We Hate Movies - S7 Ep303: Episode 303 - Disclosure

Episode Date: May 30, 2017

On this week's episode, the gang accidentally finds themselves in a WHM Advanced Level episode as they discuss the ridiculously pathetic, Man Power film, "Disclosure"! Why is this film structured like "The Shining"? Why did we need all this virtual reality nonsense? And who let Dennis Miller in here? PLUS: Michael Douglas battles Freddy Krueger! "Disclosure" stars Michael Douglas, Demi Moore, Donald Sutherland, Dylan Baker, Caroline Goodall, Roma Maffia, and Dennis Miller; directed by Barry Levinson.Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Now on today's program, a Michael Crichton adaptation that has nothing to do with monsters, it's disclosure. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadey. Chris Gavin. Eric Siska. I don't know why I'm laughing, but I am. And we hate movies.

Hello, everyone, welcome to for tuning in, as always, this week on the program. It's the sexual harassment cyber thriller, Disclosure from 1994, directed by Barry Levinson. We are partnering with your jobs, HR firm. This is actually going to be a dual, it's a dual. We Hate Movies episode and Sex Harassment Seminar, what to do, what not to do. Thank you, Steve, for bringing this up.

We actually got notified from your employer that you've downloaded this podcast, so we're going to have to have a seminar about sexual harassment. Everybody have their hands above the table at all time. There's coffee in back. You have to be sitting on a folding chair right now to hear this. And when you complete it, you do have to mail that to your HR representative

that you have completed the course. You'll get a certificate. Tell your boss about We A. movies? There were donuts, but Donna's here. Donna is, of course, another name for Chris Cabot.

So, yeah, this is a Michael Crichton joined by Barry Levinson. Yep. From diner to disclosure. The Barry Levinson. That sounds like a book I wouldn't read. And then wag the dog after this, which is a great movie. And then men in black.

No, that's a son of Nice. I always get it mixed up. I was doing it last night myself. Because what are the odds? Levinson's Rain Man and Oh, okay. Rayman's a movie that doesn't hold up. That's for sure. It's an awful movie. And he's doing the new Madoff movie. Which looks good.

Looks okay. It's the Wizard of Lies. It's the Wizard of Lies. That's what it's called? Yeah, and it's Bobby De Niro as Madoff. No. It's a stupid title. They should have got Bob Balaban. Bob Balaban can't play Bernie made off. You can play anything. Why don't you have a little faith in Bob?

Look, I love Balbs, okay? But Balbs would play a dude who got fucking swindled by him. What do you mean my whole family fortune's gone? I think the Balibes has more range than people give him better. Yeah, I mean, Balaban plays the xenomorph in the new Alien Covenant. Oh, you know what, you're right. I forgot that. I didn't want to spoil it, but... I forgot that. That's true. That's true. There's a little Bob Balaban that goes through somebody's head. It's just, it's just Bob Balaband is just the little tonguehead. He's not the whole thing. I know Andre Gregory. That is the last thing I want to hear.

What would be his Oscar? Like, what's the... For Balabs? Yeah, like, what's like the role that would get Bob Balaban and Oscar? Bernie Maynoff. Yeah, we already got there. Oh, that's a great question.

I mean, it's maybe some kind of, like, extraordinary college professor's story. Oh, I got it. Oh, Harry S. Truman. Oh, wow. Wow. That nail meat head. I think he's a little too short for Truman, though.

Give him some lifts. Yeah, no, yeah. I'm not disqualifying him. Put some stilts on that way. No, you just film him like Gandalf. You know what I mean? You make him. Gandalf that Peter Jackson directs the Chish Truman story, yeah.

Yes. Yeah, there were a lot of goblins in that. Harry S Truman movie. I didn't understand that. There were all these orcs below the FBI. Orlando Bloom can play the pilot for the Nulligan. Yes, yes, thank you. Where he drops those bombs.

the Jake and the Fat Man, I think the bombs were called that they dropped on the Japanese there. Wait, is that true? Well, no, one of them, it's like big boy, a little boy, a fat boy or something like that. Because I was like, what a lot of fun that day? I mean, I hear Jake and the Fat Man, of course, I think of the classic television detective show. That's the joke I was making. Dumping Raymond Burr on it? But that's very amazing.

So disclosure. So we apologize for what happened in this podcast. podcast so far. We're back to the HR portion. So here's the thing. Why is this movie structured like The Shining? Yes. Very true because there's shots of like Friday. Boom. It's like this car

driving in the wilderness. What the fuck? It's because it's not just the days of the week, but it's also aerial shots of cars driving in the woods. Because I think they're trying to put this in your head and I don't know. Maybe this is just the white male in me talking. Because watching this whole thing, I'm just like

okay, so when does he decide to pull the plug on the whole family experiment and just off his kids, off his wife, off himself. Because a lot of guys do that. They shouldn't, but they do it. There needed to be a solid Manchester by the sea house fire

in this movie. And it just doesn't happen in this story. Well, I was going out, you were hanging out, we were blowing rails and drink a beer. I went out for more beer. I didn't know that the burner was still on. You want to get fucked, huh? You're going to get fucked, family.

You're going to get fucked. You know, fuck my family. Here's the thing. This movie, to your point, Eric, is persecuted white male the movie. Holy ever-loving shit. It's like, oh, my God, the women are coming for our jobs, and it's not fucking fair. As my wife pointed out, Michael Douglas' character leaves this movie to go on to be a men's rights activist. It is.

He's a red pill, motherfucker. You know what I mean? What does that mean? That means he watches YouTube a lot. Yes. By the way, you're not an alpha male if you watch. YouTube alone. Doesn't mean he's got one of those beats by Dre pill speakers? No, it's a Matrix reference

which is ironic for people who hate women is it's a matrix reference wherein the red pill was what Neo took to waken himself up. That's how you become certain of it. So now you're awake and you know that women stink. Yeah, because the feminists have been putting pills in your butt.

Oh shit. Is that what's happening? Or mouth. The mouth is kind of the face butt. No, I think take the red pill you believe in Pizza Gate, that's it. It's true. There's no middle ground. I agree. You know what I've been thinking about a lot lately speaking to Pizza Gate. You remember they had that their

Pizza Gate protest like a little while. It was a while back now and they had that famous photo of like that family. Yes. And it was clear that like, because it was like parents, like a dude and a lady and then like two kids. And I was like, you know,

they should follow up on the kids of the Pizza Gate protest parents like 10 years from now? See if you're still talking to your family. That's a sure far way of like once I'm out of the house goodbye. I think that was like you know you bring kids to a Pizza Gate protest guess what? You don't have kids anymore.

Child Protective Services. You think there was a like a Pizza Hut social media person that was like thinking about using PizzaGate? Like how do I? They were crunching the numbers. They backed off. Yeah, they had already photoshopped bunch of breadsticks and pepperonies in a gate.

This is not what that's about. Man, we can't go... Go on Wikipedia, figure it out, dude. A basement full of breadstits. It's like, you know where you won't find a child sex ring? Down on Wing Street. So this is a movie, by the way, in case anyone was wondering, it's a movie where in Michael Douglas

gets sexually harassed by a woman. Right? It goes both ways, you guys. It goes both ways. Because you know what, as we learn in this movie, sexual harassment, or sexual harassment, Setsual harassment, it's not about sex,

it's about power. But even the problem is, this movie isn't even about sexual harassment. It's about virtual reality, God damn it. It's about virtual reality. Sexual harassment doesn't work unless you got power. You can't sexually harass on water? Not unless you got power.

Well, you're right. It's the last episode of We Hate Movie Goodbye No, but it's about virtual reality It's about intercompany politics And some sort of scam that is happening from Jump Street That I'm still not even sure what the scam was It's five dimensional chess Steve

You gotta get ready for it man It's six dimensional chess I feel like Dylan Baker is 20 moves ahead of the audience In this movie And we never catch up to him I don't know what the fucking point is. What are they trying to set him up for? I'm sorry.

The short answer is they're trying to set up Michael Douglas so they could fire him for incompetence. And the week that they have... Oh my God. And he's fighting to like keep his job to be with these people that fucking hate his guts and think he's incompetent and don't want him around to begin with.

Yes. I think they want his stock options is the end of... Because he has... That's his big out. is that I have the stock options, even if they got rid of me, even if they didn't do, if they didn't give me the,

the vice presidency, I will have these stock options. Which, by the way, we'll go nowhere. We'll go nowhere. No one's using VR libraries. All this, this big merger is this company

is excited to buy Donald Sutherland's companies, the head of the company that Michael Douglas works for, and their big development is a virtual reality interface, used solely as a filing system. They do, there is a line that it's like, this is for our presentation purposes,

we're not actually going to make a file system. They do, there's like something that's under the radar to be like, we're just showing you the application, like the first wave. It's so much more difficult than actually putting a file away. I have to put on a helmet, walk around a fake mist-like library. It's a mind palace, brother. It's stupid.

And it takes you 10 minutes to move fucking one foot forward in this world. It reminds you. Have you ever seen that mid-90s SNL sketch virtual book with Michael McKeon? I don't think so. It's virtual reality books. It's Michael McKeon. It's like, oh, it's the beauty of virtual reality books. You're thrust into your favorite books.

