We Hate Movies - S7 Ep264: Episode 264 - The Amazing Spider-Man 2

Episode Date: September 6, 2016

On the sooner-than-expected return of We Hate Movies the gang gathers back together early to chat about The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (and also to plug their newly added second show at the Hollywood Improv)! Why do we need to see so much Campbell Scott: Super Spy? Why bother cramming The Rhino into this already crowded mess? And are we really ripping off the Christopher Nolan Batman movies this much? PLUS: Stan Lee lights a jay and steals tons of other people's ideas! The Amazing Spider-Man 2 stars Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Jamie Foxx, Dane DeHaan, Colm Feore, Felicity Jones, Paul Giamatti, Sally Field, Embeth Davidtz, and Campbell Scott; directed by Marc Webb.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We're starting WHM Season 7 early. This indeed is The Amazing Spider-Man 2. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Eric, Cisca. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network. Thank you for tuning back into the program.

Here we are, fresh from summer break, kind of, still on vacation. I don't know, this is a weird gray area episode. And also, stay tuned for next week's episode where we pretend it's our first episode because we recorded that weeks ago. Yes, and it's going to be all like, welcome to the podcast after months of being off. Yeah, and you know what? I'm not fucking around with editing around that, okay? So just, you know, pretend like this one. It's just a little secret episode.

Here's the thing, guys. You can celebrate twice. Yeah, exactly. We're back again next week. That's right. And the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that. We just keep coming.

So this is a Spider-Man movie. We've never done a Spider-Man movie. We have not. This is The Amazing Spider-Man 2 from 2014, directed by Mark Webb Man oh man is that on the IMDB Tribune? Oh it probably is There was a trivia right there

There must have been some guy that was much better qualified To make this movie like But his name is Mark Webb Do you think Stan Lee demanded him? Now for those executive producing this movie You know what? That means fucking nothing It means jack shit It just means that Steve Ditko is fucking

Making a Grill Cheese Sandwich on a radio theater somewhere saying thanks a lot Stan thanks again Stan now for those of you who are unfamiliar this is the second of the two movies in the failed Andrew Garfield reboot I love it man this is this is uncomfortable to watch kind of isn't it I mean it was like it was like if you recall the tale you know it was kind of killed by the Sony hack uh among other things it was just killed by failure right it didn't do terribly well it didn't do terribly well it didn't do terribly well, but emails within the Sony hack came out about

issues with this, that, and the other thing. Andrew Garfield also, like, publicly talk shit about the production and he got fucking fired. So they were just like, you know what? Shut it down. I mean, you watch it. You watch it. This movie is two hours and 20 minutes of

you're not going to believe this. Here comes a fucking cinematic universe that never happens. Let's just say at the top here, it is longer than Star Wars. Oh, my God. Big time longer than Star Wars. Wars. Is it longer than the Attack of the Clones? It might be. I think it's tied maybe. It's either tied. It might be like one or two minutes shorter than Attack of the Clones. I don't know. Or possibly one or two minutes longer. I don't know which way the wind's blowing on that. That is disgusting. You should never make a movie this long about a fucking Spider-Man. You know what, man? You want to make a movie about the Armenian genocide. That could be two hours at 41 minutes. It's you know what? It's the least we could do. It is. You want to make a fucking movie about a queen's kid that can climb up walls. That can be 90 minutes sharp. God damn it. You are correct. I mean, it is outrageous. And let me start by saying, I watch 20 minutes of the wrong movie. You idiot. Dude, I'm watching this movie, man. And I'm like, why is Peter Parker acting like he doesn't know Gwen Stacy? That's bizarre. And then I'm like, the next scene happens. And I'm like, well, why is he getting beat up by this flash fella? He should. should be able to, like, secretly use his spider?

Oh, God, it's the first one. Wait, the Flash is in the first one? No, there's a dude named Flash. Does he not go on to be somebody, Steve? Flash Thompson. Oh, wait, wait. He's like the bully in the Spider-Man universe. Flash Gordon.

No, that's Flash. That's his cousin. Flash Thompson winds up being Venom, but that's a whole other thing. Don't even worry about it. Yeah, well, they certainly weren't working it into this fucking franchise. But the thing is it's the new thing, because it's a reaction to, like,

the Tim Burton late 90s Joel Schumacher thing we're like now we're anti-credits we loved credits in the 90s we're anti-opening credits

in the beginning and you don't know what you're watching until the movie ends and it's like title card like no I don't like that it was just a picture of a goddamn spider

that's all I had to work off even a nice two would be something just put a two in man for all us idiots that rented the wrong movie on Amazon I mean it opens with basically we get

two cold open adventures that both of them combined last for like 45 minutes or so it's crazy that's the other problem though is the first movie does the same thing because in both of these movies you got to see his goddamn oscar whistleblower parents you're fucking fisting in martin sheen wherever he can fucking fit in this movie so i had i was just like oh man they're starting with more flashbacks nope first movie well in the second way they do start with more flashbacks and it's campbell scott again and the campbell scott had adventures and like now steve you are resident comic book expert stephen say that depends on who you ask but yeah sure not that one guy but most other people accept your

your comic book expertise i certainly do i default to you on these things was there ever a line in in the spider man universe where his parents were these oscore whistleblower fucking jasonborn super agents they were spies what depending on who you ask you know depending what now that's why they've been like that's why they're liquidated and he's being raised by his aunt or whatever? Yeah. Who's actually like probably a CIA cover agent? Oh, absolutely.

Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah, and to May. It's an acronym at the end of the day. But let me just go on the record that this is fucking stupid. Well, also, you know what? You know what? Whatever your name is, Campbell Scott, Dad Parker, just do your job and shut up. You know what?

Like, you signed on for evil scintry. Nobody told you not to do that. Yeah, you want to live and raise a kid, don't make waves. Exactly. When you wait until that kid's in college, then you can start blowing whistles. And, you know, not for nothing, but you take a look around this Oz Corps office, man. There's some cool shit going on. There's some cool stuff.

It's a great organization to be a part of. And what are they doing, torturing spiders? Who gives this shit? Oh, yeah. Who could care? I've never seen the nefariousness of this plan. It's like, I don't know. Like, we're trying to heal diseases.

You got to fucking break a couple eggs. You want to make an omelet out of spiders? They're hurting spiders. And it's like... Gotta upload this file from my laptop. He's testifying... My Sony laptop. He's testifying on like a 90s webcam confessional that like Norman Osborne lied to some committee about whatever the else fuck.

And it's like, dude, you are swimming in cool science technology. Endless budget for, you know, endless research. And you know what that's the thing? If your conscience starts to itch you, you're in the evil science game. You go to your boss. You ask for a raise. That's the move. Don't even tell him why.

Yeah, yeah. He knows why. So basically he's like, oh, by Peter, I have to leave forever. And they get to a plane and then like The mother is the woman from Schindler's list.

And Beth Davis. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes to the bathroom on this private plane that they fucking, that they charter. I mean, so yeah. First of all, that's how you got fucking caught. You took a company jet

to escape. Exactly. Fly commercially. It's much harder to take down an entire plane full of other people. Yeah, when it's just the two of you and the assassin aboard. I mean, it's like 2004 probably, right? Because Peter's like supposed to be 18 in 2014. You know, take 10 years off of that. Oh, sure. So like, you know, it's like 2004. It was very difficult to get an assassin on a plane back then. You're totally right. And but to this guy, here's my problem with this dude. He comes in. He's like, hey,

Dr. Parker, how are you enjoying the flight? And he's washing his hands are full of blood. And, you know, Peter, you know, he's like, uh-oh, this is bad. And he starts uploading some file and he knows what's going on. Apparently this dude has already killed the pilot.

The pilot is the last guy you kill every time. Yeah. Well, I feel like maybe it's on autopilot. This dude figures he has some time. He's just going to skydive out of there anyway. Maybe he's got like one of those blow-up pilots from the movie airplane. Yeah, that balloon's going to take care of it.

And I have some good comic moments. So all of a sudden, I mean, Richard Parker just turns into Jason Bourne. Like Campbell Scott is kicking this dude's ass. And you're like, what? The biggest, most important question I had in this moment was, excuse me, movie. Where is Spider-Man in all of this? Yeah, where is Spider-Man? Where's anybody I came to see.

Like, thought I bought a ticket to Spider-Man too. And this is going on for fucking ever. And it actually doesn't really amount to it. much like he he upload it's like oh my god is he going to upload the file to the thing and like he of course he does sure and also he dies which we all know fucking peter parker's dad is dead and beth david's gets like shot in the face or something yeah she's locked in the bathroom for a bit which is kind of fun and dude that's one of my greatest fears is getting locked in the airplane bathroom by the way i'd lose it oh really one of mine is getting shot in the face

oh you'd lose it if you got shot in the face i would i would lose probably most of my skull So we just cut to Peter Parker or we really cut to Andrew Garfield in an ADR booth going while the cartoon of Spider-Man does a bunch of flips. Yeah, I will say this, and Steve, I think you and I maybe disagree on this. I think the Spider-Manning in this movie looks really good. I'm okay with it. I'm not crazy about it. Eric, you're going to break that tie?

No, I'm not. I kind of don't care. One of the most important parts of a Spider-Man movie. is how he's Spider-Manning throughout the city. Listen, man, I'm in spider exhaustion. I've seen so many goddamn Spider-Men. So many Spider-Men have come and go. How many

Spider-Men am I going to have to bury? That's a really good point. And that's the thing is, like, this new one's coming out next year. It's really hard for me to get up for it. You know what I mean? Captain America, or Captain America, Spider-Man Homecoming? Is it just

him going to a dance after a football game? But apparently Michael Keaton's going to give him some shit, right? Well, he's playing vulture, I think, is the idea. Nothing's been announced. Is that the high school coach? Yeah. A vulture!

