We Hate Movies - S7: WHM Mail Bag - Screaming Substitute Teachers, Dying at the Movies, and "Pump Up the Volume"'s Legacy

Episode Date: December 29, 2016

On the final WHM Mail Bag of the year, the guys chat about insanely fed-up substitute teachers, street brawls outside theaters, correcting people when you know you're right, whether Pump Up the Volume holds up, which movies they'd like to die to, and more! If you want your weird, wild stories read on the air, or have questions for the gang, write into the Mail Bag: [e-mail]!Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to W.H.M.H.M. Mailbag, everybody. I'm Andrew Jupin alongside the whole gang. Sadek, Christopher Cabin and Eric Siska. This is the December edition. And it's a little different this time. It's mailbag spelled M-A-L-E. Oh, really? That's pretty sexy. I like that. That's hot.

So we're here to read some dude-themed letters apparently. Sorry, just Chris Cabin is Paris Hilton. I like that. Stephen Sadek, we've got a lot to get through this evening. So let's get to it here. Bad substitute teachers. Hey guys.

I've been a fan of the show for quite a while now, as well as support on the Patreon, the best eight bucks I spent in a while. Thank you, sir, and everybody should just, yeah, yeah. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. This guy did it. And I've got a story and a question that I think, I don't think it's been asked on the mailbag yet. Steve's story of a teacher yelling at his face about a t-shirt,

no, I will not cool my jets, man! That's a horrible story. Reminded me of my own horror story. When I was in the fifth grade, we had a mandatory music class. To this day, I don't know. know why we had that as a mandatory class for that one year, but I always dreaded it since I'm not a musical person, nor did I like hearing a room full of snot-knows kids play recorders. Well, you've got to expand your horizons. First of all, the arts are very important. They're

being cut across this country. You should be so lucky. In senior year, I was in a music class. They gave us all keyboards. And I was told to stop because I was learning the rhythm of everybody else in the room. It's just like, hey, man, what are you just hang out? That checks out. You know what, Steve, you can be the band's manager. Blah, blah, blah. Anyway, one day we had a substitute music teacher instead of our usual one. Things started out normal enough. We went to our room for music.

We got our stands, music sheets, and chairs, except me. Whoever used the room last didn't have enough chairs, and I had to go on standing. That didn't last very long. As a substitute, very sternly asked me, where's your chair? I told her there wasn't, there weren't any left. She proceeded to yell at me. go get one then Jesus

I didn't want I didn't know what to do So I just took Kind of a knee Like a quarterback And played like that I wonder what he was playing Once again

She came back to me And yelled to me What are you doing I said go get a chair Is that a pledge I think clearly He was playing the recorder Oh he said recorder

Okay Yeah that was right at the top Kids Not those kids play recorder It's been A long December They were playing a recorder version of a long December. Oh, that will make you kill yourself in the cold of winter.

That's why he's questioning this. It was a fifth grade music class about the counting crows. If you don't know what the county crows are, ask your parents. We've gotten past August and everything else, and now we're on to. Why are you standing there? What do you think you are, Mr. Jones? each other, fairy tales. Was it Mr. Jones or was it Mrs. Jones?

That was Mr. Jones. Who did Mrs. Jones? Chris Cabin? That was something, that was somebody. Right in the mail. Me and Mrs. Jones. Oh, yeah. Outcast.

Oh, Ms. Jackson. I don't know Mrs. Jones. I think me and... You know what? I'm just... Mrs. Jones. Who the fuck is me and Mrs. Jones? It's a famous soul song.

A bunch of people have sung. Oh, wow. We're just confused old men on the internet. Speaking of, I was left confused if there weren't any in the room and we're and we weren't supposed to leave the room during music class so I asked where and she says I don't care just get one

are you the rain king now I was used to getting yelled at by my mom Latin moms have a short fuse as most moms have short views so I was a little so while I was a little rattle I didn't get too shaken more confused than anything finally I just shook my head left the room and went back to class to get my chair

when I got back my teacher asked why I had returned and I explained that I got yelled at for not having a chair. So I had to go back and go. And anyway, I took my sweet time going to and from that class. And as I didn't see the urgency to get a class that I hated with a witch of a substitute leading the way. Whoa. You don't know.

