We Hate Movies - S7 Ep292: Episode 292 - Highlander III: The Final Dimension

Episode Date: March 14, 2017

On this week's episode, Listener Request Month continues with a terrifying anonymous call requesting, Highlander III: The Final Dimension a.k.a. Highlander 3: The Final Conflict a.k.a. Highlander III: The Sorcerer! Marvel as this film totally retcons out Highlander II: The Quickening without a care! Behold Mario Van Peebles' pierced nipples and... other parts! Avert your eyes as Christopher Lambert and Deobrah Kara Unger film not one, but two intense, totally unnecessary, sex scenes! PLUS: Highlander Captain Cragen! Highlander III: The Final Dimension stars Christopher Lambert, Deborah Kara Unger, Mario Van Peebles, and Mako; directed by Andrew Morahan.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Now on today's program, Listener Request Month continues with another entry in the fabled franchise. This is Highlander 3. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sexine. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska, I wish I was a sex scene. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies.

Thank you for tuning into the program, as always. Like I said, at the top of the show, listen to Request Month continues. We're talking Highlander 3, aka Highlander the Final Dimension, a.k.a. Highlander 3, the Sorcerer, aka Highlander 3, Andrew's taking a nap. Now, this was requested by an anonymous caller. I feel like a Robert Stack here. This was requested by an anonymous call.

Let's have a listen. Hey, gents. Pull out your old Christopher Lambert punch card. My recommendation for listener request month is Highlander 3, the Sorcerer, or maybe the final dimension, or whatever. Thanks a lot. All right, creep Highlander 3.

I think that was a ghost. It was a ghost from beyond the grave. A ghost call, man. You know the ghosts get trapped in telephones? It's a big problem. It's all the time. It's all the time. Oh, yeah.

You remember the prank calls you used to get in the 90s? Yeah. Ghosts. You should do Highlander 3. This is Connor, Russell. You know, forget it. Just do Highlander 3. I think I got them.

So this is the movie that retcons out Highlander 2, The Quickening. Thank God. Right in the beginning, too. Just, hey, by the way, the second movie never happened. So put the way you're the Quickening T-shirts. Does he fill in your punch card? Look at the Whiteout. That one doesn't count.

That movie's not real. You imagined it. It was a fever dream. Who said that was an alien? Where did you get that crazy idea? What a stupid idea. Oh, you mean that two weeks I spent in New York? Oh, God.

Horrible. Well, this movie is like, this franchise is the Russian doll of franchises, because each one replaces the other one, essentially. It's like, no, that was real. Oh, that was fake. No, that was real. And then I think after this, though, it's like, all right, yeah, let's just let it happen. Because there's two movies after this. There's a TV show that is referenced in this movie, kind of.

Okay. And then there's a cartoon, which, who knows if that's even canon? I couldn't even begin to tell you. The thing is the beauty of the Highlander franchise in general, it seems there is no canon at all. Sure. It just changes. Except for the canon that blows your fucking mind every time I'm in the Highlander movie. That's true.

I got to say at the top, I do, I kind of love this movie. I kind of love it. I got to agree with you. I never saw this before. I'm not even the world's biggest Highlander fan. I like this a lot. It's stupid as sin, but it's kind of a lot of fun for me. You know what this is to me?

It's a fight scene that keeps on getting interrupted. Yeah, you're totally right. Garbage. Yeah, pure garbage. With fucking Enya rip-off sounding music. Oh, my Lord, that shit. That's laid over training montages. Sell away.

Sell away. Yes, sell away. Well, the weird thing is the writers and the director know what scenes should be in this movie, but they don't know why they should be in the movie and they know how to do them. Or where they should be in the line. Exactly. It's just a big whiteboard like, oh,

he, the Mario Van Peebles needs to intimidate the love interest. Why, how? I don't know. Where's he from? China, fine. Yeah, I think Mario Vem Peebles might be playing Mongolian in this movie. Possibly.

I think so, yeah. That's something. I mean, you know, it's not as bad as John Wayne. Here's the thing, what we need to do. Oh, yeah, John Wayne, was probably my favorite Mongolian. I'd probably tell you. You got to trace back.

What ancient culture, right, Chris? You got to trace it back. Sure. Which one did nipple piercing back in the fucking like 15, 1600s or whenever they had? And that's your Mario Van Peebles. I do believe that was a Mongolian tradition. Oh, right? He's getting your nipples pierced.

And he's like, he's got his nose piercing. He does. Yeah, he's got a little septum piercing going on. Yeah, the teeth are pierced. They work heavily on their English. Yes. And they sharpen their teeth and they eat squids every day, I guess. Probably a Prince Albert.

Oh, yeah. You don't get visual confirmation, which is surprising for Highlander 3. What with everything else we see in this movie? But yeah, that dude's dick is definitely pierced. Without question, he's got a pierced. He has for the full job. Yeah, totally. Top to bottom.

So bifurcate that shit. Oh. So this movie. it both picks up where the first one left off and then also does not. Well, it starts in the middle of the first movie, really, right? Because, like, Ramirez dies. He gets killed by, uh, what's his face there? The Lake Craig.

Craigan? Clancy Brown. Captain Cragan? Isn't it? No, it's something, it's something gutter. There could be only one. Go to bed. All right, Olivia.

I'm a Highlander. You and Elliot might think that you can live forever, but it's actually me. Highlander Captain. Craigin, go to sleep. What is that a monkey? Remember that episode where Captain Craigon's carrying that monkey? He's always got, yeah, if you made a Captain Craig in action figure, it would definitely, it would come with a Highlander sword and a monkey.

How am I supposed to forget it? Yeah, please. Like, it happens once if you, like, go on you're with your business. That episode is such bullshit, though, because the second wild animals are involved, guess what? SVU is off the case. That's usually, that's 88% of it. What was it then, the zoo police?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, Zoo Police. Of course. Law and Order Zoo Police. Yes. Dude, there's a missed opportunity to expand that franchise. You figure out what Herambay is up. You know, you finally solve that mystery, you know.

Well, you would definitely move that, what was the episode where a big boy got eaten by the gorilla or something? That's the same one. That's the same one. I believe so. Yeah. Yeah. That's the, listen, Law and Order for all zaniness only dealt with wild animal abuse once. See, I didn't trust it.

I could see five or six of them. But it starts with like this PSA. It's like a Gap jeans commercial. It's just Lambert's face. It's like, oh, hello there. It's like he's doing one of the testimonials in when Harry met Sally. And we've been married ever since. Me and my sword.

And you say it, I mean, you talked about the ENIA thing. Like, the whole thing in the beginning looks like an ENIA video. Like there's like weird colors up in the air. Two strangers living in the house. And things start getting real. Hey, Ramira. Did you eat all my peanut butter? Hey, Ramirez. Yes, I did. What are you going to do about it?

Get up, Highlander. We're late for our job at the surf shop. Oh, yeah, absolutely. The radio station awaits. I was always jealous. Ramirez in the morning. Who was it? Was it Seattle that worked at the radio station? Yeah. Or was it Boston?

Oh, God. One of them had... I think it was Boston. One of them worked in a radio station that I was really jealous. Sure, of course. Also, Chris, I mean, this is... This movie's 93, I should say. Also, credit where credits do, or 94, excuse me, directed by Andrew Morahan, who this dude has directed an impressive amount of music videos, including but not limited to Guns and Roses, November Rain.

You better fucking believe it. Better movie. By the way. Yeah, you're right. November Rains, the music video is a better movie than Highlander 3. Man, I disagree. Because the November Rain video's got a fucking motorcycle in it. And also Slash is a better actor than anybody.

here. Guns and roses turned this down by the way. Because they went up to them like Queen, you know, in the original, like, hey you know, write us a song, give us a lot of cool music. And they're like, nah. Is that true? Yeah, they turned them right down. Because it's not swords and roses. No. Maybe it was Highlander with

guns. Like if you're trying to like cut someone's head off with a gun, you could do that. You could do that. So, Lambert's like, look, I know you think I'm an alien, but really I'm I'm actually, yes, in the long run I'm more of an alien than I am Scottish but no, no, I'm not an alien.

This is what that, Ramirez is dead, right? It's like a long time ago and I went to Japan for a while. It's like, what? Yeah, it starts servicing as like a prequel and sequel or just like continuation of that first movie because yeah, it's like we're going to go back in time

but not all the way back in time. It's like what happened after Ramirez bites it and he just flees to Japan to meet with Mako who's like, he's another, you know, Highlander fella at Kano. An immortal, the Highlander is just the Highlander. He's an immortal, correct. Yeah, I was wrong. Have we ever figured out how Highlanding works insofar as your age?

