We Hate Movies - S7 Ep270: Episode 270 - Ernest Scared Stupid

Episode Date: October 18, 2016

On this week's episode, the Halloween Spooktacular gets a hot stupidity injection as the gang chats about the final franchise entry to be released theatrically, Ernest Scared Stupid! Why aren't these parents doing more to keep their children away from Ernest? How is Ernest the only sanitation worker in this entire town? And what's with all the child kidnapping and peril in a supposedly family-friendly film? PLUS: A furniture malfunction sidetracks the guys for a few Dom Deluise-laugh-inducing seconds. Ernest Scared Stupid stars Jim Varney, Eartha Kitt, Austin Nagler, Shay Astar, and Jonas Moscartolo; directed by John Cherry.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Halloween spooktacular rolls on as we talk about a film from our past that some have seen more than others here in this room. Oh, of course. It's Ernest Scared, Stupid. I'm Andrew Juppin, Chris Cabin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. We all go a little mad sometimes.

You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's the title of one good scare. Sometimes dead is better Zombies have entered the building They're at the door They're coming in It is time to keep your appointment With the Wicter Man

They're coming to get you Barbara He's sick for fucks he's seen one too many movies Now sit don't you blame the movies Movies don't create psychos Movies make psychos More creative.

Put the fucking motion in the back. It's an excellent day for an exorcism. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies on the Sideshow Network. Thank you for tuning into the program, as always, this week. That's right. As mentioned before that theme song that y'all love so much, it's Ernest Scared Stupid from 1991, directed by a certain John R. Cherry, the third.

He just goes by John Cherry. John Sherry. In all of these Ernest movies that he directed? Theuteur. He is. Well, he's behind it. It's him. Is Ernest like the brainchild of this kind? Kind of.

They are collaborators. That sucks. It's John Cherry and Jim Barney and they collaborated on Ernest. Oh, what a... And this other guy who sounds like a lot of fun named Coke Sam. Did anyone see this guy? Yeah, Coke Sam. That guy is just like ready to go, man.

He is coming to the movie marathon in the Pleasantville, New York. You know, man, what's Coke getting here? I mean, how else am we going to stay up all night to host this fucking thing? Yes, he'll be doing laps in the theater. Now, do you think there's anyone out there? I know we've got some young listeners. Yes. And looking at you, Tom.

I'm just, I'm picking random names. Brian. I'm sure there's a freak someone out, right? Hey, Meg, put it down. Whatever it is, Meg, just put it down. Dirty Jeff, listen to we hate movies again. Dirty Jeff, listen, life is worth living. Wet Sam, stop what you're doing.

Wet Sam, I thought he tuned out. No, but is there anyone out there who's maybe too young to have lived through earnest mania? Because listen, unfortunately, there was kind of earnest mania going around. If it wasn't a mania, it was like a mild excitement. Yeah. Who is an infection? It was a rash. I mean, he's like kind of a Larry a bit, you know, like a good correspondent would be a Larry the cable guy.

kind of like, I'm always this character. But actually, Jim Varnie, I think is a good actor. Like, I think he's like a fine performer. He's a good, and as you can tell from this movie, which is the last earnest movie to be theatrically released. Yeah, not the last one ever made, that's for sure. Oh, certainly. No, the video market was ripe for Ernest. Ernest Mania in the video store.

I mean, this is like, I don't know, the sixth Ernest movie. Something like that. He's kind of like a Pee-Wee-Herman knockoff. It's a Pee-B-Herman knockoff, but this guy is like in the middle of this movie, He's, like, still making a reel. Yeah. Like, he's doing all these characters. Like, he's fucking auditioning for S&L.

I got to say, I thought of a theory. Steve thought of it, too. I talked to him about it earlier today. We had independent theories that connect. Oh, shit. Ernest P. Whirl. Yeah. Is the ancestor of every YouTube personality and character.

Yeah, you're totally right. He's pre- YouTube, YouTube. It's that talking into the camera doing a big, broad, stupid characters. A bunch of cuts, a little costume. changes, I'm going to wear my weight, my makeup funny. So he's like, my makeup's on funny. How crazy.

So Ernest is like the Fred of the 19th. Fred is the kid I was thinking. Like late 1980s into the 90s. Yeah, what is Fred? Fred's this dude who really, really, really unsettling to watch this person.

Wait, is he Chris Cabin's real name? Fred. Chris Fred guy. No, he films himself like talking at high speed. and what not. Pretending to be like a kid. It's like a grown man

pretending to be like a kind of a kid. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, we arrest those people, I thought. No, it's clowns were after this year. No, this is, yeah. Can we just stop and talk about that

for a quick second? I mean, this is the fucking spooktacular. And horror is gripping the nation. This is bone chilling. I mean, we got Donald Trump in one corner. But in the other corner,

we got these fucking clowns that are haunting America. Can I vote for the clowns? Write them in. But no, like these clowns, There was one in the city the other day. This guy goes to get out of the subway. I don't believe any of these reports, by the way.

This was reported by, like, major news outlets. Yeah, all right. There was a clown. Yeah, they got papers to sell. And the clown brandished a knife and chased this dude up out of the subway. You wear one rainbow wig, and they label you a clown.

Here's the thing. Take out a knife on the New York City subway. Let's see what happens. You know, how did this clown get away? Either he's a maniac cop himself Or he doesn't exist Well dude you don't know I mean maybe that's it Maybe it was an inside job

Maybe it's like a Jason Bourne clown Like you know what I mean like he uses really creative Like he's running on top of subways Oh shit that's fucking terrifying That needs to be the film I'm taller clown Man a clown getting decapitated That's great

If you don't see me at the Jacob Burns Film Center It's because I had a heart attack On the train because it's all clown I mean, you've got to watch it. These are the days leading up to Halloween. I think the cloud madness is going to reach, like, an escalated level. I think they're going to come out in force. It's terrifying.

Oh, yeah, you guys are. I'm not afraid. I didn't afraid of no clown. So, anyway, Ernest, we start in any movie where you want to start, is in earlier, right? It says, like, a long time ago or something. It says Missouri long ago. So not only is it long ago, I'm stuck in fucking Missouri for this movie. We're a POV on a troll, so it's kind of like a Dario Argento movie like for a minute there.

It starts like the opening of troll too kind of a little bit. We're running in the field there. Are we burning people at the stake in that movie? Because that's what's, they're kind of leaning towards that in this movie. No, they're not, right? Oh, no, they bury the troll. They bury the, yeah. They casino him.

He goes into a field. and it's a bunch of his troll friends with aluminum baseball bats and he has to watch his brother Dominic going first. Oh, no! Bortech! No! Not my brother, you son of a bitch!

That would be awesome. I mean, Joe Pesci... Yeah, a bat break both of these noses would be great. Bernice is using a bat later. By the way, why didn't Joe Pesci ever play a troll? That's perfect. Oh, I think because he's above that. Oh, I thought maybe because he plays one in real life.

Well, it's also one of those things where, like, you know, when they pick exactly who expect to play a troll. So you never wanted to take it. Yeah, I think in this case casting some unknown little person was the way to go. Yes. So this troll gets led

into a trap. He gets buried alive and there's like this Jim Varney is playing an ancestor of Ernest P. Worrell. He's like a bishop. God. And he's casted a spell. And also here's a problem. Phineas. Here's the thing, guys.

Phineas, Phineas, Wurl. I have to say this. I've seen this movie probably 50 times. But here's the thing, everyone in this room is sign and huffing a puffin because Jim Varney had the audacity to play an

ancestor of his. Yet all you guys like Michael J. Fox and the whole back to the future playing his grand, grand, grand, grand, grand, papy. That's stupid too. I'm just getting it on record. And that one doesn't even fucking make any sense

because that dude's supposed to be a McFly so it should have been played by Crispin' fucking Glover. Well, you're not getting that guy back in that friend. No, no, no, no, no, no, he got burned. So the weird thing is when you do, like, a long time ago in Missouri and then you put African Americans in the shot, I'm like, well, exactly when is this? You know, like, this is kind of information I might need.

It's a parallel dimension. But the long time ago, all right, I thought it was weird, too, because there's also a line in this where, you know, Phineas P. Whirl or whatever. Thank you. Thank you. Says that, like, the troll followed them, like, the evil followed them from Europe or something, and they dressed like Puritans. So I was thinking the same thing, like, what's going on here with this?

But then I checked the Wikipedia and supposedly, according to that source of intel. Oh, the WikiLeaks came out about Ernest's scared stupid. Jim Varney was all over those emails. Julian Assange. Julian Assange is a Jim Varni's pocket, okay? I'm just saying that Julian Nassan, he's let me down. He's let down America. I'm going to take my shirt off on the air.

Just figure out why that's relevant. He's a demon all right. Got to take these vitamin supplements. You'll make you not be a demon and make your titch look great. Big spoonfuls of the stuff. Catch him in bed with an earnest. Oh, my God. So according to that, it's like the,

the late 19th century, so supposedly there wouldn't have been, I mean, it was still bad. Oh, it was still quite wretched. Yes. So it's an interesting choice for earnest. I agree. This earnest movie didn't deal with the black experience in the late 19th century accurately. Oh, Lord.

So they buried this troll alive and the thing is like, oh, you know, we can't kill it. So I'm casting a curse. So long as this tree remains undisturbed, et cetera, et cetera, it's going to be fine. We cut to a little girl giving a book report on what we just saw. Which is a great framing narrative, I thought. Oh, yeah. It's a strong writing. Yeah, because then you can immediately know, oh, okay, so that was all bullshit.

The classmates, like, say as much, they're like, hey, we thought this was a history report. She's full of fucking shit. And the teacher who's in multiple earnest movies. Oh, yeah. she's the stable of actors there's listen there's a couple of earnest regulars in this movie there are a few actually yeah and this

this lady's totally one of them she wears her pants hi in what's that the teacher oh they're just up there oh she's physically wearing high pants is what you're saying oh okay some kind of slur god what's he saying about this woman

got enough problems everybody's got their cell phone underneath the desk people don't excuse me People don't know this at home, but we have to edit half of what Chris says out. It's rough. I just cut it out because I don't know if he's being fucking slurdish or not. I don't even know what that means.

