We Hate Movies - S6: WHM On-Screen: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows

Episode Date: June 10, 2016

The gang takes you into the weekend with an all-new WHM On-Screen talking about the latest example of cinematic turtle power, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows! What was the thinking behind that Krang voice casting? Take a look at that botch job they did with Casey Jones! And thank goodness Splinter finally took a bath! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows stars Megan Fox, Will Arnett, Laura Linney, Stephen Amell, Noel Fisher, Jeremy Howard, Pete Ploszek, Alan Ritchson, Tyler Perry, Brian Tee, Sheamus, Gary Anthony Williams, Tony Shaloub, and Brad Garrett; directed by Dave Green. If you want to hear more of the gang talking turtle, be sure to catch WHM Live! at the Little Theatre in Rochester, NY on Saturday, July 16th as they chat about all things TMNT, but specifically, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III! Click here for show info and tickets!Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to W.H.M. On the W.H.M. on the screen, everybody. I'm Andrew Jupin alongside. Saneck and Eric Siska, we're here talking about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Out of the Shadows. You forgot Colin. I don't know that there is a colon. There's no colon? I think it's just like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles one line

and then the next line is just out of the shadows. It's like Star Trek into darkness? Yeah, I think that's exactly what it is. Wow, well, that just changed my opinion. Well, I guess when you have a verb in it, you can do it, right? If you're into darkness, you're out of the shadows. Right, right, right. And yeah, I guess they are indeed out of the shadow.

in this movie. Did they pass each other? Was Star Trek going into the shadows as they were coming out? Oh, that's a good call. Star Trek went into the shadows like a few years ago. Oh, right. And then like what came out was Ninja Turtles. They were living together? Yeah, do you live in sin? I could go with that, man. I am sure that there is something, like, I'm sure there's a thousand pages somewhere you could print out about an adventure about Star Trek and the Ninja Turtles together. That'd be a fan story. I guarantee it. Maybe they're fucking, maybe they're not. They're definitely fucking. If it's a fan story, like Michelangelo eating Scotty's asshole for a while.

Sure. After Kirk swoops in on April, right? Yeah. Oh, that's the move. That's the move. And then Michael Angelo doesn't know what to do, so he's going to get back at Kurt by eating out Scotty's a hole. Well, we just lost the audience, so we can keep going.

The rest of it's like a just for us. How would that get him back? Just out of curiosity. Big Revenge play. You know, just maybe. Well, here's the thing about this movie. I will say up front, I think I accidentally liked this movie. I've been kind of in the same boat because I went in wanting to hate it.

Okay, everyone? No, here's the deal. And I'm going to put this out to the audience as maybe the way we'll gauge this. You can't hear them. They'll have to let us know on what's known as social. media. Okay. Yell really loud.

We hated that first movie. There's like an in the vault WHM commentary on that first movie that like we kind of slacked on getting out. Hey, if there's interest in that, if you'd buy that, let us know.

And maybe we'll put it out if there's enough interest. Because that movie is terrible. And that's where I thought this was going to be. Like more of like the turtles, like all the turtles just want to fuck April O'Neill's brains out,

which is all that first movie is. The one thing to be careful about this commentary is probably a lot of presumptive like when Donald Trump drops out of the race kind of jokes like you know it's been sitting on the shelf for a year so I mean we're usually

a little more evergreen than that sure but yeah it is that has been turned down there's like one or two like flirtatious Michelangelo comment that's it I think it's like two and I was like once the credits it I was like oh he's not talking about like

his little turtle boner in this movie okay yeah the first one was kind of like, like it's a little bit of gritty and dark, but I want to use my turtle dick. It's disgusting. It's abhorrent. And this movie, I thought was like way better because it was

like, hey, this is a cartoon. Let's be a cartoon. It's a kid's movie. That's the thing that I realized like 25 minutes in it's like, oh, it's literally just a kid's movie. And the first one, it kind of isn't. No, it's not. The first one's trying to split the difference. This one still tries to split the difference a little bit. Well, it's interesting.

I feel like this is a movie that works for kids now and people like us who were kids in 1989 you know what I mean like it caters to the nostalgia of turtles because it uses all those characters that we missed from that that first movie like that first new movie

where it was like it's just Shredder and it's just who cares you know and then this movie it's like you got Bebop and Rocksteady who are terrible but they're there you got Crang who's terrible but he's there Shredder. I wish that's what Shredder sounded like.

