We Hate Movies - S7 Ep314: Episode 314 - Over the Top: Live! in Portland

Episode Date: August 22, 2017

Recorded live, Saturday, June 24th, 2017 On this week's episode, it's the second recording of two sold-out shows the guys played in Portland, Oregon earlier this summer. Fresh from an awesome not-for-profit bar in town, the guys lovingly ripped apart the beloved Stallone classic, Over the Top! Why doesn't the movie tell you the reason Stallone is estranged? Did Lincoln Hawk really have to deliver all that Brute? And how could that kid crawl under those disgusting bleachers? PLUS: The Zodiac Killer comes out of retirement for one last kill! Over the Top stars Sylvester Stallone, Robert Loggia, Rick Zumwalt, David Mendenhall, and Terry Funk; directed by the legendary Menahem Golan. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm gonna I'm gonna throw the way I'm gonna never I like the hell to get in my life and care what I'm gonna care of money are in a song Portland, what I'm here to tell you're going to be in the worst. Only how I can't move and there's a wrong thing. I know. How are you guys doing this evening?

Yeah, all right. My name is Andrew Jupin. My name is Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. Steven Sadat. And we are We Hey Movies from New York City. Thank you so much for coming out tonight. That was a Sammy Hagar video, right?

Yeah, that was Sammy Hagar, man. That was Van Halen Lass? Yeah, it's Van Hald and Les. Like, Lett. No, he did the bass solo, man. Van Halen was doing the bass solo. of that song. Really? Yes. I like that. Little known facts. Sammy Hagar

five-time Golden Bicep Champion. Ooh. How many people are watching that video rooting for Hagar? None of you, right? You want Stallone taken down a peg for once. Just for once. That's also classic. We're making this

like months after the movie's been made because he's got some sort of mullet that is not present in the movie. You gotta come back and do What? And the song is saying winner takes it all. So does Hagar get like the truck

and the kid or something? Yeah. Is that canon? Is that canon? I do believe so, Eric. It's totally canon. Dude, he got custody of that gross kid. Oh. And then he ground him into tequila, I think.

You ever have any of that tequila? What, kid tequila? Sammy Hagar's kid tequila. When you need to get your kids, good and drunk. Eat the worm. You better eat that worm, junior. That's a kid worm. This movie?

Yeah, so wait, real quick, how many of you... Yeah, we'll get to this movie. I know you're... You got an itch to scratch. How many of you guys are familiar with the program we run on the internet? One dude was like, oh yeah. I like that. Well, for those of you who are here for the first... time, maybe on an awkward first

date. We like to say maybe someone tricked you into coming. Maybe it's like an insurance scheme. Oh, total scam. Yeah. You guys all owe us money for a boat afterwards. We're also wrapped up in our own scam. No, we're a comedy show that likes to take a bad movie and just sort of

make fun of it for a little bit, right? Just make fun of people that were involved in it. Check it around a little bit. Yeah, right? These are just movies. Yeah, have fun with it. Right. So the movie in question, over the top. From 1987, which was a grand year for filmmaking, directed

by Israeli super producer Manacham Golan. He held the Canon Group. Running the Canon Group. Him and his cousin... Globus. Yohan Globus. Whatever that, too. Aaron. I don't know. Listen, basically, any bad

Chuck Norris movie that was made between like 1979 and 1991, These dudes produced it. And then after 91, it was Mattress Mac. Mattress Mac took over. Yeah, that's what happens when you have a lot of debt. So I think this movie needs to start with a scroll because I don't get professional arm wrestling.

No. I need someone to explain to me like, you know, like cockfighting, sure, I get that. That's easy. That's like two steps in cock fighting. Put cock in ring, fight to death. Bull fighting, yep. a dog fighting, get arm wrestling, not so much. But are we sure, it's definitely a real sport?

Yeah, there's an international arm wrestling federation or something. Which we confirmed this in the green room like 10 minutes ago. There is a real professional arm wrestling. But is Bill Simmons going to be sending like a guy for Grantland to go and like, at an arm's length

the loneliness of arm wrestling. Oh yeah, Grantland, now defunct, but the site for Pottland. culture and arm wrestling. You know, I think arms wrestling is in Craigslist. Oh, okay. Yeah. You can read all that in there.

Looking for male to fight other male. Arms only wrestling. So this movie starts with a song by Bon Jovi's cousin, Ron Jovi. Yeah. The music in this movie is utter trash. You got some Kenny Loggins, man. man. Kenny Loggins, sure.

Why would you... What is he local? What was that? Why would you start such a silly movie with such a sincere song? It's like dramatic rock music. And it's like the American landscape and it's a movie about

two sweaty guys holding hands and fighting. The American dream. The American dream. I don't know what is more American than chugging bad beer constantly smelling like stale cigarettes and arm wrestling people for money. Taking a shower

and a sink. Oh yeah. We got like kind of a sexy hobo shower in the beginning. It's nice. Yeah, he's just like, you know. He doesn't even get a sink. It's the hose with his truck.

Yeah. I clean myself with the same hose. I clean my truck. And so we're cutting between this hobo shower this hosing off and he's like cleaning the rig and you're like, what can he possibly care this much about the rig for? Well, it's his

little sons military school third grade graduation what is this it's like an ROTC it's terrifying it's elementary school military school that's a thing no I don't think it is no that definitely is a thing that's like the kid and child's play three goes to one of those oh oh so it's a real thing we confirmed that backstage right before we came right before remember yeah Child's Play 3 so he shows up because he wants to be like a spiffed up truck driver is he has a denim shirt and a tie and just why bother man

that's what we call it truck cedo complete with suspenders that he found at some gas station bathroom yeah they were like it was a cigarette machine and it was like six rows of cigarettes and then at the end of the sixth row it was like trucker fancy suspenders easy suspenders

oh yeah totally if you got a clip on tie version of suspenders that's what this dude was buying I thought they were from the movie Fist. Remember that movie? Oh, F-I-S-T-U-N-N-A-U-N? Yeah, man. It's a Stallone movie where he wears suspenders and, like, does, like, union shit, I feel like.

Yeah, he busts up. Wait, is he busting up the unions, or is he bringing them together? No, he's pro-union, man. Is he, like, punching other hands or something? Yeah, I think so. You got to watch it, man, when we're in public and you're like, you ever see that Fist the movie? You've got to be more specific.

Some dude in the back was like, oh, they're on to me. so he looks like garbage and uh he looks great he's the lester Stallone he's cut out of marble it's very like it's he's still like long-faced Stallone it's before the juicing when he was sad well you said no like narrow face not like not a sad clown air they haven't pumped him up yet right no he doesn't have like bull semen inside his arms or what is that shit hbh junior HBO I got HBO in my arms Wow It's not TV

It's destroying my testicles A great sequel would be like One of his opponents that he defeats Like his son wants to become an arm wrestling man Then it's like a creed movie right? Yeah totally Take him under the wing and it's just like Oh you got it

I got cancer in my arms your arm wrestling stories are out there all the arm wrestling stories are on that back wall all the arm wrestlers I love are dead I think most of them are

yeah we'll get to that so many dead people it's almost as bad as professional wrestlers like those full body rasslers the thing is he's trying to pick up his son

to drive him across country to see his mother he's been estranged for literally no reason We never get a read on why that is or why we broke up or... No, I mean, I think it's one of those things where the movie is, like,

you fill in your own blanks. Oh, well, didn't Robert Loja, like, imply that it was like he had dealt drugs or something? Yes, I did. I'm going to tell all sorts of lies to turn my grandson against... What, Stallone says it's lies, but, man, it's probably true.

