We Hate Movies - S7 Ep293: Episode 293 - Ultraviolet

Episode Date: March 21, 2017

On this week's episode, the gang fights tooth and nail to talk about the absolutely wretched "film," Ultraviolet! What's the story here—are they vampires, or what? What's with the script using the word "huh" so many times so rapidly? And what on Earth brought Stephen from Charlotte to see this movie in the theater?!? PLUS: A fake heist film where a bunch of Heat-like criminals rob a sperm bank. The title of which is... Unfortunate. Ultraviolet stars Milla Jovovich, William Fichtner, Cameron Bright, and Nick Chinlund; "directed" by Kurt Wimmer.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Now on today's program, the single movie in almost 300 episodes that seriously made me consider quitting this venture. It's ultraviolet. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Seda. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. And we're defeated. Hello, everyone, welcome to we hate movies.

Thank you for tuning in, as always. Summer. Wow, I wish it was summer. We'd be long past this movie. Listener request month rolls on. We're here to talk about ultraviolet from 2006, directed by Kutvima. This was requested by Stephen from Charlotte, North Carolina. Who had this to say?

Hi, this is Stephen from Charlotte, North Carolina. I was calling for listeners last month to request ultraviolet from 2006. It is the worst movie possibly I have ever seen, and it openly made me break up with my girlfriend at a time. Hope to hear it. Let me share, guys. Wow. I want that story.

Yeah, I want that story. Come on. So did she like the movie? I think that's what it has to be. I would have to have been something like that's a parking lot argument. Or like she didn't think it was that bad. Or maybe it was like, can we go? And she's like, no, I want to watch how it ends.

I really just want to go. You know what? I really just want to go. There might be a stinger even though those things don't exist yet. Oh my God, waiting for us an ultraviolet stingers. That sucks. That's grounds for divorce. Oh, man.

Four and five are going to show up. Oh, my God. Those are like the other clone babies? The other clones of the idiot from. the villain idiot. I don't know. I forget the guy's name. Oh.

Fernando. Draxis. That's it. Fernando Draxas. You know, because it's kind of like Dracula. Oh, right.

Oh, yeah. And they take the, like, the stupidest part of being a vampire. Can we get into the vampire thing? Because it literally took me 50 minutes to figure out

this is a movie about vampire. But it's not about that. Well, hang on. Before we get going, I'm saying right now that we're just, we're recording this episode this show is always

you know it's just conversational it's not scripted and you know an average we hate movies episode is about well 90 100 minutes sometimes depends on if we really get going we'll sneak an 80 in there every so much depends upon if we get off

on a rant here I'm making no fucking promises best we might be talking about Stephen's breakup again to pat it out man you know who the hell knows Well, whatever makes the thing zing, man. I mean, Jesus. I said it just another week ago cursing us, but I thought the last Airbender was one of the worst movies we've ever seen.

This is the one. This is the one. It takes the cake. Can we all, like, turn our key? We've never done this before, because usually one person says it and then somebody else says, oh, no key or something. But I really feel like we've hit it. This is it. So this beats out Letter from Death Row.

Oh, of course. Oh, easily. That is just a remarkable movie. A beautiful work of an autour. At least letter from death row had the fucking common courtesy to be bootlegged onto YouTube. I had to fucking rent this shit on Amazon. Ooh, $3 to Kurt Vimmer. Yeah, totally.

I was pissed too, man. I was like, should have went for the SD? Went for that HD, losing that dollar. I don't think it was meant to be seen in HD. No, it was meant to be seen by no one ever. Except for Kurt Vimmer. I imagine Kurt Vimmer at a McDonald's. And he's like getting, yeah, let me get a number.

to medium or large and he gets a notification that somebody ordered ultraviolet on Amazon he can make that large you know what? Yeah you can And you know what

while you're at it sweetheart how about a 10 piece nuggets Curts eating good tonight baby some podcasts talking about my movie God and you know you read the the clap trap on like Wikipedia and whatnot

He was that gonorrhea Yeah and he's whining Speaking of Gonerty, and he's whining about like, oh, my movie was cut down by the studio. Oh, they cut 30 minutes, the fighting. You know what? This is so fucking incompetently written, directed, performed. You could have cut out 45 minutes.

It wouldn't matter. I will say it is remarkably horrible in its editing. Oh, yeah. You can't really, that crown might not sit on Kurt Vermers' head. No, but don't sit here and tell me that if they left 30 more minutes. There was a good movie hidden under this? No, there was not. No, no, no, no, no, there was not.

So we start the movie appropriately with a Milozovich monologue where she says, my name is Violet, and I'm from a world you might not understand. And you might not understand it because it's ill-conceived and nobody thought it was. See, you called it a monologue. I went with rant. So now this is a world where the medical community has become, like, militarized. And Nazi-fized and Christianitized. a bit. There was a lot of Nazi stuff

in this. Like anyone who's had any type of disease or is predisposed to a disease goes to basically Oshowitz. Well, it's basically... So I think what happens is like this vampire disease breaks out and society is split into either you have it or you don't have it. The don't

have it forces the habits to like put armbands on and yes are indeed interned in concentration campers. When you say vampire, Andrew you know, because words mean things, you're like, Oh, it's a person that can only exist in the nighttime, has sharp fangs, maybe could turn into a bat. Couldn't need a lot of garlic on his pizza.

Sucks blood through his fangs or her fangs. But we're just, we're hemophages and we're kind of vampires, but we're not really because we don't do any of the things vampires are known to do. We got the teeth. We mostly have the teeth, although Jovovich doesn't have the teeth in the movie until like the third act for some reason. She can hide them somehow. No, I feel like that's a buddy. The fucking bank was hiding Well, I mean

Will you're not Hey, yeah, come back on Thursday with the money You'll get the teeth You'll get those teeth It's like William Fickner Looks like he has like the cotton balls Of under the guns With these teeth

But poor William Fickner What the fuck? But can I say about the Nazi stuff This and this is the watery turd On top of it all Oh gross Is that not only does it make it very clear Like they went to camps

You know, they were rounded it up and like all this stuff yeah then they have to show a shot of three skinheads yeah hanging out against a wall just to stamp it for you oh really i didn't even notice it's too busy closing my eyes and sighing like i didn't get it i didn't get you talking about the holocaust i'm weird here's the thing though if you're making all these uh like wink winks and fucking you know like rib elbow to rib notifications about Nazis and whatnot. Your villain in this movie has to have the stage presence

and the gravitas of one Adolf Hitler. Not the guy who was the bad lawyer in law and order. Yep. Or the hillbilly guy from Conair is that guy? Serial killer from X-Files.

Oh, oh right. Yeah, whatever that takes him was. The guy who cuts things off and he gets... Yeah, he was like dangerously obsessed with Scully. Yep, yeah. All those things sound better. Oh, that was a good episode, man. So with vampires, though, like... I'm sorry, Stephen's ex-girlfriend

maybe liked this movie. That's not my ex-girlfriend, but Stephen from Charlotte. Yeah, Stephen from Charlotte, excuse me. I wouldn't associate with anybody. Stephen from real-world Charlotte. But words need to mean something. I'm so, like, if I made a movie about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and it was just, like, four guys.

And they're like, oh, but they were Teenage Mutant Ninja. turtles or they are teenage beauty turtles but their skin is white and they have like hair and they're actually not teenagers and they're kind of a little bit heavy at one time they were possibly turtles because like it's it's it's twilight that does this like a lot of times we're just like yeah they're vampires but they're not really vampire like vampires are a thing and you're not re you're like there's a and they say this in twilight too and i guess if you talk to anyone about this movie maybe they'd say it here too but it's like the idea of oh we're reimagining something No, no, no, no.

You're, like, doing something out of, like, restriction or, like, necessity for something, which I know the Twilight story was, like, based on books and whatnot. I don't know what that more than its problem was. But what very, very good books? No, it was sarcastic. Did you read any of them? No, of course not. What are Dan Brown novels?

Are you judging stuff by its cover? I am. Specifically books. Only books. But I just hate that idea of, like, oh, I'm reimagining something. No, you're not. You're just like leaving out detail. Yeah. And just not doing the thing. There's a really funny... Like, imagine if it was like a Bella Legosi Dracula in a fucking future castle.

I mean, now we're just doing Underworld, but... I'm okay with that. It's more interesting. It's a movie. Everybody see that ultraviolet would a total joke that was trying to be like our beloved Underworld series. Oh, is that the underworld like Christmas party? Tim and take it back and sell.

Everyone's just bitching. He's there. Totally. Yeah. Len Wiseman's given out gift bags. Oh, look, Michael, you're under the mistletoe. Michael, why did you bother with that passenger's movie? That's embarrassing. Come home, Michael.

No, it's embarrassing that he was an underworld. I had no idea. Yeah. Yeah. Come home. Is just one movie or multiple? Well, Michael Sheen? I think he's in at least two of them.

Two or three. Oh, my Lord. And that's the same with Twilight, right? He's in two or three Twilight. Yeah. He's in them there, Twilight. Oh, yeah. He's like the main villain, I think.

Or like, not really villain. Who cares? I got to get my life together. Well, that's what I got to see this shit. We should do the Twilight movies as commentaries and just knock them out. Oh, my God. Wow. I don't know if I want to do that.

Oh, man. You'd get to like, you'd get to like the fifth movie. And it's like, well, there's three of us because one of us hung ourselves. One just starts. start walking. Yeah, totally. We haven't seen him. Yeah, Chris works for Greenpeace now.

