We Hate Movies - S7: WHM Mail Bag - Theater Walkouts, Haneke High School and Movie Theater Parking Lot Sex

Episode Date: September 29, 2016

On the first WHM Mail Bag of season seven, the gang chats about what films they've walked out of, checked-out teachers showing their students the original Funny Games, projection booth flubs, horrendous Pittsburgh Batman fans, and listeners spotting people having sex in movie theater parking lots. If you have questions for the gang, or want your crazy/wild/weird/embarrassing/gross stories read on the air, write into the mail bag: [e-mail]! And take a look at the great new WHM Mail Bag cover art, designed by friend of the show, the incredibly talented, Felipe Sobreiro!Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thank you. Hello, everyone, and welcome to the September. Welcome. W.H.M. Mailbags. W.H.M. Season 7. What do you, Rain Man over there? What he's doing? I'm Andrew Jimbaugh, alongside Stephen Zadak, and Rain Man himself, Eric Siska. I'm practicing gambling in the corner. Dude, that match thing just freaked me out.

Oh, yeah. I just got to see all these matches. How many? 533. No, this is, of course, the W.O.J.M. Mailbag, where we read some fan letters, handle some questions, uh, tell some stories and whatnot. Now you will, uh, notice that this is still indeed on the main feed. This is still free, of course. Now, uh, you might be asking yourself, where the hell did animation damnation go? Well, we got a Patreon set up, gang. Clinton took it.

Oh, no. Man. Crooked Hillary. No. Goblin vomit. Catch me bad with a mailbag. Info pickles.com. No, we got ourselves a Patreon, man. We've been doing the show six years. We wanted to step it up a little bit. I got to say, first of all, the support for this fucking thing has been outrageous. My heart has exploded. It's grown one size. We cannot even believe it. The support already for this thing that launched just

mere weeks ago. Yeah, thank you so much, everyone out there. So here's the deal gang. If you are interested in getting involved, head on over to patreon.com slash we hate movies. You can check out all the tiers, the different ways you can subscribe, support the show, support what we do here at We Hate Movies. Help us produce more content for you. Help us us go out on the road more to see you and your hometown and you know a lot of people have

been like oh my god I can't afford to do this then please don't I would hate for someone that cannot afford to feed your fucking kids keep the lights on Jesus Christ our fart jokes can wait it is not mandatory at all no good point we're not expecting everyone who listens to sign up I mean we're still going to be putting out you know the regular show as much as possible WHM prime mailbags exactly and we appreciate the hell out of the people that can do it we appreciate the hell out of the people that can't do it. Yeah, we ain't twisting your arm here, gang. Like I said, feed your fucking kids.

Feed yourself. Put gas in the car. My God. Yeah, seriously. Podcasts come, not even second, third maybe. As it turns out, there's a fucking free one that comes out every week. And I'm just good. I am going to say above your elderly aging parent. Like, you know what I mean?

Definitely like below your kid. Yeah, exactly. They had their shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at them now. So just like, you know, use that as a lesson. Did they give you every $8 they had in their pocket? No, no, no. I don't think so at all.

No way. So anyway, patreon.com slash we hate movies. Now let's get to the letter reading. Steve Zadag, do you want to start us off? Oh, absolutely. With the first mailbag of the season, so there should be a little bit of fanfare here. Yeah, breaking point. Letter is called Breaking Point.

Hey, gang, glad you exist. Oh, me too. What if we don't? You're all connoisseurs of terrible. movies, but there are obviously some that are so bad that you truly can't stand them. My question is, what was the first movie to be too bad to enjoy? What finally broke you and you just couldn't be enjoyed no matter how hard you tried? For example, my friend can tolerate some real garbage, quoting the Mortal Kombat movies

is some of his all-time favorite movies. All right. But he finally met his match with Yuval's Blood Rain. Oh, sure. saying it made him vomit blood Goblin vomit blood To watch it all the way through Was your guys first experience with something so terrible

Signed Spencer I'll tell you right now Oh I'm sorry I cut you off Because it is like when you're a kid You just assume every movie's good You consume it like a fucking moron This is a good movie It's gotta be a good movie

