We Hate Movies - S6 Ep252: Episode 252 - X-Men: The Last Stand

Episode Date: May 31, 2016

On the kick-off of the 2016 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza, the gang welcomes back friend of the show, Private Cabin's Sean Weiner, to talk about the disastrous Brett Ratner mutant murder spree, X-Men: The Last Stand! What's with the off-screen Cyclops death? Why did they insist on keeping Magneto as the lead villain? And what's with all these deleted scenes and alternate story lines? Decide what story you're telling before you start shooting! PLUS: Be on the lookout for Wolverine's superfluous third nipple! X-Men: The Last Stand stars Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Famke Janssen, Anna Paquin, Kelsey Grammer, James Marsden, Rebecca Romijn, Ellen Page, Shawn Ashmore, Ben Foster, and Vinnie Jones; directed by Brett Ratner.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today on the program, we kick off the summer blockbuster extravaganza by Ragan on Stanle's The X-Men. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Zedang. Eric Siska. Sean Winer. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network. Thank you for tuning in to what is the kickoff of our annual summer blockbuster extravaganza.

Hashtaguer SBE 2016, if anybody is talking about it on the internet. Yeah, this week, let's get right into it. Brian Singer's X-Men The Last Stand from 2006. Oh, no, you're wrong. It's Brett Ratner's. Oh, you're right, entire problem. You're totally right. We all dreamed that it was totally right. Oh, wow.

What a total, like, don't you just want it to be that, though? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because he's making all these new ones now, right? He's, well, he didn't do that first class, but they got him back for whatever it's called, Days of Future Pass. He kind of ejected Matthew Vaughn from the city. He's like, yeah, I'm back. He left to do that Superman as a divorcee father, Superman.

Yeah, yeah. Which I like that movie. I like it more than every other Superman since. Yep. No, it's, it's an okay movie. It's a total... I haven't watched that movie again in a long time, but, like, I think Brian Singer

makes good superhero movies. Oh, yeah, I love Valkyrie. So this is a famously, like... This is probably my most anticipated and most disappointed I've ever been for a movie, because, like, the end of X-Men 2, which is still kind of one of my favorite movies.

Like, favorite superhero movies or, like, of all movies? I think it's a top 30. of all movies? Yeah, I feel it's fair to wedge that. I mean, 30 fucking movies. Come on. And not like the best movies I've ever seen,

but my favorite movies that I've gone back to. We're talking like 29, right? Or 30. It's actually two, but I put 30 in there just to make myself feel a lot better. No. But like at the end of that, it's like, oh my God,

the phoenix is going to happen. It's going to be the phoenix. Oh shit, they lit up that pond or whatever. Why does it look like a bird at the end? Because the Phoenix is a bird. Like that's... Well, I understand that the Phoenix is a bird, but like does she... I mean, that's like a Phoenix bat signal in that lake.

But that's kind of like how it works. She's usually like standing in all these flames. And the flame is in like a bird form. Oh, I see, I see. And what's so like, I think what's great and nerdy and wonderful about the Phoenix saga is that it's X-Men go to space. And somehow it's still kind of good. It's not great.

but it's good enough for, like, comic nerds to be like, no, I love the Phoenix. Well, so there's no space in this movie, so that gets fucked then, huh? I think you're better off leaving the space out of it because it's kind of won too many things. Now, let's just go to the comic book encyclopedia here. Where is he?

I've been called out on the internet enough. I feel like to have to relinquish that title. No, I'm just curious. I mean, what are they doing in space with this flaming bird? She's like a celestial, the phoenix is like a celestial being that like possesses Gene Gray and then she goes... So it's like an alien?

Yes. Oh, so it's not like a split personality? No, it's not like she's a two-faced woman which is what this movie's all based on. Oh yeah, that's what I thought it was. So it's, or is it like a god person? Yeah, it's like a god thing that gets inside of her and it makes her...

She dies for a bit. She comes back as an evil thing. She kills like a planet or two and then goes on like a space trial. And then these space pirates get involved and it's awesome. One of those spaces. Pirates, by the way. Cyclops's

father. Oh, really? Corsair. One of the dumbest things. The fact that Cyclops' father has to be a space pirate. But does that's supposed to say then that, like, does that say that Cyclops like isn't of Earth?

No, he's like an Earth guy. He's kind of like a... Star-Lord? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's like a more Errol Flynn Star-Lord. And he, like, hangs out, like, reptile. Ooh, I'll take it. What are the space pirates It's called Star Jammers. Oh, man, oh man.

Yeah. Star Jammers is like the name of like a shitty 90s like traveling roller skating team or something. Or like the star jammers. Or like the band that they made in a TV show. Like if he dude started a band, it would be called the Star Jammer. Or like the actual name of the good guy basketball team in Space Jam. Oh, nice. They're called the Star Jammers, but they'd ever reference it.

Ted, we're kicking you out of the Star Jammers because you have a real big Coke problem. Our manager, Mr. Ernst, has asked us to ask you to leave. I just feel like everybody's got a Coke problem on the Star Jammers, man. You'd have to. You're at a traveling band called The Star Jammers. So that's what that is.

But I was super excited about this movie. And then that was the biggest, like, fat guy tug-on-on-on-your-sleeve moment in all of movies. Tug-on-on-your-sleeve. I didn't know where that was going on. Any movie Any superhero movie you see With like mixed public

There's that like little thing For the fans And I was like Oh my God It's the Phoenix Oh my God That's circus card Oh my God

That's like That's Gambit's name On a computer Like you know what I mean Oh my God That's Gambit's name On a computer That's an X-Men too as well

We never Never got there We got there We got there in that X-Men origins Colin Wolverine Oh you sure did Gambits in that

dude for like three minutes Taylor Kitch plays him he like farts in front of Wolverine in an alleyway oh great and that's the end of the movie I think he's doesn't his bow turn into like a helicopter or something and he like flies away I'm sure not like Mary Poppins umbrella but it has some sort of like gadgetry to him he has no like Cajun accent he has none of that and he um well Taylor Kitch has a hard enough

time covering up that Canadian accent he just wears a trench coat and his name gamut That whole X-Men Origins Wolverine movie is like the laziest writing Because it's like That has the famous Wolverine saying

Move out of the way Bub to a fat man The fat man says Did you call me blob And that's how the blob got his name Oh you're told Oh I forgot about that one man What a fucking stink

That sucks Now Steve where's that Where's that is that 28 Hold on That's cruel That is my least favorite movie of all time But that's what I was getting at this is the word That one's the worst

That's the worst Wolverine origins I feel And but this was more disappointing Because A it came out before X-Men Origins And like at that point X-Men 1 is a really good movie And I think X-Men 2 is one of the AFI's top 30 movies

I forget it I think that's what you're getting at those The idea that this was the first time We realized that an X-Men movie could be bad Yeah You know because we were riding high on those two And then it was like oh fuck you Brip Ratner and your big butt book.

I was trying to remember this. When did everyone, and we'll go around the horn here, because I remember my moment. When was, when did you check out of this movie like, oh, fuck this? Like, this is not a good movie. Because in the beginning, you're like, oh, it's another X-Men movie. And it kind of feels that way for at least a little bit. Yeah, I think for me, right around the time that one of my favorite X-Men beast was ruined for me. Oh, because Kelsey Grammer just walks in.

And just what a stupid-looking thing. No, that's when I perked up in my seat. I don't know what a beast is, but look at that. Kelsey Grammer. My pinpoint moment is when they're on the battlefield and that, like, here's the X-Men. Yeah. And they're fighting, but it's really the danger room. Yeah.

And they do like this, they look out. And Wolverine sees light beyond the smog. And he looks at Colossus as like, give me a toss. And at that moment, a bunch of things happened that are terrible, including Storm saying, Wolverine, we work as a team, but what Wolverine is doing is teamwork. He's saying, you throw me there. What more do you want, Aurora? And then he goes flying beyond, and then a whole fight sequence happens off screen. And then a head of a sentinel goes flying down, and he walks out from behind it.

He doesn't crawl out of it. He's just like, oh, well. And that's the problem is like we're sacrificing cool looking stuff for jokes. Like that's because that's a joke. It's all of his, he's just all one-liners and they're all so much worse than they ever wore before. This movie's just boring. Eric, what was your point? Well, I guess you're, it's not on your top 30.

No, it's not. I don't, I don't really know. I remember seeing this in the theater, but I think by the time it got to the, like the big fight scenes at the end, I was just so tired of it. I really disliked that angel boy. Oh, he's the worst. Oh, Archangel? Right. I remember everyone was like,

oh, he's going to be a big thing in the movies. Like they're going to do a fourth, and it's going to be him doing something, right? Yeah. That never happened. The promise is it's always, the character that's really doing nothing and this one's,

the next one's going to be all about him. For me, it's when Xavier dies. And it's like, well, what the fuck? Well, that's, yeah. Like Cyclops dies. I'm like, well, that sucks. And then, like, five, minutes later, Xavier is dead, and I'm like, well, what

movie am I watching? I didn't blink when Cyclops died, because Cyclops is a character I've never cared for, and I also just really dislike James Marsden. He's the straight man. That riled me up, because, you know, what are we doing? It's like we're watching Seinfeld without Jerry.

I'm just imagining Jerry Seinfeld in Oakley glasses. Well, this movie, because it just shows that, so like X-Men, the first one's the first, superhero movie in a long time so you're very forgiving of it. It's good but it's not done on a budget.

The second one, you're like, here we go, we're in a new superhero age, and then we realize everything dies, right? In X-Men 3. And during that time, Oakley sunglasses goes for being very cool to like, okay, he can still wear those. To this movie where you're like, come on, move on. Cyclops

get some Raybands. The movie literally shows a pair of ray bands disintegrate. Those are still the Oakley's. Oh, I meant Oakley's, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so, I mean, this movie starts with, I guess Xavier and Magneto just come back from vacation in the 70s. They're incredibly tan at the beginning of this movie.

Well, that's the easiest way to sort of smooth over like two old-ass, wrinkly white dudes if you need them to look 40 years younger. And what do they do when they're coming back from vacation? They're looking to pick up a kid. That was my thing, though, like at the start of this, like, man, we're watching another kid recruitment scene. all of these movies have those it's like rogue and Bobby Drake

in the first one it's like you want to come live with us for a little while it's like man I get it it's and they're always like we need the pretty boys and girls you never see like an ugly X-Men at this academy yeah you can be like even like the blue people are pretty gorgeous

you know what I mean like where is blob or someone like that or Toad they're all a part of the brotherhood of evil beauty right you know because Charles wouldn't wouldn't talk them. Oh, only sexy mutants can come to my school, these sexy little kids.