Better cut it. I'm sorry. So this little girl whose name escapes me, who cares, and a little boy. I think it's Elizabeth, baby. Elizabeth and the boy is Kenny, I believe. Kenny, yes. And he kind of sticks up further. What is your girlfriend?

He's like, dude, I'm trying to get laid here. I'm trying to get little kid laid here. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Little kid laid. That's like just holding hands. Dude, that's what Ernest is trying to get this. He's not trying to hold hands. I'll tell you that much.

Find her band with an Ernest. Oh, yeah, dude. It's fucking horrifying. It's insane. Like, Ernest would be in jail if this was today. Well, Ernest does go to jail, but it's not her dad. Actually, I believe at this point in the earnest timeline, Ernest has already gone to jail. He's already beaten the rap.

He's already gone to jail. He's already gone to camp. He has not planned his trip to Africa yet. You know what? Wild guess here. I haven't seen it. But that's possibly the most problematic of all earnest movies. I would say so. Now, let's talk about what would be the earnest high points. Okay. Goes to jail, right, Chris? That's probably the best earnest film. That is, but I would actually say that goes to camp is the more popular. It is. I think more people know about goes to camp. Well, goes to camp and saves Christmas just because it's a Christmas movie. Yeah. No, fuck saves. Christmas. And it's a piece of shit. But

goes to camp, the problem with that is it's a little too realistic. Yeah. You know, it's kind of... Not that it is, but that, like, you're like, holy shit, he's doing this with real kids now. What, what these, the scared, stupid kids are fake kids? They seem fake to me.

They all look like models from a fucking JC Penny catalog, by the way. I'm sure that's where they got them. They're all wearing, like, Wrangler jeans. They didn't get them from an acting catalog. I'll tell you that. I wasn't that. They cut to earn who is in a garbage truck because he's a sanitation worker?

That's correct. Did we mention that also the descendants are all going to be dumber? Oh, that's right. The troll curses them. Curses Phineas that all the worlds throughout time will get dumber by the generation. So he's supernaturally stupid?

Is that the idea? Cut to Jim Varnie's stupid face. You know, when he vanquishes the troll, spoiler, he should like put glasses on and talk like Tony Randall. Like it all comes bad. Some soft jazz comes on. Yeah.

That would be great. Ernest just becomes like a huge ladies man. Yeah. Like the night professor. Yeah. Why didn't they do that? That would have been great. Or it's like a phenomenon.

Then he dies. Like he's really smart. He's speaking Brazilian to people. Speaking Portuguese. Speaking Portuguese. Oh, man. And then babyface and Eric Clapton make a song about Jim Varney.

That would be great. It's called fucking Tears in the Trash Dump. So he like nearly dies in the first scene. He almost gets Casey Jonesed. He's shredded. Yeah, because he's driving a dump truck with his dog named Rimshot. Yeah, and let's just, you know, there's a lot of calling for this dog in this movie. And it's a lot of like, you know, the sound design in Ernest Garrett's stupid is quite rich.

A lot of layers. So when they're yelling things like, hey, Rimshot. It's getting overshadowed by dump truck sounds and kids screaming and trolls farting. So most of this movie, you're just hearing the word rim job all over the place. Just put that out there. This is a fucking movie for kids. Oh, boy. Oh, rim job. Oh, hey, rim job.

Get over here. Oh, my dog. Rim job's dead. Oh, Rim job's dead. Yeah, you don't want a dead rim job. No. Those are the absolute worst kinds of rim jobs. That's a waste of a Saturday night right there.

so yeah he's getting crushed inside like the dog like accidentally starts the thing he's Casey Jonesing him uh to death and like before the problem with earnest is he lives in a kind of Deadpool-esque world where he's talking to the camera the whole time yeah yes and like he's he's aware of the audience I guess he's like making gags as he's near he's near death he's near death but he's still finding time to make but that's the thing you would think in those situations like they're expressing their inner feelings or something like that. No, he's performing more. He's

always on, dude. He's like the Joker. Javani is a Joker. That would have been pretty something. That would have been cool. He's built for a Riddler, but the Joker would have been cool. Is the riddler just a little punchier? Is that the idea? Is Ernest fat? No, no. I mean, just because I feel

the Joker's like super skinny, right? Oh, I don't know. I think... I always thought Joker have to be a little taller than Riddler. Yeah, okay. Wait, are we measuring Varnies now? Do we know this height? Does anyone know his height?

I don't know. He's been dead for years, so he's probably pretty short. All right, let's skid A, a corner on the line. He was young this whole time. He died in 50 in the year 2000. So he's like 40 years old. He looks like, I mean, like, he was a chain smoker, which is contributed to his death. Oh, sure. So it's very clear, like.

Oh, well, also like in the, in, you know, all the earnest voices, it's quite clear. Yeah, yeah. He's near the end at this way. I think he died like 99. At 2000. Oh, 2000. He's got nine years to live. By the time Ernest Garrett's stupid came out,

you think he'd be doing better with your time, managing it more perfectly. I don't think he knew. Do you know that you have five years? Oh, shit. Is that it? Oh, you call it. Oh, Cisca Dramas.

Do not worry about Andrew Jume? Oh, no. You just sealed it. What you do? Why do you do that? If I go out tomorrow and get hit by a fucking bus. You're going to be fine. I'll have to leave you.

password to my computers you can edit this episode clear your web history also that the kid saves him the kid does a Kenny does like a fucking John Wayne an impression and I'm like dude what are you knowing how does this kid knows John Wayne

and he says it to like this little girl you know talking her up a bit yeah and she knows John Wayne yeah it's what is going I feel it's like this dumb fake town well it's Missouri all these kids like sit around watching like just Keep I'm watching stagecoach every fucking day.

They're sitting around on a Saturday morning watching Turner Classic movies with their dad. Yeah, their dad puts on John Wayne movies, and if they move, they get hit. Right back of the head. You watch the Duke. You watch the Duke in this house. Some people were raised on the Duke.

We pay attention to the Duke. And then she's like, Dad, did you know that his real first name was Marion? And then he gets another slap in. Right upside the first. face. Here, balance my beer can on your head. It was the 90s. It was so stupid. That was legal in the 90s. You were like, yes, you were allowed to smack anything

you wanted. So, it's when you realize, by the way, that like, Ernest is his only friends in town are these children. Yeah. He's hanging out with these kids 24 by 7, man. And it's problematic. It's problematic. 24 by 7. I don't know why that's really. Oh, I got that because two meth heads were fighting outside my apartment. one day and this way he is always harassing me 24 by seven which is just turned in my vernacular

I get most of my quips for methods and they're a rich supply these days so earnest is actually working for the TV show hoarders I think is the idea like it's a last act kind of hoarder's because earth the kit's house poor of the kit in this movie by the way well I mean why wait why what do you what do you mean yeah why well why poor isn't this like our career No, I mean, isn't this like the best? I mean, why is she doing this? Yes, that's what are you doing this? Didn't the people for bad?

This is a great opportunity. No, it's not. Stop. Stop it. I mean, what was she ever in? The Batman movies, the Batman show. Oh, okay. Yeah, 30 years prior.

Eartha Kitt should have been able to retire on Catwoman. And it's fucking unfortunate that she's in this movie. And I thought it was going to be a thing. I've seen this movie before, but I didn't remember. remember, like, beat for beat. I haven't seen it 50 times, like, except Chris Cab. Exactly 50 times. Oh, let's get into that now.

Because you were, you know, throwing all that shade around. About how some people saw it more than others. I mean, I think me and Chris saw this a bit growing up. We didn't grow up together. They didn't want to apply that. But I've seen it like, I've seen it like easily 10 times probably. Really? It's just, it was one of those movies that was always on.

Yeah. And it was a curiosity. Like, here's the thing. How do you mean curious after the first time? You saw it? You're like, well, I fucking saw Ernest Garrett's stupid. No, but what I've returned to it, I guess. And because, like, what kept bringing you back?

Because, like, it is, it's scarier than most movies of this type. That's correct. It's not for children. It's not for children. It's an actually kind of creepy movie. I mean, even now, I was creeped out by portions of it. It's a hard PG. So I think that's what I came back for.

Right. And meanwhile, Andrew and Steve, the cool dudes. I've never heard of Ernest before. I'm cool. I've seen a shit ton of earnest movies, including this one. I've seen it multiple times, but maybe like five. Okay. It was a total.

It's on HBO all the time. He didn't get hooked. We did. I think I checked out after jail. I was like, you know what, man, you can have my earnest card. because I just, I didn't care at this point. I stopped after this. And I might have been afraid of this movie, FYI.

I'll be also honest. That is, I saw the picture of that troll. I might have went to go. It is a gross monster. It's disgusting. The troll's also ugly, too. Oh, bravo. Good job, Rimshot.

Call me Rib Job, please. My father's rim shot. No, I think, I checked out of this because I've never seen slam dunk Ernest. Ernest goes to Africa. Ernest rides again. Wait, rides again? He rides again. There's another one. I think that's what he gets into the equestrian arts.

I did not see those three actually at all. Those are all the directed... Wait, so what is going on in rides again? What is he doing? I haven't seen rides again. Oh, I thought you said you saw it. No, I didn't say I saw it. I stopped at this.

Oh, you stopped at this always... Like a sane person does. Oh, you stopped at this and watched it 50 times. Like a sane person does. It was like the last great movie of the... great director. Wow. Shut the fuck up.

Wait, did John Sherry die too? No, I don't. No, John Sherry still lives, and I think I read on the tribune. He's trying to... Wait, did he say 24 by 7? No, he said 275

to get on. No, I read on the Tribune that he's got like an earnest memorabilia room in his house. And he has the trollhead from this movie. Oh, yeah. And he has it, like, adorning something. I'm like, man, you just, like, in case a nightmare in your home.

