We Hate Movies - S7 Ep271: Episode 271 - Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation

Episode Date: October 25, 2016

On this week's episode, the gang concludes their Halloween Spooktacular by heading back into Franchise Town by discussing the insane sequel, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation! What's with the bionic leg McConaughey's sporting here? How many times are we playing that flashbulb drop? And are you kidding with that drive-thru pizza?!? PLUS: Leatherface and the Sawyers need to stop the rich jerks from buying the slaughterhouse and turning it into a country club! Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation stars Renée Zellweger, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Jacks, Toni Perensky, and James Gale as Mr. Rothman; directed by Kim Henkel.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

But on today's program, we're wrapping up the Halloween Sputacular 2016 with Texas Chansaw Massacre, Cullen, The Next Generation. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Zedak. Chris Cabin. Eric Sisko. And we hate movies. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween.

I guess everyone's a title of one good scare. Sometimes. Dead is weather. Zombies have entered the building. We're at the door. They're coming in. It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicter Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara.

He's sick for fucks. He's seen one too many movies. Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos. More creative! What's the fucking motion in the bad! What an excellent day for an exorcism.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network. Thank you for tuning in, as always. Like we said at the top of the program, it's the final week of the Halloween spooktacular. Let's go back through it. Last week was Ernest scared stupid. My Lord in Heaven.

That was terrible. Halloween, colon, the curse of Michael Myers, before that. And then, of course, Pet Cemetery, too. So here we are TCM colon TNG from 1994, directed by Kim Hinkle, co-writer of the original classic, which begs the question, what the fuck happened? What's going on here? Well, it also begs the question was, that was written? It just lets you know Toby Hooper was really the guy you wanted to go talk to.

If you're like, man, how did they make that great movie? Go call Toby Hooper. You don't call Kim Hinkle. He's probably not going to pick up. And if he does pick up, he's just making a little. a lot of shit up on the fly. And actually, proof is in the pudding. Chris Cabin, correct me if I'm wrong on this, you might know.

Did not Toby Hooper direct the second one? Yes, he did. I actually really like this. It's a good movie. You got some fucking class A Dennis Hopper in that movie. And you'd think, you know, okay, you've got some future Oscar winners in this movie with Matthew McConawhaugh and Renee Zellweger. Oh, Lordy, no. They hadn't blossomed quite yet. Although Zellweger's okay in this movie.

I think she's the best part. Yeah, she is definitely the best part. Now, film historians gather here today. I have to ask the question. I read online on the IMDB Tribunos, thumbing through a couple pages on the bus. Sure. And I saw that this was apparently shelved.

For like three years. So they waited until Jerry McGuire came out to put this movie out. Pretty much. Yeah. Crazy. It's like one of these two kids will get really famous. miss someday. Well, no, I think they were like, let's just put this in the garbage with the rest of the mafia's trash. And then they were like, oh, like, oh, I guess we should. Oh, wait, go take that out of that dead guy's hands. That girl just made it really big. Go chisel it

out of cement. I think that's what happened. Oh, that girl, the girl with the funny voice, she said her new movie. Take it out. Well, didn't, didn't they make a point? I think it was the same exact trivia, what said something about how they were trying to sell it on Zell and McConnell I'm sure because he was doing stuff and they were like no we won't do any more movies with Sony if you do that because they owned it Sony owned

the rights oh there was like lawsuits and stuff because basically it was like hey don't ruin my career my god I'm like hey man don't ruin my career over here yeah totally I'll do that for myself for a few years before my macanaissance go ahead put it out put it right out but do not

put my fucking name on the poster you dogs was he not on the poster I don't know. I mean, the poster is, it's like the chains. I remember, because this movie was very much like the VHS rental store box cover situation where you always sort of hovered near it. And it's the big juicy red lips with the chainsaw looking like the lipstick applicator and like the sparks flying and whatnot.

And I always knew what Texas chainsaw mask was. I had an uncle who was like obsessed with that movie. Creepy leather face, huh? Yeah, dude. Unkey leather face, man. Made for some awkward thanksgivings, but at the same time, the turkey was always carved immaculately.

But I don't know if that was turkey. It's a shitty cannibal joke. So this movie, and I'm pretty sure this is a yes around the rum here. We've all seen the original. Yes, probably several times. Okay.

I'm not seen the second or the third one. I agree with you, Stephen. I have not seen the number two or three. Two is some nonsense, some wonderful nonsense. It's wild. It's a good time. Three is Vigo Mortensen and that's all I remember. Although the trailer parodied Excalibur, which is pretty funny, it's like a big fat leather face like standing by a lake and then the chainsaw comes out of the water, you know, and he like gets it in his hand and lightning strikes. That's got to be better than whatever the movie is. Dude, I think leather face in that trailer, was played by Weird Al. And now they rebooted it. They rebooted it not long ago. I've seen all of those.

I've seen all those as well. That franchise was the reason all of those rebuts happened because those were so, that was the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, fuck, the child, the, the, the, the, the, the child, the, the, the, the, the child, the, the, the, the child, the, the, the, the, the child. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All that stuff. Oh, God. Yeah.

And they were all garbage by the way. Okay. Total trash. What I was going to ask. Our. gathered. film historians if it was trash or not. I think some of them

are better than this. Okay. Hold on a second. Now this is probably I mean, we were talking shit about Halloween as a series. Yeah. The Texas Chainsaw franchise never really win anywhere. No. I would say I think it's better

if you, depending whether or not you include the zombie movies. There's zombie movies in this? No. You're talking. about including the Rob Zobbin movies in the Halloween count. If you're counting... Yeah, those are trash. If you count them, I think Halloween's

the better franchise. If you don't count them, I actually think Texas Chainsaw's the better franchise. But those Michael Bay movies are fucking terrible. They are bad. In that first one, he didn't direct him. He produced them. In that first remake, which is, it's basically a straight

remake of the first one. It takes place in the 70s. Is Leatherface like a fucking beef? cake you want to lay down with I mean he is still a big fart in something he's played by Zankeef actually yes he is so I thank you Steve for answer my question

he is a big man you'd like to lay down with a pile drive something that doesn't happen something that doesn't happen in this movie in that remake is a woman produces a gun from her vagina and commit suicide

by blowing her brains out and then the camera goes through the hall in her head via CGI magic because it's Michael Bay. It only goes through that hole. Oh yeah dude. So moving right along. But the funny thing about the franchise as such as it is we do get

an opening scroll read by a hillbilly that's a great point I just sorry to interrupt you Steve but it's not a lot of cat. The first movie classy John Laracette velvety voice he got paid in weed this movie it's a hillbilly which actually Rob

Zambi should have rebooted Texas chainsaw instead of Halloween all fucking hillbilly horror shit he fucking loves hillbillies actually if he wants to do that next instead of fucking doing 31 I'm fine no he already did 31 yeah but he's already done it so much that we've seen

Chris you like that movie no I know nobody likes that movie that's the thing so it's a hillbilly reading it and he's like hey everybody there was a big thing in 19 Or whatever, 1974, 1974 is a big deal. And then two minor incidents have, which is just such a slight at those two movies. It really is taking a dump on it. It's this dude.

It's this, it's this Kim Hinkle being like, well, I didn't have much to do with those. So they can fucking suck a dog's ass. But then magically something cool happened. I also like considering a Texas chainsaw mask or a minor event. You know what I mean? It was a Texas chainsaw masker, but I mean, it wasn't a big one. Well, shit, when you eventually see the movie, man, that second one, there's some epic shit going on. Dennis Hopper fucking sword fights people with chainsaws.

Those were those crisis actors. It was a false flag operation. There was no Texas chainsaw mask. They're trying to outlaw the chainsaws. They want them gone. In 1776 will happen again. The government's coming for our chainsaws. Oh, the founding fathers would be so upset.

Info chainsaws. dot com. I only use my chainsaw for hunting. Dude, hunting with the chainsaw, these guys tried it. I need an AR-19, which is a chainsaw with four blades. That's the only way you're going to cut through that tree.

That is the only way to protect my trees. I use it while flying in a helicopter. A helicopter. Oh, a helicopter with chainsaw blades? I like that idea. Oh, yeah, you could kill a whole lot of deer with that. I know Ui-Bol is listening. And that is exactly what he was.

That's going into Bulls' World War ZZ. I thought the new movie was called ChainCopter. I like that. That's something they could put on the sci-fi channel for $25,000. Some guy from prison break in ChainCopter. Not the guy you liked from Prison Break in ChainCopter. Remember that one guard in ChainCopter? extras from a house in chain

co-starring that villain that was in that one episode of Fringe Also you OS Money Sci-Fi channel When that goes when that goes live When you fuckers inevitably hire the asylum to make it Let us know So I mean yeah He basically says you know But these events are going to happen

You know what's you know He's doing a little bit of rust coal You know what once happened will happen again Time's a flat circle man These chainsaw maskers keep on coming. Dude, you can hear... The spiral that ends in infinity goes into obsidian.

I've been killing teenagers before someone paid me to kill teenagers. You can hear the beer cans crunching in the recording studio of this narration. Owen of Gloverman, who I'm not the biggest fan of, had a really good pithy line about this movie. He's made a career on pithy lines. He said that it's the kind of production

where you had to bring your own beard, is that? No, it sounds like a we hate movies That's actually true So it's prom night And Renee Zellwiger The first shot is her putting on makeup You're like, is this leather face But it's zoom out, it's her

It's her putting on makeup for prom She's got glasses So in 1993 Renee Zell Wigger is hideously ugly Yeah, people call her ugly in this And it's like, what are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah What a real pig movie, thanks

You fucking idiots But it turned out it was just a bat. She's actually pretty. Do not worry about leather face. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for telling them to not worry about a fake person for once.

And they do this stupid fucking scream. Dude, let's talk about that. So the opening moments of that first movie, it's the photographs of all these like corpses and whatnot, the defiled cemetery. Like it's supposed to be the flashballs and whatever's going on. That thing, it's like someone. hitting the drop button on a shitty morning drive radio.

