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S7: WHM Mail Bag - WHM Origins, Break-up Recovery Films, and The Absolute Worst Way to Ruin Blade II for Someone

October 26, 20160 comments♥ 0
00:00We all go a little mad sometimes.You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled one good scare.Sometimes, that is better.Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in!It is time to keep your appointment with the wickerland.They're coming to get you, Barbara.He's sick for fucks.He's seen one too many movies.
00:38Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies.Movies don't create psychos.Movies make psychos.What's the fucking world?It's an excellent day for an exorcism.Hello, everyone, and welcome to the October edition.of the WHM mailbag.I'm Andrew Jupin.
01:01Stephen Sadek.Eric Siska.You were doing something weirdwith that microphone, by the way.Wait, is this the end of the episode?Why did we do that?That's a good point.And I was just...
01:13It's late.It's late at night.It's late at night.There's a ghost in the studio.Anything can happen.I'll say this, by the way.And, you know, folks at home who like the mailbag,who enjoy the mailbag,
01:24someone made an interesting comment onsocial media. What's that new?It's like the thingslike the Facebook and Twitter and whatnot.I think it was on Twitter. Somebody was likeyou know, I love the show.I never really listened to the mailbagbecause I didn't think it was as good. But this dude says he finds it
01:43better than the show itself. There you go. Here's the thing.Spread the word about the mailbag gang.This isn't just uslamely answering a couple questionsdryly and moving on.This is us telling rich, hilariousstories. I hope so. Well, we'll see whathappens. I don't want to get ahead of ourselves.
01:59Yeah, no, it's not going to live up to that.Well, now we'll see what's going on. Steve Sade, kick us off with this month's letter reading.Mailbag question, colon, WHM, men origin.Oh, WHM, man, I like that.Ooh, I can get a show on AMC with that title.That's true. Yeah, we can show everyone that were men.After listening to your great show, look at that.It's become clear there's a history deeper than the inception of WHM.
02:25From what I can gather, Andrew and Chris went to high school together.That's true.And Steve were at the same college, question mark.And that's a question mark that you put in there.And Eric was found abandoned on the church steps and raised by Ben Worcester and Justin J.Ks.Huh.Well, it's half correct.I would like to hear the W.H.M. origin story told through film.
02:46What are the first movies you remember seeing together or connecting over, whether you love or hate?Did Eric and Steve first lock eyes to the sounds of well?White Guy Karate? Did Andrew and Chris watch seven and make a movie with Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Eric Stoltz? Did I just make a joke about child pornography?Thanks for all that you do. Michelle.Wow. Thank you, Michelle.Sure. Yeah, Chris Kavana and I did go to high school together.That's right.Let's have a rich story of the early days.
03:15Yeah, we went to high school together.What's the first movie you remember seeing with Chris Kavana?Almost Famous.Oh, really?It was one of the first movies I remember seeing with Chris Cabin.He had already seen it.Of course, he did.That's what he says about any movie.
03:29You say, hey, did you see this movie?And he's like, yeah, I already saw that.Yeah, yeah, yeah.But I'll go again.Yeah, we became fast friends in high school.And, yeah, we worked together at the old multiplex.I got him a job there.Regretted it every day.
03:44A couple red vests.Yeah.Oh, yeah, dude.We looked sharp.Sharp as sharp as attack.And then he went to purchase college where I then followed him a year later and met you two schmucks.We all went to college together.We did.
03:56We all went to college together.I was on the same floor as Andrew.Andrew wore a lot of bandanas that first year.I knew him as bandana guy.Bandana beard guy.The first, yeah.And then we started almost kind of an impromptu film club on our floorwhere we watched Charles Bronson movies.
04:14Yeah, that's right.Oh, those were the days, huh?Yeah, we would just, we would rent them there Charles Bronson VHS tapeswhen you could go to a CD VHS store.There was a mom and pop video store.Was this like 1981?We're all 50 years old.No, no, no.
04:29Do you ever go to that mom and pop video store near campus, Eric?I think I might.It was like kind of near Greenwich.I think I still owe the money for aliens, to be quite honest.There was a big to do about that.I remember trying to return that tape.That was fucking 90 minutes of my life.I'll never get back.
04:45But yeah, we did a lot of Charles Bronson movies.That was kind of the first, if you want to talk about the email here,it's like, what you bonded over.We bonded over Charles Bronson.he's in a bad Charlesand Broughts an impressionthat we break outfrom time to time
04:57on this show.You better believe it.And then Eric?Yeah, I was inlike the film studiestype classes with Andrew.Yeah, that's right.You know, it's funny.
05:07I guess probably some of the first movieswe saw together werebirth of a nation.Birth of a nation.Thomas Edison shorts.The man in the movie camera.Yeah, totally.I remember like
05:21there was something like,something like you made some comment on some silent movie that was really funny it was like an americanbeauty joke oh no i remember what was that i remember exactly oh this guy remembers all his jokesno no i remember i remember he's pulling out a notebook everyone i remember explicitly what this wasbecause i got a round of dirty looks from people oh nice because it was um i it was like aI think it wasa class we took on WeimarCinema or something like that
05:56And there wasThere was someI don't remember what the movie wasBut there was you knowJust a paper bag floatingIt was Berlin Symphony of a CityOh yes yes yesSo it wasn't Weimar cinema
06:11But I don't know what the hell we were watchingMaybe it was like sound and filmI don't know some classBut yeah Berlin Symphony of a cityAnd there's just a bag floating aroundAnd like none of us werein the movie at the time. We were all like tiredor hung over or something. And I did
06:24the old, that's the most beautiful thing I've everseen. And there was a bunch of kids in the classwho were like philosophy majors.They weren't like film studieskids. And they all just turnedaround and just gave me theabsolute dirtiest fucking look likewho's this fat pig
06:40fucking with this old Germanmovie. And I was chuckling in the backbecause now take you back in timeit was more appropriate. It wasn't asold of a joke.It was still a little bit of an old jokeBut it was not as old of a jokeThe joke was like two years old at that point
06:56ExactlyAnd then I rememberOneBecause then I didn't really join the gangYeah you were late bloomerI was late bloomedYou're the Jeffrey Dean MorganMaybe like
07:08Maybe like end of sophomoreOr junior year maybe junior yearAnd then I was a fixtureYeahYeah you became our wacky upstairs neighbor literallyI would come downStairs like Kramer.Yeah, it was great.
