We Hate Movies - S6: WHM Mail Bag: Horrible Hook-up Movies, Bee Movie Podcasts & How to Ruin The Godfather

Episode Date: March 17, 2016

On this episode of the Mail Bag, the guys read some letters from folks trying to hook up to inappropriate movies, people going into Old Boy blind, movie theater masturbators, and one letter about a big jerk ruining a screening of the restoration of The Godfather--one of cinema's biggest crimes. PLUS: The guys make up a fake podcast where creeps talk about nothing but Bee Movie! If you want your weird stories told or questions answered on the air, write in to the WHM Mail [e-mail]!Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to W.H.M. Mailbag. I'm Andrew Jupin, alongside Eric Siska and Stephen Sadek. We're reading some letters. Some letters that people write in. these are people who are fans of the show. And Steve Saneck, you have the first one. Yeah, we're kind of continuing the Valentine's theme from last week. Last month, I apologize. Worst movie date ever. Now we

enjoy these emails. Hi, guys. You have a great podcast. Oh, thank you. I really enjoy listening to the episodes on my commute, and especially enjoy the mailbag episodes. For hindsight, it's 20-20 context. This guy was an asshole, and I foolishly

held out hope that it would work out between us. I was at his house for a third or fourth date and he wanted to make me dinner and watch a specific movie I'd never seen. He insisted I would love it. It had great music, fantastic acting and direction and won lots of

awards. Sounds like a fun movie to watch. Now, although, let's keep in mind the last time we had a mailbag writer call in about lots of awards, people were accidentally making out to Schindler's list. We're getting close. The movie was wrecking for a dream. Oh, God.

Which I had heard of, but didn't know anything about other than it was good, so I agreed to watch it. It was a powerful movie, but he kept trying to cuddle and put the moves on me while we were watching it. Drug addicts writhing and misery, lots of screaming, and ass to ass, didn't exactly set the mood. After it was over, I was feeling sad and emotionally affected by the film. he tried one more time to get busy but I said actually I think I just want to leave I went home and went to bed reflecting on what I just experienced I couldn't understand why he thought

wrecking for a dream was a good makeout movie it was then I realized it wouldn't work out and I never saw him again I learned a lesson to not trust movie recommendations from people I didn't know well especially in a date situation Cheers, Stephanie. Yikes.

That's a tough movie. I mean, here's the thing. I wonder if one, this dude had actually seen the picture beforehand. That's a good question. Because it seems like it could have been like, oh, I heard this was good. So I'll tell her. I can't imagine ever wanting to, especially if you have sexy intentions. Right.

Like, that's not the movie to put on. Pick something lighthearted. Put on weekend at Bernie's two like the rest of us and just get. Get yourself a Dane Cook movie. You want a Dane Cook? You don't want to watch the movie, Eric. Oh, this is nonsense. Oh, wait. Employee of the month, no, thank you.

Oh, man. What's that movie he did with Kevin Koster, Mr. Brooks? Oh, man. Yeah. Oh, I heard it won a lot of awards. I heard the music's good. Man. Eek.

Yeah. In college, we had to watch it. We didn't have to watch it. We read the book and then did the movie afterwards Because it was kind of, it was a little bit like, like, we're doing this in college, okay, you know what I mean? Oh, like a book to film comparison? Yeah, well, it was like...

I took a whole class on that about Stanley Kubrick movies. No, it was an English class. And she was like, ah, we don't have time to read the book. Let's just watch the movie. And I'm like, oh, wait, so what was it for? For it was an English class. It was a movie. What was the movie?

A Recruit for a dream. Oh, really? Yeah, it was a, what? did they try to cuddle she was going through the the syllabus and like hubert selby was on there and she's like i want to have time let's just let's just throw on the movie and then like this one this one girl in the class got so emotionally affected and so upset yeah it set the tone for the whole day like the whole conversation afterwards was just like i just can we just call it cut let's just say we made a mistake here and move backwards that is a watcher He kids watch it at home And we'll come in and talk about it Yeah Don't show it in class

The group setting thing I mean I saw it in theaters With Chris Cabin That's just the life I led Did he try to cuddle? Surprisingly no But you know Chris Cabin gets very handsy

At the movies Bad last date movie I believe is what I'm reading Uh huh Gents In 2007 I was getting ready To head off to college I'd planned a nice

last date with a girl I'd been seeing on and off throughout high school. I figured that, since she wouldn't be seeing me again, this was probably a pretty good chance for me to get laid. So I had a nice evening laid out. That's an accident, but I'll allow it.