It's a movie of some kind Somebody made all this movie for me I gotta watch it I gotta like it It took me a long time And I'm not saying this was the first time But this is a thing Like not the first time I realized what a bad movie was. I don't think

what he's asking here. And I feel this can correlate to like either stopping a VHS tape, throwing a DVD at the window, or leaving a theater. And leaving a theater, for me, the nadir of me watching a movie in the theater and just saying,

no! Was don't mess with the Zohan. I walked right the fuck out of that movie. Oh, that's a good one. Right about the time he was just hitting people with feet I was fucking done with it I mean that was just one of the stupidest movies

and I mean I've sat through some stupid movies man I still haven't seen it and I'm still happy yeah you're good one of I mean one of those movies that I was sort of like building up I was like oh well you know I like the game mistake number one oh yeah and I was like oh this it's such it the video game yeah the video game

and I was like oh you know it's actually it would be better as a movie mistake number two because it's like atmospheric and it'll be kind of cool the scene in a movie and then I went and saw Resident Evil Oh, that's a big fucking turd That is one of the worst

Can you believe there's like five of those things? There's still one more coming out or it just came out maybe They're still making them They just finally said goodbye No well there was a I believe I think they finally said goodbye They did Like the final season of MASH

They're waving as the helicopters leave Korea. Milojovich took a bow and that big reptile monster, whatever the fuck goes on in that movie? I think there was a thing, and I might be mixing up movies here, but I think a stunt woman was like gravely injured on that film and it was been like kind of delayed and whatnot. But I think I just saw something that was like a fucking photo of Milojovich and this fucking things. And I'm just like how many? How many? Like you're going for a full on box set with

these movies. I mean, it's unbelievable. Um, mine would be, I, uh, like Eric was super excited about this movie. And I was like, it's got to be good. It's, it's just got to be good. And it was because I really liked the first Mortal Kombat and I was there with some buddies. And I was like, it was mortal combat annihilation. And I just, and I just, and I was trying to get into it. You know what I mean? That was actually a movie I walked out of. I was just like, like my, my fat little cheeks were getting hot, ready to cry with how bad this was. movie was, man. By the way, if you're a new listener that we did a previous episode on that film. We did, indeed. We've done episodes on both Mortal Kombat movies. That's right. All right. Eric

Cisca, you want to continue on here? Oh, sure. This one's called senioritis. Hey. Dear W.HM, huge fan of the show, first off. Your podcast makes me laugh, but it also makes me re-evaluate movies that I may have initially ignored. Thanks to you, Blind Fury

is now one of my favorite movies ever, as it should be. classic movie. I still haven't seen that movie. Oh, you weren't on the episode. I wasn't on the episode. I said, fuck those guys. One of them rare Chris Cabin episodes. Oh, legend has it. He had a couple episodes.

You should check it out, though, because it's, if you like record, how? Of course I do. Do I got red blood in my vans or what? Do you like henchmen get their fucking ass handed to them? Yes. Yeah, well, Blind Fury is the movie for you. You got to check it out, Steve. I expect a full report in the morning.

with you guys taking your summer break, you talked a lot about the dreaded senioritis. Well, I've got a tale from my high school years. You may appreciate it. It was the late 2000s. Oh, late 2000s in high school. I'll be over here committing suicide. Now Andrew is dead.

You see that old man killed himself? He's almost 33. Yeah, well, you know, You're not missing anything if you check out of 33 everyone. That's what Jesus thought. And then he came back

and he instantly bounced. Yeah, he's like, yeah, no. Yeah, that was actually the quote in my high school yearbook. You're not missing anything. Jesus. You want to know what my actual high school quote was?

Oh, yeah. It was because I was an asshole and I just didn't care. And I mean, it's not that funny, but it is kind of, if you look at my bad, haircut and tuxedo jacket that they make you wear

the picture. Here I am, rock you like a hurricane. Oh, you fucking asshole. That is pretty great. Bravo. That kid's got moxie. So getting back to this letter here.

And I was just a few days away from graduating high school. Nobody, nobody could give a shit at that point. As was the fashion all the time. Be it the students or the teachers. We watched movies in almost every class, usually something tangently related to

the class, like watching Glory in history, or drumline in marching band. Come on. Hit the fucking drum on the head with that one. I mean, like, it's great. That's why Glory was invented, really. Like, yeah, it's a movie, but like, history classes will enjoy this. I definitely saw that in history class.

Of course you did. Also, one of my history teachers showed us an episode of Star Trek The Next Generation. Oh, six. which was the first time I ever saw that. You remember which episode? They go down to some arid planet that looks like Southern California. Oh, that's like 57 of them. It was one the guy said was good.

