We Hate Movies - S6: WHM On-Screen: Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens

Episode Date: December 23, 2015

On this episode of WHM On-Screen: Long story short - we liked it a lot. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

So here we are, so here we are, post-Star Wars, the Force Awakens. We might talk about a certain director's, On his critiques of a movie, but I'm not going to use that guy's name because that guy doesn't need any more publicity for not liking a movie. Sure. And of course we'll say up front, spoiler, spoiler, spoiler. If you haven't seen the new Star Wars movie, just turn this off. And you know, I think that it's okay to have not seen this movie yet. For some reason, America's like, well, you had the weekend, so fuck you.

It's the holiday season. Like, people have other shit to do. Yeah. I'm still on lockdown on spoilers. I've seen it. I'm not mouthing off in bathrooms or anything like that. Like you're normally mouthing off in bathrooms. Yeah, absolutely.

It's gotten a little egregious. And I'm, you know, I'm trying to protect the people out there. Exactly. Because you're a good person. And, you know, I, God, I always have this beef with Neil deGrasse Tyson, despite liking cosmos. Right. But he was tweeting all the science facts of how Star Wars doesn't work, everyone. Yeah.

Well, number one, no shit. but it revolves around actual space magic in case anyone is wondering yeah exactly because I mean some people say it's like well Star Wars is more fantasy than sci-fi so fuck you for critiquing it but sure like going into the like oh how the science but the star killer base wouldn't actually be able to blow those planets up well you know if I didn't see the movie yet now I know that all the republic's planets or whatever gets blown up in the Hosian system like yeah oh like here's the thing Neil de Graham yes, Tyson. Critique shit like

gravity, the Martian shit that like wants to pass itself off as like believable like meat and potatoes, science fiction kind of thing. Or existing in a real world at all. Right. Which Star Wars does not. Those are tempted to be grounded. This is in a different galaxy in a different time. By the way

one of his critiques was like well the the sound of the Thai fighters flying in is the same out of orbit as it is in orbit. Oh man. You know what? fold it up and do a neat ball put a bow on it and fucking put it

away, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Good catch fella. This is a on screen. Oh, it is. It's a W.HM on screen with Andrew, Eric, and Steve talking about Star Wars, the Force Awakens. Once again, spoiler alert, if you haven't seen it, turn it off. You really... Turn it off! I think we could start,

because it's been the most annoying part, Ray. Yeah. And I think she's... You mean critiques of Ray. Critiques of Ray. Oh, my God. I think she's I think she's an amazing character. I think she's an amazing character in the long tradition of incredibly skilled Jedi's that we've seen in these movies

that get to do whatever the fuck they want because it's a movie about space magic yet again. And that makes you really good at everything. And what was the condescending term that was being bandied about? She's a Mary Sue. Right. Which is a fan fiction term for basically a... I'm inserting myself into this as a

perfect character type of thing. Yes, and everyone has to stand around and say it remark about, wow, how cool. are you how great you are in solving all the problems everyone writing this including that director son is like apparently never heard a fucking luke skywalker yeah yeah honest to god and then there's like the the complaints about this character are astronomical and they make no sense like one one of the ones i read was like well uh how did she get so good at using a staff that doesn't she's a woman how does a woman use a staff i mean that i think is obviously the biggest

point of contention. If you have a problem with the fact that the star hero of this movie is a woman, dig a hole, put yourself in the hole, and then have your mother fucking bury you alive and kill you. Because what the fuck

is your problem? Oh my God! It's not even like a feminist thing. She's just the character. She's Luke Skywalker, but she happens to be a lady. And she does Luke Skywalker things, which just save the fucking universe and know how to do things that no human can

do. And like Eric said, you didn't have beef with this convenience and expertise when it was a dude doing it. Or in Anakin, who's like, oops, I just saved the galaxy. I'm a baby. Whoopsie-doodle. And like, everyone, whoopsie-doodle. You know? You're right.

Because a fucking baby 10-year-old would say whoopsie-dudle when he accidentally massacres an entire fucking star destroyer's worth of people. Whoopsie-doodle. Nobody had a problem with it. The staff point I was trying to make also is like, holy, you're critiquing this character to such a degree that her using a stick is suddenly a point of contention now

that she probably used for years walking around as a self-defense mechanism. Totally. You saw the fucking creeps on jacu. Man, you've got to learn to defend yourself. But no, no. How can a woman learn to defend herself? I'm a man on the internet. And I don't like me.

movies anymore. This is Cool Ranch Dorida Dust 69, signing off. The big other huge scene that people have a problem with, which is kind of one of my favorite scenes in the movie, is when she uses the Jedi mind trick. I think it's, you know what? Like, yeah, there's a little bit of a, uh, uh, you have to make a little bit of a narrative leap. Like, well, how does she know about it? Maybe, A, the legend of the Jedi goes all over the place. I was going to say the lore of the Jedi at this point. And she's kind of like, oh, I kind of realize I'm a Jedi. I'm going to try this thing. It's the coolest scene in the movie. because you don't see anyone else do that that early in their career.

And that tells you she's a really good Jedi. Yes. Yeah, I think it's totally fun because she had said, like, she had known, acknowledged the story of Luke Skywalker being a well-known legend. And I'm sure Jedi Mind-tricks were mentioned. And here's the thing. In the scene where she uses the Jedi Mind-trick, right? In her head somewhere, she's thinking all of that.