Vulture's making me run laps. They, none of the names have announced. Like, everyone thinks he's going to be the vulture, obviously. You know what? It's kind of shitty because he's an old man, and they're, like, making assumptions. And he played fucking Birdman, actually. That's got something to do with it. Yeah, he's a buzzard.

He is a vulture of the dude. You got Marissa Tomey, his aunt may, that's, you know what? That's officially the great. Greatest Aunt May of all time. Well, in Captain America's Civil War, I thought that Spider-Man was pretty good. He was shocked. I was like, oh, right. Spider-Man was supposed to be young.

I forgot. Yeah, he's supposed to be a kid. He's not supposed to be fucking 25-year-old Andrew Garfield. No, he's 30 in this movie. You see the fucking bags under this guy's eyes? And you know what? Here's the thing is they thought they could pull a fast one with us, you know? They're like, oh, he looks kind of young.

He looks like, oh, Andrew Garfield looks kind of young. No, he doesn't. He's one of those creepy older guys. with like a tight little child face and it's disgusting. Wow. It's disgusting. That little tight little child face like,

you know what's amazing, dude? Andrew Garfield is the same age as us. Make me Spider-Man. Yeah, Eric, remember when you graduated high school last year? Hey, hey, don't make fun of it. I'm stupid enough. Could have done it. But that's the funny thing, yeah.

I mean, like, actually, if you're going to go with this older Spider-Man this actor like make him in his mid-20s like oh it's spider-man like because we've already seen that shit also by the way yeah give me college spider yeah or like post college because that's the thing man like these first day on the job spider but this is what you sort of figured out through this sony hack with these fucking baboons that make these movies is these fucking people have no idea what they're doing no and like that's the thing are you want to hire andrew garfield fine I think Andrew Garfield is a good actor.

I think he's a great actor, yeah. Fucking make it college Spider-Man. Because you know what? Who gives a shit? Yep. Fucking 48-year-old Toby McGuire did it three times, and that looked fucking terrible. Like, why don't we just level shit?

No one is going to be like, oh my God, he's not in high school. Definitely not buying a ticket now. You've got the Spider-Man money already. Like, you know what I mean? It's house money. Change it up. Fucking think about this shit.

The NFL is like, uh-oh, we better know. We're not going to have a Super Bowl this year because the Cowboys aren't in it. They don't give a fuck. They know you're showing up no matter what for the commercials. Have you seen some of these Super Bowls we've had in the past few years? Jesus Christ. Yeah, you think they could rig it better.

Better than. So, like, he's woo-hooing. Apparently, it's the day of his high school graduation. You'd think you'd take the day off from Spider-Manning. Well, that's the thing. It's like, Gwen Stacy gives him shit. She's like, she calls him up. She's like, hey, where are you?

I'm about to give my commencement address, which is kind of. of a big deal if your girlfriend's giving her commencement address. Oh, of course. You've got to be there. And you have no excuse because you can't, you know, wait, does she know he's a Spider-Man? She does. So then she knows he's Spider-Man. She didn't at the start of the first movie I was watching last night. Right, right. That's when the cover story was he was just

doing drugs. I had to go to the bathroom. Sorry, I was getting super fucking high. But like, yeah, I mean, like he goes out looking for trouble and he runs a foul of Paul Giamond. Here you go, PG, playing Rhino. Here it is.

This is the big one, PG. You're building the house off of this one, baby. Here comes Paul Giamatti 2.0, action movie star. Oh, God. Oh, you did it again, Giamatti. You went into the wrong Marvel Cinematic Universe. This is not, right? Oh, my God.

It is so. He blows it. He's so terrible. And, like, you can see, like, he's purposely. I could do it. Clark Gregg does. God damn it. Sitting around in a fucking suit talking to Captain America. Why isn't that me? Oh, I could talk to Captain America,

baby. I can talk to Captain America big time. You fucking idiot. You ruined it. Oh, say, what's this the script for Fantastic Four reboot? Hey, is Tony Hopkins going to die soon or what? I could do Odin.

PG can play Odin real good. I feel like that would be terrifying. He must have been really courting Nolan hard for the penguin. It was like between the the Dark Night and Batman Dark Night Rises, nobody knew who's going to have it.

Hey, I don't know. The penguin, it's got to, you know, it goes, it goes Joker. Then who comes up next? It's a penguin. And, you know, I'm fat. Oh, man. Oh, it's a real shame what happened to Philip Seymour Hoffman, but, you know. Oh, God.

PG don't care. The thing about it is Paul Giamati's a fucking class act. And he would play. He would play a fantabulous Oswald Cobble Pot. We'll probably never see it. But you know what, Ben Affleck, I know you're listening. Maybe your second Batman movie. Oh, that'd be nice.

Oh, yeah. Or maybe, you know what? Paul Giamatti is Bain? Let's just go for it. Oh, I was born in it. Or Paul Giamatti is a ventriloquist. That'd be creepy. Oh, that would be...

Wait, there's a ventriloquist villain. Yeah, yeah. And he's got like a little puppet? He's got a puppet. And the dummy's like kind of alive. The cartoon was very ambiguous about that. Dude, we already have that cast. Jeff Dunham.

No, you know what? I would love it if they cast Paul Giamati and then Jeff Dunham's like, well, obviously I was the one that should have, oh, suicide. Or seclusion, permanent seclusion. That'd be a weird scene in the movie.

You just cut to Jeff Dunham's apartment. Oh, dude, that guy has an apartment for you. years, that guy's got a complex somewhere. You're right, you're right. A complex built on racist puppet jokes. So Paul Giamatti is a Russian gangster. With a fucking barbed wire tattoo around

his head. Holy shit. And don't worry, when his pants drop, we get to see a hammer and sickle as well. Oh, come on, man. Is that, like, who, I don't know anything about Rhino. What is this dude in the comics? He's just a bit, I mean, like, he's like kind of as strong as the Hulk or almost. He's

really, really muscular. He's in, like, a weird, like, rhino onesy kind of wait so is this like a what if tale if like the rhino as a child broke his back and was an invalid for a few years and then slowly gained his strength back and then waddled onto a

into a crime I get I mean like it's just apparently this is more realistic with air air quotes like right because you put it in a stupid mech suit at the end of this movie because he's not like a giant strong dude because I guess I guess we see enough strong dudes and I get that

He's just a weenie. He's a weenie. He's like, oh, spider, he's doing the worst Russian accent. And it's intentional. Oh, no, yeah. He was hammering it up. Saying that he had a lot of fun with it. And that's great because this movie fucking sucks a dog's ass anyway, so who cares?

Yeah, that's true. The thing that doesn't make any sense is like he's supposed to be this like renowned Russian mobster. What renowned Russian mobster like works alone in this way? And by works alone, I mean walking down the street firing automatic rifles at people. Like, what the fuck are you? he hijacks a truck full of plutonium and like spider man's like oh there's a couple guys in the back oh that's true actually spider man does dispatch with those gentlemen but like i mean like also he's like 40 something years old he shouldn't be driving the truck he should be planning the heist and that's

the end he sits at the hideout yes exactly come on in boys oh man the truck driver called out of course he did i guess i'm getting behind the wheel i guess i'm getting behind the wheel I better put on this fake bar by a tattoo So I look like a henchman God, it's so stupid Of course PG you have to be your own goddamn henchman He's definitely just wearing a jumpsuit That he wore to set because Paul Giamatti

He likes to be comfortable You think he's free balling or what? Well, in everything except for the scene Where Spider-Man pulls his pants down But anything before that, definite freeballing guarantee So Spider-Man's like talking to Gwen Stacy And he's like, oh, Gwen, I'll be there as soon as I can

He gets a phone call And he has the old 1960s Spider-Stus Spider- man ringtone and nobody likes that. Dude, I hate that shit. I fucking hate it. Like, who wrote that song? Did he write that song? Did he get a MIDI keyboard and make it himself?

It's also one of the worst moments on The Simpsons when Bart is whistling the themes. I hate when shows do that. It's like, can you imagine if Kramer just fucking flings open Jerry's door and goes, b'b-dob-b-b-b-hout, hey buddy. Fucking, what is that? What is that? Also, like, decide what movie you're making. Is it a dark?

a laden heavy Spider-Man movie where Gwen Stacy is eventually going to die, spoiler alert and Peter is an orphan and all this stuff or is it like fun cartoon horse shit Batman forever? Because you can only have one. You can't do both at the same time. And that last series was like the goofy shit for the most part.

And this was supposed to be a little more on like the darker side of things. Sure. But then you have Paul Giamatti eaten scenery as the rhino and it's like, what movie am I? watching and the thing it is like you know he gets caught by spider man and he's like gone for most of the movie comes back in he's gone for over two hours yeah like he comes back in the cinema's longest you're not going to believe this moment if this is a play he could go out have dinner and

then come back yeah like for his final curtain but i will i will say like to step out for some chinese food as hamis he's he is in this movie i would take a whole movie with him oh and this performance over Jamie Fox. Oh, let's just talk about it. Let's talk about this character. Because he's in this scene, actually. He's in this, like, Spider-Man, all the plutonium things are bouncing around. And he's like, and I do, I think the Spider-Man action is fun.

Like, the way that they use inventive ways to, like, figure out how he's cute is in his way. It is fun. His web is. It's just, it's sandwiched between so much crap and it's so long, and my eyes are bleeding. Well, it's like a really good newspaper article that the newspaper has been underwater for two days. You can't read it. You know what I mean? Like the content might be there, but it's sodden and heavy with fucking moisture. It does look like an article. But so he's doing

cool like Spider-Man stuff trying to get all these like plutonium things. And Jamie Fox is on the street. He's talking to himself. He works for Oz Corp because everybody works for Oz Corp. And this is his name is Max Dillon. Max Dillon. I thought his name was John Hinkley. It's one of these things where it's such an exaggerated character. Like, listen, I've seen a lot of crazy people walking down the street in this town. Yeah, yeah, of course. Never have I seen a man carrying 12 rolls of blueprints just out in the open like this.