Toilet fly. It's a mother taking pictures with an Olympus. It is ridiculous. They are overdoing it, man. It's like leather face. It's like his cue. He's like, hi, everybody. Conan O'Brien stands up.

He's like, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, leather face. I would just love it if. after Renee Zelleg and her leave to go to prom, you just get a shot of her mother cleaning up the bulbs with a dust pan. The floor is littered

with bulbs. Whistling a jaunty tune. The Hot 97 Halloween special. Wee! Wee! Wee! DJ Green Lantern. So it's prom.

We're taking some pictures. And it's so annoying because there's no introduction to these characters. It's just like, here's a babe. She's putting on, lipstick she immediately takes it off

and you're like okay does she come from a sort of like more conservative family we don't have time for that we're taking pictures and getting the fuck out the door yeah we only have this parking lot for a couple of days which is what prom accounts for so we don't even get into the gymnasium

it's the hallway in front and then out to the parking lot we actually already started the cast party about halfway up the parking lot We don't use so much of it. I think they got caught filming in the hallway. Like the janitor called the cops.

Like, that film crew's in here. They're only supposed to be in the parking lot. And there's all these little bad blues everywhere. All right, calm down, Freddie. Hey, people are drinking my paycheck, man. So we're introduced to her, her boyfriend, which is a fella named Sean, I think. With the world's greatest mushroom haircut. Oh, it's where you want to be.

That is a blooming mustache. It takes me back, man. The good old days. I'm surprised that dude wasn't wearing a windbreaker jumpson. I ever tell anybody that I was sent home from Catholic school? For having a mushroom haircut? For having a mushroom haircut. Oh, my God.

The devil got him in you. What fucking commandment were you breaking with that? It was just too extreme, man, because I got like a, it was like zero on the side. Oh, shit. So it was too phallic. Mother Superior, we have a problem. Stephen Sadek in Classroom 13 Looks like he's got a dick on his head

He's got one of those ejaculets His science His science teacher has been hard as a rock All quarter All the brothers were following you around Is that what they call them? There are brothers But you get some Franciscans

In there Some Jesuits following you around Well now wait a second though Did they send you home They send you to the barbershop They don't have dominion over the barbershop They send me home to go to the barbershop Or here's the town charter.

Now you have to cut this kid's hair. Or your mother's fucking scissors. Dude, I grew up Catholic. We got some stupid rules. Who knows? You go to Anthony's afterwards. You get the haircut. Did you go back to school the same day?

The next day. So it's kind of a win in my department. I had to get a really bad haircut, though. I mean, I already had a really bad haircut. Well, that's a great question, though. How'd they fix it? High and tight? Yeah, I got really, really short.

Oh, Jesus. You had to walk around and listen to the Isley brothers. it's like you were in your own flashback or the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack Ooh yeah So this kid's got a mushroom And he didn't I mean I guess he's like

It's like fuck it It's probably gonna get the worst mushroom Anyone can have They can send me home now Yeah what are they gonna do Years over it's prom Fuck you Come on

Fuck you home on Gonna let loose And then so then we're introduced To the other couple Which is a First the woman Heather And Barry Bear the bearster

We don't meet Barry really. First, it's Heather and this weird person... What is going on with this character? What is going on with the crazy woman? I don't know if she's supposed to be drunk

or like socially inept. Oh, yeah. I forgot about her. She's got like the DTs. I got no idea what's going on. She's like, don't believe them. She's not real. What are you talking about?

We should mention this up front. What you are able to watch of this movie is a studio chop job. Yeah. So there's reason for why none of this makes sense. This movie does not make sense. Is there like, I mean, like, the cut that I had is the cut, I mean, I feel like it's the cut we all watch, but I'm curious, are there like other cuts that exist? Is there a good

one out there? What? How long was everybody's cuts? I don't think there was a good one out there. No, I don't think so. He means, I mean, yeah, a different one. Right, there was apparently a different one in, what, 94 when they put it to festivals and it was just called the return of Texas chance on that? Yes, but then I think. that like went back in the vault and when it was released in 96 I think that's just what it is

I've never heard about another cut of this movie they buried somebody alive with all the nitrate prints a fucking that's how the mafia got rid of the original cut and the original cut of greed it was the same

truck taking it to the day we can't sell this shit let's bury him alive von Stroheim missed a payment So we're going to get the prostitutes into the river And then we're going to take this fucking cut of Texas Chainsaw the next generation And put it in the Staten Island dump We're going to find it up

So I mean to answer your question I don't know but I don't think so I've never heard of mine was 86 Yeah me too So we all got the same cut So to answer our question then This woman makes no sense We don't know what the deal is

It's like a lynchian touch She's just saying nonsense But she's like scratching her arms and the contorting her body, makes no sense. Unless there's a whole witch angle coming up, it makes no sense. Yeah, Leatherface v. A Witch, Coven. Just throw it in there.

Coven. Covem is a better movie, by the way. Coven is a better movie. Mark Horschard's 41-minute movie. He is actually correct. Yes, it's a better movie. At least Coven had some surge in it. Now, in these sequels and reboots,

does Leatherface actually go up against other things? because that's an interesting idea of him fighting some witches or getting involved in a magic. It's all just people. A lot of beefcakes. It's just like teens and beef cakes. A lot of cars breaking down.

The second one, he goes after this radio DJ named Slim played by, I don't remember the woman's name. Yeah, me, yeah. But he like invades this radio station, which is kind of cool. Oh, yeah, I thought you were talking about

the Michael Bay ones. Oh, no, but those all of them. I kind of want, just kind of formulate in here is a leather face snobs versus slabs comedy. Like, they're going to take his dad's land and like, you know, you turn into a parking lot or something and we got to save the slaughterhouse. Buy the slaughterhouse. Hey, I think I'll come in here and pick up this place.

Turn it into a nice hotel. Like a home resurrection show. Hey, real nice face. Oh, well, it looks good on you, though. Yeah, and like, you know, there's a bunch of challenges and whatever else. Leatherface has to put on a talent show A boobtastic talent show Oh absolutely dude there's water skiing involved

It's like your water skiing and juggling chainsaws He has to learn how to actually cut straight An actual piece of wood Or oh dude ice sculptures That's what he finds himself at the end Like Kenny and don't tell mom the babysitter's dead I'm really good at this I think that's his shine

Oh man I'd love it And then like then you get the snobs And it's just like, Muffy, look at that white trash leather face and his gross cannibal family. But Sienna Miller really believes in him. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, did they make out?

And he leaves the mask on? He beats Jeremy Van Patten, the rich kid in the yachting competition. Of course. No, but of course. But there was some foul play because they did find a chainsaw blade in Jeremy's boat. But it was hidden.

It was hidden. It's an innocent. an 80s summer boob comedy but he's still slightly killing people. That would be great. The biggest difference in all the sequels is like the members of the family just arbitrarily change

for no reason. Just like in this one, like Matthew McConaughey McConawha and there's another fellow who might be... He might be like a cousin or something but like you know they're not like replaying

It's not like recasting the same people. No, the second one has the same cast. I think everything else. The one guy, like the oldest brother is the same dude. The father is the same guy. Obviously not the one guy that gets killed at the end of the movie. He doesn't return. No, of course.

Anyway, so yeah, it's a prom. We're having a great time. Barry's making out with another girl. Yeah, Barry's making out with the girl. So Heather decides to get in the car. She's like, fuck you, Barry. were leaving. Barry's like, come on, babe, what are you doing? And for some reason, and we're not even sure what they're doing. But Renee Zellweger and her boyfriend are in the back, either fooling around. There's an illusion that they might have been smoking weed. You don't see anything. No. They just, it's so, it's like a, it's a Muppet show. They pop up like, hi. Little rascals kind of thing. Like they're driving down the road. Heather's driving this car. Barry's shotgun. Down to Fraggo Rock. Yeah, they're going to Fraggle Rock. And he's like, oh, come on. You know, I can't even see my friends. And she's like, you were me. He's making out with Tiffany.

And he's like, no, you're such a fucking bitch, Heather. You know, and you're just like, well, I know for a fact that Leatherface is going to be killing these two, so that's going to be cathartic in 25 minutes. There's a weird thing where, like, Barry's line is like, I have to, like, orgasm or else I'm going to get prostate cancer. Yeah, you got to come, dude. That is true. And he's got a whole story. His dad is a doctor, I guess, is not true. I'm imagining

Later on he says his dad's a lawyer too So I don't know I don't know how I got these scars I don't know what my dad did for a living It changes every time Yeah it's multiple choice for Barry and the Joker But so like he's going through this bullshit And then yeah like a Muppet show gag

Renee like pops up And she's like that's not true you know And I'm like where the fuck did you come from Also It appears as if they're not friends with these people Yeah. Why are you in this car? He's like, you're probably in this car smoking pot, aren't you? You're smoking pot, you pot smokers.

Heather and Jenny are friends, yes? They're friendly, it seems. Yeah, they seem friendly. She at least tries to save her later. No, that's true. Well, that's, you know what, Eric, that turns out it's just basic humanity. Oh, wait, what is that? She also seems quite broken up when this part of me, dead meat gets dead meated.

Sean? Yeah, Sean. Because nobody's shed in a tear when Barry dies. No, Heather. Oh, Heather? Yeah. Barry, I feel like, was, like, written for a 1993 Ben Affleck, like, in the mall rats mode. Yes, that's exactly.

He's like a big, beefy dude. Shops at the casual mail. Yeah, whatever that fictional story is in Ballrats. He just seems like that dude. Like, it's just, it's that guy. But it's just such an instant piece of shit character. Sure. And it's not, I mean, I don't know.

say what you want about the people in this first movie which this movie is just like aping entirely but like the people in those movie

that movie you're not like boy I wish they were all dead yeah you know some of them you're like oh they're a little hippy dipity

you know Saturn's in retrograde whatever it's also scary like yeah there's also that yeah this movie has none of that

I saw a thing on the internet that referred to this movie as a horror comedy and I was like that's fucking unfortunate are you

out of your mind. I mean, it is trying to be funny. Yes. And it's a big mistake. Yeah. But yeah, it fails at comedy.

