We Hate Movies - S7: WHM Summer Rewind - One Magic Christmas

Episode Date: August 29, 2017

On the final Summer Rewind of the year, the gang reminisces about their favorite holiday special, the episode on One Magic Christmas! How in the world did something so depressing qualify as a Christmas film? Who thought casting the legendary Harry Dean Stanton as an angel was a good idea—give that person a raise! And did that dude really say "Doritachips"? PLUS: Santa the evil necromancer!  One Magic Christmas stars Mary Steenburgen, Harry Dean Stanton, Elias Koteas, and Sarah Polley; directed by Phillip Borsos. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

well the summer break isn't over just yet it is winding down uh and like the end of a year we had to end of a year. We had to end with a Christmas movie. Yeah, that's right. This is one of the saddest films we've ever done. This is one Magic Christmas starring Mary Steenberg. So not only are we going to depress you about the holidays, like, you know, like get you thinking

about the holidays when you don't necessarily need to because the holidays are depressing anyway. We're going to make it a really depressing movie as well. This movie is also kind of hilarious. Oh, no, it's kind of there's jokes in the episode, too. It turns out there's jokes in the episode. We're trying to like bring, like, dead

kids back from the grave in this movie. Santa's a necromancer, I believe, is the idea. Oh, man, I forgot about that. Played by the dude who, I believe, his name is Hans in the Mighty Duck movies. Am I remember? Oh, did you guys hear about Goldberg? No, we just did that. Harry Dean Stanton is an angel for reasons that make no sense. Oh, yeah. That's a devil if I ever saw one. Totally. A cigarette smoking black coffee drinking angel. I love, I just watched Twin Peaks Firewalk with me for the first time. Sick. Good Harry Dean Stank. in that for a little bit. I could have liked some more of it. I'd like him just in the Black Lodge

just to be there. Well, you get him in the return. Oh, nice. That character haven't gotten there yet. And actually Harry Dean Stanton, the only angel in history who has scurvy. I will recommend, because I just watched it and liked it quite a bit, the new film

by one of America's most underrated actors, John Carroll Lynch, and his directing debut a film called Lucky, starring Harry Dean Stanton. Oh, I like it. And it's fucking great. I really enjoyed it. So if you want more Harry Dean Stanton, check out John Carroll Lynch's

lucky. Now, yeah, Christmas movie, this is coming to the end of the reruns? Is this the absolute last rerun before we come back? Yeah, well, there's a surprise next week. Yeah, we could say yes. A Christmas present. We could say yes. Well, I'm just saying because we're not going to record any bumpers for that surprise.

So before we start season eight, maybe some season eight teasers do you say that tease us on w hm season eight well um i'm gonna let chris tell you what's going on in november because it's his idea and it's a great one uh we will be doing as we have in the last two years we do a big on screen on a horror franchise we tease this last year we were definitely going to do it which means i got my ass in gear and watch them yep the uh nightmare and elm street movies all of them every last one and we will we will do a freddie movie and let me tell you we're not going to do part two. Yeah, Porto is a really good movie. I like that movie. It's not funny for the reasons you

think it's funny. Yes. And we're not like, too, too, too, gay. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's not the, you know, Chris, what do we do in November? Well, in November, we are going to honor one of America's greatest actors, greatest tax evading actors. And also a purchase alumni, I believe. Purchase College alum. Wesley Snipes for what we are calling Snipes giving. That's right. Is it a whole month of Wesley Snatch? It is indeed, Steve. Titles, TBD. But maybe one has Gary Busey

in skydiving. I'm not sure. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, who could know? Sean Connery might be in one. I don't know. I don't know about that. So October, the spooktacular. Oh, Eric, do you want to say what your pit for spooktacular is? Oh, for Oh, yeah. Okay, it's

going to come. Get ready for it. An episode on Dr. Giggles. Yes. One person is excited. One person is it Larry Drake? Yeah. Oh, no, he's dead. Oh, right. No, it's me.

Eric was just talking about me. I really hate that movie, so I can't wait to talk. So that's just a little tease of what's to come in the year ahead on WHM, season eight. Now, enjoy this rerun of One Magic Christmas. Well, anyway, Merry Christmas. Here we are this holiday season talking about. one magic Christmas from 1985.

The holidays can be a depressing time of year depending on where you are and what's going on. It's one of those like, you know, you check you're checking your weight. You're like, that wasn't a good year at all. You check your weight over the holidays? No, but I mean, it's just one of those, it's like one of those

benchmark times. It's like, I check my watch. Years ending, what's different? Who's dead? What happened? Totally. So like by your estimation, Like the people who have it the worst on the holidays are obese people without families. Yes, specifically. Or poor people from the Midwest, apparently.

Holy shit, this movie is, it's the worst. And this is one of the first movies that we've done on the show in a long time where someone told me about the movie. And I was like, wow, that sounds terrible. But like, you have no idea. Like, my wife was like, dude, we watch this movie all the time when I was a kid around the holidays. You got to check it out. And I did, and I was like, holy shit, what a, what a terrifying child that she may have had. It's like the middle 20 minutes of this movie.

