We Hate Movies - S7 Ep275: Episode 275 - The Happening

Episode Date: November 22, 2016

This week, the guys welcome Justin J. Case back to the show to discuss the ridiculous nature disaster film, The Happening! How did Night think Marky Mark would make a believable science teacher? What's with Leguizamo's character letting that wedding secret slip? And seriously guys, what's happening to all the bees? PLUS: An extended—and we mean extended—conversation about hot dogs. The Happening stars Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo, Alan Ruck, and Frank Collison as the Hot Dog Guy; directed by M. Night Shyamalan.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today on the program, we go back to Shamalan land with a little film called The Happening, featuring in studio's special guest, good friend of the show, and friend of ours in real life. Justin J. Case, this is We Hate Movies. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Eric Siska. I'm Justin Case. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies on the Sideshow Network. Thank you for tuning in to the program, as always. Like we said, welcoming in the studio, our good buddy, Mr. Justin Case, back on the program. I'm great. And we're actually breaking the 10-year rule for your coming-out party because this is a disaster expert Justin J.K.'s classic.

You're coming out party. Yeah. Well, he's coming out to the coast. Fresh from Chicago. Yeah. He's in town. I feel like most of my life has been making fun of this movie since I've seen it. Like, I could have done this episode without re-watching the movie. Oh, is that right? Easy. I saw this movie one time in theaters and that was it. I saw this movie one time last night. I've seen it before. Did you see it in theaters? No. Oh, right.

Oh, no. Just checking. Wait, so, Justin. Yeah. How many times would you wager you've seen this movie? Oh. Hold on. When was two?

I've seen it twice. I saw once when it came out. Do you see it in theaters? No, I think I Download it. Oh, man. So I I equal the biggest loser In this room. I was like, it's his first R-rated movie. Isn't it weird though? Like I was just thinking

about Netflix and like, oh, you would have to get this movie mailed to your house. I made Arrangements for the happening to be mailed to my house. Yikes. Thank you. Thank you, kind of post Postman. Exactly. Someone walking that to from the

archives. He wants What? Okay. Get it on the bus. Wait, you still have Netflix disc programs? No, no, no, no. I'm just saying in 2008, you would have it. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

I thought you meant like you, that's how you watched it. No. I still have a, I still have a couple of movies from Netflix. What? I still have watchmen kicking around my house for some reason. Yeah. They're coming for you. It's that thing where you lose the jacket or the little sleeve it came and you're like,

oh, I broke in the mail. I never saw it. Oh, yeah. You're just like. you know, you're admitting this on the air. They can come after you. 30 bucks? 30 bucks to keep quiet.

30 bucks is what they're going to charge Steve. Whatever, man. You can't just put out a dollar amount and be like, whoever will take that. For my lawsuit. I didn't know what he meant. I don't know who's that money he's going to. So this movie,

it's the happening, like we said. It's 2008, M. Knight Shyamalan. This is the second movie of his we've done. Yes, we've done late in the movie. the water and this. Oh, no. And after Earth. So this is the third movie. Oh, it's a trilogy. Oh, yeah. It's a trilogy of episodes. Our Shaman pack. This is the first, at least for me, the first, oh, he's a terrible movie. Because Science is before this and it's not terrible. Signs is good. Lady in the Waters before this. That's 2006. Yes. Oh, when was the village? 2004.

Okay. Yeah. So he was certified rotten to be. Yeah, that's true. But the thing is, Lady in the Water had Roger Deacons, and this didn't, and it looked good. Like, if you watched 10 minutes of Lady in the Water on TV, you'd be like, oh, this is probably a good movie. I'm not watching it, but it's probably a good movie. Yeah, this looks like a sci-fi channel movie. Like, it's so fucking cheap. It's 90-1 minutes.

It's bird demic or less. It's less because at least bird demic's got shitty-looking birds. This has the breeze. Drew Breeze? Yeah, and the villain of this movie is Drew Breeze. Speaking of birds, it should be clear. At least in my mind, he thinks he's making the birds. Oh, without question.

This is his nature turning back. It's back on humanity movie. Well, I don't know if you guys know this, but Eminet Shamelon, circa 2002, is and remains to be the new Hitchcock. Oh, right. Yeah, I did. I heard that. Move over, Brian De Palmer. Here comes M. Night Shyamalan.

Move over Hitchcock's grave. Here comes to M.N. Chavelon. Anybody see that, the visit, since the last time. we've done an episode on this movies and I asked the same question? No. Yeah, all right. JJ, anything? No. Did you just learn that it existed last night?

The last one I saw, I did see the last Airbender, which we did get a little, a little teaser at the end of this movie, by the way. Stay tuned for that. Wait, what? Was there a stinger scene after the credits? No, at the end, the girl puts out a backpack that says Avatar on it, which is that carto. Oh, get out of town.

The IMDB Tribune says that the bus that she gets it, he says 2010, you know why? Because the Avatar movie came out in 2010. Stop! Stop that's the movie and says, I don't know if it's a coincidence or what. That's like looking at, that's connecting the dots. It's all coming together. That's seeing the secret source code of this movie. I don't, he has a fundamental misunderstanding of Easter eggs, man.

It's not an one. Easter egg, there's a poster for my next movie and my new movie. He's confusing Easter eggs with easy to miss marketing. Easter egg, that's my dad's favorite. favorite shirt. This, like I said, this movie, I was sold on this movie because it was rated R. Like, I saw the preview and I was like, well, it's a bunch of people committing suicide and it's rated art. That's got to be pretty cool, right, everybody?

The, the debts in this, this is the first Chamelon R-rated movie, and it may be the last, I'm not sure. After Earth, I probably wasn't, I'm pretty sure Avatar wasn't. I don't know about to visit. I don't think so. I'm pretty sure Avatar. It's a one. This is a hilarious. movie for those suicides. Oh, sure

it is. Because it's like, you know, with these construction workers, I think that's towards the start. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That made the preview. I mean, for the one who doesn't know, right? Like, this movie is Mark Wahlberg is pretending to be a science teacher. And all of these people start killing themselves and it might be because of plants

getting mad at the world. Can I tell you a couple years ago, while promoting the fighter, Mark Wahlberg, was interviewed about this movie. And he had a good soundbite. you want to hear it? Yeah. Because apparently Amy Adams was up for the Zoe de Chanel part, which I imagine, well, she was offered it.

And I imagine she's like, no, thank you. Oh, thanks so much. No. And you can, that's totally right the way you're doing in this TV because I have a running theory that Amy Adams is the politest person in Hollywood. Oh, thank you so much. It's just like garbage. Thank you so. No, no.

Yeah, like she can tell you to go fuck yourself to your face and you'd be like, that's the nicest person in Hollywood. Oh, you should wipe your ass with this movie. Thanks so much, though. Oh, you're so great. Thanks a girl coming out. You have a beautiful wife. So play the sound clip. What's the drop you got over there? She dodged a bullet.

It was a really bad movie. Fuck it. It is what it is. Fucking trees, man. The plants. Fuck it. You can't blame me for wanting to play a science teacher. No. Wait, no. You're making that up.

At least I wasn't playing a cop or a crook. What? I wanted to play a science teacher for once. wasn't playing an amateur porn star with a big dick that reminds me of when Anthony Hopkins was on the late night TV show years ago and he was in that movie that action movie with Chris Rock or something

Oh bad company I almost said head of state That's a different shitty Chris Rock movie I almost said hearts in Atlanta As far as I know Chris Rock is not in that movie And he and they were like Why did you make this kind of shitty action movie And he had like he was like I don't know

I just felt like I'm going to get out of the house And shoot some guns and you know Like I wanted to be an action movie movie. That makes sense to a human being wanting to play a high school How is that like I guess like he gets typecast as a tough

guy in this movie he's smart He is pretending to be smart He's got this school district fooled You don't think he's got a degree? I don't think so That would be more like an interesting layer in this Yeah Mark Wahlberg stars in fake teacher Right like it starts out he's like I hope they don't find out about me you know

And he's like trying to keep it under wraps. That's sort of the suspense. And then suddenly it's like, now people killing themselves. Oh, he's like a low-stakes Don Draper. Like he went to Iraq. Yeah. And some high school science teacher. He's a Seymour type, actually.

Or he's put upon because the town expects him to figure it out. Well, he'll get our science expert. Yeah. There is that one part in the movie where they're like, come on, figure it out. And he's like, give me a second. Hey, bros, just give me a second. Right. Chlorophyll, it's not that. I know what that is. Is it Borophyll? No, that was in my favorite movie.

So we start in Central Park with one of the ladies from House of Cards in this scene. Is it like a postseason two actress? No, first season. Corey Stahl's girlfriend there. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. But it's her and her friend and they're like reading books together, I guess, and maybe they're a couple. That's what smart people do, right? Yeah.

Well, this idea of like group reading. a book is very strange because the one girl says to the other girl she's like where was I and she's like you're at the part

where the killer blah blah blah and she's like oh that's right and just like talking about the park you're at the park hey what the fuck

you're in the park oh no you're at the part of the park where the killer's running by right now yeah I thought you yeah she was like where was I

and she was like oh we're right here this is where people get murdered yeah she's asking about like what part of the book it's like I'm not responsible

to fucking remember what part of the book you're at? I've sat down with people in red books while we just kind of hung out. But reading the same book at the same time? No, that's insane. That's what I'm talking about. This is tandem book reading. Like, you take a page, I take a page. I'm not going page for page.

No, that's it. Page for page. Ah, but so then, thank God she gets a whiff of this virus and she pulls out a metal chopstick and jams it into her neck. Wausa. It's pretty brutal. And you're right, though. I think, I don't know if you said it's on the air,

but there's another cut of this movie. scenes where like a lot of the murders in this movie are truncated because like this they're not murders let me correct you right there they are suicide that's true it right or pay the shit I guess wait I guess it could be a murder if you're going to like try the trees assisted

suicide assisted suicide by a tree yeah yeah yeah it's like a Joker toxin it is a lot like a Joker toxin or like yeah more maybe poison ivy is involved this would be a I've always signed more poison ivy. Yeah. Which imagine if that plot line was in Batman and Robin, like there's a gas going around and it's making people commit suicide.

So this would have been a perfect secret Batman movie. It's always been my fantasy to have a movie. To have Mark Wahlberg play Batman. No, no, no, no. It's 90 minutes of the happening. In the last 10 minutes, Batman comes up and figures it out. And oh my God, it's what's, it's poison ivy doing the whole time. That's, so what you're saying it's not a secret fantasy.

It's what your mind does when it's really not liking something. Yes. Because I do it all the time as I try to put in things that I like into movies that are bad. Yeah, when a Batman dropped in. Kramer could lighten this scene up. What if he showed up? What are what Slim Pickens and Dr. Strangelove is up to right now? Yehaw.

Well, that's happened to Slim Pickens. He was in that plane and the gas came in. That's why he rode that A-bomb down. Oh, yeah. That's more of an accidental death in that movie. Oh, right. Yeah, he doesn't see that coming. accepts it though um yeah so that woman commits suicide and then you see like now here's the thing

m night you can just call it's cool it's called night oh that's right yeah all right night night yeah we know him friend of the show knight chamelon thank you you've got a i'm not him is just for mister why why is he not in this movie why is he is in voiceover he is he is does the voice of joey we had a tarametsu one joey with a sweet two guys joey with a sweet two Oh, right, right, right. Joey, who loves desserts and pretty girls. How did I not realize that was him? And ignore social cues.