07:20But then one summer I worked on a really bad movie that was made in Poughkeepsie.Oh, right.Mr. Gibb now has been retitled the Good Student.I think it's been, it's been over 10 years.I could mention that.Yeah, I think it's fine.And one of the movies I remember first really watching with you guys was that movie.You were so excited about it.
07:37I brought the work print on a DVD or whatever.And my God, was it terrible.Oh, it's awful.Oh, yeah.Because it's like a, it's like, it's Tim Daly and Hayden Panetier.and it's like a teacher fucks the student movie.Yep.Yes.
07:52And she was like 15 and she turned 16 on our set and she wasn't really that famous yet.Yeah.And hey, check those credits.I'm in there.Oh, wow.Yeah.Oh, does your name stand out in the credits, you think?No.
08:06Wait.Oh, why, because it's crazy.He's got one of those.He's got one of those quotes.It's Eric Wild Guys.Eric slap Siska.This is what?This is a fun male, big story for people who are fans of the show and fans of wings.
08:22I spent an actual summer driving Tim Daly around Poughkeepsie.Not many people can say that.Not many people can say that.I think we can move along.Yeah, totally.So that's, you know, Michelle, there's a little bit of the origins there.And Chris Cabin was floating around.Yeah, he was there.
08:40He was there.So should I read this next one here?Yeah, go ahead.Yeah, the title is Experience.Greetings from the Poor Persons, New York, aka 5.5.fucking Newark or something.Or something. Do you know where you're writing this?I'm imagining this is Newark.
08:53I guess so. I know a guy who went into cardiac arrest while watching Van Helsing.Oh, wow.That's how I know not to watch it.Thanks, love the show, Daniel.I love these.We got a couple of these words, one bizarre sentence and goodbye.Yeah.Oh, weird.
09:10It's fun to highlight one of those little nuggets.Sure.It does remind me sort of like a famous tale of when I started working at themultiplex. And I've mentioned this before, so I'll just do it realquickly for new listeners. There was onetheater, theater, number five.The cursed theater. It was cursed, dude, becausea fucking old man went in to watch
09:28X-Files fight the future and passedaway before the closing credits.Conspiracy, dude. And thisdude who was like... X-Men fight the future?Or X-Files. X-Files. X-Files.X-Files. X-Files. Yeah, they bothfought the future. I mean, everyone's fight the future.Days of Future's Files. Yeah, X-Files. The first
09:44X-Files movie, and the guy diedin the theater and the guy who's tellingus the story was like the manager at the time like the assistantmanager but he was like justlike the red vested usher and it waslike the end of the critic like Mr.Sherman the movie's over he's like shakingthis dude the dude was fucking dead
10:00I mean that doesn't have anything to do with the X-Filesmovie or maybe Van Helsing thoughthat movie gets a little something rightthere's like excitement therethere's like wear ladies in that that turninto like bats and stuffI don't I don't remember much about that moviemovie man I remember him chasing
10:16and Mr. Hyde on the rooftopsof foggy old London town. There wasdueling Mr. Hydez, man.Oh, that's right. Dueling CGIMr. Hyde. What a timeto be alive, dude. Hey, thatfucking sucks. Uh, all right, so here we go.Question for mailbag and special shout out.
10:34Uh, dear hosts of we hate movies, AndrewStephen, Eric, and Chris. Did he be, you know, my name'smisspelled and it really bothers me. He's a pH, guys.He's really sensitive about it.Really? That's funny. I was, my name was misspelledat the Hollywood Improfts.Well, what do you expect?Look at that thing.
10:53Okay.If you want me to take it out, I guess I will.Wow, Runchfest.Save it for the Patreon where it belongs.First of all, I want to congratulate you allon a wonderful show in Rochester.That's a gig we did over the summer,talking Turtles 3.
11:10I had the pleasure of attending,and I never thought I would laugh so hardat the distinction of gun pirates v. Sword Pirates.and the particulars of turtle taintslisten to that episode if youare grossed out and confused by what this man'stalking about. This person, I don't know if it's a man.Thank you so much for the
11:26interracable mental images. I think alsothank you for the warm reception afterwards.Each of you is incredibly down to earth.It truly was a wonderful experience.And the trek from Vermont,Hachimachi was definitely worth it.Well, thank you for driving all the way out to see us.What did that take you? Four days?
11:43And I also consider myself down to Maas.I wanted to pose a mailbag question.I recently underwent an especially painful breakup.I will spare you the reasons or details.Thank you.I'm just kidding.But I am doing okay.Good.