Yes. It fails at horror. It does as well. It fails at being a movie. It does as well that too. You can't see anything. Fickly brown. Yeah.

It's disgusting. So they're driving down. It's like, remember you now my cousin Vinny when they're like looking through that guy's windshield and he's like, how could you see what happened across the street through these fucking shutters? And he's like,

well, I live my whole life and I can see. No. through this brown shit and that gray shit and that you saw my client get into that car whatever the fuck goes on It's when he becomes a real lawyer

Yes and everyone's like I want him And what's all this? Yeah I did not know Colombo was in that movie I thought that was kind of an accurate Cousin Vinnie

All right it was all right It was just okay It was better than I could do It was a B minus Joe Pesci Which I'm fine with So they're driving They get into a car accident on a road.

Which is another inexplicable some dude who's not a part of this fucked up cannibal family, just T-bones. And I kind of

expected later on you'd be like oh, that guy was their victim He's a plant or something. There was something maybe he was in the middle of another movie

and it came through and like, oh no. Oh shit, he was in a wrong turn prequel. Or the hitcher. Yeah, no, he's fucking driving away from Rucker Howard

and he crashed into leather face. We're talking about the first car crash. Oh, no, the second one actually. The first one is just to allow Barry to keep on

fucking whining. Yeah, he sucks. To whine about this his dad's car. Oh, yeah. Oh, now I'm dead. Now I'm dead. Oh, now I'm dead. No, no, no, no. You will be dead soon enough and I can't fucking wait. I'm licking my lips for you to die. So

this guy licking my lips for you to die. Dude, there's like a cartoon wolf. Like fucking slaughter this lamb. Like the mask. Like the mask himself. I kept yelling, Auga. Sorry, Steve, what are he saying? But so this guy is, like, wounded, and they're like,

oh, we can't leave this guy here, and plus the car won't start, obviously. Sure. So we got to go up the road and find out what's going on. And Sean is René Zelliger's boyfriend stays behind. René Zellwiger, Barry, and Heather go to find help. And that's most of the movie. Yeah. This should be called Texas Chainsaw Massacre Colin Walking Around Looking for Shit.

Do you got the time? Texas Chainsaw Massacre. That's just life in Texas, man. Yeah. You watch it go by. Like a Richard Link Later movie, man. The way that the first one is structured, it's like, you know, the van, we're at the house, the vans. Well, there's that hitchhiker that sets the tone.

Correct. It's really creeped out initially because there's a creepy hitchhiker telling people a lot of crazy stuff. He cuts himself. You're like, this is unsettling. Yeah. He fucking lights that Polaroid on fire. It's all just the creepiest shit You've ever seen in your life

Used to be better with the hammer But like, you know I just This movie is nothing It's a nothing movie What is this woman's business Is she a travel agent? She's a real estate agent

Okay, she's got a desk and Right, so we make our way To, you know, civilization And it's Darla or something I think it's Darla We can go and she Yeah, what the hell Let's just call her that

Sure And I guess her boyfriend Is Matthew McConaughey? Yes. Doing pretty good. And she's the one that's going to sell the slaughterhouse to the preppy. Yeah, dude, they're going to make it a ski resort. In Texas? You'll see.

Oh, man, Ted Knight dressing down leather face. I would love it. God. You call him a sloth. You call this a ham sandwich? What is wrong with your face? Hand me the nine iron. It has him a chainsaw.

Oh, man, Leatherface, the inept caddy? Yeah. Perfect. Like, he just assumes he's a caddy because he's disheveled and disgusting. And just throws his bag of golf clubs on him and it's just like, follow me now. I asked for the wedge. That would be awesome. Tell you what, Leatherface, next time, why don't you just eat all the ketchup all over your fucking suit?

And then this Irish girl keeps coming up telling him she got her pregnant. Oh, you fucked up, Leatherface. Oh, Leatherface, you got me daughter pregnant. And Brian Doyle Murray's like, are you going to be working here next summer, kid? Come on. Yeah, that's what it sounded like when you impregnated me, daughter. I'm all right. Oh, man, if Leatherface was shimmying to that fucking tune, man.

Chevy Chase takes him under his wing. Oh, yeah, you could show him a thing or two, right? You've got to be the saw. Be the saw. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, I wish. Better movie. Holy shit.

But this woman, she's a real estate agent that they say, can we use your phone? She's like, yeah, let me just call my boyfriend. I'll get him out there to fix your car. Her boyfriend is Matthew McGonaghanay. And you just know, I mean, this movie has the stench of the first. one so there's no tension it's like well she's crooked she's in with them it's not that great twist

when Sally finally leaves and it's like she finds that one guy and then there's that whole thing I mean that like the dude you know the dude in that first movie he's putting on the charm he's selling his fucking gross people barbecue helping them out there's that and the other thing

but because it's just pattern sequel slash remake I mean we just we know what the score is here so it's like all right, waiting for Darla to fucking turn. But they didn't even preempt it. Like, that happens once in the first one. That keeps happening here.

Yeah, this preempts it. Because Matthew McConaughey's introduction is kind of the same thing. It's like, here's this like hero tow truck driver. Oh, what's that? He's also a fucking maniac. Well, he turns really quickly, which I at least appreciate. He breaks this dude. He's like, oh, that your friend's dead.

And the guy's like, no, he's not. And then he breaks his name. He's like, dead now, motherfucker. And it's another bullshit. like we just haven't seen anything because also like you you have this movie it's like 86 minutes you could have had an extra 15 to sort of explain some things he's like no he's not dead he was just talking and I'm like was he yeah we didn't see anything you got a hundred minutes buddy that's what you get as a Texas chainsaw this far in 100 minutes max I would but I would

take that extra 14 minutes to clarify some things I would take that to get some kills in here. Like honestly the neck break is really unsatisfactory it just kind of happens and then he like

he's like you better run boy and he like kind of runs him over with his car which is stupid just fucking run

off the road dude yeah he's like Sonic the hedgehog he's going left and right on this path like go into the wood

well he doesn't want to lose those golden rings they also don't want to show us any other type of setting and it's also dark and all the night shots

this looked like hobgoblins That classic MST3K episode And the parent movie Hobgoy Which is a legend film But so this dude just like He kind of like zigzags

Until McConaughey like runs him down And then it's like it's the classic Like if I'm gonna be killed in a horror movie Yeah break my neck run me over with a car That sounds cool I died like most people Especially multiple times though It's the old like back and out

up, then going forward, then back it up again. Dude, if you're going to hit me with a car, and I'm saying that to all our listeners who are thinking about it, I know you are. You will eventually be assassinated by a crazy fan. Well, please let me tell you, I would much, much, much rather listen to you sing the

going back, going to song than this bullshit he's listening to. Oh, he puts in his cassette deck. It sounds like Jill Stein's band. She has a band? Yeah, she had a band in the 90s. Oh, wow, nice. Is it called the never-be presidents?

No, it is not. No, no, it was Sister Hazel. Point you. That's great. Honestly, if you hit me with a car, run me over again. Why not? Because I'd rather not bleed out on the side. I also agree with Eric, though,

because I think actually if I, let's do this really quick, because we've done this a couple times, but where does dying in a Texas chainsaw massacre fit into where you want to die in a slasher franchise it's at the bottom

it's really I would much rather get murdered in my dreams by chatty Freddie obviously Jason's where you want to be just cut my head off yeah both of those guys are cute yeah Mike Myers

he'll just you know he'll like impale you and then like hang you up he'll do a bunch of racist impressions oh oh you meant Michael Myers I'm a little familiar with Michael I think actually yeah Marisha Hartgate is sorry

sorry That was a horror film. They tried to make that a horror comedy, too. It didn't really work out. It's more horrifying and slightly funnier. Hey, everybody, we are going to have a listener request month again, and the thing he just said. Don't encourage people.

We'll be doing the old luck of the draw again. I'll get fucked in the face and have to watch that movie again. But yeah, it's just, I mean, like, you got to go to dinner with these people. You know what I mean? The dinner in mind. is the worst part. It never ends. Social obligations. No, thank you. You're completely right. I'd rather be killed by any of those other freaks.

I think Freddy's the best, though, because, like, you're in bed. You die peacefully in your sleep. Exactly. Like, sure, your bed fucking erupts in a volcano of blood spatter. But you know what? At least he's creative. Sure. At least he does something and not just the same old thing every other day. Oh, totally. I'm watching, I'm like dreaming about watching a rerun of third rock from the song. And he just goes, welcome to prime time fat fuck and, you know, pulls me through the TV. And he eats you like a hero sandwich.

There is something we haven't considered here. And that is the spiritual angle of the ever after. Okay. Because with which franchise? With all of them now. Oh, okay. Because Texas Chainsaw Massacre, while it would be the worst death, I feel like there's definitely no God in this realm. No way.

Probably not. No devil, no nothing. Uh-uh. And you're just lights out for good. Sure. You know, Freddie, what's going on with that? There's got to be something. There's got to be a hell.

There's an ethereal something or other. There's, there's got to be a good part to the negated bad. Right. So, yeah, I mean, I guess it depends on how you lived your life. And actually, I mean, these all guys seem like the agents of Satan. So therefore, I think you go straight to heaven. Well, wait a second. Well, what's worse?

