We Hate Movies - S7 Ep268: Episode 268 - Pet Sematary II

Episode Date: October 4, 2016

On this week's episode, Chris Cabin makes his grand return just in time to kick off the 2016 Halloween Spooktacular as the gang riffs on the direct-to-video Pet Sematary II! Why did we need this stupid fake movie fake-out? What's with Clancy Brown's behavior at that funeral? And why does Eddie Furlong briefly become a villain? PLUS: Do NOT take your pet to Anthony Edwards' veterinary clinic! Pet Sematary II stars Edward Furlong, Clancy Brown, Anthony Edwards, Lisa Waltz, Jared Rushton, Jason McGuire, and Sarah Trigger; directed by Mary Lambert. And don't forget, gang, we've got some brand new merch available, so head on over to our Tee Public shop to check out the latest designs!Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

One quick plug, by the way, for all our Patreon people. First of all, thank you for subscribing. We appreciate the endless support for that, of course. But the other thing we did want to mention is you notice when you're tuning in to things like the Nexus and... Well, the Nexus is our Star Trek show. Right, of course. If you go down to the $3 level, you'll get the animation damnation. We're actually also on the $8 level.

Yeah, what else is on there, Steve? We're throwing around some side order of sleazes. Every now and again, there's going to be a... Slease peppered in. We're going to try to amp up production on that. But as you listen to all of these different episodes, you're going to notice some new album artwork. And that is by one of our longest listeners of the show, a fellow by the name of Philippe Sabrero. He's an incredibly talented artist. And we do want to give him a quick plug. You can go to his website, www. Subrero.com. That's S-O-B-R-E-I-R-E-I-R-O-Sabrero.com or Facebook.com.com.com.

slash F. Subrero. This is a dude. Let me tell you, he's a colorist and artist from Brazil. He's currently working on Spread for Image Comics. That's awesome. Super talented dude. So check out his stuff. Support him any way you can. He's done great work for us. Again, long-time fan of the show. Philippe So shout out to him. Now, let's get into it. Let's kick off the 2016 Halloween spooktacular. This is indeed Pet Cemetery, too. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies.

We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare. Sometimes that is better. Zombies of entrance the building. They're at the door. They're coming in. It is time to keep you.

You're appointed with the work of the end. They're coming to get you, Barbara. I sick fuck's using one too many movies. Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos for creative. Put the fucking lotion in the bag. That's an excellent day for an exorcism.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network. Thank you for tuning into the program as always. That's right. The spooktacular is in high gear. I miss that theme song, man. Oh, it just fun. It just makes me feel good.

The brakes. Oh, man. The brakes. It's just the brakes. Now, this is, of course, the sequel to Pet Cemetery. It's from 1992, directed by Mary Lambert, who also directed Pet Cemetery. Which is odd because they're kind of different movies. Oh, they're very different movies, I would say.

One's written by Stephen King and stars Denise Cross. I was being one dozen. A quick programming note. Eric is, like we said, we haven't done it yet, but we are doing four person episodes this this season as much as we can with all four of us in the studio. Unfortunately, when Eric went out to Hollywood, he got an offer to be the new Mr. Nanny, and he's just doing some screen tests. We don't know when he'll be back.

I mean, he's going to be back and forth, I think. Yeah, he's officially bi-coastal now. We knew it was going to happen to one of us. I mean, those two-two fittings, I got to tell you, you think there are one day. thing. They're not. You're held up all week out there. No, that's a long thing. Can I just say on the air, by the way? That was a fucking great time. Absolutely. Los Angeles.

What a warm welcome. The sideshow network was great that took good care of us. Totally. So now we're back to business talking about shitty movies. And I've got to tell you, there's a little bit of a we love movie situation for Andrew Jupin anyway. I don't want to speak for the room. I mean, it's incredibly enjoyable, but

oh, my dear Lord, is it stupid? Oh, it's stupid as hell. It's very dumb, but I liked it a lot. I've never seen this movie in full ever until last night. Oh, really? Yeah, I was, I mean, I was a cowardly kid. I think I've said this before. I never really watched horror movies. I think somebody was watching it in a room

once, and it was the scene at the end where the mother is burning up, and I ran out of the room. So your trail of dust that was shaped like you watched the rest of the movie? It's one of those things where like you build this up. Like, I was in the Freddy Krueger movies, like, those movies

are so scary. Who could sit down that long? It's funny. how you believe that. Like, I went into Jason believing I was going to have a heart. Yeah. As a kid, I was like, oh, well, this is it. Can I, can I admit to something incredibly embarrassing on the out do right now? So, when we were out

in L.A., we had like an Airbnb. We all stayed out. It was like the W.H.M. Clubhouse. That's kind of a spooky Airbnb. Yeah, it sure was. Hashtag not stay in the air again. Hashtag Bad Reviews. Definitely not a dry house. No, no, no. On several levels.

But so, speaking to watch and scary stuff, I can watch any scary movie, man. I've been doing it since I was a kid. I think there's probably something a little wrong with me. I haven't been checked out. But it's like, you have that thing in the back of your head. Like, there's, there's probably something wrong. I watched the two necromanic movies back to back.

I don't know what those are. Oh. They're, uh, no. Not for anybody? They're NSFW. Okay, okay, gotcha. But what's a not safe for everywhere? N-S-F-E.

Yeah. So to give you an example of the kinds of movies I watch, but I was watching, like, one of those, like, bullshit history channel, like, paranormal whatever. Uh-huh.

I got spooked out. And it's, I don't remember what it was called. It was, like, paranormal attack or paranormal something or other. This bullshit show on, like, a fake TV network, one of those things on cable.

And it was just like stories with, like horrendous reenactments attached to them and I was like I gotta go to bed a really fast moving ottoman got you dude there was one who was a woman who had a haunted washboard in her house I think the ghost kept following her so those will do it to me but this shit no so Stephen king yes our dear friend from Maine uh big fan of their show he oh I'm sure he always tweets about it it's so nice um no that's never happened um um But he is not involved in the sequel at all, right? This was like, they own whatever studio this was and pay attention,

owned the rights to Pet Cemetery to make the sequel and they said, fuck you. And they did it if, you know, not, it's not like one of these like word 10 years out. Like this was 92. I think that first movie was like 88. That sounds right. Something like that. Some in that area. Still when it was like appropriate to have the Ramones on a soundtrack, which I fucking love the Ramones.

But, you know. 92. Well, we're going to get into the soundtrack for this movie. Oh, sure. We'll talk about it. Quite exquisite. So, Chris Cabin, if you could, like, boil down the, what are, like, the nuts and bolts of this movie, the base elements of this film? Eddie Furlong and all his whiny glory.

I can't believe we're editing in live parts of that movie. I like your super cut, by the way. It's just like three different ones. Hey! Then, you know, that's about it. Anyway, Eddie Furlong... Fuck off. That's my favorite one.

Sorry. Sorry, Chris Cabin. His mother dies, and she's dead. And she's got like skull marks on her face. Yeah. So him and his father, Anthony Edwards, moved to back home to her hometown. Right. And they live right next to a pet cemetery as it turns out.

The did you live pet cemetery. Wouldn't you know. that's happening and then my lord Clancy Brown's there and he's doing he's doing quite a lot of work. He's doing it all like this is I saw this movie on like the sci-fi channel I think was the first time. This is a big sci-fi movie and

I could tell that it was really heavily edited so I did rent it years later this is a brutal fucking movie but the only thing I really remembered betwixt the two viewings was Clancy Brown being a fucking maniac but it's not until like you

I mean I probably hadn't seen this since I was like I don't know, like 12 or 13 maybe. Revisiting it as an adult, you're like, this is some twisted shit. We're talking zombie sexual assault in this movie. Oh, so much. Like, the sexual shit alone is gross. But I think, yeah, go ahead.

It gets to weird, weird, wild places. Oh, yeah, wet and wild. And you know what? I'm going to go on the record and say it. You were hard as a rock the whole time? Turgent. Oh, wow. How about that?

What a gross word. Let's just, you know, gross it up a little bit more. Please. I think this is a better movie than the first one. I think it might be more fun. I like the first one. I watched it maybe two-ish years ago. It's the first one is probably scarier, I think.

At the end. But like the first hour of that movie is so hard to get there. There is a lot of nothing going on. Which is kind of fun because it's like based on a book. So like clearly like Stephen King's like, oh, you know, really? I mean everybody. Got to set those platforms. And this movie is just like a movie town movie.

It's interesting because I'm experiencing that now I've become a train commuter again. So I'm getting more reading done. Sure. So I was like, I'll pick a book that's been on the shelf for ages and I've never read it. And lo and behold, there is a copy of The Shining. I've seen the Kubrick movie a thousand times. I've never read the book. So I figured what the hell.

And I'm reading this book. And I'm like, when the fuck are they getting to this hotel? Holy shit. I mean, it takes fucking forever. Yeah, sure. You're really lucky that Kubrick cut out the whole Let's Buy a Laundromat that opened the first, you know.

That was the original title. Yes. We bought a laundromat. So this, we start off with one of my least favorite things. Oh, I know where this is going. Fake movie opening, man. And why is it always fake horror movies? It's never like a fake erotic thriller.

Or a fake, I mean, maybe you get like a fake, like Star Trek knockoff movie every now and again. For a minute, I thought body double had an erotic throat if that would make sense to palm up. But, like, no, I think it's always horror. I think you're right. It is always horror. Yeah. We just, we open on a cemetery, and then there's some lady

walking down some steps, and then she gets grabbed by a scary skeleton, and then you get, cut! Oh, man, the cut. Cut should never be the first line of anyone's movie, period. No, because that means, it makes me want to turn off the movie. But this is, she's in some, like, haunted castle, and

I'm like, is this the origin of the pet cemetery? No, that was like Native Americans. What's going on? I was waiting for the Cryptkeeper to show up. The latest Walt Braddock production. Is that the dude's name? No, I don't know if you guys name. Oh, it's a good fake name.

I don't know if he even has a name. So there's like some, there's like a bungling special effects wizard who's trying to get the puppet to grab her correctly. And the woman in this scene is Edward Furlong's mom. We're introduced to Edward Furlong. He stops by the set. Like, he owns the place, by the way. Hey, mom.

Hey, hey, you think you and dad are going to get back together? The answer to that question, which is, she says wrong, which is whale see. No, no, no, no, no. Whale see? And she's like, oh, you know, we'll just see. Oh, we'll see. Don't get your hopes up. Which is a hard no, by the way.

