a... You're right.

They kind of remind me of those guys with the in the cloud. with the hammers that they were in charge? The hammer brothers. You're totally right. They're also members of Griff Tannins gang from back to the future. They've got these like flying hoverboards like, what are you thinking about cloud? You can't use a hoverbird on water unless you got power.

And there's like a big old flying around chasing. One of these dudes is decapitated by a slow moving train, which is pretty awesome. Because he like, he gets like shoved off this train and he's slowly. decapitated under it, which is unfortunate. And so what Connor McLeod realizes when he's at that bar, by the way, when these dudes touch down on earth, he accidentally gets like into a little bit of a bar fight. Character actors, Rusty Schwimmer, credited as drunk in this movie, hits him over the head

with a beer bottle, and he cuts his hand, and he notices the hand heals up. And he's like, oh, no, it's starting all over again. So then he goes out and he fights these two Highlanders. When he kills the one, a quickening happens, as is known to happen when a Highlander is decapitated. And McLeod, like, gets his fucking energy and whatnot. And he, like, reverts back to sexy young Christopher Lambert. Sexy 37-year-old Christopher Lambert. Right.

Sexy. That's still sexy. Legally blind, 37-year-old Christopher Lambert. And does he kill the other guy at this point, too? Like, soon after, yeah. Yeah, because it's the big, like, hoverboard chase sequence. And then he decides to have sex with Virginia Madsen in an alleyway fucking like rats, by the way. I mean, it's outrageous.

I don't think, like, it's so weird. And I guess you're supposed to glean like what, now he's young again. And it's like decades worth of horniness. It's just like flying back into his body. Right. Yeah. I mean, while he's been old for so long, and that he's having some, some. thoughts, right?

Like he's sitting around the house or the opera? It's just so bizarre. Because he's like, oh, hi there. I'm Connor McLeod. And she's like, oh, I'm Virginia Madsen's character. And he's like, well, that's good enough for me. And they start like hardcore making out. Well, here's the thing is, dude, he's got all these fucking death boners.

Not only does he have boners from murdering these two young men. Oh, yeah. But getting all their. electric life force injected it right into his Johnson. Oh, that's the quickening man, that quickening goes right there. So is that the thing? Like, if you absorb a quickening, like you become erect?

Oh. And he's getting like two and ten minutes. Yeah. I see. So that's going to last maybe four hours. But they just fuck in this alley, like in front of every it's like, what are we doing? Which makes sense for a Conner McLeod maybe,

but not really Virginia Madsen. Like, who is this guy? And she's just like totally down with it she's for it uh at this point i guess sean connery comes back because of contractual obligation yeah i i that that's the only rational explanation for what happens well because again like he's got some dumb thing when they're back in dune town and he's like now remember i'll always be with you if you it's like fucking etes i'll always be right here Oh, Mr. Lambert, I remember whether there's always one set a footpritch?

That was when I was carrying. The weird thing, Eric, I have a question. Oh, yes. In the first movie when, which I actually just re-watched not too long because it's in my head, Ramirez meets McLeod, like after McLeod's, it's been a little while, he's been

a Highlander for a bit. But like, Ramirez has been Ramirezing for a long... Like, he's like, oh, I was in ancient Egypt and all this other shit, right? Leopatra. So when they got exiled, they were like, all right, we're going to separate him. You know what? Exile him to like 504 BC and then we'll exile McLeod to like 1,200?

Yeah, I think that's because it doesn't make sense. Okay. Because I feel like the first movie is just like, you know, like one in a zillion people are born with this immortality. And then they eventually meet up and kill each other. Like you do. Yeah. Yeah. And it's kind of cool. I kind of liked it. But like this doesn't make sense. Yeah, because they specifically said that he was older. He was like, oh, I'm a wise old highland.

But so in this one, he comes back in the middle of a production in Scotland of Hamlet. Of Hamlet. This dude's about to give the famous soliloquy and Connery like beams down right onto the stage. And, like, this audience is eating it out. Man, I was just, I'm just picturing James Duhan somewhere, controlling this thing. Scotty trying to coordinate all these Highlander beams. It's like a way station. Oh, man, why wasn't there ever a Duhan and Connery buddy movie? That would have been a movie to why.

No, I'll tell you why. Because Sean Connery. Oh, my fat cussons coming for dinner. He probably despised James Duhan because James. Because James Duhan was a Canadian doing a Scottish accent. Oh, that's right. Not going to do a movie with a fake fucking Scotchman. I'll tell you that much.

Working on your fucking Star Trek piece of shit show. Fucking die before I'll start something with James Duhan. Scotty my ass, you fucking fat fuck. That's the show. Him refusing to start something with him. Oh, a six episode, like BBC sitcom? Yeah, I like that idea. Like, you know what?

Honestly, give me like, give me like a 1970s entourage with Sean Connery. Oh, sure. And just all the shit that he passed on. You'd have to call that show Lady Slap. You could call it Lady Slap, which is a good idea. But the James Duhan episode would be called Nothing Doohan. Yes. Oh, nothing doing

Oh, that's your name I saw you dumb fucking sure Fucking Star Trek So whatever He comes down And like he's just like Interrupting this performance For no reason

And this guy's like Get like he's The guy tries to like Ignore it and continue the monologue But it's like You've existed in a time period At least partially where plays exist.

And you know what's going. You might even know the play. Yes, that's where I thought this was going was, you know, when I was advising Shakespeare on how to write Hamlet. Like, you're doing it all wrong or something. Like, that's where I thought it was going. Instead, the comedy is just like,

oh, what you say to me? Excuse me. Excuse me. Well, the guy calls Shakespeare was a highlander before I cut his fucking head off. I kicked the barn's head into a pile of pig shite. They used to say that the pen is mightier than the sword. Turns out they're wrong.

Oh, that's the end of that scene. So the guy is like, get off the stage, you shithead. And then here's the comedy. Connery's like, shithead. What's a shithead? Shithead, shithead. And it's like, isn't it so hilarious hearing Sean Connery say shithead six times? Kind of.

And he thinks like, Like, he doesn't understand, like, why this dude is talking to the skull. So he was like, ah, I don't think your friend's going to be talking back to you, boy. Well, he gets, like, a bad gay joke in because the bit is like, oh, I remember, you know, last poor York, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, such and such on his lips and so on and so forth, Shakespeare stuff. And he's like, oh, on his lips, huh? Sounds like a gay guy to me. I was like, oh, I don't know what you two guys went up to back when he was a lot.

But you can count me out. We all know you're straight, Sean Connery. Don't worry about it. See you tomorrow on Ladieslap. The season premiere on Ladieslap. We all go to Burger King and let it sit in the fucking car for a few minutes. Just because we can. It's about power.

