We Hate Movies - S7 Ep294: Episode 294 - Power Rangers

Episode Date: March 28, 2017

On a very special episode, the gang interrupts their originally scheduled programming to bring you a recap of the absolutely ridiculous—but somehow watchable—new reboot, Power Rangers! A perfect entry point for a #trypod recommendation, this week's episode asks the hard questions like: Why does everything have to look so dark and shitty? Who thought autism was a great device to play for laughs? And where the hell are Bulk and Skull?!? PLUS: Alex Jones eulogizes a friend while Gallagher loses out on ANOTHER role! Power Rangers stars Dacre Montgomery, Naomi Scott, RJ Cyler, Ludi Lin, Becky G., and, somehow, Bryan Cranston, Elizabeth Banks, and Bill Hader; directed by Dean Israelite.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

So now on today's program, we interrupt listener request month to bring you a recap of the new Power Rangers film, Great Gobs of Shit. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadegh. Eric Sizzda. Wait, what is his name? Zardos. Zardon. Zardon, everybody.

I'm Eric Siska. Go along. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. Like I mentioned at the top, we are postponing the final week of Listen to Request Month. Overboard will air next week so we can bring you a recap of Power Rangers from this year 2017 directed by Dean Israelite, the director of, well, some stuff here.

And this is a Project Almanac, excuse me. Not very good. We're sneaking this in for hashtag tripod. Yes, yes. It's been a month of recommending podcast to people. I've seen a budget people recommend our show. I've been recommending other shows. I would this is a good week to be like hey you should check these guys out they do fun stuff you know that Power Rangers movie that just came out yeah so we put ourselves through watching Power Rangers uh and I got to tell you uh you know in in the 1990s the grand decade that was the 1990s I watched a ton of this show yeah and then never thought about it really since then I watched like the a lot of the 90s show that first it

not like Power Rangers space cops or whatever we're doing. Yeah. Zero or something. Space cop series? They did a lot of different. There was every couple of years there'd be a new different Power Rangers situation that they would get into. I've only seen like three episodes or so of the 90s iteration. They're literally all the same.

Now, okay, I could tell that from seeing all those guys dance around in those outfits. but what now it was from Japan correct and now there were people who played the people in that show and then they had some cameos and this and was that like recat was was that like cast for American audiences and they just cut in like action sequences from the Japanese

it was live action stuff that was like saved by the bell cheap as hell so that was then original to America yes exactly it wasn't like the English the the kids talking were dubbed and obviously the good thing is the mouths don't move so you're good to go. Who cares? Does anyone want to hear the most cowardly, one of the

top five most cowardly things of my life? Sure. Yes, I do. I was a little too old for this show. I mean, because it was like 94, 95, you know what I mean? You were more a Beatleborg's guy? No, I loved this show. What is it? Beedleborg. It was the same thing. They just had different helmets.

VR troopers. Also the same thing. Superhuman samurai squad. Definitely the same thing. I don't know any of these. No, but so I watched it like kind of in secret and this girl in my class was one day was being made she was sitting right next to me wearing a Power Rangers watch and everyone mercilessly made fun of her like that shows for babies and you suck and did you just let this girl die I just oh man I didn't open my fat mouth I let it go man oh wow that's awful yeah exactly that's truly awful this is just just cowardice your moment man yeah you should have I like I like and maybe if I stood up other people would have as well it's like it's like Spartacus yeah exactly or the climax of airheads yeah you know what one of the other closer to the climax of air it's but no I I let her go I just she sank to the bottom of the ocean that day I'm so sorry Steve we were just no I don't know what you're talking about

yeah you're a baby yeah you're a baby you're a stupid baby you like that baby show you idiot I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, it was rough. Yeah, I mean, so I was like Amy Joe Johnson or bust like that series there. And then I had an S-N-E-S game. Oh, that game is great. It was pretty cool, man. And that's where it stopped. Yeah. So I didn't give a shit that this movie was coming out. I might have had some action figures. It'll be all.

Is that right? Uh-huh. Now who's a baby. At least hers had a function. It was a watch this whole time. that was just a choice of design I come home all my action figures are looking at me like oh Stephen come on you'll never morph man sorry but you're never going to morph we watched all of that

and it was rough we see what you see Stephen you're getting greeped out yet you might just say we are you that's terrifying that's pretty terrifying but that's a good place to start Eric

of the morphing or lack thereof. This is Power Rangers without Power Rangers. Who would have thunk it? Well, it's building it up, you know, because it's going to be a mighty franchise. We're going to- Fuck this shit. I want to see one of fucking power.

You know what? Here's the thing. If this is what you're going to do, you're going to jerk me around and I have Power Rangers in this movie. You do the bullshit screenwriting thing of you start the movie in the middle of the movie and then we fucking back up a little bit

because if I don't have a taste of Power Rangers at fucking minute one, man. So you wanted to be like a cold open. Power Rangers fight, and then just like, huh, want to know how I got here? Well, it's all started back in that one day. Maybe not so Ferris Bueller-esque, but yes. You want to know how I got here? Let's go back to the Cenozoic period.

Oh, man. So like everything that exists nowadays where we're like just aping or, you know, rebooting, as we like to say, we have to have all of this convoluted horse shit to make this world, like, yeah, the mythology, like bigger than it ever, ever deserves to be. It's a cartoon show for kids, and it's totally fun and totally cute. Well, it wasn't a cartoon. No, but I mean, it was for babies. It was for, yeah, not for kids.

It was for babies, and it was live action for babies. Steve, did that girl live to see graduation? I'm sure she did. I think she might have moved schools. Oh, it's the Power Rangers incident with good reasons. No, but like it was a show that was for little kids. Right. And it's cute and fun.

and that's all, like, don't take it so ever-loving seriously. Yeah, it's the telitubbies, right? Yeah, it's practically, yeah. I mean, here's the thing. They're violent teletubbies. Yeah, you wanted to come home from school every day and just watch a bunch of fucking degrade Godzilla fighting. That's what this was.

And then there was, like, sexy teens that were hanging out. They had like a, wait, there were sexy teens that were hanging. I said Amy Joe Johnson was in the show. They're not showing skin, dude, right? Well, no, it wasn't, it wasn't like MTV's undressed. No. Oddly enough, Jason David Frank, the Green Power Ranger, was in one of those episodes or one of those arcs. Yes. You watched Undressed, didn't you?

No, I didn't. But I know I wish I did because, like, we'll go check it out now, right? Do you think that holds up? No way. Probably not. No way. I'd say the most interesting thing about watching undressed in 2017 would be like, oh, look, this person's on it. Oh, look, that person got the start on. It's not real. There was no nudity. It's fake. It's fake. It's fake. They were having sexual intercourse. Undressed is the series that, like,

Wooderson today is downloading. All right, so note to self, do not download that show. Looks like we got ourselves a Wooderson here, internet police. But if you fucking put in undressed into a torrent search, you're not going to find that 90s series. You're going to get everything else. Oh, yeah. You get a bunch of foot pornogical.

I've seen all the other undressed. That's why I was confused. Steve, I never said you didn't have to do your research. Oh, yeah, you got to really look for the diamond. The diamond in the wrong. Can we just quickly... You've got to pound that internet pavement. Can we just quickly acknowledge the beauty that was the construction of the phrase foot pornography?

Sure. Tripod, remember, tell your friends about it. Right. Some people like feet to jack them off, right? Is that what that's about? Well, that's one way you can do it. Or they like to jerk off two feet. Oh, okay, yeah.

It's not like... Jerk off on feet also. Not an actual foot job. Well, there can be foot jobs as well. That's out there. You can go both ways. Now, did the Green Power Ranger ever get a foot job? He was actually on MTV's foot job.

That was that arc on undressed was foot jobs. He's played that little flute getting a foot job. Oh, God, I forgot about his flute. Skin flute? He's got a dagger, but it's also a flute that summons his dragon sword. Oh, yeah, man. It's pretty dumb. So we start in the Cenozoic era.

That's what you want. And, you know, I don't know what everyone's doing on Earth. Everything looks like shit. This movie looks like shit. You can't see any. Is Superman's Fortress of Solitude is in the background somewhere? I think I did catch a couple of parodemons.

The red and the yellow Power Ranger just got their ass kicked by somebody. And like the yellow one dies and she turns into a space alien. Oh, that's kind of cool. And then the red one as it's dying turns into poor Brian Grant. This is some of the same. as shit. I couldn't believe it, man. And Hank Schrader's just staring down at him. Wow. The DEA

finally caught up to the Red Power Ranger. But like, I couldn't, like, here he is. He's laying in the dirt in this alien costume. And I'm just thinking about that fucking, I'm the one who knocks monologue. It's like, man, did anybody get the, the distance

of this fall? Holy crap. himself through the dirt in makeup that no child should have to wear. He looks like a pruny ball sack. And you were doing this for the director of Project Fucking Almanac. Yeah. That's quite a lot. And he's speaking a fake Gleep-Glop language complete with subtitles. Well, to be fair, I don't know where this is from.

This might be from the extensive Power Rangers universe. I really doubt it. The comic books and the video games. I don't know where this is. They got an expert in, you think? Maybe, yeah. Like, they got Amy Adams from a rival. Oh, this is bullshit.

Oh, no, thank you. I don't want to be reader of Pulsa. Oh, that'll be just fine. I'm okay. Oh, you want to put what on my face? No. No, no, thank you. A linguist, like, if Power Rangers talk,

talk like this. But there's no, like, these are who these Gleep Clubs are. Yeah. I don't know. The Japanese shows. Maybe there's something. there maybe but nobody's watching those like now like like fans of the franchise that are like our age or maybe like skewing slightly younger i don't think they ever had an opportunity to see

the original show that this was based on the one thing it's always that thing where it's like oh it makes it more realistic why would they be speaking english why would they exist at all like you know what i mean like it's a movie let's just not bother let's have them speak english and let's They'll call, keep a little bit of dignity. Man, yeah, that's asking a lot, keeping just a smidgium dignity making this movie. You could do is you have them speak English. Yeah.

And then maybe you get some way that their civilization influenced. Oh, wait, I was going to say caveman, but caveman didn't invent English either. No, they did not. Well, maybe they invent English. Oh, do you think the Prometheus, like, big, mean guys were a Power Rangers actually? I think so. That's how that worked.

I felt like that, I was wondering. at least, like, if that's the way it was going to go. But then it was like, oh, now they're all dead. They're all dead. So that wasn't what happened. But we see Brian Cranston as Zardona. What is the name? Zordos.