11:58Partially in part to cinema therapy.Repeated viewings of Raising Arizona, dog day afternoon, question mark.And oddly enough, the Princess Bride have helped me cope with the new single lifealong with consuming my body's weight and Ben and Jerry's ice cream.From what I gather on your program, each of you is in a half.happily committed relationship, and I wish all of you, I wish all the best to you andyours. However, if you've ever experienced a breakup, which movies have helped you heal and moveon? Thanks for the great shows and for reading, Christine from Vermont. Can I, can I tell two
12:31stories? Yes. One involves me and one actually involves you. Oh, here we go. Okay.One, first of all, I never broke up with anybody, so now, I'm not a loser. I don't know whatyou're talking about.The last waltz was my,I had a bad breakup.Had some last waltz.That's a good,you know what's good about the last waltz
12:51in that regard?You don't have to pay a ton of attention to it.It's a concert documentary.Like, it's kind of likealmost listening to sad music,but also kind of watching the movie.Well, it's weird because like you got things likethe closing number of like forever young
13:05and like you could possibly be hanging yourself.But then like there's those,what I think is the weakest part of those movies.is the fucking interstitial interviewsthat Scorsese's doingand everybody's on cocaineand there's that fucking crazy onewhere Levin Helms just like
13:19eerily talking about their first timein New York City and he's likethen we went to this hoteloff of town squareand it was just one of the most disgusting placesyou could have ever been in hereand he's like staring straight through Martin Scorsese'sfucking soul
13:35so yeah you could go either waywith watching that in a breakupI remember when you had a breakupin college, I tookyou. I was like, hey, man.Oh, God. Now I remember where this is going. I was like, you knowman, you feel bad. Let'slet's walk to the movie theater,
13:50which is about a quarter, like two miles.Yeah. Let's walk to the movie theater. And whatever you wantto see, dude, whatever you want to see.Underworld the second one.Yeah, whatever that was called. Yeah.Did you feel better?I felt differently.I felt terrible for different reasons.
14:10Oh, man.We walked.two miles to watch a fucking underworld sequel.Yikes.I think that was the last one.No, they're all theatrically released.Oh, they all keep coming out in theaters.That's the last one I saw those movies.
14:22I didn't see Underworld.We're fighting each other.World at War, whatever that one was.One time I watched Taxi Driver five times in a row.That is not a joke.You know what?That checks out.That fits.
14:35You know, you feel better afterwards.It's the, you know, it's a cartharsis.Totally.I'll add another one in their high fidelity.Oh, that's a classic.You know, you got all that he's talking about the breakups and John Kuzer can get a droopy face.Yeah, it's a little on the nose, but it works.No, no, no. It's like shit that movie.
14:52That actress that's never seen again?Yeah, who was that?I don't know. I feel the same way. I'm like, who was that?John Cusack.Because you're like, oh, it's high fidelity with Lily Tomlin and, no, Lily Talman.John CusackLily TaylorOh it's Lily Taylor
15:14And Catherine Zeta JonesAnd the main womanWho's just greatIs what her name isI bin HesielYeah yeahExactlyYeah exactly
15:24All right moving onWHM mailbagThe Ultimate Cosmic ExceptionOkayThis is gonna be a weird one I thinkDear We Hate moviesThat's usA long time fan
15:36Love the showThat's himI wanted to write into say that I think I couldbeat Chris Cabin and EricMovies Cosmic ExceptionsCan I say we made the Eric movie jokeLike twice three years ago
15:51I honestly don't even know what it is anymoreI don't even remember he was like a script doctorWith a you doing a gruff voiceYeah people love itI think I did like what was like a mailbag or somethingIn character onceYou did I think that I guess that was enoughI guess that was it
16:05That's itEverything that guy touched turns to a bit.A bit.Everything's a fucking joke to him.Cosmic exceptions.Cruising and happiness are definitely up there,but I never tried to get some while watching Schindler's list.Signfeld reference.
16:21But I did grow up with a very bookish intellectual parents.My father, in particular, being a huge film snob slash buff,the type of guy that adores Fellini and Herzog,black and whiteand to our foreign moviesthat boredmade of tears as a kidand gave the dark night
16:38a solid C pluswhen we saw it togetherhe might not be wrongI mean it's a great moviebut if I was like 60 years oldI saw the dark nightyou don't give a flying fuckabout the dark night
16:49exactly cartoon moviesureit's coolso this guy deadafter making itgreatBruce Batmanalright
16:59another one of your Bruce BatmanmoviesMother, we saw a Bruce Batmanmovie tonight.I guess it was good for a Bruce Batman.You know, the guy who really got into it.He was talking.Yeah, it's good.
17:13I like that other Bruce Batman moviewith Arnold Schwarzenegger in it.Now, that's a picture.Is Danny DeVito dead?Had to convince himit deserved more than just to see.That's a fight you don't want to have.Yeah, what the hell's the point?
17:26Well, you're arguing with your father on the ride home.Whatever.You're arguing with your dad about Batman, dude.Come on.You know, at least they're talking.You know what? That's true.Better than cold silence.I owe a lot of my love and hate of movies for him,
17:41so you can blame him for being a listener as well.I had very open-minded parents.Some highlights of the uncomfortable films I saw my parents,which include basically any artsy-fartsy-for-se or foreign film you can name,including happiness, but not cruising,are basically every Michael Hanneke, Lars von Trere, and Gasper, No movie.No, as everybody knows.The NOAA, by the way.
18:04There's an accent that's missing on that E.I see.Noe, as everybody knows, is all about family.Oh, yikes.And way too much to Takashi Miquet and Vincent Gallo.Oh, my God.Yeah, this is protective services.It's a fucking call CPS fan.
18:21I know I saw cruising with my mother, but this is obscene.This kid's getting all in.Well, at least you were in the privacy of your own home.Yes, exactly.We don't go into the theater.I saw, I'm sure you'll get a kick out.of picturing me silently eating breakfastserial in my parents' living room on a Saturday morning
18:37we all awkwardly, distressinglyendured Monica Bullichie beinghorribly raped for like 10 minutesbut for my money there's no moviemore awkward to watch with your parentsthan visitor fucking cue.I think I'm unfamiliarwith this one. It's a Takeshi
18:54me AK movie that's fuckingit's out there, man.It's not...CPS. C. P.S.CPS.Holy shit, dude.I feel like this is how Chris Cabin is going to raise kids.You've got to learn sometime.