You say you're getting killed by an agent of Satan, so you go to heaven, which is contradictory to what the is it the zodiac or son of Sam who wanted to get I'm glad to be on the other side of whoever but their victims become their slaves in hell is the idea so you don't want to become that's

a negative to me was that what those dogs were telling that guy I don't know which one that might have been the Zodiac sounds more like a Zodiac and he got away with it too man that guy was good he's not slaves in hell right now the thing is at least with Jason chances

are I got to third base. Sure. That is very true. Yeah, you're scoring. Yeah. I think though, the Trump card that we're missing here is a Hellraiser, man. Getting your fucking skin. Oh, no. That is the last. That's the bottom. Also, list of

movies I never need to see in my life again anything Hellraiser. That's the worst franchise. Those sequels are fucking don't shit. It's basically, I know we're going to get shit because people like those movies but you're wrong. It's it's a Lloyd Kaufman type of shit

dressed up to be scared I will say there's one with Lance Henriksen and Henry Cavill about video games It's terrible It's a stay tuned Oh yeah Hellraiser

What like Video game PlayStation Well it's like They go to a convention They turn the cube into a PlayStation No it's like We've made this like

This like Game Cube It's a dark Oh my God That's why that was a failure for Nintendo. I kept sending people to hell. And you could only play as Wario. It's like they're debuting

some sort of like immersive World of Warcraft type. And M-M-O-P-R-R-P-G. This is Rees? No. This is like Henry Cowell took maybe 15 years ago. It's like 9-2002. I didn't know he was around that long. Yeah. He's been around. I didn't know Henry Cavill was in and I watched it maybe like two years ago and just didn't even recognize. But like

it's some, it's, because here's the thing with all of those Hell Razor movies. And we're so far. away from this terrible movie. We'll go back. We swear we'll be back. Nothing happens in it. We're fine. We can take a break and let the movie keep playing. But it's like, it's the thing with the Hellraiser franchise that's, why is the worst one is so many of them

are repurposed scripts from other failed ideas. It's like we had such and such shitty movie. Well, just put some centipites in there. You got yourself a Hellraiser sequel. And they did that so many times, like including this. It's like a fucking Fear.com type thing. You get that box in there. Got yourself

a hellraiser. So I smoke it a weed. with little cenobites. Smoking a wheel with a shenobite. And they were like, I was like, hey, centibite, quit poking me with your dirty needles. I'm just a grass man, baby. I'm just a grass man. I don't want to touch a fucking cube.

I don't want to play your puzzle box. I read comments. I'm just blowing some smoke. I'm just trying to lay out here. So shut up. So I'm smoking a joint with a Rubik's cube. And I think, you got something here. I was like, how do I solve you, Ruby?

And then normal son, I see a white horse. oh yeah oh he saw the white horse baby so Sean is dead yes yeah very very dead Barry and Heather are wind up coming upon the house like I think Jenny who's Reneezel Weger gets separated from Barry and Heather yeah and Heather go to the house and by the way Steve you just said Barry and Heather get to the house you just cut out about 27 to 29 minutes of this movie because there's so much like

flashlight nonsense is the flashlight and like sometimes flashlight like oh is a flashlight gonna work can be good if the movie is like dark and there's an atmosphere and like literally you don't see you know what this movie is dark the sets lit by fucking floodlights all over the place there's no dark she's like oh no the flashlight's not working I'm like you can see everything and it's like it's we we we sort of like volley it's it's a very carefully played tennis match what this movie does oh yes it volleys between does the flashlight work and this guy Barry calling Heather a stupid bitch

No, it's great. I love that conversation because she keeps on saying, I'm a bitch. What do you want for me, Barry? I'm a bitch. I'm sorry, Barry. And you know what?

I'm like my mother. I'm really smart, but sometimes I just like to be a stupid bitch. What is this? The writer is a gentleman, by the way, in case you're wondering. What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, did you chucked that?

Did you give him a physical? That's how you get shamed. shocked watching this movie. You're like, Beh-h-h-eh. I was thinking, there's this weird line that Barry and Heather are just talking. And like, there's this thing it was like, oh man, that Jenny's just

a dog. And Heather's like, no, she looks really good. I saw her in soccer practice. Something, something. She only dresses Doughty because her mother keeps marrying all these men and she tries to keep them away from her. And I'm like, what movie is that in? Can I watch that

movie? That's the fucking first 15 minutes of carry also in that same conversation she put she just blurts out my mother she had to marry because she she wanted a certain kind of life and she had to keep married to the man to get that life and what are we what are you even talking about what are we talking about also hashtag where the fly and fuck is leather face yes yeah like what are we doing leather by the way i just made it a really yeah no one could see it it was you know what motion trust me jealous listener that was funny

leather face is stealth in this fucking movie it's not squealing or nothing he's yelling a bit I thought you meant he was an airplane he was a sentient he was a sentient bomber plane that he like

so Heather and Barry get to the house right Heather sits down Barry goes in the house like an idiot he goes round back he goes around back to go and anybody gets stopped by w e right who's gonna who's demanding he goes into the house so to fool him he goes into the house yes but got him there you know what got that redneck good but out in front on the love seat oh yeah i forgot about that heather is sitting down right this is a looney tunes gag hanging out and leather face tiptoes behind her she doesn't smell corpses blood or shit or nothing which you would get all of you would get a heavy potent smell of plus plus pissing urine or piss and vomit but how full is his diaper is the question but also leatherface is never

silent he's at the very least he's breathing like a fucking motor think about the first time you see leather face in the first movie the dude who hilariously looks like in 1970s david letterman is walking up to that door and the fucking thing swings open it's the close up like low angle kind of like zooms in on them and he goes and drops that sledge hammer down and kills David Letterman and it's great. That was before the top ten list. It was before it was they never made it to Sioux City, Iowa. They never got to the home office in that movie.

But like that's all like what a fucking debut. What a stunning debut. And I guess like they're like, well you know what this is the fourth time they've seen this creature on the screen. He can fucking tiptoe up behind someone on a bench. It's like he might as well have an anvil that he's going to drop over her head. It is a bunch bunny gang. And he's just like, he's like, just getting a whiff of this lady's hair.

That's not what we're doing, man. He starts speaking in a French accent. He paints a white stripe down her back. So Barry inside the house. I mean, like she finds leather face and starts running around, right? Right. Well, he sort of like he gets his big leather face, bear hug on. Well, it's sort of boy, he doesn't.

He does need to smell her hair very badly. He puts her in a sitting cooler. It's like an old freezer. The old freezer. Just like the first movie. Like a meat freezer. You keep in the garage. You know what?

Leatherface, you got to weigh this shit down. She keeps popping it up. And it's like, this is the fourth time I'm seeing you do in this leather face. The first time, you were totally fine with it. So you're slipping. You're slipping in your old age, buddy. You're an award-winning barbecue house. You've won't.

so many awards for your chili. I think Anthony Bourdain ate there. Yes, he did. He said, you gotta go there. I know it's in the middle of nowhere. Speaking of parts unknown. Point Eric again. No, that's more of a

what's Zimmerman's deal. He's going to get some of its fucking testicles in the Lutterface House. Andrew Zimmerman has eaten people. He's just not broadcasting it on nationally. Oh, do you think he's a cannibal? No, but I think like he Like he went somewhere

They were like Here's this dish It's made of bugs He's like that's cool Here's this dish It's a fucking goat brain All right that's cool Here's this

Yeah it's just some like ribs And he eats it And he's like Oh yeah What was that last thing Oh yeah That was just Jerry You know

Oh what's that? Yeah Oh what's that Can I see a dessert menu? Yeah It's like dude You're supposed to be skilled at this You can't keep this

Fucking freezer thing down Eventually he Put a motor on on top of it. Which brings up another point. This house is disgusting. It's worse and worse every time you see it. To the credit of the folks

that live in this house. There are stacks and stacks of newspapers everywhere. Classic hoarders. We know they read. That's true. They're reading the paper. They're up on current events.

It's not just to soak up urine. You know, perhaps more than my family did when I was a child. That's true. So I don't know. I mean, they're eccentric. They're eccentric. Learned people.

Smells like absolute garbage shit everywhere. We should. But learned people. We should mention Leatherface's first outfit here because he's got a couple of costumes. It's like the Academy Awards. He's like Paul Abdul hosted the Academy Awards. There's a couple of a costume changed. Paul Abdul, you mean, Whoopi Goldberg?

No, I just meant Paul Abdul didn't make any sense. Well, Whoopi Goldberg famously did that one Oscars broadcast where she changed costumes like 10 times. Even better. Yeah. That's what I thought you were going for. I mean, everyone does it. Yeah. I think I hosted the Academy Awards.

at one point. So the first one, he kind of looks, he looks very much like Mankind. He's got a big curly brown wig. Yep. He's got a flannel shirt on. I think he's wearing brown stretch pants. He's got a sock on his hand. Wee! Yeah, I mean, I think that that mankind owes a bit

to leather face. Yes, I I love McFolly, but yeah, yeah. Thank your local leather face. He puts a car engine on this thing, which is just sitting in this kitchen. And Barry's like, you know what, this house is

absolutely repulsive. Let me go use the bathroom. And finally, after fucking 20 years. Just pissing the hallway. Yeah, honestly. There's newspaper there. That's it. You wouldn't have answered my age old question. What does

Leatherface's bathroom look like? And you know what? Turns out, it's shitty. Yeah, it's not great. I was surprised though there was not a toilet made of human bones. I feel like they could have figured out at least, at least like a toilet seat made out of a pelvis. Sure. I feel like you can sit on that. Maybe that's

an outhouse. Maybe they have an outhouse out there. Why is their indoor plumbing? That's a great question. Well, no, I just assumed there's human turds all over this fucking house. The smell in this house. All over this. Human ones, huh? Yeah, I think they're just fucking shit. To be fair, like most hoarders'

places, houses, they don't, they might not even keep up on the plumbing. Those pipes might be fucking done for. They're just gone. They've been gone since the dustball. It's going in there, yeah. So he goes, takes a piss. Leatherface.

Do we see him flush the toilet? That's a great question. I don't think so. I feel like I just let it go. Or at least you're doing the foot flush. Oh, yeah, foot flush. I do a lot of foot flushes in public restrooms. Oh, yeah, all public restrooms.

You've got to do the foot flush. Yeah. That's just the way life is. It's the law of the land. No, use my nose. Oh, nice. Oh, gross. I use my tongue sometimes.

My forehead. Just get that handle by the teeth and just kind of flush that toilet. They call it the dog flesh. This is a little leather face. Toilets, doggy stuff. I feel like leather face needed to use the bathroom. That's what was going on. Oh, do you think that's why he killed Barry?