And when they arrive, this might even be the moment I realize it's a bad movie, because when they arrive, they get out of the car on a suburban block. You see Magneto, and he goes, I still don't know why I'm here. And winks at the audience, and you're like, oh, fuck. This movie's just going to be

a self-referential piece of dog shit. But it's also like, yeah, like, what are you doing there, Magneto? Aren't you? I mean, it's, are you guys friends? Are you both? I guess like the ideas that they both started the school together in this timeline or whatever. It's a very tumultuous relationship with it. They're on again, won't they? Yeah, exactly. And then Xavier is dancing to Charleston. He's not paralyzed yet. And that's, man, I hate that shot in this movie where it's like the bottom of the car door and it's like two feet get out and stand up. And I'm like, well, don't I know who this is? Because we always got a highlight when Patrick Stewart's standing on two legs. Xavier says something really shitty to Magneto here and apparently they're still friends

so nobody's evil yet and like there's this bullshit conversation about like well this is the most powerful mutant we're about to see and she's absolutely powerful and like Magneto's really excited about it's like oh without power she'll be fantastic he's like well Eric you of all

people should know absolute power leads to some pretty bad things like the Holocaust you were in remember that time you grew up in a concentration campers I'll say that to a Holocaust survivor. Like, yeah, I know. Thanks a lot.

I'm going to try that one. Eric, what's, uh... Do you have the time, Magneto? Oh, what's that on your arm? Yeah, no, it's kind of that. Yes, I know. It's not 12 o'clock yet. Well, Magneto, a broken clock is right twice a day.

Oh, wait, that's your Holocaust tattoo? There's also the thing, one thing they loathe in this movie is like the, like, well, called like the color blocking. Like he, so Magneto can wear not his uniform or his, his costume, but he has to always wear magenta. You know, like he's always in maroon. They got him in the deep maroon in this movie. He knows his style. He picks his color. It works for him.

But he's dressed like a Dick Tracy villain in this first scene. He's got like a top hat and a thing. Oversized Indiana Jones hat. So we cut to... And it's weird because then we cut to Warren Worthington and like it's a... Wait, hang on, sorry. I don't want to miss it because there's no reason to talk about it

at any other point in the episode. Stan Lee using a garden hose and it looks like my big dick in this movie. Isn't that great? He is erected for young Gene Gray. Gene Gray does the thing where she's like, oh yeah, you think you've seen powerful mutants and she lifts up all the cars in the cul-de-sac.

And then it fucks up all of their suspensions. Yeah, when she just drops it. Thanks a lot, little kid. But he's just like, here's my hose. Oh, look at it grow. I'm watering Jack Kirby's grave, who's not getting any credit for this movie. Here, here's a drink to help you push up some daisies,

dead Jack Kirby. He's finally getting credit for the, like, it's now Stanley and Jack Kirby in all these movies. Oh, yeah. Back then Stan wasn't given the credit. Drink up, you dead. So they're always trying to think of ways to you, Stan Lee. At this point, I mean, you're aware that you're making like a phallic joke there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a 90-year-old man with a six-foot penis. They also were really excited about, like, discovering how to use water and CGI in this movie. Because everywhere you look, water is floating on ceilings, levitating in the... It's awful. So sorry, Warren Worthington. our bad scientist politician in this one.

There's like a weird jerk off scene where he's like in the bathroom like cutting his wings off it's like your classic X-Men metaphor that kind of means

everything and nothing at the same time oh exactly it's like you know homosexuality gender identity you know AIDS is involved

like it's just all the racist part of it racism oh big time yes there's definitely bombing abortion clinic metaphors in this movie

I mean that's that's the great thing about the X-Men like you can just throw all sorts of stuff into this little mutant catch-all and he comes in and his kid, I mean like his kids got wings on it, Michael Murphy, like

sees his kid with wings, like bloody wings, and he's like, oh, fuck. He has a line where he goes, not you, you know. It's like he just walked in and he's jerking off to like a tiger. You always think that it's, you know, your friend's kid's the mutant. You didn't think your own kid would be a mutant.

Well, I would be like, oh, thank God you don't have horns. Like, you know what I mean? Like, there are good mutants. We can hide this. Yeah. We don't have to tell the neighbors about this one. Good mutants to have bad mutants to have. Good mutants to be bad mutants to be.

Well, it's the weird thing where you show, because, like, yeah, you can cover up this a little bit. But he's got, like, when you see him as an adult, the wings are, like, tucked into a, like, leather strap thing. Like, he's fucking James Conn and the godfather with, like, the gun strap around him. Like, Sonny Corleone's walking around with his piece. Like, these wings just strapped to his back. How does he sit down, by the way? Like, what's that situation? very carefully.

Stools only, I think. Sit down, Warren. You're making me nervous. No, I'm cool. Do you have any backless furniture? So, now, I'm not that accustomed to the X-Men comic books or the lore or anything like that.

I want to say that up front before someone comments on me. You make me sick! But now, in these, because in this movie, there's so many people that are mutants. Now, in the comic books and everything else, like, is it like

half the goddamn population? It depends. This is a lot of people. It's like an ever-increasing population. The idea is like, oh, it's... It's spreading, huh? Right. It's like, as a multiracial person, it's like,

oh, everybody's mixed now. Oh, no! Or, like, Latinos making up the majority in the U.S. It's supposed to have this, like, threatening to the majority feel. Yes. Right. Right. To your Michael Murphy's of the world. Well, I mean, not you, too.

And obviously, we get into the... the whole Holocaust thing. It's happening again. Yeah, they love it. They do love it. And I mean, I guess the movie starts with like the danger room sequence which Sean talked about, which is kind of like whatever. It's like fan service. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But what I enjoy about that though is it's just kind of, it's what I liked seeing in the, they do it in the comics, they did it in the cartoon. It's like the casual X-Men adventure where it's like we're just doing stuff and everybody gets to showcase their powers a little bit. We're kind of making jokes

and it's like casually fighting a dangerous presence, which is okay with me. I kind of feel like Magneto shouldn't be in this movie at all. Like this is kind of the problem with these movies. They always find, like Magneto's like part of the team and that he has to have something to do in every movie. Like, but just have a new villain and have a new

threat. Like that's what I'm kind of nervous about Apocalypse because they keep showing Magneto like hanging out and I'm like, well, he's not the bad guy, right? Like, well, he's in the money. Yeah, he's got the, it's in McKellon and Fossbender, like, they're the best actors of the series, so you just kind of find stuff

for them to do. And it's like, you know, Michael Fosbender in this new movie can just look like Michael Fosbender, Oscar Isaac, while largely famous at this point, looks like a big purple whatever with all that makeup on his apocalypse, you know. He's like the world's most dangerous

penis head. Oh my God, penetrating theaters. But, yeah, that has just come out on Friday, actually. last Friday. It's all I've seen this movie by the time. This is weird because while we're recording this, it's like way in advance. I'm seeing this movie in a few days

and I'm very nervous about it. We can talk about apocalypse at the end. But I mean, I do feel like this movie's better if it's just a Phoenix movie or if it's just a Cure movie, but like Magneto, like, just kind of having an agenda in the middle of it's kind of like whatever. Right. And they're also going to purport him to be the main

villain in this movie, which is also like, just give it a rest. So the movie, the opening, just before we get to the danger room sequence, the opening credit sequence is like the fight club synapse thing that happened in every fucking movie for five years. It looks like shit, too. It looks awful. It looks really bad.

And they ditched any kind of Patrick Stewart narration for this one. Right. Which I know because they recorded it. And I, because I watched it on Blu-ray, and I've got all these deleted scenes to tell you guys about, including that. They just put that there. And I was like, why would you not have it? It's like him just doing it from the time and memorial.

It's another thing about sometimes life finds a way or whatever, whatever, you know, it's just, it's, it's essentially the same speech over and over again, but this one's about like, you know, and sometimes people try to eradicate what they don't understand, you know, whatever it is. I'm just thinking about, good luck graduates. Oh, man, Xavier must be on that, that, like, commencement speech list, right? Oh, yeah, sure. Oh, they got that guy that can read minds? Yeah, totally. He just had the same speech during a tour of America. Do we want him or Chuck Schumer?

I got bumped from Letterman last night by Chuck Schumer. Xavier would be the third guest on Letterman, circa like 2000, whatever. Instead of a stand-up comedian, there's the author always. Oh, yes, yeah. I wrote a new book about mutants. And I could read your mind, Dave. I got bumped by a dog that can use a microwave.

Xavier would be huge on Colbert now. Colbert's all about like, oh, look, you don't realize this person is a hero and a celebrity, but I'm going to redefine the movie. Charles Xavier Fridays. So whatever, they recruit Gene Gray in the 70s. We have this cure now in present day. And it's also, we're told, and this is useless, like, this movie takes place in the near future.

You get that little tag there at the start of the danger. I didn't even, I was like, what the fuck is this? Like, what does it matter? I think that, no, I think even the first one, the first X-Men's like, in the near future. Oh, is that right? Yeah, it's always, it's always a little bit. So I guess like it starts in 2010 and now maybe this movie took place in like 2015. Oh, weird.

What I love about, speaking of that, the shitty Charles Xavier list credit sequence, how we start that is like right after you know Warren Worthington the 3rd's like been trying to cut these wings out of his back and it's like let's zoom in on this kid's back wound to start this credit sequence because they just back knee they do this hard zoom right into the hole in this kid's shoulder blade and I'm like fucking gross it's the most interesting scene about that character Warren Worthington does two things in this movie he comes in and like it's like oh the cure is happening so like he's a

about to get cured and he's like dad this feels weird and then like he majestically spreads his wings and leaves the movie for a really long time yeah and then at the end he kind of just swoops in and saves his dad yeah nobody cared about anyway this is a big problem with this well not the big problem with this movie but there are so many characters who have such a minimal story arc yeah where it's like in this scene here's your problem in this scene here's your resolution otherwise we're not going to see you you have one minute of screen every time. It's a whole arc. So you have that for Rogue. You have that for

Archangel. You have that for every every like periphery character. Not Wolverine. Cyclops. Yeah, exactly. There's like, it's insane. Pyro falls into that. Poor Aaron Stanton, man. That guy just never caught fire, pun intended. I was about to say this is the fireman.

Yeah, fireman. His name is Pyro. Yeah. I'm learning something. All right. And then sub-zero and she goes like at the end of the movie they're like fire and ice finally going at it I'm like all right nobody really no X-Men was like finally Iceman and Pyro

are going to do it and it's so stupid too because Wolverine's like oh hey Bobby why don't you go fight your old friend because remember when you used to be friends a couple movies ago but then your friend who used to be your friend then joined up with Magneto yeah yeah go fight that guy also Wolverine wouldn't know that

Wolverine would like oh fight that blonde guy Like, I don't know. You've known for years. Whatever. Like that's exactly. Like, you took a road trip with him. Yeah, I don't remember that well. And they're giving him a bad wig in this movie for no reason.

Just dye that kid's hair. What are we doing? It looks like shit. Speaking of Wolverine and bad hair, this is the worst Wolverine hair I've seen in a long time? Like, is it extra humid in this movie? Like, it's very like... You're totally right. It's like floppy or like a black tomato eyes.