I was just informed that Shredder, or not Shredder, Krang, I wish that's what Krang sounded like. I was just informed that Krang was voiced by Brad Garrett, which I didn't even know. Raymond. Mom's been giving me shit a dimension X. Raymond, your dog went to the bathroom in the technodrome. I keep telling you, Raymond, you got to put down the P-pads in the technodrome. Duh.

Hey, Raymond, where are your Aryan kids? Are they in the technodrome for some reason? Well, I was weird because I just saw Brad Garrett murder a police officer on SVU's season finale. He's getting around that, Brad Garrick. He was good in Fargo, I guess. Yeah, I like Brad Garrett and Fargo. Yeah, but like, he doesn't work for this role. Apparently, they fired Fred Armisen.

I don't know why. Sounds fine. But I was sitting here ready to bust out my crang. No phone ringing. Maybe they should have called, because your crang's better than the crang we're dealing with in this movie. I think it is. Well, because it's Brad Garrett, so it's very deep. But he's also trying to go high, too.

So it's going out like this. It's so weird. It's a weird voice. It's unpleasant. I also like how Shredder meets Crang kind of accidentally. Like, Crank innaps him in the middle of his, like, a dark night-esque jail break that he has. Oh, it's very dark night, by the way. And he doesn't throw up.

Like, how on, you, you get introduced to a big, fat, fucking alien that sounds like Brad Garrett. It looks like a arm flapping. crawling, talking ball sack. Yep. That's sweating somehow. I'm like, now,

how they're introduced, I thought was actually kind of fine because Tyler Perry has, what was his character's name? Baxter Stockman, of course.

Exactly. Who I thought was actually pretty good in this movie. I think so too. Are there any racists out there that are like, oh, Baxter Stockman's supposed to be white?

Man, I went, I took, listen to this, ever, let's settle around, church group. I got to tell you what happened to me

last weekend. I took my whole fucking family to see Ninja Turtles, too, out of the shadows. I was excited for my most favorite of all the Turtles characters, Dr. Baxter Stockman. And when I get into the theater, what do I see on screen? Madaia herself staring my fucking family in the face. Last time I checked, Baxter Stockman ain't no black man. What's next to Transgendered Rat King? Like, come on!

Where's America going to? Wow. Like, shut the fuck. No one could ever care about. That's why we got to fucking make America great again. You're telling me you hired an Irishman to play Rock Steady the rhinoceros. You got to be fucking shitting me, church group. I guarantee you that same guy is still upset about a black bebop as well, even though that couldn't make any more sense in the world.

I mean, he was he white in the show? I mean, like, he was a warthog. I mean, like, he was a warthog. I just feel like that doesn't have a race. You're right, Steve. Warthogs don't have a race. Well, they're a race of warthogs. Tyler Perry did a great job, and I never really liked the performance by him before.

No. He's good in this. He's good in Gone Girl. I thought he's pretty fantastic in that movie. Oh, I forgot he's in Gone Girl. Yeah, he's good in that. So what he's doing is like, it's like, oh, we got to, he wants to, he, like, teleport shredder.

I think he's just working on, like, teleportation technology. Yes. And it splits time and space and sense shredder. into dimension X. Big club. Really appreciate. Now, this sounds this sounds really stupid.

Okay, go ahead. I really appreciate that they had dimension X. They had a different dimension. You think, I was just imagining, oh, they're going to make

Crang like an alien or some such. Right, right, right. Did they say Dimension X in the movie? Oh, big time. Do they do? I know they say another dimension. I don't remember.

I'm pretty sure either Crang says it or Baxter Stockman says it. I like at the end of the movie, Donatella has a lot of bullshit magic computer stuff going on. Sure. My favorite one of which is like he can like by looking at footage of the invasion, he's like, oh, that thing is called the technodrome and the invader is called crank question mark. I was like, yeah, how are you getting these fun facts? These popcorn facts, Donatello.

How could you even like if he, you know, if he's using his hacking skills? Uh-huh. How do you decipher code written in an alien, presumably in alien language? Eric, he's a genius. Oh, okay. He's got glasses. I don't know if you notice. I don't know.

He's like, oh, that smart chipmunk. Simon. Why it doesn't, what? You know what? You want to put Donatello in glasses because he's a nerd? That's fine. He's got to be wearing like James Worthy goggles because he's an athlete, too. That's true.

