We Hate Movies - S7: WHM Summer Rewind - Batman Forever

Episode Date: August 1, 2017

On this week's Summer Rewind, the gang revisit an old favorite, episode 102 on Batman Forever! Why do we get Two Face's origin in two seconds, but the Riddler's gets 45 minutes of screen time? Why couldn't we get more with Robin's carny family? And could Pat Hingle have played a more buffoonish Commissioner Gordon? PLUS: One of the earliest instances of the "Ma, get in here" kid!  Batman Forever stars Val Kilmer, Tommy Lee Jones, Jim Carrey, Nicole Kidman, Chris O'Donnell, Michael Gough, Drew Barrymore, and Debi Mazar; directed by Joel Schumacher. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh, just kicking back with a nice cocktail here. Oh, a couple of bruskees, couple of broskeys, a couple of brosies, a couple of brosks of water. nine in the morning. Yeah, well, we're on vacation, Eric, so we can do stuff like that, and it's socially accepted. No, it's not. Oh, it sure is, baby. You could be a functioning alcoholic on vacation.

Oh, that's right. So long as you're wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Oh, wait, no, as long as they serve you eggs. Yeah. Get as fucked up as you want. That's exactly right. So we are here to just intro some stuff for you guys, because these aren't new episodes. They might be new to some people, though.

They better be new. Yeah, these are old episodes that we switched feeds. after the 103rd episode or something like that. Who could even recall? The first 120 some odd episodes we were done are on our old archive feed and you have to direct download them and we always tell you to do that

but I know people don't like doing that. So it's cool to put these out on the main feed and it also gives us a goddamn week off. That's right. So week one of our week off is what fans would deem a classic app with Batman Forever. I remember nothing about this.

Yeah, and I will say to that. We don't know, you know, we don't remember everything that was said, and it was from years ago. So if there's a problem with some type of joke in the episode, please get a tweet time machine. And send it to 20 something. Right, what once went on. We're all doing our best here. That's all anyone can ever do. That's exactly right.

One thing I will say, we do probably at some point in this episode, get on a high horse about never doing Batman and Robin. Yeah, that was proven wrong. Yeah, but, you know, we also called that out, like, hey, man, we know we said we'd never do this. But we also did it for a live show. Hey, man, oh, we're never going to do this, man. Oh, was it? I need smack money. Yeah, and I think I also was like, oh, you know, Marvel would never make a Captain Marvel movie.

And, like, I think I even talk about Donald Trump, never become a president. Oh, some fact that I'll never tip over 200 pounds, like all sorts of. that scale's broken no I'm not so we're going to keep the scale moving as we eat and drink our way through this summer blockbuster break

so thank you for sticking around for the summer months and if you're listening to this for the first time enjoy Batman forever it's not Batman and Robin and I know that it probably blew some wigs off no it didn't not that this show is revolutionary but I know Batman and Robin is just

that's the kid in school you shouldn't be making fun of. You know what I mean? It's just like that that that kid needs a ride from his parents every day. That kid's already been driven to suicide. We're just going up the list to who else is the weakest.

I mean again, though, stuff that it's just been done to death. And you know what? I'm going to put it out here right now. Because I'm going to rewatch Batman and Robin after we dealt with all this nonsense with this movie, right? Listen to what we have to say today and go back. And it's possible that Batman and Robbins the better movie, or at least on par with this one. I had my mind blown going back and watching this movie. I was like, you know what, man, I remember really loving it. I even said,

and this is, you want to talk about stupidity of the year award. We're watching this movie. I say to my wife, Jim Carrey is the best part of this movie. She looked at me like I had six fucking heads. It is unbelievable. He is obnoxious in this movie. I mean, and you know, this is, it's just like a lot of the bigger, you know, more memorable movies do. There's no reason to sit here and go through the entire movie.

We all know what happens here. So we're just going to sort of pick apart the dumbest thing. So I'm fine with starting with Jim Carrey because this is Jim Carrey. This is 1995, the height of his powers. How much did he get paid? 20 million. I think it was a record at the time. That number was everywhere.

Even as like a little 12-year-old fat kid, I was all like, oh, my God, that's a lot of money. I'm so much cheese. It's a lot of clams. Hey, Mom, Kim Kay made $20 million. Can we go to McDonald's today? No. Not until you clean your room, Fetty. Look how that would relate to you.

Like, it's trickle-down. Well, yeah, that's economics, right? We're going to get a big slice of it. that big Jim Carrey money. I mean, they're, in looking back now, by the way, like, what a mistake you gave that man $20 million to do this to your movie. I think they only did that just to hurt Robin Williams. Like, they just, not only when they're not going to give him the role that he's so desperately

wanted, they're like, and we're going to give somebody the most money any actors ever made. I mean, I think it's safe to say Robin Williams would have done a better job. He just would have. There's no way anyone could have done this worse. Yeah, I mean, at the same time, he's just going to be, I mean, I don't know, because Robert Williams is going to be jumping around, doing tons of, like, he's going to be like the, the genie O'Ladden or something. Yeah, Robin Williamsing himself all through this movie.

I see where you're coming from. Like, you give that guy a riddle, and he'll give you a mile. I think, though, Joel Schumacher knew what he was getting at Jim Carrey, and he got what he paid for. He was like, I want this to be Jim Carrey's Batman. Like, it's not, like, he's just so outrageous and so outlandish. And it's at the expense of everything else about this movie. Not that there's much good here at all, but like everything else is just fucking jettisoned just so he could be bop and scat all over everybody.

And it's not like the problem we were just talking about before we started tonight. It's not the problem of Batman returns where it's Batman without Batman, which I think is a huge issue in that movie. But, you know, this Batman is around, but Jim Carrey is given equal time. And because of that, this is one of the longest-feeling movies in human history. Also to be noted that Two-Face, which I think is maybe a more interesting character than The Riddler, gets his origin told in like half a second of TV footage. And we get to walk through the Jim Carrey origin for a while. Yeah, you walk through minute by minute by minute. Like the, it's him getting fired that it's like, what kind of costume am I going to wear?

What am I going to tell my mother? Like, it just goes on and on. It's him giving him his two weeks notice at Wayne Enterprises. You see his goodbye party. By the way, his name is Edward Enigma. Is that what it is in the comics? Edward Nigma, yeah. It's just one of them.

It's stupid. Yeah, you can roll your eyes. It's kind of stupid. Okay. Like, no human being would, if your name was Edward Nigma, you would hate puzzles. I guess after a while you have to embrace it I don't know like you're like I just find out who I really am But I think like that's the thing

If you embrace it you're destined to become a villain Like if you're like listen you know what I'm not gonna do a fucking puzzle okay Like yeah I'm Edward Nigma whatever And I love football and fucking chicks And drinking beer straight out of the keg Like that's Oh you see that Nigma is built like a brick shit house

If I was Edward Nigma I would be like Bill Braskey. But maybe he's pushed to such a level that it's like, oh, you like puzzles? You like puzzles. How about you do a fucking puzzle? I'm the Riddler now. Man, and how, like, the little fortune machine from Big is

helping him select his name. He had a full-on Riddler costume seven months before the events of this movie. And what he's trying to figure out what he's going to look like, he's got, he's photoshopping a statue of Michelangelo's David with his head on it, putting on all the other

costumes and his little his little robot big coin machine is telling him what to do like no no no no it like that is his version of one of those 80s like dress up model uh montages oh yeah totally also what are the odds what are the odds right that he jim carry as edward nigma is fitting into something that's been that's been sewn onto a puppet like and where do the pants come from why does this torso have pants attached to it? No, it doesn't because it looks really bizarre in this movie. You watch after he gets that costume. He's got

like a nice, you know, coat and hat that he got off the puppet. And then he's just got like tights. It's really weird looking. It's like those, you need like a full trouser with this. Yeah. I mean, you need something because I mean, there's a lot of fucking, well, well, that's a little too much Joel Schubacher. Like a lot of just like some shots of some genitalia. I'm like,

holy shit. I mean, and that, you know, that's the thing like everybody knows what's going on with the two jol schumacher bad man the first one of the i think it's the first shot maybe is a is batman's cod piece oh yeah it's it's like you know if you're going down the shot list like maybe eight you know what i mean not counting all the like the opening credit graphics it's like the eighth shot in the movie is a cod man do you think that jol schumacher gave that off to the b unit or he's like oh no no no no no i got i got no he came in for work that day Okay. Because that stuff has to be perfected.

It's just everywhere. And it's like every, there's like Greco-Roman statues all over the place. It's, it's, there's statues everywhere. There's so many mussely hunks all over this movie, even statues. Do you think Tommy Lee Jones was like, no, you will not be showing my dick in this movie. Do you understand me? That's a terrible Tommy Lee Jones. But you guys get the idea.

He was uncomfortable with having his crotch photograph. Tom, half of it's grotesque and huge. It's not affecting his dick. It might as well. It's affecting his suit. It's got leopard prints everywhere. And it's straight down his body. The two-face thing also.

I mean, like, and I agree with you, Eric. I mean, I actually, like, just sort of, most people's affinity for the Riddler comes from the 1960s Batman show because Frank Gorson was so awesome. I mean, he is, like, the most visually dynamic character on that show. And, but To Face, as far as pathos and, like, actually writing a character that you might want to watch on it on screen, he has all the chops. And you put Tom Lee Jones in there, you're like, all right. Like, if you're reading Wizard Magazine in 1994, like some little fat kid. Super sweet. Oh, man, Tommy Lee Jones is going to be super gritty.