It has to be a hard no. Even if you're like, fuck it on the side, it's got to be a hard no. No, yeah, cut it open. That's a hard no that you just delivered there. So she goes in, and I think the reason, well, Edward Furlong was almost. to start at this point because this is after T2 but he does one of his greatest hits in this scene

where so like you said there's a bungling special effects guy there's like a leaky thing and like there needs to be electricity and what's going on an animatronic skeleton hands because having the fuck you pay Doug Jones to put on some

skeleton gloves or just take a fucking skeleton puppet on a stick and just put the fake arm through the fake dirt Also, know what movie you're making. Have a guy with a skeleton glove that you put on when it gets cold outshied. Yes.

And have that grab her at this point. This like $30 electronic contraption is going to grab her. And there's some leak in the set and it falls over. It electrocutes her. She's holding onto a wrought iron gate, which probably would have been plastic with this fucking movie. But it's rotten. Totally. And she starts getting electrocuted.

And Edward Furlong, much like he doesn't tee too, he goes, Mom! That's what they were like, all right, you're in. Mixed with a healthy? No! Mom! No! So this is when it gets fried up like a fucking dangerously cooked Thanksgiving turkey.

And Walt Braddock is getting ready for all the lawsuits. Get ready for all of them. You see this director like barking orders and like all he should just say is like, you know, turn off the electricity. But this guy's like pointing at people. already throwing the blame at this crew. He knows she's a goner. It's tough, man.

And they call up Anthony Edwards mid-putting a dog to sleep. Man, what, I think that's a terrible combination. You're in the middle of taking a dog's life and you get a phone call that your ex-wife has been fried on the set of a C-grade R movie. But we're going to get into Anthony Edwards more,

but honestly, in his head, I kind of think he's got like a kid. count going of like all the ones he's taken. Oh yeah, he's a dog killer, man. Oh, he's like, number 470. Do you think vets like keep tracking that? Well, I feel like

police arrests or something. Yeah, I think vets are very much like Larry Miller in Bestin Show. Oh, they all go. They all, they know how they all go. That's the way you kind of have to be. Sure, of course. No animal can be precious. Especially when you're

killing him. We cut to uh they're they're burying their they're burying this woman in main of course got to go to main oh yeah uh and there's like all sorts of paparazzo around and which i'm sorry i'm sorry to interrupt but if some like nothing horror star dies like here's the thing heaven forbid when heather langen camp passes away sure tm z is not attending the funeral there's nary a flash bulb to be found at that fucking There's not any... There's no cameras.

There's... The Fangoria guy's going to go there but it's for a longer piece and he just wants to sort of... He's got a notebook in hand. There's a book. He's working on a book. Yeah, he's going to be... You know, he's going to be embedding himself

in the town for a long while, trying to get to know Eddie Furlong, you know, befriend him outside the school. Kind of like in cold blood. Yeah, yes. Yeah, exactly right. Trubin Capote type writing Nightmares End. He's going to be paying for that director's legal defense, because Lord knows Anthony Edwards is suing the pants over this guy. They're living in some nice little house or whatever, and they clearly have a bit of money, but dude, this, they can move anywhere they want.

They use the obnoxious rich people thing of, oh, you're going to live at the summer house. I was like, I want this family fucking dead. Soon enough. You and your fucking summer house. It would be bad, but you would have, I want their dog dead. their place burnt to the ground. And you're putting none of them in that pet cemetery because I know what's going on in this town.

So Clancy Brown is pushing these guys back. He's the only one sort of trying to do a main accent in this movie. Oh, he's struggling. He's struggling. He's having, he's got his hands on the lion's jaw. Trying to make those things not close. But I think it's the same thing in that first one. And it's just Fred Gwendo on a.

a real big main slur. Oh, yeah. I don't recall anyone else in that movie doing it. Denise Crosby's not doing it. No, no one's doing it. But, like, Clancy Brown's like, yes, I'm from Maine, no. But it's so bad that I forgot

that this movie was set in Maine and I was like, oh, weird, the sequel takes place in like, what's that backwards Georgia I'm hearing? I will say it's unique because it's like, what if Mephistophiles came from Maine? It's a ridiculous fucking

I love Clancy Brown. Oh, yeah. And I love him in this movie. I think he's great in this movie. He is this movie. I love Clancy Brown and just about everything. Speaking of Thanksgiving turkeys, he's fucking feasting on this scenery. Oh, Lord in Heaven. Because you have to. Like, Anthony Edwards is giving a subdued performance, which you know what, dude? Nope. Wrong movie. Especially for what's happening, you know, from scene to scene. What with all the necromancy? Yes, and the animal stuff. That's my favorite part. So he's pushing all these, like, press Get back, you fucking heathens. You know, he's doing real Clancy Brown.

And then he goes around to Anthony Edwards. He's like, ah, so sorry about your wife. You know, we went together for a while. Dude, not the time or the place, man. I don't, he doesn't do that thing. Because he are, Anthony Edwards knows him. Yeah, that's right. Dude, yeah, I'm putting my mother to sleep right now, dude.

Eternal sleep, sir. What does he say? He says, like, oh, you know, we went to homecoming, prom together. everything. It's something like that. We did everything. And any furlong is just like, thanks, Terminator. It is so wildly inappropriate for a funeral.

And I'm like, all right, Clancy Brown, you've stolen my heart yet again. Oh, yeah. It's so awesome. So now they're moving into this place and they get the, they get a housekeeper, which, you know what? This kid's like 13. Yep. You're a 40-year-old Like a full set

Like maybe you get a woman to come Clean the house every week You know what I mean Is she living there? She's there She's like making breakfast She's like a Mrs. Ducksworth situation Or whatever that

Was Beeksley What was her name? Oh whatever whatever Hashtag whatever Hashtag whatever happened on DuckTaylor Yeah you don't need A living made For two able-bodied people

Yeah I don't quite understand And like It's just so Anthony Edwards can like and the movie never bothers to explore this really but like he's gonna like get into fucking like that's that's oh tremendous fuck guys yeah like when jerry signfeld starts dating is made well the weird thing was i wasn't sure because she kind of looks like the mother looks like jessica chastain uh oh jessica chastain was like seven when this movie came out but she looks like jessica chastain now she kind of like jessica chastain and this other woman is

the woman the girlfriend from pc and they kind of look alike and i was like are we doing like a vertigo situation. Are we not? Yes. Let's, yeah, that, yeah, I think they were really thinking of that. I think that was in their heads, though, the obsession and all that. Yeah, they were thinking of Alfred Hitchcock's psychological masterpiece of vertigo. No fucking way. Wait a second, though. She's the chick from PCU. She's a girlfriend, yeah. That's the same woman from once upon a time in America? Yes. Which Anthony Edwards is watching in this movie, which is bizarre. Because it's another kind of weird vertigo thing

because I think it's a weird like he's watching that movie which in our reality the actress who plays the dead mother is in once upon a time in America

but they're playing it as a movie that this fake actress character was in oh that's weird but they're just using a real movie how about some footage from another bogus horror movie

she was in how about that well they even say like there's this whole like set up mousetrap gag where like he's like oh we're gonna put all my wife's dresses upstairs in the attic and Eddie Furlong is like weirdly insistent on that fact because he's like oh you know we'll put him a goodwill knows no no no no we're putting them up there it falls down and the dresses pop out

and the woman goes like is this the dress she wore to the Emmys and like she's like rocking around with it I'm like well you're not you're not hired and by the way let's call a spade his Spade, the daytime Emmys. Yeah, exactly. By the way. We're fucking around. Yeah. Okay, thanks, lady. Next. Hello, Mrs. Doubtfire. Like, anyone would be better than the woman that remarked on your dead wife's dress. And Eddie Furlong is immediately like, give me back my mom's dress, bitch.

You're not my mom. Oh, yeah. That's right up front. Don't try to be my mom. We do get an Eddie Furlong hat trick because we've got the ma'am. And we've got, he does put on the jean jacket, which he puts on a, in most of his movie. Divorced parents. That's in there. That's on the furlong checklist. And there's a very prominent dirt bike later in the film. So you know what? This is Eddie Furlong bingo. Oh, and his balls haven't dropped. So that's another one. So there's also that. That's the

So cut to Anthony Edwards is opening up a veterinary clinic. And I don't remember if from the first movie this is the vet's old office. Is that what we're supposed to believe? I think so. Because the film, in And I don't remember the first movie much at all. It's been a couple years since I rewatched it. But that guy that Anthony Edwards goes to later in the film, is that like, is he a character from the first movie? I don't think so. Because there's like a crazy old veterinarian in this movie.

Who knows the deal? Who knows the score? Get out of that town. Back to metachshedermine. Oh, yeah. Oh, gross. That guy looks like a white salmon rushdie a bit. If he was a rampant pervert

If So we're opening this veterinary office And it's like a real rundown shithole Okay You're a veterinarian Yes You were married to an actress Who seemed to be consistently working

Yeah Why don't you buy a clean office Or Conversely Buy a broom Or a vacuum or a mop, possibly, to clean up this shithole because who would bring their fucking animal here?

Yeah, well, I mean, he doesn't open it for business that way. He makes Eddie Furlong clean this place up, which is great. Because we get a jump scare. It's like, oh, what's going on? And we're in a movie called Pet Cemetery. And, you know, it's like, oh, what jumps out? An adorable kitten. And then there's like a bunch of kittens.

And, you know, he's like, oh, can I keep him, man? And he's like, oh, you know, if you, you know, well, if you sweep up and do this and the other things. clean all these canals? Yeah, sure you'll keep him. And he's like, in the back of his mind, he's like, I wanted to kill that cat. That was primed to be number 572.

I saw it right on his forehead. Trying to meet my quota. Trying to meet my quota. Trying to meet my quota. It's like that movie that hasn't come out yet, The Frightners. That's exactly like that. But how fucked up is it that your little kid

who just watched his mom, roast on the set of a terrible room. Yeah, he was on set. Yeah, he witnessed this fucking accident. His mother's face got grilled. Like, quite literally. Yeah, it's actually an important part. Yeah, like, her face is up against it. We do get, like,

a little bit of, uh, of what's to come with the special effects because, like, her face sticks to it and then it burns off kind of. It's, it's wretched. Uh, but like, how fucked up is it that after all that? All that. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can keep that kitten. Once you clean up,

this dilapidated workspace I foolishly rented? Why don't you give him three kittens and let him go home and shut the fuck up? Yeah, your job is letting these kittens go home. You're an adult. You got money. You can buy prostitutes

if you need to. You bought that maid. Get her in here, sweeping the floor. You've got yourself handled for the grieving process. You know what, Lenora? Let the kid do whatever the fuck he needs to do. You know what, Lenora, this afternoon you're going to work off site. You're going to come to my office. you're going to clean the fucking place up.

I'm paying you to clean whatever I want. Also, that's not how that works. You can't just send maids where you want. Oh, you know what? Suburban Maine in the 90s? Oh, yeah. It was a Wild West for maid service. Oh, that was before the marches.