He was waiting at something. that yes it makes for a funny joke but that dude would willingly shit on the floor without conflict no I feel he just kind of hammers Barry in the head right it's it's the hammer shot and you don't really even like they don't even successfully do it like the greatest thing about the first one and we're going to keep harping on it because it's a great movie but like sure you don't actually see anything it's all in the editing it's all the way they're getting these shots the sound of

effects. Like when David Letterman gets that sledge, you don't see impact. There's no gore. But like, they try to do that here, but it just doesn't work. Like, this fat actor just falls over. Well, the weird, yeah, and that's the problem, too, is I feel like we're in the fourth movie here. I need a special title. And I knew, I noted that it wasn't there and it made me nervous was usually in these shitty horror movies, especially in a franchise, like, and special creature effects. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. By so-and-so's grandmother. Special chainsaw magic by Coke Sam. And there's, and there's, and there. There's none of that.

Because there's nothing in this movie. Nothing actually happens. We're also going to be bringing up the first one because they copy verbatim humongous portions. That's what I've been saying the whole time. That's why it's going to come up so often. Oh, yeah, totally. It's just a bad, it's like a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, a sequel's title, you know, like we're just, we're trying to fake everybody out. I also think this is the worst leather face by a huge.

This dude sucks as leather face. He's a bad leather face. It doesn't look good. It's a fucking fan film leather face. I'll say it. I actually wrote down fan film, is one might know. I'm going to get in a bit of a high horse here. Here we go.

Do it now. You got the floor. I was, again, you were making a leather face fan film. Foolishly. I was like, oh. And I should have learned this lesson two weeks ago. I was like, foolish is like, oh, right. I was like, what, you know, I was like, how many Texas Chants

Masque Movie is worthy. You know it's a quick easy way to figure that out? All I got to do is click on Leatherface. Wrong. Big mistake. It's not even just fan films though. The problem, it's fan on the IMDB. It's fan films. And then it's like anytime Leatherface showed up on Jimmy Kim alive,

that guy gets a credit. Why though? The guy, like a bit on the angry video game nerd shows up. I'm like, you know what, dude, if you were Leatherface on an internet video, you don't get your credit on the internet movie database. No. That That's on the movie database.

We let in everybody now. The goddamn internet losers' database. That's where you get that shit. Just don't hype. You know, so what? Tomorrow I can take the day off work. Get a shitty leather face costume.

Put up my fucking camera and say, Leatherface takes a shit on a table. And I make a video where I take a shit on the table. You know, Steve, there's a market for this. There is. And that's it. In the erotica section. Someone is masturbating right now.

I would have the number one hit on IMDB for Leatherface. Be like, Let's see who played Leatherface. Oh, Steven Sadek played him in Leatherface takes a shit at a table. Oh, Leatherface, are you taking shit on that table? Or yes, yes, I am. Baloop, bloop. That's, and a hundred people have to watch it, and there I go, my fucking, my name and lights.

Well, to be fair, it would take the IMDB like 35 days to approve it. They'd approve it. They would approve it. That's the problem. That's, and that is where the problem lies, the people on IMDB that can say yes. You know what else IMDB?

You have the power to say no. And you know where you say no? Leatherface internet videos. Michael Myers, internet videos. Jason Voorhe's fucking fan films. Shut down the sympathy. Shut it down. So I guess we should get like a change.org petition.

Yeah, I think so. You have maybe a hashtag, hashtag IMDB say no. Yeah. Trending. Hashtag IMDB for movies. It's just for movies. It's just for movies. It's just for movies.

So that's that. But you're totally right. It's disgusting. But, you know, kick into the Patreon. If you do want to watch Leatherface takes a shit on a table. Uh-huh. I'd love to kick in. What tier is that, Steve?

That's the $2,000. here. That's just you giving me two grand. Boy, that's cheap. Hold the phone. People are going to pay, you understand. People will pay, they want to see Steve. You know, people can like pool money, right? No, I'm not going to do it.

Oh, gosh. Gosh, everybody. Where on the internet could you actually post that? I mean, YouTube would take that down two seconds. Well, there's other tubes. Yeah, there are other tubes. Maybe on the Silk Road. I don't know.

Steve St. stars and lost on the Silk Road. Oh, wow. I love that. Wrong turn on the Silk Road. So this prick's dead. Dude, we haven't even talked about McConaughey at all. His fucking remote control leg that's stupid. Oh, Lord is this dumb.

So Zellweger shows up and she meets McConaughey on a meat hook. That's pretty cool. Let's move the plot along. Yeah. And she just rip ripping off the first movie. She meets up with McConaughey, who is. Is it Heather or is it another girl? No, that's Heather.

Okay. There's another girl that gets set on fire later? That's all Heather. Okay, we're moving. Now we're cooking with gas. René Zellwiger, Jenny meets up with McConaughey on the road to meet up with Sean. She's like, oh, where'd Sean go? And he's like, ah, he's all right.

Don't worry about it. Hey, just getting my truck. He's dressed like a ghost buster with a leg brace. Dude, his truck looks like Ecto 1. With all the lights on it? Yeah, it's really stupid. I'm acting like an Austin. Powers villain.

So he's got this leg brace and he's got a vacuum cleaner tube on it. Hey, cool. You're right. The tone is like of an Austin Powers. I'm expecting for Ricky Bobby to defeat this guy.

And the idea is he has a remote control that helps him move his leg when he needs to move it. And it's a TV remote. Yes. And he's got two of them? They are multiple. They are,

you know, they're smart, learned people to your point, Chris, because they've been reading the paper. They can make themselves bionic limbs, basically. They know how to set a universal remote.

Those things are always... Much like the people in Judge Dredd, the outliers. Oh, right. They were also technological geniuses. Slash cannibals. Those people were more cannibals than the people in this movie. And they were also sci-billies.

That's right. That's right. That's right. Oh, shit. Somebody's ripping off something. And, and, you know, McConaughey does a bad job of pretending that he's a person. He's like, oh, come on, I'll give you a ride

to where you got to go, babe. But it's so stupid because, like, we've already seen him break that kid's neck and run that other dude over. So, like, there's, like, they waste time with the whole, like, it's a mystery. Yeah. Also, even, I mean, like, it's,

I know it's supposed to be night, but you can see everything. We got all the fucking floodlights in Austin, Texas. Carr rolls up with Two bodies hanging from the roof. Yeah, how do you miss that? How do I miss this? Renee Zellweger, how do you miss that?

Two big swinging bodies. Just dangling. Like, you caught a big fish. And she has to be pointed it out by man. He's like, do you want to? And he shoves her face. He's like, yelling, you want to look at that. You want to look back there.

Where's your friend? Why don't you look back there? And she's like, I don't want to. And it's like a, it's like listening and watching a horrendous improv scene. And when someone's like, let's walk down the street and the other person goes, no, I want to go this way. And it's two fucking morons that desperately want to be on Saturday Night Live fight with each other on stage.

Welcome to the rest of the movie. Because that's all it is. It's them bickering at each other. And she keeps saying, what do you want to do with me? Oh, you're going to find out what I'm going to do with you. It's going to blow your mind, man. You can't even handle it. Your mind's going to go outside the window.

You're going to be, hey, where's my mind go? If you have to ask, you will indeed never. know, except you will definitely know, and it's painful. And here's a bunch of unintended growls. He's whooping and wailing all over this movie.

Oh, God. So she there's running around, she meets up a leather face. I think he's like on the side of the road selling stuff. Yeah, he's selling oranges. A dozen roses for $15. dollars. He's selling

bootleg DVDs of this movie. He offers to clean Matthew McConaughey's windshield and he's like, no man, get out of here out of the face. He's blaring sublime on the fucking jukebugs. No, I don't know. Like she's like it's a brief encounter

and then she runs, she runs back, she makes her way back to the real estate office and you're like, well God damn it, I know this woman is crooked. Yes. So she turns out to be crooked. She does that when she knock her out or something like that? Well, first she's doing a boat. She gets W.E. W.E.

comes in with... She makes a couple of phone calls. She calls in the boys. She pretends that there's a bunch of like howling wolves outside. She flashes... That happens before, by the way. That's the first scene. She just... Hey, somebody throws a rock. Also, I agree.

Oh, yeah, someone randomly throws a rock. Somebody throws a rock through her window. Her response is to show her breasts. Yeah, right. Well, you know. To whoever's looking at the window. And it's, it's weird, because I, correct me if I'm wrong here, but it's like, that's when I started throwing rocks pretty heavily.

Oh, that's how you do it. It became a habit. I couldn't stop it. I was getting my rocks off. I think that's what it means. It's loose Loomis' whip them out Wednesdays. You hook a rock through your lady neighbor's window. Oh, let the face is on the drops today.

DJ Green Lantern. So, good old Vilmer here. Well, I just, let me see if you guys got this. And I don't know if I'm wrong on this. So she's like, that's just that crazy old man across the street of the filling station. Is she referencing one of the guy, like the old guy from the other two movies? Does he die at the end of the second one? Chris, I don't remember.

Because he's not the third one. He's not in the third one. I don't remember if he gets killed or not, but like... Wait, do you see that guy from that movie I didn't see? Is it just a town of hillbillies? And they're all in on it? I don't, you know, I mean, maybe you'd have to watch Texas Chainsaw the beginning to figure that. I saw that and I got a fucking, I got a horrendous story about seeing that movie in theaters.

I read on the Tribune actually that Matthew McConawha and W.E. are supposed to beat the cook. Yeah, that's right. The guy from the beginning who gets in the van. The hitchhiker. The hitchhiker. They are supposed to be those characters. Yeah, McConaughey is supposed to be the hitchhiker. That's why he's cutting himself later.

But the hitchhiker clearly gets killed at the end of the first. Well, no, I mean, I am mad. I got jokered. Okay. Hold on a second with the Joker theories. You want to know how I got this bionic leg? Sorry. You want to know why we're filming in a parking lot right now?