It's just like, wait, wait, hold on, hold on, stop, stop. And it doesn't stop. It's a runaway train of sadness and depression. So the flick is Mary Steenburgeon is the matriarch of this family who is, you know, putting it lightly on hard times. She's holding on by a fucking thread at this point. mental thread financial thread her husband's out of work thread her husband is blissfully out of work this guy is on fucking fantasy island let me tell you right now so the whole premise is right like so her her man gets laid off and they're getting kicked out of their house

because they live in like the corporate house like i guess this dude went and worked for hank scorpio and so they're losing the house because he doesn't work for the the corporation anymore the factory or whatever and so they're doing that she works at a grocery store which is one step away from suicide you know work at a grocery store around the holidays i have nothing but

respect for those people man you've got it rough oh yeah any kind of retail around the holidays god bless you because i ain't there every old lady with their shaky hands and their coupons and their fucking attitude oh yeah you just want to set them right to the grave

so Like a person in her situation would, she hates Christmas and she's got no belief in Santa Claus and this, that, and the other thing, which would be fine, except she's got two shit-eaten kids that really want to have a nice Christmas. And they just don't understand that mommy and daddy can't give them a good Christmas this year. Let's just see what happens next year. Let's just suck it up in this economically depressed town for a year. They're about to be homeless. You're about not only not have Christmas, but not have a home. Get your priorities in order.

Exactly. I want Santa to give me a fucking roof over my head. How about that? You remember back in the day when someone just wanted their two front teeth? And nowadays with these kids, it's always got to be the new Atari Nintendo. Atari Nintendo. Video games. Video games, I'm saying.

You may be 95 years old. I wish I was. It would mean I'd get away with this stuff. You're that far off. What we start with in this movie is a trip into the paranormal. Yeah. Because in the most blatant example of miscasting ever, Harry Dean Stanton plays a magic Christmas angel who's like sitting in a tree playing a harmonica.

When this movie opened, you get Harry Dean Stanton in a tree playing as much. microphone and I was like oh this is a hobo story I could go for one of those he's got the harmonica going harry dean stanton could play an awesome hobo he probably has yeah for the authorities they just like excuse me sir are you supposed to oh you're a movie star sorry excuse me that must happen twice a week security guard on sets like moving along pal oh wait you're one of the principal actors look we throw the craft services stuff outside at 6 p.m you know oh oh mr stanton how are you doing oh pardon me So it opens with him talking to his boss who communicates via the moon And his boss is Santa Claus It's the most European Santa Claus You're ever going to hear

Played by the dude who plays Jan from the Mighty Ducks movies Which is fucking phenomenal Not for nothing, that's probably the most accurate Santa Claus you're going to hear Yeah, I guess that's true Oh, Saint Nicholas, hello! Precisely chocolates for all of the boys and the girls.

Santa, you're giving all the children diabetes. It's okay. But we got a long way to go before we get to Santa Claus. The thing is, the funny thing about Harry Dean's day in this movie, yeah, he's playing his harmonica in the tree, and he's listening to the moon, telling him what to do. I was kind of, and it takes him a little while to be magic in this movie. I'm like, what are we actually trying to do with this movie? That plays into the homeless angle, because it's like, he's destitute, he can't afford

his pills anymore. The moon's yelling at him to do things. The moon's always giving me grief about my job. At nights, I play the harmonica to hope that the moon doesn't notice me. The moon's always ragging on me to clean my shirt. Clean my shirt. Just clean my shirt. Kill everyone.

All right, Moon. But before Christmas, I'll just go back to my harmonica. No. So, yeah, then we meet the Mary Steenbergin clan, and they're all their depressed glory. And, like, it's really unfortunate because this woman, it's not a thing where, like, she's, she's, she's, Ebony's your screwed right, but she's got all the money in the world. She wants to hold on to it and doesn't believe in the spirit of giving. She doesn't believe in the spirit of having. She's got nothing. She's literally got nothing. And all she's asking for is just one measly year off. Just a year to figure everything out. You know what I mean? Just take a breather. It's like she wants a day off. I just don't want to have one of these shifts at that grocery store

It's like she's working there every single day And her husband is completely oblivious He lost his job He just all he wants is like But honey it's Christmas Come on the kids need a good Christmas We won't be living here anymore You see all this

It's all gone oh yeah And the other thing is the reason she gets even more pissed off At this dude and she's totally within her right Is this dude While one not being concerned whatsoever that he doesn't have a job he is also can like not concerned with his family he's more concerned with giving these poor kids down the street a good christmas because he's like oh honey i know i told you i'd help pack the house into boxes two days before christmas but uh listen i really

need to go down into the basement and start working on these bikes that i'm going to just give to these kids across the street and she's like are you are you serious right now are you playing a game like we're getting kicked out of the house he's always talking about molly monahan the poor child down the road i think he's got a crush or something played by a five-year-old sarah polly fucking don't worry about molly monahan worry about whoever the hell's living upstairs those two kids might need food tonight yeah worry about a number one man get out there and get a job again it's not it's got nothing to do with the spirit of giving and receiving you are in bad straits you've got to look out for number one because no one else is gonna well with with emperor

reagan's reign going on at the time yeah he's got like he's in dire straits there's no there's no jobs to be had so what is you to do except for except his face face accept his faith right and be blissfully ignorant about it what's insane though is that you would think during emperor regan's reign right all these rich people would be out at sacks fifth avenue and barnies and macy's but spending all this money and buying all these presents for their rich family, and then all that money would be trickling down to all these poor kids. It always goes to Dirt, Michigan. All of that money from Saks Fifth Avenue, there's a direct pipeline to Dirt Michigan.

Totally. No, I think I'll keep it this year. It'll trickle up once more. No Christmas bonuses. I'll spend that money and it'll go right back in my bank account. So you're like, okay, so this movie, So Harry Dean Stanton is trying to save these people. Maybe he's going to save the house.