That's going to fall right off his head. Yeah, totally. I didn't notice if they were like tied on in the back or taped up or something. I think they were taped up in the front from damage. That's true. Yeah. So he needs. figure it out. Sweet James Worthy

reference, by the way. No problem. Yeah, I think I like this movie a little less than you guys. I was funny. It was sitting in a theater next to this woman and her kids and when my favorite part of the whole movie was when April, because of the

reaction, was April, for some reason, dresses like a school girl to get somebody's bullshit whatever. Oh yeah, that was stupid. The woman next to me just goes, oh, come on. Yeah, well, she's not wrong. That's like the one part of the movie. that's kind of not for kids, because it's a very, like, sexy Megan Fox walking through Grand Central. It's a hooters commercial, you know?

But surprisingly, I mean, that's kind of, that kind of kicks off your movie, and it kind of lessens as we go. In the first movie, I thought there was way more of that. There was. Well, because so many people in that movie are trying to fuck her. Like, that whole movie is people trying to have sex with April O'Neill. Turtle or otherwise. Yeah, exactly. And this is not that. Also, what's weird, though, in this movie, she's definitely just like a detective for the turtles. until the very end when she has a microphone

in her hand and she's somehow still a reporter. Did that Whoopi Goldberg got executed between the two movies? I totally forgot she was in that.

I mean, I don't know about executed. She certainly didn't return for the sequels. I don't know where the character wound up. The Foot Clan have her on her knees

and she's just like, where are those turtles? Yeah. They never come. Listen, that's how you start Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles out of the shadows with Whoopi Goldberg's

execution. It's a foot soldier and he's doing the thing where it's like two swords, like two lightsabers in episode three. And he's addressing a camera. It's sort of like an ISIS video. Yeah, dude, you got to reference ISIS in a Ninja Turtles movie. Oh, the stakes are abnormally high on this Ninja Turtle's adventure. Wow. You know what's kind of great about this movie is that Shredder's kind of just not in it. And even to the point which annoyed me was at the end where Crang is like, I'm going to freeze you for some reason and put you in my toy chest. Well, the thing is about that, what I'm like, oh, oh, this is, what's, what's good about this? Is that in the third movie?

He's going to defrost Shredder and be like, you were right, Shredder. We need a partnership. Yeah, also the thing that could happen in this third movie is you unfreeze whatever other gleep-glopsie got floating around in that thing. Because I thought what you were going to see was like a Raiders of the Lost Ark-esque like warehouse. and it was like all these frozen things that you'd... I was like, oh, it was Ace Duck and Lair? Or that cheetah with the basketball jersey, right? Top man, not.

Exactly. But you know what's good about this... Another thing that's kind of good about this movie? Did it be great if the Battle Toads were down there. Oh, shit, yeah. Oh, that would be kind of cool. Will Arnett. They learn how to use them in this movie.

In the first movie, he was just another person trying to stoop. Megan Fox. Oh, big time. And, like, apparently he's taken the credit for Shredder. I mean, it kind of makes no sense. I see Steve's shaking his head at me. Steve's like, you know, the logic in this Ninja Turtles movie is incredibly flawed. But it's Will Arnett playing, like, you know, like the kind of a joke.

High confidence, jokeish character. Yes. Yeah. The first movie, he's way more of, like, just a horny goofball, which does it. Like, it's very close to what he's. He normally does, but it was just a little bit off. I kind of like the gag of him trying to get that surveillance camera and the wires going all over the place. Oh, he just pulls the cord out and it goes all the way around the room.

Yeah, that was kind of funny. It got me going. You know what I kind of like in this movie is that the Technodrome flies. It doesn't have to, like, come out of the ground or whatever. I got to say that I was like, you know, jaded sitting through this movie with a big hot rumpth for most of it. But when the fucking Technicrum has little eyeball on top of it for no reason. I just imagine it was going to be like gray, gray. Avengers Gray, whatever.

I thought they were going to like, it's an aircraft carrier now. You know, the fact that they're even... Sam Jackson standing on it. The fact that they're even doing a techno drone was getting my nerd nostalgia and that's tainting my view of the movie, I understand. Yeah. Is there a stinger in this movie or no? I didn't know.

I sat there. There's approximately zero stinger. I drove away. Oh, yeah, you started a drive-in. It was great. That's pretty cool. My first real, full-on driving experience. No trailers.

