We Hate Movies - S7: Families with Bad Taste, Irrational Fears of Yoda, and Dudes Who Love "Grown Ups 2"

Episode Date: March 12, 2017

On this month's Mail Bag, the guys read letters from folks who have family with bad movie taste, irrational fears of Master Yoda, dated dudes who love Grown Ups 2, caught folks pleasuring themselves to other Sandler films, sexy-looking parents, and more! If you have questions for the gang, or want you weird stories read on the air, write in to the Mail Bag: [e-mail]!Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to WHMailbag, everybody. I'm Andrew Jupin, alongside Stephen Sadek, Christopher Cabin, and Eric Sisko. We are here to read your letters. So Steve Sannack, start us off. Deep Impact haunts my family. Haunts! Hey guys, big fan here.

Your podcast makes my trip to the gym and long distance is to class. I'm going to film school, bearable. Anyways, I've gone through most of your recent episodes, and I find myself browsing through the archa... Archive. Archive. Ooh, get some archives on that baked potato. You know, is that Riverdale good with Archive?

People keep saying that show is actually good. It's like the Archie comic, but they fuck. Yeah, they get to fucking get into the Archives, dude. That's when you take off Archie's pants. All right. I saw you had an episode on Deep Impact, and I immediately clicked on it. It was like episode 18. That was really low numbers.

Look at the episodes page on WHMpodcast.com. There's a lot of stuff there. People are like, oh, you should do this movie. Like, I did it like four years ago, man. I've been out of this game for years. Exactly. The show's been on the air for the better part of a decade. Yeah.

A lot of soads. I enjoyed the episode slightly more than others because the film has been a plague to my family. You see, my father adores it. It's been one of his favorites. So much so that he watched it every time it's on TV, which unfortunately, happens to be a lot.

That's a TNT fave. I remember the first couple of times I saw with him. I was around 11 or 12 at the time. I was very confused. But I didn't know it was truly awful and painfully boring until I grew older. However, now that I moved out for college, it's my poor 14-year-old brother who is now going to the terrible realization, except where I knew when to keep my mouth shut, he doesn't. I'm looking forward to hearing about the screaming matches while Morgan Freeman delivers his

flurry of speeches. My question is to you guys, do you guys have any similar experiences with family or friends loving a particularly bad movie? Ooh, that's from Monica. That is from, thanks. I keep up the good work. Monica. I've got some relatives that enjoy spoof movies. Oh, no. So that's kind of horrible. There's some okay ones, right? Like the naked gun. No, no, no. I'm talking about like recent spoof movies. What? Yeah, that's exactly right. Cousins of mine, I feel like we would always go over their house and they would put on hot to trot. Like it would be like, oh, my God.

They owned it. They owned it on VHS. You're here. You came all the way out here. Let's put on hot to trot. You came all the way out here. I mean, I got ants. So, like, of course.

They love ants. Yeah. With a Z. Well, like, I mean, the cliche, but they all do is love actually. Oh, the move. Oh, is that right? And then, but like, then there's like any Kate Hudson movie, they're like, you know, it's underrated. But I feel like knowing you, you would fight them on that. Like, you know what, Aunt Christy, this is shit.

I'm getting a little softer. Good. That's a good thing. You got to let things go. He's learned when to shut the fuck up. Not all the time. You know, all the time? But sometimes, I'm letting it go. I let how to lose a guy in 10 days go, but this failure to launch shit is really bothering me. I'm going to be honest with you and Christy. And the meatloaf was a little dry.

Are these mashed potatoes from scratch or is it the powder? Because it tastes like powder. It's that buttered powder. Remember that movie powder? Yeah, yeah. It was directed by a child molester. I have never seen it. Oh, really?

