We Hate Movies - S6: WHM Summer Rerun - Silver Bullet

Episode Date: September 1, 2016

Original Air Date: October 1st, 2012 On this spooky summer rerun, the guys reminisce about one of the greatest Gary Busey films of all time, Silver Bullet! How does this mother allow her son to accept this crazy motorcycle wheelchair gift? How is Gary Busey not the werewolf in this film? And what's with this terrible narration? PLUS: Werewolves 'n Things! Silver Bullet stars Gary Busey, Corey Haim, Everett McGill, Megan Follows, and Terry O'Quinn; directed by Daniel Attias.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I mean, you know, I'm going to be. tell you i'm already excited to revisit gary buzzi's family size bottle of wild turkey and silver bullet by the way i like high velocity wheelchair cars personally that's what actually we've been doing over summer break

is making yeah oh yeah we're using our summer break to make high velocity wheelchair cars whilst drinking wild turkey trying to get out of the city to main yeah that's where you want to be you know it's a show that i got back into these days battle by

Gang. Oh, you fucking loser. No, I'm a hillbilly. Stop. Stop. First what the fuck are you talking? Dude, you don't remember Battlebots? I remember Battlebots, but what, are you watching the old episode? No, it's back. I saw that it was back. Where is it back? Not

in Pogger. No, it's on ABC. Of course it is. It's a legitimate broadcast. Wasn't it all like Comedy Central? It was. It's been upgraded to ABC. And what is going on on this show? I mean, robots are fight each other, man.

And this is airing on... Wait, you said this is airing on AB. This is on television. This is on television. In prime time. In prime time for adults to watch. I don't believe you. Dude, let me tell you, there is no single, bigger,

dumbass hobby than building robots and fighting other robots. It fucking sucks. It'll get me going on. But when SkyNet attacks, don't expect me to save me. me and killbot 5,000. All those fucking killbot 5,000 builders that definitely own Chapie on Blu-ray. Excuse me.

No one else has the patent on Killbot 5,000. That's exclusive to me. But all of y'all can buy Chapie on Blu-ray, and that's definitely happen. Oh, I definitely own Chapie on Blu-ray. My name is Paul W. Battlebop. I'm kind of hoping that, like, Hugh Jackman shows up at some point. You did that real steel movie, right?

He sure did. Oh, right. I remember not hating it. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow. I never saw Chippy. Oh, I saw Chappie.

I am Chappie. Oh, shit. I am Lincoln Chaffy. It's a little joke jack from the Democratic primary. There you go, dude. So, yeah, enjoy this very, another very old episode. This was a spooktacular episode. Gary Busey.

Corey Hame, bad narration. Nobody else. Yeah. Bad werewolf makeup. Bad podcast? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Is that trying to start up your battle bot? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

So enjoy, Selva Ballet. Piss on the Yankees, piss on the Indians. Piss on the Phyllis. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, welcome to the first week of werewolves and things. No, no, it's just horror months. Spooktacular. Is that what we called this thing? Yeah, the spooktacular is back. Although, we did just say, if we had a podcast called Werewolves and Things, it would be officially the least listen to podcast in history. We're going to get a lot of, like, tweets now, like, make that podcast. You should totally do Werewolves and Things. You know what? They're all obese men with weird. Bispy Beards. Like, dude, you got to do Werewolves and Dickling. It's got to be awesome.

I just got my new Allen Moore tattoo. Guys, in like the fifth week, it's going to be way more and things than Werewolves. So, at least for now, the Werewolves in question are from Silver Bullet

1985. It's a Stephen King Adaptation that he wrote the screenplay for, which is, I don't know, with King adaptations, him adapting himself, Sometimes it works. Sometimes it's wretched.

Yeah, I mean, you just get too much, Stephen. Because it's like, it's like Stephen King squared at that point. You just get like all of the snappy fucking one-liners. Well, because I feel like when he's adapting a book or a novella of his, or I believe the term for this was novelette, which I thought was bullshit. I don't know what that is. It's even smaller than a novella. Scraps of paper.

It's just a bunch of napkins that you have to buy. They're mostly doodles. Let's just call it a short story, Stephen. King and get it on. Get it over a way. But I feel like when he adapts his own stuff, right, he's almost like, all right, here's the second chance I have to fix all the things I hated about this. So it's like him writing something to make it better. Yeah. Which is sometimes horrible. I mean, I haven't read the novelette of this, which I believe is adapted from something called Cycle of the Werewolf. Probably wouldn't take you very long. It's a novelette. It's cute. It's just a couple of napkins. It's written on a tampon. Oh, man. So this flick starts off with a good old-fashioned decapitation. Yeah, there's this old-timer that's probably had a few too many that is walking out under the tracks to, he's like, he like works for the railroad. And he's like cleaning off this track and I think like switching a track so that he could go on his merry way. Right.

And then all of a sudden he gets his head ripped off and flies through the air. Which this is like still during the opening credits. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, here we go, hardcore werewolf action. It's also the actor from Major League that plays the manager, who sounds like if you put rocks and Tabasco sauce in a dishwasher and let it go, that's what you would get. That's the voice. I don't know how he did. It's like, no, I don't know. It's like he swallowed a cigarette voice box thing or whatever.

Oh, werewolf. Oh, no. It's just like impossible voice. Yeah, it's really gravelly and, you know, almost unlistenable. Like, you can't really understand what that guy's saying. You just get the gist. I don't know where he's going with this. It's a werewolf.

I also thought he kind of looked like Jack Palin's stunt devil. Rory Palin. This takes place in 1976 for no reason. and it uses a really stupid framing device of yes it okay essentially here we are we're recording this in the year 2012 spoiler and apparently this movie takes place i would imagine after like by the time we're you know way in the future because you're saying where the narration takes yeah exactly but like so it's all so and essentially this movie takes place in the future because it's a story being told to us by the sister to

Corey Haim in the movie as an older woman remembering when she was 15, way back in the year 1976. You know, that's a good call. I hadn't put that together, but she does really have an old Catherine Hepburn. I thought she's going to talk about the fucking Titanic.

It's really terrible. But, yeah, you know, just said it in 1985, you know, when the movie's going to come out. Eighty-four, 85, that's totally fine. there's a whole lot of things from the mid-80s that are just left in this movie

enachronistically, so why not? It's like setting a movie now in 2007. It's like, who gives this shit? Why bother? And it's like, it's hard to do like a period piece of a recent time well. I think like the only one I can think of is the Big Lobowski, which was like 96,

but it takes place like 92 or one. Right, right, right. There was another one. I just, I had it. There's another thing that took, It came out recently. Ah, this is going to kill me now. The fighter?

No, that was more recent? The social network, maybe? I think, yeah, maybe the social network is what I'm thinking of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very, like, early 2000. But that's like 2000. You're doing like 2002 and 2010. There's a significant difference.

And I mean, you're tracking the social change anyway. So it makes sense as opposed to a werewolf in a sleepy main town. Yeah, and exactly, exactly. And like Facebook, man, I've changed everything. Facebook changed the way we talk about Werewolves. It's just a revolutionized Werewolf chatter on the internet.

It's true. You'll see this episode posted on Facebook. Yeah, I would love like a bar graph of like a bar graph, but like a timeline of like the history of talking about werewolves. Like wearwolf shirts, wolf shirts in like 1989. Like that's a big star. Like when those things... You mean those wolves overlooking the moon and there's like a Native American Dream Catcher thing that you bought at those really shitty

stores at the mall that also sold swords and pipes and all that shit? Yeah, a Lord of the Ring store we like to call those. Shire Mart. So, yeah, I mean, it's a Stephen King movies, so it takes place in Maine, of course. Clearly. Even though

like, Eric, you tell me this takes place in... It was shot in North Carolina. And there's so much Southern accents up and down this movie where you think you're like, oh, it's never really expressly said in Maine, so like oh it must be somewhere in the south that's this part of the history of Maine you might not know this but in 1976 all these Southerners went up to Maine to live it was like it was sort of like a reverse trail of tears and ironically they were

actually escaping a werewolf epidemic at the time the werewolves were actually destroying all of the tobacco plantations that they had so they had to escape north to Maine out of the frying pad into the fire that's where that's where that expression comes from. Oh, no, the werewolves followed us. Leave our crops alone. Forget the trail of tears. It's the trail of lycanthropy.

