We Hate Movies - S6 Ep255: Episode 255 - Street Fighter

Episode Date: June 21, 2016

On this week's episode, the #SBE2016 enters Video Game Adaptation Country as the gang welcomes the titular Vinny Brusco of The Vinny Brusco Show to join in the rant against 1994's Street Fighter! What's with the severe lack of street fighting in the film? Why are Chun-Li, Balrog and E. Honda all working for a global news network? And what in the hell are they doing with Blanca's A Clockwork Orange set-up? PLUS: A certain someone could be in David Fincher movies, Marc! Street Fighter stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Raul Julia, Ming-Na Wen, Damian Chapa, Kylie Minogue, Simon Callow, Byron Mann, Roshan Seth, Andrew Bryniarski, Grand L. Bush, Miguel A. Nuñez Jr., Wes Studi, and Peter Tuiasosopo; directed by Steven E. de Souza.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on We Hate Movies, the summer blockbuster extravaganza goes into video game town as we're talking about the long-awaited street fighter. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadak. Eric Siska. Vinnie Brusco. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network.

Thank you for tuning in, as always. This week, we welcome back our good friend, Vinnie Bresco, to the show. How are you, sir? I'm doing well. Thank you for having me, gentlemen. It's been a... You'd call it a dog's age since you've been on the program. I might call it a fortnight.

Well, Fortnite's like two weeks. That's two weeks. And a dog's age, that is the, like, you buy a puppy and it dies eventually. Oh, it's like that car commercial. So it's definitely been a dog's age. Well, I think the last episode you were on was Spawn. Spawn. And I think we were still in the double digits.

Wow. Yeah. It was 1998. Today we are indeed talking about Street Fighter from the great year of 1994, directed by mostly screenwriters, Stephen E. Desuza. I think you say Stephen Sadek. It would be a much different movie if I had my way with it. Finally get my fingers on the street fighter script. This guy's got some good credits to his name, though.

He's got diehard, Commando. The first two diehards. Wow. Story credit on Predator. I said great credits. I'm just talking about credits. I'm just saying diehard too. 48 hours?

Yeah, the first 48 hours. Story credit on Predator, tons of stuff. Crazy. Crazy. It's crazy that he would then go on to direct streetfighter. Well, let me ask a question because I know where I stand. And we've talked about the Mortal Combats on this show. We've done both Mortal Kombat. See the back catalog.

Wait, there's two? There's two. Yeah. Oh, right. I'm on we hate movies. And you're both on both of those episodes. Oh, yeah, keep flooding back. The, where are you?

I go Street Fighter as a game. series way over Mortal Kombat I always enjoyed it I love the characters I'm a bit of a street fighter head a little bit Well you are also a big fan Nintendo Yeah Which Moral Kombat was more of a Sega system game Darker darker darker and then you had Nintendo

And Street Fighter is bright and poppy man It's like listen to the Weaser all day I had Mortal Kombat on Super Nintendo I know I know I do it existed but always felt like it was a Sega system game Yeah I get well because like the cat The console was like dark Yeah.

No, I mean, we were in Nintendo household, but we were an MK household, man. I, I dabbled in both. Okay. Oh, no, I've played my share of Mortal Kombat. You know, all I had was Street Fighter 2. Uh-huh. Love the shit out of it. Absolutely.

Had Mortal Kombat 1, 2, and 3, though. Oh, wow. So, I mean, I'll take it up a level. Had Mortal Kombat 1, 2, and 3. Oh, sure. We had Sang, Zoom. I never owned a Street Fighter game. Wow.

What a disgrace. Played the arcade tower, I did. Wow. Leave your own house. I loved myself some Super Street Fighter, too. That's where you get some Phelon going on. You just explained to me what that was, because I have no idea. They just up the cast count pretty much, right? Yeah, like four extra characters, and the bosses were like already unlocked.

Right. You could be Balrog any day of the week. You want to wake up, eat some Doritos and be Balrog, you go right ahead. It's a mountain dew. But like, why would I want to be Balrog? Nobody wants to be Balrogue. You're right. He's slow.

Vega on the other hand. Oh, so agile. There's those animas out there that I always wanted to watch, but I never did because I felt like that was the step down a dark path. Like, I start watching the Street Fighter animas, then I read in the comic books, and then all of a sudden, I'm wearing an enormous Hawaiian shirt with, like, Blanca on it. You're at some sort of, like, con that's not at, like, a major convention center,

but, like, more at, like, just some hotel banquet hall. Yeah, dude, anime, it changes. You're watching octopus porn. Is it like, isn't that like half of it? Yeah, that's a misnomer. But that's a large market. Yeah, it's a huge market. Steve, that library is endless.

Oh, it's deep. I am going to stand up for the anime in general as an art form. However, I didn't watch the street fighters. But so there's like television series? Yeah. It's more about Ken and Ryu, who are the characters I liked. And they're just getting into cool fights with a cool man and what have you? Are they, like, jokes, though?

I think they said, are they fucking? Oh, no, I'm sorry. I should have, like, connected my words faster. Oh, no, absolutely. And Steve's slash fiction. I can show you some binders. It's right next to the tentacle porn. Yeah, I bet you there's, like, something out there of Ken and Ryu fucking with, like, an octopus in between them.

Oh, no question. That's what that stuff. That's what it is, man. You know, I never really watched anime much. I watched like Vampire Hunter the Inakura In my younger years And I was like

Well that's pretty cool And then I went on And never watched anime again I watched a bit of it Not like just the bigger ones Like Ghost of the Shell Oh that I saw that one too That was a good movie

Ninja Scroll Which is one of the greatest movies ever What? Fantastic movie Speaking of weird anime I watch some octopus No Some of the Final Fantasy stuff

Is pretty fantastic The Rock Monster Rape and Ninja Scrolls doesn't age well. Yeah, it's repulsive. It's very uncomfortable. Nobody likes that. Try watching it with your mother. Very weird. Well, Vincent, it's Christmas.

Whatever movie you want to watch. It's your special day. What do you want to watch? Ninja Scrolls. Oh, my God. Sounds exciting. Speaking of nobody likes it, the Street Fighter movie. Yes, suck it, Street Fighter, the movie.

Oh, sure. Really? You guys hate that much? I'm joking. It's a fucking terrible movie. You know what? It's borderline unwatchable. Like, I'm watching this movie.

I'm like, hang on, I do an episode on, and I better pay attention. And then I'm just like drifting towards the wall. I'd rather watch the wall. I'm sitting there going, man, I really wish I was watching the Mortal Kombat movie. Not necessarily I wish I was watching Moral Kombat Annihilation because that's just barely a movie. But that first Mortal Kombat movie? As evident that I forgot it existed. I watched half this movie last night before bed

And then the other half I watched today While watching the Euro Cup And the Northern Ireland game on mute And I was like, I have more entertainment watching the soccer game Wasn't that game awesome man It was fucking raining like hell? It was awesome Oh man when Blanca scored that winnings roll

The World Cup is very much like a street And here's my question Euro Cup How? Or the Euro Cup Whatever Thank you To fellow American

Soccer is like the anime of sports That's the most ignorant thing We could say And I love it But you know what I kind of get what he's talking about Cult following Not you know

At least for the United States The rest of the world thinks I'm a dip shit Ugly American Oogley American How hard is it To get a fucking martial artist director For a street fighter movie Yep

And just set like Make it like pornography Like, all I want are, like, every nine minutes, two people to fight each other. I want some fireballs coming out of some hands. I want a sonic fucking boom. God damn it. Give me one Sonic boom. Exactly.

That's all. Here's the problem with that. It's like this movie's trying to put these characters in a realistic light. So how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, how do you have Gile do a sonic boom? You can't do magic. I think that he could say Sonic boom. Or maybe he's got like an experimental gun or something. Yeah.

They created Blancel. He can definitely throw out a fucking sonic boom. Yeah, exactly. There is a Blanca in this movie. If you can construct a green muscle monster, you can have a sonic boom rifle. Maybe he's got some gauntlets or something. Which, by the way, for Blanca,

I love that they had the green and orange. And then if you notice, there was a bag of blue. So if you had Blanca's alternate character, it was blue. I was like, yes, nice. That idea. Well, this movie was made by the fans for the fans. Is that what you're saying?

Oh, wait. You're just like, blown my mind my mind my mind my mind right now viny because guile in this movie is you know and a lot of the a n because it's not you end right oh god they're dressed in blue camo which is the bizarreo guile the double of guile guile wears green camo in the game yep blue camo if you choose two of them if you do two of them so was this an alternate guile that van dam is portraying and not

the real guy I am from the shadow universe wasn't it there's a better street father movie in the real universe but i'm from the shadow one you you picked two street fighter movies and this one came out but in street fighter turbo though like wasn't his default character blue i think you in street fighter turbo one of the upgrades was you get to choose you the roar yeah yeah he's regular what the fuck is street fighter turbo we just said did we it's when there's four extra characters and the bad guys are already unlocked street fighter two wait then what is super street fighter and is there a super street fighter turbo there's super street fighter two uh there's no super street

fighter turbo that's stupid that's stupid eric the thing is it's that snood i was like no that's not that game capcom no man snood the movie oh they're amazing be better than this piece of shit now oh look out i'm here with my blue face snoot he's trying to get to be purple square dude i'm sorry if you can make a fucking angry birds movie you can make a snood movie. I was going to say Raul Julia is the purple square. Oh, man, RIPD.

Well, so M. Bison in this movie, as portrayed by the late great Rall Julia. Should we do a plot synopsis? Does that even make any sound? There's a plot to this movie? Giles, Gile, runs the Allied nations, the A.N's army force, and M. Bison's a bad guy,

and that's kind of is. Well, M. Bison is kind of like the Donald Trump of this world, because he's just a weird land developer who wants to build this fucking mall. He wants to build a mall. That's the plot. Bisonopolis.

Bisonopolis, exactly. In Shadalu, his fake country that he owns. Which, again, wasn't sure if that was fake. Right. Now, we had a little debate about this earlier. That is apparently a fake nation. Uh-huh. Okay.

Yes. Okay. Somewhere in Southeast Asia. Right. Yeah. Fake. Not Thailand. I think it's probably like, I feel like Bison just kind of like annexed some of Thailand and started calling it Chattaloo.

Oh, that could be think so. Do you think he built some fences and was like, yeah, this is me now. Maybe cross the border into Cambodia a little bit like Nixon did, you know what I'm saying? Like it's a little dicey down there. Like that's the thing. It's just like, he's a dictator in the Far East, yet it's kind of Eastern European at the same time. Yeah. I mean, it's, I mean, yeah.

It is what it is. It's Chattaloo. You can't describe it. It's its own thing. I would vacation there. And a bad sign for M. Bison is that his costume gets its own credit. That's always the kiss of death.