But the gag is you put the helmet on and you're just reading a book. Right. And that's the, yeah, yeah, yeah. In a virtual reality experience. It's much like this because they're just looking at five. You're just grabbing files? Well, I could do that on a regular computer. I could do that physically.

I could grab those files. I could just have a fucking filing cabinet. Can I say, but before all that, like, with the sexual harassment shit. Yeah. Like, you hate Michael Douglas before the credits even end. Yeah. Because he's in his house and his, like, you hear them chittering his whole family. Kathy, you got your jacket or what?

You got your rain boots? Are you ready to go outside? God damn it. He's just yelling at these kids. So the daughter is saying something like, oh, my friend Cindy, she has two mothers. And, like, he says, oh, that's interesting. Uh-huh. Yeah, he's ready to fuck up through 1994.

I hate the way the future's going. Yeah, it's like a fucking Dave's World column. Like, you know what? What's it? Dave's world? What's that, Dave Barry? Dave Barry, yeah. Does he hate what he hates women?

No, it's more just like I can't believe what's going on these days. He's a dude that will. complain about millennials and their nine dollar cups of coffee. Oh, boy. You're so tough for Dave. Forever, you know, immortalized by Harry Anderson in the sitcom Dave's

world. That's right. Who could care? Who could care? So, yeah, so he goes to work, he shows up to work a little late because, and it's the day, it's your white guy day where it's the day of the big promotion. I've never been in this position where someone's like, today's the day I get my big promotion everyone told me i'm going to promotion today and on top of that he's just like yeah i could be a few

hours late yeah yep because he's just pluttering around the house i don't even think it's like an excuse for the kids or whatever it's he's consistently late to his job in this in this movie yeah that's not how you climb the ladder you get high up there man all of a sudden it doesn't matter you're one of the honchos listen now again i'm a representative of your hr department if you're listening to this i just want to say that you know i mean 30 minutes like it's fine. Nothing more than that, all right? Yeah. That's official policy.

Or you got to make that time of afterwards. Or you have to call up Dennis Miller at least tell him. You got to tell him that you're going to be laid in. Check in with your I guess he's a subordinate? He is a subordinate. Or is he's a sideordered it. He's a subordinate. They're trying to make a prime ordinate. Either way, Dennis Miller's in this movie

and him and Douglas are battling for fucking mullet supremacy in this movie. It's your 90s Seinfeldian yuppie mullet It's so bad This is my alien versus predator

By the way Miller wins I think By like an inch He's got This is it This was like Dennis Miller His comedy special

I can be in movies now Yep It was happening Murder at 1600 He had this beard Bordella of Blood Bordella of Blood The Net

Like Yep Those are like roles where he's just like In movies Just kind of telling people information and then walking away.

Telling people information, but also just slightly edging in some Dennis Miller intelligent barbs of people. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. So he's late for this thing, and he's got a meeting with Donald Sutherland, and like this was what was shocking to me,

first of all, and I realized I could never be in the world of high business, because... Oh, this was the one? This is one of several reasons. Wait, hold on, you're not torpedoing our project that you're going to star in called high business, are you? Oh, well, no, that's a different kind of high business. That's the, that's the

movie where we're, we are selling marijuana. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no. Tish. I'm talking about, like, this world of like, I'm jazzed about a promotion kind of a thing, because he gets in and they're like, like, Dennis Miller's like, hey, babe, you're late.

Donald Suther was already walking through your office at 8.30. I was like, 8.30. Oh, yeah, man. What are you talking about? That is bizarre. And then there's a fire me now. There's a, there's a Meeting at 7.30, and it's like, no way in fucking hell. Who would you talking about it? Who would even do that? That's fucking crazy. Who would even do that? What is this? High school? What is it? The day end at three?

You're trying to sink your own fucking company. 7.30. Listen, 9.30 minimum. Yes. That's the earliest you can go. For a meeting, absolutely. 7.30 minutes. That means I've got to come at 7, have my coffee, check Google for a bit, and then I could go into the meeting. What am I waking up at 3 a.m.? Yes.

To make it to the mainland. Are we doing morning radio? What are we doing at 7.30? Yeah, exactly. Do you have to get up and give someone a fucking traffic report? Like, come on, 7.30. You're making a computer simulation. What do you need to be up that early for?

Listen, your computer company, if anything, you should be in later than anyone else. Yes. Remote workstations. Yes. So, yeah, that's what they're in. They're doing VR stuff. it's weird because it's both software and hardware at the same time because Michael Douglas, he's in operations and production

and his thing is like, I have to make sure that the drives work and there's something wrong with the drive. I'm developing CD-ROMs. We're making CD-ROMs. Dude, we are talking about making a portable CD-ROM drive. It's so funny. And I get it. It's 2017 now.

We're a long ways away from this. And back then this was deemed like cutting edge, whatever. But Jesus Christ, does it just seem. quaint. Now, Arthur, don't try to screw me with these drives here. I just bought a portable CD drive. So how about that?

What for what? Well, I guess it's... You time-travelling? No, because my fucking new computer doesn't have a DVD player. Oh. Okay. Because now we're getting to that realm of reality, where this fucking disclosure tech is becoming real. But so why do you need a CD-ROM drive? Well,

because to rip things. Oh, oh, I see. yes rip roaring rip roaring baby i guess it's a DVD r w well i mean yeah it's like because a lot of the like the new like you know macbooks and whatnot or i guess the airs are foregoing that shit and yeah you can get like a drive that you care they make them for blu-rays too how how else am i going to get audio from tj hooker episodes yeah now that's totally true so yeah um he's like you know he's having a bad day he comes in a little later than he should he ruins his tie and dylan baker Tooth paste on my tie. God damn it.

Dylan Baker is... And also just take the fucking tie off at that point. You're wearing a suit. Like, you're fine. You look great. You're fucking Michael Douglas. Exactly. Dylan Baker is like, have they told you? And Dylan's like, told you what, Dylan Baker? Ew.

Well, it's like, Dylan Baker... Yeah. Well, yeah. What are you going to fucking say to me, creep? Is that a teen bop underneath? Is it just sad that that happened to Dylan Baker? You do one fucking Todd Solid's movie and the rest of... You just, you did it too damn well. That was it.

Right, yeah, he was joking off to kids. Yeah, Tiger Beat magazine. That's the one time you don't want to hit it right out of the park. You want to get a good solid single on that. Like, he played an okay pedophile. No, no, I feel like you should, you know, do your best for every role you have. And if, you know, if you do it well, I mean, you do it well, maybe, yeah. Well, you can't make a career out of playing pedophiles.

Has he done it more? than once? No, I don't know. That's Jackie Earl Haley's job. Dylan Baker was in one of the Spider-Man? He was in a couple of Spider-Men. He was supposed to be reptile. Lizard.

The villain that never came to be. What is the difference between lizard and reptile? Well, reptile's a Mortal Kombat character. He had a mask. Wait, did Spider-Man fight him? No. Probably in some crossover, right, Steve. Maybe one of them crossover video games they have?

The New Mortal Kombat, everyone, like Jason's in them, the Predators in the New Mortal Kombat? Mortal Kombat? Just a predator. How stupid. Wow, I got to buy that. Yeah, exactly.

They saw you coming. So Dylan Baker's like, oh, you came in late, blah, blah, blah, everyone's looking for you. He plays, he does the worst thing, though, when he's like, oh, man, if they told you yet? Yeah. And Michael Douglas is like, no, tell me what. Then he does, it's the most unforgivable thing where he's like, oh, I shouldn't

say anything. I'm like, fuck you, man, you brought it up. Are you kidding me? You came here to play. Come on. Basically, he says they're bringing in somebody else to take your position. You're not going to get the VP job. By the way, they might even fire you.

And he starts, like, kind of freaking out a bit. And he says, one of the many very 90s things, he's like, hey, you want a Prozac? Oh, that's an antidepressant. That's going to take a long time to get to you. Like, I've got to take it now and then maybe in a month it'll start kicking in. Like, you know what I mean? Like, did you get on regiment here? I was all surprised we got away from a Zima reference here.

Oh, yeah. We've done of them. Yeah, I'm going to celebrate winning my sexual harassment case with an ice cold Zima. Why don't you go home and fuck a Zima? So he goes in his Sutherland's office. He's all on edge and Demi Moore is there and it's kind of revealed that they had a relationship in the past. Right. Which kind of, we got to get into what that means because she's 33. They say that she's 33. Later in the movie, they say that like years ago, he's got kids who were about 8, 10.

eight tops let's call it eight all right but he lived with her at some point you know what she was 18 yeah exactly right out of high school right not only that they went to napa valley together on romantic vacations yeah like this is a real this isn't like a weekend fling like she was like 24 like they're checking into a hotel and they're like oh just you and your daughter then yeah i mean i honestly feel like most of what michael douglas has coming to him is totally warranted in this movie in this movie oh i thought you made a real life no i mean i don't know about that great guy he's okay gave eric a high five yes yes we went to a screening of ant man and michael douglas gave me a high five and to be fair i was on the download he was loaded

yeah of course he was fucked up of course um why else would he touch me but just to show you paint you a picture of folks at home i was on the low down right and he was on the high up and gave me a smackdown. Yeah, he was wearing like some Stanley sunglasses too. He was like really having it. Does he have the Hank Pym like facial hair going on? No, no. He was clean

and shaving. He was lit. That was a great night. I also yelled at Bill O'Reilly and I said sit down pinhead in the theater. It was fucking awesome. What a night. Greatest night ever. Donald Sutherland is the boss and he basically says, you know,

we're promoting Demi Moore into the VP position and like the whole thing. is like Douglas, like, she doesn't know shit about hard drives, man, she's a corporate stooge. It's like, all right, I guess so. But like, so we have to think the big picture here from this movie because it's all this

engineered thing to, I guess Machiavellian nonsense. To gobble up these Michael Douglas stock options is maybe the idea. So they're like, all right, did he ever fuck anybody in high finance? Like, who can we?