That would be a great OKCupid profile that would get you nowhere. I like desserts and pretty girls. We should just make Joey an OKCupid profile. Put M. Knight's picture there? You know what? Lonely lately. By the way, that's a great idea. Fake OKCupid profiles from previously.

created we hate movies characters get at it get any hits get at it everybody oh man look for love but yeah we cut to a construction site oh a construction site somewhere somewhere in Manhattan

and uh this is it's the worst thing ever it's like we cut to the the punch line of a dirty joke being told I hate the end of a joke and it's just one of those like oh then I said to I don't know Russian submarine and all these dudes start going

It's like, I'm a screenwriter and I can't come up with a single joke. So let's just pretend there was a joke. It's not a bad way to engage your audience, but the catch is that you have to be able to figure out the setup from the punch line. It can't just mean nothing. No. You know, but here's what M-Nights or nights, you know, screenwriting is like, you know, it's like good jazz, right? It's not about the notes that he's playing. No, it's like bad jazz.

It's about the notes that he's not. not playing and these jokes that he's not telling the dialogue all over the place it's so stilted and weird it's one of those things where it's so bad you're like is this intentional that's what i was thinking is this a movie where is he doing such still yeah yeah it's a plant gas the plant gas make him talk like that yeah all my other movies yeah plant gas oh yeah so it's a box set of plant gas related bad dialogue it's the plant gas saga the directing it since uh 2000 it's like the dark tower there's so many volumes doing There's so much of him making, because you're right, I mean, the dialogue is on, it's, it's on, it's on, I've never,

some of the worst, it's the worst screenwriting I've ever heard. And it's the same. I have the same. I put him in Lucas just like in the exact same, because every time they make a movie, then I, every movie that George, like the original trilogy and with M-night, I don't know just the movie. I then know the excuse that they gave about. movie. Right, right. There's always a standard excuse. What was his for this one?

This, I think the, like, I was guessing that, like, he would say, I mean, the plants, like, it was all under the influence or something. Right, right, right, yeah. I bet, I bet. I bet at night and George Lucas go to restaurants out to dinner, order something.

And then when the waiter brings the food, they say that they got it wrong, even though they got it right. Excuse me. Steven, that's your name, waiter? Right? This soup's a little cold. Well, it's gazpacho.

It's supposed to be. Excuse me. This is a medium rare, but I asked for rare, and there's literally no difference between those things and restaurants, but I'm going to make a big deal about it. I'm going to quietly make a big deal about it. I'm going to quietly and flatly make a huge fucking deal about it.

So what I'm telling you, George, is I should take over the role of a table. Darth Vader. I'm a good actor. And get that fucking James Earl voiceover out of there. I'm doing suit and voice. That's a good idea, Knight.

That's what I don't really make them think. Hey, Knight. Hey, Knight, look at this dumpling. Doesn't it look like a little sarlac? Look a little sarlac in my soup. Waiter, Stephen. Is there supposed to be a sarlac soup? God, they come in every week.

You take it. My name isn't Stephen. I don't care. Is this the great soup of Kharkoon? Why, yes, it is. That's the answer you give George Lucas and everything. I'm confused to the character's goals in this. You know, I just like messing with people because I'm a billionaire.

There's this picture of George Lucas eating $6 Thai noodles. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's the best. It's a mall, right? In a mall at a noodle stand. A fucking food bowl. And there's a picture that's $6 $6 noodles here and it's hit with the Diet Coke

reading the paper eating noodles. I'm like, how on earth could you eat $6 food when you have a billion dollars because you know what? It means that he hasn't forgotten who he is. Oh yeah. He's still that same fat loser that wrote this saga fucking 50 years ago.

And for $6 you can get one bottle of cough syrup from in this town with it happening. It's a good point. Oh, that's right. Oh, that's right. How much could it cost $10? The construction site. Oh, right.

This made the trailer. Yeah, it's one guy falls down and they're going, oh, my God, that's McKenzie. And then they go over and then, oops, some other than I look. Oh, my God, that's McKenzie too. It's a McKenzie estes. The McKenzie brothers. There goes McKenzie three. Oh, and that's Bob McKenzie, but he's M-A-C.

Those other three are MCK. Something's making all the McKenzie's killed themselves. It's in the blood. But, yes, and now they all start falling down, and this guy, like, everybody kind of shits their pants. It was so funny. I got to say, I was laughing. My tits off.

First time I could laugh in a while, and it was so funny. Well, dude, I remember seeing this in the theater, and, like, that's what you're getting in an audience, because it was, like, one person starts doing it, like, tee-de. And, like, by the time these McKenzie's are dropping off this roof, like, flies, man. Everybody in the theater's laughing. That's a really good point. in movies like this where you're like and the audience has to gauge its own temperature

like are we laughing at suicide right now yeah we're going to laugh at suicide so we cut to the city of brotherly love Philadelphia hey can I play a science teacher oh wait you know what night it says I'm supposed to be a football coach can I be a science

teacher instead? Yo you're Marty is it okay instead of being an undercover cop can I be a science teacher instead Yo, yo, Yo, Chow Yun. You know, instead of being this assassin, can I be a science teacher instead?

Hey, guy that directed the big hit. Hey, guy who wishes he was Doug Lyman. Yeah, Doug Lemon. Doug Lemon. No, it's Lemon. Doug Lemon. Holy shit, we got a restaurant reservation for Doug Limon. It's lemon.

Oh, he directed the big hit. Yeah, he could be in the back. You're the toilet. You and Lou Diamond Phillips can go eat by the toilet. It's actually Lou Diamond Killips. He also tried to sneak a reservation. So he's a science teacher. I'm just actually Richard Kind.

Just regular. Eating alone. Back by the bathroom. What are you? Richard Cohn? I'm actually Richard Cohn. That's the real deal. A mad TV's Richard Kind.

Is that bad TV? Spin City. Mad about you. Sorry. There is a 50-50 chance Richard Kind hosted Mad TV. I take over under on that. I once saw him in the wild.

And I say that because, like, it was on the... When you went safari in Africa? He ate a zebra? It was in his natural habitat, the Upper West Side. And I caught eyes with him, and he caught eyes with me.

Oh, shit. And he knew that I knew who he was. It was like a deer senior before it runs away. Oh, nice. Did he run away? Yes, he ran in front of a cab. He turned around. My wife saw Richard Kine on the Upper West Side.

Oh, really? He was at a diner with his son. He was with a child as well. I hope it's the son. I assume so. Unconfirmed reports that he made that child. You know what? I wasn't going to mention that child on the air

because I was going to leave the kids out of it. Guys, why is it starting at the parks? Starting the parks. Oh, so guys, hey, he does. have like a bad science teacher vibe we're like, come on guys, let's use our brains here. Yeah, exactly. Why did the bees disappearing? You have to take an interest in science.

The bees. Oh, man, you hear about all these bees in South America? They're gone. Oh, my God, yes. I had the internet in 2006. Bro, where they all going? How am I going to get my honey? I love my honey. If the bees ain't around and make

the honey, I got to drink inorganic honey. How about Mark Wahlberg in a live action adaptation of Winnie the Pooh? Oh, yeah. Oh shit, bro, I got my head stuck in this honey jar Oh, he's the titular poo Oh, yeah, he would definitely He's a mo-capped poo

Yes, Richard Kine could be E-Or Yo, piglet, are you a girl or what? What's your gender piglet? Yo, piglet, if it turns out, you're a girl, I'd love to fuck you, bro. Come on, Rabbit, you gotta forgive yourself. Whatever happened? Get over. Life of Muzon, Rabbit.

Hey, owl, why don't you stop being so fucking smug? You know what, I'm gonna wipe that smile off your face, owl. if you're fucking owl beak. Yo, Rabbit, what else you're growing in that garden, bro? Yo, Eeyer, you want to go watch the socks? It'll cheer you right up. They're about to win the world tears. I'm a big Bruins fan.

Their mascots are bear. You guys get hit it off. Yo, I am best friends with Christopher Robin. That's great. Yo, that fucking Christopher Robin owes me five large. Everybody thinks he's so sweet With that yellow shirt and those shorts He's got a real gambling problem

Oh man Christopher Robin gets killed by the mafia In this Winnie the Pooh movie Oh God and then Pooh's got to go to Southie To straighten it out Yeah Dude yeah it's called Pooh's revenge Damn right it is

So yeah He's just going on the class Trying to find out Who knows about the bees And nobody gives a fuck How about that? Let's start there Nobody gives a fuck

And you're right Because it's like, it's like desperate teacher voice. Yeah, it's like, come on, guys, give me anything. But they gave, they give him three answers. He's like, come on, I need one more. And he starts picking on like this handsome jock. And he's like, hey, fuck face. You're not going to look like that forever.

You better put your nose in those fucking science books. And then so many of my notes end in questions. And I don't have a lot of answers. But here's the question to first. Yeah. Can you call a kid a heart throb? That's a great question. No.

No, you can't. You shouldn't. And then can you segue to making fun of the vice principal and then continue to talk to that kid? Right? Because he's just like, I'll be right back. Hot shot. Howard Throb, I love you. Oh, keep you in your big package right there.

I'll be back in a second. He's like, oh, come on. You got to get your nose in those books. You know, your face isn't going to be perfect forever. And everyone's like, what? Yeah, he does like this like science explanation. You know, your face is going to grow by this amount each year? It's inappropriate the way it's all.

It really is. It really is. He's just like, you're going to be ugly as shit. Then the way this boss comes in, like this vice principal, she comes in like there's a fucking second 9-11 happen. Like,

that's the look on her face. Well, this kind of is, right? Yeah. And she's like, because a couple people killed themselves in New York. Right. I mean, what else is new? She's like, you need to see you outside.

And he's like, oh, no, everybody. The dark lord's here. And he's like, fucking, he turns the lights off and he's running around this class. Uh-oh. It's a witch, bro. We're all in this together, right? And she turns the lights on, like, this is fucking serious.

Well, the weird thing is that they have a little assembly with all, only the teachers. This school would be upside down. You take all teachers out of the classroom at the same time. Big mistake. Can't do it. You can't do it. They're going to take over. That's like, yeah, that's like letting all the prisoners, you know, run the prison.

Yeah, you can't have that happen. Who's going to beat the shit out of them and rape them? It's not Alan Rucks. It's a, it's a, it's a Rikers Island reference. Oh, really? Will the guards do that to the business? Yeah, we got a lot of problems out on Rikers Island here in New York. Of course we do. My number one fear is winding up in Rikers.

Yeah, you're close. It's a little like, you're close. It could happen. Anything can happen. By the way, principal of this school I've never seen again. Fucking Sir Alan Ruck. Oh, right, yeah. Captain Harriman. Alan Ruck, who, and I quote,

I spoke with the head of schools. Holy shit night And then he's like, don't worry, we have a plan All the teachers are going to go home Seen The head of schools He says the plan is Is that all the teachers

Are going to go home And it doesn't say what they're going to do About the kids Why? Now here's a great question Head of Schools, by the way, Is an owl with a A graduation hat on

That's the head of school It's got a diploma He's got a little stick That he taps Yeah, yeah, sure It's like a school of rock sequel Oh, my God, is 9-11 happening again? I don't know.