That's like the insidious. That's like the, what do you call it there? The fucking... Annabelle the doll. Yes, in the movie, the Conjuring. It's like the Conjuring room. You got all these, like, living nightmares at your house. I don't, I do not get that.

And I forgot about that. When I watched Conjuring, too, like Patrick Wilson goes in there at the end. I was like, you stupid bastards. Burn it all. Burn it. Well, in real life, though, they were con artists. So none of that shit mattered. But this, now, what I'm interested in is this earnest room.

They got Ernest's cap at his fucking denim vest. Oh, man, charge admission. I'm sure he's thought about it. Oh, I'm sure you can go there. Oh, he could have profited off of Jim Varney's death, sure. Look time. Look, look, it's almost 2017. Like, we're coming.

Listen, you got three years to plan for it. The 20th anniversary death, the death anniversary of, the death anniversary of, Jim Varney. He's going to come back to like Andy Andy. No, no,

that'll make everybody feel great. Hey, let's celebrate the death anniversary of our beloved Jim Barney. Well,

we're remembering him. We've been without him for two decades. No, no, the move is, it's his 100th birthday,

everyone. Or it would have been. It would not. Well, that's still a long ways off then. Yeah. He died at 50.

Oh, right. So in 2020, we still got another fucking 30 years. I, a bold prediction. No one in this room is going to see Jim Varnie's 100th birthday. I'll say that much.

No, Steve. Really? Not his soul to say that. According to Cisco, I'm getting hit by a bus tomorrow. That's true. But the thing about this, we might, they're going to invent space pills and we'll be rocket cars. I would love

to be cryogenically frozen. Oh, yeah? Just an FYI. Well, yeah, I don't know if we can afford that. Wake up in you know, like the 2001 situation or like alien. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like you wake up and an alien's cut in you open? Yeah, have a real adventure. What the hell is this thing?

I didn't sign up for this. One of them that choose your own adventure book, Space Dracula's. Space Vampires. Oh, yeah, that was my favorite one. Hey, we're supposed to be talking about Ernest. Yeah, he's a garbage man. He's a garbage man. Like hoarders, he's been ordered to clean up this Eartha Kids house because she's got a bunch of shit in front.

So he's the, what's that guy in it? Dan, something, Paxton. Are you, is this a person from hoarders? Yeah. Don't look at me. Oh, I thought you were doing my lifeline. No, no, no. All right, well, he's like a hoarder.

Wait, Bill Paxton hosts hoarders? This is a guy who's an organizer who always talks shit to people right to their face. I know who you're talking about, but I don't know his name. It might be packed. He's like that guy. So he has to go in and like the sheriff who looks like Ted Cruz and who happens to be Kenny's dad. And the mayor who looks like, he looks like a very budget, Emmett Walsh. a bit. Yeah, he kind of looks like

there's a Ned Beattyism there. That's like half the country by the way. When Ned Beatty fell out of a car in the Superman movies, this guy did it. He was the guy that got fucked in the ass in deliverance. Get him in here. Get Billy in here. He's fucking ass double. Billy.

Billy get in here. Rimshed. What's ridiculous about this whole scenario is like the mayor and the sheriff for like, now Ernest, we told you to clean up that old witch's house and you got to do it because you're the town's only garbage man?

What? Yeah, it's, I don't get it. Ernest should have a team of garbage men with him. Well, it's a small town. I mean, it's clearly a fantastical fucking world. That is true. Listen, I expect realism from sanitation departments no matter what the movie.

There's nothing more important than trash pickup. That's true. It is true. It's true. I mean, I get overrun with garbage because this guy's stupid and he is unreliable because he just all he wants to just hang out with the kids and grilled cheese sandwich. Very unlike our good friends in waste management. Yeah.

Oh, the mafia. We love the mafia. We do a great job. Pro mafia show. So there is a like a pervert in a B costume later who says that his trash hasn't been picked up for like 20 weeks or something. Wait, why is he a pervert?

I don't know. He's got a B costume on. That's kind of pervert. Well, it is Halloween. Okay, I guess so. But he also has like eyelet, like a... It's an in-depth fucking bee costume. Well, maybe it's Jerry's Seinfeld.

Sure. Oh, no. You guys can go and believe that. I'm going to believe reality. No, maybe he's going as the girl from the Blind Melon video. It was the 90s. That makes sense.

He's not wearing glasses. Stop with that bullshit. And listen, it was just a thought. Just putting it out there. So he goes to Earth the kids' house. He gets scared by her because she's scary. scary witch kind of a thing and she's doing Eartha Kit thing

I guess so it's a waste it's a waste Yeah is it Like you're trying to What's an Eartha Kid ever play a B Because she's got a perfect voice She should have been in B movies

She should be every character in B movie I think she was And she died in like what 2008 Oh she's dead She's dead She's long dead Oh okay

Why we could do two museums And one Dude the Eartha Kidd It would just be a catwoman costume. No, she, just a catwoman costumes, correct? I was trying to happen. There were a couple catwoman. Yeah, yeah.

But so she pulls a flamethrower on her and if that's something. That is something, something quite over the top and unnecessary. She's like, she makes like iron, like iron art. It's really just welded garbage. She does a lot of welding. It's welded garbage. He's like, can I throw... Miss, can I throw this away?

She's like, no, I'm going to sell that on eBay. And then, like, can I throw this away? No, I'm going to go to a swap meet. It's like, you're not going to do any of this, you filthy pig. Yeah, no, she's just a hoarder, but she's making her own garbage, which is interesting. It's not just old newspapers. She's forging her own filth. So there's these bullies, these fat bullies, one with the best mullet I've seen.

Oh, the Murdoch brothers. The Murdoch brothers are really something. The Murdochs are interesting. So they're like the sons of the mayor. They're like the bullies. It's the kind of. a family where like one of the kids would die in a motocross accident

in summer you know you always knew one of those families growing up in like 20 years are going to be the family from Nebraska yeah and these little these little these kids are like bullying poor what's his name Randy

Kenny oh pardon me they're making like a haunted house like Kenny and his girlfriend and this kid who talks like Hank Hill I think he's Danny or Joey he might be Joey. I think it's Joey. You know what? These are American kids.

They make like a little tree, a little fort that's going to be scary. And then these kids knock it down. They go to Ernest, obviously. Like you would when you need advice. And they're like, Ernest, what do we do here? And then Ernest starts like morphing like the genie and Aladdin into different characters. Speaking of YouTube, by the way. This is YouTube, man. This is any of those goddamn YouTube people. He's so, I mean, can we count it? Podcasts all the way, am I right? he's uh he's like a sassy old woman yeah he's a sassy less older woman he's an ottoman which looks

like a mad max yes yeah that's where the brown face yeah that's also the brown face thanks a lot jim varney well yeah he played a lot it's fucking it's goddamn speaking of john wayne it's the fucking conqueror dude it's true he also he also tries to pass himself off as an italian in this as well as a Roman Oh, right, he's playing like a Roman centurion. Botswana Lumberjack, thank God he doesn't go

into any type of blackface. What is with Ernest B. Worrell has a beef with the nation of Botswana and I don't know what's going on. He keeps laying into Botswana. He says they defeated the Ottomans. But then he's also

dangerously obsessed with the Ottomans. That's true. And these kids don't know what the fuck he's talking about. I don't know who would ever get He is painfully ignorant. I think that's what we're getting at here. And it's just, it's wildly stupid.

To the point of danger, you are correct to have caution. I mean, and if you're hanging out with your young friend, the last thing you want to do is dress up like a Roman soldier. Just don't even put that costume up. Yeah, if you are a 40-year-old man and your best friend is 10, and you're dressed up like a Roman centur, and you just might be in earnest. and exactly how are you changing with this kid

if you're doing the whole there's a lot of stuff there that I am really uncomfortable even thinking about there barn it's quite possible we're overthinking earnest see I think we are because I think this is just like his imagination and in real life he just looks like a

crazy person like because I think at one point by the way exactly two by four ottomins there is one point where the kids, like, there's, he says something like, you know, there's no time for your voices or whatever. It's like, if I was like a 10-year-old kid and I went up to this like a 40-year-old man baby and I'm like, oh, this dude might be my friend. He might be.

I don't know. Jury's still out. First of all, he's not. But then he's, well, I'm a stupid 10-year-old kid. Yeah, yeah. Sure. And then, and then like this dude starts doing voices, I slowly back out of the moment. You know what I mean?

Like, that's the end of it. I'm never going near this. He's trying to be like one of your fun cartoons. You like the cartoons? Yeah, you know what? The cartoons aren't going to fucking touch me in the woods. Well, what if they could?

We think it would look a little something like this. Exactly. Cut to Ernest in a costume. Hey, Vern, get the duct tape. This show is sponsored by Better Help. You know, my 20s.

while being a lot of fun, a lot of the time were pretty rough. I wasn't exactly rolling a dough. I lived at home until I was about 25, and for most of it, I didn't have this show or you lovely people in my life. I just kind of drifted around without direction and didn't know where to voice that. Then I started to get my crap together one piece at a time, and the last piece, which didn't come until my early 30s, was therapy. And man, I wish it came along sooner.

Ever since I started sitting down as a licensed therapist, I've had a place to voice my insecurities and try to try to, to fashion plans to help me achieve my goals. So that's why I'm thrilled were sponsored by BetterHelp. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give Better Help a try. It's entirely online

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It's BetterHelp.com slash WHM today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help, help.com slash WHM. This episode's brought to you in part by Rocket Money, and they have this question for you. They handed to me just now, Mr. Rocket just handed me this. Do you know how much your subscriptions really cost? Most Americans think they pay around $80 a month on subscription services,

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It's easy to keep track of the whole budget. Even I can do it and I got rocks in my head. So find out what 3 million people have already done. They've taken the rocket foe. Folks, stop throwing the money away, cancel on wanted subscriptions, and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash WHM. That is rocketmoney.com slash WHM. Once more, RocketMoney.com slash WHMHM, which stands for We Hate Movies. No Vern in this movie. No Verne at all. No fisheye lenses either. That's a big problem. What funny you should say the woods because Ernest's big idea is

hey let's all go to the woods and build a tree house where no one can hear you scream or where you can just hang out with me. Right because you need the deep deep into this is because you need the high ground which is how the nation of Botswana defeated the Ottoman Empire according to Ernest

and a hardcore history so he builds a fort and it's like you know super double dare ish there's like elevators and horse shit It's an impressive treehouse, man. There's car parts and other things. The kids come over, they get hit with pizzas.