It also has a... A spit curl. Which he doesn't have another And a spit curl says This guy's badass But not really look at that spit curl Like you can take him home to mom There's a weird to see him not like

In days of future past he's such a monster Like his physique is so enormous Oh he's juicing up a storm for that movie And he's like moving his nipples in that one scene Oh god Yeah Like moving them to another part of his chest He does like in that like bedroom scene

He's like hi I'm Wolverine his nipples go up his forearm that's not how muscles should work wait no I don't know the comic books that well is that one of his powers his mipples can go wherever they want regeneration and nipple movage yep

he so go my minions oh man I would love to seem like go down his legs and go on to the floor and like chase someone there's like a sex scene between like Bobby Dr. Iceman and Kitty Pride and he like takes

off his shirt, he has three nipples. She's like, oh, I didn't know you had a superfluous nipple. And they're like, Wolverine's in the room. Quit spying on a supervert. Ew, he's just like feeling everything with his nipple. There's a weird class photo in a room. And they're like, oh, who's that guy? That's Wolverine's nipple.

It's a lot. It's a cross. I could see this becoming like the Adams family's thing. Oh, yeah. The nipple just running around the school. They try to order pepper. pepperoni pizza. They're like, not pepperoni again. You can't do it. Logan's going to fuck with it.

Wolverine Jr. is here. Now, before I bring the meeting to order, I just want you to know that Wolverine's nipple is in the room as a surrogate. Wolverine's on business. It has a clicking sound. Taking notes for Wolverine will be his right nipple. That's disgusting. That is very disgusting. What's those things out? Do you remember those like,

half bouncy ball things that you'd like tuck inside out and then they pop yeah that's the sound that that nipple makes oh of course and it can do that too it could bounce around it's got like a good good uh jump so cyclops is very upset about the

death of june grade we don't know how much time is passed between the two movies right they don't know it's still it's the near future but it's maybe even the farther future at this point it's been enough that people are like kind of frustrated that he's still upset about it like wolverine's like we got to get on with our fucking lies here, Scott.

And he, like, I guess is getting messages from Gene Gray, so he gets on a motorcycle. Everyone has motorcycle jackets in this movie. Not just, like, every top, I'm surprised Xavier didn't put one on at some point. Well, he can't go fast enough to be on them to need a leather jacket. But even, like, multiple men's just hanging out in a leather. Yeah, that's true. Beast puts one on and makes a joke about, like, I can't believe this fit me once. Oh, man.

Yep. Yep. That's a joke. And I'm just laughing my superfluous third nipple off in this movie. So I'm like, oh, you know, Cyclops kind of got relegated to B Squad in that second movie because, like, he turns into a bad guy in the middle, like they mind control him. And then, like, there's that stupid fight that happens. And I'm like, wait, wait, in the movie on your top 30 of all time, there's a stupid fight scene?

Yeah, yeah. That's why it's low on the list. But in this one, I'm like, oh, man, it's a dark Phoenix saga. Of course Cyclops is going to get premium screen time. And, like, he gets murdered in five minutes. Off-screen murder, by the way. Yeah. It's just that, and this is an effect they use that covers multiple things, I guess,

because it's the same look when rogues, like, suck and powers out of a person that, like, you get these blue veins that don't really exist. You're just getting, like, drained. Like, that happens to him because they're making out, they're making out hardcore. Oh, yeah, man. I'm looking at some tongue here. And she gray's eyes are wide open. Oh, yeah.

Do you have something in your mouth? What? Wolverine's nipple Oh, yuck. Oh, yuck. You're messing with my girl, Scotty. I'm going to send my nipple after you. Does the, do you think the nipple at, like, the top of this nipple has, like, a little Wolverine claw come out of it? Free?

No, no, just one. No, it's got, like, two stray hairs that kind of vaguely resemble Wolverine's haircut. Yes, that's how you could tell that it's. Wolverine's nipple and not somebody else. Yeah, exactly. One of the other various nipple mutants. Is that a nipple smoking a cigar? Oh, my gosh.

Whatever. He gets disintegrated. And then, like, Xavier's like, go to alcohol I like. Something's going wrong there. And they, he doesn't say Cyclops just died. Yeah. He gives him, like, yeah, yeah.

I'll leave that for you to discover it. The Force type of thing. He's kind of like pissed off at Cyclops and he's not getting it together. He kind of gives like Storm a promotion. It's like, well, Scott's just a joke at this point. He really, he's talking shit to a lot of these people in this movie, like throw in some serious shade. And that's one of them. He's like, well, Scott just clearly hasn't gotten over the death of his stupid girl friends. And if, if this movie really wanted to deal with the challenges that minorities and people face, you would have had Storm say, so the only way I'd become principal is if the white

heterosexual man's wife got murdered? Well, thanks, Professor X. Well, it's a very specific third place. It's like, well, Gene's dead and Scotts a mess. Congratulations, Storm. Listen, Aurora. Take it or leave it. Running a fucking business here.

Let's think about that first name. Yeah, exactly. It's, uh, yeah, you dress too provocative. You're just too mutant-like for the business. We are running a business here, Storm. Principal Aurora Monroe. Sure. Sure.

Sounds great. How's Carol? Can't fit Aurora Monroe on a desk plaque on. I'm hoping. Yeah, Storm's kind of terrible in these movies. Well, she wasn't supposed to be in it. That was the whole thing. It's like Brian Singer was pissed off at him.

And it was pissed off at Storm or at Halliberry for X2. Yeah. And then he like said to all the nerds like, don't worry. We're firing her. And then he left for Superman and Brett Radder's like, hey everybody, I'm bringing Hallie Berry back. And we're like, well, fuck. Well, what was the beef? Like what, I mean, what does she do in X-T? She had a really, she wanted a lot of money because it was just post-academy awards. And she was particularly bad in the first one because she had that famous line of what happens when lightning strikes toes. But that's not her fucking fault. Yeah, maybe the delivery. could have, no. She was never good as Storm. No, and I mean, like, Storm's an amazing character. I'm hoping she's in the new movie,

so I'm hoping it's a different take on it. So then we cut to the Department of Mutant Affairs in this movie, which is just Homeland Security. Yeah. And this is Beast. Kelsey Grammer is like the mutant representative in there. Tasting some wine. I love the first scene where we're introduced to Beast,

who's purportedly a genius. And to show you he's a genius, he's reading Scientific American, like an 80-year-old, like my people's grandfather just reads Scientific American. Is that right? Yeah. Really? Yeah. He also is late,

the only person who's late for the important meeting with the president, which is like a really shitty way of portraying the one mutant that gets to be part of the cabinet. It's like, well, he's operating on mutant time. It's just like insane. Like don't, just let it be.

the first one there. Have him hanging upside down in the fucking day. Yeah. Hanging up, hanging on the ceiling. Like they don't realize he's there. Well, we're waiting for beasts. I thought you know, that makes sense with the mutant. And they's like, I've been here the whole time. Yeah. That would have been much better.

I heard that, Mr. Vice President. So he's terrible in this movie, right? Oh, he's so terrible. And like, it sucks because he's perfect for this role. He sounds like, you know, Hank McCoy should sound the look is like whatever the look is terrible when they open up his shirt and he's got like just a sweater

on clearly just wearing like a sweater like a 70s shag rugs yeah and like i don't know he just looks shitty like the muscle suit they put him in is really dumb he he um this is i didn't realize how much we'd be comic nerds in this but but he like it's the wizard comics projection thing so back in the day there's wizard comics is like here's how much you're this comic is worth this month. And then every now and then they'd have a little article that said, if it was possible to make a blank movie, here's who

we'd cast. Kelsey Cramer is exactly who you'd cast in that article. But if you, when push comes to shove, he's too old. It doesn't make sense. It's not going to actually work. Yeah, it's a good idea. If you can CGI that whole character, have him do the voice, maybe that works. Yeah, he's

60 years old at this point and like clearly just kind of sitting down a lot of this movie. But that's why, I mean, I get it, and it would be nicer to have, like, a more nimble Hank McCoy, I suppose. But, like, that's why in this movie, he's, like, first-gen X-Men. Yeah, that's true. Because he's got the gags about, like, here's my old uniform. Thank God it fits my fat fucking beast gut.

You know, and it's like, back in my day, you know, so he's like that when Xavier started the school. Like, why isn't Hank McCoy going with Charles Xavier to Jean Grey's house? I'm fucking Magneto. Oh, we don't want to scare her. Yeah, that's true. Well, he goes back to, he has a scene with the mutant affair of people, they discuss the cure. Beast comes back and I was like, oh, it's Beast. Hey, Beast, our Beast.

Oh, yeah, that's, yeah, he's just walking down the hallowed halls of his, like, alma mater kind of a thing. Oh, Beast is back. I hate this. They act like he's been there the whole time. Those first movies, there's not a sniff of Beast anywhere. Not even a reference to him. It's one thing if, like, in the bat, or if they mentioned. Oh, wait, was he on a computer screen?

Was his name on a computer screen? He actually was. Really? Oh, my God! Wait, did you write down everything on the computers? No, no. You're like hacking the X-Men? In the second movie, there's a scene with a bunch of names on a computer screen.

That's where Gambit's name is. But Beast is Hank McCoy, there's an interview with a guy named Hank McCoy who's, like, giving a speech on mutants. It's just some white dude. And it's like, oh, wait, what? Yeah, it's just like the reality of this movie is like, whatever. do this is your favorite movie the third yeah well wait

dude um because you get it a little bit in this movie because like they have this mutant leech whose whole thing is like yeah his mutant power is he destroys like your mutation and turns you back to normal so like when Hank McCoy meets him you know you see Kelsey Grammer's hand

like turned back but like is there ever an arc in the comics where like beasts can just transform back and forth like that no but that's like his big thing in life is he's like I am a monster like you there's multiple times they hit on the fact that beast wish he didn't

have to look this way right and originally the character looks like just like a Danny DeVito right yeah he's got like Danny DeVito with really big hands and then they were like well everybody likes Wolverine's haircuts so let's make a blue Wolverine and that's how this version came

yeah because am I mistaken though because in those these like this newer trilogy yeah he does go back and forth Yeah, that's kind of a stupid thing when they're not committing to it because they got like a really good looking dude. Nicholas Holt. They're like, yeah, but he's really good looking. So we'll make a serum wherein he's not that way off. Oh, it's a serum that does it.

And then he can like hulk out of it or whatever. Yeah, which is kind of silly. But there's like moments in those movies where like Wolverines punching him in the face. Like, come on do it. Turn back, you know. The weird thing about like when he grabs, when he shakes Leach's hand and his hand goes white, it's kind of weird. Like, shouldn't that forever make his hand white? Is his skin constantly being made blue by something, or is it like just blue?

But is it like, is it they weaponize that kid's power, right? But without it, it's just like you can just hang out with him for a minute. Yeah, it's like a proximity thing. Right. But the idea being that like they're shooting like pieces of this kid at people. Yeah. But I think when you're just around him, you get like a moment. Right.

Which poor Kelsey Grammer, man, just like have him walk all the way forward. You don't get a lick of grammar in this movie It's like you'll get a hand But otherwise you got to look like this blue piece of poop Or if the kids like playing a video game He like leans over in his face like Oh look But then it would be Kelsey Grammer in a hilarious wig

Which would be kind of fun And a Beethoven wig He kind of does look like a big fat blue Beethoven in this movie Yeah The costume design's awful because like They can't figure out how to do the fur and like beast is supposed to be just covered in fur and then he has longer hair

but like the fact that's all just blue man group makeup all over his face that's weird he just looks it's like they just borrowed some Rebecca Romaine Stamos makeup and put it on in Kelsey Brammer so she by the way is arrested in the beginning of the movie and basically she's on a convoy and Magneto and his group

like stop the convoy and they break out Juggernaut played by Vinny Jones All right, let's just take this one at a time I hate Vinny Jones I have forever He's terrible This is terrible

Everything about this is terrible My God This is terrible This might be One of the worst parts of this Of all the X-Men movies My God He looks really stupid too

The helmet they I know that juggernaut's got a dumb helmet anyway But you've got to find Either a better way or just no helmet. But how do you make a dumb thing look dumber? And they do it. They somehow do it in this movie.