It sucks. Oh, dude, check it out. It sucks. Totally sucks. So I'm not going to check it out. I don't really have a great answer for this one. I'm grown up. My brother loved all those.

like karate movies and like best of the best and stuff and I'm like yeah because they're good that's the right way to do that

the Cisco Bros got along movie was all right Chris Gavin all right Yoda's reign of terror oh hey WHM Bros

all right okay I guess oh what up oh man don't you dare keep going hang up on it

you what up after hearing the last man mailbag from the guy born in January in 1994, I felt the need to write in. My older brother was born Christmas Eve of 1994. That'll ruin any holiday. I was born in November, 1996, about two weeks after space change came out.

Oh, come on with the 90s birthday. All right, you know what, listen, we were just saying the show's been on the air for seven years. I mean, listen, we're old. How old am I? Eric just turned to dust and die. Where's my meat? Where is my meat? I've been waiting for my meat to come in my whole life

and I haven't gotten my meat share. I will say if you're listening to this and you're born sometime in the late 90s we're likely closer in age to Alex Jones than to you, gentlelisten. That's worth saying. Catherine Baird with a millennial. I'll pause to let you guys part for a second.

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, look good. When I was eight, Star Wars Revenge of the Sith came out. And while my brother and dad watched it, I didn't because of Yoda. I hadn't seen any Star Wars at that point, so I didn't know that Yoda

was a cool Jedi master. He's not. And the only images of him... Wrong, wrong. Incorrect. He's an okay Jedi. Hang up on him. And the only images of him I had seen were from the ads circulating around at the time. That small

wrinkled CGI abomination was a laser stick of death with a laser stick of death chilled me to my very core because he was also on every damn thing at the grocery store I was terrified to go shopping with my mom terrified

well they really pimped that little guy out for those prequoles yeah much yeah quite a lot Yoda footage I mean too this very day yeah fuck Yoda honestly I mean he's cool

he's so my fire strikes back and that's it exactly dies, and Jedi, he has a nice little death scene. You've 10, 900 years. See, how good you look? Oh, by the way, sister you have, for some

reason. I always imagine that Frank Oz just like having a boiled egg on his tongue trying to do that voice. So, okay, shopping with my mom. Uh, it got to the point that for a solid month, I was scared of anything green, including grass, because it reminded me of that. That's good that is.

This next line is amazing. Because it reminded me of that monster. I love Star Wars now, including Yoda, but I'll never forget that month of terror that CGI Yoda inflicted upon me. Love the podcast, Elizabeth from Iowa City. There you go. Any benevolent creatures, everyone, anyone who is afraid of as a kid? I remember my best friend in elementary school, terrified of the flying monkeys. Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's just sheer nightmare fuel. That'll do it. Well, growing up, when my dad would come home, we'd watch the howdy-duty show together. Oh, we did. It's just going to be old joke there. You know when Kong first appeared on the screen. You know, when I was in that theater and I heard Al Jolson sing for the first time, he said, you ain't heard nothing yet.

I was telling von Stroheim that, like. When I first saw the, you know, the premiere of the Lumiere Brothers train. Oh, yeah, yeah. So scary. I was straight out of college at the time. The college. You know, when we saw the shadow plays. around the tent in the frontier.

You know what I was shit scared of as a kid? And it wasn't really a benevolent thing. I guess it's supposed to be kind of scary. It was Tim Curry and legend. Oh, yeah. But it was also, it also scared me even more because I didn't know what it was from. And for years it just plagued me.

I didn't know like I would pop something on and all of a sudden that fucking devial beast would be there. I didn't know where it was from either. And I just remember I kind of thought. I was like, that's pretty bad ass. I was Another thing you were supposed to be afraid of him Towie Mandel and Little Monsters

I was supposed to be like I'm not scary I'm like yes you are me get the fuck out of my house That was bone chilling That's a stay tuned I bet But also another thing I was scared of That you're also sort of meant to be scared of Okay The opening of ghost brothers

Ghostbusters With the librarian ghosts Oh yeah Terrified Ghost brothers Those two twins that go to your house And renovated if there's ghosts there.