No, I think it's one of these things where... No, because Robert Loja, who plays the grandfather, like he owns a trucking company so he's risen above just driving the rig like he's this billionaire, he's a very successful businessman. He lives in Belair and he hates his rotten son-in-law.

So I think it's a thing where he's just making up a bunch of shit to trash talk. I got a new rug and you ruined it! Get out of my house forever! I think that's what it was? That's all it took? Yeah, that's it, man. He's got a short fuse. Holy shit, you're telling me. He's got a real short fuse.

Get your handle. off my organ farm. Oh, you know what? Nailed it. That's what all of this motivation is. When I need a kidney, I led him to reanimator and he didn't rewind it. Out of here. Lift the back porch lights on again.

So he misses the graduation, like a good Deadbeat Dad would. Good on you. He pulls the rig. This is what's great, is there's so many sexy shots of him polishing the rig. Getting it nice and shiny. And then cut... Yeah, I'm watching the movie up here.

And then he just get to this, like, gated school, and the truck just looks like shit again. So I think, like, he washed it in the desert, but then continued driving it in the desert. Yeah. I just had to drive it through this farm real quick. Yeah, I mean, it looks like he took, like, a bad detour or something.

Oh, it's a shortcut. And the guy at the gate is, like, what do you want money? Like, he's, no, my son's in there. He's like, you need cash? He goes, he goes out. Are you okay? Deliveries are in the back.

Yeah. He's like, no, I'm here to attend the graduation. You might not believe this, but check out these suspenders. So, like, the colonel calls this kid into the office, and he's like, hey, little boy. He says it just like that. He's like, hey, your dad's here to take you home. This kid, who sucks? Just goes, I have no father.

let me see ID which is a really good idea always a great idea you want to identify oh they both have black hair father and son sounds good to me well this like army colonel is just ready to pass this kid off they both have teeth checks out

which is that's making the army look bad yeah it does but it's not the real army is it I mean I don't know what this is this is this like black ops Are they raising these kids for something? Blackwater school? Yeah, he's like a little Jason Bourne. Oh, wow. Or those mutant kids in Logan.

Oh, yes. I'm glad you pointed at me when you said Logan. Hey, hey, what's the one with the mutant kids? Hey, hey. He loves mutant kids, man. For just 10 cents a day. $10 a month, Steve Sadex mutant kids. So whatever, he doesn't want to go with this dad

and it's this whole thing we're like, I just thought we'd take a couple days driving my truck and you have no clothes packed whatsoever. And we're gonna go to the hospital see your ailing ma. But I gotta pick up this truckload of brute first. Dude. Yeah, I know your mom.

It's a little dicey with your mom, but we got a bunch of mafia cologne in the back that we gotta get. Only the mafia would need a truck full of brute delivery. Because how much brood is flying off the shelf? Well, it is 1987. Well, the question is, is it a bunch

of boxes of brute or one big like gallon jug of fruit? Oh, I think it's like a spigot. A swish, a swish, so swish, so switch, yeah, exactly. I got to drive this car carefully, all this unsealed brute might fall all over the place. We're going to deliver it to a few

swimming pools in Beverly Hills. Oh, is. But it does bring to mind, though, the product placement in this movie. A movie about professional arm wrestling. There is a ton of ad space going around. It's kind of impressive. Well, it is a canon picture. Yeah, that dude swindled a ton of people.

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, millions of people will see this movie. Yeah, yeah. Oh, theatrical release? Definitely. 3,000 screens opening weekend. What I'm saying is Rocky, boxing was nothing before Rocky. Arm wrestling is nothing before over the top. look at boxing, now look at arm wrestling. It didn't exactly skyrocket, I don't think.

No, no, it didn't set the arm wrestling world on fire. It was already burning to the ground. I still don't believe there is an arm wrestling world. This is like Hillbilly fantasy. This is like folklore. You hear about it here and there in a truck stop, but you never see it. Wait a second, hang on though.

Show by round of applause. How many of you know the confirmed existence of professional arm wrestling? Look at that. And how many people don't know that? See? Hey, fair enough. Well, arm wrestling is so...

It's fake. It's confirmed if you're fake now. It's so prevalent in this fictional world. He can't have lunch with his son without some guy breathing down his neck. It's like, hey, you're Lincoln Hawk, right? You want to go in the back and arm wrestle pseudo-professionally? This is one of my favorite teams.

He gets cruised. He's a high... He does. He does. He's just trying to eat. So he's like trying to impress this kid and he's like, you know, I know the truck's up with the best steak on this particular highway.

And this kid's like, whatever, scumbag. Let's get this over with. And so they're sitting at this diner. He's getting some like flirtations going on with the waitress that's there. They're best friends. Oh yeah, they're palsy. Of course.

And this guy just comes up and he's like, you hawk and Stallone Is he spelling all the brute on him? Yeah, of course he is. There's only one brute hauler on this highway and it's me. This guy's emanating brute.

It must be him. We didn't mention his name is Lincoln Hawk in this movie. But I don't think the movie ever really knows that. No, it doesn't. Because he's called Hawks, Link. Link Hawks. Yep. Link Hawks.

Yep. And then just hawk. Dude, he's got that many aliases? That guy's done some shady shit, man. If you have that many aliases, you might be a professional arm wrestling. So this dude's like, yeah, you want to go? And Stallone gives this eye roll, which is amazing.

It's one of these like, here we go again. I'm so fucking popular on this circuit. Look, pal, I'm just trying to eat lunch with my son. I can't be arm wrestling people left and right. You want a picture? You take a picture? That'll be $10. It's a living.

But he, like, immediately is like, all right, let's do this. Yeah. And we get the first of several turn in that baseball. Oh, right. Which is awesome. That means you serious.

Mm-mm, that's good eating. But the back room is, like, made up for arm wrestling. It says, it's like a welcome to Las Vegas or we'll see you in Las Vegas. See you in Vegas. There's, like, shimmery things that we'll let everyone's ready for. and everybody knows.

Well, if this was the first level of like a street fighter-esque video game, this is like the first stage on the tour. And you know that you're making your way, crisscrossing the Southwest. Wait, well, the Military Academy, that was Gile. Yeah.

You're the arm wrestle Colonel Gile. Well, it kind of looks like a welcoming luncheon for like all the arm wrestlers. Yeah, oh, they're just getting into town. It's like a convention. Hi there. Yeah, yeah.

I'm from Nevada. If you are, if you're a professional arm wrestler, this is the biggest weekend of your life. Yeah. Hands down. Or at least your year. This particular year.

No, probably their life. Right? Fiscal year. Probably their life. Professional arm wrestlers don't go by fiscal years. It's an FYI. That's a whole lot of under the table dealings. But yeah, of course, there's like, there's, and that's the great line that he says to, he goes,

set up the table. And there's like 20 dudes that know exactly what he means by set up the table. Which it's just a cocktail table with this like arm wrestling set up on it, including elbow pads and a pole for your other arm. Yeah, the fact that you could brace yourself to the table. This is professional shit. It's a professional shit. So the amateur stuff seems harder.

I think so. You think there's like a racket of like the professional company that like brands the arm wrestling peg that you hold on to? Yeah, totally. It's Spalding. Spalding definitely makes it. And you can pay sponsorship like brute is like along the front of it. So when someone's watching.

this on closed circuit television, they're like, oh, Brute had some money in this. Narcotics Anonymous, right there. A lot of crossover. Got a gambling problem? So he beats this guy arm wrestling, right? Smasher? He beat Smasher. He beat Smasher. And Bob Bull Hurley, who's the star of the film.