Can't his uniform have been created in this century? Like, why is it like a caveman version of Juggernaut? Just like Juggernaut. Yeah, he looks kind of dumb, but at least it looks like he's wearing something that was built. Contemporary. Somebody can get an urban outfitters, at least.

That helmet's so preposterous. It looks like manned arms from He-Man. Yes. Oh, you're totally right. It does. Man, if they gave Juggernaut a big old mustache like that. I would like that. And he's just, he's

so fucking stupid. Like, they're using him for jokes and it's like, oh, I got a pee. Oh, yeah, I got to take a little tinko. I'm fucking making you laugh through this hell movie. I'm the juggernaut, bitch. That's disgusting. The fact that they worked in an e-bom's world

meme into this movie and that, I'm the juggernaut, bitch. And we were talking about this yesterday, Steve, because you said it was, you went back and watched that video. You inspired me to do it. It's fucking funny. It's just a couple of high dudes watching X-Men making jokes over it, which is awesome. And then this

it's like, it's used as a joke. Yeah. And it just, it's, I remember cringing in the theater. And I thought I was fucking crazy because the theater went wild laughing about this. I think that is the exact moment. So Chris, Chris Cabin's story.

Oh, please. So Chris Cabin and I go see this movie, you know, opening day. And it's packed. We get there a little late because I'm usually late and Chris is like purchase the tickets for us we're sitting in the front row it's fucking awful but we're like but the movie will be good we're wrong and around that time I reach into my wallet pull out $10 and hand it to Chris mid movie and say take this now because I am not giving you any money for this movie later like I can't I won't be able to

bring myself to pay for this it's so fucking bad Like, just take the money. Now, let's settle up before this gets any worse. Now, also, so this is... I love that idea. This is one of the things I can interject with the plethora of deleted scenes I watched last night. Oh, please.

Is Chris Cabin in this? Is he a mutant? Is he one of the prisoners in this bus? Him, Steve Busemi, is Garland Green. Yeah. A couple others. Bing Rames is on this bus. Oh, that would be awesome if it just turned into the cast of Conair.

I would love it No, so there's the scene at the end of the movie Where he's chasing Kitty Pride through this facility Yeah, yeah Kitty Pride's trying to save the boy Leach there And he's like busting through all these walls With his dumb fucking Renaissance Fair helmet And he there's this thing that

I thank God they cut this one out Guys, he breaks through a wall and just goes Here's Juggie No You're lying I'm not Oh, you're lying I'm not

I'm not lying. Juggie? You can't call yourself Juggie ever. I thought there was one too many tall glasses of water when I had been watching this movie last night. And I was like, no. He fucking calls himself Juggie.

Which is, I don't even know what, and we're making the shining jokes. You know? If he said, here's Johnny, it'd be one thing. Or here's the juggernaut would be stupid. Or just here's the juggernaut bitch. Do a play on the e-bombs world That you so desperately need to cram into this movie

But yeah, here's Juggie Why did he say, here's me Jugs Here's some big jugs for you Fucking Juggie And by that I mean my biceps What do you think I was talking about? What have I got to go to the bathroom? I know he does

I love that he just needs to take a pin this whole movie. And that's a guy that's just going to urinate himself in that cell. So what are we even doing? And then we have Eric Day and his multiple man who has literally it's amazing because they spend a lot of time talking about multiple man. Like when they're recruiting him, they're like, oh, this guy robbed seven banks at once. Oh, wow. Man, does that suck? So he comes out, they break him out and they're like, hello. I'm Magneto. I want you to join my brotherhood. And he's like, sure, I'm in. Done. That's it. Not even like a quip, not anything like. No. And you know what's weird? You know what he's kind of doing in this movie? And I don't know why? I guess it's because he sort of looks like him. He's kind of doing a Ray Leota impression in this movie. Yeah, a little bit. At that part, like, all I heard was like, all my life, I wanted to be a gangster. Sure, I'll help your mutant brotherhood. Oh my God. A good fellow's version of the Brotherhood of Evil.

Mutants. All to their perspective of multiple fans? Sure. And you get Joe Pesci

as towed. That would work. That's some logical casting. I guess anybody else

in this tanker? I guess Magneto would be Paul Sorvino probably. Yeah. He wouldn't be blob.

Paul Zervino might play blob. You made a fucking jerk out of me. Use this razor blade to slice your garlic thinly multiple man

Thinly put a little wine in now I like the idea of like a little razor blade Like being moved by Magneto Magic I'm helpful in the kitchen I like the idea that like in all those mob tales It's always like you fuck my wife So like multiple men's learning how to make pasta With Magneto but also having sex with Magneto

something tells me you've fucked my wife I don't know this X-Men Goodfell's cast is coming together nice This is when Misty gets shot in the back with the cure And then you get a nice finally naked shot of Rebecca Romaine I guess Oh right yeah That's for the fan, that's because she hasn't been naked for three movies already Yeah exactly This is and again these deleted scenes keep coming

So, like, there's an incident, well, because the other thing that this... Oh, look at those juggies. Because the other thing that this movie, you learn by all these... There's three nipples. Wolverine, get out of here. So repulsive. What you learn by watching these deleted scenes is they're not all deleted scenes. They're also just like alternate takes of things.

Oh, I see. So there's a part in this where, like, Mystique is in this cage, and she's pretending to be the president. Yeah. And the security guard is just like, whatever he says, like, I'm not buying it, Mr. President, or whatever the line is. He's a little harsh, that security guard.

Yeah. Do you remember what he says in the movie, though? It's something along the lines of, like, I've heard enough bitch. Yeah, there's something like that, right? She's a little girl, which I think is a way to set up that juggernaut gets to say bitch and it doesn't feel out of nowhere,

because we're saying bitch now. Yeah, we're just saying bitch in this movie. Well, because, like, he's got some, he's got some line right and then she says as the little girl like I'm going to watch when I get out of here I'm going to kill you or whatever it is right but in this alternate take

he's the like he's she's as the president you know it's that old guy who's been in a bunch of stuff and he's like this stunt double to Jonathan Price yeah totally you can't get Jonathan well I know a guy yeah and it's like you know get me out of here I'm the president

of the United States or whatever it is and this in this alternate take this security guard walks up to him and goes you know what fuck you mr. president is there an R-rated cut in this movie with the juggies the fuck you it's so bizarre because also

a lot of deleted things we'll get to later or like violence related things I think like this movie may have hit like an R and they're like C-17 I don't want that nipple running around the one thing about Mystique turning into a little girl and I never understand like the the morphing power kind of doesn't

it's one of the less making sense of all of the powers, I kind of feel. Wait, what? There's shape-shifting. None of it makes sense. But it's like the difference between like turning yourself from one adult into another versus like shrinking yourself down until like a little child.

Where's that matter going? Yeah, turn into a mouse at that point and get out of your hand comes. Oh, yeah, that's a good point. Can she turn into animals and shit? Or like a fork? That's a good point. Or how about a nipple? Yeah, just turn into a little,

nipple and like pop out of that jail cell pop out of that jail cell why not so McPito who in my opinion never had too much interested in mystique

anyway yeah you're not wrong just kind of says like you know she turns human and he's like oh you're disgusting now goodbye I'm sorry my dear you're not one of us anymore and here's something

Ian McKellen's great in all these movies spoiler even in this one like the next scene is it's kind of amazing. So the cure comes out. There's this big mutant meeting of like kind of like I guess moderate mutants like some are evil some are. Sure. I had an old abandoned church. Yes. And this guy's given a speech and Ian McKellen gets up and gives this great kind of really good speech about like again invoking the Holocaust like you never know when they're coming for you kind of a thing. Right. But if we're in this world in a room full of mutants and Magneto is just there, you know Magneto. Oh fuck that's Magneto. Yeah. That's

it's like William Shatner being in a fucking Comic-Con, like everyone's stopping and seeing him. Well, they, you know, I'm getting hounded for autographs again. He's like sitting in the back, he's got a coat on and a hat. Like they, because like this is the beginning of, you know, they keep

saying like he's in hiding. Yeah, yeah. Do we have a line on Magneto? And you know, Hank McCoy's like, we're working on it, damn it. It's got to be easy to have a line on him because the thing that frustrates me so much about this movie is that they walk everywhere. All of the

Brotherhood of Evil Mutants never get into a vehicle. They just walk at certain points. They're like, well, do we swim now? I mean, like, they really are just walking for point A to point B. But maybe they got like flash powers, right? Flashpower? Oh, they're going to run fast? Can they? Only one of them can't.

Oh, right. I'm not renting a party bus for all of my brotherhood. We will go on foot. That sets up the stupidest part of the movie, which we'll get to at the end, because that doesn't make any sense. because, yeah, you're right. They need to be a footbrids.

Yeah, exactly. So he kind of recruits some people and whatever. And now this is when Gene Gray wakes up. And she wakes up and she like hits on Wolverine. And like there's this weird like almost sex scene, which is uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable. I'll tell you why. Because she's in like this, you know, medical bay in the mansion and whatnot.

And like they are about to get down to fucking. And like Wolverine's going to do it. And I'm like, yeah. Anyone could come in at any moment. So that's what gives you the thrill. Oh. Well, not to imagine she's got Cyclops' ashes in her hair. He's kind of ready to go for it.

Hey, Gene, I'll help you spread those ashes. But he like gets hip to it, though, because she's like kind of like starting to like bite him and shit when they make out. And he's like, damn, Gene, you didn't do this the last time we almost had sex. You weren't trying to bite me or nothing. Wait, maybe it's not Gene. Oh, no, it's Zool. Yeah, Gene's sleep. Gene went bye-bye for a while.

I'm just kind of hanging out here with Zool. Called a Bray stance. So Gene breaks out. Wolverine realizes enough to not have sex with this mentally deranged woman. Yeah. Who's like glowing eyes? She's got like crazy witch hair in this movie for some reason. Well, and this is so like the before like this almost fucking happens,

there's an argument between like Wolverine and Xavier where Xavier says like, hey, so here's the deal. And this is what like I guess you were saying it doesn't pull from the comics, but this idea of like she's so strong or whatever. And so he put in these like little safeguards in her brain to make her not like freak out with her powers because she's like the most powerful mutant ever I guess and like that caused her split personality so like

he explains all this to Wolverine Wolverine does the whole like well Gene didn't have a choice you like fucked with her whatever and this is another instance of Xavier being a dick to somebody for no reason in this movie because we couldn't have a woman headmaster could we so I did a little

something well this is no because like he's like well Gene didn't have a say in this and Patrick Stewart's like you don't find yourself in a position to tell me to do fucking anything. Especially you, you stupid grunt of mine.