That would be a great fucking shot. Absolutely. Oh yeah, the ghost brothers, they're twins and they're both kind of weird in different ways. But dude, man, you got all these old fixer uppers and there's ghosts in the wood, you know, all the old wood

here? Oh, yeah, looks, you got a bunch of ghosts in that shiplap there, hon. I'm trying to think, like, I mean, I think I can, like, all the ones are justifiable, except I will say, like, I was revolted, to the point of fright

with Mac and me. Oh, right. Like, I was just like, that thing is fucking gross to look at. And I, oh, my God. Yeah, I think talks and, like, squirt sounds get made. No, thank you.

All right, Eric, Cisca. Mailbag, how do, how do, no. Mailbag, how a movie ruined a potential relationship. Uh-oh. Hey, guys, love the show. I podcast you at,

what's so funny? Stephen, I said, uh-oh. Oh, man. It was cute. You guys are like ghost brothers. The ghost in that old toilet, hon. Hey, hon, that ship lap is, I think that's a ghost ship lap. From a ghost ship.

This wood is from a ghost ship. This new back splash we have is haunted. It's a good back splash, but it's kind of haunted. Why don't you go ask Gabriel Byrne if we can get off this ghost ship? We're going to put it in a new back splash with tiles from Alcatraz. Oh, wait, do you not want it haunted? Oh, we also put... Yeah, there's brass fish

Just from the Titanic. Wait, hold on. You don't want a haunted house? That was Al Capone's toilet. Oh, man, Al Capone's toilet. Look out below. You know, we should probably get something on paper here before we do anything else.

It looks like this goes at the syphilis shit. All right, what happened? I podcast you at work, and it really helps me get through the day. I wanted to share a story of how a movie ruined a potential relationship. Quick, not to, not to derail everything, but... If you're listening to a podcast, do you say, I podcast you? I never heard of that. I was just going to let it go.

Steve, these are young people. The young millennials. We are now. We're older millennials. All the 90s. I don't know how we got in there, but we're in there. But the thing is, young people love us. Uh-huh.

And they podcast us. Okay, cool. I'll podcast you too, lady. Hey, ladies, do you want to go? You want a podcast? Oh, God, in heaven. Oh, man. You'll be a ghost soon.

You're going to be. jail. All right. Fat man. Thrown in prison. Did you say fat man thrown in prison? Yeah, lascivious fat man. Lecivius in shackles.

Anyway, so this is about how a movie ruined a potential relationship for me this past summer. Right. I was new to the dating scene after a three-year relationship. I met a guy online who seemed really cool and fun. After a lot of public meetings and dates, I realized that I really liked him. Nice. I want to stay the night. Oh, man. He asked me to come over to his house to watch a movie. I thought perfect. The lights will be low and the atmosphere would be intimate. Yep. Now we're talking. I do love the idea. It's true though. It's like nobody ever watches movies. You know what I mean? Like it's a con. No, it's a con. Except for that. Who was it that lady that wrote in? Maybe it was a dude. I don't remember. Oh, if you're watching X-Men? That's when everybody.

Everybody's watching every movie. You better be watching that goddamn movie. Can't wait to see how many times in theaters that person sees Logan. A lot. Here's my chance to make a move. I showed up at his house and he cooked me dinner. We snuggled up on the couch. Without my asking opinion, he put on the movie Grownups 2.

Oh, no. Come on, lady. I thought maybe he had never heard of it or maybe he was just planning on not watching any of it. Oh, wink. That was my whink. That was my wink. She didn't say. Yeah, but that, I mean, that's not a movie.

you can have... You can't be like full and I. Oh, no, but... Ice water. Yeah, it's like, oh, man, I'm going to put my hand where? Kevin James, my balls! After about 15 minutes of him laughing hysteria.

Oh, fuck. He turned to me and asked me if I'd ever seen this. That's not sensual. Definitely not. No, this is terrifying. See our episode on grown-ups too, by the other way. Oh, yes. Episodes page.