You're right. You could do what you want back then. Were you on the ground in 98? Oh, I was. In the streets? But there's then Clancy Brown barges in with his kid or his stepson. His name is Greg or Glenn?

A tubby. That's what he keeps calling him. Yeah, he's a bad kid. He kind of sounds like Lauren Michaels a little bit. What, really? Yeah, he's like, oh, hello. His name is Drew. Drew, yeah, hi, I'm Drew.

Oh, it's my first movie. Oh, hello, Eddie Furlong. You know what's fucking weird, cut to us constantly talking about stuff we read on? which is a real crutch but they're talking about how it was this actor's first movie and he was very nervous and it says that he instantly befriended Eddie

Furlong who quickly became both best friend and mentor to him oh come on oh that's why that kid who plays Drew is only in three movies because he took acting lessons from Edward Furlong that's the only nice thing I've ever heard anyone say about

Edward Furlong like period Yeah. And, you know, we don't know Edward Furler. He could be a good guy. Sure. Yeah, he probably would be fine. You bet he talks a lot of shit about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Who doesn't? So, he comes up with this dog named Zowie. Zowie. Who's got like a scratch because he's fucking around bunnies.

Anthony Edwards fixes it. You know, it's just kind of setting up that Zowie is in this movie. Right. Clancy Brown's bunnies, by the way, which is a real fucking Tending the Rabbit situation. Oh, he's also a huge enthusiast. of rabbit sex. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's like, you know, so much so that there's like a small on the side business. You notice this situation? Or hair fornication. I don't know what they are, you know, I don't know. H-A-R-E right away. No, he's got, so when you see where these people live, right, where they take Zowie home. And Clancy Brown is like living there. He's the stepdad in this situation. He's married to this kid's mother who looks like,

the woman from wings, but it's not the woman's not Amy Yazbeck. Yeah. Oh, she's a, he's, she's a, uh, Amy Yazbeck stunt double if she ever needed one. She's in an X files. Makes sense. Uh, but that's about it. Um, no, like right outside on the front lawn

Clancy Brown has erected this massive rabbit pen. Yeah. With tons of rabbits in it. And there's a sign that totally says rabbits, ten dollars. That's a business. He's keeping these things fucking for business purposes. Is that a brothel, I guess. I think it's a rabbit

brothel. It's a real hair house. There is just this... Oh, come on. Hairhouse, nothing? All right. Moving on. People are laughing. The desperation made me laugh. Oh, yeah, my pathos is hysterical. What are you saying? I'm sorry. It's just like

this really creepy scene. Like, there is a scene of two rabbits going at it. And they cut to Brown and he's got this dopey smile. Is he looking his lips? I can't remember. Just like the teeth I like, as one who watches rabbit fucking does um it it was bothering me when i was watching the movie what the kid looked like what what drew looked who he looked like me in the sixth grade no i just

got it he looks like roger pedactor from ace ventura oh my god that is a deep cut wow that is somebody's going to get that you know props to uh brooklyn nine nine nine season premiere. Did anybody catch this yet? There's a great thing where Andy Sandberg talked about how his favorite movies at the first Ace Ventura and he goes aside from the fact that it gets wildly transphobic at the end.

It is a great comedy. I was like, Bravo show. That's great. So he takes this kid into school for some reason. What the fuck are you thinking? You're already guaranteed to be an outcast, you moron. Just look at you. Exactly. You're calling everybody

Terminator. You're the Hey Terminator, where's the bathroom? I'm the hall monitor. I don't know what a Terminator is. All right. Asta Lovista, baby. Oh, you're guaranteed. That was at every one of Eddie Furlong's birthday party. Dude, that guy will break a bottle over your head if you say,

Asta, him. I guarantee that. I always imagine him as a strangler. Straight on you. You don't talk about a greasy strangler. So he goes there with a... kitten. We don't really even notice that he has a kitten until the scene ends. He's been in school all day,

it seems like, because it's recess. It's dumb, we're done. We're not even recess. We've been excused for the day and like, this cat pops out. The bell rings. Because like all these kids are looking at him like, oh, fresh meat, like the bell rings. And his cat's like, rare. Like right out of his jean jacket. There's

no way a kitten is staying quiet during a whole fucking 45 minutes, man. No way. Inside of a jacket? In ostensibly one place. Give me a break. What are you talking about? Like, the best place you could leave a cat is home with your veterinarian father. And the maid that you're paying millions of dollars. Yeah, Amy Nasbeck.

Also, no, Amy Nasbeck's the fact that's Matt's back. Wait, and Casey Ryback is definitely a student. Oh, that's Steven Zagal. I just want to make sure. Yeah. Oh, we're getting all sorts of character favorites mixed up. And by the way, if you are so like into being with the cat, guess what? You're mother just died. Stay home with the cat.

A little extra time. That's a disability cat. Have fun there. No one's seeing me until Thanksgiving. That's what I'm maybe stopping into school. Oh yeah. You're not missing much anyway. Maybe I'll come in like at the end of the day to like see my favorite science teacher.

Ooh, no gives a shit. Well also he's like new. This is the thing. Like he's new to this town. They just remember they moved to the summer house. Yeah. So like take the year off, man. Yes. You're not missing anything.

You'll do sixth grade next year. It's not fun. You can get beat up next year. He does get beat up by the kid from Big. It's the kid from Big, but a little bit of a deeper cut. He's Little Russ from Honey I Shrunk the Kids. He is. Yes, I remember that. Yeah, this kid loved the 80s, did not like the 90s so much, and the 2000s weren't really kind. Didn't he just like turned to sand?

Oh, my Lord. He walked past the seal of 1980s. He looked back He tried to look back on 1989 and turned to sand So they're like Oh nice kitten kid And they like steal this cat

And I'm like oh man Get out of here Ted Bundy You know what I mean? Shouldn't be fucking with cats So they always ask Are you fucking with animals? Well it's a Stephen King Source Material story man

Anything is possible That's true Also and like I hate this thing With the We're gonna fuck with the kid whose mother just died. Nobody does that. Nobody does that.

You're going to look back on that and feel like a real jerk. And I get this feeling that... If you didn't get murdered later in this movie, but continue. But you get this feeling because their big taunt is, oh, celebrity boy. Yeah. Big old celebrity boy. Celebrity orphan. Pretty big celebrity boy.

And like, I kind of in the back of my head kept on thinking, is this like Stephen King like sticking in it to like people who make fun of him? for being a celebrity, like, people who kind of like... Well, Stephen King didn't have anything to do with this one. So no. Maybe this director had a problem with it. Possibly. But, like, it feels like such a weird, like, curly cue to put on this.

Well, you know, as it turns out, kids are monsters. Sure. And they will just latch onto anything. Now, granted, you could just go straight for dead mother. But they also decide to throw in the celebrity thing. You know what? Probably because they're jealous. But they also do, like, oh, you cry to mommy. because they steal this kitten.

It's this great chase scene on bicycles. He's riding this bike and holding this cat up like, yeah, you like this baby! It's amazing. We're going to go to hell tonight, cat! Here it comes. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Eddie Furlong's reaction when this catnapping happens is amazing

because he's just like, oh, Terminator. He all shucks this and like begrudgingly gets on his bicycle Like guess I'll go get this cat back And he doesn't wouldn't you know If they're right at the pet cemetery Oh yeah They put it inside the pet cemetery And they're like you know go in there

And he goes fuck off man And he punches him And he gets to do a fight He would have been trounced by this kid by the way Oh absolutely But he puts up a decent fight That kid wrote a huge bee one time That's true

He's brave That kid befriended a man massive ant one time. He's fearless. Oh, that would be great. At the end when Clancy Brown is trying to kill this cute giant ant comes to the rescue. Man, there is nothing funnier

than that movie trying to make you feel sad for an ant that dies. A giant fake aunt. A stupid movie. That's a bad movie. Oh, sure it is. So they put the cat inside the pet cemetery. In a bird cage, by the way, nice and ironic. Yes. But the

It's alive and they're like, they kind of, as you know, if you know from the first movie, there's kind of like the good coats are in the back situation because the front is a regular honest to goodness pet cemetery. It's an on the book's pet cemetery. Yes, exactly. In the back, that's where the shady shit goes on. That's where you can resurrect your pet to be a zombie. So it's also like, not for nothing.

It's a gross pet cemetery. I haven't frequented a ton of pet cemeteries. You know, there's that great Errol Morris documentary, Gates of Heaven, which you should watch if you haven't. But, like, this is disgusting. It looks like a junkyard. It looks like where you would go to throw out cemetery paraphernalia. Like Danny DeVito's penguin lair. Yes.

When it's thawed out in the summer, that's what this shit looks like. Oh, my God, I would love it if in Batman returns there was a penguin graveyard. Like, because there would be, they would be dying all the time. There's tons of dead penguins in that movie all the year. And he's a really sincere character. So each one's getting their own grave. It's not a mass grave. Yeah, you're not just putting them in a hole.

There are personal graves. And I mean, to your point, though, Chris, like, think about it. Like, also, you're talking about you have to train penguins to use missile launchers. You're losing at least six penguins that week. Guaranteed tons of penguins are bleeding out during the missile training. See, and in that case, I understand if the penguin is watching penguins hump and grinning, because, I mean, that's his business. Oh, that's a question.

No, but they were like his family. He wasn't fucking those parents. I don't think he would, I mean, but he was a watcher. Yeah. I'm a watcher. You know what's weird, too? Like, because we're talking about like plots. Like, I don't think this is a thing where, like, someone is going to someone who owns this land and buying a plot, right?

Like this, some maniac just started this in a field. Yeah. We're just digging holes wherever we can. They say the clearing. They say that the kids of the town started They just sort of started burying them there. You don't think you'll win, do you?

By the way, you're standing on my great-grandfather's grave. So why don't you step the fuck off? Isn't I haven't seen the movie in a really long time. Is there not, like, penguins lamenting the death of a fellow penguin? Of the penguin. They kind of like, they turn to the pallbearers at the end. Because they know the routine because millions of penguin

funerals have been going on down there for a long time. All of a sudden they're like instinctual penguin training kicks in and it's like, oh, we got to take this one into the pool. All right, flippers. Dad's dead. Like, incredibly somber penguins. Man, training a penguin to act by the way, God bless whoever did that.