Yep. Oh, I heard of those things called Jedi Mind Tricks. I'm kind of realizing I'm a Jedi let's try this out I'm sure it won't work but oops it did but heaven the fuck forbid a character just

internalizes something instead of spitting it out and spending 45 minutes practicing it like in a goddamn Marvel movie people need these origins like where did she get bitten by a Jedi and I missed it did I miss that man oh did she get bitten by that cone head Jedi oh that's gross

oh that guy from the prequel What was his name? Fist Fist Fuckington? Yeah. I have Fisd Fington. The world's most dangerous Jedi. His name was like Fistow or something. Was it really?

Who gives it fuck? We should just get around. I love this movie. I was so blown away about this movie. It's Star Wars again, everybody. And everyone's like, well, it's so safe and sanitary because they gave you a Star Wars movie that you're actually supposed to like.

And it's like, well, yeah. I mean, yeah, I kind of like the Star Wars movie. It's a fast-moving space adventure that has kills and thrills. Unlike those prequels, when we're just saying like, well, it'll be mean to kill people. Let's have robots do it all.

Well, I thought it was called the clone. Well, there's mostly robots. Yeah, Nary a battle droid in this movie. Thank you very much. Yeah, I don't need the battlebots, fellas. No, no battle droids. There's one faint room, kind of denigrating remark

on the clones and the clone wars. Yeah, it is a knock on like, oh, you have me, but, you know, what do you want to clone or something like that? It's like what the stormtroopers are doing such a bad job. Like, oh, we could have a clone army or whatever. And at the point of this recording, by the way, I don't like this movie so much.

I saw it twice. Totally. I'm going to see it again. I'm seeing it tomorrow. and I am honest to goodness right now more excited to see this movie tomorrow than I am to see Batman and Superman in four months Sure

Civil War in seven months Yep I don't know I kind of excited about the Deadpool movie and that apocalypse movie but that's it But like I'm so much more excited to see this movie again Than I am to see a lot of those things And that's because

This is kind of a nerd hole right here guys And I'm sorry if I'm hanging out in it too much You know what? No You know what? jump in because the water is fine. That's the way I feel about this. And I was such a big fucking Star Wars geek, man. I was off the deep end.

Can I tell you, I was convinced you were going to hate this movie? Really? Well, because you're a big, you are the biggest Star Wars fan out of all four we hate movies cast members. And I hated the prequels. Well, yeah. But the thing is, this, it's like finally, now that I've matured into a man, I get the Star Wars movie I want it after all that time.

And I'm looking at those toys, like, God damn it. I actually was at Target today buying a last second Christmas present for my nephew. It wasn't a Star Wars thing. And the Star Wars thing. It was ransacked. There was actually like a Jar Jar Binks. I'm not even kidding. A Jar Jar Binks toy on the rack of like, yeah, that's what's left. You're not getting a Po Dameron on December 22nd.

Something rolled by and you thought it was a BB8 remote control robot, but it was actually just a fucking tumbleweed. Also. So here's a great thing about watching a movie. It looks like a movie and not a bunch of people in front of a green screen for three hours. Hey, that's cool. I will say one negative thing that I think that there is a little too much CGIs still. I feel like the Glebe Glock monsters that Hans Solo was transporting were a little too... Those took me out of it a little bit.

That's a weak scene. That's the weak scene to me. That's what I actually went to the bathroom. Because I knew I was coming back. I knew I had to see it. again in four days. I was like, you know what? This scene's kind of going on a little bit. I'm going to go to the bathroom. When I come back and snokes

there, and I'm like, wait, who is this guy? I'm like, oh, Steve, you idiot. Dude, man, when I we went to go see this movie, me and my wife, I was like, we're not getting food. We're not, we're not getting a drink. I got to see this. And then I was like, I need a drink.

I need something. So I got a drink. And then I'm just sitting there. holding it for like an hour and a half. That was the thing because I was in that holding a situation. That's why one of the reasons I actually don't like Skyfall all that much, the last hour I was like, shut the fuck up, James Bond. You get in that point when you're an old man and you're holding it and the blood's coming

out of your eye holes and you're like, oh my God, I'm not enjoying this movie. Crying blood like you're Le Schiff or whatever. Dude, the same thing happened to me with Specter. Yeah. I was just like, oh, for fuck. let's just settle it already. Exactly. And I didn't want to be in that position. That's why I was like, this fucking alien thing.

I'm not digging it. I'm going to run out. And then they're like, this is the villain of the movies, but on screen for two minutes, Steve. Sorry. But here's the thing. I think this movie and how much I was able to get into this movie may have actually caused me to myself use the force a little bit. Oh, okay. We went and saw it at a draft house, an Alamo draft house. And so we get there and it was like, bring on the booze. And I got a...

That's double danger right there. I got a big old Bailey's milkshake, and I just chugged that thing down. And then I was like, you know what I need? A big old seltzer, which, by the way, $450 for a seltzer at Alamo Draft House. Let's reconsider those prices, Tim Leag. But so I fucking down this seltzer. And I'm just loving Star Wars. And then it hits me, and I was like, oh, no, I got to go to the bathroom.