Zordos. Rangers. But he's all blue and, like, weird. He's got, like, little, like, lines and shit on him. Yeah. Maybe if he exfoliated and took a bath, you know, he'd become into, like, a Prometheus, like a nice, nice, clean. Oh, one of the engineers?

Yes. Oh, okay. But he's not, like, 10 feet tall, though. Those fuckers were big. You don't know the scale, though. That's true. He could be hung like a horse. Aye, aye, aye, aye.

Rangers, look at my huge cock. That's what it's all about. I'm stuck in this wall. I used to have a cock as big as this table. I swear to God, you don't know me like that. But what's his deal, man? Like, it's just like in the 90s show and in this. It's just like kids.

Yes. He's attracted to kids. He wants little kids. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of like, you're so young. Yeah, they're babies.

And the... Babies. Bill Hader's robot? What's the robot? Alpha. Alfa. Johnny five. Oh, fucking pardon me.

Alpha 5 is like, I've been so lonely. Yeah. And you're like, dude, no. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. And that little robot that haters is doing this voice for is way too hip on like modern vernacular.

I don't know. He's been encased in the bottom of the world for like a millennium. How's he getting into any information? And he gets the English language that he then installs into the computer's matrix that that Zardo, Zordon, Zordon can then access and then speak English to everyone. So it's like at some point he had to go out and steal a Bible, not a Biblical, a dictionary, a dictionary. I, I prefer the Old Testament. Oh, man, like what would his opinion be on Jesus? He probably met him.

Alpha 5? He was looking for the... He thought he was the Green Ranger. He was like, oh, shit. I think Jesus was born during the Cenozoic era. Jesus, when he was murdered by those dirty Romans.

Yeah. Okay. He died a Green Ranger and was resurrected as the White Ranger. Oh, wow. That's really smart. That is so easy. Thanks.

That's really, you know, that's really smart. It's a fan theory I got going. Oh, man, you can get a thousand words on that. It makes as much sense as the Easter buddy. So we cut to, thankfully, the Red Ranger and his friend who we never see again.

This kid might have got hung in the tombs. Yeah, I don't know what's happening to this kid. They are running a prank, it seems, right? They're having a fun prank. How? Your prank. Oh, my God, this sequence, Jesus.

My bones were chilled. They're moving a bull through, like, their locker room, so I guess it's the rival mascot or it's their mascot. We don't. know it's a bull just yet they fucking jerk it off let's just say it let's say it up front they fucking jerked so here's the thing it's like we're getting this this alien alien animal into a locker

room yes and the the buddy is just like you know something something i milked her and this is we're not making this up this is in the movie this is the opening of your kids funny not funny fun little action movie is they jerk off a bull this is the first lines of dialogue in english is about jerking off a bull. The Red Ranger is like, um, I guess we didn't mention, by the way, spoilers. There's like a little bit of fun improvisations like, yeah, it was really hard to do.

I had to use two hands. Oh, that's right. Yeah, the utter was so big, I'd use two hands and I was like, we're talking about a bull's cock in this stupid little sci-fi movie. He's just like chugging this cock. Which, and I'm sorry, kid, how do you not know a cock when it's staring at you in the face? And

we even close up on the dick because he goes like, wait, what? And he goes, under the thing, he shines a light, and it's a bull cock. This huge bullcock in this movie. I can't believe this isn't right at all. And we're sitting amongst children at 12.30 on a Sunday. And I'm like, this is wrong. Oh,

and the parents were laughing. And then there's like more, the cops come and he gets to do a car accident or something. Yeah, he like speeds away because he didn't want to be caught for this beastiality. He will take the rap on it. But he is. And this is why his father hates him. Yeah. It's a

real awkward thing because his dad, he gets driven to detention afterwards and his dad is like you fucking, you blew it his dad, what's his face? Roy from the office. So you know right away this is an abusive father. He's just like he put away the brass knuckles for this one. He's like you blew it, you had a shot

scouts were coming to see you, you were going to be a full ride to college and now it's all gone and it's like but underneath all that is and he jerked off the bull. I'm hearing a lot of stuff at the docs about my son. The friend the friend jerked him off but he took the

the heat for everyone. Everyone else got off. Oh, that's right. Roy says something like, oh, you thought you were being cool, like taking the rap for everybody else or whatever. You know, every day I go down to the docks and Ronnie is making moo-hoo. Noise is at me. Hey, it's that guy

who's a son jerked off a horse. It wasn't a horse, okay? It was a bull, you monster. So, like, that's seriously happening in this dude's life. He's like, he's like, my son, my son was the most amazing kid ever. He was He's a great quarterback, going to go to college,

going to go, you know, into the big leagues or something. Sure. The president of the 4-H club. Yeah. And then everyone, then suddenly from being the mayor of whatever this, what is this ever? What is this? Angel Grove, which is the town. Yeah, it is.

They kept that. So he was like, the king of this town. And he had the young prince. And then it's revealed that his son and his family are no good bestiality of you were saying this earlier it's like a Todd Salon's movie that's the other part of this movie See that's the movie I want

Thank you Steve Because it's like On the other end of this Power Rangers movie There's this movie about this This fisherman father Coming to terms with his son Being rumored to jerk off cows Horses and whatnot

So this is a Zoldar X Machina You're talking about here That switches it from that Because that would be the rest of the movie But wouldn't that be a better movie? Wouldn't that be a better movie? Oh, no, it would be a much better movie, clearly. You could get, yeah, Solons could direct it.

Bobcat Goldthwaite, definitely. Actually, you could keep on going. You don't actually have to cut away from the Salons movie until about a quarter in, because right after this is when the Pink Ranger is getting bullied in the bathroom over some weird pictures she put on the internet. Let's talk about this. Oh, my God. This is awesome.

We're going to jump around a little bit, folks, and that's just life. Uh-huh. Yeah. Here's the structure of the movie. They're a bunch of no good Knicks. They are told they're going to become Power Rangers. They spend 87% of this movie attempting to turn into Power Rangers. In the last 20 minutes, they turn into Power Rangers.

That's the end of the movie. Because they can't do it until they're friends. Yeah, they got to be. Hey, great. Because heaven forbid it would just happen and then we get to see the costumes. Yeah, well, I mean, that would be nice, wouldn't it? And so, like, she's getting bullied in the, like, it's like, it's like, a breakfast club Saturday detention thing.

Right. Billy is there who is autistic and that's kind of just a throwaway thing. Oh, the autism is played for a whole barrel laugh. Yeah, it's all lapped, man. Autism in this movie. It's outrageous. Because it's not really, it's just clearly just like, hey, act a little weird.

Well, we're not using the A word. He says he's on the so-sus-spectrum. But this is all like, hey, you know, kids are different these days. Yeah. We know what their problems are. You know, back when we had the original power Rangers film. We had not yet identified autism.

Yeah, we read Teen Vogue. Okay, teen people. These people. Wow. Back in the original Power Rangers series, we would just tease that kid until he committed suicide. And that's the way it was meant to be. The mighty survived. You know, I

do not, I don't vaccinate my children because I don't want them to turn up to be Power Rangers. Honestly, you don't know. You don't know. I do kind of love the idea of teen people being like a Breitbart-esque. Yes. Well, it would be

and then like Steve Bannon, Jr. Little Stevie Bannon. Steve Bannon, Jr. That'd be a great like... Steve Bannon Jr. Nickelodeon cartoon. Just as fat and racist as his father.

And then the opposite of that cabin would be the lib-tard leftist publication, Teen Vogue. Yeah, that makes sense. It all checks out. Everything checks out. Yeah, that Teen Vogue is fake news. And also, did you know, they airbrush their models? So this kid, the kid, by the way, who will go on to be the Blue Ranger, is played by R.J. Seiler, who was Earl and me and Earl and the dying girl, if anybody saw that movie.

Did not. It's good. I mean, he's fine. I mean, he's good in it. Yeah, he is. And he's fine in this, actually. He's probably one of, I mean, he's, the one thing I will give this movie is, with the exception of maybe the Yellow Ranger, who's not like an actress, she's actually the singer. So she's not. The kids are pretty.

good. They're not bad. They're not dead-eyed like what did we say about Independence Day? Like it's full of dead-eyed nobody's. It's not that. So that's a checkmark to that. That's a big plus. And I think even the Yellow Ridgeer does what she has to do in the movie. She does. Absolutely. So Kimberly is like goes to the bathroom. Her two friends, she gets a text from her two friends. Her two friends are like, you know, you're a piece of shit for something. And we don't know what's going on

with her. Like they're like, you set that picture and blah, blah, blah. We're going to ruin your life. And you're off this cheerleading team. Good luck with that lady. And then she, like, gives herself a professional great haircut in the bathroom. I couldn't believe it. This is salon quality. Everyone's like, oh, my God. Her dad later in the movie, like, I can't

believe you chopped your hair. I'm like, what a great haircut. I mean, she looks great and the thing that's hilarious is this dad is flipping his tits in the parking out of this school. And I was like, what did you have riding on that long hair? You're modeling contracts out of the window. Oh, that's right.

So the Red Ranger throws away his football scholarship, and the Pink Ranger throws away a modeling career for Teen Vogue. Man, it's tough. It's tough. But so what we find out later, like, it's her big reveal. And they don't even tell. She goes to the Red Ranger at some point when they're trying to realize why they're not morphing. I think it's my fault because I'm so bad at everything. Right. And I took this picture.

She shows him the picture. We the audience don't see it. She's like, Carly, whatever her name is, sent me this picture. Ray Jepson? I think it was her. Carly Jepson. Yeah, Callie Ray Jepson. Because it was Carly Simon

Oh yeah, these Power Rangers are pretty vain They She sent me this picture And then I said to everybody And I ruined her life And I can't believe I'm such a bad person We don't know what this picture is

No Is it somebody jerking it off a bowl maybe I think yeah yeah There's sucking a bull dick God There's something Look All bets are off the table man

Yeah that's right This is power Rangers We're in 2017 This is closer to welcome To welcome to the dollhouse than what I expected it to be See, that's the thing. I feel like the bull jerking, that is the bobcat movie, right?

But then you have this, like, salacious teen drama thing. That is where Salins comes in. Oh, I see. Dylan Baker is somebody's pervert dad. It was a nude photo, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's the way.

I mean, I didn't need to be explained it. Like, when she first says, like, you shared that photo. I was like, oh, okay, so it was a dirty photo that she fucking shared. But what are we talking here? We're just talking nude? Are we talking about on the toilet? But that should have been the reveal. What the fuck it was?

