We Hate Movies - S7 Ep279: Episode 279 - Demolition Man

Episode Date: December 13, 2016

On this week's episode, the gang celebrates another year on the air by talking about the totally great, Demolition Man! How did this whole society forget how life was a mere thirty years prior? What's with Ventura getting almost entirely cut out of the film? And did they really swap Taco Bell for Pizza Hut overseas? PLUS: George W. Bush loves Mountain Dew! Demolition Man stars Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Benjamin Bratt, and Denis Leary; directed by Marco Brambilla.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On today's program, we celebrate some anniversary. I don't even know which one. I don't know. We've been on the air for a long time. One year. One year. Finally. The baby new year.

Whatever it is, it's the We Hate Movies Anniversary Show. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Siddak. Eric Siska. Chris Ken. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies on the Side Show Network.

Thank you for tuning in to the program, as always, like we said up top. It's the We Hate Movies Anniversary Show. We started at some point around now back in the year of Our Lord 2010, and we're still on the air. We're happy that you're still with us or just finding us. And we thought, hey, what better way? You know, I think I'm still kind of just finding myself. Yeah, that's all right. And this is a self-searching podcast.

Soul-searching. It's, you know, it's eat, eat, eat. As opposed to eat, pray, love, a book that came out five years ago and a movie that came out three years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah. Well, so we decided what better way to celebrate the anniversary than talk about what I deem, at least. Another, we love movie situation.

This is 1993's Demolition Man, directed by Marco Brambia. You may know him as the director of Excess Baggage, but probably not. The Autur, excuse me. The Autur behind Excess Baggage. What a horse shit, stupid. fucking Benicio. So you base your writings on Auteur Theory, because you are a film critic. And on

excess baggage? Yes. I believe it is a masterwork of garbage. I don't believe in the Auteur theory, but that's not what we're here to talk about. I am also a film truther. Wow.

Okay. We're here to talk about this movie, which, for anyone who doesn't remember this classic, Steve Zadak, what are we talking about here? It's a 1993 action sci-fi romp. Oh, romp is right. With Sylvester Stallone

and Wesley Snipes get frozen and then they come back in the future and the future's full all these sissy mary's that don't have any guns. No, you got no guns. That's the whole theory of this movie is that we've been, we've become a pusified society.

Molly coddled, I'd call it. Because there's no guns. Guns are in museums. Oh, right. As is, you know, sexual intercourse. That's out the window. There should be a sexual intercourse. I mean, there are sexual intercourse in museums, but, you know.

Yeah, I mean, are there? There are, right? The museum of sex downtown. I have to fucking see posters for that every day in my life. I can find a museum of sex in my own house. What, do I need to go to a museum? What, your external hard drive? Oh, uh-oh.

Eric through the ages. Uh-oh. Into the terabyte. Go deeper. to the terabyte. It's like an interactive museum and you're like swimming through the code

looking at all the swimming through the code indeed. You're lawnmower man Pierce Brosnan is just like Eric you got to get out of here Eric you got to get out of there it's going to swallow you hole

I don't know how you... Oh it's going to swallow them hole all right. That is actually the only film I masturbate to is lawnmower man It's a fey action Yeah man yeah I'm fucking

fade out At least for this day So we start in the near future of 1996. That's great. Man, imagine that. Those days, the good old days. I like, you know, it would be crazy, it would be great. As we're

in Clinton's first term, it would be crazy to know what Clinton's second term. There's literally no difference. But, well, the difference is the Hollywood sign is on fire in this timeline. Yeah. Because it's like L.A. is a war zone, and here

comes Sylvester Stallone to fucking save the day. And they say that, like, you can't land aircrafts in L.A. anymore. Commercial flights can't land there anymore. Because the city is just that much on fire. But we already have this cryo jail thing

set up. That is amazing. Like, think about the science involved in just three years from this movie. Like, that's a tight schedule. And the cost. What does it cost to freeze a person? The culture, it just doesn't make any sense.

Cryo jail at the same time that Eagle Eye Cherry is burning up the charts. I just don't correlate. That's a great point. That's a world I want to live in. Celestialown has to come back. I don't know. Huxley, Lewis is safe tonight.

This is pretty damn good. The break a dawn come tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be going to save tonight. Oh no, is that Simon Phoenix? Sorry, I've got to stop this karaoke. But like you needed. to be a thing where it's like, okay, there's a new test technology, experimental technology. You're the first one. You're the

fucking first one to do it. Not like it's the same as throwing them in the slammer. Or I mean, start your movie in 2025 or 2030 and then go 70 years from there because then the rest of the movie might even make a little bit of sense. No, no, no. No. Okay. Because the nearer, the near future is the more terrifying. Oh, I see. And urgent. The message. Do you guys remember in 1996 when we were every, now this was everyone in the country was like, oh my God, today's the day that Stallone cryo froze in demolition manner.

Were we counting down stuff back then? Because I feel that's a product of the internet. The only way you could do that was to mail a zine to somebody. And they're like, what the hell do I do with the zine? Yeah, you need a BuzzFeed to do that, I think. Or some, or meme even. Man, I'm glad that that Back to the Future 2 day is come and gone because I was getting sick and tired of idiots falling for that.

What are you talking about? Today's the day. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about. Idiots falling for that. I mean, demolition, you know, by the time, what are we 50? And, like, we'll still be on Facebook because we'll be losers. And it'll be like, today's the day demolition man happened and I'll fucking throw up. Nobody's counting down demolition.

Somebody will. No, we have to. If we're doing all that other shit. So, because what, August 2036? 32, I think. 32, yes. 16 more years. Wasn't it 2046?

2032. No, that's a Wongar Y movie. Oh, boy. So fucking flub. Arthouse flub. Stallone jumps into this war. Bungies into this war zone. And let me tell you about this bungee jump.

This is a classic case of we're making a movie for the year, 1993. You better believe that's a stuntman jumping out of a helicopter. Absolutely. No computer to be found there. Thank you very much. the top of the docket of like, so he's getting flown to this war zone by Grandel Bush

and some other guy. Oh man, I wish he was getting blown. Oh, wow, that was Grandel Bush. It was. Diehard's Grandel Bush. A young Zachary Lamb, who will meet a little later in the movie. Oh, right. Yeah. The first thing, like, okay, anybody hears, well, my

idea is to bungee down onto the fiery roof of this dilapidated building. And then I'm going to get, I'm going to get Simon that way. Yeah, yeah, just me. Yeah, just me. First thing, I'd be like, no, you're not doing that. We're going to land somewhere and you're going to get out. That is how this is going to happen.

I don't want your depth on my hands. Also, his last words, he's in this, doing this perilous thing is Phoenix. Which is like, if I hate you so much, I don't want my last word to be Phoenix. Well, I think it's so like when he dies on impact and just he keeps going straight to hell, he's still

yelling down to hell for his mortal enemy. The Phoenix. He should If he were to hit one of the corners of this building He wants his last words on this worth That'd be his mortal enemy He should have at least hit like a goose Like a Canadian goose In L.A?

Sure. Hey, hey, hey, it's the not too distant future Things are a little crazy. Yeah, that's right. Who knows what those geese were up to? Fucking geese, man. Ever since Phoenix took over, it's nothing but geese. Simon Phoenix in his fucking geese gang.

Oh, so am I the only one who's seen a lot more hedgehogs around here? Raccoons during the daytime? I don't know what's going on. Fuck a Phoenix, man. Guys got control all the animals. Cats and dogs living together. So he goes in, and apparently Simon Phoenix has hijacked a bus full of 30 passengers,

and Stallone's trying to get him. Wouldn't it be great if it was 57 passengers? Oh, that would be great. And they can't go below 55 miles an hour. And all of a sudden, they all started getting really uncomfortably racist out of nowhere, like Passenger 57. Yeah. And then ends in a carnival for some reason. Like Passenger 57.

Who he set on a plane ends at a carnival. Sure. It ties that in Childs Play 3 together. Yeah, that's exactly right. That's why it makes an intelligent double feature. Is this, this is the first appearance of Sir Wesley Snipes on this? this podcast? I think so. It's impossible. Oh, that's a great question.

Yeah, quite possibly. It might be actually. He is a treasure. I love me some Wesley Snipes. I mean, 90s Wesley Snipes. I mean, I don't know what he's doing. Not like Post went to jail for tax fraud. I think it ends around Blade 2. Yeah. I think that's the last time. It doesn't carry over to Blade 3. No, not at all. Is that his last great

movie? I think that is. It certainly wasn't that Gallo Walker's movie. No, or that. You remember that Chris Cabin? He was like a cowboy A boy vampire hunter. Oh, that's fun. That's like five of his movies. But, like, also, like, what, what's, like, he was in that one of the expendable, the third expendables?

Yeah, that sounds about right. He was awful in that. He was, like, in a drama there, Brooklyn's finest or something. Oh, that was horrible. Oh, you know what he's really good in? Isn't that an Antoine Fuqua movie? Very well might be. No, he's really good in Chirac.

Oh, that's right. He is excellent in Chirac. Yeah, that's right. That's right. He's just great. I mean, like, he always acted. better than most of the Hollywood tough guys because he's literally a better actor.

Yeah. He got kicked out of our alma mater. That's right. Purchase college. And he's also a black belt. Like he's actually a fighter and he knows how to do that stuff. That's what you forget about Wesley Snipes though. And I forgot about it watching this movie.

He starts legit kicking ass and I'm like, oh yeah, you can do that. Well, did you read the Tribune about this? No, I missed it. About how he had to slow. He's so good at it. He had to slow down his kicks because it was blurry on the camera. Are you kidding me? So he had to like very like, okay, Stallone, here we go.

Here's a coming. Make sure I win this fight, though. It's very important to me. And he's still in pretty good shape. Oh, yeah. Compare him to other black belts like Stephen Seagall. Oh, yeah. Fucking dough belt.

Well, he's not eating ham Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and onward. Well, he's trying to fight himself. Eat, eat, eat. what is with the character design of Simon Phoenix yeah we're having fun because he's got a Meteor Man gang haircut whatever the gang from Meteor Man was

you remember all those folks weren't they run by Don Cheadle they might have or Don Cheadle was in them wasn't James Earl Jones farting around in that moment Oh yeah I don't remember But blonde like high and tight kind of thing It looks terrible

There's a rumor that Dennis Rodman I mean, Dennis Rodman did start dyeing his hair after this movie came out, and they think it's because he liked this movie so much. That's fucking funny. That is funny. But then he's also got these, like, denim overalls. He looks ridiculous through all of this movie. He's kind of just the Joker.