So this guy gets decapitated. And the narration specifically says something about like, well, the town team did it in an accident? I'm like, did anyone do an autopsy on this guy? Because his head is clearly ripped off by a werewolf. Those claw marks were just made by the train. oh it seems like the train wheel got really jagged at the end now oh looks like he fell and hit his neck on a blueberry patch pretty bad yeah because that is the theory that that he had like just drunkenly fall fell on asleep on the tracks and the train just ran over his head okay but so then even that though yeah have you seen a train run over anything like that's not what it's gonna no clean cut like that flattens those panties

Martha, you hear about that train attack in the apartment building. It's terrible. Man lost his head. Must have been a train. These trains are breaking into our houses and decapitating us. Slicing upper backs real good, they are. I want to see a bunch of Mainers leading a campaign to dismantle all trains. And then it keeps happening.

And then there's like, a specter locomotive did it. Twas and O.J. Simpson was the Union Pacific. Good God. Yeah, we'll see if that gets cut. Nope. Shit. So we're introduced to Corey Hane, who plays a handicapped boy with a rocket motorcycle wheelchair called the Silver Bullet, which is the worst thing ever. and it's like he's the brother of the narrator like we said and it starts off with like

it's pride day and all sleepy main town and the sheriff's given some big speech about here comes summer or whatever the hell the annual here comes summer parade oh really calendar fest and uh time's passing again and so it's just the first thing we're interested and I think, Eric, you mentioned this when we were just chatting about it before we went on the air here. But if this woman is telling this story about the weak, the werewolf attacked or whatever, why is she including this part where her brother's friend, like, kind of torches her to the point of tears?

And that's what's great. It's like, it's like, I'll tell you about the decapitation. But then I'm going to tell you this one time when I got severely humiliated in public. We're going to talk about that for a while. Like this kid dangles a snake in front of her face And she falls in a mud puddle And it's like visibly upset And then the kid's like

Did you wet your pants Because there's a big puddle there It's really weird and gross Because like this Why? I mean I can understand Like antagonizing your sister But you shouldn't get an outside party To get involved in it

Because that guy's gonna take it too far And also creep Stop looking at my sister's legs or whatever But he's got Use of his legs So maybe he could He needs like some he needs like an assistant to help him a prank a prank assistant yeah but even still like and this guy's like kind of doing like he's doing her like physical harm and laughing about it right she like scrapes her knee up and everything like who's picking on the sister like why are you like the friends like 12 years old or something like why are you picking on a girl physically like that like that's really messed up yeah and just laughing about it i'm glad this kid gets killed later spoiler

alert. But yeah, he gets murdered. But yeah, so, like, the funny thing is the twisted family dynamic is like, and it's a really interesting thing that goes absolutely nowhere. It's like, the mother just favors Corey Hayne because he's handicapped like nobody's business. And, like, he treats her like shit. And then, like, they're in the car.

And, like, she's covered in muttered. Knees cut up to shit. And her mom's like, just let it go, sweetie. He said he was sorry. Like, no punishment whatsoever. This kid's ruling the roost. And it's not like this accident or, you know, however he became handicapped, just happened yesterday. Like I can see you have that grace period of, you know, whatever you need.

Yeah, of course. But at the same time, like, later in the movie, she's yelling at Gary Busey, you know, he's got to learn to be himself and, you know, not give up. You can't baby him and be a bad influence around him. Like, where is that mentality in the car when she's like, you know what, daughter of mine? Why don't you stop shitting around and crying about your bleeding? knee in your destroyed clothing. At least you can walk, all right? Like, God. By the way, tossing

the C-word around a lot. Just Cripp, Cripp-Clipling all over the place. Two Corey Hame's face, like, you're just a Cripple. Stop being such a cripple. Up on Cripple Creek. You're like, come on. The band reference. Do you

think that Stephen King set this movie in 19-set the book in this movie in 1976 so that you could use cripple all you want? Possibly. A big old cripple free-for-all? Well, the way we were referred to to people who are paralyzed in this country changes so much. Like, that's one of those ones that changes like every six years. I have to get on an email chain.

Like, I really, I need those updates. We should be saying handicapable of this entire time, I believe. I think handicapped is out. I think what we're done. What is the wrong with capped? It's quicker. It's been capped. They put a cap on handicapped?

It doesn't, I mean, I get it. But I'm glad we put cripple to bed That we're done saying cripple I'm not bummed out about cripple Like cripple I was always uncomfortable With in the first place But really handicapped It's not a handy capable parking space

And you know what, I mean it's As you see where we're on to the and things portion Yeah, you're right Werewolves did not last long It would have made a really bad idea For a podcast Some guys look at his Alan Moore tattoo. He's like, I know they're not talking about werewolves.

Right, Alan? Talk to me, forearm, Alan Moore. Dance for me, forearm, Alan Moore. So in comes Gary Busey, thank God. One of the things that's like a trend in this, I guess not a trend, but it happens twice. Just when I'm at the point of going, isn't Gary Busey in this movie?

He just teeths his way onto the set. Thank God. he's a ray of sunshine with this cast let me tell you he is a loose canon in this movie like even more so than he usually is but he's also playing like a father figure he's not he's a loose canon in the sense that you can see him as an actor being really crazy about stuff but as far as the character goes he's not a scumbag like he's kind of a drunk and a you know deadbeat a little bit shugs wild turkey yeah he's constantly drinking wild turkey out of the bottle but he's not a like a real like i thought there was going to be a turn in this movie where gary busey's like punching corey hayman in the face yeah but he's actually like really sweet to him and nurturing and trying to help him with the disability and he's pretty good with the girl too he's a good uncle the weird thing is but that wild turkey is like he's got the $25 bottle of wild turkey which is not a personal serving size but that's the party pack it is the party pack and you'll

notice he doesn't take that outside which means you know He's probably spending a lot of his time in the house drinking, alone drinking, hotel room drinking. Or let's face it, motel room drinking. You drop that hoe right out of there. So there's one part, before we get to Gary Busey, I mean, I guess we got to him. But there's something that happens beforehand at the calendar day festival of whatever they're doing in the town square at the beginning of this movie. After this poor girl is humiliated, she sort of runs off into the bushes. And there's another humiliation going on at the other side of the book.

which is where this woman's like, hey, I'm pregnant. And this guy's like, bullshit, not my kids. See you later. He's got that great line. What was it? It was like. Oh, he goes, let's see here. He says, because this is really horrible.

It's your oven, but it ain't my bun in there. Yikes. Like, come on, buddy. We're just treated to this little, like, slice of life. It's a little slice of life. And what's funny is, you know, I was rewatching the movie at work, so I kind of, you know, super wasn't paying attention. And I was like, is this woman

a character? Am I supposed to care about this person? Because it's just out of nowhere. And the daughter's like crying, watching her, and then that's the end of it. And you're like, where's this going? Oh, it goes someplace. Cut to that night. She's got all these red pills laid out. And

she's like, well, they say suicides a sin, but I'm going to burn in hell tonight. She starts like chugging all these pills. Yeah, it's like, you know, if you commit suicide, you go to hell, especially if you're pregnant. Oh, yeah, like double, double, double, well, suicide and murder. Because then you're burning for two then.

So she starts to, like, kill herself, and she's looking at a picture of this guy who told her off in the town square, like, this is all for you, Damien. And the fucking werewolf jumps through the, like, climbs up a lattice, by the way. You have a nice little werewolf, POV. jumps through this window and murders this woman. It's really violent and really fucked up. Side note. Suicide, you go to hell. Killed by a werewolf, go right to heaven, question mark.

Well, you got that baby in you. So you're going to go back down to hell, but it's not going to be as bad as the suicide one would be. Well, you think it's a thing where, like, you go to hell first, and then there's like a couple of lines you got to wait on to sort of explain what's going on. The bureaucracy. Yeah, you know, you feel about a little hell paperwork, and they're like, all right, well, we'll get you up there. You got to remember to itemize all your sins.

I just, I really feel like once you get killed by a supernatural being, God's like, well, I owe you one. I kind of stack the deck against you, you know, like, because God has to. God created all those boogeymen. Exactly. As we learned a few weeks ago, God created all of those creatures. It's just like, you know, ah, you didn't really have a chance. It's my werewolf. My bad.