She could have been cast in spells with those recorders. She was a wicker. Playing some eerie melodies. Talking to Black Peter. Yeah. The witch. Great movie. Great.

Yeah. Totally. I can show you a delicious. looking recorder You know I kind of hope I mean like I hope those little kids Never talk to each other again I just didn't like those little kids

The actors? The little kids Yeah I just don't want them around each other They decreed me out Yeah they can't be friends The rest of the music class was a slog And I literally wanted to do anything else But I believe I even pretended that my recorder

To play my recorder Instead of following the music Subs instructions Not that she knew Since the whole room is playing at the same time And she was dumb as shit Anyway we never had that sub again hopefully she died or at least ended up homeless my god

almost over a chair any horror stories of of teachers or substitutes from your youth and that's how a chair made me homeless well mother I guess we love on the street I yelled at a kid about a chair and did you say who sent this in keep up the great word guy work guy Stephen what I tell you about mailing into the mail bag

it's not for you Eric just hit me on the nose with his paper funny enough I have a story also involving a music class so in the second grade I changed schools in between first and second grade

so the first day of second grade we had music class and I was new kid in school and I was like here it is boy the spotlight's on you it's like the first day in prison make your mark

so I was like I'm gonna be the funny guy yeah sure you know so we're in music class and the teacher's like taking attendance and whatnot and there was another kid in the class with the same name as me

So she called my name and, you know, I said, here, you know, and then she goes and she calls this other kid, you know, Andrew, whatever. And I was like, here. And she's like, no other Andrew. And I was like, okay. And she did it again. And I said, here. And she goes, come up here. Oh, Jesus.

And she gets me up to the front of the class. And this is not like in front of everybody. She gets in my face and whispers. And she's like, you know what? This is the first day of school. And I got enough going on as it. is so I don't need you to be joking around during attendance and I was like all right take my recorder and come back to my chair she really she really fucking put the fear of

yeah that they must be fucking terrifying I am so I it wasn't I mean it was a dick move but okay so so was mine I mean I was being in high school I mean the guy was being the teacher I'm about to talk about so I used to okay I was you know I I drank a lot of water before school sometimes. Sure. Wait, wait is that? No, he's got tall glasses of water.

Tall glasses of water. I was back in his van. So this is my like junior year and my best friend and I one day we do it. And then we go to, we have the same math class, the first period. And you forgot to carry the one. And we were so damn high. Oh, I mean thirsty. Yeah.

Yeah. That's very thirsty. No, that means the kids are going to think you're horny. Yeah, that's all about it. If you say thirsty, it means you got a hard dick. Quenched. I've been quenched. Quenched.

You were fucking high. You were stoned out of your goddamn mind. I was stoned out of my head. Quenched means you just got fucked hard. I don't know if that's true. It's true. It's true. You're thirsty and then you get quenched.

All right. Just ask the people on catfish. So we were so damn high. Yeah. That we just like had bleeding, bleeding, bleeding red eyes. And we get in class. And we're sitting down and we're doing a test. I'm awake.

So good for me. My friend behind me is not. Sure. So the teacher is like roaming the perimeter. And like he sees me and clearly knows what's going on. And he's like, okay, Mr. Cabin. And then goes to my friend behind me and just like up in the air slams on his desk. Wow.

He tips over, hits his head on the desk of the kid next to him. That kid almost falls over, but is braced by two other people. It's like a Transformers movie. My friend has to go to the nurse's office. And then Megan Fox ran out of the hall. I'm called in for like a hearing if he did the right thing or not. And you're still high out of your mind? No, no, this is like weeks later.

Oh, okay. This is when the investigation began. Yeah, I mean, he went to the dirties off and a huge, fucking gash on his head. Oh, wow. But, yeah, that was one for me. Kevin, that reminds me. Just a quick note here, it's not appropriate for right now, but hopefully someone in the mailbag writes in, so you can tell the story of the time you accidentally smoked chronic. Oh, I could tell that story, too.