We'll get to it on WHM's Nexus. Oh, right. Patreon. There you go. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. Continue. Except for Earth Science class. Now, first off, this was definitely a class for seniors who didn't give a shit.

It was basic material taught by a self-professed former flowers. her child. All right. Yeah, that actually my earth science teacher was the same way. Cool.

He also went on to be my environmental science teacher and you know what? He played guitar. Oh, man. Legitimately cool dude. Sounds like he's

in tune with the earth. Oh, yeah, man. Now, this is, for people who wanted a class, you could just sleep through and still pass.

But it was still awesome that, and the teacher, Mr. V, was really nice, albeit a bit odd. One time, he told us, he was camping and saw a bunch of trees producing fogs sick mr v hey mr v's sick story

bro this is not can you tell it again mr v oh man do you smell mr v's jacket this morning when a kid asked him he had been drinking that night mr v said not drinking but smoking some funny stuff oh yeah fuck yeah mr v mr v mr v is looking for the next job already well dude he's playing in a band on saturday's and fucking Maxine's Roadhouse down the street. It's going to take off just any day now. Any day now his fucking foreigner cover band

is going to blow up. You could just call me Mr. V. It's short for Mr. Adventure. So, Mr. V decides to let us watch a movie as I had ever heard of an Austrian

movie called Funny Games. Hachy, Machie, Mr. V. I would like to think that Mr. V was a little more cultured and knew what was going on here. Yeah, Mr. V is pretty cool, man. Well, I would like to think that Mr. V knows the score, but it appears as if Mr. Vee's never seen this movie before.

If you're unaware, this movie is about two guys who torture and murder or family of three. It was intended as a criticism of violence and how we react to it, which is all well and good, but probably not the movie you want to watch with a bunch of barely mentally their teens. You know what? Do you disagree? Michael Hanuket, not one for high school.

Classes. One question. No, everyone should watch the... Now, if you're listening in high school, immediately rent this and the white ribbon. Yeah, the white ribbon.

Yes. Oh, and a more. It'll fucking sad you're right out. Right. There should be a class called fucking what it's really like. And then you just watch them. Taught by Mr. Sadak, man.

And he shows you how Sally Mae is going to fuck your face for the next 30 years. Oh, totally. Then you watch Amor. And then like you talk about like how you're going to watch relatives go.

You know what? I mean, that's better than a study hall. Dude, it's like, this is when it's like dealing with your neighbors and you put on cachet. Oh, yeah, dude. I like this already. What it's like, it's going to be, I'm going to, I'm going to pitch that. Recreem for a dream.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, there you go. So there's a very early scene where the father has his leg broken and it was at this point, you could tell the mood in the classroom changed. we were all watching this movie with a mix of shock and horror and it took three days to finish dude you kept going back to it

if the first day is a little weird Mr. V go home and watch it finish it you know maybe glory is fine well you know what get a VHS tape out and why don't you fucking tape

some Saturday night live reruns off of Comedy Central it's earth science put on like fucking even Jurassic Park which is very tangentially earth science but at least there's like you know Listen, Earth science, it's all the natural disaster movies. There's a goddamn library.

You put volcano on. The core. The core. Maybe the core is like a last digit. The video stores out of the rest of it. No, that's what gets you fired. You could show funny games, but if you show the core in Earth's science, get the fuck out of here, Mr. V.

You fucking hit me. You're fucking fired. Yeah, yeah, continue. We'd all leave the classroom in absolute silence, never discussing the movie until the end the fourth wall breaking the extreme violence it was too much for us to handle we were expecting somebody like shrek two for god's sake shrek two shrek two with senioritis by the way you're all 17 or 18 years old let's grow the fuck up yeah just grow right up you maybe you needed fucking this fucking movie funny games that's funny games straight you out yeah yeah that's right

we're shrek too no sorry you're in the what it's like classroom and in the what it's like classroom everyone's susceptible to the violence that their neighbor can inflict on them that's Dude, when I saw Shrek 1, when it was new, I was fucking livid watching that movie. I was so, I've never been so angry at a movie before Shrek. That was the first DVD I ever watched. Oh, man. I rent it. I got, I remember it very clearly.

I got a pair of yellow sunglasses and a DVD player for Christmas one year, whatever that year is, probably 2001. And I was like, oh man, got to go to the video store. Rent my first DVD. yellow sunglass. And I listened to whatever shitty shitty CD I put in my disc man. Love it. I was like, I'm going to rent Trek. Did you strut to the blockbuster?