Yeah. Is it a foot job? If it's a full-blown foot job. I think it's a foot job. Because the way she says, she frames it's like, I took this picture and I went to her boyfriend and I was like, is this the girl you want to bring home to your mom, which is really shitty, eh? Yeah. Like, was she trying to get this dude? Like, is she trying to engineer a breakup?

Something like that. That's what it seemed like it. Or maybe it was just her eating Chipotle? Is this who you want to bring her? really is this what you want it's like it's like that great photo of homer eating the birthday cake this is her face planning a chippole

verita file photo no doesn't the red power ranger like mention like uh there are literally thousands of pictures because he's trying to play because she's really upset and he's trying to play it down and he's like what that no big deal there are

he says literally thousands he says literally thousands i've got him all saved on my hard drive when I need a good foot job have you ever seen the movie Sliver do that be great if this kid is running surveillance over all of Angel Grove oh absolutely because everybody loves them

they all let him in his house he takes a wander up to the second floor the Blue Ranger's motherfucking ruins a chair when he knocks on the door yeah she's like oh my god it's Jason Scott yeah everyone loves them like everyone's like oh my God it's Jason Scott

And then they back off it for a second because they remember the bestiality story. Oh, but he also tricked off the bowl. Oh, my God, Billy. Jason Scott's here. Mittens, Mittens. Come here. Come here.

Come here. Come here. We're going to go for a walk. Come on, mittens. Hey, Jason, before you touch anything, could you wash your hands? Oh, cool.

Jason Scott's here. You just go in the basement. Don't go out in the backyard. Did anybody see you come in here or what? You know, I work at a hospital, and I have these things called late text gloves. Let me get you some of it. them. So

Billy is being teased by some, by Ron Weasley, which is nice. I thought he looked like what's his face there from Daredevil, like one of the Bash brothers. I was thinking young Kilmer. Who? Young Kilmer. The young Kilmer.

What? What? What? Who? Val Kilmer's son is an actor. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Val Kilmer has his son. Yes. And he acts? He acts. He's in that Palo Alto movie. No, nobody saw that Cabin? What are you doing? All right, name a movie that exists.

Can I count the ones in the room? Wasn't Palo Alto that movie that was based on James Franco's short story? Directed by James Franco? No, it's not directed by James. Oh, really? No, it's by the youngest coppola, I think. You know what, Cabin put all that together? That's why nobody saw that fucking movie.

The youngest Coppola? Like, we're talking. Not Sophia Coppola's daughter or son. Branson Coppola. Yeah, sub-Roman It's Younger than Roman. Wow.

This whole fucking family's directing, though. You know his wife's got a movie coming out this summer? I didn't see something about that. It's like something with Paris in the title, Eleanor Coppola and Alec Baldwin's in it. What the fuck is going on? You know what? No, because when Francis Ford Coppola dies,

you know how like, oh, when Salinger dies, when he died, they're like, oh, we're going to release all those manuscripts. They're going to release the manuscript that Copeland made, which is everybody can make a movie. And, like, everyone in the family gets to read this book and it tells you how to direct a movie. Step one, your name has to be Coppola.

Are you a job? Does your family own a winery? You know, movies are like grapes. There's a lot of them. Whatever happened to that Salinger vault? Was it like fucking Capone's deal and it was empty or what? I think that there was many... Literally thousands of childpics in this.

Oh, God. Dude, man, that guy hung around with kids, right? He did, yeah. Yeah, that guy's a dirty old motherfucker. he was he's dead now he's a dead dirty motherfucker yeah and his son played captain america oh that's right see matt sallenger see our episode archives page for that one that's a that's the 1990 yeah dogs age ago so uh billy gets teased jason steps in they become fast friends and he slaps this bully in the face that's kind of fun yeah uh and then he's like oh man

oh man he got slapped by bull kid oh man he can he fucking come on you man see demon face mocked for life oh man so they become fast friends Billy's like hey come to me to this

come with me to this quarry I need a ride I got an ox to jerk off you got a lure him there but the funny thing is like oh I'm on house arrest because I got caught jerking off a bull

this town doesn't take too kindly to it it seems like that's a bit harsh to have this like ankle bracelet for this situation because he like when the police were coming when they were in this locker room after hours or whatever they you know he drove away oh right there's a high speed chase that's one of the worst special effects in the movie awesome 360 camera it's so terrible I was like what is happening this like fake computer shot of like a non-existent car

accident yeah and then also you just see like blood kind of coming out of this kid's mouth a little bit. It is awful. I guess it's a B and E. And then is reality of crime? I mean, it's state to state. It is. Okay. So he's got that on his record. Well, where is the proof that this bull

was jerked off? I mean, that was confessed to somebody else. That was a private conversation between two friends. There's no binding legality to that. But that dude claimed full responsibility for everything. So unless he's willfully bringing up the fact that this

bowl was masturbated. This is it. They go into the locker room. There's drippins, dude. A couple officers with flashlights and like, oh my God. It's like the beginning of Ghostbusters in here. No, it's like, it's like,

Detective! It's like, it's like seven. Two detectives come in. And it's just like, oh my God, all the crimes of the Bible. This ball has the upper hand now. Oh, it's too bad.

he crashed that car instead of walking into a police station with his hands open like I jerked off the bone he just gets down on his knees he did admit it he might have got down on his knees oh god I gotta rewatch seven um sure he goes to billy's house

and billy's like oh I'm a computer genius which is Billy was the nerd they do switch the races around and make it not so terrible so the black ranger isn't just black and the the Chinese ranger isn't yellow by the way that's thanks original series

Billy has like basically deactivates his house arrest thing but his dad must be like because this whole movie he's going out like yes wouldn't your dad be like hey man are you breaking your parole right now like totally

you already flush that football career down the toilet I don't want to be a nag here but you can go to the slammer for this totally yeah you know what Steve that's conveniently glossed over sure what did you uh was there another animal you met oh would you go to the fucking barn yard again, you little pervert son of

mine. You know what? I have no son. Go to the quarry. Do whatever you want. You little fucking pervert. You little sex degenerate. Are you auditioning right now? This guy. Which role? All of them. This guy must love going to work and going out on that

boat, get into the sea air and being like just not thinking about his dirt family. Which I think is just, it's just the two of them, isn't it? Is there a He's a widow. I think he's a widower. Oh, really? Oh, was she lost at sea?

I don't know. The weird thing is, every time they shoot his house, the Red Ranger's house, it looks like insomnia for some reason. Like, it's all like milky gray and like really rustic. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? It goes along with this whole notion of trying to make this property darker in tone than it needs to be. And this is, before we get too far away from this, I'm reminded again to ask you guys, because I can't remember myself, was there not a, was it power rangers that there

was like a YouTube fan thing that it was like look how fucking dark this shit is yes that was Power Rangers right I feel like they watched it yeah they watched that and they were like let's just do it let's just do it man did they hire anyone from that

I don't think so I don't know I never saw it so I don't know who wrote and directed or wherever but the whole time we were watching the movie I was like wasn't there some web thing where it was dark power range it was like 15 minutes it was a dark power engine where they jerk off a bowl 15 minutes But to your point, Andrew, like, the weird thing is they have...

It's jerking time, sorry. They have this, like, they have, like, you know, child pornography, maybe... That's definitely child pornography. Yeah, that's true, absolutely. Just ask Detective Olivia Benson, she'll tell you. But, oh, yeah, oh, man, that would be great if she got charged for child pornography. Because they do that on that show, right? They do.

Oh, yeah, like, if you're texting shit or whatever, is this SUV? SvU. Oh, excuse me. Oh, man. But it's that, and then, like, we find out that the Black Power Ranger who will meet is, like, It has a mother that's dying, and then, like... She's got, like, terminal cancer. The yellow power...

They reveal that, like, an hour into the movie, like, what? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's, like, that's like a, like a, like halfway through the second act, terminal. Well, I can tell you exactly why they do that for that particular character is because he's like, I'm fucking crazy. Yeah. I'm the crazy one. I'm crazy.

I'm crazy. Crazy. Hi, everybody. I'm crazy. And then all of a sudden, of course, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. He loves his mother. Wait. He's like, what?

I'm crazy, crazy. No, but like, he's like acting out because he's. You have to anchor him somehow. Yeah. So instead of like actually making him a character, you give him one moment where he's actually caring for somebody else. But it's also like we've, we've developed like, oh, you know, Billy Cranston's picked on at school.

Yeah. And this guy is alleged to have jerked off a cow. Major trauma. Yeah, but like everyone has their thing. the child pornography the child pornography girl who is the I think that's the perpetrator yeah and then the Yellow Ranger

is what's her name Trani? Trini Trini. What is the gag in this movie that they keep mispronouncing the name? They keep on or Didi for some reason. Who gives a shit? It's like an innocent mixup early on in the movie that then it's like your buddy who keeps making

the bad joke repeatedly or their show. It's just the bad joke after bad joke but like and then she's revealed to in a very throwaway line like like oh you know she's interested in in other women i contest that you contest i contest that she said she doesn't there's just it's gonna convert her no it's it just it's like the like the the the him being autistic yeah right on spectrum thing what happens is they're around a campfire yeah this is the big bonding and and she's like my family doesn't get me they're all

And like, well, she's pretty alternative. And one of the, one of the black ranger, the black ranger says boyfriend trouble and she doesn't really react. She doesn't say shit. And then the Blue Ranger asked girlfriend trouble also doesn't really react. Just kind of like looks at him and like. And we move on and moves on from the fucking conversation. That's supposed to be confirmation. And also she mentions like how, you know, like her family doesn't like the way she dresses.

You know, they want her to dress. Doesn't like the people she hangs out or like a girl. It never just comes out and says it. No, because that's that's, that's as, I'm going to intimate. That's as far as. as this property is willing to go, which is fucked up, because we will talk about jerking off bulls

till the cows come home. Come home. Yeah, but heaven forbid, two women hold hands. So we go to the quarry, and this is when everyone happened. All these kids are just hanging out of the quarry, by the way. Look at this fucking town, man. There's nothing to do.

No, it's crazy. The Blue Ranger has a terrorist idea. What? And he's, this is... Oh, I guess you're right. I thought he was going to blow damn. Flood the fucking down.

The guy's got fucking dynamite with him. I'm going to wipe Angel Grove off the map. We do. Oh, because

it's a Planned Parenthood there? We do see a shot of his later on the movie he wants to find

the crystal. We'll get to it. But his room is like a conspiracy theory bunker. Yeah, that's weird.

With like everything pinned up on the wall and then like lines of yarn going to point to point And it's never... They all go back to Comet Pizza.

All of them. Up in the corner's Ruby Ridge. Alex Jones here for fart knuckle. TV now, okay, folks, we found out that... We got that... We got hacked Zardotos emails. Zardona? Zorda!