And that's like the whole thing because he gets pushed by somebody. He's like, oh, my blueprint. What does he even have those for? I don't even understand this character. He's like a security guard, nothing at OzCorp, right? He's supposed to be some sort of, no, yeah, he's supposed to be some sort of like, electrical engineer. Could have fucking fooled me.

Because he's dressed like a janitor through this whole opening sequence. And like he lives like shit. I mean like you don't even like yeah obviously. Although it is humongous. It is unrealistic. They try to make it look like a flop house. Where he lives.

Yeah. But like it's got big rooms. Yeah. If you just like cleaned it up a little bit like it would be a pretty sweet pad. Yeah. Could use a woman's touch. But he's what?

Well the whole, his whole character is that he's a loser. Right. And he should be living with his mother, by the way. No, actually, that was, that was cut. No, no. Yeah, that was cut. Who was playing his mother?

I don't know who, but, or maybe it was in the script, one of the scripts, the script drafts, because like 17 people wrote this movie. How long was this original cut? Is this von Stroheim's greed? Dude, I would love it if it's the reconstructed Amazing Spider-Man, too, and it just cuts to, like, set photographs and text explaining what was supposed to be happening because the footage isn't available? That's the Mary Jane scenes

man I guess. Well that's Mary Jane was in this movie played by the Shailene Woodley. I mean she's she was she shot the scenes She was shot no she filmed the scenes And who is this? Shailene Woodley from those divergent movies She's also coming up in Oliver Stone Snowden

You know it's actually funnier than your cinematic universe being cancelled before you can make it Is your cinematic universe moving to direct to DVD which that last Divergent movie is definitely, no, it's actually going to be on TV. It's like some TV thing, yeah. Isn't that embarrassing?

That sucks so hard. Like, Shil and Woodley comes to a party, and then I was like, oh my God, do you hear about that Diversion movie? Oh my God, her series, Tang. That's so embarrassing, you guys. Oh, hi, you look so great. But she was, she was Mary Jane in this movie, and they just excised the entire thing. Now, what else was missing?

Was, like, the Hindenberg in this thing? I think the Hindenberg did pull. play a role in this. Some sort of time tunnel. I think Craven ran for president. That was an exciting thing. Ted Danson played Craven for a while. Craven the Hunter.

I watched that so bad. I just think, you know, Morbius, the vampire showed up. That was exciting in one of the other draft. Isn't Morbius mentioned? There's like some reference to him at some point. Dude, they're referencing anything. Like, dude, come back for the next movie bra.

It's going to be great. We'll be right here. Just come on back. One foot in front of the other. Spider-Man the movie. Let's make this movie. Let's make a two-hour movie that's a movie. And then we'll worry about the next one the next time.

Just finish your homework and then we'll finish it. We'll work about tomorrow. You get one hint. Let's do that. Let's not throw the whole kitchen sink in here. Because you know what? When you're winking this much, your fucking eyes are just constantly closed.

That's what's going on. So he runs into Jamie Fox. He saves Jamie Fox's life. And like, Jay Fawkes, like, you see me? Oh my God. You know, the idea of anonymous New York and blah, blah, blah, blah. Speaking of fucking Hankley. And, I mean, he actually falls in love with Spider-Man

in this part. Or you know what, Eric, to be fair, this is grounded in New York. I'm sorry to interrupt Steve. Yeah. Like a Mark David Chapman, if you will. Who's just denied a parole again, by the way, which is great because he should die in prison. Yeah, you know. What? Are you kidding me?

You kill one person. Come on. That's because it happens to be John. Lenin. Heaven forbid. Heaven forbid you take a shot at the aristocracy. I'm starting to think like Steve here. It's been wild. It's been wild. Lord. Lord. He's had a lot of time to think

about what he's done. Anybody see that chapter 27 with fat Jared Leto? No, did you? Oh yeah. I think Chris saw it too, right? Oh, it fucking sucks. Oh, it's embarrassing. Of course it is. Anyway, I'm sorry. So he saves his life and like he falls in love with him at this point.

He's like, oh, my God, Spider-Man, you see me. And he's like, I need you, Max. And, like, this Spider-Man's, like, a nice guy. He's, like, trying to be like, hey, man, just. Yeah. Because he's like, I'm going to kill myself, Spider-Man. No, don't do that, man. Like, he should have said, oh, Spider-Man, I'm going to kill myself.

I'm so fucking sad, Spider-Man. Is he going to kill Super Hoffman in happiness? Such a fucking idiot, Spider-Man. You're a fucking jerk up on the wall. Oh, my God, I'm making fucking come so hard, Spider-Man. I mean, that's what he's kind of doing. He is. It's bizarre.

He's also, I'm sorry. No, I was just saying it was bizarre. He's also doing Jim Carrey in the early scenes of Batman Forever. His obsession with Bruce Wing. And, you know, the thing is, Steve and I were kind of talking about this earlier today. And Steve brought up way more examples than I thought. I thought of the Edward Nigma one when I was watching it. But this movie rips off so much Batman.

stuff, especially the Nolan trilogy. It's going crazy with the Nolan. I mean, with the plane crash at the start, I was thinking, Bain the entire time. Oh, I didn't even think of that one. That's a good one. But I don't know. Yeah, this came out after that, right? Yeah, it came out after all these movies. And there's

Harry Osborne comes back to OzCorp that is run by this corporation, very much like Rucker Hower is running Wayne Enterprises, trying to get forced out, like, didn't you get the memo? That's kind of going on. Harry Osborne in this movie played by Dane Dahan, who I think

is a good actor. He's wasted in this movie. Is he good in that Metallica movie? I never watched it. I think Chris Kavana saw that movie. You know what you can say? I think Chris Kavana saw that movie about most movies. That's true. No, I never saw Metallica, colon, some kind of monster. Oh, you should check out my, come over

my house this weekend. Check out my vacation videos are great. Oh, I think Chris Kavana saw that. I think Chris Kavana saw your vacation. Yeah, he gave it a two-star review. Your vacation sucked. Your fucking contrite vacation. Oh, you didn't read about your vacation or Rod Tomatoes? Oh, it's embarrassing.

It sounded like you had a really cliche in time. I mean, it's pulling at 20%. You went to the beach. Your vacation is certified rotten. Man, that lighthouse looks shitty, dude. That lighthouse, the effect of that lighthouse, do not hold up. Oh, man. Man.

So, yeah, I mean, there's Batman comparisons. Yeah, so Dane DeHan's character, you know, and basically later in the movie when he drops, he's about to drop Gwen Stacy off the goblin glider or whatever. Spider-Man's like, don't drop, you know, let her go, let her go. And he's like, okay. And he drops her, which is very much like the Joker when Batman's like, let her go or whatever he says. Like, really, poor choice of words and drops her out of window. It's the same fucking scene. And also, like, you know, the last, the other one that I noticed was the end of the movie, too.

Jamie Fox as Electro, just like Dark Night Rises. He turns out to be like the B villain, just like Bane is in favor of Talia because like Dane to Han as Green Goblin is like, you know, like pulling the streets. He's like a little bit, he's phantomenessing. You're right. Electro a little bit there. And like, Electro just gets murdered and it's like totally unceremonious. Exactly. But here's another big comparison.

Oh, shit. Yeah. Strap in. So, Electro is just the fucking electric Gremlin from Gremlin's to the new batch. It's like word for word. He's traveling through the phone line slash electrical outlets. Oh, you're right. How did we miss this?

I mean, Joe Dante should get a check for this. He should get a check for most things. And then Zach Gallaghan calls somebody. He's like, hey, can I get a check to? And they go, shut up, Zach Gallagher. I was sure Zach Allen showed up to somebody's house dressed as Spider-Man.

Like James Cameron's house back in like the early 90s and I was going to happen He didn't what's your face do that for Catwoman? Yeah Sean Young Yeah She was a lunatic

Fucking terrifying So he shows up to graduation late And he misses his girlfriend's Commencement speech And he sees the ghost of Dennis Leary Jesus Christ What the fuck? Okay

He was in the first movie right? Yes Because I was like Wait what? I was like Did you see the first one or no? I did, but years ago, and then, like, when Dennis Lerie just randomly shows up in the backgrounds in certain shots. Yeah.

I'm just like, turned to my wife. I'm like, did you see that? Is that just me? Am I just seeing Dennis Lerrie in here? Honey, I think I'm seeing Dennis Lerie in this movie. Hello, Eric. He's talking to me. And, you know, it's annoying because I am a fan of Dennis Lernery.

He's telling me to watch Rescue Me. I liked most of Rescue Me. show that ran way too fucking long. Sure. No business going there. You watch, dude, do you see that new show?

I have not seen sex drugs and rock and roll. It looks terrible. It does, which is why I've avoided it because I like Dennis Lerie. It looks like glittered dog shit. Oh my God.

I haven't seen it. Like, he's wasted in that first movie, but the end of that movie, he gets killed by the lizard. And like, he finds out that Peter Parker's Spider-Man. Oh, that old gypsy goes up to

Lizzie. Oh, that's right. Yeah. And he's, you know, he says to Peter Parker, Like, look, like, if you're Spider-Man, people are going to be coming for you, which means they're going to be coming after my daughter. And I'm dying here. I'm getting crushed by this fucking whatever.

Like, promise me you'll break up with my daughter. Yeah, break up with my daughter. I'm an asshole. OEO, we, we, oh, we-o. So, Steve, comic books. Yeah, and then, I'm sorry. No, I need to know ghosts. Uh-huh.