Do you want to know why we're doing a book? podcast there is there's allusions to his immortality so i guess that's what's bringing it around because uh w w e or whatever represents we the viewer oh shit now we're thinking didn't catch on um he's saying like he's been he's been stabbed he's been shot he's been run over like like like nothing can kill him i see yeah so there you go he also works well we'll get to the Illuminati a little bit. Yeah, that'll be, you know what? We'll eventually stroll into the Illuminati.

Coming up at the top of the hour. I'm looking here, and, you know, according to the Tribune, this dude's name in the first movie is just Hitchhiker. That's all he's credited. Now you know. Now you know his name is Wilmer,

and he grows up to be Matthew McConaughey. He goes out to be younger than he was. Which is exciting. Speaking of credits, did anybody else notice that there's, a character in this movie simply called

I'm not hurt Oh no what? Yes, in the cast listing it's just a quotation mark it's not a character

somebody's playing a character I'm not hurt Oh that's Like a fake shimp I think you're right I think that's what that's supposed to be

So the Back of the real estate office She gets tied up And put in the real estate ladies trunk And the real estate lady's like, oh, Darla is like, I got to go get pizza. She goes to a drive-through pizza.

Honestly, I would rather eat a fucking dead old lady than whatever this fucking hillbilly pizza is, man. Drive through Texas pizza. Put all those words together and I'm throwing up for days. And you are shitting for months. Are you kidding? My fucking asshole would fall out. Are you kidding me? And this fucking pizza guy hands her these fucking pizzas like it's a stack of textbooks, man.

He's holding it left, right, up and fendellic. Oh, sure. You got to, you got to underhand those teeth. I think what it is, Steve, and they don't, because a lot of stuff in this movie is not clarified, I think that guy working the drive-thru, it's a fucking outer space alien. And he doesn't know what pizza is.

And that's why he's holding it like someone who's not from planet Earth. Well, you know, it's funny that you should say that. I read on the message board there, someone thought this movie was about aliens. Oh. And that the family is from outer space, I guess, and the Illuminati Rothman,

which we'll get to Oh my God You can't forget Rothman Someone was like No Matthew McConaughey's blood at the end

of the film wasn't purple That was just bad lighting I feel like There was like this whole theory Someone had About how they're aliens You know what

Maybe it would be better It's all just Because someone's fucking Levels were off On their TVs So in a scene Where like We would have tension

Right René Zelleweger Has a plastic bag over her head. She's in the trunk of this woman's car while she picks up this diarrhea pizza and she starts like kicking it and the guy at the drive-thru is like hey lady something's making noise

in your trunk and she's like oh yeah big dick you want to see what's in there he's like I don't know I might get fired Davey and so like she gets out and she opens the trunk of this car and it's supposed to be playing for like laughs slash tension neither of which are coming

through I don't know Davey I don't think you I don't think a woman would hit on you in this drive-through. I think honestly, she's from a clan of cannibals, Davy. Davey, have you looked in the mirror lately? Beware the cannibalistic charlatan, Davy. If she's a 10 and you're a four, Davy,

that means she's bait. You know what? I wish that David and Goliath taught helpful lessons like that. So, like, the gag is like she opens this trunk and she's just like openly talking to Renee's Elwiger. These, like, boy scouts are walking by, like, Little League players or something. It's really, like, a snappy back and

forth. Well, she's like, if I cut a hole in this bag, will you just, like, quiet down, y'all? And she's like, yeah. And then cops pull up. And you're like, oh, shit, here's the fuzz, man, she's going to get busted. And this dude just gets out. And, like,

you know, this lady's, she's like an attractive. She's like, uh, a, uh, uh, a a Yasmin bleat type. Yeah. I was, I was, I was, gonna say like a like a trailer trash kirstie alley okay you know kind of i i think that means the somewhere around there that's fine and so this cop is like instantly sexually harassing her you know and like she's playing it up and it's like what's in the trunk lady and she just like closes it like wouldn't you like to know you fucking hot piece of ass and he's like have a good

night ma'am i don't know davy if you're a police officer you should probably check in the trunk it sounds like something in that trunk was talking no he's aggressive He's aggressively trying to get there. Oh, yeah. He's aggressively trying to get there. It's small town Texas, man. He probably went to high school with her. It's a rare thing.

He's doing that thing where he's pretending he doesn't remember her from high school. Yeah, he knows. Oh, you got to pull that move. But later, when she's driving away, he, like, comes up to her again and is like, sure, I can't convince. I'm like, dude, go away. Sure, you can't convince her what? To do your job? It would just to investigate this, what's going on?

It's such a stupid thing. And there's a dumb gag And it doesn't work Because you never see any cannibalism in this movie But the guy is like Here's a pepperoni and a sausage And a large vegetarian And you're like

What does that even mean? Well, because they eat people, you know? Yeah, I know I get it Yeah, yeah Is you talking about a regular pizza? Yeah, that's a vegetarian Or there's vegetables Like yeah, exactly

Salad pizza You get one of those every now and again. You're not getting that of that Texas Pizzeria. It's pepperoni or bust, man. Pepperoni or diarrhea. Yeah. I would like a 12-inch diarrhea. Oh, they probably got a white pizza.

That's really bad. So we get back to the house finally, and now there's just so much, like, this is where it's just McConaughey and Zelweiger. And she's like, what are you going to do with me? I don't even know, man. Your brain can't even handle it, man. You fucking get ready for the big suck. This is just good.

This is just dinner with his parents. He's meeting the family. Again, that's what, you know what, Jason? Kill me before orgasm. Totally cool. I don't want to have dinner with these people. Oh, yeah. And, you know, thankfully, all of his kin is dead, right?

Jason. Oh, yeah. All along 10. Except if you ask Jason goes to hell. He's a, he's an uncle. I have two notes. Oh, please. One after the other.

The first one is finger mouth. Yeah, and that's for when Matthew McConaugh shoves his fingers and Renee, I wonder, and that's, you know what, there's acting and then there's, do these two people talk to each other if they run into each other, the Academy Awards?

Because Jesus Christ, you stuck your dirty ass fucking bionic leg fingers in my mouth. To be fair, he also spits at her a lot in this, like full on spitting on. He's spitting almonds at her. It's like a fucking Andy Kaufman bit. I'm like, dude, what is going on? Are you going to fucking pile

drive this woman or what i don't care i'm from texas oh my god and then fucking he goes it's like all right man you just sit there you don't even know it's going to happen i'm tony clifton how's it goes in a big fat suit it's like oh please that oh man oh wow wow oh tony clifton as leather face i think it's the move to make it would be awesome he just comes in the saggy fat guy's skin suit? What is that? Polish! It would be amazing.

He's all of a sudden like Long Island... He goes called Don Rickles. He's like Long Island articulate. Sure. Oh, sure. So my second note is... Oh, besides finger mouth? Finger mouth is number one.

Second one is eat face. Because Matthew McConaughey eats Heather's nose or something. Which is the only instance of cannibalism in this movie. You should get it on the way and you do not see it. He pulls what I would like to call a cobble pot because he bites her nose. Bites her nose. I got a note for this scene, too. Let's see how it compares.

Yoda man. Because there's a little old man. Oh, yes. My favorite. I was just calling him Yoda man. He's the best because she gets changed for dinner. At some point, Darla tells her like, oh, you know, he works for the people that killed Kennedy. You don't even know what this guy's up to.

And I'm like, what are we talking about? What's going on here? What we're talking about without even saying it? Raphael Cruz is the Illuminati. Raphael Cruz. Oh, man. And Matthew McConaughey is Raphael Cruz. Dude, man, they're involved in Kennedy's assassination.

That's what I've been led to believe. But it's so insane because you're watching this movie and it sucks. And you keep watching this movie and it still totally sucks. And then they're like, by the way, Matthew McConaughey works for the Illuminati and you're like, wait, wait a second, this movie sucked, but what are you talking about? And it goes nowhere, so we go down to dinner

and there is Yoda man, my favorite character. Yes, he's a little shriveled old man with long gray hair and a Yoda face. And it's a weird, like, we're sitting around the dining room table and instead of the first movie where it's like, Grandpa, get the sledge, grandpa was always the best with the sledge. It's just like... He's sleep.

It's a bunch of corpses from like a tourist family. you don't know what's going on. You have no idea who these people are, and they're just sitting there. Also, there's that, like, mummified cop in the house at one point that Renee Zellweger, like, runs into. What's the point of it?

Like, you go out and get the corpses, baby? Why not? Here's the problem. We're only eating pizza. It's not like, and here comes, it's so easy to fake cannibalism. Get me a pig. Yeah, exactly.

And be like, oh, my God, it's people. Here's the toppings for the pizzas, boys. That's the failure of this, the abject failure of this movie. Yes, conversely, I mean, I was going to say, like, that's the biggest shock of the first movie is they're sitting around. You like what you're eating. It's your fucking friends. Sure. And she starts losing, Sally starts losing it even more.

And then you think back, like, fuck that barbecue was people too, probably. And it just, like, it totally blows your mind. There's no place to put a plate setting on this table because there's too many fucking car parts and remote controls. all over the place. For most of this, though, I'm not sure Renee Zellweger's really that sad to be there. Because she's just snip, snapping back for it. She's fucking sassano.

And I'm like, what? It's like a bad dinner party at worst. I feel like her character's now beyond the fear of death in a way. Like, oh, I'm just going to fuck with them back a little bit. Do you think Witt Stillman wrote this scene? Like, I don't get it. I was thinking it might be the anniversary party. Maybe Alan Cumming

and Phoebe Kate show up. That'd be a pithy. That would be pretty great, actually. Everybody's got words for everybody else. But as it stands, there's just too many carpites and batteries all over the table. Leather face, we must mention at this point. It looks like Liza Minnelli, which is nice. He's dolled up for dinner. He's changed his leather faces to a lady's face, I guess.