Get to heaven. Like, I know you sit in a bunch. Did my dog get. out again. Shit, I'm sorry. I'll pay the damages. Go right to heaven. It's totally fine. However, if you're like Bella

in those Twilight movies where you're like, come on, I want to be a vampire. You're going to hell. Yes. You're so going to hell. You know, if you're asking for trouble, if you're running with a vampiric crowd,

it's your own fault. Here's a question, though. Let's, so did she get all those pills down your throat first? She probably had enough, I mean. She's only like three or four. I mean, that's the, yeah, I guess it's a real question. Do you think, like, God would view, like, the intent? Like, well, if that werewolf never had gotten to you,

you still would have died from suicide. So. One time I was doing Catholic confession, and the priest asked me if I had killed anyone or had thoughts of killing someone as part of like the combined thou shalt not kill sin so I guess in that regard like you're doing it

just because it didn't kick in yet you know what I mean you're still up Shits Creek wait I'm up Shits Creek for fantasizing about killing people well only according to the who do voodoo Catholics we just believe it I say that I say that as a Catholic

where can I get that baptism undone exactly all right so so werewolves and things. So Gary Busey blows into town. One of the, is it the first scene we have with him in this card game? Oh, yeah. Funniest. You know what? This is what you're treated

to in this card game. There's a guy sitting in the bar. Bar-gender says, hey, jack-ass give me a drink. So the bartender pours him a drink. He drinks it. Sit there for a while. He says, hey, jack-ass pour me another drink. So he pours another drink. The guy gets something like, the guy is sitting there says, hey, why do you let him call you jackass all the time? The bartender says,

oh, he always called me that. You might as well fold because you don't stand a Chinaman's chance. Yeah, uh, see ya, and I'll raise you this. Can't bet managers. You can't bet managers. Okay, okay. We said time and time again, you can't bet manor. So I bet you're Yankee.

Piss on the Yankees, piss on the Indians. Piss on the fittings. Piss on the... Piss on the... Mom, come on. Whoa, man. let it finish the game. That's crazy.

I mean, that's just crazy, right? That's crazy Gary Busey improv. Yes, but to explain what was happening there, I believe they were betting. They were playing like a poker game, but they were using, like, baseball cards as poker chips in a way. Like, they're betting player cards. Correct. And this is also where the mother comes in. And she, like, she puts Corey Haim to bed.

And then she gets up in Garibusi's face. And this is where she's like, you can't be drinking around. him all this stuff could easily cause him to like start getting down about his disability all that kind of stuff and to gary bucey's credit it just takes one time all it is one time he gets straightened out there's no like follow up like i told you to stop drinking in front of this kid well to be fair that's also poor screenwriting because there you would do you would want to see that gradual thing of like him putting the bottle away or something just now there is the one scene where they're at the church and he pulls the flask out hilariously.

And then he looks at Corey Hame, like, ah, shit, and puts it back in his coat pocket. At that child's funeral, I believe, is where he gets the change of heart at the last second. Not to chug whiskey there. Damn demicrats. Can't do anything anymore. Can't drink in church.

God, how terrible is that? Can't drink in church, thanks a lot, in Obama. So after this woman is murdered, there's a lot of like town drunks in this movie and they all meet at the bar and there's a big theme of like vigilante justice that goes throughout this entire movie and so they're all pissed off

that this woman's been killed the guy at the train tracks I guess they're now starting to think that that's not an accident and sort of like lumping that in like there's a maniac on the loose which again if you look at a werewolf attack just once there's no way it's a human being what are you talking about like it's obviously now I know I still see say these trains are out of control we got stop stop grand union I mean it's quite stop that supermarket dead in its tracks it's quite obvious and I know from the outset when you find yourself in a situation where you're like God there might be a monster on the loose like in the real world that's got to be hard to swallow but when the evidence is so clear

stacked towards a werewolf. Yep. You've got to just let it happen. You've got, I mean, it's got to be so obvious, right? Because you've got the claw marks, it's got to be werewolf. He's shedding all over the place. You know, and like, you look at marks, like big old canine teeth.

Yeah, any kind of criminologist can look at this and just be like, well, this is either the work of a gigantic dog or more than likely a werewolf. There's not even, like, that's a scene you need, right? Where someone's like, this is the work of a huge animal. Not once is an animal ever

suspected it's a maniac up until everybody sees the werewolf because not once is there a doctor not even just a coroner there's no doctors at all I don't think in this movie that have ever inspected anybody's or helping the investigation I don't think there's any detective work

either really yeah you need the person from jaw you need Richard Dreyfus to be like this wasn't a boating accident like there's a fucking shark somewhere figure it out and I mean like Tereo Quinn from law in this as the sheriff the much put upon sheriff that is like you want to talk about being 10 steps behind the case i don't even think he starts walking with this case because they're like

what's great is there's a there's a town like blow hard and he really hates the sheriff and i'm imagining this like side story where this guy ran against terrio quinn for sheriff and lost in like a really heated race and he just fucking hates that he's wearing that sheriff's badge around His big platform was drinking in church. He lost by like 10% of the vote or something. You can't even drink in church anymore. I'll bring it back. A vote for me is a vote for whiskey back in church where it belongs.

You think all those friarchs were making alcohol for nothing? The Catholics can have the red wine. We need our bourbon bag. I'm a bourbon baptist, threw it through. That wine might be the blood of Christ, but we're the party of Christ. So this guy's like, listen, the sheriff's doing nothing. And to a degree, he's correct. But it's a little bit jumping the gun.

But seriously, Terry Quinn, as the sheriff, you never see him investigating anything. It's just like him at the office, like, wow, this is a really tough job. But he's never investigating a thing. A child, or Gary Busey, told by a child, has to go tell this guy like, I think it might be a werewolf. Might sound really silly, but it might be a werewolf. But the funny, about this bar seat and all the subsequent bar scenes and all of the fucking posse scenes that we have, they should all be preceded with this wispy narration being like,

well, I think this was going on at the other part of town, but I couldn't possibly know because I was in bed by nine. Exactly. I was a 13 year old girl when this part took place. So how could you possibly like this woman is bullshitting like 75% of this movie. Yeah. Because the little girl is not a main character. I can understand if the story is narrated by Corey Hames character. Yeah. And he's like, let me tell you about this one time when I was a kid and I had a motorized wheelchair that was a one quarter motorcycle. Yeah, sure you did, grandpa. I feel like a lot of this movie is that Because it's just like it's this older lady Telling this story that you're just like

Okay, so this is probably all made up right There probably wasn't a werewolf It was probably a normal main killer train Like we know I would love it if the end of this movie Like the little you know like last scene is Someone being like That's great grandma and it's this woman in a home

And she just turns like Who are you? are they just like wheel her off to get her meds and she's in like a crazy home or something And what's so annoying about this movie And the major thing that's annoying about this movie Is that it would not do anything To drop that narration

You don't need it at all And then guess what? The movie kind of makes sense now The movie makes total sense I mean It still looks a lot like it was made in the mid-80s So again just Just set it in 1985

And that's, we're talking, like, a lot of Stephen King's stuff is that nostalgia, like, stories from my child. But also, I think Reagan destroyed the werewolves, right? Wasn't that part of his 84 election? Destoring werewolves? I think that was a platform argument. I mean, that's the only reason I could see setting in 1976. I mean, you don't even talk about going to see taxi driver in the theater, and it's 76. No, I mean, there's nothing.

None of the music, nothing indicates. And it's even more weird. You see the kids in their pajamas and stuff They look like you're dressed in like The Christmas Story garb, you know what I mean? Like really old, it looks, it's all, The production designer should have been talked to. I mean, Gary Busey plays the alcoholic uncle

That looks like the perennial alcoholic uncle That you could see outside right now. It's just, it's really an evergreen wardrobe. It's sort of like a Hawaiian shirt, some shorts, A bottle of Wild Turkey. I mean, he honestly looks like he just wore his clothes to the set you know and they're like well it's only like nine years gary i guess that's okay no it's not okay give gary bucey like feathered hair make him look like he's in freaking

nineteen seventy six and speaking of outfits that he wears he does have this one awesome t-shirt where it's a shark playing a saxophone if anyone hasn't gotten me a christmas gift yet just you could mail that to a story of queens i'll get it i mean i really would like to know what that t-shirt's from it's probably some again it's probably a t-shirt that gary bucey owned yeah you know it's like oh i got this at a roadhouse in ottawa you're like all right i guess you can wear this best ostrich burgers at all in mexico i'll tell you that much this episode's brought you in part by rocket money and they have this question for you they handed to me just now mr rocket just handed me this do you know how much your subscriptions really cost most americans think they

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It's betterhelp.com slash WHM today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelphelp.com slash WHM. So the Corey Hames character, he's got like a little bit of a lady friend. Yeah, this is the great part of the movie. So, you know, he's, he's wheeling her home one day. Oh, no, he's racing her home. This kid is really going for it He's racing her

He's got his motorized car She's got her bike Oh yeah that's right And they're just going home They're both wheeling it up Yeah they're both wheeling it up And they're getting They're getting on home

And the father comes out This girl's father comes out And it's kind of like Jenny's abusive Father in Forrest Gump Like stop hanging out with that retort Yeah You know that's kind of what we're dealing with Although it's just

Crip crippling all over the place like this father is upset that his daughter is talking to a boy in a wheelchair what are we doing here damn cripple always end up on welfare electrocute them all to electrocute them all so we can balance the darn budget yeah thank you what are we talking like this is some misinformation this guy should not be anywhere near a voting booth okay I mean, holy shit. Damn, cripple. Always end up on welfare. I'll electrocute them all.

