We Hate Movies - S6: WHM Mail Bag: Bad Jobs, Crying at Movies and Our Favorite Simpsons Moments

Episode Date: September 24, 2015

This month on the WHM Mail Bag, we chat about some of the worst jobs we've ever had, what some of our favorite moments from The Simpsons are, and one listener writes in to tell us about the most extreme way to avoid admitting you cried during a crappy movie!  If you want your questions answered or weird stories read on the air, write in to the Mail Bag: [e-mail]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Welcome to W.H.M. Mailbag, the September edition, the first mailbag of the new season. Yeah. I'm Andrew Jupin, alongside Eric Siska and Steve and Sadek. We got some emails here. We were missed. People wrote us while we were on vacay. Whoa, thanks. Who wants to start with? Steve, you got it in front of you. Yeah, I do. We only print out one packet of emails because the show's budget, man. Yeah. We've got to cut corners. I think we're green.

Eric did some two-sided printing. Yes, that's what green means. Yes, of course. That's what it is. All right, Steve. So let's start us off here. Hey guys. Long time listener, first time emailer. I've been going through a real rough time with a job. I despise and I'm contemplating quitting. And I was curious to know from all of you what your worst jobs, what were your worst jobs and how did you cope with them. Also, I just wanted to thank you guys for the amazing content. Listening to you guys made me cope terribly. How terrible my current job is. Please keep up the great work. Keep counting tens, Logan and Philadelphia. Logan, first of all, man, let me say, keep on trucking. If you got to quit that job, quit that job. job. You know, if you feel it's right for you, if it's ruining your life. I mean, it depends.

I've never. Don't, I mean, don't quit it unless you got something else lined up. Yeah, you need that thing lined up. Yeah, that's some advice. In Obama's America, please. Do you say, oh, America, by the way? He's made it, oh, America, man. All right, so worst, worst jobs.

I want to see if I can guess what Steve is going to say what his worst job was. I got one in my head. I worked in a bagel store. Mm-hmm. He got it. Yay. It was a great story. I worked at a bagel store for less than a month.

And it was a final job. I worked just behind the counter cooking stuff up. You know what I've never asked? How were the bagels? Not good. It was a gross establishment. There was rats and fun stuff like that. There was a seating area in the back where homeless guys were trading pornography.

Not yet. It was the Bronx. Not the seedy city. Sorry. And I didn't get along so well with my boss. And he didn't like me because I was kind of lazy and I would come up late every so often. Yeah, sounds like a good reason for a boss to dislike an employee. I was 16. Who cared?

Right. There's a certain expectation that comes along with that. Bagel stores and bakeries and any kind of place where you're doing it, a lot of stuff with flour, that flower is going to coat the floor by the end of the day. Oh, absolutely. And flour on tile is, like, it's like, it's like home alone, man. You can't stand up. It's like a bunch of miniature banana peels.

And one night, me and him or one afternoon, because, you know, we worked like 6 a.m. Yeah, bagel stores close at like 3.30 in the afternoon. So we were flipping the tables over and he just bit it. And I mean, bit it hard. And I could not help but laughing at him. And he said, you know, well when you don't have a job next week we'll see if you're laughing

and I kind of just assumed he was just you know messing with me or you know like you know veiled threats to an underling so I was like whatever I work in my next shift and you know I do as okay

of a job as I can and he had to be an envelope full of like $40 that he's like yeah you don't you don't come back anymore I was like, oh, I've been fired. Oh, got it. Erica, what about you?

You know, there's been a lot. Don't worry about it. But my first job ever, and I lasted a day. Oh, wow. I worked at a butcher shop for a day. I've never heard this. Okay, this is something. So this old-timey butcher was just like,

all right, Kit, for your first day, all right, you stand next to me. You see, I'm. I'm cutting the meat here. And it's a full of wax paper here. I like to just keep going. So I'm throwing all the fat and scraps and the wax paper into that vat.

Here's the thing, though. We can't process the fat with the wax paper. So your job today, you put your hand in that vat. You separate all the fat and the wax paper. What? Is that like a gross like double dare trying to get the flag out of the boogers situation? And this is like a barrel of like, like meat, like pure fat scraps.

I don't know what these guys were doing. You think it was the Texas chain sauce in Jersey? It might have been. It might have been. Was your boss leather face? I think the stock room had a tunnel somewhere. Eric, you separate the wax paper from the fat

because when grandpa gets here, shit's going to get real. It might have been like, let's see what this kid's made out of. Anyway, so I do it. And we're talking like up to your elbow. What's the smell like? it smells fine because it's fresh

but you got gloves on to dip in there are you elbow deep raw I think it might have been raw oh man it's disgusting and uh so I didn't come back anymore you just didn't show up I showed up like a day after that

and I was just like yeah why don't you pay me for that day and I'm going to be gone yeah it's really embarrassing oh my god did you let him down yeah Yeah, you could tell that the guy thought I was a real shit heel. And you're not wrong.