Rest in peace. Is like, I guess, going diner to diner looking for people to be arm wrestling with, I guess? That's what you do. Guys, this is the light. Okay. If you're a professional arm wrestler, you wander the American Southwest, looking for arms to wrestle.

See, I think he smelled brute off the highway, and he just turned right off. Oh, shit, I'm leaking. I want that cutaway scene of Bob Bull Hurley driving a truck, like, like this huge rig pulls into this diner. It's like, kill 75 people. Oh, totally.

That's dark. It sure is, dude, wow. ISIS. That's awful. Isis road truckers? Excellent. That's it. That's the one.

Bravo. Good work. So he arm wrestles this. What's his name? Crasher? Crusher. Smashers. Oh, sorry.

Listen, I was close enough. Well, you know. Crasher and crusher and smasher and smasher and smearer. Breaker, dismemberer, and I don't want it. But do you recall, the most professional arm wrestler of all?

Hark, the deadbeat father! This movie's great. Yes, it's a good movie. So Robert Lozier goes in and tears this general limb from limb. He's like, you're fucking incompetent. He's like, thank me for my service, I guess. That's the thing. You're a four-star general.

This dude does not respect the troops. That's the thing. He doesn't support them at all. He does not. He dresses this general down only because he's of the status of I have a lot of money due to trucking empire. And mafia. Well, trucking empire, which mafia, that's just rolled right into it. Because he's got a goon. When you've got goons, it's not just trucking. Two goons.

He's got like a, he's got a, he's got a Brain goon and a brawn goon. That's very smart of him. You want both of those. And the braungoon, as somebody just pointed out, is Terry Funk. Do you know what Terry Funk's real name is? Terry Funk.

Terrence Funk. Man, the Funk family, huh? That's a real name, man. That guy was born, Terence Funk. That's pretty cool. There is a birth certificate with two little handprints that says Terence Funk on it. John Carl Funk, you will be hung by the neck until dead. Well, he also has freelance goons, as we find out, ladies.

It's not just these two. Well, you need the goons for hire. They're the goons that are in your inner circle, who you're sending, like, Christmas cards to, right? They're with you, like, day to day. And their names are probably on the checks for the freelance queens in case things go south. Yeah, exactly.

It's either them or cash. Yeah, because they're doing a lot of kidnapping, and I don't think they have the guts for it. No, again, those are people with jobs that have no fiscal year. So, we're driving around. We decide he wants to impress this, sons who's like hey let's sleep on the side of the road I don't have time

I'm not going to splurge for a motel and I just sort of kidnapped you but let's just sleep in the truck on the side of the road which this is I mean this is bone chilling they're driving to California from maybe Canada it's not really said yeah but it's a you use your imagination

kind of a thing so I imagine like wherever they're going I mean they're making their way to like Bel Air is kind of area right so it's like Northern California he pulls over on the out of the road, right? We'll get there in the morning. They're sleeping with the windows rolled down. The kid, like, has his head on the windowsill. What a perfect time, dude, it's 1987

for the Zodiac Killer to come out of hiding. Oh, man. At a retirement, one last job? And he just goes up and fucking shoots these guys in the head. He's just driving around like, I don't know, Zodie. It seems pretty risky. He's one of the best bullet wrestlers.

He also did knife work, right? He did. He was known for knife and rope work as well, Eric. Some knife work. You better respect it like a chef. If I go to the storage shed and get my stuff out of mothballs and they're still sleeping on the side of the road, then that means God wants me to kill me. That's the thing.

That's the sign. That's the sign, Zodie. Also, by the way, if the protagonist and his little child protagonist were murdered 20 minutes into the movie, that's pretty cool. Because then I think it just falls back to Robert Lodian. in the Terry Funk Adventures. The Terry Funk Mysteries starring me, Robert Lozier.

I'd watch that show. It would have to be a cartoon, though. Terry, I think it was the guy that ran the hotel the whole time. And by the way, like 10 minutes before, so the kid is sleeping soundly at the open window with cars rushing by. Zodie creeping up next to you.

Sody's coming. 10 minutes before this, this kid was a, ran into oncoming traffic. Oh, that's right. He tries to escape the kidnapping. To escape Stallone. It's awesome. Have you been in a car with Sylvester Stallone?

Like, honestly. Five minutes in, you will run into oncoming traffic. But there is no escape. You'll find you. You'll find that the doors have been locked. It's like a cop car. Candy cane. Actually, Stallone, he doesn't break.

He's, like, not emotional in this movie at all. he's like always at an even tone he might be the Zodie Oh that might be it Fucking twist ending dude That is genius That's why they broke up She found the fucking outfit

She found the outfit And all the cryptology gear in the bag And that's why he won't tell the kid Why he laughed Exactly That makes total sense This is fitting together nicely Why don't you ask the San Francisco

Examiner why I had to leave Oh man Balejo been there. For what? Nothing. In the back of the truck, it's just a bunch of code books. Yes.

This is how you pass the time on the road. Teach yourself cryptography. But it's great because they're driving. This is a cabin. Great call on this. The kid is, he's a little sick genius though. He's like, oh, can you pull over? I'm going to be ill. And he's like, I don't want to puke in this cab.

And he pulls over, and the kid, it's right out of this car and he's like oh six lanes of traffic that's way better than hanging with Sylvester Stallone in his pee

Herman car yeah it's awesome he's got all sorts of doohickeys and gadgets in it he's got a weight system he's exercising while driving

that's great multitasking for the most fatal job in America and he's just like wait what arm wrestling yes no truckers man

they lose their lives 9000 a year Eric really Yes, I don't know. Are you collecting them or something? You find a dead one on the side of the highway? The latest data's in on the trucker fatalities.

Time to update my journal. Chris Cabin. Time to get on the road. So, yeah. Sorry, but props to that stunt guy, it's a little person playing the kid running across like six lanes of traffic. Couple of close calls.

Close, like Dustin Hoffman-esque, I'm walking here, close calls. Pretty great. You think it was Dustin Hoffman? He's a little guy. I think it was. Yeah, he could have got tricked into this. Sorry, what were you saying?

No, I don't know. So we're cutting between, you know, it's like Robert Lozier, like, chewing out his dying daughter because she, like, let her, you know, the son go with him, you know. Where do you get heart disease, you stupid loser daughter? No daughter of mine dies. So, yeah, we're gutting between that. And then, like, the next day, like, the kid and the father kind of bonding.

So the second you have goodwill You better trick your kid into arm wrestling Right Like immediate He gives him an inch He's like You know dad that was a really nice breakfast He's like

Hey you want to arm wrestle weird kids And then arcade Oh man There's so much that's wrong about this too He goes up doing a little kid He's like hey kid you like arm wrestling Yeah I love it That's see but that's what's weird

That's what's weird though Is the kid's like fuck yeah loser For money sure only for money fuck face adult he's this weird like Budnick looking He looks like Bobby Budnick

Terminator 2's Bobby Budnick Danny whatever that kid He also said the kid from the wizard with the power glove A little bit like he's got like Oh yeah that weirdo Yeah he's got I heard he's a criminal Lucas thank you

Lucas yeah he's a criminal now Oh that's right He had his own troubles Yes he had a lot of troubles It's like It's the kind of trouble you don't feel bad for them for it. Let's just leave it at that, Lucas.

It's not tax evasion. You're not like, oh, man. Yeah, right. I was like, oh, Wesley Snipes. Oh, do we make this show? No, I can't even hear you down there. One of his friends there looks like he's like 35. Yeah.

There's just an old little kid there. I don't know if that's like a desert thing. Well, that's like, that's like. Wait, what happens in the desert? What, like the hills have eyes? Yeah, dude. Radiation. Grew up next to a blast site.