Dude, they did it in that first Judge Dread movie. Like someone demanded upfront credit for that piece of shit, too. Here's the, if it's, if costume design should have its own credit. Like, you know, the costume designer is X. Well, I mean, they give it Oscars. They give it Oscars. This could have been an Oscar. But you, but this movie is saying, like,

there's a costume designer who did everybody else and then one person worked on this thing that makes raw Julia look like a fucking dark wing duck villain like come on it looks terrible and it's like I guess video game accurate but in these situations you need to adapt the video game costume into the real world not just translate it because you look like a clown like they did with giles hair yeah exactly manageable exactly which i don't i was like i kind of want a little bit higher. Can you imagine if Jean-Claude Van Dam had a fucking kid and play high and tight fucking haircut like he's got in the game? Oh my

God, it would have been amazing. I would be trashing it if it happened, but I kind of want to see it. Me too. It's a little orangey and like it's not as sharp as I want it to be. It needs to have the right shape. You know what I mean? It looks like you just like towel dried it. Like I wanted to be like some gel in there. And this movie's like so like strict to like we got a shove into every fucking character there ever was. Well, all these video game movies do that.

But why? Because you'd never know whose character is the favorite. So it's like someone someone's going to see Moral Combat because they love Cano. You better have fucking Cano in that movie. Let's compare it to now you guys both, I don't know

about Vinny, but these guys love Gambit. And X-Men have yet to do Gambit and guess what? I don't know. I'm going to tell you why they haven't done Gambit. But maybe the world is better without Gamby. I understand.

At least for the first seven fucking movies or whatever we're up to. Because he's such a favorite character amongst people. Uh-huh. Yeah. They just don't like Wolverine. Like, everybody likes Wolverine. He's like Batman. Yeah, you need to have Wolverine.

Gambit's kind of an offshoot, but he's so loved and adored. Yeah. You got to nail him. You got to do it right. You got to do it right. And that's the thing with these movies. They can't just throw out Gambit. They did.

It failed in that Wolverine movie. Nobody liked it. Oh, God. Dreamy, Ryan Reynolds. Stay tuned. No, creepy. What's his name? Taylor Kitch?

Taylor Kitch, yeah. I was going to say Tim Riggins. That's who we played on Friday Night Lights. But yeah, that failed. But you don't, like, especially if it's a game where it's like you have the power to pick who you want to be every time, all of those picks have to be represented. The weird thing is. I don't know about that. I mean, I disagree with it, but that's the mindset of the game.

Sure. It's kind of racist that this is Giles movie because the Street Fighter is Raius. It's the Raiu show. Yeah, it's the Raiu show. Yeah, exactly. 100%. Much like Mortal Kombat's Lou Kang, and that movie, rightfully, is like, hey, we can follow an Asian man in a movie. You know what I mean?

Yeah, but it's also like it's a double-edged sword, Steve, because Raiu is so boring that it's like a clean slate. Which is good for the audience, because then you can project yourself onto this clean slate of a not character that Riyu was. Yeah, sure. I mean, he looked cool, and he had a, I mean, he looked standard. That's the thing is. Yeah, he didn't look very cool. And this movie is a little bit worse. to be honest. It looks like shit. God, that guy

looks like he fucking flunked out of the Copra Kai. This Ken he looks terrible. The Ken in this movie or Ken in general? Ken in the movie He looks terrible. In general, too. And this is that my point is like, guess, you know what, Ken? Maybe Street Fighter 2 if we get

to it. We don't need Ken in this movie. Yeah, why are they such a team like that? So much so that in the intro of the cartoon, which see our animation damnation episode, in the intro, When they introduce Ken and Raiu, their fucking fate. It's like half of Ken's face, half of Raius, and it comes together to make a weird-looking person.

Andrew, I will tell you why, is because they are literally the same character. Right. Because they both do the Hadookin. Sure. They both wear the karate Ghee. One's red, one's white. They do the uppercut. It's the same fucking character.

Is there a flying uppercut in the movie, by the way? Ken kind of does it at the end. And he looks at the camera after he doesn't. He's like, male. Ladies and gentlemen has got the flying uppercut. That's the best way to describe things in this movie. Everybody's kind of doing it. Well, the whole beginning of the movie,

they're introducing the characters. It's like, I don't know, E-Honda. Oh, yeah, I was a sumo, but then I got kicked out for pooing my pants too much. So now I'm a cameraman in this movie? Oh, I'm also a cameraman. My name is Balrogs, and I was a boxer. Why isn't he just a boxer?

Or like what Because what business does a boxer have In this fucking political conflict That's the problem This movie is centered around Like an international incident So you have to figure out ways To get all these people there

A boxer's got no business being there You know what dude You give me 20 minutes and 40 bucks I'll write Balrog into this movie And he'll be a goddamn boxer You know what's what's pathetic and sad Is there Balrog in this movie?

Yes but there's also a terrible Jean-Claude Van Dam movie that I mean, fuck, there's two of them. That better represents Street Fighter and that it's Bloodsport and the fucking quest, which my DVD of Street Fighter

because shit, I own this. You own this movie? Yeah, yeah, because I bought a four pack of Van Dam, bro. I bought it for I bought it for Time Cop. Is Sudden Impact in there? No, it's... Or Double Impact? It's Time Cup, Hard,

I think, that's a good one, right? That's a good disc. Yeah. The second disc. See our episode on Hard Target, by the way. Is Street Fighter. Oh, yeah. And TimeCap.

Dooped out, man. So the second disc is Street Fighter and the Quest. And now, have you guys seen The Quest? I've never seen the Quest. I've never seen the Quest. No. Oh, man, dude, that's a stay tuned in a half because basically that is, it's like classy blood sport, wherein Sean Claude Van Dam is like in the 1920s.

Oh. And it's like everyone has to go and like all these nations send their best fighters. That's Street Fighter. That's all I want. Let's enter the dragon. Yeah. It's everything. But I feel like Street Fighter is better geared towards that kind of plot like the quest or Bloodsport or, you know, whatever.

Yeah, just like underground fighting. Exactly. Yeah. Well, also, yeah, just pretend that like there's a fighting thing, like a fighting tournament. And then set it in Shattaloo, which is like, anything goes, bro. But then the government cracks down And now you've got to kill the fucking government Or even like, you know, M. Bison holds the world hostage, right?

He's got a million nukes. He's like, everyone has to come to Shadalu to fight me and whoever wins will win. There you go. That's street fighter. Done. I have a question. Balrog. Uh-huh.

Originally Danny Glover maybe. They were trying to get Danny Glover in there? Maybe. Because they got a really $2 version of Danny Glover. The haircut they put on this poor bastard is just like. It looks like he's just losing all of his hair. Isn't that a name of a of a demon and Lord of the Rings? Yeah.

Isn't that what like Gandalf like breaks the damn bridge about? There is some, I was doing some street fighter Wikipedia. Oh, I bet that's nice and filled. It's a lot. It's a lot of versions, early versions where Vega and Balrog had their name switched kind of a thing. Like none of the names actually meant anything. You know what I mean? Right.

So. Well, by the way, Balrog is. this movie is played by character director Grand L. Bush, who you may remember as one of the two FBI agents in the first diehard movie. Oh, that's nice. There's some useless trivia for you. Grand L. Bush. That's where Stephen

E. DeZoza found him. He'll make a good bow. That might be, yeah. Oh, and also, I think Stephen DeSuzza directed or wrote the screenplay for another Van Damme movie. Was it knockoff? He wrote one of, like, the

the latter, like, terrible late 90s Van Dam movies. Man, there's so many terrible ones. So we start with M. Bison takes 60-some-odd people hostage. And Chunley's, like, working for, like, a Genn-N, fake CNN kind of a thing. She's doing a report on it. M. Bison's watching it in his impossible warehouse. And the funny thing is she interviews Van Dam, Colonel Gile, and she's like, Colonel, how are you going to get? You know, do you have any message for M. Bice?

He's like, I've got the message. And he gives us like He's the fuck you Kind of a fuck you But it's also just kind of flexing his bicep It almost knocks M. Bison's hat off He's very upset about it He can't believe that got through on Shattaloo

Broadcast television His hat almost spins around He can't believe He's so furious He's so fucking furious But the funny thing is So like here's You know I'm this guy

I'm Colonel Gile My best friend Charlie just got kidnapped. Nobody knows who we're best friends. Right. You know what I'm not going to do? Give him a shout out on the news when Bison is watching it. I'm going to tell Bison to go fuck himself and be like

Johnny is going to be okay buddy. Don't worry about I'll go for you. What I love though is that this, he's supposed to be giving an interview on what I'm told by the movie is a major news outlet. Sure. And what he basically does... Even though the sumo wrestlers running the board

and a boxer's holding the fucking camera. But sure. Dude, he looks like fucking Rick Flair given a backstage interview to mean Gene Okerlin. He is fucking yelling into the camera and talking just, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, Bison, you fucking son of a bitch. I'm going to get you, man.

I'm going to fucking get you next summer at SummerSlam. Going to fucking get you. By the way, don't hurt my friend Charlie. He's about 5'9. He's got black hair. Chance of goodies in your clutches. This shows you that. This is bizarro, Gile.

Yeah. Because the regular Gile is American. And this voice, man. Well, didn't Van Dam audition to play somebody else? No, he was... Johnny Cage. He was going to be... Oh, that's right.

He turned down Johnny Cage to do this or something, right? That's what Steve told me. Yeah, well, Johnny Cage is supposed to be, like, you know, a Tom Cruise type character. Yeah, no, I guess... I mean, either way it doesn't work, because, as Eric pointed out, Giles also supposed to be American. Yeah, but, you know, terrible. So then, like, Ralph Julia instantly finds Charlie, and it's just like, Oh, you're Charlie.

Guylo's friend. You know? He's standing. I'll turn you into Blanca, dude. That's fucked up. But apparently his real name is Carlos Blanca or something. Well, because Raul Julia puts the pieces of this puzzle together because he's an evil genius, to be fair. You see, you see Bison, and he's just like, Carlos, Charlie, you're Charlie.

And I'm like, well, that was a real A to D. there, Bison. But he's also like broken the necks of two other people. He's like, fight me now. That was a nice opening for the movie, I have to say. Seeing a couple fucking net breaks. I thought one of those dead meets was that character actor

Greg Grunberg. But then he was like, oh, that's that guy. Oh, all right. Well, I got him anyway, gal, you fuck. And then he sends him away to his laboratory. Oh, it's an evil laboratory is what it is.

Dude, it looks like the set of a Power Rangers episode. It's amazing. Where was the money for this movie? Everything is cheap as fuck. I mean, you're trying to essentially make like a video game adaptation cross with a James Bond movie. Well, here's the thing is the IMDB Tribune told me that DeSuzza turned down payment for this movie to pay the cast. I feel like that was like Van Depp. I better get my money, bro.

Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? He stands it outside of his house. He takes the shirt off. You better not be getting paid. I'm getting paid. A bunch of street fighters intimidated him. And then Blanca's out there. He turns into electricity.

Well, so let's talk about the creation of Blanca because I didn't know this until I read. It's incredibly important. Well, I didn't know this one key detail until I read the credits the next day. I saw this. What, Dalhazim? Dalcim. Oh, excuse me. Yeah.

That's all right. Yoga Flame. See, he's not the video game, Dalcine. No, not at all. He's just a nerd. character actor who was also in Gondi's just a scientist. Yeah and he's chained up so in the video game Dalcim has like those

big bangles on. Yeah. So it kind of works in that regard. Not really but sort of. And that's what they're trying to go for for sure. And he's also, I believe he doesn't look like a fighter either. No, this guy's a little pudgy man. He's a little deli. He's riding a desk for a while to be fair.

Well that's why he's, you know, also to be fair, that's why he doesn't participate in the street fighting. Also, why name him after the character? Why bring, that's thing is like, we have to connect. No. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying, dude.

For all those people in their basement who was like, I love playing. Bad movie. That's why it's Dalseem, dude. To Eric's point, and I kind of agree, it's like, why would I want that version of Dalsim? Like, save him for the sequel. I don't need, like, Wayne Knight playing fucking Nightwing in the new Batman movie because they didn't get to him yet.

Actually, I want that. Wayne Knight is going to be Nightwing, but that just means he's the computer. user guy. Hello, Bruce. Yeah, exactly. Like, no, I want the version of the character somewhat... Nightwing. You remember when Wayne Knight played

Microchip in that second Punisher movie? Spoiler alert, he gets shot in the face. God, I love it. Oh, Wayne Knight get murdered. But, so yeah, he's been chained up by M. Bison and Bison is trying to make a super soldier, which is... Why would you use someone who's your

natural enemy to be a super soldier? Use someone that's sympathetic to your cause. Absolutely. Don't try to change him by showing him a bunch of pictures of Andrew. Just throw Zangeef in there. They had Zangief. Any of a better stock, Zangief is cut in this movie. Zengief. He's already

like two-thirds of the way to being a monster anyways. And he's simple. He'll follow your orders. He doesn't need to be paid as we learned. Right. We find that out. Oh, that's right. The gag about Zangief didn't know everybody else was getting paid for this gig. Yeah. He was

is he leatherface? in those, he plays Really? In the remakes there? I think you're right about that. I'd have to check the Tribune, but I feel like you're right about that. He's gone back. Wow, do not worry about Zankeve. Oh, no, he's doing a lot. You look

like that, you're going to be fine. You've got some roles coming to you. My favorite part about this is M. Bison gives the world three days to give him a billion dollars. $20 billion. But he gives him three days. No, is it

20 billion? It is 20 billion. In my house, for some reason, I was hearing 20 billion. I was like, that's not that much. It's a little cheap, bison. I know you live in the developing world, but come on. But also this timeline makes no sense as the movie goes on.

What? The three days? Why so? You're getting a lot of them sleeping at night? Well, no, not even that. But just like, in terms of, so then we cut to Ken and Ryu, who are a bunch of, they're a bunch of Han solos, we'll call it that. Don't. Don't do that. They're like, Hans Solo. Don't do that. Yeah, I agree. Do not say that.

Actually, I just want to smack you for something. You can, but you have to yell Hadoogan before you do it. That just sweetens the deal. Man, it was pretty cool when Eric hit Steve in the Facebook was even cooler because he yelled Hadoquen right before he did it. But you know what the problem is that would turn you into Ken Masters? You're big blonde. And you know what I don't need, by the way, is backyard wrestling in my house

so that can just stop right now. Well, you need a yard. So they're like... They're selling Coke to Dalseem? No, not to Dalcine. Sagat. They're selling weapons. They're gun runners.

They've sold Coke before. That's how this started. How are you comparing this to Han Solo? No, listen, Hans Solo was wrong, but they definitely sold coke before. Let's just get this straight. Spice, yes. Now, if they were actually selling Coke, see the thing is you don't see them sell coke in this movie. No, you don't.

I mean, I just get it from Ken's shirt mostly. I mean, listen, they're the kind of characters in these movies where, like, you know, they don't answer to anybody. So they, you know, they probably sold Coke, weapons. Opium. Yeah. Women. Ken. We're home. Right.

You played by Chubacca. By the way, better casting. Oh, big time. Do you save yourself some money. Just make Chubacca Blanca? Yeah. Just die that. Do you fuck have Chewbacca play all the characters?

It would be a better movie. Chewbacca's one-man show on Broadway Street Fighter? I love it. Man, that would be hard to find a producer. So, yeah, the world has three days to give Bison $20 billion. So we cut to Ken and Ryu were trying to sell Saget. Stuff to Saget. Right.

Bob Sagin. Bob Saggett. Why wasn't Bob Sagat playing Sagat? He's tall, he's lean. He looks more like Sagat than this dude does. That's actually true. Just give him a patch. Yeah.

And oil him up, take a shirt off. And then Raiu almost fights Vega in like a cage match. In what should be street fighting. Exactly. Oh, cool. You know what? It's been 12 minutes. Here's a street fight.

Right. Versus Vega. It's kind of like Vegas's level. But go outside. It was Vegas level. The cage was awesome. I was like, all right, this is the coolest part of the movie. That makes sense for Chattaloo City,

and apparently Vega's been the best street fight. Ooh, ooh, cage fighter since... Seagat. Iron Fist, who was Seagat, yeah. What's that referencing, by the way? Is that a Marvel comic? No, I mean, I just think that he just... He had to give him some of a fake old name.

A cool name. Now that I went legit, I'm going by my last name. My God-given name? Yeah, my surname. Oh, that's his surname, he thinks? So he's like Benny Sagat or something? He's Bobcigott. He's Bobcigat.

At night, I host these cage fighters in the back of my warehouse, but by day, I'm the host of a viewer-programmed VHS tape mail-in show, predominantly featuring men being hit in the nuts

and cats. Well, the thing is, he hit a lot of men in the nuts back when he was a cage fan. That was his move. And he had a lot of You know, by the way, just to derail this further. Please. You know who's hosting AFV these days?

No. Is it a got? Dude, ABC family would never sign off on that. JCVD? No, even better, dude. Alfonso Ribeiro. Really? Yeah.

Carlton. I know who that is. Well, you just looked at me like you didn't know who Carlton was. I was going to throw up. Dude, he's perfect for it. He's perfect for it. He's perfectly cheesy. Yeah, it's the exact amount of cheese that you need for something like that.

That's fine. He's better than that other guy. I hated that old, that old gross white guy that's on Dancing with the Stars. Oh, yeah, what is that disgusting? Tom Bergeron. That guy, you want to tell him, wanted to throw up. Fuck that guy. I'd rather have Tom Seismore host that shit.

Yikes. That's. They wouldn't let Tom Seismore near the set of Dancing with the Stars. Thank you very much. He's the unemployable Tom Sidesworth for a reason. And he's definitely not getting hired by ABC family. By the way, this $20 billion to not kill like... 60 people?

60 total tops. I have a feeling the world governments would be like, you know... Light them up. Yeah. They're all in the pit, the 60 people. It seems like there's a lot more than 60, but at the end, I'm going to spoiler alert. They all get away. And it's like 12 people.

Yeah. I was counting. I was like, those people were not in the pit. I was like, where'd the rest of them go? By the way, the end game of Blanca is so that he becomes this monster that just eats and rips these people apart. Yeah. Yeah. They call it guns, M. Bison, just use them.

And they bring out all this, like, they got to inject Blanca with all this weird, like, mutant gins and genetic material and stuff. It's like, you want to kill 60 people, man. I can tell you how to kill 60 people. Yeah, you don't need mutagens and fucking brainwashing to do it. 60 bullets is a lot cheaper. I'll tell you what, man. You got to be careful with mutagens. Next thing you know, you've got Ninja Turtles on your hands.

It's a real problem. Well, this is kind of a Ninja Turtle. He's more Ninja Turtle than not. He looks at the Geico Caveman. Geico Caveman crosses the Ninja Turtle. When you're making these like mussely monsters and whatnot, you've got to watch it with the eyebrows. And the nose.

They do like the Neanderthal Bridge. Yep, it's real tough. Made famous by Arnold Schwarzenegger. In what? In his face. I was like, were they doing him up for Conan? No, you're just making fun of a person. Which is on, by the way, the other day.

I was like, oh, this is a great movie. Oh, yeah, that first Conan, that's right where you want to be. Yeah, four crumbs laughs. Wait, crumb laughs at your four wins. There's no four crumbs, excuse me. This is a cupcake place. Four crumbs. It's a Conan the Barbarian themed cupcake restaurant.

I love that idea. Right? James Earl Jones is there Yeah Yeah Could I get a Red Sonia? Oh yeah That'd be a good cupcake

I've actually never seen that movie So I can't make any more jokes You're probably okay Yeah And Conan the Destroyer Fuck that movie That's terrible I'm on board for both those movies

Really? Ride or die with them I don't know about that The Barbarian is Inarguably the best Yeah So one of my favorite characters in this movie

Is Vega Who's like a flamboyant Wolverine slash Jason Voorhees kind of character. Sure. So he's Ryu's got to fight him. Yeah. When there's this one moment where they're like inevitably Ken and Ryu are captured or whatever and so they have to like fight this dude.

Well here's the thing. Sagat's like oh you know they go in and go do some business. Right. It's like oh can I offer you a drink? And then he goes or something else and these two bodacious babes come out. Totally bodacious. And like I just This is a prostitution thing. Well that's what if they were like yeah let's I want to have sex

He was like, what if they stopped everything? Literally, dude, that's my nut all first. That's a thing, like, you don't get to the high rungs of, like, doing, like, mysterious gun deals. If you're like, yeah, I want to, let me just see those ladies first. Well, no. See, if you go for it, man, if you go for it,

then Sagat's just like, these guys love to have fun. These guys know how to party. If you go for it, then you're just in one of your animas. That's probably a deleted scene in the anime. or the whole scene of the anime. Ken and Raiu are like he got any octopi back there to Oh, but of course.

Yeah, this is Southeast Asia, come on. This is Shattaloo, come on. They're grown on trees. But, Gile breaks in through a tank and gives one of my favorite line deliveries in this movie, which is, you're all under arrest.