We buy a bunch of food at Burger King and then throw it in the river. in front of a bunch of starving homeless people this week on the season premiere a lady slap. That is wretched. Now I'm picturing them doing also like jackass-esque stunts.

I'm Sean Connery and welcome to Lady Slap. This is bull in a china shop. He's in like a fat suit and he like runs into a fancy

fancy China store where you know you buy teacups and whatnot and he breaks stuff. Oh man. I'm Sean Connolly and this is me getting kicked in the nuts. This is the purple

Nerpel. It's Sean Connery. I'm Sean Connery and I'm about to wake up James Duhan He runs and he starts punching him while he's asleep I'm Sean Connery

and I'm going to wake up my uncle by stapling his ball sack to his thigh Oh my God I wish So whatever He goes and like he's dressed in his Crazy Ramirez's outfit

He goes to like But apparently Scotland's all okay. Like, New York is a cesspool shithole. Right. Well, it's because Trump has made the capital of the United States, New York City. And then he turns Scotland into a golf course. Yeah. So it's kind of nice still.

He goes to do an upscale clothing store and he pays for a suit with his pearl earring. And they're like, well, this will do quite nicely. This tailor is able to gauge the, like, the value of this jewelry. Like the guy's like, oh yes And the guy, this guy's not even using a Scottish accent No, he's like, oh yes, this is the oldest gentleman Taylor in all of Scotland And he's like, well, good, because I'm the oldest man in Scotland

And the guy's like, yes, how funny. And then like it's something, something, how are you going to pay for this? And he pulls out this fucking earring And he's like, how about this? It's a Ramirez family heirloom. the guy's like, Chouching. Cut to

montage of Sean Connery drinking and smoking while having a suit tailored to him. Yeah, that's a pretty good episode of ladies'

Slant. Remember when Clancy Brown cut my fucking head off in the last movie? Well, for some reason I've still got my pearl earring

in the afterlife. It doesn't make much sense, no, it doesn't. Now, how is he not regenerated on that stage during the Hamlet soliloquy naked as a terminate

Oh yes naked and maybe how about a little young you know like Spock when he came back Yes dude just like put some cream on that face Like smooth it out a little Cut that ponytail For the life of everybody Cut this ponytail

A giant grey ponytail Man that's the thing about Highlanders They all have ethnically inappropriate names And they all have hair extend as far as the I can see. Also goes for Jedi. Connery looks like a pink Floyd roadie in this movie.

It's terrible. It's funny you say this movie is so inaccurate to the first film. It's like if Terminator 2 had like reptile people. It's like yeah, why not? It's true. Like, oh, actually we were we weren't just sent from the future.

We were sent from reptile people. We also happened to be reptilians. Like they were, And shit, why not? Like, it's not... That's not the movie we liked. Highlander, too. A wizard did it.

So whatever. He gets the suit. Connery gets to drink on set. You know that's real whiskey, right? Oh, for sure. And that's a cigar. He pulled out of his pocket. This is my lunch.

You get to fill me while I'm having lunch. I'm going to drink and smoke my fucking lunch. Not a goddamn thing you can do about it. and we come back to Lambert who is just kind of hanging out in his impossible apartment with Virginia Mads and we talked about this though

on Last Witch Hunter the idea that immortal people can you know over the decades and centuries really amass quite unfortunate that they also you know you consider that he invented the shield

he part I guess co-creator of the shield right that was a page day. Yeah, but that only got six seasons, though, so that wasn't... Well, I'm just saying, do not worry about Christopher. I don't know. Oh, careful now. He's... This apartment, you know,

McLeod is doing just fine. And he was an antique dealer. I'm sure he's got pearl earrings of his own. Oh, yeah, I have a whole jar full of pearl earrings to pay for things. So they get into it. We have a flashback of his love interest from the first movie. name I don't remember. She wasn't really a famous actress. She's dying on a bed.

She's got skin cancer really bad. He's in some like burn ward. Right. Her whole face is covered because they probably couldn't get the original actor. Yeah, that's not the same actor. Just cover up that face in a bandage. So she's like, oh, you know, you have to promise me, you're going to fix the ozone layer. And he's like, yeah,

sure. And then he goes, he goes home and turns on the TV and it's an episode of Under the Dome. And he's like, say, wait, Just a minute. I might learn something from my favorite show, Under the Dome.

It comes on right after ladies slept. Oh, this is because Brad Pitt dressed like a gorilla in Japan. Oh, this is my favorite episode. It's where Sean Connery puts Morgan Freeman in a shopping cart and pushes it into a sidewalk. Morgan Freeman goes flying It's hilarious Oh my god

This movie So also this is where Like Sean Connery has to be explained What an airplane is Because the tailor's like So we'll get you a limo to take you to the air Or we'll get you a limo And he's like, limo

And he's like yeah They'd take you to the airport Airport And the guy's like Well you said you got a long journey and flying is the fastest way to go. And he's like, flying. Limo, airport, flying.

Shoot, hat, pants. Burger King. And then just cut to him. Maybe if there's just a class of him, like, taking an adult English course. Oh, I understand these words now. I've been using Burger King. All wrong.

So then it's like cut to him, like, shaking in his boots on a plane because he doesn't understand how airplanes work. This fucking sky captain plane by the way. It looks terrible because they're putting it against like the shield sky which is just like a series of force lightning

on a grid kind of. Sure. Yeah and I mean again it reminds me of the shadow. Yeah no big time. Yeah. It's just the shadow. So Ironside is like watching the movie on like a hologram. Yes, Catana. Ketana. Hey,

Kitana. Yeah, he's watching. I got you a bootleg of Highlander to the Quickening. Yeah, because he's watching scenes from the fucking movie. It's so stupid, man. On this future TV. So we're to believe that this alien society in the past, in the past, somehow has cameras on all of this? Or, again, they could have just rented the movie.

I was waiting for that part where it's like, you're looking at now, now. what is happening now is happening now and he's like all right fuck it I'll do it live I'll do it myself and he sends himself back in time now in the way

or forward in time he goes to the future that was close dodged a bullet there with all the Highlander we might have mistaken the Highlander that would be a big mistake

yes all those six punches and up would have been all over me he's up to 10 so he goes into the future And he hijacks a train. Well, because he touches down. He doesn't ruin a production of Hamlet. He just ruins a bunch of people's commutes by landing in a subway.