Because it's like, did she get this job because they used to have a relationship so that way it's easier to engineer this whole sexual harassment, whatever? I think she must have hatched the plan with Donald Sutherland. But that's what I'm saying though. Is Sutherland the larger

mind here? And he's like, well, I know that he used to brag about fucking that woman quite a bit. Let's bring her in and give her a job. Maybe. I don't know. Thankfully, she works in this kind of, you know, business and she isn't like a fucking radio deal. Well, we certainly can't bring Glenn Close

in here she's gone or was it happenstance like they were going to hire her and they found out about it and they were like let's go with that angle let's like make this man

go insane so we can get his stock options or whatever maybe that's the thing maybe if Sutherland had like minions and he sent Glenn close first all those little yellow guys

shot down by Douglas yeah those little yellow guys yes Donald Seller is grew hey minions do want to get fucked you little yellow

boppers Why don't you go home and take those two minions out of your fridge and fuck them? So let's get to it. I mean, this is the whole scene that the movie's based on. It's literally the only thing I remembered from watching this movie in the 90s. Because this movie, again, this movie should be like, what happens when sexual harassment happens to a man? But it's not even that, though. It falls short of that at every single turn.

So basically she's like, hey, you know, we're now on this team together. There's something going out with these hard drives. Meet me after. Meet me at 7 in my office. we'll have like a work we'll have like a work dinner kind of thing meet me alone in my office after the sun has gone down so we can talk about

hard drives by the way you got here at 7 o'clock in the morning you'll leave it 2 o'clock in the morning and it's great and that's a life that's apparently a life that's how you make the big one why don't you nap in your car so he gets there she's like oh you know I got this wine that you love

you're a big winehead remember those times in Napa Valley and whatever when I was 14 years old I mean, I couldn't drink any of the wine But you appeared to enjoy it quite a bit Remember when I went to the casino And you went and gambled And I had to be in that other area Because I was not in 21 yet

I was really excited I was at the play pen at McDonald's And you picked me up afterwards Remember you gave me your sister's ID Ew So she's like I have some wine Oh my shoulders are bothering me

Could you rub my shoulders And Douglas This is when you just say Got it, nope No no thank you I got to go home. The wife needs me, man. Whatever.

We've got to catch the fairy. And he does give her a massage. And she's like, oh, you know, show me pictures of your family. And his wife in this movie is the mom from Hook, if you remember her. Oh, right. Moira! This woman is in an incredible shape. Like, top to bottom, fantastic shape.

She's got a bowl cut. That's a little bit of a problem. She's got a bowl cut. To be fair. I understand, it's 1994, but you have a bowl cut. That sucks. Fair is fair. She does have a bowl cut.

And she is like, she looks at a picture of his wife. She's like, well, looks like she always has food in the fridge. And Douglas immediately just chimes in. It's like, yeah, she never really lost the baby weight. And I'm like, oh, you son of a bitch. You fuck. His wife's like railful. Exactly.

What are we talking about? She clearly has a J-Crew charge card. So, like, you know. But still, it's disgusting. He excuses it away instead of saying, boy, that's fucked up. Yeah, or just like, I think she looks great. You know, like, or whatever. But then doesn't then, to me, counter with, like, what I actually meant.

She looks like a good mother. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I just meant that she appears to support her family well. She's a good mother. She's fucking fat. I just meant your kids are fat. That's really what you say.

You got, like, fat little porky kids. That's what I meant. But do they make you feel trapped? Are they, you feel trapped at home with those little piglets? You're going to eat you? Your wife with a. stupid haircut I mean yeah

when you're right so she so like she start I mean they have some drinks and she like how does she start giving them a blowjob well she's first they start kissing

yeah well she's also like rubbing his dick and he's saying no no no we can't no we can't no we can't and so you know here's the thing Michael Douglas you are not stuck in a broom closet with this woman you're in a huge fucking corporate president's office like there's

plenty of space to spread out. It's like 2,000 square feet. Like, yeah, just get up and leave. It's bigger than my home. You get up and leave and you say, look, no misunderstandings, no hard feelings. This is what I'm in for, goodbye. Please don't rub my penis at work. Exactly. And I mean, look, I understand that sexual harassment does work both ways and it can happen to men

and da-da-da-da-da, which is not what this movie's about. But it's what this movie pretends it's about. But he wants to have sex with her. The movie tells you that. And then, like, as they're making out, she like starts to go down. on him and he'd say, oh, oh, oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. No. By the way, you could have just dropped the nuclear option. There's always the nuclear

option for men in this, but I have to take a shit. Oh, whoa, that's it. I never thought that's a good one. Out of nowhere. Just say, I have to take a shit. Then she's going to be like, oh, oh, you want to do caca plays? I know, I just don't think she would have something ready. There's nothing at the ready. There is, listen, listen, no, no, there is. I mean, Chris Cabin is 200% correct because there is no appropriate retort to I have to take a shit.

Especially when you're going down on somebody, like, I got to, it's got to come out. Get your fucking face out of there because I have to take a shit. I had Hardee's for lunch. Guys, just go for it, man. Just soil yourself. Just go all the way. It's like if you're being chased by a bear. Yeah, exactly.

You're an animal and you just shit yourself to try to ward off the predator that's currently sucking you off. No. You're an ugly motherfucker. I have to take a shit.

If you find yourself in a predator movie and he's sucking you off. It's weird. I put all this mud all over my body so he couldn't find me but then he started giving me oral sex. I put this cold mud. my body, but my penis was so hard

and hot. He could see it with his heat vision. He could see the penis. And he started... Of course. He went to it. But it doesn't stop there, though, because, like, so she, like, is filleting him for a little bit. And then... He gets super into it. Yes. Of course he does. And so then, like, you know, she stands up and they're making out and whatnot. And he's, like, he's, like, loosely saying no. Yeah. And then, like, He flips out, and it's the line of the movie, because he just, like, he grab,

and by the way, this office is under construction currently. There's a bunch of saw horses all over the place and fucking plastic hanging from the ceiling. It's Donald Glover's garage from Lethal Weapons. Danny. Danny. Yeah. So then, like, he just takes her and, like, throws her across this construction site. He's like, you want to get fucked, huh?

And he's just like, oh, wait, what? Yeah, he's taking his belt off, baby. He's definitely doing a little fucking digitizing, man. getting his hand up there. And you're like, wait, wait, wait a second. You're the victim here, buddy. Yeah. Oh, you want to get fucked.

You want to get fucked. And like, at that point, like, he's, he sees his, he's inside of her. Yes. He sees his reflection. Wait, does he actually, he penetrates? I think so. I think he was, I think he was about to. I thought he was just about to lose his time X.

Yeah, I think, oh, my God. Oh, God. This was, you know, nobody saw it coming. It was an advanced we hate movies the whole time. Yeah, that's true. But he sees his reflection He's like, oh no, what have I become? I'm like, give me a break, dude.

True colors. Yeah, totally. And he like leaves. And like, he takes like this moral high ground after he just fingered this woman for four minutes. He's like, yeah, well, you could just, you think you're, you want to go fuck something? Go take those champagne bottles in your fridge and fuck them.

And I'm like, whoa. My thing was I was like both of them. Yeah. It was a great line, man. It is a good line. And he walks out. And she, like, is really pissed off. And she's like, you're fucking dead.

You hear me? You hear me? Whatever your character's name in is this movie, Michael Douglas, you hear me? Tommy. No, it's not. Yes, it is. Tommy? It's Tommy.

Tom Sanders. Tom Sanders. Oh, yeah. Sanders. Because they just, they keep calling him Sanders through the whole movie. That's the other thing. So she, like, screams at him as he's getting out of the office and some cleaning lady sees.

And you're like, oh, that's what happened. The weird thing is, it's old office culture because now we're all like, oh, we're going to go to Eric's office. Oh, Andrew is coming in. And even if you're the VP, it's like, oh, Andrew's coming in tomorrow. We're all first names, but back then it was like last names. Like we're on a fucking football team. Yeah, no, it's very weird.

I want us to go back to last names. Oh, yeah. I find the first names too informal. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. You need some respect? Yes.

I don't know. I don't like that, though, man. It's like I'm not, you know, on your softball team. You could be. Hey, Jupin, you get that done? Yeah, exactly. Hey, Jupin. Yeah, I hate that.

It's very stupid. Yeah, but if I hear my first name, I'm just, oh, the teacher's yelling at me. What, really? Yeah. That's how it's, that's how it feels like. Mr. Cisca. I wish people would say that.

Oh, like it's a twilight zone and we're just walking around. You're two minutes late, Mr. Cisca. Yeah, exactly. It's 1955. Yeah. That's my, that's my desired reality, apparently. And Michael Douglas is apparently. Oh, sure.