Balance a goddamn budget. You know how much it costs to electrocute one person? That's a really expensive proposition. What is the expense, like, work out to be? Is it all that electric bill? Are you just, like, running up the meter? I guess. I mean, I mean, in the summertime, my air conditioning

bill well forget about it i couldn't imagine hooking up like 50 50 handicapped people to that just ask texas talking about executing handicapped people do they'll fry fucking anything oh we'll fry fish we'll buy anything we'll fire uh underage kids yeah get a salmon in that chair get a salmon in the chair right now we're going to fry that salmon guess what this steak i'm gonna chicken fry that anything goes down there there's no law chicken fried short bus that That's how we work in Texas. So this guy, yeah, this guy's, you know, pissed off. He's like, come in help your mother with the laundry.

I'm in Maine, I guess. Like, this guy's a real problem with this main setting. It's such a confusing accent to be in the middle of Maine. It's just, why? Okay, I get it. You're in North Carolina and it's cheaper to just hire local talent. Keyword being talent, everybody. Like, if this guy comes in and you're like, all right, you're playing.

a surly Mainer who is upset that his daughter's socializing with a disabled person. All right, well, how's this? Does this sound good? Is this authentic enough for you? Well, we all going for a main accent. No, it ain't that. You don't need done of that. You need none of that. You get off my porch now. So clearly, like you do in most horror movies, this guy is the human garbage sacrifice. They always have it. It's just some guy who, comes out and is horrifically offensive and you're like, well, that guy's going to get it in not

three minutes. And then you're like, oh, well, you know that, werewolf's not all bad. These kinds of sacrifices really redeem the murderer. Yeah. But I want to talk a little bit of that night he gets killed. It's pretty awesome. So he's just like cracking some beers and he's

walking around his house like he's the king of it because he is and he jumps onto like his chair, cracking this beer drinking it, watching this wrestling match and he's like so into it and he starts yelling at the TV screen. Yeah, kicking at some ass. Kick some ass. Oh, yeah. This is one of those people. The old wrestling is real people. And I get like it's 1976. So like professional wrestling hasn't come clean yet, I guess. But this guy, it's like he's watching like a boxing

match or a football game. Thunderdome. He's really into what's going on. He's given the rassler tips. yelling at the TV. What was crazy, though, was, and I know it's not, but at first I'm looking at this guy and he's chugging all these beers and I'm looking at the bottle and I'm like, is that guy drinking Red Stripe? Because I have a feeling that guy

would have a problem with drinking Jamaican beer if you know what I mean. Yeah, I think you would have a problem. It's probably a similar bottle formation. It's double bad if it's a handicapped Jamaican that's bottling the beer for him. Oh, yeah. So this guy,

he's watching the rassling and he starts hearing a rustling coming from his greenhouse. By the way, this guy's got a greenhouse and he's really proud of it. That's what's really messed up. Because it's made and he's just like, he's just on to like this, uh, horticulture. Yeah, that's a thing. Yeah, there we go. So he's like, here's a rustling out in the greenhouse. So of course, out with the shotgun he goes.

And it's a lot of like, oh, he's getting into my pots. Oh, you're out there with my pots, are you? I'm going to get you. legitimate main character Better not touch my fucking kale And that switch charing free And so This scene takes forever

He wanders this greenhouse For like seven minutes Only to have the werewolf Burst up from the floor And drag him down And he gets This guy isn't even technically killed By the werewolf

He's impaled on a floorboard And that's the end of it All these scenes I kind of want all of them to end by cutting to the girl again and be like, ooh, that's a juicy story. And she walks away. It's like, she just somehow happens to be there.

A little notepad. Yeah. She's like, mm-hmm. Floorboard impaling. Perfect. Thank you. It's almost like, okay, she's not Corey Ham, so you're like, is she the werewolf?

Yeah. That's the only way I should know. Honestly, big werewolf suspect for me in this movie was Gary Busey. Oh, yeah. He's the biggest name. I mean, I guess for the time. it's like split with him and Corey Haim as the stars of this movie

although Gary Busey is top build and the whole time I'm like all right well you know he's here some of the movie he vanishes mysteriously at other times and then the thought starts to hit you am I going to see Gary Busey turn into a werewolf in this movie

because that's kind of like your dying dream right you just want to see him go from a horse to a werewolf Now we're at the posse Like right now Now three people are dead Well yeah Because the kid is dead

The kid's about to get killed Right Do they? Oh they're fun Yeah Because they're like They're all Lawrence Tierney's in this movie

By the way Barely in this movie He's got a bat That's a label I tulip from Maine Yeah I've owned this bar My whole life

Lawrence Tierney and just you know he's just being he's just there and like his bar is the werewolf bar everybody meets up at kind of like American werewolf in London and everyone's explain we're talking about a werewolf movie yeah and you just used a personal term that we coined we call it werewolf bars whenever you're in a bar where everybody's a regular there's a lot of wood paneling around the second you walk in they're looking at you there's a lot of shafers all around a lot of shafers all around a lot of shafers all around a lot of shayers An old bastard townie type of bar. Yeah, there's an old trophy from some long-forgotten sporting event. A worn-out projector TV with the wooden bass all around it. A lot of old photographs that no one knows of whom. There's two types of music on the jutebox country and western.

That's a werewolf bar. That's your standard werewolf bar. So that's what Lawrence Tierney owns and operates. damn proud of and everybody's there like the whole town and you know the blowheart's calling the guy the sheriff of fat piece of shit or the deputy of fat piece of shit and they're like

we're forming a posse we all got our guns out we're going to go find this maniac because it clearly couldn't be a werewolf not okay you don't even have to get supernatural you're in Maine maybe there's like a wolf or something like an honest to goodness

wolf is in the town Bigfoot or Bigfoot or Bigfoot At least we forget, at least we forget Bigfoot, always a possibility. A zombie coyote, any of these things are possible. So continue. But so, like, they're all like, we're going to do this. And like, Terry O'Quinn's like, no, no, no, that would yield results. You can't go out and start randomly looking around for something that might be killing all of our town.

That's what we call private justice. He doesn't call a vigilante justice, which is really weird. He specifically calls it private justice. And then I don't know where this blonde guy, this blonde bald guy comes out, who's the worst actor I've ever seen in anything. Listen to this line delivery. My son was torn to pieces. Pieces. My son was torn to pieces.

You come in here and talk to these men about private justice. Why don't you go out to Harmony Hill, Sheriff Heller. and dig up what's left of my boy Brady and explain to him about private justice. Would you want to do that? Okay, I'm picturing like the casting call for Silver Bullet. And they open the door, they're like, okay, now casting for Mr. Anderson.

And there's that guy and like a dog. And he's like, the dog's with me. He must have been the only person. that audition for this role because why on earth is this person in pictures I would love to see a dog just come out and be like you know woof woof by do the whole

the whole scene about like the kid his son being dead dude if you made a movie where a dog just played a person and nobody thought it was fucked up and even if the dog just came into the room and it was like ADR and they just put a voice of a human over it and it was just

like the I would love to see a dog versus where They already did that. Not a dog versus werewolf, but a dog just interacted with humans without any problems. They called it Wishbone. Wishbone would go into any, like, he would have like love interests. And they're like, oh,

because he always played the lead. Wishbone would get tail? In, I mean, when they, not in the, the framing device of Wishbone. Yeah. In where Wishbone was like hanging out with kids. In the stories. Right. When they would do like, Howin of the Baskervilles or Romeo and Juliet or whatever. He would be Romeo.