Under arrest. Because Van Dam is hitting all of the wrong words when you try to say, the right thing. It's amazing, though, because you watch Van Dam movies before this and after this, and you're like, this sounds like this was his first English language movie for some reason. He

wasn't caring. They should have overdub them. Yeah. A lot of dubbing in this movie, no? It feels like it. Captain Sawada. Oh, man, I was watching, like, is anyone talking this movie? It's like, mystery science theater. Jesus Christ. Before Van Dam breaks in with that tank,

though, there's this amazing moment where, like, fucking Ryu's about to fight Vega and then like he's well I guess the fight starts and he's kind of getting his ass kicked and Ken is standing back with Sagan and he goes why are you making me watch this and I was like I'm thinking the same thing about this movie

Ken thank you very much with his sweater vessel is a substitute teacher in the beginning of this movie so then they get arrested this is where I'm talking about the time the time frame so the beginning is by assin and he puts Blanco whatever he's got three days

can by these guys get arrested they get processed they're in the yard and then Vega breaks out a shiv that looks like his hand thing yeah where was he hiding that by the way his ass very carefully yeah piece by piece he took it out of his ass like how fast did he make this glove thing can we go back for like three seconds of course when they do the transaction and they and then sag it finds out that where the guns were and blah blah blah and then they bust out the gun and they're filled with fucking Nerf balls. Oh, that's stupid. And I'm just like, I was like, this is a perfect 90s movie. I was thinking like, you should instantly kill these guys for selling you bogus shit, right? Well, no, he tries to by physical combat and then they're good. He's like, oh, you'll be my new cage fighters.

Right. Right, that's how we get to the Vega and Sag at Funhouse. That would have been like, well, is the prostitute thing over now? Can we still fuck those chicks? You did offer. that to me. Yeah, is that still on the table or what? I don't know how to read this Nerf gun attack.

Well, I guess the Nerf gun thing is to make it more kid friendly and like, we don't want Ryu and Ken actually dealing guns. No, I guess not. Whatever. But like, you're totally right about this family-friendly thing, though, because when those Nerf balls are hitting their foreheads, the score's like, what-wap-wap-wap-dab-da-pah-pah-da-pah. There's actually, apparently,

I read it in today's edition of the IMD Tribune. Yeah. There's a goofy laugh in this. And by that, I mean, like, the laugh that goofy does. Oh, really? I watch a lot of Mickey Mouse Cump House. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Not the laugh.

The howl. They goes, yahooee. That thing? Oh, what? Yeah, hoo-hoo-wee. That's like the new Wilhelm scream. I guess so. It's in this movie with human actors, which is someone.

Who says that, Ken? It just says somewhere, blah, blah, blah, blah. some scene. I have to watch this movie all over again. I'm sure like a truck crashes or something. It might be like when someone's just getting thrown somewhere. That is so stupid. Gile and his two assistants,

Kylie Minogue is Cammy and some guy is Teahawk. Teahawk, by the way, looks like he got his name in an office Super Bowl pool and not from like being a big badass, like Native American fighter. This guy was a quarterback in high school. Tehawk's real name is Ken Johnson. Hey man, that's the T-Hawk over there, man. T-Hawk!

He's just so scrawny and like whatever. He gave a lot of wet willies and fucking nuggies. So they come up with this plan where they're going to use Ken and Rai U to get into Sagaat's operation because he's selling guns to Bison. And when that happens, blah, blah, blah. We'll find out where Bison's base is, although that should be so easy to find. I mean, he's like the head of the government, right? Yeah. It's the only mansion in Shattel.

Blue, baby. Look for the biggest house and nuke it. Look for the skeleton house. Yes. Also look for Castle Grey Skull and you'll find it. The house with the best view of the mall. So there's this Gile fake dyes at this point.

He's a shot like this. Oh yeah. He's pulling a real Jim Gordon here. Yeah. Yeah. It was just pig's blood. Which is so stupid because when you look at like how Van Dam explains this whole thing, like he's sits up in the morgue and there's like a scare gag but like he opens his jacket and like he's not wearing a bulletproof vest he's just got like packets on his lower abdomen if these people just

aimed higher this dude's iced but also the funny thing is he chunley like breaks into the facility and finds this out giles just been chilling out in the morgue for like four hours i guess he's really keeping up this act like i guess he's i'll just stay here to everyone else goes home. I'll to pass the time. I'll defile some bodies. What if they would have shot me in the face? Yeah, where's your fucking fake blood packet if you got a head shot?

Well, was it blanks or something? No, it was blanks. That's the thing. Blankas. Wait, who shot him? Ken does. Oh, I thought just some random Shattelooian. Did you watch the movie? Sort of. Other soldiers are about to fire, and then Teahawk goes,

no, you'll hit the colonel. The colonel, but, oh, no. He said the captain, and they're like, cut, no, it's a colonel, T-Hawk, it's a colonel. You're the captain. Jim Gaffigan is Colonel Gile? That'd be a better move. This is a family pack, and this is a family pack, and I'm getting paid for this, and this is a family pack.

Man, those Colonel Sanders commercials are in fucking furiating. I love Norm. Norm was the best colonel. He was. I don't know why he didn't get that cute permanently. They just, yeah, they just, well, that's the gag as we're like rotating. They started with Daryl Hammond, right?

Yes, Daryl Hammond was the first. He was the first to go. I'm available. No, the real colonel was the first to go. I mean, I guess he's the only one that's actually technically went. He's been dead for decades. Who, George went?

That'd be a great next to Colonel. That would be terrific. That'll show you what happens if you have too much. So we go to. Looks like I was getting high on my own supply. Now I'm obese. Real quick, at this point, right before Chungley breaks in, she's in the van with E Honda and Balrog.

Her camera operators. This is the first introduction to the word bro that society has ever seen. She's bro and everybody. She's like, bro, out of the way. Move it, bro, bro, bro. She's like a jersey guy. She's like, bro, move, bro.

that's being nah as chunley she's okay in this she's uh most recently on that agents of shield which i don't watch no yeah you would uh you would have to tie me to a chair and beat me with wet bibles for me to care about that show so that's just i watched the first season and then i watched the season premiere the second season and i went there's life out there somewhere and i tuned out that's what i did i tuned right out life found away huh she is a good She's got a good Like a terrorist attack in this

In this movie Oh yeah When is this Are we up to this point Yeah basically I'm jumping the gun No she finds out It's fine even if you were

She finds out that You know Giles alive And then Ken and Ryu Are you are in on it And then she goes to This secret club Where Sagat and Bison are

Right Where Bison's getting all Like his illegal weapons Shipments and whatnot And then like Oh God This is where Like

Amongst the good guys and the bad guys. Called very specifically good guys and bad guys. There's a little bit of comedy. And then, oh, what's that noise coming from that closet? Oh, it's a TV broadcasting live. And it's Chung Lee, E Honda, and Balrog. Yeah. And Chungley's just like, I'm going to blow you all up because I'm a terrorist.

I mean, it's kind of a suicide bomb. Like they drive a truck full of weapon. into this little area it's weird she's got like do you think and here's the thing though do you think Honda and Balrog were aware of the situation at this point they're in on it because basically they

you find out that bison killed her father but also quote that happened yeah yeah did you watch this movie no well that's the hey in in in Vin's defense I did not spot that well that's what that's it's the scene

where I was watching the Northern Ireland it's where like Rahl Julia as Bison has like the best line of the movie because she's talking about how like first of all he kidnaps her dresses her sexily which is just a street fighter outfit but right

looking to colors and then it's a weird like it's a weird like you know you might be my girlfriend after all is over here you know like that he's kind of setting that up again like a bond villain and she says like by the way do you remember

like 10 years ago like you rolled into my village and you murdered my father and I'll never forget it and what fucking bison says is like for you that was the worst day of your life but for me it was just Tuesday yes yes and she fucking

loses it and starts beating the shit out of him and it's awesome that's when I started identifying with M. Byson's but also when that truck's rolling towards the uh that that structure I guess it's a tent yeah it's like a tent carnival this is where

Well, you get one of the biggest moments of comedy in the film guys. Oh, please. Oh, my God. You know, so they're all watching the terrorist broadcast by Chuggily. I mean, because, I mean, say what you will about M. Bison. He's a legitimate head of government. He has bison bison bucks at this point. Bison bucks, which are worth his bunch is five British pounds. After, after, he's like, he ensures Saganat that they will be worth that much after he kidnaps their queen.

I honestly think that Raleigh, Julia, is kind of great. in this movie. I think he's very funny. He kind of gets it. It's pretty fun. It's pretty fun. Raul Julia was an amazing actor and I'll tell you what, he knows exactly where he is in this movie. He's like, once I kidnap their queen!

And I's like, oh, man. That is the movie I want. Just M. Bison, taking that old bitty out of bucking hands. That is what I want. Dude, that's the movie. That's a real fucking London has fallen right there. I would love London has fallen, but it's

M. Bison doing it all. It might as well be M. Bison in case you're wondering if you watch. Shandalu is also known as fuckhead of Stan, I think. Yeah, exactly. But the big moment of comedy I was talking about. Oh, yes. The truck is careening towards this circus tent. And everyone's watching the TV.

And Zangeev says, change the channel. Yeah. That is the big moment. That is the biggest comedy line of the film. What do you think Zangeeve was hoping was also on the air at the same time? Looney Tunes? Yes, yeah, I can see. That should be a thing

because he's supposed to be like a big idiot in this movie. Cut to him like eating cereal and watching cartoons, that would be a good gag. But after Sagaat gets burned by the Bison's Bucks before the truck rolls by,

Sagat has clearly has a word a day calendar because he goes, this conclave is over, which is a secret meeting, but you would never say the word conclave. No, not in Street Fighter of the movie. That's a thesaurus situation. Well, now, if,

They had to have nerve guns for the children. They need a conclave for... Yeah, for the grown-ups. The adults. But also, you find out that both Balrog and E-Honda were disgraced by M. Bison, question mark. What? Racism? No, I don't know.

They say, like, oh, yeah. She's like, oh, he killed my father. And then, like, Balrog's like, yeah. E-Honda's like, yeah. He's like, oh, you're the best sumo in the world. I was like, I was until M. Bison used information to do. disgrace me. And then Balrog comes out of nowhere. He's like, he did the same to my boxing

career. And I'm like, what are you talking about? What were these? Oh, you know what I just thought of? Uh-huh. Sex tourism. He's got some candid camp. Speaking of America's Funnest Home video, Sarah, he's got some candid camera of E-Honda and Belrog

doing unconscionable things in Chanteloo City. The outlaw burb, man. It's their own fault. That's the thing. That's the thing. It's really their own... Sorry you're such. a fucking pervert, E-Honda. Exactly. Their own sin brought them down.

You know what, Balrog, the fucking chicken came home to roost and you can't box anymore. Now you're just a professional cameraman. Speaking of them and their perversions, they're at one point captured by this opposition force.

And there's a dude, there's like a big, you know, falfungren smacking them. Yeah. Trying to break E. Honda. It doesn't work. Oh, well, this is great. I was like, is he just so fat that he doesn't feel pain? That's what I was thinking, too.

