We Hate Movies - S7 Ep283: Episode 283 - Dirty Grandpa

Episode Date: January 10, 2017

On this week's episode, the gang takes a look at the ridiculous Big Box comedy, Dirty Grandpa! Why did that beach scene need to be so extreme? Do the makers of The Hangover have a case here? And why can't Dirty Grandpa just have sex and be done with it?! PLUS: We dig up a story about an actor's racist Halloween costume that was, indeed, a bad idea. Dirty Grandpa stars Robert De Niro, Zac Efron, Zoey Deutch, Aubrey Plaza, Jason Mantzoukas, Dermot Mulroney, Julianne Hough, Adam Pally, and Danny Glover; directed by Dan Mazer.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On today's program, we're talking about an embarrassingly filthy comedy called Dirty Grandpa. I'm Andrew Jupin. I'm Stinky Steve. Oh, my Lord. Man, oh, God, I'm on the spot. Eric Schittska? No. Too late.

And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. That's right. The second week of the worst of 2016. We're talking about Dirty Grandpa. and that's from a director named Dan Mazer. My name is Stephen Sadek. I just want to be clear. I was just debasing myself like most of the actors

in this movie. But we do have Eric Shitska over. It's actually legitimate. Eric Schittstein. Well, that in the old country, yes. No, here in the United States, it's Eric Siska and thank you for tuning into this show.

It's an Ellis Island chop job. We should just call him shitstain. Yeah, we were by my ancestors ran a very, successful latrine industry throughout old Poland yeah so this episode's gonna get filthy and I apologize up front for that

it almost has to dirty grandpa yeah let's get a grandpa on this bad you know I'll tell you what I never thought I'd find myself watching this movie I saw the preview I was like nope and then I was like oh wait you're the host of something called we hate movies there might

be a situation in where you need to watch this movie and sure as shit That's what the worst of 2015 month is, oh, the worst of any year, 2016. What year are we in now? Who the hell knows? Well, right now we're in 2017, because thank God that fucking shit-ass bastard of a year is done. 2016, may you fucking rest forever in hell? And may we say there are a lot of Tuesdays in January this year.

So here we are, dirty grandpa. Here we are, fill in space, dirty grandpa. And I should have mentioned, and you know, we're recording these out of sync. So I may have already said this on collateral. Beauty. I don't know. No Justin Timberlake on this one. Oh, that's awful. It's a joke Jack from the 90s. I was just going to say that, you know, I know there's a lot of people that are going to be like, how did you miss whatever? Didn't you see that? Yeah. Listen, even though there's a lot of Tuesdays in January, there's only so many Tuesdays in January. We're working with what we had. You know what I'm saying everybody? And pencils down until you. end of the month you don't know unless you got that big daddy dispatch you don't know what's coming yeah you got to sign up for the our patreon for that you definitely do so yeah this is like I mean like when did Robert De Niro's career really go off the rails I mean like show time me that's a bad

movie right that's the Eddie Murphy movie yes meet the parents was like I can do comedy mark you know what I mean but that is like I doubt it aged well but at the time that was a good movie it was a good comedy it was and it's totally like oh man look at this you know this this really stoat notoriously stoic actor he's yucking it up this is kind of fun this is different and that's all he does now is shitty comedy let me tell you the Mrs. and I

watched is it the intern or the intern ship De Niro's the intern the internship was Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn not knowing what Google is that's one of the worst movies of all time but no we watch the intern We're working at goggle

Hey guys we're working a gaugel We're 40 year old interns that's pretty weird making goggles. Hey, shouldn't we be embarrassed by this? Cool. No, yeah, we watched the intern and man, is that terrible? But let me tell you something, in the intern, there is not a scene in

where Robert De Niro is masturbating in front of Anne Hathaway. Oh, man, why not? Yeah, that's what I was wondering. But this movie, this dirty grandpa, man, he is I don't know, I might have watched the unrated cut. I'm not sure.

You know, hashtag unrated cut. Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, was it uncut? his cock on cut or wasn't cut. Because I had circumcised Robert. Oh, so we watched the cut version. We watched the cut version. Oh, bravo, both of you. Yeah, we'll get to the fucking stunt dick in this movie.

This movie, it tricked me at first, because this movie starts with a Matt and Kim song, and I really enjoy Matt and Kim's music. And I was like, yeah, fuck yeah, all right. Oh, no, no, don't forget. You're watching Dirty Grandpa, you fat sucker. Well, I was like, oh, is this movie going to be like overly sentimental? like, you know, like, is it going to be like

the third act of Tommy boy the whole time? You know, like, I love you, grandpa. I've come around to your ways of dirty. Your dirty ways, grandpa. Now I'm dirty grandson. Oh, shit. Sequel. So, uh, dirty grandma

has died, it seems. Unfortunately, she's being... She's dirty because she's covered with, uh, dirt. We open on Tom Waits and the cold, cold ground. Uh, Robert Deereo, jerk off on a Hold us. Hold a, hold a second. Tom Waits plays the grandmother. Yeah, he did. Yeah, the scenes deleted. Oh, that man is a magician.

I got cancer, Bobby. We can't have sex for 15 years. First Renfield, now this. Yeah, so we're starting at a funeral and you got Zach Afron, who I do like. And I think Zach Afron does have comic chops. Sure. I think he's not terrible. I actually like. Let's cite the evidence here. I saw that movie Neighbors Which I thought he was kind of the best part of Because you got yourself Seth Rogen's there

You deal with Seth Rogen He's just been doing the same thing for 10 years Which is fine But I think Zach Efron's just funny in that movie Is uh did you see sorority rising Uh no Yeah you're fine

Oh did you see it? I haven't I gotta steer clear The big box comedies these days Yeah you have to Just kind of just you know I know what I'm getting out of the theater I'm like you know what dude I'll just wait for

Netflix and then I never watch it on Netflix. Because, dude, you go to the theater and it's like, oh, whoops, I'm fucking sitting through Dirty Grandpa. Yeah, exactly. You've got to watch it. Oh, no, I have to leave. Oh, shit, I have to leave now because we're being, watching Dirty Grandpa by accident.

Oh, man, an accidental Dirty Grandpa. So this opens with Zach Afron is talking to his cousin named Nick, played by Adam Pally. I like most of the cast in this movie. That's actually true. I really like most of the cast. Adam Pally is great. He's great.

flat out great and he's actually good in this movie like because i think he's just ignoring the script a lot of the time but he's in a different movie as as weird as that it sounds because we're talking about dirty grandpa and like theoretically all bets should be off but like it just all bets are off man this movie gets wild i just feel like pally is in kind of a different movie but like he's great he's i've known adam pally's not known him personally but like known of him since he was doing like improv at UCB 100 years ago he's fucking hysterical

A couple people like that in this movie actually That's true Aubrey Plaza The same thing One of Adam Pally's greatest things ever

If you can find it You should watch it It's when he guest hosted the late late show On CBS Yeah You know before they got Corden to fill the slot

Great stuff Great stuff It was like There weren't studio audiences For any of those things No it was shot on this set of CBS this morning So it was very very odd

Ben Schwartz was his Like Andy Richter Oh cool It was a, it was a good. Hey, I'd watch that show. Exactly. I'd watch that better more than anything else in Light Night right now. So, yeah, and like, you know, Adam Pally's being extreme.

He's stoned at the way. He's making a scene at a funeral, man. The problem with this movie is we're in a cartoon world the whole time. And, like, no one treats anything with any respect or, like, any kind of consequences that might accompany that. And that actually just kind of ruins the comedy, everybody. You know what I mean? It's not funny. because none of it's grounded.

Like, we're living in a cartoon, but all the extras aren't in on it. Like, so in this scene where Adam Pally is like vaping weed next to a coffin and screaming and yelling in this funeral parlor at Zach Efron, someone in the real world would go up to him and be like, hey, this is a funeral. Will you shut the fuck up? Like there's no like, oh my word. Like there's no like, what am I trying to say? Like grounded reactions in this movie at all. It's all on Zach Ephron. on shoulders as the straight man in the movie that happened my uh the first time i ever heard the

terms uh serious as a heart attack was uh my uncle during a heart attack yeah it was dressing down some of my little cousins at a funeral he was like oh wow you got to stop you gotta cut that shit out i am serious his heart attack right now oh my goodness what was going on they were just all the grab asses they were just kind of running around having fun at the funeral which you're not and like yeah you need somebody to come here hey hey adam paly i am serious as heart attack right now I'm old and I'm Polish. But that is, that would make it, that would be funny. Yes.

That's actually hilarious. Serious is hard. Come on. I'm laughing. So, they do miss a, he, he,

uh, crop dusts him as they say. What, now what is that? Uh, when you, you blow weed in somebody's face without their permission. Which that's,

I'm sorry. Crop dusting is when you walk through a room farting. I don't know. I'm sorry. That's when you spray a bunch of lettuce with pesticides. You can't. You dusted the wrong. Field, you idiot.

Russell's farms on the other side of town. Should have blowed weeded that guy's face. It's just, everybody knows crop dusting as either, yes, a farming technique or in popular nomenclature.

It's popular nomenclature. I've never heard this. You've never heard of cropped dusting is farting through a room. No, I've never heard that either. Are you both of you kidding me? I didn't go to slamming you where you went.

Dude, you know what? I was a fucking original founder of Chuggelug house, and it was amazing experience all around. We've got to kick those Chuggloog boys out of slamming you. They've been cropped dusting the whole prom. I can't breathe back here. Rusty! I've been cropped dusted.

Oh, the deed's getting an award, and he just got crop dusted. I can't believe neither of you've been cropped. I am serious as a heart attack right now. You better not crop dust. the fucking homecoming dance Yeah, people have worked hard for those floats So, but he gets crop dusted

A float that's a giant ass And they're crop dusting all of us That'd be great It's a bunch of dudes under a thing Farting into a fan And it's blowing out A couple dudes marching with some hoagies Yeah, they all get Taco Bell

And they're just down there, just farting. I mean, that would be if you're, you know, like, we're making it these days. So if you make a bad college movie, we could be those fat guys that farted to the crowd. Oh, totally. Cast me as a fat farting guy. I'll do it.