That involves a teacher. Sure. No, we get one a show. We're going to run long as it is. Yeah. Save that for another time. One time in a music class in a Catholic school, my music. teacher said that he didn't believe in god and he was promptly fired that day oh my god wasn't this

was this the guy who was the drummer for the punk band h2 oh no that's a different music teacher later on but yeah in in grade school he just told the group of like eight year old kids like yeah you know i don't believe in god but you guys do that's great he just got fucking fired which is probably illegal but it's also a catholic school so nothing's illegal yeah it's true i had a substitute teacher once that pretty cool dude pretty chill uh-huh big uh big beard goes by sparrow nice we don't do misters here guys it's just sparrow yes this is this is like you know your cat's skill hippie stuff and you know he would just tell us poems and shit that's his own poetry that he's oh yeah dude he's like an accomplished poet he's on twitter now oh really yeah he's pretty he's a pretty cool

dude and end of story and nothing ever bad happened Eric Chris you got the next one there Chris Cabin let's do it Worst movie experience Uh oh okay so Hey guys I love hearing everyone's bad

experiences at the movies and I thought you'd enjoy hearing my worst movie experience I was at the Sunshine Cinema Houston in NYC It's not a great theater I love that theater I don't really like that theater I like that theater I'm glad it's be a

sold. No, I like that theater. What? It's just it's not the theater itself. It's the crowds. It's always an asshole crowd. Well, that's because you're in downtown Manhattan where the asshole lives. No, but it's worse here. It's worse for some reason. I don't get that at the film

forum. Well, you get a different guy. Speaking of Night of the Living Dead, by the way. Yeah, all right. Well, you know, at the end of the day, all of New York is a toilet. Fair. A fair point. Settled. A friend and I decided to go to their midnight screening of the original Night of the Living Dead. I always wanted to see it on a big screen.

The theater was mostly full of movie and horror nerds and everyone was keeping it quiet and respectful. You should do that, you know. Just to general. This wasn't like a screening of the room. Which Sunshine does like every other week, which is another reason I hate that thing. I mean, you've got to make money, man.

I've got to make that money. It wasn't working for then. The theater got sold. Is it sold? No, it's in danger. No, I think it's happening. Yeah. Oh, great.

Great. Great. Another bank. Hope you're happy. I agree. Except there was this group of drunk high school students that kept riffing the movie and throwing stuff. They were deeply unfunny and very annoying. They were called we hate movies. These kids are like, I saw riff tracks do it one time. They were called We Hate Movies.

This was in the early 2000. couldn't be we a movie but uh we still had spent well over ten dollars on our tickets so we went to complain it turns out we weren't the only people to complain because the kids eventually got kicked out we left the movie and the kids had waited for us to come out so wait they knew that you were yeah well you see people ratting on you yeah yeah coat of the street and all that right what was that old uh proffs new york proffers snitches get stitches that's right And listen, man, you're below 14th Street. You'll get fucked up.

Oh, that's just an urban legend. No, nobody gets hurt down there. I'm a woman. The friend I was with was a guy, but I was about two inches taller than him. One of the kids decided to get smart and picked me up from behind. Ush. Big fucking mistake. I don't like being touched under the best of circumstances.

I'm with you there. My mind just snapped. When he, oh, turn that page, there we go. Turn the page. I'm just glad he was drunk. I'm not sure I could take down a sober guy. I kicked back until he let me go. Then I just started screaming at him and punching him.

I have an older brother, so I know how to punch. The last I saw of him, his nose was bleeding, and I'm pretty sure he was going to have a black guy, your brother? No, no. The guy, she was going to say a pretty violent family. The assailant. his friends were screaming run omar she's crazy omar coming or omar going oh that's stupid

you're darn tooting while i was wailing on him the thing that pissed me off was that the sidewalk was full of people but no one cared enough to help me out although i guess i should just be glad that no one called the cops on me well that's new york man how are we going to help you if we're taking pictures of it come on instagram You know, it's a desert these days.

Whatever. Don't touch people. Again, another... Yeah. Something to remember. Love the podcast. You make the path train barrable. We're not miracle workers here.

Nothing can make the path train farable as someone that takes a path. Best Janice. Well, thank you for your email, Janice. I will say that, you know, you do your best in this town to mind your own business. That's right. Head down. But when someone steps, you make sure they're picking their fucking teeth off a pavement when they're

well that's exactly right you see somebody messing with the lady you got to get involved I think so I don't know their relationship I don't know what's going on I saw suicide squad it's a lover's quarrel yeah I mean like yeah I guess that's you know

but have any I mean I know me and Andrew have the same one at least but has anybody here had been in a fight I've never been in a fight what do you mean has anyone been in a fight. Like a knock down, like a bar ball fight.