If you close your, like, you know what I mean? Like, he is just, and I think Weston's Times would have done an awesome Joker, actually. Can you fucking believe that they hired a black guy to play the Joker? Mom, get in here. I'm definitely only seeing this movie twice. Yeah, exactly. That's it. I'm only buying the special edition Blu-ray. I'm not buying the combo pack.

They're not going to get shit out of me. They're dry. I'm not going to fucking fall for your ultraviolet download, you fascist. That's a medium popcorn, no butter. Yeah, butter. Put a little hole in it for Mom. Get in there. Oh, figure it out, Mom.

mom's coming into movies I'm going to get I'm coming at the movies I might get agitated because he's a black guy on screen playing a character that's traditionally white

that's traditionally a clown with makeup do you think after his mom jerks him off and he ejaculates is he still eating that popcorn oh yes he's just a little more shopping

just for the spite of it Lord that's disgusting Well, for anyone who's left, what happens next in the movie? It's our anniversary show. Hey, hey, take off your pants. We're talking about museums of sexes and numerous other things. We haven't even got to the hunk of junkie yet. So he gets, I mean, there's a bunch of action scenes.

Wesley Snipes sets his ass on fire, which is pretty dope. Pretty great. And the whole building blows up and like, Stallone thinks he's won the day, and then sure enough, whoops, all those 30 passengers were in the building. Stallone gets blamed for setting the building on fire, even though clearly he wouldn't have done that. Well, he's got the nickname of the demolition man. His chief says, I'm sick of this demolition man. Shit.

I got sick of people saying demolition man in this movie. I got a count of five. Oh, five times they say demolition man. It's five easy, though. Five in like the first 15 minutes. five easy pieces. No, it's not Jack Nicholson playing a piano on the back of a truck. Put this chicken between

your knees and what's my line? Hey Bob. You're telling me I leave this chick in the bathroom, right? Oh, then I could go on the road and start arm wrestling people. All right. That's the

genesis of over the top. Oh, that makes sense. I love the lady in the bathroom and I started arm wrestling my way to the greater United States. You could take the Super Mario brothers, put Judge Dred on there, keep the Rob Schneider, take away everything else. It's like that chicken, chicken salad. Oh, I see. Yes.

You're already in the chicken salad. So the sentence, of course, is you're going to be frozen for 70 years is the sentence. And, yeah, which is right down the road, apparently. And there's this guy, William Smithers, who's the, what do you call it there? The warden or the underwarden at the time. Who did a vote in. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Who's like, they're all doing the whole, like, we're so sorry because we know you're a great cop, but get naked. We're going to freeze you. Yeah. For a bad policing. 70 years in the isotubes. This, by the way, this is a lot of this is Judge Dred. Yeah. Yeah.

We got, we're freezing people. in two in like tubs and we have Sylvester Stallone. Sylvester Steyl and Rob Schneider. But also we have a mega city because they call it San Angeles. Yeah, that's true. Right. Yeah. So it's like the entire east,

the western seaboard. The mega city too, which we don't see in the, in the, exactly. Maybe is this in this, oh my God, is this in the same 2000 AD universe where Stallone and Schneider

having fun on the East Coast. But they're also having fun On the West Coast It's kind of It's kind of like What is it? It's like a city state Right, Chris?

Well, it's like three places That's the Great Earthquake of 2010 Which has dropped three times In this fucking movie Merged these three places together And then they were just like All right, it's one place Fuck it

San Angeles Yeah, whatever How about Los Francisco? No The The freezing scene's kind of fun, right? It's iconic as far as demolition man goes. He's as beautiful butts go.

Do you want to know how iconic and how beautiful the bud is? Oh, what's that? So when I was a kid, I think I've told this on the air before, but it's important to this episode. It's an anniversary show. Sure, yes.

This is the clip part. Roll the clip where I tell the story again. No, when you went into the Myrtle Beach Planet Hollywood, which was shaped like a gigantic globe, which was hilarious. It was, I mean, this town, it's fucking trash central. In the same parking lot, you had a giant globe, which was the planet Hollywood. You had a massive pyramid, which was the Hard Rock Cafe. Oh, Jesus.

And then you had a massive stadium-shaped building, which was the All-Star Cafe, all in the same fucking complex. So you had three places where you could go with your family to get subpar chicken wings. You know what that is? That's called now, Shantytown. none of that's left so anyway when you went into this planet Hollywood they had the prop of Stallone frozen in the thing

above the lobby and you could totally you're like you know I'm waiting for my mozzarella stick you see this dude dude dude dude you'd have a dick you couldn't see it was like frosted at that point or whatever

it was a little frosted but you could tell there was definite fucking butt cheeks just like right there well that it's the same thing with this one you can definitely clearly make out an asshole and a ball sack but when you're making out a boy you're making out a ball saying there was definitely a ball

there is a little bit of a bump really yeah it's a bump I gotta go back do a frame by frame but when you do the overhead shot of him like going yeah don't drown me in lube yeah it's a it's a it's a sticky substance

he gets drowning KY jelly he does you wait is this you know you're sure you weren't in the museum of sex oh man I hope not But the overall shot, you can't be like, he, you see him quickly, like, going out so nobody can see his dick. Nobody's to see my dick, hey. But he just, clear the room.

To do that, though, he's unnaturally, like, folding himself. He looks like a cat laying down. He's, like, getting into a ball. Why does he need to be naked? I don't, like, you know what? Get a pair of box of briefs on. Do you want wet clothes when you get out of this? That's true.

Also, little advice. Maybe knock him out. first. Yeah. A mild sedative. I mean, the K.Y is filling up in this bathtub and he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's some of the best acting Stallone's ever done. He's terrified.

It would be awesome if he farted in it. Well, because he just looked like a frozen bubble. Well, he's afraid because he's on the sedent demolition man. The next day, it's like, Stallone dies in lube tub. I was going to say, I'm pretty sure it's Astroglide. The weird thing is, what is this special? They need to tell me what this blue thing is. That's what activates the quick freeze.

Is it a dragon's tier? Like, where is this coming from? That's an ice dragon's tier. Oh, okay. It's found north of the wall. Yeah, okay. That makes a whole lot of sense. We've got to go get those dragon tears so we can freeze these convicts.

John Snow, get off your lazy ass and get out there and get me all, all the dragon tears. I'm going to freeze this whole fucking city. So Stallone goes and then like. I don't know how you get him. Tell them a sad story. I put on Beaches That always got me

You'll get up to that dragon And just start cutting some onions In front of his face Works for me When I'm making sauce I'll send you a bushel Onions for King's Landing Why did you play that song

Christmas shoes for him It's around the holidays A dragon A little girl Can't wear shoes Or whatever happens Yeah What's the problem with that song

She's got fucked up feet I think her mom died or something What does that have to do shoes She took the shoes with her She took the shoes with her Oh man she was buried with the shoes You got buried six foot deep

With those Christmas shoes I don't know what that song's about I don't know what that talks about either I shouldn't have made that joke But I you know I got four words for you Celine Dion Greatest hits

Come on dragon Get crying Oh it's gonna get sad It's gonna get sad in here man you feel that drag you can start crying in no time I'm welling right up Why don't we see Wesley Snipes get frozen

I want to see that taint Especially because well oh yeah Oh yeah But because in 1996 Like at the beginning of this movie I said that he's wearing like overalls Like later in the movie He's got like denim overalls on

He looks like fucking cousin feet But before that He is dressed like Beetlejuice these pants that he's got on dude these fucking emacy hammer beetle juice pants yep oh it's awesome it's good freeze him right nose pants and all and he's got like busted tires on his fucking shoulder like it's fucking really silly hold on hold on mom i do mom mom mom mom mom get the demolition man lou because wesley snipes playing beetle juice are you fucking shit is me mom That role was originated by Michael Keaton, Mom.

He's one of our greatest white actors, Bob, get in here. Our greatest white actors, Michael Keat. This is the problem with the internet is you can't, like, you can't hear them talk, and that would just delegitimize their opinions. Absolutely, I wish. Yeah, yeah. Because that's what they all sound like. That's exactly what they all sound like.

So we cut to the future. 2032 Andre Gregory is now the guy who was The same guy He's the same guy And Andre Gregory Come on

Yeah dude That's amazing I miss that There is Warden Smithers Yeah That was Andre Gregory And I guess he really He must have given up

Trying to get While Sean like a role I can imagine like Even the chief Like somebody He probably really campaigned for him So do you think this is a reference To that like

He's the prison warden because of that one great line in my dinner with Andre about New York being prison of the new world. Oh, wow. Anyway, watch my dinner with Andre. Yes, you should.

It's a good movie. So we got Sandy Bullock. We're introduced to Sandy Bullock. She's a cop in this movie who's obsessed with the quote, vulgar 20th century. Let's get into it. So it's only, I mean, let's discount.

They're not wrong. They're not wrong. We know. We know the 2016. You know, we're only 16 years away, so it's not that far. But it's, even in 1993, when this movie came out, we're talking 30 years, tops. Like, that's what doesn't make any sense. I know what the 70s was.

Yeah, that's the thing. That's the biggest, like, flub of this movie is every character is like, Bob, 20th Central. They're like, they're on fucking Star Trek. To be fair, there was apparently, you know, the L.A. riots never ended. Of course. The city devoured itself. Then there was the big one. I guess everyone died.

And these are like... Including Stallone's wife. And everyone in this is like the Christmas shoes orphan. You know? The possible Christmas shoes orphan. And the 20th century is like this mythical place where their parents were alive and they had shoes. But we also don't know what the deal is with the rest of the country, you know, or the world.

Yes. Yeah. Well, I think there might be a cursed earth. And there's mega city one. you ever needed reason for a fucking scroll dude get and you know what it can come after this prolog

yeah like the prolog happens he gets frozen demolition man the graphic comes up by the way these fucking opening credits look like 16 bit SNES garbage yeah yeah it's a dumb font and then it's just scroll through some James Earl telling me how it is no that's where you get your wall of Shaw

oh wall of shot okay so after the great earthquake of 2010. Inconceivable, right? Well, how much longer can I milk that? Yay. And Sandy's here, too.

So she loves the 20th century. She's obsessed with it. I mean, the society is like, you know, it's a, it's a ultra peaceful. There's no violence. There's no swearing. You can't do anything. Anything that's, quote, unquote, bad for you is against the law. Can't drink, no drugs.

No, it's no table salt. No table salt because it's bad for you. No caffeine because it's bad for you. No sexual intercourse. Can I just drive to Seattle and fuck? Like, how does that work? What's going on in Seattle? Can I just kill myself?