I had my house to myself, and I figured I would cook her a nice meal, show her a fun movie. Is this the opposite end of the email we just read? Is he going to talk about record for a dream? I mean, you never know. He just goes on and he's like, And then she left and she broke up with me.

Guys, can you believe it? It's so amazing. I would love that if that happened somehow. This is my favorite sentence in this email. Dinner went pretty well. It wasn't great. You know, here's the thing. Did he pull a karate kid part three?

Did he give her macaroni and cheese? And when he was like, hey, on a scale of one to ten, I give this an 11. No, maybe he did the trick where he went out and he bought a bunch of Boston market and then put it on plates and passed it off as a homemade meal like those commercials claim you can do? You certainly cannot. And you give me Boston Market chicken

I know from bite one I'm eating fraud. Hey, why is this? I know you put these mashed potatoes on a plate but why are they still kind of in a cube? And you call them steam hams even though they are obviously grilled. I'm for me to kill. At this time of year

at this part of the country localized entirely. within your kitchen. Yes. Can I see it? No. She seemed generally into me. Then it was time to pick a movie. See, now, here's a problem.

You picked that movie up front. Or at least, like, one with a couple of standbys. Yeah, like, oh. Not it's time to pick the movie. This is when you get out your deck of Dane Cook movies. Which one do you want to watch? Oh, wait, actually. So here, I'd set out a couple of movies I'd gotten from Netflix and let her pick one.

Uh-huh. One caught her eye. What's this? She asked. Requiem for a dream Sorry, I'm turning the page here Oh God, okay I think it's a Korean Kung Fu movie

I don't know much about it But it's supposed to have a pretty sweet Hammer fight in it Oh no The movie was old boy Yikes I guess not the Spike Lee remake I'm not sure

We could have picked a worse movie short of Serbian film or Cannibal Holocaust, maybe. Among the reasons why it was a bad choice. She was very protective of animals and didn't like seeing them mistreated. So watching a dude eat a live octopus was pretty hard for her.

She was racist against Koreans. That was a big problem. So she gets to say it all sorts of slurs? Turned out she was from North Korea. That was surprising. Another reason, I'm sensitive to dental trauma and therefore squealed like a little girl during the hammer interrogation

scene. Okay. We don't really understand Korean culture, so most of the parts that weren't actively upsetting were really confusing. Incest isn't sexy. No, that's a given. Also, by the way, just the other thing about we really don't understand Korean

culture. Let me tell you, first of all, in Korea, it's not customary to lock a dude in a room for years. Really? That's part of the movie. I thought that that was the political system. That's how they elected a new president. Didn't that make... Who can stay in the room the longest?

Is that what was it? Chris Angel was running for? It was him versus David Blaine. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, that would be great. I know that we already remade old boy and nobody saw it. No one should.

But if you remade that with a magician that just loved this scenario, like, oh, this is great, man. You wouldn't have a movie, though. He'd break out. That's the whole point. Yeah, exactly. All right, let's continue. on here. We spent the next two hours watching

an increasing horror. At the end, we were staring at the TV just sort of in shock. So, I guess I'll take you home. I was too shocked to keep trying for sex. How many times did he try? Well, if he was anything like the last guy all throughout

this movie. Yeah, she says, can I see you when I come back for the holidays? She just shrugged. The car ride home was yeah, yikes indeed. That's not good. The car ride home was stupefying in its breathtaking awkwardness. That is a great sentence. We did eventually patch things up and even got married.

Wow, good for you. The old boy incident, as we called it, weirdly bonded us together. We'd already had the worst possible date, so things kind of could only get better. Keep hating Lawrence. I think you could have a... I actually had a totally fine date watching old boy. You just got to be in a weird couple. That's the move.