19:11The Monica Balucci, it's Gasper, no way.It's irreversible.Oh, my God, visitor cue.You know, that Bruce Batman movie was fine, but nobody got raped in it.So what are we talking about?It's not really saying anything as someone's not being raped in it.It's no visitor cue.I mean, Maggie Jildenhall was fine in all, but she's clothed the whole time.
19:31Nobody, you and McGregor's Dix not in that movie?What am I, what am I watching here?What are we supposed to be watching?I just, I wanted to, I wanted to read you, the IMD Tribune, because you guys haven't seen VisitorQ.No.The IMD Tribune plot summary for Visitor Q.Okay.
19:50A troubled and perverted family find their lives intruded by a mysterious stranger who seems tohelp find a balance in their disturbing natures.Ooh.Okay.Plot keywords include such things as incestuous desire, prostitute, stranger, heroin addict, breasts, murder of a child, murder of a nude woman, defecation, dead woman with eyes open, dead woman in car trunk.Well, click on dead woman with eyes open.Man, that is a, that's a scary hyperlink.That's, I got to watch all the, every October I watch all the dead woman with eyes open movies.
20:28Think about there's a guy on the IMDB Tribune.Always updating.Oh, was there a dead woman with eyes open?Oh, you've got to update my list.Put the keyword in.Update IMDB.Oh, was there a dead woman with eyes open?Oh, no, no.
20:41She closed them.Oh, all right.Partially censored.Dead child.Triple child murder.Child shot in the forehead.And on and on.And on and on.
20:53How prominent is a dead woman with eye open?Is it one of those things?Is it a tease?If I get there, is it just going to be like two seconds?Is it both eyes?It needs to be both eyes.This is a movie that's too extreme for Martin Cinemaxthe third, by the way.
21:09Anyway, sorry to derail it with Mr. Q plot keywords.Stop it off, my father snuck me into a showingof the brown bunny.I was not of age, and I'm pretty sure it wasbeyond R. It definitely was.It's not rated, I believe.One day, after having already seen another movie,I can no longer remember, is memory loss
21:29a sign of psychological trauma?story is.Anyway, we'd seen the posteron our way out, and it saidsomething like the most controversial filmin America. We were intriguedwhat sort of profounded, disturbingintellectual concepts could be this film being
21:45exploring. Better than your Bruce Batman movie.It's the Brown Bunny. You might like it.It sounds like a super hero.Oh, what's the Brown Buddy getting itto this time? Oh, no.He's getting a blowjob.He's going to get a blowjob from the deranged clown.oh what's this this penguin looking fella oh wait he's blown him too
22:07well it's saying something well as anyone unfortunate enough to have seen the filmknows this adventure ended with me watching those tedious film ever for what felt likeeight hours in a theater with my dad and a bunch of old peopleit ended with a real on-screen blow job in quotation marks the controversywhich I realized I type as I type means I just watch someone get blownwith my dad. Yikes. Yikes is right, buddy. Well, there's plenty of people who went to 42nd Streetback in the day. With their dad? Yeah. That was a thing that happened to America. That was oldAmericana. Exactly. It was another America, man. It was a bonding experience. You know, you go
22:46into the nudie booths. You put it, you throw down a couple of shackles and they open up the gatesand you see some ungodly acts. And your father says, well, that's the birds and the bees.Now let's go get McDonald's.And then 30 years later, you're shouting,lock her up.Lock her up.You sure are.But hey, at least I never had to watch,
23:12Blame it on Rio with my parents.That would be a line too far.Yours, always and forever,sand bud, in quotation marks, the man bud.Totally.I'll allow it.Oh, yeah.That's great.
23:24I'm into sandbutt, man, but I like that.I still can't get out.Send us more emails.That's a morning show.Send us more emails about your father.I cannot get over.What penitentiary is here?What?
23:36What?What penitentiary?Oh, oh, oh.Right?Is that a word?Lock him up.Lock him up.For showing your child visitor Q, absolutely.
23:44Yeah, yeah, yeah.I can't get over it.Well, like, you know, here's the thing.If I see one dead lady with her eyes open, in the beginning of the movie, can I leave?Is it another?That's the thing that drives me crazy.I'm just in it for the list.Is there one after the credits?
24:00I mean, I want to go.go home,but I need to shoot it.Is there a stinger scene with two opendead eyes?You see it and you're like,all right,now I know it's here,
24:08but now I got to know.Is it more?I got a couple of different listsI got going here.Am I up now?Yes, yeah.The subject line isRe, Spider-Man.
24:21What up, fam.Listening to the episodeon The Amazing Spider-Man 2,awoke a dormant memoryof one of my worstmovie experiences.Oh, shit.I saw this movie
24:30at the theater with my sisters on opening week.As this is a Spider-Man movie,there were tons of kidsat this particular showing.A mother and three children, all boys sat behind us.Since these kids aren't fond of sitting for very long,they began running around the aisle behind us.This is a problem.
24:48You know what?Everybody needs to remain seated.We've talked about this before.This is the opening week type of shit you get.This is what happens.This is the crowd you're with.Sunday morning.When Stacey dies, what happens? Does her eyes stay open?
25:05Because if they're closed, I'm just going to leave.I get it.What's this story?Is Sally Field die in that movie?And if so, the second question, what's her eyes doing?Is Peter Falk so obsessive eyes?Just one more question.Does her eyes stay open?
25:27Oh, God.So, okay, the kids were running around around.time Paul Giamatti showed up for the first time on the screen.Okay.Wow.That's a time for a break anyway in that movie.Yeah, go run around the theater.If this wasn't bad enough, about halfway through, one of the younger boys needed to use
25:42the bathroom.As any good mother would, she wouldn't let her young sons go to the bathroom alone at thismovie theater.However, she apparently was so enthralled by the action on the screen, she didn't wantto leave her seat to bring them to the bathroom.That's a movie you can go to the bathroom too.Oh, yeah.You can go get a sandwich?