He's really doing something with himself. So what were you saying, like, 10 minutes ago, there was a funny what? Oh, no, they're just a really funny piece that Mallory Orpurg wrote for the toast about, it was this new breed of vampire, and it's just Yorkshire Terriers, and it's her just basically talking about Yorkshire Terriers, but like, and they're not, you know, they could stay in the sun and all this stuff, but they're seriously. vampires. That kind of twist.

It's just, it's so frustrating to me. Here's another twist. This was based on a fake anime comic. It's not. What? It's not based on anything. No,

that's what I just said. It's fake. Yes, exactly. You fucking faked that this was based on a comic book. The comic was fake, but the movie was, that's right.

Yeah, that was true. When this movie's trailer leaked onto the internet. Yeah, it's got the same opening a mall rats. It does. Oh my God. Oh, Big Leforz should have been in this movie.

Lefors would have taken out the trash. in this movie. I mean, Michael Rooker gets you two grades up just by being in the movie. Ethan Sopley gives you two grades. I want to fucking scratch my asshole and then touch a bunch of chocolate covered peanuts and then give it to the people who made

this movie. Honestly, eat up. I've never been said before. Jeremy London, better movie. Yes. Oh, yeah. Literally any movie with Jeremy London is better than whatever ultraviolet is. But the start of this movie, even the time you got fake kidnapped. Oh, yeah. Did that

He shouldn't have to be a fake kid now? Was that him or his brother? Oh, that's tough. No, I don't know. Isn't Jason the one that's put together? Wait, I don't say the same? Wait, wait, isn't it like one just wears a hat sometimes? Well, I think he's multiple man.

That's how all twins operate. Oh, my God, yes. Jason, Jeremy London are multiple men. I mean, I've never seen him in the same movie. Jody London. Jack, I think Jack London actually called the wild Jack London. Yeah. It is exactly Jeremy.

No, no, no. He was a wolf boy. He was like that Taylor Lawner He liked taking his shirt off And turn it into wolves Yeah but the start of this movie It's like a comic book intro And it's like you wish you were based on an anime

You piece of shit wannabe movie Well I had to be like Is this like a web comic Now I'm going to Google In 2006 Yeah I thought it was like Oh man

What's Marvel getting up to now I thought I really did think it was an anime I thought it was like a manga I mean it wants to be Like this movie jerks off fantasizing that it was a successful comic book. If it was an anime, it would be better. Like, I would have at least something to look.

Design or something to look better. Well, this whole thing was reverse engineered because they made like an anime spin-off TV sequel. What? That is in existence. Okay. It's called like ultraviolet and then I think maybe there's some numbers in it or something. Zero-06 or something. Yeah, it was like Agent Fart Knuckle 589.

Agent Fartnuckle, by the way. That's a bad. He looks over the fast-fyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like the chief. Agent Fartnuckle. I am reporting to Agent Fartnuckle. Played by Brian Denahey.

Ooh, yeah. Oh, fuck, yeah, dude. He'd be a masterful agent Fart Knuckle. Oh, yeah, man. He just squeezes his knuckles and they get all like red and shit and like get ready for the fuck. Wait, come on, man. He's going to give it to him. Ultraviolet colon code 044.

is, according to Wicapedia Gazette here, it's an anime series loosely based on the science fiction film Ultraviolet. So that's great. Okay, so this is a science fiction film. We've narrowed that down. Science fiction stories? Yeah. I mean, I guess technically.

What if Marty McFly told George McFlead to write ultraviolet? Do you get hung? Marty or George? What would happen to the timeline? Yeah, exactly. What would it? The fucking McFly's are destitute. Oh, yeah.

They would have been, George McFly would have been killed in prison long ago. Oh, actually, though, maybe he writes the first ultraviolet book, right? And then what happens is it turns out to be like Scientology. Oh, shit. And the McFly has actually become this huge fake religion dynasty. George McFly is the master. Yeah.

He's on this boat all the time. Yeah, that could totally happen. Marty. We have to pretend we're vamp-pockers. It's a hemaphage, Biff. Man, you ever see those people that, like, pretend that they're vampires? That's a subculture. That is a subculture.

It's a sad subculture. I don't know if we're doing that anymore, or that was, like, a 90s thing. Is that over with? No, it's still happening. It's anything you could think of is happening now. Right in the second. The numbers have definitely dwindled, but I don't, I think we're still in. Oh, nobody else is pretending to be vampire.

It's just Bill Nyeh. It's getting harder to get laid at these conventions. Oh, no, it's not. That's never been true. Not of your sinewy Bill Nye. Jeez, how much Viagra does he need to pump into his bloods? Right, come on. Liquid.

Come on, that dude's not getting an erection naturally. You don't think so? No way. Bill Nihis, out of business? It's black magic. Out of business. It's black magic or it's like science. gone mad

I sighed with black magic in that so she's like breaking into this building at the beginning of the movie yeah well no well first

it's the the ball bank yeah the ball people oh right they're like marbles that turn into ninjas or bowling they're just

marble madness movie I was like oh cool that's an adaptation that needs to happen you could fucking figure out a way to make a marble madness movie and the way it's

constructed you could put rampage in there too oh yeah get an ape to be tearing up this place to that rampage movie is coming it is coming is it really from brad paten man yeah dway johnson's gonna star in it no way yes as which monster no i think it's he's the hero it's probably gonna be like san andreas but with like a monkey monster and a war wolf and a lizard person yeah all right it's gonna suck that well yeah because san andreas was uh garbage

i found san andreas to be watchable i did you know what san andreas is leaps and bounds better than this. Well, it would have to be. So, I mean, like, the idea is she breaks into the facility because she's trying to find a weapon that the Arch Duke, no, the

Vice Cardinal. Jesus Christ. What a bunch of horseshit. To wipe out the hemophages. Yes. Is everybody following along? No, no. Now, hemophages, is that the vampires?

The not vampires. It's called HGV disease. Hold on a second, but isn't he a not vampire? Who? Who? Well, that's the spoiler alert. That's the twist at the end.

Wait, no, no. I thought from the beginning of you, wait. No, no, no, he's a vampire. That's what I meant by not vampire, right? What? I don't know what's happening. Wait, by he, who are you talking about? The bad guy with the weird.

Draxas? He is a secret vampire that's only revealed at the end of the movie. Oh, okay. I didn't know that was a big of a video. But none of them are vampire. It's a name the media gave them. Oh, God. The media.

The news That's how it shows Fake news That is fake news There are No, I'm not a vampire I just like to drink virgin blood I'd love to tweet out

That there's no vampires In the Trump campaign We just don't come out Until the sun goes down I know I know it looks weird That I don't like garlic But

It just upset my stomach Have you ever seen a vampire Look like me I look disgusting I am the least vampire you'll ever meet, thank you. That dastardly Obama left a bunch of holy water in the White

House. He's a sick or bad guy, and no, it's not because I'm a vampire. I think Bannon's lower than a vampire, really, when you think of it. Banon's like that fucking... He's Redfield, man? Yeah, oh, that makes sense. No, I think Trump is the secret

Renfield, dudes. Fucking switch that shit. Bannon's also that fucking fat, gross vampire from Blade 1. Who I think is come up on the show now for it's 50th time. Wait a minute. Steve Bannon as Mojo. Oh, oh yes. Okay. We got these bowling ball people. They break into a blood bank. Is that the idea? Yes. And, but they get killed. Very quickly. It was actually a sperm bank. Big

error on there. Oh, man. Google Maps fucked up. They went to the wrong specialty bank. It's a cum heist. Eric Siska in. Come heist. Now canceled. Now I just have you in, like, the heat wardrobe. Yeah, oh, yeah, dude, yeah. I could be like Pacino and you can be like De Niro, man. Oh, can I be the John Voight? Yeah.

I don't know, man. No one's lifted that much cum before, man. Andrew, you could be like Val Kilmer to shoot and cum in the streets. Totally. Then I get fucking taken out. That would be awesome. Actually, you know what a cum heist? This is what the plot of cum heist could be, by the way.

They're going to break in and they're going to heist out all the come from people that are like sports stars and geniuses and shit. And then like... And then like engineer an army of like specialty people. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Yeah, man. But I will not hesitate. Dennis Hayesburg is flipping burgers across the street.

He's like, I gotta get back at the cum game, man. Man, maybe that's what the movie could be called is the cum game. Or cum heist call in the cum game. Can we get some Tom Noonan in there again? Oh, yeah. You can always get some... You always can find some time to squeeze. he's in some Tom

It's just out there. It's just a half there. Now I just want to rewatch Heat. Yeah, of course. Maybe it was like the rest of the episode of live commentary of us just casually watching Heat. I'll go get the DVD. Hang on a second.

Everybody stay tuned. We'll order some pizzas. We'll have the call on the phone. That'll be good. If you haven't seen Ultraviolet, this honestly isn't a movie. There's like four things that happens. And it's the worst looking thing you'll ever see.

Can we talk about how it looks? Yes. Yes. So, Eric, you were just touching on the CGI. The man, the fucking helicopters, it's a Windows 98 screen saver. Yeah. That's all it is. These are helenopters, by the way.

They got a camera in a Sim City. How'd you get that camera in a Sim City? This takes place in a Sim City. Yeah. Like when you play Sim City too long and, like, everything, you're reaching a point where the only thing can stop you is natural disasters. Oh, yeah, but you refuse to do it because you're power hungry. I've been there with Sim City.