Well, the dog acting in this movie is pretty stellar. Oh, spot off. We go back to Drew's house and Drew's being emotionally abused by Clancy Brown because wouldn't you be he's doing this fucking thing where he like Clayton Brown

has kept on like trying to fuck his wife right in the kitchen right in the kitchen right in the kitchen fuck her right in the kitchen he's like trying to finger her

right there oh yeah over the cassero I mean come on and the kid's like sitting down for dinner and then he's like

oh you're taking too many helpings and I'm like you know what dude you're trying to finger my mom before dinner excuse me

if I have a weird relationship with food it's the least you could do is wash your fucking hands before you sit at the table. Sir. I mean, it's outrageous. Like, this poor little fat

kid is trying to watch hockey at the table. And Clancy Brown's doing that thing where it's like, like some fucking, like, asshole dude does where it's, he's calling him buddy. Yeah. He's calling everybody buddy in this. Yeah. And it's like, hey, Drew Buddy. Yeah.

He's like, what I tell you, buddy? No TV at the table. Like, and if you put that into a microphone that went into a stepdad translator, it's like, Turn the TV off before I beat you within an inch of your life because that's really what I want to do right now. Oh, yeah. And the mom's totally fine. She's like, oh, get your hands off me.

Like, you know. Yeah. It's cut to Clancy Brown with like this fucking, his hand, his paw down this woman's guest jeans. It's fucking outrageous. And the reaction to the kid or from the kid definitely tells you that this is not a first time situation. No, not at all. Poor Drew is up there rocking back and forth watching fucking mighty more. from power rangers and like just trying to hold it together and then he gets to this table and

this guy A is like hey turn off the TV B hey stop eating so much steak you're fat that's what you want to hear uh and then like doesn't he like discipline him about the dog again because he hates this dog he hates the dog the dog is always going into his rabbit pen that's why the dog got scratched i don't know if we said that before but that's the reasoning it's not uh it's not for like oh he's going to, like, harm my pets. It's he's interrupting the fucking. Yeah, which is in turn interrupting the business of selling hairs for $10 a pop.

So this dog was on its last straw. Night of, after all the sexual trauma, they're getting down to some raunchy sex in the bed. Lord Almighty, how are you cutting this out of a sci-fi channel broadcast? They're going for it. And the dog is getting into the rabbit pen. The rabbits are screaming and screaming and screaming and scream. No, they're not.

The rabbits were screaming. Dr. Lenton, I just heard that rabbit scream and I took it and I ran and I was so cold. Thank you, Clark. Your stepfather fingered your mother at the dinner table, didn't he? Right over the mashed potatoes, I saw it happen.

My mind's eye. You were trying to watch you were trying to watch minor league hockey on your shitty TV. Yeah, I see it now, kiddo. But no, you had to watch them, didn't you? Couldn't take your eyes off it, could you? You know, Drew, you're coming.

in here with your Excel slacks and your cheap shoes. Your echo. Your echo hoodies. Tell you a sad story about your dead dog. The dog's going to the rabbit pen. Clancy Brown is fucking sick of it. He's furious. He does that thing.

He does that thing. I told him. I told him. He grabs his shotgun and wouldn't you know he fucking blows this dog away. Jesus Christ. And you know, this is where Amy Nazbeck has to step up and say, you know what? It's divorced down. Oh, yeah, big time. Population, the person who shot the shit out of

this dog on the front lawn. The family dog she seemed to like that dog too. The name was Yowie, that's a cute name. Oh, sure. He's like a Siberian husky. That's kind of important. He's kind of a big medicine. Big old white dog. But he's like, he's cute at the time and then, like, actually he goes into the woods to die. And like, he does some good

like death dog acting. I mean, this is. How do you do that? How do you train a dog to know what mortality is? I think it's more of a All right, lie down Yes, I think it's more Okay, freckles, follow over You get a treat

If you don't move No, you start reading James Joyce's The Dead Just get him in the mood Get him into a song It's like, oh man We all gotta go sometime And I mean, this poor fat kid Then has to go out

Poor Drew He's like, now you'll go out there boy I told you, I told your dog I told you dog Your dog didn't listen Now go out there And like He interrupted my bow

owner boy and that's it's compounded I feel like if they weren't getting down to fucking yeah oh the dog would have been fine

yeah that dog would have been fine if it weren't for Clancy Brown's erection that dog would have lived and none of this would have

happened because he was getting there he was right up on it and then fucking Zowie so exactly right so the next day he shows up to

Edward Furlong's house with this dead dog he's covered in blood and he's like oh no Terminator I'm sorry about your dog And the funny thing is though He doesn't ask what happened

Which I don't know dude that kid's covered In blood what's his kid up to It's because he's just like Zowie's dead And Edward Frolong's like I'm sorry about that You want help burying him Terminator And it's like

Why don't you ask why your new best friend Is soaked in the blood of that hound Absolutely How about that first thing's first How about we play video games Oh, yeah, brain scans on. I mean, seriously, though, if one of you guys came out to be drenched in blood and you were like, my dog's dead, I was like, okay, first question, is the blood covering your entire body related to your dog being dead? If so, what happened?

Second question, there will be more questions. So, like, for a long, as if he's done this a thousand times, it's like, I'll go get a shovel terminator. Let me go get my bucket of line. No, no, it's not like that kind of dead. Okay. Is he Jewish, man? Because I can get that headstone. I got all sorts of denominations.

I've got Muslim. I'll get my kits. My kit. Oh, yeah. It's my little black medical book. And so, you know, whatever, they take the dog out to the pet cemetery. And previously, Drew has been like. Like, nah, don't listen to those bullies, you know, the pet cemetery thing is just a myth.

Yeah. So then, you know, he's like, let's just try it out. And Edward Furlong is like, you know, I thought you said it was Bullshit Terminator. And he's like, no, no, like, let's, what's the worst that could happen? The worst thing is we just bury this dog in the back part of the pet cemetery. Best case scenario, I have a scary nightmare dog. That's what I want. Yeah, exactly.

That's why I feel like it's kind of like those people that admire Al Pacino's character and Scarface. Like, they've never seen the last half hour of that movie. Yes. It's the same thing with all these people that are like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This kid's a townie, and he's like, yeah, I can try out the pet cemetery. It's like, but dude, you heard the tail, man. You know

what happens when that dog comes back. It's going to be evil. Yeah, it's just no getting around that shit. It's not what it once was. Well, I mean, unfortunately, Fred Gwyn is dead, so he can't say sometimes dead is better. Don't worry, they have a fucking zombie say that at the end of the movie. So they bury the dog when

know the dog comes back and like Clancy Brown's all pissed up. He told me that dog was dead. Hey! And like he's like dog smells like shit. And it's like yeah. But he's got this like dead alive wound that's festering. It's also clearly a demon. Yeah.

They're like, but you said this dog was dead. Look at it. And like the kid looks down and this dog is like and its eyes are glowing the red of Satan. It looks like fucking Kujo now. So like why don't you go kill it again

you know what finish the job I'm going back to bed or just let it let Clancy Brown do it again like when they're fucking like throw the dog in the bed and puppy attack

but Anthony takes it apart at the sternum oh he'd rip it right in half this dude's a maniac he'd rip it right in the half and fucker over the corpse so and there's like oh let me put it in my

dog ambulance or whatever Oh, aka a fucking minivan that he's hollowed out. So he puts it in there, he's doing some tests. Oh, he'll stay at my house while I do. I'll run all a battery of tests. And that guy's like, yeah, you'll keep my demon dog, buddy. Enjoy it.

Well, it's awesome. Yeah, because the kid's like, can he just stay at your house till he's better? Yeah, nice. Yeah, until the Satan comes out of him. And also, I think this is a testament to the fact that Anthony Edwards is a terrible veterinarian. How do you not know it's a zombie dog? well at one point like the next day or it's it cuts he's like oh it's three days later and the dog's not healing

and he gets out a stethoscope and like puts it up to the dog and he's like huh that's funny no heartbeat you didn't try that the first time and he keeps on saying he's like oh it must be so low that I can't hear it wouldn't that mean the dog's gonna die like now and he's just like let's just see what happens let's not jump to any conclusions this dog certainly isn't a zombie Let's not go down that road.

That would be silly. Those red glowing eyes, that doesn't mean anything. So there's more bully stuff. It's Halloween now all of a sudden. We cut to Halloween. And this is what annoys me about movies that, like, within the first half hour, Halloween happens. Yes. And then passes.

Because then you just got a movie that takes place in early November. And what the fuck is that shit? Oh, yeah, my movie's taking place on November 1st. Thanks. November 1st through 5th, fantastic. Unless it's an election movie, that could be something. Well, I guess so. But if it was an election movie, you're not going to pepper in Halloween.

Yeah, that's true. I mean, countdowns, maybe. Because when Halloween happens, November 1, the season is dead. Halloween's over with no spooky stuff happens after the 31st. That's very true. It's all Saints Day. I hate it. So it's Halloween, and Drew has been grounded because he lied about his dog,

because he's not allowed to go out. Lied about your dog dying. So he decides to be fat Dracula, which God bless him. It's pretty great. It's a good Dracula. And like there's a Halloween party, an all-boys Halloween party, by the way, happening in the woods in the, what do you call it there?

At the pet cemetery. At the pet cemetery, that's where you'd have a Halloween party. So he sneaks out with Eddie Furlong. Eddie Furlong is dressed up like Jason, but I feel like they didn't pay the rights to the mask because he takes that mask off immediately. Oh, it's like if you can get that mask off screen in under 10 seconds, nobody has to pay Sean Cunningham shit.

Yeah, that's what it was. And he's like, you think Chuck Cut to him Renting, I almost said seeing this in theaters, renting this movie when it came out direct to VHS. Go frame to framer. He's just like, tired. He's like, get these fuckers. We'll get these fuckers.

Go to shoot the fucking pants off him. Got a screen grab this shit. Oh, oh, oh, fucking eight seconds. God damn it. Guess I'll go make Jason goes to hell. You got lucky. You got lucky furlong. Fucking suit your ass.

So they go He sneaks out as mom's like, hey, don't worry about it I know you're being emotionally abused 24 by 7 So I'll give you Halloween That was square for him taking a shot at your dogs Yeah, you know what You can go to a shitty party in a pet cemetery

This makes up for the stepdad Who you hate and abuses you physically and mentally Murdering your dog in front of you And revving my engine Right in front of your phone. fucking nose. Sorry about this. You know what?

You can go, you can go trick or treating with your little friend because inevitably he's going to be fucking fingering me at the Thanksgiving table. I'll tell you, man, 1992 is revin, Clancy Brown is revving my engine. Oh, hell yeah. Dude, he's handsome as all get out in this movie. Well, until he turns into a zombie, which we'll get to. So, which is about to happen. I mean, personality aside in Shawshank, I just...

Oh, yeah. Personality aside. Yeah. A dream. Personality aside with. most characters Clancy Brown were playing.

Fucking preacher and carnival. That's the biggest mistake HBO's ever made canceling that program. Oh, I thought it was

John from Cincinnati. It was a green lighting John was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Biggest canceling mistake. So they're telling

a bunch of spooky stories. Clancy Brown goes home he finds out that the kid laughed that he's fucking pissed about. And she tries to fuck him to get him off the trail.