Like, when does your age stop? Because why is Maco 70? That's a good point, Steve. Yeah, good call. And like, you know, obviously you're allowed to reach puberty. he might just be like a really shitty looking 35 year old oh i see yeah or wow are there little kids one though like kirsten dunstan interview with the vampire i don't know i'll always look like this you did this to me there can be only one she starts kicking brad pitts shins i think

i honestly i know they're rebooting a highlander which i think is a great idea whoa whoa stop the podcast what's happening i'll turn it off All right, now that the podcast is off, we can continue our conversation. All right, now that nobody's listening, I could tell you that the fellow behind John Wick is rebooting Highlander. Get out of town. So if it's a reboot, no Lambair involvement, huh? He'll probably play some senators. They'll give him his cake.

They'll give him a little taste. No, he'll take the MAKO role. No, he's passing anti-Hilander legislation. Who knows where they're. coming from i need documentation i'm developing a drug that can reverse the immortal syndrome and you will be mortal again it's like x-men only cheaper highlander is kind of that and now i am water jelly oh yes so yeah he's like learning he's a scrappy 50-year-old wave learning from a 70-year-old man like it's it's very odd to watch a man this old have to like

go through a training monta it's like fucking rodney dangerfield and back to school yeah no no he's gonna live forever so it's fine look at like this he's unshaven he looks like garbage at the beginning of this movie before we go back in time and he has that fucking beauty in the beast air looking like ron perlman in that show well i mean that was in a very like the that opening where he's talking to the camera that was in like a nice bed like yeah like where where where when is this what's happening to film that testimonial that's a great great thing to film that testimonial that's a great great question. It's like that Seinfeld 100 episodes where he's like, Kramer's calling

and was like, one second, Kramer. You know, we've had a lot of fun on the Seinfeld. That's, you know what? That clip show didn't need a framing device. One second, Kramer. Okay, we've had a lot of fun being Highlanders. Remember the time Ramirez died? Previews, Connor? Previews.

I would sadly watch that. I would watch a fucking Highlander clip show. Seinfeld, I'll change the channel. Yeah, sure. a Highlander clip show of like all the movies are we bringing in the TV show which lasted way longer than it never needed to? You know what? I guess I would you know just to see what the TV show

because I don't want to sit through the TV show I mean give me the highlights. Isn't it the framing device that's the issue? I mean you would have to get Christopher Lambert back for that and maybe the guy from the TV series who plays what is it Duncan McLeod yes Adrian Paul is the actor's yeah Duncan McCloth so here's here let me explain to you what the

Highlander TV show is. Please. You remember Renegade? Yes. So it's like renegade minus motorcycles but also plus Duncan McLeod and immortality.

Yeah. And I mean he's like Connor McLeod's cousin or something. Yeah, they're all part of the clan McLeod. Surprise relatives. Identical cousins. Who live forever.

But that's why none of this makes sense because, you know, in the first movie, the idea is, excuse me he claims the prize right so now he can live a mortal life right you know everything's going to be fine and then in the sequel that eventually happens in this sequel that eventually happens where the fuck is duncan mccloud like exactly his head needs to be chopped off yeah totally it absolutely does well it's the same bullshit in this movie where he's like yeah i totally won the prize

because mario van peoples and two other dudes were trapped in a cave yeah i think you need like a better sign that you've won the prize. You know what I mean? Like maybe your hair changes color. Oh, super sand. Are you getting like a tattoo comes on your forearm magically? Or you go blind and you just know everything now. Well, here's my theory, my running theory.

Oh, okay. Yeah, Highlander fan theory updates. It's not a big deal, but about quickenings. Sure. You pee a little bit, right? Like every time you're just going to pee a little. That's all you think happens? I believe on our...

Full bowel release. Yeah, I would say so. On our last Highlander episode, I believe we also posited there was some coming involved. Yeah, I think most fluids in your body just go away. I think you lose 21 grams. Oh, that makes sense.

Actually, shouldn't you gain it, though, because you're taking the other person's life force? You gain 41 grand. I don't know. The math is iffy. Well, you have to convert it to Scottish, too. You got to do the, yeah, you know, and then, you know, triangulate it to that planet

from the second one. So he's getting trained by Miko. Magic shows up. Now we're dealing with illusions, I guess. The power of illusions. Which is not, we're not doing magic

in the first Islander movie, right? No magic whatsoever. It's just swords and in more tells. Aside from, you know, living forever. And the quickening is. I mean, it's a cousin of it. You know what I mean? It's not that far of a leap to know that this is like,

but it's not like we're not, you know, this is like all sorts of magic because you're like making people see shit. We're going through things. We're turning into things. We're turning other things into other things. In the first movie, it's like, you do a quickening and you can live forever. That's the world of the magic.

It's two things. And this movie, it's like 10 things, at least. So, Meko is like, he's learning all this stuff. He's like, oh, you're learning my son and all this nonsense. And he's like, you know, why don't you just cut my head off? Then you could learn all my stuff. Then you get the power of illusion. Totally.

Because when you cut someone's head off, you gain all their powers. Sure. But do you gain all their memories, though? I don't think you become part of them. Well, that's what I'm. Hey Highlander, buddy, did I sleep with that girl? Or was that that guy whose head I cut off that? Well, I would like to think that you could, like,

determine, like, which was what, like, decipher that shit. But I'm just saying, like, if he killed Mako, right, then it's like, oh, man, Miko was totally watching me sleep in this cave for years. Can I ask something of the group? Yeah, please. Always. Did all of you or just me have to pee all the way through this because of the amount of water shots?

Oh, man, when we're, like, massaging this waterfall. It's everywhere. If you look through the movie again, it's like a scene. It's a beautiful film. Before you see the training montage between Miko and Christopher Lambert, there is a solid minute of water footage. Yep. Splashing around, flow in here, flow in there. For what reason, I would never fucking know.

Did someone say splashing around? My little spicy chito just got hot. is a rock. She wore a in a the reporting on the the beheading of

the Highlanders is fake but the the leaks are real. The leaks about the the highland?

The quickening leaks are real. So around this time where we're respecting the power of illusion and massaging waterfalls and Miko is begging

for his head to get cut off which I do love. Yeah, yeah. It's like take a hint, Lamb Bear. Let's fucking kill this guy. I think he's supposed to be like an old, like the one of the older ones because

yeah it's like killing Yoda by the way I would love to do that cut his little head off but doesn't he not die or am I crazy? Omega bites it hard dude but he's talking after the fucking thing he's like that's just Obi-Wan Kenobi bullshit but the thing is it's like I saw Alex Guinness Alecinnis his fucking

decapitated head speaking pretty cool yeah his belly was opened up and saying remember the force Doesn't that happen in the bridge over river Kwai? It once. So the things that doesn't really, another thing that doesn't really make much sense about the world of Highlanders is like Maco's born earlier. Connor McLeod, I think is banished from his village in 1536.

Sure. Nice. Just a factoid we've got. So I guess he said he was board around like 1500 or whatever. But like throughout history, you're battling other, not Highlanders, shit, now I'm saying it. Other immortals, to cut their heads off to gain the prize. But there's more being born throughout history. Sure.

Oh, that's, yeah. So you got to keep, you got to keep killing. Right. Like, would you kill a baby in its crib? You would have to if you want to win the prize or like wait a little bit. I don't know. Well, Cragan would definitely have done that. Gonna kill a baby and then everyone's going to go to sleep.

Me and my monkey, I've been working a long day. I am now calling him Mr. Nuts. I have been a detective for 600 years. Ice tea, please cut my head off. Oh, Ice team definitely might be a Highlander with that fucking ponytail. If you do so, you can take my monkey. See you later, Connor. Man, law and order immortals, like, all detectives on earth are immortal.

Yep. That makes sense, dude. That's why Jeff Bridges in hell and high water talks like he's an 1800 sheriff. Yeah. Well, I think he's one of the engineers from Prometheus. So Mariah Van Peebles shows up uninvited. Yeah, as Marrow Van Peebles usually does. With two other guys.

His name is Kane because, of course, it is... He would have to be. He's looking pretty cool. This, like, wig that they've got him in, man, this beautifully conditioned straight hair. Beautiful for using that word here. I'm not a big fan of the bangs, I'll be honest with you. It's pretty stupid. The Mohawk is cool.

You know what I mean? but like Mohawk with a little bit of bangs there it's a little well you know it was a product of its time sure but also if you're an immortal who gives it shit that's true like whatever the fuck I would be doing this shit in sweatpants

yes you would oh what I gotta cut off some motherfucker I said okay all right we're not allowed to fight on hollowed ground really Chris sweatpants I mean like you know man just go home get some slack What, I need an outfit for killing this guy?

You're cheapening the whole thing here. This is a centuries-old tradition. You're stuck in the past. Stop wiping your boots all over my heritage with your disgusting ketchup-stained sweatpants. Do you see this slim-fit raincoat? I got this specifically for this fight. Uh-huh. How much that cost you?

A lot of money. Uh-huh. How much you sweatpants cost me? $5. American. You're an immortal. Make money. Learned how to say.

save your money. Well, stop. Take care of yourself, man. Why do I have to? I'm immortal. I don't got to fucking worry about nothing but swords across my neck.