So he goes home and he's like, ah, God, I can't. believe I got sexually harassed at work. It's outrageous. I better wash my hands real quick. Can't believe that sexual harassment was really out of control. Wash, wash, wash, wash. And this is, it's, of all the ridiculous shit that happens in this movie, this is one of the most ridiculous parts because he goes home.

He still has Demi Moore all over him. And he goes inside and the wife is home. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just going to take a shower real quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's got this huge scar. And he's got this hilarious fucking catwoman scar. Also, red flag, your husband just came home. at two in the morning and needs to immediately

take a shower. Yeah, totally. And so then like she comes in and of course they're like loaded so it's this amazing glass shower and he's in there showering and he doesn't like turn around because he's trying to hide his chest and she comes in to have this like shower conversation. I was like, get the fuck out of it. No, she's bringing him a beer. Oh that's right, could you get

me a beer? The balls on this guy. He just cheated on his wife for a good long while. He comes home and he's like he comes, he passes the kitchen, goes upstairs. Yeah. He asks her to get him a beer so he can, like, you know, shower off the stank. Yeah. And she comes back because, like, he just got passed over for promotion.

He's been in a bad mood. And she's like, oh, I'm so sorry about the promotion. He's like, yeah, shut up. And he puts on his shirt, and she's like, you never wear a shirt too, but he's like, I feel cold. No, before that, though, it's even worse because he gets out of the shower and he's holding the shower over his chest. Like, he's concealing a bosom. Oh, the towel, yeah Yeah, he like won't remove this towel

From his chest And I'd be like, what are you doing? What, what, did you get scratched by a woman That you're having sex with him? Let me guess Now a giant raccoon Jumped out of the bushes in the front yard Trying to take the recycling out

Yeah, I don't think it's rabies But we can't be sure Where's that beer? By the way, where's the beer? And then the audacity of this movie Like, he climbs into bed he's wearing like some conference final t-shirt and she yes she has the line like

Steve said like oh you never wear a shirt to bed he's like yeah I got to chill and they're watching the apartment on TV and I'm just like oh well that's a better movie oh that's a better movie hands down the apartment and so he doesn't know what he's going to do the next day there's a lot of like goings on

oh uh Demi Moore says oh by the way the 830 meeting was pushed back to 930 he's like oh a fucking normal time for a meeting awesome yeah he should should have known something what's up yeah like you just walked out on while you just they engaged in that sexual thing and then she started yeah you know yelling at him i'm gonna ruin your life yeah and then by the time he gets home she had called his wife to tell him about the time change of the meeting yeah the fuck would you ever believe that yeah that's why about you never go into work

again or that's really your best option i'm going back immediately and sleeping there because knows what time this meeting is going to start. And as it turned out, 7.30 in the morning, this presentation. God, that's some masochistic shit. Why would you have a presentation of a virtual reality system at 7.30 in the morning? I still can't get over this. It's shocking. It's shocking and it's upsetting.

And you have clients coming and you're going to ask someone from outside to come in at that time? Oh, yeah. I know you're, uh, you don't live here and you're just visiting. But could you get here? Could you make sure you wake up at three in the morning? you gotta be up the same time road crews get up Try to beat those truckers

Getting out early The ice road truckers Getting out of Seattle There is so much Like snappy snap screenplay going on in this movie Because he goes in to talk to his team And I'm like what fucking 90s brown sitcom my watching

Because everyone's wearing earth tones We're all sitting in a big office And we're fucking talking about the power dynamics of men and women in the office and blah, blah, blah, blah. It's snappy as shit. And size doesn't matter. Dib-Boo-Bee-Bop. And I'm like, get me the fuck out of here, suddenly, Susan.

I don't need it. And so the team is Dennis Miller, the woman who plays Jason Siegel's mom on how I met your mother. And some dude who, had he transferred two action movies, could have been Kurt Cobain's stunt double. Yes. Or Cato Cahillian. He would have been a great Cato Cahillian. My wife actually was wondering if Cato Cajelan had auditioned for this. might have been in point break

yes I think he might be it might have oh shit not bad it's a big year for this guy got the hair for it oh point break was earlier right it was 91 maybe yeah better movie fucking hands down a better movie um so

oh we didn't talk about so that night after he goes to sleep after the sexual assault the sexual harassment is not sexual assault he has a nightmare about Donald's You cut to, it's him and Donald Sutherland going into an elevator. It's a bad transition, by the way, because it's Michael Douglas in bed with his wife.

And we do this, like, the camera kind of just, like, moves down in front of the bed, and it's, like, a wipe to black. And then it's, like, the outside of the office building the next morning. Yeah. Which we should have realized that this movie's doing the Shining thing. So it should have said, Tuesday. Yeah, that's right. But, so he's in an elevator, and it's him and Donaldson. and Donaldson's like, oh, that's a nice suit, Tom.

What kind of fabric? He's doing the George Costanza thing. May I touch that fabric? Is this a gabardine? How it drapes his buttocks or something? Oh, that's right. Well, actually, this is the telltale sign that this is a dream sequence,

because Michael Douglas is in an amazing suit. His hair slick back like Gordon Gecko himself. And in reality, we've seen this son of a bitch coming to work. He's got fucking toothpaste all over the place. He looks like a crinkled up L.L. Bean cattle. It's disgusting. No, he looks like he's strolling into Fucktown, so.

And he's like, oh, Tom, you're so sexy, Tom. And he like, it turns into peep show for a second. He opens his mouth towards the camera. Oh, man. And it's just like, hey, hey,

viewer, if you ever wanted to know what it was like to be tongued by Donald Southerly. Oyster cam. Yeah. Oyster cam. Fucking disclosure, now in theaters.

Gross That was all right But so then like Michael Douglas wakes up like screaming Like Freddie Kruger got him Oh man That's what you should have said to his wife Oh that the claw marks on his chest Oh no Kruger's back

I think Kruger's back I think he's more than just Elm Street these days He moved to Seattle Remember when we got that a pervert janitor burned alive Well it seems like he's attacking us in our dreams Turns out Fred thing Turns out Freddy likes gray suits now He's tired with the kids

He's going for the parents Oh, why would you even put this in for fucking anything? I'm in disclosure Virtual reality That's pointless Dennis Miller, you're next Oh, do you please God Hey, you got to slice me and dice me

favor? You got a ninja chop there? What do you got? Come on, Donald, give me some tongue. Oh, man, they trapped Freddy in the VR thing. Yes. This is business casualtron. This is worse than hell. 7.30 meetings. No.

Oh, God, it's so stupid. So on Tuesday, he decides to press charges, I think. Boom. Dude, listen, listen, like. It takes so long. It takes weeks. What the fuck? Like, if you're going to press charges for this, which you probably shouldn't, I mean, because

you know, he kind of was complicit a little. It's complete, you're complicit. And you don't tell you wife at all. Like, there's so many things that you know that this is not a good situation for you to have a case. Right. He should have walked away. Yeah.

Just fucking left. Yeah. Because his wife was saying earlier in the film like, oh, you should just quit or whatever they would appreciate you. Right. She could go back to, like, practicing law full time. They'd be okay financially. They would definitely be able.

financial. Look at their fucking house. They're also ultra-loaded. But he would feel like a cuck. Oh, one of those cucks that keep reading them. Because his wife a 1994 cuck. This is a proto cuck, man. He just can't stand. The industry

is about to bottom out anyway. Also true. Oh, the VR industry is not going to. Oh, no, the Virtua boy is going to cut our throats. Fuck you, Nintendo. You want to get fucked Nintendo? everybody's complaining about 2008. I was in

1995, the real 2008. Mary, you want to get fucked? Oh! What the hell? Oh, but I mean, so yeah, he decides to do this or whatever,

but the other thing is she has made the announcement beforehand to like Sutherland and maybe Dylan Baker because she like says at first he sexually harassed me in this meeting last night. And then, like, Dylan Baker again, like, kind of pulls him off to the side.

And he's just like, oh, so I heard what happened, huh? That was a bad move on your part, buddy. And then he's like, what are you talking about? What did she say? And he's like, oh, nothing. That's, first of all, that's not how this would, I mean, your office would be taped up. Your fucking files would be in a box outside of that. You are being sued or let go of.

It's not this casual, like, hey, buddy, I heard you. Oh, it's just like, oh, hey. Oh, it's weird. The head of HR never calls me in the middle of the day. Yeah, hi, hi, Janice. Oh, yeah, I'll be right over. Oops. Yep.

That's the end of that. Hey, buddy, you raping people in the office? That's not cool. So then it's just kind of, for the briefest of times in this movie, it is this sexual harassment thriller. It is, but he's also getting these emails. Oh, God. Well, there's also a little bit of intrigue going on. I mean, this is where the thriller part comes in.

Uh-huh. You know, so, like, he's getting these emails, and this is classic 90s movie, like, bogus email interface shit. Oh, do I love it. It's like an envelope opens up, and here comes your mail. It's going to take 41 minutes. It's kind of like... It's like animated DVD menus. Exactly.