Dot H-TML? Yeah, something like that. Sure. I said no. proudly and he told me he's seen it a bunch of times and it was the funniest movie he's ever seen said the man who's literally seen

one movie. I mean I'm curious though lady like look around the apartment was there any other clues? There's a poster somewhere you know what I guarantee there was a Pulp Fiction poster somewhere there's a fitness magazine somewhere this guy likes fitness

he probably likes grown-ups no no no there you got to look for stuff like the water boy post sure or um like i don't know what's what's an egregious type of pop figure is there a uh if you're if you're if the man you're trying to sleep with has a picture of himself dressed like joe dirt on the on the refrigerator from last Halloween you're probably not going to have sex with i probably post with a picture for him like if you got a tattoo of something from the divergent series yeah probably stay away from that i thought you're going to say it's a tattoo of operas

man. Oh, God. Bye, bye. All right. Let's continue here. This is great.

I love this letter because of the following sentence. Oh, please. I felt knots in my stomach and started to get light.

I told him I wasn't feeling well and quickly left. Oh, nice. When I got home, I thanked God that happened

before I actually slept with him. I can't respect anyone whose favorite movie is an Adam Sandler Flick after the year 2006, especially grown-ups too. Absolutely. He contacted me a few

times and I finally lied and told him that my ex and I got back together. Nice. I don't know if he listens to the show, but I hope he does and hears this and re-evaluates his life. Yeah, figure it out, buddy. I think we would have lost him by now. Probably. We dare make fun of the King Adam Sandler. After

Ground-Ups 2 episode, probably. Wait, hang on a second. She says Adam Sandler flick after the year 2006. What was so great about 2006. No, no, it's... Just like later, period. I think she means

the latter days. Like, like, if you say... That was Click. That was the year of Click. Let's say you'd go out with a fucking, like, gorgeous hunk, right? And he's like, oh, I love Billy Madison. I'm like, all right, okay.

Sure, right. Oh, if I love Happy Gilmore. All right. Yeah. The wedding singer, sure. Yeah, I'll still sleep with you. Mr. Deeds. Exactly.

You're like, wait, what? Hang on a second. I might not want to hit it or quit it, you know? Like, no. Hard no, click. Mr. Deeds, I feel it's like, you know, you're thinking it over. I mean, you got to see what else is going on there.

A hand-jibber, fine. Yeah, exactly right. Just to see what the course looks like. I guess I dodged a bullet because if I had slept with him before that, I don't think you're going to ever live with myself. Thank you for everything you guys do, love you, Annie, from Philadelphia. Oh, man, and when she was driving homes, you probably said to herself, man, I am glad I did not sleep with that.

Bravo By the way Speaking of the wedding singer God damn it Fucking Alexis Arquette Farrenan at the Oscar Fucking Farinan knew it I don't even know

The fucking slew of people Farinid man Oh this This editor had a fucking vendetta Miguel Ferrer That's just unforgivable I honestly think It might be more prestigious

Now to be Farinaed Yeah You might be You might be You're all the good people are Yeah You don't want to be some

What are we talking about Miguel Ferre He's George Cousin. I'm sure George Clooney left the ceremony. Oh, really? He just spits on the ground. Oh, man, that George and his pranks. Come on.

All right, here we go. Next letter. 310 to yeesh. Dear Andrew, Eric, Chris, and what is likely the life model decoy of Stephen Sadek. I drive commuter train. Steve Real dolls on sale. We still have all of them. and the hair is real

I drive commuter trains across state borders and I am a big fan of the show your podcast has brought me several hours of joy in my downtime hopefully not when you're driving the train I'm writing into the mailbag about a particular incident that happens on one of my routes

as we finished pulling into our last station for the night I walked through the train to make sure no one was still on board since service has ended I heard what couldn't be mistaken for anything other than Adam Sandler's cackling voice coming from one of the cars. That's exactly right.

I assumed maybe someone had left their phone on the train. I was gravely mistaken. What I found was... You're in a meeting. You were in a meeting. I'm trying to turn it out. I thought I put it on the side. Sorry, you know what?