It's really actually, I watched it. It's kind of a goodbye horses. Oh, yeah? Yeah, that seems. A little bit. A little bit. But it's weird because Matthew McConaughey is like, because they make some line about like, you fucked up her face when she bites

when he bites Heather's nose like oh you fucked up the face oh sorry leather I fucked up the face and so he's like my brother wants a new face I was like motherfucker your brother's wearing a different face than the beginning of the movie like so it's like this bullshit leather face motivation

also it doesn't look like another face no it's just it looks like a different makeup bad mask and your brother is built like fucking Ben Rathelsberger you can't just put a fucking What an apt comparison? You can't just put a

small lady's face that's not going to work out, man. You do have to go like a jam gum and get a larger woman and make that work. You want to cut in, you don't want to stretch out. And yeah, yeah. And at this point, the Illuminati shows up.

Yes, of course. Actually, my favorite part is like, so W.E's talking to Yoda man the whole time. And then Yoderman just kind of gets up this dude i think i think what they caught on camera the whole time i thought he was all i really thought he was dead the whole time he's just silent and standing there and then he just gets up and leaves to go to dagaaba this is what this is i think the camera accidentally caught this actor being like fuck this this is so stupid and he just got up and left and they were like

film it film it this guy he walks out of the movie he really done with it he does take a pedal Are you got any more of that wild turk? I'm going to go out and find some. Yeah, you know, I'm going to make a liquor store around everybody. Anybody else need anything? You know, Hooper used to bring the weed. Oh, John Lerickette was under that mask? Mask?

But then you're like, are the rest of those people also alive? Is that fucking motorcycle cop upstairs alive? Who gives the shit? That's a great point. You know what? That's a great point. So the Illuminati shows up. It's an 11th hour Illuminati.

It's this guy. In a limo, this is the first time this property's seen a limousine pull up, by the way. It's really, now we're turning into clue. Like, you know, all the worst parts of clue. And it's this really tall limo driver and this shorter guy who's clearly the heavy and he walks in. He's like dressing down Matthew McConaughey a bit. He comes in like the boss. Like Matthew McConnor.

The boss. He's getting a bad performance review. from his Illuminati boss, Rothstein, or whatever this dude's name is. And this guy comes... Oh, Rothman, yeah. And he's like, just like, this is an embarrassing part of this experiment. You are such a disgrace. You're a stupid boy.

And like all this crazy shit. It's supposed to be about horror, about the truth of horror or something. The spirit of the spiritual spirit. It's supposed to be a transcendent. And I was like, is this the bullshit ending of March? by the way. Right, hold on, let me open my shirt. Oh, wow.

Oh, right, yeah, and fucking... An 11th hour, Kronenberg effect. I thought Quato was going to come out of this guy's chest. He's just got these weird, like, burn marks and piercings on his stomach. He could be great because... Oh, great. You made Yoda Man left. Yodaman just fucking left.

You know, the only reason we came out to this party was I heard Yoda Man. Fucking show up. I bring a limo to impress Yoda. you've scared him off. I'm going to use your bathroom and then I'm going. There's a dead man in here and he fucking forgot to foot flush the toilet.

When I texted you on the way, I said, is Yoder man there? And you promised me he'd be here. Is that, excuse me. Is that a bone toilet? You're fucking disgusting. Is it a seat made out of a pelvis? So what was he even alluding to

that this was all like, like a plan? from the Illuminati or someone up on high in the government, wherein we would capture teens and kill them in question mark. Which I guess it's kind of your classic, what do you call it, the cabin in the woods situation, really? I guess.

Well, mind you. You see a movie that did it right the cabin in the woods. Mind you, Matthew McConnorahua does have a scene where he's like, there's camp, you don't think the government's here. The FBI's got wires all over this house. So like,

Yeah, but that's like Reddit nonsense that I just tune right out. Yeah, but that's the thing is that like you're like clearly like, well, he's talking bullshit. Well, I guess it turns out to be fucking crucial dialogue. As it turns out, it's correct between the growls and the promising that something big's going to happen. But I think to Eric's question, why? Why? I mean, what did the Illuminati capture teams for leather fake? For what and for whom?

Yep. Who was asking for this? Conspiracy. We thought the ruin of Thorne was stupid. Yeah. I'm sorry, this is fucking stupider. It is. Now, is there enough cut out of the original cut maybe where this made more sense or less sense?

It's entirely possible. Yeah, I feel like in this instance, more is less. I'm sure someone out there has read Fango and can tell us all about it. Someone downloaded the two-hour work. print. It's a VHS rip and you can't really hear a lot of it and the cracking's terrible. But you know what? Better movie.

That's a life I don't want. You're staring down at the barrel of a gun. It's just a matter of time, Steve. It's one or two choices left. Heather gets her back lit on fire and then Matthew McConaughey. Again, I kind of want to see this part.

Sure. Is when it crushes her head with his leg. Yeah, power crushes it with his room. Yeah, you don't get that. And it just looks like he's taking a hard shit. It does. He's, he's passing something. And you hear a good, like, and then, like, you cut back, and then she just looks normal. I mean, she's dead, but she looks normal.

But they don't, they don't bother with any gore effects or anything. This is the fourth fucking movie of this shit. Let's do it. Show me something. So what, like, Jenny runs out after being licked up by Rothman. He was like, oh, it's going to be okay. Touch my ring. He is, I mean, you.

Chris, you noted finger mouth, but you didn't note lick face. I do have lick face. This guy. Oh, yeah. You got that? No, I'm sorry. I just have licking. Licking.

I mean, same thing. What we were looking for was licking. This guy wakes up every day. Still to this day, and he's like, remember that time I licked Renee Zellweger's face. I like the idea she's like up there for Colmountain. She got the Oscars like, yeah, well I wrecked, I lick your face. Motherfuck, Mr. Oscar winner. You know.

No, that's happening. Oh, absolutely. He's just fucking three courts deep into a fucking bad night. And she wins the Oscar. I think that's his tombstone. I got you, Zellwe. Oh, yeah, he's probably dead. Oh, yeah, that's also true.

He went to a Friday night opening weekend quarter-filled theater of Bridget Jones's baby. And it was like, lick that face. Licked it up and down. Could you shut up? So I'm talking about licking her fucking face. I'm on a day. How often am I going to be able to do this? She doesn't make many movies anymore.

It's just disgusting. And it's like, yes, one thing, like, it would just be a quick, like, ah. And, like, that's it. It's like a fucking happy dog. So he's disgusting. She does escape. And it's very much like the end of the first one. She gets into an RV on like a truck.

And it's with old people saying, Harold, I'm you going to pick up this lady? Mr. and Mrs. Spottish. Isn't this where last? The other faces houses. Oh, we're on vacation. We're seeing all the horror spots. We just came from Haddon Field. Dude, it's so ridiculous, though.

Like, they're tricky. There was that first Texas chainsaw mask, and then there was those two others that weren't of note. We heard they were terrible. It's ridiculous, though. Like, we're introduced to this old, like, retired couple traveling the country, I guess. Oh, we're not going to Dallas. No, we got to go see the Texas chainsaw house. They've got these, like, beer,

bones filled with fucking bloody mary's I'm like that man's behind the wheel yeah he doesn't give

a fuck and like McCona has a go get her leather go get her he's called him leather

which I'm not crazy about it's fucking it's fucking better I think if you're

if you're getting casual with leather face I think face is fine if you have to do one

or the other or LF you know like a little LF I would stick with face stick with face

hey leather or maybe no no like name at Maybe, like, kin. Or a buddy. Yeah. Ken, brother, buddy.

Sure, exactly. Yeah, he's, like, playing in a fucking jug band. Or you just tell him commands, you know, like, get her. Yeah. Sicker. Part of it, like, that's what's so great about that first movie is, like, there isn't really a name. And it's just like, you're fucking, you know, do it. It's, I think you still get, it's like the Sawyer family.

But it's just like, you boy, your brother, you idiot, you broke the door. and let you know all that it's not no one's saying fucking leather one of the most unsettling scenes in that first movie is him just being alone when he's just like breathing heavy in that chicken feather wrong now oh yeah and you're just

and you're like okay now I'm really really really grossed out and I'm watching that movie and I'm like hey man what does that bathroom look like but now it's like a deleted scene from cabaret it's Liza Minnelly with a fucking chainsaw going after Joel Gray who in this instance

would be Renee Zellweger clearly. Sure. Yeah, makes total sense. Welcome. That was the original cut. Oh, right. Yeah.

It's in the work print. All you got to do is just get that VHS on eBay. You find it. Again, the tracking is terrible. I think someone took a magnet to it. Don't get the idea. Don't try to fix it. I tried everything.

Man, Joel Gray should have played the Joker. Oh, yeah. That would have been cool, huh? Or the Riddler. He'd make a great. He'd make a great riddler. That's a good call. He'd probably be a little riddler, but he'd be all right.

Little riddler? A little tiny guy. Oh, then there's a crop duster. Well, no, so basically that there is actually. Carrie Grant's running across the field. Well, to your point, to the, it's kind of like the end of one crazy summer. It's instead of a boat, a yacht race, it's actually, it's the RV and then leather face is truck. And like the leather face is trying to saw a.

the RV you mean summer rental no the John Candy movie one crazy summer which is the sequel to Better Off Dead oh oh because also John Candy's summer rental also ends with a regatta yeah right with Rip Torn

yeah and he did you say that leather face rips up the car well he's got a chain so he's like jousting like he's like finally he's got it's like there's like a Ben Hur type of homage oh I see yeah oh you know what that's classy yeah I was gonna say in Leatherface in Texas

Chainsaw Massacre, too. He does drive while buzz sawing somebody to death. Right. No, that's not... Yeah, like, he's... Because McConaug's behind the wheel. The tow truck, they're pulling up in the RV, and he's got this, like, super long chainsaw you know, like, ax-road truckers, whatever, really going for it.

So the RV topples over. Because you've got a drunk old man behind the wheel. That's exactly right. I don't think it has anything to do with the chainsawing. This dude's been drinking fucking bloody merry since the sun came up. Yeah, well, because that's fair. You want a wheel man, you get Yoda man. It was all too bad he left.

He just walked out of the movie. That guy just walks out of that movie. I can't even believe it. That's it. You kids have fun. Make your stupid movie. It's too loud in here. I can't believe your dad left.