Yeah, they grew up next to a blast. shit all the time. And then it's also, I don't know it's arid. I don't know what that is. Oh, dry it out. Oh shit, Pluto's arm wrestling again. Oh, great. That's what they're like, Pluto and Mars and Hills have eyes, right? Oh, I don't know. Anybody? Nobody? Wow.

Sad. I didn't even know they had names, though. There was like Hillbilly one, Hillbilly 2. Oh, they had names. Incessuous hillbilly one. Those are classic characters. They were named after planets? Yeah, like Pluto and something or other. Saturn. I'm surprised they know. Uranus?

I think there's a urinus. There would almost have to be. So he's like, all right, little kid. You just started to like me. Now I'm going to humiliate you in front of strangers by forcing you to arm wrestle. Loudly, by the way. It's not like just a little deal.

He's like, hey everybody, we're arm wrestling. The whole diner slash arcade knows about this. Well, that's the thing. This isn't an arm wrestling diner. It's a regular establishment where they're serving lunch. I feel like the waitress needs to be like, um, could you stop? Do you not arm wrestle on our pinball machine?

It's definitely not that kind of diner. You want to go up, two clicks up. That's where that is. We've got senior citizens trying to eat cottage cheese here. Too late, lady. The challenge has been dropped. We're going to do this. We're fighting all these senior citizens.

So the little kid arm wrestles this slightly larger little kid. Next to the old little kid. But not like the catchers mitt-faced kid. That's another one. That's just one of the goblins that's like, yeah, yeah! It's like an NPC in a street fight.

Yeah, that's exactly... That's exactly right. Yeah, that's how you cheer. That costs thousands of dollars to animate in 1991. So, so many monies. So the kid loses. By the way, there's money on the table. It's 10 to 1 odds in favor of the older kid.

Sure. And so Stallone says it's the best two out of three is the idea. Yeah. So the son loses the first time. Also, when you're gambling, you can't, like, lose and then be like, best two out of three. Like, no fucking way, dude. No, well, he sets not up in advance, though.

Oh, that's all right. Okay, dude, this is not his first rodeo. Okay. Or arm wrestling tournament. Worst case scenario, he could just kill that kid. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. That is always the worst case scenario.

Dude. He is the zodiac. Yeah, that's right. It's the desert, man. Nobody knows what's going on out there. He's not going missing all the time. Exactly. Yeah.

So this kid, the son loses. his once and he runs out into the parking lot crying, which is great. And Stallone's trying to give him a pep talk and it's all this bullshit like, you know, nothing's over until it's over, even if you lose, as long as you lose like a winner and this kid's like, fuck you. Well, the best thing is he's like,

if you walk away now, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. And I'm like, this isn't a challenge that the world dealt him. You did this. I'm going to hate you for the rest of my life. That's why that's which I've already been doing, by the way. Also, I know he's going to become a professional arm wrestler eventually.

Sure. But if he wasn't, he's going to become one of these assholes who just randomly asks people at bars, Hey, you want an arm wrestle? Like the Zodiac killer. Did you just describe a professional arm wrestler? I did. I'm sure a lot of them are just nice, wholesome people. Sure. They just love arm wrestling.

Just want to show up their biceps a bit. Which is weird. Yes. So he convinces him to come back in, and then this son fucking lays waist to this guy. Well, he learns the Hawk family tradition, by the way, which is you've got to turn that hat all the way around. That's right. Pull down your Zoddy hood.

Oh, my God. Do you think Lincoln Hawk is related to Hudson Hawk? Oh. I want that sequel. Blood brothers. They're blood brothers. Younger brother Hudson Hawk. Yes.

That would be pretty cool, man. What's the deal with Leonardo da Vinci in that movie? They were stealing his stuff. Hey, give me back on my name. stuff. Get her back here with my idea for a bicycle. That's all

so stupid. Come back here, Snickers or whatever other candy bar, villain you are. Kidcat. He invented Snickers? That DaVinci was amazing. Why, wait. I call it a Nougat.

That had to have been an accidental discovery, right? What, Nuget? Yeah. Someone was like, oh, fuck, what is this? Better eat it. That's what we do with inventions as human beings, right? It's like, can I shoot it? Can I fuck it or can I eat it? In that order.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this kid is disgraced. They call the mother. In several scenes of like the mother going in like various states of just dying. Yes. Like first she's standing during a phone call, then she's in a chair that's by a hospital bed.

But the hospital bed is still made. There's an undertaker like measuring. her. It's a Mel Brooks movie? Yeah. We're back to the future three. Oh, I'm sorry. We've got to deliver some brute. Good luck. Get well soon.

And it's awesome because he's encouraging this kid to like lie to the mother. He's like, hey, ma, I beat this kid who was like a little taller than me. And he's like, mm-mm. Bigger. Kind of taller than me. Mommy was a monster. And he's like, mm-hmm. Mommy, I arm-wrestled Jeff Goldblum.

I, uh, I, uh, I, uh, I, uh, I'm gonna fuck this kid up. I'm gonna fuck him up, I'm gonna fuck him up, and you package it, you sell it. So then he's like, this is great, he's like, oh, let me jogged you, mother. So he gets on the horn, and then this kid goes out in the parking lot and he's doing this in the parking room, and it's one of the greatest unintentionally hilarious

visual gags in this movie, this kid's doing this and Stallone's on the phone and he's like, yeah, so like how long you got a couple hours? Yeah, where's the blood coming out of now? Are they going to pull the plug or why? So did they give you a whole

box of pills? Or they give you because I could take them off you. Oh yeah, yeah, he sells pills. And while he's talking on the phone outside, it doesn't cut outside and stays with Stallone, which is why it's funny. This kid just silently gets scooped up by kidnappers.

Oh, it's awesome. So Robert Loja hates Lincoln Hawks so much that he will hire vagrants off the street. Yes. And put them in a life or debt situation. If the cops get involved, they might have to put this kid down. They don't know.

They don't know what the situation is. You're putting this kid's life in the hands of weirdos. Anyone who's willing to kidnap a kid for money's not a cool dude. Not at all? No. And so in this movie about professional arm wrestling, we have like a pretty breakneck truck chase truck on truck chase

I would say the best one since Beverly Hills cop that's a good truck chase someone whistled for it and then like without any police involvement at all there's a massive car accident in a junkyard and everybody walks away like the kidnappers just runaway

and get out of here and tell Robert Loshin nobody kid's my kid but me we don't know who that is they're just They're just random kidnappers? Or if they were hired by a loggia, maybe they'll be like, we'll just find some other kid that looks enough like... Mail it back to him piece by piece. Zodie, man.

He was a playful fella. But how do you, as Sylvester Stallone, trying to turn your life around, trying to get your life back with your kid, how do you not call the police at that very moment? Yeah. You're like, uh, my son, was just kidnapped by these two people.

They left the truck that they drove in, so here's a license plate maybe. Yeah, there is no harm, no foul kidnapping. Like, what's? Your kid gets put in another car, it's a legal matter. No, no, no. They had him for under five minutes. They get to just walk away.

This doesn't count. Mulligan. Kidnapping Mulligan. Oh, that's right. They did yell my bad as they ran away. So they're fine. They're good. Wrong kid.

You like that wrong kid. Nobody who kidnap's children would ever lie to me. Can we talk briefly about how Lincoln Hawk or Hawks or whatever the fuck? Yeah. Teaches this kid how to drive a truck on the first try. Well, this is to break up this kid berating him for possibly not knowing how to read. Which is never confirmed nor denied one way or another. To be fair, yes, but he's like really digging into this dude

and he's like, you know, I read somewhere that truckers they have the intelligence level of like a 12 or 13, maybe 14-year-old child. And he's like, mm-hmm, keep talking shit, man. He keeps so cool in this movie, which is why he might be the Zodier. You know I wrote Rocky, right? You know how to need to know how to read to write Rocky.