I'm like, why are you wasting food for? They waste a lot of pizza. That's like, I would say, at least 20 pies they go through. Listen, show me a pack of children that are just going to let a pizza sit unscathed. That's unbelievable. Those kids are eating that pizza. And what is it? Like dog food?

There's canisters of their shit not like a rocket launchers, spraying these fucking bullies right in their face. You know what? Maybe the thing is they were not so hungry to eat the pizza because Ernest filled them up on candy. Oh, I see. Yeah, right. So Ernest

runs off to, like, Earth, it's like, oh my God, what are you doing? He happens to build it. Wouldn't you know it on the one tree you're not supposed to build it on? Oh, that's embarrassing. That's embarrassing. Why wouldn't you just, like, put a big sign, build something around it? It's not the early 19th century. It's not that long.

ago. Right, right. And this is the late 20th century where apparently this man who works for the city thinks he can just trespass with other children, with just children from the town. Piper style. With the sheriff's fucking kid, dude, you do not want

to mess with the sheriff's kid. Get the rest, but don't mess the sheriff's kid. Yeah, you're playing with fire, dude. Exactly. That's a lot of confidence there. Then you do construction. Like, these kids massive construction. These kids would have been killed on the job site. Yes. And you're not supposed to be building on someone else's land.

So he goes to talk, Eartha Kit down. Now the troll starts to come around. Is that the idea? Well, because he summons it. It's so dumb. He's like, it's like a Looney Tunes thing. He's like, legend has it that if someone says a world, someone of his last name. He's like, sometime at this hour on this day. It's the day before Halloween, like today. If a warrel, like me, recites the following phrase and he does it,

then this troll is going to come back to life. Oh, and then I got to knock three times. Eh, and, and, and I am just grabbing my stomach because it hurts to laugh that much. I mean, that's, I don't remember watching this as a kid, but like, if you saw this 50 times, you have to remember some of those times watching it as a kid. Oh, yeah. Were you laughing? Were you laughing at the high jinks of Ernest?

I think there's a couple laughs in there. This definitely was not a laugh. This was a smirk. You're like, oh, Ernest. I was like, just like, oh, you fool you. I'm getting into it now. I will say I did enjoy when he would say, that was the thing I enjoyed.

And there's a joke coming up in this movie where in my home, I didn't get a legitimate laugh, but I wrote down, I could see myself laugh. laughing at that. Like, that was the only joke. I could see that's a joke wherein I might laugh at that. The, the, ew, and you shake your lower jaw. Yeah. It was one of those things where, I mean, it's been however long since I've seen an earnest film. A few hours. But when that happened, it just flooded back to me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. My parents, God bless him, for not murdering me as a child, because I remember just obsessively doing the e-e.

I remember, like, getting so pissed off because... Your mom told you to stop doing the earnest ooze. No, I was like, they wanted to go out to dinner, and I forced them to take me to go see Ernest goes to jail. We are not getting dinner. One of the reasons of not having children, FYI, continue. No, that's the end of the story. Stories like that are harrowing, man.

It sounds like a nice night at the movie. So the troll comes back from the grave. He looks terrifying. He's like 4 foot 8 or something and he's all like troll head and he's got like dicks on his ears. And he's got two noses, which is gross. And they're both running. He's all head, first of all, which is gross. He's taller than the troll monster should be.

I mean, you need yourself like a Kenny Baker-sized motherfucker playing this troll. You don't have Warwick Davis money, that's for sure. No, you certainly don't. This is Ernestville. You barely got Earth a kid. You had to trick her. It's the Batman Convention. Yes, yes, it is.

Yeah, right this way, Ms. Kit. We're running it this year and we're videotaping it in this old house. Wow, so she's just a crazy bag lady in real life? Oh, poor Earth a kid. And Ernest is always bothering me 24 by 7. do I get to sleep inside tonight no she had a house dude I have a feel like Adam West

fucking conned all of those people you think he was a Shatner type I think so okay I feel like that show you know that show I don't think was revered as much as we revered today maybe yeah it was a low point it was a low point in the nostalgia they were punch lines at that point

you know what I see yeah the nostalgia didn't kick kick in until like the late 90s. Oh, that shows genius. Like, I feel like in the, especially when we get into the, you know, the 90s, I feel like the tolerance for camp was in an all-time low. Except for stuff like this. Oh, well, the tolerance for earnest was sky high.

The new American camp is what we were into. The industry had bound, bottom down. I'll do the new American camp. What's going on here? Oh, he's an idiot. I don't know. Is he an idiot? No.

No, no. Just an idiot. Just an idiot. I stepped on you. Perfect. Yeah, that's fine. That's what she did. So, he summons his troll. And this is like the troll comes after Ernest. The kids leave, I think. And then Ernest is alone with this troll.

This was my question. Is Jim Varney doing the voice of this troll? No, it's just some guy. Is it Frank Welker? It's not. I always check these. I'm checking these things. Isn't that unfortunate? My inbox to explode.

I know. Apparently, we didn't mention Frank Wilker. Frank Welker on the Anaconda episode. I mean, and who... The internet cry. Like, I get it, guys. But you know what? It's not the Frank Welker minute by minute podcast.

One, correct. We'll do that eventually. We will do that. A motherfuckeruckers in like 5,000 things. So we missed a hiss. I mean, really, really, talking about Frank Welker being in a movie is like pointing out a tree. It's like, well, there was a tree in this movie. Oh, you missed the tree.

Like, of course, it's ubiquitous. There's fucking trees. Just assume that Frank Welker is around you at all times. He's listening right now. So he's fighting this troll, and this is the joke that I almost consider laughing at. The troll is scary, and he's like, oh, I sure hope you're from Keebler. And I'm like, oh, that's like a play on. Oh, dude, you thought the Keebler elf joke was fucking funny?

I did not think it was funny. I thought it was constructed in such a way. Potential for funny. It was constructed in such a way in which I could imagine my. laughing right now. If Dennis Miller delivered that one. Yeah. Oh, it looks like you got a Kepler elf here, babe. Mam, Min, Min, Saddam Hussein. I don't know why he didn't just take over for Ernest. Oh, right. Put the cap on. Oh, he could have done it. No, that's a that, you know, Jeff Foxworthy, you could probably pick that one. Oh, dude,

reboot. Oh, shit. Oh, what was I watching the other thing? Or maybe dude, old earnest? Like, like, uh, like the olderness strikes again or whatever that Batman comic is. The dark night, dark night, right, returns. Yes, yes. The dark Vern rides again. Exactly. He wakes up with a mustache and then he shaves it. Yeah.

And it's like this old weathered earnest who's just like, he's done with the world. He's still dumb as shit, but he's grown cynical. You're right, Chris. Can I ask you? Can I ask you guys something? Steve said Foxworthy. Somebody said Foxworthy?

I said Foxworthy. We were watching TV the other night. I don't remember what this commercial was. I don't know if it's like gold. It's golden corral. Is it golden corral? It's got to be going, but have you seen this version, though? It's just a commercial for golden corral. And then in the corner of the screen at the end of the commercial, Jeff Foxworthy just pops up and goes, he hit. And that was it. And my wife and I turned to each other. We were like, do you just see Jeff Foxworthy on the screen? And she's like, yeah. I was like, okay, good, we're not fucking crazy. Well, that's an old provision from Homeland Security that Bush passed is that Jeff Foxworthy. You can. watch you from the other from the other side of your television. Hey, what's going on here on this side?

He has to be in exactly. If he sees, if he's looking into your TV and then he looks up and sees that there's a TV on top of a TV, he might just be watching it. By contract, he has to be in 18% of all advertisements. It was just, it was like fucking clipy. Like he just came out.

Do you need help with a? obesity? You can get it here. Golden Corral, man. Did you need assistant selecting your variety of fucking steam tray macaroni and cheese? Exactly. Now, if Golden Corral wants us to stop besmirching their good name, they should sponsor the chef. How about some fucking gift certificates? No, no, no. Ew. The money will do fine. Cold hard cash. So the terrifying thing about this troll, aside from his appearance, is what he

does to children. Oh, this is where it makes it not NSF K He feeds them Golden Corral And they just fucking shit themselves To death That's how he gets the kids

And they're dead now The other thing About that Jeff Foxworthy They dropped it It was like him It's like Oh it's election madness Here at Golden Corral

Oh he's got a tuxedo on No he's like Uncle Sam He's like He's like two dear He's a Republican and a Democrat And they're like Oh I bet that made him Sick to his stomach

Well that's the thing It's two parts It's like you can get ham and he's like wearing a red tie. Or you can get beef and he's wearing a blue one. He must have hated. They had to like digitally add that blue tie in, I bet. I ain't taking this red tie off.

You can use a computer to fix it. So, but this troll, um, he, uh, this is bone chilling. The two kids, uh, the guy and the girl, like, they're having like a little kid date and they're like, you know, he drops her off. And then the other kid, wait, wait, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to step on you, but you just, you drummed up a memory I had from this movie where I was fucking threw up on my couch. You went on a kid date?

I was on a date with this little kid. No. Oh, shit. No, in the movie when this little girl, and they're very like... Wait, you're talking about it in the movie theater where this little girl was. No, talking about... The film? Who watching on HBO Go, the stream of Ernest Scared Stupid.