Ask Mr. Owl. It's ridiculous. Like, don't you think it would make sense? You have fucking Alan Ruck. Like, you know, he's not George Clooney, but he's a big enough star that if you're going to put Alan Ruck in your movie. He's a big enough star? Yes, he, to have more than one line in a fucking M-night Shyamalan shit fest.

Of course he is. But he's doing the Star Trek thing, right? In and Out. Yeah. He's got more lines as Captain John Harriman, Captain of the Enterprise B, than he does in this movie. But yeah, I actually at least need to see him commit suicide. Yes. Yes. You can't

just give me an Alan Rock in a movie and leave his fate undetermined. He goes back into his office and he's got like a little bonsai tree or something he's spraying water on and then he's just like, what's that smell? And he smells it right? Right? And then that owl eats his fucking eyeballs out

of his head? No, protractor right to the eye man. Oh yeah. I'm thinking paper cutting. Oh, oh the big like blade drop one. He pulls out the oldest calculator you've ever seen, and he plugs it into the wall. It's like this giant thing. Yours are definitely more exciting than ours. It's like the first one.

It's like this old giant adding machine. Why does he have this? Because he got it as a gift from the head of schools. I'm telling you, it's passed down for eons throughout the DOE. I know that you're trying to like set the create a world here, but you're going far in the back story. It's like not going to be. And then what happens is he kills himself because he takes the water

from that bunzai tree and pours it on himself and he electrocutes himself. Oh, wow, bravo. That's a real final destination death. His whole movie's final destination. Yes, it is. Because, like, suicide is, like, suicide is creepy.

Like, it's creepy that people are killing themselves. And it's painless. We're all going to eventually do it. So that's why it's like a final destination. But the weird thing is, though, they don't like, it's revealed to be a plant gas that makes you kill yourself but like wouldn't you

like if a plant gas is telling me to kill myself I'm like all right what I'm going to do is I'm going to go home I'm going to draw a bath I'm going to do the thing or maybe I'm going to do a bunch of pills it's like what is the most horrific way I could do this right now

well there's a bunch of bullshit that they put in about how like this whatever it is like turns off part of your brain that like but it spikes your creativity cortex though that's for sure I think John Leger

was almost got the least creative suicide in the whole movie. It's always, like, they're like a game of mouse trap. That's what I want. I want a fucking bowling ball to fall two stories under somebody's head. Like a Rube Goldberg machine. Exactly. And I want someone

to catch that mouse. Or maybe it's like home alone. Like they go to Kevin McAllister's house. It's Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. But then the gas comes in and he's like, you give up or you're thirsty for, oh God. Oh, they killed themselves. It's just like they're both hanging from those

paint cans. And then he's just like, he's like, thirsty for more. More. Pizza, buzz. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pepperoni. Pizza. Fully. Fuller. And then he breaks a fucking Christmas ornament and cuts his throat with it. That would be great. Because that's what I was getting out earlier. You have to pick something here.

Either this thing just makes people commit suicide. You can't also have a thing where you start talking stupid. Well, you can do the talking part. But you can't have the walking backwards. They're talking stupid during the whole movie but when they start doing like pizza pizza shut up you shut up

Christmas tree but then the soldier goes into like the soldier throws off the whole thing because he goes back into like kind of logical he's having like flashback dialogue he's doing like this is my rifle there are no other rifles like he also

fucking full metal jacket yeah he's pulling a private pile like nobody's business got big written without the internet syndrome because like that's like if you're like what's that thing I can't remember how it goes. I won't look it up. This is my gun.

It's my only gun and I will always keep it with me. Yeah, you're totally right. You know what? Which is unacceptable for a movie made in the late 2000s. You know, it's both unacceptable for the late 2000s and a signal of this movie was written without the internet. John Leguizamo's in it. Yeah, that's unacceptable.

He plays a math teacher. It's kind of hilarious. His name is Julian. Julian. Julian. Julian. Yes. Everyone's got names that don't really exist anymore.

Julian science teacher They're all famous What's his name? Alma, yeah. Elliot something? You know the last person, the last character I saw in a movie that was named Alma?

The deaf nun and sister act. Alma, turn up your battery. Man, if I could ever see a franchise where they all kill themselves. Oh, Strait three, you know, the end of the habit.

Striking the habit? Yes. Yes. You did it. Somebody called the whoopster we got it we got another sequel on our hands here so uh you know john john loganzum's like i'm a math teacher i think about numbers and uh what's you call mark always like that's so funny dude i'm a i'm a science teacher i only talk about science isn't that weird it's amazing writing

without the internet is amazing you just generalize everything and he's like oh i feel so bad because you and your wife are having these problems he's like i know man it's pretty sad you think she's gonna break up with me and he's like yo dude i never wanted to tell you this but on her This is so fucking inappropriate. She was crying. And I was like, what are you crying about? And I'm like, you, that's one of those things. Like, by the way, everybody in this room has got a secret that they should never tell anybody.

You go to your grave with some things. Steve, what is your secret? Oh, it's about all three of you, actually. Uh-oh. At the same time. My God, the lights just went out. Eric's dead. Oh, welcome to the murder mystery podcast.

I like that idea. And that's saying, so they mention, oh, this is the, this is the, this is the, when I was talking about how he's always got an excuse. Yeah. This is the thing that he was like, oh, there's a scene in the beginning when Mark Wahlberg and Zoe Betramel fight. I know that her, that's not her less than. That's close enough.

But I'm calling her Zoe Betchamel. That's what happened. I think isn't Betramel that like superheated cheese wheel that they cut and all the delicious cheese oozes out on this? It's like Betchamel you put on like Holland. it, like holiday sauce. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, there's a secret world of cheese

I'm not aware of. Machamel is cheese, maybe you're right, yeah. It's a thing, I don't know if that's the exactly, there's a, there's a term for it, they superheat a wheel of cheese, and they cut the, it's like still in the wax, and then they cut it, and it's like liquefied,

and they just drizzle it on whatever you're eating. It's a real pig's paradise. Now you're a science teacher. No, I'm a food teacher. Yeah, you're a, I was actually, I was thinking of the Bechdel test, you know, if two women in a movie

could talk to each other without mentioning a man, you pass the Bechdel test. Beckdell, yeah. But the Deschannel test, actually, is if somebody in a movie plays a ukulele, then you pass the Dechannel test. But unfortunately, this movie fails the Dechannel test.

Can I tell you she doesn't? If you never close your eyes, you pass. Dude, these things are taped open at all times in this movie. I don't know what's going on. And also, she does not have box glasses on. And for the entire 91 minutes, I almost had no idea

who I was looking at. Oh, really? Because the glasses? I don't think she did either. Well, she could play Superman. She would be very good at playing like a Superman type character. I would be okay with Carla Kent. She would be an okay Lois Lane, but I think she's terrible, right? We listen, I'm a big fan of that

New Girl show, and I everyone else on that show is funnier than she is, but I think she is funny on that show. Also, the film All the Real Girls with David Gordon Green. Right, but that's the only movie that she's been in that she's good. And it's not a great

rewatch. I like what I like all the real girls a lot. I haven't revisited it in a while to be fair. Amy Adams, you want to watch all the real girls? No, thank you so much though. Oh, thank you. You wrote such a cute story. I love bowling.

Oh, thank you. That's so great. No. I'll be a quick plug for Amy Adams in a arrival and nocturnal animals. Oh, a plug. Excellent movies that she's excellent in. What are you plugging Amy Adams? She's nationwide right now.

Steve, we're going to tell you. We're going to tell you she's here tonight. Oh. Come on in. Oh, she left. Oh, the lights went out. Amy Adams. He's dead.

Avenge me. She didn't. Well, the late great Amy Adams, everyone. Oh, no. Oh, Lord, great. So, basically. Waiting for Superman. They're having problems in their marriage, and John Loizama won't shut the fuck up about it.

It's so outrageously inappropriate. He's bringing it up multiple times in this movie. Yet where is his wife? Where is she? The world is ending and she's gone. She later says that, yo, she's going to buy a birthday present for our kid. Bullshit. She's going to buy some.

of dollhouse, he says. There's a dollhouse store at Princeton Sheddy. There it is. Yeah, okay, the world is ending, and you're going dollhouse shopping. You think that dollhouse shop is open? You're going dollhouse fucking, that's what you're doing. And if you go back, because

the timeline works out that, he's a small man. Dollhouse is where you fuck to my dog house. John Liguizama. Yeah, he's a tiny dude. Maybe him and Joey pants. Oh, yeah. Welcome to my dollhouse.

Let's get it wet. Ass to ass. Hey, Leguizamo, we've got to do this shit in a dollhouse or what? Yeah, let's do it. Come on. And then Joey pants takes off his trousers there, and he's just got a smooth area instead of genitalia. Yeah, and actually, a Ken doll come to life.

A Ken doll was in Bayonne, New Jersey. Was struck by lightning. So now I talk like this. Hey, Leguizamo, you ever want to see a Ken doll use the N-word? Let's do it. He does not. Dude, I'm the Sopranos. He was ripe with using the N-word.

Are you kidding me? You can't single him out for that. I can single out the town of Bayo, New Jersey, maybe. You certainly can. I don't want to miss what, because we're talking about, like, bad lines in this movie. I don't want to miss one that's amazing when they're like, listen, you've got to go back to the classroom and just everybody's got to go home. So the class is, like, clearing out. And there's four students that I'd like to believe are his favorite students.

Okay. They're about to leave, and he goes, hey, guys, and these, like, five students turn, and they don't say anything. And then he's just staring at them, and he goes, nothing. Like, what the fuck is that? Like, I thought he's going to say, like, get home safe, go check on your mother. Like, whatever. It's nothing. Hey, guys, pause, pause, pause, pause, nothing.

He could have just seen on buzz, buzz. And I'm like, okay, fine. Hey, guys, you think the Yankees killed themselves in New York? Oh, my God, we got a chance this year. We're going to break the curse. This was 08. The curse was already broken. That's true.

That's fair. Kurt Schilling saw to that. That's son of a bitch. Speaking of using the N-word. President-elect Kurt Schilling. That's to come. It'll happen. It will.

Anything can happen. So, yeah, basically, we're all going to the big Philadelphia train station there, which I've been to 100 times that I can't remember. Oh, station drives. Oh, I've been there so many times. Oh, my God, the times that Steve has been to the Philadelphia fucking train station, you wish, you wish you were there that many times. I added that Uncle Moes. They know me by name with that Uncle Moes.

Hey, it's that fat guy. That'll do. That's actually a broad statue of Steve eating. Handing a kid at a tortilla chip. Thanks, Uncle Steve. Shut up. Thank you, Uncle Moes. Beloved patron, Stephen Saneck.

Beloved patron. So, they're at the train station, and this is when, like, yeah, they start, what do you call it there? Panicking? No, who's Norm Peterson's wife? Vera. They start, they're Vera in John Leguizama's wife. Oh, you just missed my wife, bro. That would be great if the only time you're going to see John Leguizamo's wife in this movie, he's like, oh, she's coming through the door right there.

Hang on a second, fellas. And someone throws a pie at Ted Dantin and he ducks and it hits an extra in the face and you never actually see her face. That's true. Cheers trivia. That's the only time you saw. That happened on Cheers. You just won Cheers Trivia by saying cheers. But it wasn't the right answer.