As an adult? Yes. Yeah. Like these people were having in the letter we just read. Or even a team. I mean, I guess like late teens. In my younger years. College maybe even, yeah.

We went to art school. There weren't really many fist fights on campus. I'm about four foot two so I kind of steer clear people's way. I almost got my ass kicked after a screening of that fifth Harry Potter movie. because my friend told a bunch of youths to fuck off. See, this is the thing, though, is this is the danger of, I mean, like, yeah, you're getting into a, once, people don't like to be fucking told anything, which is a problem in this society. So, like, if even if people are talking, then you got to get involved, and then it turns into a thing, and then we're meeting each other outside or whatever has to happen. Because you didn't let me tell my jokes.

Yeah, you didn't let me riff this cheesy movie. By the way, MoMA has a new restoration of the living dead. I saw it a couple weeks ago. It's fucking gorgeous. I hope they start circulating it. All right, next email. I know every actor in EZA and none are Jonah Hill. All right.

Hey, we had movies gang. Love the show. Just wanted to ask you about some quick etiquette regarding movie disagreements. Okay. Over the weekend, I was hanging out channel surfing when I came across the movie EasyA, playing on the channel E. Oh. Oh, e Entertainment television. No, no, no, no.

You're saying it wrong. Entertainment! There's an exclamation point on E. Television. Because it was on, and one of my friends is constantly telling me to watch it. I stayed tuned and actually enjoyed it despite not being a rom-com person. I think it's a pretty good movie. I actually have not seen that.

Still haven't. Pretty funny. Later that week, when I saw my friend again, I told her I finally watched it and made some passing comments. comments about the movie. At one point she said, and I quote, you know Jonah Hill is in it. Now, I have scoured the EZA IMB Tribune page.

And I know that Jonah Hill is not in the movie EZA. I said this to her at the time that I'm pretty sure he wasn't. And she made a claim that he played the first person that pays Emma Stone to say that she slept with him, but that's just not the case. I let it go

at the time. And I'm not going to bring it up again. I know it doesn't matter, But I also, it also just really bothers me. Any advice? How do I avoid being that asshole who whips out their phone and makes people scroll through the dregs of the internet movie culture for some small validation? Actually, this is what I do. Is there any polite way to tell someone that they're wrong, actor confusion in Connecticut? Yeah, I mean, this is, I'm not a big corrector.

I let, I let this shit go, honestly. It depends on how well I know someone. Yeah, like, sometimes I'll say stuff on this show. Like if somebody gets a name wrong, they'll be like, oh, blah, blah, because I don't want to hear it from the internet. That's exactly right. We're just trying to dodge tweets left and right. That's what we do around here. Is that what we're doing?

Because I'm just like, these guys are assholes. But I just let stuff go, man. Look, I have an awful last name. People mispronounce it all the time. I never. You mispronounce it every show. No, I say it the right way. Oh, wait.

They're not saying it? Oh, they're saying it the wrong way. They gave you the answers. I, yeah, I just kind of let you go. That's my thing. You live longer. You just get into less arguments that way. And I don't want to be a corrector.

Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars? I mean, if somebody's insisting on it, you will get into a fight with an old lady. I will absolutely. I mean, I am the one who will do this. Yeah. I mean, let me tell you, like, I've had, there's no better feeling for me.

This is a lot about how shallow and cold I am, I guess. But man, oh man, when I know I got a real fucking heat-seeking. missile of correction. Uh-huh. And it's just this person's just insisting. And I know that I'm right. And I know it. It feels so fucking good to just get...

And then you start getting into it. Get out the IMDB. Let's get it out. That's what technology is for. Open that app, motherfucker. I went... I go even farther. Oh, no.

You burn their house. So I'm not going to say who. Is it just the Kaiser Soze of watching movies? I'm not going to say who. But I was at a restaurant with a member of my family, and I looked at a picture, and I was like, oh, look, they have a picture of Leonard Cohen. It's the, the picture everybody knows of Leonard Cohen when he was younger.