25:58It's two and a half hours.There's just so many bathroom break.hang out in the lobby for a while.Play one of those Terminator arcade games.Yeah, you know they're out there.That cruising world, whatever you want to do.Don't tell me they're not out there.I saw them out there.
26:10If Campbell Scott is on screen,you could go outside and smoke a whole fucking cigar.Yeah, yeah.A slow burner.So naturally, the little kid started peeing into a coffeeright behind our seats.Ew, yikes.That is grisly.
26:27Anyway, fortunately for us,the kid had particularly good aim.Unfortunately, the movie still had about an hour to its run.Meaning we sat with an inches of a piss-filled cup with kids running around.The tension was palpable.But luckily, nothing tragic happened.Nothing spilled out.In the end, Mr. Webb's movie was less exciting than a cup of pee.
26:52Love the show. Keep it up.Adrian from Minnesota, I believe that is.There you go.The Great White Way.That is terrifying.I don't like that idea.That is terrible.I'm not a big fan of peeing in a cup.
27:03No.People always like,oh, you're a road trip,right, peeing in a cup with your buddies.I'm like,what are you talking about?No, no, I'm not a surly truckerfrom the Great Depression.
27:11Yeah, let's just stop to go to the bathroom.I don't get it.Have you seen like on the side of the road?Sometimes you'll see that bottle full of urine.Oh, yeah.It's like, dude,not only you're peeing in a cup,you're chucking out the window like a, oh my God.
27:25But this is New York City.Johnny Piss seed comes around.And, like, fill there's bottles all around the world.Oh, yeah.It's just a magical time.Well, people say New York is dirty.You go to the Midwest.Fucking piss bottle heaven.
27:40I don't know what you guys are talking about.Let's go Vikings.Okay.Sex in the jungle.So I'm listening to this week's episode on Anaconda,and you guys asked the question, who has sex in the jungle?Well, I'm here to tell you, it happens.Don't tell this person.
28:02The year is 2009.My girlfriend and I were visiting Florida and decided to take a hike in a nearby state park.That's the same year, Star Trek came out where that line is from.That's right.How about that?A little trivia.Little Tribune trivia.One end of the trail ran along a small babbling stream.
28:20Among the wildlife we spotted were small alligators and black racer snakes moving through fallen leaves.I'm terrified of snakes.and, to be honest, alligators kind of make me nervous, too.Well, it makes sense.Sarah assured me that if we stayed on the trail.I didn't see you back there.Oh, hey, come on out, Sarah.You're in this email, too. Come on. Hi, Sarah.
28:42Sarah assured me that if we stayed on the trail, we'd be fine.We came to a picnic area where the stream became a river.There were people in canoes and what seemed to be a church outing of some sorts.Look out.Speaking of pissing in bottles.I don't know what that means.We crossed over a bridge to start a three-mile loop further into the woods.Sarah was very interested in where people rented the clues from as she spied them through the trees and over the bank of the river.
29:08She was about 10 yards ahead of me when I thought I saw someone who had tripped and fallen on the trail.Sarah!I called out to her.You know, this is very falk near and it starts out with this guy's story, but it actually turns out to be Sarah's story.Yeah, you didn't see this coming.Yeah, he's just the vessel through a...Sarah's story is being told.She wasn't looking at the trail
29:31ahead. Sarah!I called out again.To this day, she still remembers that there wassomething in my voice that second time I saidher name, something that made her stopdead in her tracks. Oh, wow.A mere ten feet in front of where shestopped was something we didn't
29:46expect to see.A white ass bouncing up anddown on what we both remember to beunusually red balls.Is she fucking a dog?That's amazing.The hyperlink unusually red balls.I only got one movie where it's in.
30:09Vision a cue.Oh, another one got cued up here, boys.It's a nature dog.Baboon.The movie.Man, I would watch Baboon the movie.This girl had a...Sarah!
30:25No, this is a different.girl. This is the girl having intercourse.Okay, got you. Sarah's just watching.Okay, cool.This girl had her jean skirt up around her waist riding this guy.These two kids were so horned up.They felt like they just had to start fucking right there on the trail.Nice.
30:41It was the first time either of us had caught someone having sex, and frankly, it waskind of uncomfortable.I've lived a whole life. I've never seen two people having sex in the park.Oh, wait. I was like, really? Like, not even a video?I think he means stumbling across someone in public.Yeah, no, I don't think I have either.Movie theater business, man.No comment.
31:06I'm from Andrew Jufin.We turned and walked at a brisk-paced giggling all the way home.Of course you were.We didn't see them again, but I regret not being able to ask themwhat it was that got them all hot and bothered.Was it the snakes?Was it the alligators?We would later rent a canoe and realize,
31:25that the river was full of gaiters, including a 10-footer named Big Moe, a scary motherfuckerwho hangs out on the riverbank and hissed at you.What, tourist trap, man.You get a Big Moe T-shirt.This was not too far from where these two decided to lay pipe.Now, I'm sure that in Florida, most people would just call this their backyard, but where I'mfrom, a humid forest with snakes, alligators, and God knows what else, well, that's calledthe fucking jungle.
31:53And you guys are right.No one needs to be screwing there, period.True story, you guys are awesome, Josh.Thank you, Josh, and Sarah, for reporting your finding.You know, I don't think it was the alligators.I don't even think it was the humidity or the jungle itself.I think they just were...Young love?