Man. I mean, listen, I think these last two emails, it just, it really shows dudes and ladies trying to impress people with movie selections or have, you know, ulterior motives when it comes to movie selection. You have to pre-screen these titles. Yes, you do. You can't just leave old boy out on the counter. You have to obsessively watch movies until you find the perfect one. And you get your, your go-to movie for getting it. Yeah, oh, absolutely. Right?

And then you just pull it out every time. I think it's a Mr. For me, it's Mr. Saturday Night with Billy Crystal. Oh, nice. Yeah, man. That works every time. Kindergarten cop. You cut down on all the drama that Mr. Saturday night has towards the end of it.

Yeah, that's what gets pretty sad. That's it. Now you've got a shoulder to cry on, man. No, no. I always liked menace to society. interesting choice it's gritty just like my love all right

so this next email is called evil jerk surprisingly not about one of us oh yeah we'll read it hey guys love the show recent stories shared on the mailbag reminded me of an experience I had a few years ago my band was on tour at the time

and we had some downtime before a show in Baltimore. After loading our gear, we decided to head to the nearby theater to catch the Evil Dead remake. We're all big fans of horror movies, so we were excited to see it. I'll just say I don't hate that movie. I will just say I didn't watch that movie. I kept meaning to watch

it. I never did, yeah. But I did watch every episode of Ash versus Evil Dead. I got to catch up. Great, great show. Yeah. Digging it. Is there a Bruce Campbell cameo in the movie? No, not at all. Not even like that. Is he? I don't really remember. I think there was some something like that.

Well, it's weird because there's an ash in the movie and it's played by a woman. Oh, that's something. Yeah. Hey, that's something. The previews were just starting when we sat down and I had a borderline emergency bathroom scenario. Oh, oh, my God. Dude, take care of it. Take care of it right now.

He says it needed to be taken care of. So this is a smart man. There you go. You know what business calls? Business does. After I got to the bathroom stall and finished my business, there you go, I heard a peculiar. chelier sound of a windbreaker moving at a rapid pace. As I was about to flush and pull my pants up,

I peek through the crack in the stalled door. To my horror, I saw an older gentleman going to fucking town on himself at the urinal. Oh, no. I quickly moved my head and thought, there's no way this dude is jerking off. I took another look through the stall crack, and this time he's staring directly at my stall. Dude, this is straight out of a horror movie.

Is this from that movie, Green Room? So, he's a band. Maybe he's about Patrick Stewart jerking off. And Anton Yelkin's like, ew! There's a deleted scene in my movie where I'm jerking off in a public urinal. That's the exciting incident. And then, like, he's like, we have to kill them all. They have to, they saw me.

Get him and his friends immediately, Mr. Data. I can't wait to see that movie. Oh, yeah. So, all right, so to catch everyone up, this guy, this guy's now, like, I'm thinking, was he looking at him taking a shit? Like, was he looking and jerking, though? Or did he stop jerking to look? All right. Well, let me, you guys got excited.

Let me read the whole sentence. And that'll answer your question. Ooh. I took another look through the stall crack at this time. He's staring directly at my stall while he's going to pound town. Oh, no. So he's beaten it with some fury now, watching this guy. Look at him.

I was absolutely terrified. I had no idea how to handle the situation. I let out a big grunting noise to alert the dude to my presence, but it only made him go. Yeah, that's not going to help anything. Like, if he's looking at you, grunting is not going to be the cold water on the situation. Grunting is not the way to go. Hey, stop doing that.

or not even to stop doing that just from the stall this old man here is it only made him masturbate faster then I took my shirt off to make him really know what was going on hey buddy I started rubbing my nipples at him this wiseacre is going to learn a lesson as I was about to scream at the guy

someone else walked in the bathroom which startled him and he quickly rushed out relieved i exited the stall washed my hands and left the bathroom wash everything take a shower in there oh wait i don't know what's i don't know that that dude might have been doing it next dude that guy probably was doing it in the sinks yeah that's true it's rubbing his thing on all right well sweet trail off apparently this guy trailed off too yeah i wonder if he left a trail oh While crossing the lobby, I saw the old fuckwad staring me down while he's in line in the concession stand. Oh, he's getting snacks. Worked up on appetite.

