We Hate Movies - S7 Ep298: Episode 298 - Hot to Trot

Episode Date: April 25, 2017

On this week's episode, the gang takes on another Patreon selection with Michael Dinner's Hot to Trot! Why didn't Bobcat voice the horse and John Candy play the goofball son? What's with Dabney Coleman's fake teeth? And exactly how many horses died on this set? PLUS: Plenty of Hollywood celebs are rotting in Horse Hell! Hot to Trot stars Bobcat Goldthwait, John Candy, Dabney Coleman, Virginia Madsen, Tim Kazurinsky, and Mary Gross; directed by Michael Dinner.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Now on today's program, this is a movie about a talking horse. It's Hot to Trot. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddang. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies.

Thank you for tuning into our fine program, as always. If you're new to the show, this week, we're talking about a movie that stars a talking horror's voiced by John Camby and Bobcat Goldthwaite. It's Hot to Trot from 1988, directed by Michael Dinner, who's a big TV director these days. He also directed, what was it, Judge Reinholds, what? Yeah, offbeat, a previous episode of ours. A much better movie. Oh, my God.

know about that. I will put my weight behind that one. Before we get too much in the oats here, we should stop and recognize and thank the patron that sponsored this episode. Patrick. Our dear friend Patrick. We had a pro, just a quick FYI, as with the time, the

tango and cash episode, we had a program where you could sponsor an episode. We've since closed that on our patron. Trump actually, executive order that was one of those, one of those ones that got through. Hawaii didn't give a shit about that. But So Patrick requested this episode

So we're doing it I think we have like one or two more of these to do So we'll pop up One that I'm really excited for But I'm going to save it for a surprise So then everybody thank Patrick Thank you Patrick Thank you Patrick

To all of our patrons out there Patrons Patrons? Patrons Patrons Waitrons Whoa wow Patreon Come on You can see I make that mistake

Yeah I could Yeah no I'm not surprised All right So this movie This was something that was a staple in the Siska household? Is that right? This was on TV a lot. I don't know what channel,

the hinterlens of the premium cable dial maybe, but this might have been like a Stars, like right when they started or something or Cinemax or whatever. Look, we're starting this new movie network called Stars. It's with a Z at the end of it. And yes, all we could license was hot to drop. And it is up in the Highlands.

It's got John Candy. This was a staple in my cousin's house. The other movie that I remember from that house was Hot to Trot and Mac and Me. They had both on VHS. So, but wait, how did you evade seeing Mac and me? Yeah.

Because it was always hot. It was hot to trot all the time when I went there. They were hot for Hot to Trot. Hot to Trot's a much better movie. Can I just say this? And I might get pinned to a wall here. I kind of liked this movie. I feel so stupid.

I've hated this movie for about 25 years. It's like real bile. I feel somewhat vindicated by you coming in here and saying you like to What, Steve, but what was the other movie that your cousins were putting on all the time? Remember we were talking about, it wasn't what you just said right now. I was listening to you. There was another thing where we were talking about, like, it was, I think it was on the last mailbag, like embarrassing movies that your family members liked.

Oh, it's a brooder film. Denny, get the Frito's. Yeah, that is a Frito film, man. I don't know. Maybe it'll come to you. Maybe, I can't think of it. So, yeah, this. movie, we open on a

when God created the earth and God might be a horse. Yeah, God might be a horse, but also like, we've heard rumors that God himself first created horses and then decided to create people. And I know nothing about this movie. And I'm sitting here and I'm

like, that sounds an awful lot like John Candy. Yep. Oh, yeah. I was surprised by this. I didn't look up anything about the only thing I knew about this movie was Bobcat. Did anybody read on the Wikipedia and or The Tribune about how this movie kind of came to be. Well, wasn't there a Shrek situation with this movie?

Well, yeah, it was Elliot Gould, and it tested poorly. What a shock. And they kind of, like, recut the movie. That's why this movie is held together by fucking bubblegum, if you look at it. Like, you're like, why is it like this? It's a low-budget 80s comedy, man. That's what they did. This took four tries for me to get through.

Oh, wow. Four different nights I had to try to get through this. You are ridiculous. In one consistent view. Chris, it's 83 minutes. It is so difficult to stay attached to anything in this movie. But there's nothing going on. That's what's great about it.

I'm just like, it's so maddening. And then there's a horse. I'm going to need 12 horses. No, wait. That's too many horses. The horse is the big classes. And we should mention, gang, that today's episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Make your next move.

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Squarespace, make your next move, make your next website. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't like it. It sounds too, New Yorkie. Yeah. Oh, you better believe it. that New York thing that I just don't get. Yeah, I just don't get it. It sounded like

the horse was going to do that Hovernagola song. Oh my God. Whatever, man. That's what they said about Seinfeld. Yeah, exactly. A lot of people just don't like, oh, I don't get Seinfeld. It's just too New Yorkie for me. It's like, is it too New Yorkie? Translation

fucking bagel with fish on it, racist. Yeah. Yeah, well, you're, well, you're, Also, here's one of, I'll start this, because I feel I'm going to be like, way more positive than normal on this show. You see some people that are like, God, that Andrew Jupin just spews biow weekly on the internet. I'm like, ah, that's mostly accurate. Let me tell you what's great about this movie. Constantly throughout this entire movie, aside from when they're playing different variations of we're in the money, which does get annoying.

Holy crap. Every other song in this movie is fucking harmonica-filled fat guy John Candy. music, and it's awesome. That's how the movie starts. I mean, it was like, it's like, Dan. Also, the Beastie boys are in this, too. Yes, and fight for your right, parentheses, to party. Because it's Danny Elfman.

I think this is kind of, yeah, he does the music. And you can kind of, if you imagine somebody singing about a dead man's party over the music, you're like, oh, I can see that. It's a dead horse party. Actually, wasn't that something else that the Tribune said about this movie? was that Tim Burton turned down directing it? Yeah, a lot of people turned down a lot of things. Joan Rivers was supposed to be

like the lead instead of Bobcat. Which I, you know... Wait, what? I mean, it was a different movie, obviously. I mean, like, not... Here's a horse! Oh, great, a horse is talking! Do you know anything about the stock market?

Tell me. Tell me. Here's some weirdly controversial stuff about gay people. This might be a better movie. Yeah, it might be. You know what? I don't know. Also, you know what a better title?

Only beggars can ride. The thing that's weird about this movie, and I love the guy, and I really thoroughly enjoy literally almost every movie he's made, the whole idea of the bobcat, like, comedy persona, being in a movie that's not police. Academy sequels is kind of weird. It's like if Sasha Cohen was just doing Borat, but he wasn't called Borat and he wasn't wearing the dumb gray suit. Look, in the 80s, you had a bunch of comedians that did the, like the weird voices, Gilbert Godfrey, obviously. Who's in this movie for a hot second at the end?

Also, we did an episode with you one of my check the back catalog. There you go, a friend of the show, Gilbert Godfrey. Sweet Gilbert blog. You know, there's a doc about Gilbert coming out. It's playing at Tribeca. I heard about this. Yeah. I don't see Gilbert calling us for free tickets.

Is it called Shorter than Steve Sadek? Man, I could see the look in your eye when that elevator door opened. I felt like you had to look down at Gilbert. I felt like Hakeem the Dream, Elijah won that day. I was like, yeah. That was a great day. We got to see Gilbert was putting his belt on. So it was a good moment.

We also ate at a diner before we went to his house. That was pretty sharp. It was too New Yorkie, I guess. Yeah, a little New Yorkie that day. Wait, did you get yourself a triple-decker there? Yeah, oh, yeah. You know me. Trip deck, dude, man.

I love that trip deck. But, but, you know, there was Bobcat, Gilbert. Gilbert's also in this movie, which is also weird, but it's the amazing Jonathan. The comedy for, what? The Amazing Jonathan, sort of. He's one of them, right? Yeah, I think so. Like, exaggerated voice.

No. Listen, I don't know for sure. There is a good shot. That's just. the amazing Jonathan. Oh, you think he's rocking that 24 by 7? Yes. Okay.

Well, also, like, hasn't he been on the brink of death for like 10 years? No, it's like he couldn't do that Windex gag anymore because he was dying. Anyway, there were a lot of comedians doing fun voices. And that was just how they were identified. Yes. And that's just how they had to carry on throughout their life. They had to just do that character. I am just very dubious, and this movie confirmed all my suspicions.

about anchoring a movie to him. Yes. If he's like, he's a co-star. He's, you need, he needs to be part of a melange. Like,

it can't just be him and a horse. Like, and that's what you're telling me. As much as it is great to hear it be voiced by John Candy, I love the man. You want to flip that, actually. You put John Candy as the guy and Bobcats the horse.

That would be, that would actually be way better. You're so good. John Candy has presents. He can glue a movie together. There would be one. He can horse glue a movie. There would be a roadhouse scene clearly with a lot of harmonicas.