We got Zorda... Thank you, Prison Planet. We got Zordon's emails. Well, imagine my shock. Yeah, and in those emails, it says that the crystal that Rita Rita is looking for this crystal and it is in the comet

ping pong peacheria allegedly but actually you know we're going to retract that and that's not because we're in litigation catch him in bed with a goblin home rangers so like

he blows this thing up and all these kids happen to be there Kimberly is like diving and like Jason's watching her. You better believe she's taking her shirt off to go of course. They're enjoying this girl's body in the film. And then jack up the weekend. Yeah, exactly.

The soundtrack is this movie is fucking terrible. It's everywhere. It's literally all over the map. There's so many songs. So many songs. Oh man. Can you go to Coconut to pick it up or they closed down a long time ago? To the one in New Jersey

shirt we can go there. I think it's an Amazon exclusive. Oh, man. You get the Download code. Don't worry about it. But that's how a coconuts would stay open is if it became like, well, that's a place where you could pick up your Amazon order. Cocoa just becomes an Amazon pickup outlet. Coconuts is just an Amazon locker.

Wall-to-wall lockers. I mean, look, look, the way the economy is going, we'll all be lucky if we can manage an Amazon locker. That's it. If Jeff Bezos will allow us to manage an Amazon locker. Oh, I'd manage an Amazon locker. Sure. drop stuff off of my house

what do I care um so they they he blows this thing up they find all the coins which is a thing from the show is it I didn't remember this amulet like yeah you would get they you know what amulet would sound better than coins we're saying coins so many times in this

fucking movie we even have to hear it in that alien language like who's up that do we coin who you would do you yeah which was crazy because the word for coin in that gleeb glove language was just coin Yeah, it was so weird.

But they had a coin. They all get their coins. Then the cops come again and like, Jason's like, oh shit, man, I'm going down for this, too. Oh, man, they're going to give me the fucking chair. First I got caught jerking off a bull. Now I'd come into a terrorist attack. No, no, but if you're on house arrest and you break that shit, you are doing hard fucking time. He's going away forever.

And then fucking the Blue Rangers getting sent to fucking Quottergo. Yeah, no, exactly, because someone's going to open. Isn't that an FBI training? Yeah, they're going to work them up For trainees It's like this is the worst The worst And we need him on our side

Oh yeah Did they figure out who the mole is on that show yet? No I don't believe so You've got to be fucking getting me Wait is that show's about There's a mole The whole first season's about

Trying to find a mole Hang out a second Two of the four people This room are watching Quantico No I've stopped Wait wait wait wait I stop like you're saying it Like you quit my job

You crazy person Like you quit junk Yeah I stopped It is similar. I haven't watched Quantico in six months. It's similar. It's a cold turkey. My name is Chris, and I haven't watched Quantico in six months.

Hi, Chris. Good for you. It gets better every day. Steve, Steve, do you want to talk about you're the family problem? Hey, Chris, here's your six-month Quantico-free coin. So they do get coins. They get into a car. They get...

They die. They get a minivan, by the way. This movie has a chase scene with a minivan, no thanks. And they're like, oh, like, we're going to beat this train to get, you know, like we can't go down for this beef. It's like a real beef. It's a big problem here. Yeah, exactly.

I don't want to get jammed up that mountain. They blew up that mountain. Which, what is with all the mining that's going on? Because it's not the cops. We're bringing it back. We're bringing back the mining. It's American jobs. Jobs will come back to Angel Grove.

Don't worry about it. We're going to make America. Wait, I forgot. Where's Rudy? Where am I? Coins. Look, I want to mine. We're going to open the pipelines.

We are going to find those coins. We're going to find those dinosaur robots. They are underneath the ground. I just saw a documentary about it. Yeah, that's right. He's getting his info right from us. We got all the info on the dinosaur robots. Zordon advocates white genocide

Oh dude I guarantee you this guy didn't like this movie Because the Blue Ranger is black now That's bullshit I don't care if that Rita Rig the election you know It brought out the best candidate I haven't seen the Power Rangers movie yet

Because I don't leave my house But when I do I will hate it The second it comes on home video Believe me I will despise that movie and it's lesbian yellow ranger absolutely man how crazy is the headline going to be when that guy inevitably commits suicide yep got some uh devastating news just handed to me right now it's uh prison planet our beloved prison planet the SJWs oh the SJWs they drove them to it they drove them to it people you know you jerk off one bull in your life and you never hear the end of it you

wear one bull jerk off watch in your life, you never hear the end of it. So, they get into this massive car accident and they all wake up in their beds. It's not a massive car accident. The van is slammed by a moving train. Yeah. Good Lord.

I give this movie some credit because, like, it showed us that. It showed us a minivan for teenagers being hit by a train. And I like that scene, and I'd like to see more of those. If that happened to that same group, Preetine's the minivan on prom night.

That's the start of an urban legend. Absolutely. Oh, that's what you're quarry's haunted. But there's so much. They look at, they're weirdly like, lose time. Yeah, they wake up in their beds and it's like. Have you experienced missing time? Like, was your radio changing the dial by itself?

Like, how much time is lost? Who's getting them home? Well, here's. Is it the bill? Hater robot? Is Alple 5 dragging him around? This is what's going to drive you crazy. Oh, this is what's going to do it. What happens in that when you see, you're in the

inside the car when it gets hit? Yes, it's an inside job. You're seeing the suits like come around them to protect them from the thing. You see like little things like coming around them and you're like oh, oh. So that means there was a scene where

you could have had them in their suits just to see them. Just to see it. Because we're talking 90 minutes of this two hour and four minute movie before you get fucking a whiff of a power range Because you don't really see like The only other thing is that like

Oh there was just a force field Yeah sure Which doesn't make much sense Well also but you're told though That they've got these superpowers Which come to nothing by the way They don't really use them They don't do them

But there's these scenes where it's like Spider-Man And we're watching them jump over a gorge I mean I guess I would call Being able to summon a giant robot dinosaur a power well they know but they have super strength they wake up Jason wakes up and he like breaks the sink by accident like we're doing a little

bit of actual speaking of Spider-Man yeah think about that father by the way discovering that broken saying oh my god you know expensive a fucking sink is you know how many fucking fish I'm gonna have to catch to replace that sink you son of a bitch bullfucker what did he do this time what kind of dog did he hit up against that

when he was fucking it like it's got to be related right yeah no you like you bring a bull in here or what? That's what's so interesting. Jason! Jason, get in her! What's so interesting about this movie is that the Pink Ranger and the Red Ranger

both are potentially, possibly, or could be convicted of sex crime. Yeah, totally. Easily. Raoul Asparza is going to send these fuckers up the river. Up the river. I honestly think the Black and Yellow Ranger are the only two that could come out of this clean.

Yeah. Really? Like, that's it. Yeah, that's true. The other kids break in an end. The Black Rangers breaking and entering all the time and Lord knows he's got a bunch of pills I mean it's for his mom but I know he's taking him too yeah that's a little sample selection don't worry about that we got

we got Zordon's emails here and uh well look at this sex criminals Rita Raposa just leaked a bunch of Zordons emails oh though speaking of the dad though the dad on his fishing boat we find out he's a fisherman he picks up an alien a fucking alien

I can't sell this to a fishmonger it's a shriveled alien corpse and he calls a cops and like the cop comes he's like yeah it's down there see you later i gotta go i gotta dude at least drag it up to the the poop duck i get that this is a small town and like maybe in the director's cut of this film there's the backstory about how roy from the office as this fisherman father and this cop who's a dudley nobody uh are like you know buddies or something sure he's like here's the keys to my boat lock up when you're done i'm going going to the bar and this cops

like also like orders him there's beers in the fridge oh that's right beers in the fridge what he's just like dude if you want to fuck this corpse before you bring it in do you want to get fired there's beer there there's an alien and corpse in there well he does he doesn't say what you're going to do do

do man doesn't say it's alien he says it's got the corpse of a woman down there oh that's right beers in the fridge because this alien got boobies yeah but any self-respecting peace officer is going to be like, you know what, fishermen hang out for two seconds. While you're saying there's a dead woman on your boat? Let's just, wait. Let's just pick

apart the pieces here for a second. Also, that's an old looking corpse, and you've said your wife went missing. Yes, exactly. Right? Because he's like, he's a widower. Yeah. Is that the idea? Oh, is that what it actually is? No, I don't think they never say. You never see a mother. I think he's just a single parent. She was lost to see. I think it's a rose for Emily situation. He's cozying up to a corpse every night. Oh, yeah.

And then he finally, but he found a woman. And now he had to like, he had to put it in the ocean and pretend like he found it again. Oh, my God. Oh, look, it's a body. It came up with my fish. If you're a young listener, maybe you shouldn't listen to this show. Yeah. I'm now just realizing we're covering the Power Rangers.

It just came out. We're talking about all these heinous things. And now we're getting it to, we're getting it to necroturf, Chris. I'm aware. I'm just saying, you know, listener discretion. Well, better late than never. Yeah, exactly. Post all of that.

I'm glad that you have a line. No, I'm not just saying that because we're in litigation. Did you guys see that? No, did he actually say that? Yeah, because he was, he got the owner of Comet, ping pong pizza, the whole pizza, Gate thing is like suing him. So he did like this whole seven minute video and we have the best

journalistic integrity. Oh my God, what a fat idiot. It's a hilarious video if you haven't seen. So, but yeah, he's like, oh, and then this guy gets killed because Rita comes a lot. We don't see that. That happens kind of off screen. But we like eventually get a quick flashback when the news is reporting on this.

And it's like a quick cut to this like corpse in the boat. We do spend 20 minutes of them jumping over a ridge. that takes for fucking ever it's like it's five minutes per ranger to jump over this canyon were you guys scared that one of them might not make it well i was doing a head count i was like there were originally five power rangers so there's only five here so all right i'm pretty sure oh no the chart truth ranger is dead tony oh no tony oh who saw this coming well well uh uh

The Blue Ranger slips and falls down into the water. And this is what reveals the spaceship and everyone jumps down. Oh, is that how that happened? Yeah. This was right about the time I went to the bathroom. Oh, yeah. He makes it. He makes the jump.

Yeah. And then he's just like, oh, that was close. And then he falls backwards like an idiot. Yeah. Into the pit. Uh-huh. And then he's like, guys, you got to come down here and see this. Well, that's what I saw all of that.