Oh, of course I did. I was king of shit that day. I was renting a movie on a disc, Andrew. How could life get any better? It's the future, man. Can I tell you what my first DVD was and this is no fool? I wish I had those yellow sunglasses. John Carpenter's Halloween. Oh, wow. Wow. Congratulations.

So my first DVD was, not, this is not talking about rental, I'm talking about owning. Yeah. It was Army of Darkness, but it was the director's cut, and I was so pissed off because theatrical's better. Yeah. Do you throw it out? Why did you just flip the disc? Wasn't the theatrical?

No. Oh. No, no, no. Anyway, let's finish Mr. V abusing these children. But to quickly tell you what made me hate Shrek so much was the Macarena joke, so many years after that. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big time. Big time. Honestly, in that fucking song and dance, fuck those movies.

It's beginning of the end of computer animation. I mean, like, there's been a lot of good computer animated movies since then, but not a lot more of bad ones. Nope. At the end, Mr. V asked us what we thought. Oh, Mr. V. For a long time, nobody raised their hands. So Mr. V stood up from his desk. Oh, shit. Guys, I'm really sorry.

Oh, man. I thought it was a comedy. Oh, Mr. V. What a bungle. But after the first day, I really liked it, and I didn't want to stop watching. Again, watching at home. How busy are you, Mr. V? I know Barry's got practice every night in his garage, but... And I didn't have a tape player at home.

I hope you enjoyed it, too. Wait a second, Mr. V, if I'm getting the timeline right here, the beginning of this email, we were told that this was the late 2000s. You don't have a, quote, tape player at home. Wake up, Mr. V. Maybe he had DVD. That's entirely possible. That's entirely possible.

DVD. DVD. Now, limited edition yellow sunglasses with you DVD. Army of darkness. Directors cut. No theatrical. Buy that separately. Fat piece of shit.

That was it. Two days later, we graduated. It was basically the perfect send-off for this teacher. I hope he plays that movie for every class of graduating kids. Guarantee you he doesn't. No, that was the last time Mr. V made that fucking flub. Oh, Lord Almighty, Mr. V. All right, here we go.

Mr. V to not stand for Mr. VCR player. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. TVD. Wrong movie story with bonus conspiracy theories. Okay. Hi, guys. First, thanks for making one of my favorite podcasts ever and never failing to make me crack up inappropriately at work.

I was just listening to your latest mailbag where we heard of the Joel Schumacher run in that Steve trying to see Spotlight and they put on the wrong film. They sure did. Are you, what we were trying to see and they put on Spotlight? I was trying to see Spector. Oh, Spector and they put on Spotlight. The next one alphabetically down. Speaking of Flubs.

Joel Schumacher run in and had to share my own story of movie mixups at the theater. Last year, my best friend and I got ourselves tickets to a special showing of Rear Window in Chicago. Nice. I wonder if that was at the music box theater. Great organization out there. if that's what you're talking about.

Well, the theater was in Evanston. Oh, never mind. But we can be forgiven for the sake of seeing Hitchcock movies on a big screen. I don't know why you're knocking Evanston, but whatever. Evanston! We're from New York City. I don't know what that means, but we'll continue. And we're very excited to see it in the theater.

We got in the theater, which was slightly more packed than expected, mostly with older couples. There were no previews, but of course, that was to be expected with a revival showing of an old movie. All right. let's just let's just come on how was the seat I'm kidding I'm kidding I love you

here writer here we go a proustine adventure here however what came on the screen looked more like someone's corporate educational video with some guy some dude in a turtleneck if I remember correctly talking to us about strange natural phenomenon and God and how the moon has been used

to predict disasters and strive for centuries or some shit. Was this, oh, I was going to say Nasferatu, but that's wrong. Nostradamus. It's the same guy. Was it a vampire from a 1922 silent film talking to you?

My friend and I looked at each other in confusion, but thought maybe this was some kind of special preview the theater had inserted, like those fathom event ads. However, after a couple minutes, it became clear this wasn't the case. The theater had somehow gotten their film reel of rear window

mixed up with a DVD. We know because when they finally stopped it, we were treated to 10 minutes of various DVD menus while they tried to fix it. Let me tell you, as someone who's professionally worked in film exhibition for 16 years, that's fucking embarrassing as all get out, Jesus Christ,

theater and Gross Evanston. Do you think they were playing rear window on a DVD? They must have. Yeah, that's embarrassing. Oh, is that that film canister or that little disc? Like, oh, DVD. It just, they just missed up the little discs.