Right. And he turned around and looked at the picture. I was like, that's Al Pacino. And I was just sitting there like, no, it's not. That's Leonard Cohen. And like, he would not let it go. And I was like, I literally had to go to my phone, do a good. do a Google image search on my phone

and it was the first picture that came up. Wow. What happened? Did you feel good? I did. I asked for the applause from the crowd. I wasn't feeling it. I wasn't feeling it.

You just pointed at him and said, you feel like shit. I mean, I don't do it a lot, but sometimes it's really hard, though, like when you're talking to somebody about something and they're just like totally getting something wrong like that. Like, I'm reading this email and I'm thinking, this person's mixing it up with that movie accepted.

Yeah. Exactly. Right? Which is like kind of a same like teen sex comedy thing, which Jonah Hill is in. It's also clear. With Emma Stone. That's the thing. She's just thinking of super bad. Yeah. Yeah. That's all right. Of course. That's all she's doing. Sure. So it's another person who can't just say, I have a shitty memory. Yeah. That's all you need to do. Just let it go. But the weird thing is if you get caught letting stuff go and then you get revealed later that you just let it go. Then people like, why did you let that go? Yeah. Like what's happened to do something about that? It's tough. That's awkward. Yeah. No, I mean, I think you guys covered it there. All right. Let's see here. Destroying your teenage memories? I've been there. Hello, WHM gang.

Greetings from Dublin, Ireland. All right. I know it may sound like a bit of a cliche, but I wanted to first thank you for your entertaining and genuine laugh out loud podcast. Well, you're welcome. I have a long daily commute, so you help me make that mundane time go faster. Oh, man.

I am just your everything. people commune in Ireland like what is it like boats yeah Jesus fucking Christ but they take doobacks around over there yes you know what you guessed it it's dobacks stop being so ridiculous it's walking sticks

the moors I wanted to get your expert opinions on something that has had me in a quandary as of late and that is to rewatch a defining movie of my teenage years in the same context of finally meeting your childhood hero and being horribly disappointed I fear if I do watch this movie

then my nostalgia-filled view of those years could be rewritten. The movie in question is 1990s, pump up the volume. I would have been 13 when it first came out, but may have been close to 14 when I eventually saw it on VHS. It simply blew me away and was time perfectly to show me a world of teenage hijinks as well as many other things. Ivan Nevel's, Why Can't I Fall in Love, was specifically rewounded number of times. It gave me an intro to so many other styles of music as well, though,

such variation that was a world away. from the regular chart music. I wanted to watch it so much. I ended up getting a second video recorder and making a copy of the tape so I had my own personal copy to watch whenever I wanted. We're going to report you now.

Blockbuster's taking you down. Or Irish Blockbuster. So here I am in my mid to late 30s and I have watched the trailer on YouTube. It still looks as good as I remember. But should I go all the way back and rewatch despite the risk? What say you, W.HM gods?

All the best. Derek. I'll tell you right now, Derek. I fucking love happy Harry Hard on. I love pump up the volume. That movie holds up. Yeah, big time. I did not see that movie until my 20s. Yeah.

And I really enjoyed it. So I think that as a semi-adult man, adolescent man, I got, you're an adult. Baby man. Yeah, you're a baby man. I enjoyed that movie. So I think you can do it.

It was pull the trigger. It was one of my first DVDs and I still have it. Oh, wow. You got it on DVD. You better believe that that DVD was of this side for full frame, this side for letterbox. No, it's not. The one I have is. Mine is not.

Oh, really? The cardboard box instead of the... Oh, those were shit. Yeah. Those were shit. I've never seen that movie, but I will say a movie that I did just rewatch that, I mean, like, I knew it was bad. Like, I knew I loved it as a kid, but I wanted to rewatch it. I made my fiancee watch it.

Fire down below. As kind of a gag. Demolition man. It'll be a fun movie to watch. But in the, like, and kind of couching it, and like, this is a cheesy, silly movie. But in my heart of hearts, I'm like, but this movie's still really good. It's Suicide Kings. Oh, no.

Yeah. I was like, oh, but that movie's unwatchably bad. See, that's the thing. It's like, it's also good to dispel childhood myths. Exactly. You don't want to be walking around saying, oh, man, I thought, suicide kings, right? One of the best movies in the 90s. And then some coward refuses to correct.