That's the thing. That's how much of a maniac this guy is. because not even sex with an Amy Yazbeck look-alike in 1992 can deter this man from beating the shit out of this rotund little child. Oh, can we cut, because it's actually important of the plot, to Anthony Edwards losing his practice. So he's like just kind of like, you know,

going through the motions. He's calling up some other vet in the two towns over. And he's like, hey, remember that dog? I said to that blood. How'd that test go? And he's like, what are you sending me dead dog blood for you? You're some kind of fucking pervert, Edwards? yes but

and he even says like oh the last one that sent me that was your predecessor who which sets up that scene but like this yeah like oh is this where they have the kittens it's like two twin girls and a mother like oh I heard we have kittens here's like yeah yeah they're right in the back I'm gonna be on the phone you know what first of well as a veteran air

you don't let people into that back room of your practice you don't know what's going on me they can fucking slip on monkey shit or I mean you know if if you are indeed tending to a monkey at the time also they did nobody finished the job there's tetanus everywhere yeah yeah exactly it's still a disgusting facility so they go back

they scream and wouldn't you know it the fucking walls are covered in kitten blood oh dude these little kitten puppets are just decimated there's little kitten puppet pieces everywhere I didn't like even get it at first honestly because it looked

it was so decimated yeah I was like is that a bunch of like chopped up rats which is amazing though because that's telling me that this is zombie dog. First all, it's hilarious because it Hulk bends the bars of its cage, which you see, which is the funniest fucking thing.

But it's, what you're looking at, this cat viscera, is telling me that this zombie dog broke out of its cage found a fucking looney tunes size mallet and bashed these things. Get over here, your little kitten, son of a bitch.

Gonna break your little kitten fucking skull in half. Oh, no, not zombie Gallagher. man. Now I'm back from the dead. My career's still extinct. Brains. I have to feast on the one thing my audience never had. Brains.

Oh, Lord. Yeah, these cats are mush, though. It's a little overkill. So the dog's on the loose. And, like, Clancy Brown breaks up this party. And he's like, get out of here, kids. I think they're kind of drinking beer. They're drinking beer.

The kid from the bully. Yeah, the kid from Big is, like, telling the story of the first movie. It's like a little exaggerated, but that's basically the gist. They kind of say that this happened three years ago. Like, this is an old wives tale. This is national news. Yeah, these kids were all like old enough to remember when, you know, all that heinous shit happened. Get out the microfiche, dude.

It's there. Go to the library. It's right there. So he breaks it up. All the kids scattered. Like, oh, you're fucking dead, man. You brought your stupid dad. You invited your dad to the cemetery party

Because they're kind of almost trying to become junior bullies in this There seem to be only bullies in this school They are they are up for initiation Yeah yeah totally So Clancy Brown's about to beat this shit out of this kid He's like go home go home for a long go home And he's like taking his belt off You don't want to see this go home

It's like yeah maybe I should stay just for legal reasons You're gonna need another set of eyes on this Drew So the dog's having none of it and rips his throat out The dog comes out of nowhere Yeah This dog was on the hunt And then it runs away And then it's probably like

Oh man Now this guy's dead man What are we gonna do Drew You know what you do It's two birds of one stone The dog The fucking Clancy Brown's dead And your evil dog did it

Let's go hunt that dog down To put that dog down Oh my god That's all What a shame Oh, no. What's awesome? Talk about dog acting, by the way.

Like, this dog murders this man. And they cut to a shot of the dog, like, running back into the woods. And the dog looks back like, you're welcome. And then just saunters off into the forest. It's a very noble image. Like, yes, I did that. Yeah. But you're totally right.

It's like, blame it on the dog. Be like, look, the dog may be remembered that fucking Clancy Brown. Gus shot it, you know. But does not the nitwit Drew know? isn't he still like in love with the dog even though it's a zombie dog well wouldn't you be but no

but sure like no killed the zombie dog you've got your test case and the results are bad like you know what I mean like this exactly like listen the pet cemetery turns out it works but the dog came back a monster and it's not like it's Anthony Edwards

we're talking oh a clancy fucking brown built like a tree trunk you want to give that guy zombie powers good luck but they do it isn't that the origins of mr sinister yeah i think it might be oh he'd be a great mr sinister oh oh i like that idea that's nice ain't they uh didn't they set that up at the end of the last x-men movie they did he's going to be the new wolverine movie at some point oh but it's not clancy brown nobody it's not been revealed they haven't oh really oh uh 20th century fox i know you're

listening hashtag you're welcome but you sure is in that warcraft oh no Yeah, he's one of the big mocap peeped. Is everybody up to date with Daredevil? No. Okay, so it's one. Okay. He's in there, but that's it. By the way, let me just say,

because you mentioned Warcraft putting this out there for worse of 2016. Listen, Duncan Jones has had a hard year. That movie's not appearing on our show. I actually, I don't even think it would be in contention. It's not good. I'm not watching a bunch of monsters and making fun of it. If you think it's bad, that's fine. There's so much more.

Yeah, we're getting on with our lives. We could literally do four weeks. on Suicide Squad if we're going to really If you want to do a real thorough job A real thorough scrubbing of suicide squad? Oh, we do four weeks We do all four beginnings of that movie One week of the time, yeah, that's good idea.

I like that. All four levels of the video game That is the Suicide Squad movie. So, also I'd love to see this fat kid and Edward Furlong drag this guy a quarter of a mile up a hill. Yeah, convenient uses of movie editing. We just don't see that happen.

They come back and they're saying, where were you, man? And he's like, oh, dad, I just want to go to bed. Let's talk about this tomorrow Terminator. I'm exhausted. All right, Connor. You're a sky net. He's burying cancer. You're a sky net now.

You just reminded me, though, of what you're saying, like, carrying Clancy Brown up that hill. When they are taking this dead dog to the pet cemetery, this kid is carrying around this dog puppet like it ain't no thing. It's hilarious. It's like come. He's got it like under one arm like walking up this hill. It's a 30 pound dog suffering with rigamortis at this point, dude. That's a heavy dog.

Yeah, totally. At least sling it over your shoulder. Yeah, maybe share the weight even at that point. You got two people. He's got it under his arm like a three pack of paper towels. The kid Drew goes home and his mom's like Where were you? What happened? Where's Clancy Brown?

I don't know. You know what I mean? He's like, He says, it's awesome, though, because, like, if you, listen, if we had to take this to trial, okay, this kid is saying some damning shit right here because what he, like, Amy Nasbeck is like, what happened? You know, where were you, whatever? Where's Gus? And he's like, he says something like, we were busy ditching Gus. And he, like, kind of smiles and goes off to bed. Once you get to trial, it's like, listen, he came into the house and he said they were ditching my husband. like in the off chance that that pet cemetery didn't work you're on trial for eating out your stepfather's throat yes

pardon me yeah he's eating out yeah I heard eating out your stepfather's like what happened that's a whole that's the fucking pet cemetery

two porno parody he's the dog now iTunes is iTunes is about to cut the feed dude he for education but so Clancy Brown shows back up

and she's like oh you smell like shit he's like I got to a shower, which is kind of my favorite delivery in this movie. So he goes upstairs to take a shower. He winks at Drew saying

everything's all right. I don't know. Yeah. Well, it's weird because like zombie Clancy Brown appears to like this kid very much. Yeah, sure. He's also kind of I'll say this because nobody else have the guts to say it. He's controversial

opinion. He's kind of totally ripping off Garrett Graham's Bud the Chud with this performance. You think? No. I do. Just the tiniest bit. Some of these, like, the smiles that he's doing. You know, if anything, maybe it's just because Clancy Brown and Garrett Graham kind of look the same. And that thinks like, that makes me think like, oh, man, brothers. That's some casting. Put those two guys in a movie. It would be okay. Or a one-on-one. That's like when Hakeem Olajewan and Shaq went against each other. The very same thing. Garrett, Garrett-Graham Power Slam. Oh, yes. And fucking Clancy Brown from downtown. Oh, perfect. That's pretty great. sorry everybody um but here's the thing if you're ex or if you're if your husband right is like i got to

take a shower and he kind of like fuzzes around in the bathroom for a little bit with the water on and then just like comes to bed without ever getting in that shower like he doesn't close that bathroom door at all it's kind of like yelling at a little kid like did you take a bath and like little kids like yes did you really because you still smell like a graveyard and i was actually excited about the scene at first because I was like, oh, cool, zombie sex. I was like, awesome. Because she's like, come to bed, I missed you. Like, she's ready to go at first.

Right. And I'm like, oh, cool, this movie's going to go for zombie sex. And that's, like, maybe she'll be like, oh, that was the best I ever had. Right. Like, maybe he's more proficient as the undit. A full weekend of Bernie's. Yeah, and I'm like, oh, that's kind of cool. That's a weird place to go.

But no, it turns into zombie rape. But I'm like, oh, man. Yeah, no, it's just, that's unfortunate. Yeah. Yeah, like, it's very clearly zombie, right? It doesn't linger that long, but she's, yeah. She's not having it, and he's a zombie on top of her. And then it's cut to, like, she's got, like, bruises and scratches and shit.

And I'm like, you know what, sci-fi channel? I didn't sign on for this. Yeah, unless the next shot is a moving truck. No. No, no, no, no. Exterior, a moving truck. So, like, Gus is like, oh, you know, your little buddy could stay over tonight. And, like, Drew's like, oh, awesome.

Everything's going great. And, like, mom's like, no, it's not. This is, you know what, Drew, you wouldn't be saying that if you were upstairs last night. Well, that's, like, it's so, it's, like, really gross. Like, they're riding bikes and he's, like, dreamboating about his stepfather now. Yeah. Now, he's just a dullard, and he lets me do whatever I want. It's been three minutes, Drew. Yeah, wait a little longer before you report on the radness that is your zombie stepfather.

Also, haven't you smelled the rot yet? Yeah, that's a problem. Holy moly. There's a great moment where this movie becomes like me and my zombie because they're at the table, eating and whatnot. Like, Clancy Brown's like being a real jerk with mashed potatoes. and the boys are all having a laugh about it and like Amy Nasbeck's ready to kill herself. Oh, isn't that gross?

I almost vomited like four times. It's kind of a dead alive dinner situation. Oh my God, it is. Like an old woman's face isn't falling into soup, but it's right there. Sure. Like vomiting. And like his little,

his little Peter Bogdanovich neckerchief starts like falling down. And like Drew sees this and he's like, oh no, the jig might be up. And he like pulls over this like open, pustuous wound. like pulls this neckerchief back up and Clancy Brown's like, nice save.