You start pretending you're a fake vampire shit? You call yourself Draxas? Oh man. If I ever start calling myself Draxas, someone please have me kidnapped and deprogrammed.

You get fired? What got a question? Why is he the vice Cardinal if he's the... Like, who's the Cardinal then? Who cares? Where's the Pope? Oh, maybe we're setting up

they're holding out for Pacino to be the Cardinal. He might do it. In the next ultraviolet 2. Oh, please. Ultraviolet 2. Cardinal sins.

Oh, Sins with a Z. Yeah, yeah. Pacino and Simone are in this movie together. Simone is a movie I'd rather watch four times in a row than ever see this again. So she, her look is like, you know, she's your Mili Jovovich. She's wearing leather pants. It's what we're doing in these movies. We're getting a different angle on this ass, like 12 different ways.

It's like cheap Eon flux. Yes, it is very cheap Eon flux. It's also cheap, President Evil. Like, this is like this movie is kind of. And at one point she gets naked and it looks very much like the fifth element. It's like being in Milojovich hell. Like literally everything is personalized to Milojovich. I did want a stoner character just hanging out.

Rory Cochran comes in. Yeah, exactly. But Nary a Run-Lola Run reference. She's not in that. Who's that woman? That's Franco. Oh, Franco-Potentente, of course. Pardon me.

I'd rather watch that movie or any movie Tim Tickver ever directed. I would rather watch any movie. period yes we're just gonna keep on throwing titles at eric and see if we can beat one here's what's better than this movie one time i was really bored at work and on my lunch break i was like eating a huge subway sandwich and i was going through horror franchise fan films on youtube and i saw this thing where it was like michael myers

and freddie grueger and jason for he's all dumping on this glass Last table. Yeah, dude. Are you serious? No. But it was like, it was like the origin of Freddie Kruger and had the police investigation that got him in. All this garbage, man. So it's just a dude playing a janitor?

Pretty much. It was a spooky janitor. And then like the end of the movie, it's like, dun, da, da, here comes, leather phase, mortima, cliffhanger, all this stuff. That fucking pathetic fan film, better than this movie. That is a depressing story, you just told. fan films why is there so much like reliance on the team up thing because it's like that's your dreams coming true but that's that's that's the hot fudge on top of the cold fun what is your dream like if you love freddie kruger make a good freddie krueger's short don't make don't

decadence eric decadence and 80% of it is the costume reveal like once you've revealed what your freddy crookie costume looks like you're like well what else i'm gonna do well this is my michael Martin's costume. Well, it's just, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I prefer slash put to film. Well, yeah, sure. We can't put those on YouTube. Uh, speaking of fan and slash actually, what if, um, someone who really liked guns and roses. No, it's. Yeah. So then Axel comes out, right? It's, it's, it's, um, uh, good will hunting. The, like, an alternate ending to good little hunting is he stays in Boston. He doesn't go see about it, girl. Okay. And then he starts, uh, cutting. Uh, uh, cutting. Uh, and then he starts, uh, cutting. Uh, uh, cutting. Uh, uh, up children. Oh. And to get him back, they lock Goodwill hunting in a boiler. And now it's genius Freddie Kruger Goodwill hunting. Yes. I like this. Well, wasn't he a genius to begin with? And that's how he was able to traverse the afterlife. That makes perfect sense. There you go. No, I get all those math equations in his head. He just like swore revenge. I

feel like if you're being slowly killed and you have the foresight to swear revenge, you can come back from the day. Oh, wait. Is that how Jesus did it? he decided to swear revenge on all those Romans crucifying him That's the way he came back Oh man That's cool So she gets this like weird little boogie board

That is a suitcase we're told Right because like the start of this movie Speaking at Comheist I mean this is like She's on She's pretending to be a courier Right she's like on a job And she's supposed to pick up this thing

And there's all this awesome tacular violence-ish. Well, they're like, they're doing, I mean, these security clearances take 10 minutes off of this movie's runtime. They're like, hey, man, are you XPD-154? And she's like, why, yes, I am XPD-154. And now I'm going to be put through all this rigorous testing

in order to get this briefcase. Including getting naked, which is totally a body dull because she would never get naked. She's like, yeah, no thanks. Is she get naked any of those Resident Evil movies? No, I think she's only naked in Fifth Element. She's like short of... She's in like a tub, like, they're, like, housing her

in a tub in one of them. Oh, is she a precog? Oh, similar, yeah, kind of in a similar but, like, is she driving? More like in Starship Troopers when he's healing up and he haven't been in that bath. The Bacta tank. Oh, yes, that is well. Yes. Okay, so we're not talking about

a, you know, one of the ladies piloting the Battlestar Galactica or anything. No. Anyway. What, do they drive that ship naked on that show? Oh, fuck. No, the silence. You were talking The Cylon ship

Oh, the Bay Star, what an idiot It's the Bay Star If you haven't unsubscribe from the show already You just did Because Eric mixed up Battlestar and Bay Star Like an idiot Listen, we're drowning here Okay

We're trying to get past the first 20 minutes We're drowning in a cum heist This is definite proof That the fucking list of request month Wasn't rigged Because we are fucking drowning it's just horrible what's what's more horrible I wish we had a fucking phone number

for Stephen from Charlotte yeah get Stephen from Charlotte to fucking guest on this show and just talk about that time you decided to watch this movie I want the ex-girlfriend to guest on the show yeah her too yeah oh we could trick we could trick Stephen from Charlotte get him on the show and then and then Jamie or whoever she's on the show too and it's like a Jerry Springer like

surprise that would be great yeah bring him from the curtain. And this becomes our biggest episode in the whole format changes. That's all we do from now on. Oh, yeah, man. Just a bunch of, a bunch of like, Montel sneaks. Oh, yeah, man, doing paternity tests and shit. So she

grabs this case and she finds But the security measure, I want to mention, they inject her eyeballs. Oh, right. Like, the weird like fucking droid shit that comes out. They make her, like, mouth, like, stay open. It's really like weird and unsettling. It's like,

This is very uncomfortable. No, that's just me watching the movie. Well, I mean, this is from the mind of Kurt Vimmer, who made Equilibrium, which is Fahrenheit 451 for very stupid people. Oh, is that what that movie is? Yeah, yeah. Because there are people, like, here's. It is better than ultraviolet. I'll say that much.

Okay, because I've never seen it, but here's the thing about equilibrium. If you're ever on like, if you're ever, if you're ever on a killed time at work website, you know, where it's like. the 20 most underrated food is that movie will just fucking sneak fart into like the bottom of those lists and there are people that will defend it but I've never had the desire to watch at the very least it's got Christian Bail in it

it's got Christian Bail yeah it's got better fighting it's got Tay Diggs it's got Sean Bean Oh Sean Bean I like that Does he get killed? Yeah of course he does very early on That's all he does

Very early on in the movie Because I tried to rewatch it because I was like Is it an episode or is it even a good movie? Look, I mean, and I retract very stupid people. There's a soften it. Guncata. Guncata. That's the martial art that he invented.

Yeah, that's great. It's karate guns. Which he doesn't reprise in this film. Why isn't... No, this is Gun Kata, I think. Is it Gun Kata? This is Karate. She's a white belt, though, right?

It's Gun Kata, but there's a little bit of sword kata going on in here. By the way, Kurt Vimmer has only directed one other movie, and it was 19, 96's one tough bastard with Brian Bosworth. Yeah, I want to actually check that. I want to do that. I want to do the other Brian Bosworth movie. The Baas Stone Cold, which is a great film.

Yes. That is a great movie. That's the one with the Lance Hendrickson, right? Yeah, that's a, I think Criterion's putting it out next year. I think it's, I thought it was on the July calendar. Wow. Actually, so hang on. Future episode written by Kurt Vimmer, Sphere.

Oh, yeah. This dude also wrote, Steve, how many times have you seen Sphere? Oh, my God, at least 55. What the fuck's wrong with you? Did you fall down a fucking Svear staircase like Dustin Hoffman in that movie? It would be a contest, actually, to see who's watched that movie more of me or Steve. There was one summer where HBO had it on, and I just made a season out of it. Oh, man.

I've rarely seen Eric Moore incensed. I saw Sphere in the theater, and I was like, nope. You know, if I saw it in theaters, I probably wouldn't have liked it, but it was an HBO movie. just around. You got an open bag of Doritos? Dude, man, what's that Sphere trailer hit? I was like, we're going. Get your coat.

Wow, really? No, I rent it. HBO, I think I rented it first, and then it was on HBO. And it's like, yeah, man, that movie's on in the summertime. You get yourself a big bag of Doritos. You get yourself some Pepsi, and you definitely get yourself some air conditioning. Oh, yeah. You'll watch Sphere 12 times in a week.

Real quick. Look at this fucking screenplay lineup, though. The point break remake, the total recall. remake, salt, law-biting citizen, fucking street kings, awful. The recruit. Also awful. The Thomas Crown Affair remake. Kind of good.

My God. So anyway, this movie that he wrote and directed, fucking turd fest. So she gets this case and like... The whole time they're like, don't open, whatever you do. Oh, it's a don't open the case. Never open the case, because then if the cum spills everywhere, what are you going to do? If you have to destroy the cum.