I will say I You know and I don't know if this is something that's been going on more But like I went back to the Goonies and not so much I always hated that movie I just I did too I don't care I liked it growing up but yeah I had rewatched it I think you know actually I think that movie kind of started to fade during childhood Because you'd watch it a few times and then I think in high school I started to To distance I think I watched it like twice when I was a kid and I was like that was a really good movie

that I rented once. And then I went back to it when I had a review of Blu-ray or something for it. And it was just, I was like, oh, my God. Yeah, I couldn't care less about that movie. But I love pump up the volume. You got Christian Slater, you got Samantha Mathis, suburban boredom pranks abound.

It's also like really cool. He's a fucking DJ, man. You're pitching that movie right to me. I'm pretty sure a really, really young Seth Green. Oh, is he her brother? No, the redhead that's like running around. like doing the yeah are we thinking of airborne

yes well no this would it's the same era radio days also in suicide kings Dennis Leary uses a toaster as brass knuckles okay movie

man that's so cool that stinks all right Steve Seidak let's keep going worst death scene ever dear WHM that's us was listening to your last mailbag that was last month that was November

episode But, and I thought I would share with you one of the most surreal experiences that ever happened to me in a movie theater. Several years ago, I took my then-girlfriend, now wife. Congratulations with me to spend the holidays with my parents. Like most people, after a few days together, we need to get out of the house. And I suggest we all go to a movie. Since my parents were older and my mom doesn't like films with, in parentheses, nudity, foul language, or violence. It's always a challenge. She walked out of Pulp Fiction in the first five minutes during the honey bunny scene.

Well, yeah, that's not for your mom. So I looked, was playing, and I decided to see Le Miz because of culture or some shit, as he says. We go to the movie, and I'm actually enjoying it going in. As Anne Hathaway begins her first downward spiral into prostitution in the front row, a voice breaks through. It's a woman. She's at first confused. Woman. Can?

Can? Can? Ken? Then she's then simply screaming. Riyu? Woman. Oh my God, Ken, wake up. Answer me. Ken. Stop the film. He's having a heart attack. Call 911. Yeah. That's a sad scene anyway. By the time she reaches, by the time people, by this time people are standing, some rush to Ken Zade, other, others, yelling to turn the movies off

general panic word reaches the booth and the movie is paused at the exact moment Hathaway dies but tigers come at the heart Ken

fucking crouches over in that coffin that she was also sleeping in frozen on the screen Hathaway in a coffin eyes rolled back last breath taken and just straight up dead

while the EMS rushes in and starts doing CPR and puts Ken out of the gurney and rushes him towards a waiting ambulance. They take him along with now this hysterically sobbing wife, obviously, and we all sit back down. Not knowing what to do, the whole audience just looks at each other, is thinking, should we just go?

Yeah, you know what, date nights are over. Yeah, it's, that's a scene, man. What? You also got a lot of that movie. Also, it's lame miss. Get the fuck out of there. That movie's fine. It's awful.

I did not even bother with it. But I think, it's okay honestly um what is why do you why why why care like sit back down and watch the movie i don't know you don't know that guy yeah but to see something like that doesn't it's sour things you want to process it with the person you're with probably and be like did you what is that even sour for me man i wouldn't get any enjoyment out of anything you apparently have let things sour for you uh look at you the lights go miserable just look at you the lights go damn the movie comes back on and the whole audience

is finishing, finishes the film like nothing ever happened. Oh, they went to Eric Cisca round. A bunch of Eric Ciscus. I'm moving to wherever this is. I'm not sure if Ken lived or died but I can't hear any music from that play, especially dream to dream without thinking

of a dead frozen Anne Hathaway and poor Ken on the floor, staring up at her death scene while he lays dying. If you could choose a movie to die to while watching, what would it be? I'm going to say an iconic art house midnight showing of earnest goes to camp

I love the show keep of the good work we all need laughs after this last election I don't know what you mean Lorenzo from Chicago All right so I'm packing my bangs for Chicago Moving back to Shytown huh Yes there you go What movie would you want to watch while you die

Movie will watch while I die You know I'd be fine if you head back to the future on Sure like I'm just wasting away I've got a, you know, precious few moments left with my family. Just a little BTTF in the background. Sure. What the hell? That's a good movie to die, do.

