We Hate Movies - S6: WHM Mail Bag: Weird NYC Tales, Library Creeps, and Terrifying Advertising

Episode Date: October 26, 2015

On this edition of WHM Mail Bag, the gang makes contact with long lost co-host, Chris Cabin, to talk about strange New York City stories, pervs hanging around libraries, and different movie advertisements that freaked us out. PLUS: Eric vs. Al Roker in a Loser Leaves Town Match! If you'd like your strange stories told on the air, or have burning questions for the guys you need answered, write in to the Mail Bag: [e-mail]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare. Sometimes, that is better. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in! It is time to keep your appointment with the wicker man.

They're coming to get you, Barbara. He's sick for fucks. He's seen one too many movies. Now, sit, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos. We're a fucking movie in the bag. That's an excellent day for an exorcism.

Hey, gang, welcome to a very special October mailbag here at We Hate Movies. It's not that spooky. Let's hold hands and maybe summon a spirit. Ooh, yeah. Everybody get ready. Got the Ouija board here. What kind of spirit could we summon? Like someone we haven't seen in a while.

Maybe a spirit that has phone capabilities. Oh, yeah. I like those. Or maybe like a Skype option. Well, here, let me just, I'm going to put a hot dog in the middle and a couple of Michael Hanicki movies. You just sort of see what happens there. Three J's.

Oh, my God, something's happening. There's a light coming out of the middle of it. Do you guys see that? It's like a bald light with a beard. My God, it's full of stars. My God, it kind of looks like, is that Chris Cabin? Oh, my God, King, Chris Cabin. It's Chris Cabin.

That's Chris Cabin's music. We have success. We have success. made contact with our mysterious fourth cast member, Chris Cabin, coming to us from Middle America. The other side. The other side, aka Middle America. We have made contact with Chris Cabin. We're going to read some letters right now.

There's just a little editor's note there. There's a little bit of a weird noise over Skype. It happened. Yeah, I mean, look, it sounds like paper rustling. So just pretend we're sorting through all your emails. I know you'll complain anyway, though. And, no, it's all right. Oh, my God.

Eric's broken the audience at half. Oh, real nice, Eric, breaking audience in half. What a gentleman. Well, I'll keep the good half. So here is us chatting and reading some letters with our good friend Chris Cabin. We'll see you afterwards. Right. As promised, on the line right now, straight out of the middle of nowhere. Compton. Well, straight out of Compton. I'm not out of Compton.

It's Chris Cabin, everybody. Returning to We Hate Movies. How you doing, buddy? Doing pretty okay. I mean, there is, you know, it is nowhere. I do have to be admitting that. Yeah. Just in time for Halloween, Chris Cabin is back. We got all the candles out and, you know, everything. We held arms for a little while and we did the seance. Chris is hovering over the center of the table above a Ouija board. So wait. So you guys are the craft girls then. Oh, yeah.

Shotgun Robin Tunny, by the way. Shaka Dev Campbell. I know I'm stiff as a board. Of course. So, Chris, you had to move out of the city for a little bit, which is the reason why you're not on the show anymore. Yes. I like how to move out of the city.

I was poked and prodded. Ran out of town. Actually, Chris, I read online that someone thought, maybe the fuzz caught up to you or something for illegal movie downloading which is pretty great um i mean i'm not going to say it's a little hairy through nebraska but well we are happy to have you here now and uh i will get things started uh this first one is uh important movie etiquette question uh hey guys i have a question about movie etiquette and uh and hopefully you can settle a dispute between my friend and i we went to see the

Muppet movie in the theater and there was a guy with his wife slash girlfriend about four to five seats to my right talking rather loudly throughout the movie. Here's the kicker. Both the guy and his wife slash girlfriend were special. In the interest of fairness he was likely a very high functioning autistic

as he wasn't chaperone and obviously self-sufficient. Now I have no issues with autistic people. Well that's good pal. You want your gold star? How about a metal? Or people with any such afflictions. I do have a major problem

with people talking during a movie in the theater. It's a respect thing to me and when I give it out, I expect it to be returned regardless of who it is. This guy means business. When I spoke up and asked him to please be quiet, he challenged me saying why don't you mind your own business.