I ran down the hallway to the appropriate theater and sat next to my rest of the guys. And the movie was just starting, and there was no way they'd let me speak during the middle of it. I just sat there the entire thing wanting to tell everyone what happened. Also keeping an eye at the door wondering if everyone who came in or out was. the jerk. After we got out into the parking lot, I finally was able to tell him what happened, and the rest of the tour, everyone joked

if I needed an escort to the bathroom. And the sound of Windbreaker fabric gives me the chills to this day. You guys are all great. Thanks for, keep up the good work. Thank you so much. I would just, if I was in that van, I'd be like, if I'm making fun of somebody, it's the grunt.

Yeah. Here's another one. Leave the gym rat. Take the canoli. Ooh, something to do with the Godfather, hopefully. Dear W.H.M. Superteam. Well, I don't know about all that. Chris Cabin's not here, so we're not a super team. Yeah, we're kind of the adequate team.

With a B-Squod. B-movie Squad. Right, guys? I mean, there's definitely a podcast called B-Movie Squad, and if there's not... Hi, welcome to another episode of the B-Movie Squad. I'm Derek. This is Kevin, and that's Ted. This is where we talk only about... the movie B movie

over and over again. Don't you guys love Jerry Seinfeld? It's amazing that he was able to infuse his observational style humor into his CGI-related movie about bees. And doesn't he look like a B? He kind of does look like a B. I see him floating around

and I love it. We have been, we've also tried to get Jerry Seinfeld on this show numerous times and he will not answer. But don't worry, listeners. I'll keep shaming him on social media until it comes through. I tweet him every day.

Tweet. Ironically, not a sound of B-Makes. Well, that's another episode of the B-Movie podcast. Thanks for listening, Hive Mind. Bravo. I think that I might start that pot. Also, the movie B-movie is a stay-tuned. Oh, it sure is.

All right. Dear LHM Super Team Read on Kevin We just like you guys There are certain things I'm not going to the movies and set me off For example

I have a group of friends That I like to go to the movies with And it irritates me When somebody says the words Words do you mind if I bring a friend That this has never gone well I kind of don't like that Yeah

It's tough I don't like being in a situation Where I got to meet somebody Like a movie is a different Like I guess here's the thing It's a double-edged short A movie's good because you're talk to anybody. Correct. But then there's that

after thing and like, especially if it's a movie that like your friend group would like specifically then it turns it's an awkward thing. It's awkward and then you're like, oh, I guess like, oh, I guess where are we all going out to coffee or do a bar? The post-screening thing is always

difficult. Not for nothing, man. I'm over 30. I don't need to meet any more people. I'm over 30. I don't even need to see friends. The movie by myself. That's why you didn't coming to my birthday party. That's another supplemental on the B-Movie podcast.

You also forgot to R-S-B-P. By the way, it's B-Y-O-B. Oh, wow, B-Movie on Blu-R-A. You shouldn't have. And when I say B-Y-O-B, I mean, don't bring booze, bring a B. We like to compare Bs. Oh, that's a yellow jacket, Kevin.

Honey of the month club, Derek, you should have. Can you believe that son of a bitch brought a wasp? It's off the podcast. That's it. You've been demoted to Worker Bee. That means you have to do all the uploading and read all the emails. You're a drone now. Kevin.

What do you think about them apples, Kevin? I'm queen. All right. Let's continue. Well, this one time my friends and I were going to see a reissue of What are you laughing about? I'm just thinking about this fake podcast

and these fake people that make this fake podcast. Well, this one time my friends and I were going to see a B issue. No, it's a reissue. A reissue. A reissue. Francis Ford Coppola's the God father. By the way, you don't need to credit Francis Ford Copeland. I'll just

save me in the trouble. Save me the ink. We know who directed the godfather. The man has been duly credited. Which was an exciting event due to the fact that I had never seen the film in the theater which is always fun. I saw a part

two in the theater. That was amazing. I never saw the first in the same. I mean those, the two restorations they did. I will credit the guy who worked on those Robert Harris. Oh, cool. Quick story. When they were doing color testing and stuff for the prints and everything. We got to run a bunch of those reels where I work.