Was he, like, going to cut you into the business? He was like... Was he grooming you? No. And Eric eventually? It was like... No, no, no. I was just some stupid kid that walked in there and said, hey, you need any help around here.

I think if you hire a 16-year-old kid for anything... You know you're getting garbage from. Yeah, exactly. If I get three good hours out of the next... Two years, I'm great. I'm really making off. I worked at, I guess, a funplex type place. I don't know what you would call it.

It was a place called Jeepers. It was a knockoff like Chucky Cheese type place. They had like characters that I couldn't even fucking tell you. Was it horror theme? Nope. It was. That's Jeepers creeper. Okay.

This was like a lot of their mascots were animals. I think there was like maybe a tiger or some shit with a baseball hat on. I don't really know. But I was a ride operator. It was like an indoor like mini theme park, which meant like there was a thing that was like I had some bumper car like bumper disc things. They weren't shaped like cars. It was like a donut with a motor on it.

So you had that like an air hockey table. Yeah, yeah. Sitting on a big air hockey table thing. So there was that. There was like this fucking indoor. roller coaster and I had to operate that the most but me and a friend of mine got jobs at this place because we had another friend who worked there and he worked the birthday parties and this dude fucking cleaned up because it was expensive as hell to have your kids birthday party at this

place so the tips were fucking outrageous like you make like $50 a party you work like three parties a day that's on top of your clock money that you're making yeah you made good money and we were like well fuck yeah like I was still working working at the multiplex, but I was like, this thing's open during the day. Like, I'll do this in the morning and then go to the projection booth at night. This place fucking sucked ass, man. I got stuck operating this roller coaster. They were like, oh, you know, because I said, well, what about, you know, party host?

And it was, oh, man, you don't just walk in. I know, man. And it was just like, oh, you got to be here like two years before you can do the party hosting. And I was like, oh, really? So I sucked up this one summer working at this place. Dude, it was heartbreaking because there was always guaranteed the birthday party with the one kid who didn't fit in with the rest of the kids but got invited because you have to invite everyone from the class.

I was there. Yeah. It was a little mini-siska. And dude, he was always just on the roller coaster going around with no one else on it. And you'd say, you want to go on another one? No, that's okay. Dude, I wanted to fucking cry for these kids. It was the saddest summer ever.

Yeah, you're like reliving childhood over and over. And this guy, like, at the end of the summer, the manager was like, so we'll see you at Thanksgiving because I was like in college at the time. And I was like, most definitely, man, we'll see you then. Like, have a good fall. Never for a fucking second thought about calling that place back. Speaking of tips, everybody knows that in Italian communities, altar boys get tipped, right?

Yeah, that's a thing. I used to clean up doing funerals, man. Oh, boy, that's morbid. And he's not here, but I can say really quickly, I know for a fact that Chris Cabin worked one day at an Ace Hardware and he got fired in the best way possible because this dude, like the manager clearly knew

he was untrainable and said, oh, I'm sorry, it's a really busy time of year and I don't have time to train a new employee after all. Fired after a day. Chris Cabin, Ace Hardware, true story. And speaking of tips, we do have a PayPal can't. You can find a link on. our website there is a donate tab on w hmpodcast.com okay eric next email

inappropriate crying hey guys this is shannon from fenton michigan and i have an inappropriate crying during a movie to story to uh piggyback off of andrew's dragon heart weep fest and if anyone doesn't remember uh the story is i cried at the end of dragon heart uh continue yeah that's pretty embarrassing it is don't worry it's 2006 or so and a buddy and I are channel surfing

can't really find anything on so we settle on the movie Ladder 49 we watched the movie and I That's Joaquin Phoenix and John Travolta as firefighters

Correct I've actually never seen it We watched the movie and I see it as one of those movies that not good but not bad Yep

and We call that the top of John Travolta's filmography He says it's one I should forget right after And, okay, you're right there.

The movie is coming up on its end where Joaquin Phoenix has been left to die. Fucking spoiler alert. And they're at his funeral. Oh, fucking spoiler alert. Then as there... No reason to watch Latter 49 now. Thanks, Shannon.

What is it? It's like 11, 12 years old. I like that you were, you were spoiled by the fact that, A, he dies. And B, oh, man, there's a funeral, too? Was Steve there getting a tip? Eric said left to die. Well, that's what they're... Shannon said that.

Don't blame me. Then as they're shuffling off his casket, the movie starts playing a real lame song that's meant to make you feel sad and go, oh, and it starts actually working on me. My eyes are starting to well up. Tears begin to flow down my cheeks, and I'm getting mad at myself over it.