I just want to fucking watch Ghostbusters. I don't need to explore the X mansion. I just want to watch X2. Yep, exactly. So, I mean, yeah, this whole... thing goes down but yeah so he's getting oh so that's right so he's getting these emails and it's like keep following the clues nothing is as it seems and i was like what is it all a friend and every single time he gets like five of these fucking emails and every single time he goes to be like

reply let me see who this is from and it's like you cannot reply it's left blank of it yeah but but we have to like watch it load it's amazing every single yeah you have to watch them toggle the mouse to get that I got the hourglass now. Oh, right, that's just terrific. Now I'm going to be even later to the 645 meeting. By the way, there was one moment where Demi Morick gives a speech, and she's talking about the future of the internet and everything.

This is the speech where porno music is playing over it. It also, not only does it have that. It has that, you know, the crumbling of the white man in this dialogue. It's amazing. She talks about how in the future it'll be, you know, everything will be free of gender. and race. Right. Everyone will be like

just a consciousness and this is terrifying. He's all afraid. He doesn't want to get a cuck. And you know what this means? She is just showing us the future that is MTV's catfish. Yeah.

It's coming, Dan. It's you're staring down the barrel of a gun right now. You're talking to somebody you don't know who they are? Yeah. They're probably at their cousin's house. They're always at their cousin's house, right?

Yeah, they are. You made that observation. I did. So, but here's a thing. Oh, you were calling them catfish. Oh, I saw your tweet about that. I was like, is he at like a seafood restaurant? I don't understand what's happening.

The weird thing, there's this other guy that's a dropped thread of many. There's this guy he takes the ferry every day and this guy's unemployed. Love this guy. And he's like, oh, they tossed me out after 20 years, Tom. You know, they're coming for you. And he's like, oh, hey, you know, I feel real bad. Also, I'm just trying to fucking be on the ferry. Read my fucking book, God damn it, and talking to this brick.

Yeah, he gets a call on his brick from Cindy, his, I guess his assistant. Yes. And the woman who is in Star Trek Generations playing Sulu's granddaughter. Really? Wow. Serving on the Enterprise B. Deep cut. I'll be out in the parking lot.

If anyone wants an autograph, it'll cost you $25. Outside this VFW. So he's talking to her, and he mentions. Cindy and this dude over here says like Cindy, huh? Well, she probably wants your job. Of course she does. You should be able to have fun with the girls. Now they want your job.

I'm a monster. What are you talking about? Yeah. But no, it's even worse Eric, because he goes, he's like, you know, I feel here, call my assistant Cindy. She'll set something up. The hook you up with the HR is like, Cindy, huh, that sounds like a hot name. They used to be, used to have fun with the girls. I'm trying to help

you. Oh, by the way, I don't want this pervert. This seems to be a little Caesar stamp card that you gave me here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, on the phone. Yeah, yeah. Pizza pizza, motherfucker. Also, this is what I hate because, you know what? I have the fucking same commute every day, man. I take a bus to a train to my office, right?

And along that way, on both the bus and on the train, I see similar people every day. Of course you do. If one of these fucking people decided to just start talking to me, oh, I don't think so. You'd buy a car. I did do that for a little bit. It's just like, don't talk to people you see on your commuter. Just because you guys are on the ferry at the same time.

Shut up. This is West Coast. All those people love talking to each other. Oh, that's true. It's just outrageous. If I was Michael Douglas, I would not have given him my business car. So then that dude's going to be working in my office.

Now I'm commuting with a co-worker. Listen, Dylan Baker would just be like, oh, hey there, buddy. Wait, so you raping people around the office and trying to get other rapists in to the office? I mean, we interviewed this guy and, like, he was just talking about how he wants to, like, assault Cindy? Cindy's a valued member of this company. I don't know what kind of thing you're thinking of there, bud. Anyway, you can still count as me as a friend.

A friend. Whether anyone says a friend, it just, like, boom, boom, let's wait five seconds before the movie. he starts again, just because you're like, wait, did he send the email? Wait, no, did maybe Cindy's a friend? Cindy, are you a friend? Oh, that's right. He's like, hey, Cindy, are you a friend? She's like, what? And he's like, are you, you know, Cindy, a friend. Cindy, you get it. Is this some kind of sex slang, sir? That's what it comes off as, because he's also pat in her ass, and then she joins in, like, the testimony against him. That's right. So they decide, so this whole thing happens, and he gets a lawyer

who's, I guess, a big famous lawyer for sexual harassment. Cynthia Alvarez or something, to which, man, some of the clunkers in this movie, Donald Sutherland's like, he hired Cynthia Alvarez. That woman would change her name to TV listings just to get it in the paper. Oh, yeah. I'll be here all week.

There's that, the wife, the wife also is like, who'd you get? And he's like, I got Cynthia Alvarez. And she's like, oh, great, can't wait to go on hard copy. I was like, oh, the 90s. Hard copy. All right, who's going to say something about a current affair?

Go. So, yeah, he gets this woman. Like, she meets, he calls her at, what, 8 o'clock, 10 o'clock in the morning. He meets her at noon, and by 1 o'clock she's got a meeting scheduled, a deposition scheduled for the next fucking day. Oh, we really got to cram this all in, man. Why this doesn't take place over a series of months or weeks or something? Like, there's so many parts of this mystery that, like, unfold that really would warrant, like, lots of exploration and time. Mainly, there's one point where he just opens an email and it just says, is your cock hard now?

And I was like, well, I got to spend two months alone on that. I get emails like that all the time. Who sent me that? Is that a friend? That must be also a friend. The first spam. I've uncovered the first. the first spam, all right?

Because it's that, and then there's another one that just says pig. Oh, that's right. Pig, period. Get this. They want me to take penis pills to make it bigger, all right? Male Vitality serum. InfoWars, email on you, Michael Douglas, don't be red-pilled out of the world or whatever. Infoors

at AOL.com. Best barbecue, online barbecue, you can buy, pig dot. Oh, wow, yeah. I like what he's saying about feminism, and Sandy Hook didn't happen. Got some good points here. I think Demi Moore is a crisis actor.

Well, imagine my shot. Sweden's a cesspool, huh? You can't walk down the street in Sweden without being killed by immigrants. That's the hero of this movie, man. Pretty much. It's mediation. It's mediation.

And in, he has to go tell his wife. Oh, no, I'm sorry. He goes out to dinner with Dennis Mill. and his wife. Oh, yep. And Dennis Miller, Dennis Miller gets gotten to by Donald and Sutherland basically saying,

like, he's going to fuck up the merger and he's going to cost you millions of dollars in stock option. He's like, you had to do it, huh? You had to sabotage by one big shot, huh, buddy?

And he's, like, doing Dennis Miller acting. And he's like, yeah, I'm not going to be scouted by the NBA. This is my whole fucking deal, man. And I'm like,

please, Dennis Miller, don't be in movies. Yeah, please, God, don't be in movies. If you possibly can. Also, Dennis Miller became this person.

Yes. well yeah also but he also but he blows up his spot to his wife and his wife's like wait what happened his wife kind of like does this thing like where uh she pretends she knows what's going on that was my question she doesn't look like a fucking fool in front of everybody okay because that was my question is that what she was doing or okay i thought there was because it was that which i thought it's what it was but also this movie's terrible and i was like did we just leave a scene out yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you know what tom told me everything yeah blah blah blah and then they have a fight in like a subway station.

Like they got to take the barter or something. It's like a big like, come on, baby. I mean, I didn't mean to do it. Come on, baby. It was just a little kiss. Well, he came on to me. I didn't do anything. And he does, he neglects to mention the do you want to get fucked or the blowjob.

Forgets the beach. He forgets to mention the beach. But he goes from apologetic to a dignant in like zero to 60, man. Because she's like, I can't believe you did this. He's like, oh, well, I guess I'm just a white male. It's a patriarchy all over again because she says, like, you know, what you, if you get sexually harassed, I've been sexually harassed before. I didn't say anything about it because that's what women just have to go through. And he's like, well, I guess men are just different.

And there's like some cleaning lady in his house at this point. And he's like, hey, hey, Cindy, you want to come down here and I want to fuck you. I'm going to fuck you. I'm going to show my patriarchal urges. It's kind of awesome because it's like this really decrepit old woman. Yes. Cut to the kids at the stairs Well, this lady's like

Please, the kids are his sleeve He's like, come on down here, you old bag You want to get fucked I'll fuck you too It's so weird And his wife is just like Oh, I guess I won't divorce you Why? Like fuck this guy

This guy is rotten to the core Yeah, like you know A couple years back You were married to Robin Williams He turned out to be Peter Pan Who knows what's out there Hello boy from forever young to forever old

so but so the next day of course is the mediation Alan, what's this guy saying Alan Rich Who? The other, the old fuck, Demi Moore's attorney This F. Lee Bailey motherfucker Yeah, I don't know, the actor. But this guy's awesome, though.