He almost caught that, Richard Kimball. If he could catch Richard Kimball, he could totally catch. That's rat, man. But, I mean, that's... Mom, timely shows is going to be a Batman. Can we get to McDonald's now? Go outside and play.

Why is there a comic about U.S. Deputy Marshall Gerard going up against Batman? I mean, I mean, talk about a fair fight. Do you think... Ma, do you think Joe Fideliano's going to be his number one in this movie, too? Go to bed. I don't love you. I know. nothing about my child.

That's a good point though, Steve. I never thought about that, but Two-Face is, like, it's fine to make the campy Batman come back, but Two-Face is the wrong villain to throw into the mix for that. Because if there's one character who's not suited for camp, it's the fucking darkest Batman character ever. Like, I think Two-Face is darker than the Joker, hands down. I mean, he's grizzled to shit. And I mean, that's why, I mean, get ready for Christopher. Nolan, pat's on the back, but that's

what makes that. Aaron Eckhart, I mean, people complain about it. He's not in the movie enough. It's like a little bit too late in the game, but I think he comes in and he owns that movie and it changes the game of that movie. It absolutely does. And I mean, because that movie is

the Joker's movie. It would be so stupid to try to shoehorn in another villain, and that's why I don't think that movie does that. Like, he's just there and it's kind of his own thing. And it, yeah, it doesn't last too long. I mean, initially, I'll admit I had a problem with, but, you know, it's been, what, five years since that movie, six years, whatever? Like, I'm totally cool with how little Two-Face is in that movie.

He's kind of a logical extension of the plot, which makes it much more interesting than, like, sort of this, where Two-Face just shows up at the beginning, and he's just prancing about. Just, like, the first scene is this big, it's like at the beginning of a stunt show. Like, it's just like, he comes out and he's like, all right, kiddies, where's Batman? And then we'll say, no, don't look behind you, Batman. It's Two-Face. And a big explosion happens. And then you go on the water ride. It is like Indiana Jones the ride at Universal Studios.

Look out, Indy. That sheik's got a sore. He's that chic. So you have Two-Faces rob at a bank. And we're introduced right away to two words, Pat Hengel. What is everybody's opinion about Pat Hingle as Commissioner Gordon? I don't know why it lasted this long Like really

They couldn't find another actor To portray Commissioner Gordon Batman 89 I was fine with it And I mean in general I'm fine with it But at this point it's just like What is he doing? He is like the face of the Ineptitude of the Gotham police voice

He is lock, stock and barrel Like he doesn't even fucking get He doesn't let his guys go in Until Batman checks it out Right which it's a big mistake he's a real coward he's a real coward we see him in this movie

in his PJs at one point he's like that's what's going on up here like so you know it's the scene where chase meridian Nicole Kidman's character turns on the bat signal to seduce Batman into coming to the rooftop because she's a sex crazed lunatic in this movie for some reason

and he comes up and he's got his little pork pie hat on his fucking trench coat but his PJs are on he's like well I show the signal who what's up and you're just like Oh, go back to bed, Porky. I mean, honestly, Batman's got a real puppet regime going on here.

Basically, his only other scene in the movie is when they do need Batman and they turn the light on, and then he just never shows up. Oh, we've got coming. I guess I'll go to bed. And what is that, by the way? He's like, turn it off. He's not coming. How about why not dispatch some cops?

You presumably still have a whole police department somewhere. Let's get some officers on the scene. scene. I gave the boys a night off. I gave the whole police department the night off. Do you have Hawkman's phone number? Oh, well. Guess we're doomed.

So, Andrew, you just quickly mentioned Nicole Kidman's name in this movie, Blood Meridian. I mean, Chase Meridian. What is with that? Her initial name was No Country for Old Man. It's... She's a fucking maniac in this movie because she really is. She breaks...

Like, she's a sociopath. She breaks into the police department and puts on the bat signal. She's like, now I'm Batman's girlfriend. And you put lipstick all over it over and over again. She's not exaggerating. Like, this is honestly what happens. Would you fuck me, Batman? I'd fuck me.

She's crazy. She's a real looting to. It would have been a better movie if there was a turn in it where she became a villain. Yeah. Like she got into the sheets and now she knows all the secrets. what if she became poison ivy like you could do that why not but instead she's just like this sleep psychiatrist who boxes in her office or whatever she's a one-off girlfriend throwaway character yeah there's no reason for her to be in the in this movie other than to add some heterosexuality and well you know he had to try his best to sort of even the ship a little bit and to be cannon fodder that you know is never going to get hit no yeah Exactly. Nicole Kidman's in this movie for the,

Hey, hey, I got kids here. Like, literally, that's her purpose in this movie is for people not to storm out and be like, wait, now, what the fuck? I thought this was a Batman movie. Is there latent homosexual themes in a Batman movie? I won't hear of it. Look, I already watched my own private Idaho by accident. This is a Frank Miller screening of the film.

I'm going to go work on my terrorist comic book. He turned out to be a real secret racist He sure did, a real secret everything The first Dark Night Returns is a great, great Master of Comic, blah, blah, blah I'm a huge comic book fan The second one, the whole purpose Is to prove that Batman ain't no gay

Like it's just all about like Robin comes back And he's just a little effet thing And he's like, oh, I never loved you anywhere Queer Mode and he kills him I think that's the entirety of that comic book. Frank Miller's got some problems. Jory does. There's a really

hilarious, like, nothing character in this movie that stuck out to me from the first time I saw this in the theaters. That fucking bank security guard in the opening scene he's just officially movie history's biggest pussy.

He is, he lost out to Wayne Knight for everything except this. Do you think, like, he had just like a faster metabolism than Wayne night and he kept trying to like get fat so he could get all the wayne night rolls why all the way night rolls i mean you know but yeah he probably lost out to newman no he didn't all right eric i'm shaking my head at you at just the situation he's just got some he's got some really cartoonish lines like it's like like like making this movie more like a comic book

the things that come out of this guy's mouth would be in like dialogue bubbles like it's boiling acid but he's just also got a hearing aid that Batman somehow uses to crack a bank vault and he's like he's not even that old he's just he's just a heavier guy with these glasses and it's like you look at this guy and then all the lines he's given and it's just like astonishing that anyone would hire him as a security guy exactly you should be you should be a bank teller yes well you know if pat hangal can be the commissioner of the police department. I guess this doofus can be

a bank security guard. And it's that kind of attitude that gets all these Yahoo's running around Gotham blowing things up. Yeah, look at all these idiots in positions of power. Of course we could run this town. They just need to really like revamp their hiring process. Who's the boxing champion, Mike White?

Like what does town full of cowards? Gotham gets like a proper HR division in every company. And suddenly there's no real need for you anymore, Batman. Speaking of Gotham in this movie and this whole scene, so like the scene goes on, blah, blah, blah, and Two-Face flies this chopper into Gotham's Statue of Liberty? Oh, man. Which I love because there's two things that could be true. One, we live in a world where there is no New York City, and that's probably what it is, and like Gotham stands for New York City. But what I'd rather it be is that there's just this like chinty town called Gotham somewhere, and it's got its own little fucking bed, like, some Boughty Statue of Liberty Knockoff. It's like Gotham is New York City's Shelbyville.

Well, isn't it supposed to be like, isn't there some theories about it being down by like Delaware and New Jersey? Really? Yeah, I think I was reading Death in a Family recently. And towards the end of that book, they have the old Robin coming back and he's with the Teen Titans in New York City. And it's like very much saying,

no, Gotham is kind of like that, but a little different. Like, they were talking about 42nd Street and 8th Avenue, like the Joe, no, 42nd Street and 2nd or 1st. And Batman was like, oh, is that in, oh, that's not Gotham. He's talking about New York. Like they both have, they're so confused. There's so many 40 seconds streets.

Is that where I live or where everyone else lives? Another big theme in this movie is him revealing himself to be Batman. which kind of is in the other movies here and there, but this is where he's like, the only reason he's hanging out with this chick is to just tell somebody else that he's Batman. So you're saying the only reason he's getting into this relationship with this woman is to tell her this deep, dark secret

that he can't tell anybody else, but he thinks at least this woman would probably be, you know, he's not super interested in romantically, but just to be able to tell her this huge secret, and hopefully she won't judge him too badly. She's a psychologist, so maybe that's a good. good in he's not going to tell alfred what the problem is you know because alfred's raised him and he's worried that alfred will disown him if alfred should hear the things that he has to say yes

that's that's exactly what i think is happening by the way one of the first times they really have the proper bruce wayne scene with uh chase meridian is he's going to her office and he hears like sounds of a struggle from within her office and he just bursts down the door he kicks down this gigantic like 12 foot high castle door that exists the world's greatest detective everybody I'm just gonna rammed out this door

and he's Bruce Wayne and he rams down the door and it turns out she just has a a punching bag in her office and she's just looking at him like what is this idiot doing and he's just like oh well I'm buying a new door he's kind of a mimbo in this movie yeah you know and I think a lot of that has to do with it being played by Val Kilmer

like I love Val Kilmer don't get me wrong like direct to DVD contemporary Val Kilmer not so much but you know a lot of great stuff has been a part of Val Kilmer's career Speaking of recent Kilmer I'm a big fan of the Herzog's bad lieutenant He's good in that movie he is he's done like 19,000 movies with 50 cent at this point though and I'm like they're kind of just all the same thing are they just best pals how does that work I don't know same dealer that very well could be and agent I guess I'm sure there's dual roles but uh yeah he's just that's kind of Al Kilmer's thing yeah I mean he's I mean he's very vacuous in this movie I mean it's one of the like everybody kind of uh shits on the Batman frame

franchise because or at least this Batman franchise is because each movie is more about the villain than it is Batman. Right. And this, no more so than this movie. Like, he is just, he's got nothing to do, but they relay his origin story again. Yeah, he doesn't have, there's no problems other than the problems we've seen him have, which is dealing with his parents' death, and really wanting to tell somebody that he's Batman. Like, that's it. Like, he's, he's trying to mentor Robin and, you know, deal with all the Dick Grayson's, you know, the death of his parents and he wants to get revenge by Killick Two Face and blah, blah, blah. And then, you know, 60% of this movie is just the Jim Carrey show, hands down.