And I had already learned a lesson during the screening, because my wife went to the bathroom and she missed the reveal of Riloh Ken being the son of Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. So she comes back from the bathroom and I was like, this awesome thing just happened. So I was like, I can't miss a reveal like that.

And I just like went into the movie and just totally made myself forget that I had to go to the bathroom. I've never been able to do that. Can we talk about Rilohan and how much he's amazing? I think he's a group. Which I think that. there should be a if there is ever going to be there's doing they're doing all these great

spinoff movies or maybe they're great i don't know i don't know they're doing some spin off movies i don't know what they're going to be they've set the stage for a lot of movies to be made and some of them are spinoffs uh which i don't know what those look like i would love there to be a spinoff called we need to talk about kailo ren because he's kind of a school shooter like that's kind of what the character is like he's like a kid that's gone too far he he backed the wrong horse and like he got way into two into the wrong things. Yeah.

And like he can't go back now because he just killed his fucking dad. The character is brilliant because it shows the fall to the dark side in a way I wish I saw with Anakin. Yep. You know, like you're a jerk child and you're lashing out.

He smashes up consoles and whatnot with his lightsaber whenever he gets peaved. Oh yeah, yeah. It's great. He's got a lot of rage when you don't see. Like he's uncontrolled. And it's very, like, a lot of, another thing that people have a problem with is like, well, I've just seen this movie before. It's like, they're saying it's basically an anagram of the episode four.

Man, do I hate this argument? It's not because Vader is such a controlled villain and he's like terrifying in his own way because of his control. This guy is even more terrifying because he's so unhinged. And he's just doing Vader cosplay essentially. Right. He's a neo-Nazi. That's what I think is great about it because he's like, he's. He's obsessed with what is the war crimes of his grandfather. Yep.

Yeah. We've all been there. And he wants to replicate that, but, like, in a way, he doesn't know how to. No. And that kind of makes him even more dangerous in a way. Because he's willing to try anything. He's so much scarier because he does have humanity and he's not just a monster. And Adam Driver against Hayden Christensen.

I mean. Well, yeah. Adam Driver is an excellent actor, and I have enjoyed him in everything that I've seen him in. And what's great is you want to talk about Range. I mean, him in this movie versus him in Noah Baumbach's while we're young, which I really enjoyed. Which I really dislike.

But I still haven't seen it. But, I mean, I think he's really good. Love or hate that character, whatever. Like, that's... Well, there's no bones about it. He's a good actor. Right. Yeah, yeah.

But I'm just saying, like, they're so disparate of characters. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? And, I mean, like, love. And the other thing about like, well, it's just, you know, an anagram, you know, you just move this piece there and like, yeah, they have another death star. It's called, what's it called? Star Killer. Yeah. Which is our killer. Yeah. It's, that's just nuclear proliferation. That's what happens. In 30 years. Yes. Nuclear. Like, also watch Return of the Jedi, which is also great. And people have their problems with that too. I think it's good. In 2015. Yeah. Like two weeks ago, we rewatched it because the missus had never seen it. And I watched it with, you know, what I got to yell at that lady before I leave the house. Go on. Like adult eyes. And I was just like, oh, no, wait a minute.

Like, this is a really good move. It is. I would even rate it above Force Awakens. And I just, I love all three of the original trilogy. But it's, the Death Star comes back and it makes sense because like, what else can you do but destroy a planet? How do you do it with a Death Star? Right. What do you do in this one?

It's 30 years later. We've got a bigger thing that's cooler and it destroys a couple of planets. Yeah. That's fucking cool. I'm all on board. I have no problem with seeing it again. What do I want to see? Like what?

Weird suicide bombing? I don't. Thanks. Also, like the First Order and Kylo Ren, they just want to trump what the Empire did. Like, let's do what the Empire did, but a bit better, a bit bigger. Which is how military works.

How people like, and it is only 30 years later. It's not like it's 100 years later. So the technology isn't that much. better. It's just a little bit better. No, I totally agree with that. And that's why, like, when you're seeing these echoes, one, it's like, you know, things are cyclical. History repeats itself.

You're influenced on things you already know about. Like, of course, it would happen this way. You know, that's why, yeah, that argument of, like, it's all the same thing. Why wouldn't you try something different? It's like, because there's, it's still the same story. Right. It's still the same saga. You know what I mean?

What would you be happy with? I mean, there's still ships going up against ships. You still got that. You got some motherfucking Star Wars in this movie. Thank God for that. Versus Dark Jedi. You got the essentials. You got what Star Wars is.

Why do you want to change it? And you have three to four really new competitors. Like, the people say that this movie took it safe, which it totally didn't. I think not at all for a reason we'll get to. You've got a, you've got a, a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, a, uh, female hero, which very not safe. You've got a black actor, very not safe

as your secondary character, probably second hero, and a Latino actor, as your third guy, these are your new characters that you latch onto, that you're pinning a new franchise on, that's not safe. And it's not blah, blah, blah, blah, by committee. These are great actors.

They deserve to be in this movie. It's not... It's not a by committee thing. The biggest point that you can make about that is that, like, I'm I'm not crazy about a lot of movies that J.J. Abrams has directed. I'd like enough of them fine. Sure. But the thing that you can say about all of them, and with the TV shows he's made, too.