Uh, explode it. Right through the cum. Listen, man, you better get some extra baggies if you're doing a cum heist. You want to wrap that shit up twice to make sure if it, if it were to jostle in the truck and break, you know, it's just not going to be good. You got, you got to promise me this one thing. If, if the come heist tomorrow goes wrong, you're going to take care of Ashley Judd for me. Just, just promise me that I know she's cheating on me, but like, I want you to hold her tight like a Jimmy Hatwood. Oh, Christ.

Listen, life of a cat... You never know when the heat's coming down. You don't... You don't say... You don't have anything in your life that you're not allowed to... Ready to give up in a second for a good come heist. So she looks in this case and there's a fucking boy stuffed in there.

It's so weird. It's so... And they don't explain it. It's like there's like there's like a dimension in there or something because there's... It looks like stay tuned. I thought she was going to go down there. It's the fucking carpet bag, dude. It's the fucking mirror.

from Pee Weirman. It's just like, hello. And he doesn't say anything, and he's a creep, yeah, it's Cameron Bright from birth and he's also in that, is it the third X-Men movie? The third X-Men movie? He's in a godsend, which is a terrible movie. Oh, that's De Niro's

like a child psychiatrist or something? That's not even a movie to talk about. We don't talk about godsend. Not in this house, your house. Man, we should have vetoed this pick. If only we knew. So she He realized it, and we...

Hey, there's a boy in there. She does, and we've already learned in a really clumsy opening that she has had a miscarriage due to her hemophagia. Or the government took her baby or something. Government took my baby. Well, that's the thing. The Planned Parenthood got so powerful. They started stealing good babies. Their secret Nazi roots came out finally.

Ripping them right out. Ripping them right out with all that government funding. Ripping them right out. That's what they do, man. Ripping them right out. A rip-in factory. They built a factory in the back of Planned Parenthood. They just have a rip-in factory.

The back. I heard one time a lady was walking by the Planned Parenthood, and she was going to have a baby, but then, like, they came out and took it. They were like, they just have a little hunchback, like, shuffling. And you can blame me. Edgar Q. Planned Parenthood.

I stole your baby. Now I shall eat him. And the lady didn't even know for like a few days later. Yeah. It's a rough life like that. And then he was like, here, take this chihuahua. And it was, oh my God, it was a rat. And then the lady like rose a rat.

Yes. She used all the clothes from the child and she dressed up the rat. Can you imagine a rat wearing a t-shirt? A onesie. And then the lady named. Then the lady named it Rizzo, and it became friends with the Muppets. Oh, that's how that got started. Rizzo Origins.

And then one time they took Manhattan. Rizzo begins. Government funding. All the government funding in the world. Oh, by the way, here's some very inexpensive mammogram. Take this. One free cancer screening. One free cancer screening for your baby.

Mushroom cloud. Better movie than ultraviolet. Oh, absolutely. So she takes this baby suitcase back to like this group of other vampire refugees or something. And they have sharp teeth and she doesn't and I'm not sure how this works. Man, the entire fucking movie, I somehow had this flipped. I was like, the people in power of vampires and

They don't. To my defense, I did fall asleep during this movie. Did you accidentally watch Daybreakers again? Oh, that movie sucks. It's not very good. I mean, it's so much better than this movie, but it sucks. Oh, by huge measures. It's a world of vampires and...

The vampires rule over everything. Is this Ethan Hawke? Yes, and Willem Defoe. Oh, yipe. Yeah, not good. The only thing I remember there's like blood, there's like blood coffee you can get. Oh, yeah. You get blood everywhere, yeah.

Kind of looked pretty good. It's like a Starbucks If you get like blood coffee I'm like I can get for that Yeah See I don't I don't like those things Where it's like vampires Are just like a casual

Part of society Or future vampire stuff Like well The most futuristic I can go with vampires Is Blade That's it Well Wilm Defoe is a separatist in it And he's living out in the country

You might side with him in that one But yeah I mean I do need like dark cloaks I'd like you know a castle You know it's a vampire Yeah You know, things that vampires have. Yeah, they shouldn't all look like backstreet boys.

Which they really do. These guys look like an Eastern European Backstreet Boys knockoff. Oh, my God. And they want her, they want to shoot the kid in the, in the, in the suitcase. This is my favorite movie, killing kids. And I don't like, there was a. you faked it and like the

the kid in the suitcase is a fake it was a hologram a hologram and Cameron Bright is outside waiting for her these fucking hologram fake outs in this movie the thing is you never understand what this culture so like

apparently all it takes is a really really bad debilitating plague to hit humanity and then like technology goes off the rails because we have like anti-gravity belt that she's wearing. She uses that for the first 20 minutes of this movie and never

again. All leftover funds get funneled into technology. I guess so. Well, I think it's a thing where it's like, oh, we're so fucked. We better start believing science again. It's really weird because she does this thing and then you like do a super zoom on like a little ball that

has like a little, it looks like a sour patch and that like kind of fizzles out kind of. Oh, oh it goes like inside the device and it's like I mean all of this is such cheap shit. It looks so bad. It's like a G-grade matrix. It's all awful. And it's like, we're gonna, we're gonna bend gravity. And like, at the start of this movie, I was like, well, this is clearly terrible, but okay, we're doing stuff with physics. Maybe that's something. They do it like literally twice and then it's never again. I guess the money just dried up for that special effect. Another thing about the Matrix, though, that you bring it up, which is obviously has a lot to do with this. Like, at least the Matrix, it always kind of looked hard. Like, whenever Neo is like taken down 10 agents, like, He's, like, having a bit of a trouble with it. You're like, oh, maybe Neo will make it out of this.

Tension. Oh, my God, there's tension. She's just, like, snoozing, and, like, whenever she wants a gun, it appears in her hand, turns into a sword. It's 40 guys. It's 100 guys. It's two guys. They're just being destroyed, left and right. She does, like, multiple things where there's multiple instances of this same exact move

where she, like, bends down and circular, like, swipes a sword and kills, like, 10 dudes at once. This is a movie that has a cheat code on the entire. And she's also, when she's shooting, it's like she's doing a magic trick with, like, CGI things on the end of it. Like, yeah, she's just not looking. She's not looking at where she's, like, spray bolts. Chris is waving his hands around. Right in her face, too. Well, I think that's supposed to be like the gun.

What is this? What is this? That's like the gun caught up part of it. Yeah. It's like if I just artistically dance my hands around. And in this exit she does, she ends up driving a motorcycle up a skyscraper. and then is able to like flip it around and like go through a helicopter and like blow it up and fly away and it's just annoying it's like the supermanism at least in the matrix it made sense because you had that other world thing it's a backbone yes and also like he was always sweating the cops I feel a little bit yeah this not at all I mean I guess we're is she a merry soon I guess so no not really yeah yeah I'm sorry actually you can't uh

You shouldn't do that, Eric, because your father didn't hand you a career. Oh, that's right. And, you know, I bet Max Landis loves this fucking movie, too. His new thing looks terrible, huh? Bright. That Will Smith's sword a movie. They should have named it Dim. Oh, bravo.

You get right for the Tonight Show with bits like that. Are you jiggling dice in your pocket? No, no, Chris. That's what we call pocket pool. It is a cum heist. Oh, I see. Oh, okay. Chris, we are knee deep in the middle of a cum heist.

He's ready to miggs Steve. You've got it. He's got like a little stop. You know what? You got to be ready. Like, okay, be polite to everyone you meet, but I always know how to mig them. Yes. Oh, this is our associate Spunk Crow.

Here's this guy. He don't talk much. We call him Spider-Man. Why do you call him Spider-Man? You'll see. I feel like Tom Seismore has robbed at least one sperm bank in his life. right? Oh, sure. He's definitely robbed something.

But it's to get his guys out of it. You got my coming there. After a divorce, a bad divorce. I'm coming for my spunk. My boys. I'm going to get my boys back. They're mine. Seismore could play this character.

Yeah, okay. Seismore as ultraviolet would be a better man. Oh, my God, Big Fat Tom Sisework flipping over people. And his little, like, spiky hair changes color every five? What is with the hair and wardrobe changing colors? I think the idea is, if you're in a crowd, right, you do like a robbery. I'm like, hey, everybody, this is a cum heist, be cool. And you have blue hair, and they're like, oh, my God, that has blue hair.

And then you go down the street, you turn around, and you have a little cool little device that makes your hair black. It's like, oh, you're all looking for a guy with blue hair. That guy went that away. Oh, I see. But it happens intermittently. It's nothing to do with anything. It's like you're live photoshopping this movie. It's just like change pigmy.

Someone knew how to do this stupid little effect in whatever, like, FX program, and they just do it willy-nilly in this movie. It means nothing. It looks terrible. Yep. And it's just adding onto the pile of shit that, like, you just, you scotch tape all this garbage together. And somehow this was released theatrically. That's the crazy thing. In an 87-minute cut, which I couldn't find I had to watch the 94-minute one.

Oh, wow. And I got the 88 one. Oh, you did? I think I did, too. And this was in over like 2,000 theaters. This was a wide release. This was screen jams. But here's the thing.