Yes, he, yeah, exactly. He would play Romeo. I did not really watch Wishbone. Let me ask you this. Now, is he laying pipe with humans or dogs there? I don't think they did any stories where stuff got sexual. But it was humans. It was PBS.

I mean, but if. But it was humans. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There were any other dog actors. And the government paid for this. PBS. On day one, I'm going to end the war. Afghanistan, repeal Obamacare, and cancel PBS.

What I like to call perverts broadcasting system, all right? Because they don't care. You can marry a dog. A dog could be your Romeo. Your Sherlock Holmes or what have you. I also don't have a problem believing that I descended from aliens. And that B is for beastiality in PBS. And another thing, we don't need to be watching the BBC program.

We fought a war against those people. America has American TV, and the British have British TV. I will never watch Luther ever, and that's a promise. I will not integrate the networks. What's next? sitcoms from Saudi Arabia. Remember whenever we got all bent out of shape about that Muslim reality show? Everybody was a

American Muslim. And then, what was it, Lowe's? Lowe's did a thing where they advertised and then everybody was like, Bay! And Lowe's was like, I'm sorry! And then the other half of the country was like, Beow Lowe's. And then Home Depot was like, we love everybody.

Yeah. Well, that's always the best move. When, like, when Chick-fil-A is really acting like shit, it's time for KFC to be like, you know what? We love gay people. Come and eat our chick. Dude, and you look like a hero. Watching those, like, other competitors fucking flourish. I went and bought five gallons of paint at Home Depot for no reason. Yeah.

I'll file that also under things. Yeah, that's a big in-things. Oh, man. So werewolves are everywhere. The town's upset. Oh, yeah, this guy also, I just want to hear it really quick. His reaction to his son's death. Uh,

uh, uh, Like he's friends with Corey Hame. He's hanging out. They're flying kites together. And Coraham's sister's like, you know, it's dinner time. We got to go in. And so this kid's left.

Corihan gets a very prophetic one last look at his friend just flying this kite. And of course it's a kite with a smiley face on it, by the way. Big old yellow smiley face. Cut to Terrio Quinn dragging this blood-soaked smiley face flag, saying the Lord's prayer to himself. Like, why are you? disturbing this crime scene like that how about some professionalism have a nice day shit happens sometimes it's just some composure if you please like i understand like i've never seen a kid mauled by a werewolf i'm sure it'd fuck me up yes but if you are the you're the sheriff

man you got to you're the one to try to crack this case yeah exactly you can't like you're already on thin ice with this town by the way like this fat guy at the bar Andy, like, he's going to beat you come election season. Like, this whole werewolf scare, it's just got you down in the polls, you know what I mean? And he's just dragging this kite. He's throwing it on the bench. He's crying. The father comes up, you know, and he's doing the old Sean Penn.

Is that my daughter, me, there? You know, is that my son? And Terry Quinn does nothing to stop this. He's like, well, I just, I don't think you should. Oh, okay. He totally Georgianic flies up on this guy. and then the guy goes over, sees a shredded lettuce son, and then gives that terrible delivery of that line.

And then now the posse is in full. So the posse is like, oh, my God, you know, this kid's dead. Things are really bad here. Let's get a posse going. All right, we've had a woman killed in our house. We've had a man killed at his home. Hobo killed in the train tracks. And a kid.

And a kid killed at a Zebo. All right, what's the pattern? Let's go to the woods And they just go to the haunted woods These are haunted woods They're pretty haunted looking It's dry ice like nobody's business And honestly if a werewolf is roaming the woods

That's a haunted woods It's not haunted by a ghost But there's a specter of some kind The world of paranormal A member of the monster party I love that like the dry ice and the fog Signifies that it's like this haunted woods I would love like a main like weather reports

It's like now we've got a haunted party It's like, now we've got a haunting moving in through here through these woods. Oh, we got a class five haunting coming in. Better stay in this weekend. Close your windows. You don't want the ghosts getting in now. El Niño's driving up all these hauntings and all these ghosts up out of the woodwork. So they're like, all right, Terry O'Quinn, you had your chance.

You and your fat sidekick are just the worst. We never should have elected you. A vote for you is a vote for werewolf success. We're going to take this upon ourselves. But I mean, you're right, Steve, they have no evidence. There's nothing tying anything together other than the fact that everyone's been murdered. Like, oh, all right, what do we have here? Well, he was murdered.

Well, so was she. So was he. Okay, it's a string of murders. There's no, like, we suspect this person. And they're all murdered in town, like you said. And we're going to go out in these woods. These assholes just wander out into the night. All carrying guns, by the way.

One of them just steps into, like, a bear trap. And it's just like, oh. Oh, stepped in my werewolf trap, did you? You're going, by bringing these people out to the haunted woods, you're causing more damage than not. Step in my train trap. That's there to catch one of them trains. That's bad, and everybody.

And now you have the scene from the Lost World Jurassic Park where all the troops go out into that field, and the raptors start fucking everything up. Like, that's what's happening here. they walk out into this fog the werewolf has werewolf vision so that fog ain't no thing and he just starts getting everybody of course by the way movie trope the black guy's the first ago that's horrible and they all kind of watch like ah at least it was him it's really kind of offensive white new england for a second yeah and then uh lawrence tyranny is the only asshole that brings a baseball bat he's like i don't care i'll get it with me baseball bat and it says peacemaker on it so you remember carved right into it yeah yeah that's fine for a rummy at your bar

but we're talking about a werewolf there's a rummy in those woods maybe it's someone named paid his tab I think Lawrence Tierney plays the only New Englander ever to use the expression use use wherewolves need to get out of my bar

and of course he gets but the funny thing he gets murdered and the where like it's a really crummy like Beanie and Cecil gag because the camera pans up and you just see this hand,

Lord's seeing his hand hitting the werewolf and then the werewolf takes it and starts hitting him this is and I've seen a lot of different werewolf movies you know throughout the ages

you know from all decades all decades of cinema werewolf movies not once has there ever been a werewolf who's like time to use a weapon because I know what that's like

Like the whole thing about werewolf lore is you completely lose sight of any kind of, you know, human thought process. And you're just a monster. You're a beast. It's kind of like a Jekyll and Hyde. It's another personality that takes over. You don't under, like, first of all, you got fucking claws. What are you doing with a baseball bat? But even still, you would not comprehend.

Like, here's a bat. I can beat Lawrence Tierney with it. Well, it killed him. Got enough time to get in some golf. Werewolf golf They cock the whole thing up And everybody runs out But now they also sort of realize

That the town is kind of unblast Like there's a monster around here But they also kind of don't do too much about it One character we haven't touched on by the way We probably should It's pretty important Is the Reverend Played by Everett McGill from Twin Peaks

So the Reverend is the one person who's sort of keeping this all together like all right my flock you know it's not a monster it's probably just god testing us because that's the age old excuse for shit's horrible on this planet and he has this weird vision at this point like a dream i guess it was oh yeah right he wakes up he sees his entire congregation turn from human into werewolf right kind of a real rip off of american werewolf in london which is like all those dream sequences where everyone keeps turning into werewolves. Totally.

The werewolf Gestapo shows up, which is amazing. Yeah, that's great. But the underlying theme here is that all those people in that congregation are sheep. Oh, turning wolves into sheep's clothing, right? And we see this guy's dream.

And like, we've seen very little of this reverend. And I'm already like, so he's got to be the werewolf, right? Yeah, like, why else is he dreaming about these werewolves? And then I used my. professor X dream machine and saw that the reverend had a nightmare about well no he didn't there's no way you could know that little girl i mean this is the most confusing framing device since if you

recall we did a side order of slees ages ago on a movie called night of the demon and that's one of the most like error-filled framing devices of all time this is kind of up there like yeah there's no way she knows what this guy's dreaming about and there's at no point in this guy's remainder of his life where he tells her like oh by the way if you're telling this to your grandkids later on i totally had this werewolf dream like it's never spoken about ever this 15 year old insected him or something or or like she says like well i imagine he would have had maybe a spooky dream because you know pepper up the story a bit Get everyone really excited. Gather around.

Throwing a red herring or two. Okay, so now I just told you about that. Now I'm going to tell you about a man named Gary Busey building a motorcycle. Because that's where the movie goes. It just goes away from this whole thing. So what's great is now it's like July. Like this movie kind of skips around time-wise. It's July.