You know, so yeah, he's hands down. He's just got nothing to do in this movie. Well, speaking of that, going back a little bit, just a little bit, with Chase Meridian, when they're on that rooftop initially, Batman and her and she's all got the huts for him. And he, like, tells her that the bat signal is not a beeper. and like he basically tells her like if you have like a thing for men in uniform go go fuck the fire department like it's literally laid out there that clearly man there is nothing there is no better way to let a woman down by telling her to go fuck the fire department you know what i don't you go fuck

the fire department it'll buy me a week although i don't know in this fucking town like if she is going to go fuck the fire department it's a bunch of like idiots down there every authority figure it's this town. It's just stupid. Everything burns to the ground. Oh, is Batman going to put a fire out? Wait, wait, Lou, we're supposed to stop fires?

Oh, no. I thought you said start fires. I did it again. Fahrenheit 451. We've dents it around a bit with throwing the name Robin out there. And it's such a bad introduction to

a really important character. Like, if you want to make the Batman movie where you introduce Robin. I mean, that hasn't happened yet, actually, or hasn't been done well yet. Anyway, you just, you start from, from point one is that relationship. Is scene one, it's the circus, which this movie could totally start at the circus. Exactly. Just like, pick it up, carry it to the front of the line and drop it back in the timeline. Honestly, just snip everything before because it really doesn't matter. It's 40 minutes of bad car chases and like, and Jim,

carry hoo-ha and all over everybody. I mean, this movie is a little over two hours. Oh, yeah, it is. And it's ridiculous. It feels really weighed down. And you don't even hear that the circus is coming to town. You know what I mean? It's like, 35 minutes in, we get there. We're like, oh,

yeah, that's right. I thought I heard about Robin in this movie. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey, he was all over those trailers. Wait, where's Robin? Who's this 35-year-old man? That's another problem. I mean, what are we doing? Like, why is it an old

I mean Chris O'Donnell's not old in this movie but he's not what Robin should be you know what honestly 1995 you know who would have met a great Robin then Joseph Gordon Levitt like he was he was the age to be Robin then like

that totally would have worked I think that sitcom was still maybe a few years off I don't know the dates on that third rock from the son I think it was already on the air it was in 95 I don't remember but I mean like you know he was around he was alive a kid a 12 to 14 year old kid that's what but for whatever reason this movie's like oh well that's because there is that you know obviously like well we don't need to go to

all of the psychological problems of batman but it's a little weird to like you know uh you know adopt a kid and put him into danger but it's a lot weirder to adopt a 25 year old man right I mean I guess I don't know that they say adopt so much in this movie but it is like he's just going to hang out there for a while. Domestic partnership. Yeah, exactly. The thing about Robin is like you have like Batman is

he's agile and stuff and he's but he's big and like Robin's like this, this he's, it's for dexterity and speed and agility and then why you just cast this guy that's just like oh he's a meaty hunk. Like that's he's kind of almost

I mean he's definitely the same size as Val Kilmer and he might actually be more muscular. I I mean, Robin would have to be pumping iron in this mansion quite a bit. Well, no, he's a great trapeze artist, him, his mother, his brother. And you know what's great about trapeze is, you know, the stronger you are, the just the better you are at it. And you know karate, too.

It teaches you karate. It sure does. He's got a brother named Mitch at this movie, which I got the most ridiculous thing. It's a comic book. Mitch Grayson? Hey, Mitch Grayson. Hey, Mitch Grayson, Knights of Meet you. Well, you know, he's not long for this world, so I guess it's fine.

Oh, the Dead Meets, the Flying Dead Meets. Hi, I'm Mitch Grayson, the one no one remembers that died that day. Thanks a lot for the no flowers. I'm the ghost of Robin's brother. That's a great comic series, Eric. I want you to write that. I will. I mean, that would be, that's something that, you know, the comic book universe could totally do, right?

Like, you know, you didn't know this dick, but before you came around. I was in the flying gray sheds. I didn't have the luck to die in a panel. I was just off panel. Oh, yeah, how could you forget Mitch? Oh, yeah, he died off panel. They boxed me out, dick. They boxed me right out of the whole fucking franchise.

The only boxed they gave me was a pine one. But, I mean, it's the, it's the Robin Origin story, except it's Two-Face doing it. And the movie begins. You know, excuse my Batman ignorance, but is it the Joker that does it? No, who's killing, just gangsters? Just the gangster. I see.

Tony Zucco for all these. Oh my God, you think Tony Juko should be in the movie, maw? Do your homework, please. I've got to be totally honest with you, Stephen. I couldn't possibly care less about your Batman. When I was talking about the Chase Meridian scene meeting with Bruce Wayne, there's a great moment in there like he he sees an ink blot like a Rorschach ink blot on her wall and says

oh you got a thing for bats huh and she's like that's a Rorschach I mean I guess you got a thing for bats and he's just like I'm not Batman yeah that's another thing in this movie he's really terrible in hiding that he's totally bat named it's so obvious but also this this Rorschach's a little fix it's a fucking bat like it's totally a bat like that's are you guys Batman no we're collecting Effectively Batman. Steve, you hop on his shoulders. You guys awkwardly fight crime.

If Steve was on my shoulders, we'd still be too short for Batman. The best part is, speaking of, like, telling people you're Batman. Like, so we're at the circus. For some reason, it's being televised. Like, GNN, the bullshit CNN is like, now we bring you this special broadcast of the circus going not wrong. And, like, everything's fine. Why would you broadcast the circus? Especially when it's Gotham City.

People are murdered every five minutes. Like, it's a war zone. It's supposed to be a war zone. That's why we need Batman. Why is it fluff pieces about the circus coming to town? Broadcast it from beginning all the way to the end. Do you think it's because it's, maybe it's like, it's kind of like the Soviet Union, right?

And like everything's so fucking horrendously miserable that they're like, Oh, the circus is coming down. We'll broadcast that on state-run news organizations to pep up the morality of the shit all town. Bear on a unicycle cheer him up, right? They didn't eat today, but a bear on a unicycle would bring a smile to anyone's face. Hey, Ivan, what's better than potatoes? Bear in a unicycle. Two-face bursts into the circus and, you know, takes everybody hostage.

He's got a big, dumb, a big old bomb. And he's like, all right, everybody's hostage. And he's like, unless Batman. shows himself and everyone's yelling and like Valcouver's like Harvey I'm Batman and no one hears him like at least Nicole can look like wait did you say you're Batman? Like she's right

there she totally hears it it's ridiculous if I yelled out I'm Batman at a rock concert everyone around me and the radius is going to turn to me and why the fuck that guy says Batman man that guy is totally ruining this iron and wine concert screaming about being Batman

Harvey I'm Batman all right that's that would improve it all right anyone who goes to a folk show yell out harvey i'm batman and if and if you're wise enough someone could play the mayor and yell what the hell do you want harvey that guy is the best part of that movie you know that if he didn't have all of his city hall cronies holding them back he'd stop two face on his own it is a no bullshit tough as nails like from hard knocks kind of doodle, hell you want, Harvey?

You're like, yeah, that guy is going to take care of business. That one shouting at the mayor, that just got him another term. Like, they're in the voting booth in November, they're like, all right, you're like, this guy's got a good tax plan. But remember when the mayor stood up to Two-Face votes?

Hey, Harvey, I'll wipe that smile off your face. Both of them. Commissioner Gordon is under a fucking chair chattering like fucking Sylvester the cat. Oh, just take whatever you want, do these. It's my ridiculous Pat Hinkle impression.

It's close enough. So Bruce Wayne doesn't really do anything in this moment, even though he is Batman. Robin kind of steps up and saves the day. Yeah, there's a bunch of carnies that are like, well, Batman's not here. So I guess we'll fucking take care of this bomb. You know how many times those carnies ran afoul of like hillbilly hostage situations? I'm sure a lot. Like some people's just like,

yeah, we're taking that zebra now. Sebson pears out from a curtain. He's like, oh no, I better tell management. And he runs away. Someone get this to Mitch. Man, I miss Carnival. I've been rewatched. It's a great show.

Oh, really? Yeah. We got the DVD for Real Cheap. Oh, man, that was, you want to talk about some unfortunate cliffhangers. I wish there was an unfortunate cliffhangers. hangar in this movie, but instead Mitch and the gang get murdered. And it's kind of the only moment in the movie

of like any kind of realistic violence, because you've got to figure, right? Two-Face has this huge Tommy Lee Jones Tommy gun, right? And he's firing wildly up at these people. They're getting sprayed with these fucking bullets. Like this movie wants

to keep it PG-13, but I'm capable of using my imagination. So not only do they fall from like the highest point in this Gotham Coliseum, they're filled with fucking holes when they get to the floor. That's an awesome idea for Capital Punishment. Isn't like

a firing squad, but you line them up on the ceiling. Bullets don't kill you the fall, Will. Just making sure they're really dead. That's a Carney execution. It's a Cardi court martial. For betraying

Carni kind, you've been sentenced to ceiling fire. Also, why is it Dick Grayson's just the least bit grody. Like, he's living the Karnie life real hard. He's already 30, you know? Totally. Like, you see that Mr. Grayson, and he's got some really seedy sideburns.