Because then they all just start committing suicide off of this. It's terrifying. The Pink Ranger has to, like, convince the yellow. Ranger to commit suicide with her. Come on, let's do it. Let's go to hell tonight. She kind of tricks her into suicide, which is kind of a murder suicide. Yeah, it's a murder, suicide.

What does she do? This is definitely what I was doing. She drags her. She just grabs her. She just grabs her in this jumps. Oh, can I have some of your water? Sorry. She grabs it, like, sorry. Oh, what? Yeah. That's not cool. Also, you don't know that everyone's making it. It's like a hundred foot drop.

I'd be like, hey, are you guys okay down there? They do nothing. Like, once they actually start training to become Power Rangers, this whole notion that they're, like, indestructible and have superhuman abilities goes completely out the window. Completely out the window. There's four separate shots. I know, like, of people spitting up blood? Yeah.

Or, like, like, a cut is, like, oozing blood. And I'm like, what's that for? Because it's the fucking hard Power Rangers adaptation. But it's not like... No one asked for. Well, that's the weird thing, too, is, like, it's, like, it's. It's up against each other because you have blood and pornography and all sorts of stuff. Right. And like people are saying kill. We're not saying destroy. Like we're talking about people fucking dying.

And we are getting our money's worth out of putting the word shit or bullshit in this screenplay. But we're also, we're not at all decidifying the whole core concept either. Like we're not making it different. We're saying Zord. We're saying Power Ranger an awful lot. Oh, big time. Morphan. Lots of morphin. We're old. So we go down there. We meet Alpha 5 who's voiced by Bill Hader. they did not put a little person in a suit which I'm a little upset about I was kind of bummed out it's just a cartoon it's a computer cartoon

but like he also has a like I don't get that like he was a nerdy little robot in the like this is the one thing that was a person in a suit I did but that is also that yes I know it was a person in a suit well I didn't so thanks for clarifying it was cheap as I mean the show had no money

he's like beating the shit out of one of the kids when they first come in yeah like I'm like cool and tough yeah I'm like I don't need that Shut the fuck up with that. Yeah, no, they make him a little hipper. He's got like an arm that can stretch like a Mr. Fantastic kind of thing. Well, you'll see a lot of that in the sequel that'll happen.

Well, because he's going to join the team for a mission. I'm sure. One last ride before he's dismantled. Alpha, we're dismantling you. No! Or maybe it's cute, like Simon Pegg being finally in Mission Impossible. Oh, yeah, that's fine. Oh, right, yeah, he finally gets to do something and doesn't entirely cock it up.

You're not on the computer. We meet Zordaun who's in the wall. He's in the walls, man. Well, no, actually, that's what it is. Alpha has been alone for a billion years by himself, but because the rangers finally come to the ship, Zordon has activated. Is that what I'm getting that right?

You put enough coins in his slot. He turns on. I'll tell you if you give me two more coins. But he's just Brian Krantz. He's not, they don't really modulate his voice. And it's interesting that the Blue Ranger's name is Billy Cranston. Yeah, Cranston on Cranston action, man. Do you think that was in Brian Cranston's contrast?

One of these has to be named after me. Look, I'm only actually in one scene. The best you could do was name one of the characters after me. Is in the original show? His name is Billy Cranston. Everybody put their tweets down, yes. All of the names actually, I think they line up. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Yep, it's all lining up. Okay. the stars are aligning um so whatever i mean like you know what brian crans said the like the zordon look here because in in the show zordon was like a shitty face in a tube yeah basically uh that was a real shitty face it was a disgusting face yeah it was really creepy this is like you guys remember those little like yes i know what you say toys where you put your hand in it yeah that's what he looks like exactly which is terrible coming through or something because he was the red ranger and he was the red ranger he was the red ranger and he was the red he was the Red Ranger, yeah. I guess so the robot explains that the robot acted alone in putting Zordon's consciousness into the computer system of the ship which is why it's a face on a wall. Yeah and he and that's it dead and he's like all right well you guys are the new Power Rangers you have 11

days because Rita's out there she's going to get this crystal that is buried somewhere in the earth we don't know where it is and if she does lift it up it'll be like 10,000 nuclear blasts going off all at once. You know what, at least this movie's kind of on a timetable. It doesn't stick to it because this movie drags ass like nobody's business. By the way, Alpha 5 at some point around during or after WW2, started looking into what nuclear weapons was. And then was able to tell it to, I guess, the ship's matrix in which Zardon then accessed in order to make that reference. Yes, it must have been.

But that makes no sense because this thing was buried in this mountain. But he's also really skeptical of the young, of the young ranger, of the young-looking rangers. So he's probably been reading a lot of the Daily Caller recently. Well, yeah, he's pissed. He's like, oh, God, he hates millennials. He's pissed. He's like, keep looking at their phones. They don't do anything.

I get these freeloaders. I, aye, aye, aye, aye. I've read that think piece, Rangers. You are not ready. You don't call people anymore, Rangers. You're all with your texting. And you're tindering. Rangers, you like spending $9 on a cup of coffee.

Why don't you get a great job that don't exist and make great money that we will fuse to give you? You know, not, I'm not trying to be a jerk, Rangers. We're back in the Cenozoic era. I graduated college. I bought a house. I paid for it all by flipping burgers. What is your problem?

I was able to work full-time flipping burgers while being a full-time student. and paid for my college like a responsible human. Why can't you just do that? Isn't that easy enough? College degree was $700. So whatever, man. But the thing is he's like, all right, now it's time for your training.

Everybody put on their, you're going to be more, you morph into your armor. And he's like, all right, everybody do it. But nobody can do it, you guys. Oh, shit. Why is that, Steve? Because the screenplay sucks. They just need some fake bullshit problem. It takes up the whole movie.

The morphin internet. Does it work? The morphing grid. The morphing grid does not work with them. Now, I didn't... How did they do it in the show? I couldn't remember. They just put it on the fucking costume.

But it's not somebody's like putting a leg into a pair of pants. You literally say it's morphin time. And then everyone says... Oh, dude, they do the thing with a hand, right? They do like a Hadoican type thing. They do and he's like, tear it. Oh, that's right. And then they, and then you just cut to Japanese footage.

It cut to weird like, uh, like Brady Bunch segments of just their face. Like, hi, I'm Billy. I'm the Blue Ranger. Triceratops. Yes, exactly. That's right. Now, if you're about to orgasm and you say it's morphine time, is it like a better sense it, does it kick it up a notch?

Like hanging yourself does? I think so. Okay. I believe that's a person on person cases. Yeah. the weird thing is they don't actually really explain or explore the dinosaur part like they it's another throwaway ass line that's why it's the the ancient times right they were they were fighting on uh old earth well it says there there is a line that gets totally flushed down the

can that's like uh when they discover all of the the dinosaurs in the cave and the robot is like yeah these things were developed to look like the creatures that ruled the earth at the time this shit was going down originally. Yeah. So you're like, oh, so the dinosaurs rule the earth. So you fuckers built these, these robot cars to look like dinosaurs.

So they could walk amongst them and not be noticed. Look at that shiny blue metal triceratops. Now we can drink from the river without being attacked. Hey, other triceratops. How's it going? We're doing a great

job of blending in space robot bill hater it's just like but the thing is like that's the whole movie now is we can't morph how do we morph how are we going to do it and they don't like training they don't even establish like oh you're a triceratops

you do this let's look at what these things even look like they don't even do that you don't even see what these machines look like kind of ever really no you never get a real good look at any of these robots well yeah none of the shots really like even at the end when they come in and they're actually doing

and shit, you don't really get the scope or size of them? No, you don't. No, like the one that, so, like, the first instance of these things being used is the Black Ranger steals one. They're like, you can't drive these until you learn how to morph, and this dude's like, but he's crazy! Yeah, he's crazy, right. He's like,

fuck that, it turns out I'm crazy. So I'm going to take this thing for a joy ride. And he almost hits a fucking van full of nuns. That was so stupid. Oh, God. Thank you, Chris. That's exactly That was the stupid. Of all the stupid things, that was the stupidest thing.

If you're going to show Warriors of God, you know. He should kill those nuns. Oh, man, he kills nuns. Imagine a bus full of nuns just got wiped out in this movie. Okay, we got, all right, oh, the people you're calling the Power Rangers, huh? Like, this is back to the father, like confronting him. You got you, the bulljacker, you got sexting girl, and then you got the nun killer. And let's not forget about that deplorable autistic kid

And the gay ones Well, no, the weird thing is this is clearly letting you know That the government in Trump's America Is like falling flat on its face Because no one's running black ops anymore There's this town where you see There's an explosion, there's an alien on a boat There's a robot fucking mammoth running around the town

And the fucking government's not anywhere to be found There would be, you know, the X-Files would be there. There'd be so many other agencies there as well. Where is internet toilet Adam Baldwin to play some sort of Army General in this movie? It would be outbreak. The town from outbreak. But no, but it's one of the many positions he hasn't filled yet. You know, the black ops positions. I'm not being filled. You got to do a thorough search. You've got to really look at everybody.

Well, what do you need black ops for when you know more than the generals do guys? That's true. Maybe it'll be Mark Zuckerberg. Oh, that could be. It would have to be a billionaire, so it might be a Mark Zuckerberg. He'd make a good black op. Well, he knows everyone's Facebook password. I got these. Oh, he's got him in a hat.

Does he do anything for you? Does this sweeten the deal? Look in the lining. Welcome aboard, Mark. I need you to get to this little town. called Angel Cove. Is that what it's called? Angel Grove.

Grove. But, you know, whatever, man. So Rita, Rita's like... She's eating teeth. Yes. Oh, it's disgusting. Some hobo part of Angel Grove. Oh, it's the hobo district.

Yeah, she like starts cutting up hobos for the gold teeth. It's Canary Row. It's like all these weird fishermen down on their luck. Yeah. And she's the Jersey Devil just fucking picking them off. Oh, man. And so this is... She looks like shit, by the way.

Reader Apulse is played by Elizabeth Banks. And she is... Slumming it. She's slumming it. But you know what? At the very least, she's like... She thinks she's in a kid's movie and she acts like she's in a kid's movies. Right.

Little did she know. No, she didn't know that people get... Yeah, people get... Yeah, people get... Like, people get fingered two doors down. She's like, I don't know this a fucking kid's movie. That's why they only gave her her pages. Yeah.

They're like, oh, no, you don't have to read about the intro or anything like that. And she kept to ask. for it too she was like hey man so what's going on in the rest of this movie i feel like i need to understand the other characters see where they're coming from i've got like four minutes of screen time what is going on in the rest of this two hour and four minute movie that's the thing she's not really a character she doesn't like her machinations are are very clear like she wants to get this thing and she wants to summon goldar who uh if you watch the show was a dog that wore armor and had wings and he was like a talking he was like her number two and he and he was like he was

normal size but then he could grow into like large size kind of a thing. None of that is explained. She had a whole spaceship that was filled with all these little Gleap-glop slaves that were working for her and whatnot. In this movie, it's just like her and this fucking cock staff, this thing.