He is awesome. So basically they both have lawyers and we're just taking statements it's not a trial yet. I'm surprised it's not a trial. Well, there's a judge there, but yeah, you're right. Like, why not? Just do it. And they're disclosing things. Oh, whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Hey, Disclosure. Were there, was there like a Taco Bell tie-in for disclosure? Yeah, talk about hot sauce. You get a plastic cup with Debbie Moore's face ground into, into, oh my God, Michael Douglas' crotch. How is that on a cup? It's a tie-in.

and it's like the one perfect shot of the film the stickers the back of her head and you peel it off exactly god yeah I don't know if you peel it off and it says you finish you win

well it must have been he must have tried for something because he got Jurassic Park there was tie-ins all over the place Congo had shit we here at Taco Bell we want to be in the Michael Crichton business what's the next movie disclosure

was that time travel oh wait no it's a it's a picture of a fat lawyer saying, did you get a boner? A little bubble next to him. Did you get a boner? They printed special napkins at Taco Bell was what it was. And it was all the emails. So you just got a napkin. And you're eating

your chili cheese burrito and you go to wipe your mouth and you look at it and says you're cock hard yet. Disclosure in theaters. Pig. Pig would be perfect. Yeah, pig would be perfect. I'd think twice about eating that fifth taco so there uh it's in disclosure and this is when we find out that used to live together and like this is when his wife has to hear about the blow job and then do you want to get

the toys and all the stuff well no because that's a thing oh the toys there's so it's like okay tell us what happened and we go through the whole thing about the blow job and the fingering and you want to get fucked hot and that whole thing and sit on a champagne bottle or whatever but then at one point during the disclosing they're like oh yeah so you had this prior relationship. And what was going on there? Yes, it's a lot of mindless sex and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and his poor downers, downers, just, fucking goats.

And exactly how old was she? And how old were you? Uh-huh. I see. Well, there's a lot coming out during this disclosure. Listen, all right. She had a permission slip. And his poor wife is sitting there next to all this.

Why would you bring the wife to this? The thing is to seem like credible is the idea. And she's turned white as a ghost at this point. Well, because he, yeah, like we mentioned though, like he conveniently leaves out that beach, man. So then that comes and it cuts immediately to her. And it's a really bad shot of like the two of them. And it's fucking out of focus and terrible.

And I don't know what's going on. But like he's kind of like slowly turning to look like, oh, crap. Forgot about the beach. And he winds up, he's again, like, screaming at hers. She's like, I can't believe it. Oh, come on, baby. And it's like, what are you talking about? I'm just talking about sucking dicks, baby.

She had all the power. I couldn't do anything. And it's awesome because then, like, the lawyer comes in and she's like, hey, who's hungry? He's like, I got to go back to work. But then this is, I mean, so we're talking, this movie is two hours and eight minutes. Uh-huh. And you want to talk about a fucking deleted scene. Cut to the lawyer.

and the wife because the lawyer's like oh you know Mrs. Sanders are you hungry and she's like yes. Cut to them walking around the goddamn Seattle fish market talking legalese and I'm like deleted scene. Deleted scene cut it out. Deleted scene. Well we would lose the line. She's like well how are you

feeling? She's like well 48 hours ago my husband's penis is in another woman's mouth how should I feel? Yeah oh yep classic yeah man classic. And also everyone's calling me fat for some reason I'm in fantastic shape by the way what was that about

because that also comes up Debbie Moore mentions that he's like he said that his wife got fat she's like excuse me that's what she should have just like walked out like fuck this absolutely oh lord

and there's more fifth dimensional chess we're finding out more about the drives and these things don't work he's like got vid chats with some guy in Malaysia that I could hear less about like better than Skype with this guy we were obsessed with the idea of video

chat. Well, you know, science fiction in the 60s got us all jazzed up about it. And now we're there and I don't want any part of it. People will be like, if I get a FaceTime, end call. Call, call, block caller, delete content. Exactly. You know, you privileged lives. I have a fucking, I'm, I work remotely.

Yeah. So my, all of my meetings are Skype meetings. Oh, why can't you just be on the fucking phone? Yeah. Because they want to see your face to see you, you know. Make sure you got a shirt on. Just what. I quit.

I want to see my face. Fuck you. You don't deserve to see my face. Seriously. So after lunch, this is when they bring in Cindy. Uh-huh. And they're,

you know, it's, oh, Jesus Christ, I got to you too, Cindy? Like, so then she's testifying.

Because also, we neglected to mention Michael Douglas likes to pat her on the butt with file folders. I wasn't noticing this. Do you see that in the movie? Yeah.

He does that. And he's like, oh, it's just a thing we do. And she's like, and she plays it really well. She's like, you know,

like, it makes me really uncomfortable I don't like it I don't really like him because of it like it sucks it's a thing that's terrible so she mentions the ass patting with folders and she says like

oh and you know sometimes like he'll like pat me on the shoulder or whatever and I immediately thought to our our intrepid chief engineer Jordy LaForge and his fucking shoulder touches that he's always doing on TNG

I was like yeah he's grabbing everybody he's always like oh data let's see what we can do about this Pat. Okay, Reg, let's get down to the transporter room, Pat. And I'm like, stop fucking touching people, LaForge. Nobody needs to touch anybody at work. Handshake, maybe. There should be a disclosure episode of LaForge being brought in. He's on trial. Oh, Jordy, we're going to get all your stock options.

Oh, Jordy, it says you've got an email that says is your car card yet? Really, Jorty, you forgot about the beach. Number one, we're going to have to do mediation now. Do you have a boner yet, Jordy? Let me look at your holodeck logs. Oh, my God. Oh, this man should be executed immediately.

Captain, are you a friend? I don't know what you're on about. Take that visor away from him. That's horrible. Take his visor away. He would pat me on the behind with a tricorder. Oh, poor. Poor Jordy LaForge. Yeah, he never did it.

Poor Jordy LaForge. So we kind of march on and these things are kind of coming to a head. The next day he kind of cracks the case wide open because he realizes that, like, he was making a phone call to somebody. He thought he was calling Dennis Miller. Hey, Dennis, first time caller. Long-time listener. Yeah, I do believe that health care is a sham. yeah all those blue pills they're just they they don't know what's going on so no but he thought he's

calling Dennis Miller but like he I guess he called some other guy it's just some and this is I mean color me confused he's like oh yeah I called fucking Gary Klein I was like who the fuck is Gary Kline and then he meets with some dude and this movie's so terribly made they meet in silhouette and I'm like who the fuck is this guy it's yeah it's like a sales associate This scene is like It's like all the president's men Yeah totally This dude's like the deep throat of this movie

But the funny thing is so he This guy's like oh yeah I got this weird call from you about Wanted to get fucked It was really weird He's like oh man you just saved my life man He's like yeah I was gonna delete it

But then me and my girlfriend started Listen to it I'm like what He was either having sex or masturbating To the tape of this Yeah I believe it would be the latter I was getting blown listening to you Get blown buddy

He immediately calls his lawyer when he receives the tape without listening to it and saying like, don't accept their terms. We got it. We got it. Oh, I was getting nervous. I was like, oh, he's about to be humiliated. When they do play it, it's crystal clear audio. Like, what the fuck?

It sounds better than a We Hate Movies Live show. I don't understand it. I don't understand how clear it is. It's a phone tossed across the room from 1994. what every little nuance of dialogue almost it's pristine well it doesn't pick up you want to get fucked right yeah that's unfortunate neglects to be so much of him getting a blowjointed no no oh no oh no oh god i got a boner

come on gallagher oh my boner gallagher i can do it mark i can get sexually harassed mark goes both way God damn it I took a red pill I see everything now because blad

a fucking dirty woman sexually harassed me god damn it smash her watermelon you want to get fucked oh no uh mark

and you bought this exotic watermelon wine that's only that's not available within 500 miles of Seattle oh that's a fucked up

thing though because yes so his lawyer is like so you presented Mr. Sanders with this wine that was you know something that

you knew Mr. Sanders to be sort of an amateur wine connoisseur back in your high school days yeah exactly right when you were failing biology and he took you on a sex vacation when you were in the seventh grade and you know it's this whole thing about like it's this very rare

bottle of wine and you know she's like well yeah I just asked my assistant to go get it and the lawyer's like uh-huh well do you know no liquor store in the city of Seattle sells this. As a matter of fact, no liquor store in a 500 mile radius sells this. And then Demi Moore throws

this assistant under the bus. She's like, well, everybody knows that Anne has a drinking problem. Maybe she just brought it from home. The assistant threw her under the bus too. Like, it said like she wasn't involved in this or something. Yeah, like, oh yeah, this one's crazy. Well, she's trying to keep her head

down. Yeah. And also, Demi Moore's been working there for approximately 48 hours. So, basically, Basically, Demi Moore, it all comes out. The tape, like, sinks, or even though it kind of shouldn't, but it does. And she's like, well, I'm a sexually aggressive woman. And, you know, you want us all. She makes this whole speech about, like, it's a sexual dominance and some, some such, and whatever.

And, like, that's not this movie. It's a classic, not in the fine speech, not this movie. Not this movie, because later we're fucking dealing with virtual reality. So basically, he wins the case. And he signs away these terms. and whoops, they can't fire him now but they can't fire him for this but they can fire him for mass incompetence

because that's just how to work. So now Twist, they still want to get rid of him. He thought he was vindicated completely but there's another conspiracy to prove his incompetence and then he's just like, oh shit, I got to learn my job. Yeah.

So now it's like Billy Madison like like fucking, you know, like studying for the test, cramming. I mean it's outrageous like he's working late once again, like on the day he settles this suit, he is still working long into the night. Which again, I'm like, this is not the industry for me.

And his wife is just like, oh, man, you know what was so cool? Like 72 hours ago, my husband got a blowjob, and I haven't seen him since. Yeah, that's weird, isn't it? That's awesome. But then, so, like, he stumbles upon Dylan Baker and Demi Moore in the office, and she's on, like, a stairmaster or something? That's another...