Am I threading film through a projector or am I putting a DVD into a tray? What a flub. I mean, people drove from from Chicago all the way to a little old Evanston be treated to a fucking DVD. I once left to, I was living upstate. It was in downtown Albany. I was going to a screening of Evil Dead. I walked in. I said, is this on 35 millimeter?

The guy said, yes. walked into the theater saw the DVD menu pop up because the projection is fucked it up I turned around and left I got my fucking money back I walked right out I was like you fucking lied to my face sir

Oh yeah sure Yeah it's 35 The original one It's the first one they ever made I think you know they made it on DVD first But like DVD blown up It's gonna look like shit Yeah no

That's why I walked right the fuck out of that movie theater Anyway, so mixed up with a DVD of four blood moons described thusly on IMDB, quote, just as in biblical times, perhaps God is controlling the sun, the moon, and the stars to send our generation a signal that something big is about to happen, end quote. Several people went to tell the theater what was going on,

but we still ended up sitting through 12 minutes of this, quote, documentary and 10 minutes of the DVD menu before we finally got up, got to watch a much better movie about paranoia and cover-ups. No explanation was ever given to why a popular movie theater in Chicago was showing four blood moons. Now, wait a second.

Wait, wait, wait, wait a second. Did I read this wrong? No. Are they in Evanston? They're from Evanston? No, they went to Evanston. What's going on? I think she's just said Chicago.

I guess it's the Chicago land area. Oh, okay. Maybe Evanston is one of the... By the way, yeah. I've seen Four Blood Moon. What? Shut up.

Shut the fuck up. Just cash it all. The act just flew off my head. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, whee! Yeah, man. It was on Netflix. I watch all that shit. Any conspiracy theory nonsense document?

I try to also, but I just miss this one. Is this to stay tuned? I want to do a crazy religious documentary, so have it. No, it's kind of boring. It's just kind of dull. I mean, like, you want it to happen. Like, it kind of just, oh, actually,

wait, no, there's a lot of weird reenactments in that movie, if I'm not mistaken, that are really, really bad. Like, I kind of just didn't get it. Maybe I was a little bit off of my work. Yeah, you didn't know what the Blood Moon was, huh? Yeah, I mean, it was just not super coherent, but it was a pretty damn good movie. Oh, right. So, yeah, no explanation was given as to why a popular movie theater in Chicago was showing four blood moons in the first place.

Thanks again for the great show, Morgan. Thank you, Morgan. Wow, that sounds like a bad night out. Yeah, that sucks. Speaking of, Dark Night Rises in Pittsburgh. There you go. Dear W.H.M. Oh, no, this is a long one.

Sorry. I saw you put out the call for mailbag stories and since I love your podcast, always wanted to hear one of my stories in the air. I decided to send one in. This is the story of the worst-going experience of my life so far. I was going to see the dark night rises

on opening night. Good for you. No way to brag about it. Jeez. The theater's back to begin with, but there's an extra twist. The movie was filmed extensively in Pittsburgh, which is where I live. The dramatic stadium explosion,

that's Heinz Field. Every major landmark was something in Pittsburgh and I was excited to see our city on the big screen. That's always a nice little treat. Oh, sure. When you see New York, you're like oh wow. Well, yeah, you know, I think we're a bit spoiled by it here in New York. There's not many movies shot in New York. Yeah, just watch a couple, though. You'll find

him. Well, maybe. Every now and again. Yeah, we'll see. Unfortunately, there was an extremely loud and extremely drunk, isn't that that John Saffron Forer book? No, that's extremely loud incredibly. Sorry. Extremely loud, an extremely drunk group of what we call in Pittsburgh yinsers.

All right. Wait, whoa, whoa. Is this some type of derogatory terms? I'm pretty sure. I don't know if I should be saying you. I don't think you should be saying that. You fucking yinser. Whoa.

That sounds all right. Let's get through it here. Yinsers are the worst stereotypes of Pittsburgh. Fat, loud, drunk. Thank God. It doesn't say anything about race. So I'm going to continue. I was going to say, thank God.

It doesn't say anything about podcast hosts. Yeah, because I'm kind of offended, because I'm fat, loud, and drunk right now. I'm a fat guy, too. This is not me. I am a fat guy, too, but this is the letter writer saying I'm a fact guy too. And I get drunk a lot. Wait, wait.