Like, he's great with casting. Yeah. He's always been great with casting. And it's just more of that in this. It's not a... Man, that argument of it's just some back-a-mitty-lib-tard nonsense. Like, fucking suck it. Take it out back and fucking suck it.

And, like, that's your own hang-up, man. Yeah. I'm literally the whitest man a lot. I've seen you, dude. I could barely see you right now. This is a white room. I'm looking at the Invisible Man. When we did the live show in D.C.,

everyone just couldn't believe how they had to look away from me. I was so bright. Somebody turned those lights down. We can't see back here. I was engrossed, and I loved all the characters. Of course. And, like, you don't even think about that stuff

until after the fact that you give it a checkmark. That's the right thing. And Finn is an amazing character. fucking stormtrooper gone rogue i've never seen that i never thought i would see that i think it's so i think there's now speaking of being the biggest star wars loser in the planet i said biggest star wars fan in the room he meant loser i i choose what i want to hear but i think there's so many great nods to the e u that has been discredited like we with the uh the stormtrooper having humanity Yep.

One of my favorite growing up short stories. Oh, okay. Oh, it's not The Dead by James Joyce? No. No, no, no. We didn't read James Joyce where I'm from. Was it the swimmer? No.

By John Sheaver? No. The lottery? It was about the stormtrooper that said, Look, Sir, Deroids. They had a whole story about his back story, about being. Are you kidding me? I'm not kidding you.

Is it called Look Sir Droid? No. I don't remember. was called. Maybe, I don't know, maybe it was called. Look, droids, sir. Oh, wait a second. Let me take that again. That's the start of it.

Pertheses, oh, wait, let me take that again. But it was like the conflicted humanity of being a stormtrooper, and it was awesome to see that explored. And they explored it in this also great, amazing, dumping the Darth name, because in the EU after that, it was always

dark Jedi. It was just being a bad guy. And that's what I was thinking about with this whole mythology of it, leaving this potentially leaving the Sith behind would be great because then you're not, it's like you can still be force sensitive and adhere to the dark side without adhering to the religious practices of a former sect that worshipped it in a certain way. They do say the Sith in passing in a way in which it sounds like it's not coming back, but that was just my...

Can you remind, I don't remember what the line was. They say something like, oh, it's like, they just, I kind of, I kind of don't remember. Well, I'll tell you when I see it tomorrow. Oh, there you go. Fair now. Text me. But, you know, yo, I need that text. I'm sorry, Andrew, you're saying.

I was going to say, the interesting thing, because I never, one, I remember being a little kid. And when I first saw Star Wars, I thought that the stormtroopers were just robots. Sure. And I just, I thought that for age, probably longer than I should have, that they were robots. Because they all look the same And they have a little kid Metallic voice I always thought they were human flesh

But go on But what I loved about What they set up With John Boyega's character Is the idea that It's kind of like a reference To things like African child armies You know what I mean

Like we're ripping these kids from homes We're giving them guns And saying like You gotta kill your fucking family And then we're gonna get out of here And you can be part of my And they're like brainwashing Like actual kid

kid, like, kidnap kids. Like, it's, it so takes this stuff to another more thoughtful level than just like, oh, these could possibly be robots. Like, there's no way, like, there's no way a little kid will watch Force Awakens and think, like, they would never misconstrue that the stormtroopers were robots. You know what I mean? And you do get to see in that first scene. Oh, it's so good. Starring Max von Side. Oh!

Sight, no! Side, no! Who gets murdered immediately. Spoiler alert. You do, again, finally get to see the stormtroopers do some filthy dirty work. Oh, yeah. It's assumed in the movies. They're always kind of on guard patrol in the first, in the original trilogy.

But this time, this is why they're stormtroopers. They go into towns and they murder glit-glop aliens with flamethrowers and laser blast. And they don't fucking blink about it. God bless J.J. Abrams for immediately. establishing there's blood in this movie. Yes. Where that bloody hand touches his helmet. It's a really effective image.

It's so awesome. I mean, it's also like a nice device to single him out when you're like looking at the frame. Also, that blaster shot from Poe Damran that just stays in the air

for the entire scene. That's badass. I'm actually seeing it in 3D tomorrow, which just to give it a shot. I'm so excited to see what that looks like in 3D. I hope it looks really cool. I hope they bothered to do so. That's the one thing I didn't know

about this movie if it was like considered during production or if 3D was just a post thing. I'm hoping that's... Like most things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can talk about our friend Han Solo here, I guess, sort of and round it out.

Let's do it. He's great. Harrison Ford giving a shit. Harrison Ford, like, it's so much better than Kingdom and the Crystal Skull. Like, he has his hands around this character, and it's this character. Also, amazing part

when he's in, I guess, that freighter he's operating now instead of the Millennium Falcon. Right. And he just grabs some dude and tosses him into the mouth of that monster. Yes.

Validation. That is, that is, I believe, everyone's saying Han shot first. Of course he did. He's a cold-blooded killer

and that's the, that is an appeal of his character. That's how you live in that kind of universe. Mm-hmm. I love him using Chewy's, like, this movie has so many like little,

and it's smart because, and, you know, people are like, it gives you everything you want. Fuck that movie. How dare you give me things I want? It gives you all these little things you didn't, you kind of always thought about

but never thought you wanted to see like a rebel and a tie fighter. That's pretty fucking cool. It has Han using Chewy's crossbow only for like the whim of it and it's kind of really funny. Like, he's like, can I try that out? You know, I love that. It's so good.