Because I just feel like wherever John Candy was, a choir of harmonicas were behind. Oh, yeah, dude. And in that roadhouse, there's a misunderstanding. And they get that classic John Candy like. But also. He gets hit with a two by four. But also, you could always get a good shuffle on. Oh, yeah.

Oh, totally. Yeah, maybe he recovers it. Yeah. Oh, that's a house together. wins over a bunch of rowdy bikers by dancing. By doing a shuffle. Meanwhile, his horse is out back peeing on their motorcycle.

I'm peering on your motorcycle. Is he? That easy. It's right there. That's unlike Peewee Herman. Peeway Herman was another one of those people where he couldn't beat Paul Rubens for a long time. So if Borat got famous in like 1984, he probably

would be Borat or Yaakov Smirnoff, maybe he's another one. I mean, Kaufman probably had that problem too. I'm sure like when he showed up for certain auditions, they're like, well, aren't you going to do the thing? You're going to do the thing, right? You see him getting debased in the Muelish Foreman movie with that. Or they're like, do Latka. Yeah, exactly.

I'm trying to sing a song. That's also not good. So this movie is, it's Dabney Coleman is wearing fake teeth that I think Mickey Rooney was wearing in fucking breakfast Tiffany's, by the way. He's fantastic, by the way. He's the best part of this movie. is amazing in this movie. On my

radar, he's the best. Coleman is Bobcat's stepdad. Bobcat's mother dies, and they, in the will he gets half the company and a horse and comedy ensues

the horse played by John Candy. Pretty much. It's like, here's what I don't like is they make John Candy, like, when he's like, hey, you have this talking horse and it's me and Bobcats are

and then like they go on a little road trip. Then John Candy like has to tell all about like how he is a talking horse. He comes from a long line of chosen horses. And I'm like, just be a talking horse. Just stop it. Chris, just stop it with the mythology.

This is not that weirder than other mythologies in movies. But I'd never needed. If I, if there was ever a time, I didn't need somebody to explain to me what was going on. It's when a fucking horse is talking like John Candy. Just let it be. I accept it. If a horse was talking like Elliot Gould, though, I need some explanation.

Excuse me? Wait, what is going on here? 66th Street. You know, like my Lincoln Center. Oh, I got a horse in Lincoln Center. I like that movie better, too. That actually sounds like a title of an awesome children's book, A Horse in Lincoln Center. And it's about me going to see War Horse at Lincoln Center, which I did when it was a play

production there. Yeah, it was really nice. Really cool. In that, so Dabney is making love to some other lady in the beginning in the horse stable there. Yes. This whole apartment setup they've got here. I think one of his workers

is living there or something. Well, another guy uses it as his fuck pad. Yeah, this is a fuck pad. It's like hey man, one of the horses died. Right? And instead of wasting money on another horse. I converted this part of the horse barn into a fuck

room. You know how you do that? You just you get a lot of deodorant and a lava lamp. Now you got a fuck room. Now you got a room. A lot of blankets. A lot of blankets. But it looks like a little boy's bedroom. It's really weird. And you took Jack Lemon right out of there and you put in a fucking horse. A John Candy talking horse. The funny thing is like he's trying to make a Damny Coleman's trying to make it with this lady. and the horse is watching.

Yes. And she's like, this isn't working for me. He's like, oh, come on, baby. And it's like, wait, wait, wait. A horse is looking at me with his dead black eyes. Well, that horse doesn't know what's going on. Horse eyes creep me out, man. Yeah, that is pretty gross.

It's just marbles of despair. Like, the blackest horse's eyes, the equine eyes, the devil's eyes. Picked off all the soldiers one by one. from underneath. The horse's eyes, you could see the despair and the criminality of nature right there in that moment and him glaring at you.

The reflection of Dabney Coleman filling up a lady younger than him. How cruel is it to have God create such a majestic creature? But produce one without a soul. The indifference to Fers Bueller's mother's naked bodies.

Oh, that's right. That's who it is. Yes, that's who that lady is. Oh, I can breathe. breathe again. Cindy Pickett, man. Oh, good for her. So he like...

The horse will represent Fat America by John Candy. His mouth comes out of the horse. The dulcet tones of John Candy. May he rest in peace. Oh, so then he's like, he's like, all right, yeah, that horse is bothering you, baby.

Watch this. And he goes into the horse and he's like, tomorrow it's glue or whatever. And he like pulls this shade down. And I'm like, what on earth is with this shade? As if this has happened before and you know there's a stable hands coming left and right.

These guys know what's up. And this guy's rich as fuck. Go to a hotel. Yeah. And just paying cash or whatever. Or having an apartment for your side girl. Well, like you do in the 80s. Yeah, I'm sorry, but this guy's clearly a deviant of like another level.

Oh, you think he's into the animal. Because I'm sorry. I don't know how clean. I don't know how clean you keep this fucking thing. Yes. but the whole place smells like horse shit of course it does all of it piss too and i don't know about you guys but i can't keep it up if there's the smell of feces in the room and wet hay like dude all that yeah but don't you want to poperea that smell that chris and you're like wet hay i could make

it wetter right it's like a challenge no cold cold and frigidly literally fucking a denny's bath it's better to fucking a denny's bad less bacteria for sure guys we're you know we don't know how the wealthy live and they grow up with that stable culture of having enough money for stables sure they're going through it and that you know this guy has been raised you know his family's been raising horses forever so you know he's probably lost his virginity and a very similar oh it's like george costanza with the sandwiches yes he's he can only get you know horned up when he's around food in that one of the same i'm just always afraid of if i were to be fucking in a horse stable.

I think Joe Pantliana's going to burn this thing down for the insurance money. That's true. That's a real fear. Those horses are worth a lot of money. But it's even weirder because Bobcat knows about it and goes and just walks in. He walks right in. He catches him and he's like, my mom's only been dead two days. I'm not going to try to keep doing that.

It's a tough. It's a tough one. The man was talented. The man is talented. He could do that. Yeah, he can. So he walks in. He's like, my mother hasn't even been put.

the ground yet and you're fucking some woman and like Dabney Colvin's like oh what do you say son? Hey how's it going? You're just like all of this is disgusting remind me dabby Coleman's still with us he is I had to double check that he's on um what's that

Ray Donovan yeah he was on there he was on there what's that Ray Donovan the answer was Ray Donovan he was he was great on boardwalk he was oh that's right he was like getting poisoned by somebody or something Gretchen Mall I believe yeah

I think it's great that he's still acting, you know? You see somebody of these great actors this vanish into the ether. Oh, yeah, dude. Just wait for... Like, most of the rest of Drexler's class. Just waiting for David Fincher or Steven Soderberg to get a character part for him. I think you're seriously the only person I know that watched Drexler's class. I watched enough of this.

It was like just one of your standard 90s sitcoms where teachers dealing with kids that are... Wasn't it like in that block of... of the saved by the bill, like Saturday morning things? No, it was an evening show. That was a prime time program? Absolutely. Huh. It's good night outside.

I don't know. We're going to watch Drexler's class. Stephen, get in here. The sun setting. Drexler's class is on. Get your baseball bat and your spaghetti donut. Drexler's class. You don't know what it's like in the Bronx, right?

Nobody knows you watch Drexler's class. You like the Yankees. Well, you know what, at this point, I'm convinced that this is like a blue and gold dress. And you're just thinking of Saved by the Bell. No, Drexler's class exists. Exists. Yeah. And wait, do you think Daabney Coleman played Mr. Belding?

No, he was Drexler. Drexler. It was his class. And what did he do in his class? I mean, I don't know. I just feel like he was a put-upon teacher. I feel like this is a fake show. I'm telling you, he's thinking about, he just misremembered.

Yeah. He just doesn't want to talk about it. He's going to look it up. In the meantime, so Bobcat's like, all right, I inherited this horse. Let's go check it out. And he goes to the stable. And John Candy's like, hey, how you doing? I'm a horse.

And Bobcat lets out a Bobcat scream. And then he's like, you know what? I've been in this barn for like 10 years because they don't race me or whatever. Like, let's go for a little joy ride. So they get in this horse carrier car and they drive. And John Candy's like, you know, I'll show you where to go. We're like going to go in a little bit of a lot. Well, the funny thing is I'm surprised the movie continues because in the car,

Bobcats like wow it's just like Mr. Ed and they have like a Mr. Ed riff where it's like oh yeah you know you would you would talk too if you had like a carrot up your ass or something well isn't that the whole movie like how are you going to continue that that's like that's what you've been that's what you build up to if you're writing this movie like the Mr. Ed joke well the thing about it is what this movie is is it's Mr. Ed but like on clearly on late 80s cocaine yeah that's so I think you have to get the Mr. Ed thing out of the way so you let the cocaine take over the screen right and what he was referencing was like you you shove a carrot up mr ed's ass to get his mouth to move and then you overdub it and he was very offended

that this is a this is a not a real talking horse yeah he was peanut butter that's what you did peanut butter yeah but like how am i like now how am i thinking of anything else when the fucking horse talks yes now i'm just thinking about fucking john candy shoving you know carrots he would do it himself do you think he was like behind it he's method he's a method guy the insult comic dog. It's just a dude behind this horse. No, he was like Andy Circus. He needed to really feel the animal. Hold the phone. It would be Elliot Gould shoving the camera up here. Yes. The original footage would. So Elliot Gould would be the one to get the...