Maybe he gives the father a job. Maybe like somehow like they win the lottery. Something nice happens. No, this is a fucking tough love Christmas. So he decides Harry Dean Stanton being he that the easiest way to get through this family is like everybody knows, manipulating children. So he like magically appears to this little girl. And hold on. Imagine Harry Dean Stanton, alien's era, Harritin Stanton, just around there.

Oh, yeah. Whoa, terrified. Yeah, terrifying. Put him in a very large brim hat and a slicker, and that's all he's wearing. He looks like a character out of a Neil Gaiman comic. It's fucking terrifying. And he's hanging around. These kids are playing, like, some street hockey.

And, like, you know, these little girls are watching the boys play hockey, and he's just standing there like, and then like you know they're playing hockey and he's like now boys careful now we don't want to shoot that puck if someone will get hurt I was waiting for him to flash them with that code it is oh yeah you could open it would be fucking dick town everywhere hey girls want to see my hockey stick uh he's so chilling like harry and stanton should be a villain a sassy old man or like, you know, a blue collar, whatever. Like, yeah. And an angel to children, no, no, no. He shouldn't be anywhere near kids

unless he's got a wife right next to him. Yeah, so he comes up to this little girl and he starts chatting her up like you do when you meet a pretty lady on the street. And, you know, by the way, I should also mention, the specter of death just looms over this movie like a cloud. Like, there's so many points. And I went into the movie knowing what eventually,

will happen but before that there sets up so many scenes of like someone could possibly die right now so they're out playing street hockey and I'm like oh man this little girl's gonna get a fucking puck right in the face knock all her teeth out and the movie doesn't help you not think that because it's all like grim music and everything's just dirty snow everywhere you could really put the record for a dream score in place of the score in this film won't skip a beat no you would not have a problem this all i mean you know the setting for this movie and everything it also looks like christmas came to a racerhead town you know what i mean like it's just everything is barren and fucking miserable and there's a smokestack every eight feet like it's just terrible

and so he's like listen i'm an angel my name's my name's what's it it's not gabriel gideon gideon you know he's like all right little girl i'm gideon and i wrote the bible You know all those Bibles that you have In your hotel room Christmas angels did it Did your mom like Christmas? Yep My mom don't

Wish she did Your mama doesn't like Christmas Who are you mister? Friend Just a friend He's like Oh I see your mommy's not really in the Christmas spirit Like we got to do something about that

Guess who is my candy can and jingle balls I'm sorry That's wretched You are a 95 year old man I could say what I want It's the Alzheimer's I'm gonna buy you a weekend pass to the VFW

I would take it So there is a really uncomfortable scene Where Mary Steemburgeon Has let her husband go down to work on his bikes in the basement. Yeah, just get out of my sight right now. And she's cleaning up, and there's a knock at the door.

Oh, my God. I mean, this is so uncomfortable. There's a knock at the door, and it's the dude from the husband's company that they're just parting ways. And he's like, oh, hey, Mary Steenbergin. I know you're getting kicked out of here in a week. I thought I'd bring this family in to show them what they're going to be living in. And she's all, like,

mortified because the house is a wreck, because you know, like, nobody's cleaning this. The husband can't be bothered. Even though she's working 12 hours shifts at the A&P, he's got to be down there working on Molly Mollahann's shiny new bike while his children starve in the fucking street. Dad, do we have to eat grass and snow again? Yes, you do because Molly Monaghan needs that goddamn bicycle. She is going to have a great Christmas. I promised her that.

I am a loving father to a girl I've met five times. It's an impossible thing where the real estate agent comes. guy comes in with this family. He's like, yep, all these rotten people are going to be gone. I know it's like, shit. There should heal family. Like, he's treating them like garbage. He's like, yeah, I hate the color too.

And the woman's like, this house is disgusting. He's like, no, no, it's a beautiful house. They just run it up. Like, they go down to the basement. The dude's like working on his bike and like, she's like, oh, it's cramped or something like that. And he's like, no, no, no, it's a big basement. What you get all this garbage out of here?

The guy's like, this is my life's work. I meant you. You're human garbage. And it's just fucking devastating. And Mary Steamburgeon is humiliated. And then they just leave like, nice shithole, Merry Christmas. I'll take that, Walda. Hey, how much for that kid?

Just buy the kids off her hands. Does the kid come with the house? He's a cute kid. And now we have this weird scene. You're right, Eric. I think you said when we were rewatching this, it's this scene does not belong in the movie. But it goes to your point, Andrew, of this overwhelming sense of dread.

Mary Steenberg is, like, actually enjoying a nice hot shower. Oh, God. You know what I mean? Like, the one simple bliss that she has is hot fucking water for three more days. Yeah. Just like, like, her whole life is just her squeezing a rock with both of her hands as hard as she can. And then somehow a miracle happens. And one little tiny drop of blood comes.

out of this stone. That drop of blood is this hot shower. And she's just in there singing, stopping the name of love and dancing around and loving life. And then the fucking kids just start knocking on the door, because they all got to go to the bathroom. They got to take a peepee.

It's like, you know how much snow is out there? Go back outside. Drop the snow suit and just figure it out. Not in Emperor Reagan's America. That was a public indecency. It's also a Disney movie, which goes in with Emperor. Emperor Disney Reagan.