I will be fat in your movie. I'll be fat in your house, man. Just in general. So then it's like instantly the next day. It's like, so you got to drive grandpa down to Florida. And the dad, played by Dylan McDermy. Good father, son casting. Or Dermit Mulroney.

Oh, God damn it. Man, I fucked it up from Jump Street. That's another big box comedy. The 21 Jump Street movies. Yeah, but yeah, Good Father Suncasting. They look, especially as they've aged, they kind of look like the same person a little bit. Wait, what are you talking Mulroney and De Niro or Efron and Mulroney? Oh, no, I'm sorry, yeah, Mulroney and De Niro.

De Niro looks like he could be Moroni's dad, right? Yeah, I'd buy that. I'm surprised there wasn't a character trying to fuck them all, right? Got to fuck them all. Yeah. Like De Niro. Team Rocket. Molroney and Fron are all lookers.

Well, that's because like Dermit Mulroney's barely in this movie. He's playing like, he's playing the Dean Wormer of this movie, actually. He really is. He's the real stick up his ass kind of guy. So he's like, you got to drive your grandpa down to Florida. Like Robert De Niro was insisting because he and the grandmother did it every winter. And he's depressed, et cetera, et cetera. Robert De Niro has a beard in the beginning of this movie

It goes away I think that that's like some sort of like Do we want him to have a beer? No, we're not going to have a beard Like I don't know why that beard goes away Yeah, it's like instantly post funeral He literally shaved the night of his wife's funeral I think he's trying to look younger

So that he can have all types of dirty sex Well I mean but this guy knows everything about millennial culture He's got to know the beards are in right now Man like that's it Yeah he fucked up I don't get it He should keep that beer He's fucking 23 years old and he's 70

and it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing for everyone involved. It's embarrassing for the actor saying it. It's embarrassing for the three of us having sat and watched the film. He's calling him like Count Dushila or some horse shit and I'm like, dude, you fucking saw you saw Nixon, man.

Like, get out of here. Here's some things I wrote down. Not just talking about the movie. Yeah, just in general. You met Nixon. I wrote down a couple of things met Nixon. Dirty Grandpa meets Nixon. He was part of Elvis's entourage at the time.

That dirty old bastard just cropped dust in me. God damn it. He's going on my enemies list. All right, I want you to break into that DNC and cropped dust all over their files. I don't believe in whoever smelt it dealt it. No, here are some things that Robert De Niro as the dirty grandpa should not be saying. The titular is a dirty grandpa.

Yeah. Retard, raping, butt fucking. Wait, does he say this stuff? He does. Cockblock. He says cock block a lot. Oh, so much. I think out of all of those, this is the biggest fucking, are you kidding me? BRB, which he says without any irony at one point in this movie.

He also references John Connor in the Terminator series. He does. It seems a little out of character for a dirty great book. And we're jumping around because this is really, I mean, the plot of this movie is, you can go on Wikipedia. There's like six paragraphs to this plot description because there's so many goings on that actually don't matter. So Zekha Afron has a overbearing girlfriend he's going to marry. It's your classic bitch fiancé. Yeah, I mean, stick in the butt.

Oh, man, she's going to ruin my life, guys. And she's micromanaging everything. Like the coach, she's trying to pick out the color of ties. Which actually is, it's a bit, it doesn't fit because, like, if she is such a stick up her butt, like bridezilla type, why is she making these decisions days before the wedding? That's very true. Was she vaping the whole time? what's going on. It's got to be one or the other. She was too busy crop dusting.

That's Julian Huff. Oh, is Julian Huff on Blackish? Oh, no, she did Blackface. I'm sorry. I get this mixed up all of the time. Wait, when did she do Blackface? She was dressed up. And does Anthony Anderson know about this? She's not, she's not on Blackish. Oh, she wasn't doing Blackface on Blackish? No, no, no. She was. I think I heard legends of this. She had done a Halloween party. She went as a character. I think she went his crazy eyes from Orange is the New Black. Oh, I totally remember that now. And everyone was like, Goose, don't do that. Yeah. She's like, I love that character.

Like, it's a Halloween party. What are you saying? That's a scary monster. It's all sorts of bad, man. Well, you know, one time for Halloween party. That's how you wind up in Dirty Grandpa, by the way. One time for a Halloween party. I went as the Broker's Gin mascot, and I think he's a pretty genteel fella.

Now, explain for the children listening what that is. Well, Broker's gin is an English. gin where the little logo is a guy with a top hat and an umbrella. I remember it's a very lazy Halloween costume. I was at this Halloween party and you had to tell everyone what that was because they're like, who are you? Are you Oliver

Hardy? And you're like, no. I should have shaved that pencil mustache. That was the problem. You would have been fine. Also, the oranges the new black, the star of it is like a fucking waspy blonde. What are you doing other waspy blonde? Just go for it if you'll have the show so much. So that was

a mistake. you know what turns out that was a mistake but now she's a dirty grandpa playing and this is the hangover like nobody's freaking business oh big time yeah my wedding's coming up a couple of weeks couple of days with the guys which happens to be your dirty grandpa right you gotta be back

in time for the deadline and yeah sure we all you fell asleep it's a big box comedy how did you fall asleep there's a ticking clock oh yeah there's a ticking clock There's other ways to put timetables in movies, though, man. But we have to, so he comes to, he goes to pick up his dirty grandpa. He's like, you know, fiancee, I'll be back in a couple days.

I have to drive your pink car. That's good, good, good, good, gay, which is fun. We get in that. You know what, though? Zach Efron's character doesn't think that. It's only until we get to fucking dirty grandpa where he's like, look at your fucking vagina mobile. You fucking drop something in the tampon dispenser.

You're like, okay. Okay, dirty grandpa. Just do whatever you can to not throw. shoe through your television so he comes back to pick up his dirty grandpa and he's being dirtiest of all by watching pornography and masturbating this is this is also setting up like okay so the liquor's been used there's like what was like sinatra or something playing loudly you're getting the vibe that dirty grandpa might have bitten the dirty bullet here and killed himself oh man yeah like you're walking into suicide if this turned into weekend at bernies weekend at grandpa no now what why

Why? Why would Zach Efron need to carry around a corpse of his grandfather? I don't know. Why does he have to take him to fucking Daytona Beach? Who cares? It's a big box comedy. Good question. Well, maybe it's a thing. It's the corpse car now. Zach Ephron and corpse car. Oh, I got to drive him to Daytona Beach or else something's going to happen. Corpse car. Man, you know what? That's a title that needs to be put through a focus group or two.

But I like it because he keeps wind up having to pick up more corpses, like more and more. He's like an Uber driver of the damn guy. It's like some couples like calling Uber and a big fucking chuck wagon pulls up. He comes out and he kills him and puts him in the bed. That's Uber Pool. That's why you don't do that because it's like you don't know how many dead people are going to be in that car. On what planet is someone who lives in a major metropolitan area using Uber Pool? I don't think so.

I did. Are you serious? Wait, wait, wait. All right. We got to stop everything because you did the dumbest. thing of all time. So tell me about it. You just kind of it just takes forever. Set the mood.

Well, it was right after Thanksgiving. I was on Staten Island. Oh, God. How were you alive? I had fucking corpse car. Racist corpse car. I had to go to the ferry and like, I'm like, ah, it's like 25

bucks, but it could be 14 if I did the Uber pool and I'm like, you know what? Sure. This is why you should kick it to patreon dot com, by the way. Save me from doing Uber pools. Yeah, he's putting his life in someone else's hands for fucking $9, everybody. You know how that goes. So I get in and then like I have to drive to the other side of Staten Island pretty much

past my destination. No, no. To get this other lady who is actually some, a Spanish writer for a Spanish national website. And she was recording on the election because Staten Island was one of the. few boroughs. What are the only, the only borough period that voted for Trump? She was doing like interviews, man on the streets. Are you saying you, uh, you

took an Uber pool with a journalist from Spain? Yes. Yes. Specifically. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, you weren't murdered. No, that's true. Dodge that bullet. I might, I might be in an article in Spain, by the way. So you just have... I think you're a national hero. I sat

in an Uber pool with a small fat boy. All to save $9 to that free ferry that's the thing the ferry is free baby get on in the water is fine you should have just said that nine dollars is

going to the ferry it's fine so but Robert De Niro the star of taxi driver etc all the all the class good fellas casino yeah I mean like just just the king of comedy the godfather too for Christ's sake part two

taxi driver is just jerking off he's naked too we're not talking about it's not behind the back. Like if it's behind the back and it's like implied, it's like, oh, it's a crazy comedy. Sure. But like literally it's, it's him in an armchair. You just see his, his shirt

is exposed, his legs are exposed. His shirt is exposed. He's got no shirt on, right? He's got his nipples are exposed. That's right. His chest is exposed and the only thing that's making this not hardcore pornography is a carefully placed box of

tissues. What a precarious situation this is. And This is what's the most fucked up part about it. And it's not funny. It's not fun. He doesn't stop jerking off when his grandson opens the door. If anything, he fires it up even faster. And he's just like, oh, hey, good, you made it.

And there's just pornography on. It kind of actually, it was sort of funny. I thought it was a scene from Marriage of Maria Braun for a quick second. Wow. Well, there's some naked dudes in that movie, too. And I was like, why is he masturbating to new German cinema? Rayner-Vernor Fosbender, I think, is the only one that could have delicately handled a dirty grandpa. Oh, yeah, we'll never know.

Gone too soon, didn't make a dirty grandpa. That guy was born to play Dirty Grandpa. Dirty Grandpa and his friends. He's wearing a really cool jacket. The year of 13 dirty grandpas. Oh, yeah. Well, it's too bad he did all that cocaine and died. Yeah, but why would you not?

Why is it like, oh no! because we're in a cartoon world where he everyone has to pretend that nobody cares about anything so then i don't care like it it's funny enough if you catch your grandfather jerkin off and he doesn't ah sorry timmy i'm watching sports that's something that's a what are we watching scenarios reveling in it yeah it's just bizarre this weird bacchanal i mean it's that's funnier like the like whoops what are we watching here situation is funnier than what actually happens which is he just ejaculates in his hand and grabs the tissues and starts cleaning up and nobody is cutting. Well, he tells Zach Afron, like, don't, you know, it's no big deal, you just called me taking a number three.