Is that legal still? Because I would like to do that. I think that's against the law. Knock yourself out. Yeah, I think so. But I think that's a great question. Like, can I drive to Seattle and fuck? Or is it just like, blow rails, you know, everything, dude?

You come back with a cool t-shirts as I was, blowing rails in Seattle? Who's rails? This is a guy you guys? That's my dealer. That t-shirt has a picture of somebody like snorting it off of a laid-down space needle.

Oh yeah. I blew rails in the Emerald City. So, yeah, very quickly Wesley Snipes is released from prison and you don't necessarily know why we'll get there. And he like knows all the pass codes. And the past code, by the way, while

this dangerous criminals awakened and he's getting, I guess Andre Gregory is grilling him about his crimes. He says the word teddy bear and all the things break open and he's like, and then one of the guys is like, how'd you know the Pash Code? Well, it shouldn't be verbal and it shouldn't be fucking

teddy bear. Because who, like, oh, you know, like someone comes in one night, like oh, Lenny, it's your daughter's birthday. What'd you get her as a present? Oh, I got her a teddy bear. Oh, fuck. Eh, eh, eh, and. Oh, we're all dead. Yeah. All of Arkham is out now.

Yeah, because he said, Teddy bear. Oh, yeah. You know that teddy, the real bear. We see Sandy's office space that she's got, and it's like decked out with that. And you're speaking of Sandra Bullock, the actress. Sandra Bullock, of course. Oscar winner. Is that

a fact? All right, the blind side. The blind side. Who saw that come? I was fucking blindsided by that win. Yep. And her name is Huxley after all. Oh, I didn't get that, Chris. You didn't get that? brain fell out before I watched the movie.

Oh, man, you got to pick that up. Dust it off. Yeah, so she's like got all these trinkets. She's like working at the cafe from Back to the Future too. The Cafe 80s, basically. But awesome details. She's got a sweet lethal weapon three

poster in her office. Nice. And the chief at the beginning of the movie who like basically deem Stallone gets arrested is the fucking captain from the lethal weapon movies. Oh, look at that. Yeah.

A nice little connection. Little synergy. I think that's like, that's got to be like a Joel Silver connection. I imagine something to it. I mean, but also, uh, I think one of the writers might have also had something to do with the lethal weapon. These writers. Um, but also in that, uh, very same, uh, office is a poster of a blood sugar sex magic.

Oh, is that right? Is that a fact? Wow. Uh, the cover is. She's a real rowdy She's a real rowdy lady Are we sure we're not in the museum of sex? We're gonna get to the Museum of Violence first

Oh, right, the Hall of Violence So yeah, I mean he comes out He cuts out Andre Gregory's eye To use a retinal scan which is pretty cool He's got on a little pen there Which is pretty cool Yeah, I like that Some nice, like, gore effects in this movie

And then like a murder death kill Is reported by the police Why would you call it that? That's one of those stupid future things that we're just we're doing to make it sound futuristic but it's just super redundant yeah yeah murder death

kills and they don't and again this is like they don't know what it is someone was murdered figure it out people always get murdered i don't care what you know what's especially if sex is outlawed people are getting murdered that this is even a civilization at all

yeah well that's ridiculous they have something where it's like i think benjamin bratt who's one of the cops in the movie says like it's been 15 years since any order has been reported like a no what do you say an unnatural death wow and I'm like no way man no one's falling

off a ladder you know no one fucking drowns in the tub like come did they outlaw hammers and rocks and fucking like box cutters as well wow no they're all just underground with Dennis Larry sounds like you're going to have quite a time killing yourself later oh yeah

hammers, rocks. Or no, I could just get into a bathtub and take the stupid electric billy club and fucking zap myself. Totally. You're telling me none of these police officers have fucking committed suicide by eating that baton in the tub. Come on, man. That actually sounds like a great way to die. Does it? Yeah.

Dude, that's not an instant death. Think about, well, the toaster trick. Everyone knows. Everyone's tried the toast. Well, we all call the toaster trick, yeah. It's important that you call it a trick, by the way. It's also known as killing yourself. Think about how inelegant that is.

Yeah. Because there's like crumbs in the tub after that. Yeah, exactly. I don't want to go to the nether realm with fucking crumbs. And then you got that a cable. I want a wireless death. Oh, I like that. Yeah, dude.

Bluetooth suicide or bust. Although Bill Murray did, so it's a little classier. Well, you got to get like the nice pajamas. Yeah, I guess that's true. Go to a nice B&B. Yeah. Puxetani. Go there. So Simon Phoenix goes out. He uses a console and he starts to hear

Nigel Hawthorne of all of all people. Who? Wasn't Nathan? No, it's not. Nigel Hawthorne. Nigel Farangy or whatever, that fucking British guy's name. Yes, Nigel Hawthorne. No, I'm talking about the Brexit.

Oh, oh, no, Niger-Farron. Man, that's. fucking turd. He might be a Ferengi, though. I think he is a Ferengi. That guy looks like if the the most current Doctor whose face started fucking melting in an acid

ridden fart cloud. But I'm leaning more towards Ferengi. Me. Islam's going to kill us. Me. That's how he sounds. I need all these octagonal coins. Islam's going to kill us. I'm like, oh, what

Nigel, what fucking part of England are you from, buddy? I think this movie takes place after the Cal what Calz exit or whatever those fucking these crazy Californians talking about Oh they seceded yeah Yeah I'm down

Yeah I guess we'll move there if that happens Pardon me I'm chewing an ice cube That's very rude Chewing an ice cube Yeah I was chewing an ice cube But like he gets it And all of a sudden he's got these computer skills

And man this is fake using a computer Forget about it I hate the shit in movies He's just like, dip-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d. He's hacking this system, and it's just when an actor, it's kind of the same thing as, like, badly fake-playing a piano. Well, in his defense, computers were pretty new, and he probably never used one before. Wesley Snipes didn't use a computer. He didn't know what he, he didn't get a tax act online, that's for sure.

Yeah, he did not download turbotax. No quick books for that guy. But it's 93, like, kind of. Oh, yeah, that's true. Like, no one's really using computers yet besides us. So he dispatches a bunch of cops. He blows up a cop car. They're like, well, we got to freeze Sylvester Stallone.

The movie's called Demolition Man, guys. We got to get the The Demolition Man. So that we also have like the older Zach Lamb, formerly played by Grandel Bush, now played by Bill Cobbs, who of course you know from the bodyguard. Oh, yeah, he's great in that movie. He's also in the color of money. He's been around and everything.

He's like, oh, you know, you guys don't remember the old day. and there's only one man that he could bring down Simon Phoenix and who wouldn't you guess it's the demolition man. Well, it's the only fucking, you know, cop we had frozen 30 years ago. You know, this one time he'd like bungeeed out of my helicopter. I really thought it was a bad idea, but he seemed to gung-ho. And he was so dedicated. He jumped out of my helicopter yelling Phoenix all the way down.

You know what? That's making me think. Okay, so it's seven. How many years in the future is this 30? 70-ish. 70 years. So he's been working in this police. I'm sorry, 40 years.

I'm sorry. His sentence is 70. That's right. Oh, right, right. And he gets sprung early. But no, to your point, he's been, he's like, why isn't he retired yet? Yeah, it's the whole like, well, they got me behind a desk finally. I was like, you're fucking 70 years old, sir.

You could not be pushing any. He's not the chief either, which is bullshit. Well, the thing is they got you, maybe he has to. maybe he has to keep working because they got rid of social security. Oh, right. Like you will in about two months time. Turns out that that whole voucher system didn't work and he needed to figure out health care somehow. Also, it turns out in this society, you do nothing all day.

Like, if you're a cop in this, like, what, you're getting cats out of trees? That's a great question. But cats are probably illegal at this point because people are allergic to them. That's right. Cats are bad for you. But what, that's a great question, Chris Cabin. why are there so many police officers? Yeah, I guess just in case.

There should be two guys watching a TV model. You know, because it's the one form of, excuse me, it's the one form of socialism and societal welfare that won't get protested. Like, oh, wait, wait, oh, people work for the IRS. Oh, really? You know what I mean? That's the tone of this question.

Yeah, yeah. And that's the tone of this movie, too. You know what's going to save this country? And a play-by-his-oan rule's overly violent LAPD officer. Okay, 1993. That's what do we need right now. He was great in the L.A. riots. He did a great job.

He did a fantastic job in the L.A. riots. And you know what? Had we not frozen him, he would have definitely pinned down O.J. Simpson a lot fucking faster. Actually, in this alternate timeline, do you think the O.J. Simpson's, and murders still happen? That's a great question. And you know, where is Mark Furman? I think Mark Furman, I think the demolition man was modeled after Mark Furman.

Or maybe the guy. It's not, I think demolition man, it's the same as Mark Furman just with 100% less using the N word. Yeah, sure. They change the names because they didn't want to get sued by Mark Farman because it's so similar to Well, that's, I was going to say.

It's copyrighted the N word. The warden from Shawshanker, who is the captain in this, he could be Mark Furman just aged that. Oh, that's a good point. That would be great if there was this, like, he had a name tag like Furman. Commandant Furman or whatever is.

Commandant. Man, the best part, not the best part, but one of the greatest parts of that FX OJ Simpson show is the end stinger of the one episode of Stephen Pasquale as Mark Furman the demolition man

staring and drooling and drool at Nazi plates in a glass hutch. That's the funniest fucking thing you'll ever see. It's a weird show. It's really, it's funny how most of our heads of state now do that. It's really, it's not all they're doing. It's weird. Pulling some part as well.

Weird, pulling some pud as well. Weird wild pud. Oh, so also just to round out the office. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, we can't forget. We'd be remiss. Jim and Pam. Jim and Pam.

I'm talking about the office. We've got to talk about Jim and Pam. Or about Rob Schneider, who's sitting in this movie. I think he literally sits the entire time. He does. Actually, it's funny, I've seen this movie a bunch, but I hadn't seen it in a number of years. I remembered Rob Schneider being in it a lot more. Me too, yeah.