Stupid Canadian grunt. He's like, I'll leave you in whatever Canadian saloon I found you in. Exactly. I was like, whoa, dude, you're supposed to be friends. No, it's a very weird scene. He's just like, I like, Xavier's just having like a catty afternoon or

something. I just was like, wow, that's such a, it's so nasty for no reason. And even Wolverine's like, all right, Jesus, fuck you. come back later. So then he does come back later. They almost fuck. She breaks out. And she does a good telepathic your belt off. Oh yeah. Like, we

got to fuck because I'm going to throw that belt whoop right off. Which I don't know. Like, why is she, like why does the Phoenix care about setting him up like that? Like when she can just make him explode into a bunch of digital pieces. Yeah. Phoenix has her needs too.

I guess that's true. It is a person. That's the big problem of this movie is you have no idea what the Phoenix wants in this movie. No rules. No rules. So she goes to her house and it turns out like the poltergeist house. Like all like it's evil dead. Like all the cabinets are opening and closing for no reason.

Xavier and Magneto confront her again. And Magneto's helmet is stupider in this movie than it is in most movies. Is that right? Yeah, I think so. Well, why would they just use the same one? Why is it got to be a different fucking helmet? The first one might have looked stupider when it's on him, but he holds it the majority of the movie. And this one, he's wearing it too much.

Yeah. Because he's in hiding, right? Isn't that the thing that prevents Xavier from finding him? Yeah. So he's trying to, like, lay low and whatnot. The helmet they do, like, they get closer to the comics in the newer movies. Like, it's a real, like, just straight up Magneto helmet. And that kind of looks better.

Yeah. It's like kind of half in, half out. It's much flashier in these new movies. It is a costume of the highest order. So they confront each other. Xavier gets turned into fucking jelly at this point. And this is, I mean, it's. so stupid and this was

actually I mean the more I think about it I was disappointed by Beast but like you're right this was when this happened to the movie I'm like what why like this this man this actor that I've loved my entire life is sorry like 80% of the reason I bought a ticket to this movie

and you just fucking iced him if he dies in the last scene and it means something sure if he dies in the middle and everyone's like well I guess we got to carry on and if he's major death number two of the past 10 minutes. I mean, it's like undercutting. How do I

really feel that? I don't feel that. People are dying now. Okay, just kill them all. You don't even like, you don't have time to like let that have any kind of weight at all. Like, because we have an hour and fucking 10 minutes left of this movie or whatever it is. Well, Xavier has a funeral and Wolverine

wears jeans to it. Well, that's what Wolverine would do. He doesn't even attend though. He just sits on the veranda, looks down with his jeans on. Wolverine doesn't do funerals. Yeah, that's a dick move. Especially, like, you're there, but not there, so everyone's still talking about you anyway, Wolverine. We get it, Wolverine. Maybe he was doing a Canadian funeral. Oh, yeah, right? You put on your jeans and you stand a little further away

and observe. Well, I think he was pissed off because maybe he wanted to give the eulogy and instead Halliberry just gives a really shitty eulogy. Like, thanks a lot, Storm. This is, this was like our savior and it's like the lamest pseudo-motivational whatever. And they, there must be a mutant that has granite powers because they erect a really nice unless he bought it

a long time ago I'm not going to be around forever Xavier's a guy who definitely I'm not going to be around forever I better get my

affairs in order he's had that for a long like that statue originally had Xavier with hair on and it was like

well I've outlived this monument better get that chiseled off his tombstone is also marketing future US currency because it's like

this is what the coin would look like and I was like oh it looks good they put me on the half dollar coin we haven't talked about Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill bullshit what about me I'm on metal of course I am right

Eric Magneto what we haven't talked about we haven't talked about Ellen Page oh yeah it's all up in this piece kitty pride yeah I think like I like Ellen Page quite a bit. I think she's a good

kitty pride in this week. I'm someone who I don't realize is the only thing that she can do run through walls? Is that her thing? Or does she have like other things going on? No, she could phase through things. She can go through floors and stuff. Okay, that's a good question now. It's not just walls. Like, theoretically, if she's outside. Yeah. Can she run through a tree? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Well, that's pretty cool. Eric's pretty sure. I like Eric just hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Walls. She went through a tree or what? Because if it's like If your power is just like walls I'm like how why what is that No yeah exactly it's like

Technically this wasn't a wall Because it was a theater flat This is not gonna work Yes I thought maybe so you know Oh no it's drywall I can't run through drywall There's a weird moment in this movie though And I don't remember if it's in

The Danger Room sequence part Or at like the end fight But there's a weird part I think it's at the end Because they all have to like jump off the plane onto the battleground and she carries Bobby Drake and they jump down

and they like phase through the ground but then pop back up and I'm like who's responsible for that pop back? Yeah that's a good question like you're just kind of climbing through dirt like how would that even work? It makes no sense. I mean the problem with Kitty Pride is like she's one character too many for sure

like the the subplot of Rogue Iceman and Kitty Pride is like the one thing we're like we're not even talking about Gene Gray at this point no and then it's and that's see that's the problem and it's like a bigger problem with like a movie like first class where it's like

50% of the storyline is X men kids yeah but like this movie dabbles into that X it's like X men high like you know they're fighting over not fighting but it's like oh Bobby Drake is attracted to Kitty Pride because they can like hold hands and they have a little like ice skating moment

and whatnot right um and then like rog's like jealous of that but also like angry with herself because she understands like it's her power that blah blah blah how they never figured out to do an OC TV show set in the X-Men world it'll happen it's a little it'll happen yeah I mean the thing that this is a movie

supposedly for adults and that's why I prefer the Jules A.M relationship of of G. Craig Cyclops and Wolverine which is a much more complicated love triangle where it's really about love it's not about just like having sex it's like eventually that'll go away and we just enjoy all of our company together,

we all balance each other out. The weird thing is Gene Gray turns him down like a bunch in that second movie and she's like, I'm into that other dude. You're weird. Like, yeah, I'm kind of attracted to you, but that's it. And in this movie, it's like, I love you.

And she's like, yeah, I love you too. It's like, no. No, and it's like not, I just, I don't care about any of that. You know what I mean? Like, even though it is the adults and it's not X-Men High, I'm like, just, isn't there something to be fought?

Isn't there a giant robot that might be doing something? thing. Yes. This is around the time Magneto forms of Hooverville in the middle of the woods. We're spending so much time hiding in the woods. And this is what

they don't really establish either. And again, it's a deleted scene thing. But, like, there's one part where Magneto finds Friar Tuck. There's enough wine for all my mutants. Oh, man, I wish. Magneto gives that, like,

just out of nowhere press conference where he's like, I have a brotherhood and we're coming for that formula and you're like where is this office? Where is the camera equipment? And he's got like this layer that they never really outline. But a deleted

scene told me it's under that forest encampment because there's a scene where like Aaron Stanton opens this like bomb shelter door in the middle of the woods and runs down a stair case and there's Magneto like sitting there and he's like hey Magnito they found a cure for mutinism like that's a deleted scene also weird in one of the like takes of this he has a beard Magneto

and in another scene he doesn't because we can't make up our mind about anything while making this movie I would have loved for Magneto to have a beer oh yeah it would have like at least it's some character progression and it tells you he's been hiding in this like little bunker sure in the in the like theatrical cut of this movie, he just has this bunker for a few scenes and it's never addressed. I guess that's, again, in the super mixed metaphor of all this stuff, that might be like Osama bin Laden

Magneto kind of. He does have a press conference where he's like a bunker like that. It's a little bit more Saddam Hussein, to be fair. The funny thing is Fox News has it as like Magneto issues threat, which is kind of amazing. At what point, when does this movie come out? I mean, we're pre-occupy Wall Street, right?

Even though visually this Places occupy Wall Street with a little bit of a better agenda. Clearer goals. This is 2006. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a while before all that. But yeah,

it's so then you're right. It's like, well, it's a Hooverville. That's like the next closest thing we have. The weird thing is magnitude gives this speech and like Gene Gray's just sitting there filing her nails. Like I thought I was the villain on this movie.

And he gives this speech about like, oh, blah, blah, blah. And we're going to destroy the cure and this, that. And the other thing is that the cure is evil. We're going to destroy the cure. And by the way, any mutants that don't believe with us, we're going to use the cure on them. And I'm like, wait, isn't that against all of your beliefs? Well, I mean, that's the thing. It's not so, I don't think a goal of theirs is to destroy the cure.

I mean, it's to destroy humanity and non-mutants and rise up as like the majority in the world. And also, we'll use this cure against any mutants that don't sign on with us. And does that mean their end game would be to kill those former mutants that are now humans? Because you're saying they're going to kill all humans? Yeah, well, like, or at least like rise up and be controlling. They are the superior race. I mean, come on, Magneto. How did you learn anything?

Seriously. That's the thing. Maggito just really just did not get it. You know what I mean? He went through it all, but he just didn't get it. No, I won't learn from history. On with my genocide campaign. He says from his central air bunker below, where everybody else is

sweating it out of stairs in the Redwoods. That's a real like Jim Jones situation. Everyone else has, the plebs have to be up there. Now my mutants, drink my powerful Kool-Aid. Well, it's like, oh, we don't watch human television

and he closed the door and he watched like Darmine Gregg. I'll be in the furor's bunker. Yeah, exactly. You can only watch Mutant produced and created sitcoms, but I I will enjoy the hilarious comedic genius of Dharma and Greg.

Jenna Elfman, I would have loved her to be a mutant, too. What comedic timing she has. Gone too soon, my mutant, Dom and Greg DVDs. Clutches to them. My babies. All of my babies. I guess. Teachers are just recaps of episodes.

This is as if your mother-in-law visited for the long weekend. This is also the sequence where, like, and again, it makes no sense why Phoenix just doesn't destroy Magneto. There's that moment where he's like, I can manipulate the metal in this gun, but you, you can do anything you want with it. Because your powers are ill-default. fine yeah and she like she like you know takes it apart and the little cure needles and he like you know is threatened by her

like jean stop that you know again another thing deleted scene alternate take can't make up our minds in this movie he does it with there's another take where it's not a cure gun but it's like a tin cup uh huh and like something you put like a fucking Moscow mule in

and he's like I can just manipulate the metal in this and then it's like it's a computer cup like floats up and you know and he goes like he says the same line like but you can do anything with it and phoenix takes it crushes it into a ball that starts glowing green and then explodes over the forest and all the mutants in the little hooverville are starting to like flick away like she does later in the movie like they start falling apart and they're all screaming and shit and he's like jean stop that stop what stop what is she doing what is happening i don't know like she's just like using some sort of energy force to take them apart but there's no green energy no energy is another movie franchise and it makes no sense and it's like why would you even do this because then clearly all of these people in the hooverville would be like fuck this yeah and just leave so like why bother filming this what i mean and it's a completed thing like there's computer

graphics in it like what a stupid decision i mean that's the idea is that this script was like probably 400 pages long and they'll just shoot what we can. It's a choose your own adventure. 400 page script. And things got missed. This leads to Magdea... Wolverine has a stupid fight in the forest and that does nothing.