People complaining about things like that. It's like all Star Wars movies are supposed to have comedic moments. Yes. It's supposed to be. That was the revelation for me watching the movie was I had the thought, oh my God, this movie is making me laugh, but it's intentionally doing so. I'm not laughing at lines like, you know, pick up our Sithmentary. You know, I'm not laughing at the movie.

I'm not laughing at the acting. Like, I'm laughing at jokes that they are purposefully putting in these movies. Yeah, let's compare, like, now people, you know, I'm fine with BBA. I'm totally on board. I'm a big fan. I wanted to buy that to annoy my cat, but it's $150. It's a little too much to annoy my cat with. Try to annoy that cat after Christmas.

Yeah, he gets a cheap. He does the thumbs up with the fire thing. Oh, my God. Yep. And that's a comedic moment. Compare that to the prequels where Art 2 is overcompensating, doing way too much of that, flying around. Urinating on people with his oil shaft. Had him 50 arms inside his body.

And, like, it's, it's, people can complain about this movie all they want, but, like, it's actually using restraint in a lot more. Oh, a lot of ways. Yeah. I have a question, Eric, and you might, you've thought about this movie more than I have. Why does R2D2 shut down for the movie? Like, that was the one part. I was like, what's the magic here? Like, why does, like, and he only conveniently turns on at the end.

That was my one, like, somewhat beef with this film. Can I just guess? Oh, please, no, please. I thought it was Skywalker Protocol. Oh, really? I thought it was a little program for him. I thought it was Luke mandated. Yeah, I mean, I think that might be a possibility.

I don't know the actual way R2D2 works all together. Okay. I just, if I ask you, those tattoos, tattooed on, those schematics tattooed on your back? But, I mean, I saw people complaining about, like, well, why didn't the resistance just, like, hack into them and take all that information. Well, those are like encrypted files

meant for certain people if you watch a new hope, which I hope you have. You know, help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, or my only hope, was only meant to be broadcasted to certain people.

It was a glitch that Luke even saw it, but... That's very true. Talking about why this movie isn't safe, how about we make a Justice League movie, right? Let's make four justicing movies. There's three Justice League movies. Let's do it.

All your friends and fans in it. Doing it. I'll be Aquaman. The fourth one, yeah, we're going to kill Batman. Yeah, we're just going to kill Batman. And don't worry about it. It's not a big deal. Oh, and we're also going to have Superman only look at the camera and not talk.

That's a safe movie, right? That's what a movie you would call is safe. Yeah. Oh, it's super safe. What the fuck? What the flying fuck? Like, hold on. Murdered, and Luke doesn't say a fucking word in this movie.

What is safe about that? It has stones, and thank God that it does, you know? And, you know, I was reading a thing where J.J. Abrams was talking about one of the original drafts of the script was Han and Leah, like, meet back up and, like, patch everything up and right off end of the sunset. And, like, what this does is it adds weight and stakes to this. It is saying that, like, this is in a world that is not fan service. Like, I'm sorry. murdering one of my favorite movie characters of all time a pop culture icon

I was talking to a coworker about this and she said one of the things she realized was now whenever it is she will go back to watch the original trilogy like when when Han first comes out in New Hope she will think I know how you die and what a powerful thing

to do in that movie and it's it's fucking brutal. It is because it's not just a lightsaber through and you're falling down. He fucking jacks it up through his father's fucking guts. And it's not Ben Kenobi. It's analogous to Ben Kenobi, right? It happens to the same part of the movie. People look on. People

say no. I get that. But Ben Kenobi basically commits like Sepuku. You know what I mean? He's like, this is the time for me to die. I want to die. And he will live on. Exactly. This is a regular man that kind of believes in the forest that's just trying to connect to his son that gets ganked. And that's

That's the other thing. There will be no Han Solo Force Ghost. He's just a guy. And that's like he fucking falls. And that's the other thing too. It's nice that he falls down that shaft. Because one of the other fall downs the shaft was Luke was Luke falls down that shaft and he fucking probably uses the force to catch himself on the thing at the bottom of Cloud City and whatever.

And it's like, first of all, no one's saying that that's fucking convenient. No, no. Sorry. No one's got a dick. Nothing's convenient for somebody with a dick. That's just how the world's. works but he's gone forever yeah like at the end of episode nine we're not going to be fucking dancing with whoever and and harrison ford's going to be fucking waving and giving a thumbs up he's

dead forever right and you know they're getting older and they need to pass this torch or you know like as much as i loved harrison for in this movie i think it was the right move totally i couldn't i couldn't have two more movies of him progressing and progressing in age and you know you do see him step on on that platform, you're like, well, he's dead. Like, you get a little ahead of the movie, which is, it has to happen. I mean, that's just semiotics of storytelling. That's how we just watch things and understand.

This is also just a classic scene, because I've been walking around my house all week going, Ben! Oh, it's such a great reveal. Also great reveal that his real name is Ben. This movie, I mean, again, getting Star Wars right, this has some of the best Chewbacca in all the trilogies.