You know, I wrote all those collages to the newspaper. I'm a sick code writer. That is like, that is like 28th grade reading level when you can cryptography yourself. No, no, fine. Find me a 13-year-old who can do a cipher. No, no, no, no, no, let's just find him.

They had scientists trying to catch me. So, yeah. He puts him in the wheel. Yeah, he drives the truck. He's like, oh, Mikey's doing a good job. Look out for Mikey, everybody. done yet. Is that cut, Mannheim? This is what's stupid about

that, though. The kid turns the tables on him because the whole point of this, he wants to see the kid fail. He's like, you think my job's so easy, let's see you do it. And the kid gets it instantly. And still, I was like, oh, fuck. They're ahead of schedule. They deliver the brute. Not a drop

spilled. Every drop of brood is delivered to the mafia. They pick up the load of human trafficking that they were supposed to do, and they're on their way. Oh, it's like, the end of crash, you think? Oh, they get pulled over and ludicrous opens the back of that truck.

There's all these kids inside there? Sure. That movie's dumb. I would say that's correct. I was just thinking, remember the part of that movie where that kid tells his dad that he's got like a magic blanket? Uh-huh. And then the kid thinks the magic blanket works when he gets shot, but it's actually blank.

Oh, and then Elias Cotius has an orgasm. Oh dude there we go again mixing up crashes Oh that's the Kronenberg The Kronenberg crash Nobody's fucking leg wounds in this movie I always want to see Casey Jones have a three way Yeah dude right It's good

So they get to this hospital And that lady's dead Well because the brute needed to go where it needed to go Which after all this talk with the brute By the way why don't we see that handoff Like what does that delivery look like? Oh shit I spilt it all over that highway and like 12 seagulls die immediately cars just explode yeah like

drop from space yeah you can pick it up just follow the trailer dead so he waltzes into this hotel dress or a hospital dressed nicely again by the way this is his hospital attire and he goes up and he's like would love to see maria hawk and uh the lady's like you better talk to a doctor. And he's like, oh, all right, nothing weird about that. Yeah, let's go out to the doctor. Oh, a guy signed her out. Okay, it sounds good.

This woman's just like, okay, here's the doctor. I'm so sorry. He's like, what's up, Doc? And this dude's just like, yeah, yeah, she died on the table. And he's like, oh, here's a whole other slew of problems I've got to deal with this kid about now. So the kid winds up going back to Loja's house because he's really mad.

It's a real crying fit. Well, yeah, because, you know, your dad decided to deliver clone as opposed to bring you back to your dying mother. Right, and that's what this kid is just like, that delivery was so important to you, I could have flown a private jet that Robert Loia would have paid for and we would have been here days ago, you selfish fuck. That's all correct.

But I love you? I wrote you every day for like 100 days. You didn't get none of them letters or what? So in Loja's house, and Loja is trying to like, mount this court case and he's got this lawyer who's like, I've looked through every court case in the last hundred years

and there's no way you could legally get this kid from his dad. That's right, Mr. Loja. We've looked through every court case over the past hundred years where a deadby professional wrestler, arm wrestler, was trying to get custody of his son back. And there is, there's nothing. Not even 1887.

When arm wrestling was invented. It's Doc. He's in the Old West and he's arm wrestling. Shot in the back For a matter of 50 arm wrestles 50 arm wrestles 50 arm wrestles What does that mean?

You fucking idiot. So he's like My kid doesn't respect me The only way that he will is if I commit a violent crime against this house But he has every legal leg to stand up. There is no movie here.

Yes. Call up a lawyer and be like, hey man, here's the deal. Uh, go please get my son from this millionaire. But is that what a real American man would do? Or would he? No. No. Would he drive a truck through a gate

up into a house? Yeah. Oh, yeah. But he doesn't know if Robert Loja and fucking this kid are playing fucking shoots and ladders right by the stairs and he just like plows through and kills the both. I always love to play shoots and ladders in the

foyer. Loja love saying words like foyer and Jew. What? Loja. It could be true. He wasn't a nice man.

Unconfirmed one way or another. You got fire from Sopranos because he couldn't remember his lines. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. What do you guys love Robert Lozier? He's a sweet old man.

He's a sweet old man. He loved those orange juice commercials. Yay! Yeah, yeah. Were you an Independence Day? No. All right. Were you an Independence Day resurgence?

No, and he barely was either. He was like a stuffed puppet on that side. They put a yardstick under his shirt, propped him up in a chair, because he was dead. No. He was still alive. No, well, technically he was dead, but he was still alive. Okay.

Actually, Robert Loja has the best move in that Independence Day sequel because he's the only one that's smart enough to just shut up and not say anything. Everyone else is like, yeah, there's a movie here, and Loja was just like, uh-uh. But I don't put it out of Roland Embrick's grasp that his whole direction to him was stare. You're traumatized by the events of the first film.

You're just staring into nothing. Are you, my grandson? Yeah, I am. Your grandson, Roland Emmerich. Hello, Grand Palosha. We are making a movie. Get away from that arm wrestler, kid. So he gets immediately arrested.

Like Terry Funk funks him up a little bit. Oh, yeah. See, wouldn't have been better, too, if, like, Stallone and Terry Funk's characters were, like, buddies. And he's like, sorry, I gotta do this, sly. And throws him down the stairs. I will say, he's got, like,

two lines in this movie, and he blows them both. he takes a fall through a door later on nails it saying a slight variation on the same sentence twice fucks it up Mr. Cutler wants to talk to you it is you who Mr. Cutler wants to talk

with Cutler Mr. Talk what we did 78 takes Can someone just throw me through a window or what? Please hit me in the face with a barbed wire brat. I'm much more at home with that.

My body is my canvas. All right, what man, what if when I say Mr. He just hits a chair over my head? That I am very comfortable with. Every shot he's in. He's just going to hit the face with a chair. Stallone should have done that in this movie. Yeah.

Like, just hit him with him. the chair and then he goes through the door. Right? That's pretty cool. So there's a really long scene at the jail house because he gets immediately arrested. And like this is, you know, it's vandalism. It's probably attempted murder. I feel like driving a truck into a house, they can get you for a lot.

That's truck slothing. Oh, because the truck dies too in this. Because that's it for this truck, right? Oh no, Sam, Wittwicky. I've been arrested for trucks logging. Sam, Wittwecky, trust me, I've been frame. Robert Loja is out to get me, Sam Whitwiki.

Sam Whitwicky, please wash me. Please. Have the vile stink of Link Hawk on me. Man, he just love saying that, right? Sam Witwiki. That's fucking great. Wait, has anyone seen that movie yet or no?

That new one? The new one? No. Anybody? No, okay, good. Smart. Nice. Nice. Nice. Are you? No, not yet. Not yet. It'll happen. We'll get there.

So there's a very long scene where, like, the egghead guy goes and tries to, like, get him to sign away his life or something. No, you just got to sign away custody. Oh, custody. He's a lawyer, right? I guess so. Sign away his life for, like, what? Like, agree to be murdered? No, no, don't worry about it.

Lank, they'll make it look like a suicide. Just get that bed sheet there. I don't know why it's M.M. This movie could have used them M.M. Who should have been in this movie somewhere, right? He was definitely around. He should have been like a proprietor of one of these. Oh, yeah.