Oh, yeah, isn't that great? That's probably the best joke in the movie. Yeah, well, actually, Danny Glover got a legit L.O.L. out of me later in the movie. Danny Glover, and almost anything Manzukas is doing in this movie, I was laughing my ass off, because he's one of the funniest people around. He's also very

good in this. He's another one where I'm like, I would watch a movie about your drug-dealing Daytona Beach Surf Shop character. That's the thing. Make that the movie. And Robert De Niro as a Dirty Grandpa has a scene. You know what I mean? It's like passing through.

Look at all these crazy characters. What is his name? Pam? Yeah, Tan Pam. Tam's play skits. Like, oh, look at it. You know, it's just one crazy night at Tan Pam's. Or maybe we're doing a shared cinematic universe of Dirty Grandpa and he's going around, you know, being the dirty

grandpa, you know, in all these movies. Actually, yeah, so if it was more like a high maintenance thing, and the dirty grandpa was like the guy. Oh, yeah. So he just like rolls up for a little bit, like the guy and then like takes off and we're left with the other characters. Right. He goes to that university where all the crap dustings happen. Then he goes to, I guess, his grandsons. And then he goes to his own wife's funeral.

That's how you would start it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where the dirty grandpa gets the most scenes. He dials up a corpse car and he goes to the next movie. So here's what this movie gets confusing. They go to a diner and like, you know, He's like, as that girlfriend's like, I'm very buttoned up. And dirty grandpa's like, well, I'm a very dirty grandpa.

And they have a conversation that goes on like that for a while. And on and on and on and on. And then they're like, well, let's pay the check. And like, Zach are friends like, oh, I saw this girl. I see this girl that I know from college who is Zoe Deutsch. Yes. Who's going, who's in the exact same movie coming out last month called Why Him? Oh, God.

What is why? That was the James Franco, Brian Cranman movie. Oh, right. came out over the holidays. So he's like the dirty grandson. I think the dirty son-in-law in that film. Right. And, yeah, that sucks.

But she's in that. But they're like, oh, you could do this kind of movie. But she plays a college student. So Zach Efron, they took a photography class together, and they liked each other, but they never got together. But then somehow she remained in college and is graduating this year. Yet Zach Ephron went through college and then graduated law school and now as a practicing lawyer, which is like kind of

two timelines I don't really understand. I think Zoe Deutsch's character is supposed to be kind of stupid. Okay. Or maybe she's just taking her time. Who did Zach Ephron? Uh-huh. Possibly in a corpse car.

We don't know. Found a wormhole. Oh, I see. Back in time like Nero. Right? Right? Star Trek 2009. Yeah.

Don't tell me that didn't happen. I saw it happen. He tried to kidnap Spock, but instead he became a lawyer. Don't tell me you didn't crop dust. I saw you crap test. Well, I mean, yeah, or did he find, like, a warp pipe? Like, is that, I was like, oh, I can just become a lawyer if I go, that'll be on level nine.

This is a fucking toilet. This is a really stupid reason to travel through time, by the way. But, like, it doesn't make any sense, is what I'm saying. It's her, it's her, Zoe Deutsch, or Aubrey Plaza, who's playing a college senior, which is a little bit, it's a bit rich. Yeah, sure. And then there's a, I will call him a gay character, because that's the only thing that's about him is that he's the gay guy.

he's fabulous as all fabulousness can be and we can talk about the gay stuff now which is just out of control yeah there's so many so many gay quote jokes uh in the movie i thought it was a 90s movie yeah exactly well what are we talking about here yeah well you know speaking of which i haven't seen it i don't know anything about it i saw a fucking poster and trailer here we go for a thing that's called chicks dig gay guys what that's a movie that came out of in 2016. It's a fucking comedy about a dude who's a loser. Stay tuned folks. We're changing episodes. He's like a loser with the ladies and whatnot. Oh, no. And so he and his buddies devise

a plan in where he pretends to be homosexual to make a bunch of friends with ladies and, you know, jokes and jokes and jokes and laughs. Well, I guess we're, we're firm. I don't know why we're all surprised that Trump won the election, because, you know,

is this shit's still happening in the year 2016? Oh, all that shit still. Yeah, oh, yeah, man. Sexual deception? Yes. Just knee-slappers. The idea that a man might be gay is still hilarious. Or the idea that a lesbian might even exist.

Dude, I can't remember. It's very funny to people. The last time I watched a movie in where the word lesbian was thrown around as much as dirty grandpa. Did not see that coming. Because the funny thing is everyone's like, Hey, Zach Efron, you look like a lesbian. And everyone's like, whoa, what? And they're like, no, that's funny.

And they're like, all right. I'm like, he looks like fucking Zach Ephron. He's cut from stone. It's just like he's clearly not a woman at all. Where's the joke? Lesbians might exist and that's kind of funny. Man, that's a fucking treasure hunt in this movie. Find the joke.

It's a highlights activity. Circle all the jokes So Dirty Grandpa Takes a liking to Aubrey Plaza And she's got this weird trifecta Where she wants to have sex

With a freshman and alumnus And a professor And dirty grandpa, because he's cool Always lies to the ladies Oh yeah That's sexual deception Sexual deception He's like yeah I'm a professor

And later on he's like yeah I'm an astronaut And everyone's like you're a fucking senile old man That's right He says something about like, oh, it's where he's on a golf course and he's lying to women. He's like, yeah, I'm a golf pro. I became a professional golf pro after I retired from being an astronaut. And they're all like, oh, man, it's so sad. It's sad when it goes so quickly for people.

That's what should happen. Because let me tell you something. I think right now on the planet Earth, right at this moment, as far as America's concerned, there's like, I don't know what, like 15 astronauts. 14 junk. That's right. Wait, do you have, like, all their pictures up in your house? You put an X through them when they go? I got another one.

My grudge with NASA. But, like, I, like, I met an astronaut one time, and I got to speak with him. And I was like, there's, like, 12 of you. Yeah. The odds that you're meeting a retired astronaut that nobody knows about. Yeah. What was your fucking space mission, dirty grandpa? Oh, no, it's secret.

There's a black op space missions. Oh, yeah. You know, they go to this, they go to the alien moon. no dirty grandpa would make a stupid dirty grandpa joke and he'd say he fucking sent a satellite to uranus yeah i called the queen of the martians a lesbian the queen of the no it would be the king of the martians that'd be even funnier take that king of the martians you lesbian or whatever it's so stupid too and this is they're talking outside this diner and like the three of them are in the car and effron and dirty

grandpire standing outside the car and like this guy is like hey if we're going to get to Daytona or whatever like we got to get going and Robert De Niro's like I knew it you're gay because you are so gay I couldn't help but notice how gay you are you're like

uh huh this movie should be rated PG 24 like if you're over the age of 24 you shouldn't see this movie like it's just like it's embarrassing for people over the age of 24 years old it's embarrassing to watch this if you're out of the fucking eighth grade are you kidding me yeah yeah yeah so you're recommending this to seventh graders

sure especially with that line deniro has about uh you look like queen latifah's shit in my mouth or whatever that oh that's what is it i would it's something about because you what is it now because i've seen dirty grandpa twice zach effron was explaining what he does as a lawyer and denierro was feigning interest like oh wow that's oh you work on scc compliance and then he caps it all off with No, I'd rather have Queen Latifah in a hot air balloon shit down my mouth or whatever. Is that racist question work? I don't think so. I don't think it's just about his desire to consume shit.

Okay. There's nothing racist about that. But it's just gross. It's a weird example to use. It's a weird name to pull out. Yeah, just Queen Latif out of nowhere. That's, well, that's the other thing that's like, I'm sorry, but 72 year old fucking dirty grandpa wasn't watching fucking living single. Okay.

He doesn't know who Queen Latifah is. You'd think he was like while his wife was dying from cancer, he was just consuming all this media. Maybe that's the sort of the thing. No, but it would be like, oh, he turned on B.E.T. at four o'clock on a Tuesday and got back-to-back living single and Martin rerubs. Yeah, then he watched all the Terminator movies. Oh, no. He stocked up on Kevin Smith. No, I mean, it would be something like Grace Under Fire.

Oh, shitting in my mouth from a hot air balloon, you know? Oh, yeah. I want Brett Butler to take a big hot shit in my mouth. It was like Brett Butler and Dave Thomas to shit in a cup. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, two, what would that be? Two, two, uh, Dave's one cup?

No. Two Dave. I don't know. Someone's shitting in a cup and someone's eating it. So, uh, he's like, uh, they're like, oh, we'll meet you with Daytona Beach. That's where we're going. And then they, you know, there is some dirty grandpying on the golf course. at this point dirty grandpa says look

I was faithful to your grandmother for 40 years I never cheated on her not once here's your medal by the way and you know she's I haven't had sex in 15 years she's been sick for so long and she had told me to get out there so now I'm going to be a 14 year old idiot

and act like a baby for the rest of the movie it's the line you never want to hear your grandfather say to you Robert De Niro says to this boy with a straight face Jason I want to fuck at that point I'm getting in a car and leaving. You know what?

I'd rather have my grandfather say that to me than you're like a cock-blocking robot. You should go back in time and cock-block John Conner's parents to prevent it from being born. Like what? He must have just watched the Terminator. Like he finished the Terminator

right before he put on that pornography he jerked off. Maybe he had 101 cock-block joke book in his back pocket. Oh, maybe. That's what we don't see Dirty Grandpa's joke book. You know he's got a dirty joke book around somewhere, probably in the can.

That would be fun. He can read all his dirty grandpa. I'm surprised he's not doing Chuck Norris jokes. Oh, man. Chuck Norris jokes. Oh, yeah. How did he escape that meme? Dirty Grandpa loves memes.

How he does. Yeah, yeah. That's what he's really into. Actually, dirty grandpas are all over Facebook these days. Oh, sure. Yeah. So we get to Daytona. We get there.

You know, I miss 80s beach culture. Give me a nightmare beach scenario. Yeah, that's not what this is, which is unfortunate. It's the wrong kind of Coke. You know what I mean? Everyone's still doing Coke, but it's the wrong kind of Coke. Yeah, it's called Angel Dust. Yeah.