Is that, wait, I'm having a problem separating realities. Are you talking about you or this? Is this the email? This is the email. We are both people who are fat. I'd like to get drunk. But I never take that to the theater again. This is the guy.

Not me. Wait, you take that into the theater? Steve definitely takes it into the theater. I'll take it outside. I'll take it inside. I'll take it wherever you want it. I should have known. We were in for trouble

when one of the guys showed up in the theater in a Steelers jersey and another was waving a terrible towel around. Oh, come on. Isn't that like one in five people in Pittsburgh? But it's June at this point. Oh, yeah. That's embarrassing.

The Steelers are out of it at this point. Well, it's one of those people that's really paying attention to training camp. Yeah, if you don't know, the Terrible Towel is a towel. The Steelers fan waves around. games that's it my friends and i grabbed our seats already you should probably have left and sat down you see you get you catch wind of a yinzer in your theater you gotta get the fuck out of there

um and as theater quickly filled up uh around the time of the first trailer the yinzers came in to the theater there's a loud pack uh they yelled out hey jimmy where you where you's want to sit at uh and the six guys plopped out a few rows in front of us they proceeded to shout on an enormous amount of food. Nice. They had somehow snuck in burgers and fries from McDonald's. Well, another guy had a Ziplog bag filled with jerky. Dude, fucking hot food in the theater.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, exactly. And you know, jerky always smells like ass. If you are like... Jerky's always a good treat. It is, but it smells like your grandma's dead nutsag. Well, for one, I like chewing on my grandma's dead nuts sack. Fucking Sadek family history.

That's right. On top of that, they still had giant bags of popcorn, huge sodas, and some of the theater's hot dogs. Oh, man, movie theater hot dogs, that's desperate. They ate through the credits, and I felt relieved. At least these guys weren't talking during the movie. That's fair. Because the food is going in their mouths. Then the movie actually started.

I don't think these guys had ever seen the Christopher Nolan movies, any Batman movies, or any movies at all. They were confused by everything. During the opening scene with the plane, one guy from the group yelled out, Holy fucking shit, a couple of times. when Joseph Gordon Levitt showed up Another guy yelled out Third Rock from the Sun, baby! Yeah!

So that dude's at least familiar with mediocre 90s sitcoms. Anytime a Pittsburgh landmark showed up, even an alleyway, they would yell out the name of it. Oh, man. You're in Pittsburgh, you're fucking idiots. We all know what that bridge is, you asshole. At one point, the Batmobile cuts down.

A side street, a guy yelled out, Strawberry Way, motherfucker. Oh, God. Get some good fucking pizza down there. Good to know for when we go to Pittsburgh. Yeah, I really doubt there's good pizza there. Yeah, exactly. But the big moment happened during the stadium scene. All six guys stood up and started shaking and shimmying.

Shimmying. I told you before that these were big guys and one had to weigh at least to 250 pounds. It doesn't sound so big to me. Who sounds like you got a bunch of small guys in Pittsburgh? All little petite little little lambs there. Or was she a great big, fat Steelers, friend? The guy at the Steelers' journey started chanting, here we go, Steelers, here we go.

Oh, my God. And this person should have been shot in the head. And another guy started waving the terrible towel. Well, that's what he brought it for, to be fair. That used to be to be waived. Listen, you're not going to bring a terrible towel with the movies and not fucking wave it. And that was this before or after he wiped his ass with him.

Kamal's fucking theater hot dog McDonald's shits. His farts. His farts that became shit. This is all happening in the theater You're saying This is disgusting This is just Pittsburgh baby Yeah

When the stadium collapsed They all started booing And one guy left the theater Didn't return Yeah he waited in the car Every time Bain showed up After that They would loudly boo

And yell things like Fuck you And Cleveland Did they think it was Drew Carey? Oh you think Cleveland is your ally I was born in it I don't get it Why is Cleveland

Sox being screamed at Bain? I love Cleveland. Oh, they should have the R&C there. At the end of the movie, I heard them discussing between themselves and I never forget what I heard. So Batman's a ghost now? No, no idiot, it's symbolic.

is cat woman a ghost who the fuck is cat woman oh my lord I had to go see the movie again a few days later damn right since I miss so much of the plot between they're yelling I've also never gone to see a movie on opening night again since just to avoid scenarios like that

and you're right to you have to we've got to give up the opening day opening night thing I'm sorry if you really want to see the movie you really want to enjoy a movie you got to stay clear here's the thing you just whenever you want to see a movie on opening night just think of the Velvet Underground

Sunday morning Exactly that's a perfect time To just just rise a little early man Go on a beautiful Sunday morning Get that 10 a.m. 11 a.m. show Totally. That's what you want or even like an afternoon show is fine I mean like it quiets down quite a bit

I'm actually I'm waiting I like to wait in a full calendar week these days Honestly sure we're getting older man Saturday afternoon show the week after Dude dude you won't see hide nor hair of a terrible towel. I just want to relax. I want to enjoy the...