Because the kids are basically like a spanky and Delilah, is it from Little Rascal? Or whatever the girl's name is. She gives him like a little peck on the cheek. and Ernest is spying this makeout sesh from the garbage truck. Are you serious? And he does like a, oh, don't mind me. I'm just watching kids kiss, Vern. It's fucking disgusting.

Rimshot is also embarrassed, clearly, by being involved in the moment. You know why? Because Ernest is emboldened now. He's like, I already been to jail. I'd be double jeopardy. Because I mean, Ernest is stupid. He doesn't understand how the legal system works. That movie Double Jeopardy didn't either.

No, that movie didn't get it right either. Also, I don't think that movie was out yet. Also, is Ernest Goes in jail the one where there's an earnest double that robs a bank? A vaguely Italian criminal. Yeah, a lot of vaguely Italian impressions. So he separates the third kid whose name is Jimmy or something. Oh, right. And the troll gets him and he turns him.

into a wooden doll. Oh, it's bone-chilling. And also, it's like they freeze in the doll position of like their body. And hilariously, this nerdlinger fucking falls in the mud, which is funny.

And he's like, oh, help me, help me anybody. Or also Ernest? Can someone help me? And he gets frozen, like reaching for help. Ernest replies.

And he grabs onto this thing and it turns out to be the troll. Apparently the troll. He can throw his voice. He's got predator powers because he's doing, impressions of people he's already encountered.

Dude, if this troll started gutting these kids and hanging them from trees. That would be really cool. There should be a troll cam for sure, first and foremost. Yeah, we need we need troll POV more than you get. You only get at the beginning of this movie and that's not fair. Do you think it's like infrared maybe?

Well, you get a lot of it, but it's not like going in for the kill. It's all like watching them from afar. Oh, I thought that was Ernest. It mixes. It's pretty avant-garde in that it kind of mixes perspectives. And then little kid Bill Duke shoots up the forest. Oh, yeah, dude. I like that. So Ernest drop.

They're like, oh, mom, dad, we saw this troll. It's so scary. They're like, ah, don't be hanging out with Ernest so much. I'd be like, no, seriously. No, no, no. I'm as serious. It's a heart attack right now. Yeah. You were aware with Ernest?

Who else was there? What else happened? It's the middle of the night. We're staying up until the morning until we've straightened this out. We are calling the parents of all the kids. We're all coming together. Making sure everybody's homes safe. And you know who my first call is going.

The sheriff of the town. But he is the sheriff. Hold on. I got to call myself. But he's chief. Or whoever runs. Somebody above him. Well, the mayor's a Murdoch and that guy's a moron.

Yeah. I think that's where you'd go up to the mayor. It's a real O'Doyle. situation. Here's the thing. Your kids are being mysteriously taken by this man. Time to get the stateies down here. Oh, totally. But that's the weird thing. So the next morning...

He's been to jail already, by the way. He's an ex-con. He's a dangerous ex-com. You should be thankful he got that job. It's Kenny and the girl, and they're like, do you hear Jimmy didn't come home last night? They're like, yeah, I know. It's really weird. What do you think the troll did to him? The fucking

town is putting Ernest on blast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a child, missing it's a small town that's a big last time pre-internet dude and this shit used to happen mob justice all right they they don't have you know they don't before the Twitter before you can report this stuff

that town is publicly executing Ernest oh yeah they're acting like it never happened oh yeah they will that happens payover's town they're gonna fucking make it a park well it's earnest earnest trailer was never here they do make it abundantly clear in the

early parts of this movie that the entire town thinks he's an incompetent knit and like yeah well it's earnest just look at it and they're like why do okay we got a firearm or we got to figure out something because this shit's just not working here's my question i don't know if anybody in the room will recall uh but is earnest like in this same town in missouri all the time because are these people able to be like oh he was in jail oh that's the but like one side could be like hey that's the guy that was in jail but the other side could be like but That was the guy that saved Christmas.

All right, but you're suggesting maybe he's a drifter, you know? Right. Going from town to town. I actually think that might be it. Chris, is that right? You're our earnest historian. I don't actually remember the, I know this is Briarsville. Right.

But I don't know what the other settings are. Right, right. It should be like, you know, it should be ever present. Like, is this Crystal Lake? Let me know. Exactly. Let me know. I think because Briarsville has seen more.

fucking horror than Crystal Lake has. What with Ernest? So Ernest goes to Earth the kit and it's like, oh shit, how do I stop this troll? She's got some fucking bullshit magic book, right? And it's like... By the way, she mentions that Ernest is the seventh son of a seventh

son. Yeah, that's fucking strange. That's some folklore magic right there, right? Because I was under the impression that that fucking bullshit Jeff Bridges movie made that thing up. Apparently not. Apparently, there's actually a Wikipedia entry for

7th son of a 7th son. Is there? There is, but you've got to spell out 7th the word. What an inconvenience that must have been for you. Hey man, that's a lot of thinking. The troll, by the way, has done another gross thing.

Oh, please. So it takes the after thing of the child. The dog product. The wooden doll. thing. And he puts it back. You mean bones? The wooden doll and he puts it

into the tree. Oh, right. His little cubby space. Right. It's like Sleepy Hollow. Fucking like wet green things start sprouting out. Yeah. These gremlins, dude. It's very gramblings. It's really, really gross. Hey, gramblings, get away from my good friend

Ernest. Who's messing with my earnest movie? I want hot popcorn, cold soda, and a fucking air-conditioned theater to watch my earnest movies. This is cinema. Nacho cheese with jalapenos. Oh, guaranteed. He's the kind of dude who's asking for more than one fucking box of jalapinos at the movie.

Here's a quick tip. A life hack. If the guy in front of you at the concession stand is eight feet tall and 400 pounds, just go to the next line. If it's longer, you're fine. Yeah, avoid professional wrestlers In any line, a bank? Like, is this you going to do a way to help? Well, now I need to open a secondary account.

Like, oh, fuck, I think the wrong line. Fucking, come on, Hulk Hogan. Yeah, he's got like 70 items and 10 items or less. Uh-huh. The coffee, it's always a latte that's not to his liking. Send it back coffee? Hey, brother, I asked for this to be extra hot. The concept of extra hot coffee, by the way.

I heard this in the coffee shop. Oh, yeah, you can get an extra hot. That's a real concept. Oh, yeah, extra hot coffee. It's already hot enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I guess they're not going to drink it for an hour and a half. Yeah.

They just want to have it. Fucking extra hot coffee. It's an mittens. They just grab onto it. The problem is with this movie, Eartha Kitt's like, so you're the warral that's got to like stop this troll. He's the chosen one. And then the problem with Ernest is when you give him a

task. Oh, I see. Turns out he overdoes things. He turns out he is a bungler. Oh, he's a total bungler, dude. He goes to a hardware store and spends like $2,000 on garbage. Here's a question. Where's Ernest get this money?

This 1990 money. That's a great question. That's true. And he pays for it. Like, it ain't no thing. Like, the gag needs to be. This hardware store owner is like, all right, Ernest, for all your troll hunting gear, it's $2,000.

He's got to be like, oh, hey, Vern, I don't got this. that he's just like swipe this is one of the the shop own the shopkeep is one of the actors one of the stable of actors he's an earnest regular and and his little friend teller because it's like a pen and teller it is something like that but they're both they're they're janitors in in in i think in in goes to jail they've been in like everything the skinnier the smaller one the teller as you yes as you put it uh he is one of the brothers that, like, runs security for the bank. Okay, that's what I was thinking of. They were a security guard, but not the other one.

Do you think these guys were all, like, hanging out at Christmas? Oh, yeah, definitely. Just getting ripped at Varney's place, man. Hey, you're going to Varney's for New Year's Eve? Well, no. Oh, Jim Barney, New Year's Eve party fucking check your wallet, man. They were definitely calling him in, like, the last weeks, I think. Of his life?

Yeah, I think what to see if he was going to have a New Year's Eve? I would hope they were good friends doing my name. Yeah, I mean, I would think that like that's when they would come out of the woodwork of any time. No, I think it's every year, man. It's just going to Varney's play. I think it's a crew, man. Coke Sam shows up or whatever that guy's name. No, it's all waiting until he gets there.

I feel like, minus the obvious double homicide, the life of Jim Varney was much like the life of O.J. Simpson. Everybody was coming. You see that documentary? Everybody was coming to OJ's, man. Bob Costas was there, you think? Guaranteed. They were talking about the Kentucky Derby all the time. If Jim

Varney was still around and he invited me to one of his parties, I'd be tripping over myself to get there. Oh, hell again, do you? Go to talk to Ernest slash Slinky from the Toy Story movies? Fuck yeah. And a Jeb clamp at himself. He would be the living Jim Clamp at that point. In the Beverly Hillbillies film,

which is probably a stay tuned. Also, probably a stay tuned, I would say. Yeah, Toy Story, definitely. No, I was going to say that is a movie that I've definitely seen like 50 times. There you go. Never saw it. I've steered clear. Oh, you dodged the Beverly Hillbillies movie?

Yeah, man. Oh, shit. You want to talk? Dali Parton cameo. It's also Peak Schneider. Rob Schneider. Oh, yes, it is. That's a question that I had because this movie has nobody in it.

The dad looks like Ted Cruz great. Earth a kid is the name. Earth, the kid is the get, like, how is there no pre or post Saturday Night Livers in this? Like, you know what I mean? Like, before David Spade hit, they got him in the comedy club. The sheriff, the sheriff should be somebody. Yeah, like, or maybe you get Jane Curtin in there or something. Because I feel like they didn't give a shit.

They were like, we're not made. Dan Whitney. I feel like they were like, we're not making a real movie. Yeah. They're working within the stable. Yep. Yep. And the profits go right.

to Varney, you know what I mean? You don't want to start divvying all this out. Hey man, you want me to keep up these New Year's Eve parties, these Super Bowl parties, these after Thanksgiving parties. We're making these earnest movies just so we can party. See, that's the thing is, I guarantee you, no one to approach this

like it was a real movie. It was like making a shark nato. It's just like, yeah, right, whatever. Yet another earnest movie. Exactly. We never thought we'd get this big jokes on everybody else. We'll keep making these earnest. movies, you keep fucking falling for it.