No, it's just like, it's like club culture has invaded beach culture. Yeah. Those things shouldn't have met, man. No. That's the problem. I think they did meet, right? I think this is real. I think the legends are true.

I think everything's ruined. Everything is ruined Chewy, we're home It's true All of it The club culture Met the beach culture Chewy and the whole thing went to hell

And by Chewy I mean these chewable Maliums I've been doing MDMA all night I was talking to a large Armenian man I called him Chewbacca And he punched me in the throat I think that's the problem

dude designer drugs yeah absolutely just stick to fucking cocaine and weed like the rest of us like go to a shitty bar with like gross pizza everywhere that's what i want because let me tell you something this fucking daytona beach 2015 when we're making this movie right this isn't a place for the beaver patrol no the beaver patrol would be eaten alive in this timeline they're eating beavers the beaver patrol would be eating alive dude the patrol themselves controlmen lay down their arms They'd be overrun Destroyed

So we get to We make a stop off at a beach shop It's run by Jason Manzukes He's a fucking hilarious drug dealer Yeah he's very funny in this movie And this is actually where I was getting some laughs Because he pulls a gun out and fires it And Efron's like screaming and he's like

No, it's Florida Like it's filled with the worst people in the world Like I can do this and nobody would Like he's got a good riff about Floridians And whatnot Apologies to my wife But it's just All he's doing is funny shit.

And I'm like, again, this isn't the time of the place for being funny. You're in Dirty Grandpa. Because we're four minutes back from a fart zone joke that Robert De Niro has to make. He's like, yeah, you know, it's crazy. It's like living life in the fart zone or something. And he's like, are you giving me wisdom off of these hilarious t-shirts? Dirty Grandpa. Oh.

Well, we'll see what Dirty Grandpa is up to next week. It's a sitcom. It is. It's very serious. It's shit my dad says. Oh, I forgot that show happened. Oh, so did everybody. Don't tell me to happen.

I saw it happen. I watched an episode. Was there a laugh track on that or what? I think so. Yeah, it was a CBS sitcom. Of course it was. Manzuka's line is, it's Florida. These people don't matter, which had me fucking laughing.

Well, after that election, for sure. And he also has a line where he just says, Welcome to Drugs, which is very funny. Yeah. He's funny, but his character kind of goes off the rails to the point. where I'm like, all right, it's too much. And it's not him, it's a script. But it's like, it's the thing where it's like,

what are we doing here? So basically not everyone can be Kramer in this script. Exactly. Everyone, somebody's got to fucking do the work here. Everybody's at 11, though. Like, even Ephron as like the so-and-so, like, a straight character. Yes.

Wines up getting fucked with so much by Dirty Grandpa that he himself just... He becomes dirty himself? He does. Oh, my Lord. He gets dirty against his own will. So we wind up hanging out with Aubrey Plaza and Zoe Deutsch on the beach

and Aubrey Plaza is very funny in this movie as well you know she's got her sure she's doing her thing and they're like oh here are our boyfriends and it happens to be this like really ripped dude

and this kind of beefy fat guy named Bra by the way and it's fucking whatever and they're the villains of the movie and they kind of don't matter there's three scenes with these guys I mean there's the villain

of the movie is dirty grandpa as it turns out oh he's pulling all the strings Yeah, dude, he's phantom menacing. And he's his own worst enemy. Yeah, that's true. Where is lit in this movie, man? Burn a wha-what-wha-wat-wat-wat-wat-wat-wab-bara.

You tell me, that's my lit impression. It's good. So good, in fact, that I wish it was set in the 90s. Yeah, how sure. Just do something. That is what was set in the 1990s. Yeah. That's what was great about the Aubrey Plaza

a movie, I think it was called the to-do list or something like that. Yes, it was. It's set in the 90s and it's like a sex comedy. It was awesome. Yeah. Where she's kind of playing a less sex craze character than she is in this movie, but it's kind of just the same like

I just want to get down to fuck him kind of thing. And it's funny but like that movie set in the 90s, it's right what you want this movie to be. They go they're playing drinking games with these guys and I think Robert De Niro wants to put Xanax in his own cup or does he want to drink? No, I think he's trying to fuck with

Chuck steak there. Oh, I see. But then Zach Efron gets it. So he gets really messed up. So he's like, he's at the party later. He's doing the macarena. This is one of many times you get to see Zach Efron's ass. Macarena just said it in the 90s. Oh, no, it's funny. It's random now, Eric. It wouldn't be random. Holy Lord. Oh, you know what's also random? Isn't there who let the dogs out joke in this? Yeah, there sure is.

He does say who let the dogs out at one point. What's this written in the 90s? By the way, this was on the blacklist. Have you heard about this? Have you heard about this? Yeah. The script list. The script list of all the best unproduced screenplays, which are actually always the worst screenplays. Because

anytime you see a blacklist movie get made, it's fucking shit. I was actually trying to, and I was talking about this earlier today, I was trying to remember I screened something this year that was a blacklist title. Passengers? It is. It's supposed to be bad, though. Oh, it's supposed to be terrible.

The buzz about that movie is fucking. That's a crowd. dusting fart. Well, it was on the blacklist. Yeah, I'll get back to you on it, but something I watched this year was on the blacklist and it was good, but I can't remember what it was. Does Chris Pratt?

Pratt wake Jennifer Lawrence up to crop duster. Is that what he tries to do? I think he does. That would be great if it's just like, oh my God, like we both came out of stasis seven years too early. And Jennifer Lawrence is like, why? What happened? And Chris Pratt's like, oh, I think it might be because and he just farts on the space station.

And then it's like, credits, passengers. Credits, the end of robot chicken. Coming up on adult swim, some anime, no one gives a shit about it. Now you're getting an email. Yeah, sure. You're going to give you a personal email out at the end of the show. Stay tuned. Yeah, now you have to listen to the end.

So, but Zach Efron is really messed up. And then he meets up with Jason Manzukas, who gives him a vape pen. It happens to have crack in it. There's funny business of a witch has crack. they all have crack and now he's like really off of his rocker here oh just like betty white just like that betty white oh my god why is it dude dirty grandpa should have been on that show dirty grandpa and dirty grandma show up and they fight they lock horns dude that would have been the sequel yes like this movie made a nickel which it didn't first there's like the the uh on the mother's side there's a

dirty grandma now that's the sequel yeah i'll tell you what if this first movie came out five years ago and then the sequel could come out three years ago when everybody was still just laughing at an old woman which I never understood because I love Betty White. And it was just like, ha ha, look, she's old insane things.

And I mean, whatever, I'm sure she got a nice little She got plenty of bit of change there but I never got the whole like what was the campaign? Oh, for her to host S&L. Did that happen? She hosts it. Yeah, she did.

So that petition got. signed we couldn't we couldn't uh declassify that fucking report on russia but we got betty white to host s and l we're doing something sometimes sometimes a petition works you know the system works he's got to believe in it she hosted saturday night okay who cares that trump did at least betty white got to the system works uh effron wakes up on a beach naked uh except for this like B that he's got on his dick. Which he'd been dancing with. Oh, yeah.

It's like a stuffed animal. Stuffed animal B. And his, his fiance calls him and she's like, hey, I have some real stuff about the wedding. And the audience is like, oh, that bitch. Why is she worried about her wedding again? We're having fun on the beach.

We're playing dirty grandpa here. And it's, you, she had called him like 37 times or something. But like she insists. Because she's literally worried where he is. Yeah. This is what's amazing, though. This dude has been chugging beer. he ate like four mashed up Xanax and took two hits from a fucking crack vape pen

and he just wakes up and shakes it all off to make a FaceTime call oh I don't think so well that's the thing is like FaceTime why you know like because she says some horse shit about like I need you to look at like a fucking swatch or something guess what my camera's broke oh no just my old catfish excuse my camera's broke in real time oh no I got a new phone, who dis? Exactly. We're doing text only once a year. We'll talk on the phone, but it'll be brief like, yeah, hey, hey, babe.

Yeah, no, it's, oh, no, my mom's calling me. She's, she's got hit by a car. I got to go. Is that what these people are doing on that show? Yeah, man. Dude, watch Catfish. There's so many instances of, oh, no, my mom has cancer. Their mom doesn't.

Oh, yeah, or like, I got hit by a car. I have cancer. I got hit by a cancer car Hold on we're in sweeps right now So weird shit's happened to me That I can't talk to you Is this is this show real I don't know

As much as like any reality show is real Yeah I think it's on there yeah Well when you see the monsters unveiled at the end It seems real to me Because I could I could picture it Because wasn't it wasn't it revealed That the movie was fake The movie wasn't fake

I don't remember It was like devil worship It wasn't about devil worship It wasn't about devil worship It wasn't it was So this kid starts, by the way, he's got a swastika on his forehead. It's a swastika made out of dicks. Because white nationalism is very funny.

Dixikas. Yeah. They're very prescient this film. A dapper white nationalist wakes up on the beach. With a bunch of swastika dicks on him. So, and Julianne Hoff is Jewish, I guess. Yeah, that's something. So they've got the rabbi there to do the whatever.

And he's like, oi-vee or something. Oh, this is a real fun. fucking rabbi Herschel Khrostovsky. Yeah. Big time. Yeah, this guy's just aping Jackie Mason. And then this kid starts grabbing his dick and it's like. Yeah, he's playing with it.

Yeah. Well, he's trying to get the bee. But come on. Come on. Yeah. No, I understand what the joke is. I understand kids are stupid. Oh, you're saying, yeah, this kid wouldn't you just grab it. Random dude's stuffed animal that's obviously on his crotch.

Yeah, well, you know, I mean, some kids just don't know boundaries. I mean, maybe he's just a product of bad parents. Oh, you had a dirty dad, you think? Oh, shit, dirty dad. Yep. Yep, that's the third movie. Dirty dad actually shows up. Hey, what are you doing to my son?