I appreciated. Oh, you just get right to it, huh? Get right to it. Just pickups, huh? Yes. Oh, bravo, Steve. Yeah, there were a couple of those. Yeah, I mean, I thought that Bebop and Rock, like, it was fun to finally see them, I'll be honest.

Even though, like, I was kind of bummed that there wasn't a real BBOB, like, BBop and Rocksteady are fighting lame-ass Stephen A. M.C. Jones, which I have a real problem with. He's terrible. Now, that is the weakest part of the movie. Casey Jones, why bother? Yep. Just have him be a dude. Have him be some dude because he's not Casey Jones. He's Casey Jones for the first, like, 10 minutes of that movie.

One scene with a hockey stick. Yeah. And then he's just a fucking cop. Like, who cares? Right. He was the cop that lost shredder. Great. He's not even a cop.

He's a corrections officer that someday hopes he can be a detective. Oh, by the way. way, Laura Linney, huh? Oh, man, that's embarrassing, huh? I could not even believe it when she walked into this movie. I started laughing out loud. She has to say The Shredder so much. She doesn't have to say Crang, thankfully.

She has to say Ninja Turtles. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty bad. And it's like a little cartoon Laura Linney at the end, too. Oh, right, because they've all got, like, little cartoons during the credits. Those cartoons look terrible. Now, why? I thought they looked kind of cool, but what?

Oh, but why did they do like, like the 80s cartoon, the 80s, early 90s cartoon, right? Yeah, they just wouldn't. That would have been kind of cool. They do play the theme song. I mean, this movie is like, to your point, that's, I mean, that's the sort of, quote, unquote, genius of the movie is you get. Whoa, careful. You get the kids because it's a kids movie, but you get all the fat man babies, like myself included. They do like, oh, my God, that's the fucking Technodrome.

And like, you know, it strokes the thing And you go like that. Yeah, I mean, which is the grossest way to put that. I mean, yeah, it was me and another obese man in the theater and that was it. I saw it at 2 o'clock in the afternoon on a Friday, which is kind of the perfect way to see that. Like, I saw the first one in theaters too, but it was like a nooner on a Saturday. And it was just me and a ton of kids. And I felt weird.

That was me. That was me. It was a ton of kids in this. Yeah, it was just like, let me just be here like with this nostalgia. Let me just dip into this franchise that I still love, you know, kind of a thing. And, you know, it paid off nicely. I'll tell you this. You know what I despise more than anything just to go back to Bebop and Rock City?

Because I'm nowhere near done with these people. People. Well, these former people now mutants. Who are so thrilled to be turned into monsters. Which is bizarre. They love being turned into monsters, which is weird. They're looking at their dicks, which is a very weird scene. They're excited about their monster dicks.

Steve, you turn into a monster. a giant pig or a giant rhino you're looking at you're looking at we might all be looking at i mean a rhinoceros penis i kind of understand but like does a war dog have like a big penis well there's got to be something right don't you want to see what's there i guess yeah it's not so much that i'd be like it's huge i'd be like i gotta see what it looks like oh man i can't have sex with a human being ever again wait what do you mean you can't you could you shouldn't there's videos out there that prove otherwise right the movie Zoo. Yeah, just has that guy from Zoo.

Follow up with the Federallies that got him. That's a major through line throughout our podcast. It certainly is. Find that anywhere else in the podcast world, gentle listener. I was going to say you haven't asked the guy from Zoo, you got a Ouija board handy? Oh, poor Mr. Hands. He had unfinished business, huh?

He lives on through podcasts like this. What alleged. Uh, no, here's the thing. One, yeah, I don't understand why you hired this Rassler, Seamus. I mean, whatever, it doesn't matter, but like, I was confused just thinking back, like, was Rocksteady supposed to be an Irish gentleman? I didn't think so. Didn't he was like Finnish or something?

No, well, that's, it's some stupid gag that they make. Right. Yeah. It's all bullshit. They were both like, you know, Staten Island bros. It was like, the Toidels, you know what I mean? Like that's, yeah, they kind of weren't doing that in this movie. Yeah, I mean, obviously, Seamus wasn't, but I mean, they're in love with each other, right?