He falls into the subway, which is the one thing that looks exactly like it does today. Yeah, the New York City subway is a dystopian wasteland. That is still the same. On Michael Iron Side for Ladieslap, this is train heist. So, yeah, I mean, if he starts punching, everybody in the head. He's like Jason Vortezing throughout this subway. Yeah, he like crushes some guy's

face and it's just to take his black duster. Oh, yeah. Well, he's got to get himself a sick duster before he goes anywhere. That's got to be cool, dude. There's a moment where he could have killed the child and it kind of would have made this movie better. He's like, you're a little one of them, aren't you?

And I'm like, you've seen children on your home planet. Maybe. Maybe they're like tadpoles. Or are they burned? Are they born full body? Oh shit, they're like, do you think in, like, yeah, those aliens, they hatch from eggs on this Dune Town world? Oh.

They hatch from eggs. And they also build Terminator robots instead of back in time. Oh, wow. Yeah, it fits the reptilian story pretty nicely. You know what? Now this movie's making sense. It's all coming together. So he's like, he's like, hey, little boy, you've always wanted to drive one of these, haven't you?

And the kid's like, yes. And he's like, yeah, me too. And I'm like, no, you haven't because you don't know what a fucking train is, you idiot. If you're doing this stupid fucking shit with this little kid, have the little kid drive it and make it go crazy. Instead of just throwing him down and then him driving it and making go crazy. And then I guess the kid probably dies. Yeah, you don't see that kid die. You don't see that, but you see a bunch of other people like turn into dummies and start floating around and flying down and like smacking against one.

Walls, yeah. Like, he makes this train go over 600 miles an hour. Those things aren't designed to do this. Well, it is 2024. We'll never will know what the future will hold. That's true. And he's just like laughing like the Joker, making this thing go faster. And yeah, all these people are starting to like float and fly back and faces are getting like smushed. You see this guy's face. I mean, it's like a puppet. But the face starts to like. like turn in on itself like his fucking skulls caving in my favorite one is one guy's eyes are like bulging out and it's the fakesest thing

I've ever seen. Yeah and it's like it's kind of like a scanner's situation actually he's doing it to the whole train huh? And so he just like crashes the train out into the street

and he's totally fine. Here's an idea because it's weird you know it's a 250 episode of you hate movies congratulations everybody. So you just called the show you hate movies?

Jesus Christ I don't know we've had This is one of the rare episodes We watched the movie together before We've been celebrating a little bit We've had a couple of beverages Yeah so this is we hate movies We don't want to lose our head here

It's you know It's been six years People are listening to episodes Six years from six years ago and whatever Right So it's conceivable that people will listen to this episode Eight years from now Oh my God

And that would make it 2024 In which case you as the listening audience have to do the same shit that everybody did for Back to the Future in 2024. Right. Where you have to destroy the shields. And let the ozone happen.

Well, I was just, you know, it's like, oh, look, you know, you got to get a Michael Ironside duster, you know what I mean? Like, really have fun with it. In both instances, there's hoverboards. Yeah, exactly. This is the day that Islander 2 takes place. Yeah, exactly. People also have to do that for Blade Runner

first. When is that? 2019. Oh, yeah, 2019. It's coming up. Very soon. So please do that because this movie is just ripping off

that movie for no reason. Oh, what it does. You know, actually, I remembered later. Connery's speech is such a rip-off of bland runner, actually. Which speech?

He's pontificating quite a lot in this movie. We'll get when we get to it. Oh, okay. Very good. Very good. So he, by the way. Cheers in rain. The,

just real quick, when Michael Ironside gets off the train, by the way, he just goes, last. Stop. It's like, dude, these moments of comedy fall flat on their face every time.

The Predator came out, you know, and he threw up. This needs a predator. You know, if we're introducing alien worlds, let's do Highlander v. Predator. That is a contest I would like to watch the end. Sure. Somehow the rules would, like, shift so that, like, the Highlander and the Predator were on the same playing field. So the Predator was also immortal. Oh, nice.

Oh, shit. And you got to still. Decapitate a Predator, man. Good luck with that with them, fucking helmets. Yeah, with them helmets, it'd be pretty difficult. Whatever, dude. It's a fucking beverage town, Steve. So Virginia Madsen's

pretending to be in this movie is a thing. They're investigating how to turn the shield off because we know they go visit McLeod visits his old buddy Niedermeyer or whatever his name is. That works for me. Niedermeier. Is that a pledge pin on a new

uniform? No. He died in Vietnam, so it's okay. But he's the guy that created the shield, and he's like, oh, remember the old days? And he's like, hey, why are you 31 again? He's like, don't worry about that. Long story short, who cares? I'm a Highlander, alien, whatever. I'm a halian.

So we get this flashback of like the day the shield was turned on. And it's a weird, like, here's this guy who we don't know. And sure, the movie. tells me he's a scientist, okay, you're a scientist. Yep, that's all I need to know. But the movie also tells me that Connor McLeod was instrumental in helping this guy develop the shield

technology. That's a big problem. I think it's money now that I'm thinking about it. I secured all the financing. Yeah, because all of my money that I have, I have all these old comic books. I sold them on eBay. Action, the comics, number one.

I hate for the whole thing. I have a bunch of rare Burger King Kids Cup toys. Very expensive. Oh my God. Sean Connery's going to come after them. And so, yeah, it's just this like quick

flashback of like the shield turning on. Everybody's like celebrating. But yeah, it's, we're told that they built some fail safe into the system in where the shield could not be turned off. Yeah. Is the thing. Yeah. Yeah.

I think it's something like like a self-defense thing. Like, you can't just take down the shield. Right. So if like, in the case of terrorists, like Virginia Matson come in. So if John C. McGinley and Shield Co or whatever the fuck this is.

It's literally the, it's TSC the Shield Corporation. Oh man. That sucks. If they were honest about what they were doing, they would just turn it off themselves. Yes. But now no one can do that. Right. Which is also like,

come on McLeod what do you do don't go to the opera every day why don't you go to these board meetings why aren't you still involved in this company in any shape or form and that's not really explained right like where's the flashback of Johnson McGilley

McGilley buying him out or whatever like didn't you get the memo yeah or like him and the fat guy have a falling out over something yeah him and the fat guy get into a real fucking spit fight Like we're seeing these two yell at each other

Going to spit in your fat mustache Fuck you fat man I'm out Oh my God I want that so much And then right And I want this to keep following Right after this scene

I want to see Christopher Lambert then poolside Reminiscing about telling off the fat man And hanging out and then going to the opera and then now only realizing the terrible mistake he's made. Oh, sure.