So Ernest makes a trap for the troll with all this money. The trap, by the way, it's on his garbage truck. It's a trap that says, you know, troll hotel, come on in here. And it also says... Yes. Kids in... Free kids inside. Yeah, this is a fucking Chris Hanson

project if I've ever seen one. If I'm looking for my kid and I'm like, where's my kid? Oh my God, I'm going to have a heart attack. I see this asshole driving around in a truck that has free kids inside. have the heart attack. This guy needs to be sweating it out and county

and being beaten with rubber hoses until he gives up the goods. Lock up Ernest P. Worrell. Again. Why'd you let him out the first fucking time? You had him. Repeat offender. They thought he was a master criminal.

Oh, that's right. Come on now. I don't know. There's a bunch of troll action, you know. There's so much like... There's a lot of kids getting fucking turned into statues. There's a lot of really fucking unsettling. There's a lot of kids getting grabbed.

A lot of kids getting grabbed in this movie. Like grabbed off bikes, grabbed off the street. Yeah, that's what childhood is. Didn't you grow up? I was getting grabbed right and left. My least favorite scene, it's Halloween night, and it's a little girl in her room. And she's like, Mom, there's something under my bed.

You know, and she's like, you're too old for the shit. This mother is a fucking garbage parent. And by the way, three kids are missing at this point. And she's like, whatever. Everyone still has to get to this Halloween party at the fucking gross school. She's pissed off. She's pissed off. It's canceled.

She's so pissed that this daughter doesn't want to go to this Halloween party. Somehow the streets are not lined with police officers. People with like orange vests with like, you know, like lanterns just calling out the names of children. Like, come on. Kids are actually missing in this narrative and everyone's cool as a cucumber. Nobody knows. Apparently nobody's found out. Wait, so Steve's getting to the creepiest part of this movie.

So the mother's like, you get in your fucking outfit and you'll be downstairs in five fucking minutes. And slams the door. And this girl's like, wow, I'm an abusive household. And this troll comes out from underneath her bed. And what does he say? Does he say anything? Or is it just enough that he's there? It's just like a girl.

No, but he gets into bed with her. That's to catch him in bed with a gobly. That's true. And he turns into a wooden. doll and ewe and scares and creeps. It's disgusting. See here, you're in bed with me now. Man,

a troll. Dude to Jimmy Durrani slash Edward G. Robinson troll? That would be pretty cool. Right? They're both they're both creepy enough looking on their own. Imagine putting those two together. It's certainly been better than what we get which is one more

for my gun. excellent impression well he's seen it 50 fucking times oh it's gross it's so gross it's so gross the earth of kits thing is like oh

we need one it's the mother's love or the love of a child and all this horseshit it's like they have to have a mother's love in the heart of a child and a mother's care yeah and it's not fucking idiot and because there's there's there's text in the book

this is M-I-blank and then K and they can't figure out it's milk right that's- Spoil alert it's milk spoil alert spoiled milk alert

I'm lactose and tolerant why would it be milk because it's like gross because it's a fairy tale stupid bullshit it's like they're saying that the milk would deter this troll I don't understand it double-deer horse shit in this movie

now I'll just picture someone throwing a glass of milk in Mark Summers' face. That's pretty funny. He'd freak out. Yeah, I think he'd freak right out, dude. I'll tell you this. I think I would too.

Yeah. I wake up one morning. I just get milk thrown at me. By a clown. By a clown. I'd be freaked out. Well, he thinks because the L is covered up that it's something called Miak,

which is what now? And this is... Bulgarian Miak. I don't know. It's like... It's a fictional. beverage of a syrup or something. This is where the public

never ceases to surprise me because it was like, hey man, we're doing Ernest, scared, stupid, and all these people were like, oh, you're going to fucking make fun of Miak! Oh, it's fucking Miak time! I say Miak all the time. I was like, were people telling you this? Dude, look on our social

media, it's riddled with people talking about Miak, and I was like, are you kidding me? It's like a throwaway game. That's the thing. It's a weird thing. You latch on to things. the child that it just turns into a monster and then you're saying yeah it's 28 years old

in your case it was comic books exactly there's this one point where Ernest actually abducts a kid in his troll trap right oh he two kids two kids the Murdox it's the Murdox and like the mayor is flipping a shit

is like my kids are missing now god damn it there is not going to be a Halloween parade but I'm definitely not going to call the police at all no he's at the police station who's just This fucking jerk, you know what I mean? It's just this dude's houses, the police station. So, Ernest, is like, I got the troll. You got to see the troll.

It's in here. Ew, it's going to be great. Sheriff, draw your gun and fire it, whatever I open this thing on. He also asked if he wants, if the sheriff would be okay, if he crushes that troll to death with his garbage truck compact. Can I do that first? And he's ready to do it. He's ready to take these kids' lives. And he should have.

And he does. These kids are gross. Fuck them. Well, also, it would just bring his whole enterprise down. So he opens it, and sure enough, these two kids fall out, they're dressed like trolls, and it's like... Right, they're the Halloween masks. They're like the kids in the Scream movie that dress up a ghost face. Like, what the fuck?

Have some fucking respect. Kids are missing. Henry Winkler's yelling at him. Buy had he. Dude, I'll tell you what. Henry Winkler played one frightening principal in that movie. He did. Principal Hymbrie.

Right, yeah. Don't need to remember that. I think this is finally when like the town officials are like you're fucking done with it Worrell they fucking fire him he loses his job as a garbage man

did they kick him out of town too that I made that up? No that should have happened they should run him out of town on a rail right on a rail there should have been like a whole like a ritual like they go to it's Halloween night too why not it's Halloween night

it's it's it's with the darkest moment of the soul comes out right so the mayor The town square with everybody Yeah, the mayor should just be like, Sheriff, I order you to open fire on Ernest. I want to

see P. Whirl on that pavement, pavement world. Ernest Pavement War. I mean, spray his guts and blood and brains all over that. Or how about a good old-fashioned steak burning? I like that. It's been decades since

this town's probably seen one. Oh, man. Think about how funny. It's been like 30 days, first of all. Speaking about stuff that I might laugh at, Ernest, tied up to a stake, fire come up his legs, and he's just like blown at it. Hey, rim shot. Get some water. I love it, dude.

It just turns into Carl Tejador's Dryer's Day of Wrath. Sure. Old witch movie. Check it out. Your Halloween viewing. It's bone chilling. We're talking about witch mania,

burning old ladies at the steak. Bone burning. Well, the bones are the things that don't burn. Well, if you burn them long enough, they do, that you could definitely get them down there, like in a crematorium. Well, I feel like in a steak burning situation,

what with which panic? It's like, well, they're dead. That's enough. Oh, yeah. What you do with those burnt bones is you want to get out of hammer? Oh, yeah. Turn them into dust.

You don't want any of those Skellingtons coming after you. Is that what they did? I never watched that program, Salem. No, I never did any. That was a sexy series. Was that a series? Yeah. Julia Ormond?

Is that Julio Ormond or is that the other... Couldn't tell you. What channel was this? I was like A&E or some horse shit. Oh, yeah, you're right. Oh, my lord. Yeah, dude, we're burning witches on lifetime. Lots changed.

So, speaking of witches, Ernest goes to get Earth a kid. They go to the school auditorium where there's like nine people there. For the hype that this Halloween party's been building up for itself throughout this movie. Talk about unattended. It's like eight kids in the costume. contest. It's really sad. Maybe eight. There's a lame Ninja Turtle walk around. Oh, I didn't see

that. This older guy and a legit Are you serious? They should be sued. They should be. Man, Ninja Turtle costumes in the 90s were wretched. Anyone here dressed as a ninja turtle as a kid? Oh, guaranteed. It's a bad costume. Every day

in my life. I literally dressed as a ninja turtle last year for Halloween. Do you have a big plastic shell? No, it was really lazy. You get a t-shirt that's got the turtle front and the turtle back and then a bandana and then I went to a bar so wait did you not have like the really cheap one

I mean I had the cheapest one I mean the one that was this plastic yeah it had the plastic back and like no no no no like there was one that was literally just like a plastic sheet final sheet that you put on with the design it was just a green garbage bag wasn't green it was like white and then the design was there

oh that's terrible yeah that's like your mother bought you a hefty bag dude she did it was a hefty bag that happened to have ninja turtles on it dad now you're a ninja turtle happy Halloween it was a small zipper and no it was a piece of shit you put a pillow on your shirt and it makes a shell bump yeah that's how you save some money that I bother at that point dude frugal Halloween costumes I'm sorry just don't go out effort or bust yeah I could have a pillow in his back has cheap Halloween costumes.

We're atprisonplanet.tv.com now. Cheap Halloween costumes. Dot prisonplanet.org. I might just be Alex Jones for Halloween. You got to take your shirt off, though. Better get eating. You got to rent a horse, man. Yeah, definitely.

They'd probably kill it, too. Oh, he ate that horse. Don't worry about it. Malevolatility. We ground up that horse into a penis pill and I'll make you harder than a rock. I'm telling you. I'm telling you, a prison planet.

You know, I was disappointed in the Dunkin' Donuts franchise. They're featured in this movie. They're pretty prominently at one point. They go to like the sheriff's, like the police station or something. And it's like everything is nothing. Like these sets are nothing. And then it's like, Duncan Donuts. Like there's a box of donuts, but it's like on the top of a filing cabinet in the back of the room.

And I'm like, Ernest says it in his van too. Oh, does he? Oh, I didn't notice that one. But it's like nobody's putting. Duncan Donuts doesn't take a backseat to anything Duncan Donuts is fucking front and center

on a desk somewhere just saying it's stupid of them See now if you sponsor We hit movies It'd be front and sound Front and center I would be talking about

Dunkin' Donuts non-stop Oh we would run on it So the troll breaks up this party And Ernest is fighting the troll Right At this point The troll

Yeah see Ernest See cha cha cha cha cha I'm gonna get your kids And your little dog too The dog gets turned into a wood doll at this point, which is actually pretty heartbreaking. Which is the greatest tragedy. I will admit to be, uh, being a little bit bummed out when this happened.