I had to leave it on volume. My father's in the hospital. I'm going to leave the meeting this right. I'm so sorry, but this. Please tell the... Japanese businessman translate for me that this is the maiden call of the native Sandler

On newlyweds Whoopiddy do! Man, that never got old. Well, wait a second. What I found was indeed a phone playing an Adam Sandler flick. Billy Madison, if you're curious. And the man who was holding the phone had his pants down around his knees

and was going to town. I honestly just almost did a spit take. You know, sometimes it pays for me to ignore the emails that come in until I read them on the air. I was startled and yelled at the man to put his pants on and that he wasn't allowed to do that on the train.

He was clearly drunk and asked me what state this was. California, I replied. California, I'm supposed to be in Nevada. He threw his hands in the air and stormed off yelling, fucking Sandler.

To this day, I can't watch an Adam Sandler film without thinking of some guy's dick, but I guess I'm just like everyone else I know. Keep up the good work, AJ. Wow. That's amazing, dude. Now, what was he jerking off to in Billy Madison?

Miss Veronica. Whatever. Voss, right? Yeah. She's one piece of ace. Maybe he's a Bradley Whitford, dude. I'm okay with that. That's true.

He would great in that movie. When he fell off that, that dude fell off that bench and we saw his balls and they were weird. I used to, and maybe I've told us on this. You used to jerk off to Billy Madison I used to jerk off to Billy Madison Wait, I'm sorry, hang on a second Veronica Vaughn

Veronica Vaughn Veronica Voss, I believe, is a film by Fasbender Oh shit, cross-wire Oh, that fox and his friend Is one piece of a The third film in the BRD trilogy Anyway, I'm sorry, continue

I used to work at a gym And I would close it down on Saturday nights Uh-oh! And this gym had a sauna Uh-oh Which is also known as, what, like a cum layer? It's essentially a cum layer. So, like, and it happened so often I got, I got good at it because, like, the idea is you have to.

Jerking it in there? Well, no, you got to go around and tell everybody, like, because people will just keep working out. They don't care about your time. So, like, people on Trenton Mills, they'll have to like, excuse me, sir, we're, you know, closing down for the night. And they're like, oh, I'm sorry, man. Hey, man, it's 11.30 on a Friday, get a fucking life. Thank you. Exactly.

And he'd be like, oh, just give me five minutes ago. Like, so that'll happen. You got to close everything down. But you always knew when it came to cleaning the bathroom, which was my job, you don't clean the sauna right away. You really don't. You just kind of, you start doing the, you're doing the roommate thing where you're coming home on a Friday night. You don't know what's going on. You're like, hey man, everything cool?

You turn the light on and off and you scream from the opposite and you don't open the saw in the door. Jim's closing. Before you enter the layer of the white room. No, I don't. Then you go back to the front of the gym. and then you wait for one to two to three gentlemen to leave the sauna and then that's the end of it. Did you have to learn this the hard way?

No, it was just sort of, it was passed down. Yeah, somebody learned it the hard way. So they were fucking in there? Something circle jerk. Something's going on. Who knows? Maybe even that. It didn't happen all that time.

It wasn't like a, it wasn't all the time. It happened enough where I was a bit reticent to go into the sauna after the after hours. Did I ever tell a story about how I caught the guy in Brian Park jerking off? Oh, possibly. Yeah, the Brian Park reading room. So, yeah, so this dude was like he was, let me, it was orange gym shorts. Orange gym shorts.

I knew what I wore that there. It's a good memory on you. Could I borrow those, by the way? Oh, yeah, dude. There was a bunch of dudes caught in the mall where Cabin and I used to work at the movie theater caught in a big circle jerk in the bathroom. Yes, yes, yes. And what was great was the mall, it's no longer there, but it was indeed called the Latham Circle Mall. They called it the Latham Circle Jerk.

Oh, really? Yeah. It was right behind the arcade. Yep. That's where you want a bathroom in a mall. All right, Steve Sadek. Sleeping with my father. Oh, okay.