We have to bring the company back just for all the time's sake. I'm thinking of getting the band back together. We haven't been in the same room for 25 years. Or whatever. So Ironside meets up with McLeod, right? And they have like a fake fight, which is your classic.

movie thing where like there's no other villains so Ironside has to be the only antagonist which is always a problem you always want a gang yeah like why didn't he travel back in time with another little high pitched laughing idiot somebody that he can fight

McLeod and killed and all that fun stuff but he fights him to a standstill and then he's like well I'll see you later in the movie for some reason this is the elevator scene oh my god this is hysterical because it's like oh no I'm serving down this crashing elevator and he like you see oh no my limbs are torn as

yeah like lamb bears like cracking his legs back into place he flips his own head around which is weird and this is also you know getting into this area and it reminds me sort of of the diehard movies and how you know after a while john mclean becomes immortal right he's surfing on a jet in that fourth one. In the first movie, like, McLeod gets like gutted on the battlefield

and he's like nursing that shit for weeks. Like, I know he's immortal and it's, and it's still weird to be immortal, but sure.

I feel like shit like this should have taken more time. Yeah. Like you gotta heal a little bit when your body is torn limb from limb. But it's like the later X-Men movies. He's just like completely fine

in like four minutes. Yeah. You see like a little, it's like a jangly arm. for a second and then everything pops back into place. And Ironside like kind of doffs this cap and he's like we'll finish this later and it's like will you

though like will you really come here for this cut that dude's head off and that's it and he's like oh I have a better idea I'm going to join the Shield Corporation for some reason and I don't understand like you know you know find me guilty if I missed

this detail but like I don't know how Ironside makes the connection like from what he's going forward in time to do to then also be like well now I'll be part of this corporation I guess like how does he even get hip to that shit I guess he realizes that

Lambert is trying to go against it so it's like oh if he's trying to go against it I should get on the side of it the enemy of my enemy is my friend but it's he's been watching the movie the whole time oh that's right he watched the first act that's right saw him kick back in his lazy boy

So he goes to a board meeting of the Shield Corporation. Sure. Shield Company, whatever. And he basically acts like the Joker in the Dark Night and the mafia meeting. It's also the Joker in the first Batman movie. Oh, yeah. This movie thinks a lot of cues from the first Batman movie. You're totally right.

Yeah, he doesn't like hand buzzer someone into being a skeleton. But it's close enough because, like, McGinley's not taking him seriously. And he's like, all right, dude who actually. I'm confident is Michael Ironside stunt double because he just looks like a younger Michael Ironside he's like get him boys and this dude like blows Ironside away which is like you know hilarious random

violence in a board meeting like no one's blinking an eye which is always great again Robocop is yes and then it's like he gets up laughing he then goes and pulls a Jason Vorese on this guy like he rips his jaw apart and it's like kind of the longest neck break in cinema history. He's really working at it like trying to get it. I'm trying to get the

fucking the apple inside this guy or something. It's like trying to pry open an unsteamed clam. Getting this dude's hunker ripped open. And we're hearing all these like noises of like gurgles and cracks. Cracks and like

yeah and it's just like what do we watch and I just imagine the foliarists with a bunch of little pebbles like playing with it because it's very uncomfortable to hear. And I'm expecting like when we cut a little farther back like this dude's going to look like Alec Baldwin and Beatle Jews right but instead

it's just this he's got his eyes on his fingers he's wearing a white and black check shirt yes but instead like this it's just this actor with his mouth open and I'm like come on man no way that head off because this movie had to be R although there's no nudity but it had to be R

there's tons of random fucks throughout this entire yeah yeah it's an R so like give me something give me some Gore. That'd be fun. Just a little something. There'd be some goro. Look. My old friend, Goro. That's who Ironside should have took with him, man. Why not

bring some type of monster dog man? You know there's something like that floating around in the Dune Town desert? You already have bird people, so like, yeah, there's got to be a Goro at least. Yeah, bare minimum. Ironside's flying too close to this on, man. He's so

cocky right now, I think, is the problem. Yeah, that's the thing. I can do it all myself. He's micromanaging. So then he's like, all right, John C. McGinley, so now we're partners. What is it you do here? It's just like, it doesn't make any sense. But like McGinley folds like, you know, a basket of wet towels. And he's just like, all right, we're business partners or something.

At this point, the guy who creates the shield is put into Supermax prison, right? That's the idea. Yeah, because John C. McGinley's been monitoring this dude. transmissions and like reading all his tweets and text messages and whatnot and he said like because there's earlier when mcclough visits him he's like oh no no don't talk they're listening and he types in like hey here are these coordinates where there's like a hole in the shield where you could get above it to help deactivate yeah because the guy now realizes that yes the ozone layer has repaired itself pretty convenient uh and that you know we can overcome it if you just go to this

this location and shut down the shield so he starts to give these locations and it's like the latitude and longitude and whatnot but he only gives the longitude Dick move man Yeah and then like you know so then Flash forward a little later McGinley's like I've been reading all your

You know transmissions you send including when you were in here Talking to McLeod All those weird sub tweets you were making about me Yeah I knew they were about me And yeah he throws this dude in a maximum security prison which leads us to My favorite part of the movie like everybody's favorite part of the movie really um so like Sean Connery finally tracks down

Connor McLeod and breaks into his apartment and it's one of those like fake fight things where like you can totally tell that it's Sean Connery but he he decides it'll be a great prank like you know I'm Sean Connery and this is lady slap this week I'm gonna pull the power in my friend's apartment to then burgle him I'm gonna short fight him in the nude Because he totally cuts the electricity to Lamb Bear's apartment. And Virginia Madsen's like, you know, oh, no, they're coming for us or whatever. But, like, the attack happens. You can clearly see this stupid ponytail that Sean Connery's got, you know.

And then it's just that stupid, like, you're son of a bitch. Oh, my old friend. Well, they're doing the Dylan and Schwarzenegger and Predator, right? Like, they grabbing each other's arms. You're son of a bitch. Yeah, that's exactly what this is. And they continue then to fake fight. Remember that thing in alien Nicaragua.

Or whatever. And yeah, they're fake fighting. And like, yeah, it's a weird thing where like they're still sword fighting. And like, that is kind of like Highlander kryptonite, right? Sword fighting? Yeah. If like, if you're a Highlander and you see another Highlander with a sword, you guys got a clang uglies for a little bit, you know what I mean?

You know, the nick to the neck, I think is the. kryptonite yeah yeah but like it's irresistible oh you got it cool the thing is that's and this is also why you do it a lot on uh lady slap right is the you know you can cut each other and it's fine yeah that's true yeah yeah i'm not gonna cut his head off you know that's like a big whack right just cutting his arm a little bit i'm an immortal with a prank show that's actually this is actually a good question if you cut uh high you know like an immortal's arm off Right. Does it grow back? Like a lizard or something? Yeah, I've always been curious about that.