Look, I despise Clancy Brown and I did indeed take its head off. But at least he was well-dressed when I did it. You're all elitists. Well, man, Connor McLeod is looking fresh in this movie. I want like some of these shots,

you know, him next to the water. It's like a look book. I want to look through this book and see all the, you know, the great styles. Him with the long hair reminded me, or not reminding me, but I guess gave me the thought that, you know what, he could play, and it would be pretty convincing, a caveman. If Christopher Lambert played a caveman with that hair and that, like, forehead, he could do it.

I haven't seen the newest Coen Brothers movie where he's in it. What's that, Hale Caesar? Oh, right. I forgot he's in it because that movie's totally forgettable. How's you looking? Yeah, how's you looking in that movie? Was it? I love that movie. You love Hale Caesar.

I love Hail Caesar, yes. It's fine. Christopher Lambert in that movie, that's fantastic. He is great. How's he looking? Like an old man? He's okay. He's like a trimmer, older dude, and he's wearing slacks.

Okay. Directing Shannon Tate him. Right, he's supposed to, he's playing like a European film director. Yeah. Don't just roll out of bed for a quickening, man. Like, take a shower, go home. Look. Shave your neck.

You can have a beard, but you've got to shave your neck. You know, sweatpants. Sweatpants are for after a quickening. When you're fucking, like, your little fucking orifices are still, like, oozing from all the fucking, like, lightning that went up in there? Why not just lay in the bathtub like a human being? Lay in the bathtub? And let it all ooze out. Well, that's what you do, and then you put the sweat in the train.

Look, I'm not going to fight you in your bathroom. Chris Cabin in a bathtub with a sword. Blah, ma, smack it out of here. Oh, I'd love it. So, very many people shows up. two goons. I don't understand the idea of a Highlander gang, by the way. Well, we'll get into why that's a problem. But so, long story short, when the first... Mago's murdered. Miko gets murdered. Lambert, like, high-tails it out of there.

This is the most ridiculous. To me... Cowardly. This is the most ridiculous. Okay. You know that another Highlander is coming. Yeah, you can smell him a mile away. He has sent you away to be saved, so you are not killed either. I would assume that Miko's going to get killed because he wants to die, of course. So why not take the power rather than give it to what will almost inevitably become your nemesis? Yeah, yeah, that's a good call. That's why I kill everyone I meet. You don't take any chance?

No, no, no, no. So Maco's decapitated. The quickening is pretty awesome. It's a big deal, quickening. I will give this movie that much credit. The quickening effects are bar none. Spare no expense. They're fabulous.

The quickening are the most luxurious quickenings you've ever seen in your life. And they go on for five to ten minutes. I mean, these things really roll on, man. And so Meko's quickening, this orgasm is so earth-shattering that the cave collapses, trapping Kane and his two buddies inside while Lambert, like a coward, runs out of there. And here's my question. If you're, if you're, no, if you're a Highland. I say Highlanders instead of immortal.

It's just a nomenclature. But if three Highlanders in a room kill a fourth Highlander, can you get some residual quick? Well, they seem to be getting something. One residual quickening. So two Highlanders are on a train traveling from San Francisco

to Sacramento at 150 miles an hour. Yes. No, I think it's you take the life and then everybody else is just standing there. That's awkward. One of the guys definitely is getting quickening. Oh, he's going a little bit when he's when he's getting residual quick yeah he's definitely getting one he's like

second hey you're saying there's second hand quicken it yes hey man put that out but also like okay you're a highlander you know all the highlander business sure yeah you get the rule you're Christopher Lambert you're walking out of here you're just gonna assume even knowing that the only way to kill these things is the fucking head comes off

you're just assuming the fucking fall did it yeah well I'm thinking later he says he's like I've killed the In his defense, he's a young Highlander. It's a little naive Highlander. And he's, you know, just trying to survive Highlander. Three movies and I expect some mastery. But this is the prequel moments, you know, so. That's right.

He's only been a Highlander for like 300 years at this point. Yes. So flash forward to training wheels. Ninety-five-ish. It's a couple years after the movie. I guess the girl from the first movie is dead at this point. killed in a car accident. Oh, that's so sad. Yeah. Or she just didn't want in the movie.

Well, it's a thing where they say that her and Christopher Lambert were both in a car accident and she died and he didn't. And I guess the whole thing is like, well, why didn't he die if he thinks that he won the prize? Like, what's the deal? He's got to know. He just assumes that while I lucked out and didn't die. And he adopted a kid. Right. John. John! It's my adopted son, John. My son, John. In Marrakesh. John, we're living in Marrakesh. It's so ridiculous. The fact that there's this little kid character that's just there, you know, for... Kidnapping.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's amazing, though, like, he's got some buddies, like, oh, I have to go on Highlander business because I think something's upset. And the guy's like, oh, well, what about your son? There's like, well, he's adopted. And the line, which I love so much, he's like, does you know he's adopted? He's like, oh, he knew he's adopted before he could even. spell it which is just like

you tell this kid like every day like good luck at school John and by the way remember you're adopted you have to work it

into a daily rhythm A is for adopted B is for like bastard Thank you yeah I mean so I guess this kid's been

looking over his shoulder his entire life because literally any other adult he meets could be his parents so Christopher Lambert is really rubbing that in Deborah Kara Unger shows up

She's a scientist They're excavating a dig site That happens to be Miko's Cave Right, so we're back in Japan, by the way Yeah, Miko's Cave sounds philosophical Sounds like a philosophical debate there Oh, it could be, yeah, it could also be like a Scuzzy Tiki bar Or something

Macos Cave for sure Oh man, do you see Maco's Cave burned down One time I got a Beech in the parking lot RIP MAKES CAVE Staten Island, New York oh man there's definitely a video store next to make us shape absolutely with a porno section that was just slightly smaller than the regular they got some of the insurance money when maco's burned down man

it's pretty important half our pornoes melted it's like a second-hand quickening oh yeah you get that so uh in excavating they release um uh vampibals and there's Those two guys, they go around, they start killing people. You know, it's fun. Which is fine. I think we should say, by the way, and I don't know what you two dudes did, Chris and Eric, but Steve and I discussed this already.

And Steve and I watched what is indeed the unrated director's cut of this movie. Are you talking about the crazy sex scenes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's also, this movie's like slightly, the director's cut's like slightly more violent. How long was yours? 99. Yeah. I got that too.

If you had the crazy sex scene. then you have the drink. I rented it on Amazon. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so, yeah, so did that. Yeah, which we'll get to the sex scenes, which are just not. Ridiculous.

They're great. So, Van Peebles is like, okay, you go find the Highlander because we know he's around. But they're in Japan. This was something I couldn't put together. How the fuck does he figure out where everybody is?

He's just got magic. I guess because of Meko, like he's an even better Highlander. And I don't know how this guy teleports from Japan to New York, which seems to happen. Well, at one point, yeah, he's tipped off from a fax. Yeah. Which, I was just like, well, yeah, of course.

Like, he's, you know, he's, he's almost like the world's greatest detective here. He's reading things. He's putting shit out. And my wife's next to me being like, how the fuck can he read English? Yeah, that's a great question. Yeah, that's a great. I blew my mind. Because I lived my whole life never questioning that.

Questioning Highlander 3. This is, yeah. This is why you got married. We should mention before they leave to get everybody, Maco or Miko, Kane just murders one of his pals immediately. Which is why you should never be in a Highlander gang when the whole point of it is you've got to be the last one.

It's like robbing a bank with the Joker. But why is the point that it has to be the last one, though? Like, right? Like, you don't want a, this guy doesn't want the prize. But everyone knows the phrase, there could only be one. That's the first thing. They give you a sword.

They give you an informational pass. They say, by the way, there could only be one. I mean, there's three rules for being a Highlander. You fucking live forever until you kill everybody else. You have a sword, and you have to say there can be only one. I think it's very simple. And no sweatpants. Put on a fucking jacket, you lazy slops.

Why is a hoodie so much worse than a jacket? Explain it to me. Right now, please. I think you could maybe get away with a hoodie, but you've got to step it up from sweatpants. Yeah, you do. How about, okay, Penn State down the line. What, do you like Kid touches?

But when he cuts off his head, I think it's just as simple as I just woke up under a pile of fucking rubble. I need a little fucking caffeine when I went out. Yeah, you're right, you need a little juice. Yeah, I need a little go. Here we go. So is that, were they asleep?