But he claims it's something like with the sumo teachings. Yeah, pretty much. He takes his mind someplace else. The layers of blubber, like over blubber, right? Like, it's like, it like hardens like a, like a good pelt of an animal or something. But it turns out he was like using like he was, he was thinking he wasn't there. He's going somewhere else. He's going to his happy place.

It's a little bat manish, which is good. And then, and then the guy. steps out for a minute to, uh, you know, to take a piss. Take a, to take a piss. And Balrog's like, yo, Ihanda give me a hand. Oh, yeah. And then he Honda says, hey dude, we've been in prison for two hours.

Try me in a month. Yeah. As in I will jerk you off and or have sex with you in a month. In 30 days. Which, by the way, that's a much bigger joke than change the channel. Well, here's the thing. Val-Roggedy Honda in 30 days and 30 nights. Oh, those hot summer nights.

Well, the thing is, like, that's a joke that, like, I'm watching it now, and I'm just, like, barfing in my living room. But as a kid, I didn't really pick up on it. I didn't get it, or, you know, but change the channel is a joke that everyone can enjoy. That's for the kids. Jerk me off in jail. It's a little bit of a different kind of joke. That's for the adults.

Oh, a little something for the dads. Yeah. You know, when all those dads are sitting there, like, God damn, I'm taking my kid to see this streetfighter movie. What's that jerking off? He's going to jerk him off in jail. The fat one's going to jerk him off in jail. Oh, my God, Dad.

So, Dad, why didn't you laugh so much at that jail game? He's jerked him off in jail. He's fucking fat. I love it. Man, now I'm just picturing your dad taking you to see this movie, Steve. That's what happened. This is what happened. Oh, whatever.

There was a great moment. So this is kind of around the time when they're planning this covert operation where Gail is going to take a stealth boat and ram it up Shandaloo's ass. It's a great line. I'm sorry. The Bisonopoulos's ass. Oh, we're going to use this stealth boat. And by the way, an air attack is impossible. You hear a very distinct.

that was one of the pilots one of the AN pilots I'm an air guy Boats it's boats this time But why would that be impossible I guess because they want to rescue people I say fucking liquidate the place Again it's like total top 60 people he's saying Which is an overestimation

That is an acceptable loss 19 19 civilians But so he's he's plotting this whole thing to ram this stealth boat into the, you know, Bisonopolis or whatever. And the dude who's the bad guy in Ace Ventura 2

shows up in this movie. Simon Callow. Yes. And he shows up and he's like, by the way, Mr. Ventura. The lights, the ones behind you. You know what, man? Flip it, quick.

He's the guy from Amadeus to me because I have culture. Yeah. I could give a flying fuck about the movie Amadeus. It's a good movie. I don't care for that movie in this light is.

I'll tell you what, though. He's in this movie, and he's telling, he's telling Gile that he's got to, like, quit the armed forces. Sean Claude Van Damme goes up to the microphone,

he's like, the war is canceled. The war is canceled. Oh, well, we've reached a diplomatic solution. And he's like, oh, okay. I'll just tell all these people to go home then.

Hey, everybody, we can go home. Oh, it's okay. Just go home. And it's like, He's like being a dick about it. He motivates this army of soldiers by being sarcastic. It's the only time of military history that that's happened. Oh, and I guess Van Bix is going to shit on your children's mouth, but we get to go home.

But the problem is he's in, Simon Callow is in Amadeus, but now he has to like basically set up alley-oops for Van Dam to dunk. Oh, yeah. He's basically like, oh, have you lost your mind? Time the clock out, everybody. Forget to go home. You lost your mind? No, but you lost your balls. Oh, yeah, that's what he says to him.

But you lost your ball. Oh, I worked with whatever the fuck that guy is. Tom Hules, Jim Carrey. He had not worked with Jim Carrey yet. Mary Abraham is the voice. Oh, right, of course. Flip it quick. so then

these rhinos man you guys have watched as matured too when nature calls way more than I will say that movie is fuck it's got

it's problematic oh sure the race stuff in that movie go back and watching it now with with educated eyes of an enlightened society

how did that get me oh I don't know it's tough but I'll tell you what I've seen that movie no less than 30 times and I've seen the first Ace Ventura total tops

maybe seven times. I'll tell you what. It was one of those things where it was a rainy vacation and it was somehow the only VHS tape we had with us. So it was a lot of back-to-back Ace Ventura too. I love him both. Guano.

Guano? Guano. Right? It's a bad shit. Oh, yeah. Jim Carrey in this movie. He could have played like Blanca. Jim Carrey is Blanca. Better movie. Yeah, totally. It would have set him up nicely to play the Ridler a few years later. Hold on a second. Maybe Jim Carrey is everyone in like a one-man show.

No, that's Chewbacca's beat. Oh, right. Well, maybe once Chewbacca's done with it and it's such a success, you can hand it off to Chip Carrey. Well, he sweeps all the Tony. Yeah. Like Lynn Manuel Miranda's stepping down from Hamilton. Exactly. We're going to get Jim Carrey to replace him.

Also, this stealth boat looks like garbage. Horrible. It's just a black boat with a black boat with a bunch of gray spray-painted cardboard all over. It just says, Colonel William Gile why is his name on the side of the vote? That's not how stealth works. You don't sign your stealth boat, my friend.

Well, it's more stealth what with the not being on radar and whatnot. Yeah, but still like, if it's sunk or exploded like it is, you could easily track who was there. It's not like it's a sub sub or it's like an aircraft carrier

you have to name it after somebody. This is a stealth operation. You're not naming it the USS Colonel Gile. Yeah, it doesn't need a christening. No. I christen this boat, for me. It's also not named after the guy

driving it. It'd be like the Thomas Jefferson or something. Thomas Jefferson never drove a boat. There's plenty of boats. Well, but he was renowned for his stealth activities if you look at his

family chart this part of the movie has one of my favorite parts oh please Giles driving the USS Gile to take out I'm driving the meat to you Bison and he pops out of VHS tape Oh my God

I don't even know it's a VHS tape it's like It's like a track thing Yeah yeah and he throws it in and it's a vacation of him and Blanca and he's talking to the camera, he's like, no, no, no, take the carolet. Take the carolet. And then he's

watching this as he's going to attack a bison. Well, he's trying to get revved up because, you know, this is not hearts on fire. This is not it's Blanca. You can't win. You can't win. We have a house. We have a car.

We have money. It's Van Dam and Blanca on the beach running. I'm afraid, all right? Man, that's stupid. For the first time of my life, I'm afraid. You ring the bell, Blanca. Ding.

Wait, so in this video, that's a flashback, he's a monster already? No, no, yeah. Well, yeah, maybe that would make more sense. Me and Charlie on vacation. But the funny thing, my favorite credit in the film. The truth about Charlie, he's a Blanca. The last two. actors credited the movie are these

two women that are just credited under one heading, which is Gile and Blanca's dates. Oh, from the video? Oh, man! Which is kind of because now imagining these... Whoa, tentacles get involved in this video, man. But the thing is, like, if

I'm, you know, let's say my name is whatever and I'm like... Hi, whatever. Bravo. Yeah. Good improv. Good yes and. It is pretty good. So this actress has to go like you're going to put that, it's a major motion

picture, you're going to put on your resume. Well, it's a motion picture. You're going to put it on your resume. Do you like call yourself Kyle and Blanca's date? Kyle wasn't in the movie. Or Gile and Blanca's date? Do you call yourself Gile and Blanca's date number one?

Get out of here, Kyle. I'm cutting in. Well, you're acting. like these women had a say in that. Well, here's the thing is, you're playing Jean-Claude Van Dam's date in 1994. Yeah, I'm putting that on my resume. Well, no, exactly, but nobody wants to be Blanca's date.

You know what I mean? But these women were, like, the both of them were credited as this, like, duo-ax. There is worse shit to be than Blancas date. Yeah, but you're not even really Blancas date. You're pre-Blancas' date. Yeah, you're Charlie's date. Your Charlie Blankas date.

Yeah, it's just a Chuck fuck at that point. So around here is where M. Bison gasses all of them. They all sneak into Castle Bison skull. And he, like, lures them into this room. He was about to fuck Chunley. And Chunley's actually about to kill him because he's beating the shit out of him. Right. They blow it up.

He's about to what, Chung Lee? Well, what did I say? Oh, you said the F word. Yeah, he's trying to fuck her. Is he? Yes. I wasn't watching the movie. My God, in heaven.

Well, actually... My gut and him. Here's my thing. Because I called Ken and Ryu Han Solo and I got shit. There's a scene that's... Or actually, they're more close to Orlando Calerician. Because at the...

When they break in to save... You know, Ken, you belong up here amongst the clans. No, when they're saving... How are you doing, Ryu? Exactly. When they're saving Balrog and E Honda,

they both choke him. It's kind of a... double Lando Calarissa and they go there's still a chance to save Han there's still a chance to save Yehonda you're totally right yeah yeah yeah you're right that's what happens but so yeah like

Chunley is about to murder him like it's right there like if this game had fatalities like finish him is coming up she should have done the super kick by the way this is where you're going to do it and so she doesn't do that but she beats the shit out of him and then they're like knocking on the door

it's like shut up you idiot It's about to save the movie. Exactly. So then, like, Bison sort of, like, gets up and traps them in the room, and then all this gas is coming in. He's got a panic room, man. He does. It's like a push the button and the fucking steel door comes down. And then Forrest Whitaker's breaking into his house.

He shoots Dwight Yonk him in the face. Dude, that's a big mess to clean up up at the end of that movie. Oh, sure. Oh, no, I think he gets a sledgehammer to the head. I don't remember. I think it's a sledgehammer to the head. Yes. Where is Gallagrin?

going to get you down Dwight Yonkham you son of a bitch get over here I'm going to rob this rich lady I can be in a David Fincher movie mark I can be in an Oscar nominated feature film Mark

I could play the Winkle Voss twins Mark we row crew could splat I think that that would be a pretty good movie. I can terrorize a 12-year-old Kristen Stewart, Mark. Get over here, you tiny son of a bit.

No, that's why Jared Leto gets shot in the head. Oh, right. I listen to 30 seconds to Mars, Mark. It's one of my fantasies. I wanted to destroy something beautiful, Mark. I could be in Fight Club, Mark. I could do what hell on a bottom Carter does, Mark.

I could steal laundry, Mark. Oh, what? Oh, mercy. Yeah, so they all get gassed, and it's this hilarious thing where, like, E Honda's trying to, like, ram through this door. And this guy does a real, like, Power Rangers' bulk and skull fall over a table.