And I mean, Mitch. That's an open relationship. Don't worry about it. Absolutely. The bearded lady has been visited by both of them. But, yeah, like, Chris O'Donnell, like, the groatiest thing about him is he's got a really dumb earring. And I remember that being a thing when the movie came.

out too like oh robin's got an earring here's the problem with this robin we're do you know we we're we're trying to make this movie cool and hip for the kids so you want this to be uh nerdy about the tim drake robin the kind of badass you know take take no prisoners you know like smart like sarcastic robin which they kind of try to make him but they cast chris o'Donnell the most gee whiz golly willickers totally you know like you need somebody with any kind of edge to him which i mean could have been Joseph Gordon Levin still. I mean, you know, he's a much better actor now that he was when he was a little kid, obviously. And maybe then, is that what the problem is? Like, at the end of the day, you can have your little Dick Grayson in the comic books and you can make him act and talk however you want. But the problem is when you're trying to bring that to a live action big screen type thing, it's going to, if you cast him too young, it's just precociousness and nobody needs to deal with that. You don't want Jake Lloyd in a Batman and a Robin costume.

Exactly. And I mean, you know, Bert Ward was like 25 or whatever. He was 41. So I guess the whole, like the thrust of this movie is the Riddler teams up with Two-Face. Again, to just figure out who Batman is, which it's like, how many times is that the threat? Like, I'm going to do something unless Batman is outed. Here's the bargain. You will help me.

steel production capital so I can put a box on every TV in town and become Gotham's cleverest carbon-based life form. And in return, is everybody paying attention? I will help you solve the greatest riddle of all, the mother of all riddles. Who is Batman? Apparently all you have to do is like talk to every rich person in town eventually you talk to Bruce Wayne and you just be like, no, no, I'm not Batman. What are you? I didn't see a bat there.

What are you talking about? I was just saying, that Batman's something, huh? And then you just said, oh, I'm not Batman. I like the idea that Bruce Wade's going to parties talking up Batman. Oh, God, which is exactly what I would do. You see how awesome Batman took care of all those robbers last night?

That was fucking amazing, right? I remember watching all about it on GNN when I was home at Wayne Manor. Yeah, if I was Bruce Wade, I'd be thrown around National Treasure quite a bit. That Batman, am I right? So, I mean, the Riddler's whole thing is, you know, and there's kind of, like,

there's almost a good take on the Riddler here, where, like, he's weirdly, and like, this is as gay as the movie lets itself be, but it, and that's the thing, I'm not saying, like, oh, man, movies, movies for homos. No, make, go for it. Make it as gay as you want. like take it there because like that's what the riddler's whole thing is he's in love with

Bruce Wayne like he he wants to be him he wants absolutely and like even Chase Meridian says like oh you know he just wants he has to purge the you know the desire or whatever and it it's dark but it just never gets there because you've got like Jim Carrey just you know farting all over the place he is just thrusting his hips from real to real to real of this movie Andrew you made a great point before we press record here is he kind of looks like Ziggy Stardust as this. He definitely does. And that's an

it's an interesting thing, the Bowie comparison because much like Bowie, he's got like five different outfits in this movie. Like, you know what? Jack Nicholson put on the fucking purple tuxedo and that was the joker. Danny DeVito put on his disgusting tuxedo

and he was the penguin. The Riddler's going through costumes baby. I mean, this two face is terrible, but at least it's consistently terrible man Velvet Batman Forever

as Velvet Gold Mine just totally jerked off to the album of the Riddler I would And his working class father catches him

You know That's a soundtrack I would buy You know like You two and seal And God knows who else I don't know if I need to own it

I kind of Own this soundtrack It was a compact disc. I mean, that was all the rage back in those days. It totally was. But, I mean, you're totally right. And that's what winds up happening in this movie, too, is he tries to, you know, because

at the start of the movie, Edward Nigma's like this nothing Kathy cartoon that, you know, he works for, he works for Wayne Enterprises and he's just a shitty scientist. And he's invented this whole thing and he calls the box, which is you can see into people's brains when you put this fucking little dildo on your head and it's fine. And as he becomes... It looks like a blender. It parts of the box. Like, you see the box in different iterations.

Sometimes it looks like a blender. Other times it looks like a big dildo. Like, I don't know what's going on here, but he uses this to become like his own huge mogul self to rival Bruce Wayne. He like wants to suck all like the intelligence set of others, I guess. Great cameo here by Ed Begley Jr. As Miss, doing his best Mr. Mooney impression. he's just down talking to him the whole time

Oh you'll be You're two minutes late Nigma And even that right Like that's supposed to be Because that's the first turn Of Edward Nigma Becoming a villain

Is that he uses this machine On Ed Begley Jr. And then murders him right And you're like all right Well this is a really dark You know turn for this character But unfortunately Because he's Jim Carrying

All over the place even that is like he drops him out of window and you're like wow that's fucking brutal but then it has to be followed up with this I don't need to be big cahuna I don't need to he may have to settle for the bronze I don't need the phrase big cahuna uttered anywhere inside the Gotham City limit

And also, it's the Jim Carrey thing. Why do one joke when three will suffice? It's surfs up Big Gahuna. That's a joke. That it's like, oohs, you know, bad stick on the landing. Now we're in the Olympics all of a sudden. Yes, he'll have to settle for the bronze. And I feel like that's also why, Eric, I think you're right.

It probably, let's just be realistic, would have been just as bad with Robin Williams. It might have been six. But, again, though, that is the fault of the editing. Like, I'm sorry. I know he was the biggest fucking thing in the 90s. but let's just keep it to one line. Just pick the one that's your favorite and that's the one he says

when he drops him off a waterfall. Can we talk about when he goes to visit Two-Face for the first time when they team up? Yeah, oh yeah. It's the most obnoxious scene in the movie. It takes place in Two-Faces layer which is of course decorated

completely different on each side. Oh man. Why not just a hideout, Joel Schumacher? because it's Joel Schumacher. I just answered my own question. This movie, interior decorating, you do the math. So.

The math? You do the math. I'm going to sit here. You want to keep it to yourself. You know, whatever you want to do in the privacy. Anyway, so the Riddler shows up and two faces pissed off about it. But first off, two faces preparing for dinner.

And that's really the reason. This is the reason to bring this up. Yes. So you got Drew Barrymore playing Sugar, which is like the nice, like his non-grotesque normal side of his face. That's the wife. He's got two faces so he needs two wives. So his other wife is, what was her name?

Debbie Maysar. Yeah. And she's like the the grotesque side that has like, you know, like black furniture and like red shag carpets around. Oh, when she's spice, by the way. I believe that's how that works. Oh, sugar and spice. Yes, see what happened there.

And then Harvey is everything nice. He says every night. But what is like, what kind of conversation is that that's less like, well, I got two faces. I need two women to pleasure me every night and two women to cook me dinner, which I guess I flip a coin and decide what I'm going to eat. It's just such a waste of resources, right? Like, you know, you're a villain, and I guess you're kind of successful if you're two-faced. You got this big fancy hideout, whatnot. but like, let's cut down on the grocery bills a little bit.

Someone just make him a hamburger. Well, and she's, Drew Barrymore is like, oh, it's fucking yada, yada with little itty-bitty quail legs on it and blah, blah, blah. And Debbie Mazar is like, here's a boar's heart with cigarettes on it. You're just like, both of those things are kind of expensive in their own way. Like quail legs are pricey and the tax on cigarettes. Forget it. But he flips, he doesn't flip the coin to say which one he's going to eat.

It's which one he's going to eat first. So he's eating two dinners every night. He's not a fucking cow. He doesn't have more than one stomach like a cow. He's just got a scar on his face, everybody. How about this? A 300-pound Harvey dent. Why not?

That'd be fun to watch. Yeah, why is he not morbidly obese? I eat six square meals a day. And it's like the idea of Two-Face becomes warped because, like, the rest of his face is getting bigger. the non-scarred parts are on scarred parts It wasn't even acid or anything It was just like the way his fat was

And the gout He was just a guy that got too fat It kind of got raw up in there So Tom Lee Jones is And this is kind of I think how every scene in this movie went Tomolee Jones is trying to have a nice scene And then Jimmy Carey shows up

And screams at his face Tommy Jones fires a gun right at Edward Digma's face And that was the actor too like he was just pissed off about how the scene was going and he and like he doesn't command the scene because that Jim Carrey

has to scream his fucking head off and that's what's so stupid right is like Tommy Lee Jones is trying to be like for whatever the final product was he really really is trying to be like insane

dastardly dangerous dark whatever I mean it's a real mustache twirler you know what I mean like he's just villainous exactly and it's like it's like a loony tune it's like he's

doing the villain thing and then Bugs Bunny comes up and spits in his face because he doesn't take him seriously like he's like oh you you come in you break into my lair into my home you ruin my dinner you make all these demands and he's like got the he's brandishing this pistol and then Jim Kerry is just like woo woo woo woo and like and that's it and he's just like shot back down again so much so that by the time this movie is in full swing Two Face who is the better villain who is the more dastardly man is just like the muscle. He's just the idiot grunt to Jim Carrey's, you know, Riddler genius.

He takes the marching orders. And like it would be cool if like at the end he kind of twists on him like he's like, you know, I was only doing it from my own ends or something like that. Yeah, there should be like a power struggle. Like towards the end like Harvey Dent should be like, you know, like we've gotten this far time to take him out, right?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sick of taking orders for you. Maybe he just murders him. Out of nowhere, he just blows Jim Carrey's head off. God, that would be great. And then just takes over and then, like, sits in the giant mind chair. It's just, like, right in the middle. The Riddler's, like, humping something, and then he just blows his brains out.