And he's like, Daddy made me touch his ding-dong. Listen, because I, yeah, but it's so much worse than this, though, because what we're doing here, it's not just like the kids grabbing at it and then the dad's like, hey, wait a second. The way they frame this shot is like Zach Efron is standing behind a garbage can or a big rock on the beach or something like that and he's totally naked and he's holding he's trying to pull the bee away from the kid so his hands are down by his crotch and the the garbage can or whatever it is is blocking out effron's like lower half but then to the left you can see the kid and they make it look like this kid's head is bob in sucking his dick wow okay yes

that's that's someone saw the uncut that's what i watched man oh yikes it's it's like a it's like a fucking two second shot the kid's head goes you know going back and forth like he's sucking off this dude on the beach which is why the dad's reaction is so inappropriately low key even in the cut that I saw

what I thought I saw because it's like it's very much like he's like oh he made me touch it and it was soft and it got hard or whatever you know all these like kind of like double innuendo jokes and this guy kind of just shoves everything like you're an asshole no no no no we are calling the police we are

sorting this out together. I'm pinning this dude to the sand while your mother goes and calls the police department. Yes. And we're going to trial. This is going all the way to the top. Yeah, your life is finished beach bum. Also, there's a similar double entendre joke in a hunt for the wilder people. Okay. And it's done so much better. It's this kid. And Sam Neal. I mean, wearing a bee. It's not where to be. Thank God. Okay. He's wearing a hornet. It's confusing because it's a hornet in his bonnet, which doesn't make anything. No, but that's an excellent movie, and they do an, you know, an edgier joke. Sure.

But it actually works and pays off, and you're not making a kid mimic sucking a dude's dick. I would hope you don't. Yeah. We wind up in prison, and this is where the movie gets really silly. Like the cops are these cop characters. You need straight men somewhere in this movie, and the cops are a great place to put it, because the cops are the only kind of consequence in the movie whatsoever,

but they're just whackier than anything you've ever seen in your life. They're just so, he asked for a phone call, they make fun of him for it. I think it's Reno 911. Yes, it's Mo Collins and some other dude. Mo Collins was the woman

who played Joan Calamezzo on Parks and Rec. Is that the actors? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then I don't know who this other dude is, some red-headed fella. And like, they're making fun of them. They set up a Tinder profile, he's going to get butt-fucked by someone in prison

because that's you know hey you know yeah that's uh that's comedy for you that that is comedy that's all it is maybe PG 9 and maybe that's what it is maybe just unreleased this film yeah maybe call it back recall this that's a great idea yeah just shelve the whole thing uh so then we get we get back on the road

he's all upset about dirty grandpa and you know he's like we gotta go see my friend so and so And that friend's stinky. Oh, that friend's Stinky. Right. We'll get to Stinky. And who plays Stinky right after this? So Stinky is played by the great Danny Glover. And, you know, I'm laughing at this. Well, it's Danny Glover. He's in a nursing home. He's watching Alf. And like, Alf is about to blow up a cat or something. And Danny Glover just screams out. Get that motherfucker. Al! You get that motherfucker. It's really funny. Yeah, I know it works. Fuck him up, Al! That's what it is. And I think I would rather have Danny Glover play Dirty Grandpa. Sure. Sure. Yeah.

Because it's Danny Glover. Like Robert De Niro's done this movie a thousand times. At this point for sure. Done this character. Danny Glover hasn't done this that much. Unfortunately, Danny Glover's career is circling the drain a little bit. He's in those badass movies. Have you heard about those?

No, I don't know what those are. Bad ass. There's a Danny Trejo movie. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's a.

sequel badass badasses i think and that's where they introduced danny glover's another badass and then there's another one called badass three when are they making these movies colon bad asses on the bayou are you even talking about i you know i haven't seen them myself but i they they actually exist dude this man you're proving our thesis right now because whenever the hell it was we were talking about danny trejo and fucking secret danny trejo movies This was what we were talking about. There's a secret Danny Trejo trilogy. Are you kidding me?

He goes inside of a time tunnel and makes movies. I mean, Jesus Christ. Outside of any realm that you know of. He's in the Doctor Strange Mirror Universe making all these fucking movies. Tulsa Whitten allows him to make movies in the Mirror Universe so as to not upset the box office receipts of other films. It's true because then in the mirror universe, no one can see these movies.

Yes, exactly. You have to have Sling TV. so Danny Glover unfortunately it's literally one scene and this is a fucking credit fake out because at the beginning of the movie it's like so-and-so-so-and-so-and-so-and-so Danny Glover I was like

yes all right yeah awesome something nope one scene and it's basically Robert De Niro like come on Stinky go on this road trip with us and he's like nah I got fucking pancreatic cancer whatever it is and he's like oh bummer see you later stinky end of scene

well hey first of all because of Fission. Now and this, Danny Glover needs to make a stupid comedy with Ray Leota to really complete the Goodfellas trilogy. Maybe they play like exterminators or something. Oh, sure. Yeah. Both set in Florida by the way. So this movie would have to be set in Florida as well. Wait a second. Okay. It's a movie with Ray Leota and Danny Glover and they're exterminators. Yes. Could be in Daytona so we can get the spring break nightmare beach angle. But they're exterminators. They're called to a hotel. Right. And they think like it's just they got to bust something, but it turns out, zombie outbreak, title of movie, Dead Bugs.

Oh. I love it. Yes, you could sell that movie, honestly. Easy. If you can make fucking zombievers, you could make dead bugs. And the zombies are overrunning everything, and then what, damn, what drives by at the end credits, corpse car. And now we can do that movie as the sequel.

Okay, all right. Yeah, and we can tie in the badass. universe i was gonna say if you can have a badass trilogy we can make dead bugs please but they use basically dirty grandpa uses danny glover as like because basically zach afron is like you know what these comic shenanigans have to end i really have to go home and he's like but now my friend is dead and that could be me life is so short right let's go back and i really want to his thing is he's i really want to fuck lenore if i could just fuck lenore and it's just this weird thing we're like she wants to fuck him too so i don't know what the the whole

like production go into a closet and fuck and be done with it's like a week of conflict of like she wants to fuck me I want to fuck her oh no not not tonight no not tomorrow either you think that the gag at the end is like and I actually really thought we were going this way

it was like at the end he's going to be too sincere and too sweet like uh you know my wife and blah blah blah like maybe that's the end of the movie right is that he can't do it I just want to have a little thrill feel young again go out be young people too extreme you're a beautiful girl

you should go on by yourself or something like that that would be nice it doesn't happen in this movie well there's at least the one scene thank God where he's like like they go to a club and they're gonna get down to fucking

and then she gets wasted yeah and they cut to like Zach Ephron this is basically where we are in the movie anyway Zach Ephron and De Niro are like sharing a bed in Zoe Deutsch's house

or whatever apartment or something and he's like oh it's too bad Lenore threw up all over herself I could have done something about that and I'm like all right at least you're not a fucking date racist back when at this point we found out that he was in the special forces

which is this is just his fucking meet the fucker's character a secret secret CIA agent whatever he was like a secret green beret who like trained people behind enemy lines so he's in bed with Zach Airfront and I don't remember why do we see his dick at this point

because so all naked well yeah all of a sudden he's like oh are you naked and he's like, yeah, he claims like, oh, I learned this from so-and-so in like Saudi Arabia. I'm like, what, the benefit of sleeping in the nude? You had to have some dude in the desert tell you about that? You're sleeping nude, man. It's not amazing. One-eighth of the population does that anyway, I bet.

One-eighth, please. That's higher. At least half of this. I sleep naked. That's right, everybody. Think about that. This is a dirty podcast right now. Every now and again, I'll sleep in the nude.

I ain't above it. I got a webcam. Of course I sleep naked. Live stream. That's our new Patriot. We're actually teasing a new Patreon show where you can sleep naked. We bail you a vomit bucket.

So in that, he's like Roll over. I don't want your junk to touch me again. I'll throw up. They turn the lights out. It cuts to Zach Ephron, opens his eyes. and there's a stunt cock in his face. And let me tell, this is a youthful dick. These pubes have all the color to them.

Like, are you kidding me? This is a 72-year-old man's dick. It's a technical color dream coat of juice. Or maybe he's using Keith Hernandez is just for a man on his pubs. You know what? That might be it. It did look a little.

This dick looked a little like Keith Hernandez. And it's cut, by the way. So you see that dude's dick? It looked exactly like. Keith Hernandez. It looked exactly like Mets legend Keith Hernandez. It's not a bad thing to look like. No, Keith Hernandez's

handsome man. You could play ball. It's just a weird thing for a penis to look like. Well, penis shouldn't have a mustache, let alone an iconic mustache. No, it should have a mustache. You've never seen my Groucho Marx impression. Oh, God. But it's so ridiculous. I'm like, here's my question. Do you think Robert De Niro

has ever seen this movie? I don't think so. No, no way. No, Robert De Niro's seen this movie. Man, are you kidding me? Robert De Niro's stopped watching Robert De Niro movies a long time. Well, he goes to the premiere and he goes in the back and once the credits go and he just goes out the back. He politely leaves. Yeah, guaranteed. No, he's not seen.

I don't think that he knows about this scene at all. No, someone like told him later. Which also, it's weird because it's not like a fake penis. It's a penis attached to a man. Which means some dude had to just stand there. Wait, do you think it's an actual penis? That's totally a penis. I thought that was real, too.

I thought that was a puppet. Oh, you think you get a penis? You get Tom Savini a call? Yeah, dude, you can get a fucking realistic looking dick anywhere. Who's doing a better dick, Savini or Rick Baker? Winston's dead, so it's out of the question. So do you think it's the same guy that did like the puppet work in a taxi driver for De Niro? Like his hand exploding?

Yes, I think it's the same. one guy. Oh, I've done all of De Niro's appendages, his head, his hands, his dick. Yeah. I got a full-scale De Niro at my house. Full-scale De Niro. Wait, was there any other De Niro body horror movies I'm not remembering? He's got a bunch of, like, wacky tattoos and shit in the Cape Fear remade.

Yeah, that's true. He's in great shape. Now, if there's any movie where you should be shown his dick, it's Cape Fear. Yeah, how is that not waggling around in that film? But I believe that was a fake dick and Dirty Grandpa. You think it's a fair? I, man, you know, right into the We Hate Movies Mailbag. If you've seen this movie, I think that's a real dick, dude.