Was it like an amniotic state? No, I think they were literally just sitting around for hundreds of years. I think they were frozen like Captain. America. Oh, I see. How? Rocks just fell on it. And then winter came. In the middle of that balmy Japanese cave. What's great about this kill, too, is Van Peebles comes out in full effect in this movie, because he's licking this sword. He's like, he's got this weird, like, raspy voice. Hello, Highlander. I think that's because he's got so much scenery jam down there. Yeah. Yeah. It's a little

tough to talk. I mean, he's hilarious and sometimes there's an English accent going on and sometimes there's not. Try to spot where it's pretty fun. What's great about that is, oh, well, he's been alive a long time. Maybe he lived in England for a few hundred years. You don't know. It's really like a where's Waldo

book. It could change every fucking minute. Where's Waldo? It's like, where's Waldo? But instead of that cane, he's got like a sword. Now, Waldo, am I wrong? Did he have a cane all the time? Yeah, yeah. Walking Stick. What was with that? Well, that was for taking lives.

A hernia? No, he was a Highlander in hiding. That was the whole point. Everywhere he would go. He was Minnesota's Highlander. In the first movie, I think there was a dude with like a cane knife or umbrella knife or something. Oh, totally.

Yeah. So it's just that maybe. Where's Waldo is a Highlander? And that's why he's in like ancient Egypt and fucking shit. You're totally right. That's why. And he's in the middle ages at some point. Yeah.

Guaranteed he was an immortal dude. Absolutely. And that's why he wears such conspiracy. spicuous clothing. He's like, is this guy hiding or is he not? He's not. He's like, come on, Highlanders. Come at me. There could be only ones. Those striped sweatshirts in Marrakesh might stick out. Yeah. And the red

stripes, it's sort of like how the Red Baron used to paint his plane to say, come at me, bro. You know? It's a very, it's a copy. He wrote, come at me, bro, in red. It's a show of force. Yeah, the flying circus. Actually, now that I'm thinking about the logistics of Highlander three a little more, and as my head starts

to hurt a little more. Sure. You know what else is crazy? I think there is something to Eric's theory about them being frozen because why the hell don't the three of them come out of this cave with like Bill and Ted beards? Yeah. They come up looking exactly as they did when the cave collapsed. Or totally crazy. Because if you're in isolation for 300 years, 400 years, A, you're killing the other two guys. Yeah, those dudes, you should have seen, actually, here's what it is. It's one

dude, they ate most of him, but he didn't get decapitated, so he's still totally alive. By the way, if I'm stuck in a, so let's say we're all Highlanders, right? And then, following you so far. Yes. I cut off Chris's head, obviously. The sweatpants for the first to go. It causes a cave-in, and I'm like, oh, shit, now we're stuck in here forever. I'm going to see if, you know, another quickening is going to undo that, cave-in, right?

You know, so I'm going to cut up here. But maybe you're, like, maybe you're, like, trapped under rubble because you're weak. Let me ask you one thing, though. Are you going to roll a lint roller over your tuxedo when you do it? Well, yeah, I might. I'm going to make sure I'm wearing a well-pressed shirt. Wow. Now I want to see James Bond as a head chopper.

You did. He was in the first one. James. Oh, right. But I want to see him in a tuxedo. Ramirez. So Lambert is like, I have to get back at the Highlander shape. Let me go back to New York City.

And he goes back. Goodbye, John. You're adopted. I don't love you. I'm giving you a hug. Goodbye. while I definitely have this sweatshirt tucked into my jeans

enjoy the figs. Oh, dude. It's later in the movie, but there's that one shot where we're like back there for a hot second and this dude has a huge bowl of figs. There's way too many figs for three people. It's a healthy snack. Yeah, you know, we're just going to town.

You know what? Let them go to town on figs. Why not? Bad dates! That's what I thought they were dates. I didn't know that they were figs. They could have been one of the other ones. Either way, there's too many of them for a snack bowl.

Here's something about Lambertar in New York. So he's living in Ameri Cash. On this compound, by the way, like there's big deal compound. And he's also keeping up this enormous New York apartment. Like I know he made a lot, Russell Nash made a lot of money dealing with antiques. But my God, he's keeping up the rent. He's keeping up the cable bill. He turns the TV on.

Well, listen, there are so many, you know, we don't know this because this is like the secret life of New York City. is there are so many vacant apartments that are just owned by like rich millionaire assholes. It happens all the time. So that's just another, this is just another one. Oh, that's what drives up the prices you think? The Highlanders are renting everything. Back in 1994, what did this apartment, $1,300 a month? Well, because I think he's supposed to be living in like a Soho law.

Yeah, in like 1994, fucking forget it downtown below 14th Street. That's true. But so, like, he definitely is still like keeping this place, though, because he's got like, uh uh like sheets over all the furniture and whatnot but steve's right he just turns on the tv like instantly and i'm just like you're you're not getting any of these services shot off you've been keeping up the cable bill too oh maybe i've got the hot box oh shit i got that from my neighbor it's just a splitter i gave him fifty dollars oh my god i was almost crushed under the mountain of mail that's it back oh man if a bunch of junk mail took his head off um he

Paper cuts. He does immediately get sent to a mental institution because, of course, he gets like shot down by a bunch of gang members and then... Oh, right. Yeah, because it's New York City in the 90s. He's instantly mugged. And killed practically, but he's a Highlander. He gets to go back.

Which was interesting, though, the... Like, I didn't even realize. I forgot. It's been so long since I've seen this movie that, like, you shoot a Highlander like five times and he's just bleeding out on the pavement for a while. Yeah, he's until that... He's not Wolverine. It's not going to pop right out.

But he is similar to Wolverine. Yeah, he heals back up and whatnot. And isn't Wolverine a Highlander? He might be. Isn't that like the new movie, Logan, isn't that? Like his little kid is like the Little Highlander now? He's a little Highlander. That's right.

It's a little girl, yeah. Wow. A great movie, by the way. And they both scream at the sky a lot, so I assume there's got to be some similarities. He'd be a great Highlander. Those claws, perfect for Highlanding. Perfect. For me decapitating.

Yeah, absolutely. I love him fucking. flipping out in this hospital and these doctors are like trying to sedate him in one and he's losing his ever-loving mind on these people. I love this doctor that's like, don't waste my fucking time. Oh yeah. There's no, because like he's healed, but there's still like pulls of blood all on him and the doctor like wipes him down. He's like, I don't waste my time with this. There's no, there's no gunshots here. It's like, dude, you're a doctor in an emergency room and this person is still covered in blood. Why don't you fucking solve the mystery? And he tries to get up and there's

just instantly like this guy's a lunatic sedate him he must be on PCP or something why does like average old medicine work on an immortal though you feel like that's they don't have special powers though that's the thing they can't like lift cars or anything like that they

am I wrong like a hangover just like anybody else he's got to take Advil I have that a lot actually I'm just constantly drinking trying to poison myself but also binge drinking how much whiskey do I have to consume before my head falls off I don't think they have special powers.

You have to behead someone else to get that special power. But you can, like, you know, get really good at swordsmanship. Sure. Sure. Well, you got a lot of time. Different kinds of weaponry. Yeah. Well, the antiquing goes along with the swordsmenry.

Yeah, sure. The arts in general. Yeah. That's why he's sleeping in that fucking opera house in the second movie. But we steal, we're the first of two times. We steal a location from Terminator 2 because now we're just in a mental ward and we've got all the exact same gates. It becomes fucking 12, monkey so fast. It really does.

Dude, that's the thing with Highlander 3. You turn your back for two seconds. It turns into another movie pretty quickly. Oh, man, I wish. This Napoleon guy. Please don't. This dude sucks. Oh, man. I wanted there to be like a twist at the end where this dude comes back as an immortal. Yeah. Oh, and it was Napoleon

the whole time? Yep. Sure was. I love how he takes advantage of this dude, though, because the guy's like, I'm Napoleon and whatever. He's like, I'm going to play to this man's insanity. So he can help me escape from here. Oh, I'm your favorite soldier.

Yeah, and this dude's just like into it, whatnot. And he helps Lambert. Yeah, like one last mission. And he helps like create a distraction so Lambert can crawl under all these beds and sneak out of the mental institution. To kill Wellington. Wellington. Oh, Wellington. That's right. Notorious.

He gets another, he gets a high, he gets a quickening under his belt, which he needed, like Chris said. I mean, it's been a little while. You need a little jolt. This was in the fucking laundry room of the insane asylum. Yes, there's an extended fight in a laundry room in this movie, absolutely. I mean, it's not extended. It's kind of great. It's like, you already lost.

And he just cuts his head off. Pretty cool. It's kind of, though, like an assassin who has said to himself, like, I'm done with the killing. Yeah, sure. Or like a drug addict who's, like, pushing off again and he doesn't want to. He's like, oh, fuck it, I'll take your head off. No. Is this the way?

I'm back, baby. Is this the fight scene with the fat man's tragedy of the Mountain Dew cans exploding? Yes, this is where the quickening happens. And this like 12 pack of Mountain Dew sadly explodes. Oh, man, some of these ex-games were ruined. He's like, all right, got to set these here. That'd be great, actually, if he absorbed the soda. Oh, man.

He's like, sugar. Oh, I got to sit down. Oh, my skin is like a yellow green. now. I'm pissing purple now. I am slightly more sticky. Cold red. So he sees, he goes back home, he pops on the TV and Deborah Kara Unger is on TV. He's like, oh, I know her from the old days.