And he was there with like, you know, amazing film preservation people like, you know, running reels of Godfather and Godfather too is fucking a stupendous experience. The dude's restored like a bunch of films over the years. Cool. Robert, Robert Harris, great guy.

I heard it got good buzz. The reissue got good buzz. Next week on the show, we're talking about Francis Ford Coppola's the godfow. Now, I'm kidding, it's B-movie. Sorry. No, it'll only be B-movie. We're doing B-movie minute by minute.

Not even minute by-no. No, I think they just do the same one every time. Same thing. It's all, it's all, however you want to do it, man. Yeah, B-movie. Think about it. The B-movie Squad. Oh, God, what is going on?

Two days before the event, my friend Allison calls me and asks she could bring her cousin. Fucking, God damn it, Allison. With clenched teeth, I respond, sure, why not? The more, the merrier. Absolutely not true. Also, anytime anyone tells you over the phone,

the more the merrier, they're being disingenuous. Exactly. That's code for please leave me alone. She apparently missed my attempt to sound irritated and said, great, I'll bring them along. On Saturday afternoon, I met my friends in front of the theater,

including Allison and her cousin, whose name is Gary. not to engage in any stereotype but the moments I laid Gary on eyes on Gary I knew what I was in for Gary had the physique that resembles the Incredible Hulk, wow

he's bald stands about 5 foot two he shook my hand with a grip that must have been functional off to stop a runaway car as if he grabbed the bumper his first words to me were not at all surprising, sup bro

I gave Gary a chance after all By the way 5-2 and the Hulk, a little Hulk. Yeah. I think you're more describing pro wrestling's Taz.

Oh my God. I don't know if Taz's real name is Gary. It might be. If it was Gary. Gary Tazanian. Well, no, what I'm saying is you might have seen this movie

with the Taz. Unless he died. Now, I believe Taz is still alive. Don't worry. We'll get 50 tweets letting us know which is which. Also, stop

making fun of my podcast on the air. You're going to get It's done. We'll have our fans swarm you. All right. We're not on Twitter. We're on Google Buzz.

Remember that? We're the last remaining people on Google Buzz. That's right. We rule Google Buzz. They tried to make it plus, but Kevin figured a way around that. He's got a sweet mod that makes it buzz still. Oh, God. He gave Gary a chance, after all, looks to be deceiving, yet my patience with Gary extended to the moment when he opened his mouth.

Gary, you might have guessed, is a gym rat. He talks about the gym when he's not talking about the gym. He treats his immediate surroundings like a gym. We had an hour wait before the movie, so we had to watch Gary using various implements such as counters, video game machines, like exercise equipment. man is that annoying Wow that sucks When I saw Zodiac in theaters

There were some dudes doing some dips Like in the Like they got bored with the movie Because like Zodiac was kind of a misleading movie Everyone thought it was gonna be seven Or everybody thought it was gonna be like a serial killer movie Yeah that's bad trailers

It turned out to be a really good movie Quite an excellent movie It was an opening Friday kind of a thing And like these dudes were like doing dips And hilariously yelled out Man I should have just seen Norbit By the way, side note, Ted Cruz is the Zodiac killer. Oh, right.

Oh, right. I can't wait for the John Carol Lynch movie by Ted Cruz. Man, by the way, see the film The Invitation with John Carroll Lynch. He is one of this country's finest actors. He's great. He is amazing in that movie. When Gary started to talk, my patience went out the window, I admit I'm a rather doughy fellow.

Sure. Who isn't? I admit to that. Oh, you can't say that. I admit to having a tour and threesome with Little Debbie and Mrs. Fields and I don't apologize for it. Good for you, man.