It's the secret way you instantly win Cheers trivia. Nobody knows that. So, yeah, but she's like, oh, she'll meet us in Princeton. What I love is, oh, she'll meet us in Princeton. in the town of Princeton because it's a really badly written screenplay and like, I'm afraid if I say Princeton, people are going to take the college.

What are you talking about? Like, no one would say, oh, we'll see you at the town in prison. Hey, Eric, I'll see you in the town of Westchester. Yeah, well, it's on the town. It's exactly. Meanwhile, I'm a hamlet of Southampton. You guys, exactly. Say a location.

Like, like, there's, be more specific. Be like, be like, oh, this coffee shop and Princeton, whatever. Or like, here's a great idea, because who cares? She's a college professor, and you are going to meet her on the Princeton campus, because who could fucking care? She's like Princeton and end it. Like, that's fine. Like, oh, I'll meet you in the Bronx.

Like, you don't see, I'll meet you in the borough of the Bronx. And we'll fucking where? Arthur Avenue, Riverdale, where are you talking? This movie's ruined for me. I don't know where I'm meeting Steve in the Bronx. You meet her in my house, Joey Pants. Look at my flat pelvis. See, that's the thing

is he's named Joey Pants But what's under the pants Is the most interesting thing It's a real shamanian twist down there That'd be great The end of a end of a movie That sounds like a sex move by the way I gave her the old shamalanian twist

Or the Joey pants What's that dry humping? Oh, mercy The Joey Pants definitely involves wearing a wig John Leguizamo almost looks like he's wearing a wig in this What is with this weird like curly hair he's got going on? I think it's to make him look smart

Like a math teacher He's like oh you know I know I know all the probabilities It's like a 20% chance it's gonna happen Yeah he's playing C3PO Yeah Oh yeah Never tell me the Yo bro never tell me the odds

Yo bro you know I hate numbers I'm a science guy Knight, I've noticed in your movie that it's a little Star Wars. He's a little 3POS. What didn't you say, Knight? John Leguizamo and Joey Pantson, Little Star Wars.

That's why you never let... I mean, this goes out for all of our fans. Never let George Lucas read your screenplay because he's just going to take credit for it. He's like, well, that just sounds a little bit like the pod racing scene, you know? I mean, like... He's reading the script for Fast 8.

Sounds a little pod race-esque. Just saying. Now, speaking to Leguizamo, by the way. This Aquaman looks like he belongs on Nabu. You know, I mean, like, maybe I should get a little money from this Aquaman. There's Aquaman talking to any frog people or what? I noticed Paul Walker here is sort of like Han Solo in episode seven. Oh, wow.

That's a dark joke. It's a little while to get that. They met very different ends. It's okay. Now, JJ, let me ask you this. We're talking about John Leguizamo. I want to know if this is a regional commercial. Out in Chicago, do you have these commercials where John Leguizamo's playing multiple John Leguizamo's dealing with Wi-Fi issues?

It's like a Time Warner thing. Have you seen this shit? No, I think it's optimum. Oh, you're right. You're totally right. Is it of the same, in the same marketing campaign with the John Bon Jovi ones? Do we have that? We do have that. Slash, nobody cares about that answer. I am not seeing. I have not seen.

the ad campaign you're talking about, we do have that in New York, this is like a, he's like hi, I'm John Leguizamo and I'm working in the kitchen right now. And then he's, then it's like other John Leguizamo dressed as a chef and he's like, yeah, and I'm helping him out. And then he's like, now I'm John Leguizamo sitting on

a couch. And it's like, now John Leguizamo the woman. Yeah, it cuts back and there's like Lady John Lik Thrown. Oh my God, does clown show up? I dubbed D. Spard. No, and that's a big fucking mistake because if you're thinking anything about making this Time Warner cable commercial.

You're bringing in clown. You want people to subscribe to your shitty service. You're breaking in a fucking servant of the devil. At least Luigi. At the very least. He's like a woman. He's a chef. He's like an oily scumbag.

Just make him a plumber with a green hand. So they get on the train and like, John Lugazamo, who will not shut up about their fight, he's like, hey, Zoe, he's always doing Chanel. Now, why you're so cold to my buddy, Mark Wahlberg, over here? Is it because of that time you was crying on your wedding day? I can't believe he told them that. It's so grossly inappropriate. I don't know why now.

And now I guess the background story is she's been cheating on him with a guy named Joey. Well, they only had dessert, as she says. Yeah, you know, dessert means sex. Yeah. It could have been an emotional affair, which is actually the most dangerous kind of an affair. Tell me more. If I was married to fucking Mark Wahlberg in this movie, I'd fucking screw a guy named Joey, too.

Are you kidding me? Maybe it was Joey Pants. As voiced by M. Night Chalong, apparently. Again, I'm confused with everybody's motivation. Talk about a Matrix, bro. Oh, yeah. That's a love Matrix. Oh, you fuck Joey Pants.

Give me the blue pill already. I mean, or isn't the redmond? I know this steak isn't real. Oh, my God. It tastes delicious. A thousand times out of a thousand times. thousand i am taking that fake steak i can't believe like i i can't live in that fucking horror world oh no no yeah i guess that's true you wouldn't take you wouldn't take the steak over mush i guess

i would take the steak i like that our whole decision making process about the matrix what you're can i eat steak it's a testament to the prop department of the matrix movie because that steak looks delicious i could eat some of the big thick knives yeah oh a big old steak knife with that wouldn't handle that's right where you want to be and the alternative that is shown is snot soup. Yeah. Snat soup that you eat with your fucking hands. There could be a little sarlack in that soup.

Also, you get to have dinner with Hugo weaving. Okay. And he's picking up the tab. I like where this is going. Oh, my God, I met the red skull today. Dude, if Agent Smith took me out to dinner, you better believe I'm living in the fantasy world. You better leave, you better believe I'm putting out. That's just me personally.

So he bought me this fake steak, and then I let him fuck me. Mr. Anderson, this was like one-time thing. It was super casual. Why are you calling me? I'm sorry I lied to you. At the very least, I'd have an emotional affair. I'm pretty sure you already have. I'm thinking about it.

That's the most dangerous kind of affair. You know what the scariest part of this movie is, by the way? Seeing them on a crowded fucking Philadelphia transit train. Oh, a septa trains? The septa trains, dude, they are ass to ankles on that car. Are you kidding me? I was going to a wedding once, and it just so happened to be on St. Patrick's Day. Did you find someone crying in the dressing room?

No, I did not. That's what Zoe Deschanel was doing on their wedding day. Did you know that? If I did, I would never tell anybody about it. I could shut the fuck up if I did. This is one of your secrets. Yes, no, but it was me and my fiancé, and we were going to a friend's wedding, and it was St. Patrick's Day

and teenagers were literally throwing beer cans over our heads to each other like, yeah, let's go St. Paddy's Day. Full beer cans? Like toss me a brew dog? Yes, man. And it was the worst day of my life. I mean, the wedding was fine and beautiful and fantastic. No, no, no, it was the worst day.

Wait, wait. Who gets married on St. Patrick's Day? It just so happened to be, or the St. Patrick's weekend kind of a thing. Happened to be and who gets married on St. Patrick's Day are the same question. It just happened to be No but it was like the weekend Maybe it was like Maybe St. Patrick's Day It's always falling on like a Tuesday

Or something shit We got to the Saturday Bro Fucking St. Patrick's Day You could fucking bury me alive Before I go to a bar On St. Patrick's You know what?

I get a nice A nice like six or again As I stay in I drink it at room temperature And I shut the fly And fuck up about it We had that one St. Patrick's Day

With me and your brother A bunch of people went out It was so much fun I remember we started up Like I don't know maybe 50s or something and just walk away from bars. And by the time I got to the East Village, I remember me like,

it's never going to get better than that. Goodbye, St. Patrick's Day. That's the last St. Patrick's Day you have to have. Yeah, it was St. Patrick's Day with Mark Sadek. Perfect. See our Dragon Heart episode for a Mark Sadek appearance. That's the last St. Patrick's Day you celebrate.

That's all you ever needed. So we're on the SEPTA. Yes. And she's like, you know, she's breaking it off with Joey. I don't even know. Oh, you're a fiancé. Oh, no, no, no. Wait, can it be, oh, okay.

Can it be considered to breaking it off If you've had dessert one time With a gentleman And then you have to be like Seriously stop fucking calling me And he's calling her nonstop Even after she has this thing Which is like dude

We had Teramisu once Back it up Who specifies the dessert you had by the way No one in the world This is again You're fucking quirky Without the internet screenwriting You're like what's a good

Dessert dish to have on a date Taramee Sue sounds all right Taramisu is terrible I hate Taramisu Fuck that dish You know what it's our right. And I remain undecided.

And he's going on, like, he sees, is it at this point where he sees the phone? He's like, who's Joey? Who's Joey? Who's Joey? It's a baby kangaroo, but who's Joey? You know, I'm a scientist. I know all about the kangaroos. If this just had like a kangaroo jack show up? Oh, man. That's a movie I turned off in 15 minutes. So the train stops and he goes up

to the group of conduction, like, all right, you got to walk. And he's like, wait, why do we have to walk? What's going on? And they're like, I just got to walk and say, why are you not giving me any information? But what is going on? And what he doesn't know is they're not giving him any information because they are unfortunately trapped in an M-night Shyamalan screenplay. The conductor's like, I just, I don't know what, there's nothing on the page. I just have to keep saying, I just have to keep saying no.

He spelled rhubar, brong. I don't know. I refuse to just say the, I'm not, hey, hey, knight. I'm not going to say any dialogue that's misspelled. Okay, how about that? That's my new rule. My acting rule. No, I'm not going to read your IMDV tree.

Your IMD fan page as dialogue. It's like Philbert, Pennsylvania or something. The conductor says like, we lost, no, no, this is the end of the line. We lost contact. Well, with who? With who? I'm a science teacher.

He almost like he's like. With everybody. Oh, that's super scary. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, avenge me. Secrets. Amy Adams, you're alive. Arrival is awesome. I'm sure it is.

And she's great, and in general. And the nicest person in Hollywood. Oh, thank you so much, Andrew. I'll never see you ever again. Oh, she recovered. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Are you going to listen to the podcast?

Oh, no, not at all. Thank you so much, though. I love that she's brutally honest because she could get away with, like, you know, sincerely lying to someone but no no no no she's above that she's probably never seen uh superman movies i don't think she's the one she's in yeah no i don't think she's seen either of me oh i'm busy on the night of the screening thank you so much though oh my god i have to miss that premiere i'm so sorry i'm home doing nothing

i'm gonna watch carnival on standard deaf DVD wow what a fucking insult so she so we go to a diner and we're all just kind of sitting around um By the way, by this point in the film, important detail, we cannot leave out. Heaven forbid. There is a newspaper that says, Kiladelphia.

Oh, really? Wow, that's... How did I miss Kiladelphia? You need to kill it out? What is it the fucking afternoon edition? How's this newspaper getting out? It spread to Philadelphia, bro. They're killing themselves.