Jesus. My friend believes that I should have left him alone and not said anything. I believe that everyone in the movie theater is equal and should be dealt with in the same manner. Who is right? Derek from Kingston, Ontario, Canada. Oh, well, Derek, that's a pickle. I feel like you, like, not everyone's equal, you know, um, like you got to give this guy some leeway. It's not like he's trying to ruin your experience necessarily. Maybe he is. There's, they could be jerks. Everyone could be jerks. Uh, but I feel, you know, you got to have leniency to, you know, people with disabilities. That's just the way it is. Yeah, you just got to let it go, man. You really do. I mean, it, it is tough. Like, if you don't know immediately and you're like, oh, that fucking asshole and you have that thing and you just

you take that look and once you put two and two together you just got to be calm your blood and be like look at it this is this is where we are and also it's the Muppet movie it's not like we're you know well my question actually the real interesting part of this email I found was are we talking the Muppet movie from the 70s or the Jason Siegel of the Muppet? Do you think he's writing about a 1970s movie going to I've been holding on to this thing for 40 years and I finally found someone

to ask you you gave me the outlet here I am it's more likely even Muppets most wanted oh man that's a bad movie all right so let's go on to email two oh yeah this one this one's all Eric let's see what we have yeah now it's time to get gross we took the social issue email question yeah now I'm saying the the subject line here is uh yeah yeah yes why don't you take that subject line oh okay well that is a mailbag masturbator. Are we all ready? Yeah. We're strapped in.

I think we're ready. Hey guys. I was listening to your cyber seduction episode and I was reminded of an old yarn from my very first job. I was an assistant librarian at a tiny public library and though I had no real credentials

I was left alone for hours at a time. We had one young hobbit like kid. Man, I saw a dude like that the other day. What, are you serious? A dude who looks like a hobbit? Oh, yeah.

Guy with really hairy feet. Yeah, it was really hairy. It was like a carpet coming out of the back of his t-shirt. And let me tell you, this dude, cargo shorts, 365. But any fig jam, any horns to trade? You also, if you, I say this is a short man with hairy feet, you've got to put as much distance between those hobbits and yourself as possible. You need a hip haircut. Get some glasses on that head.

Maybe shave those fucking feet. Yeah, I've tried it. Well, no, this guy does not do that. He would always be wearing baggy sweatpants and he would head straight to the back of the library where we kept a small spinning rack of Harlequin romance novels. Yikes.

On several occasions, I would be sorting books, et cetera, only to find this guy finding himself. Yikes. With the works of some old lady who is probably dead by now describing what she thinks eroticism looks like on an old-timey pirate. A lot of dudes with their shirts off

Slash Scurvy I mean I'm honestly surprised That this guy could Get so aroused From a prose Yeah Was it pros or was it like Those cartoon drawings

With like Fabio on the cover That's how he got his start Oh you think he wasn't reading And moved by the story He was just jerking off At the covers Well if he was smart That's what he was doing

Well this guy was judging The book by its cover That's what you never want to do that I mean, no, no, you don't want to do that. I would ask him to leave, but since I had no real authority, I couldn't ban him from the place. Finally, things came to a head when he discovered we had free Internet, and he used our Windows 98 computer to print out nudie pics. Oh, no.

He's escalating. The computer's located right across from the main desk in full sight of any and everyone, and I was finally able to catch him hairy-handed in front of my boss. And he was sent away for a good long time. What does that mean? Is that jail or is that banned from the library? That's got to be banned from the library. You know, wait, wait, is printing nudie picks a crime?

Ban from society as well, I believe. Exxon. Oh, is that why you're gone? The Curse at Earth with Chris Gavin. Yes. Both condemned for printing nudie pics. Look, the New York Library Association and me came to a very, very fair compromise. You just go off the grid for a year.

Yeah. I can't read Women's Daily anymore, but... Oh, man. Oh, Chris Kavin, jerking off to Red Book like the old days. Wait, is that the rest of the email? No, there's a slight more. It gets weird, too, but sure. It's basically...

I love that you said, it gets weird. Well, because now I work... Okay, here we go. That was my favorite job ever. Maybe next... I'll tell you, I worked in a library for some time And they were like You know what?

You know, you're working the late shift, buddy You got to look around the library Sometimes these kids get risky at night And since then, idea in my brain I was like, I'm running around I'm going to find these fornicators Oh, I thought you're going to say your idea was open a library brothel So you actually wanted to be like

The NARC and the Fuzz Oh, you fucking No, no, no. I don't know. I thought it would be exciting. I had a job where people were fucking, like, I think. Your gym job? My gym job, you know, the saunas would get a little hot and steamy sometimes.