I didn't care about it. this guy or the movie and this lame goddamn song is making me cry like a baby my friend is sitting on the couch right there and i'm on the chair off to the side as the credits start rolling i get scared i can't face him like this with with a crying face i'll never live it down i jumped to my feet and kind of cry mumble out i got a shit then i sprint off to the bathroom once i'm in there i started crying a little more i saw my face in the mirror and i knew i couldn't go out there like that. This guy is losing his fucking cool, man.

So I did the only thing I could think to do there. I took a shower. After the shower, I'm calmed and ready to go back out. He took a shower. Is this someone else's house? I think it's his house. I would hope so, yeah. I would really hope.

I mean, better story if it's his friend's house. He looks at me and asks me if I took a shower. I told him I had and he asked me, did you shit yourself? I should have really paused for a moment Instead, I answered immediately a little Not a year goes by where this guy doesn't remind me That I shit myself at this place

At his place years ago It was his friend shower What are you showering at people's houses? That's a question. Hey, can I take a shower? Keep up the good work. That's how he ends the email And that's that email.

Man, that is going to be. going to great lengths to not admit you cried during a movie. I mean, I get it, but man, now you just, people think you shit your pants. You have to leave those moments for when people actually find out you accidentally shit your pants. See, you know what, here's the thing. Come on. High school, middle school people listening. Yeah.

Scores of you, I know. But come on. By the way, ASL, whenever you can't. Let up with the whole pressure that a man can't cry. can't feel. Seriously. If you prick us, do we not bleed?

No, I'd rather shit my pants. Oh, God. Let's stop with the masculinity already. All right. Last one here. This is from Eric with a CK at the end. Yeah, all right. That's how you spell it.

Hey, guys. I've been listening to the podcast for almost a year now and look forward to every week. So do we. One of my favorite parts of the show, is the expectation that I'll get to hear random Simpsons quotes thrown in all the time.

While I can't begin to name all the ones you've done when listening to the League of Extraordinary Gentleman this week, you mentioned Lizzie Borden. My immediate thought was, I'm done with the show if I don't hear someone go 40 wax with a wet noodle bart and you, of course, delivered flawlessly. You guys clearly all have a love of the show, The Simpsons, wondering what each of your picks

for favorite episode would be. Keep up the great work. Eric. So favorite Simpsons episodes. Oh my God. There are so many, right? There are so many. I mean, anything before 1996? Is that it? Or is it? No, you got time after that. Here's a thing. A lot of people, like, have those specific rules. But some of my favorite episodes are actually from later eras when people even started to think it was starting to jump the shark. The trillion dollar bill. Yeah, that's a really fun one. Is that a season 10?

I forget. But also. Because that's as far as I agree to go on DVD. That's, I have, I have, I have, I have, 1 through 10, unless someone sends me a copy of 11 or on for free, I'm not buying it. I've actually read that people don't like the Frank Grimes episode, and I thought that was a solid. Don't like the Frank Grimes episode? Remember Frank Grimes? No, I remember.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some people online have written that's when the show went downhill. It's kind of a controversial. It's a trying to be edgy opinion, in my opinion, because it's like, it's like such a because he dies. Oh, no, you want your blog to get noticed? Yes, exactly. Oh, yeah.

And then everyone's going like, what? That image is great. And then I went click, click, clack. Well, I mean, those later seasons do, you know, because they do peter out. Theoretically, like, yeah, six and under, right? Yeah, I think Aid is Mr. Sparkle, which is a great fucking episode. Eight's got some classic ones, but there are, you start getting some turds in your punch bowl as when you start going down that line.

My favorite episode of all time, though, I think is maybe the Hank Scorpio. Oh, that's a good one. You only move twice. Ah, very good. Remembering the titles of the. episodes yeah that might be the only one I mean I guess it's kind of cliched to say monorail I think

that might be like a universal of course we all love monorail I actually just watched put Ogdenberg on the bat with Ogdenville fuck North Haverbrook Ogdenville Brockport that's all three of them yikes I actually just watch one tonight while I was

eating dinner the first part of who shot Mr. Burns I think is one of my faves you know I'm I don't have favorites of things. What's your favorites? Steve, what's your favorite color? What's your favorite cupcake? Let's write a blog about it.

Well, that's easy. It's chocolate, chocolate. Continue. The one that pops to my mind right now, though, that's a lot of fun, is the Marge on the Lamb, I think, is a really great one. Is that the film in Louise Perry? Yes. That's got so many great bits. It's Homer and Quim and Quimby, not Quimmer and Wiggum. The whole, I'm directly under the Earth's sun now when he's starting to give coordinates.