Like, that's a real thing. They just, the second you get out of jail with your buddy, you're going to go to a bar with your buddy. And then they're talking about like, well, with that shredder out of the way, we could rule the city as king and queen. All I was, all I was thinking about was fucking Laura Linney and Sean Penn at the end of Mystic River when she's like, you could be the king of this. and I'll be your queen And together we'll rule this block Rocksteady Also

Fucking rock steady Is Colin Bebop Bebbs throughout this entire movie What is that shit? Well the weird thing about To your point hiring Shamis who's a wrestler I don't think is that bad

He's got good screen presence But like you have to realize You're hiring a voice actor For 80% of it Exactly And he's not that So it's all like not really great compelling voice acting performance. You're right. They should have juiced up Frank Welker.

I bet you Frank Welker would give you a mean rock steady. He could do both B-Bop and Rock Steady. It's true. Fucking one paycheck, dude, streamline that shit. Hey, give him Crang as well. Give him crang. Also, though, why is B-Bop morbidly obese in this movie? That's a good question.

He's just like swinging this fat fucking Warnhug gut all over the place. And he loves it. Dude, they love that they're monsters. He loves that he's somehow morbidly obese. The actor playing him in human form is not morbidly obese. Oh, I'm a piggy. I love being a piggy. And I'm like, are you okay, man?

It's so weird. Weird, wild stuff. Yeah, I mean, but there's no, the action in these movies kind of bug me. Because at least in those, I haven't watched the third one in a while, stay tuned to Rochester when I rewatch it. but like the action's kind of fun because it's puppet suits and we're doing karate we're fighting ninjas the whole time

sure this is like we're always falling down a building and three other things are happening right we're jumping off of airplanes and the camera's cutting every half a second I hear you because like the bebop there should be a bebop rock steady turtles fight that's just in an alleyway with a bunch of fucking pipes you know what we call around here a New York

Street brawl that's what I wanted you don't get it and that to speak to the thing about jumping out of planes that was the thing that bothered me is that this movie besides the fact that it injects way more characters into it and the stakes are like a little higher

it is just kind of a carbon copy sequel because that whole sequence of jumping out of the plane when the turtles go to South America briefly which almost I kind of I was just like you know you had beep up and rock steady driving a tank through the jungle and I did have the thought I was like This is like an episode of the cartoon.

Like, they would do this in the cartoon. But then it turns into this like big river scene thing. And that's just a copy of them sliding down the snowy mountain from the first movie. Yeah, they're always falling down something in these movies. Like, just stand still and let's fight each other. At least they go to a location that has the water that would be needed. Yeah, actually, it's believable geography. Right.

Because in the first movie, they're like, we're right outside New York City. and it's like the Rocky Mountains, which the sugar bush doesn't exist. My question is, how do they... So they fall out like mid-trip and like all that crap happens and then Rock City's got the tank, etc. Do they get whatever the crap they need to get

and the turtles fall in a waterfall? You don't see Bebop and Rocksteady again until they're back of the city busting up Casey Jones. Like, did they like get a flight? Did they get on Delta? Like, how did that work? You're just two monsters.

Yeah, like, sorry. You probably can't fly. coach. I guess they had to get like the foot clan to pick them up. Hey, maybe they just slept their way north. You know, they pretended to be like some sex workers. Find some, find those weirdos

dude, find the Mr. Hands of the world. Maybe they were like driving around in like a classic 50s car or motorcycle doing like an on the road, but like reverse. Oh, I like that. Yeah, right? Getting on to all kinds of interesting.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, get Carlo Marks in there See, he was doing? Yeah. Hey, you know what's kind of weird is, so I appreciate Not only did we get Crang, even though his voice sucks, but we got the Crang suit,

except they kind of try to modify this a little bit. They try to cool it up a bit. And it kind of just winds up looking like an overweight Terminator, because it's all like silvery and shit, but it's just like fat still. Yeah, like, I was kind of okay with that because I'm just like, as much

as I love that stupid human suit he has in the cartoon. That human suit could you look like your weird uncle in a bathing suit? Exactly, which I would appreciate seeing on screen. Not going to lie. But that doesn't make sense really in the modern. Did he ever like go to the bank in the cartoon? Like put on

a suit and just like pretend to be a person? Oh, I think he... I think everyone's wearing a trench coat at some point. I think there must be something. I don't think it was as sophisticated as like tying a tie. But yeah, he probably put a trench coat on and a big