Thank God he's only in it for like two scenes. He's a speck in this one. I mean, it was bad enough in Judge Dred. He's a speck in everything, so that's fine. I think it's kind of acceptable here. because Judge Dredd was too far

Yeah It's like This is very sparingly A little spice You know He's playing that nerdy Dork So

But he's also Condescending a shit To Stallone When he finds out About the three seashells Which we're going to have to talk about And I think we can do that right now Chris taking away

So So Stallone's back He's in his uniform He's getting ready His wife is dead His daughter is missing or something No, it's just like they They got abducted by aliens

They choose They choose not to look her up Yeah But she was They did cut out a whole section Of this movie That yeah There was a whole like

20 minutes of footage Of him knowing his daughter I'm like Wait wait I think listen I think the neighborhood kids Stole my copy of the Tribune This morning

I didn't have any of this On my doorstep No it's true though Yeah Apparently she's in She's down with Dennis Leary Like hanging out No

And there's a shot of like him saving a girl that's in the movie proper. That's the daughter? That's just the daughter. What the flying fuck? This movie was cut to ribbons and we'll get to one of the greatest cinematic deleted scenes of all time. Unbelievable. Oh, but also on the Tribune, did anybody see

Stallone explaining why, what he thinks the three she sees so fuck? He's writing on the Tribune. He had an interview where he explained what he thinks. I'm glad you're bringing this up because ever since I was a child and I watched this movie a thousand times. I've

always wanted to know how I clean shit out of my ass. You're going to be really disappointed. So let's set it up. He goes to the bathroom. He comes out. Right. Everyone's like, he's like, where's the fucking toilet paper? And Rob Schneider's like, he didn't see the three seashells? Oh, ha, ha, oh, oh, oh. Well, actually in the 20th

that he's wanted paper. So, so apparently, so, I mean, Stallone's like, I don't know what to do. He's sheds, but apparently Stallone, this is how he explained it. And it's, it's No, it's disgusting thing I remember about it.

So you're supposed to take two of them. And when you see these things, it doesn't look like you take them off. Yeah, you're supposed to touch something. Very small, see-shed. So you're supposed to take the two of them. And I don't know even how to explain. You would push out like half the turd and then take two seashells to pull it out. Like chop sticks.

And then take a third one to wipe and scoop the shit out. of your ass. No way to Stallone. Talk about the curse of the black pearl. How long

have you been sitting on that? Just a second. Nice. The shit smell on your hands for days. Good luck

getting that off. Wadded paper cleaning your ass. You think it would be like a beam, like a pleasant, like brim? Yeah.

I just thought it was like a bidet and you touched the fucking seashells and it happened. Because here's a great question. If you're chop sticking it,

like Stallone, is saying the da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da so man he's just playing he's taking a shit in his pants could you get a glass table over this toilet that's where the seashells are but like if you're if you're doing it the way he's presupposing you do it sure

are you sharing seashells with the next person how many shells are we going through or is it self cleaning or something also are they look like they're hard metal that's a problem for me yeah and i mean hard metal is just a seashow but no the when they're like they're like metallic yeah they're not actual sea shells oh see maybe therein lies the problem but also you're cleaning up these fucking seashells every time you take a shit and you have to put them in the fucking sink and like to mention the only food you're eating is taco bell my god the only food you're eating is taco bell maybe that's why you can use

the three seashells though because everybody just has fucking diarrhea It's a fair point. You might as well just use a fucking class. So you only need one seashell then, I guess. Totally. They have to be soft cleaning. No way is everyone required to wash. Or actually, wait, maybe that's a job in this timeline is you get all the seashells.

You throw them out in the parking lot. And then an old man with a metal detector comes along like it's the beach and he starts sifting through it. But the dead ceiling. Fire the she shell cleaners. so here's so he comes out he's like what was so funny about the seashells they all laugh at him and then like there's this other running gag wherever you curse

paper comes out and you get a ticket for like five credits or whatever it's one Mara Saccharity cow yeah it's one credit for whatever it's like what vulgar morality they don't have money though so like who gives a shit but the thing is so he has this whole scene

when comes out is like cyber phoenix and seashells And then he's like, I got an idea. You duck fucking something or other. And he does this whole thing against all these credits. Then he goes to the bathroom McLean's ass. So he comes out with a shitty fucking ass. And he's just smelling up there.

Like, oh my God. Oh, God, I'm going to know what the seashells are for sure. By the way, he's been frozen for 40 years. Yes. What is coming out of there? That's exactly right. You know he had pasta carbonara before he went in because it's his last meal. Last meal, tortellini.

big sausages. No, no, no, no. It wasn't like he knew it was his last meal. That was just his olive garden dinner. He ate before he went on shift. He got thrown right to that ice box. That's true. But also, this is, uh, those are tight pants.

Those are tight pants. He's still looking pretty small. Like, he's not like Stallone juicing yet in this movie. Not Stallone and Stein like he is sometimes. Stallone and style. Oh, you got him. But also, if the world has changed so much and the fucking air is cleaner or whatever the fuck

wouldn't there be maybe a possibility that that would just kill everybody? They smell his shit and they just die. They all just get wiped out. There's some disease in his asshole that got unleashed when he was uniting. I like this theory. Then the second

half of the movie is like contagion or something. Chulah is a plogger talking about Stallone's fucking fecal matter. Dude, I love it. That whole room just drops dead. Roger Pada who's in this movie starts throwing up

all over the place man you want to watch that dude throw up by the way I bet that would make me throw up watching Roger Prodactor fucking hurled chunks with that high and tight haircut he's had for 70 years

he's great that guy came out of the womb with that haircut I think we're at the Hall of Violence we are so he's like I guarantee you if there is a gun in this world that's where Phoenix is going

and everyone laughs something like, but he'd have to get it in a a museum. Oh. And that's just where he is. And that's where sex lives now. But here's the thing. If you're trying to if you're creating a society where you're

trying to suppress violence, why would you have a hall of violence? This is an impressive arsenal. That's like having a gay sex film course in Liberty University. It doesn't make any goddamn sense. You're trying to suppress it pretend this thing

doesn't exist. You don't want to teach and show people what it is. Dude, you just, I got a great idea. Okay. All right, we will go to Liberty University's campus. Okay. With a bunch of flyers. And we'll have gay sex with all of them. We'll have gay sex with the flyers. No, we

go with a thing that's like, at the student union, whatever, this night, we're playing cruising. Put that up all over the campus. But they might like that, though, because it plays into that narrative of the evil, gay villain. Yeah, that's true.

They could read it wrong. I'm pretty sure they could read it. So, like, six degrees of separation. Just get some fucking good old-fashioned gay pornography. Find a good old-fashioned tube and go for it. The lawnmower man can dig it out of the external hard drive. I'm just saying that's a good prank. It is a good prank.

Well, yeah, you say you're playing Toy Story 2 and everyone's like, oh, that's a fun movie kind of about Jesus. And then it's weekend. Oh, man. Weekends. Not a dry eye in the house. I guarantee it. Oh, yeah. That would change.

What's the cabin? What's the movie? We're having a bunch of gay sex by the lake and someone gets murdered. Oh, Stranger by the Lake. Yeah. Play that movie. Or a short bus. That would really fucking wake them up.

Wake them right up. No one's waking up at Liberty University. That's for sure. And to your point, it's very stupid to have a whole of one less. But here's the more stupid thing. Okay, please. If you want to have a whole thing of all the guns, okay, I can see some kind of historic like from an engineering standpoint i know what you're going with this why would you have any

ammunition that's a great why the fuck would you have why are the weapons functioning just leave it alone remove the firing clip or something like make sure that they could never be used it makes no sense and he clearly apparently it's a fucking stockade back there yeah because he wages war on this city body count of this movie by the way in uh top line of the tribune 72 that's a good body That's what I want in a Stallone movie, 72 people dead. It's pretty good. The way he breaks into the, to get the guns is by throwing some dude through the glass. That's pretty awesome because he's trying to Wesley Snipes Karatee kick the window and it's not happening.

And he goes up to the dude and he's like, how much do you weigh? And he just like picks this guy up and throws him. It's the second lanky white guy he fucking eviscerates in such a fashion. There's that one guy who's using the computer terminal and he fucking sidekicks that dude out of the way. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's great. I love it. And yeah, so Stallone.

Then they have their fight and they're just shooting guns at each other and they're not going to hit each other, sure. This is around the time where one of the dumbest lines in cinema history happens because like, and now we didn't mention what's your boggle. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. That's what the guy says before he's thrown. Yeah, he's like, excuse me, sir. What's your boggle?

And he's like, I got my bagel and like picks him up and kills him. It's so good. What's your boggle? I love it. That's fucking stupid. Some other great expressions. What's your popomatic trouble? Be well.

also stupid. A very stupid. The contactless high five, I hate that Benjamin Bratt and Rob Schneider have. It's a high five, but they don't meet. And then they kind of like window wipe each other. Oh, it's fucking stupid. Well, Steve, why don't you enhance your calm? Oh, man.

Why does everyone talk like a stupid baby robot in this movie? Can we just stop? You know what? That's where we're going. Everyone wants to be nice to each other. I mean, that's what this movie is. It's like a critique against liberalism. Hey, you hide all the guns.

And all you need is one bad guy with a gun. And there's no good guy with a gun. You got to get a good guy with a gun to get him, right? Special guest tonight, Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood loves this movie. Clint Eastwood feels like he woke up in the set of demolition, man. I can't believe it. 30 years ago, I was drinking with an ape.

Hey, you fucking dirty Korean. What's your boggle? Oh, your food? good dogs. I'll kill you anyway. We actually have an empty chair right now in the room. I literally is an empty chair. I represents Clayneeswood.

He's always with us. I'm glad that you brought up Koreans. Well, I try whenever I can. Well, because one of the more racist things in this movie is when Wesley Snipes enters this museum. Oh, right. And does the like, ching, chang, chung. It's not worth, yeah, it's not worth repeating out loud. Yeah, he does a little bit of something.

Like, apropos of nothing, though. He's standing by a car. He sees a family. It's a family. Oh, is that what it is? It's an Asian family's passing by him, and he decides to do it. Fucking asshole. He's a bad guy.

What are you going to do? He's a villain. He's a villain. He's thrown to people through windows. He's not a nice guy, Chris. So they're driving, Stallone, Benjamin, Bratt, and Sandy are driving to this museum. I'm backing up a little bit here.

I realize, because one of the things we have to mention also in this fucking dumb society, and this makes no sense whatsoever, uh, music is like outlawed and all they listen to is commercial jingles, sure, the jolly green giants, man, and the Hoskermeyer hot dogs. No, armored hot dogs. Oh, yeah, armor hot dogs. From the Simpsons. Well, it's from the 60s. It's from the 60s.