Sure. I didn't want any part of it. I just wanted, I wanted everyone to do what they needed to do on their own time. Yeah, but these were college kids. You were also a college kid. It's not like you went there as a. Which made it okay. Were you hoping to angle an invitation?

No. Oh, all right. No, I just wanted the thrill. Just, you know, just have my eyes light up for a second. Oh, yeah, dude, that rush of authority. Yeah. So he goes on to say, maybe next time I'll tell you about the old lady that brained herself on a bookend. Thanks for all the great podcasts.

Rob, brained herself on a bookend. Yeah, that means she hit her head. Oh, I thought maybe that meant she died. No, brain is like you've hit your head. No brains coming out? Well, maybe. It could be. Rob, right back if brains are coming home.

I do want that follow-up story. I have a weirdly similar story to this. Oh, please. Yep. I worked at... You told them the first person. Somebody else did this. Sure.

But... Named Chris. Tab. I used to work at the Bryant Park Library. They had, like, an outside venue. Andrew, I think you probably... Oh, yeah. When you worked your days at the Bryant Park Reading.

room. Yes. It's a beautiful thing in New York, a good place to read. You know, if you got like two hours to kill in the summer, they'll give you books. You can just hang out in the beautiful Brian Park. Or, or you can masturbate in public. Man, that is one or the other. You can always masturbate public. Well, that's always before. I guess, yeah, but I mean, this is a really a good place to do it. This would be on like a hot spot. Wait, so were you, were you living in Eric's dream, just busting people left and right I did it once yeah were they judging a book by its cover

no there was this big guy in who was shirtless and had orange shorts and you just he was clearly handling himself and like one of the cops was like

I didn't notice it and then one of the cops was like hitting me and he's like you notice what's going on here wait wait wait I like a police officers are making it your problem totally it was like Chris were you a rookie on on the force at the time I think they're just busting my

chops oh yeah all right but he was like do you see what's going on there and I'm like what and he's like that guy's jerking off that guy's jerking off and then the cop walked away this is very typical of New York the police sometimes don't do things

and better things to do than catch orange shorted mask masturbators, I guess. Oh, sure. Well, here's the thing is that I got up and I walked towards him and he immediately got up and darted away. That's the move. That's the right move. It's sort of like it's turning

the light on for the cockroach. You know what I mean? I don't want to go and start killing cockroach. I would turn the light off, let him go where they've got to go. So this guy's running with his hardened and like cutting through the sky like a knife. Feeling the wind departing.

That's crazy. it's tough man it's yeah i think it's a rough day it's a rough day when that happened you don't that's the move it's the old it's the old like ahem you know like whatever happens happens just i want everybody just to know that other people are aware of what you're doing and that's me clear in my throat and just to clarify this is just this was a pocket pool situation this wasn't a full out he didn't take it out or anything no he didn't need air or anything i will say that i think the manufacturers of loose sweatpants should be

those should be not for publicans you should be able inside of a library inside of a video store with loose sweatpants or a movie theater especially oh yeah no absolutely not your house convenience store that's it I think this guy I mean this guy had a mesh basketball shorts

so I think you wanted everybody to know the shape of it oh man yeah the shape of things was it was Neil of Butte actually was this Neilabute could write a play about a dude jerking off in a public library, outdoor reading room, and it would be better than

every Neil Lebutte movie from the last 15 to 20 years. All right. Chris Cabin. Yeah, I'm doing the third one here. The third one, yeah. So give it to us. Okay. So, subject line, New York.

Yes. Hey, guys. Been a big fan for a long time. The Missus that's Miss and Us. And I like to listen to we hate movies on road trips. But this has had the unfortunate result of her saying Dorita chips and doing a perfect impression of nerdy 14-year-old Steve Sad Jack. Steve, what?

For the record, Sad Jack? S-A-J, D-A-K. The J sounds like a Y everybody, okay? Just letting you know. He's crying. Chris, you can't see it, but he's crying. I'm sorry. want to wield the dagger this time.