I'm a couch potato. These are things that Gary saw as a challenge. As I sat in the lobby, Gary started to recruit me to his gym to his weightlifting regimen. Oh, my God. Don't do me any fucking favors, man. You want to make a public spectacle of yourself being an ass by doing fake push-ups on a fucking

Mortal Kombat 2 video game or whatever. That's your business. Don't make other people join you. It's taken me a while to create this body and I'm proud of it. Also, I'm willing to wait an hour to see a movie that came out 40 years ago. You do the fucking math. Exactly. Showing off his physique while making comments about my burger belly.

Oh, that's just rude. Look like you got a burger belly there, bro. as you explained the importance of a cardio workout you can imagine that the light went out in my eyes I simply sat there while maintaining a slew of not interested I figured that the only thing that would truly shut up Gary up would be the movie I was wrong

Oh man As the movie opened I realized that Gary is the paragon of everything I hate about going to the movies From his cell phone to his feet to his mouth The theater was pretty crowded which meant I had to sit with Gary's overdeveloped arms on the one side of me and a portly gentleman on the other. Oh, did Gary break up a fat guy party?

That's a bummer. I think that's what happened. Yeah, you know, like when we have our fat guy parties, no tufts allowed. Also, if you're the outsider coming to this group, know your audience, read the room. Yeah. And you know you're in this instance. The best person there? His machismo is not going to go over well

Yeah, because he's the best person there Is he? So that's the way he's thinking of it He's like looking at all these fucking sweat hugs Even if you are the best If you think you're the best person there Don't announce it You're just being a jerk

Work out in the lobby quietly Squeezed between these individuals I got no arm rest which meant my soda Had to be on the floor between my feet Oh man That's a tough one That's a long movie to be sitting that way too figuring that the movie would be

the biscuit that would finally be shoved in Gary's mouth the commentary started almost as soon as the movie did. In spotting Clemenza, the Rotun General and Corleone's army, Gary began a long and aggravated commentary that included a scenario of how he would

work on Clemese's weight problem. That guy's been dead for 40 years, dude. That's why he's not in part two. He fucking died. That's like the You're not even being a theater comedian. What are you even doing? You're just, you're borderline crazy.

He's apparently yelling this out. Hey, Clemenza. How about cutting back on the canoles? How would you next fix Dom de Louise's weight problem? He's also dead. I had a fantasy of my own, of Clemenza driving Gary out to the edge of town and putting a pull in the back of his big fat head.

During the scene in which Clemenza gives Michael an impromptu less, on how to make spaghetti sauce, Gary crosses armed and said, no, no, no, no way, bro. Never going to get healthy like that. What are you even talking? God, Gary, shut the flying. Fuck up. He's with the next five minutes give me a healthier

alternative, a disgusting recipe that included, I think, grape juice, wheat germ, and sawdust. I don't know. I wasn't really listening. Well, because you're trying to watch one of the greatest movies ever made. As the movie went on, Gary became bored with that, out came the cell phone.

Bored with the Godfather. Now, now I'm pissed. This caused the gentleman behind this. Man, this is trouble. Thankfully, this never happened to me, but if you're, like, you're responsible for this person because they're in your group now. You're in the group. And now it's like, oh, those people were using those cell phone. Yep. Those people were talking to. You're looped in with Gary.

And it's impossible to break that once it happens. You're fucking blacklisted in the theater now. This calls the gentleman behind us to lean forward and politely ask, sir, could you please turn off your cell phone? With that, Gary jumped up, turned around and said, you want to pay my fucking cell phone bill? No, I want you to get off yours, you fucking idiot. You pay for this phone and I'll turn the fucker off. Keep talking and I'll turn you off. Wow.

And it's not like this is I Frankenstein. This is the Godfather re-released. Yeah. People want to watch this movie. Totally. know this movie. These are cinephiles in the audience, everybody. I saw London as falling.