There's nothing more embarrassing unless you're on the 1960s Batman show than passing out from gas Dalsim starts giving Blanca some of the good juju Oh yeah Because like he's getting all this

He's showing him that video That fucking Gile has In his covert boat He hacked the feed you think Yeah He's like remember that vacation Man that sweet vacation That everybody's remember it

Me and Blanca went to sandals one year. It was beautiful. We got all sorts of babes. We gambles. Buffet, as far as the I can see. We went in a heart-shaped jacuzzi. It's okay. It's just Blanca.

Beautiful. Mount Air Lodge. I got to point it up before we get away from this gassing scene because it's like they all block or E Honda falls through a table. The rest of them are like all passed out. And Bison starts laughing. And there's this amazing shot of Raul Julia like, ah, ha ha ha. And there's like a light flash and it's definitely a skeleton. It's dissolving and there's a fucking skeleton. He's got a skeleton, um, a fireplace in the room that kind of super deposed it on his face. It's exactly what's going on. It's pretty, pretty great. Boy, do I get it. Stephen E. DeSuza. But, um, this, this guard who's guarding Dalcim and Blanca is like Ron Jeremy. He looks exactly like. Oh, my God.

This fucking pig shit. So, like, he's, you know, he's, like, trying to change Blanca by showing him, like, birds and flowers. And, yeah, yeah. Baby style of MLK. It was a wedding, right? I wanted to know whose wedding this was. Where are you getting this fucking footage, doll scene? Also, like, the whole plot of the Clockwork Orange thing, like, we're going to show him Hitler.

Yeah. Non-stop. And then suddenly he's going to be sympathetic to M. Bison. I don't see that correlation. I think Blanca could usurp them maybe. I do think this is the least plausible progress bar in history, though. Oh, yeah, you're right. And there's been quite a few implausible progress bars.

But it's like, it's a red one, and it's like when Blanca's brain is going evil, it's like 49%. And Dalcim gets in there, and it starts to go blue because it knows that he's becoming good. Yeah, it doesn't make any. cents. And why does that percentage numbers stay the same? Yeah. Well, that's like all, it's like the body mass thing, too. It's like the little computer's like, body mass

increase by 47%. Which is a marked thing. You could, you know, when you get fatter, your body mass, you know, you get bulkier. I've got a progress bar. That's not progress, my friend. Ooh, good point.

No wonder it's so low. So, yeah, Dalsium does this thing, so he becomes good. The boat shows up. This is when M. Bison, speaking of Batman forever, uses video games to destroy them or whatever. I'm not the only one that loved this part? Did you love it? Oh, I loved every second of it. It's like, it's like a frantic kid in an arcade. He's like button, button, button,

joystick, joystick, toys, toys, toys, toys, toys, well, see, that's the thing. M. Byson's real button masher. And I don't appreciate that. He's a button masher. That's some cheap shit right there. Loved it. But that's, I mean, I feel like that's In another, maybe I'm just thinking about how they operate the Statue of Liberty and Ghostbusters, too, which is fucking stupid. Oh, with the Nintendo controllers, yeah. Yeah, but is there not another, a lot of slime. Well, all the slime, of course.

This could use some slime news. Oh, sure. Is there not another video game adaptation where someone is indeed playing a video game? I think it's Mario Brothers, or am I making that out? I feel like it might be like Dennis Hopper's laughing and doing something. You might be making that up. It's entirely possible I'm making it up.

I just kind of say stuff. But yeah, he mashes all these buttons and blows up the stealth boat. They somehow jump out of it. You don't see that happening. No, you don't see that happen at all. There's like, there's a throwaway line where Van Dam's like,

we better go for a swim before they make us go for a swim. You see him unbuckle his seatbelt. It takes out that VHS tape. I'm not going to lose my date. Memories are for ever. And then that's it. It blows up.

I don't want to lose the part where we go to Coldstone together. And they sang us the songs. Coldstone creamery? Yeah, of course. Man, let me tell you. Mash some snickles in there, mona me. My friend Blanca love a snicker bar. Dude, the fact that those poor bastards are...

A couple of peanuts. They're instructed by a corporate office to fucking sing a jingle. Every time someone puts change in a tip of. jar? Oh, they are the greatest of heroes. Wow, I did not know that. I guess I never tipped them. You're doing them a favor, honestly. They're like, please don't

tip. Please don't put that dollar in here. There's duct tape over this tip jar. It's so humiliating for these people. You know, fuck that, Shane. I'll say it. You know who sings for quarters homeless people? Do you think Kyle?

You think Kyle told the waiter that it was Blanca's birthday? Oh, it's your birthday Blanca, you get an extra cigar. It'll be fun. Kiss, kiss. I'm just thinking of going over to the waiter, like when he's like, I have to use the bathroom.

He's like, you see the guy at the end, that's his birthday today. And by birthday, I mean last day when he's not a monster. If you do not bring him a piece of cake, I'll punch you. Oh, wait a second. His last day before he's a monster,

she's saying they went directly from San Diego, to this operation. Absolutely. And then he gets kidnapped. They got called in. And then he's like, oh, no, Charlie, I come for you, buddy. We'll continue the vacation. I promise.

Sorry, babes. We have to go. Work calls. We have to get to Shadaloo. Sorry, babe number one and babe number two. I'm sure your career will do very well. We got to go. I think it was Laura Linney.

What? I hate you. No, I'm making that up. Oh, good. Uh-huh. So they got M. Bison riding around in this fucking cherry picker device. This is stupid. It's so, so stupid that he's flying around in this thing. And it doesn't really work. And I mean, like, so basically, you know, Bison is under siege from whatever, like, all of the...

Well, the A.N. soldiers. I feel like there's additional A.N. soldiers that have nothing to do with, like, Giles' operation. Like, the dude from Ace Ventura, too, was like, better send more people in there. Just to be saved, Mr. Ventr. Well, he's as bad as M. Bison at this point, Gile, is. Because he's got a rogue force. This is a militia. Oh, yeah, because, because Gile's technically been fired at this point. Yes, and the A.N. had wanted to negotiate.

Well, he brings up a good point. Okay. And he says, if it's $20 billion today, what's to say it's not $50 billion tomorrow? That's true. Which is a very good point. That's true. So that's why you just got to kill it. Just got to kill him.

Dude him in the fucking. Got a Sonic boom the shit out of that guy. I wish. Oh, that would be the line, right? Like, he would, like, cock his gun blow, like, say Sonic boom would blow his head off.

That'd be awesome. With a real gun. Sonic boom. Yeah. Boom. And then, like, the blood spuse out the back of his head. Absolutely. That hat spins around again.

Let me tell you. Speaking of... I love that. I love what his hat spins around. Speaking of public execution. Uh-huh. My favorite part of this movie is when Van Dam gets into this laboratory and sees what they've done to his buddy. Oh, my God.

It's so good. And he is totally prepared to execute Blanca point blank. I was kind of on the same page. He said, I will avenge you, mon ami. Do me one favor. If you ever see me and I've been turned into a monster, you're all my very good friends. I would ask you to give me a week. You know what?

Let's just see, maybe give me some juice. Okay, Steve, I'll check in with you next. week. Yes. Maybe a lot of, like, it's bullshit. It might wear off. Who knows?

You know what I mean? Like, yeah. You don't know how this is going to pan out. Give you a week. Let's go to some doctors. Ex, then blow my brains out if you want to.

Exman, the last stand taught us that a big pandemic could always just wear off. It's totally true. I'll take 48 hours. Yeah. Just, I need a week.

Before you execute. Yeah, just give me a minute. And what's awesome is Blanca's reaction is like, oh, well, I, okay.

Like, if you must execute me, my best friend. I guess so. He's so quick to just murder his best friend. It's amazing. And the most, the actor with the most gravitas, Dalsim, is like, no, no, that would make you as bad as they are. And it goes on this whole fucking speech. I starred in Gandhi, which this dude did. He did.

Yeah, so he's not executed, which is nice for this radioactive monster, I suppose. But, like, and then, like, Bison's like, DJ, who DJ is like a hacker in this movie. DJ is played by the guy who was in... He's in Joanna Man. He's Joanna, Juana Man, and he's in Friday the 13th, 6, playing Demon, the biker who gets murdered in the outhouse. So he checks the balance.

Ooh, baby, hey, baby. He checks and sees that... He ain't a lot of Mexican, right? He's farting up. He has some line about, like, enchilade. Well, he gets stabbed in the head in an outhouse, right? It's through his

like stomach chest area. It's pretty great. Yeah, that's how I want to go. I mean, honestly, there's been some shits I've taken. I wish Jason Gorehe's just finished me off. Or a T-Rex.

Oh, man, yeah. Best outhouse death ever. I side with that Italian lawyer sometimes. I'm like, you know, a T-Rex, now's the time. That is a good point. So, no, but

Bison finds out. out that he didn't get paid the money he was owed so he's going to kill these things like oh all right send out my minion Blanca to kill them and like before and he's doing this on like national TV like before that happens man

you gotta get a status report like the day before you go live like hey is Blanca all ready to go is my Blanca complete listen what you got to do if you're cooking up a blanca like sick it on a cow or a doll yeah good point what happened to the goat yeah speaking of like a Jurassic

Park, exactly right. Goat, yes. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt. Man, Sam Neal Hutton Blanca? Also, though, I mean... I like it. It's all...

That's how you do a street fighter, man, Blanca's loose. Don't move. Blanca can't see you if you don't move. And then Sam Neal's like, wait a minute, we can make a good buck here. Wraps them up and some rope, right? Ships them off to this international competition where it's like a blood sport.

Oh, I see. Now he's got his monster in the bet, you know? Oh, he's making millions. Oh, yeah, he's putting big money on Blanca, you know. Oh, yeah, he's from Brazil. That's why it looks like that. Yeah, he loved Carnival. The paint just stuck.

Stook? Yeah, it's stuck. Stuck. I've had a few libations. That's all right. These things happen. But, yeah, you're totally right. Test out.

And here's the thing. It's all on M. Bison, because you kind of, I kind of have a feeling that Dalsim is like a little wishy-washy as far as your evil plan. Yeah. Don't make Dahl Seam the head engineer of this fucking Blanca project. You're leaving him alone with this thing the whole time. There's one security guard. Oh, right.

The hedgehog was in attendance. I forgot. And by the way, he, DJ, check to see if they gave us the money. It's like, man. It's just like, it's like the cheesiest, like, zero balance. I was like, oh, I know that feeling. Check and see if they've dumped the money into my Swiss bank account. Yes.

What's an overdraft? DJ, how is it negative $30? Oh, no, I get paid on Thursday this pay period. The Swiss Bank is denying my godhood. Looks like someone got my debit card number. I haven't been at a 7-Eleven in Milwaukee? Yes, Swiss Bank, that wasn't me. But, yeah, like, he's acting like, fucking Blanca's hype man.