Then you read that this movie sold $35 million in DVD sales. This is the problem, people. these folks that just indiscriminately they go to Best Buy they're like what's on the new release shop oh this looks stupid I'll pick it up no put it down I feel like that doesn't exist anymore I feel like now it's people

who read shit on Amazon it's in the 99 cent special today all these iTunes people but I will say those are the exact same people who online rate this movie 7 out of 10 and they're like well what did you expect some Oscar winner

like you know what go watch something else. I want it a coherent story. That's the one thing I will say. What I think the mentality behind the idiots who edited this was is like, we're going to cut out anything that isn't the story and we're not going to even show anything outside of the place where the story is at that moment. Right. We're just going to do it as focused as we can. And even under that, even under those circumstances, it's unintelligible. And as much as possible we're going to try to relegate the filming of this movie to a bunch of abandoned

looking Chinese malls nothing's going to breathe nothing's going to like try to take time for us to understand no and everyone's like airbrush too or like filtered or whatever it just everyone looks like fucking it's all like ultra soft focus remember that anime

filter that came out a little while ago that everyone had their little anime pictures that came like on Facebook and what have you what? Oh was that like a Snapchat filter yes and like it was like everybody looks like anime that's exactly what this movie looks like the entire time uh the weird thing is like so yeah she catches this kid right and she's like hey uh i can't give you up even though i'm a cold-blooded killer even though we don't really think she's a cold-blooded killer because all she's doing

is essentially killing these like faceless robots everybody's got a mask on so it might as well be robots so it's not like oh my god what a cold-blooded killer it's like i don't know she's killing robots or something that's her job she's a robot killer so that would be a better movie if she just was walking around killing robots yeah totally Totally. Like, you know, maybe these robots look a lot like humans and maybe their time is up. Maybe it's Blade Runner. Just maybe it's Blade Runner.

Is that the title of the new movie? That is the sequel to Blade Runner. Yeah. Maybe it's Blade Runner. Quick question. Yeah. Yep. Do you watch Sucker Punch again or Ultraviolet again?

Sucker Punch. Sucker Punch. Sucker Punch. Sucker Punch. I hate it. I hate it, but you know what? Sucker Punch is a movie. This makes you respect Zach Snyder quite a bit, to be quite honest.

Oh, my God, you're right. You hear that Vimmer? You fucking hear that. No, you hear that Snyder? Yeah, man, it's... You're feeling good, aren't you? Man, he's a... He's a Burger King, and he was like, yeah.

Oh, he got a little alert. He's like, a little alert. Oh, yeah, I will take... Yeah, I'll, yeah, I'm Zach Snyder. I'll buy this Burger King. What's that you got, there you got chicken figure? Okay, I'll try a chicken figure. Yeah, what the hell?

So, it turns out that, like, this kid might have antigens. in his body that can cure be in a vampire. Hemophasia. I guess the plot is the bad guys want to take this boy and use his body like liquefy and spray it in the atmosphere, which is pretty cool. And then that'll like poison everyone.

Who is a hemophage? Right. And then they'd have to go and buy drugs from them to stay alive. Oh, so they want to make everybody a hemophage? No, I guess they, they want to make the hemophages sick. Oh, Lord. At least this is my cursory knowledge of this.

Trying to get a hold on it is really difficult. I will say that. It's a slippery turn. I thought it was a thing he could cure the hemophagia. That's why the fucking Archduke Franz Ferdinand was trying to get his hands on this little turn. So he could kill it. No, he's a weapon. Right.

He's a weapon to make the hemophages sicker, but the rebels, the rebels think that he could like reverse engine. a cure from his Oh, I see. So there's a lot of differing opinions on us to what this little kid can do. Yes, exactly.

He stared dully at the camera. This kid's one of the worst actors of all time. Eight years to live, or no, eight hours to live in this movie? Yeah, he has eight hours to live. She has like 36.

You don't really know that. If everyone has fucking fruit, fruit fly lives, what does anything matter? Well, that's another stupid thing that they're not like vampires in that the thing is if you contract this disease,

you live for 12, years versus a vampire that's immortal and that's part of the curse of the undead. I would love it if James Earl Jones had to do like a scroll like, oh boy. What are we talking about today? Oh no.

What a terrible way to celebrate my 12th scroll recording. Is it 1200th birthday? No, I wish he'd lived to 1,200. God bless him. God bless him. Actually, the only person that deserves a like when he dies is like

a Pharaoh's tomb James Earl Jones. Yeah he deserves a whole thing like built to him. Yes exactly 60 foot James Earl Jones in Los Angeles. Underneath it is the tomb of James Earl Jones with all of his possessions and six cats. Oh I thought you were. I thought you could go

full glass case. Oh like Lenin? Yeah. And I want those cats to like be alive and live and breed like Hemingway's cats. Yes. Inside the glass case. So you always can visit and be like, oh, that's like a descendant of James Earl Jones's cats. It's cool. It's a cool idea.

Oh, that reminded me, and I know he's not in the movie, but he wasn't a recent stage production of driving Miss Daisy. Cabin's Oscar article reminded me, you know what, society, stop telling me that driving Miss Daisy's a good movie. Thank you and good dine. We're all fun. It's a piece of shit. We're all fun. It's a piece of shit. shit. So it's the Academy Award winning or Academy Award nominated Dan Aykroyd movie. And for

that, that's sort of something. Yeah, sure. By the way, I saw someone tweeted out as like there was an opening of a house of blues somewhere in some swamp or something. And Akroyd and Jim Belushi showed up. Yeah. And let me tell you. It's so cool. Of course. It was one of the best photographs I've ever seen because Jim Belushi was looking like total fucking ragged garbage and Acroyd was looking fantastic. Wow. He's dropped a lot of weight.

Good for him. He's looking really good. All that crystal skull vodka. I've just been subsisting off a crystal skull vodka. It's great. That and Richard Simmons' exercise tapes. Whatever. So she almost loses this kid in the mall. There's another fucking fight scene where she takes out

like a bunch of like space age yakuza and then this kid's going to commit suicide can we talk about the uh the portable phone that she buys it's made out of paper oh man the future can I just tell you I don't even remember this part of the movie neither do I it's a paper phone it does it's like and it looks like a little

you know it's like a little punch card and she's like beep boop pop beep she gets into like a vending machine would she have to put it up to her ear how does that function I think so oh man it's a burner you can actually burn Exactly. Think about it. Well, you could actually burn a burner. Well, you melt that plastic down.

But this is easier. A quick burner. Who does she call on this phone? One of the vampire. William Fickner, she's like, hey, man, can I come to your house? Garth. Garth, by the way, thanks. And the fucking sweater he's got on is so baggy.

It looks so comfy, dude. It does. Very clearly, William Fickner didn't get a haircut for this movie. William Fickner just was like, yeah, Kurt, sure. I guess I owe you for equilibrium. He got home at 5 a.m. And the call was at 7, and he just went, man. Sorry, this is last night's sweater.

You and your friends are dead. Yeah, that's what I was doing. But the thing is... This is last night's sweater. The issue with being in a green screen movie is you don't know what it's going to look like. So you show up and they're like, hey, you're an actor, just be in front of this green screen. Do you think he was being mocap? Like, he thought he was being mocap?

Well, no, I mean, everything. There's no sets in this movie. You know what I mean? Everything looks like. Everything's green screen shit. So you're like, oh, yeah. And the current movie was like, oh, yeah, it's going to look amazing. We got like 20 people working around the clock.

Yeah, around the clock. Let me call them. Hey, you guys working on that a lot? Yeah, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's taking a while to render on this gateway computer. How many, uh, how many more bags of Cheetos do your fellows need? But wait, I don't know.

They're working on food fight and this movie at the same time. But why is he only save one? but why is he looking like garbage though what is that what does the cg i have to do with oh no i just mean the world looks like you as an actor like you walk it like you can either be in lord of the rings or this you know what i mean as the actor you're just in a green room and they're like yeah it's gonna look great oh you're saying he thought this was going to look amazing

yeah exactly and then when he didn't go to the premiere someone told him it was terrible well yeah he was going to go to the premiere but there was one of his favorite columbo episodes on he was like Oh, yeah, the episode called Come Heist. Excuse me. Three guys go into a Spurn Bank and two of them go in with guns and one's got a bag for cum. I mean, it sounds like a cum heist. I think that's the one that was directed and starred John Cassavetes himself.

One more question. One more question. Can I see all your shock drawer? Can I just see what kind of socks you got? Now, hang on a second. You're saying they came into this diner and got themselves a couple of armor. before they high-tailed it, right? Can I look at those bills?

I think someone was slinging webs on those bills. It's just the gold toes you got here? The gold toes on the black? I don't know. Let me get this right. Now, these boys bought a lot of Kleenex this morning from the supermarket. Sounds like a, we got a cum heist to me, a glass eye. It's talking to his glass eye.

Sounds like a cum heist to me. You're the expert, glass, I. How do you think I got you in the first place? Auntie sucks for you like cardboard. Hey, hey, Peter, it looks like you're trying to read a letter. You need help. Can I, one more, one more question, one more question. Can I see his high school gym shirt?

Gross. Well, no one should listen anyway. We're like a skunk, getting people away. Well, no, I think this is the end, actually. Well, there's a great, there's a great. So this kid's like going to commit suicide for some reason in this one's. And he's standing on the edge of a building and she's trying to pull the old switcheroo. She's like, oh, can you give me a hey, it looks really cool up there.

Can you give me a hand so I can get up there too? And what's awesome. I mean, this is, it proves to you like how terrible this script is. She's like, she uses the word, huh? Yes. Like three times right here. She's like, what are you doing up there? huh? And then I was like

that's weird. Like it's such a gross sounding word like that you know. And then like a few minutes later she pulls them down. She's like, what were you doing up there? Huh? And I was like, oh God, a second time. That's weird. And like kind of a longer period of time went by. And then she lets it slip again later. She's just like, they're still on this roof like

after the suicide attempt. And she's like a couple of guys are we going to come up here and get you? What do you think about that? Huh? I was like stop saying how. What the fuck's a What's the matter with you? Then the Donnie Darko guy came with Why are you stealing my bit, huh? Get out of the road!