I'm going to need 12 salad bars. But like to that point, like, I just like, now you call so much attention to the fact. I'm just like... Well, I don't know. I was distracted by mildly enjoying this movie. I forgot about the carrot and stuff. The thing is, as a child watching this movie, that I just, that just glossed right over. Oh, sure. And, you know, and I just enjoyed the uproarious comedy of this. This is kind of dirty, too.

It's a lot of, like, you know, we stop short of F-bombs. The weird thing is when him and this horse start hanging out, we're not blowing rails, we're not smoking weed and we're not drinking beer. We're just drinking soda. I have, tab. Tab is all over this movie. The worst of it all. They should be blow, he should be blowing rails with this horse and going out to the fucking club. Yeah.

I think, well, the problem is it's like bringing a horse in public. Also, you fucking feed. You're feeding this horse a tub of fucking tab every night. Yeah, the diarrhea in this apartment has to be real. The diarrhea. And then the almost imminent death. Oh, yeah, also the dead horse. Also that.

That's a question because if you watch the whole movie, you get to the credits. There's no PETA mention about, you know, no asses were horrors. Five graves. Five dead horses. Well, this was 1988. When did that law come into play? I don't know. I mean, you could kill a whole mess of horses.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I definitely think there's dead horses on this movie. Michael Dinner had some horse blood on his hands. But who didn't at the time? Yeah, that's true. It was a different era. Robert Duvall and the Godfather, he had a lot of horse blood on his hands. If we get the, if we try to get this shot, the horse will die.

Get the shot! Get the shot! I don't care. Give me another fucking horse. Three horses did by Monday. We're filming the fucking movie a horse. purpose you're going to get that shot and then get Dustin Hoffman in here

throw that horse in the pool oh god damn it another fucking dead horse this whole fucking movie's about dead horses wait he killed what that's uh Nick Nolte from luck Oh he was in luck He was in the hook yet

Oh man I can't I can't even get out of my trailer There's so many fucking dead horses He can't even open the door Trying to do a fucking monologue A horse fucking dump dead in front of him out I got a hoof it to set I got to walk by all these hoofs. Every morning, got to huck one this way, hook one that way.

Don't make Hoffman, but I'm with this shit. Can you make me a leather tuxedo out of that horse? Hey, you, hey you, catch. My favorite part of the backstory here, so John Candy's like, oh, I didn't get along with my horse father, so I left horse home. Yeah, I hit the road, and I made fun. friends with this blues musician who I also murdered. Yeah. He's talking about like he made friends with his watch to die.

Yeah, he made friends with his blues musician. And then like the dude was blind and he didn't know that he was a horse for a long time. And then the guy, he actually said that he would be pretending to be an Italian boy from the Bronx. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's right. And then, and then this dude like fell out of a moving train. But they don't show that. I'm like, come on, you got to show a guy fall out of a train.

Well, no actors were harmed in the making this film. Horses on the other hand. Fucking chuck a horse out of there. The horse of the railroad trucks. Yeah, God damn. But if you want to kill a horse, I'll tell you how to do it. Yeah, each one of the grips grab a appendage, and we all pull. Hey, hey, craft services.

I want a horse sandwich. Fucking starving. The best part's in the die. Farina keeps blowing his line. Take it forever. Eat a fucking horse. Oh, do you think Dennis Farina, God rest of his soul, went to horse hell? Like, you think everyone who was involved in luck went to horse hell?

What is that? Like, you're just propping up against a wall, like an endless line of dead horse, Sal's kicks you in the nuts. Well, sorry, Dennis. It's your own goddamn fault. Welcome to horse hell. God damn it, you know when I was a cop in Chicago? I never thought that the horses would be the ones that would rule the roost.

This is forever. Day in and day out. Oh, I can't wait till Michael Mann gets here. I'm going to eat his face off. There's 20 guys waiting for that one. That stupid little girl that played Pippi. Can't wait until she dies. She's in for it for eternity.

We're going to eat her. I like the idea of Horsesell, actually. Yeah, pretty cool. Because John Candy, in the start of this, says that... Oh, John Candy's in Horsell, too. He definitely been in the Horsesell. I guess he would. be in the horse hell horse ride you

because in the start of this movie he does mention that there's a possibility that god is a horse sure like god that god made horses in his image and not man what a dumb thing but but this validates our theory on horse hell that's actually true i think every person who ever participated in a western uh from the dawn of cinema up until i don't know Unforgiven. Also, probably Louise Boonwell.

I'm thinking he killed a couple of animals. Oh, guaranteed. Yeah, so he's probably there. So, wait, what was the most evil horse in history? What do you think is the horse devil, you know? Like, you know, like, Attila the Huns horse or Gangas Khan? Did Hitler have a horse? What?

Did Hitler have a horse? Oh, probably at like a vacation home, but he did he have stayed? No, he must have had a horse. He didn't have a business horse, though. He was a modern dictator. He didn't stride amongst the dead. No, if Hitler had to cross a river, he did it in a car over a paved bridge. He wasn't like Russell Crow and gladiators.

But Hitler definitely had horses. I mean, come on. Who doesn't have horses? It's a status symbol. Exactly. I had the pony. Yeah, I mean, but she's an horse hell. Oh, that lady, definitely.

Definitely. Oh, no. So Michael Richards is definitely going for the Rusty. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's the problem is you are so fucking. asses to elbows with fucking New York City Central Park horse riders. Oh, that's what you want to see. Oh, my God.

Liam Mason is definitely going to horse hell. Ride those horses into the ground. I can't believe it. I thought I was going to regular hell. I should have been going to regular hell for the humans. Been prepping for regular hell for decades. Fucking horse hell. Your height doesn't matter here.

They're just bringing a taller horse. Kicks them right in the chest. I mean, A, I hate horses, so I would go to horse hell as well. You hate horses? I just had a bad experience riding a horse. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, every, every, let's all talk about our horse riding stories. Just, it was in the Bronx on a horse in the Bronx.

Yes. That's also a children's book title. It's a, uh, on Pelham Parkway, there was a little stable when we, we, went one time there was a horse a little horse named puddles and this thing it was having a bad day

I was like seven they put me on this fucking thing oh yeah you'll ride a horse and you know it gets galloping out of control it almost threw me in the fucking Bronx riding a horse is very hard it is very hard it's very scary it's really tall

then I have trauma about it I haven't been on a horse since that's not the horse's fault you're just a baby Yeah. I might go to horse hell. I'm a little afraid. I have to go to horse church every week. Go to horse confession. Like when you see the horse carriages on, you know, that they haven't, like, do you like, are you smiling? No, no, of course. Okay. Well, then you may be not. All right. So you don't appreciate their torture then. Yeah, that's a tourist attraction. I could say if it was real unbridled hate. I mean, that's what the Blasio ran out of the work. We're all going to horse hell. Yeah. We need to get out of this.

this whole system. I was excited for him to get rid of the horses. But then he came to. But yeah. Oh, well. These things happened. I didn't have like quite as bad at time. I just didn't appreciate the nut trauma. Oh, the nuts. I was on a horse and the horse like, it was one of those things. I was little and it was like it just it was a girl like the, the horse had like a rope attached to it. You know, and it was like, we're going to walk around in a circle. And I was like, all right. And you're up there. And it's like, all right, this is okay. I can get used to this. So what cowboys do. I was like, Andrew's a cowboy. And then this horse just decided to, like, have a little fun. And it was like, the horse was like, I love being alive and just, like, took a little hop step. And I went up and I came right down on my balls.

And you only need, like, five inches. Ah, shit, fucking horse. Hell, my balls feel like shit. Ah! I wrote a, I went on a horse ride on my, uh, oh, if there was ever a time, I wish this was a video podcast. It was when Chris was screaming like Nick Nalty hurting his own. boat balls. Yeah, he was jumping up and down like he had an actual nuttrop.

He had to get into it. I wrote a horse on my honeymoon and we were like going up a hill and the guide was just like, coming up on a road, just so you know. Like a paved road? Yeah, like fucking cars on it and shit. I'm just like, well, you're trying to get this horse to go up a fucking hill. Yeah. So you're just like, all right, all right.