Are they canon to Spider-Man? That means, sure. I mean, why are there ghosts? It just depends on, it's stupid. because it's a bad movie Eric and there's also actually if you pan out it's in the longer how about ghost man he should become ghost man and help spider man ghost man you got electric man yeah come on dude you might as well have ghost oh yeah ghosto why not it flows ghost oh if you in the deleted scenes uh the ghost of dennis leary was being

haunted by the ghost of bill hicks because he was like hey man you uh you stole my whole routine you know i was i was ghost oh for 10 years before you showed up in the afterlife. I probably could have been I could have been Emma Stone's dad, brother. You know, I got it. I was wearing that leather jacket before you, man. Yeah, I could have been Captain Stacy.

Yeah, whatever. I'd have been believable as a police officer. Stole my whole shit, dude. So, but... But it's this, it's the, it's the fact that Dennis Leary is put into these visions in this movie exemplifies the biggest problem with all of the Spider-Man movies is that,

we cannot just let a movie in this franchise like live on its own. We've got to be referencing other shit, bringing back wedging in every fucking person. Just shove it in and break it off. Just make a Spider-Man adventure. That's all I want. This is the problem with the state of superhero films in general. Okay. I feel like I'm about to give a speech.

Yeah. Well, you're standing on that box in the corner of the room. I am. And I brought it from home. Brought my own soap box. Why is everything so, like, packed with every fucking thing? It's like, oh, and if you look back there, that lamp was relevant in issue 70. Who gives a shit?

Just give me a simple story that a child can follow because these movies are for children, right? And that's the thing is, like, I feel like it's such a, it's like a naughty term. It's like a bad thing that I think Rogue One is going to break, but the idea of standalone. Like, you hear standalone, and people are like, bang. What standalone means it's not connected to everything else. Great, because you know what? I know that Uncle Ben fucking bit it, dude. And also, I'm going to see your next movie.

You know what I mean? Like, you've won. Capitalism is destroyed us all. Like, I am coming to all these fucking movies. I fucking bought a ticket for goddamn suicide squad in 3D because the time worked out better. Exactly. And I know it's shit and I'm going to see it anyway. So, like, it doesn't matter what.

You don't have to buy my ticket for the next movie. I've got it already. So just tell me a story while I'm here. And then next time you'll be like, hey, remember those characters? This is what they're doing this time. That's all. Like Batman versus Superman prime example. Like you should not have to go into the theater knowing parademons, whatever else goes on.

And that gobbly gook. No. And also, though, you should be able to go into the theater understanding that Bruce Wayne's parents were murdered. And knowing that Martin Sheen bidded in the last movie. Exactly. Like, have some faith in these people that are definitely fans of the source material.

Also, you know what? Here's something. Going back to the actual movie for a minute. Peter Parker's a dick in this movie. Like, honestly, you... He's a little too cool for school. But you make a promise to somebody's fucking dad that died.

Like, all right, whatever. That's done with. You know what I mean? Honestly. He's like, oh, I... Whatever contract you had, it died with him. It did. And he's like, oh, I feel so bad. I'm dating this girl that I'm in love with that really loves me. But, like, I told her, dad, I wouldn't.

And it's like, who could care? So she's like, hey, come to my family's. My family's taking me out. You know, my dad died last year. It's my high school graduation. I was a valedictorian. You're my boyfriend. I want you at this dim sum dinner.

By the way, celebratory dim sum, okay. Sure. Well, she's a free spirit. Yeah, she's a little artsy-fartsy. It just can't be one of those cart dim sum. sums, because that food is always cold. She comes all right. It's like you're invited, and then you're

complaining at the table. Yes. Dude, let them enjoy it. This is good. But, fine, you eat the fucking cold. I will. It's a huge social obligation. When you say you're going to go to this, it's a huge social, like, this is my graduation dinner. You're my boyfriend. This is a big deal.

And he's like, I can't go inside because the ghost of your dad is there. And it's like, dude, are you fucking pulling this shit again? tried to fight ghostow, but my arms went through him. And then he made fun of my weird little man face. And she's like, dude, are you pulling this horse shit again? And he's like, yes.

And she's like, you know what? I break up with you, you fucking dickbag. I got to go back, talk to my mom and say, hey, by the way, this day is ruined because I broke up my boyfriend. It's great. It's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's graduation. You're fucking graduating high school, man.

Like, dude, let it go. She tries to. She tries to, but this jerk off can't let it be. She's like, in the middle of Chinatown, she's like, you know what I'm going to do tomorrow? I'm going to go to fucking Flash's graduation party. And you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to fucking fuck Flash. How about that?

Why not? Because, like, also, Dennis Leary's- Probably would go premature, though. Dennis Lernery's... Yeah, bravo. Dennis Lurie's last word should be like, stay away from my daughter because you're Spider-Man, you're going to get her hurt. But if you do have to be with her, just don't jerk her around.

Like, literally, just like, just like, you. either decide to do it or don't do it. Don't be like, one is the flaky assholes that can't make a decision. Listen, what is, in the grand scheme of things, Peter Parker, what's actually going to happen? Yeah, exactly. Okay. Nothing.

Apparently, wait, now, I did not see those. Dennis Leary is not a poltergeist in this movie. That's what you're asking. Oh, I didn't see. That'd be great. Is that dims on floating? Your house is haunted by an edgy comedian from the next. 1990's child. Oh, child, he just keeps smoking cigarettes. He loves smoking, child.

Oh, no, I'm doing some automatic right now. I'm an asshole, leo. I'm an asshole, leo. Oh, he's talking about suicide king, child. You better get out of this house. Ooh, shit, child. He's trying to sell me on a special edition DVD of the raft. what i don't even know what i'm seeing oh child i'm getting a vision it's the five dollar discount being in a walmart child oh it's got the ref oh it's a split disc child i'm seeing it now it's the ref on one side and then when you flip it over it's two in by seat What were you thinking? God, I don't know. Sure.

Oh, my Lord. No. Um, shit. Mercy. Dim sum. All right. No. Floating dumplings.

Fucking flashed omson. I don't know, man. But so she breaks up with him and he starts to stalk her. Oh, I'm watching. This is where just let her go. Yeah. Just let her go. Stop jerking her around.

What I was trying to mention was I didn't see the diaramas. they propped up of Mary Jane's or whatever. I didn't see the Von Stroheim full cut of this movie. So how does that even come into play with this relationship? Shouldn't he already being like not being as into her maybe?

Or it's a thing where it's like they break up and maybe he then goes and meets Mary Jane. And she's ready to go and he's They meet at, wait, wait, so they meet at her funeral or something? Maybe it was a Flash's graduation part. Oh, yeah. Right. Because Mary Jane in the story also went to high school with him. Yeah, they're all friends.

Read a Spider-Man Blue, by the way. That's a really good comic book. Oh, what? Is it on Deviant Art? No, it's about the love triangle of Spider-Man, Gwen, Stacey, and Mary Jane. Oh. It's really good story. Interesting.

Yeah. So he starts to stalker, and I always get it a little uncomfortable with superhero stalking. Superstocks, yeah. Yeah, because it's a little, like, it's like an ultra catfish. Exactly. Well, it's like you do. You're cheating. You have superpowers.

You shouldn't be able to do this. Right. We're doing it. here like normal guys. We can't compete. We can't do all that shit. We can't fucking look at them from the sky. With great power, stop fucking following that chick around. I'll tell you, though, the stalking montage

is one of, it delivers one of my favorite moments in the movie because it's like, he's looking at her from, he's on a rooftop being Spider-Man, and he's looking down at her like on the street and whatnot. And then he's like, oh, no, there's a building on fire or something and he's like eh okay and he goes off to like save those children or watch this girl's hair for a little longer yeah and so he like goes away he webslings away to

save the people and she looks up like is someone following me and then what's amazing is she takes like three steps and then there's like an outside seating area of a restaurant and she just immediately sits down and i was like does she know those people yeah she just sits down at this table Oh, no, she just sits down like, please, just let me sit here. I'm being stalked by Spider-Man. Oh, my God, really? Yeah, he's right there. Do you see him?

Look up there. You see that little red speck? He jumped into a fiery apartment building, I think you're safe. Okay, now I'm going to go. I'm going to call Cam. That is terrifying because he could probably, he'll probably kill you. Absolutely, man. He's got those webs.

He's got the strength. So, yeah. Dane Dahan visits Chris Cooper. And to be fair, or to to drum up the first. movie. There's no Osborneing at all. No, there's a little bit of Chris Cooper at the end of the first movie. Is he in the end of the first one? I think he's a stinger scene. Oh, Jesus. And then he's immediately on his deathbed. Yeah. So there was, so

let me get this straight. He's never the green goblin. Okay. I mean, he's just got Frankenstein disease in this movie. Oh man. He's got hilarious creature from the Black Lagoon hands. Yeah, he's turning into an actual green goblin. Yeah. Now was Goblin vomit? Catch me bared with a Goblin. Welcome to infowars.com. Prisonplanet.com. Oh, my God.

Is that a fucking thing on the internet? I think that's one of his domain names. Oh, mercy. Anyway, so, so does Green Goblin, does Green Goblin in those comic books, just Green Goblin, does the Green Goblin turn into a goblin?

He never turns into a goblin in those books. Isn't it just like a dipship mask that he has on? Yeah, he wears like a rubber He's like a fucking lunatic that puts out of Michael Myers Now why is this Now is the global elite The new world order

Now is the new world order Turning people into goblin Dude I think actually You solved it right there Norman Osborne's a reptilian Oh no Reptillion Look at the

Look at the news footage She's how is our twinkles I mean look at Hillary's hands Open in that pickle can Oh she's a goblin You can see she's got the goblin Jimmy Kimmel Goblin They're all goblins

Look at this photo of Hillary Clinton's tongue. Now, you can see on her tongue, there's a little mark. What else? A snake has that exact little venom spot on their tongue. She's a reptilian. Catch him in bed with a goblin. He's got some goblin disease. And he's like, oh, by the way, Harry, Dane DeHan, you also have this disease.