It spreads on the same day. No, I think it's just about... I wish I would have written it down. I don't think it has to do... Really? Oh, it's about the bees. I know. I think it's about the violence. in Philadelphia. I think you're right actually because

you know what he's trying to do? He's trying to fucking weave in some social commentary Oh, I see. Oh, was there a Phillies game? Because they say, Kiladelphia every time the Phillies play. Oh, really? They're throwing fucking batteries at the field, right? They're the worst sports fans in the world of sports. Everybody knows that.

So, they are throwing up on kids at Phillies games. The girl, the little girl's like, oh, my mom's probably dead, right? She's feeling sad. Her name is Jessica, I think. Jess, they call her. Oh, Leguzama's daughter. Leguzama's daughter.

They can't find the mom because she's buying her fucking dollhouse. Go figure. She's fucking somebody. She's fucking someone and she's killing herself. So while Mark Wahlberg's like, oh, you know, I got this mood ring. You know what mood rings do? They make you laugh, bro. Hey, I got some material here.

Everybody loves a good mood ring chuckle. Come on, smile for me. Think about David Ortiz. Smile. Think about how fucking funny big poppy is. Just think about saying it. Say Big Poppy. Think about him rounding the bases, bro.

David Ortiz of the mood ring is actually pretty funny. The dollhouse scene is the scene that I remember. Do they actually get it? He's talking about when we get to Princeton. Okay. Because it's actually literally jarring. But I do want to get to the lion scene. We can't skip the line.

Oh, a lion. He's trying to cheat. this girl up and this woman next to him is like hey look at this video you don't that's not how terrifying videos work you know what i've seen a lot of things go down in american diners you know what i haven't seen a bunch of people gathered around to watch a snuff film because that's totally what happens yeah basically this guy is he got affected by the gas somewhere and jumps in the pen and these lions eat him to rib it they're like ripping his arms off and it's so funny these He's lying because he's not reacting to it.

He's just like, whoa, there goes number two. It's the Monty Python, gang. It's the Black Knight. I think it's from a mad TV hosted by Richard Kine. I'm telling you, dude, I saw Calliando do this in like 02. It's just, it's so fucking terrible. It turned down on the volumes and you couldn't tell he was being Al Pacino at the time. Another eating on my arms.

Shut up, Frank Calliando. What was that? It was just like white noise. Whenever I hear his Pacino. You know, it's just like, what? That's how I relax that, but I go to sleep. Go to bed. You go to sleep is a big deal.

It's wrapped up in dreams of Clover. Good night, Stephen. Say hello to a little zeeze. It's like the worst, the dumbest quote you could ever do. Oh, of course. And that's why it works for Frank. Oh, yeah. That's why it's a Frank Calli and O.

golden classic it's just it's frank tv we're just living in it man so the the diner splits up uh lego zama was like i have to go see my wife in princeton you take my daughter with these other people and then they go to prince and i apologize okay no this the dollhouse scene is the scene that i remember so vividly i've never re i've rewound the scene just to make sure not this time but i remember the first time this scene is so incredibly problematic it was the first time when you got it from netflix yeah it's delivering a disc to your door on standard death

someone mailed a movie to you yes a human being had to walk to give this to me what an idiot yeah so it's throughout the film

he has a lot of trouble remembering where people are there's a scene where she gets a text from Joey doesn't want him to see it and so she does this quick like clothes and then like I hope nobody saw that and looks around but he's in the other room

you don't do that when somebody's in the other room you just close the phone There's no idea what spatial relations are in this screenplay at all. The most problematic thing I've seen in this whole movie is he goes, oh gosh, okay. So John Leguizama was like, yeah, she was just getting a dollhouse or something for Josh. That's a dead on impression. That's so fucking good.

And the daughter's like, oh, so it's my fault? And then I'm like, just keep moving, keep moving. Don't imagine it And Mark Wolberg Looks down at the kids Like did you hear what he just said I can't believe That he says in front of his daughter

Your mom is dead Because she was going to get you something Don't Get your birthday pregnant That's It's like He just forgot that He just forgot that you

The emotional scarring on that little girl That's your fucking fucking fool. Forever. This girl's ruined. So the diner breaks up and they're like... This girl's ruined. Give me another one.

I broke it. So Mark Wahlberg's like, no, bro, we go with this weird family and one Jeep and then there's literally two jeeps. One's like more of a station wagon. One's a Wrangler. And the Wranglers, like,

nah, there's room and this other one. They're going to Prince. I got to see him. My wife's alive. So you take my kid. And I'm just This is like he's not going to look for his wife No, he's in Miami, man

I've abandoned my child Abandon my girls No, this is the DVD I had the DVD of this And the DVD chapter So you had the DVD commentary on The DVD chapter is called Take My Child Please

Oh You know what, Bravo No no He's making a terrible joke So I'd like to come to Another question Can Hands be a theme okay because hands

he's just like I don't know why but she's like you don't take my daughter's hand unless you mean it she's like I mean it question mark well because he he's growling Zoe DeCinelle

he imposes on them he's like look I gotta go over here but they're not gonna let me take this kid you take her and I'll meet up and everyone's kind of my daughter so she can't sit on my lap she's see it look at this gross purse she's got she's so fucking big

and everyone knows that like and even all the characters in the scene are like, oh, he's giving them his child. And like, so he just said, I was like, come on, Jess, let's go. And he's like, you don't take my God's hand unless you win it. Like, they are just now begrudgingly accepting your request asshole. Do you think that was like a weird acting note from John, like, was like, oh, is this girl going to act this way, the whole fucking movie? Like, if she's going to take the hand, she's got to do it.

I don't know what, but there's, but there's, throughout the movie, there's like that and then the old woman slaps. We'll get to them. Oh, yeah. There's always, there's some sort of extra importance. Put it on taking somebody's hand and what that means. Oh, it's like Tarantino with feet. Oh, yeah. You think Shaman's a finger did learn?

I think he loves fingers, you know? It's like having five dicks. It's like one appendage and five dicks, dude. What I love about the Jeep scene, too, it's awesome. He's like, come on, Jesse. Go with these people, it'll be fine. I'll be, I'll be, I just got to catch you a child. cheat bitch mother in Princeton and I'll be

there. She got your doll house quote unquote. And while this is happening, I think the guy that's given like Guizamo a ride is Homer Simpson because it's like this dramatic moment and this dude is honking the horn constantly. Yeah, but like clearly there's a little girl that like is hugging him

and he's like giving her to people and he's like, come on we're going to make good time. It's so really. He goes, we've got to go. Yes, we know you've got to go. So they go And in this scene

Like we're getting to Princeton And they're like Oh I think there's gas Let's roll up the windows And there's a little cut In the little wrangler top there Right that's why You can't be having these jeeps with these fucking

In a biological plastic Roves You need a hard top Yeah you need hard top dude You got to go hard top In case of gas terrorism Also this is the most frightening Or any single piece of cloth

Well or yeah Or also if The plants try to gas us. Or just rain. Rain's going to get in there. Yeah. Now, this is the most bone-chilling imagery in the movie is like they turn a corner and all of these like day laborer lawn worker people have hung themselves from garden hoses. That's bone-chilling.

There's like nine people that are dead. And you know what that means? Let's not go in this town. Princeton is over. And my wife died for her. adultery. That's fine. We'll just keep moving. She died with Joey Pants and that's all right.

You died at Joey Pants' dollhouse. Oh, what are they, what happens in Joey Pants' dollhouse? Rub my bump. Rub my bump. Until completion. Oh, of course. You're not just going to halfway rub a bump.

It kind of just like, it's like a stop action. Yeah. It comes out of the pour. It's like it's like seeps out a little bit. Wow, you've put a lot of thought into this. Not really, but it works, right? It checks out, at least. Don't worry.

Don't worry, it's gross. Yeah, and then the car crashes and John Lugasamo opens his wrist. It's a suicide. It's like a, the dude slows down and then speeds up into a tree and, like, goes to the windshield. I guess, like, Guzamo, even though he's riding shotgun, he had a seatbelt on. He's in the back. No, he's riding. shotgun because what's ridiculous

is the driver goes through the windshield and a woman from the back seat goes through the windshield and then Leguizamo gets out like it ain't no thing. Yeah and then he just takes some of the broken glasses starts to opening his wrist which is pretty cool. It's pretty cool yeah. That's the end of that chapter. So now we're at that. That's the end

of Take My Daughter Please Chapter 5 of the DVD. Now... Standard Deaf. I turn you to your attention to hot dogs because we need to talk about nothing about... Like we we go to this guy is nice enough this guy and his wife

this guy's been in stuff did you recognize him from something he looks like a skinny Sid Hague he does actually he's definitely been in stuff I agree just one of those those guys and like they go to this greenhouse and he lays out this plan like oh I think it's the plants

because plants can do this plants can evolve and like make predators kill themselves or whatever science as a science teacher though Mark Wahlberg is standing there like isn't this guy fucking crazy yeah you know it's like this guy's like explaining he's like a I don't

I don't know that he's a botanist, but they own like a greenhouse-type business. Like, this guy might know what he's talking about. They're drug dealers. Yeah, no, it's a grow-op. I want to see, yeah, he's like, no, I got to go check on my special children behind the barn. That might do it. Actually, if you're stoned while this gas hits you, what happens? That's a great question. That might dull that sensor.

I bet it, yeah, I bet it's the antidote. Yes, exactly. That's if we just don't. Big Pharma doesn't want you to know about that. It's true. They just want you to inhale that suicide gas. They do. So he's like, um,

Hey guys, while I tell you about this guest, does anybody like hot dogs? Let's talk about hot dogs for a while. I love hot dogs. You could have a hot dog on a Sunday, a hot dog on a Monday. You get a bad rap, he says. This is dialogue.

In a movie while everyone's killing themselves, John Liguizamo is dead. This girl, who knows what's going to happen to her? Honestly, this is a scene that Justin and I would write if we were really hungry. Justin and I have had some amazing conversations about hot dogs over the years And we could write this scene

Better than what's going on here I was so wracked with trying to figure out Why hot dogs were a theme in this movie Because I'm convinced Does it tie into the finger The hand thing? No, it doesn't completely separate Because I got I kind of got five hot dogs right here

Please No those are sausages Right okay 10 Kilbasso For some reason he thinks hot dogs i my best guess is that something about carcinogens and about how we poison our own bodies right poison that i don't know and i'm like how what a hot dogs mean and i i'm 34 years old i looked up hot dogs for a clue think about it bro i was like what could it be and then i'm walking home i saw doctor strange last night i'm walking home by myself 40 seconds

you'd be like, hot dogs. I kind of mean something. Did you stop by a cart for some research, get a dirty water dog? Listen, I was looking for what I was like, sorry, I'm not going to buy a hot dog. I just have a couple questions. They're like hot dog mystics. I know. You've got a cauldron of hot dogs at all time.

That guy would have all the, he's cast an hot dog spells morning, noon, and night. I'm sure I'm the doctor strange of hot dogs. Dr. Dog, dude. I like this. I told you we can write a better hot dog zine. That's it. You know, at night, I love your screenplay here.

These hot dogs look like little lightsabers to me. Wouldn't you like to do battle with a couple of these dogs? Dr. Dogg is clearly a standard for quigon gin. I'm glad I can set the tone for your move. So, long story, sure, they don't pay off. But God damn it, that guy doesn't get a cold one in between. mass suicides. They're somewhere and they're just like,

there's people killing themselves over there. There's people killing themselves over here. Right here is fine. Time for a dog. That guy, you see him munching on a cold one later. He's scarfing dogs, dude. The idea of calling a hot dog a cold one is just, that chills me to the phone, man.