I would say just because we... Suicide Squad, like, in the beginning. And then, like, somehow I have to watch that movie again. And it's like, oh, sweet release. Are you watching with Dr. Kavorki? He just thumping me full of a fucking Joker toxin and I die. I think the Star Wars original trilogy or something. Yeah, sure.

Rodney Dangerfield in back to school. Oh, that's a good one. You know what? That's a good one. Leave them laughing. Yeah. Your funny bone tickled before you go. Just for the Vonnegut cameo.

Actually, my serious answer would probably be, just because it would be a bit surreal, would be the beginning of Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom because I used to go to sleep to that movie. So that'd be kind of a weird way to go out. I'm just going to sleep. I very rarely made it to the, when the rap. jumped out of the plane.

I would just put it on and pass out of the night. I used to always fall asleep to return of the Jedi because I had one of those like TV VCR combos and when it got to the end of the tape it stopped and rewound.

Oh wow. So I'd watch the first half forever. So yeah, maybe I'll die to return of the Jenna. There you go. We'll figure that out. Next week, huh? You know, probably.

All right. So let's see. Movie experience for the mailbag. Last one. Or yeah, Chris Kat. Haven, go ahead. Sure. Hey, gang.

I had never been kicked out of the movie before. Hi, Eric. Hey, Steve. Hi, Aaron. Hello, Andrew. Chris. Steve. Irish Blockbuster, how can I help you?

Welcome to Irish Blockbuster. We have microwavable whiskey that we sell in packets. Now, I have five shamrocks. How many movies can I rent? Oh, my God. It's, yeah, it's terrible. It's just wall after wall of waking Ned Devines. Here, take a pack of, here, take a pack of gummy guineas.

Gettys. That sounds delicious. It also sounds like we need to play a show in Ireland to erase this ignorance. You know what? I would love to. We're getting punched in the head, rightfully so. I would love to play Ireland. I love the move there.

Yeah, you get a nice sweater going on. It looks beautiful. Yeah, flat. That's right. Is that what they call apartments in Europe? Is, I just rewatch Rogue One again. Is the beginning of Rogue One where Gen Orso is like getting escaped? Is that Space Ireland?

It looks a little Ireland-ish. Well, Space Ireland's where Luke Skywalker is hanging out. Is that Space Ireland? Oh, yeah, that is Space Island. Yeah, there was Ireland. Yeah, it's all Space Ireland. I don't know, but Gen Orso's a little farm there looked like a pretty rad place to just chill. Also kind of like a Vietnam feeling a little bit with the water and the plants.

You're totally right. Man, I'd have a grow-op there. That's what Galen's doing. Is like, let's go. I'm retreating from the Empire and just starting the grow-up. That's why Ben Mendelssohn's like, didn't take you for much of a stoner. Is that a man bun you have on?

He does have a man bun in that scene because he's fucking growing it out, man. Totally, dude. And that fucking Star Wars loungewear too, like those fucking like little like robe shirts. Oh, yeah, dude. You just fucking chill out. You got some space.

Grateful Dead on? Yeah, man. Watch some weird tannical stuff. You know it's happening, you sure. Especially in space. Gin, don't get into my tapes.

Honey, gin, I left a tape in Jin sought. Oh, yeah, Jin, when the umpire comes, this is payment for Saul Guerrera. They can give him these bags. He could put it in his little

vape machine, whatever he has. And the tapes, too. No, I know, definitely the tapes. Forrest Whitaker wants the tapes. All right, Cabin, sorry. I was by myself and bought a ticket to see Ride Along, too. Checks out.

When I entered the theater and saw that the room was filled with teens, I realized that the movie might be too young for me. So I left. That's Kevin Harton Ice Cube? Yes. Yeah, it's too juvenile for everybody. It's not for anybody. walked across the hall and sat down to see 50 shades of black Y.

Speaking a knot for anybody. A film that was playing at about the same time. Shades was awful. Literally unwatchable. Now, that is the parody? It's the Wayans' movie. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Man. But that wasn't the worst part. Oh, there was a strange noise behind me and then a loud moan. Yep. Thank you, Eric. It wasn't me. That was the mummy. Oh, did anyone watch that mummy trailer with the wrong audio?