Well, maybe slow it down in real time. See it there's a serial number on there? That's usually a good way to tell. Ah, look at the serial number on that. Clearly fake dick. Bad movie. Wait, is he old? We're leaving.

It's not like, I mean, the clearly fake dicks in, like, greasy strangler. It's, like, comically fake. Yeah. And also the fake dicks in, um, What was that movie with Adam Scott? The Overnight. I think it was called him in... Oh, yeah, I think I saw Jason Schwartzman.

Jason Swordsman's in it, yeah, where they have like the awkward, like, swap. I like that movie. There's fake penises in that movie, too. Oh, that's weird. But that's what I'm saying. I've seen my fair share of fake dicks this year at the movies, man. And I'm telling you that's a real cock. A year in fake dicks at the movies.

It's been a great year. We've had a lot of fun, seen a lot of fake ding-dongs. The state of the penis address. I love this time of year. And now the part of the show where we talk about the fake dicks we've lost. Oh, man. There was a warehouse fire down on Melrose. Claim the lives of many fake dicks.

I would love to see the, you know, the immemorial with the showing the scenes of where these fake dicks were used. Oh, man, it's just like Mr. Skin, like, someone's doing my thing. That's me. That's Mrs. Skin. Is that a real thing? Yeah, it is. Mrs. Skin, really?

Are they wed? What? I don't know if they're legally married. I'm not sure if websites could legally get married. Wait. Is it Mrs. Or is it Ms. That's what I was asking.

Look it up right now. We're talking about Dirty Grandpa so the audience can wait. Well, there's, what's the number for the modem here? Because there's like, there's a dude who's Mr. Skin, right? There's a guy.

is and is he was born jet skin chet skin is perfect that's perfect naming for that character he's a real guy yeah but that's what I'm saying that's why I want to know is mrs. skin or miskin an actual person or is it just chet skin operating they might be brother and sister they might not be married to each other they're married to other people

they're married to the movies first of all they're fucking I don't know maybe I can't seem to find any of this stuff unfortunately so maybe I may have a chip on their phone no it's it's only pulling up a legit website so we get to another emotional scene

where Zach Ephron goes on a date with Zoe Deutsch kind of to like this construction site where they're taking down all this nature she's like hippie-dippy in quotation mark you're very loosely hippie-dippy and like we're making fun of Zach Afron

throughout this movie for for you know being a J. crew guy and this and that and preppy. They say J. Crew at least twice. Yeah. They certainly do. Which is disturbing. And then we see who she's hanging out with, which are the hippie-dippy guys, who are even worse.

Oh my God. Look at these monsters. So you better just conform instead, I think is the idea, right? Yeah, that's the message. Well, it's so stupid. Like, Zach Efron is like, because he's not a preppy asshole. They're like making presumptions about him. And, you know, he goes up to these dudes and he's like,

like their hacky sack falls or whatever he picks it up he's like oh is this a hacky sack cool man and he's like uh hacky sack is the corporate name this is a hemp filled activity bag or whatever and you're just like oh man even the hippies are jerks in this movie who's who's the slob and who's the snob and any of these scenarios that's what i really don't understand it's a problem yeah it's it's filth versus filth unfortunately that's no i think it's turning it on its head though because the the slabs yeah are the snobbs. Oh shit. The slabs have become the snobs. That's exactly right, dude. Oh, my God. I think it's a real metaphor for 2016 all around. Snake eating its own tail. That's right. Welcome back to a year in cinema where we talk about the death of the slabs and the grand rise of the snobs. I mean, if you remade porkies in 2017, right? Like the slabs trying to save porkies would be like the, the, the, the, the, the preppy people. Yeah, I would also say, I would also say,

whoa to the casting director that tried to diversify that cast because you're getting a lot of emails. They were all white. You can't have, oh, there's an Asian guy in the Porky's crew now bullshit. Man, anybody caring about Porky's that much.

Somebody must, right? Sure. Someone asked you, right? So they're on this date, sort of, and, you know, he's like, you know, we're learning that, you know, he still does love photography. We're learning?

About the character. We're a learning computer. You know, and he's like, oh, you got your settings set to this, blah, blah, blah. I'm a dirty grandpa now, too. Oh, my God, Arnold's dirty grandpa. I'm the California dirty grandpa. I totally bang maids, dude. This is my California accent.

Hangton. When can you start? Jamie, Jamie, please. ever since your mother died I just want to fuck I need to fuck you need to find me something to fuck but the funny thing is this is we do have a she's all that scenario

for no literally no reason because like dirty grandpa lies to Lenore who's Aubrey Plaza's character and it's just like yeah I'm a professor this is my grant this is my friend who works with Time Magazine he's a photographer and like

Zacharfon goes along with it so it turns into this like lie that you know is going to be revealed in the third act and it just has nothing to do with anything. Nobody cares. And the easy solution to this for Zach Ephron, every single time he gets dirty grandpod is to just be like, he's fucking losing it.

Like he does it to the ladies on the golf course. He's like, eh, he's losing it. He just lost his wife. I don't know what's going on. And they're like, P-U, and they leave. And he successfully shuts it down. Yeah. That's just what he has to do every single time he gets dirty grandpa. And then they wouldn't have the scenario. Could we talk about the dance club scene?

Yes, because it leads into the thing that we just got to so it wouldn't have made sense. So they go out to it, they're like, oh, we're going to go to the hottest dance club in town. It happens to be a more urban club than it used to be, I guess, is the idea in Dirty Grandpa's time. Yeah, he's upset because we're told three times in this movie that Sinatra played here.

Like I give a flying fuck. It's hollow ground. Yeah. So it's a black. club, if you want to call it that. It's just a club. No, but specifically. It just happens to be black people.

No, but that's what this movie plays it as though. Oh, sure. It's only black people there. They walk in, there's a record in scratch. It is. It's like, fucking, I'm watching Animal House. And I'm like, really? We're doing this in 2016? Yeah, you're right. Because they're like, oh, it's a black, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, club.

And sure enough, the, the gay character gets into a fight with some street tuffs. And now Dirty Grandpa, who's been fucking gay bashing this guy. for 68 minutes. It's like, no, no, no, not on my watch. There's only one person

doing gay bashing in this movie and it's me, dirty grandpa. And he goes, and like he's gotten magical special forces powers and he beats everybody up

and he like twist this guy's arm and he's like, say you're sorry, say you understand and you love gay people and this is okay and all this stuff who's going to hold this movie's arm behind his back?

He makes the guy say that and if you had to be gay to stop a terrorist attack oh right. You'd be gay. with him. And they're going to go be gay together. Yeah, the guy is just like, that's all I wanted to hear.

You're forgiven. You're just like, oh, man, movie, don't do that. Just don't have any of that shit in this movie at all. Yeah. Now, I don't need, I don't need, like, we're trying to turn. It's like they were making the movie. And they got like halfway through making the movie. And they were like, oh, wait a second.

This guy is a really big deplorable asshole. Yeah. I'll better write in a scene where he's nice to the gay guy and just fix that really quickly. It just doesn't, you get zero points. Fucking Band-Aid over a shark wound, dirty grandpa. Exactly. But, so like he beats up this gang and then

a whole gang, which I don't care if you were a Green Beret, 72-year-old man. Yes, exactly. So, but sure enough, as he's about, as Zach Efron's about to kiss, Zoe Deutsch, he gets a phone call and whoops, his grandfather's been kidnapped by the gang? I'll be bareback.

Sorry, I just thought of a new line. Schwarzenegger dirty grandson. That's fine. That's okay. You know what? Whenever they come to you for the rest of the episode, just throw them out. In a year of Schwarzenegger jokes. Welcome, everybody, wear your bow ties to the Schwarzenegger joke party. And now to the part

of the program where we talk about Schwarzenegger jokes we lost. Hey, come on, man. Don't bullshit me. That was a great one. That was a real great one. Now we lay it to rest. Put a rose on that casket. It just makes no sense because you don't know who called.

You don't know why that person who's calling thinks that they were kidnapped. And when we get to the hotel where they were kidnapped, De Niro is just hanging out. With Aubrey Plaza, both there, they're both claiming to be kidnapped or whoever made that fucking phone call. And they're just, they're hanging out with all these people. De Niro's asking if he can use the N-word and when and when that's not appropriate. I guess what if your name is Jury Grandpa, it's never appropriate. I wish his name actually was just dirty girl. I just can't believe

they also, they set up that kidnap plot and it's diffused in like 10 seconds. And I like, is it that we all just missed it that it's supposed to be like like one of them made a prank phone call or something? Because if they don't act that way, like when they walk into the hotel

room, De Niro is just like, hey, they're all here. Hey, it's great. All right. Yeah. Then we get cut. Maybe it was crank yanking. Dirty grandpa discovered crank yanking. While his wife was dying.

He's like, shut up in there. I'm watching crank yankers. Yeah, that would explain a lot. You're cock blocking me with your coughing. You know what? South Park's on next. You know what is something that no one has ever said, no one has ever said,

shut up in there, I'm watching crankingers. No, someone said that. It probably happened in 2003. The Domino's just got in the apartment. Uh-huh. Yeah, oh, definitely. Hey, shut up, I'm watching Crankakers.

That was definitely a Domino's night. So we go to karaoke, and this is when Dirty Grandpa does karaoke rapping. Uh-oh, super cool. This is embarrassing. Yeah, if you ever wanted to hear Robert De Niro use the N-word. Now's the time. First of all, watch a Martin Scorsese movie. Well, if you wanted to, yeah, that's a good point.

Well, in a Martin Scorsese movie, you're getting the ER. Yeah, that's true. In this movie, you're just getting the A. Well, he also raps. Well, yeah, he's rapping. What song is this? Anybody catch that? I wasn't paying attention.

Rapping granny, right? Yeah, it's very, it's the wedding singer, man. It's like 20 years later. It's the wedding singer. Oh, what a better movie. Oh, leaps and bounds. Oh, yeah. Oh, and the Wrapping grannie's been dead for a while.

Oh, has she? Yeah, she passed away. The wrapping grannies we lost this year. None, because that wrapping granny died two years ago. Oh, but other grannies that were too extreme, Benny White's still alive, okay. Too extreme. Well, I bet some old lady died.