Yeah, this goblinitis is fucking hereditary. And he's like, oh, and I got it at just about your age. Like, dude, you're like 60. So, like, how, and like, Harry, like, Was it, like, makeup? Yeah, it deteriorates so poorly for, like, by the end of the movie, like, before he actually turns into the green goblin, like, he's got rashes. He looks like, shit. But he's turning into a goblin.

He's turning green with claws. He's turning into a goblin. Yes. Who then dresses up like a green goblin. Yeah. He's a double goblin. prison planet so he's like

hey man you're gonna get this disease fuck you tough luck you know Chris Cooper continuing a streak of really shitty movie dads you know like really lighten that that's his corner he's got it dude I love if

like Norman Osborne dies right and then they're like cleaning out all this shit and they're like oh what's in this hutch and they open it up and it's a bunch of Nazi plates yeah exactly he thinks Dane Dahan's sleeping with Kevin Spacey.

He used to hold these Nazi plates and cry. Dan Dahan's like, I suck the best dick in four counties. Yeah. We all saw American Beauty. It's a funny movie. So he's like, oh, I have this terrible disease. Peter Parker shows up. He's like, hey, man, remember when we used to be best friends?

I'm like, no, I don't because that's not in that last movie at all. There's definitely a line where Andrew Garfield's like, well, I got to help Harry. He's my best past. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? You haven't seen him in years, fucking best pal. They cut to Larry David, best friend. Who told you were best friends?

How do they ever meet? Like, wouldn't he be going to like a good school? Well, Harry was sent off to boarding school. But I guess before that, he just went to the lame Queens public school. And I think that the idea was like they were just friends because him, uh, uh, uh, uh, Paa Parker and Norman Osborne works hand in hand. Right. Oh, right.

And they kind of knew each other. I forgot. go to like barbecues and queens and super spy scientist agents i forgot you know what another thing about uh the parker's aunt may is cry in poverty this whole fucking movie should go to nursing school or whatever else god fucking sally field in this movie by the way cry me and keep it but she's you're living in this indoor sell this enormous house yep and then you've got all your problems are solved you get a million five and you're good totally yeah you'll get exactly people um not familiar with The city might not know, but it is insanely

unaffordable to ever have anything in this city. If you're lucky enough to have been gifted a house by Pop Parker, sell that shit. Sell that shit. Move to the suburbs or somewhere. Live like a king and send your kid to a better public school. Well, that's the thing is like you're telling me that, you know, Richard and whomever M. Beth David's name is in this movie. Like, they weren't leaving some sick life insurance behind.

Seriously. like they had their own house like you see the in the in the prologue yeah you know that's another a full listen folks who don't live in this town a full fucking house in new york city is in god damn possible goblin goblin vomit we're talking bad with a goblin but like yeah sell the shit get you could sell it get a nice spacious too even listen you want an office a three bedroom apartment just the two of you Because, reminder, by the way, flashback, Martin Sheen's dead. Uncle Ben fucking bit it. But, like, it's so insane.

She's like, oh, yeah, I'm taking night classes to be a nurse. And I'm also a waitress. And I'm like, what are you doing? Do you know how old you are? Like, the thing is, like, nursing schools fucking expensive, too. If you want to make more money, take some shifts at Macy. It's also almost condescending where movies do this when they're just like, I don't know, older mom.

Now she's a nurse. Because you can just flip that on. Yeah, exactly. You could just suddenly have that, because it means nothing to become a registered nurse. No, absolutely not. It's so insane. And you see, oh, man, is it worthless? You want to talk about cutting down this runtime.

You see a scene, like, later in the movie when, like, Electro is wreaking havoc on the city. He cuts the power to the entire city. Yeah. And you see, like, fucking Sally Field in this emergency room and this doctor's, like, you know, get the paddles or whatever. And she's like, oh, okay, those are over there. They're on this shelf. And I'm like, you're also an incompetent nurse. But also like...

This is my first day. Like, why are we cutting to this? Listen, here's the thing. And I'm sorry, Sally Field. I'm sorry, Rosemary Harris. Nobody gives a flying fuck about Aunt May. I am not buying a ticket to Aunt May the movie. All you want is Aunt May to be like a little bit aloof and like, oh, have fun tonight at the party.

And Peter's like, I'm going to be Spider-Man. That's all I need. This movie, they're fighting about doing laundry because he's trying to wash his Spider-Man uniform. And she's just walking into his room, like, dude, if you're living with a 13 to 23-year-old man, you knock hard, and then you let them open the door. Because here's the great rule of thumb. Just always, always presume that he is, whenever you can't physically see him, he is constantly playing with himself. Sure, absolutely. And that's the way you have to.

do it. Or there might, as he's older, there might be a girl or a guy in the bedroom. Catch him bad with a goblin. Catch him bad with a goblin. Yeah, he's got goblin vomit all over the room. He's trying to catch up with. So Peter shows him to Dana Hahn. He's like, oh, they're all pals and he's like, hey, yeah. Then they like go

out, hanging out, start skipping rocks. I've never skipped a rock with anybody. Certainly not off the fucking shores in Brooklyn Heights. Gross. I've skipped rocks in my day. Oh, really? So have I, but not, you know. Not in the city. Not by the Brooklyn Heights carousel gross east

river yeah what is that petrified turds you're skipping it's not even rocks it's not skipping it's rolling it's rolling on the it's literally rolling on a river it's solid rock rolling on a river so whatever

Electro is getting shit by his boss who's played by B.J. Novak one of the many throwaway characters for friends to elbow themselves he plays Alastair Smyth who goes on to make Spider-Man anti-Spiderman robots

called the Spider-Slayers era. Wow, they were really setting this up. Oh, yeah, man. Oh, they were ready for it. You know what? Nobody was clamoring for B.J. Novak to return. Just like they weren't clamoring to buy his collection of fucking short stories either. You were fucking par on the office.

Well, that's more than any. Most people can say, I guess. That's true. Steve will have a collection of short stories out. Oh, one day. All about alcoholism. That's what it's called. You just picked the title. All about alcoholism.

That's the hardest part. Now, the rest writes itself. So, title first, work backwards. So, you know, he's like, you know, he's like, all right, Nigma. I mean, Max Dillon, whatever your name is. Max Dillon. He's like, is that Electro's name in the comics? Is he Max Dillon?

I think so. I couldn't ever give a shit about Electro. an electric. Oh, man, how long you've been waiting to toss that in the conversation? No, I just thought of it. All right, I believe you. So it's Electro's birthday. It is.

There's a great moment where he meets Emma Stone on an elevator, and he's holding a birthday card. And he's just like, she's like, oh, is it your birth? And he does this really sad, like, oh, yeah, having a big party downtown. Yeah, this hot club. A lot of celebrities are going to be there. Yeah, I'd invite you, but the guest list is closed. And she's like, uh-huh.

You enjoy it. Who's dressed up to look like a fucking middle-aged Steve Urkel? Yeah, he is Steve Urkel if he didn't make it. So like, Urkel made it? You're saying Steve Urkel made it. I didn't watch a lot of family matters. Rapey Steve Urkel. Does he die in that thing?

Urkel is presumed dead or feared dead in the series finale because he goes to space. for some reason. Sure. But then he's proven to be alive. Oh, thank God. To sexually threaten Laura Winslow for another day. So Electro has created this like new electronic grid.

By the way, Oscorp is beating out Khan Ed somehow. Yeah, okay. That's how you become a nefarious organization, by the way, because you've beaten the mafia. Essentially. I mean, seriously, you try to beat the fucking gas and electric in this city. I'll give you a million dollars

your guys bill just went up it totally did i'm in jersey man kind of got shit on me oh really no kind of oh they don't come cross the river that way oh shit you're lucky it's no it's even crookeder in jersey and g yeah they're all right in chris christie's pocket those big pockets

all sorts of candy bars in there but they're like hey electro you have to watch it's your birthday we're all going out for drinks without you and he's like oh man that's so sad like yeah but you have to work the electric grid by yourself tonight. Well, there's some, like, repair that he has to make. And there's electric eels involved.

Basically, he tries to do it, and he falls in this tank with electric eels. Oops. He turns into electro. Dude, these computer eels are just eaten away at him. They're so mean for no reason, right? Dude, if you were an eel and you're, let's say this, you're an electric eel, and you're in this tank with a bunch of other electric eels. I'm picturing it, all right?

And so you start getting it, right? You're like, oh, shit. They just want me to, like, suck up my electrical eels. You'd be pretty pissed off at these human beings, right? So then like when a human being falls in, you're like, this is our cap tour. You know, and you chomp down. They're going after with ball sack too, right? First things first, the ball sack goes.

Ask any electric eel expert. Ask Jack Hanna about it. As an electric eel, you get the balls immediately. And then if you got enough time, you flip back around and try to go up the ass. As, you know, as much as possible. That will turn your blue, actually, if that will turn your real blue. Also, by the way, the way they animate him, the way they animate Janie Fox and make his, like, skin kind of gross looking and whatnot, I mean, they're making him look part eel. Yeah.

It's disgusting. But he should not be half animal, man. He's presumed dead at this point. They put him in a lab and, like, OzCorp is evil. So, like, oops, he comes back to life and he's got electric powers. Great. Was Oscourt, like, the source of all of these things? No, of course not.

That's a stupid thing. There was just random radioactivity just going around at Stanley's New York. You know what I mean? Like you smoke a J. Uh-oh, look out. Here comes another radioactive truck.

Now you're daredevil. Smoking J. Uh-oh, here comes another radioactive truck. Now you're the fantastic four. So he's smoking a J on the street corner, right? Like you do. Just a regular New York kid. Wait, shut up, Dicko.