And I actually thought, which I think this movie might be better, if she was a Highlander, too. Yes, yes. A Lady Immortal, man. What a stupid thing that it's like, oh, you just look exactly like this other person from hundreds of years ago. Or reincarnation. Yeah, dude, man. You know, we're in that cave, getting a bunch of Eastern philosophy. Oh, yeah. You never know.

I want to say, so, all three of us, you know, separately watched this movie last night. Four of us? You probably watched it today, right? Oh, yeah. So we were texting. We cut his head off. Me, Andrew, and Andrew is like, oh, man, this sex scene is crazy. And I get to the part, the first sex scene where it's just.

it's back at the French Revolution days where he has sex with Debracare Unger after a horseback riding. It's really tame. It's like really quick. I was like, look at this prude. You know what I mean? I was like, well, yeah.

It wasn't that. I mean, it was, it's a bit much. Listen, both sex scenes have nipple sucking in the case. We're not, we're not talking tasteful. We're talking Christopher Lambert himself, his lips. You get to see, go, hmm. Trying to eat a grapefruit out of her cleavage. That's a healthy breakfast

It's disgusting I mean like And it has nothing to do with any I mean there's this is the unrated cut The PG-13 cut did not have this obviously Well listen there are movies Where there are sex scenes I've got no problem with a fucking dirty-ass sex scene man

Give it to me whatever But not in a movie with a bunch of sword wield And weirdos that have to cut each other's heads on Disagree it actually makes it way better Like that's where those sex scenes belong But you don't think that this movie could survive under its own awesomeness? It needs

nipple sucking? It doesn't hurt. Question. Resident Highlander expert, Eric Siskid. Is this the first nudity in the Highlander franchise? Oh, boy. No, doesn't that first movie have some egregious sex too? And the second one. It's a grand tradition.

It's a franchise tradition of dirty fucking in my movies. I haven't seen the other movies in a while. Chris, I believe you just rewatched all three. I did. I believe Virginia Matt Some's showing something. Okay, but there are gross sex scenes in the first two? Not that I remember in the first one.

Okay. That second movie, no, he definitely has a bunch of dirty sex with Virginia Mets. Because, like, they're in an alley, remember? Oh, right, right. And he's like, oh, hello, Virginia Matson. And she's like, hey, how's it going? And they immediately start fucking in that alleyway. Maybe it's not like we're Highlanders that fight forever.

Maybe the whole point of the series all together was we fuck forever. Boning through the 8. That would make it, that would make more sense, honestly, if this was just a porno franchise. Highlander, Colin, fucking through time. I mean, it turns into Red Shoe Diaries really quick in this movie. I was expecting David Dukovny to pop out. I was going to say, there is a clear, like, in Virginia Madsen's case, I don't think

he was, like, sucking on her nipple trying to find the cure. It was, it was kind of just like all over the place. Yeah, dude. He was getting busy. He was an immortal. she was a scientist. By the way, she gets way too much TV coverage. Like, she's got TV all the time for this fucking Manko's game.

What is this? I wrote that down. Like, she's on, like, CNN top tier headline news, and it's like, oh, so you're digging in this cave, huh? What could you tell us about it? Well, I found this piece of a sword. Oh, that's fascinating. I'm so glad we're telling the entire nation at 8 o'clock. You know, who also sees this news report, our good friend Mario Van Peebles, and you know where he is?

He's at a snake bar in New York City, literally called Snake Bar. And there's a song in the credits called Snake Bar as well. Well, it's because Snake Bar calling, or Snake Bar parentheses, the theme to Snake Bar. And they show him in this bar, and behind him are like three Australian guys, and there's a snake in a jar. And they're like, stabbing at him. I'm like, what is going on at this bar? I thought it was a snake fight. Yeah.

I thought you were putting money on a downright, dirty-ass snake fight. That's cool. Maybe that's what it is. That'd be honest. It was like cockfighting, but with snakes. So wait, we lost that in their director's cut. No more snake bars. We're going to close down Times Square.

We're getting the snakes out of New York City. You go suck on those nipples somewhere else, Highlander. Get out of my towel with your nipple sucker. snake fights. The snakes did 9-11. They certainly did. You know, Dickens showed up, all these snakes, all these immortals,

get them out of my town. It's true. I did see a bunch of snakes in Jersey City. Celebrate. They were coiling all over the streets, and they were celebrating 9-11. On 9-11, you saw so many rattlers shaking in the streets in Jersey.

And just say, just say, why won't Crooked Hillary say, Rattler Islam There's Rattler Islam And it wasn't just the snakes I saw frogs doing it I saw turtles doing it There are amphibium

splinter cells We need to stop reptiles Ninja turtles did 9-11 Which is kind of the catchphrase of this show We say that like every 10 episodes Was it the Ninja Turtles Yeah I feel so I mean listen dude follow the money

That rat with a this strange Eastern religion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Came into our city, living underground, training, training these turtles. To take down legitimate businessmen like Shredder.

I love that guy. He turned out, turned out, Red King, good guy all along. I mean, I mean, the Foot Clan got new wallets on the streets. They were selling, they were selling good quality products. VCRs need to be in their,

hands of good people stand-up guy well good-looking guy so strong we follow it because Mary of M. Peoples's a movie for a little bit and he there's not enough Mary of Meeples in this movie not by a country mile and he winds up going to a sex shop and I've never seen a model of a woman in the window of a sex shop in New York City I'll be quite honest with you well this is a it's a blow-up doll yeah yeah and some guy's a model of a woman he's a hey man some like creeps like because this is pre-Julian or or just at the beginning of Giuliani before this guy was drowned in the street. He's like, hey man,

you want to go upstairs? I'll find, I'll show you something a little better than just whatever's in there. The real thing. The real thing. So he takes a cane to a prostitute and they start in a much needed scene that's incredibly necessary. The movie would be a

total failure without it. But we do get a cone heads gag in this. He tries to eat a condom. Oh, right. What are we talking about? Oh my God. Thank you. The whole time I was like, where else in the movies does someone eat a condom? Oh, right. It's fucking Dan Aykroyd in the cone heads.

Doesn't blow a bubble this time. No, he does not blow a bubble. He just eats the condom and then rapes this woman. Dan Aykroyd's accents eerily like the Highlanders. Oh, it is a little bit. Yeah. Oh, man, you fucking, you quicken a cone head? Oh, dude, you better be wearing diapers, I'll say that much.

But he turns into a vulture, goes back to Japan, I think, right? It is hard to keep track of his travel in this movie because it doesn't make any sense. Well, because the site is in New York where she's excavating? No, it's in Japan. That's in Japan. That's in Japan. That's really crazy. That makes no sense. It turns out it makes no sense.

And he intimidates her. He is stopped by a fax that she gets, which is really nice. Which is amazing because, like, the computer says, Incoming facts. The whole fucking place shuts down because the fax is showing. You know, we were saying how, like, there's not enough Mario Van Peebles in this movie. You know how you can have more Mario Van Peebles? Cut out these two fucking detectives in this movie.

Oh, please don't. These guys straight out of a fucking bad Jallo movie, they're, like, dubbed six ways from Sunday. And the one guy is, like, supposedly friends with the lady from the first movie. Like, that's how we're making this connection. And he's all over Lamb Bear's ass trying to nail him for the murder. fucking Nash. It's Russell Nash's back. He's like, oh, somebody got decapitated in New York.

He's like, and he's like, don't bother doing forensics. You're not going to find any fingerprints. It's Russell Nash. And please, please, take me by the hand and take me to the place where I'm supposed to give a shit about this. What exactly is this have to do with the fucking... I'm reaching out with my hand. Let's go, Chris. Where is it?

Who cares about this shit? Nobody does. not need a detective sublime. I didn't even need Debrick Carronger. No, but who are you going to fuck? Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Yes. Who are you to fuck? Thank you. There's plenty. I mean, okay, there's the, the rape or eating is not technically a sex scene, I guess. No, it's not. I need some sexiness. We do not need a sex need. It needs to be sensual. Uh-huh. Of course. Uh, it needs to be. Because it's not the bridges of Madison County. That's not what we're here for. Are they sucking nips in that? I mean, I don't even want to.

know what's going on. No, I didn't see that. I don't believe it's, I believe it's behind closed doors. Yeah. I'm going to paint this fence and then I'm going to paint you. I bet you got real riled by that. I were watching this movie The Pillow Book. I'm going to paint you like you and McGregor does to that Japanese woman. That movie made my blood boil in my penis. I'm going to take this starched shirt off. And then you're going to look at this dingy wife beater and you're going to know what's happening. My penis is so hard. It's like it's been starched like my shirt.

I mean, like he intimidates her. Then he goes back to New York and then Deborah Kara Unger. I mean, like the flight to Japan, like, we're just flip-flaping all over the globe. Dude, that's a lobe trotting film. And how many shots of an airplane or even like, if he is teleporting, show me him teleporting. That's the thing. There's zero teleportation in this movie. We're all just taken trans-specific flights.