I know it from this. I never ate an armored hot dog in my life. but they actually didn't come up on our list of hot dog rankings a couple weeks ago that we can't go back into hot dogs we'll be here all night no no no no no it's just

it's one of those stupid gags where it's like so what are you trying to say like music music's getting so commercial that we might as well just listen to commercials nobody likes rock and roll no more because the liberals took over I think that's it like we rejected

the nuge because no rock musicians ever a liberal What's Ted Nugent's nickname the Nuge? Stupid asshole. We rejected stupid asshole and suddenly that's all, you know, we're less masculine to the point of singing about hot dogs. Exactly. Well, also, and that goes back to. Or listening to podcasts about hot dogs.

And that goes back to the language again where like when he's at the, when Phoenix is at the terminal, like, the thing comes up and says, we hope you're full of joy joy feelings and like all this other horse shit and like and then they have to call everybody who makes an infraction a maniac yeah like he's like approach the maniac tell the maniac to leave I miss that detail I love this detail when the cops first approach Simon Phoenix and they say like like I now add or else like if it doesn't work the first time Oh, yeah, they're getting, like, laid out on the ground with his hands behind his back, ad or else. He's just throwing people like footballs in this movie. It's great.

Like, everybody's just getting chucked by Wesley Snipes. Well, so it's a weird, like, thing that's never entirely explained. And we can just get into it because it doesn't really matter. Yeah. Most of this movie is just shootouts. But, like, so he's been brought back by someone on the inside, the guy who's, like, engineered this. Nigel Hawthor. And so the whole thing is, like, when you're on.

this like stasis when you're frozen they rehab you with like you know brain programs or whatever but so his program has been like super fighting weapons and tactics and whatever but somehow he's also been like made super strong

I mean he is just throwing people like one arm hucking people into the sun and he has this like constant droning thing don't you have someone to kill a Mr. Friendly Edgar Friendly must die it's just like that start Trek episode.

Edith What's her name? Edith Piaf. No, not Edith Piaf. Although I've been walking around for years saying Edith Pioff must die. But then it turned out that she's been dead for years.

For quite some time. Now, you know what I'm talking about? The city on the edge of forever, whatever it's called. They go across the street and it's a big problem. Right, right. She doesn't get hit by a truck, so it was so like President Trump happens.

Right. Well, Thanksgiving, BBC America was doing a Star Trek marathon. and I turned it on and it was that episode man that's one of my faves TOS. Anyway, that just had nothing to do with anything. So he runs into Nigel Hawthorne and his assistant

Glenn Shadex Otho. Otho and basically like he realizes what he has to do he has to go kill Dennis Leary he is sort of saved by or he basically Western Seims cannot kill Nigel Hawthorne so

Right. been programmed not so so when he runs away and demolition man comes after him he's like oh thank you for saving me

demolition man might I invite you to a grand dinner to Taco Bell this evening now I think we have to get into I think this is a Barronstein

Barronstein it's a whole I watched this last night I bought a used DVD from a used DVD store that must have emanated from outside of the U.S.

district and that is scary stuff Can you believe, dude, other countries are making DVDs? I don't like it. And I'm watching it. Shut it down. Do you hear about these regions? These regions on your DVD player?

Regions on DVD players are weak. We're going to get rid of that and everything is Region 1. If you're doing standard death, if you're talking 1080P Blu-ray, it's only Region A. Region B can fucking suck it. Four more years. Four more years. So, but I'm watching it. I've seen this to be a million times.

Yeah. And I'm waiting for the Taco Bell bit because the whole bit is like there's a whole thing. There's a war between the franchise wars. The franchise wars and the only food anyone eats is Taco Bell, sure. I mean, listen, there are, as far as Andrew Jupin is concerned, worse future predictions for food. Yeah, I'd be fine with it. But also, like, they were talking about prequels for this movie being about Phoenix and Spartan. and John Spartan, Stallone's name.

Why not have the prequel be about these franchises? I really need to know about this. I need to see it, you know, how you could do it, though, real easily these days? A Zach Snyder motion comic? Get a fucking DVD of that? Put that out? I just have this. Like, in Ronald McDonald's?

I have this image of Ronald McDonald's just walking over the dead, like bloody hands. But then he gets taken out. Yes. Because he doesn't survive. By the Burger King. And then he gets taken. taken out. By the bell? Yeah, it would have to, the dog

would have to come back to Chihuahua. Wendy is just fucking biting throats out. Wendy fucking pulls grimaces, intestines out his asshole. But now, did we say what your version had? Wait, before we get into it, because it's on my mind right now and I'm sorry to keep stalling, but did you guys, did you hear about this? You hear about this?

No. Today, the creator of the Big Mac passed away. Oh, no. Wow, good riddance. The biggest shock is, it's 2016 and how has that dude not been dead for 30 years? You think he's eating Big Macs, dude? You think he's eating

a Big Mac since 1979? Yes, I do. At 97 years old or whatever? You know you're getting a free fucking sandwich at any outlet. You pull out the card and it's like I invented the Big Mac, free Big Mac please. He made those to sell the

Roobes. Exactly. He was like, oh, I wouldn't touch it. But also, I guess I was confused because I just assumed that Ray Kroc invented the big name. Oh, you've got to watch that boring movie. You'll find that right out. Oh, the founder. Is that ever coming out? It's coming out. Yes, it is in very soon. It's being released eventually. I'll stay tuned to not care. This month or

January. But it stars America's greatest white actor. Yeah, absolutely. Our favorite white actor. So he, so but in mind, so I'm like, oh, here comes a Taco Bell bit. He's like, oh, come to me with, to Pizza. And I'm like, what, what? And my fiance never saw it. I was like, that's all right. That's all right.

Don't listen to that. That's right. But that's insane, though, because right there, Steve Zadak is thinking, like, his entire existence has been a lie. Or he's in a different part of the multiverse. And I'm like, oh, okay, maybe they said that once. Maybe I forgot the one line. Then they say, let's go to Taco Bell instead. Maybe Pizza Hut was too full.

Let's go to Taco Bell. They drive around to different. There's no tables at Pizza Hut. But no, and then there's, and you can totally see it because then what you were calling? Semesterola was like, why does this guy want to take me to Pizza Hut? And it's like such awful ADR. And I'm like, oh my God, everyone. And then she's the franchise war thing.

And I'm like, oh my God, no, Taco Bell want the franchise war, not Pizza Hut. No, I changed it when I became president because I did a commercial for Pizza Hut. And they were fantastic organization. They got cheese in the crust. And Taco Bell. Did you know this, Chris? Chris Cabin? Yes, President-elect.

Did you know that their tacos are from another country? And that if Hillary run the election, there'd be Taco Bells on every corner. I love that that was an argument, by the way. You're going to have taco trucks everywhere. I fucking wish there were taco trucks. Are you kidding? At that moment, I put celebrate good times on my fucking computer just because, like, yeah, bring them on. Oh, I'd be dead because I'd be going,

at a corner. Yeah, I'll get another one. Yeah, I'll get another one. Oh, yeah. I never get to work. Oh, you've got salted pork on this one, huh? Oh, my God. I'm sorry to interrupt you again, but you're Chris Cabin. Yes. You know, I usually masturbate to my daughter, Bianca. Uh-huh. Well, I naturally. But I rarely have I seen a total babe like Chris Cabin. Well, I mean, I do appreciate that, uh, president-elect. I sit up at the penthouse and Trump Tower. That's where I live. And I pound my stupid little orange pud to the face of that total babe cub Chris Cabin. I am edging all night

on, and then I go on Twitter and I edge some more. I'm glad that you found your your fetish. And it's me. Edge in a Chris Cabin. So they are just at this Taco Bell or maybe it's a Pizza Hut.

Yeah, well that in my version everyone's saying basically I think in England because Taco Bell wasn't everywhere they had an alternate version wherein they just put in Pizza Hut because that traveled better all over the world. Apparently Pizza Hut's at the four corners. You can get Pizza Hut in Antarctica, I guess. Pankuins

eating fucking Pizza Hut in Antarctica. Taco Bell isn't in the UK. That was the big thing. Is that there's no market? I mean, their biggest other market at the time was the UK. So, like, there's digital replaced logos for the most part of Pizza Hut. It's fucking strange, man. But they miss a few.

They do miss a few. Yeah, see, I caught that. So they're eating this Taco Bell which is it doesn't even look like Taco Bell really no one's eating chalupas no it's just well first of all this is before we started serving chalupas at Taco Bell that was a pre-Guardita yeah I mean those were like

2000s I mean we had to we had to elect Bush too before that stuff happened no this we're talking about like your soft taco supreme your chili cheese burrito hey Poppy you can put two tacos on top of each other

and separate them by hot beans it's a pretty good idea Mount W. You got a deep fry that thing, and then you'll really have yourself a meal there. Hey, Poppy, you know they make Mountain Dew in all sorts of colors now, right? They got a Mexican one called Baja. It's blue. Oh, no, it's 9-11. Code red! Code red! Let me tell you something. I've drank my fucking body mass in Code Red Mountain Dew. The fact that I do not have diabetes yet is a failure to the...

the Mountain Dew Corporation and Code Red. I would, if it ever, like, I must be immune to it because I would have contracted it by now and it would have been type Mountain Dew diabetes. You have Code Red Diabetes. You would. There's so much sugar in that thing.

Dude, I would have fucking Baja blast diary. Diarrides, Jesus Christ. So, they're eating and Stallone, this guy's name is Dr. Cocktoe, and he runs Los Angeles and apparently has no influence anywhere else in the world to some reason. And he's like, he's trying to make Los Angeles a better place.

And he's, like, espounding upon the cryogenic freezing process. And apparently Stallone was awake the whole time, which wouldn't that just make you crazy? Like, wouldn't you wake up and be a babbling idiot because you can't move? He's bullshitting. He just wants to, like, be, you know, be a big man. Hey, Shandy, watch me freak out this square. I was awake the whole time. I made up all this stuff about my wife coming.

pounding on the glass like a fish dang she didn't visit it my wife came crazy she was pounding on the glass but then she remembered what I liked and then she got on top of my ice cube and defecated onto it gonna tell you the truth gonna tell you the truth here uh cock hurt the whole time

I went cocktoe I went in a little hard it was really bad that's gotta be a thing they were probably like all right dude like you know what does that name John Hammer? John Spartan. Oh, John Spartan, sorry. Because they all have the stupid, like,

this is what I am. Yeah. I like John Hammer. Maybe that's a brother of Mike Hammer detective. Oh, yeah, there you go. They're like, all right, you know, Spartan, get in that bathroom because you got to evacuate everything before we, like, can you imagine you got on fucking dump brewing and then you get in this ice cube for 70 years?