Sure. Dear We Hate Movies Gang, that's us. Your episode on My Father the Hero reminded me of a terrible event that happened on my 20th birthday that I've tried so hard to forget. for a bitter background I'm currently 22 years old well congratulations so bitter and have three younger brothers

my parents in their early 50s and they love to tell us how young they look and how people don't believe they have kids our age in all honesty my brothers and I agree that they don't look 50

but we would never tell them that for fear of inflating their egos on my 20th birthday my intent that's what a waste of a birthday a 20th birthday is isn't it yeah you're just like oh when is fucking 21st already now the clock starts yep i'm not even i'm no longer a teenager so i don't get i don't get that shit but now you're just fucking looking at your watch for a year exactly sucks

i mean more fake IDs um the campus secure uh and my my my entire family came up to celebrate with me uh the campus security in my building was fairly lax for relative so only i had to wave at the security guard after signing them in uh towards the end of the evening my mother wanted to take pictures oh mom with the pictures yep um But I realized she left her camera in the car. Oh, Mom, with the picture, can we just go home? It's only my 20th birthday, by the time. Get me next year.

Nothing to see here. Not graduating. Exactly. My dad volunteered to go out to the car and get it, and I went with him since he would need to get back in the building. After getting the camera, I signed myself in and was prepared to do my usual wave when the security guard said the most awful thing. Excuse me, miss.

she said, but you just can't let your boyfriend walk in here. You need to sign him in. Oh. My dad immediately started laughing while my face heated up. I started out, he's my dad. To which the security guard replied, oh, I'm sorry. He just looks so young. This security guard's looking for it now.

Absolutely. A little thirsty. This made my... That's what the kids said. That is the kid's it. This made my dad laugh harder, as he said, see, these people don't think I look 50. They want to get quenched.

Embarrassed, I didn't respond, but simply begin mashing the elevator button. Oh, man. My dad continued laughing the entire way back to my room and made me recount the entire tale to my entire family, including my grandmother, who was there to celebrate with us. This is humiliating.

I was wondering if you guys had any related to stories. Dating your mom is probably the equivalent for that awful conversation. Thanks so much for all the laugh. Keep up the good work sincerely not dating or sleeping with my father. No. No, no, no. One time in college, a buddy of mine was being a jerk there. He was a guest from out of town.

And, you know, we're walking around the campus. And sure enough, some ladies walking by her. and he asked to yell after she passes by. Steve, is that the girl you like? And I'm like, oh, man, I saw that girl for four years after that. Oh, that's humiliated. Yeah, it wasn't very fun. No, I mean, I've never been...

One time, this is kind of not really related, but I was out somewhere with my mother. Ooh, yeah. I like that. And I'm a very blonde man, but I had very long hair at the time. I had like, like, you know, you know, like Ray didn't hair. and some dude was like excuse me ladies and I turned around

and he looked horrified yeah that's about as close to you're the ugliest woman I've ever seen he started puking I got nothing yeah I really got nothing my parents are both age appropriate

yeah and the good thing about having divorced parents you don't even have to deal with any possibility of them having sex so sexuality is kind of removed from most of it. Oh, that goes with married parents too. Okay, good. Bravo. All right, Chris Cabin.

Is this the last one? I think it might be. It is. Yep. Oh, here we go. Last one. Last email, everybody. All right.

Hang up on him. Chuck and Buck. The worst movie experience of a lifetime. I hate this movie. I'm not a fan of it. I was at some point, though. Fellas, let me get this out of the way. Love your show.

Have been hooked for two years now. Thank you. Now the story. All right. I made the mistake of getting a liberal arts degree in film at Ohio University. Don't worry. The money is going to pour. Oh, yeah.

Oh, man. No struggles. Oh, wait, that's P-O-O-R. It's going to be a vacation in Hawaii every day. Because you're homeless. They brag about how good they're. T-com and film telecommunications, I assume. Oh, we're abbreviating telecommunications.