The worst part about this is the saddest line in the movie is like while she gets out and she got a towel, she's really frustrated. She's like, in my next life, I'd like a house with two bathrooms. She can't even imagine in her mortal life having a house with more than one bathroom. In order to obtain a house with more than one bathroom in it, I'm going to have to live out the rest of this miserable life, die, and then hope reincarnation is a real thing so I can come back and secure a second

bathroom. Please in the next life let me have two bathrooms. So these kids come in and again, this sense of fucking terror coming over this movie, she like drops a washcloth over the drain and gets out and she's like, okay,

your kids just want on a top, go pee. And the fucking tub starts filling up and like one kid goes to the bathroom and you see the water rising. Then the next kid goes in and the water's rising really high and then the third kid goes in who's a neighbor it's molly monahan she shows up and it's acceptable to kill molly monahan in this situation because she's not related to the family so you know if she dies they're not going to be devastated but christmas will still probably be ruined she is pissing in someone else's house

and so she is going to the bathroom you see the water and then like mary steam virgin's knocking on the door like hey come on you know time's up man let's get out of there and there's silence and I'm like oh no molly monahan drown in the tub this is like i was expecting the father to kick in the door and throw the bike at the body or something she's gonna get it for at least one last breath hold your bike while you die molly say it's nice thank me thank me this is like it's a wonderful life penned by raymond carver there's just no good everyone's economically depressed and no one's fucking making it out alive well you mentioned how She's like a reverse Ebenezer Scrooge.

Yeah. But I feel like this whole movie is set within the world of Christmas yet to come. Mm-hmm. Where everything is just fucking miserable and everyone's dying and pneumonia and black lung and losing their house and everything. Like, that's what you live in that shit hole world that Charles Dickens made up for like an hour and 40 minutes. You just sit in it and feel how disgusting it is and you hate yourself. So then she's working at this grossest to it. Like just, this is just, until the main event of this movie happens,

it's a string of miserable shit happening to marry Steve's. And it's just like, when is it going to end? Yeah, I'm like, this is a Christmas movie. I'm just watching this woman's horrific life. There's like dancer in the dark. You're just like, any time you want, Gideon, just step in with your angel power and do something. Speaking of Gideon, around this time you reveal. to Abby, the little girl.

How he became a Christmas angel. Oh, man, this is also devastating news. Well, I was a farmhand in the old west, and I fell into a lake, and I drowned. I was trying to save someone, and then I realized I didn't know how to swim either. Which is literally a story. He saved them, but he died, so he's a great thing.

He's a good guy. Now. And it was on Christmas. just so he becomes a Christmas angel, where in the job description is that he must go and find people who are bah humbugging and force them to believe. You're going to fucking love Santa by the end of this, God damn.

Or you're going to love the end of this shiv. It's the last thing I do as a Christmas angel. So if you thought that Mary Steenberg had it the roughest in this movie, you're wrong. Because we open on the grocery store and there's this guy with his little kid and he's really, he's in a really bad mood because he's poor, like, you're overcharging me,

which he calls them Dorita chips, which I'm going to start saying all over the place. People are going to think you're a crazy person. I had a bag of Dorita chips with some sour dip. You got to wait to your 90 again. Yeah, that's unfortunate. Derrita chips. But I mean, like, you say to me, pass the chips.

I'm looking for potato chips. Yeah. If you want Doritos, you need to specify that you would like Doritos. Like, in the world of not this movie, Doritos aren't chips. Like, what, I mean, would you, would you ever, like, oh, hey man, pass the chips? And it's a bag of Doritos. The Doritos are their own separate entity. You know, they're corn chips, right?

Well, they're tortilla chips, technically speaking. But, I mean, it's fucking Doritos. Just barely. Just like a McDonald's hamburger is a hamburger. And this guy is a fucking asshole. Oh, yeah. He's, the total comes to, like, five bucks or something like that. Which, like, he gets all this shit for $5, which is kind of depressing.

But, uh, so he pays for this entire thing in a handful of chain. And he, because he's so pissed that she did her job a little bit poorly, even though this guy clearly doesn't have a job, just throws it at her. And then she gives him her a seat and he fucking flings it in the air like it's garbage. And just walks out with his Dorita chips and his six pack of Coca-Cola soda and his f-and-his-and-and-his-Lachie kid. Let's go. And then Molly Bonahan's mom comes up. She's paying with food stamps. And I'm like, come on, Gideon, fix this fucking town.

And she's trying to pay with food stamps. And then Mary Steamberg is like, yeah, we don't take those. Oh, man. I don't know how to tell you this, but. It's absolute worse. Because it's like watching a tennis match of people having to be uncomfortable with each other. Because this woman is embarrassed. that she got online and she knows the cashier.

She's, you know, feeling degraded. And she's like, I just got these. So it's like, balls in your court, Steam Virgin. And she has to be like, ah, we just don't take this. And then it's back to this woman. And she's like, well, no Christmas goose then. My husband's making you a bike. This can't eat that.

Bye. This movie's so horrifically sad. It's so sad. And you're expecting, like, all right, this is a, you're, you're front-loading your Christmas movie with sadness. I've seen this before. Good on you. Here comes the happiness. Ha-ha.

So then they get in a fight over money. Of course. Well, because the husband. This fucking husband. She comes home. She does the, she does the toy shopping on her way home from work. And she puts the kids to bed. And she's like, look, I got Susie and Etch's sketch.

And I got Tom, like, you know, I got Tommy and Etch's sketch. and little Susie, this little tea said, that's fun, right? And he's like, oh, that's great. And then on Monday we'll get all the rest of the presents they wanted. And she's like, no, we don't have the money. And he's like, well, we got that $5,000 in the bank. Yeah, she's like, that's because what if one of us gets sick? We don't have health insurance.