I think it's the best Chewbacca of all time. Because not only is he an integral character, character, he's doing stuff. At the end, when they're setting the charges, destroying a death start, thank you, Chewbacca. He blows him, man. Han Solo's like, oh, let's do this, that, and the other thing, we'll put him up there and then, and True goes, and he goes, oh, actually, yay, that's a better idea. Let's do this. That's such a cool detail that you never see. He's not, he's not just number two. He's a smart. That's a blink and you miss it. He corrects Hans Solo, and they

go with his plan, and it works. It kind of works. Poe Damron has to come in and finish it off. Of course. But it's pretty much on point. And when Han dies, it's one thing. But when you see fucking Chewy in that Millennium Falcon by himself. Oh, my goodness gracious. When the Falcon comes up to get Ray and he's alone in that cockpit, I fucking lost it. The vacuum of space, more like the vacuum in my heart. And it's amazing because I'm sitting there like, you are a 31-year-old man.

Yeah, dude, you're a... Crying at a seven-foot dog sitting alone in a spaceship. How successful is this movie that that's what it's reduced you to? Let's talk about General Hux real quick. Oh, yeah. Oh, we got to.

How awesome was that performance? That speech... Dom Nahl Gleason. Yeah, and people critiquing, like, why would he bring all these troops together and give a speech? Because it's a fucking movie. Also, he's a fascist dictator.

That's what they get hard. off of. Everybody gather around. I got to say some hate speech. Guess what? Blowing those planets up are secondary to the feeling and power you get from yelling this stuff from a balcony. Also, sorry, go ahead.

I love the interplay. And I'm glad that Hux doesn't die on the Star Killer. I'm glad. Yeah, he's great. Garland Mark Tarkin does. Yeah. Which, you know, again, analogous, get it. Get it. I get it. But like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. But like, it's he's

he's going to continue, and that power struggle, but with him, Kylo Ren, and Snoke is going to continue, and that's a really interesting dynamic. And that's what I fucking loved about this Huck's character, is he's not scared of Kylo Ren. No, of course not. But that's in the original trilogy.

Like, Granof Tarkin is like scared of Darth Vader. Like, Darth Vader is the dude and he's fucking choking people out, and this that, and the other thing. They go before the Snoke hologram, and Hux is like, well, sorry that this didn't work out, dude, but that guy

fucked it up. That dude right there keeps fucking it up. Yes. And no way would anybody do that to Darth Vader. This dude actually has the fucking stones to do that. Right. It's interesting that Snoke has kind of a different relationship. It's not like the way the

emperor and Vader were like such chums. No. Like it's, he's got two kids and he's not going to pick favorites necessarily. But although if I was Hux And, you know, like, dad's like, oh, that's great.

You did such a great job. Me and your brother are going to hang out for a little bit longer. Go away. I'd be like, you'd fuck that guy. Well, Hux, you continue to clean the house while Kylo Red and I go fishing all weekend. That's what that is, right? That's exactly what that is. It is.

Maybe that's going to play into the next episode eight or something. Maybe the Colonel Hux fucking spin-off movie is going to have that. Can you imagine, though, if in one of these. new movies, like these movies yet to come, there's like a fight between Hux and Kylo Ren? Like, how cool would that be? It's going to, it might happen. I don't know. Also, this is an interesting detail that I don't know if anyone gives a shit about, but go ahead. Let's find out. Throughout the history of the empire, we've seen mostly leaders hugely recognized as being admirals, you know. Yeah, Admiral Piat and whatnot.

Azzle, RIPD. I guess RIPD all of them. Yeah, they're all guys. You know what? all gone. Congratulations, Admiral Nida. Well, his Captain Nita and apologies were accepted, but... Oh, wow. Holy shit. That guy's a loser. Holy shit, did you hear what he just said? People are already too down.

So, he's General Hux. And it's interesting because the Star Killer Base is part of a planet. So technically, his main dominance is ground force. Oh, yeah, yeah. Which is interesting to me. Because the only other general, I believe, we've seen on screen in Star Wars, not kind of the prequels, was General Veers with leading the assault on Hoth. Oh, what's his face from Game of Thrones and Last Crusade?

Yes, yes. He played Donovan and Last Crusade and Pysel on Game of Thrones. Yeah, sorry, everybody. We know that guy is a character, fine. It's a good thing that you discounted the prequels because I was going to bring up everyone's favorite character, General Grievous. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Solo is a general. Oh, right, yeah.

And he does lead the ground forces on the moon of Andor. And I think that it's cool that it's not a death star. It's a planet that's been hollowed out for this. That's pretty fucking badass. And it's clear, like, there's like trees and shit. We get that awesome, like, super samurai fight at the end. I love this. This is so great.

That fights great. The thing I was wondering about the planet was, like, was it due to their, like, engineering to make this planet? a weapon. What caused it to be a snow planet like that? That's a good question. Probably. They like kept fucking with it and like, you know, something went wrong and now it's just this cold planet. So they suck all the energy out of, I mean like fuck you and Neil DeGrasse Tyson pencils down. But they suck all the energy of the sun and then it goes back eventually.

Is that the idea? I think what were you talking about the very end? No, no, like in general. Like when they blow it up and they're about to do it again. They suck it out and then they shoot it all across the galaxy at these other planets that cooks them up. Yes. And then it's all gone. And then they have to recharge by sucking in another son. Oh, another son.