Thanks for not letting on that I'm a zombie. I kind of like smart zombie sometimes. And this is, you know, one of those instances where like you still have the personality but you're kind of an asshole. Like it's okay. It makes as much sense as just, you know, walking around dead brain.

Do you know what I mean? Right. It's all magic, dude. But the middle ground is the problem. The brain. I can, I can, either except like you're a zombie and you're crawling around and you're growling and whatnot, or you're just like, you know, a fully functioning member of undead society.

Sure. And you're, you know, raping your wife and eating mashed potatoes like a pig, you know. But that middle ground. And I'm talking, with the exception of about the chud, but I'm talking about like the zombie and Day of the Dead, like, where that thing's like kind of talking, but not real. But it's like stupid. It's just a stupid zombie. Like fucking come on.

There's, all right, here's a moment we can talk about because it's right about this time. And that's where beastiality enters the film. Oh, no. All right. So, yeah, there was, Edward Furlong's already had one nightmare wherein, like, he's asleep. And it's kind of a great dream.

I think it's the first night that the dog comes to stay with them. Yes, he's asleep. And his mother is like, come with me, Edward. Come, whatever his real name in the movie. A Terminator. Come with me Terminator Hostile Easter No she's just like come with me

And then like she's got a wolf A wolfhead like a sick wolf mother I don't know it's like the howling And he wakes up and he's like Oh no it's a nightmare And then the dog is in the rocking chair Which is a pretty cool shot Dude you know what is one of the eariest things of all time

A dog in a rocking chair In a room that's like lit It's like movie light like blue moonlight Jesus that's terrifying imagery Dog to dog act at a fucking rocking chair. How's it not like, fuck this? Nope, fuck this, fuck this. Why is this chair doing this? Keep myself

staple. I try to do this and then I can't. That's got to be a popular YouTube video somewhere. A dog navigating his way through sitting in a rocking chair. That's trouble. So, but it sets up the best scene of the movie question mark. Lord Almighty. And it's like Anthony Edwards, I almost said Anthony Anderson.

I wish Anthony Anderson was in this movie. Fucking class it up a little bit. There's no black people in this movie. No, no. Well, it's Maine, you know. No, Anthony Edwards is sleeping and he's having a blue moonlit dream where he's fucking his dead wife. But then, like, we do get nudity too, by the way. The only shot of nudity, where is this coming from?

It's also clearly a body double. Oh, absolutely. It was going to happen. But also, it's great because it does a cutaway. And like Anthony Edwards, God, what a fucking pervert. He just fucking, like, has this little smile like, yeah, those are dead. Yeah, you're totally right. Yeah, those are my wife's tits.

Oh, there's her boobers. I missed those. Yeah, it is a real, I'm sorry, these are dead look, which is fucking infuriating. But he gets his just desserts because all of a sudden this fucking wear woman comes out of nowhere. This dog head while he's, his penis, his dream penis is inside this woman. But it's not like, and then I woke up. But then it keeps happening. And it's just like, oh shit, oh shit.

And like the dog hand is on his chest. Yeah, it's a weird thing where it's like, I'm in it, I'm there, it's happening. What am I going to do? Pull out? I'm almost there. I guess I'm a wolf hand. I'm fucking this dog woman. I guess I'm doing it.

I guess I'm committing bestiality in this directive video fucking sequel. Where is ER? Did someone get a call back for me on ER yet? Please, God, because I'm fucking a wolf in this movie. That would be a scene. to talk to Anthony Edwards about. Wouldn't it? Like, yeah, that's... Yeah. This is the scene. We want to amp up the creepiness.

So, like, did they tell you that you all of a sudden just realized it was like your zombie wife? But then you saw the movie when you rented it at a blockbuster. And they inserted a fucking person with a hilarious wolf mask

on. Let me ask you something. I mean, you can answer any way you like. Did they show you the tits you got to Or did they show you a different kind of tits? Also, wasn't it stupid how your character was dying on ER and they just had you walk into the ocean and maybe kill yourself? That was weird, right?

That's ER for you. Yeah, a lot of stupid. Why isn't that on a fucking streaming service, by the way? ER? Yeah. I could have wasted so many Saturdays. All the Saturdays. Yeah, I don't know.

You're soon enough, maybe. Get on Hulu. That's as an NBC. is. Yeah. Yeah. So that would have to be. That should be. You know what? We haven't checked it out. The, uh, he wakes up, but the dog is there. And I don't know where the dog is. The dog is in the bed. Right. I don't know what Anthony Edwards is up to you. I don't think he's in the dog though. No. Okay. Good. Yeah. There's, there's only dream beastiality. And at best, it's half beastiality. Sure. Although I don't know what Clancy Brown's doing with those rabbits.

Yeah. You know what? That's unconfirmed. I'm not going to, you know, Put my head in the lion's mouth on that one. But he wakes up and, you know, like, being scared, but he sees his terrifying wolf thing. You're scared with a boner now, man. That's the thing. I was going to say that. You're exactly right,

because you know what? You can only lose an erection so fast. Yes. So you're definitely waking up with an erection next to a fucking dog that wants to eat your throat. I think the dog runs away or something. Yeah, the dog's like, fooled you. This dog keeps getting the best of him, by the way.

Oh, it sure does, dude. The movie starts to ramp up here. I think this is where Edward Furlong's at school again. And Edward Furlong's like, oh, man, I got, oh, no, I'm being chased by this bully on a dirt bike, man. And we got a dirt bike chase, and now he's the, now he's the T-1000. And the other kids at Eni Furlong. He's Tom Hanks. Chimmy, shimmy, kooka-pop, shimmy, shimmy, rock.

And so they're. He runs him off the road. He's like, oh, man, you ever see your face go inside of a bike spoke? Maybe you'll cut your nose off. Maybe I'll kill you. Yeah. Really amping it up from like, got your kitten. Yeah.

Like, we're a long way from telling ghost stories in the pet cemetery. We've amped up to murder immediately. I don't get it. And Clancy Brown, Big Bad Clarency Brown shows up. And he's like, go home. And he's like, can I take my bike? with the water go home listen when a zombie tells you to go home

listen up with a demon thing an eight foot zombie and eight foot clancy brown and you know whatever man he fucking puts this kid's face into the dirt bike tire you know what you call that a five star movie right there it was flirting with it and then I was like it's a five star movie

and it's just like Clancy Brown's getting like hamburger thrown at his face like, it's outrageous. So then he turns into like, you know what? We're all going to die tonight. So he goes home, he's going to fucking, you know, he's probably played in the long game with the mother and the son. He's like, fuck this shit.

So he goes home and he's about to kill the kid and the mom comes home and they jump into their car, right? Oh, sure. You get in that station wagon, dude, sweet. But then they, they get run off the road in their own. And I'm like, you know what, man? Like, I came here for Pet Semitire. I wanted zombies.

I wanted dead dogs. And I wanted truck accidents. You know what I mean? That's what the first series was known for, you know? That's actually true. The busy road with all the trucks. Yeah, I haven't seen it yet. But you know what?

You know, guys, because the rule of a sequel is like, you got to amp it up. Sure. The audience is expecting like a little bit of the same, but a lot of amped up new stuff, right? Sure. So how do you amp up a movie with all that great stuff from the first movie? Add in getting killed by an avalanche of potatoes. It's a potato truck. Good Lord is it ever, which I've never seen a potato truck, but a truck dedicated to solely transporting potatoes around.

But barely covered potatoes. It's like, it's a dump truck filled with potatoes. Listen, I'm taught. There's no less than two million potatoes in this truck. But potato. Where the hell have you been? The potato budget was definitely the most expensive thing in this movie. Sorry, dollar signs for a long.

We got to spend. money to acquire two million potatoes for this stunt. Oh, it's going to be a great looking scene. But it is that this car gets clipped so hard. I haven't seen a station wagon get destroyed in a horror movie like that since the first few minutes of the changeling. When George

C. Scott's family gets taken out on that wintry road. Is it potatoes in that? Was it, was it, was it broccoli they had? It was a fucking truck full of carrots. That would be a little funnier. No! George's God's yelling at carrots.

Sir, tonight the special is a carrot soup. Turn it off! Turn it off! So these people get annihilated. It's Amy Nazbeck and Drew just get annihilated by this truck. And at this point... And I didn't really care. Yeah, it was just like, okay.

Shockingly, for like a child who's the best friend of the protagonist, this death doesn't hold much weight. No, I didn't care. I was like, all right. I actually forgot. About 10 minutes later, I was like, where is Drew? Oh, right, consumed in a tsunami of potatoes. His dream, his nightmare.

Not like this. Not like this. Smothered by starch. Some old Robani woman on the other side of the road. Be careful what you wish for. It's a spud. You wanted more fries. that would be a great head to this movie

and then she looks she spikes the camera and takes a huge chunk bite out of a potato I love that. A raw potato. Lord, that's unsettling. Did you want fries with that? She's holding a bottle of Heinz ketchup. So they're dead. I think it's supposed to be like her leg

is sticking out of this mount potato. Bloods out. But when you said where's Drew, Chris? You are the only person in or outside of this movie that said that. Nobody gives his shit. Nobody knows. They do show Clancy Brown burying the bully in the pet cemetery and I'm like, oh, fucking great.

At this point, off screen, Edward Furlong becomes evil. That's a big problem with this movie. Sure, yeah. It's like you're really pushing it with, listen, you just had that amazing potato avalanche. But you're really pushing the credibility that you're

building up here by just like all of a sudden and he goes from like a you know kind of like bullied little boy into like he's the demon fucking phantom menace puppet master behind the whole thing he's like he's wearing this like funeral suit for the rest of the movie for some reason

it's like Clary and the witch boy I don't get it well it's weird like the only mention actually of their deaths is Anthony Edwards is watching TV oh right and this news I mean it is brutal like for this small town like this newswoman is like uh today a

mother and son were killed in a bizarre potato truck accident. Also, by the way, local bully Todd has gone missing. We've only found his dirt bike. Everybody knows Todd loved his dirt bike. And a little bit of his brain. The odd thing was there was some brain on the tire, but no Todd to be found. This was a senseless tragedy. Our children are being killed by potatoes.

Potatoes and dirt bikes are teaming up and take out our names. nation's children. It's a super predator. Oh my God. Better call in the National Guard. Officially Maine is not a state. Close it off.

It's part of Canada now. That's a good move, man. Haunted potatoes. Haunted potatoes. I don't want no ghouly spuds in my country. We're down to 49 states. All right, Puerto Rico, come on in. I don't want to pay to change the flag.

We'll be eating yucca tonight. It's a good. It is. Oh, Lord. So all these people in this town are dead. It's like some, I mean, this doesn't look like local news. It looks like fucking national news. Yeah, it would have to be a potato accident like that.