And then you kill all of Los Francisco, whatever it's called. So, I mean, whatever. However, this is broken up because Dennis Leary's gang, who's just a gang, your classic... It's a gang of Utopian Underdwellers. We've seen them a thousand times. They're called Scraps in this universe. They should be called Chuds. Or they should team, the Scraps should team up with the Chuds. Hey, come on, Chud, let's go. Once we get down there, it kind of looks like the monster market from Hellboy 2. It does, a little bit.

Or any of Super Mario Brothers. It looks a lot like Super Mario Brothers. well. A lot of greats. We're coming up to my favorite scene in any movie ever, which is so there's like a fight and Stallone impresses Sandra Bullock a little bit because he beats up these scraps. He learns that

oh my God, they're just fighting for food and that's so sad. And then Sandy Bullock's like, hey man, you want to come back to my place for a bit? Sandra Bullock, by the way, is really good in this movie. She's like she's very good. She's the only one that understands what this movie's about and how to make the jokes she's supposed to make funny. Disagree, and I told you this earlier. No, I agree. I agree.

that Sandy's in on it, but also that I think Benjamin Bratt is in the same boat. Yeah, he is. They're both, because they're both actors. They're not fucking, I mean, Wussle's nice as good in this movie, but he's on 11 the whole time. He can't really do it. Well, he has to be. I mean, he's doing Black Joker. Also, speaking of

not my Joker, hashtag, not my Joker. Speaking of not actors, we miss. Don't you dare talk about Roger protector right now. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the first instance of Dan Cortez Oh, right.

Oh, Jesus. piano singing, not singing, ADRing Jolly Green Giant. Oh man, that is fucking stupid. Like a lounge singer. So like doing a Richard cheese of it. What you forget about me, babe? Oh, man.

Oh, Dan Gorgeous. Step off, George. Just step off. Yeah, George. Step off. The jolly green giant. Hey, thanks for coming out. So, but Sandy's like, hey, come back to my place.

And I'm like, all right. It's, it's 1993. Who knows what's going to happen? It's a real. we're talking situation. And she's like, well, of course, you know, there are studies about like violence and sexual desire and blah, blah, blah. Right. She's like, I'm going to go slip into something more comfortable. Why don't you sit down? It's still like, all right. What kind of table you got here? Which is a four poster? That's not going to do it.

Listen, we're going to need to move those magazines off of there. I want no coasters on this. Wait, wait. You can keep your cockies. That's a pretty, that's pretty exotic. Wait, wait. Is this? Oh, God. Redwood? I'm out. I'm got. I'm going to have to leave. Sorry, Sandy. Sorry, I'll sleep. We have to discuss the fact that he's trying to have sex with a baby. She is a baby.

She's not even a baby. She's not even a baby. What's she's? Well, like, he's like, 70 years older. And she's like not even born yet. What are you talking about? Well, she's, the age difference is extreme. But also, there's not, he's

70. I mean, he's on paper, he's 70. There you go. He got frozen and dragon tears, Eric, there are different rules for this man. It's not like she's fucking the grandpa from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Here's what the twist should be. He never looked up his daughter. Oh, no.

At that in the end. Oh, wow. He was fucking his daughter, dude. That's a twist I can stand by. But the proposition is baby talk as well. She's like, I would, would you like to have sex? Yeah. But they're all stupid like that, though. Yeah, she's just doing her bit. So they're

stupid like babies. She's technically a baby. bizarre. So she comes back out and she's wearing like a kimono. She hands Stallone this like jewelry box and he's like what is this for just like a dog collar or what? Are you going to put this on top of the table or what? Does this thing unfold into a table?

No. Rotating ass beads. What are we talking about here, Mr. Bullock? Do I take a dump inside the helmet? But he puts out this little like it looks like a little, I don't know, like a wireless headset. It's like a Tron helmet almost, actually. It's a complete rip-off of a really not well-known sci-fi movie called Brainstorm with Christopher Walken. And they have the exact same, like, helmets.

Oh, really? Oh, is that directed by, what was that guy's name? Douglas Trummer. He directed Silent Running. Oh, he did special effects for 2001. Oh, Trumple? Yes. Yes, Douglas Trumbull?

I know the guy that you used. Yeah. I think it's him. But let's carry on with your weird VR sex you were talking about. So, well, the greatest detail, first of all, is they're going to have this sexual intercourse. And not only does she hand him this helmet, she gives him a towel. Yeah, you know what that's for. So because.

Fucking cleanup crew. She sits out across, she sits across from him. And she closes her eyes and she starts making sort of sexy noises. And he's like, well, am I supposed to do? Oh, he closes his eyes. And then he sees like, it's like, it's like, Star Fox sex? Hey, Andros, bend over and I'll show you.

Bibi do baboo. Your father fuck me like that, too, Fox. Boy, y, y, y, y, y. Mano, ma'm a mamma, oh, welcome, buddy. It kind of looks like if you fast forward through, like, an experimental Kenneth Unger film. Yeah, totally.

Colored lights. I thought it was Star Fox, though. Okay, do I add you, okay. like why is it like that would actually be a great added if someone put that on youtube where it's like scorpio rising and the sad show in these why is it just her face though like theoretically because she was she wanted to be an she wasn't going to do like skin a max kind of no and i'm not saying she has to you get a body double yeah yeah well you know but like to your point this is this is a hard our violent

profane movie i need a theirs or boobers you're gonna get it in five minutes there's a random Yeah, no, there's a random boobers. Don't worry about it. He pulls out as like, what the fuck is this? Why am I not fucking you? And she's like, well, because, you know, sex is outlawed and like, we don't do fluid swap or anything like that. And by the way, apparently in this utopian society, he's like, first there was AIDS, then there was this. And then there's that.

I'm like, it's been 30 years. We've gone way past AIDS already. And it's just like, there was GTA. BTO and the U.S. D.D.T. Happens. There's Blue Oyster Cult that was there for a while. Fucking NWA.

Yellow. I.L.M. But yeah, this is a situation where, like, I honestly think if he fucked her, she would explode. Like, Lois Lane getting fucked by Superman. Again, it's just stuff coming out.

Like, this stuff coming out. Who knows where he's been? Wait, what, his stuff? Because, yeah, because, like, his pipes are all over there. It's going to come out cold, you think? No, because every... No, I think it means it's weaponized

from all the STDs he got. Because, well, to Chris's point, like, everyone in this universe, this time is so healthy and germ-free and clean and whatever. You got this fucking scuzz bag dude from 1996. God help you.

Named the demolition man. Like, come on. You see these people... That's like going back in time and sneezing on a dinosaur, right? That's exactly right. I mean, you see these people walking around the streets of the city now. They got the medical masks on because they don't want the germs.

Think about that, but with your dick. Hey, can I sneeze on your dinosaur? Can I sneeze on your table? Oh, yeah. You're, what, 60 years younger than me? He says, like, oh, come on, Huxley, that's great. You don't do the horizontal mombo to hunker chunker? Man, the hunker chunker.

One is hilarious. Two could be a great Ben and Jerry's flavor. He also starts with just plain old Bonin. Yeah, you know, Stallone starts with what Stallone knows best. You think when he has sacks, it's out of the hunker, hunker chunker, hunker, hunker, hunker, hunker chunker. Hunker chunker, hunker chunker. But that's what we-hung-h-hunk-hunk-hunk-hunk-chunk-chunker. It ends with him hunking chunks.

He's hunking chunks. he's puking he pukes on her it's vomit sex yeah I fuck so hard I puke it happens to be more off and that's why I call it

the hunk of chunkerone no cups oh man I couldn't find a cup to puke in fuck yeah I'd watch that 50 times but that's what's gross

the grossest thing about this scene is because like you got Sandy Bullock and she's like into it with the helmet on but then he got Stallone and he's like and he's like licking his lips

he almost gets there and he doesn't he stops he's edging in 2032 we're still edging thank god so she like it's the one thing they can't take away from us she kicks him out and much because he tries to kiss her yeah she's like ew ew that's gross going to do fluid transfer he's like oh we'll figure that out

which is so stupid because it's like hey by the way you can't get AIDS from kissing. Yeah. Well, yeah, you should know that 2032. Oh, maybe you can get fucking BTO or ILM or ELO or any of these other ones from kissing though. That's actually fucking outbreak of Dolby Digital. So he goes... I got a fucking mean case of Atmos.

So, because Martin Cinemax was watching the screen, he got his Oscar screener a month a month in advance. Well, demolition man, that sounds wonderful. Sounds like an exciting sexual movie. A hard hour. I know what this movie's going to have. All right.

All right. Oh, what the fuck is this? What the fuck? Why am I not saying your touch? Get him on a, get on a, get on, get him on outlawed. Sigh. So he's on his speed dial.

If you want one fucking 1045 slot on Cinemax, you're going to fix this movie. I would say the number three speed dial on Martin Cinemax's phone, I think, is probably still on. Oh, yeah, sure. Number one is definitely Van Dam. talking about weird sex stuff so he got he gets this little

this little tiny DVD or tiny CD that a tiny laser disc really of security footage he's got to put it on he couldn't even have sex with that how is he not going home to jerk off I mean that's the question

maybe he did that in the self-driving car on the way home anybody see what happened to that towel well no he's right on the hall from her they're in the same cond oh are they sharing a dorm Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. So he puts us on and he gets vid-phoned by this nude babe. And they're like, oh, hi, Martin.

Oh, sorry. Wrong numbered. I'm like, first of all, it's a sexless society. Who are you? Or maybe phone sex is huge. But she's not doing it to be sexy. That's what's so stupid is. She's just like, because she's got a towel. And it's like, she's just like getting out of the shower.

And she's calling somebody to make it. But like, in the world of vid phones, like, you better pray that that's a fucking private Vitt phone? What if it was Martin's board rooms? I mean, wrong numbers are pretty... Like, it happens, but like, it's pretty rare, right? Like, what are the odds? Listen, Stallone, I'm going to give you a reel.

I have a couple of reels of wrong numbers. Just in case there's a sci-fi movie that needs it. I have them playing in my house on a big screen 24-7. I love a good wrong number. A good sexy

wrong number. bunch of naked women saying sorry oh man can the lawn more man find me that it's out there man the truth is out there I mean he discovers that

in this tape that cocktoe is in on it and oh my God he talks to Wesley Snipes he harasses him at the boardroom the next day which is great that's a scene where like he's just shooting wildly Like, somehow, I think he stole an active gun from the Museum of Violence.