There is a couple of lines about these women and the way that they're overtaking men, one of which is the guy from point break probably. He's like, man, it's like the Amazons, dude. They're all on Stairmasters 24 by 7. They can kill us all, man. Oh, that's right. What are you talking about?

And that's something that Michael Douglas says later to Dylan Baker when after the whole thing goes down. And then Dylan Baker's like, so she's saying that you sexually harassed her last night, buddy. And he's like, what are you talking about? Did you see her? She could kick the shit out of both of us. I was like, what?

Really? She's she-hook. Haven't you seen? Meanwhile, it's like tiny little Demi Moore. You're like, what the fuck are you talking about Michael Douglas? Ever. So, yeah, but on the Stairmaster, he overhears that they're like, well, destroy him tomorrow because the big meeting's going to happen.

He's going to look like a fool. Right. It's yet another presentation. I think at my count, there are five presentations in this movie. Even if you survive the final presentation, why would you want to still work with Dylan Baker? It's the final presentation. And Donald Sutherland as well.

Yeah, you're fucking bastards. Exactly. So he has to go to this hotel and get logging into the VR system to get the files from Malaysia. Holy shit. Oh, man. He puts on this fucking helmet. It's just so embarrassing to watch this thing. It is no business in this movie whatsoever.

Hey, Angel, bring up the Malaysia file. Oh, God. And this fucking angel, like this little flying. It's the guy. It's a point break guy. Is it? Okay. It's, well, first of all, it's bullshit for two reasons.

One, well, it's like their version of Clippy, I guess is the idea. But also, this thing is totally sentient because, like, Michael Douglas is just like, hey, Angel, can you help me out? And, like, David Boreannis walks in. He's like, not you, the other one. But so this dude is like, what can I help you with Michael Douglas? And he's just talking to this thing. And the thing is talking back. And I'm like, virtual reality plus artificial intelligence is brink.

brought into this thing for filing cabinets and then like he's reading these documents and then Demi Moore logs online not in VR so she's just like it's just her avatar yeah it's so weird and she's deleting the files and luckily I guess she can't see that Michael Douglas is hanging out we are reading them right and then he's just like angel you were supposed to protect the files like what so she she goes in here to delete all the files uh-huh but then waits a while a minute or two before deleting all the videos in audio, which would be the bigger fucking evidence anyway.

Also, she, anyone see the rack on this avatar? It's ridiculous. Totally. Because she's a female, like, it's a... Female, yeah, the female avatar thing. It's like this, like, bodacious babe, like, what are we talking about? It's like a grid outline of a person

with a humongous rack. And what they're doing, and this is... And a nice bottom to boot. Oh, hello, data. The holodeck has come alive and it's quite Bucksum. Data, I told you to clean that. It's covered and come. No, this is where, like, the thriller part of cyber thriller starts to, and they're trying to make this as nail-biting as possible, because it's like Michael, or Donald Sutherland and all these businessmen are going to come up to the hotel suite to try out the technology

and, you know, it's like, oh no, Michael Douglas, they're coming and you don't know it, but then also, like, in the VR world. this Demi Moore avatar keeps sneaking up on him and it like will come into the frame It moves like Yeah and it's just like Da-da-da-da-da Oh no there it is again

Oh God oh computer come on don't delete this Oh no God And it keeps like spooking him And it does that stupid movie thing Where like they're opening the door And when they do he's been gone for a couple minutes And it's like well that's just my least favorite thing It's really stupid

But the worst part about this is How he cracks the in both ins he cracks two cases by someone just coming up and dumping evidence into his lap because this other guy from Malaysia is getting Disneyland tickets? He has been working his tits off to get this dude discount tickets to Disneyland. Oh, Mohamed Jafar. Mohamed Jafar himself is coming from... Which is not something horrible.

We're saying this is the actual character's name. The character's name Mohamed Jafar is coming from Malaysia with his family to go to fucking Disneyland and Michael Douglas has been working his ass off to get these tickets for him. And so he calls him up. He's like, hey, Muhammad, I am really in a whole lot of shit, but I had to call you in the middle of the night to tell you, I got you those

Disneyland tickets. And this dude's just like, oh, cool, my family's going to be so happy. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you go in, by the way, you're like, drop my name, you're going to get a discount at the hotel. I'm just a really nice guy who likes to fuck. What is their relationship too? Because this, Muhammad

just like, I miss your face, Tom. I think. I think they're like old co-workers. Well, you should talk to that fat guy you work with, because I'm always on the video chat. So this dude helps him out. He's like, oh, you know, do you guys back up your files the same way we back up our files? He's like, yeah, just tell me what you need. So he then creates in a night because this movie, we're cramming all of this into five days.

He gets this whole case together against Demi Moore. And faxes all night long to the office. I can just imagine, like Donald Sutherland. and getting in the morning. Picking up every phone, it's like, what is going on? Let's just imagine, like, the doors are heaving and just papers.

But that's the stupid thing, too, is like, because he comes in the office. Cindy's there before him, as always, and she's picking up this big, like, ream of paper because it's an old fax machine where, like, it doesn't break. It's continuous, yeah. It's continuous.

And it's, like, all over the place. She's like, this fax has been coming in since 7 o'clock in the morning. I was like, well, if it's been going on for hours, it would have run out of paper. by now, right? Is somebody reloading the machine every five minutes?

This is another, this is why this dude is unqualified for this job to work for this company because you enact this whole thing you're getting Muhammad Jafar involved

he's fucking faxing stuff all through the night for you if you're enacting this whole plot one either fax it to my house or two if you have to fax it to the office go there. Or email.

Don't just presume that Cindy's going to get in there and not just like show it to somebody else throw it away everyone in your office is actively working against you including Cindy by the way you're you're number one and he's just like just send it here I'll show up whenever the fuck tomorrow morning should have been in there all night long yeah just getting all that all that changing the paper out of the machine first of all because yeah definitely you're used to getting up at 3 a.m. anyway so I don't understand why this is so hard for you fucking changing an ink cartridge at 4 in the morning This is what my life's come to. How much is it? In Cartges or Z? That's so fucking ridiculous. Fucking millennials with their $9 cup of coffee, shit.

These Amazon's trying to take my job. Fucking Pike Place blend pieces of shit coffee. Pike Place is the worst. So he does make up with Cindy before this all goes down. He's like, well, I'm sorry I've been systematically sexually harassing you for years and kind of making you feel like shit. But thanks. But isn't it cool that I'm suing a woman for doing it?

the same thing. He makes a legitimate apology to her. To which then she turns around and slaps him on the ass with a folder. That's it. You're next. I'm suing you. I'm fucking sue happy now. Maybe I've got a taste for it. If you're crazy, she slaps him on the

photo. What? You want to get fucked? Oh, no, no, I do not. No, no. I don't. You don't have it. Oh, I'm going to throw you across the room and ask anyway. Sit on some champagne bottles, Cindy. Or some minions, those little yellow guys. Those guys get sexually harassed, I bet.

Oh, totally. And they got like little bucks and butt shakes, too. They do. Why do those things need little asses? Because if you got an ass, you got an asshole. And that means they're shitting, man. Yeah, those minions don't need to be shitting. Fucking raisinettes.

Well, I'm in the theater. I'm going to the movies. Have some raisinettes. Oh, wait, they're coming out of minions? Great. Oh, is that a, do I see a minion? working at that concession stand. Well, they're into everything.

They're like gramlins. They really are. They're a little animated gramblons. Wait, this isn't buttered popcorn. That's just minion dust. Grounded up minion dust. Yep. I'm into it.

So then, like, it's the big presentation. And we've been told, by the way, they're like, oh, by the way, Michael Douglas, it's no big deal. It's three-minute presentation. Like, don't worry about it. So he gets in, and everybody's there. Someone's taking pictures. because there's flash photography

and I was like this is a bigger deal than what it's the day of the merger. The press is there. The press is there. That's why they're going to make him look incompetent in front of the press and they could finally be rid of him.

And the whole thing, by the way, is that they've been cutting corners in the Malaysian plant not using appropriate tools. There's been like, you know, dust in what should be like airtight rooms. And apparently people are like physically putting chips into like...

Just punching them into them. Yeah. Really cutting corners here. Yeah. They were talking about the air quality and dirt's getting in everything now because Demi Moore had moved them to like a worse air quality area to make the costs cheaper

or something. And then there's like he's presenting all this info against her and she's like no that's not right that's not true. I was actually there putting down a labor dispute. Like what the fuck does that mean? Well what's awesome is she says something like oh well no I've never

been to Malaysia. What are you talking about? And he's like oh yeah take a look at this baby and he turns on like Malaysian local news, and it's like, white woman visits factory. I guess they overnighted that. Shit, man. Yeah, what fucking fax machine

did that come out of? Oh, my God. Video files by seven gigs, at least. Yeah, so she's definitely seen the CD-ROM assembly line, and she wasn't, in fact, I guess, with a bunch of guys

with sticks, hidden workers, whatever putting down a labor dispute might have been. So, yeah, so she's been proven as... Evil for her. Yeah. Evil fraudulent. The list goes on and on. And like Donald Sutherland kind of sells her out a little bit. She makes this weird speech about like, it's this, it is like a fake like, um, uh, come up. It's at the end of a movie because she like goes, oh, nobody cares about this shit. Tom, you know, you're, you're gonna be screwed. You're fucked. You're fuck Tom. And then like the other guy that client is like, can you make the darn thing or not? She's like, but I, I never, I had no idea. And Michael Duggles is just like, yes, we can, sir, so buy this company.