He's talking out of his asshole. He just shoots him with that. And you know what? The Riddler is supposedly getting smarter throughout the entire movie, but never figures out to shut the fuck up. Like, you know what I mean? Like, think, read a book. You know, like just quiet down and listen to people And maybe you'll learn something, Nigma

Not to get too much more into Robin again But there's one like little scene that is just I just have to mention and talk about Alfred and Robin are doing laundry together Oh God, extreme laundry And yes, it is very extreme laundering Because Robin is basically doing martial arts laundry

It's like some type of detergent cata He's like flipping around socks it's the skill of karate with the cleanliness of soap products I don't know it's just it's so stupid when people magically know karate like that's something you either get on board with or you don't in the Buffy show like you know every vampire and every monster's got amazing fighting abilities and it's kind of the same thing here like Robin is just a karate master for no reason and his whole thread is you know like he doesn't want to live with Bruce Wayne

even though, you know, this guy's throwing all sorts of money at him. But, you know, eventually he's like, hey, I got a bunch of cars. He's like, yeah, I guess I'll live with you, pervert, you know? And, like, that's fine. And, but it's not good enough for him. Like, all he just does do is sit around this house and just lounge around and be depressed because his family's dead. Yeah. But, like, the end, I'm sorry, the entrance to the bat cave is as such in this movie.

It's a little closet right next to the front fucking door of Wade Manor that has a ricket. That's got a good lock on it. And it's got, it's a spitting closet that has a silver tray in it. Like, that's it. Yeah, that's where they keep the silver. That's why little boys like you, Robin, have to be kept out. Like, I'm sorry. You live in a house that has a name.

Put the hidden room somewhere in another wing. That's not right off the foyer. Like, it's so stupid. It looks so much like a coat closet. You'd have to open that door. I mean, yeah, Dick Grayson is a bit of an asshole for being like, hey, Al, what's in there? Which, by the way, he calls him Al throughout this entire movie, and you can fucking keep it. But he's like, you know, oh, hey, Al, what's behind this door?

And he's like, well, it's just the silver master Grayson and, and whatnot. He is a dick for breaking it down, but at the same time. You're a house guest. Yeah, I mean, it's shitty, but it's not that shitty because he's honestly like, well, this door's right in the front. I mean, is it a bathroom? Listen, please tell me if there's a bathroom here. would make things a lot easier. I'm sorry, do you own Wayne Manor?

Then why don't you shut the fuck up before you get back to the circus? Also, if you want to keep people out, don't tell them the silver is in there. Like, say that, like, put it in like a bad bathroom. It's an out-of-water bathroom. You don't want to go in there. And Harriet died on that toilet.

That's where Master Wayne raises his skunks. The skunk closet, every chateau has one. And Harriet, by the way, from the 1960s show which was also another like you know like oh my god two guys in a house and an old and an old British man watching them do things like we need to figure

out a way to make this not gay oh I got it they live with their and like really that's a that's a patch on that problem good job television writers basically the way the Riddler's scheme works is that he invents the 3D

television pretty much yeah it's terrible because on top of all your HD receivers, it shoots out this green ooze that goes back to his layer. And you can see it in the air, by the way. What the hell's that about? Yeah, why is no one like,

hey man, what's that shit flying out of everyone's apartment window and going off to some island that is very visible in Gotham Harbor? I don't care how good the 3D is. That's site pollution. I don't want to walk down the street and see your goddamn green street

because you've got to get your fix. of your rotten TV box? Well, that's the thing. And there's nothing I hate more than dumb movies making fun of television. Uh-huh. Because it's just like, it's like, get off your fucking high horse Batman forever

about television. Like, you know, and it's 1995. We haven't reached the quote-unquote golden age of television yet, but there was plenty of smart TV on. A lot smarter than Batman forever. No, you're absolutely right. I can't stand those like fucking empty criticisms like that. It's so stupid.

The other thing that no one seems to be concerned about, like, wouldn't you think you're like, you bring this thing home from fucking Gotham City Best Buy, right? You're like, here we go. I'm finally going to set up the box, blah, blah, blah. And you turn it on, you're like, all right, let's tune in to whatever's on

tonight. And green lasers shoot into your forehead and then another green stream of fucking Ghostbuster ooze is flying out your window. Isn't anyone stopping to be like, one is this hooked up right should this be happening and two if this is working right what are the odds of brain cancer here 101 percent i think the riddler is ultimately successful in the

end because everyone in gotham city contracts brain cancer yeah when you turn it off does does the ectoplasm just keep going or does it fall to the ground instantly because your cleanup is a bitch now it's just and you know it's all like seesaw music Whoa What the hell I mean I thought this was You know

I thought I was watching Something here Danny Elvin Is it supposed to make this noise The whole time I'm watching this What's this Awc

What's this eerie score Happening Whatever I turned my TV on I mean Your invention's great Edward But it only plays Ed Wood movies

All here's Theramins I was going to say that There's theramins everywhere this can't be hooked up right also isn't gotham city like you know i know gotham city's got the elite motherfuckers and all that shit but isn't the majority of gotham city like tragically poor why are we spending all this money on ridiculous television access so i don't have to look at them

i guess and also edward nigma makes the nuts and bolts of this while he's an employee of way in enterprises bruce wayne's got a pretty sweet non-compete suit coming up you know what i mean That could have put them, stop the movie down in its tracks. I mean, a nice fat lawsuit would put something into this riddler thing because you're completely right.

He developed that technology working for Wayne Enterprises and now all of a sudden he goes out on his own, releases it. It's a success. He throws this grand ball invites Bruce Wayne as a big old, fuck you. That's the best scene in the movie

where he's just like, oh, hey Bruce Wayne, do you like my big fancy party? And like, this is, we're trying again to do like oh you know remember that thing where he was obsessed like no i i just remember jim carrie yelling about like pretended to be a game show host for way too long but like he like dresses like valcum where he gets a malls like house by mall or whatever's like oh that's kind of fun but this scene goes on forever and it turns into these stunts in this movie and i think this is kind of a problem that i'm finding out with like especially movies that were filmed before

that are now on blu-ray like you can really see these stunt actors shine like there is some there is I think Bruce Campbell was his fucking, was Val Kilmer's stuntman. This guy's got a shit on him. I would love if Bruce Campbell was actually Val Kilmer's stunt double. What a treat that would be. Because I bet you he's got some great stories about how everyone was annoyed by Jim Carrey on this set. Bruce Campbell's the number one reason I've almost watched Burn Notice. He was doing the stunts for this.

He was like, oh, all right, Val, I got to get back to the set of, uh, Co County, Jr. Because that's something that's going to live for years. Good luck with your Batman. Hey, Kilmer. Siddicated television. Think about it. And he talks away.

There's also a great moment, speaking of people being annoyed, unset by Jim Carrey in this movie, where Bruce Wayne goes into, like, the little trial area to test out the box and wants to see what it's all about. And it's really Batman just doing some detective about, you know, what Edward Nick was up to.

Exactly. And so in the meantime, to distract, you know, from what's going on, Jim Carrey starts dancing with Nicole Kidman. And he is, it's so great. It's the most amazing contrast of two performances. She's trying to sexily, like, I don't know, tango or whatever the fuck. And he is just Jim Carrey dancing. And you can just see the look on her face being like,

you're putting a new bathroom in your house. You're putting a new bathroom in your house. Just keep thinking about the paycheck. Tom said I had to. Tom said I had to. Tom keeps saying I'm not clean. Tom keeps saying I'm not clean. But it's just she looks so fucking pissed.

And you know what? I don't blame her. No, it's irritating. Everything he does is irritating. I was thinking back on the circus for a second. It's just, it's a side thought I had. And it's stupid. But do you think the, the, the,

clowns that were hired for this Gotham circus are just like expats from the Penguins gang from the previous movie. Oh, if you're in the circus or if you work at a bar, you are just like waiting for the the goon draft of the year. You know what I mean? Like who's going to take me this year? You know, you start bulking up like, oh, I'll get Mr. Freeze's gang. And then you get you get the mad hatter and you're like, shit. It's like the mad hatter. It's like in the old west when some guy rides into the town like, reform.

Forming up a posse. Come on, come on, go. Let's go. We're going to go get them. And then, you know, you're going to watch Payne Try. So you go. The other great bit of business about this circus, and then we can stop talking about the shitty Gotham circus. But there's a line when Bruce is trying to convince Dick to stay at Wayne Manor. And, you know, he's getting on his little motorcycle and he's going to drive off.

And Val Kilmer says something about like the circus is probably halfway to Metropolis, right now, which, like, I appreciate a little Superman reference. I know some other people in this room don't. That is what I call the elbow nudge moment, and that's the moment, so, where Harry Knowles can elbow nudge whoever is next to him. It's just that little

it's like what fucking, you know, you mentioned Henry McCoy in an X-Men movie, and everyone's like, eh, eh, yeah. People were willingly next to Harry Nolz. I hope not. But I mean, maybe it's not to anybody, but he just reflects

the elbowed, not just to nothing. How many people in this movie besides me know that that's Supervan's town? Yeah, exactly. But this is what's great about that moment, though. It is not even 24 hours after three of their co-workers are butchered. And this circus is like, you know what? The show must go on. Fuck it.