rain hat, you know, that was kind of enough. I'm going to have to talk to my manager. This guy's talking out of his dick. I one thing a prediction for the next movie is that Bebop and Robbock City have to be

amputees. Oh, right. Wait, what happens? The end of Bebubbub and Rocksteady is Casey Jones tricks them into going into going until like a shipping crate and closes the door and throws a grenade and they both go grenade and you hear the explosion but you don't see what happened but like

close quarters grenade like they're alive but yikes but I mean how are they I mean because it's a kid's movie but like Jesus it's like saving private Ryan in there they're just covered in soot and they dust each other right but you know I would appreciate hooks

for limbs oh I like that idea yeah sure oh Jesus make them even more of monsters exactly yeah or Bebop and Rock said he can star in a remake of I Know What You Did Last Summer. They're just hookhand monsters. Yeah. Oh, actually, here is my absolute most favorite thing about this movie.

Please. It now, Ninja Turtles Out of the Shadows, now with 99% less disgusting splinter. Yeah. Dude, Tony Shalub is barely in this movie and thank God for that. You know what I've noticed about that is in the first movie, he was like all oily and disgusting. And this one, he's just, like, got fur. Like, it's just like, I think he took a bath.

But it's just like, that's what I appreciated maybe the most about this movie is they kind of de-disgusting it a little bit. They did a little course correction. They did that. The turtles are definitely less juiced. Yeah. And even to the point where, like, because Donatello is supposed to be the nerd, he's, like, noticeably smaller than the other three. Yeah. And, like, it's, like, clearly delineated.

Like, Raff is the biggest one because he's supposed to be the muscle. So, like, they did work on the turtle look a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, you could tell them apart. And, like, even Leonardo, you know? Like, they toned him down a little, too. What I hated, though, was this was yet another, like, the turtles just fighting over, like, leadership and whatnot. But it never went anywhere because it would be like, you're fucking dead to me.

And then, like, the computer would flash. And they'd just be like, what's going on, Donnie? and then that conflict is over with. That is actually the thing I hated the most about this movie. The whole subplot of like we could be human like God, shut up.

I mean, but it's gross but there's no human element to them anyway, right? I mean, maybe. They never were humans. No. It doesn't make any sense. Well, no, I guess the idea is

splinters jizz like mixed in with the ooze when they touched the tree. That's exactly what I was going to say. Wow. Look at our mind reader over here. Baxter Stockman. gives this bullshit thing. He's like, oh, inside every person is an animal. You happen to be

a warthog. You happen to be a rhinoceros. Not only that, he says it's from our ancestors. What the fuck? Yeah, I don't know about that. I didn't appreciate how Tyler Perry is kind of just kidnapped out of this movie by Shredder. He needs to turn into a bug. You know what? That's your third movie right there. Yeah. I mean, you could honestly make him be like the villain of it. I really think Tyler Perry was good in this movie. And he could carry the villain role. He was better than Shredder or Crang. I thought Shredder's final words to him were going to be like,

because you know that your inner animal is nothing but a measly housefly. And like kind of like hinted that, like set that up. He does say so. He almost does it because he's like, oh, you know, blah, blah, blah. And I'm not going to be a king and you're going to be. I'm like, oh, call him a bug. Call him a bug. Call him a bug.

And I thought, I thought, I thought, I thought, no, damn it. It was the exact same moment of the movie. I was like, fuck you, footnote. I thought he was going to, like, caress his cheek and say, bug. Oh, yeah, he's going to curse him? You know, like, thin. Back.

You are bag. Yeah, not enough Shredder. I didn't like Shredder. I've never liked Shredder in these movies. Better in this movie than the last movie, because at least in this movie, he functioned as a human being. Yeah. Like, in the first movie, he was just like the metal monster,

and he didn't really get anything about him. He did have, like, a super suit. thing kind of going on. Also, he clearly died at the end of that movie. Oh, yeah, he's murdered. I mean, I know they keep killing him in all these movies. Oh, yeah, but he like fucking falls off the Empire State Building or whatever, right? Yeah, and it's amazing

that, like, what was that? The first movie was like, let's poison New York with this gas or some shit. Yeah. And the stakes felt so high and so stupid and they're higher in this movie, but it feels more natural in a way. Yeah, I guess because what he's doing in that

first movie is a semi-realistic terrorist attack. This movie is an alien bringing a warship from another dimension. Called the Technodrome, which is a place that you may or may not have had 20 years ago. That's, I mean, because that's the thing. There's basically in this world two kinds of

Ninja Turtles things. Like, those early gritty comics, which are based in reality-ish, which is what that first movie is. Yeah. And then there's just shit from the cartoon, which is Bonkers Town. Yeah. And this movie fully embraces bonkers town and doesn't, for a second, try to be, like, gritty, realistic, whatever, I don't think.