Like, he's going to drop the hottest shit in the world. And then he's a wet fart and nothing happened. Well, what happens is fucking Gile comes out with a super kick and starts fighting. Yeah, but not his super kick. Yeah, yeah. Also, it's actually a stolen Lou Kang kick. Yeah, good point. He does do a flash kick later in the movie.

He does do a flash kick. And it's almost like M. Bison's at the end of the screen and he can't go anywhere. He cheeses him twice with it. He totally cheeses him in that moment. He totally cheeses him in that moment. But that kick is. bullshit because he doesn't he jumps out of this little containment unit going full speed you need the momentum to run up to that yeah yeah in my in my professional well that's that's it's one of the

problems with this movie is they want to try to base it in reality and make it this like weird you know like political action thriller or whatever is that what this was they don't I don't know 90s comedy they want it to be that but there's also like dabbling in magic oh oh my pelicans Unbrief On the three days of Blanca Man, that's a great movie Blanca like returns home to his townhouse

and everybody's been murdered Oh yeah And it's like, oh no I thought this was the safe house And then he's like He's like fighting the mailman He's the only member of the team left Yeah

That's a good movie By the way in case anyone Was wondering Blanca's real name Was actually Jimmy first in the game No, no one cared I did. I'm very actually happy that I know that now. Yeah, at the end of the game, his mother would come out and go, Jimmy! And she'd hug him.

Really? Yeah, if you beat the game, his Blanca. Why would I do that? Great point. Well, the electric stuff was kind of cool. Why doesn't he get an electric power? Come on. He doesn't get down and start shaking none of that. That's all I need. It's so stupid. Because the problem with this movie is finally now, in the last act,

start getting some street fighting going on. Right. And some fighting, yeah. Because it's, it's Gile versus M. Bison. I Honda fights Zengi. I love that because they suddenly fall into like a hole in the floor that seems to go to another dimension. Oh, it's horrible. That hole is horrible.

I know. They, they like, it sends them into, I guess what's the model of the future mall. Which, did you catch this fucking Godzilla joke? Oh, how could you not? It's like a frying pan over the head of how they. hit you with this fucking guy's how you could not here's how you could not because this is the kind of movie you're watching the Northern Ireland game while this is going on

most definitely also this is the kind of movie where when you have to get up to go to the bathroom you're not pausing it oh no way now just let it roll you I got to take his shit let it roll it's so many things during this movie I will find out extra stuff to do in the bathroom during this movie

oh you can figure it out you stay in there long now Google blank on the shower Eric you know what give me a month and then we'll talk But Captain Sawada, who's like Giles number three or something? God, this dude is barely a fucking character. Who dives a shit? He's actually the number four, because you have T-Hawk. It's a Cammy.

Yes, by Kylie Minogue. Right, so that's two number twos. That's good point. It's a tie. And then Captain Suwada, who is dubbed really poorly. It's so cool. Colonel Gile. It's like, ugh.

You're doing justice. I mean, it's like, this dude's mouth is not moving. and he's saying all sorts of sentences. I think I'd rather have that for Jean-Claude Van Dam, bro. Yes, so get that dude in there. And Jean-Claude Van Dam, as dubbed by Bill Paxton. I can see that out. You get Welker in there, man.

Oh, Welker could do a mean Jean-Claude Van Dam impression. Just do, like, have Frank Welker just do Freddy from Scooby dudes. Well, hey, gang. Hey, gang, it looks like we got some street fighting to do. Sonic Boom. Oh, no, my good friend Blanca. Charlie! So, yeah, everybody's fighting.

Street fighting. Street fighting, finally. G7. You get the first of two deaths of M. Bison at this point. Because he's thrown on like an electric console like Tommy Lee Jones and Under Siege. And it just fucking bites it. But then we learned that there's like the Bison life support suit. Well, Jean-Claude Van Dam has a great line in this.

When he looks, Cammy, like, connects to him. She's like, how are you? He was like, almost dead. And he's like half dead. Half dead. Right? Because it's like, oh, now I'm thinking about the status bar. Yes, yes.

And then she goes, and Bison, fully dead. Oh, yeah. Fully dead, man. Nice. Nice. Nice. But he was, but he was fucking wrong because that fucking Nazi uniform is wearing has like a life support system.

So it gives him CPR and it does like the shock paddles. Yeah. Brings him back. All in secret. And finally. finally all the kids at home get exactly what they wanted, which is M. Bison. Yeah, Sean Gaud Van Damme, the top of his game, and Raoul Julia's struggling with stomach cancer, finally get to go mono-e-mono. Yeah, well, you know, this is where M. Bison levitates and has like the shock gauntlet and whatnot.

That's kind of, you know what, finally someone's doing something. Well, something from the game, right, he's levitating, he's doing the fucking shocker. He kind of does the shock that we all know and love. He almost does the psycho crusher, which I appreciate. It's all there in the last 10 minutes of this. And he's wearing platform shoes, which is pretty cool. Love it, love it. Is this where he's got the monologue about lightning, though?

Oh, yeah. Well, all of a sudden, M. B. I said at the end of this movie turns into a Satanist. He's like, he's like, well, I, you pray to your God, but I hailed Satan. Satan and he gave me all this. And I'm like, whoa, what? What happened here? The Church of Anton LeVay.

And my favorite line of the movie, which is maybe my favorite rural Julian line ever, which is like, and Satan fell from heaven like lightning! It is pretty fantastic. That should have made the Oscar montage. I'm not sure if it did. Wow, that would have been disrespect. Kiss of the Spider Woman.

I mean, come on. Moon over Pan. door over this probably did he get acknowledged he had to him that was a big death

I mean I thought Dennis Farina was a big death and look what happened yeah you know I don't know they probably didn't just to fuck with us look oh I'm sorry he's Puerto Rican

can't make the montage my apologies but this is also where he's got like his like flying desk like this whole thing is going on he's kind of looking like

fucking Dr. Wiley from Sonic floating around on this Stupid-ass thing. From Sonic, isn't that Mega Man? Yeah, you're thinking of Dr. Robotnik.

Oh, Robotnik, excuse me. You know what? Maybe I'm confused. No, it's Dr. Robotnik is what I was thinking. He flies around in the little... Yeah, at the end when you... Or a little globe. You know?

Sonic, too, with tails at the end. Oh, my God. He's got shit, too. If when Gile beats... Gile beats Bison and all these squirrels come out of that thing. Like, that would be... It tallows up your coins. Squirrels.

and chipmugs and birds fly out of this little bunnies. Oh my god, I have no idea. Dude, if you-Bison, you maniac. If you punch Jean-Claude Van Damme in the face and a bunch of rings fall all over the place. It would be awesome. So what's great is, like, this whole, like, super bison thing doesn't last long because he, like, you know, gets his super boots punched through this, like, wall of TVs, and he's crushed by this whole thing. To where Jean-Claude Van Damme has the famous line, Bison, you are off the air. Well, he's got so many one-liners in this movie.

Oh, yeah. They're trying to make all sorts of t-shirts out of this movie. And they all suck. They're all terrible. They're fucking garbage. I'm the Ripper Man, and you're out of business. Boy, that sucks. Boy, that sucks.

And everybody else kind of stands around. Like, the Zangifi Honda fight doesn't matter. We get a reprise of Raiu and Vega. Sure. Which is fun. We do get a bullshit Hedokin, which I don't appreciate. Yeah, because he does. it and he doesn't say it

and if you're going to do it just fucking and I just see a fireball slowly move across the screen which is what I need and you get the spinning uppercut at this point yes where you're fighting in a gym locker for whatever the fuck reason there's a bunch of medicine balls all over the place yeah

I guess at some point Sigott gets a scar across his chest because at the end he takes a shirt off that's where it's there oh that wasn't just there the whole time oh maybe it was no it seemed bloody it does seem fresh it's a fresh flesh Maybe reopened it. Hold on.

Let me Google Seagat in the shower. Oh, that's there for sure. DJ's trying to escape with all this chest full of money. Sure. Sagat's like, oh, I'm going with you for some reason. That's the dumbest. Like, Seagat grabs like the other side of this treasure chest and he's like, uh, uh, uh, uh, you didn't say the magic word. Yeah, and I mean, like, this dude could beat up that this guy is like 68 years old.

Seagat's not a tough guy in this movie. But he was the former. Iron Fist and DJ is just a hacker in this movie. That's true. He's not a street fighter. Um, and well, the whole, like this whole thing like comes down and whatnot and you know, please tell me it's over.

T. Hawke and Camere like attacking the castle. Yeah, we like raid this castle. And the thing that's crazy is it's like, all right, we got to get these hostages out of here. And all these like A.N. soldiers storm the compound. They're like supposed to be escorting these hostages out. If you look at what's going on with these extras, I don't think these

extras playing the A.N. Soldiers knew what their characters were doing in this part of the story because they are roughing up these hostages. They're like pushing them and they're like, get the fuck out! Get the fuck out! They're like really, really roughing up these poor people. That's what the U.N. did in Kosovo, my friends. Oh, wow, this movie's really much more political than I thought it was.

You know, it's more accurate than you thought it was. Well, you know, I see these... Oh, no, we better get the street fighters in there. Oh, man. Come on, Dalseem. to break it up. They've got an airdrop in some street fighters. Every time I see these blue uniforms, I just think about Nick Nalty as the UN soldier

in Hotel Rwanda. Ah, God damn it. Oh, God damn it, Blanca. Get the fuck back to the cage. If you, listen, find a way to wedge Nick Nalty into this movie. You can do it. Oh, my God, he could have turned into Blanca

in the Hulk movie when he bites that power cable. Oh, God, God damn it, I'm Blanca now. Now what, Blanca? Oh, fucking green. Keep hitting the punch button. I'm going to fucking turn it to electricity. Ah, I thought I turned yellow first for alcoholism. I'm jaundiced.

Oh, whatever. There's a good... I like the Zungi fly in where he goes... When DJ's like, oh, you know, where the bad guys and Zengue's like, oh, really? And he's like, yeah, that's why... And I got, why did you do it then? Because I got paid all this money.

He's like, you got paid? Oh, yeah. That's a fun line. Yeah, this dude's... like totally flabbergasted by that. Is kind of the comic relief. And then Dalcim and

Blanca. They go to a, on a boat together? They just go in like a little corner and they spoon up as everything comes down. Well, he's like, oh, but I thought,

there's this like really stupid line where he's like, oh, why are you going? Also like Dalcim, by the way, it's kind of Dalcine begins because. Yes, this is the beginning. Oh shit.

Get the drums going. Get the drums going? Yes, man. Rasa, Rasa. No, I don't know. The mutagen falls on his arm, which I guess will let you know. We'll never know. In the sea, in the inevitable. First and foremost, we will never know. It will turn him into a stretch arm strong. Right. Right. And he's bald at the end of this movie? When does he get a haircut? I don't know. You know what? I did not notice this. At least that new X-Men movie had the decency to show me Charles Xavier's hair falling out.