I was like, oh, no, rim jobs a doll. Although first, the dog did a great job driving a truck at one point and did hit the troll with the car going in like reverse like this car, this, excuse me, car, this dog is doing tricks I couldn't do. Dude. Grade A. Tunes is the driving dog. Dude, I was like, this dog is driving for way too long. Like, it was so accurate this driving. Pinpoint accuracy.

Well, where is the goddamn pedals? How is he hit them? He's a Jack Russell Terrier. Now, you got to explain this. Is there a full moon which in the dog morphs into Ryan O'Neill? He's doing all these trick driving. And now Bruce Dern's chasing him. Oh, yeah, dude.

Oh, you know what? Thank God Bruce Dern never had to be in an earnest movie. Oh, my God. He would be great in one, though. But times... But it's nice to know that times were never that. that Bruce Duren needed to sign on to an earnest movie. Now, Ernest, you better get these cans

out of my yard. I don't want any bullshit. Hey, Ernest, you know, I fucking break up this recycling for a goddamn reason, you fucking moron. I take the time every Sunday. What do you do for the community? Hey, Ernest, why don't you take a break

from mulling my lawn and come in here and smuck some weed with me, man? Do you know how to chill out? Hey, Ernest, can you chill the fucking out for a second. You're killing my eye. You're hanging out with all these kids. You've got to hang out with a 60-year-old man with a good supply of weed. We'll put a

record on. Watch the King of Marvin Gardens. Dude. Watch his own movies. Yeah, and that's awesome. I would love to do that. I wish there was... Chill out with Bruce Derns, smoke a J, and watch his old movies. Or any old man,

really. That could be a radio. You want to hang? I'll get you an old man. Please, give me an old man. And I've got King of Marvin Garvins on Blu-ray. So, you want to go on OK Geezer and you can find one. Oh, man. Shit, dude. This is, it's the most important scene of the movie because this is like the moment of truth.

This is where the town is like, holy shit. That fucking idiot garbage man was telling the truth. I fucking told you that garbage man had a good head on his shoulders, man. That garbage man's got some good ideas, man. Tell me how to roll a godfather joint. fucking great holy shit that stupid

son of a rich can suck that it's not weed but that's fine fucking okaygeaser dot com

okaygeaser.com you swipe all over than a circle like a crazy person doesn't know what they're doing I think it happens yeah there's a trick to that chair

the trick Bring it to me Oh my god Holy macro I think I think it's busted Did you fucking bring that chair? This chair was a piece of shit

Eric can attest to it was It was it was an IKEA chair That's like 10 years old It's still really funny though It's pretty much busted I think at this point I just looked over And I couldn't believe

You were still sitting on it Okay Oh, nice. Oh, wow. Okay. That chair lives to see another day. Maybe with all the funds we have. Maybe we'll buy some chairs. Yeah, a chair or two. Oh, Lord. Where were we? So now it's like everybody believes earnest and it's like, we got to fucking get that troll. The troll gets one last kid. The Murdoch, cha, cha, cha. The Murdoch. He gets one of the Murdoch.

He gets one of the Murdoch boys. See? He got him back in my play. See, I got him turn him into a little troll dog. I'm into my doll You're going to make them touch wood These kids figure out the deal That milk will destroy the trolls And then like Jim Varney's covered in fucking ice cream And the troll won't like eat him

Whatever the fuck the troll's gonna do To an adult I don't get it It awakens my least favorite trope in all movies Jim Varney Bukaki video simulation Jay, I don't want any of that adult heavy cream. One of my least favorite tropes is Awesome Kid, who's just graded everything and it's just like fucking figures it all out.

It's high-fiving everybody. I was like, oh, look, it's awesome, kiddie. Save the Day, yay. This is Kenny. Yeah, Kenny. Yeah, yeah. And, I mean, like, McCulley Culligan veers that way with Kevin McAllister a little bit. Oh, sure.

But not all the way. He doesn't go all the way, Awesome, Kid. No, Kevin McAllister's, like, in some peril at some point. It's not exactly easy street. He's put in his place a couple times. He's a flawed character too. Yes. He's a complex character. Yes.

But this candy man, he figures it out. They go and rob a convenience store. That's kind of hilarious. They get a super soaker filled with milk and he's like, oh, how awesome is this? He's on his bicycle. I wanted to punch him. Hey, speaking of Dennis Miller, by the way,

I think they stole that shit for fucking Bordello of Blood. Oh, shit. Super Soaker's filled with Holy Water. Wasn't that in that movie? Yeah. Oh, shit. somebody do some research about this In the 1990s listeners And especially younger listeners

That didn't live through it like we have You walked on the street In the 90s you trip over a Super Soker Oh yeah Of all kinds Nerf guns ever present Ever present There was always the one kid in the neighborhood

Who was like a little too obsessed With the Super Soaker situation Like that motherfucker that had like The backpack extension things And it always leaked They're all garbage Yeah, that kid would piss all over the place It's just plastic

Garbage Yeah So your parents are paying $30 for So Ernest turns into like Ash from the Evil Dead He's like by the way The troll raises a bunch of troll army There's like 12 different trolls All little fucking little Brussels

Sprout egg shits Yeah Drop into the ground and become other trolls That get like birthed That are fully grown These trolls like this troll army is disgusting because they're birthed kind of like gremlins too. And it's

like all different kinds of little trolls. Gross faces. They're all growth. They're all wet. They look, some of them look like the killer clowns from outer space because it's by the same production team, the Chiodo brothers. Oh, really? Yeah. Right. Thank God we hired those guys back.

Get them back here. That's before they were run out of town. They did this. They did killer clowns then this. They get the fuck out of here. Get out of movie town. That's actually what killer Clowns has over this movie... Everything? No, most things, I guess.

But Dean Wormer from Animal House is in Killer Clowns. Get Dean Wormer in this movie, possibly reviving... He would not put up with Ernest, that's for sure. No, you needed the fucking authoritarian, you know, hard fist of Dean Wormerner. Now, Ernest, you get away from those kids, God damn it? Yeah, exactly right. Because, see, that's the thing. It's like, you have him in that movie that, he says it like that.

Ernest has no choice. he has to get away from those kids. Movies over with. But like that sheriff, man, he can't give an order to save his life. Well, that's the thing that happens to the sheriff. The sheriff gets handcuffed to his own car. What an idiot.

One of the trolls. He gets eaten by trolls. Gets, eats his bullets. And the other ones. And he's almost getting shot in the face at his little kid with a little superstar grass to save his life. Actually, during this troll fucking mayhem, that's happening.

Eric's favorite part of this movie is there's definitely a shot of two trolls nailing a clown to a tree upside down. They're crucifying him. That is fucking bone-chilling. Why not? And to get back on the creepy clown thing,

they're just like teenagers in dumb outfits. Yeah, this is clearly because you don't have any clown phobia. Oh, yeah, no. But clowns, dude, are inherently terrifying. Yeah. To some people.

Yeah, they're terrified. To some people. So it's good. to see them get nailed up onto the troll tree. That was a vitriolic for some people. See here, I'm going to nail these clowns up, yeah. It was a little bit of catharsis.

So, a bunch of milk kills a bunch of trolls. Ernest is like Ash versus Evil to Dead, like hitting these trolls with baseball bats, which is weird. It's pretty great, but again, this isn't a kid's movie. He's like fucking Robert De Niroing these trolls, just beating

them to death. And that the trolls are ascending up the treehouse and like it's Ernest and Tommy and then Ernest yet again channels all these gross characters. Which is weird and the characters are now doing the fighting? I don't get it and then like at the end of it Tommy

or Kenny is like you're a great bunch of guys Ernest and it's like what the fuck just happened? It's Halloween so I guess it's like that's the part I was talking about. You know it's Halloween. Everybody's entitled to one broad joke. That goes for our show

On the 21st Yeah And I don't know So like they sort of They defeat everybody Then like What's his name? Jimmy Tommy

Kenny He's turned into a doll Because the troll turns into a super The main troll turns into a super troll It's a super shredder situation And fucking hello You hoo somebody saw Ninja Turtles too The year before

His ears grow Which is weird He grows tentacles. They're genuine tentacles. I thought it was going to be horns. And I'm like, oh, my God, this is a horny troll. Yeah, see, I'm horny. I don't understand how anybody was like, yeah, this is exactly the age group that can take this wiggling, fucking disgusting, wet troll thing.

All right? So you're going to glue all these dildos to this troll mask, right? And just hit it. So it wobbles. See, I'm growing cocks now. Yeah. Jimmy the rant here. It's very much like the, uh, the, uh, the, the, the troll.

in the thing, like the tentacles Yeah, it's disgusting. It's really gross. Or like when Bealju shows his other face and you can't see it. Oh yeah. Yeah. Probably a lot of dicks on the front of that too. Yes, I would have thought so. And he says that milk no longer

affects him because sure, why not? What the hell? You know what? I don't know. I don't know troll lore. Yeah, this is when Ernest is testing the audience's patience because it's like, you know what, guys? I thought we knew how to fix the trolls. Let's not figure anything else. This is a super long 92 minutes.

And so Ernest... I was just going to say, folks, that the secret to destroying the Supertrol is to make out with it. Kissing goblins. Yes. It turns out. It works. Make it out with a goblin. Because, yeah, Ernest is like...

Are the kids like, oh, they unconditional love? And he's like, oh, I guess that means I got a tongue kiss this thing. It's disgusting. I guess that means I have to like sound of music twirl with the troll. Well, he's also, he's hugging goblins, dancing with goblins, kissing goblins.