Steve Sadek. One of my favorite aspects of the show is how Steve seems to live in an altogether more terrifying New York than the rest of you. That's a questionable statement. While Andrew's out watching movies with

Jean Shalad and Eric is slamming back tallboy, Steve is always saying next to weird Baba Yaga ladies eating whole carps and movie eaters or stumbling on underground pornography, traderings. I was next to that Baba Yaga as well.

Absolutely. And that happened outside of the five boroughs, by the way. Yeah, that was Westchester. White. I'm white now from remembering that. Whiter. Whiter. With that in mind, what are the weirdest New York moments that you've all experienced

and can you match Steve's wealth of insanity? And why do you think Steve is a magnet for this kind of thing? I think partially... That's a lot. Yeah. I mean, I think partially Steve's a magnet for this because he grew up in the Bronx. Yeah.

He's just been here longer, you know, kind of. I mean, just look at him. He couldn't look less like he grew up in the Bronx. One story that pops to mind. It's not really a story, but when I was in the Bronx, like I was like 14. I was running for a bus at like 7 o'clock at night. And it was dark out already.

And just for no reason, some scary dude was next to. Yeah, you better run fat boy. I've never heeded anyone's advice more than, yeah, you better run fat boy. Yeah, I'm going to keep doing that. Yeah, exactly. I can recall a weird time. And Chris Kavana, this involves you. I randomly was going to catch a train at like 1 a.m.

Oh, my God. I was going to tell this story too. Oh, man. So we can do this one together. I think I was doing an improv show. We're seeing an improv show or something that was late. Yeah, I think it was, I think you were at UCB. And you were leaving work, and we just happened to come on the same subway platform.

And we're riding the train, and there's this homeless woman. And she's sitting on a little two-seater on the subway. She's totally passed out. And she's got like the, like, in the city, we call them Granny Car. It's like a, you know, what people carry laundry to the laundromat, and it's a little two-wheeled cart thing. and it's just filled with this woman's entire life. And there's these like

yacht rock looking piece of shit rich boys on the train and they're all drunk. Well it's only one guy. But he's got friends with him. No, he didn't have, he was the last, remember the guy he like swung in at the last minute. Oh, is that right? See, this is good that we got two people on this tail.

So this dude, I mean, you know, it's like boat shoes, fucking lime green khaki pants and a Ralph Lauren polo shirt and he's wasted and he hops on the train and he's like going up and he's like fucking with this woman like getting near and the cardinal rule

with the homeless in this town is just let it be leave it alone don't do it just leave it alone look don't touch definitely look no touch if they're yelling look the other way and literally I'm telling you at least a dozen

people are like hey don't do that. Yeah, everybody's like, don't fuck with her. Stop it. Please don't do this. It was kind of like the end of Ghostbusters too and everybody was like, yeah, New York, you know. Or like in all those movies when everybody in New York City is helping Spider-Man. Like, it was one of

these where it was like, get away from her kind of a thing. Spider-Man fucked it up again. The homeless are our Spider-Man. In real life, it's true. It's very true. So this dude notices that she's got like a resellable Arizona

ice tea thing. Oh, God. And he picks it up, and everybody's like, don't do it, man. Don't do it, man. Just don't do it. And the two of us are looking back and forth, like, yeah, this is going to end in tragedy.

And he takes the top off of this thing. And like a flash grenade, the train car instantly smells like feces. Like real ripe, Vermont-aged cheddar feces. Big wet dump. That's what I remember smelling. A big wet, dump happened he starts screaming she keeps her piss and shit in a bottle and everybody's like what the

fuck did you think was gonna happen and this train is nowhere near a stop and we're just barreling through this tunnel it's like snow piercer just moving into the next cartridge and we finally get to the next station and everybody just jumps off this train car and moves into the next one like it's one of those things like the genie was not getting back in the bottle like this dude opened the pandora's box of liquid shit and it was it's one of the most horrifying like i've almost been mugged in this town i've been fucked within the street that is still one of the most horrifying things that's ever happened to me yeah i can't i i remember it definitely something sprayed when it opened and yeah it was like it was like carbonated diarrhea

it was like a little hiss yeah yeah oh yeah the arc of the covenant's opening let me tell you something no I mean Chris what are we thinking this is like five or six years ago at this point maybe yeah I mean you know if the moon is right in the sky and it's just dark

enough and I'm just as reminiscent as I need to be I can still smell it to this day as if it was happening right now like it's coming back to me right now and it's disgusting so thanks a lot you rich piece of shit you ruined everybody's night that night

it was awful Cisca? Well, I got a tail. Ooh. Okay. We'll see if it's as colorful as the rest, but up front, my last building I lived in in Queens, one of the gentlemen in the building was obviously had done some time. He always hung out on the stoop, listening to the police scanners and whatnot.