There was, but there's also that bullshit like at the end where she's like, I'm just doing what a man would do. And like, this is not Olliana. This is not like the what, the husband and wife are not going to have a hour long discussion over coffee after this movie is done. It's a piece of shit movie. Yes. That has nothing to say about sexual harassment whatsoever. It has very little to say about VR. It's got more to say about VR.

You might argue about HR for a little bit. That's about it. So she's fired. There's this other woman in the movie that doesn't matter. She does matter at the end. I thought it was the lady who was the college professor on Buffy, but that wasn't the case. No, it's not her, no. No, unfortunately.

But she's been in a lot of stuff. Yes. Not Lindsay Krauss. Oh, good call. Nice. Yeah, so what's the deal with her? She's in like all of these big media. and like Douglas is like ah how's it going stephanie doing cool great and she's like yes

I am thank you and then like they do mention like she's been with the company for like 20 years she was his main before Demi Moore came in it was him it was her and Michael Douglas were the ones who were up for the vice presidency right until Demi Moore swooped in but she has like no lines or arc in this movie but then at the end like Donald Sondon's like well it's time for me to announce another vice president and he does this thing like well for Welcome to the 38th Hunger Games. Like, he does this, he does this big speech when Demi Moore gets there. He's like, we're shattering the glass ceilings today, ladies and gentlemen.

And everyone's like, ew, don't say that. Oh, stop it. You're making a fool of yourself. And, uh, boo. And he's like, well, I worried too much last time about glass ceilings when I should have been looking for the right person for the job. And it's like, oh, fuck. And I, dude, I didn't remember the end of this movie. and I was like, oh, come on.

Oh, come on. Don't give Michael Douglas this promotion. He's asking for another vice president. I'm just thinking about that line from sidekicks. He's asking for another brick. I don't know why. That line just repeats in my head a lot. They both have the same amount to say about sexual harassment.

And he's asking for another brick. And it winds up being this woman. And she's like, oh, by the way, this is my son from, he's home from college. and this little tears, like, hello. He's like, oh, isn't your professor? Hey, Jeremy, is your professor named Arthur Friend? And he's like, why, yes, it is.

Well, I guess you could say you are a friend to me. And he's like, that's the end of that. Jeremy, doesn't your professor have a fake name? They drag it out so much worse than that, though, because he's like, oh, you're Jeremy, huh? Oh, you go to, by the way, I hate this movie shit, where they're like, you go. to the university.

And he's like, yeah, that's right. Oh, wait, don't you study with Arthur Friend? And he's like, yeah, I'm his teaching assistant. Oh, and Arthur Friend's been out of the country for the last month, right? Yeah, that's right. Oh, okay. So I guess you could say when he's out of the country, you have access to his office and his email password. You have the keys to the office and you feed his cat.

Come on, get to it. This kid is just like, he can. Can't keep winking anymore. His eyelids are tired. And to answer your question, Jeremy, my cock is hard. He's like, well, that one wasn't good. I do you consider myself kind of a pig. And then he's just like, you know, Jeremy, your mother is quite the woman.

He's just like, yeah? Yeah, she is. And we're just like giggling toward the credits. Whatever, man. Woo, that's awful. It's two hours and eight minutes of disclosure. And then it's just, it, and like, the credit. Credits roll over, like, scenic, beautiful Seattle and outerlying areas.

Isn't it weird that the wife is not a character in this movie? Like, they have that one blow-up, but there's never a scene where they kind of come to terms or get divorced. I'm not sure if he ever says sorry to her. He's never said to what I'm anything to fucking apologize for. God damn it. Yeah, you're right, Michael Douglas, because he was assaulted, Chris. I was a woman. If it was a woman, everyone would have to apologize to her.

right? Wow, yes. I like that trail off. It was like Looney Tunes. Michael Douglas against the roadrunner. You know, and it's a bummer that his wife sort of peters out of the movie, but it's not quite a bummer that Dennis Miller

kind of falls into the background. He's a fucking stick figure at the end of the movie. But what it should have been, though, is Dennis Miller is actually on his side, and he gets a little too close. It gets a little too onto the, the tale of Donald Sutherland and his nefarious scheme.

And, oh, what's that, Dennis Miller? Oh, car bomb, you say. Oh, man. Like, because doesn't he meet a pretty fantastic end in the net? Isn't he murdered in that movie? He is murdered in the net. Does he get measles or something?

I don't know if you get to... Oh, there's some sort of, like... Oh, he's allergic to something. Yes, yeah. And there's like a medical mix-up or something like that. Does he get killed in murder in 1600? Probably. I don't remember, but that'd be an easy body.

Is he the titular murder? No, I don't think so Although I do believe Snipes you gotta get out of the fucking White House, babe That might be as stay tuned as a matter of fact I didn't see that movie in a while I do believe Dennis Miller is the mistress From Absolute Power though Eric

So you might have gotten that scared up The one that Gene Hackman strangles to death Oh, I like that And Clint East dude is in this sex chair Watching through a two-way mirror Clint East would watch Gene Hackman get it on Well I didn't think this was happening

To me being an old cat Berkler. Let me... I'd watch the president have sexual... I may take off my raincoat and open this crutch. That just makes my blood boil in my penis. I have a boner. Did somebody say a boner?

I'm the lawyer from this movie. Go get her hackman. You might say I'm a friend. Oh, and that's disclosure. Would anybody recommend this movie? No, no, no, no, no. I mean, it's kind of fun in terms of, like, if you're a 90s kind of person that, like, really enjoys watching people where Brown have power mullets. Brown's coming back, man.

You think he's coming back? I like Brown. But it's just not. I mean, it's a relic of its time. It's not at all what it wants to be or what it thinks it is. Right. And it's just the most wrongheaded movie about sexual harassment I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, there's nothing here.

avoided at most costs. I'm going to say it's kind of like a hangover movie because it's dumb enough and there's twists and turns which sounds stupid and they are stupid but I was actually engaged in watching it which I can't say for a lot of the movies we do.

Yeah I think I'm kind of in agreement with you here. It's not good. It's like a watch it. It's like oh what like what and it's wrong and you're right. You're right. Well, don't listen to anything this movie thinks it's saying. And also, you put in fucking virtual reality, bad 90s virtual reality. I'm there every time because it's just fun to watch. It's stupid.

It's so stupid. It's so, so stupid. But it's a bad movie. It's so stupid with the VR. It is a 90s relic. And I'm just one of those guys, man. I was loving all these fucking baggy pantsuits and the power mullets and the whole thing. It is terrible.

What an ugly time to be able. live, you know, but just don't listen to anything it says. And also, I mean, if you're hung over, right, you just stay awake long enough for the most uncomfortable, chemistry-less, dull, dead-eyed sex scene ever to be put in a movie. And then pass out. And then you wake up and there's a bunch of shitty, you know, virtual reality stuff going on. A bunch of lawyers saying boner. I mean, come on. Yeah. It's stupid. A lot of Michael Douglass saying, oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. God. God. Actually, it's like, I just kept thinking of George C. Scott and hardcore.

Like, oh, God, I would turn it off. Turn it off. Turn off the VR. Who's all my friends? That's disclosure. Directed by Barry Levinson. If you want more W.HM. Check out our website, WHMpodcast.com.

Or find us over on the Headgum Network page. Like us on Facebook. And follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM podcast. And write into the mailbag. We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. Rate and review the show. Wherever you get it, we would greatly appreciate it.

Patreon.com slash we hate movies. Subscribe. You get the Big Daddy Dispatch. You get animation, damnation, the Nexus commentaries, all sorts of exclusive extras. Did you like that Star Trek riff we did? Well, we got a whole Star Trek show on Patreon. There you go.

And we're about to announce what the next month is going to be. But if you were a patron, you've known this for a couple of weeks. Oh, shit. You get stuff in the Big Daddy Dispatch. the schedule of all the episodes we're going to do in advance. And so next week is the beginning of the summer blockbuster

extravaganza, which we always get super excited for. Hashtaguer SBE 2017. But this year we're less excited. Good reason. Because we are for no good reason doing all of the Transformers Michael Bay movies one after another starting next week. That's right.

So next week it's Transformers 2007. Get ready for that and it's just going to keep going. Fucking Revenge of the fallen dark side of the fuck face all the way up through last night man where we're doing the whole thing oh I didn't even know that are we doing the new one yeah yeah I was like

oh wait am I making promises I can't keep you're writing checks your body can't cash that's exactly right so yeah next week we start SBE 2017 with the Transformers Athon and then there's just a couple of leftover weeks in the season after that for some non-transformers related blockbusters but they're big ones

they've been our list for a while long time coming stay too Nice busters. That's right. To wrap up. To wrap up W.HM. Season 7. Not just blocks.

Avenue busters. That's right, Eric. Avenue busters indeed. Neighborhood busters. Got a buster. City buster. Busted makes me feel good. There it is.

So until next week, when the Transformersathon kicks off, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sedaq. Chris Gavin. Eric Siska. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.