And a bunch of gold teeth. Yeah. She's chomping down before she eats jewelry. Well, so the whole thing is she's going on. She's collecting all this gold. And it's like if she gets enough gold, this fucking rod, this Johnson just comes

to life and it's in the form of this like dog monster. She can summon this werewolf warrior. And she's also listed in social distortion like nobody's... Oh my God. What the fuck is with his character's obsession with the social D-song ball and chain. Oh God,

it's terrible. Wasn't it ring of fire? It was... It's ring of fire and I think ball and change. They're both in there. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. Wait, what? Oh, that Johnny Cash song? Yeah. What? No, no. Yeah. We want the cover. We want the cover. We want the social distortion cover.

This is the shit that Roy from the office should be listening to. Just to make it a little bit more Boston. Driving around, crying to ball and chain. I'm thinking about his wife is missing and his son's jerking animals.

He's a guy, man. Maybe I can play drums in that band I was in back in the day. Oh, yeah. Man, we once opened for social things. Oh, they definitely. Sure, we were fourth on the bill, but we were there, man.

Remember the poster space jammers with social distortion Space Jammers Yeah we can't After the movie Space Jam came out We made a band Inspired by it Yeah it was just a bunch of songs

About basketball and aliens Cartoons We did a rock version of I believe I can fly Yeah Beautiful Yeah definitely it was a punk pop cover Of I believe I can fly

Holy crap It was the only time Social D ever graced us In Angel Grove So we could talk about the one scene that she has. She has two scenes, one where she, like, kills this hobo or you think she does.

And then she goes to a jewelry store because she's looking for gold. Right. This scene's really weird. So she, yeah, it's like really, really,

really weird. She comes in and she's like, give me your gold. And the counterclerc lady is like, oh, that's uncomfortable. She grabs this woman by the face and is like opening her mouth in a very bizarre life.

Yeah, she's digging around and this woman's gullet. It's weird. It's a little, it's one of two, times you kind of know how common are gold fillings not yeah exactly and she's been frozen since dinosaurs yeah so they weren't pirates like what's the frame of reference here why she's she learned english by the way she's dead she's a dead little alien that's a great that's a

great point unless they hacked zardo's email oh man wiki leaks did it man wiki leaks really let of no man russian agent wiki there should be at least the scene of her like acclimating herself to the present day like her watching tv or reading a book real fast yes one of those bullshit things where she's scanning like you know all of human history rapidly need input yes or just like actually what you would actually would be the best is her meeting getting into the spaceship somehow and meeting zordawn yeah that's what you want to at least I want that showdown.

Save it for the sequel, brother. Save it for the sequel. So she starts eating these necklaces. Like, is the idea is that she shit's gold are out? Is that the idea? Is that what's going to happen? You're going to eat all this gold? Dude, and it's like spray gold.

It's like Maloney and Trump wrapping the fucking diamonds around the fork like spaghetti. Listen, my wife and Rita both have expensive taste. Okay. Only the best. I also fuck. Both of them.

I fucked my wife and I fucked a space witch. You can grab a space witch from where. When you're a star, they let you do it, okay? When you're a ranger, they let you do it.

Oh, he's the orange ranger. Nobody said it. Nobody said it, but Rita's last name is Bannon. That's right. She is Mrs. Steve Bannon. Well, no, her name is actually Rita Repulsa, and that's one of those things, like... Which is a dinosaur name we all know.

No, it's the fuck. Repulsosaurus, dude. What is she? like Italian? Ritter Rapulsa. No, if you're doing this thing, if you're trying, again, if you're talking about, like, you know, child abuse and all this shit. Sure.

Her name isn't Rita Rapulsa. It's just Rita. Do you know what I mean? Like, just be a little embarrassed by your premise and hide that shit a little bit. But it has to be a thing where it's like, my name is Gleap Klop the Destroyer, and I have to go to this town and maybe she has to like put on airs for some reason. Oh, she has to get a hotel room. Yeah, and it's like, what's your name?

And it's like, uh, Rita? Yeah, yeah, Rita, sure. Maybe it's an acronym. Like, maybe she had like an insanely long four word gleep-glop name. Run up. She saw, he's like, my name is Rita. And then she looks over and it's like space jammers with Rapulsa. He's like, Rita Rapulsa.

Yeah, that's it. Yeah. We opened up for Repulsa back in the day. You know, I was in a... Repulsa was great. They had two drummers. Back in Spokane, Washington. I was in a Quarket.

whatever Kaiser says it's a barbershop quartet oh man scokee illinois repulsa was great man he was such a fucking tragedy where four out of five members were killed in that van accident back in 93 what a tragedy

their demo's great though I still put it on man poor repulsa so she's in this jewelry store she fishes around in this woman's mouth and then a cop comes out of nowhere with a shotgun and shoots her. A lot of slow motion in this movie

for all the actions. A little not Samuel Peck and Paul. But like really it's, you've got a meth head in a jewelry store. A shotgun is not needed. Like you have some lady like, oh man, I'm going to eat some gold, can I eat some gold, man?

Can I get some of your gold and want to eat your gold? You don't need a shotgun. You get like, you know, you get some people with a taser. Taser, thank you. Yeah. You know, and that would be actually a kind of fun scene. What would a taser do to this crazy

alien with superpowers? Maybe she makes more creative monsters if she goes that. Oh shit, like a Gremlin. Yeah. Like when you, yeah. This is when she makes the putties. The putties used to be like gray dudes with like spandex and like

I mean they were stupid looking but there was some charm to that stupidity. It was a design at least. They were like they were in like space outfits and that was fun. Yeah. This is just a bunch of rock monsters. They're formed from the ground so they have like you know rebar sticking out of them all the time you know what they look like you remember it's a rock monster it's a rock monster it sucks sorry they look like um

remember in uh that game turtles in time where you went back to the prehistoric era and those like rock monster dudes came out of the ground like that's what they look like you that was their main inspiration just like shit that kind of looks like a bunch of rocks glued together i feel earth elemental oh nice i feel like that the design crew went out for lunch and they were like well I don't know how are we going to design the Megasort we've got all this stuff

everybody's doing something we'll do nothing it's a design about nothing it looks like literally nothing it's like suicide squad how they just did nothing it's just a gloom like shit they look very much like that they don't look like it in because that's what movies are now it's nothing

yeah exactly design something draw something and then make a fucking costume no no no no no no no no that's not going to happen so i mean we go on for uh rita actually goes to next thing she does she goes to trini's house when trini's sleeping yeah and kind of sexually assaults her for a little bit a little bit well yeah i mean it's it's it when you're start i guess it's in bed is that what makes it sexual assault yeah kind of sort of i mean she's sleeping and then she like comes over her you know she's like floating above her whatever and there's this weird like she's like

stroke in her face and all this shit and she's just like you got to tell all your buddies to like meet me down at the docks or whatever Meet us down at the dots You bring the fucking meth and we'll hang out She says it's where the dead boats live So Rita's hang on English is not totally there yet Yeah well you know what it's not her first language It's where the dead boats live

Also what's with the riddle you want them to get there Yeah totally what are you trying to dupe them for Is that really a riddle Like where else would you go I guess the bottom of the sea And the town is nothing. It's just literally, it's just the dock and the school. And it meets me in the Bermuda Triangle.

There's a dock. There's a high school. And there's a crispy cream. And there's a strip mine. And there's a strip mine. Where they mine gold apparently. Where the terrorist attack happened. Which, what, like, how is this one town the place where the gold wasn't mined in the old west?

You know? Yeah, it makes no sense. There's so much gold in this town. This town is still active gold mines. Nowadays, we have to punish, what, like Africa and Asia and mine. I don't say Africa, yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. Oh, my goodness, look at that.

This Power Rangers discovering all this gold. Oh, LG Yahoo could come. Totally. Yes, oh, my God. He's also awakened. Yes. It's morphing time. Oh, I'm going to kiss all the Rangers, boys and girls.

Oh, they look so young. Oh, no. I saw that picture on my phone Better Ski Dato! Oh man, like, because he was in a collapsed mine and the explosion, like emerges his mind. Yes.

Bisexual prospector, LG Yahoo. That's right. One of the greatest comic book characters never written. What episode did we invent that character? Fantastic Four. Which is great because, like I said, this movie is structured exactly like that Fantastic Four movie.

So we, uh, Rita, like Billy at some point in the middle during a training montage does discover where the crystal is because he's a genius and it happens to be as Chris points out at a fucking Krispy cream. What? This Krispy cream is a macuffin.

It's the McGuffin of the movie. They say Krispy Cream nonstop. We get Rita, Elizabeth Banks, eating Krispy cream and it's acting like that's so good. She has like three lines where they make fucking Elizabeth Banks say,

oh, I like Krispy cream. And, like, as Rita Ropold, like, she has an opinion of the fucking donut. The pink and yellow ranger eat at the crispy cream as well. They have, like, a fun little scene there. Yeah, this is during a training montage. Now, this is what I think the crispy cream is making up for. Am I wrong or am I correct in remembering that in the show, they hung out at a Max's, like, Peach Pit type establishment? Yes, they did. Yeah, but that's peach pits?

No, well, Max's from Saved by the Bell and the Peach Pit from 9-0-210. Oh, geez. You know what, Eric. Why don't you come over and see you Max's peach pit? Ew, man, he's going to do magic tricks and then lock you in a band. I thought it sounded pretty dirty. But no, no, just like a teen hangout. I think that's what the Krispy Kreme stands in for.

Yeah, you can't just have a teen's hangout without getting a nickel out of it. So you got to sell it to Krispy Kreme. With this kind of product placement, I hope they got a billion nickel. But Jesus Christ, how many people fucking turn you down before you have to have Krispy Kreme in your movie? What is that shit? Well, you want the kids to get fat. Yeah. You know that.

I mean, we were all there. Because all five of them are definitely very fat. Yeah. No, no, they will be fat. Well, look. Maybe that's how you defeat a power age yours. You feed them crispy cream. Well, look, it's like, you know, this is a quiet California town.

It's about the size of if Missoula was on the ocean. Sure. Right. I don't know where I was going with this Oh well that's what it is It's an American town So Tim Horton's out Oh yeah

It's West Coast so there's not as many Dunkin' Donuts Sure Maybe that's just what you got to do You want it They're like look We want a fucking donut restaurant In this movie A donut restaurant

A donut restaurant A donut bistro We want a donut bistro We want a donutnery In this movie And Krispy cream is the only option Voodoo donuts not big enough No.