They'll eat us alive. How about we need a home in a couple of days? Yeah, just that. You know, a home costs some money. Look, honey, Emperor Reagan's going to take care of us. We just have to go out and buy the rest of those. presents just spend it all and so then it gets into this dude's like repressed animosity towards her and he's like oh yeah i can't get the rest of these christmas presents i forgot i don't have a job

but that's because you won't give me the money to open my dream bike shop like i want to this town it is filled with it's a dickensian town you're right everybody's poor in this town five years it's a ghost town. Exactly. You're going to open a boutique bike shop? Are you fucking with me right now, sir? And also, by the way, little hilarious movie detail

is it's not just a bike shop because on top of wanting to open this ludicrous pipe dream of a store. This gentleman also has apparently designed his own kind of bicycle that's going to revolutionize the way people ride bikes. Yeah.

Because, you know, back when, whoever the fuck, Leonardo da Vinci invented a bicycle. It was such a flawed design till this fat asshole comes in and fixes the flawed bike problem. And like his friend, played by Elias Codius

from Ninja Turtles fame, he's like, hey, yeah man, you know what? Your old lady doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about, man. She should just give you that $5,000. You could open that bike shop. You'd be a millionaire, a millionaire. And this guy's like, yeah, you're right Casey Jones. This is a great idea. I mean, you can make a mint on a bike like this. I could.

I thought about owning my own shop. Really? Yeah, sell my own special designs. I worked out the figures, though. It cost me $5,000 bucks just to open the doors. It's $5,000 more than I got. And this is where the shit hits the fan, because she's like, no, this ain't happening. And then he's like, all right, man, I got to go for a walk. And this is where shit starts getting really dark. And She goes out, and of course, she's talking about, like, and she's actually really nice to him. She, like, she, like, you know, just ever since my father died last year, and I'm like, oh, my God, just stop it. Stop.

You don't need three coats of depression on your fucking painting. I always knew he'd go exactly seven days after mom. You know what? That's enough primer. It's time to throw up a little color. Oh, just fucking slap. some Christmas cheer on this canvas please.

It's just like, there's my father died last year. I just, it seems like nothing's going right for us. Yeah, but my bike shop's really cool. And she's like, I remember this one song, and she's singing to him in the street. He's like, and he has the balls to say this.

You know something, honey? Came on this little walk here to cheer me up. You're doing a lousy job. Put a fucking sock in it, sweetheart. It's my walk time. You're not cheering me up right now. Oh, I'm sorry. I got to work a 12-hour shift tomorrow.

You know, if this guy wants to open anything, it should be something in this town that would be needed, like a saloon. Yeah, like literally a bar. I think it's the only thing you could open. That would do gangbusters. So this dude's like walking. He's like, all right, I'm going to go around the corner.

Do me a favor. Don't follow me. And in the most ridiculous way possible, to show that this woman's heart is finally in pieces. She's standing out the street. and all the houses that have their pretty Christmas lights on just start going off one at a time, leaving her in complete darkness. Well, first, Harry Dean Stanton comes up because there's a bit of business.

For some reason, in this world, your letter to Santa Claus really matters. And the little girl writes her letter to Santa, and Harry Dean Stanton meets her in her bedroom. And it's just like, hey, little girl, I like your penmanship. And she's like, I'm scared. But no, he's like, you know, what you need to do is you have to get your mother to mail this letter to show that she believes in Santa Claus. And, you know, this is where I disagree with Ms. Steenberg's character a little bit here. Because, like, yeah, I get it, man.

Like, you're on fucking hard times. I'm not disagreeing with that. Like, your life is horrible. Like, on my worst day, I'm still the Pope of Chili Town compared to your life, okay? Like, I get it. It sucks and it's hard. But this girl's asking you to mail this letter to Santa, right? What do parents do to children all the time?

Lie their fucking faces off. Or just throw it in the goddamn mailbox you'll never see it again. Either way, just tell her you mailed it. And that's the end of it, dude. Like she's like, Mommy, did you mail my letter to Santa yet? And she's like, no, will you just stop? Please just shut up. And I'm like, no, you know how you can get her to shut up.

just be like yeah baby it's in the mail it's on its way to the north pole i put it in a reindeer's mouth myself and it it flew away right in front of me we'll get into it later but there is an actual like santa claus keeps all this shit and if you you've you've not written him one then you go to hell he's got impeccable record santa claus does he's vengeful so yeah this actually yeah just to touch on it for a second because again the shadow of death throughout this movie So this little girl goes out into the street in her nightgown and goes to this mailbox And Harry Dean Stanton's like

Uh-uh-uh, make sure your mommy mails it She's like, oh, okay, thanks a lot, creepy old man Because he was sent there specifically to convince that old Codger did Right, so the girl goes to like cross back over To go home like the mailboxes across the street And there's just this car barreling down on her And Harry Dean Stanton has to do a little like

Angel magic and the car like drives through her or something and it's like why do you me as the audience have to be presented with the possibility that a child is going to die

for the third time in this movie third and not last time by the way well the best thing is so they make this pact you got to get mommy to we're going to fix mommy

and he shows her he breaks a glass a snow globe and then he fix it he's like I can fix things I can fix your mom that you've got to make me one promise and this is what I'm like

What's going on in this movie? But first we have to break her He's just like You know exactly And he's like You gotta promise me one thing No matter what happens tomorrow You won't be scared

And I'm like wait What? It's so terrifying He's like listen Something is going to happen tomorrow And you need to promise me With all your big girl promises That you won't be scared

By the way He doesn't look anything like an angel. He looks like a 50-year-old creep that just goes in this girl's house and says no matter what I do tomorrow be cool. Just be cool.