I've only seen the first two Highlander movies and both of them pretty recently. I'm not sure what happens in three, four, five, and whatever happens. Five? I don't know. That's upcoming. And that Adrian Paul show. Does Van Peebles get any limbs cut off in that third one? You know, that is a good question. I've seen that a few times and I do not remember. I feel like there is, I feel like there is an instance of maybe like cut like torso. and he just like reattaches it. Oh, something like that.

Oh, interesting. Yeah. We'll have to do further research on this subject. We may have to watch other Highlanders sequels. Yikes. By the way, the third movie presupposes that this movie didn't exist. You know what? Sounds about right.

Sounds like it was the smart move producers. Let's go back to what that first movie was and just do more of that. Right. And not act like they're from their space aliens. Oh, man. fancy futures and what that's the thing you Sean Connery there's an easy sequel here Sean Connery remains dead yep and then oh no we found more Highlanders you still have to keep fighting that's exactly what the third movie oh dude here it is right the start of like

what should be a legit Highlander sequel is Christopher Lambert right thinking that he's immortal right like it's just a montage kind of like time passing you know and like jokes about like Like, people at the office for, like, whatever job he gets are like, geez, you know, Connor, what do you die in that hair now? And because he's, like, not aging. He's, oh, no, I'm not getting older. And he keeps like, it's because I was working out, but it turns out I'm still a Highlander. Or it's like, he's going, like, it's like Highlander at Christmas time and he's going to, like, seal a Christmas card. And he gets a paper cut and the thumb just heals back up.

And it's, oh, shit. More Highland. son of a bitch you there what day is it why it's christmas day sir excellent buy me a turkey hey fuck you no i said buy me a turkey i have to go to cratchett's house he's the highlander i'm going to cut his head off oh no it turned out cratchett himself was not the highlander but his invalid son i have to decapitate a sickly boy Take that tiny Tim. Oh, no, it's, that thing is, it's all a scam Because Tiny Tim, that, that crutch, that's a sword, brother.

Oh, fuck, dude. Danan, dun, dun, dun, da-d-d-d-d-d-d-n. Because he cuts off Cratchett's head. I know that's a Highlander in this room. And he cuts his head off, right? He's waiting for the quickening and nothing happens. Dude, mistaken Highlander murder, by the way. Okay, Cratchett, you'll get their race.

That would be awesome. Then Tiny Tim like stands up from the chair. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. And it's like both legs are the same size. And he rips the top off that crutch and there's a sword in it. Oh, man. Oh, no. The ghost of Christmas yet to come did not tell me this part.

I mean, it's conceivable that, you know, Charles Dickens had met Connor McLeod. Oh, that's true. And based a Christmas Carol off this event. Yes, that's very true. Dickens is like, yeah, I'll probably clean it up, leave out the Highlander bits. Yeah, yeah, you definitely toned it down for a mass audience, whatever.

But Fezziwig, he's keeping that angle in it. That was the name I was going by at the time. Conner Fezziwig. So where we were was they meet up and they're like, oh, no, you know, that guy, we need to shut down the globe for whatever reason. Everybody loves sunlight, right? So we're going to shut down the globe.

We have to break into the Supermax prison. Right. To ask this fat guy the other half of the coordinates. So they go into a car, one of the very many 1960s cars that everyone's driving around in 40s 60s. Right. Drives in and they're just kind of talking shit at the gate. They're just being like sassy at the gate. Well, the guy's like, you know, all right, identify yourself. And Connery gives his long ass name.

This is Lately Slap. Oh, this is Christopher Lambert and I think you know who my passenger is. This is prison break on Ladies Slat. So they floor it. They drive into this place

and like all these security guards with like Uzi's just start blowing them to smithereens. And this is probably the most memorable scene. Oh, it's awesome. It's like Sunny Corleone on the causeway. You see Sean Connery and Christopher Lambert's bodies get riddled with these bullets. They are lit up in this scene.

Every single thing, like every piece of denim on Connor McLeod. Every, every, that new tailored suit on Connery is just gone. It's like the end of Bonnie and Clyde. It's just torn to shreds. And also, yeah, he sacrificed that pearl earring that suits just nothing. It's Swiss cheese. And this is their trick to get into the building. by pretending to be corpses now

to be taken to the morgue and our little terrorist friends. Well, Virginia Madsen, who Connery, by the way, remarks in the apartment like, Oh, McLeod, you've got a nice piece hanging out with you. So she's like hitting the trunk door, you know.

Or the boot, as Sean Connery would call it. And all these security guards are just like hamming, a ham and a ham and a look at that. Babba, babe. Yeah. And she goes into, she's, like standing in the morgue with these people and their bodies are there and whatnot and then like

they both sit up and they're like... By the way her face has been broadcast on television by this time as a known terrorist right yeah for this specific corporation trying to bring in the same building no one recognizes they have a hamina hamina they have a Highlander

conversation he's like oh I got shot 112 times and he's like well I was shot a hundred and 16 oh you're calling that little Nick on your a shot in the face and it's just like dude how you're not counting

well who cares oh that's for sure but like we're just counting bullet holes that's stupid you wouldn't know here's a question it's again from the first movie but it kind of has something to do with this movie when in that first movie McLeod goes in him and Connerer

in that paddle boat he's like you're out of Highlander and he's like I don't know what that means he gets he's afraid of he can't swim he falls in the lake and he should drown and he's like Oh, my God, that can, I'm okay. Like, so, like, can he not, does he not need air? Is that the idea?

Yeah. He just needs that head attached, right? Any single thing that can kill you doesn't affect him unless it severs his head. Okay. Could he go into space without a suit like a GI Joe? Yeah, but I think it would be uncomfortable. Oh, man. Well, they still feel pain, right?

Unless it, like, unless you explode. Oh, his head popped off. Right. if your head entirely pops off like that's the only thing that counts so like he couldn't like deep dive to the mariana trench like his head would oh the pressure would get him yeah your head could

cave in I think that's okay oh but if it it doesn't pop off right you need you need to be severed from the neck it's sort of like a zombie yeah yeah true destroy the brain or right right right the Highlanders must have gotten the fuck out of France and the French Revolution

these are dangerous times yeah really yeah good Good thing you mention that, Steve, because let's just say the French Revolution plays a pretty heavy hand in the third installment. Good God. Of course it does. There's some prequel stuff going on.

I would love to see, that's how Connor McLeod could have a super successful home video franchise. I'm Connor McLeod and welcome to faces of death. And it's just him getting horribly injured.

He takes, like, viewer letters about how they'd like to see him get murdered. Right. You know what I mean? No, no decapitation. I keep telling you. Do you not want this video series to continue?