We're packing it up and going to Metropolis. We'll find three other high-flying carnies along the way. The last thing, those carnies need is a bunch of fucking cops. nos it around. They're professionals, man. Exactly. You get it. You got three dead.

You bury them real quick and get the fuck out of Dodge. Yeah, they're like a gypsy caravan. It is a gypsy caravan. They're like, all right, bearded lady. You're going to have to have an extra long set tonight. And she's just like, oh, no. Do you think they maybe the, like if some of this stuff happens, like they find someone to take the fall? Like if it wasn't two faces, like other instances, I bet they've they've arranged things.

Some, some, like, fellow carnies that are going to do some carny time and not say anything. Yeah, exactly. And then when you come back, Lion Tamer, I guess. Whatever you want. Which is kind of the king of the circus is the lion tamer. Absolutely. So speaking of breaking into that closet, another big annoying thing is he, he being Dick Grayson, steals the Batmobile, which, like, you're dropping balls left. and right Alfred. And like, yeah, Bruce Wayne's trying to get something going with Nicole Kidman,

anything to see if anything fits. And Alfred has to call him and just be like, look, you know, things are going on at your house that that boy you had running around took your car. And it's like, oh, fuck. He took my car in my wallet. He's like Matthew McConaughey and the paper boy. He's just fucking tied up and beating the shit. But yeah, he steals the bad. He steals the bad. Batmobile and drives on to the set of the whiz. And like, everyone's like, protect, like, it's just this bullshit Oz scenario where everyone's in black light and like, this is the toughest gang in Gotham is the blacklight gang. Which, where are the black lights coming from?

Because they are outside and this entire alleyway is covered in it. Once they establish their turf, this is what they do. They replace all of the lights inside the street lights and the lamp. Oh, yeah. So it's just, oh, that's just blacklight town, buddy. And you know who's not going to do a goddamn thing about it? The Gotham Police Department. Gave the bar's night off again.

Oh, no, the black light are in town. I hope Batman's coming soon. Oh, look, Jeopardy. So he rolls up and, like, some woman's getting bullied by these people. I think it's because she turned a corner and she's the only one not wearing blacklight makeup on her face. The thing is once you get, you're just walking, you're trying to go home and then all of a sudden your shirt starts going Leon Green. Like, oh, fuck, I'll be the wrong part of town. Well, how stupid is this chick, though?

Like, you see a purple, you know, aura coming from around the corner. You're like, you know what? Maybe I should take a left and go around Blacklight Town. But, like, you got to also think, like, okay, like if the clothes I have on, are they, do they work well enough in Blacklight that it'll look like I'm wearing gang colors? Pass through real quick. Well, I think the thing that gives it away is not so much the clothes, but the lack of face pain. Oh. Because everyone has skeletons drawn on their face in black light paint.

And you need like a Mohawk or a shaped head or a lous. A wacky do. Yeah, you need a wacky do. The scarecrow or the tin man or God knows what. So Batman, Robin gets himself into some trouble. Like he's a really excellent fighter. So he beats everybody up. He makes out with a babe.

Oh, yeah, exactly. saves that babe, and he's just like, she's like, oh, are you Batman? And he's just like, yeah, that's right. Which is so stupid because, like, listen, they're really outnumbered, okay? And, like, yeah, he fights a couple of them off and whatever. And this chick's like, well, hey, aren't you going to kiss the girl? And he's like, oh, yeah, you're right. And I'm like, they're going to rape both of you.

Like, get out of there. Go make out later in the Batmobiles. Exactly. Get the back in the Batmobiles, your number one priority. And he's got this line. it's like, I could get used to this superhero stuff. The line or the word superhero is used way too much in this movie. It should never be used.

No, it should. Like, Batman is a superhero, but like he's a vigilante. Yes, exactly. That's the other thing about it, yeah. You know, I could get used to this vigilante stuff. It doesn't have the same thing to it, right? It's like I get off about beating people in the neighborhood. Well, you can't put, I could get used to this vigilante stuff in the truth.

trailer or the macdonald's commercial or wherever the fuck this movie turned up i would love charles bronson saying that the death wish trailer i could uh get used to this vigilante stuff yeah my puerto rican guy blam hey entire drug gang kaboom batman and robin i'm batman and lee marvin is robin i would love every frame of that movie. It's just two of the most pissed off men you've ever seen, frustrated

that it's their responsibility to take care of this. And Joyce's got his fucking Commissioner Gordon. That's some hard-boiled hard eggs. Man, let me tell you something. If that beautiful soul had lived long enough

to see the Nolan Batman's, I would have been pissed off that he wasn't cast as some sort of commissioner or something. Like, Like, maybe he's the old commissioner, you know, that gets bombed in that second movie. Like, if he was just like, all right, I got to get in my car. Where are you going to do? I don't need protective custody.

It's just a blam-o. I'm a man. Ah, the Joker's on TV again. Turn it off. Turn it off. So Batman and Robin. Hey, Robin. Why don't you put your suit on?

We've got some things to do. Robin, it's a little weird that you're. notably older than I am, but I'm okay with it. God, I want to see that so bad. God damn it, Bruce. That's not even a Lee Marvin. It's more like, well, like, Rob, Robert.

There's another thing you need to remember about me, Bruce, and it said, I made you. Or something like that. So the thing that's really displayed here that's annoying is so Batman swoops in and, you know, gets all these actual gangsters out of here. They're like, oh, no, it's the Batman and all that stuff. And then he proceeds to get in the Batmobile at this point, I think, because doesn't Two-Face come around?

No, you're getting a little confused. There's so many scenes that start one way and end in a Two-Face chase. Well, so that's like that. There's like every scene that you might enjoy starts one way. Then Two-Face goes, and he comes out, and he just tries to kill somebody. And Batman has to drive around in his fucking Lightmobile. Well, but this is what I wanted to bring up. So the ridiculous, I hated whenever the Batman.

Mobile got too technologically advanced. And in this movie, it drives up the side of a building. No fucking thanks. Batman's driving Harvey up a wall. Hey, Rubin, get in my old Cadillac. We'll call it a Bitmobile. They'll never suspect us driving around in this. Actually, that's funny you mentioned that.

You ever watch any of those old Batman serials? Oh, man, did I? where they did not have the rights to say Batmobile, so they just drive around in a car. It's so awesome. He's like, now get in, boy wonder. And it's just like a fucking caddy. And they're just driving.

It's no better. The best of those old serials you could watch is there's old Superman serials. Oh, yeah. The way they did special effects for Superman was he would, a grown man would run behind a car and a little bubbly cartoon would fly out. Like, it was just like a little. It was like a little Nemo, just flew right out. Was that the way they did it with the dude that killed himself?

George Reeve, no, that was just, like, bad wire. Like, that was just bad, like, you know, Matt painting, just standing there. Oh, I see. So it was, it was before the George Reeve? No, it was like 1330. Oh, really? Old old old old. Oh, so that means not only was it bad acting, it was also probably really bad cartooning.

Oh, yeah, it was something. One thing about Batman in this movie, which is kind of like his whole arc is that he represses the death of his parents. Correct. Which is retarded. Yes. Because this is, if there's one thing Bruce Wayne wakes up knowing every fucking day is the day that his mom got his, her

brains blown out. Like that's, yes. The whole point of the whole thing. And he's like, we're treated all these like dreams that he's having. And then at one point he has like the really big dream that unearths a bunch of shit. And it's like Val Kilmer walking around in the

dream world. He's having like flashbacks. He's like, he's back in Gotham. For a change. Other Gotham. But he, but what pisses me off is like they swapped out little Bruce Wayne's here and I

personally prefer a fat little Bruce Wayne like a little rich kid just suck it down the teat of the working man. You know what I mean? Oh, absolutely. I hope I hope I never have to get a job. And then like, you know, fucking life shows up.

Life chisels that. kid you know what i mean honestly exactly it's the best thing you do for a kid with a trust fund blow his parents away i think we should start i mean then you're getting all that trust fund money sooner though well you know then it's sink or swim your murderous plan is counterintuitive to what you would

like to do to these people no no you you're acting like i got ill will against the child i just want to make a man out of them fair enough you just want to take them out back and show him what it's like. By the way, a sweet- Yep, Eric Siska's public school. Public school for rich kids.

Yeah. By the way, a sweet-ass elseworld's comic book series I'd like to see is everything happens. Bruce Wayne's parents get killed, everything like that. But Alfred's a real shit. And all he wants to do

is swindle Bruce out of that fucking trust fund. Oh, God. Wouldn't that be great? And he just keeps trying to murder and he's trying to give him all this soup that has like fucking chlorine in it. This is starting to remind me of our episode on The Glass House. Yeah, you're right.

Which of any new listeners, that's a classic app. There's Eric Siska's classic app. I'll be spinning them all night from 12 to 5. They make reference at one point to Alfred formerly working at Buckingham Palace. Stop. Just everyone stop it. We're so rich we're going to hire the Queens Butler. Yeah, well, he's like, because it's when, you know, he's like, oh, I don't want to be Batman anymore and blah, blah, blah.

And he's like, well, I guess I could then go back to Buckingham Palace. Like, what? You think you have that much clout with the royal family still? You show up like 20, 30 years after you left that job being a servant in Buckingham Palace. They're like, know who the hell you are, old man. Yeah, get out. He's not going to pass the field exam. They probably torture him and put him in prison.

the Tower of London So by the way Also yes One real quick thing This movie takes a real turn From most superhero movies Because you know what The main superhero

decides not to be a superhero anymore in the middle of it That's never fucking happened before In anything One of those Spider-Man's did that right Superman 2 did that And they're all doing it Oh right oh excuse me

I thought you were okay No he was being facetious Sometimes you can't tell in this show So what they wind up doing in this movie to really cripple the bat is, you know, kind of what Reis Al-Gul does successfully in Batman Begins, which is break into Wayne Manor in some capacity and really fuck things up good. But the way that they do it in this movie is so incredibly stupid. So it's Halloween because why not? And Bruce Wayne invites Dr. Chase Meridian over for a little Halloween date.