Just let it happen. So like, yeah, but this, when the lights go out for a Mary Steen virgin, it's a very pointed fact. It's like, the lights went out at this time. Then we wake up the next day and it's Christmas Eve and everyone's like, mom, you're not calling out of work? She's like,

no, of course I'm not. We've talked about this and talked about this. The only reason we're eating right now is that I go to that grocery store. Exactly. And like, just, and people, like, the world of this movie thinks it's so preposterous that this woman has to work on Christmas Eve.

I used to work in retail. I spent all of my high school and college life as a projectionist in a multiplex cinema. You work on Christmas. You work on Thanksgiving. You work on New Year's. Like, you do it all because you work. for a place where

not everybody does what you're doing and you have to be accommodating to that and I guarantee you that even you gentle listener are downloading this on a Tuesday that is Christmas and you're doing it because you're probably working in whatever field you're working in and that's totally fine

and your family understands that or you're having a similar Christmas and it's really bad I hope not gentle listener I hope all your Christmases are bright But, like, everyone in town is like, working on Christmas. Working on Christmas. The mayor comes by in a Cadillac, like, working on Christmas. And the guy.

Working on Christmas. That's my rich man. From Saksmith Avenue that I, I'm reprising it. Her husband has the fucking scrote to sit at that table, eat her eggs that she bought, and just be like, well, I guess we'll have fun without you i would tear his eyes out with my mary steedbergen claws because i would have to so before she goes into work on this christmas eve she's got to make a stop at the petrol station sure and now gentle listener on this this beautiful christmas morning this is where things get really stupid so she goes to this gas station

And she's filling up. And let's be honest, she can probably only afford a couple of gallons tops. Because that's like, what, 78 cents in 1985. And this guy who, Mr. Dorita Chip there, he's got hat and head. And he's bartering with Buck, the Texaco worker, again, because it's Raymond Carver's America. And he just, he's like, you know, I'll give me, give me $100 for my car. Please give me $100 for my car. I got to give this kid Christmas.

Because all over the world, all these kids don't understand what poverty is and really believe that, and are just demanding things that they don't need. Well, I mean, no one in this room has children. So, you know, but when you set up the grandiose Santa lie. Sure. You know, which. Dial it back a bit. Just a little. He's a pretty good dude.

It's sort of like, that's the decision I made when I. of children. He's going to be a pretty cool dude. He's all right. Don't, don't get, it's all pie in the sky. And I'm going to say the same thing about Jesus. He's a pretty cool dude. But it's not going nuts. Well, Santa Claus actually looks at your gross annual income and multiplies it by 10%. And then he gets you an appropriate present based upon that amount. That's what Santa Claus does. I mean, yeah, like, I guess if you're willing to anticipate dire straits, you strategize your Santa to legend accordingly.

But for the most part, it's like, yeah, Santa's a dude. He comes into our house on Christmas Eve and he leaves you all sorts of presents. There's a pretty good line in this where the little girl at one point asked the older brother like about Santa Claus and can he really watch us at all times. Yeah. And he's just like, yes, he can. And then she's like, even in the bathroom, he's like, well, not in the bathroom. That's crazy. But it's like, why are we having?

this conversation where this girl's suspecting Santa's looking at her in the bathroom? I mean, it's probably because it's Harry Dean Stanton rolled in the town. No, exactly why, because she's like, well, if Santa can do that, can his angel minion also watch me? Because he's already doing it. What if I lock the bathroom door? Will he leave me alone? Nope, you can't. He's Santa's Christmas angel. He can walk through all sorts of Christmas walls. So he's got hat and hand. And he's like, give me a hundred bucks for this car.

And he's like, it's a shit box. I really can't do it. I'm on hard times. because I live in Dirt, Michigan, and, you know, that's how this works. The town of Dirt, Michigan. That's what this is. It's, it's near Flint. Or Dirt, Wyoming, or Dirt, Montana. They don't specify it.

I'm not trying to shit out of Michigan. It's a beautiful state. But so, he's like, I can't do it, pal. Can't help you. And he's like, all right. He gets to this car, and he's like, all right, Billy. I'm going to drop you off at the bus station for a couple hours. There's something I got to do.

A couple hours at the bus station. Is he meeting Harry Dean Stanton? That's how they're going to make their Christmas money, I guess. Note for you kids at home. If your parents ever tell you they need to drop you at the bus station for a couple hours, they're about to do something really terrible. Go to the police immediately and have them get stopped. So this dude presumably drops Billy off of the bus station.

We don't see that. What we do see is this shit heel father pulling up to the bus. bank. He's got the Christmas tree on the rack of the car tied down. Better late than never. He's double parked and he's like, all right, kids, listen, don't tell Mommy we went to the bank today, but I'll be right back. I'm going to clean out her bank account and get you all the toys that need that'll satisfy you for five freaking minutes. Then I'm going to open that bike shop that I've been wanting to open and your shit and mother won't let me do it. And we're going to have caviar for dinner. It's going to be great because we might as well throw this money right in the garbage. One last

to rob before we all die then I'm going to put the gas on it we're going to go to sleep I guess might as well so he goes into this bank and he's you know he's going to apply for this loan and at the same time fucking hard times

Dorita Chip walks in the daughter goes to get Maristine Bergen to let because she kind of knows that dad shouldn't be at the bank I guess is that how that seems to think it's just a thing where she's like oh there's the grocery store mom works yeah mom's at work and she lets it slip the dad's at the bank she's oh my

got all my money. He's going to rob us blind. Yeah, exactly. He's pulling a bird. So she gets to like quit her job to leave because it's Christmas Eve and the boss is like, you can't leave. We're in the middle of Christmas rush. That's how this works. Gentle listener, you know what I'm talking about.