32:12I think, yeah.I think they just caught each other's eyes.You know, it's like those, you know, the commercials for the boner pills, man.Like, you just never know when the mood's going to strike you.You never know.You could be getting off your bicycle.You could be helping someone off a ladderStaining a deck
32:28Oh, that's what gets me, manStand clearIt's pretty sexyBecause it's like kind of like paintBut not reallyYeah, you're using that thingLike with a hose spraying shitI'm sure, whatever else happens
32:45Whatever else happens in homeownershipDead Hamsters and Kill Billoh hi guys love the show loving the show okay good so yeah that's good that's the positive you knowI didn't just love the show I'm still continuing still there to continue to love it yes I've listenedpeople yeah do the past tense they've moved on I've listened to all episodes on movies that I've seenand I'm watching movies I have it so I can listen to those podcasts I've reluctantly started listening to the mailpackepisodes oh this is the one I was talking about and I was surprised to find that they're even betterwell that's so nice look at that just listening to you reading a letter of
33:22about a psychotic dad shooting hamsters.That's an old one.Yeah.And it made me remember my hamster Splinter.It was the early 90s, and he was rat like, I guess.Nice.Splinter died when I was 14 and my sister was 10.We were at school and came home to the news.
33:38My mom told us that she had given the corpse to a man who would bury it for us.Yeah, yeah, you got a hamster there?Professional hamster barrier.Hamster man?Is there a dead hamster in there, Mrs?Keyword, dead hamster.No, no, I only take dead hamsters.What have you got for me today?
34:01I'll come back in a month.Dead critters.Ring it a bell outside.All right, he's a fairy ill-fit.Just throw him on.Making a stew.I'll give him a proper burial, Mrs. I promise.Jackpot.
34:20guinea pigyou see these very oftenmy line of workI love this guyoh I wish that happenedso we were upsetbut happy to see Mr. Splinter would have a finalresting place sure
34:41Yo-ho, yo-hoI want to make Mr. Swinterinto a slipperI'll get a none ofwant to make a pair of it.Played by Bob Hoskins, this gentleman.Merry Christmas, Mum, is your hamster slippers.Hey, Billy, I'm only here because I know four years ago you got a hamster
35:07and they don't last year a bit long.I'll give them a good home, I will.Good God.Just checking in every time.make sure your amster's all right.Oh, Bowie.Splinter doing all right, is he?Too bad.
35:28Getting on in years, isn't he?He's like the final destination, but for rodents.Oh, yeah, little splinter.You've got more sunsets behind you than ahead of you, don't you?Takes out a little hourglass, like a tiny one.Oh, it comes for his old, Mr. Sprinter.one day someone will bury meoh yeah mr splinter
35:58I brought you a Christmas presentprobably be your last time around the holidaysit's gonna be a harsh winterI like that he's just taunting this hamsterhe's moved from beyond a manthat you give a dead thing toyes my goodness oh my godsorry that tickled me
36:21later that evening we were set to goby the task of getting rid of thecage of the bedding etcthe cage was in rough shape as Splinterhad spent his entire life trying to gnaw his wayto freedom so we decidedto put it in the binthis guy is from the UK so the character
36:40is accurate so yeah he's taking the cage and throwinginto the trash so the character wasaccurate yeah okay justjust my sisterand IWent and opened the lid of the bin,and before we dropped the cage in,we noticed movement at the bottom.
36:55No.The garbage bag.No.Quickly, I leaned in and tore the bag open,and there was Splinter running aroundwell and truly aliveand covered in spaghetti songs.Oh, my mistake, Mr. Sprinter.
37:11It's a fucking Peter Jackson movie.That's why I put the bells there,Mr. Splinter.If you come back to life, you can ring itAnd I'll spring you freeIt's so hard to tell when you hamsters are actually deadHe had obviously done that thing that hamsters doAnd seemed dead
37:33But it was actually in a hibernation frozen stateI didn't know they did thatNot at allAnd my mom had bended him with the rest of the trashAfter going through a range of emotionShock relief and fear of zombie hamstersAs he won woodWe got splinter in the house
37:47gave him a bath and rebuilt his cage.He lived for another four yearsbefore finally dying of death.I've been waiting a long time for this.He tricked me once, Mr. Splinto.You can't evade me forever.You know how many things can happen in four years?I've claimed hundreds of hamsters.
38:11He's like missing an eye now.He's got an eye catch.Yeah, it's been a long way.Somehow has a wooden leg.It's been a long time, Mr. Sprinter.You look well.Oh, Lord.All right.
38:25Yeah, whatever.That's fine.Yeah, thank you guys.Lee Main in Scotland.Milne.I'm sorry, Lee Milne in Scotland.Yeah, there you go.Oh, yeah.
38:36He also mentions quickly that he doesn't have, he's in Scotland, and he doesn't have Taco Bell there.Oh, which you are missing out.Oh, I guess.so it makes sense because it'sin the fucking subject line of the emailhe also went to see Kill Billand two old ladies didn't like itand said that was rubbish I heard one remark
38:55and her friend's response was it might havebeen better if we'd seen part onewell yeah figure that shit out ladiesyeah sospeaking of sequelsfinal mailbag entry of the eveningeveryone we're coming to thathow can you it's just it's that time again
39:12okay so Blade 2 and a softKidnapping?Oh, yeah, speaking of sequels.Hamster man.Coming after you, vampire hunter.Sorry.You know, I heard that someone I know saw hamster man and had a cardiac arrest.I love the show.