I don't even know how he finds the... I don't know where the forest is. He's giving his speech, right? All the bad mutants are watching over and then suddenly Magneto starts to hear something. He's like, what's that? You hear. It's the Wolverine.

Well, he sneaks into the camp by putting a raincoat on and putting a hood. And it's like Jason Bourne hiding out. And he just like watches the speech from afar. Yeah, they don't explain how he finds them, but it's like... His nipple. The nipple goes out and like sniffs things around

and like follows some clues. The nipples having its own adventure. Like its own movie. It's part of the 400 pages of that script. It's just, I mean, like, and again, yeah, Wolverine would be the second most famous mutant at this point. Everybody's like, oh, it's Wolverine. Hey, Wolverine. Hi, Wolverine. Like, you know what I mean? Oh, hey, Wolverine's joining our cause. How cool is that? Maybe we have a man on the inside now. Honey, I bet Wolverine. Honey, Wolverine told me to go fuck myself this afternoon.

Ooh. If Twitter exists, that's a memory. If Twitter exists, people taking pictures, oh, Wolverine's here. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, Twitter would have destroyed this little undercover operation Wolverine's going for in this movie. He kills, like, 10 people. And then, like, Magneto, like, knocks him in a little. the next county and that's the end of that scene and then he's like oh we have to go stop Magneto so this is no blood too he like murders people he there's some bone Wolverine oh that guy who's like huckin

shark teeth at people and so every time those shark teeth penetrate Wolverine he's bleeding but that's okay because he'll fucking CGI recover but then he fucking shoves those blades into that guy's chest and pulls him out and it's just like nothing yeah cleans

himself right where they get pulled down for human body. Yeah, it's weird. It would be awesome if he was just covered in blood after it. Oh my God, this guy is still bleeding. There's one thing I don't want to miss because it's just like it's a real testament to like

nobody thinking about how this movie's being made at all. And I'm sorry to go back all this way. But it's like when they go to Gene Gray's house the second time like when Xavier gets killed, Xavier Storm and Wolverine get out of the car.

and they're like, all right, here's the house. And they're in this, like, Gene, the Gray family lives on this cul-de-sac. And so they get out of the car in this tiny cul-de-sac, and they're like, here we go. And they take one step forward, and then they look. And Patrick Stewart's like, what are you doing here? And Magneto is standing right there. Now, when you pull up into a cul-de-sac, you can see everybody who's also pulled up in that cul-de-sac.

Oh, you mean even an 80-year-old man in a vogue. purple helmet and a black cape who is who has just traversed on foot 50 miles to get here and juggernauts they walked well juggerna's there too I'm like dude you would see all of these people yeah how do you hide

juggerna oh I was hardened in the bushes here comes juggy god damn it oh juggy so like the end of this movie I guess or the last act is to Sean's point. Magneto will not charter a boat.

Like, you know, Worthington Labs is located, which IMDB points out as really stupid, on Alcatraz, which is a reserve. Like, that's a you can't buy Ellis Island, Alcatraz Island. Like, that's a real tourist thing.

Like, it's a national park. But it's like, I think also, though, there's, like, government funding involved here. So it's probably just a quick thing of, like, revoke that landmark status. Of all the logic problems That one I'm going to let

Slide. Yeah, we're not going to fight over fucking federal landmarks, Steve. But I've been to Alcatraz. It's a 12 minute ride by boat. It's a nice little boat ride. But Magneto's like, fuck it. And he takes the entire Golden Gate Bridge and just like jimmies it

a bit so that he could walk across to Alcatraz. And it takes forever and it makes no sense. And we have to experience it with some family in the car as our protagonist. No reason. They're like lock the door or something. Interesting because there's like a new, I think it's a new commercial, a car commercial

or something that's doing the exact same thing for Civil War where you like, oh yeah. Experience what it's like if you were a family, a nuclear family in a car while Captain America's running around. Experience what it would be like to be a casualty. But funny enough in this sequence too, I don't know if you guys spot this. They make a nice racist joke for everyone. No, I missed it.

Well, while the bridge is being moved, there's obviously Asian tourists with camera. Oh, yes. And they're like, you know, they have to take the pictures of everything. And this is what's insane about it. It's that fucking 1989. That's what this joke is. Yeah, I know. And it's so stupid because it's after, like, you see all these cars start crashing into each other and you're like, oh, Magneto's manipulating them.

And it's this massive pile up. And then he shoves all the cars to the side. and then the bridge starts breaking and then we cut to this gigantic group of Asian tourists the photo is taken they start screaming and it's like why would they not notice that

right when stuff starts happening like holy fuck that was a massive car accident on this bridge let's stop posing for a photograph like it's timed so poorly the use binoculars see the 80 year old man and a purple hemelot oh fuck it's Magneto the most famous man in the world

most recognizable Here's that guy that gave that press conference yesterday. Didn't he like attack Ellis Island once? Oh, yeah, it was that guy. Imagine Saddam Hussein wearing all Maroud in the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge with superpowers. You're not going to notice? Yeah, you'll notice him. It's just funny because, like, it makes no sense.

Like, also, if you're, if you're Magneto, your point is to take over this facility, how about some stealth, dude? Like, you know what I mean? Now, by moving a bridge, you're going to get the ire of the U.S. military. Then he does a rope a dope with multiple men. They're like, oh, we know where Magneto is. He's in the woods. And then it was all multiple men. And his second line is, you got me.

So his lines are, I'm in, and you got me. Exactly. That's what I'm saying about minimal story arcs. Let's do it. It's over. The beginning, the end. Why did he even join? Like, what is his motivation to do?

He's just like, okay, you got me out of jail. All right, I'll go back to jail in there with a harsh from plan on TV. Well, because I think like... Executed now. Like, the version of multiple men in this world is he's one of those like scumbag repeat offenders that's just like, yeah, I don't give a fuck if I go back to prison. Whatever. Yeah, exactly. Like, he's just like supposed to be like a scuzzball.

They're going to hang him at the same time. All of them. Seven of them. We got plenty of rope, multiple men. So when Magnetius bringing the bridge across, and ever since he watched his good friend, Professor X, get incinerated, he's been saying, like,

that's one of the greatest minds of our lifetime. Like, he feels something about it. He feels bad about it. He's trying to hide it. But when he's bringing this bridge over to Alcatraz, he goes, Charles always wanted us to build bridges. It just digs at his dead. friend for no reason.

Because, yeah, you're right. Because earlier in the movie, like, Pyro says to Magneto, like, yeah, I would have taken the old man out if I had the chance. And he's like, Charles Xavier has done more for mutant kind than you'll ever know in your life

or something like that. And I was like, oh, okay. And that's cool because then that is like, the respect and the constant hug of war of these two great characters. And then he's like, joke pun about building bridges for that dead bald fuck.

Is that a deleted scene? Yeah, the language amps up. I like how so many of these deleted scenes are like, Brett Rattner saying like, have fun with it. Yeah, oh yeah. They're riffing these garbage lines. There's also when the bridge is moving. I should have built a ramp for Charles, right?

Everybody. And it was like, oh, Magneto, that's important. Ian, can you go a little lighter on this next take? There's a cutaway when the bridge is moving. I mean, this president is so, useless in this to the point where he has the universal president disaster line of then

God help us all while he's looking at a TV monitor did you guys see this I don't know what exactly party played obviously everyone's got like a nothing part but Bill Duke is in this movie yeah Bill Duke though like and right I'm not wrong in this

Bill Duke is playing a character named Trask which is Bolivor Trask like the guy who makes the Sentinel program yeah it's Peter Dinklin in fucking Days of Future Pass. You didn't recognize it. Wait, okay.

All right. Hold, hold the phone for a second. Yeah, we can stop. We'll pause. Take it off the radio. Now, is this canon? Is this, is this movie? We're told that all these movies exist in the same world because of Hugh Jackman.

Yeah, and he ties it all together. At the end of Days of Future Past, like they basically undo this movie. That's the whole point of Days of Future Past is like, like, oh, the timeline's different now. As of the end of Days of Future Pass, this movie will never have happened. Which doesn't make sense because Bill Duke is Bill Duke

and Peter Tink. I don't think you could find two more disparate actors. You have that part of, you know how when West Anderson puts out movies he puts out like a little short ahead of time to tease? Yeah.

But prior to Days of Future Pass, there's this little tease of Bill Duke as Trask, like his wife being like, well, I always imagined you as a different man. It's like the Giffing Tree where he goes through all these operations and becomes Peter Dinkley. That's not what I had in mind.

But okay. I wish you were smaller. No, smaller. That would be an interesting short, actually. You could go to Sundance with that. Peter D. Eichlitch is a Sundance, darling, ever since a station agent. You'd at least get a slam dance, actually. Well, I was just thinking about basically,

it would be a pretty movie short where Kitty Pride and Bobby Drake are in Paris for some reason and they've had this like tumultuous relationship and they're about to have sex and she has weird bruises on her body and like wow something's gone on between these two

you're talking about Hotel Chevalier yeah yeah yeah yeah that was really saying something towards the beginning Kitty Pride is like but I'm not really that into you Bobby Drake the weird thing is So Rogue, by the way, wants to get the cure.

And I was like, fuck you, rogue. And it's like, well, actually she can't connect. Like, everyone, like, tries to tell Rogue how to live her life because they're like, oh, you're just giving up on the cause. Well, that's a rogue gets like the abortion storyline. Yeah. And it's weird. Like, again, the metaphor is so mixed.

Like, yeah, there are, like, the idea of, like, oh, you can cure homosexuality. That's a bad idea. Like, the idea that, like, you can erase, like, black culture by, like, making them more white, et cetera. Like, that's what the cure is. And I understand, like, that's a bad thing. But if you're a person that can't ever physically connect with somebody because of your mutant power, that's not a bad thing to get a cure, right? Yeah, like, they're not all gifts.

Like, Rogue's thing isn't really a gift. It's way more of, like, a curse for her. Yeah. I mean, right? I mean, the only way she uses it, like, to her advantage is when, you know, like, Wolverine accidentally guts her or something. And then, like, she sucks his healing power into her and then doesn't die. I mean, I think the problem with, like, comic book nerdy, the problem with rogue is that Gene Gray exists always. Like, Rogue could very much be the Jean Grey of this world.

Yeah. Because she's got like an incredible power that's incredibly tragic. Yeah. Which is actually more interesting than the Jean Grey thing, which is like, you have no idea how powerful she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. You're like, okay, but how powerful is she? She's a level five.

Okay, but what's the scale to? Oh, the level five. Get out of town. Well, that's fucking tornadoes. Welcome to the suck zone with Gene Gray. It's like, what, did somebody get her magic card? Like, how do you know? What does that even mean?

Well, it makes even let, like, I can understand, all right, like, Charles Xavier's throwing out a level five, right? But, like, there's that one mutant that joins up with Magneto. Yeah, the chick who's like... Calisto. Callisto, so she can, like, sense other mutants and, like, she can gauge what their powers are. she's like there's a level five around here and I'm like why are you using level five that's our word

there's also a level four a nipple well I mean here's the thing if the cure came out like everyone like oh fuck the cure but the first two people in line are rogue and the blob because the blob's power is that he's morbidly obese yeah that's a problem

his poor mutant heart's gonna give out one day They should show more of the tragic ones Because there's got to be more mutants that have shitty things Oh yeah, like what's his name from the first episode Who gets turned into like a water thing Oh the water jelly? Oh, the water jelly? He'd be right there.