And the dude's like, all right, fine. You take one step out that door, don't come back tomorrow. And she just leaves and gets fired. Great. Another horrible thing this person has to deal with. So step one of Maristine Burgeon's not so great day

she gets fired not so great next five minutes by the way so yeah step one she gets fired goes across street to the bank where our friend Mr. Dorita Chip is in the process of holding up the bank at gunpoint

and this fucking idiot is like hey man no one's going to try to stop you just let the girl go and you know you can be on your way and all that shit that idiots do during bank robber I think he mentions it's Christmas Eve

and that's when things go a little around that's what sets the guy off he's like Christmas Cablamo cablamo he blows this guy away and that's what happens honestly when you start fucking with a bank heist if I've ever heard of a bank heist I'm staying low you ever see point break that shit goes wrong

because that guy's hey I'm a cop I'm going to do something oh yeah everything goes to shit I would much rather be in a dog day afternoon bank robbery where by the end of it everyone's kind of friends with Al Pacino and Chris Sarandon. That's the way all bank robbery should end. Exactly.

Not this one. So Pudge McBike Shop face steps up and this dude just blows him away. So minute two of her horrible day, her husband is murdered in front of her. And she's like, you know, crying her eyes out and the guy just, he

drops his female hostage and runs out. And Dorita Chipp's like, oh fuck some asshole double parked in front of me well i'm just gonna steal his car because now we're playing grand theft auto and he gets in and it just so happens to be the father's car and there's two kids in the back so goodbye to them kidnapped minute three of her shitty day kidnapped yeah and auto theft that's not you know that's pretty bad too yeah that's a bummer uh so he's driving down the road and she's like my car i well i'll just steal his car so then like he's just He's being chased down the road by her.

The police are kind of in hot pursuit but not really because it's a small town and the dude was finishing up a cup of coffee at the diner at Vigo Mortensen's diner. Where you been, Johnny? Oh, man, like minute four, this car runs out of gas on her. So she's got to get out and she's running after a car. And finally the police pick her up is like, let's go. And she gets to the car just in time to see this.

This guy run into a roadblock, and he's like, uh-uh, not today. And he jams on the gas, and they go right off a bridge. Right off a bridge. Minute five, her children plunge into the icy depth. That's one of the most chilling things. The thing goes over the edge of the bridge. And then the only thing you see is ice floating in the water. You're like, nobody made it out alive, huh?

Just nobody's going to make it. To paint that picture even more, the Christmas tree is tied down to the roof. Oh, man. I didn't even think about that. And then everyone is going, what's your fucking problem, not loving Christmas?

Somewhere Santa Claus is tenting his fat fucking fingers. Everything's going according to plan. Oh, everything's working so perfectly. We are ending the bloodline now. So she just goes home and we cut to

Herodine Stanton finally gets off his ass and pulls the kids out of the water. Harry Dean Stanton has used his magic angel powers to pull them from the river and they're totally fine. And of course he's like, you know, don't tell anybody, kids. I'm the kind of man that keeps good

secrets. All grown-up secrets are good secrets, right? Bye-bye. Remember when I want something, I saved your hides. So then we have a scene where she oh man, how the fuck this is a Christmas movie? She sits these kids down on the

bed and says, listen, kids. sometimes people die. And today, Daddy died. And he's not coming back. But when's Daddy coming home? No, he's not coming back. It has to be, like, emphasized, like, three times. She finally says to these kids, like,

your dad is never coming home. And they're devastated, except for the little girl. Well, of course, because she's Gideon's right-hand gal. She's Gideon's good time gal. She has lost all ideas of reality. Once this movie's over and the angels are gone from her life, she's probably going to lose it. Yeah, this kid's twisted, man.

So, so she goes, she goes to her brother. She's like, I'm going to go get Gideon because Gideon told me he would be up in the tree. That's where he told me to find it. The town, like, you know, the shitty Rockefeller Center that this town has. She's like, he's going to be up in that tree and I'm going to go find him. And he's like, but don't go. Oh, okay, you left. Like, literally.

Yeah, this little brother's a non-character. And, you know, he just, he goes down and tattles on. and it's just like yeah you know what now my sister's missing I know that she's only been alive for four minutes since the last tragedy but now she's missing and presumed dead again so she goes down to the Christmas tree

and Harry Dean Stanton meets her there and he's like she says to him like you know Gideon you're an angel can you bring my dad back and he's like no I can't do that but I think I know someone who can and she's like oh really who's that and he just goes Santa Claus

the grand necromanza So he's like Listen man We got to go to the North Pole And wrap with Santa for a second So just stare at the angel On the top of that tree And that's a magic transport wormhole

Up to the North Pole Isn't also like that that snow globe he has too It's part of the I think that there's some sort of magic there also You know it's not part of his magic Putting Mary Steenberg's mind at ease Because she just goes to the tree And it's empty

and Elias Cody is like, she's gone. They're all gone. And like, she kind of just goes home, which is a little unbelievable. Well, what are you going to do? You lost your husband, you lost your kids, then you got him back, but that one's gone again. You might as a hold out of that little boy for dear life. It's a real mind-fuck Christmas Eve, man. And now we're at the North Pole.

Fucking finally, something resembling a Christmas movie. But don't get too excited. Heardine's tent is like, I'm not loud inside anymore. No reason. See you later. And he drops her off. He's like, I'll take you back. I guess.