You can arm wrestling my diner. It's M. Walsman. He doesn't have arms anymore because he lost them during arm wrestling. See, in this dinah now, we do foot wrestling. Oh, yeah, I'll wrestle you with my feet. They call me Bobby Bunyan. Link, I missed the show, man. I miss the show.

People cheering your name. The bad stale beer. Am, am it. His thing would be like Razors. Razor Johnson. But they talk about breaking arms. I don't see one gosh-durn arm breakers. Where is a prop arm to snap?

I need to see bone shooting out of flesh. Get me a compound fracture. If Dante's Peak can do it, a movie about arm wrestling can totally do it. We need stakes, you know? We need to rise them, right? We've got to see blood. And you see it early on,

so you know that in the world of this movie, that's possible. It might happen again later in the film. Yeah, it's Chekhov's Arm Break. Oh, I fell victim of Chekhov's Armbrake. Twice. I arm wrestled a mad Russian and lost big. Because the guy would be named Chekhov

and he breaks his arm. Oh, you guys thought we met the writer. No, no, no. There's some deadbeat named Chekhov. Dukes up, Capito. A drunk Russian hobo. So, like, he signs away custody, but his idea is,

I'm going to go to Vegas where the big show is, and sell my truck and bet on myself, and then have enough money to be a father. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Yeah, question mark. This part of the movie gets real dicey. With the logic. Oh, yeah.

Well, this is, it's also definitely a pre-9-11 movie because the child sneaks onto a commercial flight. Real easy, too. Real, a little too easy if you ask me. What I love is, so he sells his truck, and he goes, and he's like, I want to put all my money on Lincoln Hawk. What are the odds? And somebody's like, oh, it's 20 to 1.

He's like, oh, here's $10,000 on Lincoln Hawk. And the guy taking his bet goes, wow, now that's what I call gambling. Like, hey, Terry, we've told you numerous times not to say that to people. We want people to take big bets. We want to put a lot of money. We don't make people a little weird? I know I've only been working here for like two weeks, but it just seems to me, like, if I see gambling, I got to call it out. Like, that is gambling.

You know, this is arm wrestling, right? I mean, 20 bucks is fine. It's not a real sport, you know. Proof that Vegas will take odds on anything. If you could bet $10,000 on arm wrestling. The guy who runs his championship just put down $200. Now, that's what I call gambling six, featuring poker. Blackjack, poker with sunglasses on.

Arm wrestling. Bob sledding, for some reason. They will take numbers on bobsledding, just you watch. They will. They take money on what the coin flip will be at the Super Bowl. Yeah. Yeah, now that's what I call games. That's what that dude meant

When he said it to Sylvester Stallone We're trying to take bets for the Super Bowl Like it's dangerous and it's fucking stupid Now that's what I call gambling So we get to the arm wrestling tournament Which is a delight Which by the way when Sylvester Stallone saw the movie He said that he didn't like it

If you directed it he would have made the And I quote the arm wrestling tournament More ominous Which I guess like robed figures would be there Oh, yeah. It's like an eyes wide shut orgy situation. Right? Like you got hoods, much like Zodie.

Right? Yeah, yeah. Just black bags over your head. You get infiltrated? Yeah. Dude, you get in there. Inside that tournament. I would have had Sidney Pollock

play the arm wrestling guy, Bob Bull Hurley. You guys got to watch Eyes Wide Shut. That was a great joke. Was it, though? Dude, I don't know, man. Anytime you can rub Sydney. Pollock into a conversation? I'm all right with it. But actually, I think

more ominous would probably be like some arm breaks. He's like, where these fucking arm breaks, Monacham? Come on. Break an arm or two. You got the budget? Well, here's where we get a lot of the product placement, because Duracel has game in this for some

reason. Alka-Seltzer, unsurprisingly. It's hosted at a Hilton, somehow. Speaking of somehow, How did Preparation H. dodge this? Oh, yes. I think that's what sport cream turned into.

There's some guy wearing a tank top that just says sport cream. Which was like the subject of like three class action lawsuits the next year. Oh, sport cream, that's off the market. Everyone's hair was falling out. If you were lucky, that's all that happened. That's how I got the cancer by arm. Arm cancer. He killed his own wife.

He's like, I'll fix you with sport cream. And then she died. Oh, just like a little bit applied like every day. Just on a tight schedule and he like slowly poisoned her. Like a 2020 special. And that came out.

That's why he got kicked out. Get out of here with your sport cream. Poisoning my daughter. There's a guy with an Alka-Seltzer T-shirt. Yeah, there's a guy eating Alka-Seltzer after drinking a can of

Valvaline. Yep. The Valvaline we need to talk about, because I think this is cheating. It's like, I mean, clearly there's no piss test before you arm wrestle if you're allowed to like shoot valvilline down your throat. But how is that an advantage? I don't, yeah. Here, I'll tell you why.

Because then your opponent, I mean, you're like face to face with these people, right? And you see that he does it right in front of Sylvester Stallone. Well, no, it's like this dude could throw up at any sense. Oh, shit. He could start throwing up. up like motor oil and blood and I'm arm wrestling him so we're up real close. I don't

want to get blood and motor oil on my face. Man, the time bomb. Yeah. That's his arm wrestling name, time bomb? Dude. When's you're going to go off? It's going to go off. We have some great arm wrestling names here that I wrote down. Oh, please. So we have John

Grizzly and he's the guy wearing sport cream and drinking motor oil. Well, it turns into Best and Show at the end. Yes. This is a little documentary out of nowhere. And I'm like, what are we talking about? This was not the narrative I was watching. No, we cut to these interviews, these dock things.

It's like the testimonials in the last waltz. We're in like a quiet room with like brown wood paneling. Everyone has trucker hats on. Levon Helms playing pool in the background with Rick Danko. And they're just giving these testimonials about like what is important to them about arm wrestling. So you got Mad Dog Madison, Harry Bosco, that's the dude with Alka-Seltzer, Carl Adams, kind of plain.

Sure. Our hero, Lincoln Hawk. And then Bull Hurley. These are some legends. Bull Hurley says, what I do is I drive trucks, I break arms, and I arm wrestle. That's a life. Put it on my tombstone. And we only see him do one of those things.

Yeah, that's true. Sucks. Yeah, you know. never see him in a truck. I would add sweat to that list. Oh, big time. This guy's got the pork sweats. 24-7. Better than the motor oil sweats, my friend.

Everyone's glistening in this. It's beautiful. Yeah, I thought there's a lot of shay butter going around. Well, there's that, and everyone's changing shirts left and right. It's like, oh God, fucking burn that shit. Well, I think, yeah, after the end of every match, it's destroyed, like in a celebratory

to show off your manhood. You're like Randy Savage that fucking tanked. Why isn't Randy Savage in this movie? Great question. That's a great question. Like, he must have said no. No. Due to the appearance of Terry Funk in this movie.

Not on your life. Arm wrestle. I don't think so. Or something. Something like that. Oh, also we find out this is being broadcast on television at the airport. Oh, wait, only at the airport?

They cut to all of these people at an airport like looking up and watching this match. An American airport? That's like Kazakhstan or something. It was like some Soviet Republic. On ESPN 7. Oh, yeah, dude. Way down on the dial.

Yeah, so he, the kid, by the way, doesn't just hijack a plane or whatever. Whoa. He's the jackal. He stows away off. to Vegas. It's your fucking head, scumbags. But he steals a car. He steals a car and he's driving around

and the police officer is like, see you later, kid. Looking good, white boy. Mother, I just saw a child driving down the road. How about that? Yeah, and then he's like calling cabs and shit. I mean, like the money that this kid has just flowing. It's at loggia money, man. Loja money. That's what you wanted. Here's your allowance.

a million dollars. Now stay out of trouble. Get some bubble gum. Loja. Graduated elementary school. Here's your first goon. Oh, man. You're getting gifted goons? Absolutely.