Keeping up with his old friends. Yeah. So one day I'm homesick from work, and suddenly I hear all these sirens, and I'm like, Oh, you know, New York, you hear sirens all the guy. Sure, not unusual. But then I'm starting to hear more and more and more and more and more, and they're getting louder and louder and louder and louder. And I run to my window and I look out, and my entire street is closed off.

There are so many police squad cars on the street that they're parked all over the sidewalk and the street, I see, like, regular plane sedans fly up, park irregularly on the sidewalk. Chevy and Paula, man, DTs, look out for it. Yeah, seriously. So the building starts swarming with cops. Like, this is, like, the raid. Like, there's so many people. And I go to my peephole, and I look out, and what they're doing is the cops are, you know,

the uniformed cops are running up to every stairwell. and they're, they're stationing two guys at every single floor. It's like the end of the professional. Yeah. I was like shitting, I was like, Marty, they found us. I don't know how. Delete those movies off my computer. Oh, man, I wish I still had cable.

It would be stealing the walking dead. Exactly. Time Warner's got their goods. I told you they owned this town. They do. I eventually even see and this is I feel like kind of a rarity these like super

rough looking meathead motherfuckers coming up the stairs in like Jets jerseys and stuff and they pull out their badges they're like undercover or vice or whatever and eventually stuff dissipates and

I ended up talking my landlord and apparently someone had called in officer down on one of the apartments right above me which i think this i think this guy lived in and he was like it was like an attempted swatting like let's get him oh we know he's doing some illegal shit right now let's call officer down on his apartment yeah see if we can catch him in the acting something holy shit did you ever see your buddy again or no what you ever see your buddy again that the guy above you that that was the guy from from before on this i

I believe it was the same dude. I kind of didn't see him for a while. That's what I was going to say, yeah, did he go away? I think he's the type of dude that would be like he'd always hang out on your stoop until he was gone for six months or seven months. And then he'd be back every day again. Depending on good behavior, yeah. Yeah.

Now, all right, we got another email here, the final one of the evening. Steve Sadek, take us home. How the Cryptkeeper ruined a Lion King for me. All right. Dear We Hate Movies, I recently discovered and became a, a pen of your podcast, you're all hilarious, and make me snort in my coffee on a regular basis. Sorry about that.

Thanks for listening. At the tender age of eight, my father took me to see the Lion King. All right. We went to our local mall's multiplex after sharing lunch together in the food court. We got our soda and snacks and prepared to enter the theater for the movie. As we made our way down the hall, we came

face to face with a cardboard display advertising the Cryptkeeper movie that was due out later that year. Tells him the Crypt movie. Well, if it was 95, it was probably Bordello of blood. Yeah. Well, it was either that or Dennis Miller and you got lucky lady. I can't tell them apart.

Well, because I think Demon Night was like 98, 99. No, Demon Night was first. Oh, Demon Night was first. I thought it was first. Oh, weird. I'm not sure. Creepy. Well, now we'll never know.

Too bad nobody's in the Demon Night. I don't even know. Have anyone ever seen Demon Night? I have seen Demon Night. What are you talking? Is it stay tuned? Oh, it's horrible. It's not quite as bad as, but like,

Ordel Blood is just like A Cinemax thing Like it's definitely like Oh look at all this cleavage guys Oh yes that's nice Yeah that's all that that really But like Demon Night is just like really creepy And Billy and Billy Zanes in it