You want to die, huh? Yeah, that is very odd. I mean, and like, it's awkward. You know what I mean? It's very awkward. And it's clearly, to your point, it's clearly in the script. You know what I mean? Like, Kurt Wimmer was like, yeah, man, that ha, that's not a...

You got to hit that, huh? Can we take that one more time and just hit that, huh? Well, it's like, you put ha in there, and I guess, you know, it's like, don't say it, but that's just to accentuate, like, the way you need to be asking a question of him or something or like but she's just like literally makes it sound more conversational I guess it's just like it's delivered poorly and no one has ever said that she's a good actress no I mean she's not a bad actress she's just kind of fine her best performance was playing an incomprehensible alien in fifth element yeah that's true it was a good performance it was a

good performance and that's it well I mean she's an action star like those resident evil movies good or bad are massive well that's the weird that she's found a way to make this career. It's a new kind of career that no one's ever had. It's the Milo Jovovich career where you make a bunch of movies, where you fight aliens and monsters with big guns and you say stuff.

It's her and Kate Beckinsale. But who is seeing these movies? And I'm including Underworld in this conversation. Who is going out to these movies? Die-hards. These are two huge franchises. Each of them, like, what were we saying before we went on the year? One of them's got like five? There's one's five,

the other's six, I think. Jesus Christ. What are we doing? That's crazy. There's a base. I'm telling you, there is this base that is like as long as... Like a star killer base?

A genre signifier of science fiction or fantasy is fucking hooked onto it. But that's the thing is it's like it's the dumb versions of that. You know what I mean? Yes, but they will take whatever you got. Well, some of them will. The dumb ones. Enough to sustain a very, a very successful franchise. Even from Charlotte's ex-girlfriend fucking loved it.

And, I mean, look, look, I get it. I like stupid shit all the time, man. Sure. You got to put something on when you smoke meth. Yeah. That's the only way these movies are still being made, right? Oh, yeah. I mean, I guess we should try to figure that out. Like, let's see if we could enhance the experience a little bit.

Maybe tall glasses of water and cunt it these days. Let's take a pause. Let's do something a little harder now. The gang gets hooked on meth, man. Oh, that's how you get through a Resident Evil movie. I mean, I saw the first Resident Evil movie in the, theater and I was like, this is terrible. And I was a fan of the game or some of the games.

That's what I thought, too. I liked the game and I went and saw the movie and I was like, my life is terrible and it's shit. I didn't go back. I didn't go fucking buy a ticket for two through 90. Yeah, no, but there's people. It's either like in theaters or fucking on Blu-ray, man. People are eating these movies up.

Somebody has to. I don't get it. Who are you? What are you waiting for? Maybe there's, there's got to be something going on. Like it's like a money laundering scam or something like it's just like the mafia buying tickets or something I don't know why yeah we're going to buy out all these theaters for Resident Evil Apocalypse 400 for underworld vampires unleashed

Yeah is that the name of it no it might as well be though why not Yeah let me yeah I love uh dark horror movies yeah give me uh 300 tickets to uh underworld werewolves go to fuck around 300 tickets Yeah, me and my old fucker family Just give me the tickets Yeah, it's like a private birthday party or something I don't know, whatever

All right, now you just can't leave And you got to watch all the underworld Dude, this is like if we ever get comheist made We got to do this scam with the mobster So that we can make comheist seven That's right, if we want the cum heist franchise To really take off We're going to need the mafia

Just listen to this. Come Heist 6, Mission to Moscow. But that's the problem. All right, yeah. Let me get 600 tickets to Come Heist. Can I get a Fandango? How does Fandango's work? Oh, this app ain't working.

I can't buy 600 tickets on this app. Joe, your Wi-Fi's for shit. The plus sign only goes up to 50. What the fuck is 4DX? Keep stirring that Wi-Fi. Oh my God, 4DX It smells like cum in the theater Oh, no way would I go to that

Well, what if the filmmakers themselves Are the ones who provided this sense? Yeah, why did you go to this screen? And it costs 20 extra dollars And it smells like New York in 1983. These two guys in suits jerking off in front of it. That's what the extra money goes In front of the screen.

You see what you? you did you see what you did Stephen in North Carolina you fucking son of a bitch yeah you got a spit ticket to Andrew for that one I want an email from this ex-girlfriend what was your

problem madam yeah or Stephen explain the whole thing because I mean wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait I just realized something we're judging this woman maybe it was a thing where around it was his idea and she was like you fucking scumbag

I don't think people in Charlotte talk like that. But for the purposes of this impression, you're you fucking scumbag. You made me go see this movie. I wasted a fucking Saturday night on your wrinkled balls watching this movie. Don't believe Staten Island is in North Carolina.

It's a real transplant town, man. Sure. When Bank of America moved their headquarters down there, a lot of people had to change their lives. Witness relocation program. There is an asshole. living in four are ultraviolet

he saw it in theaters I want you to know there's a person with terrible movie taste living in your building he left his wallet at home I had to pay and for the drinks too yeah living in North Carolina was no treat I ordered

spaghetti got egg noodles and ketchup and ultraviolet on DVD yeah they definitely had dinner at a Romano's macaroni grill I mean like whatever so she goes to William Fickner and William Victor's like, oh, this kid's got the cure, or maybe he's the poison, I don't know. I don't know.

I'm just Garth. By the way, there's like trackers on him, and this is where it kind of gets confusing. The kid picks up a magazine and he's like, hey, Violet, her name's Violet. Ultra Violet. What is this place? It's a playground. She's like, oh, you know, they don't have

those anymore, right? Am I getting this wrong? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't have those anymore. That's only existing fantasy. Huh? You want to go to this, huh? So she's like, that's fake. But then later they're there. Was that a dream or what happened?

No, they go there because that kid drops dead. Wait, so that's heaven? But it looks like a dream. Like, they shoot it and enter it. The whole thing is in fucking soft focus. You can't tell what's real and what's reality. So her thing is like, we got to go to the big facility and we'll either find a cure or we won't. And they go there and the guy pulls that, Draxas is like, hey man.

I've got 400 soldiers. What are you going to do? And she's like, 400 soldiers. And I'm like, you've killed 300 people before this happened. There might make me break a sweat. Yeah, exactly. You're invincible lady.

She's like, oh, oh, hang on. I was scared for a second, but I forgot I got a game genie stuck up my ass. I mean, she might as well. This is going to be ain't no fang. She does go to a park with this kid. and like he starts to die she cries on him and he dies and it's real sad

Oh the tears killed her Then Draxel or whatever his name Draxus Draxus drops back in So Draxus by the way He's got like He's like a germophobe Because you would have to be right

Like is that why he's got these like nose implants? Yeah like boy is this stupid They filter the air Yeah It looks really uncomfortable but like It doesn't make any sense Because you're breathing through your mouth anyway

A little bit or you're talking Like you're exposed Either be in a fucking hazmat suit or do not. Yeah, or like some sort of futuristic. He's got like a really sexy gloves on the whole time. Maybe he's got like a force field around him and he can just look normal.

Also it would be nice. This movie would be so much better if he was in a diving bell the whole time. You think Harry Mandel watches? We're like, ooh, I like that. I mean, knows things that I like that. It's crazy to say this, but can we spend more time with this character? Can we understand what he's about?

Yeah. No. Like he's not even, he's not even like 2D. Like this is a one dimensional nothing character exactly give you know what flip the movie give me his movie it's like the aviator but with vampires and blood the way of the future the way of the future the way of the future sticking stuff off my nose sticking stuff up my nose i don't i mean like uh he does have this really cool coffee like um he hires the vampires at a certain point right the vampires come and they're like gonna kill him oh right he cuts a deal with all of her friends this eastern european

boy ban. And like he's got this like incredibly like he's such a germaphobe, but he fills this coffee cup to the fucking brim. And it's the most implaus, it's a triangular coffee cup. I'm like, dude, this is a terrible idea for a coffee cup. Well, I think it's a thing where you're supposed to show like, because he fills it to the brim. Yes. And then he fires this gun wildly. Yes. And then takes a sip of the coffee like, oh, I'm so cool. I didn't even like spill a drop of it. Who gives a shit? Something even even Randy Harlan could communicate to me. me through a movie. But I couldn't figure that out from this. Rennie Harlan.

Man, we're just praying for Rennie Harlan. We wish we got Rennie Harlan. Waiting for Rennie Harlan. So this kid's dead. And then also Draxas shoots Milojovich in the back. In this playground. By the way, we also realize we find out

at some point that he's Daxus's clone. Right. And his name is six by the V-1. He's six of eight clones, I guess, is the idea. Yes. There is, I'm going to have to read it off the MDB. Sure. It's a piece of trivia.

Did anyone else read this about the Kurt Vimmer's fan theory about this movie? Wait, wait, wait. Oh, don't. The filmmaker has a fan theory about his movie. Yes, I'm not even kidding you. Well, he loves to laugh. He loves his own work. He's a very imaginative person, Eric.

God, man. I just wanted to rip my fucking brain out, throat on the wall, like, in pieces. My fan theory was that when the movie was over with, like Kurt Vimmer himself, would come out on the screen and be like, gotcha. Oh, really? I thought it was the ring video. Oh, shit.