There is one where Mario Van Peebles teleports and the graphics are the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. And I have a feeling they spent a lot of money on this movie and the CGI is just terrible. Like even for 1994 standards, it's terrible. They lost money. I think it was like a $36 million budget. They made like 19. Oof, yeah, that's a kick in the teeth. Also with these detectives, by the way, how about we shell out for a set that's a police station?

Every time you see these dudes, they're either on the street or in the bar drinking heavily. Or how about law and order Highlanders are now getting in on this? Oh, that's how you do it. What's that case about somebody getting their head cut off? I'll handle it personally. No, no, iced tea. This one's just for me. I've been following this guy since 1,000 AD.

Hey, Craigon, why do you got that sword? See you later, Craigon. I'm going to a class after this. A fencing class of 38th Street You know they use sticks It's not really Fent whatever Yeah yeah it's advanced

Okay I'm pretty good All right So we're we're flashing back to the 1700s We got some horse We're like horse racing for a little bit I think this is the lead up to the 1700s Fucking

There's fucking and then he's like I have to go now The French Revolution needs This whole thing Oh man He's gonna be an influential They need you in Paris. Why?

I don't know. The revolution. The other guy that he's with might as well say. It's the French Revolution, Connor. Yep, exactly right. And so this dude also wants to die because they're both captured immediately in the French Revolution. Sentenced to death by guillotine, by the way. Which is brilliant.

It's brilliant. It's the most dangerous time to be an immortal, man. Where the guillotine was in fashion, you better. And nobody even gets your powers. A bunch of mortals standing around of empty quickening. The guillotine gets the powers, dude. Holy shit, and it becomes sentient. Oh, yeah.

Like the furnace in the McAllister's house. Well, I kind of like the guillotine's barking at you. I kind of like the idea of Connor McLeod going back to the French Revolution. Like, all right, time to fight for what is right. I mean, what's the worst going to happen? Oh, what the hell is that day? Wait, what is that? Oh, no.

See you later, Paris. I got to get the fuck out. Oh, my God. That's the one thing they don't do. Does Germany have these things? How about England? I've been electrocuted. I've been hung.

I've been drowned as a witch, burned as a witch. All hurt like a beach. But, honestly, it's fine. Oh, my God. What the hell is that? I think that's how. the Stephen King movie Christine happened man

so like an immortal was driving a car and he got to wreck and got decapitated oh wow and it was like well the car did it and then the car

got the quickening and that immortal was Jane Mansfield his buddy is like no man I want to die for whatever reason so he gets his head cut off it's such a casual delivery

he's like you know what McLeod, I'm tired of my immortal existence. Let me take the guillotine for you. Was he immortal? Yeah. He was. You were the Highlander. He says he's tired of his immortal existence. This dude's

fucking checking out. I thought he was just like, you know, like a French existentialist. I'm tired of this mortal coil. I'm tired of being an immortal. There's never going to be any kind of a place you could watch a play in your own

house. I'm just going to check out now I'm so tired of riding horses all the time You know, I might be a mortal But it doesn't mean I like taking six months to get somewhere There'll never be a device that could make me cross a continent in a day And you know, they say horse-arting is so elegant, so wonderful You should see the bruises on my taint

Taint I'm tired of writing letters for weeks to find out what my friends are doing Cut my head off Fuck it. Then this thing doesn't make any sense because he's like, no, no, no. I'm the one who has been sentenced to death. And then, like, you see somebody gets hit over the head because it's all shadow play? It's so good.

God, this movie's, it's Mastercraft. And then it's just like a dummy with long hair, so you can't see the face. And I think what's her face? Younger or 1700's Debra Kera Unger watches it. She's like, oh, Connor McLeod's dead. Yes. So she goes off and gets married. and when Conner McLeod leaves, he finds her, like, you know what, she's all right.

It's all right. She's just going to get old anyway. It's kind of like spawn coming back and like seeing his wife and the daughter with D.B. Sweeney. Yeah, you're totally right. It's exactly like that. It's the same. And at this point, like Mario Van Peebles just kind of exits the movie and it becomes the Deborah Kera Unger and Christopher Lambert show. Sure.

She shows up. Oh, actually, no, there's a big fight in hollowed ground, which Mario Venn Puebles is like, this is the trapeze fight, which is so stupid. Oh, the swing swords. Yes, yes. It's so great. Is his apartment hollowed ground?

No, he's at some training facility with somebody named Charlie, where he's like, oh, hey, Charlie, good to see you. And like, oh, he's fencing in his house. Yeah. Or something. Oh, I thought that this was also his apartment. That's what I thought, too, because it was like a cavernous, humongous place.

Oh, the place where he's doing the fencing is. his apartment. Oh, where, where is the part where there's the DSX trampoline? Because that's, like, Van Peebles, I think this is his apartment. Okay, sure, I might be wrong. Van Peebles in, she's there. Yeah. Right? And then, like, Van Peebles storms in.

They start, like, chasing each other. And Lambert jumps on this trampoline to get up on this scaffolding. Like, he's Mario. Like, hoo ha, ho! And they do, they have a trampoline fight, which is so silly and great. They're swinging around like the flying Grayson's on this thing. And they're just sword fighting each other on a trapeze.

It's kind of... Angley stole it. He did. But this is where he turns into a bird again, and he flies out the window, and all of these windows explode. Yeah, which is pretty cool. It's badass.

Well, there's something... I don't even know what happens. Like, he gets freaked out because, like, some magic happens. His sword is destroyed, and that causes the thing to explode. Yeah, because the sword was made by Mako, I guess, and you're using Mako shit against a Mako sword, and it's no Mako.

So it explodes, I guess. Oh, patience is a virtue or whatever. This movie has to kind of keep going on. I was like, no, just kill him. His sword broke, kill him. It can't be 80 minutes. No audience expects more. Run out the window.

And then, like, McLeod's like, well, I have to go back to Scotland. I got to get a new sword, man. Yeah, so he goes to make a sword in Scotland. And now we get probably the best montage in movie. history i would say really disagree i would say yeah this eyes and sign push him out the sovi sovi it's all that shit was leading up to this moment dude of course this is it this is the best moment in his in cinema history we'll take it away well he's made you remember it yeah oh it's yeah it's on youtube okay

so i watched it in the movie and then i watched it again and do you watch it every morning before you go home it's him like practicing with his sword in merrikesh Ooh, boom, what? He's in Scotland doing it too, buddy. Yep. And then it's like, oh, wait, dude, man, he's fucking forging it now. So when the hell of that happened? I don't know.

So then he's forging this shit. And she's looking on like, oh, my God, what a man. And then he's, like, fucking jogging in the Scottish Highlands. Why does an immortal man need to jog? I'm not going to put on weight just like everybody else. I don't want to be a fat Highlander. There are, there's got to be fat Highlanders, right? There was some, one of the guys in the first movie that he kills at the wrestling match was a little tubby.

And like any white woman in the 1990s going to Scotland, she bought herself an entire L. L.L. Bean wardrobe before she got there. The most cabled of all sweaters. It looks great. And then like there's some more jogging. And then there's like water. Well, their relationship kind of doesn't make sense because she like, he goes to Scotland to like find himself. He tries to make a sword. It doesn't work out. And she's like, oh, I found this thing in Mako's cave. It's another. like billet of metal or something like that. Oh, yeah. And she brings it to him. And like, but why?

What are you doing here? Oh, yeah. What are you doing in Scotland? Are you, do you fly from New York to Scotland just to like hang out? Or was it? Did you fly from New York to Japan then to Scotland? She's really desperate.

Yeah, exactly. Yikes. I think this chick is crazy. But they're the best in bed. So here we go. Well, that's after Eric's great montage. We get the most insane sex scene in cinema history. You fucking make a meat one next.

It's crazy. Right? Yeah, I got it. You stopped him dead in his tracks. Dude, man, he puts it to work. Dude, man, he does. A quickening, man. It's like a, that's what an orgasm is.

This movie, this sex scene has nipple sucking. This sex scene has crotch cupping. It's got Barry. ass on both sides of the aisle. It's got, and she's like crawling over him like a sex spider for a lot of it. I've never seen anything like it. I've never seen anything like it. So David Cronenberg saw this.

Yes. Crash. Got it. I mean, it's, she's in crash. Yeah, she's crushed. It's amazing. Yeah, it is. The fucking. It's just, it goes on for like six minutes.

It's longer than any other scene in the entire movie. They took a lot of notes from basic instinct. I let it go on this. Oh, you let it go? Or wait, I don't know what base against him was before this. I feel like it was 93, but I might be wrong. Yeah, I thought so. Steve, you?