My mutant power is water jelly. Yeah, that's unfortunate. Yeah, it could to the front of the link. It should be voluntary and it should be fine. And that's what, I mean, so Rogue's thing is because Anna Pac-win's just not in this movie. They never knew what to do. do with her again it's the wolverine show like the first movie's really good because they balance those two stories and that's like she's our eyes and ears etc etc right and once x-men 2 starts

like eh and then i don't need you like i know how to operate through this world on my own and the only good thing about rogue in the second movie is magnito's catty comment about her hair which is my favorite line in any movie it's just it's uh ian mckell and a rebecca remade stamos like on the the blackbird and they're snickering to themselves like what and they're like we love what you did with your hair They kind of cackled to each other. All right. I understand why it's on the top.

Yeah. Yeah, come on. They also, they know what to do with Rogue and Wolverine in that first movie. And by this point, both of those characters are so awful to watch. Yeah. And Wolverine's a good, I mean, Hugh Jackman's a really great casting job as Wolverine in that first movie. Sure.

Because you're like, I don't know who this guy is and he's great. And then, like, slowly but surely, you realize he's a song and dance man. Australia. That really adjusts how you perceive him as Wolverine. Which is why I think he's juicing in that last one. Because it's like no, I'm not fucking talking to dances. I'm a big goddamn animal monster.

So they fight, right? It's a big war. On a sound stage. You always like I hate these battle scenes because you just don't get to see any sky. Everything's a top-down shot and you're like, where are we? It's like, yeah, we're in Alcatraz. Don't look for water around this small island.

And this fight is boring. It's my favorite part. Oh, please. The best part is when we, I watched this last night. I was laughing. Oh, please. Beast goes, I get everybody out of there.

And then like an impossible amount of army guys like flee this bunker. Yeah. I'm like, what's going on? It's my favorite Kelsey Grammar line in the middle of the fight. He's fighting with a bunch of. of people and like Wolverine's like oh i thought you were a pacifist he's like well as churchill once said there comes a time when i you get the point man oh you get the point i mean that was like in the trailer it was just it's the most kelsey grammarist line it's the funny

because you also can see a bunch of shots of kelsey grammar making lion noises oh yeah those are stupid like the thing that's again just to go back to these deleted scenes what they do in this moment, there's a bunch of stuff that's cut out that makes these characters way more violent. So, like, there's definitely a scene where Beast just quickly flips this dude's head

and breaks this guy's neck. There's a thing where Storm, like, this would all make it more awesome, right? Storm creates a big tidal wave and washes out a bunch of these guys. And then so, that dude fat, who's like a fake X-Man, who, like, in the...

Like, not blob? Yeah, it's not blob, right? dude who's like in the church scene there's a big fat guy who comes up and he's going to sit between two people in this really narrow space and then he shrinks down and everybody laughs about it that dude comes back and he's like running at Ice Man and Ice Man

freezes him and then Colossus smashes him to pieces and kills him it's awesome and I'm like what and they all that's the thing that sucks they all take two seconds and it's like this movie's not even two hours leave those in and then you can show that great moment after the battle when that

ice starts to thaw it, it's just like pieces of fat. Poor fat, and the character spelling, by the way, is of course, PHAD. Well, that must have triggered the world's most saddest racist racist because fat is a character from the comics. Oh, is he? And he's a white guy, and they

made him like... He's like Samoan or whatever. So there must have been the one guy in the audience, A, who knew who fat was, and B, who was upset about it. Wasn't you? No, it was not. Oh, Bob, they made fat Shamo and come in here and jerk me off. He needs it. But only one guy that time.

Also, Colossus is a waste of time. Colossus is not Russian in this movie. He's not Russian in the first one. Oh, is that right? He's in the second one. He's just this white. But he still is a name. So it's like as if he's like a...

Pilter, yeah. Adopted, you know, like an infant Russian. Well, it's not because they, the, the, your sound is gone. and they just call him like Pete. Yeah. Like, because there's one part where Wolverine's like, hey, Pete, you see whoever?

And he's like, I don't know, Logan. And he's like, God damn it. That's his only line. He's holding a TV. Oh, right. There's this big old boxing TV. Well, yeah, because Xavier is dead. Like, you get that big.

This place is closing up. Or maybe it's like when, you know, when your family, when somebody moves out and like you take your big brother's TV. It's like, oh, I'm going to go into Xavier's room. Nobody got dimmed. Tim's on his TV.

Man, I would hope that Charles Xavier had a better TV in his room than this, though. Oh, fucking Colossus is taking my television. From beyond the grid. He's a ghost. Yeah, he's a ghosting around the Xavier Mansion. Oh, no, rogue has all of my books. That's, during that scene, too, they're like, well, how will we afford to keep this expensive Westchester in New York property open? And then that's the only other blip of story arc for Angel

Who walks in and then dollar signs appear in Storm's eyes And she's like, let's get to class Yeah, it's the weird to see Like, well, we must close down the school That was Charles's dream And then like Warren comes in He's like, I thought this was a safe place for Mutant And she's like, yeah, go tell the students the school

will remain open like nobody told the students The school was closed No, and they didn't even go to that dude's funeral. They're not even sure what's going on. And wise Iceman and Kitty Pride in on this teacher meeting. Cyclops's 10.30 lit class is just sitting in a classroom. Like, where is our teacher? Nobody knows Cyclops is dead during this movie.

You know, God damn it, I stayed up till 2 a.m. doing all this Faulkner reading to be prepared for class today. And that fucking asshole can't even show up. There's stupid sunglasses. I don't even know what his power is because we have no information here all these fucking G grade X men I got Xavier's class next man I don't know this is going to be a tough plot

So do we just get like a pass fail Because it's not our fault that he's not here During this like big End fight sequence I realize And this is like an hour and a half past this happening That Cyclops is actually dead Like because I'm convinced

I'm like oh we didn't see him die I'm like, oh, something's going to happen. He's not, nobody really felt his death. He's coming back. Oh, he's, it's going to end. He's dead. Oh, this is over with, and James Marsden hasn't reared his head around the corner to save the day. I think that's supposed to be exemplified by those sunglasses, smashing, by the way.

Like, that's, you know, Scott's cool sunglasses disintegrate. And, like, that's officially. The end of the 90s. I'm just now imagining, like, that class is just still there and Colossus just walk by with a TV. And Iceman's got an air condition. Yeah, they're all fucking dead, dude. Dibs on their stuff. I took Colossus' cool Bob Marley and Reservoir Dogs' posters off the wall.

Gonna put these up in my dorm room. Oh, it's sad. So there's the sequence of, like, during the big fight, Kitty Pride is, like, running through the walls trying to get to Leach, right? Yeah, here's Juggie. And this is where they're here. He unfortunately doesn't actually happen. 2006 is Cameron Bright, who is in this and Godson.

He's the kid from birth. And she gets to him and you're like, oh, save that child. But that child's got like six to eight inches on Ellen Page. Yeah. And it's just this kind of weird moment where you're like, oh, okay, I viewed this character entirely differently. I'm just imagining like he's playing, because he's playing PlayStation 2 this whole movie. And then all of a sudden this woman walks through his door. I was like, did I dream you?

And then Juggie shows up. Juggie shows up and like runs into a wall. She like tricks him like bugs bunny. And he knocks himself out because I guess that stupid helmet's really hard or whatever. He has no power to that point. Right. He gets leached. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it's fine. But wouldn't he like turn into a really skinny dude or at least just regular Vinny Jones at that point? Well, isn't his like actual power that he can. get like momentum really fast. That's what it is in this movie but for again stuff that shouldn't be in X-Men movies Juggernaut actually has a power

from a ancient Egyptian ruby that makes this is pretty awesome tell me more about this ruby oh the the ruby of Cittirac I believe it is how Hachim machin

so did he did you steal it from a mummy Like he's just He's actually just Xavier's like shitty half brother That used to make fun of him And then like he grabs this Ruby And turns into the world's biggest dick

That's amazing So yeah we just have this big fight They're all sort of defeated They do This whole big trick on Magneto Where like they do the Wolverine toss Again and he's like You're so stupid boy

You don't learn And he's like actually I did And then like Beast comes up from behind him and stabs Magneto with his cure. With the three, and there's three darts. Yeah. And they all, they see the darts earlier in a sequence and all look at each other, right? So you have this moment, you're like, cool.

Three characters are about to get it. And they're like, all three in Magneto. Oh, yeah, right in, man. You're getting the fucking hot shot right in your heart. Here's a question about the hot shot, though. So they're all like, oh, we got to kill the kid. We got to kill the kid. We've already synthesized the cure from him.

Yeah. What is even the point of him being on site anymore? Like, do you know what I mean? Like, is it his tears? What is it your? I mean, they don't really explain, but right, it's like maybe with the blood. So, like, you need the kid. Oh, like, every couple of, you're going to, like, run out of...

Yeah, exactly. You're going to, like, run out of ingredients to, you know, make the formula. But the first batch is complete, so they could use that all they want. Right, yeah. Well, that's, I mean, that's what's weird, because Magneto, right? He wants to use this weapon as a threat to mutants who, don't join him, but he also wants to kill the kid. Yeah. So eventually

you're going to run out of ammo and the good mutants will again be a problem for you. It's almost as if this movie is poorly planned out because Gene Gray again, like this entire fight, it's just kind of hanging out in the back and I'm like, what is your mission? What are you trying to do? You should be

the most important character of this movie. And you have like nine lines. And then she just sort goes bad shit. She goes bad shit. She kills a bunch of people. She's throwing buildings and everything. She's like a curing. It's like a whole Akira thing.

She's just fucking exploding in every... And the army comes in. This is one your favorite moment of like, get out of there. And a cloud car of army men rolled out of a small building. There's like 3,000 people. Oh, wait.

Guilty Graver told us to leave. Let's get out of here. And all he did was while outside. In a huge commotion going on. Get everyone out of there. Hey, that sounds like the director of mutant affairs. a good adding. Everyone runs. 3,000 people. And

they all start, so, so Gene Gray's like freaking out, because, you know, she's a two-faced woman, and this is the whole thing, so she's freaking out a little. The Starjammers are nowhere to be seen. That's the real crime. And everybody starts disintegrate. I mean, this is like massacre time. Everybody's

just getting destroyed. Yeah, yeah. Well, because they paid for this, you know, special effects patch, and they're going to get their money. Oh, yeah. And, like, Wolverine gets up there, and like, he He's like she's trying to disintegrate him, but his powers are like so incredible that they, it doesn't stick on him. Which is a little bit implausible to me. I'm told she's a class five. I don't know that there's other class five.