Well, I only finished watching this like an hour ago. But seven days later, get divorced. Just as Stephen from Charlotte. Do you think that whole thing played out? Like, it was really awkward in their house for like seven days. And then she was finally like,

you know what? I'm so fucking done with this. You made me go see this movie in the theater. I'm telling you, she probably had to pay for the tickets. Right. He just didn't want to go to the ATM to get money out because he's a lazy shit and he got used to debit cards. I'm so much more fascinated with the world of Stephen from Charlotte and this breakup.

Okay, well, it's 2006, so everything in life is terrible. Right, yeah, 2006 was a hard time. Also, I want to mention this. Like, this movie also feels like it's that W. Bush era, like hysteria over stem cells. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, totally. Totally, totally, totally.

The other thing I thought of. That's why medical science engineers. are indeed, like, Nazis in this movie. You know, there's, like, in Burn After Reading, you know how there's that, like, fake movie that they keep, like, cutting, like, George Cooney goes to see it, and it's Justin Long, and it's a fake, romantic comedy. Yeah. This feels like the fake movie, like, inside of a Sylvester Stallone movie.

Or, like, yeah, it would be, like, this would be, like, a minute of screen time in Last Action Hero. Except for you made me watch the whole fucking thing. The whole thing, which would be a DVD extra on the special Blu-Rour. of whatever that Sylvester Stallone movie was. Oh, Steve has this fan theory. Kurt Wimmer has stated that the film was directed in such a way as to allow for an alternative theory about the story. First of all, have a story.

Let's just... Does that mean he directed it blindfolded or something? You can't have an alternate theory about a story when there's no stories. And also know what movie you're making. I am with a camera. The camera is with me. In this theory, the character of six is actually very. Violet from the future. What? No. Who comes back after a cure for hemophagia has been developed. This explains how Six has the cure and nobody else does. It also explains why Violet is so adamant

about protecting a human despite her goal in life being to kill them all. The theory also explains why Six often disobeys Violet and leads where they go. Being Violet from the future, Six remembers how things happened in the original timeline and can prevent them from occurring this time around. I was confused two sentences ago. That would be actually a better movie, but you need to make six a girl and then you need to like actually make this part of your movie. Like you could do like a 12 monkeys twist ending or something. How is the little boy the future version of the adult woman? That's a great question.

Because what is the fucking, you know, the, the broken TV that he came out of? No, no, I'll tell you why We pulled a cum heist A future come heist We know we pull a cum heist in the past We took her father's come And then we went in the future And we made that baby of her in the future

And then we put some come back So she could be made And then we waited And then we waited seven years For her to grow up a little bit That's right then we brought her back And then we brought her back We brought our cum baby back

To save the rest of the humanity Oh man you want to move four leaders man Hey, that's a lot of weight That's a lot of weight It's like the rock They have them in pearls Oh man Wow

No one's listening Hey let me just give my real phone number out Literally no one's losing I'm going to do that Eric what's your bank code Oh yeah You know of your credit card number No literally no one's here

Coming up next My Social Security number Bosco I mean So like she She wakes up in William Fickner's place and Fickner is like, oh, I realize that kid had a cure, I think, or something. They kind of rip off Buffy in this moment.

They rip off a lot of things. But did you notice this part? So she's like, she is so whatever, fucking Billy Bedlam, you know, whatever, Draxas, you know, Billy Bedlam from Conair, Draxas, like shoots her in this playground. She's dead. And then like the next thing we see of her through, you know, story writing or just accidental editing or whatever it is, William Fickner's. like patched her up and she's alive again and what she says is she's like what did you bring me back for

I was dead I was happy and that's that great moment in Buffy where they're like what the fuck is your problem Buffy and she's like you fucking jerks brought me back from the dead Spoiler for season 6 Buffy that's just disappoint that's one of the only good things that happens

in season six of Buffy it's one of the beginning the end fuck the trio uh anyway so so that whole thing happens and then like the movie is just again she's like well I guess I'm just going to I'm going to go get that kid

This is the thing that I didn't know about Was she's like That kid The 6 is definitely not dead And William Fickner's like What are you talking about? She's like no no no Don't worry about it

He's not dead And then goes back to this complex Again to break this kid out again But it's like the movie Unless I miss something The movie in no way tells us How she knows that this kid is alive Well I mean it's all

From the future it's the alternate something or other. Stop it. No, I will not entertain that. And for some reason, it's like he went 88 miles per hour. He's in like a cold, like he's frosted all over. Oh yeah, why's he frozen? He's frozen for some. I don't know. Maybe that was part of the

cum heist. Yeah. I think yeah, they were front of freeze that come, even though it was already born as a child. But now she's not so worried about the 600 soldiers because guess what? She's graded everything. Yeah, she's she's figured it out. She gets on a new outfit that's like white and then it turns red and

and then it turns black, and then her hair turns magenta. She just slashes these guys, and then she fights Draxes, right? Yeah, well, she's got, like, purple guns that shoot purple lights. That's kind of fun. That's, like, ultraviolet. Uh-huh. Cash in for a bit of the ultraviolet. Amen.

I would love a commentary track of Bill Nye watching ultraviolet. Like, heckling, like, oh, underworld. What is this? Stole that. Was I in this? Yes, oh, absolutely. He's given a commentary to it as if, like, oh, I guess I'm doing this for my DVD release. Oh, I was in a green screen.

I don't remember who I acted with. It must have been to this movie. Jerry, I think you had me coming to this commentary a little too early. When do I appear in this film? Has my sandwich come yet? Is that little boy me from the future? I guarantee you he's seen like 15% of his movies. Oh, yeah, totally.

There's no way he's watching. Underworld. No, he hasn't seen a single Underworld film. I don't think he's seen Love Actually. He's just like, oh, they keep telling me I'm good in it. Make me a super cut of just my scenes. You probably did see Pirates of the Caribbean, too, though. Oh, that's possible.

Maybe he saw About Time. Or maybe he watched me in the theater see About Time and cry my fucking eyes out. Oh, really? Oh, dude, yeah. It's a movie where it's Donald Glee. and I believe Rachel McAdams and like Donald Gleason's like he like they they come from like a family of time travelers and oh man he goes to like this moment like so Bill Knight he like drops dead and like Donald Gleason like goes back in time to like be with his dad one last time on the beach. Holy fuck not a dry eye in the gosh darn house. Hey Eric now you don't have to see it. Yeah. I guess that's kind of the whole thing. Kind of the whole thing. All right. Sounds good. You know what?

You know what? About time? Better moving than this. Oh, really? It would have to be. So she goes in, she cuts off a bunch of people. She does fight tracks. She at one point has a gun with swords come out of it, so that's a thing.

It's like oozy's with the, like, the stick is the sword. How much time has Kurt Vemmer spent masturbating a final fantasy? Right? He's probably like Final Fantasy 7. He's just joking. He hires a prostitute just to play. play Final Fantasy so he can He's probably jerking off to that new Zelda

game right now. Switch! Switch! As people post screencaps of that and I'm like, hey, it's doing it. No, it's just a cool game. It looks cool as fucking. I so wish I had a switch. It's so, it's so hard for me to justify

purchasing a video game system. But Jesus, that looks cool. So, um, Drax is like, I was a vampire the whole time. Gotcha. And I'm like, What? Why? No, no. Why? Hold on.

Maybe I was lying about being a dabbo. That's the one thing I knew about this movie. I had a piece of paper down. It said Milozovic vampire. Draxas, not vampire. And you took that away from me, Daxis? His name sounds like Dracula. His name sounds like Dracula.

Why are you surprised? You got to see it coming. I guess so. Just like a cum hush. And here's my assistant, Nospharat. Oh my god, come ice They never saw it coming I love it, yes

That's on the poster This summer they won't see it coming Oh man We're gonna We're gonna redefide blurbs It's Kevin Hart and Bill Nahi In like a junkie like Donut truck

Oh it's definitely a donut truck Dude that's how you disguise it Oh that's the getaway vehicles A souped up donut truck Fuck you. So he turns the lights off And then she sets her fake sword on fire And then he sets his sword on fire

This sword is on fire Yeah and then they go at each other Like their barrack Dondarian and the hound Yeah tell me about it And then she wins How does she kill? Is it even a cool dad? She cuts him in half But you don't see it because the fucking lights are turned out

this movie because it's so cheap. I feel like, someone was like, hey, Kurt, I know you got this cool flame and sword fight. What if they couldn't see anything? And he's like, yeah, but yeah, the money. Yeah. What if they didn't see anything. It's what it is,

because the lights are totally out. You can kind of see her, and it's like one, like, vertical line of fire that splits into two and it's him just falling onto the floor. We don't see any of it. Well, that's, I mean, for the one second, I thought this could almost be a salvageable movie.

movie when the first thing happens with the guys going into the bank and he like slices a guy right in a half. Oh, yeah. And I was like, oh my God, he's going to fall. No blood. Oh, yeah. That's a big problem with this movie. It's weirdly bloodless.

There's no blood. And like even what happens doesn't show up on the body. No. There's not. Like, come on. You're making this piece of shit movie that you're going to have to beg people to fucking see unless you're Stephen from Charlotte. Or unless you're in the mafia.

300 for ultraviolet. please. Oh, wait a minute. Refund those tickets. There ain't no blood in this. Sweetheart, can I get a popcorn, $300, $300 of my friends?

That would be great, 300 tickets, one large pop. Yeah. I heard there's free refills. Some dips. Can I get a... A couple cup of dips.