Which has got to be a freezable offense, that's for sure. He's going back in the fucking Arctic mist, man. Is that a mountain dew flavor? So he realizes he's going after Edgar Friendly, so he takes a crew down to the depths. It's Benjamin Bratt and Sandra Bullock, obviously. And they kind of make up, and he's like, sorry about the hunk of junk a lass.

Sorry about jerking off on your door after you kicked me out. I mean, that was a pretty aggressive move, but you got to admit, 70 years. She's like, oh, that was you? It was so 20th century. The 20th century move. And we can't miss at the same time. They're going down to get Edgar friendly while Phoenix is with Dr. Cockto. And he's like, oh, I'm going to need a.

a whole team of vigilantes. Oh, right. To back me up on this. And who does he unfreeze first, but deleted scenes, Jesse Ventura, who is in the opening credits, but does not have a single line of dialogue in this movie? This is criminal. This is outright fucking criminal. He has, like, three grunts, I want to say, maybe.

He, like, laughs a bunch. Yeah. Which I hate that shit. Let him say something. And, like, apparently, like, there was a big fight scene between Stallone and Ventura and It got cut. Of all the things that had to get cut. I'm so excited.

We watched this video. It's a WCW interview with Ventura. Conducted by Eric Bishop. Obviously. For something called manly movies, by the way. That's nice. And Ventura is just like, oh, I'm so excited to be with Sly Sterone. I was like, when I got on set, it was like, let me at that Italian stallion.

It's been 10 years in the making. I was like, what? So, like, 83? What was going on? Was he, like, cut from a Rocky? All right, Stallone. I know after you fight Clubber Lang, then I show up in Rocky 3

and the four-hour cut of Rocky 3. Little known Hollywood fact. I was supposed to play Thunder Lips. Yup, I was supposed to be in Demolition Man, pretty big part, but I got into a pretty mad feud with one Robert Schneider. and unfortunately Sly took shite

I gave him a Nugie He did not enjoy it You know what to this day He'll deny it But I was the inspiration For the making copies bit You know I had that suburban Commando role just locked up

And that dirty motherfucker Hogan Came in and took it from me You nobody knows this But I actually wrote The original screen treatment For Mr. Nanny Another one where the rug got pulled out of old Jesse Ventura.

Yop, it was supposed to be Mr. Butler. Stallone fucked me out of that, too. I can't believe it. I was supposed to play Estelle Getty's role and stop her my mom was shoot. Taking the bread right out of my mouth, Stallone. I was also... I was also supposed to play her part

in the Golden Girls. Rose, sit down, Rose. See, I test it show well. Back in Sicily, we used to have a saying Stone said I could maybe audition for that role in a creed

of the homeless man on the corner. But Ryan Coogler, he just shot me right down. He's a nice guy, though. Nice guy. Yeah, but I got beef with Coogler big time. He promised me a role in Black Panther, and that phone ain't been ringing. The whole Marvel movie franchise

I was supposed to play Captain America It was going to be skinny Chris Evans And he gets pumped full of a lot of shit And then he's a 60 year old Beefcake So he's sort of barely in this movie

He's a featured extra I mean for people like us Losers Who see Jesse Ventura in a movie You're like, here it comes Drop that hammer Ventura And he's just like Yeah

gone he gets all these like Simon Phoenix gets all these prostitutes out of no one where did these prostitutes Oh they were also unfrozening that's a lot of work But get back to just even short Because that's all this podcast is Sure sure sure sure sure he was also basically

Cut out of Bamman and Robin He was there was this weird trend in the 90s Where we didn't want him Which is that's a shame It's a damn shame has anyone watched that show With him and Larry King No Is it a sitcom?

No it's a sitcom No, it's him Larry. It's me and Larry. It's a situation comedy. It's him, Larry King, and like... We run a bagel shopping on Fairfax. And we take down all the squares. It's him, Larry King, and some other conservative guy on like,

Larry King is a liberal, the conservative guy is conservative, and Jesse's kind of in the crazy middle, I guess. Wild card. Back in Minnesota, they call that a wild card. It just really stands. for fucking crazy. I voted for Jill Stein twice. There's your voter fraud.

Yop discovered my own voter fraud. I was going to go for that Gary Johnson, but then he did that tongue thing, and that just grossed me right out. You gotta know what Aleppo is. Listen, I might be an idiot, but you gotta know what Aleppo is. You know, that was a goddamn shame.

I got cut out of Gary Johnson's campaign. I was his VP pick. Oh, my God, I would have. voted for him. Oh, guaranteed. At least I would have had fun on that election day, that's for sure. One vote for a Brexit? Thank you.

The countries in the toilet, that's fine. Speaking of ridiculous presidents, well, besides Ventura and Trump and whatnot, but apparently Schwarzenegger was the president in this demolition man. Because we get mentioned of the... 61st Amendment. Which is amazing. How many? How many?

what are they? I want that list. That needs to be a Tribune thing where like it comes up on a computer screen and some fucking nerd paused it and like, you know, wrote down every single one of them. That's a lot of amendments, man. That's a lot of amendments. I mean, again, like, what does the rest of the world look like? I need that. It's got to be just all burned out. So they go down. Stallone has a rat hamburger, which looks pretty good. I was getting hungry. He seems to be enjoying it. And somehow we're still making beer down here. Yeah, I know. We're bottling beer down there. He's got a fucking ice cold coroni right there, man. I couldn't believe it.

And like, everyone's like, ew, you talk to that Mexican lady. And the big thing about this movie is like, so Zach Lamb is up there and Benjamin Brat, but everybody else is white up top. But downstairs, it's much more racially diverse, but they don't talk about it. We're going to build a wall. It's called a road. And anyone who's not white or a member of the Ku Klux Klan is going to live under that road. The mole people.

We are going to create the mole people. I promise you on day one, the chuds are getting out of Manhattan. I'm going to burn them alive. It's going to be fabulous. You should tune in. I'm going to do it from Trump Tower. We're aired on CNN. We will make the Ninja Turtles pay for that road.

So Dennis Leary is doing the classic case of like when you hire a stand-up comedian to be in a movie or TV show and all they can do is regurgitate their stand-up for reference. He does a tight-five, right? He does a tight-five, dude. I was going to say, for reference, see TV Lens the Jim Gaffigan show. Listen, I love Jim Gaffigan. I don't need to see his fucking stand-up comedy transcribed into a sitcom. Sure. That show is unwatchable.

And this is just him like Yeah, I like to be down here I like to read books I like to smoke cigarettes of my element I like to eat a bunch of ham And a bunch of raw steak I love smoking I love smoking

You know what I like I would like to eat a hamburger A big fucking cheeseburger And I would like to have the American flag Stuck in it And then I would like to read a playboy And jerk off while I do it He's able to do this because they froze

Bill Hicks a couple of years earlier Oh yeah Hicks got frozen And he raided his house And just got all his notebooks And he was like yeah here we go That's a career Won't be needing these anymore, dead man. So there was, there's a big shootout as always.

I mean, we're getting towards the end of the movie here, right? It's just, the last like half hour of this movie is about four different shootouts. And Ventura doesn't even get a death. Oh, at this point, although, so like there's a big shootout and then like they go, they all kind of retreat back and Friendly still alive. And, like, Cocktas, like, didn't you kill Edgar Friendly? I can't believe that I had to unfreeze 12 professional wrestlers to kill Dennis Leary. I mean, what the fuck kind of deal is this anyway? You've been fired one credit.

You've been fined one credit for failing to assassinate the maker of comics come home. So he can't, Snipes can't kill him, but Jesse Ventura, his number two, blows him away. And then picks him up and throws him in a fire. And they're all just cackling. It's pretty great. Dude, and this guy is just cooking. It's awesome. With Otho's like, oh, I'll work with you now because I'm just this guy.

It's fine. It's so stupid bomb. And, yeah, so, I mean, the last act of this movie is a car chase, sort of. There's a car chase to the cryo chamber where we're trying to unfreeze more fucking people or something. This is where Wesley Snipes has some line. I mean, he's looking up like who's in there. He's like, oh, Jeffrey Dahmer. I like that dude's style or whatever.

No, you don't, do you. You're a different kind of criminal. You're not killing small men and eating them. Yeah, I haven't seen you eat one person. Yeah, please. Show me your fridge. Show me one dick in that fridge, dude. I would love it if they do unfreeze, Jeff.

By the way, the funny thing is Jeffrey Dahmer had died by the time this movie, not by the time this movie came in. Oh, what a fucking flub. It's a tragedy. The nation wept when Jeffrey Dahmer died. I think by the time it went on home video is like weirdly anachronistic. And I think there are other versions where Dommer is cut out. What is replaced with pizza?

Oh, wow, Pizza Hut. My favorite serial killer, Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut's probably killed more people than Jeffrey Dahmer. Oh, without a doubt. Man, Jeremy Renner as Pizza Hut. That would be amazing. Oh, man. You know, that guy that killed all those people in Wisconsin.

Pizza Hut. He made all those sex zombies. Pizza Hut. He cut their dicks off and he put them in jars and put them in their fridge. Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut. You worked in a chocolate factory? Man, Pizza Hut

worked in a chocolate factory. Oh, I can't wait for that new movie coming out. Pizza Hut and me. That's a great... About Pizza Hut in high school? You watch that documentary, dude. The Pizza Hut files. You could sure stuff a crust. Oh, Lord. But, so they're all fighting, and there's a lot of,

you know, rope swinging going on. I would love it if Jeff Dahmer comes out and bites the load's neck. Oh, and then he turns into a zombie I'll work for Phoenix now I'm going to get him for you Oh hey there Phoenix I'm so happy to be working for you Played by Steve Bouchammy

Oh, of course Oh yeah, that's what you want But also we get our second Dan Cortez here What? There's a second Dan Cortez You get double Cortez dude Two different roles?

Yeah, a totally different role He's one of the scientists When they're like unfreezing everybody He's out in front when he's like, all right, sir, we're almost done, and you're definitely not going to kill us. So, hey, job well done, hey? And then he blows them all away.

All right. Here's my writer for this movie. I want my trailer to have no less than three NARC arcade games. I want nothing but Taco Bell, and I want Dan Cortez to play not one, but two rows. I mean, you guys watch MTV, right? Dan Cortez, mark my words. and this year of our lord

1992 when we're making this movie Dan Cortez will go on to be a legend in television history he might win an Oscar before I do we'll see we'll see it's going to be a real foot race he'd already won an Oscar for this point oh that's right

oh yeah yeah you're writing yeah yeah yeah everyone else is gone but Dan Cortez is still here I'm all up on that wall but Dan Cortez is right here whatever he freezes uh simon phoenix and kicks his head off it's a real cool death

which is awesome and i think he used the dragon tier like he's about uh yes phoenix is about to cut his head off or something and uh stalone hits him with a dragon tear and he freezes right up isn't there isn't that a callback to like the opening scene of the movie where he's got something about like i want to knock your head off or something like it's it cold in here no no no no no at the beginning of the movie there's some He's like, oh, I don't know where I put those passengers. You know, if my head wasn't attached, it would fall right up.