Okay, that was my question. I didn't know if they sucked it to the bone or sucked to the pit and then it comes back out. That actually is a pretty good question because maybe they hollowed out a planet that had multiple suns. Sort of like how Tatooine had two different sons. Yeah, you want to get the most sons out of your bargain. Yeah, because you can't move this thing, right? Like, you're probably not. It's only one like star killer per gallon.

And then you've got to go build another one. Maybe for the first shot, they had half a tank. Took the rest of the sun after it. Yeah, it's a good question. I mean, you know, I guess if you take the sun, maybe your orbit would go crazy and it wouldn't really work. But it's a movie. Again, Neil is a fantasy movie. It's fine.

It's fine, Neil, Neil, Neil, Neil, get off Twitter. Talk about Moontrap if you want to talk about something. Yeah. And I thought it was so cool that, like, once the Star Killer Pace becomes unstable and goes, it just becomes the sun again. Like all the energy that didn't get fired just destroys the planet and they're flying away from it

and it's this bright ball of light. It's like becoming a sun again. Oh, that's pretty bad. I never really put that together but that's pretty awesome. I really like Carrie Fisher in this movie. The one thumbs down I give her scene when

the mission ends. I love that she uses the force and knows that Solo is dead immediately. Because she's kind of agnostic but not. She's a two. She's attuned. She's not like a huge user. She's not a practicing Jedi. Well, especially after your son kills everybody.

You're like, you know what? That religion's kind of hokey. The scene with her, she looks at Ray and she has that moment. That moment's got to be Chewbacca, man. That's got to be a Chewbacca moment. No, no, no. And here's why I think anyway. Okay.

Because one of the things that it fucking gutted me again, mere minutes after the gutting of him sitting in that cockpit alone, is that they get off the Millennium Falcon and everyone's coming up like hey who made it and Chewbacca walks right past her oh yeah

he just keeps going he can't because the whole thing of like Han freeing him from slavery he fucking knows his life to him blah blah blah blah Chubaka considers himself

a failure and he cannot stop to even acknowledge like sorry I fucking I let Han Solo down and he walks right past him and I was like oh

I love that he gets a shot off on Kylo Ren. It's a kill shot, too. It's right to his chest. Yep. Oh, he's not fucking around. I love it. So I guess we can wrap up with Mark Hamill, right? What's going to happen?

Luke Skywalker, man. Luke, did you ever think, did you ever think you would see Luke Skywalker on a movie screen again? No. No fucking way, right? Not a million years. Nope. It was a big, I love the Ben Kenobi outfit. I am team.

I hope she's not related to Luke Skywalker. Really? I just imagine she is. You're probably right. I was gathering as well. I don't really care. It's not going to ruin anything for me. But if you're asking some fat loser in Jersey City,

wearing a Galactus T-shirt. Oh, man, we're going to find one of those. Is that what that T-shirt is? Yeah, it's a Galactus T-shirt. I thought it was some sort of a Pokemon. No, it's a little bit of both. Got to catch them all, man. I would rather, she's not related.

I just want it to be like, oh, it's just another... It'd be cool if it was a new thing instead of... Maybe she's Wedge's daughter, dude. Where the fuck was Wedge Antilles in this movie? I don't know, but he... Now, they released so many, so much shit leading up to the Force Awakens, the journey to the Force Awakens, including the novel aftermath, which was all right. Yeah, it's got... It's got...

I like some of the characters. I like how they introduce a lot of things, but one great thing was Wedge Antilles is like all over that book. Ooh, okay. And he's been all over the books before. Of course. It's not a real surprise. But I wouldn't be surprised

if he somehow is factored in in a way. Was that the book? Was aftermath the one where all those dipshits got up in arms because there was a go, go, go, good, good, gay character? Yes. Yes. And I fuck all those people, too.

And the gay characters in that book are the best parts of that book by far, by far. Episode 8, can be opened on Hans Solo's funeral? Can we get some Lando Calarician? I need a little bit of Lando in my life. Here's the thing about that, dude. I think just in my recent days of like, hey, Chewbacca, you buying this one or am I? Here's the thing, though.

In my recent days of IMD being all these people, I think Billy D. Williams is pushing 80. And like, God forbid, you know what it? Like, it would be cool, but I'm just like, you know, knock on what I hope we can do it. It would be awesome. And you're totally right. The two of them just drinking. You can't. How you doing, Chewbacca?

Han what? Oh, man, it opens with Han or Lando getting the call. The thing that I thought was really powerful, and it was best put together by a friend of the show and W.HM fan favorite Justin J.Ks because he and I were texting up a storm about this. Oh, that guy will talk your ear off about Star Wars. Bless him. Oh, yeah. He sent me a text. He just said it was something like, you know, did you see it or what did you think? Like, he knew I saw this movie. And we just were at it for a while. And what he put together that was so great is like when she gets up to the cliff and Luke is looking out over the cliff. It's like Luke Skywalker has been watching the movie with us. Like he's seen everything that's happened. Including the fucking murder of his best friend in the game.

galaxy by his failed apprentice or the apprentice that he feels he has failed. Sure. And my God the dog shit that he has to be feeling inside. Oh yeah. She comes up and she's like lightsaber time and he's like

you know it's like Doc Brown and Libyans like I don't know how they found me they found me you know he's got he's got a real it's a really it's a really powerful look he's got going on. It really and man it is a testament to fucking Mark Hamill just being the best dude It's just there's no lines

And like again, if you have a problem With the fact that he doesn't speak in this movie You don't understand how to make things Smarter than what you want them to be Because he says a thousand things by saying nothing Like and yes exactly And this has to be a movie And it can't be you playing with your action figures

Thank you That's the best way to put it And like come on I'm a guy with a couple action figures myself I know the temptation. I might have a few more after January. Right now they're all off the shelves. Steve's fingers crossed for some Target gift cards from Santa.