Let's cut to that. That's sad. Can't believe I rented it. an entire banquet hall for the ceremony. It's just one guy doing it. I'd show up. So, yeah, whatever. He does karaoke.

He wraps. He asks permission to use the N-word. It's granted. Everybody's laughing their tits off. And then, yeah, that's what young black people want to hear as an old white guy say the N-word. That'd be a real fucking hoot.

A real change of pace. Well, he's saying it with us. Oh, yeah. Okay, isn't that it? Finally, someone who's not Clint Eastwood doing it. Oh, so then Zach Efron and Zoe Deutsch do a duet to a song I also don't remember. Oh, that's The Way You Love Me by Celine Dion. Oh, that's right.

Quote unquote, random. Random songs. It's also, though, his ringtone. Oh, and it's also that it wasn't being his wedding song. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they do it. It's actually kind of fun. It's not that funny, I guess, but like, because Zach Efron is a talented singer,

and he fucking belts out the tune and they're all just like, who are you? Yeah, that's fun. Like, well, I was in three high school musical movies. That didn't have by accident. Oh, those didn't happen by accident? Maybe the third one did.

Oh, whoops. I green lit it before we You got a script. They, uh, the bullies or whatever the hell you want to call him. Uh, middle, in the middle of the movie, like, uh, Robert De Niro breaks their nose with a, with a beer rifle or some sort. Oh, he shoots him. He shoots a beer can out of a potato gun.

A t-shirt gun. Yeah. I think it is because it's beach culture. Because he also, yeah, it's definitely a t-shirt gun, you're right. But he definitely modifies it, green beret style so that, like, it's full force. Like, he would fucking kill this guy. Like, it's insane that this kid isn't dead. That's in the middle of some sort of body flexing competition, by the way.

That takes forever. Yeah. Yeah, that's the first time that Jason Mansook is. doing like the making Zach Efron fart joke. Yeah. Which again, it was getting me. Well, anyone making a fart noise is going to get me. I know. It's an easy laugh, but I was totally fine

with it. Yeah, like that. It's pretty good. Oh, what'd you Oh, listener, what'd you eat? That's stupid. I didn't do it. They did it. Yes. Now it's an interactive podcast. Press one for more. Press stop to end this podcast.

You selected one. Okay, it's over. The national nightmare is over. Oh, also, while those kids are in the hospital after Robert De Niro assaulted them, they're like stealing their hotel room that whole time. For some reason. And basically, like, when they come out, they find Robert DeNor's driver's license,

and this is when we get our she's all that moment. And it's played pretty well because, like, Zoe Deutsch is very upset by the news. Like, oh, my God, they've been loved. to me, but then Aubrey Plaza's like, oh my God, I don't care. Like, you know what I mean? Like, she plays it well. All she wants to do is fuck this dude, like literally go anywhere and fuck this dude. Just take 10 minutes. Yeah, it doesn't take that

long. There's no plot to this movie. No, there's not. Like, he's supposed to meet someone to fuck. He meets them. They don't fuck for 90 minutes and then they fuck in the end. This movie has the audacity to be an hour and 46 minutes. How on earth? Would you? Because we do the

wedding crash this thing. We're like, if she's all that moment happens and we have to have 20 minutes of business afterwards where everyone's just sad. It's like, who could care? When the bullies bust them, by the way, because I made two notes somewhere back I paused it and I was like,

my God, 48 minutes. When the bullies get them busted by the cops in this scene, it's still 30 minutes left of this movie. Yeah, somehow. So those two idiot cop characters come back. They find weed in his in Zach Efron's coat.

I believe it's the weed that Robert De Niro had that he called Lebanese red And I was like, did you do a little Google in there? Yeah, I don't know. It sounded like an interesting one. See if it's real. I've never heard of that one before, Mother.

I want the dirty grandpa strain. Oh, yeah. Oh, Lord. Get to work on it, Massachusetts. No, it turns your dick fake. Hey, it's already fake. Everyone who watches the webcam knows that. So he goes back

is like, you know what, dirty? Everyone, whenever somebody gets arrested for, like, child molesting or, like, having, like, illegal drugs, they just get bailed out of jail. And that's it. You know what I mean? It's almost like shooting someone on a neighborhood watch. It is Florida. It's, uh, yeah, there's no, like, concern of Zach Afron having to come back for a court date. Nope.

For, uh, you know, uh, exposing himself in front of a child on a beach. Yeah, you think that probably, problem. Yeah. That's another great gag, though, as man. Zuckus being buddies with the cops and he's like I gotta get out of here I got a shop to open to sell some drugs Oh when I came in here I had a big bag of drugs with me

And the cops like toss him the drugs like see you later Pam Again I want to watch the Pam movie It's not gonna happen because this movie did not do business No but that's it think of what it could have been Dirty Grandpa 2 colon the rise of Tan Pam Oh man yeah that's perfect We are direct to DVD man That is fucking perfect though

It would be great I don't care that's drug to DVD. I'd watch a fucking tan pam movie. Yeah, he could be selling drugs at the school. Exactly. And then you got your college movie in there, too. Yep, perfect, perfect. We're all sad.

Robert De Niro, like, males, there's like this photo collage that's going to happen. Robert DeNiro mails him a Nikon camera, like a really nice one. He's like, oh, you always wanted to be a photographer or whatever. I'm like, and basically, I'm your grandpa. I'm your dirty grandma. I'm a dirty grandpa. I'm a regular grandpa sometimes, a dirty grandpa all the time. There's a role in there, develop it, you'll see.

We wind up going to the wedding rehearsal. Adam Pally is there. He's got cornrows, which is unnecessary. Yeah, there's no joke there. It's not a joke. It's a joke in like 2008, maybe. Like, you know what? Well, that's extreme.

What the hell did that fucking Jamie Kennedy kicking an old school movie come out? That's when that joke was funny. When did that come out? It's like 2003 or something. Again. Dark time. The early aughts, man. The worst time ever.

We might be getting into a new bad time now, though. Yeah, yeah, let's just... Welcome to New Bad Time. Yeah, let's just keep our eye on it. Could that be the new name of the podcast? New Bad Time? Yeah. We should start a show called New Bad Time.

Yeah. I'm just talking about current events. Yeah, us reading the news. Press one if you would listen to that. Dude, it'll be us. We'll get Pat Kiernan in here. You can read the paper with us. I love that, man.

excuse to work with that legend yeah totally fucking rib him he's part of the mccu oh really oh yeah right is officially part of the mccu you should be bitten by a newspaper like he's read or radioactive canadian oh yes he goes to tim hortons something terrible happens but it turns out to be good so i mean this basically she's doing they're doing a duet of because you love me which is also from the movie up close and personal just in case you're wondering that's a romantic drama featuring Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert Redford where like their age difference is like a thing oh yeah do they fuck I'm pretty sure they do

so is that the first dirty grandpa one of them is like an investigative journalist or something and don't they like it killed in the field something happened I got to investigate your drawers haven't you seen all the presidents been you know I don't remember the ending of up close and personal but I suppose that's how there's a poster in your drawers let me just let me in let me jimmy open this file cabinet and by that I mean your drawers

oh man everybody stop saying drawers just a funny word for underwear I'll be honest that's what we need more of in the dirty grandpa universe is like old fashioned words to be used by a grandpa not like fucking Terminator like

call a washing machine or something let's talk about the roof for a little while you know I mean that's the thing is like he needs to be an actual old-fashioned grandpa. Yes. That's what has to happen. Like, he should not be saying cock-blocking. He should be rapping. No, he should not be wrapping. He should be talking about Aubrey Plaza's drawers, right?

Like, oh, what kind of drawers you wear? You wear those like see-through drawers? You got any of those edible drawers they wear these ladies do these days? Oh, what's that crotchless drawers? Those are mighty fine under drawers. Now that I've gotten those drawers off, I got these under drawers. Look at those gams. That would be a better, slower movie.

Oh, yeah, let's have sex. Let me just slip my lamb skin on real quick. Yeah, dude. I've been using the same one since the service. I mean, like, yeah, that's the movie I want. I mean, I don't want any of those movies, but. Don't? No. But if I'm, you know, gun to my head, that's a movie I'd rather. Sure. You know, funny business happens. Basically, where we are using the hangover. It is the end of the hangover, pretty much, almost exactly.

Like, he's decided he doesn't want to marry Julianne Huff. He wants to be with Zoe Deutsch. And so he's trying to tell her this, like, during this duet that they're doing, they're on opposite sides of this banquet hall. It is an endless scene. Yeah, it goes on forever. His microphone goes out, and he's way up in the balcony, and only Adam Pally can hear him. But Dirty Grandpa hacks the net there. Yeah, he's got some friend of his from his Green Beret days. And we're doing the hangover bit about, like, oh, look at all the wacky pictures we took that he didn't see in the movie. We're like, he's getting hump by a dog. There's like so much shit going in this kid's ass.

He's doing, like, some butt chugging. We should say that De Niro loves putting his thumb up his grandson's butt. Yeah, he does that joke. Watch your drawers here it comes Oh, boop boop It's the drawer rhinoceros Kling, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, cling, cling, cling, cling, clink, Don't tell anyone about this, it was just the drawer

rhinoceros We just went on a little safari I mean, like it's... Haven't you seen Indian in the cupboard? That's what I thought, that's what I call my dick it looks like Keith Hernandez got a big old mustache oh my god

lord so yeah so all these these filthy photos come in they fuck up the thing she gets pissed off there's this endless game surprised the cake didn't fall in her head like this is that's that

this is time for a well I never yeah I need a nice ruined dessert maybe someone throws a pie for some of these more exactly just make it the three stooges Just end this as the three stooges. And then she throws in some things. She's like, oh, by the way, I fucked your cousin, Adam Pally, while you were gone, which is great.

It adds nothing. No, it subtracts nothing. Well, you know what it adds is... Gives that guy from an out. It's not an asshole that's cheating on his fiance and ruining her life by... Her problem. She was too. She was so interested in the wedding.

She didn't want to... She fucking dropped her drawers while we were on spring break. We were down playing in the warder, and she dropped her drawers with another man. In typical grandpa fashion, go into my incredibly cold guest room. I was a little dirty because I'm a dirty grandpa. Sorry about the fold out. It smells. Oh, man, dirty grandpa shouldn't be about a hoarder.