And we get up there and it's just like, I'm not good enough at horses to stop this horse. It's like, I hope these fucking cars stop. Thankfully, the cars did slow down. Oh, thank God. It felt, it was very scary. Well, I just remember after, like, I was walking, like, the illusionist and prestige with the goldfish bowl

between their legs. Like, you just stay like that for at least 48 hours. You have to. And you look so strange. My fucking balls feel like a bunch of crushed grapes in Sicily here and fucking horse hell. My testicle wine out of my neck

God damn it's like Lucille O'Bah stepping on those grapes Oh, first they're going to take it to horse hell Dude, do you think they like They pull up in like a chariot or something? I don't know, oh, here's a question. Does he needs it go to horse hell or Albanian hell? Ooh. No, Albanian hell's not real because I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of dead

Albanian horses. Yeah, I think they just combined the two. It's like horse hell's rent in space to Albania. I think Albanian hell is actually just if you have to spend a long weekend with Jim Belushi, probably. What are we doing now, Andrew? I'm born. I'm ethnically Albanian. You probably didn't know that.

I did, yes. I watched Wag the dog. Yes, I knew. He shows you his metal from Albania. You hear about that? Oh, I saw the YouTube video of him getting it. Oh, boy. It's pretty great.

What a proud moment for who. You're watching it on YouTube Speaking of Horace Held We didn't talk about Who Does the Voice of the Father Oh right because so he takes John Candy the horse Takes Bobcat Goldthwaite

To meet his horse parents The father horse is played by Burgess Merritt Yes And the mother horse is played by Carl Reiner's dead wife I believe that to be true Carl Reiner's wife is in this movie Rob Reiner's mother

I don't know. I was making the assumption. Doesn't the mother not talk? Oh, no, you're totally right. No, she definitely does. No, she makes horse noises. That's the joke. Oh, right.

So, no, but I, you're right. And he has a dullered brother who's watching the three stooges. Lou, the brother, yeah, who can only speak like Curly from the three stooges. Yeah, that's irritating. You know what? That's more than enough one time. This joke is made like nine times. Curly's probably a horse hell.

Curly, all the three stooges, the Mark's brothers, they're all this. Most of the old comedies, Charlie Chaplin, Charlie Chaplin let some fucking horse die for his comedy. Buster Keaton, man, I kind of hold on a second. I kind of want to go to horse hell. Yeah, you're hanging out

legends, man. All the great all you got to do is kill one horse. It's better to fucking party at horse hell, man. Is Mr. Hans in horse hell? Oh, I don't know. Mr. Hans and horse hell. But he's probably the king

of, he's probably the king of, he's probably the king. of horse hell. I will send you to horse heaven before I send you to horse hell. Yeah, you're right because he likes getting fucked by horses. That's correct. Oh, he did. Anytime with horses. Until a horse ruptured his

body. Yes. And of course, newer listeners might not realize this reference. It's to the documentary zoo, which our good friend here, Chris Cabin, is an associate producer. A booster. The best part about seeing zoo and

theaters was when me and Steve before the screening got ice cream that was made with Johnny Walker Black and we were drunk for the movie. I mean people were like we were laughing the whole time like a bunch of like a bunch of high school kids at a fucking movie but we were like in our mid-20s and people were like oh I can't believe it

people this man died that man died and we're like buck in a porno! So let's flash forward a little bit here because there's not a lot to this 80s. So it's worth say that the big conflict is

Bobcat's mother has left him half of the company after she died. Dabney Coleman wants that half for like a what's $525 which is ridiculous. He's like this guy's stupid

I'm going to try to rip him off. The funny part of the gag is he's like I think you'll find this most degenerous and when he opens the piece of paper he's originally written $500 and crossed it out and written $525, which I thought was a pretty good joke. It's a pretty good joke.

I mean, to your point, Dabony Coleman's pretty good at this. I don't like the teeth. It's like, come on. He's got these fake, like, prosthetic teeth. What is that adding? Just to make him look like more of a dinket? Well, I think it's supposed to be also because, like, the horse has fucked up teeth. Yeah.

So he just looks like the horse. Okay. Which is nothing. So the horse actually gives him a stock tip, right? That's how this works. Yeah, so Bobcat decides he's like, you know what? No, I'm not going to take this buyout. I'm going to come to work.

And so I'm going to be a stock trader. Yeah, I know nothing about stock trading, but let's do it. And so, yeah, the horse then, he's back at the stable. And someone else in the movie, another dude is using the horse stable for fucking. And he stops like mid-fucking. And he's like, oh, hang on, baby, I got a call, make this stock tip about the blah, blah, blah. And the horse hears it. And John Candy's like, say.

stock tip, and somehow then the horse dials a phone, which I don't see that happen. I mean, I guess you do the operator can you connect me too, bitch? I need to see that. We're talking rotary phone. You get one good tongue in on that zero. You get the operator. Oh, that's true. So then he calls

Bobcat and he hasn't really disguised his voice, but he's like, so hey, here's this company like buy big, something, you know, they're going to get... Yeah, buy Ventura. I don't know how stocks work, whatever. By by Ventura. They're going to They're going to do a thing and people are going to be excited about it.

It's going to skyrocket and then you can sell when it's high. The good news is this movie doesn't know anything on the stock market either. That's true. It's completely nonsense. Also, I never, it doesn't this movie take place in Los Angeles? I have no idea. Nowheresville. I don't know where this is.

I kind of matter. It looks like. I thought it was New York too or like Connecticut or something, but that might just be my, you know. It looks like the spaghetti donut view of the world. Well, it's weird because later in the movie, a horse is talking. talking to a dog or something, I think. And he's like, where are you from? And he says he's from New Haven, which is a town in Connecticut.

But, like, they're showing Bobcat driving a sports car later in the movie. It's definitely just L.A. Yeah. So maybe they're very, very lazily doing L.A. for New York. Again, they cut out Elliot Gould out of this movie. I mean, like, this is held together with Bobbuckum. Maybe it takes space in Toronto for a little while. There could have been a detective who's living on a beach, which is also an Elliot Gould movie.

I was pretty sure I saw Omaha in there somewhere. but like still like it's ridiculous like you i mean we're at a point now where it goes like is he oh virginia madsen yeah what about her she's in the movie she comes in and she's like horse hell for her what do you think probably no i mean just because she's in this movie here's the thing michael madsen horse hell yes but here's what i worry about i worry about horse hell by association so here we go virginia madsen also at one point hosted an iteration of unsolved mysteries, which Dennis Frina also did, and Dennis Frina is definitely in horsehousehouse. So you think it's a mix-up by like, St. Horse Peter?

I think so. Like, no, I'm afraid not. You have to go to Horse House. Well, the paperwork is right here, Ms. Manson. I'm sorry. Well, she's not dead. Well, it's one clomp for Horse heaven, two clumps for Horse House. Well, here's the thing. If you do Deathbed Repentance, oh, I see. Could you get out of? Like, are they like, if the horse is a Catholic. A horse has to give you your last horse rights before it happened. Fuck, right. You got to, you always got to, like, have, like, a gilding horse. A horse padre nearby. Man, horse priest. That's a sitcom. Not enough sitcoms about talking horses. It's not. Well, there's a tried as true concept.

Mr. Ed. Uh-huh. And that's, I think that's all you need. I'm sure there's like a Mr. Ed from the 90s that's everyone's forgetting. Oh, shit. Oh, was there a reboot? Backwood's baseball cap on them. Yes, exactly. Voiced by vanilla eyes. Yeah. Oh, totally. Sure, yeah. Horse Van Winkle. Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude. Oh, maybe he, like, fell asleep for years, too.

No, that's Rob Van Winkle's vanilla ice. Oh, no, I know. But I say let's combine it with Rich Grip Van Winkle. Yeah, what the hell? Who listeners, you know, younger listeners, might want to look up that little legend. So the horse's stock tip was successful. Bobcat becomes a millionaire overnight. He moves into an apartment.

The broker is played by one of two no-nothing Saturday Night Live alumni. that are in this movie. They're in every 80s movie in the world. And now, who are these gentlemen, woman? One's a lady. I don't know. I see, I can't spot. She was in Feds with, uh, what's her, uh, Rebecca de Mornay.

Yeah. Is Feds an episode? It might be. What is Feds? Defined Feds. I mean, it's like kind of if the first five minutes of Sons of the Lambs was a comedy. You know what? Yeah.

I'm into it. The woman's name is Mary Gross. Unlike my other comedy idea, which is Miggs and Me, which is just... Miggs gets out and his... Gets into some sticky situations. Well, no, Miggs gets released from the mental institution, and sure enough, is put upon successful yuppie son has to take care of him. Right.

And I mean, after he went to all the trouble of getting Steve Bishemi to play Miggs. I'm just like, all right, dad. My boss is coming over for a big promotion for dinner. I don't want you to come out, and I definitely don't want you to spray common his face. Dad, you did it again. Well, I was about to give you this promotion, but this consummate soup is delicious. And it's like, oh, no! I love it.

Yeah. If only Dr. Hannibal Lecter didn't drive Miggs to suicide in that movie. The other person... Well, you're going to get a big grocery. You should probably blow your nose first. But, but dead. The other guy from S&L is a dude named Kim, Tim Kizrinsky. Oh, right.

The guy that plays the evil stock broker? Yes. Yeah. They're just, I mean, these are like, it was like the low-level 80s years of Saturday. Is it the Randy Quaid season? They probably co-mangled. You know how I know that guy? He's the senator in L.A. confidential that Russell Crow threatens to beat up.