Dude, have you ever been in a position where you eat a cold hot dog? Because I've been there, and it's not as bad as you think it might be. Here's the thing. I'm not like going in the fridge. They brought the mustard because I know that. I'm not going to go in the fridge and grab like a Nathan's pack open and put a bun and eat a cold hot dog.

No, no, no, no. But if there has been a barbecue and there are dogs and buns and it was just kind of hanging out. Yeah. And, you know, it's been three to four hours. You've had dinner twice. Yeah, of course. Maybe I want one more hot dog. A hot dog appetit.

It's a little cool. You're not going to put it in the microwave because it's already in a bun. You eat a hot dog. So Andrew, how did you eat a cold dog? Old hot dog. Was it the homelessness? No, it was literally like take the pack out of the fridge and fuck it. That is a dark day.

Dude, dipping dogs, man. Wait, wait, no microwave existed yet? Was this before microwaves were invented? I'll do you one better on that. Yeah. I was all the, all of my silverware was dirty and I did that. I ate it with chopsticks. Oh, my God.

I ate a cold hot dog with chopsticks. Wait, I think you might be Dr. Dog. That's like Jedi level hot dog shit. Did you ever eat a hot dog with a knife and fork? Yeah, I've been there. You pour yourself a little bit, a little dab of ketchup. You eat it like, I call it a fancy hot dog.

Ketchup, what are you, a fucking cereal killer? Ketchup on a hot dog. What is the matter with all of you? I don't give a fuck, dude. You are born in the fucking great city of Chicago, and you're a disgrace to everyone in that town. And I dislike Chicago hot dogs, sorry. But the ketchup situation, regardless of whether

or not you need fucking bell peppers and pepper cheeses on a hot stuff. I like sourcrow and ketchup. It's a weird combo, man. He's doing a little Dr. Dog action. Oh, shit, yeah. That's right. Turned back time and now I'm putting mustard on it. Like, I guess a human name. He's got the amulet of Hebrew

National. He's turning back time with these dogs. I'm eating that ketchup hot dog and that ketchup hot dog goes... Catchup hot dog. Offenge me. Your podcast is great. You guys are disgusting. No.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much for asking me here, but you're all really gross. One iTunes star, why don't you stop eating out of the garbage? So I listened to this movie podcast, and they were just talking about food? Hello everyone and welcome to we hate hot dogs on the side show network. I wish. Oh, man, we. It would be a we love hot dogs.

Well, this episode's a we love hot dog. It's like what we call the we love hot dogs. This last 10 minutes has been a love song to hot dogs. This guy's like, I love hot dogs You better bring hot dogs with this, honey They go You know, I like those Hebrew nationals Yeah

I like that's a pretty good So Brett's a good one So Brett's a right I don't think I had that Oh really? You know what sucks ballpark Fuck ballpark Yeah that's disgusting

They plump when you cook America Yeah you know why Because of the fucking chemicals inside The chemical molecules are expanded Yeah it's full of plant toxins Those dogs will make you kill yourself Yes So this guy, they wind up with a fork in the road.

I like a beef, Frankfurter. Really desperately trying to get off hot dogs. All right, all right, all right. No, no, no, no. Eric's got one last B side. All right. Final, listen, final hot dog question, okay? Okay.

In one sitting, how many? Don't ask this. Don't ask this if you don't want to know the answer. How many cocktail weenies have you guys eaten in one sitting? Oh, cocktail witties, my God. Forget about it. Villages. Yes. I'm Galactus with cocktail weenies. It's like, oh, your planet is made of cocktail weenies. Fuck you, Norenrad cocktail ween. Numb, num. The entire population of the cookie sheet would wipe down.

Oh, yeah. You could just eat that whole pack, huh? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Easy. That peel and eat shrimp. That's another thing. It doesn't. Really? That doesn't stand a chance with me in front of it. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. I like a good shrimp cocktail. that kind of reminds me of fingers and hands don't look at me you're the hand guy you're the hand guy you're the hand guy you talked about hands

bro I got a hand guy so man getting a hey J bro so they wind up running into this military this military guy basically all people who all they run in a fork in a road

and all different people from all different sides of like a seven ward seven road like fork basically And they're all like, oh, we just came from the area where the gas was. It was killing everybody. Oh, my God.

He ate that many hot dogs. They go to this guy. They're like, oh, and Mark Wahlberg starts theorizing because he's a science genius. He's like, yo, bro, I think that they don't like people. Hey, is there a real estate agent that knows where people don't live? And this guy shows up. He said, yes, I happen to know where people don't live and people don't live. He's like, this one particular part of town is not on any map.

you'll be using. I was like, where are you taking these people? The Texas Chainsaw Massacre out? They should just go to like the Appalachian Trail. You know, like get off the grid. Because I think they realize like if it's started in like a condensed you know, city area. It's happening in parks

bro. Why is it starting in parks? I'm going to act like I didn't figure that out an hour ago throughout the rest of the whole movie. And that you know yeah, so like the smaller the groups of people, the less threatening they are to plants, I guess. All right, guys, we're going to break up it in two groups.

All main characters goes in this group, and Hot Dog Guy, you go with that other group. Hey, Hot Dog Guy. Dude, we presume Hot Dog Guy is dead, but that's like, it's like a Zach Snyder, like what they did that pirate side movie for, what you call it there. No, no, no, no. They had that pirate movie for Watchman. There's a separate flash animated happening sequel or like side-by-side goal. in where a hot dog man like you think he commits suicide with everybody else

no no no hot dog man survives oh it's like the mid 2000 so there'd have to be a tie-in shitty comic that's DVD size exactly right yeah yeah yeah I love it he goes back to his he goes back to his his greenhouse and he's like well done my pretty oh man he's in on it

yeah yeah I thought the whole hot dog guy's the big bag that would be awesome the nitrates in his brain because he's so many hot dogs has suppressed that one part that makes you fill yourself. That's what... Honestly, that's what it should be. Eating hot dogs is the cure

and not getting killed by this thing. I will build on that twist. Now, he's got that grow-up... He is, you know, behind it all, right? He's the big baddie. He's the one making the plants go... He's Dr. Dog, dude. He's the evil doctor-dug.

And why does he want everyone to kill themselves? So he can turn him into hot dogs. Oh, shit. Dude, man, he's making dogs. And then he's eating dogs. He's eating dogs. He's eating human dogs. I just realized, what's his face from a Green Lantern movie?

Ryan Reynolds. Oh, no, the bad guy. Angela Bassett. That's the one. Purple guy. Oh, Peter Sarsko. He kind of looks like he's getting turned into a hot dog in that movie. He's a hot dog you left in the microwave.

Yeah, yeah, he is. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, go over there, hot dog guy. So they all get killed by the middle. military guy's gun. Private Nile, because we're totally not ripping off pile here. And he's like, yeah, this is my and he just... Cheez and crackers.

He does say that. Fits in a scene what happens earlier where basically like this police officer kills himself. And then everyone keeps picking up his gun and shooting himself in the head. And can I tell you that is, I think, the most unbelievable scene in the movie. Okay. Because we're back, we're like,

we're like somewhere in Manhattan. There's a traffic jam. Everyone's trying to get out of the city. This cop's like walking down the street. And he walks up to this cab just this random old yellow cab and the cop is like what do you think is going on today Jerry and I was like whoa pause this movie

that cop does not know on a first name basis the fucking random cab driver nope that's just driving by are you kidding me like does M Night Shyamalan seriously think there's like 45 people is New York City fucking Mayberry in this movie it's it's after

Dinkins passed that law where everybody who wore name tags and you go, hello, Joe. How are you doing, Sam? I have a Dinkin's Day. So that, that cop, I'm so glad you brought it up, that cop's death, I am laughing my brains out at a Walburgers. That's right. I watched this movie on my phone at a Walburgers. Get stop it.

You found the ultimate irony. Where did you encounter this Walburger's? at Logan Airport. Oh, my goodness. Oh, man. Wait, wait, do they have hot dogs? Is that? Or is it just burgers?

It's mostly burgers. Well, wall burgers. You want a wall dog? I'll show you a fucking wall dog. Get over here. It's an off the wall dog. It's got ketchup on it. To be a lie on the wall dog.

That cop, when that cop shoots himself and he falls, so I'm laughing so hard at this. And I'm not actually just laughing at the movie, but I'm laughing. Because I'm laughing at you doing the impression of what I'm about to describe is the cop hits, his head hits, and he's got a hole in his head and then just, he just had a little, dude, there's that like, what? Like that little, like, it's like a blood fart out of this dude's head. On effects department. I don't know how. Just, that's what happens. Offenge me.

Can we talk about my favorite scene in the movie? Of course. So we split in this group and Mark Wahlberg was like, oh, cool, there's a house. Now that everybody else is dead. Bye, hot dog guy. Thanks for the lift. And the dogs. So they go and like Mark Wahlberg is in a house with these two, with a couple of kids and like a little girl and Zoe DiChernell.

And he's like, we got to go to this town. All right, guys. We'll see you in a minute. Oh, my God, bro. Is there a plant in this room? Oh, no. Oh, shit. Hey, plant.

I'm sorry. We're going to leave real soon. Hey, plan, we're going to... Oh, you'll be leaving. Yo, it's cool. I could die now. The socks won last year. Just leave me alone.

Oh, you'll die. And he's... Feed me. And he's like, oh, it's a plastic plant. I'm crazy. I'm talking to a plastic plant. It is the worst scene in any movie. It turns out that plastic plant was Zoe de Chanel.

Keep the little plastic glasses on. And it goes to the new girl has cute adventures, mix out with Jake Johansson. Dude, it's Johnson. It's right after he has the classic, I mean, when he goes. Yeah. And, you know, I kind of have no problem with Mark Wahlberg. Sure, it's fine. I don't normally step out from Mark Wahlberg movies anymore.

I did see this in theaters, but this is, it's, what Steve is talking about is moments after he utters the line, be scientific douchebag. Oh, yes. When everybody's like, why do we do it? Joe what do we do Joe what do you know what do we do science guy and he's like think think about something think about the plants the plants are getting mad be scientific douchebag yo yo you know my can I can I can I um uh am I am I a ghost in this movie let's just you can tell me now am I gonna get a script at the end of the shoot that's like

yo he was a ghost movie was shot in sequence yeah oh was it oh boom words can I improvise in this movie I heard I took it acting class once. We get to say whatever we want. I said, douchebag in every scene I did. I said, Mr. President, these numbers are terrible. Shut up, douchebag. Now I have a fake gun. You're all being

held hostage. I'm a doctor now. Oh, you got AIDS, douchebag. Look out now. I'm Batman. I'm going to avenge your AIDS, douchebag. You're being a douchebag, Mother Teresa. Come on. So, yeah, and

two of the kids that join him, one is Spencer Breslin and is another is another kid to some dude Spencer Breslin by the way Can we call those kids steak and eggs Yeah they're two heavy kids They're the nasty boys They are the nasty boys dude

Spencer Breslin of course I'm surprised I didn't go to go with hot dog guy They're breaking into the group No we really want to go with hot dogs No you're coming with me That guy's got looks like he's a lot of hot dogs They're all for me

He's like the Pied Piper of Fat kids Spencer Breslin is the kid from like Disney's the kid Oh, he's Disney's the kid He's Disney's the kid And I grew up to be a loser Yup And he's also he's also in Cat and a Hat Oh nice

Oh yeah And other other films He pops up They're like trying to help him with his love life for a minute And it's weird because like I didn't know that there were characters Until they're all walking together And I'm like, who are these kids You just think they're extras.