It's chasing the moon. What's great is it's kind of like, again, it's kind of like Jaws. They're like, okay, you know, in Jaws, we're closing the beaches. You know, in this movie, it's the, The fair is canceled. Like, the state fair is canceled. They may as well have a big old sign out front that says, no fireworks at the state fair due to werewolf outbreak.

So, like, black silhouette of a wolf owl at the moon, like, with an X through it. Like, nope, no fireworks today. And so Corey Hames all bummed out and stuff, but they're having, like, a good old-fashioned American barbecue at their house. And Gary Busey, he's been, like, hyping up this surprise that he has for Corey Hame. and this is a really awkward part two Cori Ham comes up and Gary Busey's like

you're having a good time at the barbecue and he's like yeah I guess so and this is it's not verbatim but he basically goes like yeah it's pretty fun except my sister's just walking around flashing her tits everywhere and you're just like now hang on a second don't say it like that

you don't get to say that word about your sister yeah that's really weird you can quote your sister saying that word yeah but you can't say that But everyone's calling me a cripple. I mean, I guess he's got a little bit of leverage. So what, does she remember? And then Cory Hayne went to Gary Busey talking about my tits again.

I imagine he was talking about my very nice tits at the time. Because who wouldn't be? I mean, I'll show you a picture later. So, you know, Gary Busey's like, you know, I got a big old surprise for you. And like, Cory Haynes like, oh, that's great. fireworks are canceled, my sister's sexually mature, everything sucks. Now close your eyes and close your mouth. Shut your mouth.

Stop talking about those things. Also, if you're the uncle, like, I'm an uncle now. And if my nephew came up to me and started talking about his sister, like, I'm not one to curb language. But I'm like, you don't talk about your sister that way, kid. No, it's very straightforward. Don't talk about your sister that way. Maybe you get away with that on. On wishbone, yeah, not in this house.

I accept that kind of language coming from dirtlock wishbone, but not out of my nephew's mouth. That's why I strapped him to the roof of the car. Teach that crepe-a-lowe lesson. So he's like, all right, I got a big surprise for you. And, like, he's already been warned, like, this kid's delicate. He's, I mean, like, I kind of. He gives this kid, he already has a gas-powered wheelchair, which is kind of like, it's kind of like a wheelchair with a golf cart motor in it. Yeah.

And he builds him a motorcycle wheelchair with like spokes and like, you know, ribbons. Flames painted on it, like. It's like the souped-up silver bullet. It's the nicest rascal scooter you're going to see. This thing could do like 50. And I mean, like, you know, Gary Busey, this kid can get more paralyzed, right? Yeah. You know, there's quadriplegics also.

Yeah. And, yeah, I mean, this thing, I think you need a license to drive. Oh, shit. No, but seriously, like, you would need plates on this thing. Yeah, yeah. Taking it down the road. And it's, like, passing cars. Like, this is a really, I mean, he built him a motorcycle.

Yeah. And he's like, here, just take it for a spree. Stay close to the house. He takes it up to the pet cemetery back. And Gary Busey's like, don't worry, nothing ever bad could ever happen to you on a motorcycle. Oh, wait. Oh, that didn't happen yet. Talk to me in four years.

So he drives this thing around and it's totally fine. And again, this is another, this is why I thought Gary Bucce was a werewolf because they finish up this barbecue. And he's like, all right, there's a great pork chops. Oh, yeah. I hope you like a motorcycle. See you later. And he's just gone for like 35 minutes. And this kid, like, I think this is the saddest thing somebody can do.

Like, there's masturbating while crying, which is just about the saddest thing you can do. It's pretty up there. The second one is shooting fireworks for yourself, by yourself. Because what is the most fun part about fireworks? Look at that one. Hey, did you see that one? You're just talking to nothing. You know who doesn't care about fireworks?

Chipmunks and owls and twigs and werewolves. And werewolves. Well, that werewolf better fucking like those fireworks. This is the best part of the movie. So, Corey Ham's like, oh, you know, the fireworks are canceled Gary Busey because he's a terrible uncle's like, here, don't shoot your face off. And runs away. It's a sack of fireworks, by the way. And he's like, did he like, did Gary Busey like cripple this kid and he's trying to finish the job?

Here's a motorcycle. Here's a bunch of fireworks. Here's some gunpowder. Why don't you play with these matches? I'm secretly trying to kill you. Piss on the fire safety. Pits on the motorcycle safety. Piss on my nephew.

What's great is the best light he has is like, save this one for last. It's a rocket. You're just like, why are you buying these things for this child? I mean, I'm just imagining, like, he doesn't have the brakes on that thing, and he fires it off and shoots backwards like a lunatunes. Save this for last. It's Mexican dynamite. Say you later.

Here's a real good one. You just hold that your arm and it's just this big stick of T&T. So to use this, Corey Haim rides out in a souped-up wheelchair to a rickety bridge, which is exactly where you want to be lighting off explosives, a tattered bridge. Take this up to the bridge. You want to be a real man, right? And so he's firing it off. And the werewolf, I guess, was just bored.

And he's like, oh, shit, that looks like fun. He goes And he's like encroaching on the bridge And like Corihan's like Oh my God It's a werewolf Holy shit

And the little girls Nowhere to be found So we shouldn't know Any of this information No Just so you're aware And he's like Oh my God

And he's got the rocket And he fires the rocket Right to the werewolf's eye Like what luck Corriehame That is some aiming Right there That's precision

And this thing is freaking out This werewolf By the way Steve you said it looks Like the mascot For the Minnesota Timberwolbs It does it's such a cartoony

it's really like rounded features which is very weird and like it looks like a bear like the head looks like a bear yes but it's a werewolf I get I mean I said it's a wear bear it's a wear bear I'm a wear bear that was the very

violent care bear care bear care bear kill and I mean so he he outruns it he guns it home and the werewolf can't keep up because he can't beat Gary Bucy's craftsmanship, I guess. Well, you know what a werewolf can't do run 65 miles an hour?

He's booking it down the road in this thing. And he gets home instead telling his parents, he calls Gary Bucy in the middle of the night. And I love this because we get a shot of we open on where Gary Bucy's sleeping with an ashtray full of butts and a giant bottle of wild turkey. Of course. And then he picks up the phone. He's obviously really hung over.

Graham's like, hey, Uncle Garibusi, I just saw a werewolf. And he's like, do your poor uncle of kindness. Hang up the fucking phone. He hangs up the phone on the kid. And then, like, he sits up in bed. And there's just this woman there. And she's like, who was that? And he's like, and then you see, like, that woman's got an empty bottle of gin.

Like, it was a hard night. Oh, yeah. Gary Busey left this wholesome family barbecue and got it. Toe up. See, that's the thing. He's like, okay, so Gary Busey's not a werewolf because he was just He was always leaving early because he was sleeping with this lady. It's also kind of like this is where you see Scatman Crothers in his off time and the shiny.

Oh, yeah. You got to come back. You got to help me, Gary Busey. He gets the phone call. Did my motorcycle kill you yet? Well, keep trying. Talk to you later, click. I thought you were the corner office.

Hey, you're calling me from the grave. So this is where Corey Ham's like All right I saw this Werewolf It is the real deal And his sister

Finally enters the story Because she's been gone This entire time Yeah And she's like Okay And then I went And the movie

Fucking stops dead Because she goes around Collecting T cans Under the guys To look And see Who has two eyes In the town

And it's hilarious Because it's really poorly directed And every shot Is like Two eyeballs He's got two eyeballs. It's almost

like these actors were directed to when the camera gets to them, they got to flash both of their big baby blues because these actors are like boom and these eyeballs are just opening and I'm like, I

get it, you have both of your eyeballs. Enough already. No whale wolf here. Plenty of cans, though, round back. And so she's going around collecting all these cans. She goes into a barbershop and the surly drunk guys

like opening his pores with a hot towel and she's like you know she slowly unravels the towel which is kind of weird I'd be like what are you doing kid get your paws off me trying to exfoliate here for crying out loud and she gets back to the church which is doing the can drive

and lo and behold there's our reverend I gauze and all whoa it was him the whole time I would have gotten away with it too If it wasn't for you kids And that Gary Buse You got a Scooby Snacks

They're just feeding Gary Busy dog treats Or well I think he calls it That's what a speedball is With Scooby Snack I can't do the movie I'm all out of Scooby Snacks Well

I guess it's better than rock climbing me So it's kind of creepy too when the reverend's like confronting her because like I think to a degree he knows the score because he knows that you know Corey Hames her younger brother and he knows that you know

because in this movie it's a person turns into a werewolf and they're completely aware of what they're doing yeah they're evil all the time because the reverend later on mentions like I had to kill the pregnant woman because she was going to kill herself and that's a sin so I prevented her

from going to hell so like this werewolf unlike Like, every werewolf in the history of werewolves has an agenda. Well, I mean, that's the thing is, I understand a werewolf's a trope. And, like, it's a monster that everybody knows kind of the rules are of. But since you're introducing it to a different world, you've got to tell me what those rules are. Why aren't people turning into werewolves when he scratches them? That's something I know werewolves to be able to do.