Krispy cream donut brasser. It's just so dumb. But she kills Billy in this scene. That's kind of the most important thing. She's like, thank you for the information. But I can't leave without killing one of you. And she's like, she throws them in the water. They're all tied up like on the side of a boat.

Yeah. And like everyone's like, oh no, Billy. And everyone cries. And they start dragging this kid's body around. I'm sorry, but you run from the docks all the way to the quarry. It's a funeral march. It's a funeral march. Now it is me, the girl, and the dead Earl.

But what is, is this where... The Angel Grove Police Department is this kid on house arrest is running around with a dead kid. Like, come on. And I think this is where... First you're jerking off animals and now you're playing with dead kids. What is the tune that's playing right here? It's a shitty remake of a stamp by me.

That's what it is. Yes. Oh, it's an emotional stand by me. Oh, my God. It is so fucking terrible. And they are just hauling this kid's corpse on their shoulders. And just because the whole reason for this is they can bring them to the fucking spaceship and have Zordon bring them back to life. Because they'll throw them like, here, fix it. Hey, fix it. It's like this corpse. And Zordon's like, well, this is the first time in millions of years that I could actually come back to life. But okay, your dead friend is an idiot. That's the stupid thing In the middle of the movie Also by the way They very unequivocally like

They're like Jason you're the leader Why you're the white guy It's like okay cool Duh Oh man speaking of that There's some line also like About like how the kids come in Different colors or something

They catch that fucking shit They weren't talking about the colors Of their outfits They were not Oh no Yeah they're like oh there's different colored kids It's like Jesus Christ It'll be just like

The United States of Benetam. Well, I, you know, I was from the Cinozoic era. This is a little different for Alpha, is all I'm saying. Aye, aye, aye, aye. I'm just trying to catch up to modern society. You can't blame me. I'm older.

When I was around, it would only be one kind of Power Ranger, blue only. Blue aliens. Am I doing this right on the commenting board? So, what, Zardona does not come back? The thing is, so like in the middle of the movie, you find out that Zordon is like, oh, he's really pissed off the power just can't morph because once the morphing grid is activated, he can come to the computer and become back to life for some reason. And here's the thing.

What an opportunity to see some Brian Cranston in the flesh in this movie again. Granted, it's like in stupid alien makeup. But, like, change it up a little bit. Doesn't this also kind of make him Vigo? A little bit. And mother to me. I will be the mother to all power rangers. And this robot will be mother to me.

I could be the Blue Ranger. Just saying, blue looks good on Zorda. I could be the Blue Ranger, Mom. There's five fucking Power Rangers. you didn't have one for Gallagher? Why all these Power Rangers have to be a bunch of little sexy kids? Why could you have an old-assad,

bald, skullet piece of shit washed up comedian Power Ranger? Would he be the green one or the pink one? Because it's got to be Watermelon Related. There will be a green one in the next movie. That's Gallagher. Gallagher for the Green Ranger. I'm certainly not going to be that pink one

because that's fucking gay, gross, Gallagher. He is homophobic. He is. That is accurate. Never say that he's not. So because they set up this device in the middle that, like, Zordon's going to come through, they all kind of believe in each other and they start to morph. And what you would call it?

Alpha's like, Zordaun is in front of this other dead kid very callously and classlessly. He's like, Zordan, now's the time. Come on, come on. Yeah. Let the child die. And he's like, well, no, actually. It's really awkward. They brought this dead kid to my house.

I mean, uh... What kind of a position am I in here? Alpha, get my little black medical book. You bring an ODing Power Ranger to my house. I don't know. It's my fucking black medical book. I don't bring OD to Power Rangers over to your house. Stab the bitch and the heart with this.

No, but it just sort of happens. and Billy comes back to life and they're like, Zordon, you gave up your chance. He's like, well, yeah, you guys are good Power Rangers, and I'm just too old for it. So I guess I'll just be a computer hologramed the rest of my existence. But also, there's no rhyme or reason. Like the robot is like, by the way, that was your only chance. I was like, says who? What the fuck are you talking about?

If it's activated, then it's activated, baby. It's on. So what the fuck happens now? They start getting into their costumes for real. Well, now because we're officially an hour and 40 minutes into this. two hour and four minute movie, they finally turn into Power Rangers. And they fight, they start fighting the putties.

And the thing is like, so much this movie is arguing and doubting each other and blah, blah, blah. And training montages. Child pornography. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, and the suits look pretty good, I think. They're fine. They're okay. I mean, what are you going to do with this property? It's, it's DOA, in my opinion.

I mean, I mean, how do you make these things just not look like spandex with motorcycle helmets? Yeah. There's no way to not do that. It's a design floor. is what I would call it. They do fight the things. They get into their zords and you can barely see what the thing is. And the weird thing is immediately,

immediately once they get in the zords, the masks that you only see for five seconds, which I do think look cool. Yeah. They kind of turn into these weird like shapes so that you can see their faces. Well, they're like Oakley's. You can like put them up. Oh, shit.

Yeah, the visors go up so you can see these actors' faces. Because they're all pretty. Well, it's not like we've got like in the Spider-Man movies, the earlier ones, it was always a problem. It was like, well, we can't hide this guy. face we're paying toby mcguire money here these are five nobodies you know totally let's get some realistic teenagers in here that deserve helmets because you're ugly right because there's a lot i was an ugly teenager too man but i would have fucking gone ape shit if i could wear a helmet all the

time would have fucking loved it jesus eric siska's here again he keeps apparently obsessing over nightmare beach on vhs he's wearing a power engine helmet that baby and Steve just sits in the corner doesn't say a word and then i'm hanging myself Goat, it's morphin time. Oh, God. Just making sure your little watch has the correct time before you end it all.

Go, Go, Power, Eric. If only Steve Saneck said something, I know he likes that show, too. Oh, well. You should honestly look that person up, see if they're doing. I don't remember her name. Oh, yeah, exactly.

We do get, speaking of Go-Go-Go Power, we do get the old theme song reprised. It's not even covered, it seems, like, no, it's covered. No, I thought that was the exact one. Who's covering that shit? I don't know. Oh,

might have been dashboard confessional. Not social D? No, I don't think so. Gong, go, power rangers. Maybe it's lit. Maybe they got them discount. Banawhat, wah,

wah, wah, Watt, Watt, Watt, Watt, Watt, Watt, Warrangers. Yeah, sure. But they also, like, they pump Kanye West's power? Oh, that's not. Like, what is the, why?

I'll tell you why, because it's, it's, this ain't your mom. his power range. Well, that's certainly fucking true. We're saying bullshit. Because my mom's power range just had bulk and fucking skull there. No bulk and skull. They also didn't jerk off bulls. They did not. I'm not going to say

that it never happened. It could have flown by me and I just didn't know. Speaking of that, I can't believe there's no bulk and skull. Continue. Roy from the office is in the big, because we have to have a siege on the city where people are dying and stuff because it's a movie. Roy's car gets tipped over.

by all these puddies. The Red Ranger sees that he gets out of his Tyrannosaurus thing. He beats them up and he saves his dad, but it'd be funny if he was doing it. He's like, no, Red Ranger leave me here. This is it, man. I can give my kid some insurance. Maybe he could get the help he needs.

Red Ranger, no, man, my son's a dirty pervert. This inheritance will get him the help he eats. Red Ranger snaps his neck. It must have happened in the collision. Oh, no. That's why if it was Zordon, it was the Red Ranger. He'd just watch him burn. Like, well, let

let him die. Totally crisp up, dude. Why not? Just the old, yeah, dude. That's neat. By this point, she's, uh, Rita's raised, uh, a golden monster with gold wings. That's Gold are. Out of the gold mine, obviously. And it also sucked off LG Yahoo's metal hands.

It's precious metal hands. That's right. Oh, no, my hands. Oh, no. Those are my mining hands. Oh, my lips. my power to kiss has been destroyed and then he's got to get that power back once she's defeated but then there's a lipless LG Yahoo are you getting rob zombie to do this so it's this giant gold statue man it's like oozing like shit and doesn't they're making a bee line for the crispy cream like like many of us have it has no face whatsoever it looks like trash did we say that that's where

the crystal is yes yes it's under the crispy cream is where we get one of the the odds. Rita, like eating a donut and being, this is actually really delicious. Wow, this is good. There's so, there's, it's this and there's another moment where we're not paying attention to like the actors should be reacting

to the computer stuff that's not there yet. So there's a scene where there's a dude walking up to a sports car and it's kind of, it's not a like, boop, pop, kind of gag, but it might as well be. And this monster like steps on this dude's car. This actor reacts to nothing.

Like, there's glass blowing all over the place. It's just this actor standing in front of a green screen. And then Rita does the same thing. She's in the Krispy Cream and she's like, ugh, donuts. Mm, good. And then this monster, like, rips the roof off this place and she doesn't miss a bite.

It's so dull. It's a delicious Krispy Cream. Don't have you had their glaze before. I have. And you know what? Krispy Cream is the most overrated dessert in America. But the glaze is from Bulls. They're all glazed.

They're jerking off bulls in the back. They're keeping busy, man. Yeah, so this thing starts digging a hole under this Krispy Kreme and unearths or something. They all fight. They all have guns. They're like shooting all. Do the original Zords have guns on them? I feel like maybe the Pink Ranger did.

There's a, don't want to interrupt you here, but there is a child pedophile ring operated in the basement of that Krispy Kreme. This just did. Krispy Kreme Gate. Donut gate Oh yeah You know what Donut gate is Every fucking day

Of Alex Jones's life Pedest his emails Connect them directly To Rita Att them in bed With a French crueller Whatever man They do

They have There's like a bit The big flaming hole Where the Krispy Cream was They're starting to get pushed Into it by Goldar They all fall in And you think they die

But oh no no No They really The like heroics Like, hold the line. Dude, they yell hold the line three times in this scene. Guess what? They don't hold the line.

No, they fail miserably. And they're like, we're going to die, man. And Billy's like, I know, man. We're going to die twice at the same day. Pretty cool. This isn't saving Private Ryan. Quit it. It's amazing.