I mean, I thought the introduction of Luke Skywalker was great, and it was powerful. And I'm excited to see where eight goes. By the way, I really hope Snoke doesn't turn out to be Darth Plague's. Like some theories are going around. Oh, you sent me that fan theory stuff today, and I just had to go to the bathroom and throw up. Yeah, apparently some of the musical cues are similar to when Palpatine's telling the story. I think I'm fine with that, maybe. Yeah, I just don't want those prequels acknowledged.

I mean, like, it's going to have to happen. All I can say is, I'm hoping it's not Jar Jar Binks manipulating a hologram. Misa's such a good hologram maker. Misa going to make a guy that looks like Andy Circus. No, no one's going to do that. Because everyone working on Star Wars from now on has fucking standards. Yeah. Well, we'll see what happens.

I mean, I mean, I guess they could, you know, making it Darth Plegas isn't the worst thing in the world. But I just feel like let's move on a little bit. I mean, this franchise seems like it's moving on in a big way. Yeah. No, it totally does. Also, we didn't talk about it, but Oscar Isaac's awesome. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Oh, man. He's the new Han Solo. And he might be a secret Jedi, you never know. Do you think that's possible? Well, in the Shattered Earth comics... A Shattered Empire. Shattered Empire, sorry. Shattered Earth.

That was that old man laugh. That was a fucking Ian McDormid laugh. Well, because I was just thinking about what I want to do to Earth. He... All right, you know, if you haven't read this comics and you have an interest to, there are only four issues. Spoiler. So, spoiler for those comics.

But Poe Damarin's mother is like a crack pilot, and she goes on a mission with Luke Skywalker to liberate the, there were apparently force-sensitive trees that were stolen from the Jedi temple that the empire had taken, and they liberate them. And one is given to the Damarin family. So Poe Dameron has grown up with a force tree in his backyard. So what is? Does that mean, does it mean anything?

Absorb the force like that? Question mark, possibly. Yeah, I mean, it might be a rebuke of the metaclorian thing. But it's, I mean, like, but you can, I mean, a crack pilot most of the time sometimes is a sign that you're really good

with the force. You know what I mean? Like, Skywalker and Anakin, unless you're a stupid woman and it means you're just a fucking convenience making shitty character. I mean, how did she know how to universe renowned And it's just like, dude. She better use a force to make me a goddamn sandwich.

Says the world's biggest piece of shit, Mary Sue, fuck yourself. Son of a director. Yeah, exactly. Son, underline. Thank God I'm not a daughter. So, like, okay, so people are misremembering a new hope a little bit, I think. Because it's like, okay, Luke Skywalker hangs out with Obi-Wan Kenobi for a little bit. He fights a ball shooting lights at him, which...

For like 38 seconds. Also has a cameo in the movie. Oh, I didn't see him. When Finn goes into the Millennium, he tosses it aside. Oh, I saw the chess board. Yeah, that was cool. And then he uses the force to destroy that fucking death star. So could we shut up about how the fact that,

this girl... You know, like, it happened already, dude. It happened in a new hope. But it's tits and vagina, dude, and they can't do that stuff. Not possible. Not possible. I would say, Neil deGrasse Tyson mighter look at that because how can a woman ever use the force? That'd be some fucking tweet, dude.

That is our on screen on Star Wars, Episode 7, The Force Awakens. Oh, we all liked it. Did we all say that? Would you recommend this movie? Yeah, I would. Yeah, it turns out. It's good. It's good stuff.

It's a gooden. So, yeah, I can't wait to see it again. I'm jealous that Steve has tickets and I don't. You know, shameless plug. We have some prints up on the We Hate Movies Etsy page. What was that? That's three beers later. Go to Etsy, search WHM podcast.

We have some cool prints from our DC show. Check them out. And buy them. And if you want more Star Wars, because we're just plugging at the end of this thing, our Sithmentary. It's out now. CDbaby.com. And that's a commentary track to Revenge of the Sith, which we did not like very much. No, but I wish I could remember the handle.

Some genius on Twitter said, I don't know why I said genius so slanderously like that, because I think he is a genius. We found a way to make Revenge of the Sith watchable. Oh, that's what this gentleman said. But we also had a couple people telling us to go F ourselves about attack of the clones and SIF. Ooh, sick burn. F ourselves.

It's a hashtag hot take to like the prequels right now in case you're wondering. It's a contrarian thing to do and it happens to be the wrong thing to do. Hashtag, at least it's different question mark whatever. Question mark whatever indeed.

Until next time. I'm Andrew Jukin. Steven Seda. And I am Eric Siska. Take it easy. Thank you.