Listen to me. I'm going to steal this from you later. Smoking a J with a spider. Oh, now you're Spider-Man. Me and this spider was smoking a J the other day, Dicko. Listen to this. I was smoking a J with this guy. He got really angry.

I was like, stop hulking out, man. I went, hey. Cut to me making a billion dollars. Smoking a J with a fat guy. And I realized he didn't have anything special about him. So he's a kingpin. I was smoking a day with Jack Kirby, and he paid for all of it. And I didn't let him.

And I never paid him back. And Kirby didn't get a puff. I smoked the whole fucking thing. Stole a stash. Squeeze it to the dome, Kirby. Oh, you know, it is, you know, it's sort of like the forever mystery to me is how he has successfully fucked all of these people. He's in this movie, too. He's at the graduation.

At the graduation. As confused old man, aka himself. Yeah, because he's like, that's by him. Hey, everybody, don't you also see Spider-Man? I just never need to see Stanley ever again. Like who, listen, if anyone out there were to watch a Marvel movie. Uh-huh. I think a couple people have and will.

But no, but if Stanley didn't show up, would anyone turn and say, where was Stanley's cameo, man? No, nobody would. You know, like, listen, here's the way you work in a cameo. Does he even know what he's going on anymore? No, he's got no clue. Is he just like, I guess I'm a security guard now. I'm going to do my best to be a security guard. Come this way, stand, the came to this way, stand, the cameo's over.

But the Hulk was here. Didn't you see him? He was right out of there. We got our beef up security around here, Lou Ferreggno. Lou Ferreggno. Oh, that movie came out six years ago. The way you do a cameo is the way I noticed there's a great cameo. I just saw Snowden a couple days ago.

There's a shot of like. Dude, Stanley, it's crazy. So I'm smoking a J with Edward Snowden. And I'm like, you know what? You should release all these documents. A radioactive computer bites him. It becomes a special agent. Cut to us smoking a J in a Hong Kong hotel room.

We're talking a documentarian, Laura Poitras. And I look out the window and I say, geez, they're coming for you. Get to Russia. No, Oliver Stone has a cameo in Snowden, and it's just him literally sitting. in an auditorium clapping during a presentation. And I was like, that's how you do it. You're not fucking

getting Reed Richards the goddamn mail. You're not watering the lawn with your boner hose. You're not doing any of that. Just stay out of it, Stan. You know what? Just ever, you've got enough money. So, Electro assholes his way to Times Square

and Spider-Man fights him. Times Square is in this movie way too much than I need Times Square to be in a movie. God, I hate Times Square. It should never be featured in a movie this much. And it's actual Times Square, which is annoying. That's what I, I applauded the new Ghostbusters movie because I was like, at least Paul Fieg had the common decency

to just make a fucking fake green screen time square. But they're actually there. They're shooting. Times Square is the worst. The tickets booth has prominent display in this. Yeah, TKTS is right there. If you see Spider-Man and Times Square, if you come to New York, run the other way.

Because that's a one-way ticket to TB. TB. Tobriculosis. It's so obnoxious, though, because, like, it's the first of two times in this movie. There's basically, like, a police-sanctioned fight between Spider-Man and a villain. Because, like... This happens a few times in this movie. Because, like, the police department is trying to handle Electro.

It's not working out. Spider-Man comes in. They see Electro, they go, we got a 1085, which is, I guess, a blue electric man. So I'm smoking a joint with an electric outlet. I say, electro. This is good stuff. Cut to me making another million five. Ooh, it's pretty cool.

But, like, so Spider-Man shows up, and the police department is just like, okay, everybody, Spider-Man's here. Back up. These two are going to rumble now. And the same thing happens at the end. When Paul Giumani comes out in the dipshit rhino mecksuit thing, the police department again is like,

oh, thank God Spider-Man's here. All right, everybody, back up. And like the crowd is cheering. Like fucking the Hulkster just came down. They're booing Electro in this scene. And that really bothers me. There are outright jeers. If I see a blue guy shoot electricity out of his hands and destroy Times Square, I'm running.

Yep. I would be sending Dr. Manhattan a thank you letter. Dude, yeah, he is very Dr. Manhattan in this movie, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just missing the Blue Dong. Yeah, yeah. He's a more modest Dr. Manhattan.

That's a funny thing It's like right when Electro is created And he's like naked in this tank Electro has got a little shorts on What are these shorts that he's wearing? How are these happening? Is that the eel scan or something? Give me that fucking ding-dong dude

Dude just fucking flap it out there dude Billy Crut up the shit out of it dude Oh yeah You think that was an accurate size For Crut up or what? I don't know man We'll find out If so that's pretty cool

I was smoking a joint with Billy Crudette He pulls out his dick, right? And I'm like, Dr. Manhattan. That's right, Alan Moore. I actually wrote Watchman before you. Another million five. I get all the comic books. There is a great line when he's like, when Electro is ready to.

I was smoking a joint with a cat. And oh, there's Fritz the cat. Sorry. I invented that too. I was smoking a joint with two stone tablets. And I was like, boom, there's the Ten Commandments. there's a line that Jamie Fox has at this part, which is particularly terrible when he goes,

it's my birthday. Now it's time for me to light my candles. And he starts, like, killing people. Now is a good time to talk about the score in this scene. Because it's all like regular. How much are they trying to get? A million five? Oh, you're talking about the music.

Yeah, no, not a take. Oh, excuse me. And now all of a sudden, and it only happens like once in the movie, There's, like, lyrics to the score where it's like, Spider-Man, you lied to me. It's so. But it's weird because I'm like, are these voices in his head? Yeah.

You know, like, Spider-Man, you made me this way. And Spider-Man, Jody Foster would respect me if I kill you. I just don't get why he cares about Spider-Man. I don't at all. He saved his life once, and then he didn't hang out every day. Yeah. It's psychotic. Well, I mean, he's a super villain.

I guess so. They're usually crazy. I know, but they, I don't know. Yeah. But it's just, it's that stupid thing of, like, any, you know, quote, loser or, like, unpopular social misfit could just as easily be turned into his super villain. Sure. Not all unpopular people are psychopaths.

Not all introverts are psychopaths. And this movie doesn't justify it at all. It's like, oh, Spider-Man missed my birthday. I fucking hate that Spider-Man now. You're like, what? Your birthday? You're fucking 45 years old. Why isn't he like, oh, man.

Cool, electric power is awesome. I'll see you later. I'm going to go, I'm going to make some movies, man. I'm going to light Stan Lee's Jay with my electric fingers. Oh, thanks, Electro. You want a little of this? Just kidding. It's all for Stan.

Got any comic book ideas I can take? Don't worry. I'm just going to Jack Kirby's gravestone. I got to take a piss. No. So, like, Gwen Stacy, like, finds out that Oskar's covering up Jamie Fox's accident. Yeah, and whatever. She's really going to ruin that internship she has, however she's working for Oskar.

At this point, Dane Dahan goes up to Peter, and this is my favorite. stupid thing that all these movies do it's like people go up to peter parker and they're like hey man you're totally not spider man but you know him right like i i know that you you know how you look exactly like spider man but you know him sound just like spider man uh-huh same build same height but you you're not him but you know him so could you pass this message on like he needs spider man's blood because he thinks it's gonna you know what just start saying no i don't know spider man yeah exactly i got lucky with a couple of photos i must live near the Spider-Man.

That reminds me of a horseshit thing in this movie is because they couldn't find anyone to be better than J.K. Simmons at being J. Jonah Jameson. They have J. Jonah Jameson's send an email in this movie and that's it. And he's not in the last one either. Like, fuck that. He skipped his whole cinematic universe. It's so, so, so stupid. And it's one of the better characters.

Yeah. I mean, if that's a fun character, it's something to flesh everything else out. It's a world that you can have. And it's just not here. It's just not at all here because they just couldn't, I don't know, get anybody. I mean, like, Jake Simmons is great. Either A, get him back and who cares. Right.

No one gives a shit. Or just get anybody else. Get John Goodman, get a fat, J.K. Why not? Sure. Jodd Jameson. Why not? Get Danny Glover.

That'd be great. Oh, that would be cool. I mean, the internet would go on fucking fire, but that would. That'd be great. You could give Danny Glover. You could give Danny Glover an awesome, like, salt and pepper high top fade. Absolutely. Fuck, yes, Danny Glover as goddamn J. Jonah Jameson.

It would be awesome. He slamming a desk yelling about Spider-Man. I'd be fucking freaked out. I'd be like, oh, shit, man. Totally. I just made Danny Glover upset. Did the internet shit its pants when Larry Fishburn played Perry White? Yeah, they did.

Did they? Yeah, heaven forbid. God, the internet. A bunch of fucking terrible people on the internet. But thank you for downloading this. Podcasts from the Internet. Well, the people who listen aren't terrible. I know.

The people who don't listen, they're terrible. You take the good, you take the bad. So I was smoking a joint with a racist the other day, and I was like, hey, the Internet. That's right. I invented the Internet gang. Fuck you, Al Gore. So I was smoking a joint with Al Gore, and I got arrested by the Secret Service. Then I was smoking a joint with global warming.

And I said, this should be. be a this is a slide show I this is not a comic this is a slide show I took a really long fucking hit of this J right and I look around and I said well Jesus the earth's hitting up it's heating up at a really rapid rate well well this is certainly an inconvenient truth then I went home and he stole the idea from me fucking Al Gore rid me off so she's the only one that ever got away with it everyone else is in the ground the ground So, Dane Dahan's like, I need Spider-Man's blood. You have to talk to Spider-Man, get his blood.