Except when they mention casually that Shredder is in jail for 32 counts of murder one? Oh, is that right? Yeah, man, that's a legit thing. Well, is that like... That's a legit thing. Yeah. Tell me about it. But is that...

Are those casualties from his attack, or are those, like, foot clan members that he had executed? Wow, that sounds pretty... dangerous. I don't know, man. I mean, working for Shredder's like working for Pol Pot. See, they should address that in the next movie and we should get the robot foot soldiers

that blow up. That's more fun. Are they just regular dudes? I figure, not my foot clen in this movie. Because Shredder doesn't want any more murder counts against him. That's why he develops the robot army. I cannot

stop executing my foot soldiers, so we must make them robots. Nobody cares if I kill a robot. See, Crank can make your robots. Come on. Yeah, he could easily develop robots. I'll make you robots. That's

so much better than Brad Garrett. Yeah, see? I'm available for the sequel. That's it. You want to course correct? Here's the thing. The moment in this movie when they do come out of the shadows. Uh-huh.

I feel like it's a mistake. Because that whole sequence is Laura Linney being like, I guess I'm siding with Ninja Turtles. It's like, come on. The NYPD public affairs person would be like, how are we going to rebrand these fucking things? There's no way Ninja Turtles is going to be what they're called. And it's kind of, it's weird.

Like the turtles have like a fucking police escort. But at the end, they do say we're going to stay in the shadows because that's where we, you know, only like a select few of people now like 150 cops know about the turtles. My favorite being that first cop in the police station where, like, there's that moment, everyone's like, oh, fuck, what's going on? The guy goes, they're monsters. They're monsters. And it's like, what on earth?

I was laughing during this part, too, because then, like, I don't know, one of them, like Donatelow or someone's just like, and they were saying we were monsters and they had hate in their hearts. Yeah, dude, he's talking about hate. They had pure hate in their hearts. Yeah, it was kind of awesome. they're monsters there's also way less like we love pizza in this movie yeah I kind of appreciated

like the turtles go into the Nick game I thought that was silly but fun I was I appreciated that it was the Knicks and not the Nets yes who was the Nets I would have walked out of the stadium walked out of the stadium Oh I saw it at Madison Square Garden Ninja Turtles viewing party

at MSG Yeah, I don't know, it was kind of funny I love What's his face slipping on the piece of pizza Oh, DeAndre Jordan And then the guy The ref's like, welcome to New York No, the game would stop Yeah

Well, it would be like I don't know It would just be like, who threw that piece of pizza? Yeah, can we just everybody It wouldn't be like Clearly it fell from the rafters Where Four Mutant Turtles are watching the game I don't appreciate that the pizza is never

New York style in these movies It's all like puffy pizza hut Yeah Which is like the first first movies. They're in dominoes in that first

movie. I know. It's, it's, it's, I mean, we, listen, we have dominoes in this town. Sure.

And maybe like, because they're disgusting mutants. That's what they were to eat. Exactly. But listen, we totally dodged

a bullet man. I mean, this is 2016. We could have had that fucking pizza war criminal Papa John Shattered fucking cameo in

this movie. Him running down onto the court. Yeah. Like, oh, hey, everybody, it's me,

Papa John and if the Knicks score over 100 points and now you get fucking 20% off of pizza. Hey, I kind of look like a Ninja Turtle. I'm Peyton Manning. Can I be in this movie? Hey, Papa, look at those turtles. You could paint me green. I could be the fifth Ninja Turtle.

Wasn't there a girl in that other series? I could put a bow in my hair. My neck doesn't turn like the turtles too. And then he kisses Papa John. I'm a girl Ninja Turtle now. But he did kiss him. some, after the Super Bowl, right? Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Papa John was there. Papa John came first, then his wife. Dude, listen. Did you hear that, what was it? Mike Francesa did a, uh, it was talking

about it? Oh, no. Oh, of Mike and the Mad Dog thing. Yes. Oh, my God. It's the hilarious thing. I think you could find it on YouTube or something, but he's just like, and the first guy. And the first guy you kiss can't be Papa John. It can't be. He's like flipping the fuck out about it. It's hilarious. Dude, Mike Frances's tirades and like him falling asleep on the air, that's just some fucking great entertainment. He's a New York treasure.