39:35End of email.Okay, so Blade 2 and a soft kidnapping.Hey, guys, love the podcast.Just wanted to send you an email and tell you about an experience I had in Berlin thissummer. This is probably the most memorable and disturbing experience I had watching a movie inmy life. I'm writing in partially because I think it's an odd story and partially because I can'tafford a psychiatrist. All right, everybody. We've got to be on our A game here. This person needshelp. All right. Let's fix our ties. Let's get our voices ready. Some friends and I had gathered
40:06money for the trip to Berlin over the summer and we were hugely excited. We managed to get theresafely without any major problemsand eventually two trains and walking in thesun for a while we found in our accommodation.We were stayingfor a week and planned all thebest ways to get around and see the sightsin the short time we had there. God, it's like
40:26Bram Stoker's Dracula. The wholestory of the journey.You know, like... The carriagegoing around the mountain. Were they in acarriage with a horse? I think so.Well, this is another emailfrom Old Europe.I know what thing about Old Europe, you
40:42They put a couple horses onto a Volkswagen, and they travel around the countryside selling their wares of blankets and exotic cuisines of sausage.Sure.And it's delicious.It is.It's wonderful.That's what I know of Europe anyway.Sorry.We were staying for a week.
41:02All right.I already said that part.So thankfully, one of my friends is a very organized person and figure out this all beforehand.The trip went well by all accountsAnd we'd seen pretty much everythingWe had set out to seeWhen the last night rolled aroundWe decided we'd hit the town hard
41:20At least once before we leaveNiceYou want to do it on the last nightBy the wayWhen you gotta get up to go to the fucking airportThat's always a bad ideaIt's a mistakeI actually made that same mistake in Berlin
41:30I was super drunkAnd I felt like dog shit the next morningI did that in MexicoYeahThat was even worse thoughI did it at the airportYou woke up in a coffinI rang the bell, though.
41:43Hamster man came and got me.Sorry about that, Andy.You're not a hamster,and all?You just got a great big beard, don't you?Biggest hamster I of yourself.He's catching the big fish.It's like a big thing.
41:59I could retire now, Mom.I got a big one.Oh, shit.It's just Andy.Get out of here, Indie.Get drunk again.We had been out a couple of timesAnd never stayed out too late
42:13We had one recommendation from some shady guysIn a pub for a nightclubThat was pretty close to where we were stayingOh and by the wayI guess since it's EuropeThese teenagers can go out and drinkAnd have a good timeUnlike us Americans
42:28Oh rightYou gotta wait till you're 21We ended up walking to an unfinished train yardOh wowThis is a set of Blade 2 I thinkI think it isBecause look at thisWe could hear loud techno music.
42:41Yeah, there's a fucking blood rave coming.What we found was a weird open-air venue with a stage and a couple of bars,the patrons of which seem to be exclusively drug dealers and alternative punkish-looking young people.Whoa.It sounds like you found the right place.It's something you found green room, dude.This is a bad situation.Yeah, well, it was techno music, though.
43:03Thank God.It wasn't racist punk music.Just the kind of place.pasty Irish kids wouldfit in. We wandered fora bit until my friend was approached by a guywho offered her some tall glassesof water, which she
43:19turned down because we were taking outour wallet in this place.She turned down because taking out our wallet in thisplace seemed like a terrible idea.Once she had refusedthis guy, he grabbed her arm and beganwalking towards a dingy bardin the train yard.
43:34Oh no. I was the only onewho noticed as the rest of my friends continuedwalking. I tried to shout out. Your other friendsnoticed, by the way. Yeah.That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that'sterrifying. Um, but, you know, apparently they couldn't hear because a DJ was playingmusic. Yeah. I followed them into the bar where I tried to confront the tall guy who'dgrabbed my friend. She was visibly frightened. When I told him to let her go, he just kind
44:02smirked, oh, you too like that, are you? Uh-oh. I guess he's assuming there are a couple.Yeah. Yeah.When we are not all like that, this writer confides in us.After telling them that we needed to leave, a couple guys in the bar stood up and blocked the door.So now the bar has abducted you.Okay, now it's green room.Yeah, okay.At this point, I think we had pretty much accepted our deaths.
44:32As would I.I would have literally shit my pants.Like, literally, oh, let that guy go.He just shit his pants.Get him out of here.It's really smelling bad in here.So the tall guy walked over and said,Hey, it's all right.
44:43We'll hang out for a little bit.At this point, he told us to sit downbesides each other with himsitting across the room.His friend pulled out an old TVand a PS2.Oh, come on.And hooked it up and put on a DVD.
44:58Dude, could you imagine being in this threateningsituation and this dude's fucking fiddlingwith those cables?I mean, the tensionwould eat you alive, wouldn't it?Who was playing Donkey Kong Crunchery?I was like, oh, no, why can I only hear it?And you're like, so scary.
45:14Like, you didn't put in the red wire.You didn't, you can only hear it.Dude, I would.I would not offer AV assistants in the situation.Terrified, we sat not knowing what's going to happen,and the title screen popped up.It had, he had put on a German dub copy of Blade 2.The movie.
45:35Well, these people aren't going to be able to watch it anymore.So we sat in a poorly lit bar and smelled, it smelled curiously like piss.All of the guys in this bar sat down and cracked open some beers.Is it a bar if it's just a bunch of people watching Blaine 2?One of those creepy members only.Yeah, members only in this fucking abandoned train car.This is where they signed the Treaty of Versailles.Weird, wild stuff.
46:02So, okay.So they even handed them some beers that we definitely didn't drink.I guess they think they might be drugged or.I wouldn't touch it.Great idea.The film played in German for about 30 minutes while the guys in this bar laughed and howled anything happened.The tall guy at one point had his hand on his crotch while he eyed us from across the room.Eventually, he pointed us and says, you've got the go, yeah?