Decapitation would cancel this. I got the idea after my tapes kept getting rejected from America's funniest home videos. Oh, now this is a valid letter. Jump off the Empire State Building. All right, let's go. Bob Saget didn't want to see videos

entitled, Man Falls Off of Building. Connor, this is a little too extreme for ladies' slap You do your own thing with it Maybe you start your own fucking show Called Viva La McLeod Oh man Yuck That just sucked

Yeah yuck indeed I watch so much of it though Oh really? So I don't feel proud about it Sure I watched a lot of Viva LaBam Why not? Hey why not everybody But that was also more of like him eating breakfast in his kitchen or something. It was a lot of hanging out with the fam.

Oh, like his pervert uncle that went to jail? Yeah, and then died, right? Who we found out did not explode. New listeners may not know, but I honestly thought maybe he exploded. This is a celebration of all of our jackass conversation. So whatever. Um, they get into this room. So they, they pop up and like, we're alive.

And they like, they run, run the room for a little bit. Yeah, we're killing all these security guards. They walk into a room that has to be made just for Highlanders. Like, right? It's a Highlander trap. I think the sign on the door said Highlander execution chamber. Because it's a big ceiling fan that can be lowered. Right.

It's like a James Bond track. Yeah. Yeah. You're not wrong. Exactly. So it's a big ceiling fan that gets lower and lower. lower, they're locked in a room, it's him, it's Connery, Madsen, and Lambert's like, oh no, and like

Lambert's like, how are we going to get out to this one? And he's like, oh, didn't you know about the bullshit magic I can do for no reason? And it's basically a Doc Brown, if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. Well, this is what I was saying, this is a blade runnery

kind of part because it gets, this little speech he gives gets replayed at the end of the movie where he's like he has this light coming out of his hand that stops the ceiling fan Right. But he's like, every man has its own way. It's something about like the idea that life, like, if you... Something about a way.

Well, life can't find a way. That's Jurassic Park. But it's like, oh, you know, your little life is... He's not really dead if you remember him. It's something like that. This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine. This is Lady Slaps' final episode. Sealing fan.

And it's, I mean, it's such horseshit. Like, this ball of light comes out of his hand, and he pushes the fan back up. And he's like, okay, you're good. And then a door magically opens. And we've seen them be, like, mechanically sealed. Yeah. So there's just some sort of, like, telekinetic power there.

And they run out. And he's like, well, see you later, studio contract. And he just explodes into, like, a ball of light for no reason. And it's, oh, it's great, because he's like, he's like hey will i ever see you again and he's like i don't know depends on the box office receipts wink to the camera it's either gonna be me or maria van people they haven't quite figured it out yet and so his quickening is i guess a self-quickening yeah i guess yeah suicide and i still don't think he should have been able to come back if clancy brown cut off his head if he killed his

If he killed himself, I'll let him come back. Yeah. Right. Like, he was defeated by Clancy Brown, man. Like, he should not have returned. Man, like, I don't know what the quickening science is. Is because... Those two words don't go together.

Let me stop you there. First things first. Is it because McLeod killed Clancy Brown? Uh-huh. That he then gets... He gets more of a heightened quickening from that kill. Does that include all the quickenings of his past kills? So it's like killing...

the lead vampire situation? Yeah, maybe. And then also, like, now that he won the prize, right, does that relinquish those quickenings, which I guess are spirits, maybe? I'm like opening the Ghostbusters containment unit. Exactly. I'm reading way too into this. Right. I'm thinking, like, is, is, is the Connery Life Force even available to tap into? Or, you know what? Oh, so he's not up for like, uh, like a, like, you can't, it's like double jeopardy. Like, you can't get the same quickened soul twice. Maybe.

Hey, Eric, I really enjoyed officiating your wedding, but these quickening questions, you fans go too deep. I've got a camp. I got to get out of here. A wizard did it. I hope

somebody was fired for that blunder. To your point, it's not explained. It doesn't make any sense. No, it really, like, just give me a line or something anything um so they go to the desert which is one of these coordinates lead uh at this point the desert of upstate new york yeah like remember we're in new york city for this movie yeah

well i mean the global warming's happening although it goes to like the fucking himalayas at the end of these are i mean these are you would say higher than the cat skills yes yeah probably higher than the andirondacks too yeah it's like you're it's almost like they were filming in the sierra nevada mountain range out west. So John C. McGinley is giving Ironside shit in this boardroom, right? He's like, oh, you know, you had this Connor McLeod

guy, but you fucked around, but now he's actually going to destroy the globe. Destroy the dome, and your whole plan's going to be for shit, and he's going to beat you because he's better than you. You really didn't plan this out very well. And Ironside's like, duh, and then grabs his nuts.

Like a fucking iron iron vice and turns them to jelly. Yikes. Yeah. McGinley screaming up a storm. Little nut pops. Oh. Fucking jelly running down your leg now. Like two bargain bin water balloons,

man. And he just like kind of undertakers him out the window by his ball. Yeah. It's like a choke slam almost but by the balls. Yeah. A by the balls choke slam yowsa. And McGinley. Into hell, by the way. Yeah. He goes flying out this window.

Next step pavement. By God, John C. McGilley is dead. He got the dreaded ball slam. You know what? You know, we should have been in this movie, Paul Bearer. Yes.

He comes in as like Iron Sides number two. Like, oh, Iron Sides. Oh, Catana, look what you've done. There's no going back from this Catana. He can help out.

and stuff. You could, like, bring over, like, microchips and stuff. Yeah, absolutely. I just want to be a highlander once, Katana. The manual to the shield. I helped out. I brought you those microchips. Yeah, and then like...

Missed opportunity, honestly. And then, of course, obviously, Lambert could cut his head off and then get over the... Oh, don't kill me, Lambert. I'm a cloud. The greatest. It would be great. A Highlander match is what you want. Because he's already got the Intercontinental Belt, so it's certainly... It's a Highlander match.

Whatever. In the desert, they find, they go, they ascend above the mountain and there was... Because there's like a hole, like a cave with a hole in it at the top. So you can get, you can sneak out of the force field as it will. And then you're like, oh, wait, hey, the ozone's pretty good. Well, that's, yeah, that's what they get to the top in Virginia. Madden's like my god it's full of stars you know she and then like Lambert gives her

like a from behind Titanic hug I'm just like dude there's not time for this you were fucking like rats at the beginning of this movie that's the end of it fucking like rats let's fuck like mountain goats I want to fuck you like an animal

I want to feel you from the inside oh you know Eric This karaoke you have at your wedding reception is really awesome. Nine-inch dance karaoke, great wedding, Eric. Oh, man, I'm going to have to get remarried. So they're like, okay, proof that it's real. Now let's just go back down the mountain and turn it off, I guess.