Like Wolverine's not a class five. If you read the back of his car, he's a class four, but he's got a blocker for class five. Oh. If he was like an adamantium skeleton walking towards her. That's what I want a fucking Hugh Jackman Terminator. Yeah, like half face. Coming up to her. yeah and this nipple is just still surviving

but there's this scene where like in the last movie she did reject him she's like dude I chose that other guy I love that other guy and he's like I love you Jean and she's like I love you too and I'm what the fuck movie am I watching and the whole time every time she comes out like that little bit of real jinkery that's left she comes out and he's like and she just goes kill me yeah she'll me right now to be fair

to your argument yeah she she doesn't say I love you back yeah she turns to jean gray like sean said and she's like you know help me kill me whatever it is and he says i love you and then guts are like a fucking fish yeah that's kind of she she says i don't love you you know who i love and then on his shoulder you here and then she kisses his his his wandering nipple and then gets stabbed well his other nipple is in panama working on on a different case this this these nipples drug runners. These nipples robbed two begs at once.

I mean, that's kind of the end of the movie. They wrap it up. Beast gets promoted to like vice president or something. Is that how it works? I don't know. This is what's awful, though. It's like the president, you know, a stunt double

Jonathan Price is like, well, we've promoted you to like represent be an ambassador for all. He's the United States. ambassador in the United Nations. Right. And which is all well and good, except fuck you, President. You're the reason this shit happened. Like, you just

leaded this like, let's get rid of mutant initiative. And now you're like, well, it didn't work out. So we're going to promote you, Hank. That's a classic flip-flopper. This guy's not coming back in 2012. This swift-boated him. Yeah, this guy's out in November. Don't worry about it. This fucking

catastrophe that he orchestrated. But what I love about this... He's going to pardon multiple men on the way out. Oh, yeah. That's going to be a January 19th pardon. Don't worry about it. And then multiple men will say, I'm back. Hey, good. But multiple men, because I say multiple words sometimes. What I realize, and I've only seen this movie like a couple times, but it only dawned on me last night, is the end of this movie is Kelsey Grammer, the actor, right?

And he's playing Hank McCoy who gets promoted to a UN ambassador. So in reality, we have Kelsey Grammer actually posing as a U.N. ambassador, which is what he's saying when he falls off that stage in that awesome video. It's something about like, oh, I spent my time posing as a U.N. ambassador. Do you think that's what, that's it, because that was also on E.bom's world. So clearly Brett Rattner liked the Juggernaut bitch video, and he liked that video. So he got both of them in this. He's a real fan. Those are Easter eggs.

He might be ebom. He might be ebom. I don't know. Brett Rattner is ebom. Hashtag. We're just living in his world. And yeah, it's like the school will fight another day. It's like a new school session. And I don't mean to bring us back too far.

But in the same way that we have a God help us line from the present, we also, when Jean Gray's freaking out, we get this awful line for Magneto. That's just like, What have I done? Yeah, he's, like, running away because he's just a person at that point. Oh, what have I done? It doesn't make any sense. Like, what is his motivation?

What's her motivation? How he wanted this. He shouldn't feel bad about how he wanted this now. Fuck, yeah. Like, it worked. That'd be great. That's probably the deleted scene where he goes, oh, fuck, yeah. Hang ten dudes.

He gets in a car, a convert. with a bodacious blonde. Time to haul ass to Lollapalooza. And then so we return to the school, we get like a nice sequence of everybody's gravestone

who died. Man, they're filling up that cemetery fast, huh? And then you see all the kids coming back and the thing I don't understand is why would you let that leech kid enroll in your school? Yep. Well, he's got to be in X-Men special ed. He's got to be in a different class.

he does though think about it that could be that could be a sequel X-Men different class because like he would hamper the student the students around he's like the drug dealer on campus now because he's like

listen you want to get normal you want to get normal for a little bit it would be come to my room and play Xbox well that's the thing the funny thing is Rogue does actually get the cure that's like a big long-lasting effect that actually gets erased in that

first class you want to know something? What's that? There's an alternate take where she also decides not to do it. Oh, who would have got? Because, and it's so, oh God, it's so dumb because it's the same scene where she's like, you know, I had to do it, Bobby,

you know, this is me. And then like, in the movie we see, she holds out her hand, she doesn't have the glove on and they hold hands. And he's like, I get it. There's the alternate take where she's like, I couldn't do it, Bobby. This is who I am. And she holds her hand out, and she's got the fucking glove on. I'll just do it twice. Glove and no glove. It's good.

And this is the whole thing. It's like, I'm sure Brett Ratner, because he's clearly not a great filmmaker, it's thinking like, well, let's shoot both and decide later, which shows that you have no conviction about your storyline. And so neither one's going to be good later because there's no more thrust to what should be happening in a movie. To be fair, he is e-bomb, so he's contributed more to film than most. But here's, I mean, it's even down to the slightest nothing details, right? So when Leach comes up, he gives Halle Berry a big hug, right?

And she's like, hey, little guy. and like he runs in, right? In an alternate take, Bobby Drake is also standing there dressed as a teacher. Sure. Like what? Like what?

Why? Why? What? Why? In the world where it rogue doesn't get the cure, the, I mean,

unfortunately, the only way, like, she's got to have, like, leech in the room when things, or maybe she goes next,

like, like maybe there's a next-door situation. We always got to be next-door neighbors with leach. If we want to get down to fucking leach, Leach better be home. Bobby, I think you should room with Leach.

Is he asleep yet? Okay, good. They're always doing it when I'm in the room. You know what, Leach, I know you're close to your family, man. But you got to stop going home on weekends. Is anyone else thinking three-way? I mean, I am now. Well, you thought they'd wait a couple of years for Leach to get to where he needed to get to.

Oh, yeah, that's level five. That's level five. the whole thing like the whole choose your own adventure shit right so you have like rogue you know will she you know choose

does she take the cure or doesn't she take the cure or at the beginning of the film you have Wolverine and it's like choose follow Logan back to Westchester or follow this nipple to Brazil I'd be a nipple to Brazil

talk about blame it on Rio the weird thing is so like they undo two of the big things that happened at the end of it one of which is Magneto the last shot of the movie proper as Magneto to Park

sitting in front of a chess that's pretty sad it made me so sad. This is why Ian McKellen is such a great actor like you see this shot of like a bunch of people in the park everybody's playing chess and then there's poor Magneto Magneto Andrew sitting alone and I'm like

oh man look at this poor old man he's so sad no one's playing chess with him but he moves a metal piece so it's like oh I guess that cure was bullshit after all the whole conflict of this film doesn't matter so actually that's that that bodes poorly for rogue and ice man. That's a mid-situation, right?

Oh, yeah, totally. It's like, oh, it's fucking finally here. Oh, what? Time for another grave out. RIPD, Iceman. But then also, that means that like, Mystique's just going to turn back. You know, that undoes all of that.

And then in a, the Fox version of these stinger scenes, and actually, like, Fox is doing it first. This is 06. But Kevin Fike, he's a producer on this, by the way. Yeah, he totally is. And because the first Iron Man is the next year. Yeah, yeah. But so the end of the credits in this is Moira McTaggart, played by What's Her Face?

Olivia Williams from Rushmore, totally nothing role in this movie. It's a cutback from Xavier's teaching class, and he's like, it's like ethics of mutant kind or whatever. Sure, whatever. And like, there's a dude in a coma who's just a vegetable. And he's like, now would it be, you know, unethical for me to move this man's, you know, a dying person's consciousness into this body that can't do anything

and blah blah blah it's that room from the video and this dude just laid out in a bed and you hear Patrick's do it like hello Moira and like that's the end of the credits yeah whatever

which if you had a later movie and if you really want to be true to canon in the next movie Benicio del Toro as a walking Charles Xavier great idea but the weird thing is his voice is it

would be voiced by Patrick Stewart that would be creepiest I would love it that would be wow you couldn't look away of that and meanwhile Cyclops is still dead forever oh yeah yeah dead forever

yeah dead forever well that's because it's weird in one of those I think it's that second Wolverine movie like he bumps into Magneto at the airport or something at the head I don't remember what's going on but like Patrick Stewart's in one of those

too I think he bumps into Patrick Stewart at the airport I think. Oh, it's not Magneto? No, I think it's... Yeah, and it's just like, well, how's he there? Yeah.

And I guess maybe they'll address that in this upcoming third Wolverine movie if you ever get that. I mean, I think that the timeline, who's dead, who's not... I mean, like, again, Days of Future Past kind of fixes that, but not really.

But so that, I mean, it erases X-Men origins. It erases Wolverine in Japan, that movie. That I actually kind of liked. I thought that was okay. So, yeah, I guess if it's all gone, none of that matters.

Hey, none of this matters. It's all that time. which eventually just confuses your audience enough to be like, this is how it is now. You need us to explain it. It's really mathy. Bill Duke turned into Peter Dinklage. Just deal with it. Just roll with it.

But would anybody recommend this movie? No. I mean, I still think it's, I mean, it's just so, like, choppy. And it's not the worst movie you've ever seen in your life. It's totally, like, kind of fun if you like these characters because they do some stuff. But if you actually really care about the characters,

it's a no. And I really do care about the character. So it's a no. Well, I would say no as well. But, you know, maybe it might be, I can see it being like a hangover movie. I think it's a hangover movie and a half. I really do. Because you can be passing out on the couch and waking up and you're like,

oh, there are some people I know. And then fall back asleep. There you go. There are some people are doing stuff. Just don't wake up when they're like in the woods doing nothing, you know. Make sure you're asleep for that part. I also think, like, since then there have been so many terrible superhero movies. That by comparison, now in 2016, looking back, I thought it was better than I originally thought it was.

That's totally fair. I'm like, now overall, it's not as terrible as some other movies. But it also suffers that, like, my hopes were so high at the end of X2. And I was like, we're going to blow this thing out. And it was such a disappointment. I mean, that's, you bring up a great point because, like, I think about fucking age of Ultron, man. And I'm like, I don't know. I think X-Men the last stand is better than age of Ultron.

Really? That movie's a fucking mess, man. I never need to see that movie again. I thought it was better than the first one because I hated the fucking first one. But, okay, so yeah, I remember that you didn't like the first one. Do you think the first Avengers is better or worse than this movie? That's hard to say. Oh, man, the tweets were getting right now.

I actually like Age of Ultron a lot for some reason. I don't know if I'll ever watch it again, but I liked it. Do you like those farm scenes? No. They're just hanging out on the farm for a while. Then Raphael's dead in the bathtub? No, that's Turtles 1. The best part of Age of Ultron for me was fucking with the obese security guard

that fell asleep sitting next to me in the theater. I kept kicking the bar in front of me to wake him up. That's X-Men, the Last Stand from 2006, directed by Brett Ratner, not Brian Singer. For more we hate movies, check out WHMpodcast.com or sideshownetwork.com. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM podcast and right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com.

Rate and review the show wherever you get it. We would greatly appreciate it. Next week, the summer blockbuster extravaganza continues with, what are we doing? Speed 2, colon, cruise control. That's a movie that misses its original star like nobody's business. It's exciting. It is exciting. It's a lot of like, where's poochie?

Where's poochie? Wouldn't this movie be better if Keanu, who she was here? Absolutely. So until next week with Jason Patrick and Willem Defoe, I'm Andrew Juppin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siska. Sean Weiner. Take it easy.