Oh, it's so delightful. That movie looks ridiculous. Yeah. Stay tuned. I'm in, man. Totally. So, and he's not, Tom Cruise is not the zombie. He's not the mummy.

It's some lady. I think he's a ghost, though. I don't know. We'll all have to figure it out together. You know, if Tommy's in it, I'm there. This was about 10 minutes into the movie. Yep. Some guy was getting a blowjob.

Oh. This lady friend was on her knees. Well, you know what? That's the problem with you. You get fucking 20 minutes of trailers, man. Everybody's getting bored. You've got to find something to do. Also, what the hell else are you doing in 50 shades of black?

Like, you're not laughing. You're not watching the movie. That's for certain. You don't need your mouth for laughing. Well, you don't. There's no jokes. You laugh with your mouth. You laugh with your ass.

Well, don't start with that. You are made of filth. going to say you are pure film is this your opening statement to get into the council of uncles your thesis hey you don't laugh with your mouth i'll tell you that much motherfucker fucking find me another way to give a blowjob you idiot sure and i'll go down on you that's been a long minute i got uh i got up in a huff and stormed out of the theater and returned to ride along too which was just getting started You prude.

Yeah, I would have just sat through that. It's not going to last the whole movie. You were halfway through as it was. Yeah, yeah, sure. A few minutes later, an employee approached me and asked me to leave. Oh, no. Apparently someone watching 50 Shades thought that I was the person who moaned in 50 shades of black. Uh-oh.

T'wasn't me. T'was the mummy. They tracked me down in Ride Along 2 and thinking I had pulled a peewee wanted me gone. Twas the mummy was receiving me. They found semen on the floor, Jack. I'm just going to leave our little semen at this movie theater here. I'm going to frame him. Hi, I'm supposed to meet my friend here for ride-along, too.

His name's Miggs. Multiple Miggs. Out in the lobby, I spoke with the manager. Oh, no. But it was all too embarrassing, trying to explain how I bought a ticket for, to one movie, started seeing a different one left, reentered the first movie, and wasn't jerking off to either. Finally, I gave up and exited the cinema. Yeah, it's a lose-lose.

Get out of there before the cops come. And after that story, you don't call it the cinema. That's a movie theater. You were without a doubt at the movie setting. Right along two and 50 shades of black. Yeah, that is. People are getting blowjubs left. right. That's not even a movie.

Well, at the parking lot, I laughed at my bad luck and tried to write you guys an email. That's when the police came. Oh, no! No charges, but they did tell me I should probably move along. Or ride along. Yeah. Love the show. Keep up the great work, Eric. What did I tell you, Eric, about

writing it to the mailbag? What is your jerk-off stories? I was the one who moaned. That's awkward. I'm the man who moaned. That's just, oh, man. I mean, here's the thing. Were they getting going before he walked in?

Or is that like kind of a sexy movie? Is it a sexy comedy? No. It's a fucking... Chris Cabin. Did you watch the movie? I did. And it's like a scary movie fucking.

It's not like sexy. But it's spoofing sex. It is spoofing a sexy quote movie. So it stands to reason. It should be about like a porn parody. It is not. I will tell you that. It is not that at all.

It's a piece of shit. I thought it was a funny. How many? No reason to whip your dick out at it. Speaking of whipping dicks out, how many fake penises are in that movie? Because scary movie two has one. Yeah. Two.

Maybe three. Fake dicks? Maybe, I mean, like an erection, like, as well, is it enough to inspire you to want one? No, again, there is nothing in that movie with Warren taking out your dick. It just isn't there. Are you sure? I'm absolutely.

positive on this. Nothing. What would warrant you take it out of your dig? That's my question. Let's go do this. Okay. Rick's for a dream.

Jesus. Oh, God. I was going to say ride along, too. That's the W.HM mailbag. The last one of the year, everybody. How about that? Probably the last show of the year, right?

Last show of the year. Goodbye, everyone. A piece of content. That's right. So have yourselves a happy. New Year. We'll see you in 2017. Until then, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Gabby. Eric Cisco.

Take it easy.