Someone's a college graduate. And film programs are touting Matt Lauer as the ultimate success story. I'll talk about a million to one shot, Doc. But in practice, it was pretty much chicken me worthless as far as degrees go. I think it was chicken Mick worthless. Is that an Ohio expression? I don't know. I've never heard it.

Well, I'm from Cleveland that I've never heard. Oh, yes, that's more of a Columbus experience. Ararabaria! Can I see it? No. Still, it did nurture my blossoming love for movies at the time. Sure. Ohio University is in the college town of Athens, Ohio,

in the Appalachian foothills. Oh, my God. Very beautiful, but small. So imagine my surprise when they started trying to attract culture and arts by doing a week-long film festival. All right. Okay. Okay. I was stoked.

I immediately bought week-long passes. The year was 2000. Mm-hmm. I think I saw a few good films during that week. Well, he was probably wearing a striped sweater at some point. Yeah, straight from the gap. Yeah, you're going to have like some sort of spike pair. Or a bowl cut.

A bowl cut. They were kind of the holdovers. Yeah. Or, and some sort of. like a really heavy metal necklace that you got to be wearing. Guaranteed. Shells are big. I do actually believe this,

the film festival were Gladiator premiered. Oh, really? That's the one where Oliver Reed died. He went to Athens, Georgia, and ate himself to death. Ohio. Ohio, sorry. I intentionally didn't read about the lineup since I wanted to. to leave any expectations at the door.

Well, needless to say, I was up on my high horse and invited this girl I really liked to join me on a movie date. I didn't know her well, but she was really beautiful and liked Pearl Jam, which is all I needed at the time. Yeah, at the time. She said yes,

and we met at the downtown theater to I. O'Mary, you know where this is going. Oh, fuck. Oh, I just remember the title of the email. To see whatever was next up for the film Festival. It was Chuck and fucking Buck. Fucking was me. The Mike White film. Yes.

I would confuse it with something else. Yeah. A dark comedy, but I don't remember laughing. Neither do I. Actually, Cabby, did you and I see this in theater together? No, I didn't see, I rented this. I think when you rented it, maybe you and I

watched it? Possible. I don't know how else I would have been suckered into seeing this movie. if you haven't seen this movie I'm guessing you have is a little creepy sort of sad and has some graphic sexual stuff in it pretty risque for 2000 needless to say

the theater was nearly empty me and my date an older couple close to the front and some college hippies who parked it two rows behind us fucking college hippies man every goddamn time maybe about

20 minutes in, I hear the sound of a cup being filled up with some sort of liquid. Please don't be pee. I looked behind us and didn't see anyone pouring anything. Oh, man. And two dudes glaring back at me. Since the sound had

some force behind it, I knew at the moment what was being filled up. A paper cup with urine. Now, you know what? This movie sucks and there's no reason to be so engrossed in Chuck and Buck that you can't, you Use the restroom.

What were you drawn to? Enlighten me. Yeah. It's not like when I watched the Force Awakens and had to piss her cup. Yeah, you're not going to go back and like, hey, what did I miss? Absolutely nothing.

Like, it's just, when we saw the, oh God, the counselor, my fiance went to the bathroom at the exact moment when the guy was on a motorcycle. It's a really slow movie.

It's a really slow. There's a couple of decapitations. She missed one of the decapitations where it's a guy on a motorcycle, like a wily coyote gag drives right into piano his head pops off oh really did she miss the quickening too

she did because she comes back and she's like what did it was like oh my god something happened in the movie all right cabin the glare was daring me to say something I didn't I got back to my date and invited my time for a romantic moment to put

a move on not in this movie the smell of piss in the air and didn't come I was so fucking horny reading your letter. Thank you very much. This is the good stuff. I listen to you guys in my downtime,

which is after 5 p.m. I have Fox News on. I unmute. I look at Shepard Smith with the closed captions and I listen to your mailbag episodes. And then I piss on the TV and it breaks and I go, Steve, I need another one. How's that racist legislation going, Steve?