Oh, nice. Is he really? Oh, wow. That's better than this. He went on to big things. You know, it's kind of a super cut that I could go for, and I love Danny DeVito more than anything in the world, is Russell Crowe beating the ever-loving shit at a Danny DeVito in LA confidential?

Isn't that a dream come true? It's great, and here's the thing. If I recall that movie correctly, and it's been a number of years since I've seen it, I don't think there's any music playing in that scene. No, it's tough. So what you do is you just put funny sounding songs over Danny DeVito getting beaten half to death in that movie. Pals, right.

Give me like a wrecking ball. It's something like that. Katie Perry's Firework, you put that in there. It's a dead man's party. Oh, totally, man. All of these things could be great. That's a great YouTube meme that you could set up. Yeah.

So he gets into this really nice apartment. The horse is like, fuck this. I gave this guy everything that he knows. Rightfully so, horse. Yeah, I mean, so he brings this horse in, which is fine I mean he's got a room He's got room for Poisoned Ivy's Lair

Oh that thing On the side of the terrarium The atrium By the way Growing up watching this movie religiously I always saw this and I was like Man do I want an atrium one day Well yeah dude that's a sign of success

In the 1980s Not only that but it's just like Hold on a second We're bringing the outdoors in Like just to have like a room In the middle of your house Where it's just neat It's just open and wild neon lights everywhere.

That's one thing to have plants and it's like humid in there and whatever. But there's like a fake thunderstorm setting. Yeah, you're supposed to be having sex in the fucking room. Oh, shit, really? Yes. Why else would you have like disco lighting and like... There's definitely like a Roman statue that's urinating water. Yeah, no, it sounds like a fuck room to me.

It's only as big as a walk-in shower. All houses. All rooms are fuck rooms. But I mean, this one seems. tailored to that cause. Yeah, okay. Well, yeah, of course, man. Why not, right? I guess so. Come on. Why not? Wouldn't you fuck with the wind

on your back in your own house? Sounds fun. Fair. Fair point. He's got a snooty neighbor who comes to nothing. One of the many things that gets dropped this movie is like, oh, the building doesn't allow pets, but here I have this huge fucking horse. The whole thing there

is like, if you're setting up this neighbor who's like, hey, this apartment building doesn't allow pets. He's like, he's like they're there he's like a yuppie scumbag yeah quintessential then something in that movie has to be about the horse getting discovered and they get kicked out of the apartment or like this dude gets like shit in his groceries or something

the worst thing that happens is there's mud on the floor yeah he needs to have like a righteous gag against this square he does have one little later he gets flustered by a duck it's nothing big um what they do there's like So I think it's here. There's a great montage to

what is that replacement song? It's like they it's the hanging out montage where they should be doing cocaine and it's that replacement song that's like shooting dirty pool. Telling dirty lies. I think it's called shooting dirty pool. It's such a good song and I was like

this isn't for this movie. I need John Candy Fat Guy Blues music right here. I think this is it. It's a mix up. It's Fat Guy John Candy music mixed with like cool new A.V. Bobcat music. That's where the Beastie Boys come from, probably. Yeah, you're right. You get that

hip Bobcat audience. That's true. And so, like, this montage is them drinking a lot of soda, watching a lot of TV. They're watching that mutant ant movie, Them. Oh, yeah. This is back when, like, if you said cable, people were like, whoa, shit, you've got cable?

Yeah. You know what this movie reminded me of, though? Man, the innocent days where television stations had the sign off. Oh, yeah. Where is just the shot of the flag. I mean, it's the most like bullshit American thing of all time, but it's like the shot of the flag, the flag, we're playing the national anthem, and then a TV

station would just go to bed. Or, well, now it's just like, you know, like things about like a little steel enclosures you can buy. I bought my steel building and I love it. It's the magic bullet. Now they just play this is a Pruder film.

Why would I want to order one? That's got to be public domain though. You could air that. Just give CNN a rest. Yeah, you know, why not, right? Just aired on a loop for a few hours in the morning. They aired it on live on television in the 1960s kids could see it. Why not today?

I just hate it. You'll notice on a television show or a television station, like MSNBC does this. When they run out of shows, they just start repeating the last four hours of shows. Turn it off. Run the Zuprooter film. Or do like a July 4th holiday, you know, to go. Pete with a Twilight Zone Marathon. Yeah.

It is the Pruderville Marathon. Totally. Or buy a Ken Burns doc for the love of God and run it. Yep. Just put that on. That'll eat up all your time. You're helping people go to sleep. From fucking 2 a.m. until like, you know.

8.30. 8.30 p.m. the next day. I mean, if you, that's the only way. What is Eric baseball in the entirety? Why not? Ken Burns, the Blues. May I, may I change the subject to something very important.

Yes, please. I really do need to tip my hat to whoever was in charge of the horse cock blocking. Yes, I noticed that. This guy pulled an eyes wide shut on this. This was magnificent. It is impressive. I didn't even think about it. It was Mr. Hands.

Until he starts talking about it. Yes. Well, thankfully not a lot of horse cock talk in this film. Is it possible that they just used a lady horse and John Candy's doing the voice? because listen, that's like, if it's not, I mean, that's tough. Yeah, you're not digitally removing anything. No, at this point, no. At one point, Bobcat goes to a yuppie party that's going on upstairs to try it.

And then, like, you meet some, like, weird, quote unquote spinster that like, oh, my God. It's a character. Oh, my God. And she's like, oh, a man. She eats an anchovy and I almost vomited all over my house. And I like anchovies, but I think that was it. I think I'm done. She was like, oh, she comes into his house.

She's like, oh, wow, you got a horse. and he's like, yeah, I don't know, it's a fucking horse and she's like, yeah, and then like... Well, he's pretending to... Horse is pretending to be a statue. Yeah, and she's like, oh, it's anatomically correct. That's right. And I think to the all 83 minutes of this movie,

that's the only horse dick joking. Thank God. Thank God for that. It's a great film. But there's also just like random fucking sex shit all over this. Oh, yeah. Like when in, in not to bring us too much back,

but like when they are with the horse parents part of the like Burgess Meredith translates a question from the mother and her question to Bobcat is what it's like to have sex with somebody facing them. Yeah.

Why would you even bring that up? I got this here, man. These kids love camp candy, you know what I mean? Like they wanted to... 1988 was camp candy out then? Probably not. What the hell is camp candy?

What? I also don't know what camp. What? coming soon to an animation damn damnation near you okay so it's a cartoon it was a cartoon with john candy ran a summer camp for kids are you fucking kidding i'm not kidding john candy's voice yeah he did the voice he was like the leader of this little like troop of campers it was like towards the end you know like it's a wagon's easty jfk i'll go to this this little recording studio and make a summer camp cartoon you tell me you were watching this cartoon in

1994. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Wow, I can't believe it. It was. It was very wholesome. It was, you know, it was around was like, I think he was like, wow, my fucking buddy Rick Moranis has a goddamn Gravedale High cartoon. Which I never heard of either until I met you clowns. Is that right? I never heard of Gravedale either. Really? Yeah. Gravedale High. Yeah, I know. The whole SCTV, there was Eugene Levy was a plumber. No, that's not true. It's called cleaning your pipes.

He's a plumber, but the funny thing is every time it takes a shower, he clogs up the drain because he's so fucking hairy. Right. So at one point... Hey, honey, the wolf fan here? Oh, it's just Eugene Levy. No, we're good. We're good.

I think that shows a little too Toronto for my taste. Is anybody watching Schitts Creek? Said no one in the history of human society. I missed it. Yeah, I haven't caught on. It's Eugene Levy and his children. His son, his son. Oh, boy, I'm so, I'm so happy.

Catherine O'Hara, though. Eugene Levy's son was able to break into the industry. You just reminded me of something that chilled my bones. Has anyone seen dinner with dad? No. What is, is this a Rainer Verna Fospender film? No, but you would wish it would be. It's a Hulu.

like little minisodes program in where every episode is uh uh jason alexander and his son getting dinner at the same restaurant and kvetching for five minutes oh no how old's his son he's like you know probably like yeah like in his late 20s maybe does he look disgusting just like his father he looks like a very handsome young jason alexander oh so like him like a raping julia roberts jason Alexander. What? What movie was that? What?

He's just like, I want to get my money's worth. What in the world? Oh, you will forget that Jason Alexander. Squealing like a hungry pig. Because you're like, oh, this is the funny movie with the jewel case.

Like, no, no, no. It's the movie where Jason Alexander really grossly tries to have aggressive rape sex with fucking Julia Roberts. Yuck. Yeah, well, it's what's bad about this show

aside from everything is, there's a lot of like because it's all about the sun's trying to be an actor. Oh, come on. Is that right? And he's going to Jason Alexander for like career advice and stuff. And there's a lot of like we're mentioning

Seinfeld and like you know, we're just calling it like the show. So there's nothing on Dunstan checks in? Not yet. I only watched like four episodes of it. All right. First thing's first, Cody, is you want to accidentally be on the greatest sitcom of all time.