I don't care about who I'm seeing it with. I'm usually bringing anyone I want to see it with with me. And then I'm leaving with that person. Yep. Yeah. Let's keep going. Thanks for the awesome podcast. By the way, when are we getting more blaming on outer space? That's what the gentleman asked. All right. Well, you should tweet

at Ben Worcester and just start riding him real hard about it. Blaming it on the old Worcester, he's got a few silent letters how do you spell that um it's b-en w-o-r c-e-st-e-r that's right so at ben wister you can uh write him hard for you know all sorts of things really you don't blame a lot of things on him outer space rio 9-11 no he was in the area he was a last letter coming up all right here we go horror and the off screen.

Wait. Jesus Christ. You just failed. You know what it's a mailback, guys. It doesn't matter. Horror on and off screen. That's the words. Hey, gang,

I discovered the podcast about a year ago and I've loved you guys ever since. I love you too, baby. As you provide a constant stream of great and hilarious contact that helps content that helps me get through the stressful times in life. That's nice. My story takes place actually just a few months ago on a Friday in late June. My brother, who is a massive horror movie fan, asked me if I want to go with him to see a showing of The Conjuring 2 later on in the day.

Now, did he like horror movies a lot, or was he massive? Massive horror fan is a massive horror movie. I'll tell you what, I just watched The Conjuring 2 a couple nights ago. good movie. I got to see it. Solid sequel, man. Not as good as the original. It's long as balls, but man, it was fucking scaring the tits right off. I like that first one. I do too. I'd total recommend. Here's a question. Are there good sweaters in that movie? A lot of great sweaters. Okay. I'm totally a lot of great 1970 sweaters. That's the thing, man. I want my horror married with my sweater porn. Totally. Which is also why I like those like early Friday

the 13th. Oh, sure. A lot of great sweaters around the camp fire. A summertime sweats. And what we're talking about horror movies really quickly, I want to say. What we're talking about sweaters? I went to the theater this past weekend. I saw that Don't Breathe that everybody's been flapping their gums about. Oh, yeah. Terrible. Terrible movie.

I don't know what the fuck everybody's talking about. Oh, is that because that Stephen Lang's an awful actor? That's part of it. And is this from the director who did the Evil Dead remake. Yeah. And everyone was advertising this like it was a Sam Ramey movie or something. Correct. I got fooled. I was like, oh, wow, Sam Ramey's.

That's what I thought. I was like, oh, right. I fucking, don't drag, well, drag me to hell was kind of fun. I would like to go see another Sam Ramey horror movie. It's what? Yeah, no, this movie is a fucking flaming garbage fire set on train tracks and rolled into a fucking gasoline factory. Is it just that cane movie? It looks a lot like that cane movie. Oh, C, No Evil?

Yeah. No, it's like a home invasion movie where, like, the tables are turned on the burglars. and man, am I fucking tapping my foot waiting for the lights to come up? So is it like Kevin McAllister gets like old and grizzled and loses his eyesight in yet another prank? Yes. Are there paint buckets? Not, no. Paint cans.

No, no, no paint cans. I just hated that movie. I'm going to kill you, Joe Pishy. All right. Okay, so he's going to go see The Conjuring 2 later on in the day. Correct. and although I had already caught a showing of the neon demon earlier that day I thought why not another trip to the movies never hurt anyone

gobbling up all sorts of movies that day a bunch of movies today oh what a big movie buff I'm just super jealous no yeah I love a double header double header go out totally hours later we finally headed off and I was the only one who ended up driving us there wait wait wait I read that wrong I'm gonna say what do you have a driver's his head car. Two steering wheels. He said we're both going to drive.

Okay. All right. It's late in the night, Stephen. I'm just having a little fun with you. All right, come on. Hours later, we finally headed off, and I was the one who ended up driving us there, despite it being

his plan to go. Not really sure how that works. Like, all right, damn, don't complain about your travel plans. I mean, who gives a shit? What did it take? Ten minutes to drive to the theater? What do you want?