You're watching these children accept their fate. It's like the part in Toy Story. It is. Like the Black Ranger is like, yeah, yeah. Like the Black Ranger is like, I can't. I'd think of four other people I'd rather be burned alive in the Earth's core with than you guys. I can't imagine

four other people I'd rather die in a dinosaur car with. This is exactly the way I wanted to go to dying inside a robotic Mastodon. I had a vision. So instead all the toy cars go together

and they become like a Voltron. Optimus Prime. This is the megazort and it's fucking bullshit. It looks like nonsense. You can't Even, like, in the old one, you could see where each part was. But they were also like, hey, everybody, rally around. We're going to turn into the fucking megazort. Not we're going to get melted together and somehow it turns into a robot and you don't see it. That would be great if it was, like, it all formed together, but inside each one of the pockets is just a burnt corpse.

It's just five skeletons and this robot running around. And, like, Zorda just controlling it remotely, like, well, that, that was okay. It didn't work out. Because all the cars and shit, like, they started transforming, like, Inspector Gadget's car. And it, like, built, you saw it happen. Don't tell me it didn't happen. I watched 100 episodes of this shit. And the weird thing is they're all, like, a different, they used to, in the old show, they would be in the head, and they'd be in, like, a command center.

And they're all in little joysticks. Here, they're, like, in different little parts of it. And, like, I could. Well, they didn't have a choice. They were welded together by the Earth's core. And they fight the gold monster, and they beat the gold monster. They stab it through the heart. Yeah.

And that's kind of that. And then they backslap Rita Repulsa off of the Earth. Oh, right. And she flies into outer space and freezes in the cold of space. Yeah, that's a cool Superman gag. She should have been burned up in the Earth's atmosphere. Sure, I should have exploded, right?

From the decomposition. I think we're saying she's still a lot. I think we're saying she's still in the next one, she's going to bring another one of the stupid monsters back. We do, she does. I mean, again, because we do everything from the show. We're not embarrassed by any of it, even though we're trying to make a gritty. She does say,

my monster grow that's right that used to be the thing she said that's right what do you think that woman's doing these days

oh she might be dead all right I'll check because I mean I feel like that that footage was from like

1979 or maybe just in some attic hoarding her hashish oh sweet exists

that's pretty awesome man goodness sweet residuals and the last scene is like we're all friends

obviously and why did Zordon say hey man by the way these things they They spent all this time training the fighting.

They don't tell them how to drive these fucking dinosaur cars. And by the way, they can turn it into a big robot. Steve, they're an extension of you. So that means you don't have to know anything about them. Sure. What a bunch of horseshit. And they go to detention and the Stinger scene is the teacher is like, by the way, we have a, oh, we do.

There is a cameo of Amy Joe Johnson and David James, David Frank, something like that? For the second, I think he tried to say David Duke. I was thinking David James Elliott. All three of them are taking Instagrams of the fucking Megasord. Yeah, no, it's, it's, I think it's Angel Grove is a David Duke's district, I think. I think so, yeah. The Jew uses the Power Ranger.

Oh, man, look at all these Power Rangers in different colors, right, Alpha 5. You're right, Senator Duke. Oh, Senator Duke. Take this time to let you know that info fart and uncle is distancing themselves from David Duke. We're a totally different kind of racist. Info war is a totally different kind of racist. Whatever. But at the end, everybody's like making good with their own existence.

Everybody's happy. The yellow, Trini's like cool with her family. Sure. The Black Ranger there, he's accepted the fact that his mother is dying. of cancer so they played chess that's nice yeah it's great and like Roy is like hey he did pretty

he like really likes the Red Ranger and there's maybe he knows it's his son for some reason well next to so we're going back to their their fridge I think that Red Ranger had polka on it's that's my boy it smelled

of a of a certain perfume that I've called barnyard ceiling Ode de Barnyard Seaman by Calvin Klein You know what movie? You want to say that we're being immature You're the one that jerked off a bull All right

I couldn't believe in the start of the movie Under five minutes we're jerking off balls You start a movie with jerking off a bowl I'm going to think about that the entire time Everything else informs it Dude jerk off your pole at the end This Build

Build up to it Exactly Yeah, no, so Roy's like, so there's like a newspaper clipping of one of his, like, football glories. And then so what you see is Roy from the office putting up like a thing about, there's a news story individually about the Red Ranger. Sure, why not? Armageddon halted. Yeah, and he's putting that on the fridge. Semi-colon, yeah, but this is the best one.

Yeah, and what's the deal with the Pink Ranger? Did she ever deal with that child pornography or what? No, I mean, I think she's just accepted that she's got a great new short haircut. Like, I mean, the problem is like, she keeps talking about it. Like, she's the victim. She's the one who ruined this other girl's life. The whole thing is like, like, the Red Ranger's, like, trying to convince her to, like, let go of the past. But it's like, first of all, it just fucking happened.

You're a horrible person. Like, you don't grow by saying, I'm not responsible for my crimes and terrible. Yeah, I'm sorry I ruined your life. Sorry, bitch. But I got to do me, so fuck you. Totally. This needs to eat her alive. Or she just, like, go to the girl's house and be, like, really me, a couple.

Like, I am so sure. How about your fucking figure out a different arc for her? Don't give her this storyline of sending around naked pictures. A cyber bully? Your hero is a cyber bully. An unrepentant or somewhat repent. A self-involved. Yes, exactly.

Like, oh, it's all about me. I feel so bad for me. It's like, no. I can't connect to any. of you. I'm so sorry. She should have died. But yeah, so the last, the Stinger scene is they're like, Tommy Oliver

to the detention room, Tully Oliver, and they show his jacket, which is a green jacket. Right next to a sludge-o-matic? Sledge-O-Matic, excuse me. This is such a waste. I mean, of course we have to have a sequel set up and whatever, but it's so dumb. It's like, well, we clearly haven't

cast anyone, so let's just film an empty chair for a few seconds. Oh, Throw a green jacket over it. That's fine. It's Bill Gallagher. Oh, man. Hey, I got detention. Oh, coach has really rebe in my ass for that lunchroom prank I made where I

described all those watermelons. Cut to a close-up of a single curly hair on the desk and it blows away. A weird newsboy cap. And it's just like. And then the IMDV trivia is like, The Green Ranger is rumored to be played by Gallagher. Did you find this useful? No.

Please, somebody, I don't know how IMDB trivia gets on there, but clearly there's some sort of user thing. Someone put on the IMDB trivia for Power Rangers that Gallagher is rumored to be the Green Power Ranger. Do it. It's a submission system. Somebody do it. Just please do it. And everyone vote that it's interesting. So interesting.

So that it stays up. So that it stays up. Yes. And then it just in the, like, quietly on the soundtrack, as it's fading into black, you just hear, curse the black. But it's so dumb. And then what doesn't make any sense is like that should be the thing. Like Tommy Oliver, where's Tommy Oliver cut to black? But instead it's like that.

And then we cut to the hallway and the door blows off the room. Oh, right. And it's supposed to be like the Blue Rangers done some other like pyro experiment or something. Now he's going to bring it to the school. He already blew up the mine. Fucking pick one. He was on tour with Great White. Oh, my God.

But no, honestly, the CIA would be here by now. Totally. Seriously. Well, this town, Angel Grove, would be, you know, wiped from existence. Just wipe it right off the map, man. Whatever. And that's it. That's Power Rangers 2017.

Would anybody recommend it? You know, I wouldn't. I don't think it's the worst movie that I'll ever have seen. It's not, like, it moves along fine. I do think the diverse cast is nice. The cast itself is pretty okay. A, it's a bad, bad movie, and it's actually, like, once we actually start to do it, there's not enough power ranging, and once we actually do the power ranging, it actually really sucks. Yeah.

So you wait the whole movie for nothing. So it's a bad movie, no. I would also say no. But I could see, like, if you want to watch it, maybe a hangover situation. Yeah, that's where I'm at. It's not the worst thing in the world. It's not the worst thing in the world. Why are we doing an episode out of it randomly kind of breaking the schedule?

Well, why not? Rules are meant to be broken. Actually, I just found out, Facebook told me this a year ago today. we saw Dawn of Justice and deuter. Oh, shit. Look at that. Did fucking Mark Zuckerberg have your password? He did. Remember what happened, Steve.

Oh, shit. He should have been played by Gallagher. It's the social network at Gallagher as anyway. Yeah, well, have you invented Facebook, then you would have been that guy that invented Facebook, you stupid son of a bitch. Mark. So, Kevin, are you recommending this movie, man? On a very light basis that, yes, I

do think it's a hangover movie I do think it isn't boring I mean like the the training stuff is a bit much and it drag it definitely drags the movie a little bit but like pacing wise like dialogue wise I never felt like I felt like this movie was made for a very specific audience yeah and they weren't trying to hit all of the other ones right they were trying to do it for one and that I actually think shows focus but who is that audience I think it's teenager I think it's like sexting teenagers 15 teenagers 15 23 range. But so then it's not people that were like our age, like fans of the original. No, no, no. I think that's what they did right is they did not think about them. They knew they were coming anyways. They didn't really think

they thought about the younger crowd and the ones who know zero or cops or whatever the fuck. Chris, you're obviously forgetting that they put social distortion this for the older people. But that is a that to me is enough. Like as long as they're not like actually putting them in the old

spandex. No, but listen, I got my Amy Joe Johnston cameo. It's right there. She's taking a picture of a Megazard. You know, why not? And then the other guy who created that, like, Christian faith-based extreme fighting business. Info Wars. Alex Jones was the Black Ranger.

Yeah, you could tell it's him because it's the fattest one of the bunch. No, like, he created some ultimate fighting Christian thing called, like, Jesus didn't tap. Oh, God. Yeah, no, it's his bag man what are you gonna do uh yeah no i think this is the ultimate hangover movie and when this is inevitably relegated to hbo go for months on end it's perfect because it's like you can fucking

sleep through 95% of this movie and throw up and you know go to the bathroom and whatever we both went to the bathroom we didn't miss shit no we didn't miss fucking any no usually when because i didn't go to the bathroom usually when somebody you're with something goes to the bathroom you have that thing like um this really just got right now that what did i miss i didn't even i didn't I was sitting next to Steve during the screening. I didn't even ask him. I just got back, sat down. And I didn't feel to be like, oh, you, that guy over there.

No, literally nothing. They jumped in the water. They're still arguing about whether or not they're going to become Power Rangers in a movie called Power Rangers. That is the big problem. The movie is like 50% of them arguing about when are they going to be morphing. I don't know who's doing this cover. Stand by me. That's Power Rangers from 2017 directed by Dean Israelite.

If you want more WHM, check out WHM podcast.com or find us over. over at the Headgum Network page. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM Podcast. And of course, right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. Next week, the show will finally wrap up

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We're not talking about the bull anymore. Oh, bravo. So until next week with Overboard, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. Rangers.