And I mean, he's fantastic on that show, but that's, he could have easily done any other pilot, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. It's like in a bottle. It's all luck. But yet, no, it's terrible. So the, shit's creek. The horse is like, now we're doing like bad roommates gags.

That's kind of the middle of this movie. And all of a sudden the dog shows up and is like, hey man, I'm a dog from New Haven. And the dog's barking or you have subtitles. And he's like, can I party with you? And the thing about this horse is, this horse is kind of sad. Like, he always wants, like, somebody to hang out with. He's constantly calling Bobcat Goldthwaite at the office. Like, hey, man, what do you want to do tonight?

And he's like, I got to work and you're a horse. And then it's like a horse sadly hanging up a phone. The horse has anxiety. He does. It's really weird, man. It's fucking tragic. It's really fucking strange. And, like, now he lets this fucking dog in.

But this is what sucks. And then there's birds. I mean, it gets wild. It turns into an animal, basically the dog. It's like an orgy at Jack Hanna's house. Oh, man. That would have been a fucking fun night for Johnny Carson to come over. I feel like, you know what?

I'm going home. So, Jack Hanna, I'm, all right, I have to do it 100 years in baboon hell. And then another 100 years in a cockatoo hell. I got a hundred years in emu hell. Carson is just in hell. The devil Jack Hanna Oh Jack Hanna

Oh when he goes Yeah Oh he's got a laundry list of hells to visit Yeah but Johnny's in the big hell Yeah he made the big one The devil called him over to the couch He's seated at the right-handed JFK Oh

What this needs to be though And I'm sorry this is a horse voiced by John ever-loving candy This needs to be a big fat party animal. Yeah. This is the saddest horse in film history. He's kind of just like he's like one of those kids that is kind of like, oh, a party just breaks out

at their house and they don't want to have it. Totally loses control. He's one's known a writer and girl interrupted. Like this? Horse interrupted? I like this. Don't cut me off again.

Horse interrupted. Like it's really, it's like he has a psychological condition. He does. And it takes up the whole fucking movie. And this whole, this whole menagerie fucking takes advantage of him. So, yeah, all these animals show up, another dog, a bunch of different birds and all sorts of stuff, start piling in. And, like, they destroy, they destroy Bobcat's house. Bobcat comes in. He's like, oh, my God, I can't believe it. This is where fight for

your right to parties play, by the way. Oh, yeah. The Beastie Boys were just like, yeah, we'll sign and check. What's this called Hot to Trot? What's it about? I don't care. This is like, we don't really care about this yet. Actually, that's my question is because as we know, the Star Trek universe revolves around Beastie Boys. Right, yeah. So Hot To Trot probably survives them, right? Right. This is like Kirk's

favorite movie growing up in Iowa? I think it's like the only thing that's left to the Criterion Collection. It's just everyone in their house has a glass case with like a 12K disc file of Hot to Trot on it. Jim, you got to stop watching Hot to Trot. We've got to get

Get out of here. A lonely horse is illogical, Captain. Horses are very social animals. My brother Cybock rode a horse with a horn on it once. It's a comical farce, you green-blooded vulcan. You watch it and you laugh. What's to understand? Captain, why isn't this horse a big, fat party animal?

Well, okay, it's not perfect, Spock. but give it a shot it's like Mr. Ed on cocaine you green-blooded monster it took me four times to watch it Jim I didn't understand it haven't you ever done cocaine with a horse

I'm a simple country doctor so like Bobcat's luck with these stocks eventually starts running out with him taking advice from a horse the horse is like oh he brings the horse oats and the horse eats oats and he's like, this is the best oats in the world.

This company is going to be huge. So he invests heavily in this company the next day at the office. Indio Oates or something. But apparently, Damny Coleman gets a stock tipped at the things under FDA investigation. This is my favorite scene that we need to talk about. So the horse, we don't know why the horse loves it so much. Oh, no, the horse might be sick. The horse called, the horse named Don, by the way, calls up Bobcat and is like,

you got to sell all that stock. It made me sick. and he's calling him from the toilet and a horse has diarrhea in your house are you kidding you have to burn that thing down yeah you know what you just you go outside your house with like six

like planks of wood you hammer them all to the door and then you scribble abandoned on it you get joey pants to help you burn it down you have to or like a horse that diarrhea in here I'm gonna burn it to the fucking ground the horse is in there right okay good we'll clean up bobcat

the thing is like unless the horse is flushing every 12 seconds, that thing will stink forever. That's diarrhea overflow. Babkit, this is your super. You remember Ghostbusters 2 when the slime

is all over the outside of the museum? That's your apartment as of this moment. Encazed in horse diarrhea. It's a river of horseshit. Man, you know what?

You could call Ghostbusters to a fucking river of horseshit. But Mike, everyone just close... But it's the Ghostbusters. Close your eyes and I imagine a really nice bathroom. You know, marble everywhere. You know what I mean?

Like a nice, like, you know, it's the 80s. So there's a gray and pink painting somewhere. Cocaine on the sink. And a 600-pound horse. Hovering around, not over, around a human toilet Because how could it get over? I don't think it would even fit.

I think it's going directly into the tub. And he even says at one point he's like, you got to close this toilet seat after you use it, Bobcat, Goldway. So is this horse like sitting on the toilet seat? No, I think this horse is like standing near something and hoping for the best.

Hoping his asses the tub way and not the faucet way. Shit the tub, actually. If you can shit in the tub, do it. Yeah, definitely. But, like, the thing's going to overflow. Or shit on the... If it's bad, oats diarrhea, the thing's going to overflow. It's just shit on the bed and then just throw it all out.

He's a millionaire. And this is a... Tip, Bobcat. If your horse friend calls you from your bathroom and he says he has diarrhea, don't come home. Never come home. No. Just don't come home. Start a new life.

It's okay. That's what a security deposit is for. If you're making money like that, just walk away. Whatever was in that apartment is gone. Yeah. Also, all those other animals, the ducks and the pigs. They all destroyed it. They all suffocated to death.

There's no air left in there. It's like a methane leak. Dude, you can't get through that. No way, dude. That's why horses are an open-air animal for horseshit purposes. It's mainly the shitting. The space is an issue, but it's mainly the shitting. Exactly.

There's a bit where Bobcat is on a... So basically, like, Dabney Coleman locks Bobcat in the bathroom. Right. So he can't sell his shares, so he runs out of money. Bobcat does this bit where he walks on a ledge. One of the only things I remember at this movie is this scene where he's just kind of fiddling around on the ledge. Yeah, he's falling off.

There's a pigeon that's fucking with him. Yeah, it's a perfect strangers gag. He goes on forever. Did Bobcat ever guest star on Perfect Strangers? Because I feel like that's a perfect match. I feel like he must have. You know what, though? Probably not. No, you think it's too big for it.

Really? Yeah, yeah. This is the time of Bobcat. Bobcat could do fucking 12 Perfect Strangers. I think he had a comedy special called Bobcat Goldthway, too big for TV. He knew Steve Gutenberg. That's, yes, that does swear my vote. Yeah.

Yeah, won't you let that sink in? I will let it. Isn't it kind of funny that you, as a kid, I thought that that's how Bobcat Goldthway just talked. Oh, sure. That's how that guy talks. It was still weird. I mean, whenever that doc came out that he did with Barry Crimmons like two years ago, I got to do a Q&A with two of them and even and I knew then like I'd heard him since then speak yeah you know but

then meeting him in person I was like oh he's gonna do the thing and he was just like the nicest chillest dude yeah he's still fucking hilarious but he was just being a guy and I was like aren't you gonna all over the place oh no because you're a human being that's a character are you nervous about something no yeah totally shouldn't you be like pulling your hair out of your head no I will say and this is it's odd to compliment police academy but He had been Police Academy. It was good. He's great in those movies.

Police Academy 2, by the way, it is not in the first one. I think he's a carpetbagger to the Police Academy franchise. I didn't know it was earliest, too, so that's nice. I think it's just 2, 3, 4. A lot of people came in on the later era. Yeah. I don't think he's, I don't think he made it to Moscow. I haven't seen any of them.

Not a single Police Academy movie? Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously, get your head examined. Okay. Well, they're all stay tuned. Almost all of them. I have the four-pack. Do you docket, Eric.

I got the four-pack DVD if you want to buy it. I know you do. Well, the four-pack, that ain't all of them. Well, you know what? Some of them are double-discs. That is certainly enough of them. It's because I don't need city under siege. I don't need mission to Moscow with fucking Lloyd Braun.

What is, uh, city, which one is police academy rampant homophobia? Which one is that? All of them. Assignment Miami Beach, which is actually the, the Matt McCoy one. Yeah. The Lloyd Braun. Oh, right. Those movies are vitriolically homophobic.