And he's going to, you know, spill the beans and whatnot and finally come clean about who he is and who he wants to be and where he's going and where he sees himself in five years and whatever. And Alfred is taking trick-or-treaters at the door. Now, if I have my layout of Gotham City correct, isn't Wayne Manor out in the middle of God knows where it is like past the city limits in Hill Country? The Palisades. I think you should, that's within similar limits. I think you should learn where your jurisdiction starts. holy shit that just happened but yeah who's taking these kids out there also it's definitely a drive a drive and treat yeah wouldn't Halloween be a bit gauche in gotham city like it's yeah it's

yeah it's Halloween every day every ding dong day I mean those everyone sees dead bodies every day there's nothing more horrifying than living in Gotham it's like costumes are terrible like you see somebody in a costume, you run the other way. Right. And like every criminal is wearing a costume. And why would you ever do this? I feel like this is what has to happen in Gotham

City, right? They're like, listen, we can't have the festival of Sawa and celebrate it in this town. Like, it's just too terrifying the other 364 days. So we're going to have a day of pleasantries where everyone goes from house to house and greets each other, says

hello, maybe exchanges a book, with somebody. Everybody dresses to the nines. No masks allowed. Exactly. Everyone wears name tags. I know that guy. Dinkin's the election. So, yeah, yeah.

So the kids run away and then fucking poor Tommy Lee Jones has to get down in his 58-year-old knees and put a mask on his face and go trick-or-treat. And Albert's like, oh, I guess it's a bunch of trick-or-treaters.

And you know what? It's just obviously true grown men. Like, I don't know. You know what, Alfred? Maybe it's past your bedtime. Let Bruce answer the door at this point. And they break in. Alfred is hit over the head, which by the way, Michael Goh in this movie, he's dead.

He's just dead. And it's another, you know what? Like, I was watching this on a Blu-ray. Totally not Michael Goh falling with a tray of silver. It's fucking Frank Stallone with a gray wig on. So then Bruce Batman comes out and he's just like, Hey, yeah, Harvey, you brought two faces too many. Oh, man.

My terrible bronzes. Two faces too many, the Batman, the Bronson Batman sequel? I love it. And Batman gets fucking shot in the head at this point. Which it's like, oh, whatever, everybody. It just kind of wings him. One quick thing about Tommy Lee Jones, which is, I think this is kind of a David Crossbitt, so I won't do it too much, but it is really evident in

this, which is the world's biggest bullshit, a celebrity ever says, is, oh, why did you take this really, like, commercial role? Like, you go to a respected actor, like, why did you take this commercial role in this, like, kids movie? It's like, well, my kids love it. Like, yeah. No, that means Joel Schumacher drove a physical dump truck full of money to your house and said, hey, be in my cartoon show. I mean, could you even, like, say, though, that, like, kids are loving you in this movie he said he said his his sons i wouldn't have done it but my son's favorite character was two-faced oh really he he went on record yeah he went on record with that bullshit what is that's some grade a bullshit if i if my dad did that to me and then kill like what

the fuck dad it's all of a variety why why you pin this one on me you ruined my favorite character you stole my story break in the Wayne Manor and they just start tearing the place to shreds and this is, you want to talk about Jim Carrey in overdrive. When the Ridler destroys the Batcave, it is just

flat out fucking irritating. He's humping all over the place. He's narrating everything he does. He pretends to be a baseball player at one point. He's throwing all these little green bats with little question marks on that are bombs. It's very King Cooper.

It's very King Cooper. but what's really annoying about this scene is well there's a lot but the main annoyances I find with this movie is one Jim Carrey uses the word joygasm yeah he does click and then

the other thing is Jiminy the other thing is and this is a fuck you to the sound department there's a lot of like non-diagetic sound effects going around so like when he's pretending to be a

baseball player. There's a baseball stadium organ, boom, boom, boom. There's a lot of boyoyoyoy a yoy oings going around. He grabs his dick and it goes, boy o'oy o'y o'ing. Like there's something like a horn honking. Like, what is going on? And yeah, that fucking

cock grab was like the cherry on top for this. This scene was mixed by Dr. Demento. Like, it's just anything that you could find. And now the riddler is going to destroy the bat game. And that's, I mean, that's the scene.

It's so frustrating. But another thing that I wanted to bring up here, because it's a stranger entering the Batcave, much like we saw earlier when Robin slides in. So I guess the way that this Bruce Wayne has the whole Batcave setup is when someone who's not supposed to be there enters the premises, a computer voice just says, intruder alert a bunch and everything turns on and all the secrets come out because it's like intruder alert intruder alert the computer console fires up the batmobile rises up out of the ground all the lights are coming on like where is the machine gun to just put a bunch of fucking holes in this guy maybe badman's been trying to fix this forever it's like it's like it's like it's like the autopilot on the bat he just couldn't get it fixed it's the it's the it's the

you are flashed 12. I can't get it. I mean, the technology's not all there yet. They're driving around in 1950s cars in this. And unless this is Havana, I think there's a little bit. We can play a little bit of every time here, I'm sure, but still. Maybe Gotham is in Havana. We don't know. It's not in New York. It could be anywhere. So let's just get to it. The final ridiculousness of this movie, Batman and Robin finally team up. Desi Arnaz as the Riddler. Ooh. In against

against Bronson. Yeah. Oh, an age Desi Arnaz. Batman. He can do the Cuban beat Pete thing. It's as if we have Jim Carrey. Thank you, Lee Marvin. We got ourselves a Cuban to kill.

I love nothing more than killing Covers. So, yeah, but Robin finally wears Batman down because the whole thing is like once he finds out he's Batman, he's like, come on, be your partner and he's like look you know all you he's like I want to be your partner and I want to fucking kill two face and Batman's like all right well Batman's got like three deaths this Batman who's kind of the continuation of Michael Keaton's Batman has got three deaths on

his belt anyway like he just kills people throughout this entire movie what is the body count in in in the first two movies I mean intentionally or no he tries to save the Joker though doesn't he? Wait, in 1989? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the first two movies, he kills right and left. He loves killing in those movies.

He does he? He kills the, in Batman Returns, you put a bomb on that fat guy's chest and walks away? Yeah, no, it's really crazy. Why would they, I mean, whatever, it doesn't matter, they did it, but it's really stupid

to take away, like, the character's a main code of honor. It's just right out the fucking window. Because it's easier to kill, like, you know what I mean? Like, you don't want to, it's anticlimactic for some, to go to jail, so you kill them at the end.

I almost think like they don't really even instate that rule in the movies until the dark night. Yeah. Like even begins, it's just like, well, fuck you. Kill everybody. Kill all these people in this Chinese jail. But, yeah, so, like, Robin

wears him down and he's like, all right, but, you know, we don't kill in this. That number one, Robin, you don't, you know, there's nothing to be gained by killing people. Put that in your back fucking pocket. There's nothing to be gained by taking his life. Well, I only want to kill one of his faces.

So now it's time to sell some action figures. So everybody has a new costume. Everybody gets into their new like little coop sets. You know what I mean? They're like little jet ski boats and things. It is insane. Like they walk into the bat cave and they're like, wow, somebody had fun. And then he's like, all right, well, let's go get him. And like Bruce Wayne pushes one button and like a new bat suit comes out, a boat pops up and a fucking plane falls out of the ceiling. And I was like, you know what? The Riddler missed a lot of things.

Or he just typed in some cheat codes. And all of a sudden, Alfred knows how to meld rubber, like, within two minutes. Like, he's just like, I made you, I made Master Dicker a very nice robin costume. And then, you know, like Bruce turns around and he's like, oh, wow, that looks like it took a lot of time. I noticed it was getting pretty dusty around here. And he shoves at once. Not to make him fall down, just to know he could shove him. Exactly. He's letting Alfred know he's willing to shove him.

It's the key difference here. Let's think about all the time Alfred put in on the nipples and the cod piece on this Robin outfit. Good. If Alfred is the one making these costumes, by the way. I think he is. I think he's in Taylor, yeah. What do you think of the codpiece, Master Dick? I feel a little exposed in this, Al. Why the nipples? What's the tactical advantage? on the nipples? Oh, that's just to tamper wind resistance. And they're built to scale. I came into your room last night. I got a mold

of both of your nipples. They'll fit right in. And you'll notice your cod pieces to say, but like a glove. I molded. I molded you all. I molded all my boys. Oh, God. And if you ever

pass, I have my boy molds and I can make my real dolls. don't worry master dick you'll live forever with me Alfred and the real man that's a terrifying movie Alfred and the Batman I bet you Alfred would get his doll a fucking job at a hospital too that fucking movie Gotham City wouldn't stand for it they'd fucking run and run out of town

not like that fucking sleepy main whatever you know what Gotham they might not have been noticed and stuff will go wrong like they'll just make the doll Oh, it's Rubberman. Like, yes. I'm a Villain. Rubberman. They thought he was a villain.

Like, oh, it's Dahlman. So, Batman takes off in the bat wing and Robin takes off in the bat boat. And we go head on into the biggest plot hole of this movie. It's enormous. Explain. The only way the Ridler learns who Bruce Wayne is when he went to the magic machine and he found out that he likes bats. Ergo, he's Batman. So he knows everything about Bruce Wayne, except really that he has this kind of border living in his house.