And you don't even recognize Spencer Broson because he's got this like, I'm in high school now mop-top haircut. Here's the thing about him about Spencer Breslin. I wouldn't recognize him no matter what. Oh, you mean you didn't see Mike Myers the cat in the hat? I did and I dodged it. Yeah.

So the little girl is like, I'm, I'm hungry. And they're like, oh, we got to stop everything. She's hungry. We're in the middle of a fucking apocalypse. She's a bit peckish. Hey, toss me a dog across the field. Oh, no, that guy's dead. Let's go get his hot dog.

Could you go for a cold one? No dog left behind, bro. So they're like, we came upon this farmhouse. Oh, great, let's go knocking on the door. And they're knocking on the door. And, like, Spencer Brussels, it's like, Hey, Pussies, open the door.

I'm hungry. The girl's hungry. She's a little girl. She wants food. And these guys are like, get out of here, man. This is Trump country. And you're like, yeah, I know.

And they're like, you're not welcome here, man. And like, you just get the fuck off my porch and we'll have no problem. He's like, you're a fucking pussy. why aren't you getting and he's like just fucking mouthing off and mark walberg to his credit is trying to snuff this shit out he's like hey bro shut the fuck up they sound like this shotgun crazy he never even walks over to these kids to like stop them from trying to break in like he's just he's just standing away what does he have to do grab them these are adults what they're not adults just talk to

the fucking prison system secrets but this kid gets end of easy rider shotgun in the chest and it is great my lord this child's back explodes because they're like we told you man you got to get off this porch cablam and then the other kid doesn't even know what's going on he was mounting off a little bit but not really and like he's looking at mark walberg like hey what are you looking at over there shot it's like a fucking it's it's it's a looney tunes gag a little shotgun comes out of a hole and makes this head kid's head disappear they come upon another farmhouse yet a Another farmhouse. And this is a lady that's like, hey, you can come in.

I'm a shut in, and they're having a nice dinner. Can I say something? This lady won. Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones. She won maybe Mother Nature personified. Oh, I like that. But, too, you know what?

She's really fucking rude. Oh, sure. She's just rude. She's plain rude. So I'm supposed to give you some lemon drink. Right. Well, it is Pennsylvania. Yeah.

Well, it's like, this woman, it's made clear she has no. idea what's going on. So she shouldn't be, like, suspicious of these people. She doesn't know that there's an apocalypse happening or whatever is going on. But she's just, like, genuinely rude to folks. Well, she's like, yeah, oh, I guess. And she's, like, nice enough, like, Walbury, like, oh, yeah. But I guess I have to give you food for dinner now, right?

That's what the, that's what society says or whatever. No, just tell me to go fuck off. Bro. Oh, I guess you're just going to have to eat me out of hot dog at home. I hope you like cold ones. I do. Dip them in some gray poop on. I mean,

a gray poop on is a really nice dipping sauce for that. That is true. Yeah, I might do that. It makes you forget the fact that you're eating cold uncooked hot talks. So they're having dinner and like, she specifically says,

I don't care what's going on in the world. I don't want to know. I don't know why you're here. I don't want to know anything, but you can stay the night. And they're like, oh, she's a cool old lady, bro. And the little girl tries to grab a cookie.

And she slaps her hand. And you're like, whoa, that's low stakes. I just saw somebody get eaten by lions, you know? Yeah, you know what? Earlier this day at a diner, I watched a snuff film on a phone. Act one, maybe I'm intrigued. We also, I don't remember when this happened. I think it's when they're in the model home, when he talks to the plastic plant when they go out.

He sees this guy kill himself on a lawnmower. Oh, yeah. Which I guess is the only real thing in the model home. This is this huge John Deere fucking madman-esque lawnmower It's like if Superman didn't give a fuck about that deaf kid And just let him get run down by this big old lawnmower Because he starts it and he again like what What chemical in my brain would even think of this?

It's so creative I'd be like oh I don't know how I'm going to kill myself here I better go to a lake and drown in it You know what I mean like? Yeah I mean like this gas makes you like the fucking Salvador Dali of suicide Oh, that's awesome I kind of want some You die with a great mustache on your face

You're wearing a top hat, pet in the cat I'll tell you, Eric, you're halfway there You know what, yeah I could see some ants coming out of my hand Oh yeah I've always wanted to put a piece of bread in my head Yeah, in Salvador dolly, is he the clock guy? Hey, did you do those clocks?

You know, one time me and my buddy Guba, R-I-P, we were doing mushrooms down in Southie, bro, and I thought the clock was melting. But I was just in a head shop and it was a fucking dolly poster. The next morning, Goobah was diagnosed with leukemia. All right.

So, no, I just can only think about the Goob's mom's meal being comped at Walburne. Oh, definitely, dude. But so... You get to watch the happening on a phone and get your meal comp. He puts on that lawnmower just to finish this thread. Please. And then lays down in front of it.

Oh, yeah. And then he's just, and then it just runs them over. and choose them up. Which is the worst way you could die ever, period. Is it? I think so. That's one of, I mean, that's up there. That's worse than fire, right?

Yeah. How about crucifixion? I mean, that's a, that's a, you know. Crucifixion technically, you're suffocating. Yeah. Oh, okay. If that changes. And now, speaking of Christ-like figures, the lawnmower man, is this how he died?

Oh, that's where he comes from. He was a little out of focus? I couldn't tell. I don't remember that movie. He becomes a computer ghost. Yeah, no, he's talking about it. It's actually Jeff Fahey reprising his role as lawnmower man in The Happening. That's what you didn't get.

Oh, yeah, no. Yeah, dude, these M. Knight movies, man, you got to watch them with a magnifying class. There's a shared universe. Definitely shared universe. Oh, bro, there's so many Easter eggs. It's like he's the bunny. It's like M. Knight's the bunny. Slayed all these eggs.

Eminet Sean Malone's the Easter Bunny. Sign me up to watch it. Oh, totally. Yep. Thank you so much. No, I'm busy that night. Oh, so sorry. Steve, I'll never date you.

I'm sorry. Oh, you're nice, though. Stop asking me to watch these direct-to-d-d-d-d-div-movies with you. Sorry. I don't know what a podcast is. Thank you so much. I have millions of dollars. I won a fucking Oscar, stupid.

I only listen to my friend, Adele. Whatever. So in this house, there's this great scene where, like, They're whispering like, oh, I think they're going to bed and like, he's like, I don't know, bro. This lady might be crazy. And this lady's like, hey, what are you guys talking about up there? You're going to steal my stuff. And it's the most awkward cut in any movie.

It's like, it's close on Mark Wahlberg. It's like, yo, bro, we're not going to steal nothing. We're just here to hang out. Cut to the next morning. That's it. I'm like, what? You're talking about you're going to kill me in my sleep. And you're just like, maybe.

Keep talking like that, lady. But he's in such a situation where he's just like, no. After all this, like, no, I'm not going to kill you. Believe me, you are not on my list of priorities, ladies. Were you listening to our dinnertime story? I fucking told you what happened to Hot Dog, man. And now the movie's reality breaks in half. And we cut to all these different people that we never see before or ever since.

It's like the Truman Show. Everyone's watching TV. And this guy's like, well, it's a biological incident In case you're just joining this year In this movie you've been watching for 90 minutes And these incidents are happening in such a degree Here's some fake math where at around 9 a.m. It's going to peak

And that's going to be the end of the fucking Nate Silver over here With the fucking fake percentages you pulled out of your ass. It's fucking bad numbers, bad silver numbers. The guy, he's the first or the second TV He goes, it could stop at any time There's absolutely no way of knowing. And those are the probabilities. There's also, they also float by, like, the idea that the government did this.

Oh, right. The CIA is involved a little bit. False flag operation, prison plant. Plant. Plant. Agent Calliando went rogue. Infotrees.com. Catch him in bed with a vikis.

So the next morning, this woman winds up killing herself. She, like, she doesn't. by slamming her head into various walls of her own home. Dude, this woman's suicide is so fucking metal. I couldn't even take it. She's slamming herself against a wall. And Walberg's like, bro, who's a ratat tat tatan on the door? And then you see her, and she's standing in front of a window,

and she just smashes her fucking face through the window. Her death is actually the one that I felt made the most sense. I feel like if you're, If you're not in control and you can't paint a picture with your own death like the other ones, I feel like the way that you would kill yourself, your brain would just start smacking its head against something. Exactly right. Yeah, it does make, I never thought of that, but it totally makes the most sense the way she goes. And like, the way that they've been escaping this gas is by closing doors.

Just close those doors, man. So, and she also kind of, there's this setup wherein, like, it used to be for the Underground Railroad, because when we're bored about stuff, we just make up stuff about the Underground Railroad. This actually, it also connects to Wayne Manning. I mean, like movies are like, I don't know, Underground Railroad did it. You need a really nicely constructed tunnel,

even though there were little to no tunnels in the Underground Railroad. And this Master Wayne is the Underground Railroad, also known as the Batcave. Well, he does, I think they do. Yes. Your relatives use this To transport escape slaves

In the Underground Railroad And employ them in this bat cave Where they minted giant pennies I said You're not a slave But you have to make a huge dinosaur You'll get paid But it'll be really grueling

The more flashing lights They're on this car The faster you become a free man And you could sleep on a rock so it's such a stupid line in that movie that might be the worst movie in that entire or the worst line in that entire trilogy oh yeah yeah no the whole the whole lot the whole nolan lot of them all right yeah all right underground railroad my I was born in the underground railroad

good god no he wasn't oh you don't say I don't know his bane is crazy Why does Bain wear a mask? He was born in the underground room. So, but there's this thing where there's a pipe that separates the house from a guest house where Zoe Dishanelle and the kid are, and they're just talking to each other while. And they're sliding hot dogs through to each other. You got to eat, bro.

Are you hungry? Catch it in your mouth on the other. Oh, man. Hey, wife, bro. Are you there? Have a dog It was a classic case Of me not paying attention

At the movie Because like I missed the whole Like I heard Underground Railroad And I was like that's dumb Yeah you check out I totally checked out right And then they're talking to each other And I was like

Are they just on the opposite sides of a wall So then he's like I'm gonna do it bro I'm gonna come for you And I'm like Walk to the other side of the wall And then he goes outside And I was like

What the fuck's going on? Well, the weird thing is, so, like, they're in two different houses, and they're like, oh, remember our first date where you gave me a mood ring and it said that I was horny? That was funny. And, like, I was so fucking horny. And you know, here's a question. Can you teach a kid what horny means? You shouldn't. Not right away. Yeah, the girl, that girl, that Jess, the actress, is the most bored child actor I've ever seen in a movie.