Wrap it up. I don't remember exactly when it all derailed, but something around the time when Mike White's character started being more forthcoming about his creepiness. I heard the hippies say, fuck this movie, and get up to leave. Oh, no, I read ahead. Then they accidentally kicked over a big gulp cup and peaking, cascading down by our feet. Oh, this is the worst trend festival of all time. Oh, God.

That is how I knew it was pee, by the way. Also, pee from a dehydrated dick, pungent. Oh, no. My date didn't improve. Did you switch seats? You got to get up and move. Just run out of the theater. You're fine.

You're fine. This is the reason to do it. Oh, God, I read ahead again. This is humiliating. Right around the moment Mike says, Chuck and Buck, suck, and fuck. She says to me, I can't take this. don't call me again.

Oh, mercy. I would love to hear this woman's side of the story. Oh, guaranteed. Please have her write in. And storms out. I was left sitting nearly alone in the theater. 50% of the audience had left early. My shoes had pee all over them.

Oh, come on, man. And I blew my chances with a girl I liked, all due to this shit show of a film. From then on, I've been less forgiving about our house films that have no real point but to lay one big shock i still love movies though and while i never talked to the girl again i did land my dream girl a year later and we saw many a bad movie together happily keep up the good work charles p s i absolutely love this influx of alex jones and trump banter on the show i lived in austin for a bit and saw a j's dumbass a few

times. Oh, is he, is he from Austin? Yeah, that's where they record all that shit. In Austin? He's in a lick ladder movie. Yes, he is. He's in two link letter movies. Yeah, waking life and a scanner darkly. Yeah. And

it's also the capital of Texas. Let's not forget. Never forget. He was always yelling at someone random. My friend worked for Prison Planet for a while as a production assistant. I think they paid him in Liberty dollars. And tangy tangerine super drink

his employment didn't last long oh man that is the worst date I think we've ever read on the show yeah it's disgusting I'm surprised how much piss happens in movie theaters actually because people don't want to get up man but why would you not want to get all this money for chuck and buck at a fucking film festival

you know it's a lost cause you're five minutes in yeah you know what the deal is just get out just get out leave hang up on that movie. And that was one of those early movie, like, digital movies definitely early digital. Where they were like, where, like, it looked like absolute garbage. It looked like garbage at the

time you were watching it, absolutely. I can't tell you how many of those movies I rented and just turned off, and I was like, I'm doing anything else. When you realize it's like early DV? Yeah, and it's just... It's tough. It was a tough time for filming. And it's just like, oh, we can make a movie about anything, so let's make a movie about nothing. Yeah,

I think, what's that done? Everyone's doing something. We'll do nothing. The end of it. anniversary parties like that. That's another movie we were like, oh, Jesus, but at least that has some, like, charming people in it. This is all about jerking off and having these weird crushes on your friends. Remember Chuck and Buck? We used to suck and fuck. I remember thinking, like, why am I watching this movie? Also, it's not, there's nothing funny about that movie. No. But they did bill it as a dark comedy. Yes, and that's stupid. Yeah, so I guess that's W. W. H.M. Mailbag for that month, this month, the month of March. The month of March, yeah. Listener request, you wrote in. We sent us these letters and we picked them. Thanks.

So if you want your weird stories read on the air again or you know, you have a listener friend who, you know, is kind of timid. Or if you are the woman in this story that we just, I need to hear from her. We need to hear from her. Listen, Charles, if you remember her name, if you may be or you turned out to be Facebook friends later on, drop her a note. We got to hear her side of the story. Be really creepy about this. I feel like Charles's wife or girlfriend listens because he had to go out of his way to say he met his dream girl afterwards. Wow, that's not going out of your way, man, when you're speaking the truth.

Speaking the truth. She's lovely, Charles. For more we hate movies, check out. WHM Podcast. No, I am too. I just feel like he's like, oh, shit, she's, what are you doing in there? Nothing. And I met my dream, girl.

Oh, shit. Until next time, I'm Andrew Jopin. Stephen, say it. Chris Gavin. Alex Jones. Take it easy. Infowars.