46:28When we both nodded sheepishly, he looked at, he looked for a minute and then smiled, okay, big kiss fast.no we weren't sure whathe meant at first but as soon it became clear that he wanted us to kiss each other before hewould let us leave god damn it after a couple minutes of trying to talk our way out of thismy friend and i who have known each other for a long time non-romantically kissedno big deal just a little peck however this guy was not pleasedand he forced us to do what he called a big kissuntil he clapped
47:05Oh, God.Now it's worse than the green room.Now it's rules like, you've got a kiss, and when I clap, you're finished.Oh, but not a second sooner.You probably hear the cock of the guns.Oh, if you don't answer the rules, you'll be in my domain.The domain of dead hamsters.Hempterman.
47:24You wish the Hempsterman would clean up.He would save these people, I think.The Hempsterman would be the hero of this story.What's to say next?A figure appeared to the doorway, a portly British gentleman.And an oil black slicker.He smelled of peltz.Pulled out of a billy club.
47:42Man, that would be awesome.Instead, this story gets worse.All right, well, we, all right, all right, let's go on with the story.Five minutes later, I'm tongue-kissing a long-time friend while this guy and hisbunnies watched.This is terrible.We shouldn't be laughing as much as we are, but it's such an uncomfortable scenario.You got to yiggle.
48:02After what was the most awkward five minutes of my life.Five minutes of tongue kissing.This guy starts clapping and laughing and telling us to get out.He slapped my friend's ass pretty violently on the way.We left in silence.We walked home in silence.We got a few blocks to the place where we're staying.We managed to avoid telling our friends who had already gotten home what had happened.
48:24These fucking friends, by the way.Oh, we didn't hear anything.We don't know where anybody went.Go to send a fucking hamster man after these people.Get their fucking belts.This is our horror franchise, by the way.Oh, yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like, it's sort of a mix of pet cemetery, mix of Jason.I don't know.
48:43Yeah, and you know what?It's totally steps above Gary Busey's Ginger Dead Man series.I'll tell you that.Anything is.So the plot is, you know, the kid's hamster dies.This guy shows up, right?On the eve of every hamster's death.To claim it.
48:56Yeah.And then suddenly he wants you to be a hamster.Oh, it's like a Kevin Smith movie.No, it better not be.No, it's got to be better than that.We'll figure it out.So I was still shaking and found it hard to sleep at around 4 in the morning.I'm pretty sure.
49:18I heard her crying in the next room.Oh, geez.We remained friends, and we managed to start looking back at this incident with,oh, boy, the suspense of the page turn.Some levity, although we don't often bring it up until you wrote it into a podcast.Thousands of people.I don't think I will ever be able to watch Blade 2 again without that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.Well, I'm sure.
49:43I love the podcast.I can't wait to hear more in the future.Andrew,Andrew, thanks for writing in your harrowing tale.That was terrifying.And I'm sorry that you and your friend had to go through that.Totally.Right in time for this fucking spookacular.
49:56I was like, oh, we don't have a Halloween story.I do have a similar story.It's not super duper similar.Oh, please tell it.We were forced to make out with a hamster for five minutes.Your closest friend, hamster.It was me.We were both longtime friends.
50:08No, me and my fiancé were just walking around.We were on, around South Street Seaport.Ranging out.We're just literally like looking at the water, having a nice time.Oh, that's what you do down there.And a sweet old man comes up.He's got a tripod and a camera.And he's like, oh, you're a beautiful.
50:25Like, oh, thank you so.Oh, you're gross.He's like, oh, it's such a nice couple.I'm like, oh, thank you so much, man.You know, you're doing that thing where you're like,I'm ending the conversation in every sentence.where it's like that like holdoh cool
50:37that's greatoh that's so coolyeahyeahoh you're beautifulbeautifulthank you so muchit's a beautiful
50:44dayisn't it's likeyeahI want to take you a pictureI'm likeokay sureyeahyou know what
50:53whatever happens nextis all you're fuckingoh my godthat's on a wallsomewhereit's covered in splattersyou know whatwhy don't you kiss her a little bit
51:02ohnoWhy don't you kiss her?Like, no, you know what, dude?No, thank you.And we just walked away really.Oh, thank God you didn't do it.What am I going to do?
51:12Perform pornography, sir, for some old pervert?Well, now, let's not get nuts.Perform pornography.Is that how this tall German guy defended his actions?Let's not get nuts.It's not like his pornography.Hey, why you get nuts, eh?Why don't you kiss her a little bit?
51:30It's not like his pornography.It's not shy's a pawn or nothing.Why don't you eat her, Tud?Oh, no.Lord Almighty.What a harrowing end to the October mailbag.Spooky, scary.It's very scary.
51:44You know, I feel terrible saying this, but I'm sorry for everyone's traumatic experiences.I'll say it again.This whole mailbag's been terrifying.I was going to say, I feel terrible saying this.But after reading that last letter, I kind of got a hankering to rewatch blade, too.Listen, because, listen, no, it kind of, it only just sealed the deal.because...You rub your crotch from across the room.
52:06When we were out in L'A.,we went to Lackmo,we saw the Guillermo del Toro exhibit.It was awesome.There's fucking blade shit in there a little bit.And I was like,I got a rewatch Blade, too.And now this happened,
52:18and I was like, yeah, just rewatch Blade 2.Oh, it's Kismet, is it?Karma Kramer.That's W.H.M. Mailbag for October.If you watch your weird or harrowing storiesread on the air,or you got questions for the gangright into the mailbag.
52:34We All Hate Movies at gmail.com.Until next month, I'm Andrew Jupin.Steven Sadek.Eric Siska.Take it easy.We all go a little mad sometimes.You know, it's Halloween.I guess everyone's a title of one could scare them.
52:54Sometimes.That is better.Zombies have entered the building.They're at the door.They're coming in.It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicterland.They're coming to get you, Barbara.He's sick for fucks. He's seen one too many movies.
53:17Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies.Movies don't create psychos.Movies make psychos.We're a fucking ocean in the back.What an excellent day for an exited.Thank you.