Sure. I guess this was all just like double-checking our work. Like, you sure you want to do this? okay. They go to the end of the cable guy really in this area. Or play Mortal Kombat with a friend in Vietnam.

They saw the future man. They knew. Jet Aftanu. But they go, yeah, it's this big area where that's where the shield is being generated from. The power source for the shield. And it's now, of course, Ironside.

And the funny thing is, Connery's like, you're both going to be needed to turn off the shield, even though Virginia Madsen does jack all shit. I mean, what does she do? Lone him her jacket? Like, I don't even understand why she needs to be there. I mean, like, it's good to have a woman in the movie, sure, but maybe she could do something.

Because in the beginning, like, she's a bad-ass, tough as nails terrorist. Yeah, but for the rest of it, she's fucking olive oil. Yeah, she's just his girlfriend. I can't believe it. Like, why isn't she doing shit? Why isn't she hucking bombs or something? It's because of that rat fucking.

The rat fucking washed her. any, you know, revolutionary, incendiary thoughts. Are you saying it was so good? It cleared her mind forever? Or are you saying that, what are you saying? I'm saying that, like, what the movie says is, like, as soon as she has sex with a Highlander, she's like, Oh, help me!

Yeah, she just, help me! She basically just becomes his girlfriend, which is like, oh, is it okay if I bring my girlfriend along on the mission? It's like, well, actually, no, she should be running the mission. Much like what happens in the shadow, funny. enough with is it Penelopean Miller it is Virginia Madsen in this movie spends a ton of the runtime just

hanging out in his apartment while he's doing shit you're right I guess that's Russell Mulcahy's or Malaki's kind of calling is like ladies hanging out I don't know what to do with women in the middle of the movie they can just kind of hang out in the apartment she should be at least like building bombs

that they use a bit of why not like you know let's blow up some consoles she's also got like this whole team at the beginning of I don't know what happens. Where do those people go? They all just die? I don't know.

It's not explained. Shockingly, I know. So it's a final fight between Ironside finally because they've had like, there was another fight in the desert that goes nowhere. Right. Well, that's the stupid thing. It's like he's in the office with McGinley. Then the two of them, Connor McLeod and Virginia Madsen's character, get to the desert.

Then Ironside's there. There's a little bit of a fight on top of the van that they're driving. Oh, it's on top of the van match. It is so fucking crazy how many times McLeod and Michael Ironside, Katana, run into each other and fight and then just leave and then run into each other and fight and then leave and then run into each other and fight and then leave like, what are we doing? Well, that's like he's in this mountain range. They like kind of hit him with the van and then drive away. And then magically he's back with McGinley. That's when he kills McGinley.

Yeah. And then they're magically back from the mountain range. into this office building at the power supply at the end and then it's like now enough times have happened i can actually final fight you a fucking fourth times a charm i guess and they fight it's not even that great of a fight it's pretty lame because we've spent so much energy on other highly choreographed fights they almost fight in a church when mcclounds like at his wife's grave and iron side like wipes dog shit on her tomb that that is a good move is to come i think that that was the whole point of him coming to the other world's like oh i'm

going to rub dog shit on that grave. Yeah, so they have this lame fight. That's the bummer of the, I mean, like, that's why you need a team, you know what I mean? Like, for Lambert to run through, because once

the villain and the hero fight, even once it's kind of like, oh, that all the air gets out of the fight. Exactly. So when, by the fourth time, I'm like, well, something's going to fucking happen. Right. So he decapitates. He decapitates him. There's like no like super hard quickening

it's like a tiny quickening it's a light quickening for sure which is a drizzle of a quickening which is crazy yeah this guy is a huge dude he's like he's like a fascist ruler of a planet

yeah give me you know that that requires a big quickening totally and in the first movie it's an enormous quickening when Clancy Brown goes fucking New York almost goes up

oh it's wild there's like ghosts and shit I love it. Which is what's so stupid because when he kills one of those bird dudes at the beginning of the movie, that's a massive quickening. It takes out an entire city block. Yeah. So I was like, oh shit. Once he gets katana, this is going to, you know, here comes the quickening. Shit's going crazy in Tokyo. By the way, the subtitle is the quickening. So that's what I'm waiting for. Exactly. And it's like, there's your fucking quickening. And then he's like, okay, now one thing left to do. By the way, keep in mind. I am again the only one left, which means I am mortal. Yep. And he steps into this energy supply, which is just this huge, like, bolt of light shooting up into the sky. Yep. And, like, jams it.

And the whole thing explodes and the shield goes down. But it's nighttime. So nothing, Matt. Like, this should have been like 9.30 in the morning. It would have been beautiful. Like, oh, my God. Look at the sun and the blah, blah, blah. How do you not think of that?

Or show me, like, shots around the world of other people celebrating that they can see. see a blue sky for the first time. Well, it's like the end of Independence Day, right? We go around the world, see all the different crash spaceships, you know? And it's like, okay, well, that's it. And then, like, you just cut, they're magically outside and you see this, like, pyramid

power supply building. It's just blade runner. So hardcore blade runner. So much shit in this movie is just like it has to be dark. Like, that's the reason why they can't show you a blue sky. It has to be dark. Yeah, you're right. It has to be moody. Yeah.

It has to be cyberpunk. And then Connery comes back. The voice is like, everyone, not everyone truly lives, right? Come on, Blade Runner. And I guess it's like you're supposed to believe then, yeah, he did the same magic trick

that Connery did or something. Because like if he's mortal, man, like, yeah, he steps into this thing, it should tear him to ribbons. Yeah, I, you know what? History's mysteries, man. Or at the very, here's the thing. The last scene should take place back on Jacku

or whatever. bullshit planet they're on in the beginning of the film. Why does everybody want to go back to Jack Who? That's what should happen. Well, yeah, because we don't bring any of these Bill and Ted jurors back. They're like the observers or whatever.

They should like mention something about Katana's evil rain falling because it's like essentially, Connor McLeod just saved two planets. Right. Dune Town was saved as well. Exactly. Show me a little Dune Town. Get them Gleap Glop's all celebrating. Here's the thing is like

Committing to another planet called Doontown is a big deal. Yeah. And once you commit to it, fucking commit to it. Bring it back at some point. Yeah. And I hate that they have that planet. It's so stupid that they're aliens. It is very stupid.