Yeah, you get that bite, baby? Yeah, and then you're a werewolf. Nobody else is a werewolf. And at this point, one of my favorite things happens in the film. And it's just, I just laughed when I saw this. Because Corey Haim writes a rant, like a ransom note type of thing to the reverend. And it's basically just saying, why don't you kill yourself? He tries to bully this werewolf to suicide.

It's just because it's like his, the note is very pointedly, I know what you are. I know what you've done. Why don't you just kill yourself? And then like, this is just like, he started sending letters like that every day. kept on asking that big old wolf that whale bear to kill itself So here we are in this tense horror movie

And there's just a really action-pack Letter writing campaign happening And this goes on for a while And he's doing like the the ransom nothing Like clipping letters out of a magazine And pasting it together to make words Why? Why are we wasting our time with this?

And I mean the two kids are going The only person that'll believe him is Gary Busey, obviously Well, even he won't believe him. He's like, that's a bunch of bullshit, werewolves. And like nobody's, you know, there's like 20 minutes of the movie wasted on like trying to convince Gary Buse

to get on board. Right. He finally does because the priest, who's evil all the time, is, tries to run Corriehame off the road with his, it's like a real fucking tense car chase. It's a real Popeye Doyle car chase.

They're going down this old main country road. and he's trying to like hit him and they're like kind of bumping here and there and they get to a covered bridge and Corey Hames this is where like the fantasy breaks down and he realizes oh I don't have a wheelchair

or I don't have a motorcycle I have a wheelchair because it gets kind of stuck on this one little board that any normal motorcycle or car could easily drive over and the priest just gets out of his car and he's like you know I'm sorry I have to do this

but obviously you're going to tell everybody you know and he's like Corey Ham's like I promise I won't tell a soul and he sees like a farmer pulling out on the road with a tractor and starts screaming for this guy to help him scares off the werewolf buys Corey Ham a little bit of time and this is

where Gary Busey starts to believe him because he's like listen to try to run me off the road and you see the matching paint color of the Reverend's car is on the motorcycle and this is Bucci goes to the sheriff tells the sheriff check it out and the sheriff decides to go there

oh, you know, I'm going to wait for a full moon, maybe 2 a.m. Yeah. What were you, what was your day so jam-packed? You couldn't stop by this guy's house at 3 p.m. He's in a fierce re-election campaign at that price. That's the side story we're not seeing. That blow-hard Andy's really coming back up in the polls. The sheriff is too busy pressing buttons to get this to happen.

So this is probably the most gruesome death in the movie. but it's also the most ridiculous because he walks in and he you know terrio quinn goes over he's like okay yeah the paint matches up there's something fishy going on here and then there's the reverend comes out of nowhere and it's one of those like i had to do it and he like he's got lawrence tyranny's bat again he's just holding on to this is like a keepsake from that murder as good evidence and he bashes this guy like the fucking gallagher watermelon smasher only after he turns out of the back into a werewolf. Like he's turning into a werewolf. I mean, he's like readying the bat as a human, but then he's like turning into a werewolf to finally use it. I got this bat.

And as soon as I turn into a werewolf, you're in trouble, buddy. One thing, because this is towards, so then the sheriff's dead, it's like, oh my God, it's totally a werewolf and no one can help us. Let's make a silver bullet together. So the kids give,

they both happen to have silver necklaces, convenient. And they go to Gary Buse, like, make this into a silver bullet. And he's like, well, I might know one man in town it could do that. And it's just some fucking, it's some like general store gun shop guy. And he's like, would you be able to melt this down and make it to do a silver bullet? He's like, oh, silver bullet, eh?

And then the narration comes in to the craziest bullshit in the world. She calls him like a magician. You're trying to kill that train, eh? Only one thing that'll kill a train is a silver bullet. You want a silver bullet, huh? Huh? the man uncle red had gone to see was more than a gunsmith he was uncle red said an old world craftsman a sort of wizard of weapons what's great though is that Gary Busey feels embarrassed about what

he's doing he's like I got these necklaces and he just kind of gives it to this guy and Gary Busey is not the first one to make the move towards silver bullet the guy's looking at it And he's like, oh, Selvobolene. And he's like, how did you know? And yeah, it's his whole bullshit about like, yeah, he's this, he's this werewolf weapons expert. Like, this guy forged weapons for the gods. Like, it's really overhyped. It's Abraham Van Helsing.

And like, he goes back and he's like, oh, this should be pretty accurate. And he's like, oh, well, I'm not going to be able to a little girl. She's not going to shoot it. He's like, well, you can probably. I'll be shoot a big old wild wolf with this one. Just saying, you know. At that point, if I'm Gary Busey, I'm like, all right, listen, man, you've made a couple of references that leads me to believe you know a lot about werewolf hunting. Yeah.

We kind of have this problem in town. You want to step up to the plate, please. Not leaving my handicapped 10-year-old nephew to handle this. I mean, this guy is basically applying for a job to be. you werewolf slayer. He just lets it go. Thanks for your services. Yeah, the guy

all that says, I hung up those spurs a long time ago. Sure would take a real murder epidemic to get me back in the game. Wink. Thanks for nothing, loser. See you later. He's five bucks.

Hey, you got these silver horse teeth? Do you all sell wild turkey here? Oh, as a matter of fact, I do. Filled with Wolf's Bain, it is. So conveniently, it's Halloween now. Because we're just flying through the calendar in this movie. You were like 10 months later at this point. And Gary Busey apparently won some type of like vacation getaway for two.

And he gives it to, you know, his sister's family or whatever, like so that the parents will get out. of him and the kid's hair while they hunt vampire, not vampire, I mean, while they hunt werewolves that night, which is weird. Like, if someone came out to me, it's like, hey, man, I won this vacation. I can't use it, but I'll watch your kids. Even if this is my brother, I'm like, what are you guys up to? You don't just get a free vacation. What's great is they take it. And then when they leave, Gary Buse is like, there ain't no vacation. That's really fucked up. And it's to New York, by the way. They're driving like six hours they're going to get to the hotel it's going to be like there's no reservation

for you at the plaza hotel well off to the bronx with you they get murdered so garibuse he's alone with these kids and they're just setting up shop to hunt this werewolf and i guess at this point they sort of realize all right the reverend knows that you know we know he's a werewolf so at the next full moon he's coming for us yeah it's doomsday here we go and we have our one silver bullet already yeah totally why don't you stockpile some silver

then go back to that mythical gunsmith and have him get you at least you know to fill a six shooter or a gatlin gun that's a lot of silver if you're filling a gatling gun of silver bullets well apparently buciss has got all sorts of vacation

money you can just blow wherever he wants I mean that's the other possibility for that right is Gary Bucy just booked a hotel in their name. He's like, yeah, I wanted it. It's free. Go. Also, though, he's like, oh, I can't go because it's a trip for two

and I just got divorced. Teeta just left me or whatever the fuck. That's a great part early on. The sister's busting his balls where it's like it's his third divorce or something. Whatever, Gary. No one can Shane Uncle Red. So, you know,

of course, the werewolf comes. And it's a lot, you know, and this is what's really bad about these kind of setups for these movies, right? As we're like, all right, well, obviously the werewolf is going to come at some point. And the whole time, you're just sitting there like, all right, don't try to build up suspense. I know the werewolf is coming. There's no doubt in my mind that at some point a werewolf is knocking on that door. This movie is completely devoid of suspense the entire time.

Absolutely. Every single time it switches to the werewolf theme. I know the werewolf is going. It's like Peter and the Wolf. I know what's happening by what instrument is being played. But what's awesome is this movie's made in the mid-80s. So when the werewolf comes a calling, the score turns into like that weird electro score from drive.

It's like when you know the werewolves coming, it's like, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. And you're like, all right, man, this really awesome new wave werewolves coming to town. That would be a great movie title, New Wave Werewolf. It's basically the last days of disco meets a werewolf movie.