Oh, yeah. Well, you know what? You had to fight against the agenda, speaking of which, this movie, John Candy, says the F word, and I'm not talking about old fuckstein. No, it's weird. He goes to a state. So before what happens with Bobcat gets ousted from the company because that

loses everything. Before that happens, he goes to visit Dabney Coleman's other horse at a stable for some reason. I think it's kind of to get laid because he's kind of like, oh, hey, baby. he's into that other horse that Dabney Coleman's horse that he gave to his girlfriend. Yeah, sat and doll. So, but there's this other horse

that is like a thoroughbred. A thoroughbred, the prize something or other. And it's really weird. It's just John Candy as a horse, look at it another horse and under his breath muttering the F-bomb and it's just like, geez. It just doesn't make any sense.

Yeah. What? If you're going to do it, why bury it? It's just like, It seems so much more hateful to do... I think that was the mentality of Eddie Murphy and Raw. That's a problem with Eddie Murphy.

Yeah. But that's the thing is, it wasn't like... He just said it. And, like, this was like... I had to go back because I was like, what did he even say? Oh, I rewired it three times. You know why that is, though? Because I bet you John Candy had a hard time saying that line.

Then why put it in this... But that's my point. It's like, fucking hilarious. Yes. It's fucking funny. Do you think that was in the Elliot Gould version as well? Oh, that's what I wonder. I can't imagine Elliot Gould saying that word. I think that he's got a little more too much class for that.

Yeah, he just called him a schvance. Just means dick. It's fine. I know. I mean, yeah, you know, you're not wrong. Oh, where were we? Oh, so he loses everything. Him and the horse hit the road.

And then we have a scene where like... He's now in love Virginia Madson. is like on his side now how they went on a date at one point they go on a date like and she's where he doesn't know how to eat linguine he doesn't even know how to say it how is she at all attracted how but like how like you're living under dabney coleman's roof for years how do you not because there's a there's a scene where he gets kicked out of the house at one point yeah but it's like how does he not have any of that refinement it's a slabs versus snobs thing but it doesn't make sense because he's grown up as a snob for years well but it's

also, it's stated, though, that Dabney Coleman is his stepdad. And I think it's a thing where He's, it's real fun. That's right. I think it's just a thing where he's like, I don't give a fuck about this person. I'm not going to treat him. But learn how to say linguine at least. You'd think

you'd pick something up. I think he says like Lingenese or something. Because he's like, it's just like spaghetti. I'm sorry. It's just like spaghetti. Well, and that's the thing. It's like, here you are. You're a 1988, Virginia mad. Hello. I mean, you're a fucking 20 16 Virginia Madsen.

And you're having dinner with a guy that looks like a 1988 Bobcat Goldthwaite. Mullet, be mulleted as all get out. Tied back in a ponytail because you're definitely at a fancy restaurant in this scene. And he can't even say Linguini and he has the Bobcat voice. You're like, dude, I'm out. You know what, man? She's just horny as hell. No, this date was actually set up as corporate espionage.

Oh, that's right. You're right. Because Dabney wanted to know how he was getting the stock. Yes, but her heart is melted all the same. I mean, when you look into those eyes, you just want to take care of them. Well, it's like a puppy dog that got hit by a car. Oh, you don't even know how to say Lugini. Yeah, exactly.

So the scheme is to get the money back. And this is the problem. The movie should end with some sort of stock thing, right? Because it's a stockbroker movie. It's a Wall Street thriller. It should end like trading places. You know what I mean? Like, it's the all buy orange juice.

It should end like Michael Clayton. It should end. Oh, my God. It goes up to three humans on a hill. I like that. But instead we end with a horse race. Because, yeah, it's like, oh, if he wins the big horse race, we'll have enough money for something. And, like, he says that he can win the race by using psychological tactics.

Yeah. Well, that's, and that's John Candy's just, like, shit talking all these other horses. He's debasing his competition. So, Freddie Bobcat has to. to end up being the jockey. Right. Let's just get into the race. Sure.

Well, the one thing I want to get to you before that is the night before he's having like a panic attack. He's like, how am I going to win this race? He's John Candy. The most disturbing thing I've ever seen is this fly puppet. That is a living. A fly puppet voiced by Burgess Meredith is a living night man. The reincarnation of his dead father who's now a horse flower.

Yeah, the horse dad like dies at some point. It's a nothing scene. It kind of has a horse mouth now. It's disgusting. The little lips. It's got lips. It's so gross. You know what's fucked up is in the end credits,

the person who created this fly puppet is credited. I would have Alan Smytheed that shit. No, that's just to find him. It's like, hey, look, put it out there, let people find this. This is the blacklist. Burn his house down. Because I'm glad you, because that is, it's disgusting.

But like, there's the other thing, which is when, oh, God, Don gets a horse. sex puppet deliver a blowup doll and this is just another one that's fucking sex things in this movie and like the horse has garters I oh my god

it's a sexy horse you can buy those there's kind of this funny banter there's like a housekeeper that Bobcat hires and like she's got some funny banter where she's like vacuuming and she asks the horse to stick his leg up so she can vacuum and whatnot so this box is delivered for this horse and she signs for it and opens it and this thing just blows itself up and she's like oh you've you've ordered a sex doll that's shaped like a huge horse a huge pink horse yeah no it's weird it's a brony situation i think but the weird thing is so yeah bobcat is it's the day of the race bobcat uh goads davny coleman into betting all of his horses against his one horse because you're not

going to win. Yeah. Well, he pulls a big flying. Chicken shit. Oh, we're saying the word chicken shit. It's the late 80s. We're saying chicken shit. Oh, do you just call me a chicken shit? It's so great how damn he gets all fucking pissed off about it. Also, though, like, I'm fairly certain you can't just

sign a horse up for a horse race. It's not a fucking box car derby. You'd think they'd all be booked. Yeah. There's not just open slots where you can get your fucking horse in. It's not a sign-up sheet. By the way, speaking of the Burgess Meredith fly thing, like he actually, Don the horse actually referenced like,

I need a pep talk like, like the old man from Rocky. Yeah. Who is literally your father. Yeah. You know, it would be weird. And he actually did Rocky references in this. Like, you got to get up, champ. Yeah.

You got to be Italian. But the funny thing is that Burgess Meredith never saw this movie, so he doesn't know. I guarantee you. I don't think so. And Burgess Meredith is in heaven. That's the only man that ever. He never went to him. Well, he had to battle a horse to get in there, though.

And you know what? Burgess Meredith beat the fucking shit out of that horse. You better believe it. Fucking old ass, 100-year-old Burgess Meredith with a cane, fucking wallop. No, pure fistfight. Pure fistfight, I say. Do you... Knocked him right out.

I don't remember I was going to ask. It was something about Burgess Meredith being a sweet old man. Oh, do you think he went to his grave without seeing this movie? Is that true? Oh, absolutely. Oh, I don't think so. Did he see Rocky Warrant? one? Did he see Rocky

too? Could he watch his own death scene? Yeah. He died in Rocky 3, my friend. Oh, is it Rocky 3? Do you think he watched his own death scene in that movie? Yeah, I'm sure. How about the grumpy old men movies? Oh, right. We played dad. Maybe he just had fun on those and just didn't watch them. Those movies are

annoying. Did he die in? He died in the second one. Yes. Yeah. Well, British Meredith had like a death tour, which is kind of a weird thing when you're an older actor where like every movie you're in, you die of old age. like, well, that sucks. I'm Walter Mathau.

I'm a hundred years old and grumpier old men, and somehow my father just died. I don't know. I actually babysat him. I don't know how. I mean, little bird. Walter Mathout babysat Burtresson. I remember when Little Burgessie

like to be bounced on my knee. Dude, I like this idea of like Walter Mathout, Jack Lemmon, and Burgess Meredith as like little baby men. Oh, no. Like a Benjamin Button. There was like old men, but they're babies. babies and they're getting into all types of, like, scrapes and stuff. Oh, no, I shit my pants again.

Baby Walter Mathau. Good indeed. Also, old man, Walter, Matthew. 40 cc's of powder here. It's like that movie's Boss Baby. That's fucking cute. That's something. So, Bobcat Goldthwaite is the tallest jockey of all time.

So, like, first of all, this horse doesn't add around. Second of all, Bobcat Gullthwaid, who's like 200 pounds, is on the fucking back at his horse. Yeah. So they go and he's going to use psychological tactics. The first one is hypnosis. Yeah, he takes this horse out. Bella Legosi type of shit. Yeah, it's kind of weird.

But the weird thing is, so what he does is, and not to spoil it, he goes up to every horse, he says something humorous, and the horse veers off the course and stops racing. There's one problem. The mafia would have a huge problem with this. Oh, totally. The mafia had money on some horse, and then they're like, well, they do. They do. And the fix was in on fucking Don the horse. All it takes is one mafia horse.