He should be the next Turtles movie. Let's, let's, I mean, Carmelo Anthony's nice in this movie. Sure. And shame on the NFL for having him on the field. I don't know why Papa John was on the field. I mean, you just can't be in a Ninja Turtle movie.

It's all I'm saying. It can't be. Ninja turtles are not real. The Knicks, that's a real team. That, I love it because now we're getting into like Larry King Ghostbusters Territories. Yes, that's exactly what it would be. Or Casey Jones or Casey Case. I'm like, and then the Ninja Turtles dance the night away with a bunch of beautiful babes at the defeat the Foot Clan.

Now this is the, it's the greatest example of privilege for the rich at Yankee Stadium. If you want to look up to the gym beam box, there's the four fucking Ninja Turtles. Taking up space. I got a poor family out here. Family of five can't see the game because the Ninja Turtle's got to be in the stadium in that Jim Beambox. I got a real problem with that. They dance

the night away with a bunch of models. Is this my job? Now the Yes Network does carry Ninja Turtle's footage. They're just airing Ninja Turtles cartoons. All your favorite New York sports teams, Knicks, Nets, Yankees,

Ninja Turtles, Giants. Jets, Ghostbusters. And shame on the Ninja Turtles for having him on the field. I don't know why Papa John was on the field. Dude, it just goes to show that, like, people will do anything for free pizza. Like, that's like, like, Papa John is the, like, he's like the guy on your floor freshman year that you despise, but you make friends with because he's got a car. Yeah. That's fucking Papa John. He's the pizza king of America.

You make friends with Papa John. You got free pizza the rest of your life. life. Why else would you hang out with them? Why would you let him on the field? First person you kiss can't be Papa John. It can't. It cannot be the first person you kiss. It is the funniest thing in the world. And actually, on the best show, they repeat that he kept on repeating that clip, Tom Sharpling forever. And it was just so funny. So yeah, I'm sure we'll get a third Turtles movie at some point. Did this movie make money? Probably, right? It did okay. Yeah, it did okay. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. you what, there's a new like Turtles game coming out that looks pretty cool. All right, I'm

to that. It's cool. It's cool. They're like drawn pretty coolly. Anyone tell me give me some Twitter interactions whether or not I should be watching this new cartoon. Is there a new cartoon? There's always a new cartoon. But is this the same one on Nickelodeon that Roseanne is the

Crang Prime? I think so, but it might be like Generation 4. I'm going to guess you don't need to see that. Probably not. It's a Nickelodeon's film movie. It is. They got their finger. all over this turtle soup. And like a couple of Chinese conglomerates and a Middle Eastern firm.

I was very interested in the beginning. Those opening credits are like, all right. It's so weird. I was like, hey, Paramount, is it this fucking hard of you to raise money these days? For a fucking Ninja Turtle movie. Did someone buy the Ninja Turtles? Well, what's weird is...

That should be like crowd fund. Buy, have America. And another thing, church group. We're going to crowd front to bring the, bring the Ninja Turtles back to America. Well, it's interesting. Well, it's interesting. Because...

Oh, of course he's got to be a black Baxter Stockman. Oh, God damn it. Kids, close your eyes. I'll tell you when Blackster Stockman's off the screen. I'll tell you this. An interesting thing about, like, Ninja Turtles' rights issues. So, like, these are two new movies... A march of the streets.

Well, it's like... Theatrical rights. Oh, got you. So, like, these two new movies, it's like Paramount Viacom because, like, Nickelodeon's involved in that and whatever. Those first three movies are new line, which is Warner Brothers. But what's weird is those three movies, Warner Brothers, because I was talking to a programmer friend of mine

who was trying to get these movies at his theater in anticipation of this new one. And Warner Brothers doesn't have the rights to these movies, though, and they've reverted back to this Chinese company. I don't know if it's the same Chinese company that had money in this movie, but it would stand to reason. Debt collection service. Oh, man, these Chinese ninja turtles that don't even make any sense.

Oh, well, that's W.H.M. on screen for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles out of the shadows. Until next time, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Seda. Eric Siska. Take it easy.