Show me how Dalseem's hair falls out. Oh, you think Apocalypse was involved in Dalsems's hair falling? quite possibly. I didn't see it. It's unconfirmed. Oh, what? No spoilers. Well, it turns out, Vin, Charles Xavier becomes a bald man. Fuck.

But he still walks, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's good. Dahl seems like, I will now run with my creation, the Blanca. And I was like, don't go with that ugly piece of shit. Come with me. And he's like, I have no shirt on it right now. I couldn't get you a date. You'll be my new.

wing men, we'll go to the bars together, sandals, I'm still in the middle of a sandals vacation, God damn it! But on his way out, he's like, but you said you did nothing wrong, he's like, well, if good men do nothing, isn't that evil enough? That's a little bit of

grade school philosophy for you, Street Fighter fans. Guess I'll just die with this green radioactive monster with me. Or whatever. So does the movie end at this point? Yeah. It pretty much ends at this point. There's, you It's revealed that that treasure chest that DJ stole

is just filled with fucking bison bucks. Oh shit, that's Confederate money. And he never got around to kidnapping the queen. Did you notice the part when they discover it's bison box and Saggits just thrown in the air, he trips? Oh, did he trips? They didn't cut that one out, huh? They're like, ah, fuck it.

But also, Sagaat, the world's second biggest war criminal is like 30 feet away from the A.N. who's like running an abet shit, like I wouldn't be hanging around bro get back in that water time to go hang around because if I know anything about world politics is you know the A& will prop up

Sagat as a pupper dictator Oh yeah you're totally right Maybe that's his move all the last The last trick that this movie plays on us Is trying to convince us that fucking 60 60 people helicopter Because they only evacuate 10

That there was some casualties Oh no Oh, you've got to break a few eggs, make an omelette. My friend Blanca got a little crazy. Adelis within loose anemone. No, they have the audacity to try to convince you that Gile might be dead at the end of this movie. That's so stupid. Because, like, you know, Castle Bison's Call explodes and collapses on itself.

And they're all standing around like, oh, hey, you know, where the hell's Gile? We got to get these credits going. I thought I lost you, boy. Yeah. And then Jean-Claude. Van Dam just comes out of a couple of trees and he's like, I was here the whole time and you're like, all right.

And then she, I never thought you were fucking dead in the first place. You didn't? So it's like he comes back and he's alive and then they're like, yeah. And it's like the freeze frame, which is like a reference to the video games.

Everybody does their victory pose. The exact thing. Oh God, it's such shit. And then the credits and then there's a, there's a stinger scene. Well, before the stingers. You have to talk about two things. I was watching the end of the game at this point.

You cut out. I was like, fucking end this shit. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Vin. Had you seen this movie before this episode? I have that. Oh, all right. He's, one, it says, Viocondias Raoul, which is really, it's nice. It's touching.

He passed away before the movie came out. It's nice. It sounds like, you know, it sounds like it's mocking him. Oh, wow. It's a shitty movie. Listen, it's a, you're putting in like a Spanish expression. Right. You know, he was Puerto Rican, he passed away before the movie came out.

If this was the only thing at the end of this movie, it's totally fine and respectful. Raul, go with God. And here's the credits is all the beautiful people. But no. However. They got, there's this running gag of this good morning Vietnam-esque radio DJ. That's the guy. That's the guy who was, Good Morning Vietnam was based on.

Oh, really? That dude. Wait, wait. Adrian Kronauer. The actual guy from Vietnam or something. Jesus Christ. No, remember the Robin Williams movie? Yeah, it's dog shit.

Fine, I don't care. But the guy that Robin Williams is portraying in the movie... This is the actual guy? That's the actual guy. That's what I was asking. Adrian Kronauer. It's the actual guy that they based in the morning Vietnam. That really does.

Because earlier in the movie, there is a good morning chandeloo. There absolutely is, and they do it at the end credits to. And he's doing all these, like, popsicle jokes, which are jokes that you'd get on a popsicle sticks about M. Bison troopers. And, like, how many M. Bison troopers does it take the screw in a light bulb? And it's like, whatever that bad.

The answer is one, and the other 49 shoot you to death afterwards. Oh, Biden and death squads. Sorry, Raoul, Julia. I'm stepping all over your dedication. Stay in the theater, folks. I'm doing some Snapple trivia up next. Pop, did you know that an ant can carry over twice? its own way.

And now we just had this beautiful Raul Julia tribute and now Adrian Grownauer with Snapplefags. And then we get... By the way, one of the songs you hear in the theme Oh, oh, the song, apparently. Hold the phone. Do you

know who performed one of the songs in the soundtrack? Music inspired by and included in the movie Street Fighter? Jean-Clavenian. Hammer, formerly known as MC Hammer, and Dion Sanders. What are you talking about? MC Hammer lost the MC.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that happened. The repo man. No one else is the main that's Dion Sanders. Thank you. You're more worried about the MC part. It's Dion Sanders. Oh, what is that Bernie Sanders son?

Yes. Football. He's a sports guy. He played hockey. What song are they singing? It's like one of the many bad hip-hop songs at the end of this film. What's amazing, though, is that means there are now two movies

starring Ryle Julia that are also M.C. Hammer soundtrack related. Oh, do you think you went to the funeral? Definitely. Oh, yeah. He just gets up to the microphone and very solemnly is like, they do what they want to do, say

what they want to say, Adam's family. And then someone started playing the bagpipes. And then everyone's like, I thought he was Puerto Rican. Why are they playing taps? well I'm sorry He was in street fighter

I apologize to the immortal soul of Raul Julie He's okay But so then we get to this last thing though Which is just M. Bison rising up from the rubble You know what dude Don't do that like if you're going to do Viacondios Raoul Just don't do like you can If this movie is such a massive success

That there needs to be a sequel to it You can find a way to organically make that In the next movie But at least like But it's Viacondios, that's a nice thing to say to your actor that was dying on set, practically, while Jean-Claude Van Dam punched him in the face. So maybe you don't need like his fist rising from rubble. Here's the thing, though. You're missing the worst part of all of it.

Because if it was... The movie? The last hour and 14 minutes. If it was just a fist up from this pile of TVs, it's terrible, but it's a fist up. up from a pile of TVs and it's over with. After that, there's this like close up on a computer screen. So the fist, we're told, it jumps up from a pile of TVs and then grabs a computer mouse and starts mousing over because then it's like, oh, good morning, Mr. Bison or whatever.

And he opens a fucking folder that says world domination and then it says replay. What do you want to do, Mr. Bison? It would be like, um, first let's get my skull together. let's get let's put that jigsaw back it's just fucking like reconstructive surgery needs to be on the top of that list world domination can happen tomorrow if they wanted to use replay yeah in in the you know for the gaming aspect of it they could have used it anywhere else yeah i do agree with that's the thing not cool not in a a known to be now dead actors stingers It's not doing. It's replaying. It's. Oh, it's infuriating.

It's replay world domination. You just totally got to go with God. You know what? Congratulations. Yeah. And then you spit on that. Yeah. Would anybody recommend this movie? No. We did this, what, two years ago for like a live show that was fun. It was a while back, yeah.

And like, I really didn't need to see this movie again. I know. That's why we've been so hesitant to redo this episode. because of that live show. Seeing this movie twice in two years is a lot of times to see this movie. I think I'm kind of done with it. Yeah, I'll never watch this again. God willing.

Viocondios, but no, I will... Viacondios, Eric, watching this movie. I do not recommend this. I wouldn't wish this on my worst-than movie. I mean, Mortal Kombat's a superior movie. Not hands down. Easily. Hands down. Yeah, no, definitely not.

It's probably the worst video game adaptation for a movie. It's terrible. I would rather watch a Super Mario Brothers movie. Hands down. You're right. Yep. Yep. I was just about to ask it.

But as soon as I was asking it and Steve said that, I realized, yeah, I would totally watch Mario Brothers off over this. But at the same time, this is kind of a perfect 90s movie. Oh, yeah. It's just, it fits the time. It's just, I don't know. Like, I was watching, is this an action movie? Is this a comedy?

but it worked but it's horrible Andrew no I would not recommend this movie no I was trying to figure out like you know in my head I was like man this is a hangover movie

but it's really not no it's just it's so unwatchable I feel and here's a question yes can you make a street fighter movie now now where Blanc has taken a shower

with sagin short film black and white independent movie you're leaving me hanging here that's all right I was going for Sagin all right

I but like in the terms of now and like maybe you get a cool kung fu director to do with something I think nowadays you could definitely

do something that's way more well they made that what are the street fighter legend oh that's probably a stay tuned I never saw it I never saw it

I never saw either but two words Chris Klein that's why I never saw it that's the only reason why you didn't see street fighter calling the legend I'm a street fighter head, but it was like, oh, Chris Klein's in it.

He's also known as box office poises. Back to your point, Steve. I think if you get some cool, like, choreography, like an unbocker, like a Jason Bourne. Yeah. Oh, yeah, get some... Get Paul Greengrass to do you know what I mean? Yes, yes. I think it'll work, man.

I'm into that idea. I'm down. I want to see that now. That's Street Fighter from 1994, directed by Stephen E. Dusuza. If you want more we hate movies, check out WHMpodcast.com or find us over at Sideshow Network. Dot TV. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

We are at WHM Podcast. And of course, right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. Rate and review the show wherever you subscribe. We would greatly appreciate it. Now, Vinny, you have your own program. It's about 15 minutes long. Yeah, that's all right.

And it's about 4 in the morning. Yeah. So just tell the folks, we have a lot of new listeners since you've last been on. Sure. it's a 15 minute rant of my trip to the gym at 4.30 in the morning. It's basically a suicide note that's going to come to fruition one day. So, check it out. It's on iTunes. It's the Vinnie Bruscoe show. And you're writing these suicide

notes once a week? Twice a week. Twice a week. Twice a week. That's a lot of content. That's a lot of suicide. There's a lot of creepy content. There's so much creepy content. But now, it's just kind of just some random thoughts off the top of my head that involved everything and anything. Except the Street Fighter movie. No, it's all about Street Fighter. It's a 15-minute commute about Street Fighter. We're talking Street Fighter. We're talking about taking my own life.

It's all there. Next week on the program, the summer blockbuster extravaganza rolls on. We get into the real meat of the summer right here. It's another 48 hours. Oh, God damn it. I'm back for a sequel, no one asked for? We're finally doing a Nick Malti movie after doing his voice for years for no reason. You should not use it once, though.

No, no, no. Oh, no. It's plenty. Listen to us, blow our voices out next week. Yeah, I was going to say, we've already recorded it, and the episode is basically 76% Nick Nelvey voices. I'm going to see how that edit goes. It'll be great. So next week, with another 48 hours, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siska.

Vinnie Brusco. Take it easy. Thank you.