And, like, Spider-Man, you know, Peter Parker feels bad. He talks to Mary Jane about it. He goes, it's like- Talks to Gwen Stacey about it. Mary Jane ain't in this fucking movie. He's smoking Mary Jane. I said, Mary Jane. I invented a girl.

Let me get a bag of Gwen Stacy and, you got a couple of edibles in there? No. So he's like, you got some Kirk Conner Cush in there or what? So... Yeah, give me that flash, Thompson. I want to go to the moon tonight. Oh, shit, it's laced with PCB. You guys ever do this yet?

It's called mixed greens. You grind them all up together. No, but he's... It's like him going to a little kid's birthday party because he dresses up with Spider-Man and goes, talks to Harry Osborne. He's like, well, I heard you were looking for Spider-Man, little boy. It is so stupid.

It is a mall-send. situation. And he's just like, oh, I'm not going to give you my blood because this, that, and the other thing. And, like, he starts flipping things over. And he's like, you're a fraud, Spider-Man, you're a fraud. And the Spider's like, you know what, man? No. He hucks out, like, a tumbler of perfectly good scotch at him. You're not going to hit Spider-Man with a tumbler, dude.

Yeah, I mean, like, the rhino can't hit this dude, man. And the rhino's the best. There's a terrible shot of, like, Harry Osborne, like, being angry and, like, yelling in his apartment. And Spider-Man's, like, hanging out. like on the wall, like, listening. And it's like, Andrew Garfield does this, like, head down, like, oh, my best pal. You know, for 20 minutes in this movie. Oh, by the way, joining the cast of the, speaking of Kirk Conner, is the Dylan Baker all-stars of characters that'll never be Spider-Man villains.

Is BJ Novak's there. You've got now in this movie, Felicity Jones. Oh, right, as the assistant Felicia. Felicia. That's a villain, too? Yeah, she'd be the black cat eventually If this universe really If all goes well

Yeah That wasn't some slideshow At the fucking Sony Christmas party Cirque in 2013 An inconvenient franchise And that angry intern Who actually facilitated that hack And it was not North Korea

By any stretch of the imagination Was like, you'll never see any of this You'll never see any of it at all Oh, here's your secret saying? Nana Janus. So, but she's like working with him. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Electro, you don't know what happens to him after that first, at least I didn't.

Like, he just kind of goes away and like Spider-Man's working on different web shooters for a long time. Well, he's kidnapped and put in like a fake Arkham Asylum for Spider-Man villains. I'm already asleep. Where Morrissey is playing some German scientist. Dude, what is this guy? He's like, oh, hello, Electro. Oh, I'm here to do experiments on you. His name is Dr. Kafka, and I threw the fuck up.

Is that true? Yes. Oh, I miss that. Is he in the comics, too? Does he become like a cockroach villain? I read that he's actually... Dr. Cockroach. Kafka is an alias of the chameleon, actually.

Oh, boy. Wow. Why don't we just all fucking show up? He's not... Again, it's the Dylan Baker basketball team that everyone, whoever is not a Spider-Man villain, but almost is. Oh, my God. Lord, Lord, Lord.

Jesus Christ, he's torturing this guy and this is where you get the trailer line, which I think is a pretty good Jamie. And I do think Jamie Fox is okay but not great in this movie because the script is better. He's given garbage lines to deliver.

I want a world without mercy. A world without power. A world without Spider-Man. Now, maybe you put Spider-Man first. I want a world without this movie. Spider-Man is the least significant of those other things. Like, mercy.

pretty big. What was the other one? Power. Yeah, power's pretty big too, right? The Spider-Man, he's just protecting one city. Yeah. Mercy and power, that's worldwide. You should get, like, all the super friends? Yeah, get them all together. Rope them all together. So while this is all happening, Peter Parker discovers that

his dad actually has a secret lab in an abandoned subway station, fit for the Ninja Turtles themselves. Oh, man, forget it. It's based on an actual subway station. That splinter lives in. you could see it I was smoking a joint with this rat

right he was talking to me no the famous track 61 under the Waldorf Astoria Hotel that's a real thing so that's where apparently Norman Osborne was conducting these experiments even though he had a whole

fucking building to do them in which how does it get set up I don't know hey have you ever been 19 and tried to urinate drunk in a subway station and went instantly caught by the MTA police

fucking figure out a way to build a goddamn secret laboratory our subway system. Okay movie. And he gets played the video and he realizes the dad loved him the whole time. And that's sweet. That's great. Yep, big time.

He also... It amounts to nothing. No, no, it doesn't. I mean, maybe in the next three movies something big is going to come out of it. The only detail that you get is that Norman or Mr. Parker, Richard Parker, put his blood into the spider. So only his bloodline will have the effect

that's intended, which is why it works okay on Peter and turns Dane to the goddamn green goblin. That's a bad problem. Also at this point Emma Stone is getting like catfished by this lady pretending to be that she's from Oxford. I mean she gets this call from this woman who's like

Hello, I'm from Oxford University I am. We have a study abroad program you might want to participate in. All I need is your credit card number and social security number. Why don't you come in my big fancy office which is

on a 10th Avenue and 40 Street. Floor 59 Sweet C. It looks like a janitor's closet, but it's totally Oxford. Oh, that's right. Yes, the good coats are in the back. Just keep going. Our office is in the back with the good coats.

It's ridiculous. So she's like she's applying for some study abroad Grant, who could care? And she's like, you know, maybe if I go, if I cross the Atlantic, this fucking superhero will leave me alone. This total weirdo. And so that's kind of all coming to a head.

the Green Goblin he decides he's like okay Spider-Man fucked me over I'm gonna go bust Electro out of prison correct and he like he goes up to Ravencroft

which is where it is and he like does some sick like some sick moves Ravencroft is like the knockoff Arkham yes which is it's a real thing

with the Spider-Man comic so he goes there and like he gets a moment alone with Electro and he's like hey man why don't we be in this movie together and he's like I don't know man

I thought I was the villain this movie no no actually I am I'm going to be number one. You're going to remember two. And he's like, ah, this doesn't make any sense. But, like, because Electro, in this movie, at least,

likes skinny white guys, he does. Well, because it's this weird scene where he's like, I need you. And, like, that gets him kind of hard in a weird... You need me? It's a weird scene, man. I need me to be needed by you. And, like, he's being pulled away by security.

He's like, I need you, Max. I need you. And he's like, oh, oh, man, I'm almost there. My boner broke my. me out of this electro prison. And at least you don't make Electro gay. If you're going to play with it, like just do it. It's been 20 years since

the not gay Ridler. He might as well be the gay electro. That'd be really something. Yeah, why not? Because he's in love with Spider-Man. Like, that's very clear. He's like, oh, Spider-Man, you're going to go to my birthday party. I'm going to kiss you. I mean, we're going to hang out. My birthday party. Like, you know what I mean? Like, let him want to kiss Spider-Man. That'd be

cool. Yeah. I'll watch that movie. Oh, I'd watch the shit out of that movie. Then I'd turn to Deviant. dart to see what else is up. So I'm smoking a joint with the creepiest guy in the world. And then deviant art. There it is. So whatever, man. Cut to the third act of this movie. Electro cuts the power to the

city. They team up. Electro cuts the power to the city. He gets this cool Elector outfit out of nowhere. It's like this like it looks like a fantastic four jumpsuit. It looks like he fucking stole it off the event horizon. I don't know where he got this thing. Hey, better movies. Oh, big time. Oh, yeah. Dude, I just rewatched it recently.

just holding the eyeballs in your hands. That's great. Jason Isaacs never went where I wanted him to go. No, and that's a disappointment. It is. I think he's great. Let's finish this movie. So he, um, so, uh, Electro cuts down the power to the city. Their deal is Electro and the Green Goblin like, hey, you get me back into OzCore and then I'll let you out. And, uh, A, Dr. Kafka doesn't get fucking turned into a, a crispy skeleton,

which is a bullshit ending. Yeah, he's got to be a crispy critter like nobody's business. He gets like sort of electrocuted. And you, and you, You see, like, the device, he's, like, stuck to a thing, and it's kind of putting him into a pool of water. I need to see it. You don't see it. I need that dude choking, like, Kurt Russell and Poseidon. Yeah. So, though, he takes over Oz Corp.

Yeah. And, like, the, he gets into the grid and the power of the whole city goes out. And it's like, great, whoopty. Yeah. And what a threat. Weirdly enough. I never understand. And it's in the first Spider-Man trilogy as well.

It's, like, the Green Gobblers. an outfit was created for military use? What is the benefit to having a dude on a hovercraft that's with his whole body exposed? I'll tell you. I'll tell you what. It's part of my screenplay surf soldiers. I'll tell you what that is for. That is the type of shit that the U.S.

government sells to the enemy. They outfit their guys with it, make a profit, and then they go to war with those guys. And we pick them off one by one. Like, come on, dude. Surf soldiers is right. I mean, it's so silly. Like, there's no military application to it. There's part of it that does...