And because Robin isn't there when they storm the castle or anything. They don't see any Robin costumes, any kind of, there's no idea. Robin doesn't know he's Robin yet at that point. Right. And so when at the last act, when he's like, I'm going to be Robin, all of a sudden, the Riddler's prepared. And he knows that he's going to be attacked from, that would be the greatest tactical advantage. like no one expects me coming because I'll take but no I guess I guess like you could you could say like oh they like two fit like Robin thwarted two face before but it was like it's kind of a leap to assume that then he is working with Batman well especially because even even if Tommy Lee Jones is going to make that assumption the Ridler's not listening to him because the riddler is the brains of this well maybe the two face sat down for some 3D TV and that that info got sucked into the sky.

Or maybe Robin, I mean, this is a brady ass kid. I mean, he's now living with the high life. Maybe he got himself, you know, a nigma box to watch. I need an enigma box. But like, I mean, the preparedness level of him is ridiculous because he's almost more prepared for an attack by, by sea. Like, the bat boats going. And like, they blow that up.

And then there's scuba diving villains right out of the, set of thunderball that swim up and start fighting him. The funniest thing about the bat boat blowing up is like it's this very clearly cool like sleek metal thing with lights with lights all over it. The second that thing blows up, it's a plank of wood. It's like

it's the fucking wreckage out of the end of jaws. It's just floating in Gotham Harbor. By the way everyone, buy Hasbro board games because to set this up, they're playing Two-Face and the Ridler are playing a game of battleship. Oh my

And that is how they are blowing up the bat boat and the... So not only are they anticipating Robin, they're anticipating it happening then and they're having jokes about it. Totally. They have a whole game set up. The time on this island, by the way, is zero. You figure, like, you think about the first movie. Oh, man, Batman has to fight his way all the way up the tower.

And all those awesome, awesome fights. Totally. No henchmen to be found. All of Two Faces, Leather Daddies are totally gone. They get onto the island. They both swim ashore where Robin utters this. Holy rusted metal Batman. And you're all supposed to fucking laugh at it.

But what's great is after he says holy rusted metal Batman, Val Kilmer's reactions are hilarious because he's just like, what? And then like, you know, Chris O'Donnell explains. And he's like, uh, it's like he's barely even trying to keep up with this scene. But so when they get into the main area or whatever, like Batman's scaling this thing. Of course the island has to rise out of the sea and it's on a big fucking column and now it's in the air.

And Batman's in one place and Robin's going in another place and TwoFace successfully kidnaps him. The point I'm trying to make is when they get into the main area where they're going to have the final standoff, they've also prepared two chambers, one for Chase Meridian, who they already have, and then this other one for Robin, who they don't know is going to be there in the first place. all it takes is one of holy shit there's two of them like you know what i mean like that's a fine line exactly better kill one and yeah it's just a bullshit like we're gonna drop them both and you got to figure out which one to save batman this woman you know that you're supposedly in love with this man that you've been living with which one who are you batman figure it out right now is oh my god badman's like oh my god maybe i can have it both ways like one of those acedc's so they both drop and we've learned earlier that Batman the only bat suit that's left and this is kind of another plot hole is like the only bat suit that's left is some sonar fucking thing that he hasn't tested out yet and it does nothing he distracts them by saying a riddle and then throws a batterang at the big riddler machine and it explodes and then he jumps down and he saves both of them I don't understand how this fucking Batman

neck suit thing has anything to do with that. He has nothing to do with anything. And I don't understand how he's able. He's taking out his goddamn batterang and it's like putting it, he's basically putting it together from scratch. He really is. He's like cleaning his rifle in front of these guys. Wait, wait, wait. No, it's

jammed. Hold on guys. Click, click. And Ridler and Two-Face are just standing there going, okay, uh-huh, we'll wait. We'll wait, we'll wait. And then he just does it. And it's like, why didn't anyone stop him? Sugar and Spicer there? They could have done something. And essentially the way the Ridler is Is beaten the world's greatest genius

He throws a fucking batterag in a chandelier Like that's it And that somehow makes the Riddler like Filled with even more of people's IQs and whatnot Because everyone's still using the Nigma Box It just becomes like a dump He like ODs into his head Instead of like just

Digesting there It's just a little bit of a thicker stream of brain juice And I mean I'm glad that we have it But, like, the amount of little asides that Jim Carrey has in this movie, it's innumerable. Like, the amount of, like, actual dialogue that he says is, like, five lines. Everything else is a fucking aside to, it's that, it's like that Great Simpson's Rodney Dangerfield joke where at some point he's like, hey, who the hell am I talking to? Because it's for no one's benefit. Like, I feel, I mean, you're right.

He's got, like, five lines of dialogue and everything. else is a riff. Jim just riff. He plays a game show announcer twice in the beginning and at the end. And his final words before getting complete nutter brain damage are bummer.

Great, great, congratulations. And then, speaking of Batman murdering people, the end of this movie is Batman murdering Two-Face. In case anyone thought for a second he was sticking to this code. He spends the whole movie saying to Robin, like, don't kill anyone

man because he's going to be dead and then your revenge is not going to be you know quenched and whatnot but the way he kills him again with the presumptuousness of these characters Two-Face has a gun on him and they're standing on this scaffolding and he's like

hey Harvey remember your character trade about flipping a coin whenever you do something he has to remind him to do it. Hey remember your psychological trait oh yeah maybe that wasn't even in the script and like it's like Tommy Lee's not doing it again. He keeps on forgetting.

It's just Val Kilmer reminding him. So Tommy, aren't you going to have a long speech about your father? Huh? And so, Two-Face flips this coin. And thank God Batman thought ahead because in his back

bat pocket, he's got a stack of silver dollar coins that he just throws at him. Well, to be fair, I know from that wonderful shot what he puts on the son of bat suit, Val Kilmer's asshole looks like and he's got no back pockets in that thing. Yeah, it's just

buns of steel. That's all that's back there. So it's, I don't know, he magicians these coins out of nowhere and throws them and you know, two faces trying to catch the one that's his and he falls to his death. That is a direct bat murder. Yeah, oh, he kills the shit out of him.

And that's the end of the movie. They fucking run towards the camera and Bono starts singing. Terrific. This movie was real fucking tedious. It's really tedious. And I don't know. I mean,

it's proof that kids are stupid is what is happening here. Because I hadn't seen this movie since the early or the late 90s. I probably hadn't seen this movie since I had it on tape. I could have told you kids were stupid. But this is what I'm saying, though. Like, I haven't seen it since then. And I've been going around for years being like, no, I like Batman forever. I had this conversation with Chris when the Blu-Rays.

came out. And I was like, no, no, no, it's totally fine. Batman Forever's still good. It's way better than that Batman and Robin. And like I said earlier, I said Jim Carrey was the best part of this movie. Well, that's kind of the trick that those movies play on you is the fourth one is was such a disappointment to everyone. At least this world, like, people weren't expecting it. And people were like, oh, that's kind of different. A lot of people were turned off by Batman Returns. They're like, finally, something I could take my fucking kids to. You know, so like, at least that there was that element to it. But everyone had this like, idea of like oh man that that last one was terrible the third one's not so bad but it's so bad so bad so how would we rate these let's do it real quick i feel we should rate the batman's all right your your your favorite to your most hated okay out of all the titles here we go number one i'll put the dark night because i'm like everyone else uh number two batman in 1989. Number three, Batman Begins. Four, Dark Night Rises. Five, Batman Adam West.

I love the camp. Six, Batman returns. Seven, Batman, Forever. Eight Batman and Robin. I'm not counting Mask of the Fantasms because I never saw it. All right, Steve. Okay. First, I have the Dark Night as a

change of pace. Number two is Batman Mask of the Fantasm, which I have seen Eric. Well, number three is Batman Returns. Number four is Nicholson and Keaton's Batman. Number five is the Dark Night Rises. Number six is the 60s Batman, which I also love Cam. But I think that movie is everything this movie wants to be. And like a million times more. Batman begins after that. But I think all those movies are good movies. And then you've got Batman Forever and Batman and Robin. Okay. So coming from left field for me, number one is The Dark. night. Whoa. I know. Look out. You know Heath Ledger's in that movie. Do you know he died?

I kind of heard something about that. Oh, that's sad. Uh, Batman 89. Batman begins. Dark Night rises. Mask of the phantasm. Batman returns. Batman 66. So low only because I feel it, it deserves a rewatch. I only saw it once. And then right now, because I am going to go back and watch that Batman and Robin forever and Batman and Robin are tied at the bottom of this list and only time can tell for me as far as I'm concerned because I I'm not convinced at this point that this is the better of those two movies and you want to talk about I mean like the the camp factor of the 60s like those were comedic fucking actors and they got it and they did every like and like it was an ensemble piece and no one's just screaming their head off to be looked at

that's why like Batman returns it's like I can't watch that penguin knowing just Meredith is out there. That's fair. That's a total fair. That's totally fair. So to wrap this up just to like, no one is recommending Batman forever, just so everyone knows out there. If you haven't seen it, it's not worth getting it into the Batman canon, I don't think.

No, I agree. And I mean, I do think that this was a bad decision. Like, Batman returns, I think, is much maligned. It is Batman without Batman, 100%, but it's still a good-ass Tim Burton movie. The whole Penguin arc, I think,

is fantastic. It's one of my favorite Danny DeVito performances even though he's repugnant. Yeah, I'm a monster. And he's just black stuff

coming out of my mouth. For no fucking me. He is just the most repugnant beast. That was a hate gum podcast.