Oh that's the yeah he's the It was Demon Night Demon Night was 95 So that's what we're advertising here Tales from the Crip Demon Night Okay anyway sorry As you made way down the hall We came face face with the cardboard

display the Cryptkeeper movie that was due later out of the year. The display featured a cutout life-sized cryptkeeper sitting in a directed chair with a bullhorn in his hand. Sounds about right. Being a child that did not deal with horror, I froze. I stared at the cutout in terror

and began to cry uncontrollably. My father tried his best to convince me that the cutout would not get up and attack me. That's a hard sell. I got to tell you. But I could not be consoled. After what I'm told was at least 15 minutes

at nearing showtime. My father put his coat over my head and walked me, still crying, into the theater. Once we sat down, I began to regain my composure and stop my fearful crying. It was then the previews began. I'm not sure if we were in the wrong theater

or one of the employees made a mistake, but the first preview was for the Cryptkeeper movie. Come on! The fucking Lion King, guys. Yeah, that's just a mistake. And now we're talking, this is 95, this is 35 millimeters, so it's either we're splicing the wrong movie onto the rest of the film print

or you're in the wrong theater but either way, gigantic cock up on someone's part I proceeded to run out of the theater leaving my father behind reflecting on the incident I believe he was still in shock about my fast reflexes

I made my way back to the hallway crying once again after my father caught up with me he tried to a different approach to dispel my fears he told me that the cryptkeeper was not real could not hurt me. Nice try. Then proceeded to bat the cardboard

cut out in the face to show me it would not react. Oh, that's not the cryptkeeper. That's just the corpse of Frank Capra. Don't worry about it. He's a benevolent ghost. Before he could say another sentence, the hand of the cutout

flopped over as if it were reacting to my father's fault. A Simpsons gag at this point. From a mix of what I believe was to be fear and bad mall Chinese, proceeded to vomit in the theater hallway It was at that point my father realized We were not seeing the Lion King that day

He was bummed out, man Before anyone asks I eventually did see the Lion King However, we never returned to the multiplex Where the Cryptkeeper terrorized me My father, my family still refers to that day As the Cryptkeeper incident Thanks so much

With nothing but love from Chicago, Elaine Elaine, I want to know if you ever saw a demon night she was ever able to face the cryptkeeper that's like the end of your like big pump-up movie and I defeated it by watching Demon Night I got the best of him by watching Demon Night that happened to me a lot as a kid not like scared being so scared I vomited but like horror signage

I was a kid that never watched a horror movie ever like I first started watching horror movies I remember it was post-event Horizon because I saw Event Horizon with my eyes closed but I was just so cowardly about horror movies

a fairly recent thing in my life but now when I go back to them I'm like oh yeah that like Ginger Dead Man had a terrifying cover at the time that went to the feeders no no no video stores

yeah video stores Jack Frost had it there was that series of lenticular covers scared the shit at it the Pinocchio one the evil Pinocchio one I remember, yeah.

Yeah. You move it around and it gets scary. Yeah, well, the Jack Frost one, it was like, Snowman Monster. And everybody was impressed. There's an Uncle Sam one like that, too. Oh, yeah, that movie's trash. Well, that's the, now watching them, this is all garbage. It's just, yeah, you were scared of garbage.

And you're like, man, I spent so many, you know, sleepless nights. I mean, I do have a similar, just as far as reacting to things poorly. This is just a story about you throwing up in public. No, not exactly. It's actually the first time I've cursed in public. Well, do tell. Because I know it's been a lot since. I remember I went to, because, I mean, I don't know.

It was whenever Never Ending Story Part 2 was going to come into theaters. Oh, yeah. So whenever the posters were up for that movie, I don't know exactly when that was. Sometime in the early 90s, I think. some point but anyway i guess like that poster had just caught me on the day after like power rangers run on production break or something so you were really stressed out with nothing to watch i remember being pissed off about something i don't remember what it was but what i do remember saying is looking at the uh poster and seeing atreu on the poster and saying very loudly what the

fuck is that? Treyu or Falcour? The dog he rides. That's Falcour. That's Falcour. Okay. When I saw Neverending Story Part 2, I was really mad that Jonathan Brandis was in it. Yeah. R-I-P-D.

But because of like, you know, where's our Treyu? Where's the old gang? Where's that weird, old man that looked like a gnome? Yeah, none of it came back for that sequel, huh? That's the thing. I mean, again, being a carrot as a kid. I was fucking terrified of that

dog puppet in that first movie. Oh, the nothing? Yeah, he was a scary little wolf guy, huh? I like that guy. I'm trying to figure out if I was ever terrified or angered by advertising. I don't think so. Did you ever tell your Pinocchio VHS story on the air? Oh, I don't know if I ever did, but I used to

be a little scamp at the video store. Stinker. And I, one of the things why my little sister and I would do is go around and swap tapes out of cases. and the greatest victory I ever had with one of those. Don't do this at home. Yeah, don't do it.