I didn't give a fuck that people had the cell phones out. No, it's fine. It doesn't matter, but the godfather matters, Gary. Also, someone doesn't have to pay your phone bill for you to be a human being. Just throw that out there. Personally, I was glad for the moment because it meant that I had time to breathe after being seated between the fat guy next to me for the last half hour. and the fact guy next to me for the last half hour At some point

At some point I believe just before Sonny beats the shit out of his brother-in-law Carlo Best seat of the movie Oh yeah It's hard to say that But it's one of the best It's a great one Gary became very animated

In his seat he launched a specific fit And at first I mistook for an epileptic seizure Looking at his phone he said What the fuck And he jumped out of the seat And out of the auditorium It did not return That's nice

Allison soon followed, but I remain in my seat for the rest of the movie. God damn right. When the movie ended, I walked out and saw Allison standing on the sidewalk outside. When I joined her, she pointed at Gary, who was a few feet away, talking to someone on his phone. The sight of this very short, very muscular man, pacing back and forth, vigorously barking at someone on the phone was quite a sight. I asked Allison what was going on, and she told me that Gary's girlfriend had broken up with him via text. take that you dickhead shitty thing to do i thought but then again i met gary so i kind of get it when he was finished his cell phone call gary did the thing that most rational people would do

he smashed it against a brick wall well i bet that that dude in the theater's happy he didn't offer to fit the bill for gary yeah right he took across the parking lot and alison asked where where are you going gary angrily yelled over his shoulder i'm going to the gym because where the fuck else would I be going? Oh, that's the saddest thing I've heard. This is like, dude, take it down a notch. With that, he got into his Ford 150, F-150

pickup. Nice. And as he drove... He's doing all right for himself. And as he drove by us with the stereo blasting Night Rangers' sister Christian. No way! He disappeared around the corner and out of my life. This is like a legend. And he lives on now, only in my

memory. Yeah, totally. Was this email written from Todd Phillips? Love the show. Keep the Good Work. Sincerely, J.D. That is funny. Thank you, J.D. I loved you in Scrubs. That reminds me for no good reason of this one time is a really short story. I was walking down the street, and I saw this homeless guy on a pay phone, and he was screaming at it.

And he was like, what do you mean? That didn't happen. How could that not happen? We're on a deadline. And he's talking about this business stuff. He's like, I did do that three days ago, not today. And I'm like, man, I guess this guy is like on the up because it's clearly homeless. And then like, as I walked around the phone booth, I noticed he was just pissing the whole time.

So he was just sort of like. That was the business. Well, I think that that was the cover. It's like, oh, look, I'm just one of you guys. It's an ultimate fake phone call. Yes. I'm just wrong. I'm just like a businessman like you.

No one's going to see him. Distracted by my business making. Oh. man that's fucking funny I don't care who you are that's funny I don't I mean this has nothing to do with that it's inspired by what you just said sure what not

which was you know we recently moved you know like late last year to a new neighborhood and whatnot and like one of the first days you know you're in a new neighborhood and you're trying to like get the grounds of you know what's going on out on the streets in your neighborhood and I walk out of the building

take a left to go to this coffee shop we started to fancy a few days before. And I see this gentleman just kind of standing in between these two cars. And now the subway entrance is just immediately across the street, right? So I'm thinking like, maybe this dude's just like waiting, you know,

for some cars to go by and he's going to cross the street going to the subway. Well, then doesn't this gentleman like just start like shifting a little bit as like other people were walking by? And I'm like, well, that's kind of strange. That's not a move you would make if you're looking to cross the street. And then sure enough, as this dude like turns back after these

two women walk by. Here's this guy's huge penis and he's just urinating in the street, just right outside my building. On these cars or like around them, I guess? Like there was, you're getting it on some of the cars. Like he's trying to be in between these two

cars for cover. Because also, it was the middle of the day. Visit New York, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, dude. It was a real only in New York. Kind of moment. Oh, gross. Oh, yeah.

Is that it? Is the mailbag empty? We've emptied the mailbag. It's dry for now. Well, it's going to get beefed back up for next month's episode, I'm sure. Well, that's the WHM mailbag, everybody. Thanks a lot for tuning in. As always, for more we hate movies, visit WHMpodcast.com.

Until next time, I'm Andrew Juppin. Steven Zadak. Eric Siska. Take it easy. Thank you.