So after elementary school, you get one goon. After high school, you get another? I think you two. Yeah. Oh, two for high school? Oh, a young one. They can raise. What?

Here's a young one. Raise him up. Actually, that would be great if he gifted him Terry Funk. And Terry Funk's like, I don't know about that, Mr. Loja? That's the thing. That's what it's going to be. It's all like the discarded ones from Loja. Like the ones he doesn't want anymore.

You get the broken one. Hand me down. The ones with more than three lawsuits against them. Man, hand me down goons. Well, at this point in the movie, I literally lose count of how many trucks are up for offer because Lincoln sells his to get into the tournament. The grand prize of the tournament is a truck at 100 grand

and now Robert Lois is like, but also another truck used as currency. And $500,000. $500,000, that's a big deal. I would abandon that kid for $500,000 in a truck. Are you kidding me? A.k.a. $50 million today. Yeah, totally. That's 1987 money, man.

Oh, yeah, the inflation through the roof. Like, buy a Hawaiian island with that. Something. Something, no. What's fucked up, though? It's pretty presumptuous that the win. winner of an arm wrestling tournament would want a big rig truck?

Like, we're not all truckers. Carl Adams works at a library. The fuck am I going to do with a big rig truck working at a library? I look at this beefy guy holding all these books.

That's how he got so strong. Yeah, absolutely. I work in hard covers. Oh, yeah, dude. Shalve in the art section. Oh, man. Forget about it. Encyclopedias, that way.

Oh, nice. No, who are we kidding? They're definitely all truckers. I think that's exactly how that conversation went. Not all truckers are arm wrestlers, but all arm wrestlers are truckers. Hashtag not all truckers. No, hashtag, yeah, probably all truckers. So we get into this tournament, and it's like finally some fucking arm wrestling in this movie.

Then we get to Sammy Hagar great song. winner takes it all, which we just saw. God damn, that's nice. Beautiful, beautiful. Splatoon, that's just a good old-fashioned American fart rock right there. Tequila-scented fart rock. And yet, we don't get any arm breaks.

There's a lot of, like, women arm wrestling, which is cool, but we never kind of established what that might look like or how that works. No, no, no, no. We don't see, like, Sylvester Stallone, like, beating women. I'm like, yeah, I got you. Fuck you, Carol, you had it coming. We're going after you all season, Carol.

Hey, Carol, what's your sign? I do want to be clear I'm at beating women at arm wrestling, period. At arm wrestling. Hammer that home there. Yes, exactly. Yeah, I don't know. A lot of extras in this movie look like they could have done reenactments on unsolved mysteries.

They probably do. Orbit the star of their own unsolved mystery. She was leaving a professional arm wrestling tournament in Las Vegas. The shadow people picked her up in a Cadillac. Carol LaCuncher Lubowski. Hank Gasoline Guzzler Morris was last seen guzzling gasoline. Update. After our broadcast on Unsolved Mysteries,

our offices received a phone call immediately, locating the whereabouts of Gas Guzzler himself. And then it's just like a little undercard. and it's like he's doing life in prison. Those are always the best when they get him. And you're like, yeah, Stack, you did it. Somebody helped solve a mystery. That was great.

That's me watching Unsolved Mystery. He's like in the middle of the night, man. I'm like, yeah, Stack! Man, that's such a creepy show, man. Yeah, dude. You think all the people Stack caught are like his servants in the afterlife for me? You're working for me now, big boy.

In hell. Oh, yeah, definitely how old. 100% in Unsolved Mystery Hell. Maybe Horse Hell. Definitely horse hell, yeah. I'm sure he abused a horse or two in his day. Yeah, he's ridden a horse. So we start building up to it.

The kid finally gets the arm wrestling competition. He's like digging underneath the stanchion, which is disgusting. Oh, yeah. Good luck with all the sweat and beer under there, kid. Getting all over your knees and elbows. Ew. You really got to want this dude to be your dad if you're crawling around under there. And like the stakes are.

very ambiguous. Because Robert Loja is like, I will never give you this kid. He's like, but what if I win a big match? And it's like, well, well, no. Yeah, no, that's great, but no. There are no stake in this movie. There's like presumed stakes. But there's no

real stakes. Well, the last challenge is the guy comes out that's like fake Michael Buffer guy. Like, do you really need to wear a tuxedo if you're fucking emceeing an arm wrestling event? Yes, you do, God damn it. You're a professional Sports Announce. Pressed jeans are fine.

T-shirt. Fine, maybe not a t-seater, but you definitely have to have a tucked-in t-shirt. It's a felt with a buckle on it. And we explain many times because it's a movie about arm wrestling that it's a double elimination. We explain what that means, how many times you might lose.

This guy's awesome. He's like, may I remind you, ladies and gentlemen, that this tournament is double elimination. That means you have to lose not once, but twice. That means your hand hits the pad not once but twice double elimination. That means

when Stallone loses, he doesn't really lose. Yeah. Don't leave the theater, please. Oh, this is bullshit! I can't believe it. They're pulling Rocky One on me again. Oh, man. Step down, Rocky One. Sure. That'd be great if he lost

this one and there was a sequel to Over the Top where he beat Bull Hurley, you know, and then like and the third one Bill Hurley trains him for some reason? Right, and they're like hanging out on the beach jumping around. And then the fourth one Bull Hurley gets murdered by Ivan Drago. Yeah. And then Bull Hurley's son is trained in a

creedist man? Yes, yes. All of this makes total sense and sounds like a great idea. So, I mean, whatever, man. Instead of you go Rambo with it, right? And the next one he just starts killing people. Oh, that could be. I mean, he was doing that behind scenes on this one too, I think.

Without question. Those are deleted scenes. That's why this movie's 93 minutes long. I mean, whatever, man. Like, he wins this arm wrestling tournament. Like, Robert Loja comes in and sees what's going on. The kid kind of gives him, because he loses once, and he's all like, that kind of long-faced. Not the other one from before,

but the one that you thought I was talking about before. Now I'm talking about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the kid's like, what did you just tell me two days ago, you stupid bastard? Get out there and win. And he's like, you're right. you're absolutely right

the best part is in his documentary part I think well it's kind of weird like when my cap is facing this way I'm one person but when I turn it around I turn it to a killing machine dude he says it's like flipping a switch

he's like once I do this I'm certifiably insane I only see red I'll wrestle any arm in the room we get great lines like, I'm going to break your shit and arm. Oh, yeah.

You don't got a prayer heart. Oh, yeah. You're in for a world to hurt, little man. Also, Bull Hurley totally cheats because they're getting ready to do it. Yeah. And they're getting ready to rassel. I don't know.

Throw down. And he fucking head butts him. Oh, yeah. And this referee, out of like the 15 referees that are in this circle. So many referees. Nobody says shit. And Stallone's, like, bleeding profusely.

It's, like, bad, like, WWF, you know, like ring people that are like, I didn't see anything. What happened? Oh, you hit him in the face with a fucking chair? I didn't see it. I feel like you need either one referee or zero referees. You do not need, like, 15. They're circling it. And then they need their hand slip, and then, like, they tie them together with this leather thing. Oh, Jesus Christ, I thought it was about to turn into, like, a knife fight. Pretty cool.

a better movie, man. Yeah, dude, like a west side story knife fight? Yeah, knife fighting around the southwest. Ah, that's definitely a canon picture somewhere. Look through that catalog, man. I don't know. It's somewhere. So he wins, and Robert Lodge is like,

well, I guess I forfeit custody. It's amazing. Goodbye, movie. He sees the... He sees him, like, hugging the boy, and he's like, well, I have been a bit of a bastard after all. And he, like, smiles just, like, nodding his head, like, I was wrong, and just leaves.