Hey, I'm trying to do a podcast here, kid. Come on. It's not the purpose of this. mailbag to take out petty grievances about travel plans. Yeah, fucking argue with your brother off the air, okay, come on. You know what? I'm going to take a side here. Fuck that guy.

Fuck your brother. Massive horror movie fan my ass. As we pulled up to the theater, we noticed the parking lot was fairly full. I mean, what we were expecting on a Friday night? So we headed towards the back of the lot to find an easy spot. I parked next to a

minivan, and we both started to get out. But as I got out, I noticed something weird in the minivan next to me. It looked like a woman was slouched over the passenger seat with her back towards the front windshield. I saw her moving up and down quite a bit in the seat. But I quickly noticed a baby car in the back seat. So I assumed it was, you know. A baby car seat. It's in a baby car. I noticed a baby car. Listeners at home, both of these guys had to take their reads 10 times, and that's what Crystal clearly edited it out.

You don't even know what's going on here. And the smear campaign is going crazy tonight. Inside job and me. Sorry, I'm swift-boning you. All right. So they saw the baby car. So I assumed she was helping her baby or whatever parents do. Right.

As I walked over to my brother, he looked over to the car and gave me kind of a shocked look. And at first, I didn't know what he was getting at. But as we began to walk away from our car, I started to sort of put two and two together. And I anxiously asked, was there a man under that lady in the car next to us? And without hesitation, he gave me a big fat, yes. I couldn't believe it. Massive horror fan, big fat, yes. I couldn't believe it.

they were doing the dirty deed in public in a public parking lot that's what you get for parking at the back of the lot man they had every right to be there honestly you got a gift you got to see life creation because what do you think that baby car seats for man it's fucking flying right out of there i mean you when you do it you get a baby that's like they bought the the car seat first and then got to fucking yeah all right They're good Christian people. Right. So after that revelation, I started to feel extremely gross having witnessed these sexual deviants. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's take a step back from the judgment zone.

We've all fucked in a car. Look, you're the one seeing two movies in one day. Do you know how much, yeah? Exactly. And do you know how little parents can fuck these days? That's true. I mean, they can't just get fucking in their own house anymore. It's like a jail zone.

How do little parents Well, they get a baby car These little parents get inside Watch one of those fucking A&E reality shows They'll tell you how little parents Did I really say little parents? I'm getting... No, no, you said little parents

And I was being an asshole. I'm just getting goofy. All right, so we're... Okay, and in a quick panic, I went to reach for my phone in my back pocket to hope alleviate the amazing amount of discomfort I was feeling, hey, lighten up. Yeah, I mean, come on.

This is a beautiful act of love making, man. But lo and behold, there was nothing in my pocket. My phone was still hooked up in the car because we had decided to play music from it on the way there. I instinctively turned around to go get it, but stopped immediately. My tracks when I saw the minivan next to my car profusely bouncing up and down due to their display of love. Fast walking as quickly as I could, I told my brother, my phone's fine. the car's locked anyway and we headed for the movies and to briefly summarize our experience inside the theater my brother shushed my brother shushed two 12 year old boys behind us about five times that is a massive horror fan a big family walked in 30 minutes in the movie with these fat people too or is there like 50 of them walked in 30 minutes into the movie with two kids who could have been no older than two years old yikes okay now that's a a problem. I'll, I'll give you that one. And one of those kids made a bird like screeching

noise every four minutes for the entire second half. This movie, by the way, is two hours and 15 minutes long. That's a long second half. That's a lot of bird screeching. We did a scraw! Car, car, car. Still, despite all the obvious issues, I had with my outing, I was thankful thankfully still able to enjoy the movie. It's just as a 17-year-old boy, I never would have thought that the most disturbing thing

I saw all day was neither in the neon demon or the conjuring two. Thanks for the show gang. Keep up the good work, Tanner. Well, that was a big, it was a big learning day for Tanner. Well, you gotta give up some of your hangups, Tanner. That's not disturbing.

Here's a, it's a WHM life lesson. It's the old adage. If this van's a rock. and don't come a knock and that's right and maybe you should well you know what one day you might be interested in sex in

a public car yeah someday Tanner you're going to find yourself in that car and I'm going to say wear protection yeah wrap it up or you're going to find yourself driving a baby car on the way home that's WHM mailbag for the month of September if you want more

we hate movies check out WHM podcast dot com until next month I'm Andrew Steven Zitt. Eric Siska. Take it easy.