There's, you know, if you keep these eggs down, that's good eating. He's cooking the eggs on the car engine. Quiet, I can't hear the eggs. I can't hear the egg. Isn't that also when the bullies steal a bunch of motorcycles or something? Is that that one? How do they mess with the gas station? Oh, no, it's just Kearney with a siren on his head.

and it calls everybody everybody like everybody in like the diner runs out oh that's the guy yeah see you tomorrow loser remember when they chase Ned Flanders from the left orium through the zoo or whatever oh yeah it's awesome

oh with the monkeys yeah that would have been a later one that people probably hate that's a really fun one that I hate no that people hate I'm sure I mean it is a later episode what do what's the start of that episode that's when I think

Marge is giving a advice for the Reverend. Oh, listen lady. Yeah, listen lady is a good episode. That is a good one. Yeah, you're probably right. It might even be on 11. Ooh. I don't think I have that one on DVD. And I went as far as Andrew. Oh, interesting. Wow, I'm, I apologize. I all, I mean, I love them all. I mean, season three is fucking solid as shit. Oh, by the way, I think this might also possibly be a little bit later. Rex Banner, the beer, versus the beer baron episode. Great one. Great one.

And also that one where Lady Gaga came? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Dude, I saw that one. I saw the fucking Portlandia one. The three of us in this room watched that goddamn family guy crossover. That's a horse of a different car. You can't even watch it anymore. Dude, I think it's unwatchable. And I think the thing is, the here's the big difference. And I thought about this the other day because I have just been randomly, you go through those phases of you just pop the DVDs in.

So I've been doing that. And what I realized was those early, what our generation deems like classic Simpsons. They're writing for adults. Sure. These new episodes, they're writing for kids. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And that's, that is the sole reason why it's terrible. That and none of them sound the same, except

for Yardley Smith. But I mean, they're writing for children. And that's why Lady Gaga's on and, you know, I'm sure Gwen Stefani's had a cameo. And it's like, they didn't shy away from doing celebrities in the past. Occasionally, they would be celebrities or they would just do a voice. Just do a fucking voice. You know, where like

Sting comes in and it's fun. Right, but like... But that's what I'm saying. But the thing is, it's the focal point. Kids didn't give a shit about Sting. Kids didn't give a shit about like Dustin Hoffman and fucking Donald Sutherland. Let's remember when Homer got beaten up by you two

in that concert? Potato man. They're in that episode doing like a more of a restrained part. But nowadays it's like, nope, got to revolve entirely around the guest. Yeah, totally. It's gone from cameos to like your co-starring in the episode. A conspiracy theory Did

Is one of the terms How they got Harry Shear back? The reason that the day The Clown cried Is being released in 10 years Whoa Hold some strings

Because the Simpsons have deep pockets Yeah Rupert Murdoch Went to Jerry Lewis What is my problem? I don't know When did Jerry Lewis And listen we got to get this deal done because the Simpsons is going to get canceled. Yes, exactly.

Holy shit, dude, I never thought of it. That's exactly what happened. I think so. I think they grease those tracks. Jerry Lewis is going to be buried in a golden casket. Dude, how much you want to bet he gets ripped off? Like, if he dies in six months, that shit's coming out another six months.

I would love it. I would love it if the Library of Congress didn't honor the 10-year agreement. Oh, please rip him off, Library of Congress. I know you're listening. We want him to live a rich life however long it is. Oh, he's lifted. You know what? The world's had enough of Jerry Lewis.

Okay. Can we all agree? My favorite Jerry Lewis performance is obviously just one specific scene in the King of Comedy. Oh, yeah. When De Niro just shows up at his like vacation home or whatever. And he's fucking screaming at him. Oh, yeah, it's great. That's great, Jerry Lewis.

You're right. Yeah. So those are some emails, gang. Those are some of our favorite Simpsons episodes. Our worst jobs. What was the other one? Crying in a movie movie theater. And remember everybody, I did cry at the end of Dragon Heart.

I cried at the end of Armageddon. Oh, I kind of choked up at that too because I looked up at my aunt who was crying and then I started crying because she was crying. That was a rough one. Good excuse. She was doing it first. I cried because I was manipulated by Michael Bale.

all people. Oh yeah, who knew? You think you know somebody as an artist and then look what happens. Notice how Eric's not admitting to any movies he cried at. We discussed this once before and I said Edward Scissorhands. Oh, right, right, right. But that's it because I guess I'm just

mature. The older bad boy of the group. Oh, I watched Edward Cisorhands the other night. It'd make me cry. That's Johnny Depp, he making me cry. That's another one we can do for another male bag. His favorite, Seinfeld. Oh, yeah, yeah. Ask us that one. but you've got to write in. We're just not going to start talking about it.

So that's W.HM Mailbag for September, gang. Again, if you want your weird stories right on the air, if you want questions answered by us, right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. Until next time, I'm Andrew Jupin. Eric Sisko. Stephen Seda.

Take it easy. I don't know.