You're literally going to swap Netflix interfaces. Actually, Mr. Robot style. Can I say there is a, where I'm at in Michigan, there is a chain of video store still open. Are you serious? I'm not kidding you. It's called family video and it's insane. Chris, I just want to let you know you just blew your undisclosed location. I know.

The feds are coming in. They're all coming for me now. I need all those AMC shows. Those loose sweatpants of the garbage. One of the best swaps we ever had was the Disney Pinocchio with the

Pinocchio's revenge movie. Because guaranteed, like when the clerk at the counter opened that thing, those kids weren't paying attention to anything. It was basically checking to see if there was a tape in there. I guaranteed someone rented that Disney Pinocchio and it was like, yeah, it's in there.

And they closed that clamshell case took it home, and those kids were terrified. You probably caused somebody to vomit in their own living room, I bet. Oh, probably. That's another one of those movies that I was terrified of the lenticular cover. And I finally watched that movie, like, four years ago, and it's the dumbest piece of shit you'll ever see. Yeah, but you might have caused, like, a butterfly effect. Like, these kids saw that instead, and now they killed themselves or something. There are many timelines.

Yeah, they could have been, if they watched the Disney one, they'd become neurosurgeon. Yeah, I'm sure that's what would have happened. Yeah. Well, those are our emails for the month of November, gang. October, right? No, this is... Oh, this is October. My God, I'm just getting so ahead of myself.

It's just all the spookiness, man. It blends together sometimes, doesn't it? Chris Cabin, you can find on Collider. I just actually read your breakdown of Friday the 13th movies, Chris. Good job. Thank you. I sort of disagree. I'm actually getting through them right now.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I'll have a full rebuttal once I've seen them all. Of course. Steve Sadek's full rebuttal. That's a show I'd listen to. That might be a little bonus episode. We should do this again with Chris and argue about Friday the 13th.

That's a great idea. That sounds good to me. Sure. Well, so for now, Chris Cabin, we send you back into the woods of Michigan. I know people have been anxiously waiting to hear from you. So I hope this wets their appetite a little bit. Yeah, and we'll try to do it again, see how this comes out. If the feds don't get you first.

Well, first they have to get me. and then you're going to go out guns blazing guaranteed or maybe i'll get like a recording device snuck in like empire and like i can record these that way you can tweet him at crabbin right at crabbin i believe it's at crabbing yeah yes you believe what you're on twitter handle you know what it is wake the fuck up i will try all right buddy we will talk to you soon all right see you guys stay sexy chris i always will we miss that shit So there it was. Oh, it was so refreshing to hear from Chris.

You miss him, so. Simply the best. I love that guy, man. Yeah. Haven't see him in a while. We're going to find more ways to integrate him in his absence. Yeah. As we can.

His cabsons. His cabsens. Now that we know that this works, minus that paper rustling, which he claimed was like possibly, the wind outside. I was like, did you move to a tornado? Well, it's middle America. But the thing is, that's not all folks. Chris, you know, if you're trying to hunt down Chris Cabin in Michigan, we honestly don't know where he'll wind up next.

He's kind of on walkabout. Yeah. He's like Carmen San Diego. In the future mailbags, maybe we'll do like, where in the world is Chris Cabin? That's totally true, because he's just, he's a real globetrotter. He's a regular Matt Lauer. Does Matt Lauer go play? He used to. Oh, where in the world is Matt Lauer, right? Today and then that portly weatherman would be like, he ain't portly anymore. I'd kill to have Al Roker's body.

Wow. No one's ever said that. I didn't mean it either. Yeah, because that stuff, I don't know, man. It's wrecked inside, I bet. Not in a bad way, but I just saying you might live longer than Al Roker. Oh, my God. Eric just took a chair to the behind the Al Roker.

Al Roker didn't see that coming. Now, here come the Dudley Boys. They're getting Al Roker on top of a ladder. I sincerely wish that this podcast got popular enough that I was able to fight Al Roker in like the WWE or whatever. Oh, I would love it, man. Dude, if John Stewart can do it, so can you. It's just a matter of time.

A loser leaves town match? Yeah. Make it happen. Make it happen, audience. You're the ones that make anything happen. It's true. So that's it for the October mailbag. gang we will see you next time until then i'm andrew jupin eric siska stephen say that

kris can take it easy