It's like a mech suit on a stupid thing. The part, like, the fucking glider aside, the part that does make sense is that suit, we're told in the throwawayest of throwaway lines, that it's like a healing suit. Sure. So, like, it has, like, medical capabilities, which is why Dane Dahan doesn't die

after injecting himself with the spider venom. Which is, he puts the suit on. The problem is, Dain Dhan, like, he injects himself and he, like, gets in the floor and he kind of does a little, American World in London. And there's one scene where he looks really cool because he's got this swoop haircut. And his hair is like in a point down over his face. Right. He's got

these teeth and he's got that weird angular face anyway. That's cool. But then out of nowhere he gets the haircut from Joy from inside out. Oh my God. There's like sprite hair. It looks so shitty. It's like, I'm a goblin now. It would be awesome

if Dane Dahan just started getting dubbed by Amy Poehler for the rest of the movie. But I mean, like it's a bad haircut. It's a bad look. Yeah, it just looks terrible. They tend to skin a little yellowish green and then he kind of like goes away for 40 minutes and then... So we have this

electro fight on Roosevelt Island, one of the scusiest places in New York City. And there's more spider, like itsy-bitsy spider plays. There's a lot of musical cues that they've seen. I hate it. I hate it. It's so stupid. It's the most obvious crap music. I mean, it's up there with

Suicide Squad. It's so terrible and you know, they have a big fight. Gwen Stacy and Peter Parker together figure out, like, how to defeat him. Well, they're, like, making up, like, basically he follows her. She's like, I'm going to England. He's like, no, you're not. He's like, well, I'll follow you to English. She's like, oh, fuck. Oh, my God. This guy's

going to follow me to England. And, like, poor Aunt May is like, hey, man, I thought I was paying for your education. I'm working fucking four shifts. She's dealing with a code black in the hospital right now. How about this? The next Spider-Man movie, we open on dreary old London. And there's a, there's a, there's a

killer of foot. There's a super stalker. Oh, yeah. And it's Spider-Man killing girls. I'd be down with it. Right? I'd be down with it. That's the first. That's it. And then he gets the taste. So we have this big fight. Electro is killed

unceremoniously. But I'm sorry, but he sprays her hand with his super strong webbing that can throw cars and she's a little penknife to cut it out. I'm like, yeah, come on. Yeah, that's pretty. So she shows up and like basically the whole thing is like you know this whole movie

you know from the last movie Gwen Stacy's gonna die like it's anyone who knows anything she should have died in the first movie she should have died in the first movie because everyone saw it coming and this movie like it's kind of hilarious like every time she's like oh my

my thumb hurts I'm like oh my god she's gonna die like in this scene with the electric thing like she almost keeps dying over and over again it's like in hot shots with dead meat yes yeah exactly the goose spoof well they leave it to be I guess like comic accurate because doesn't Green Goblin

kill her in the comic. Because, like, yeah, he destroys electro. It comes to nothing. And, like, you're like, oh, I thought this is an electric movie. I guess not. And then you hear the cackle of the green goblin and you're like, oh, fuck, this movie's not over with yet. It's like unbelievable. It's like, 455 on a Friday and you're just, you're just closing your computer down. Your boss calls you in for a meeting and you're like, oh, shit. Right before this scene, Frodo tossed the fucking ring into the mountain. Yeah, exactly. And you've got to go to the bathroom and you're like, oh, my God, why are we at Sam's fucking wedding now? Like, you know what? And it's just, it's another useless fucking fight scene.

We're gone at the grocery store. Samwise reading TV God. So they just like kind of fight for a little bit, you know, they rip off the Joker. He throws her down a fucking clock shaft during a clock fight, I guess. It's a big clock tower. I don't have time for that. I don't. I do not.

I do not. And it's a horseshit thing where, like, he gets the web on her and pulls it, but it's, like, just too late and she, like, breaks her neck or her back against the which is very close to the actual comic where she does it off the... He kills her, right? That's what happens here, right? Yeah, pretty much murders her. Spider-Man woman killer.

She would have... When she would have... She would have died anyway. But in trying to save her, he actually kills her. At least he gets, like, the thrill of the kill, right? It's not wasted on the ground. He feels her life force exit the body. Right, yeah.

Now she's with ghost. her father. Oh, no. I'm getting, it's a birdman DVD, child. Oh, no. Does she actually see Michael Keaton fly at the end? Does she know?

Ooh, shit, child, it's ambiguous. Hey, y'all, I'm all for ambiguity. But every once in a while, you just got to spell some shit out for me. This jazz score is oppressive, child. So whatever. she's dead there's a funeral there's a couple of great shots of peter parker standing in the same brooklyn fucking funeral cemetery that's used in every movie he does see the ghost of of gwen stacey's dad again

and he's just like shakes his head like i knew it and bill hicks is like i knew it more you're an asshole leo leole oh like it's so useless yeah you're right bill hick should be behind him every time he shows up you should be right behind you know what's more useless though is that he's motivated to come back into being, so he takes a bunch of months off from being Spider-Man. You see snow and blah, blah, blah. Like, the scorpion takes over Staten Island and no one cares.

But then the rhino comes back to power, man. Holy fucking God, man. Now we have to deal with the rhino for like 15 minutes. Well, the thing is... And a little kids in peril and it's like, the movie's over. It's over. The movie has definitely been over for a while. It's so terrible.

You cut to Dane Dahan in prison and like the... Michael Massier. actually shows. Oh, is it Michael Massey playing this character? Yeah, from Gopich Island. Oh, shit. And he's what now? He's just like the fixer of something or whatever. It's not a character, like a big character? Maybe it is. It's not a big character in my book.

But they're basically setting up the sinister six. Yeah, so like you see a warehouse with the fucking goblin glider, you see the octopuses, whatever you see the vultures wings, and everyone's like, oh my God, I'm going to jerk off. And he's like, and then this big

stupid rhino costume we made. that has no applications whatsoever. What is the benefit? Why would you design this? Okay, yeah. And now when Paul Giamatti's walking around the streets with it, he keeps on opening it to stick his little head out and be like, this is when the NYPD snipers just take them out.

Oh, of course. And just fucking takes him out. One ripe but twicks to the eyes. I don't know. I don't know if they'll draw on him. He's not selling loose cigarettes. So I'm not sure. There's a white guy in a rhino costume,

armed to the teeth with guns. And fucking missiles on this thing. But he's not selling loose cigarettes. So I'm not sure they're going to go after him. And by the way, we should mention this is Paul Giamatti's cartoon in this suit because it is terrible CGI. Yeah. This little like gate flaps open.

He's like, hello, here I am. Goodbye. I'm closing it again. My favorite part is when he, it's like the, and you can clearly tell Paul Giamani doesn't know what the fuck's going on in this movie. He just goes, I'm der Reino. And I'm like, what are you talking about, Paul? It's terrible.

It's terrible. What are you talking about? And then we just, we cut to black on Spider-Man about to fight him. You're not going to believe this franchise death. Some kid crawls past like the police barricade and it's like, dude, no, that gets dead. It's some idiot that the Spider-Man saved earlier and he's like, you could be a winner too, kid. Because by the way, we had about a week or so when it's like, everyone's wondering,

where's Spider-Man? Oh my God, there's no Spider-Man anymore. and this is like him coming out of retirement and saving this kid from being splattered. Whatever, fucking total failure, this movie. I never watched this before until last night for this show. This has been the most exhaustive movie

I've seen in a long time. Yeah, no, it's terrible. It's everything that's wrong with all these super... And you said it, and it's like, just focus on the thing. Tell me one story, one villain, or even two villains. I don't even care about how many villains. I mean, I kind of do,

but like just don't have it packed to the gills with what you're going to do in the next five movies don't give me your five year plan fuck me right now you know what I mean exactly I don't want to be wind and dined about the future and all this shit a movie it's a fucking and you give it to me good and we're good to go

no exactly don't tell me how we're going to get married three years from now don't tell me what you want to do with me a Labor Day weekend take me into the bathroom in this bar and fuck my brains out right now it's quick it's dirty it's over Exactly. That's the way these movies need to be, man.

You just summed up everything. It's everything that's wrong with the superhero movies. Nobody's fucking in the bathroom. I don't care what your dad did. I don't care what you. You know what I mean? I don't care if you had problems at home. I don't care what you got a good job. No.

Fuck my brains out and we're smoking cigarettes. We're going to sleep. What a great night. What a great night that would be. Now, let's wrap this up. Would anybody recommend this? movie. No, it's kind of an interesting historical oddity. I think as the years go on, no, it isn't.

This is, I mean, you're right. But I mean, it's just it's this weird little, this pocket universe because I mean, this is happening more and more where like Suisguide Squad's like this a little bit where they're like, oh, all this stuff's going to happen and you're like, but maybe it's not. Well, that's what we're

learning from this movie is watching something like Suicide Squad, you're like, is it? You know, I guess time will tell. Yeah, I don't know, man. Your leash isn't that long, brother. Well, that movie made a lot of money, so we probably will, unfortunately. But I would not recommend it. No. No, no, not at all.

No, never, never. Neither would I. Actually, this movie sort of inspired me to go back and check out the Ramey trilogy, which I haven't rewatched in years. I got that itch, too, from watching this. The first two I really like. I remember, again, I saw that third one with Chris Cabin in the theater. We both hated it. Yeah.

I remember liking the first two, though. I remember liking the second one the best. And I like, you know, I like this good James Franco in those movies. You want to talk about Harry Osborne? You got Willem Defoe. Oh, hey, Spider-Man. I was born for this shit.

Looking like a goblin. Goblin, mommy. Catch him in bed with a goblin. Gonna kill Bob Crane. How disappointed would you be if you find out that Willem Defoe loved infowars.com? Alex Jones, the guy's got a lot of good ideas. You know what?

I wouldn't mind. Let him... You know what? You've given me enough play. pleasure in my life from the foe. You can do whatever you want. That's the amazing Spider-Man 2, directed by Mark Webb.

For more we hate movies. Oh, Spider-Man Webs. Yeah, that's right. That's exactly right. That's why you got the job. For more we hate movies, check out WHMpodcast.com or follow us over at sidelnetwork. com.

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Yeah, exactly. And just to let you know what's up there right now, you can get the first episode of the Texas right now. You can get a first, you could get, we're going to upload commentaries there. We have the

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gang, right in the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. Rate review the show. Wherever you get it, we would greatly appreciate it. And of course, the season seven of we hate movies officially kicks off next week. We're talking about the substitute to schools out. Finally, our back-to-school episode. Yeah, there you go.

So until next week with Treat Williams taking over for, what's his face? Tom Barringer. Oh my God, I'm going to kill him in bed with a Tom Berringer. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siska. Goblin vomit.