Oh, yeah. Oh, guaranteed. I'm going to have my Shalwin movie with Zoe DeShinell and Mark Wahlberg. My God. I was surprised she didn't fucking creatively kill herself. So, but like, but they're talking about this thing and like the wind is blowing really really badly and that that lets you know the gas is happening. And like, he's like, I don't want to not be around you even though we're totally both

safe right now. I'm going to go outside. I'm just like, I will go outside too. Yay. And they go outside and they survive because I guess true love conquers. Yeah. that was all their hot dog gas cataracted the plant gas and they were all saved

Hey it's hot dog guy He saved us He's riding in on a cloud of farts Just an interdict Dispute Did you guys read the comic book that came with the DVD And explain the adventure I had Before I became Fartman

If not you'd be really lost Yeah So then we cut to three months later. Because why not? Wow, that was a crazy couple. Apparently the movie took place over a day. I didn't even realize that. No, it was just one crazy night.

Wow, dude, it's like dazed and confused. That's right. And this guy, this guy, another TV thing is just like, yeah, you know, it was a crazy planned adventure. And I think we don't know how it started. We don't know when it'll happen again. And that's about it. So go home. Go home.

That's it. You're still here. The movie's over. The little girl is living with Mark Wahlberg And Zoe DeChernal at this point So you know they're like a nice new new family She's about to Oh my God, a nude family

Oh my God, a nude family There's plant fibers at all of a close, bro You gotta take him off I don't know man You get that kid out of the house You got a nude Mark Wahlberg And Zoe DeCinell you're doing okay The funny thing is

It doesn't make me sick Maybe the worst line in the movie Is Zoe DiCinell turning the little girl And she's like Are you ready for school it's the first day schools are open since the disaster. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? I'm not sure.

It's the first day that schools are open. It's like what? How is that a line in your movie? And who cares? Well, the head of schools actually opened them. Oh, that owl started. That's a pigeon. Who?

The owl goes who, Andrew. They didn't want to be a, what does it? What does you say? A standby? uninvolved observer that was one of like she was like we're not just going to be standby uninvolved observers you're going to go to school oh here's a

here's the only picture of your mother and father I'm going to give it to you now eight year old girl hope you don't lose it which you totally will go eight year old kids lose everything now is the best time to give you the picture of the deceased yeah

like how about I just go to school and I'll come back and I'll look at that picture here's a stock photo of your hilarious father when he did his one man show freak Here's your father as an obese clown Here's pest and standard definition It was mailed to me today The Netflix

New mailbox is open again Thank God Oh my God Steve I don't want to watch that with you Thanks so much though You can keep pest on DVD I only watch Blu-ray's sorry I want to live in a world where Amy Adams has seen the pest Oh guarantee

I want a world where she doesn't Well, I think there's two separate realities going on. Oh, yeah. Earth 2. Earth 2, where Amy Adams doesn't do the pest. So. Pest 1 and pest two. There is a sick stinger scene.

I love the sting. Oh, yeah. Get ready. Thanos ain't done yet, buddy. Bring up Sam Jackson. Here we go. So it's two Parisians. Yep.

Talking to each other, being rude. Come on. No, no. I got a working theory. I don't think so, Eric. On why the plants are talking. targeting the Northeast and Paris. Now, that's the Stinger scene is the plants have struck Paris now.

Right, right, right. Get ready for M. Knight's Paris plant movie. I think it's going after rude people. Oh, you know? It's just trying to balance. It's like, be a little nicer. Maybe being polite. That's why Mark Wahlberg is saved because he's so nice, bro.

He's so damn nice. He's like, please don't kick that guy's door in. I'm not going to do anything about it, but I'll ask politely. You know, did Big Poppy make it through the tragedy? Oh, no, man. Looks like I'm going to have to try out to be on the Sogs. Oh, let me try your phone. I need my Poppy update.

I could be Big Poppy's teammate, bro. Like that movie, I was in Invincible. Don't I seem like somebody that could live in Pennsylvania and not Boston? Oh, wait, I don't. Dude, he's not even fucking trying to cover that shit up. And you know what? Just throw a line in. Like, I talk to my mom up in Salem.

Yes. Nothing. fucking nothing. Ever since I moved here ever since I moved here from the Boston's. From the Boston's. Up next on the Boston.

So continue with our Stinger scene. That's it. No, people start killing themselves. Did you mention that? No, no, it just fades to black. You know they're about to kill them.

Well, the dude. I think there's a rustle in the tree. There's two fellas. Uh-huh. And the one dude starts getting all language crazy and freezes. That's French. And then you have a shot of people and they stop walking, right?

That's one of those French art flash mobs. Oh, it's a French. I thought it was that mannequin thing everybody's doing. Oh, that's, man. Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? I have, unfortunately. People mannequing?

Oh, great. Yeah. It's not even for MS or nothing. Manic depression? Hillary Clinton's staff did it when they were not winning the election. That was really fun. The video came out the day before the election was lost. Yeah, that's great.

That was really great. I love that fun. Manikin, too, on the move. They had all the numbers. Manikin does rhyme with Anakin, so. You're getting sued. I'm suing Andrew McCarthy right now. Or it's a vicious cycle.

There was something, it was a great tweet, because I do follow Andrew McCarthy on Twitter. And he, like, quote, tweeted somebody talking about mannequing, you know, doing the mannequin. And he was like, he said something like, you know, been there, done that, or like, I've had experience. doing that. I was like, dude, bravo. You acknowledge that you were in fucking mannequin. Sure, why not? It's like his career high. No, that's weekend at Bernie's. I don't know about that. You might be right. I don't know. What is the Andrew McCarthy career high to go out on nothing to do with the happening? Yeah, I think it's got to be mannequin. Manikin probably made more money. Really?

I'm on team mannequin. You know, I bet he ate a hot dog once. You know what? That's the career high. Even better, he had the class to not be in the shitty sequel. He said, peace to the shitty sequel. He said, peace to the shitty sequel. That's true. Who'd they get to fill those shoes? Herman's head. Oh, that's right. Hollywood was in both of them. Of course. But oddly enough, Bernie Lomax is in the sequel

of Manichin. What? Well, like ships in the sequel night, dude. That's fucking crazy. Well, that was the thing though, hey McCarthy, you're not leaving us with nothing. Give us Bernie Lomax's phone number. Terry Kaiser, please. Would anybody recommend

I almost said Manikin? Would anybody recommend the happening? I would recommend Mannequin. I would recommend Manichin all the way. James Spader's in that shit. Totally. I would recommend this. It's kind of a seeing as believing. The dialogue is so bizarre.

It is so stilted and weird. I've never seen anything like it. And the kills are good and they're pretty much throughout. I mean, it kind of... Jason is wonderful in this one. It kind of slogs towards the middle to the end. After the Thresher scene, you can kind of tune out. Sure. But it's, I think it's an okay. It's not a good

movie at all. It's awful, but it's fun enough. JJ? Unfortunately, I think first time the screenwriter, Dirk digler, really misses the mark on this one. This movie is absolutely terrible. It's not so bad that it's good. I don't think that it's so bad that it's good. Right, right.

I was very much like, I'm going to see all the M. Night Shyamlam movies, no matter what, and I had that, because, like, because it was, you know, he wasn't doing well. And then I was like, no, you know what? Like, his movies are definitely different, you know, hit and miss. I mean, the happening. And I was like, well, that was stupid of me.

I don't know why I thought that. No, I really wouldn't. I would not recommend this movie. Yeah, no, I don't like it. I would not recommend it. I would say your time is better suited with mannequin or hot dogs. I would say you watch Hot Dog the movie, which unfortunately, it's very deceptive. It has nothing to do with Hot Dogs.

No, it's about skiing and... Yeah, and babes. Right. And sin. I don't know. This is a quick 91 minutes. That's what I like. I think here's the thing.

you need to watch God, I keep almost saying Manikin. You need to watch the happening in parties of three or more. Yes, yes. If it's a group watch and everybody's just laughing at it, like last night on my couch, watching it on the Amazon stream, like,

no, that's some sad shit. With a notebook like an asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but like you get some people together, you get some drinks going around a tall glass of water, you're making fun of this movie. Oh, yeah, why not? Well, the court is split. Oh, shit. Chris Cabin hasn't been appointed this episode

I don't know I guess we'll never know So what is that a mistrial No no it's a JJ did you Did you complete your Your M-night Shamalan Like body of work watch

No I stopped I never watched another one of his movies After this movie Has anyone seen all of his movies No You just said we didn't see the visits I might be the- All right oh pardon me

Yeah that's a stupid question I might be the closest because I did see after Earth And I did see Avatar or the last air bend right because I didn't see after Earth yet I saw part of it I mean it wasn't on the episodes we watch it for the show yeah I haven't seen Avatar this I think you wins

yeah yeah yeah oh my God thanks so much for this you win a fucking wait we have a late ballot wide away Justin's seen wide away Dark Horse Totally his 1998 Romco Oh you know what I also I saw devil

The movie he produced Oh yeah The Devil in an elevator that's a lot of stupid fun Who turns out to be the devil in that movie? An old lady, sorry, spoiler, other. Oh, shit, it wasn't Ray Leota's brother, Kevin Corrigan? No, is that actually... Isn't Kevin Corrigan in that movie?

I couldn't tell you. He's not actually Rayliota's brother. He played Rayleota's brother and Goodfellas. But I don't remember that movie that well to remember if Kevin Gorgon was or was not. I could have sworn Kevin Corrigan was in the movie. Maybe that's an M. Night Shyamalan twist. It was a guy that looked like Kevin Corrigan. You don't want to be there.

So if you're Kevin Corrigan, right into the show. Were you in devil? That's the happening. Directed by M9 Shamalan for more we hate movies. Check out WHMpodcast.com or find us over at sideshownetwork. com. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter and write into the mailbag.

We all hate movies at gmail.com. Rate and review the show wherever you get it. We would greatly appreciate that. By the way, go to our website. Click on the shop button. Go over to our T. Public page. Buy some merch.

We're getting into the holiday season. If you want to buy cheap crap for your, your relatives. Get them a t-shirt for a show that they don't listen to. If you have a theory about why hot dogs were important in this movie,

that's good. We need to know that. Dude, right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. We will get JJN on Skype for the next mailbag.

Yeah, I'm really, any help that you can provide. And you should tweet at Justin at murder sheet twote, right? Yeah, murder she twote. Yeah, if you got any information. How do we swell to quote in that T-W-O-T-E?

Yep, just as it's fake. But that's not true. Handle, though. Oh, no, it's a just in case. Yeah, at C.E. Justin Case. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His name is murder, she twos. Oh, I got it. At C.E. Justin's having fun on Twitter, guys.

Yeah, I'm the one. JJ, thank you so much for coming in, and we know you're quite busy. You're here on a business trip. I am. I'm going to sit and die right now. You're making some time for us. You're officially the best dressed person on We Hate Movies. Yeah. It doesn't take much, but don't worry. It's kind of a compliment. You know, it's not every day you get to talk to a man in a suit and

about hot dogs and Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, I like that. Next week on the program, what are we talking about? Surviving the game. Oh, shit, the long promise surviving the game. Can you get another business trip coming up next week? Come back really? Your eyes just lit up so excited.

This is the movie where Gary Busey's hunting ice tea for sport. Yes. Yeah, it's crazy. It's a crazy movie. He's a homeless man. Charles's Dutton is in it. So until next week where we are hunting human beings for sport, Once again on We Hate Movies.

I'm Andrew Jupin. Steve and say that. Eric Siska. Just in case. Take it easy.