Hold on. I got the mozzarella sticks. You called this a mariner sauce. Oh. Is it a fresheta? No. No, no, I'm not going to do that.

You know what you're not allowed to do is complain about the quality of mozzarella. sticks in a movie theater. Yeah. They are just movie theater mozzarella sticks and that's what you get. That's what I ate all of during Dr. Strange the first time.

Nice. So is this movie over? It's pretty much over. We're done. Yeah. Thank you. Eric got his coat on. Door slam. She drags this kid up to the roof and she's like, hey,

turns out there's a cure. And he goes, yeah, I know. And I was like, what the fuck? is anybody talking about? She's like, oh, I cured you when I cried on you or some not. No, she turned him into a vampire. Oh, I see. And now he can fly. And then they fly off together. Man, that would have been cool. No, they just ran off. And then she's like, oh, we won this battle, but I'll be there anytime someone else comes up. And I'm like, wait, who won what? Nobody will come. Also, nobody will come. What is the deal?

Wait, that could be in come, what's a, come heist, yeah. Go meast. Oh my God, come Heist three, the old folks home. And they're like, what are we doing here? Yeah. Turns out there's one dude who's lying about his age to be in the old folks home. What's lucky? Wait, that's real.

Michael Kane and Alan Arkin are going to hijack a shipment of Viagra. Dude, that movie looks fucking terrible. Directed by Zach Braff. Oh, don't, oh, don't, oh, don't. Are we getting a come heist to know? I'm sorry. There's a movie out right now called Come Heist

And I'm not starring in it Anybody's stealing come around Hollywood It's me yelling at his agent You're only supposed to blow the bloody Load off Wasn't he supposed to retire like 12 movies ago? I thought Batman was supposed to be in Either Batman or Inception

Not Inception Maybe Interstellar was supposed to be his last movie I think He's retired dude because he knows no one's going to see those movies Okay No, someone's going to spend $35 million in DVD sales, dude

No one's, that's fake Wasn't he also in Now You See Me Too? He was He fucking fart into that movie Did you fart in that movie? Did you watch it, Chris? I did not Okay, good

I'm coming for your husband Oh shit I turned off the first one like an hour in Oh really? You didn't see the full movie? Oh, I saw that whole thing Oh, I turned it off too I didn't even watch it.

It stinks It stinks. It stinks. It's a movie where like magic might be real, but nobody's fessing up to it. Oh, wow. Wow, that's cool. Yeah, that's, you're doing an impression of a blind DVD buyer. Could you imagine if Chris Angel was real?

And you could go back at the rich? And then one time, and then one time Chris Angel was walking outside playing parenthood. Let me show you a magic trick. I'll make this baby. to disappear with federal funds while also doing cancer

screenings oh whatever also like what like the roof of this building is shaped like a cross I guess so or something's shaped like a cross something's happening

it's saying something fuck this shit who could care Stephen from North Carolina I think you have to go to our Atlanta show for this yeah You've got to make the track.

I'm sorry. Pilgrimage. Yeah, you just got to go. Just to drive down. Kiss the ring and apologize. I'll say this. I'll say this on the air, Stephen from Charlotte. If you can convince that ex-girlfriend to come along with you, we'll comp your tickets to this Atlanta show.

Or at the very least, just to, you know, get us back one. Yeah. Get her to write us an account of this interaction. And we will buy you mozzarella sticks. Yes. You can't complain. about the quality, though. They're comedy club

mozzarella sticks. Okay, now as no one's listening. So, Stephen Anthony Sadak, routing number. You got your social circuit there, buddy? This was a horrible movie.

It sure was. No one will recommend. This is not a hangover movie. This would exacerbate a hangarer. This would make it so hot. I know. I mean, I really mean this. And I'm going to, I'm going to, like,

tattoo a you on my inner wrist. So that whenever someone on this, this show, says this is the worst movie we've ever done. I'm going to have to say no it's ultraviolet unless something happens. Unless something catastrophic happens. Ultraviolet 2?

Oh no. I don't even think they had a straight to DVD of that one. Ultraviolet 2, Colin Slingin'Webbs. Apparently Milo Jovovich I disown this movie by the way. She's a shock. She didn't like it. She did not like it. She did not like it. What did do William Fickner think about this movie? He doesn't give

his shit, man. You think you're fucking You think you're even like making William Fickner blink? It's like, yeah, I made a movie, whatever. Yeah, he doesn't give his shit. I made 12 movies yesterday. I don't even know what that was. Since no one's recommending this, I think this would be a good time to say, you've made it this far. Yeah, congratulations.

You're one of the diehard fans, and thank you very much for being with us. We have a Patreon page. That's right. Patreon.com slash we hate movies where we do a side show called The Nexus, where we recap Star Trek episodes, and we thought, hey, this movie gave us nothing. Let's play a clip. Give a little something back for the people who don't subscribe or thinking about it.

Maybe you're on the fence. It's a preview. We never released a trailer or what the Nexus really was. So we'll roll a clip so that you get an idea and a feel for what this premium podcast is. Yes. So stick around.

We'll be back after this preview clip of W.HM's The Nexus podcast. Well, the best thing is he quotes, which is kind of hilarious. It's like a fake alien racist sonnet from 1996. I like that line. Oh, sweet. Yeah.

Also, it's a Marcy's Playground, Captain. It's also, by the way, any man who within 15 minutes of knowing you starts quoting poetry, run. Yeah, run quickly. That's a huge red flag and I'm serious about that. I don't care if you're taking a class

on poetry. You get the fuck out of that. Especially if you're taking the class. Be weary of theirs do. Those dudes. Who's that lounging in my chair, captain? Can I go now?

Who's that casting deep evil stairs in my direction? It's a beautiful piece of a piece of writing. It surely is a dream. Let me quote you from 1990. poetry. Yeah, they come to snuff the rooster. You know he ain't going to die, Captain.

And then like someone doesn't get it and Kirk's all shitty about it. Like, Earth, 1996. Maybe you've heard of it. How bizarre? How bizarre. unknown as we pull in for some gas I was lying on the grass on Sunday morning of last week standing on the corner of 50 second in Broadway

cars passing by captain but none of them seem to go my way New York City well I wish I was on the highway back to Olympia oh my god this is it's amazing like like bones has his his his uh his new metal and rap yeah his early aughts and then and then spock is really into that alt to rock it's like

alt rock and some like pop punk yeah a little bit of everything there a little bit of grunge for him some just like 90s rock radio it's a big fan of morning june So that's us talking about Star Trek. I thought it was pretty fun and entertaining. And I honestly don't think $8 is all that much. Surprise. If that was just me, no, I mean, I appreciate everybody. Listen, the worst episodes of Star Trek ever made.

And I think we've already covered some of them on the Nexus' short life already. are better than ultraviolet. Well, like, if you subscribe now to the Patreon, you don't only just get the nexus at that level. Right. And by the way, there's like seven episodes now, so that's like seven hours. Totally.

Of Star Trek talk. You also get animation damnation. Remember when those were free? Now they're not, but they're great. They're a little bit longer because we kind of, we understand that people are paying for them. Sure. Paying for them.

And they're very different. We just did for a listener request, We just did Pokemon again. For this month on the Nexus, we just did Voyager and Deep Space Nine, which is a bit different for us on the nexus. There are commentary tracks. We got taken to Minterrey. That's right. We also have Teenage Muti Teenage Mutuals 2014 Mentary.

And there's going to be another commentary out in the spring, TBD, but it's going to be in the spring. It's pretty exciting. We're doing them seasonally. That's right. For a year, they say. So, my God, Ultraviolet. What a piece of shit, directed by Kurt Vimmer. May he never direct a single thing again?

I think it's been. This is 2006. He hasn't done anything since, right? No. No, he's written quite a lot. He's writing quite a lot. Keep him behind that. Keep him way, way, way behind the camera.

Way in the back with the good codes. Wrong 90s crime movie. We've been referencing the whole episode. All right. So next week, my God, listener request month, fucking wraps up with a little film called overboard. Oh, Russell rules is coming right back. Oh, man.

This is kind of exciting. I haven't seen this movie in like 20 years. Me neither, but I remember it being disturbing. Yeah, it's... Heartwarming. Heartwarmingly disturbing. Questionable. Highly dubious. If I could just knock out the right lady. If only.

I think they remade overboard in the early 21st century. It's called donkey pun. It's a hell of a movie. I got to tell you. Chris Cabin. You like donkey punch, right? It's actually not that bad of a movie. Now, is it worse or better than zoo? Hmm.

Worse. Okay. Wow. So donkey punch is worse than Zoo, but is Zoo better than Ultraviolet? Oh, by... Is Donkey Punch and Bound? Is Donkey Punch better than Ultraviolet? By leaps.

Just by Leaps? Leaps and Bounds, Zoo is better than Ultraviolet. Leaps. Donkey Punch is better than Ultraviolet. God. That's technically ultraviolet. Directed by Kurt Vimmer. or if you want more WHM, check us out

at WHMpodcast.com or over at the Headgum Network page. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM podcast, right into the mailbag, of course. We all hate movies at gmail.com. Rate review the show. Wherever you get it, we would greatly appreciate it.

Next week, we do conclude with Overboard, as we said. God damn you, Stephen from Charlotte. God damn you straight to hell for requesting this movie. I thought I was going to go my whole life without checking it out. Fuck you. household. But here we are. So until next week, we're Russell Rules. I'm Andrew Jupin.

Stephen Sane. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. Take it easy.