Yeah, yeah. So around the time of this incredible fucking, there's also, we come back to his loft and Kane is back. And this is hilarious because McLeod has a Faberge egg on his desk, which is awesome. And then people's like just breaks and he's laughing about it. But the best thing, the absolute best thing in this movie is on Connor McLeod's desk, there is a photo of John. My adopted son, John, you remember him. It's this actor's like headshot, and it's fucking autograph.

It's fucking autographed from his own son. It's like, too, dad, I love you, love John. John from Marrakesh. Best regards, your adopted son, John. It's the most impersonal thing you could ever give your dad as a fucking autographed headshot. Happy birthday. Thank you, John. This will look good in my New York apartment I don't go to.

And that I've never told you about. Yes, ship this to New York, so I don't have to look at it. The one thing, so back to John for a second, in that last scene, he's like, oh, dad, I'm going to miss you. He's like, can I call you? He's like, yeah, call me, sure. I'll call you too, John. And, like, the movie's been going on for an hour, and, like, we've taken six. six trips to Japan, three trips to Scotland,

John to England, and we've been to fucking Antarctica for a little while. And John is leaving a message on McLeod's answer machine, like, hey, Dad, you never called me? And he's not that busy in this movie. Let me be honest. It's a lot of just Highlander is sitting around. He turns on the TV at one point. Use that time to call John from Marrakech.

By the way, Chris, 92 for Basic Instinct. So, yeah, they ripped it right off. Yeah, and at this point, Van Peebles is like, oh, I'll steal a son for literally no reason. So he starts to mess with him. Dude, man, he starts catfish in this case. Oh, right. Because he apparently has been called. Now he's calling John.

At least somebody is. But yeah, John's going to go to wherever the loving is. Because he can now, with his illusion powers, he can morph into Christopher Lambert, much like everyone in this room can. Yes. And just do, hey, John. Hey John I come to New York Well he also dupes the buddy though

Because he calls the buddy Whoever this guy is Really just his man-servant Yeah and he's like hey Put my son John on a plane to New York There's lots of adopted kids here too Well the funny thing is so like Debracare Unger

And Lambert And Lambert are like Having a post-sex like Pub drink in a bar That's what bothers me Because this is now a pleasure trip This was originally a business trip And we have to train how to be a Highlander again

No, no, no, no, no, now we're just having a nice little sniffer of brandy in this lounge You know, I think John's birthday was like six weeks ago I really should call him So he goes to call him and the guy's like, what are you calling here for? What are you doing in Scotland? You should be on your way to New York because you had John fly into Newark by the way. I don't want to pay for LaGuardia. Go to Newark

Do you know how much a cab from Soho To La Guardia is John from Newark you'll be taking The totally annoying Airtrain I'll see you three hours after you land Okay John Now you have to know what to do

When you get to the Path Station It's really confusing you guys I don't know ask someone But then like So this sets up even more insane globe trotty Because he's just like Oh, John is flying from Marrakesh to Newark. Guess I'm just going to get on a plane from Scotland immediately.

Sure. Come on with all this travel. And then, like, he leaves Deborah Kare Unger in Scotland. He's like, I'll see you later. Just enjoy Scotland. There's like museums. Go see a fucking castle. What do I know?

I'll be back. I've got Highlander business to do. Go see the gravesites of several of my relatives, including my dead wife. All my former lovers. buried here under my house they all die we get the silliest scene of Mario van Peebles which I don't even know if this was in the script or he demanded to do it it's just

he kidnaps John looking like Christopher Lambert yeah by shape shifting new to me this is the worst fucking and egregious like call back to the first movie like oh we got to make it like the first movie oh that's right because it's the car scene yeah it's the car scene because in the first movie Clancy Brown

Clancy Brown as like Krugan or something. Anyway. I'm telling you, I think it's Kregan. I honestly think it's Kregan. Hey, we're going to go for a ride. So he terrorizes an old couple by driving them around in their car. Oh, right.

This is like that scene times 11 with the little kid and it fucking sucks. Going to radical extents to try to kill a child. He is like ripping off the steering wheel and he's like, here, now you take the wheel. They're on a run. way and a plane's landing. Oh, wait, no, that was an illusion, you fucking idiot, dumb kid. I thought he killed everybody on that. I thought that was an actual plane and he made it disappear. I thought that, too. Bermuda Triangle.

Yeah, or... Tonight on Unsolved Mysteries. The Newark Triangle. Kane. I will say this scene, he reminds me of a We Hate Movie's favorite. With the haircut and the vamping and the radical metal music, anybody going to guess it? It's tricks. Oh, shit.

He turns into trickster for a little bit. He's kind of like vamping a bit. From brain scans. Yes. That makes sense. Oh, they're ripping me off. Look at this. They're ripping me off, Jeremy.

Look at this. I'm rented Highlander 3. Linda. Linda, do we still have Jeremy's number? If you get to disc 6, I turn it to Mario Fan Peebles. Figure that out. I mean whatever But yeah

The calling card Of like Oh you moved up To cutting someone's head off He's like Oh Van Peebles calls Lemberg gets arrested by the cops Which takes forever

Yep sure does And like they have nothing And he's just like Can I go now? Can I go now? Excuse me detective I have a movie I need to wrap up

You have nothing on me Also you're technically not The character's in this movie The guy's like, one day you'll make a mistake, Nash, and I'm going to be there. And I'm like, no, you're not. The movie's over. Yeah, no, I'm looking at this timer, buddy. There's 15 minutes left.

Also, if you are, he'll kill you. He's an immortal. Shut up. Van Peebles is like, yeah, I'll meet you in where they celebrate in 9-11, Jersey City, at this church. And like, here's the thing. You can't, they go to a church. They have like a little Ted-a-Tet there. But then they wind up going to a petroleum plant.

You can't do both. That's like you've got your whiteboard. It's like, where do you want the climax in an old mission church or a petroleum plant? You can't circle and do both. Well, I was kind of reminded to die hard to die harder because there's that church, which is the hideout, which is right by the airport. Okay. So I just sort of figured it was kind of the same deal. We're in this church for like two seconds.

And I started, anybody else started thinking of the last scene of the Omen? And I was like, are they going to try to kill that kid? I thought so, too. Yeah. Oh, that would be great. Then Gregory Peck just gets laid in waste to. Oh, but it's a trick, dude. John from Marrakesh ends up being another Highlander.

Yes. So he's a Marrakesher. I gave him a blood transfusion. The weird thing, though, is like, why is it that, why does he even connect his son at all? Because Van Peebles knows he's gunning for him. Like, is it just to move it along? Yeah, I guess to get some motivation here. And why does the Highlander care?

Like, he was mortal anyway. Who cares if he has to grieve him now or later? Let the kid die. Kept on telling the kid he was adopted. Clearly, he does not have a lot of warm feelings for the child. Yeah, exactly. He hasn't called him in eight weeks. Oh, you were kidnapped my joke, son.

My joke son. He was actually on the second of two vacations, by the way, because he went to New York, but then they went to Scotland, and he didn't tell this kid. Hmm. Hmm, bastard child, lifetime of Bonin' Deborah Kara Unger. Let me just weigh this a little bit. So we go to this petrochemical factory, which like... We're stealing Terminator 2's ending yet again.

Absolutely. This is like straight out of Terminator 2. And, you know, what you want in a chemical factory like this is tons of flames everywhere. This thing looks like the set of a mortal combat level. Call John now. Shut that dog up. Yeah, you know, it does look at a Mortal Company. You should see skulls in the background.

Yep, exactly right. Loop Saibot should be there. Can I ask, is it possible that calling this kid John was another thing lifted from Terminator? Entirely possible. I think so. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised. You're very important, little buddy.

When the Terminators get here, you're going to lead the resistance. Oh, do the Terminators kill the Highlanders? That's my question. Dude, it's a shared universe. I think. I think Terminators, aliens, predators,

Highlanders. That's why they made the T-1000 because the T-800s would only shoot and they couldn't kill these Highlanders. They need sword arms.

Yeah. Sword arms. Oh man. This is the fattest conversation we've ever had and I love it. So we get into this fight and Q an instrumental

version of Dr. Feel Good, by the way. That was, I turned to my fiancé's like, is that Dr. Feel Good? And you're just waiting. Like,

I'm sitting there waiting for the lyrics to kick in and I'm like anytime now Vince Neil but why Dr. Field that has nothing to do thematically with anything that's going on.

All right listen just like picture the fighting that's happening right bum what chick a paca bo bo bo how cool is that it is very cool I mean there's a lot of like

thrash fart guitar throughout big time but this is the only time like a tune sticks out like it's not like it's the only time it's a known song I mean, that record, which is also, I believe, called Dr. Field Good, the Motley Crew album.

That was a big fucking record. Oh, sure. Years before. But, like a decade almost. I mean, but it's a noticeable. It's the only noticeable song in the movie. Yeah, I'm not hearing anything but a good time coming out of this shit. Or, you know, who wants to live forever by Queen?