Oh, yeah, dude. Especially because, you know, wherever those potatoes were going, they're not getting there now. Someone needs to be informed. Nobody's getting anything baked. Oh. So, yeah, I mean, whatever. Like, the end of this movie is like Clancy Brown duels with Anthony Edwards. Like, Anthony Edwards, like, Anthony Edwards somehow.

makes his way to the house from the first movie. They steal the wife. They steal the mother. They bury in the pet cemetery. Oh, right. And like, because Clancy Brown is like working for Edward Rurlong. And you never see the scene. Where's the agreement? For five seconds.

A maniac who has no other impulse that I can see other than to chew like a fucking asshole and rape his wife. Maybe possibly fuck those rabbits. Also possibly fuck some rabbits. But it takes two seconds. Like he shows up somewhere he encounters him and he's like

yeah I did kill that bully in front of your eyes and I did murder your best friend in my wife but guess what I can bring your mom back from the dead let's do it yeah and he agrees he makes a fucking deal with the devil dude but it has to come out like I'm sorry

like there's no impulse for this guy to do the this zombie to do it well he'd offer him like a dead child and then he'll do this for you all of a sudden Edward Furlong's dressed up like the fucking zombie and my boyfriend's back and you're like, well, what the hell's going on? I will say he does give a stirring motivation as to why he buries her.

Oh, I do remember that. And I just don't. I'm not, I think that was maybe just in the moment. Necrophilia? Because he, Anthony Edwards does come to his house because he realizes, oh, my God, my wife's grave has been defiled. They go there. He goes to his house. And wouldn't you know what the dog just attacks him in the car?

Yes. Dog three, Anthony Edwards, zero. He is bested by this hound. But he blows the dog's brains out. And he goes in and, like, Clancy Brown's doing some woodwork. He's like, why'd you bring my daughter? My wife back from the dead.

He's like, because I wanted a fucker. Yeah. Which is, I would say about the ninth time in this movie, he talks about fucking that dead woman. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I would say about the ninth time. I think every time he sees the kid, Eddie Furlong, or Anthony Edwards,

He's saying, I fucked your... Fucked your mother. Fucked your mother. Fucked your wife. Well, that's the thing. Like, this fucking townie, this townie sheriff is hung up on his high school girlfriend. Wouldn't you know it? What a fucking shock.

Also, great detail. When Anthony Edwards goes to the cemetery and the fucking cemetery keeper is like, I'm so sorry to get you out of bed, veterinarian Edwards, but someone stole your wife. And it was totally the sheriff. And it's confusing his shit because he's like, after... All he says is after the funeral. And I'm thinking, like, after the wife's funeral that was like two weeks ago, what are you talking about? But he means the funeral of Amy Nasbeck and Drew, because then he says that he stole his body.

He claimed that he had to, you know, put it under investigation for some reason. He put it in his car and then he drove over the graves of the wife and the kid. What? That's a great detail. And this fucking cemetery man is just like, yeah, and it was just the strange. thing I had ever seen. Driving over fresh graves. Bad luck, don't you know?

Dumber than lobster bait. So they have a fight and somehow Anthony Edwards wins. Good luck. Yeah, you know what? Whatever. It's one of those weird, like he gets one bullet in a gun and he keeps pulling

the trigger until it blows his brains out. Clancy Brown dies laughing. He needs like a good like zinger too because earlier in the fight. Like he's about, Clancy Brown's about to drill through his head. He's like, no brain, no pain, right? And like, that's kind of a cool line. When you blow his brains out, you guys say,

No brain, no pain, motherfucker. You know, something like... I'm taller. Yeah. It needs to be on par with Keanu Reeves. I'm taller. Well, that's one of the greatest lines at all. Oh, yeah.

I'll be back. Get out of here. Say, I'll be back. Shut up, John Connor. Did you call Moire? Adip shit? Oh, God. God in heaven.

That's a face. You want to just... It's one of those things. It's when I watch that movie and I love that movie, it's so hard sometimes for me to love that movie. It is. He makes it really hard. They would be on par with each other,

but it makes it depreciably worse than Terminator 1 because of... Mois adept shit, especially is one of the worst clunkers. So he goes home. They bring back the housekeeper character that's been gone. entire movie. Because it's a sequel and we're in a body count situation. Which is what, you know, Stephen King movies don't necessarily have. But if you're sequelifying a Stephen King situation, I guess we can rack up the body count. Dogs and people. And also you've been like hitting them out of the park so far, man. Yeah. Like as far as these deaths go, keep on bringing them. That's what's keeping me in this. And she, this is fucking weird shit, though. because this woman is up in the attic trying on a dead woman's dress. You lost your job, miss.

Sorry, but you've lost your job. Pop on Q Lazarus and start dancing around. It's weird. Yikes. You're lucky that there happens to be a zombie in the house. He had to fucking jab a piece of jagged mirror into your neck. You are somehow the second weirdest thing here. And like there's this scene where Anthony Edwards is like,

what's going on, Edward Furlong, what's going on? And he's like, y'all see, man. And like, you know what, dude? There's never a good reason. There's no reason ever in your life to ever hit a child. Not one, unless they're practicing necromancy. All right, there's one. Successfully, because you know what?

That could end the human race. You don't know what's going on. You don't know if you're going to cause a zombie apocalypse. Yeah, so you got to, this is you, Anthony. And you've been a lot, you've been a good dad up to this point. you know, he's been doing some grounding and some a little bit of loud talking. Not invading this kid's space, but this is

when. Yeah, this is the last straw. I mean, you've got to be like fucking Gregory Peck on Damian Thorne in the church at the end of that movie. You are ready to drive fucking sacred knives into this kid's chest. Honestly, if you want to take some time, do a little stretching,

polish your brass knuckles. I'll wait. I'm right here. I'm ready to go, man. If you really want to give this kid, Because that's what he needs. You know what, Chris Kavan, explain to me a situation in where a fucking small town veterinarian owns brass knuckles. Well, okay, so like he runs out of drugs, so he just has to punch dogs. Oh my God, he's a dog-toucher.

To knock them out so that he can do his surgery. This is a half-assed practice. Worst case scenario, you got to go fucking full-on this boy's life on this kid and have a slobber knocker. Like, they are throwing each other through tables in that movie. It's crazy. By God, Leonardo DiCaprio is dead. Two of his titans fighting each other, only one's nine years old. Oh, De Niro's got the chair.

De Niro's got the chair. Ellen Barkin's doing nothing. It says, Ellen Barkin's got to stop this. Oh, you got to step in, Alan Barkett. You've got to say something. This is ridiculous. What a slobber knocker. Oh, real brave, hitting the kid in the Boy Scout uniform.

he will grow up to write the greatest novels or something oh man something to that effect yeah sure so Anthony Edwards finds out that his dead wife's a zombie because his eerie kid is participating in that romantic

this time it's not a sex dream no he's like all right hang on a second are you gonna turn into a werewolf or what am I gonna have to fuck you yeah I don't want to waste this boner on a werewolf face this boner. This here boner. Well, he could die tonight, man.

This is his last boner. Anthony Edwards' last boner. That's a movie. Wolf or not, I'm going out the right way. Oh, man. So they start fighting. And because it is a sequel in a body count, you're like, oh, yeah, that bully,

he shows up and starts, like, fighting Edward Furlong because now Edward Furlong's good again. I guess. I guess so. It's something tells me that this is ill thought out. They're fighting, and he kind of, speaking of Batman returns, puts a power line into this kid's mouth. Oh, it's pretty great. This kid's fucking head pops, like a water balloon in a county fair.

You know, and like the first movie, the little Amico Hughes dies. And it's like, child death, that's pretty fucked up. But it's all off screen. This kid, this is a child we're talking about. It's like 16. He's got his learner's permit. Oh, so that's it. Permit to die.

That's a movie I want to see. We can sell that to Netflix right now. Oh, they'd take it. They'd take it on fucking heartbeat. See some of the shit they put out, they'd take it. Have like a reunion of all the bait, like all the child, like evil children. Where? Like from like the Omen and from.

Oh, oh shit, team up movie? Yeah. Yeah, now we're talking. You get Miko Hughes. Yeah, you get them all. Hey, you make that thing for under $100,000. Oh, you're sure. Because you know what?

Nobody needs to get paid. everybody's being paid and bread yeah 995 we're talking tops yeah bread fucking translation bricks of weed so um anthony no that's right the woman the wife starts burning the house down

burning down the house oh yeah they should have kicked in the talking heads right now man to add a little levity to this situation you know otherwise it's pretty twisted well that's I mean that's the thing right it's like this because again we've got like

like kind of dickish yeah but with zombies and she's kind of cracking wise. Just put that fucking tape on, man. I got a tape I want to play. I've got a zombie that's better than that. Nothing is better than this.

Pet Cemetery too. Bar is called Pet Cemetery Making flippy floppy with my dead wife. Pet Cemetery is where I want to be. Pick me up and turn me around, Quincy Brown. I like all that

It's great Listen Talking Heads Parity Song set to the plot of Pet Cemetery 2 Weird Al If you're listening It's all yours

We're just giving away We're printing money this week Exactly right It's you know what This show can sometimes be a charity So patreon.com slash we ate movies Heaven is a place

That won't let in my dead wife Oh yeah Guaranteed She's going straight to hell The night So it's that thing of like Eddie Furlong's like looking at his mom Like but ma'am

You're a pet cemetery person Oh ma'am! Now! Ma'am! That noise he makes is the sound My cat makes when I accidentally step on his paws. And you know what? That sound fucking bought that dude a house.

It sure did. A small house but a house. It's a house. It's a house. I don't have a house. I rent. I can't scream like Eddie Furlong. So, yeah, it's like that whole, like, don't you want to be with me?

Step into the ribbon, Jason. Forever and ever and ever and ever and over. Anthony Edwards is like, may I remind you that this ex-wife of mine is dead. And he's also like been beaten within an inch of his life. And he's kind of into it, but then her face starts melting and he's like, oh, well, once the face goes, Terminator. Because basically, like, where she was burned earlier starts to reveal itself, I guess, the makeup's wearing off. That's my thing.

I think it was like, I was like, damn, this is a fucking fine-ass funeral parlor. Covered that. That's Hollywood makeup right there. They got all the chuckleheads that killed her on the set of that horror movie to come in.

You know what, you know what, Anthony Edwards? We'll do it for free. You know, Hollywood's doing you a favor. On the house. And she like pulls out.

You know what? The funeral after party? Furnished by craft services. Oh, don't worry about it. We got it. Yeah. That's all great.

Betty's subs. Yeah, we got it covered. Hot plates, too. I'm sorry, Chris. I'll throw in the half plates. I stepped on you. Like, she pulls a end of, like, was it a vase?