He's fucking up the continuity of this movie. Is he still going to give me a ride to the train station? Oh, yeah. They all needed a ride to the train station. So it flips over. She runs. And yes, it is North by Northwest. Because there's this crop duster.

By the way, I think it's Wikipedia's, his plot summary. Yes, I did read this. Summary says that the crop duster run by Rothman's people. Nope, nope. Not what are you talking about? Because this plane is now starting to fly real

low and it actually catches McConaughey in the face with the propeller and kills him. How does this plane just not crash? I mean, wouldn't that like... Yeah, it's a suspicious cut. It doesn't look like anything happened.

And, you know, they don't really show any gore here besides some blood on the ground. Yeah. but yeah it's not explained why or what and you've got to read on Wikipedia what happened but I think that's just some fanboy like making presumption

I feel like they're trying to fill in the gaps and make a movie right yeah so she gets in leather face is just kind of pretty dejected at this point he's like we're in all over the place and he's we're swinging that saw and then Rothman does come up at a limousine

and she gets in he's like have you seen a Yoda man at all Is he bad music all over the place? I told Yoda Man that after the partying tonight, we'd go to a diner and get breakfast. Yoda Man. I texted Matthew McConaughey. I said,

Vilmer, is Yodeman going to be there? He texted back, yes. You know what the thing is, is there's a Mike's diner, and there's a Michael's diner, and sometimes I call Michael's mics. And I might have done that. And you know what?

I'm going to call him, so just, we're going to have to go. We're going to have to go. to both places. I've got to see if I messed this up. And if he's not there, I bet he's at Denny's. Yeah. So, just get in the car. He likes their chicken tenders. Yota Man

is a grand slam breakfast kind of guy. So she gets in the car and he's like, wasn't that something? And she's like, fuck you! And he's like, you want to go to a hospital or a police station? Well, he does the whole like, it was supposed to be a spiritual experience. That is the biggest, like,

what are we doing? If you're doing that, everyone's getting up And being like, yeah, it was you just in the game. Yes, yeah. You shouldn't have picked up that key. Yeah, exactly. It's so, and like, I'm sorry, as, as whoever you are putting out this movie, like, did you watch this fucking thing? Yeah.

Are you kidding me? Find a better way to end it. Or like, just anything. Or just throw this movie in the garbage. How about you not make that? Yeah, Matthew McConaughey was right. That's why he sued. So, yeah, he's like, it was supposed to be this transcendent relationship.

religious experience. I'm sorry it wasn't. I'm sorry I missed Yoda, man. I have so many regrets from tonight. I'm sorry, you left your prom early. And I mean, you want to talk about martyrs. That movie at least earns that. Oh, sure. It gets there. It goes places.

Did anybody see that remake? Is it not? A remake of martyrs? There's a remake of martyrs. It was like an American version, I guess. Yeah, yeah. We got to dumb it down. Sure. Yeah.

All right. I'm just glad everybody missed it. Hashtrag, nobody cares. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, you want to go to a hospital. or police station you're like all right what is this guy admitting to what are the motivations here oh nothing caught to her just at a hospital and it's some guys like that's how it's like a crazy story lady

we're gonna figure this out this can't happen you know i think i heard of something that happened like this a while ago and i'm like uh-huh there was also these two other things that might have been related but uh who cares you weren't of notes i don't really remember what happened there were a minor incident yeah there's some minor incident. And then a lady on a gurney comes by and they share this weird look. Right.

And then this shitty movie ends. It goes isn't it the It's Marilyn Burns. Yes, from the original. Yeah. Which is like who is going to know that at all? At that point specifically. She's got like a blanket pulled up to her. Like it's

like she's out of focus. Yes. And then so like it cuts and this dude, it's like an attendant is pushing her on a stretch or like down a hallway and you hear this EMT or whatever and he's like

what's going on around here? And I'm like what's going on around here? What? Two things, 22 years apart?

What are you talking about? Whatever credits. Nobody gives a shit. Q. Better than Ezra. Oh yeah. Totally. It was good.

I wish it was that fucking tune. I wish it was better than Ezra. It turns out it's just Ezra. That's a Norm McDonald's show. Less than Ezra. and then that's it and when you get to the credits like Marilyn Burns

it's like woman on the stretcher credited by being played as anonymous what are you doing? Yeah. What are you doing? How dare you think that's cool? I didn't know she started that movement. She started dachshund people.

That's pretty cool. She did. And that's why this movie was released on the 5th of November. It's just nothing here makes sense. Yeah. I mean, like, I'm watching this, and I'm like, oh, man, the sweet, sweet, innocent days of the ruin of Thorne. And it's not cool, and there's no cool death.

So it's like, kind of whatever, man. I'm wishing for the ruin of Thorne. I'm wishing for fucking the mystery of the Vorhees family and Jason goes to hell. In, like, action movie, like, language, he, the, him getting the propeller is actually kind of the goryest moment. Sure. Of the movie. Which is insane. Which is crazy.

I was expecting this to be a pretty gory experience, but Indiana Jones is more gorgeous. Much more. That big, so much more. That big bullish boxer getting it is, it's way goryer in Raiders. Than anything in this movie. And I think Raiders is rated PG.

I think so. I think killer clowns from outer space is more violent than this fucking thing. That's possible. You watching trauma movies again, Chris? Oh, it all the time. I know, it's not trauma, but it might as well be. No, it's, it's. in that league. It's in that box that might as well be

trauma. All right, I guess that's going to do it, huh? Eric's putting his coat up. He's got to go meet Yoda Man down at the bar. Yoda Man it out of here. I mean, it's a clear no one's recommending. No, it's awful. If there's any younger listeners out there, I know we have a few.

1974's Texas Chainsaw Masker, the original. Check that out. It's worth your time. It's amazing. Part 2 is worth it too, I think. It's not as good. It's a completely different. movie, completely different mindset. It's not a Vietnam allegory.

I might watch that on Halloween. You should do it, dude. I'm kind of surprised me and you're such a huge hopperhead. I am a hopperhead. You'll love it. Oh my God, you're going to love it. I was too busy watching speed for the 50th. And White Star.

White Star. White Star. White Star I still have to see. Great movie. You got to get it on eBay. There's a really good work print of White Star. The tracking's terrible. I mean, it's filmed, it's, it's filmed on vacation in a hotel room off of some, it's a camcorder on a hotel TV, but it's really good. And it's in like a bathroom, I think, it once. They change it up a little bit.

Through the mirror, yeah, through the mirror of the bathroom. So I'll say this, I mean, this is the end of the Halloween sputacular. We spend four weeks dumping on terrible movies, terrible horror movies and earnest. But we've also been like watching a lot. lot of horror movies. Chris, you and your team over a Collider put out the 50 best horror movies in the 1980s. So my question is, what are

we watching this season? Any good horror movies to recommend to people? Good God. Oh, it's too many. I've been watching all those Halloween movies and yikes. Yeah, those are bad. That's not good. I did those. I did Fantasm for the first time. That's a lot of fun. That's a fun movie. It kind

doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it's fun. I'm waiting for actually for the marathon to see that. Have you ever seen it before? I saw it and I didn't like it so I'm assuming I was not in the mood for it. It's a fun movie. It's not a good movie, but it's a fun movie.

Yeah, I'll say, because I recently got the Criterium, Blu-ray, I'll put this out there. The original Jacques-Tenure Cat People, like 44, solid movie, solid, solid scares. I guess for recent stuff, The Witch is great. Of course, if you haven't seen that yet.

There's a really good South Korean movie called The Whaling, which is like a poltergeisty kind of movie. That's a great movie. You better have two hours in 26 minutes. It's very, very long. I like that new Conjuring movie. I like Conjuring too quite a bit. That nun is fucking terrifying if you're Catholic, man.

That's all I can say. Steve and I sort of agree on that movie more than others. Except, man, Patrick Bateman, I was called it. Patrick Wilson Singh and Elvis. I like that scene. I thought it stopped it dead. And I think we can all agree. Rob Zombies

31 is terrible. No, not good. Don't see it. Watch. Two of us sought, and we took the hits. Lords of Salem, go back. There you go. So some Halloween recommendations.

Have fun with your Halloween. We're not going to see everybody until after the Halloween break. There's no break. We'll be back. We'll be back next week. Has the on-screen come out yet? Can we plug that?

Is it happening? It will happen this week. This week. This week, it's coming out. We're doing a W-HM-on-screen where we are ranking. It's going to be on the main fee. Main feet. Some people are confirmed.

Fused about us doing Patreon material. Correct. On screens are staying on the main feed. We are much like last year where we ranked the Friday of the 13th franchise. We're doing it with the Halloween franchise. We're going to try and get that out this Friday or this weekend. Something like, we'll figure out before all Hallows Eve. Absolutely. So that's it.

That is the 2016 W.HM Halloween's Buctacular closing things out with Texas Chainsaw Massacre the next generation directed by Kim Hinkle. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out WHMpodcast.com or find us over at sidetronetwork. TV. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM podcast.

Right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. Buy some merch, man. Show your friends. You listen to a podcast. Tpublic.com slash we hate movies or slash user slash we hate movies. We don't know.

Try both. Yeah, yeah. If that's too hard, WHMpodcast.com, click the link. click the link to shop it'll take you right there easy peasy that's the way to do it that's right next week the show is still chugging on we're out of the sputacular but something almost as scary chris cabin what do we got coming up uh we got a uh movie called uh ghosts can't do it now

we got anthony quinn in this movie sure we got bo derrick in this movie we do indeed very nude and john derrick behind the camera and there's there's a little there's a special guest in this movie with actual dialogue. Oh, really? Who could that be? Oh, really? The Republican candidate for president. Donald Trump himself appearing in this

film. Playing himself getting a little sleazy. Oh, that's a little bit. Oh, yes. So the documentary? Is that what it is? Until then, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stevenson. Chris Gavin. Eric Siska. Happy Halloween. We all go.

a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare. Sometimes, death is better. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in. It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicter Man.

They're coming to get you, Barbara. These sick of foxies. many movies. Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies! Movies don't create psychos! Movies make psychos more creative!