I couldn't believe it. You were like, when we started the movie, you were like, guys, watch how they rewrite that first movie. And I was like, okay, what's that? They're aliens? That's a big rewrite. also like and again with the wiping shit on her grave

scene like there's this whole thing and this movie even carries it through of like it's hollow ground you cannot fight at like a religious area cemetery a church what does it fucking matter if you're fucking space aliens

you're not Catholic in wherever alien land you're in so you don't care about a church maybe maybe the Catholic church is from another planet That would be interesting. Rome's pockets stretch far and wide. Exactly. Maybe Catana's talking to the Pope a lot. Oh, really? Yeah, right?

Or maybe Lamb Bear is just like, in the century since I've been here. I totally converted to Catholicism. What a mistake. And then, yeah, they're just making out outside this pyramid and cut to credits. I couldn't believe it. And that's the movie.

It's crazy. It's outrageously crazy. There's like hair metal. playing at the end, which is funny. I mean, I feel like there's been, there has to have been other sequels that have done this, but the fact that the part three acts like part two never happened. Yeah.

I mean, there's got to be others like that, but it's rare. It is rare because you usually try and at least fold everything in. Or like, you're like, let me tie that bullshit back in a little bit. Jaws the Revenge totally disavows Jaws 3D. Like they forget that that movie happened, yeah. We kind of forget about, don't we forget about, uh, to the 13th with the Roy movie

do we just let that one go yeah that just kind of passes because then Jason's resurrected so that's yeah and Tommy Jarvis

is back in that movie in the next one yeah so that's yeah he never talks about the other stuff that happened no he's not like

oh that time I was living in a home and this other dude pretended to be Jason for a while and I might have started killing people at the end of the movie

but now I'm totally still worried about Jason right yeah I mean it's weird like I think they do sort of harken back

to the Corey Feldman like I think he says like something about I've dealt with Jason before but it's not like all that time I was in that failed halfway house like that doesn't happen actually Jason Voorhees is very much like a Highlander you know

you really just have to cut his head off and destroy his brain that's very true I think actually I mean speaking of horror franchises Nightmare and Elm Street 3 ignores that two ever happened two's like a weird stand alone yeah yeah that's true yeah yeah so that

is Highlander 2 the Quickening. And also Halloween 3. Oh, yeah, obviously. Yeah, the big one. So, okay. All right. There's a lot of them. But it just happens to be in massive 80s horror franchises, I guess. Well, I never expected it from my fantasy fighting movies. Right. Yeah, that's true. To your point, yeah, Halloween 4 should be in a world without children.

That's a movie I'd love to see. Because you know what? You could still kill 18-year-olds. Oh, sure. It's just they wouldn't be babysitting anymore. You know why? Because they're all gone. But now they're down to some serious fucking... Oh, yeah, dude.

We've got to repopulate. Yep, get them kids back. Get them... Hashtag get them kids back. Would anybody recommend Highlander to The Quickening? It's kind of fun. It's stupid as anything. There's more Connery, which is a good thing, I think.

Yeah. He's chewing on scenery a lot more than he is in that first one. It's silly. It is... I'm kind of a moderate... fan of both of the first movie and like I kind of so I don't really I don't find it offensive so I'm like

sure whatever whatever you want to say Highlander wherever we're going that's cool I would recommend it for being dumb fun maybe a hangover movie it's not great and I you know I like I love to a hangover movie you know what I mean like you're no you're right

you know what while you're still fucking partying hard on Saturday night you get home at one two whatever in the Yeah. Throw Highlander 2 on and see how long you could stay up. Exactly. Like you're getting home. You've stopped off for some like halal cart chicken.

Yeah. You bring it back. You're trying not to wake up your wife just watching Highlander 2. This is great. And see how long to make a specific experience. I was talking to the young people. Oh, pardon me. Oh, pardon me.

But obviously, have a frame of reference to work with you. Fucking animal. Watch Highlander 1. Well, I mean, yeah. You know, I'd recommend this movie. It's one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. I can't even believe this is a thing. You know, like Steve, I won't say that I'm, I mean, I don't know, I guess indifference

the wrong way. I'm just, I'm naive to this franchise. I've only seen these two. Oh, I'm a high head. Oh, I know. Christopher Lambert officiated your wedding. That's a real story. We were there.

It's crazy. Penn punch cards. Sermon is free. Yeah, I don't know. It is a hangover movie. It's so stupid. It's on Hulu, man. watch this movie right now that's what we just did and you know yeah whatever it's a good time i probably

wouldn't i might watch these other movies probably not gonna venture into this tv show is here's that's the thing is i never watched the tv show i actually skipped the fourth movie for a long time because they were bridging it with the tv show and i was like fuck that shit um yeah but i would say even though marvin pebbles you know chomping the scenery and whatnot three is worth us worth checking out Okay. You also get Christopher Lambert with a haircut. Oh, shit. Yeah, he's kind of looking more like, hey, it's the 90s guy.

On this episode, a Lady Slap, we're watching the entire Highlander franchise, TV show, including. We're giving Christopher Lambert a haircut. He's asleep. He's been snoozing for hours and we're going to cut his hair. The Lady Slap Torbas. Here's a question. If you give a Highlander a haircut, is there like a mini Quickening?

I think it's like a soft breeze. Or like a static electricity. That's Highlander 2, the Quickening, directed by Russell Malacky. If you want more WHM, check out WHMpodcast.com or sideshownetwork. TV. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

We are at WHM podcast and right into that mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail. 250 episodes. Some of your favorite WHM moments, we want to hear about him. And next week, it's another emergency programming episode. Weird, hold on. Oh, yeah.

10 year rule. No, no, no, no. It's got to be off the table. Something big's happening. Something big's happening. Dolph Lundgren in kindergarten cop two? But that just came out today. Yeah, well, we're doing it, man.

See, the thing is, we're doing it sight on scene. Yeah. This is a real event episode. I cancel your plans, download the podcast. Next week, it's going to be something. All right. So let's see right now, because we did this with Jingle all the way to, some predictions about what we might see in kindergarten. Dolph, Lundgren, I predict, we'll get no less than two nut slams.

Oh. You stole mine? All right, here's mine. Well, I'll give Steve a second to think of another one, because this is mine. I'm predicting Dolf Lundgren probably getting peed on in this movie

Oh, I like it Oh like it Yeah I am going to say Yeah That the word selfie Appears at least once Oh

That's a good one That's a good one He's definitely He's gonna clean up puke With that weird like Sawdust shit All right So getting peed on

Selfie sawdust puke And then what was the first one? Getting his getting punched in a dick at least twice. Yes,

a dick slaps. By the way, do you know who his co-star is in this movie? Larry the cable guy? MTV's own Bill Bellamy.

Oh, man. Yeah, man. Oh, man. Oh, so. Prediction Bill Bellamy has sex in this movie. So until next week with another useless sequel,

I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Say that. Eric Siska. Take it easy. Thank you.