That's the thing. They don't need to like have all the horses. It's like we have money on that one horse and you put it to sleep with hypnosis. 600 tickets to hot to trot, please. Oh, you got Danny's spaghetti donuts back there? Just for shit a mate dose. Spaghetti donuts. Dude, one of the horses he sikes out, he is.

is a horse from, I guess, Mexico. Oh, right. And there's a whole big, like, there's immigration at the finish line. Oh, God. Oh, and the horse, like, runs away. Like, it makes a B-line. We do also, I mean, because the three jokes, the two jokes you could make in a horse movie.

One is the Mr. Ed joke, and the other is the glue factory. Which, the glue factory joke, you can't have a third act glue factory joke in a horse movie, I was really surprised. The cinematic restraint. Exactly. That's why it's a perfect film.

Well, because they, because Dabney Coleman threatened dog food. Yeah. Oh, you're right. You're right. You're right. But one of the, he's psyched out two horses. Like, oh, yeah, the guy from Elmer's glue is at the finish line. He's going to give it, you know.

And then they go, brr. It's a bunch of startled horses. Oh, man, Elmer from Elmer's glue. That guy is in horse hell to be. I mean, like, Elmer was a cow. But no, the guy must be named after John Elmer of Elmer's glue. John Elmer. He used to go up.

Elmer. He used to go. He would just go into horse yards and just with a huge mallet and take one out one by one. And then glue him up, man. That's how Elmer bought, made his fortune. It was in between his clan. He built his empire on bludgeoned horses. You're sentenced to a billion years of horse hell. Give them the glue, boys. Oh, yeah, totally. It's like Han Solo and the carbon. Oh, man. First of all, it's a hundred thousand years of horses using Elmer's glue to rip your pew bears off of your ball sack. It's more like the Sarlac then. So whatever, he wins this horse race somehow. Because the horse has like fucked up teeth that stick out and like the teeth crossed the finish line first.

That's a gag. Photo finish. His teeth are sticking out. And then because he won the race, he gets to get his teeth. because the horse was self-conscious about his teeth. This horse had a lot of mental. He doesn't like his teeth, you know, like the social anxieties. I just don't need a weak horse.

I don't need a weak John Candy, period. No. John Candy was a confident man, at least on camera. I didn't know him personally. I'm sure he battled demons. I'm sure he did. Yeah, I'm sure he was just. But I'm talking on screen, man, this is a dude who used his XXXL pants to put up a flagpole and win a regatta contest.

He had a sense of humor He was ready for business The characters anyway This horse needed to be a big fat party animal Not eating soda He needed to be fucking smoking cigarettes Drinking beer out of a straw He fills the fish bowl

Full of beers Yeah Definitely old style You know what I mean He's drinking through a straw So horse karaoke I could use Oh sure In cars

Horse karaoke in cars James Corden right Oh right Right. He can play the horse. So we get the horse dentist at the end of the movie, played by Gilbert Gottfried. Right. And we get weird fucking mouth cam. This is disgusting.

I love mouth cam. It's the most disgusting thing. It's a horse. It's not the same puppeteer, I guarantee you. It's a nod to a little shop of horse. Yeah, but it's weird. It's a horse's, you're inside a horse's mouth. Yeah.

A horse's ass. It's disgusting. You know, a lot of people have been in horses' mouths, right? I've been, I don't worry about it. I've been in a bunch of horses' bounce. One time my horse took a cigar right out of my mouth. I went back inside. I got that a horse and cigar.

One day a horse crossed me. I took one part of his jaw, and I split him open. Yeah, now I'm in horse hell, and I'm being slowly, I'm gisted inside of a horse, and I just look at a horse's mouth while we're walking around in a hellscape. That's a hellscape, dude. You are forever stuck inside a horse's mouth looking out at Gilbert Godfried in 1988. That's a horror.

A horrible place I want to be. This movie ends with the Bada, Bada, Bada, that's all folks. I was like, well, whatever. Well, because it was the tone of this movie, much like Offbeat. It's kind of like a cartoon. Yes. It's just a fun little thing. Let's not get too serious about it, Chris Cabin.

But what's weird? I'm sorry. Well, I mean, there's no ending to any of the human characters. The last you see of them, they're all sitting in a waiting room, reading magazines. But you know that they're together because, Virginia Madsen is now both wearing a Hawaiian shirt with Bobcat Goldthwaite? Oh, I didn't even

notice that. I was glad they took off. Yes, that's gross. She also, at one point, quit her job and discussed about Dabney Coleman. Oh, yeah, she found out about the nefarious No, she just totally noticed his teeth for the first time. Oh, I can't work with this.

But yeah, the horse does a Biddee, Bede, Bede, that's all folks, and credits. Yeah, sure. Credits. Cut to Fat Guy John Candy music again, thank God. Yeah. That's how you know this movie's over. It sounds like the beginning of Roseanne. Oh, man.

And she's like taking all the, what is it, chips? Poker jimps, man. Well, it depends upon which seasons you're watching. Sometimes they're playing cards. Sometimes they're eating Chinese food. Chinese food's what I remember. Yeah, it was different. The Connor family did different things.

Yeah, for how many seasons? A lot. Too many. I think there's like nine seasons of that shit. Yeah, that shit went on forever. Yeah, it fucking stunk after a while. And that's hot to try. Would anybody recommend it?

I would not. I've hated, again, like, like, 25 years, at least I've hated this movie. I will continue to hate this movie for longer. There's just nothing here for me, personally. I'm out. Big thumbs up. I would recommend this definitely.

Seeing is believing, as in you're seeing an uproarious comedy. I would say that's, like, the only defense to see it is if you absolutely, need to see a horse movie if you need to see a horse sometimes you need to see a horse movie man I don't know I got to the teacher said for homework I got to see a horse movie by morning

I mean that's like I otherwise a hard no this movie bored the be Jesus out of me that's insane it's 83 minutes long and it's got a good taste it took forever for me to cling on to this

it was a good gallop it would buy real quick it did not for me It felt like eternity. Jim, the Klingons are here. They want to watch Hot to Trot. But again, yes, if you are absolutely in the need of a horse movie, it does give you that kick. Hashtag we want Hot to Trot.

Better break out the Romulan ale. This could get dicey. I'm totally recommending this movie. I'd never seen it before. It's fucking stupid. It's entertaining. It was a quick 83 minutes for me. I couldn't believe it was over with.

I was like, oh, well, the Porky Pig means it's over, I guess. That's something. I was actually confused, too, because Gilbert shows up and I was like, oh, here's Gilbert. Cool. And then the movie was over with, which was kind of shocking. He's in it for like one minute exactly. Yeah. Was this like before he was Gilbert? I mean, he was 88. I mean, he was 80. I mean, I just don't think he like had a persona until problem child probably. Yeah. I mean, yeah. It's exactly 1990. So yeah. I mean, like he was around his time. Yeah. Movies. I mean, I just don't think he like had a persona until problem child probably. Yeah. I mean, Gilbert was waiting. Seven. 70s, man. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I don't know. I was totally fine with this. It's fucking stupid. I mean, I see what you're saying about, like, the bobcat persona is not something that carries a movie, but thank God there was a talking horse voiced by a comedy legend. Yeah, that's it. I thought it was fun. It's dumb as shit. You're right. You're right. Well, you're right. But I had fun with it. I grew up with it. It's just stupid. Dumb as horse shit. That's hot to trot from 1988, directed by Michael Dinner. If you want more WHM, check out. out our website or find us over at the headgum network page. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter of course. We're at WHM podcast. And thank you, Patrick.

Oh, that's right, of course, for your Patreon support. We all Hate Movies at gmail.com is indeed the mailbag address, everybody. Rate and review the show wherever you get it. We would greatly appreciate it. Next week, what's flying into people's ears? I have no idea. I'll find that

out. Well, you know, speaking of Patreon and all these great patrons out there, we have a Patreon page, patreon.com. slash we hate movies where we do several premium podcasts with your subscription, your thoughtful donation, and there's no tote bag, but you get, we do this recapping Star Trek show where we have been recapping the original series and the next generation. That's right. You know, called The Nexus.

And then we also have a show called Animation Damnation, where you might have seen older episodes of it on the feed, where we talk about a fun little cartoon every month and $3 donation. At the $3 level is where you start getting animation damnation. And then at $8 you get the nexus and all of our commentary tracks that we can do it. And animation damnation and a subscription to our monthly newsletter, the Big Daddy Dispatch. And sometimes a side order is sleaze. There's one up there right now and Ilsa She Wolf of the SS. Right.

And those shows, by the way, those are meant to be a little less comedy and more just us talking about uncomfortable titles. Exactly. Depending upon what the sleaze is. Exactly. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. Now next week on the program We're going to Bronson Missouri

Not really Death Wish 3 Oh shit This has been a long time coming The fact that this is our 299th episode that we're doing And it took us this long to do a Charles Bronson starring movie I can't believe

I can't believe it is a canon title Of course it is a canon title And this movie is a mark quality This movie is fucking awesome So I'm very excited to talk about Death Wish 3 next week on We Hate Movies. Until then, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Zeta. Eric Cisker.

Chris Cabin. Take it easy.