That's what it is. Yeah, you're totally right. And it's like, wink. When it hits the... When it hits the ground and it just shatters, you see all the red spots. Oh, it's so cool. It's a mortal combat death. It is.

It's a pretty cool. It's pretty interesting. It's a good death, you know, honestly. And what I do appreciate about this movie is it's finally like so many times it's like, Sylvester Stallone versus. versus Bob Balaban? You know what I mean? Oh, he's the mastermind.

You know what I mean? Like at the end, he's just like, I'm going to show you what's what Balaband. Like, at least it's a, it's a fitting fight, you know? Yeah. That'd be pretty cool. Bob Balaband. I would love to see it, though, right?

You want to know it? I know a personal nickname for Bob Balaband. Oh, yeah? This is a weird thing. I was at a screening for New York Film Festival this year. and I was sitting next to somebody of note that I will not drop but she was jerking off the movie

yes she was jerking off Fred Willard Fred Willard was sitting next to No it was me It was me I was at the premiere No but so this This woman was talking to a friend of hers And she's talking about Bob Balaban

And she's like Something something I called him on the phone And I said Babes you gotta come over here And I was like Babes wow I need to be on a Balb's basis with Bob Baliband. I fucking love Bob Baliband.

Of course he's the best. I would love to be on a Balb's basis with Bob Balabang. I would kiss his feet. Yeah. Hell yeah. Balbs, if you're listening and I don't mean to be a disrespectful Balbys, but if I can call you Balb's just once. What was it with the 90s and decapitating

villains and action movies? That's a good point. I'm taller, hey. What a shit on your frozen body. He makes no quip, which Which is fine. This movie's full of quips, though. That's actually true. Also, the thing of the gag, the running gag of Sandy,

Bullock, like getting expressions wrong. Yeah. Like, she means to say things like, I'm going to kick his ass. She says, I'm going to lick his ass. Well, no, he says, she's like, oh, you're going to go lick his ass? And I have to think about Stallone licking Wesley Snipes's ass.

Hey, that's all right. I'm all right. Got me half of there. One, I always remember is take this job and shovel it. Yes. Oh, that's, I'm laughing. I'm going to go blow him I'm going to blow him away

And the gag is then like That's the thing You gotta blow this guy away The gag is Stallone then like corrects her Every single it Blow him away Take this job And show you're not gonna lick his ass

I'm gonna kick his that Maybe I'll lick his ass If that ass is on top of a table I will lick it Speaking of licking ass we haven't really gotten into what happens at the end here with the political climate of this city

state. So apparently now it's going to be a, it's, Edgar Friendly survives. He's going to help rebuild the civilization, I guess, with the chief of police. So it's like, it's sort of like a military coup in a

way. But then they're actually going to work with Edgar Friendly. But it's sort of like, it's the exact same ending as Judge Dredd where they're like Hey Sylvester Stallone what do we do and he's like you're going to work together we're going to move forward I got a table to shit on it

I'm not good that's the same thing though it's like I'm not going to help out with it but here's what I think you should do you're like you guys got to get a little dirtier and you guys got to get a little cleaner and we'll get you a good space and it's like what's this fucking South Park horses shit not everybody's a little bit

wrong there also hasn't been a murder in 20 years let's keep a lot of that actually let's figure that shit out yeah totally how can we not have just murderers take away the cursing machines honestly yeah that's a good start number one on your list get rid of the Pizza Hut Taco Bells bring toilet paper back

into the fold please God increase wrong numbers what is this at the bottom of this list increase wrong numbers what does that mean doesn't it doesn't trust me look I don't want any job

where I'm not able to beat the shit out of people on a regular base. Oh, actually, A number one has to be fuck it. We're going back to fucking everybody. We definitely are because they're making out at the end of the movie to that fucking terrible stings on. Yikes. I'm going to give you L-I-M. L-I-M.

Gonna give you a fucking hard case of B-O-C, baby. Some DMR for you. You're going to put some USA in you. Fucking chalk full of E.E. Every time he has sex, by the way. I'm going to put a little USA in you. A little USA all over this table. That's because this movie was probably played on the USA Network, non-stop.

Oh, you know, but I still got those sweet checks from the USA Network. It's pretty good. By my shelf, a whole pack of bubble gum. Obviously, on this anniversary show, this is a four-star recommend, is it not? Yeah, I've seen this movie a hundred times. It's pretty, it's a little longer than it needs to be. It's almost two hours. We're pushing it.

You know, it's like a little bit. I got kids here. I want to go to bed. You know what I mean? Like, what are we doing, Demolition Man? A clean hundred minutes would have done fine. It's super fun.

I mean, the violence is all over the place. And like I said, yeah, it's cool to watch two, like a good guy and a bad guy, fight each other. You know what I mean? Let's get in there and let's mix it up. Let's get in there and do it. Yeah. You don't have to suffer too much Dennis Leary acting. This is, you know, a lot of fun.

I watched this, you know, again, a hundred times. We got this from Columbia House, by the way. Oh, yeah. It's a Columbia House big. Wait, VHS? Oh, yeah, of course. This was on TV all the time. I remember, but here's the thing when I was, I think it was HBO or something.

And it was like, I don't know, the movie had just come out. I missed it in the theater. And they started doing the promos for it coming to TV like over a year in advance. Like August 95 or whatever. And they would play this all the, And I would watch TV non... I watched HBO nonstop. So I was always seeing it.

And I was just like one day. It felt like forever and a day. And eventually that day came. You got that. It was great. And then I watched it a thousand times. I've actually only... This was only my like maybe third time seeing it.

This wasn't a Chris Cabin' Midnight special? No, really? Wow. I was actually more... Like, when I think of Stallone, I was more of like, Cobra. I've watched Cobra a bunch. You're more of a Rhinestone man? Well, of course, Rhinestone.

I don't even think I've seen Rhinestone. Oh, that's a trip. That's a stay tuned. Cobra is kind of a great movie too. Cobra is great. Isn't it Cobra where he's like taken down a cult? It's like a police cult or something? The other guy is the head, like he's like a religious leader.

That's kind of cool. Yeah, no. You've never seen I've actually never seen Cobra. Oh, you should watch it out. Yeah, it's ridiculous. this movie or Judge Dred. Oh, this movie. Yeah, this movie, Demolition Man, it times 10. Yeah, it's better. Look, here's the only reason you need to do.

This movie is 97% less Rob Schneider. That's also a really good point. It's all you need. Yeah, I think I would probably go for Demolition Man as well. So that is the end of our anniversary show and at the end of every anniversary show. Also, the end of We 8 movies. We have to announce that. No, that's not true.

That's not true. No, we are continuing on into the next year. But a big thank you to everyone for following us over the years. And if you found us just now, thank you for continuing with us. We do the program because people listen to it. We wouldn't do it if nobody listened because what's the point of that? It's kind of weird to have people that you know for like five or six years that you've never met. You know what I mean?

Like, oh, that lady. Oh, that dude. That guy. You know, these are cool people. I love you guys. There you go. There you go. And that is Demolition Man, directed by Marco Brambia.

For more We Hate Movies, check out WHMpodcast.com. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter. Right into the mailbag, of course, we all hate movies at gmail.com. Going into next week, what are you got going on next week? We're getting into the season next week. Tis the season. Oh, it's getting a little chilly out.

Oh, is it? I wouldn't want, I would want, what, Jack. Frost to bite my bottom. We've already done Jack Frost. No, but there's another movie that Jack Frost appears in the coldest figure of all. Tim Allen. That is the Santa Claus 3 with Martin Short as Jack Frost. This movie is really unwatchable.

So we'll be doing that next week. Getting into the holiday season. Speaking of the holiday season, man, go to our website, WHMpodcast.com. Click on that shop button. takes you to our merch store and pick up some holiday gifts, man. Speaking of Jesse Ventura, we now have this great new design

probably Secundus show. Oh, yeah. Right, from our good buddy Philippe Sobrero. Right. Great design. Check that out. There's, you know, mugs, iPhone cases, laptop cases, all sorts of do dads and whatnot for people you care kind of less about.

Go to the merch store and check that out. Go over to Etsy, Google, or Google search. on Etsy. We hate movies, buy some posters there. And if you feel generous, you know, it's the season of giving. We have a Patreon. That's right. Where we're doing all this bonus content.

Sure. Star Trek program called the Nexus, animation damnation. Oh, all sorts of good stuff. Some commentary, some slees. We should have a commentary coming out very soon, actually. In addition to our Teenage Ninja Turtles one that's already up there. Yeah.

Do we want to tease that next commentary? Why not? He's coming to take you. for the second time. Taken Tumentary. So until next week, where we're talking about the Santa Claus 3. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek.

Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. You know, the 90s was a really tough time for me. I just couldn't catch a break. They cast me as the third triplet. in 902.10.1. It was Brenda, Brandon, and then Bobby. And I was Bobby. And they cut me right out of that pilot. I was actually one of the parents in kids. And Larry Clark, you know, he's a master

filmmaker. A little weird for me, a little bit of a strange duck. You know, I was supposed to be Marcellus Wallace and Pulp Fiction. Figure out what went wrong with that. I was supposed to be Kazam. I'm not going to bring it up anymore, but I was supposed to be Gazab. Love Shaq. Great talent. You know, I was the third writer on Goodwill Hunting, actually. They cut my best stuff. It was me and Ben and Matt and just sitting down in Boston talking about stuff. You know what really boils my ass? I was originally cast as propeller guy in Titanic. Got chopped right out of the movie. Do the right thing is a great movie. Now, I'm not saying it's not a great movie. But I was supposed to be on that wall. It was a bunch of Italian actors and me. And they cut out the nod. And I was real bad about, I called up Spike that night, I'll tell you that much.

I was supposed to be Max Cherry and Jackie Brown until Pam Greer got cast as the titular Jackie Brown. And, well, let's just say she and I got problems. I was actually supposed to be the hurricane in the hurricane. And then, Danzel, he just stole that roll right out for me. Yep. And I also, I screen tested for Travis Bickle. And I love, I love Marty, does good work. I think it was Harvey Kitell that shaft.