It's like all these newspapers all over the plane. And dirty grandpa dies, and you have to. just clean his house out. Oh, yeah. It's really sad. I know he fucks on the pile of filth. It's called literally dirty grandpa. And he's killed under a stack of decades old newspapers collapsing on top of him. And even though a real-life actor's portraying him, he's got stinky lines. Like they add that in CGI. That's going to put the budget for literally dirty grandpa through the root. It's just pig pen grown up to be an old man. Oh, Bruce Dernis literally. Dirty Grandpa. Oh, yeah. Buster and his Dirty Grandpa as a hoarder? Yeah.

St. Roars. Well, no, I'm going to sell that. No, I'm going to sell that too. That's good. No, don't put that in the dumpster. No, don't throw those plants out, man. I'm going to grow some weed in there one of these days. Get some smoking weed and going on. Oh, no, I burnt my house

down, smucking weed. Oh, no, adult protective services. That's like the Lex Luthor, the literally adult dirty grandpa. Hey, man, I was going to use those dead catch all right fine take me away man just let me put my drawers on first let me wash up a little oh you know what nebraska was dirty grandpa it pretty much was yeah that was a good dirty grandpa movie that it was a good dirty grandpa movie so now we got

grandpa he's like oh grandpa you hacked the thing we've got only five minutes to let me tell this girl that i love her man or whatever and der runny gets in the car and we're just driving around for fucking who cares. We're chasing a hippie painted school bus in Manzukas's ice cream truck that he uses to sell drugs to kids which is another great gag and again another point to a fucking

tan pan movie that I would watch and you know it just sort of happens Dernal Rooney passes out they put a they put the dicks all over his face because you know sure we're all under the age of fucking seven so

we like get we get the bus pulled over everybody makes cute apologizes professes loves no one is arrested and we we make out for a little bit and then he goes with Zoe Deutsch because she's like doing a semester at sea or something like that so yeah one of those real worlds and then you're like oh cool the movie's over you know thank god that's great or is it no there's a 20 minute because we've been teasing it and nobody

nobody ever wanted to watch robert denier and albri plaza make out no I will say Albury Plaza does her best to make this scene funny. Yeah, I mean, she commits to it. Her taking off his drawers. She's wearing his old man trousers. Oh, right. And her taking it off is kind of funny. That's a good gag. There's a very funny line

where she's like, you know, she's into old people so she like keeps asking him to say like stereotypically old things to kind of get her going. And one of them is the buttons on my remote are so small I can't put on Fox News. That got me going. You know, that whole scene does.

make you recover from the previous blackout joke in the last scene where Adam Pally is hitting on Juliana Huff. They're in the banquet hall and she does a thing like go down on me and he comes back up immediately and says, whoa, because he's supposed to be this like obsessed dog breeder or something. Oh, right. And he's like, you have the pussy of an English sheep dog. Come on. I mean, fucking come on. Come on. You really wanted to get that dirty? No, I just, I want the movie to be over with. But, no, this scene goes on forever. There's, they're, they're, when he's really getting his thrust on into her.

Uh-huh. They're chanting, we like Ike. Oh, yeah, that's funny. Yeah. So that's a reference to Ike Eisenhower. Oh, okay. See, she's making the jokes that we want the dirty grandpa to make is the thing. And the movie's been over for four minutes is also kind of the problem.

Right, yeah, also that. And then we can't even stop there. We can't stop there. Can I tell you something? I cheated a little bit because the second it went to black, I turned this off. And I saw the priest come back first. I was like, I don't care if it'll...

You, what? You didn't watch that? I did not watch it. Oh, wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. You don't know what it is? No, I don't. I literally turned... I turned this movie off the second I could.

Oh, you fucking dirty, rotten bastard. I used the Roger Ebert rule of once the credit start, the movie is over. Roger Ebert rules no longer apply. That's fair. I mean, I loved his work, but we're in the post-Ebert era. Welcome to the annual death of the Roger Ebert Rules of Cinema. We lost a lot of good ones this year. Yeah, and so this rule is fucking tarnished because we cut back in, dude.

And it's Zach Efron and Zoe Deutsch and they're holding a baby on an altar. No, dude, dude, just, Steve, settle in. Wait, Thanos isn't here yet. Okay. You can hear his rascal scooter coming in through the church parking lot. Dirty Thanos, man. That's just Thanos. So, you know, they're holding this baby on the altar and it's getting baptized.

And then you hear the priest and he's like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the godparents, Zach Ephron and Zoe Deutsch. And you're like, wait, what? Turns out, dude, Robert De Niro and Aubrey Plaza had a baby. Oh, we're setting up that sequel, huh? Oh, my God. Dirty baby. We got to go to Daytona Beach.

We got to take this. baby to spring break. All right, maybe this is a bad idea. Yeah, we'll shelve this one. But the fucking, it just, it keeps going. So it's like she. How could there be more of this?

Because Aubrey Plaza is like acting like his grandmother. So there's those jokes. It's like, go get something from the cart. Manzukas is there, which there is a good line. Ephron's like,

why are you even here? Which is a nice thing. But then like, the movie ends with another fucking, trouser rhino it puts a thumb up his butt the end of the movie

is him sticking his thumb up his ass again yeah so Zach Ephron gets a lot of butt trauma that's cool it's like the end of the movie is him going wow we wow am I upset

that I didn't watch that right we could do tons and tons of gay jokes throughout the entire thing but also find it funny yep yep that's cool it's just outrageous

that this movie was over And then, I mean, this is one of the longer this thing keeps going. Yeah, yeah. I've seen in a while. Maybe ever. Because I saw a priest and I was like, you know what, dude, no. I really just saw the freeze and I said, no. It's over, I feel like it's over five minutes long.

That's crazy. This whole sequence. They're literally just standing around. It's like a bad improv scene and no one's going to fucking clear the stage. Nobody knows what to do. They can't leave. At least Marvel has the good grace to break that into two stingers. You know, you get two, two minutes stingers.

sure yeah that's actually the end of it is them just they're all sitting around eating street meat wouldn't it be something if thanos turned out to be racist like are you implying he's not i don't know yeah we haven't seen him we don't know much about he's racist like anyone who's not purple he fucking hates so he loves grimace yeah he loves grimmis he loves grimace uh who else is purple who else is purple who else is purple barney the dinosaur yep loves that dude um that was the best man at his weddings. Phanas

looks like the kind of guy who would have been married like four times all in Vegas. Oh, of course. Space Vegas. It's Vegas. So that's dirty grandpa. I can't believe you didn't watch the whole movie, Steve. I watched the whole movie. Please, we need to make a petition

online, maybe change.org, to make sure that Steve actually watches these movies. Oh, okay. He's appearing on this podcast. You get me. You know what? Bring me in front of an oversight committee. go right ahead i think we should i think your performance review is coming up at the end of the month so yikes man would anybody recommend this movie no no no no no i mean you said you saw that uh neighbors

and that was fun i'd be interested to see that i guess like that's okay i didn't see the second one i mean i haven't what's the last good denier a movie anybody saw oh yikes that's a great question I'm going to pull her up there The King of Comedy That's a bit of an old one there I mean heat But that's we're talking 20 years on there I mean that's like what 95

Yeah Yeah we really need to pull up the Niro's To get you Pulling up the Tribune here Yeah find out the point of death here I mean it might be Meet the parents He's got that Irishman coming out in 2018

Oh no you know All right so I'm Got a bunch of untitled stuff coming out so wait hold on oh no uh is there another fawker's movie in the works no it's he's got something in 2017 called the war with grandpaw but i don't think that's this movie it's not okay okay few uh but did anyone see being flynn where he's a confused old man

no oh uh joy he did he does those davido russell movies silver linings playbook i don't like that i do i'm the one person that likes uh american hustle but you know that doesn't count though he's in that movie for like two seconds. We're talking like Robert De Niro movies, which is terrible. Grudge match, which is terrible. Oh, grudge match. That's him and Stallone boxing. Yep. Righteous kill. Yikes. The last

Vegas, the family, the big wedding killing season. The good shepherd maybe? I didn't see it. It's boring as soon. So not that. Also, it's probably Silver linens playbook. That is like a goodish movie. Holy fuck. A shark tail that old. It's like 04, isn't it?

Yeah. Yikes. Oh, killing season is him and Travolta, where Travolta's playing a fucking Serbian guy or something, and De Niro, like, killed his whole family or something? Like, De Niro's like an army man. Yeah. It's terrible. This is insane. I guess Ronan? That, that, yeah. That's like, what, 98? Yeah. I didn't like the good chef. Jackie Brown. Jackie Brown, 97. There it is. That's, yeah. I think that's the pinpoint. Wow. The ragged the dog was the same year. That was the last year he gave a fuck. The score 15 minutes. These are all bad. movies like this is the 2000 you're listing our fucking lineup the analyzes this and that those

can you can keep it's just sad it's just sad it's all sad but you know i mean so uh yeah i wouldn't recommend this movie no no i'd recommend uh you go watch heat yeah king of comedy anything but dirty grandpa and that is dirty grandpa directed by dan mazer if you want more we hate movies head on over to WHMpodcast.com. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM Podcast. And right into the mailbag. We all hate movies

at gmail.com. Rate and review the show wherever you get it. We would greatly appreciate it. I would love some dirty grandpa stories if you got them. Yeah, you got any filthy grandparents out there? Yeah, let us know. I don't. I don't have any stories like that. Coming up next week on the program,

the worst of 2016 rolls on. It's the one you've all asked for for about six months. Oh, Batman versus Superman. No, no, we did that. What? What? Check the back catalog for that one.

Have you missed it? But you were expecting us to do an on-the-screen for it, but instead you're getting a full episode on Suicide Squad. Oh, shit. Yep. As I realized, that's two Will Smith movies. That's not a good sign for Will Smith.

We could have probably squeezed a third if we could have found. Actually, coming up later in the month, if you've got the dispatch, you know. It should have technically been three Will Smith movies. But you know what? We'll get there a little farther on down the road. So until next week, I'm Andrew Juffin. Stephen Sadek.

Eric Siska. Take it easy. Thank you.