Shove those together. One great part that happens here is when that werewolf's about to come, Gary Busey is giving up. It's like two in the morning. And he tells Corey Ham to get to bed or he's going to kick his ass. Well, because, you know, what works better getting kids to bed than threatening them? And he's just like, all right, I'm so convinced it's wherewolf ain't coming. I'm taking the bullet out the chamber.

And he does. It's like that makes a great deal of sense And just then the will of pops in And I mean also about lack of suspense We know for a fact the girl survives Because she's been Praddling on this entire movie But honestly she might as well just die

And they didn't have narration afterwards Because it doesn't make any fucking sense anyway You're not gonna kill Corey Hame I would love you to in this movie But I know you're not going to And chances are abuse he's making it out of this one So it's like obviously this is just kind of It's a foregone conclusion

But the bummer, the situation is, is, like, movie math-wise, if anyone's going to die in this movie before, obviously, the werewolf gets killed, it's Gary Bucie. I could totally see, like, a self-sacrifice type of scene. Yes, and that's what I thought was coming. That's the only kind of suspense, only because I love Gary Bucy so much, I never want to see him die on screen. And I was like, oh, man, this werewolf's going to kill him. The werewolf shows up, grabs Gary Bucy, because he's now defenseless with the silver bullet out of the chair. chamber, grabs him, throws him into a cabinet, like an

armoire. It's hilarious. And the werewolves practically defense is because he forgot his trusty Louisville slugger, I guess. What am I supposed to use? I mean, hands down the best part of this movie is here because Gary Busey gets into a

hand-to-hand combat fight with this werewolf. He's kind of hitting him with a fireplace, but like they are fighting each other. If that fat guy from earlier in the movie wasn't dead he'd be cheering him on yeah get chokeslam him choke slam him get him wear wolf that would have been great if he was like his apparition like obi one canobi was shared him on like he blew in from the haunted woods and i mean it's just kind of a big thing where

the two kids have to now load this gun and it takes forever and cori hame gets one the one shot off and it fucking blows right through the other eye this kid is a dead shot yeah i mean he should really take up like Paralympic you know ski shooting or something because he'd be really successful two eye shots in like a week. Good job buddy. So the

werewolf turns back into you know the reverend which is the only good part of the werewolf technology I think as far as the effects go when he morphs back into a human it's not great but like you know you see him turning back into Everett McGill it's pretty okay it's pretty

believable it's no you know American werewolf in London but still. And they're all like out of breath like oh my God and of course it's like it's the most egregious use of this the one last scare. Yes. Because like he's shot through the brain like he's done for and he goes

and then dies again. It's like instantly dead. It's not even a thing where they fire off another round or Gary Busey like hits him with something. Cut his head off whatever. Yeah I mean sure you want to do that a nice old fashioned to how about you bookend your movie with the same murder you know what i'm saying like something like that think about this when you're making a movie maybe some fucking brain power goes into this shit

but no he just sits up goes blah and then falls back down and it's the end of it i would love the parents to come back we decided we didn't we want to go why why is the priest's dead why is there a dead priest bleeding out of his skull in my living room that is what you never get with these movies the explanation of like, what, what happened here? And there's a dead naked priest in our living room with no eyes. And then since we were too young Uncle Red got the chair. Well, that's the end of all movie. I visit his grave every year.

He would have just drank himself to death anyway, so it's good that he took the bullet for us. The silver bullet. And then the logo comes up, but it is. Silver bullet. I would also love the epilogue being Corey Haynes' character grew up to produce a line of these silver bullet wheelchairs

like stealing Garibusi's design and Garibuze gets no money for it. Garibuze's in the clink and he goes to visit him and just jabs him with the knowledge of it. We don't give him any of the royalty money because my brother screwed him out of the deal. It really tore the family apart. It did more so than that werewolf attack did.

Oh, well. and that's seriously the end of the movie the ridiculous part is it ends on this stupid voiceover and it's the brother and sister they're on the floor they're all exasperated and the woman's talking and she's like

I love you too Marty good night good night why are you ending this with good night who are you talking to is this a bedtime story if so I mean that's pretty twist they just cut to Fred Savage

Goodnight, Grandma. I just goes to sleep. I guess. I would love if this old lady just turned out to be Peter Falk. What'd you think of my old lady voice? Gary Bucci doesn't die at this point. I just want to let you know that. I was the werewolf what got shot in the eye.

Good one, Colombo. And that's Silver Bullet. That's the end of the movie. It frees frames and she goes, Gordony. and then they credit it's the dumbest ending to a where i think it may be the dumbest ending to a war wolf movie ever yeah just about because a lot of wherewolf movies you know you had the twist of like someone turns around and they've got the yellow eyes freeze frame on the yellow eyes the

war wolf saga continues but since in this world the werewolf fight means nothing like anthropi is not a thing it's never even explained how this priest is a fucking werewolf exactly just one scene of him like you know just get bit by something. Yeah, like him going to like a missionary school or something in the Czech Republic. Yeah, exactly. And he just got the Kavorka curse or something. Yeah. Whatever. They got that, all that nonsense. No, exactly. Like, you know, we've seen

it in Stephen King literature before. A good old Romani gypsy curse. You know, come on. Yeah. Man, I rewatch thinner. It's hilarious. It's a really bad movie. Yeah. The best part of that movie is so the one gypsy goes up to the one guy goes thinner right yeah but apparently the other guy gets like really bad uh like uh scaly skin and like it gets all dried out apparently he went up to him they don't show this but the guy says and he came up to me and he said lizard lizard you're to be a lizard now well you would be a rock and that's how the thing started yes I would love...

Trichy Skeen. You know, the human torch. All of these, like, comic lines are, like, re-changing origin stories and start, like, D.C. did the big start over. If they start over, the Fantastic Four, and it's just, like, the four of them go on vacation in Transylvania. Some fucking gypsy campers. Invisible. I feel like every Marvel character should get it. Spider.

Green space alien. You are now a galaxy. NEMO What? Nemo, what? You'll see. He's a kind of a popular character sometimes. Surf, surfer, come here.

It's silver. Oh, no. Yeah, I'd like that to happen. The best part of this movie is, well, not the best part, but one of the most entertaining parts is Everett McGill is credited twice in this movie. Up at the top, it's Everett McGill as read. Reverend, whatever, then the last credit at the bottom is Everett McGill

Werewolf? So I guess he's wearing the suit the whole time? I guess that's what that means. That sucks. Good for him. I feel like in those situations, like it might be the actor's choice, but a lot of the time it's just like, we don't want to hire a stuntman to be wearing this whole thing the whole time.

You know what I mean? It's a budgetary concern. Like, you're on set, man. Getting that damn Werewolf costume. Would anybody recommend this movie? I would say yeah, it's a pretty strong one It's a bad movie It moves along in a decent clip

There's a lot of silliness You got Gary Busey Just for the pissing on the Indian song alone Pissing on the Yankees Pishing on the Indians Pissing on the Phillies I would recommend it to I'm not saying run out and see it

But you know if you got some time Why not? I mean it's pretty it's it's enjoyable For what it is You know it has its faults But it has its moments I mean I would totally recommended to you it's a pretty big recommend for me

I'm a big fan or I guess not a fan a curio of Stephen King adaptations A curio! Ah! Adaptation! Piss on the Yankees, piss on the Phillies, piss on the Phillies. That might be the greatest movie line of all time. Like, what was it?

AFI needs to redo their fucking list. They really do to include... They need to redo all list. Gary Bussey's Piss on the Yankeesies. He's piss on the Indians, piss on the Phillies line. Number one. Yeah. Fuck you, Rosebud. Yeah.

Number one with a bullet. Fuck you, you talking to me. Yeah. Frankly, my dear, you haven't watched Silver Bullet. Yeah. Yeah, exactly right. Exactly right. I made him an offer.

He pissed on the Phillies. Oh, mercy me. So, you know what, gang? It's about that time. Summer vacations winding down. Oh, no. Are you seeing those back-to-school commercials, which still to this day, fill me with a little bit of anxiety?

Just the little as bit. I start sweating just a little more. I'm like, oh, fuck, who am I going to get this year? And then I'm like, oh, wait, no, I'm 33 years old. Oh, fuck, 40% off at Staples for school supplies. Kill me now, Lord. Take me, and this five-subject notebook now. You know, I'm going to be able to be.