He goes to the end of movie town. This week, I lost my daughter, my grandson, my foyer, my Terrence Funk. My best goon. Oh, is Terry Funk confirmed dad after that door throw? I don't think he's dead, yeah. Shit. It's like a home at the end of the world.

He goes to the glass thing, and he just dies. You don't have to watch. that movie. That one guy did, but it's fine. There's a dead teenager in that movie. Oh, fun. Yeah. So at the end of the movie, they're going to

start a corporation, and I'm not sure if it's a arm wrestling corporation or a trucking corporation. It's a bit of both. Oh, I see. Dude, I think it's a traveling arm wrestling circuit where you are arm wrestling like in the back of the truck. I like it. We call it a freak show. That's right.

And the kid's going to be like eating the heads off stuff? What do they do that? Like a chicken? Chicken, yeah, right? That's what the geeks did, right? Yeah. They called them geeks back then.

Geeks show. All right. Well, that's the best part is like this kid is giving his life up to be a trucker slash arm wrestler at 12. Like, you know what, dude? Like, hit puberty,

graduate high school, then decide to be who you want to be. If you graduate high school and afterwards you still want to sleep in a truck, then you can be a truck driver. But until then, young man, back to military school. Graduating high school is a lot of responsibility.

He's going to have to raise a young goon. All right, young man, you're not under my roof anymore. Give me back all your goons. We should mention, by the way, that he wins by going over the top. He does go over the top, yes. It's like the whole thing.

Which is some sort of like finger maneuver. You get that hand around a different way. Yeah, you start fingering them. Yeah, you know what? I think you're totally right. Did that happen in Fist? It's been a while since I've seen F-I-S-T, which is how I'm going to refer to that movie from now on.

Smart move. I was just thinking of like Fist sequels in my head. Oh, yeah. Fist 2. Still stuffing. That's the only one. I mean, I thought Fist 2. still stuffing.

FIS 3, emergency rooms. It picks up right where the last one left off. What? Poor Mr. Hands. Yep. So that's that movie, man. Yeah, that movie's over with. Is there a stinger?

Does he like, does he take the infinity glove from Thanos and arm wrestling? Is that how that works? He pulls it off of Bull Hurley's dead hand and puts it on. Like, yeah. And it becomes this Guardian's a Galaxy 2 character. That's pretty cool.

That's a movie where he's kind of doing nothing in. He doesn't even know he's in that movie. No! No, he got tricked. He'd be like, oh, what movie were in this? He was in the Galaxy Guardian and the second one. Do you run Curtin.

The Guardian Gal... What did you say? No, the Guardian Galaxy. Like, he doesn't know the shit. Oh, dude, the Guardian Galaxy. See, that's like the rip-off thing they put on, like, sci-fi channels. Oh, yes.

Would anybody recommend this movie? I would. It's a strong recommend. It's a lot of fun. It's an 80s cheese, sweaty nonsense. Yeah, it's fantastic. It's fantastic. It is.

Beautiful. Any canon film gets a rock and mess. It's a free fucking pass. You just have to do it. It's a free pass. They spend 25 years making garbage, and it's all awesome. This movie is so great

You can like smell this movie Like they get into this like Beverly era This Las Vegas Hilton You can smell that tournament Oh yeah Which is awesome It's dirty

Just a stale beer everywhere Oh absolutely It smells like Brut Somebody knows How was Brut not a sponsor How was Brut not a sponsor Of that tournament Well because he fucked it all up

He was driving all the Brute, and they're like, fuck that guy. He crashed it on the side of the road. It was Brute for the tournament, like free samples. All right, who's bringing the Brute? Link's got the Brute. Link's got the Brute. That's party Brute.

A party-sized Brut? It's for everyone at this party. For everyone at this Keys party. Nice. Yeah. Fuck, yeah. Yeah, Kevin Klein in the Ice Storm is definitely wearing brute.

Totally. Mm-hmm. Yeah, without question. I think, like, on Lee stipulated, like, in real life, like, the actors had to wear brute on the set of that movie. Everyone's got a brute rash. So that is over-the-top, ladies gentlemen. Really, you may, on your way in, have seen a really cool poster that you can purchase.

By the way, the man who designed that poster is here. Now I believe, Chris Walton, are you here? Yes. You stand up, Chris Walton. Stand up, Chris Walton. There is. There it is. Now you've got to arm wrestle Chris Cabin.

So we've got to wrap things up here, but we're going to thank you guys for coming out. You were amazing. Give yourself a round of applause. Big thanks to Mississippi Studios, of course, for having us. By the way, this is a cool. town you guys have the first time here we've been having a lot of fun hanging out so before we go though we like to read a little internet correspondence because there's like you know there's

people that like everything right there's a couple of these here to send us off with subject line forget the wannabe movie critics by tar heel 777 what That's a tar heel 7-7. Sounds like an old-time phone number. Oh, yeah, you can dial me at Tar Heel, 7-77. No star rating, which is unfortunate. Bullshit. Some love this movie.

I do. Some love this movie, including me. I love the soundtrack. I think Tar Heel-Sy-Sy-7-7 is indeed Sammy Hagar. Tequila Fan 69 says, you'll see a million posts from critics on here who will look down their nose at this flick, which you did not.

I did not. No, your nose was right out of it. Do you like a movie? Yes, I do. Watch it. Forget what these morons say about bad cinematography, etc. There's a lot in that, et cetera. Movie makers create films for one reason.

Viewers pleasure, parentheses, which brings money. That's why they made fist. There's a whole box out of those, man. The money just kept coming in, hand over fist. Great 80s movie. Period. Signed to fuck David Lee Roth, 77. Fuck Diamond Dave at AOL.com.

All right, so here's another one. I really like this one. Subject line, very inspiring. 10 out of 10 stars. By Nikolai. Oh, he listed his email address. We'll give it to you in a minute. minute.

See me after the show, man. I mean, it's public. I find every movie of Sylvester Stallone very inspiring, no matter what the critics may say. Maybe because he's the brightest example of a man who reached

so much in his life. I am not a truck driver. I am a judge. What? Wait, now, are we talking like beauty pageant judge? Uh, you know.

What, did Gorsuch write this? Yeah. Well, this was one of his decisions. But I can tell right after the first few minutes of the film how much Mr. Stallone got into his character. Wow, I think he's writing for the New York Times, Mr. Stallone.

I know, right? It's so formal. He is even driving with the gestures of a real truck driver. How does he know he's a judge? Before I was on the bench, I was in the rig. I think it takes too much to be an actor of his value. I didn't write it. It was Nikolai.

Judge Nikolai. Welcome back to Judge Nikolai. And UPN. Specializes in truck law. And pregnancy, Pregnancy test. Always pregnancy test. Often those two cases smash head-on.

Bada-p-pup. Theme song by David Lee Raw? Totally. Then I'd be bittl-la-pap. Do-da-la-da-da-bo-pap-ty. Actor of his value. To go deep into his character and to drive a huge truck. So he's saying his method?

Like he's actually driving this truck in this movie? Maybe. I don't think so. And again, there comes the idea of physical strength and stamina. Which I find very interesting. Not drugs, bad language, and manners. Training the body and the mind.

Sylvester Stallone is one of my inspirations to deal with sports. And I have done it for over a decade now. We are We Hate Movies, Portland. Thanks so much for coming out. We'll see you next time. Bye, bye, thank you. That was a hit gum podcast.