I'm melting. She totally fucking does. And this is around where she's like, come on, Eddie Furlong, dead is better. And I'm like, I fucking saw the first movie.

Shut up. I kind of was waiting for that line, though. I was waiting for the truck. I was waiting for zombies. And also, here's another question, though. Yeah.

Both these movies called Pet Cemetery predominantly human zombies. Yes. That's not a big problem. I need like a fucking army of... Yeah, an army of raccoons and stuff. Oh shit. Well, who's putting a raccoon in a pet cemetery? Here's the thing, though.

Like, if a possum dies, which they always do. That's what possums tend to do. They, in the pet cemetery, this town would be overrun by dead possums. That would be pretty cool, actually. That's a cool movie. Or like, what happens if, like, you got like, a... What if a family of animals? Ants moves into the pet cemetery.

Those things die all the time. Man, a zombie ant. You would never know. If an ant can lift like a hundred times its own weight, what can you imagine a zombie? Oh, that's an interesting point. But what if the big ant shows up? Because that kid summons it. He plays the flute and the ant comes up.

Well, then it would just get hilariously killed. That's what happens. And he's got a hail a bee to get out of here. Those kids ride a bee in that movie. We bought a bee. So this woman burns to death and dies a second time. There is a hilarious screaming skeleton that casually falls over. It kind of puts a nice ribbon on the movie because we start with a fake skeleton.

We own with the real one. That's actually true. She becomes the skeleton that was spooking her at the beginning of the movie. Wow. Can you imagine it then, right? Like she's like, the skeleton like falls over and I'm melting dead is better. Cut! Oh, fuck.

Oh, fucking totally 100. minute fake movie. Oh, the audacity. The end of Get Shorty. Yes. Exactly. Man, I'd be pissed. Oh, yeah. I kind of get pissed when I think about that.

So they're like, yeah, let's move. That's the end of this movie. And like Anthony Edwards has got like a soda and he's like, come on. It is a fucking pristine ice cold Coca-Cola that you can see from a mile away. Now, second exception. to society rules that I strongly believe in with all of my heart.

It is never okay to drink and drive. Ever in your life, it's stupid. It's dangerous. It's the most dangerous, irresponsible asshole thing you can do. Except if you just burned your dead wife again for the second. Yeah, that's the one example. Then, you know what? Let's get some road sodas.

Me and my son, me and my boy. We're going to go to hell tonight. Because let's face it, this family's fucking finished. We're going to go our separate ways as soon as you're old enough to live on your own. Yeah, there's no Christmases in your future. No. I think you've got a point there. However, I do think that that Coca-Cola is getting ready to wash down all the pills.

Oh, I see. Is there every single pill? He has every single pill. He has fucking fall asleep at the wheel. Oh, because he's a vet, man. That's right. He's taking fucking horse tranquilize. Oh, he's got that special K right in the back.

You know how you fly down the road? He's flying down the road. It's like Homer Simpson driving in the bed. But, I mean, like, all Edward Furlong's master plan accomplished. was he traded in some slightly disturbing nightmares to some really intense nightmares. Yeah, no, there's no life for this kid. Incredible emotional

like, oh yeah. Doug it's so much deeper. Also, I'm sorry Anthony Edwards and Edward for a long. Um, your house burned down in the middle of the night. Several of the people you know have gone missing. One of the people you've been employing by the way. Exactly

right. Hashtag questions to be answered. How are you just skipping town? That's a real No, no, no, hashtag Rikers. Yeah, you're going to jail. They're going to jail. Hello, my name is Mr. Eduardo Castillo, and this is my little son, Juan. Because we're going to fucking Mexico right now, man.

Maine to Mexico, baby, fucking step on it. Endpoint Honduras. Yes, and you get all the cash you can because you got all this fucking dead wife money. You know, you start cashing in some bonds. Oh, yeah, your wife was a mid-level celebrity. You take it like 50 cents on the dollar, but it's still okay. But that's why, I mean, like, they have to, and this is what, I mean, the beginning of the whole movie drives me nuts. It's because, like, they must have so much, like, so much money.

Oh, yeah. Between whatever the fucking, whatever Walt Braddock had to pay out of pocket. Oh, which was a lot. That's first, two, I imagine life insurance. Sure. And be, yeah, you know, you know, minor, you know, actress. Oh, guaranteed you got a loan to fix up that veterinary clinic. So you paid.

nothing for the veterinary clinic you clearly spent $100 on the thing because your stupid son didn't finish cleaning it up yes because that was all him well that's what you know what he was assigned some work here's something

because you said Walter Braddock which is a fake name you want to know a real name of somebody who worked on this movie who did local makeup special effects Bill Splat Johnson oh Splat Johnson he's a legend Is he? I don't know Is that the nickname or the actual middle name? In quotes, Splatt.

I've never understood. Dude, Splat Johnson, you're doing Cooket and Splat Johnson, that's for sure. Oh, guaranteed. You're definitely letting Splat Johnson sleep on your couch a couple of times a week. He keeps fighting with, quote, the misses. Hey, you hear, Splat's got the Splat. Splat's got the Gack. We're going to roll with some splat.

Oh, did you hear, Splat Johnson was murdered in an alley last night. I'm not surprised. Over a matter of $40. Splat Johnson's been in the drunk tank for five days. Yeah, he still hasn't dried out. Yeah, everything Splat Johnson has to do is Hercules and, you know, it's Platt. Take it, take it easy tonight. What's that Splat Johnson murdered his girlfriend in a coked outrage?

Not shocked. Splat Johnson. And, you know, the thing that sucks is like we're going to end this movie on one of the fucking dumbest things. Oh, yes. You're right. I forgot about this. Steve first invented this back on the Conair episode. the idea of a movie taking a victory lap

yeah this movie has a similar thing which is people who were murdered in this movie victory lap it's so weird it's fucking really creepy the creepiest part of the movie it's not a victory lap because victory lap you know that's when you're

showing all the actors and you're saying the name who played them right the credits are coming up which is you know it's a more dynamic way of doing the credits it's a cheesier or shittier way to do the credits but it's a way to do it but this is like they're driving on the road to Mexico and And it's just like in Oval of everyone who died, like, well, and there's like some sort of narration about like it's it's it's dialogue from earlier in the film where the two kids are talking and it's like, oh, right.

You know, I think you get over death after a while. And Edward Furlong's like, no, you don't. You don't ever get over death. And it's just all these people that are fucking murdered in this movie. It's more like, no, you never get over death. It's this with you forever, Terminator. Meanwhile, it's like the Oscars montage, because it's like the kid playing Drew, and it's like they get him in like a laughing moment. It's fucking crazy.

It's amazing. It's like we're all remembering better times. It's just like, what are you trying to do, Pet Cemetery too? Just end the movie of the fucking cemetery. Are you trying to make up for it? I didn't even know he was dead. And also, I don't need Another Ramon's song

Put in Pet Cemetery It's an awesome fucking song Or Bud the Chud That would be great Bud the Chud Sometimes dead is better Bud the Chud Yeah

Sure, what the hell A monster mix kind of a thing Oh yeah dude Why not? No you're right That first Ramon song It's classic It's so great

And like the video for it's fucking hilarious Like, play the video from the first song, like, over these credits. Not this fucking eerie victory laugh. Good Lord. Would anybody recommend this movie? It's a pretty strong recommend for me. Again, I never saw it until last night. I think it's more enjoyable than the first movie.

I think the first movie is probably a little bit better thematically and makes any sense. Sure. Yeah. And the ending is, like, chilling and, like, kind of creepy with a Denise Crosby, spoiler, which is a zombie at the end of that movie. But, yeah. I mean, the body count, like, it does what I want a crappy horror sequel to do. Big body count, creative deaths, it moves at a clip, really bad soundtrack. I'm all the way in.

Yeah. Oh, I think it's, I mean, it's a huge recommend. I think it does, I mean, as Steve said, it's exactly what you wanted to do. And, like, Clancy Brown is really doing something with this character. Oh, yeah. He's really pushing it. He's taking it for a walk. And I really do appreciate, like, it does make the movie more excited.

to watch. You did mention the soundtrack though, Steve. The fucking better than Ezra fart rock that's going on in this movie. I mean, it's outrageous. Jesus and Mary Changer in this movie? It's insane. And also what this movie has. We were talking about this on something a while ago. Maybe it was Con Air, actually. Again, this movie is scored with an electric guitar. Yes. When things are really heating up, the fucking electric guitar is skyrocketing. Well, there's also some

fart goth. Oh, you have to have. At some point. Was that him? You have to have it, dude. But yet there's so much just screeching, wailing electric guitar on this score. It's amazing. I would totally recommend this movie.

Some of the deaths in this movie are absolutely brutal. You don't have the Fred Gwynn little critters cut in tendons, which is one of the most visceral, horrendous things that it's ever happened in a movie. I'm glad they didn't do that. Right. I'm glad they didn't do that. go that way. No, you don't want repeat kills. No. Like, just the same as, like, I'm glad, you know, Clancy Brown wasn't hit by

a truck. And when you have to orchestrate a truck accident in this movie, it also contains 2 million potatoes. Also, a little load from Pet Cemetery 1. They bring Emiko Hughes back after getting hit by a Mac truck. He would be a bowl of jelly.

Like, there's nothing to bring back. He's Meatwad. That's Pet Cemetery, too. directed by Mary Lambert. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out WHMpodcast.com or find us over at Sideshownetwork.tv. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter. We are at

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Check out the Etsy store. Yes. Still selling. Etsy.com slash shop slash WHM podcast or just Google. WHM podcast. That's where that is. That is where that is. So next week on the program, the 2016,

I was getting my years all mixed up. Time flies when you're here at We Hate Movies. The 2016 Halloween's spectacular rolls on. We're getting to franchise town. We're talking another bad sequel. It's Halloween going to the curse of Michael Myers. Ooh, I like that idea. This is Paul Rudd.

Michael Myers is actually in that movie, which is nice. He is in that movie. He is in that movie. He's possibly an. agent for the government slash some sort of weird organization. I think we've got to decide. We haven't figured it out at the time of this recording whether or not this is going to be the producer's cut. Oh,

right. Which is it's two different situations here. This was the movie that like Donald Pleasins died while making it or like shortly thereafter. There's a lot of stuff to talk about this movie. He went out doing what he loved. Hunting Michael Myers. So until

next week when we go to Franchise Town, I'm Andrew Juppen. Stephen Sail. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare. Sometimes that is better.

Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in. It is time to keep your appointment with the Wickel Man. they're coming to get you barbara he's sick for fucks he's seen one too many movies now sit don't you blame the movies movies don't create psychos movies make psychos more creative

what's a fucking ocean in the bag was an excellent day for an exited