But there's this funny part where, like, it's before it, he's like, unconditional love. And then he looks around and everyone was like, kill that troll. Yeah. And I'm like, as if that's like the wrong response, I guess. Yeah, it's like a cut from Braveheart, by the way.

It's like, through the fires. Do it. No, Steve's right. Fuck that. This thing should be decadent. You want to know how to kill troll fucking Decaptain? Why don't try that? Bludging it to death, I would.

A saw to its neck? Just like they did to William Wallace. Yeah. Drawn quarter it. Send that head to the queen. Totally. The queen's getting a lot of mail these days. Including trollhead.

Oh, another troll head. Fabulous. She was the first person to ever get mail. Probably, right? Probably correct. I'm not a peasant sending mail another peasant. That's fair. Oh, that's true. Yeah. There's peasants

mailing the queen saying hey, help us stop being peasants. Well, no one delivers those messages, but the important ones, I assume, the military takes care of. Yeah. So this troll gets kissed on the lips

and then dies. And it's, when Jim Varney's got like boogers on his lips, it's disgusting. It's so gross. And when this troll dies by the It turns into a bunch of cartoon ghosts And then those cartoon ghosts dissipate And right before it goes off screen

You have yourself a high-pitched fart noise Because that's what you want To end this terror It's a nice little squeaker That's a little ADR like How do we make the scene more dramatic She has little ghosts See got some unfinished business

Don't we get like a rain of chunks as well? Does it explode? No, I don't think so. Just in my living room I thought Because I was puking Why you were vomiting Eric's disgusting rain of chunks So all these kids

Come back and including like these kids From the Dust Bowl Dude it's crazy Because Eartha Kit Throughout this movie She's been carrying these other wooden dolls of kids And you're like Where'd you get those from garage sale

And she's like All these kids Yeah they're dressed like They're in a fucking John Updike novel like run out and they're just like oh hey earth a kid and she's like oh this is my brother and sister and they're like how did you

get so old and she's like I have so much to tell you and you're like ew so I guess she's like immortal or something a little bit well I don't think that these are kids from the same era as the beginning of the movie

you think Ernest's father unleashed the troll at one point I think there's an untold piece of world family history. Oh, man, that's what they need to do. It's like, that's how you reboot it, you know? Yeah. It's like you're doing it, you're doing a story. You can, you know, maybe make it another

timeline like the Star Trek movies. You know, there's a property that needs to be rebooted. It's Ernest, scared, stupid. I'm actually surprised that nobody's tried to, like, Ashton Quitcher could do. Oh, yeah, he'd be great at it. And now you get the, this troll with all the little ghosts, the

unfinished business, he finds a wormhole. goes back in time, and then he confronts Ernest's father. Uh-huh. And that's how Eartha Kitt's siblings get taken. And that closes the loop, you know? Oh, that's good. Let me answer those questions. There's Christopher Nolan's.

Yes. You do great at an earnest movie, you know? That's another instance of you just fold that piece of paper and stick a pencil through it. Exactly. Fix the fucking earnest timeline. My Ernest movie will work like a clock. it's a fine well-oiled machine and make that fart noise a little squeakier

yes that's correct no he's actually he's going out recording actual farts oh yeah that's that's good that's what it is yeah I don't know Eartha kid just adopts these four dust bowl kids and Ernest has saved the day and that's pretty much

well actually the most the heartbreaking thing is Ernest thinks that Rimshot is dead oh that's a tough scene because all the kids come back And Ernest is, like, crying, and Earth the kids, like, what's wrong, Batman? And he's like, Rimshot didn't come back. No, the worst thing is, there's nothing in that tree for me.

Oh, that's what it is. Oh, God. Because no little kid came out of it. That's a good point, because he knows damn well he put that fucking dog doll in the car because it is on the dashboard of his truck. And then the dog comes out, like, I'm fine. The movie can end. But, like, Ernest is, like, crying.

Like, Jim Farney's got fucking teeth. He got there, man. Well, it's really, it's something pretty questionable, I think, when he takes Rimjob and he, and he's like, Rimjobs licking his face and they dip out of camera and Eartha Kit is just stuck there. Yep. And she like looks down and then looks at the camera like, that's pretty not good. I mean, that's, the note I made is she is thinking, yeah, he's, doing stuff to that dog, but what

are you going to do? Credits Role. Don't we owe him this? Why hasn't anyone called cut? Exactly. That's her looking at Don Cherry, like, please cut. Please cut away from this. Wrap this up. It's John Cherry. Oh, John Cherry.

Who's Don Cherry? Who's that? Oh, he's probably directed pornography. Jazz musician. Don Cherry? I do believe so, yes. Does he live in your building? No. He's an old man your schmucking weed with Hey Chris, want to come over and watch more

Ernest movies with me? Fuck, that sounds good. That sounds so awesome. That sounds so awesome. That sounds good. Would anybody recommend Ernest Scared Stupid? No, no. No, no, no. Right?

Well, Chris Kavan would. I have to. Wow, okay. I gave so much, so much of my time to this stupid piece of shit. You're obligated. you did 51 times now probably yeah i actually have loved because i watch it twice uh so wait wait for this you watch for this i watch it think about all the sand and the hourglass

it does it does make you think about it and it is it's a terrifying picture um so for that i say absolutely don't but just from experience i have to say yes sure okay um shit how do you follow that I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll get off of my, my soapbox. No, I'm debating now. Like, I feel like it's a no, but with a maybe. With a loose maybe, yeah. Yeah, you know, if you're, if you're listening and you're, you happen to be a 12 year old, and I know they're out there, which is abhorrent. But yeah, maybe this is for you. I just, I can't. I can't. I can't in good conscience. Tell someone to watch a fucking earnest movie. I just can't do it.

Not even the good one. Yeah, you know, that's a good point. Goes to jail. There you go. I rated this movie one star on letterboxed, and somebody was like, I can't believe one star for this Halloween classic. And I was like, this is the internet. So I don't know if you're being sarcastic, but it's a good chance you're not. I'm absolutely certain they aren't.

That's a real problem. That's a real problem. I will, I watch this movie 50 times and I know for a fact, it's a piece of shit. Chris Cabin. And nobody should have any. nostalgia for this. What is a better film? This or Spaced Invaders? Oh, that's a very, that's a spiritual cousin. I actually prefer spaced invaders. I think I do too. I don't know

what you're talking about. That's a stay tuned. You got to see that movie. It's about aliens that come to a small shooting town like this. Kind of dresses up like Tom Cruise and Top Gun. Yeah, and he talks like Jack Nicholson. Yeah, it's really bad. Oh, they're like funny little alien. They're trying to get like a Ninja Turtle type of thing going. Oh, really? you've got to see this movie. Are you fucking kidding me? I don't think anyone's in it.

I don't know. Somebody's playing the father, but I forget. But this is actually worth, it's like Ernest. Bruce Dern is in it. Done well. Did the makeup team from killer clowns from outer space do the aliens? Honestly, the aliens look pretty good. Yeah.

They're little green men. As your standard alien. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. Bigger heads. Yeah. Sort of like little green men mixed with.

the ID4 Oh shit Wait so Kevin Are you saying That this is the best Ernest movie Um Bight your tongue

No I don't think so Good I don't think there is I mean I guess If I was gonna say The most tolerable The most tolerable

Is going to jail We'll put up Just because you get to see him behind bars for one Where he fucking belong I mean that's like really Let's let's put up a Twitter poll On at WHM podcast

with all the movies and you guys can vote what is the best I think you can only do so many those so we should probably stick to theatrical I think that's only like four or five can I just for my sake

can you say none at all can that be one of them no no no you can reply back and be sassy or no fuck you you can say all okay no pick one

that's Ernest scared stupid directed by John R. Cherry the third if you want more we hit movies check out WHA podcast.com or find us over at Sideshownetwork.tv. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter and

right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. Hey, if you're listening to this, the week it comes out. Be sure to check us out this Friday at the Jacob Burns Film Center riffing over Death Spa. I can't wait. You guys haven't seen it yet. Steve has. It's fucking crazy. It's great. It's going to be a lot of fun.

Burnsfilmcenter.org for tickets. Next week, the Halloween Sputacular comes to a close. We got one more. And it's It's starring two Academy Award winners. Jim Varney and... It's Matthew McConaway. McConawha.

Oh, so the Lincoln commercial guy. Yeah, him. You know him. And then the Wild Turkey commercial guy as well. Yes, that's right. And Bridget Jones baby herself, Renee Zell Wedger. Oh, wow. Weger.

Renée Zellweger. Wager. Weger. It's Texas Chainsaw Mass. The next generation, new generation, whoever the hell it's called. Speaking of the next generation on our Patreon page. That's right.

We got a new episode of the Nexus that's out. The Nexus is indeed out. You also might notice that this episode sounded better than other episodes. That's because we bought brand new gear because of all the generous people on the Patreon. And that's how we give back to you guys. Better sound and quality. There you go. Lesser comedy.

Well, we did kick off. We broke the champagne bottle over the boat by talking about fucking Ernest, scared, stupid. And if you're a new listener, the nexus is a Star Trek podcast that's exclusive to our Patreon page. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. Yeah. And for those wondering, by the way,

we did create the RSS thing so you can put it into your podcatchers and whatever the else you used to listen to stuff. So you should have already had that. You could get it on the go. That's right. You don't have to worry about listening to it at your computer. Getting in trouble at work. Oh, I've been there. Getting in trouble at work?

Oh, I've been there. So next week, we finally see what Leather Face's bathroom looks like. That's right. Texas Chainsawmasker. The next generation, new generation. I can't remember what it's called. It's the one with Renee Zelleweger. It's fucking terrible. Until next week, I'm Andrew Jupin.

Chris Cabin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siska. Take it easy. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's a title of one good scare. Sometimes, that is better. Zombies are entered the building.

They're at the door. They're coming in! It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicterman. They're coming to get you, Barbara. I'm sick for fucks you've seen one too many movies. Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies? Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative.

What's the fucking woman in the bad? That's an excellent day for an exited.