I mean, come on. Oh, man. License that song again. Why is that not, that should be the end credits or something? Yes. Because this is Highlander 3, the sorcerer, mother, fuck. And we are turning up the movie. metal or end game or no end games for this or final dimension yes which is the title i always knew it

as personally but what fucking dimension at least this movie there's a sorcerer the final dimensions it's like no no no no number two didn't count no no no that was another dimension now this is the the one that matters honestly the sorcerer doesn't make much sense either is that just maco or refers to kane who takes maco's power so there's two sorcerers in reality i guess Yes, yes. Okay. Yeah, the Sorcererers. He cuts his head off, by the way.

I mean, it's kind of cool. He cuts his back a lot. He cuts his back. Yeah. This is the stupidest thing. We should say the Highlander wins. Just to clarify. Yes, the Highlander does win in case you were wondering.

He cuts him in half. And like, oh, right. I have to wait 30 seconds for them to move the little things together. Why doesn't he just cut his head off when he's split in half? Dude, he cuts his legs off and his legs kind of chase after him and find him again. It's so dumb. It's kind of like the coyote realizing that he's standing on air because he ran off the cliff. It's ridiculous, but you're right.

Like, in that moment, Van Peebles is, like, holding onto these two bars. He's mocking him. He's mocking him at the moment. Just cut his fucking head off. I will say, though, Van Peebles has the only instance in the Highlander movies that I've seen where he tries to just cut his head off from behind without even starting a fight. Like, really, that would be me, man. I'd be just like, eh-uh, got your head.

Oh, you got to be sniping them, man. Yeah, exactly. Cut their head off. Master stealth killer, Steve said that. ABS, man. Always be sniping. Or you get a gun. You shoot their knees out because it's going to take them a while to get back from that.

And then you shoot their neck over and over and over and over again. It'll take you a while. Real loud, real messy. I don't remember what he's responding to when Kane, like, Kane says something to him right before the killing. And he goes, he's like, I'll be that judge. dead. I was like, I'll see you in hell. Oh, right. Yeah. You need some line that's like, but hell is earth or something like, like, like something Highlanders knew that we never knew. Yeah. Twist ending. These mortals are already dead. Look, we're only watching. We're only are

watching our shadow selves from Mako's cave. Oh, shit. Think about it. That's a thinking man's Highlander movie. So then it's like the biggest quickening of all time. This chemical factory goes up. Not as big as the first one, though, because there's ghosts in the first one. The first movie when he kills Clancy Brown. Yeah, there's a lot of ghosts. Silver Cup Studios. Which is actually set in Silver Cup Studios.

But yeah, it's a pretty good quickening. It's a very good quickening. But you know what? This quickening has that the Clancy Brown quickening does not have serious fucking guitar wheel. Oh, yeah. Big time. I mean, the soloing is outrageous in this movie. It's hard to tell which movie is better because they're both so

good. And that's kind of the movie, Right? I mean, like, he goes back. He brings his kid back to Debra Kara Unger who's like, oh, I met this guy. He's broody. He's immortal. He's rich. We'll just go around the world. Fucking. We're going to... Oh, he's got a kid.

Oh. Wait, since when? What? Great. He's adopted. Well, because she's also like, oh, the one thing Highlanders can't do is have kids. Yes. Yep. You know what I mean? She's probably stoked about the whole deal. Yeah. Are you sure, Kane's dead?

But if he wins the prize, though, I mean, he becomes mortal. does that like energizes his uh his his uh his boys sort I said meat sort again yes of course um I guess it should right I think I think you can have kids I'm feeling I don't know why you maybe not oh my God you know what's great is after this huge quickening happens in the chemical factory the kid like walks down a like a set of stairs not reacting properly at all to having just his witness to fucking quickening, by the way.

He's just like, Dad, can we go? Yeah, I'd be like, hey, dad, are you, what the fuck? Yeah, like, did you see all the waves of lightning going to your dad's balls? Like, what are you? Like, let's react a little more appropriately. Is that me? Am I the lightning? Yeah, well, you know, don't quote me.

I don't know if, if you can have kids or not. I think you can. But there's part of it. Maybe it's on the Highlander Wikia. Yeah, I mean, but that's... The DVD booklet, maybe. As we already said, I mean, the, the, the sex stuff is like all through.

I even remember the first one when the lady is like they're seeing him off when they're on their first battle. Yeah. And she's like, just make sure you bring back his cook. Oh yeah,

yeah. Right. That's a great line. I felt like I was there. So what you would naturally do when you meet a new lady and you've got your adopted kid, you take them to your dead wife's grave.

Oh, Christ. And her tombstone is a sword. that says McLeod on it that gets struck by lightning which I don't know if that's a sequel setup or what I don't know what that is that's what revived Jason Voorhees I thought a hand was going to come out

I've never been able to get over the fact that her name is Heather McLeod it just sounds wrong Heather McLeod Heather McLeod like like Heather's too much of like an 80s she sounds like an L.A. in the 1980s a valley girl yeah you're totally right actually

it just sounds weird every time I hear it be like Maleficit McLeod. Yeah, there we go. With the horns and all. And he's just like, yeah, so that's it. That's my story. Now I'm immortal. You'd probably forgot all that alien shit, which is good.

That never happened. How do you... This is what it should have been, by the way. You go back to the testimonial shot, and he's talking to the camera. And then what happens is the camera moves out, like, just a little bit, and the two of them are sitting with him. Oh. And now we've been the happy family for 10 years. And maybe she's a little bit.

pregnant, possibly. Oh, yes, she's definitely knocked up. Exactly right. We're late for our shift at the surf shop. Or you pull out a little bit, he's in his robe, and he's like, I guess it's pretty cool. Life comes at you pretty fast.

You're still here? Or it would be great if they pull out. It's finally over. Nobody's there, and he's like, oh, by the way, it didn't work, and it's been a hundred years. They're both dead, and I'm still an immortal. See you at the sequel. But he's finally, like, lost his mind after being alive for thousands of years.

And he's just got, like, his fucking adopted kids stuffed. Oh, right. With straw and shit over the fucking skin and crap. And then he's got his dead wife, his new wife. You're going way over. He would just have the heads. Like just the heads up above the thing. What do you think, John?

I don't know that. What do you think? Just a couple of head puppet. Time for some spider sex. I love spider sex, don't you? Oh, Mom, not in front of me? I'm just little adopted John. Oh, no, Mario Van Peebles.

I'm a bad guy. Remember your father likes to watch? Now we're all good to make love. Oh, yeah. That's how that goes. I spend most of my time in chat rooms. It is my good friend Ramirez. Yes, it is I, Ramirez.

It's just dead corpse puppet show. Oh, I like this idea. He's like John Cusack up on the second term. Oh, absolutely. Oh, mercy. Would anybody recommend this movie? enthusiastically. Go see it immediately. It's probably the best movie we've ever kind of. It's still a lot of

Jesus. Now, you know what? Something tells me not many theaters are still playing Highlanders. Someone should bring it back. You know, I'm going to say no. Okay. But I have to say, I mean, the look in Eric's eyes talking about this movie. It's like the day he got married. The day I married Eric to his beautiful wife after all the punch on me. on that on that purpose alone it was worth it but uh the movie sucks i i actually like i was sort of like oh highlander three because i'm not even the world's biggest highlander fan i certainly

didn't like the second one and i was like oh i guess i'll get through this this stupid life that i lead and it turned me i found myself really engaged with how ridiculous this movie is uh it's a cool 99 minutes that's a big plus there's a lot i feel like there's more and somebody can tell me on on on Twitter whether how many quickenings per movie there is but I feel like there's more quickenings in this movie than other movies well you got the goons and all yeah so I like that I like all the fighting it's fun it's a fun movie I like it I think talking through it here tonight has helped me a little bit I think it's definitely a hangover movie that's I feel like every Highlander movies like a solid hangover movie sure I still think the first one is the best one and even though it's

I guess technically not canon and it's really stupid and see our episode on it. I think just for sheer bad shit insanity, Highlander 2 is also like a really good time. I think this and Highlander 2 might be tied in my opinion. I actually prefer two. As far as like just bad shit stuff going. I really prefer second. I prefer three to two and it's not because of the gross sex scene. It's actually in spite of.

I prefer three because it's more realistic. Of course. Thank you. That's Highland. The Final Dimension or The Sorcerer, directed by Andrew Morahan. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out WHMpodcast.com or find us over at the Headgum Network. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM Podcast.

And of course, right into the mailbag, we all hate movies at gmail.com. Right and review the show wherever you get it, we would greatly appreciate it. So next week on the program, listener request month continues. Thanks a lot to Anonymous for calling in Highlander 3. Hey, Bozo, next time leave your name and where you're calling from. That's right. So, where are we up for next week? What is that?

It is ultraviolet. Oh, right. Which is a nightmare. So until next week, when you can hear Chris Cabin strained like he got a hernia from watching this movie, I'm Andrew Juppin. Stephen Zadak. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska.

Take it easy. That was a hit gum podcast.