I want to see Santa rushing him out with a broom one day. You get out. Who gets out of the North Bowl. That is the last pie of Mrs. Klaus you are going to steal. You know good hobo. Oh, you smell like garbage. Back to earth with you. So we meet this German Santa Claus.

and like he's like Would you like to go on the tour of the North Pole? And she's like, all right, yeah. So he's like tooling around the workshop with this. By the way, not you would imagine, close your eyes and imagine Santa's workshop, right? Big, bright, red and green, everything's a big song. It's all brown.

Everything is brown. And many people think that there are elves that are working here, but actually it is the legions of the doomed. These people are merely reanimated corpses that are working to make this. the toys. Now, let's explain what's going on here, everybody, because Santa lays out just what is going on in this little operation of his. Basically, what you thought of as the North Pole with elves and everybody's cheer and Merry Christmas and all over the place. It's bullshit. It's

fucking garbage stories. The real truth is that Santa, for some reason, harvest the souls of the newly dead and puts them to work in his way. workshop making shit for santa how is that better i love that he says oh alms that's so silly it's all dants people you see you see like veterans of wars and like people from the 1800s there's a couple of de kensian top hats going around charles lot there big fat charles lot he like walks by some dude he's like, oh, yeah, Joy of Newel, Francois. And I'm like, oh, he's, he's harvesting souls from all corners of the globe. What the fuck, Disney?

Are you serious with this? James Joyce's The Dead is a more cheery Christmas tale. It really is. And like, you can tell it, like, these ones, by looking at them, you're like, okay, these people probably the Christians that are, they're Christians that are dead Christians working at the shop. what's he got everyone else doing is what I want to know yeah what's going on with the people that run the boiler room of the santa's workshop somebody's got to clean the latrine everyone in the afterlife apparently has a job which I guess in this movie is is like going to heaven is having steady work I just don't get it like can I get drunk fall in a river drown and just be erased from existence why am I being put to work in some fashion it's just so fucking crazy It's Emperor Reagan's afterlife. But this is kind of where it turns into the Tutsi pop commercial because she goes up to Harry Dean Stanton.

And she's like, can you bring my father back? He's like, no, but I think I know someone who can. And then she goes to Santa Claus and he's like, well, I'll go ask Mr. Owl. He doesn't have an answer for her either. He's like, wait, I think I know something that might possibly kind of work. The dead are assigned here. I am merely a way station. What do you want for me, child?

This is the grand twist of this movie, though, right? Like, Angel, can you bring my father back from the dead? No, I can't. But Santa can. Oh, okay. Santa, can you bring my dad back from the dead? Well, no, I cannot. If I see his dead soul, he will be put to work right now.

Like, all right, Santa. And he's like, but I know who can. The twist is, it is your mother. It's just like this gigantic, it's like the end of the game. And they're like, all right, Michael Douglas, I swear to God, it's just your birthday present. Don't shoot me. And he fucking shoots Santa Claus in the stomach. Santa Claus is wearing a nice white tuxedo.

And then she jumps off the roof of a building. Like, it is so ridiculous. And she's like, all right, well, how does mom bring dad back from the day? How could my unemployed mortal mother bring my father back from the dead? By the way, I just realized something. The dad would probably prefer being dead working for Santa in this new. bike shop. Oh, you make all of the bikes you want for all

the little Mali Monaghan's. But you're going to design the bike the way the bikes were designed. I don't want to see these blueprints for your new revolutionary bike. Nobody would possibly buy it. You are going to open a shop and sell this on Earth. You're lucky that I found you and I did. Your mouth would be around

a carburetor in six months. You should thank your lucky stars you've murdered in that bank attack. An attack on a bank? That's what they call them at the North. Oh, that makes sense. So he's like, here's how it works. Just take your mother's letter to Santa.

What? He dips into the Santa archives that go back to forever. Everyone who doesn't have a letter here is going straight to hell. Valial papers. Yeah. China Paparian is not in order. Peter Lorry comes out. He's like, I swear to God they were right here a minute ago.

I just have to find him in the back pocket. Hang on a minute. And so he's like, all right. I found these letters that your mother wrote to me before her soul was broken. You give it back to her, she puts it back in the mailbox, and then boom, daddy's back. I think that might work. Maybe. Why not? Give it a shot. I'm only Santa Claus. Perhaps then he will release him from the Oonterland.

This movie is so funny, but first you must go to Hades and bargain with the devil himself. But don't look back. Gives his two gold to blooms to the man that works the river boat that sticks river, and you must go into the underland and retrieve your father. I wish. Oh, I mean, you might as well. He just gives her this garbage letter

and he's like, just put it in there, a little girl, a little work. And she goes, she finally goes back to Gideon. She's like, well, that was kind of a bus. He's like, wasn't it? And then they go away. Yeah, yeah, he's kind of a dick. So they go back to Earth.

And, you know, she just goes home. And Mary Steenbergin's just, flipping out but she's like so happy to see her and whatever all is forgiven and she's like now you got to go to bed because tomorrow's christmas and it's another day to wake up and hate ourselves so she's like all right mom i'll go to bed but first here's something good night and she goes in her room and she opens up the letter and it's like her you know little kid handwriting she realizes exactly what it is and boom faith in santa is restored so she goes she runs outside puts it in the mailbox and all the lights go on it's like you don't think and then the

husband comes round the corner like the fucking the sun at the end of the monkey's paw like you don't know what the figure is and it's like bang is he a zombie what happened and she's like oh it's you my pig husband i released him from the dead but at what price i never told you he'll never be the same again he just doesn't have a reflection anymore and he's going to keep on rotting and rotting until he's nothing so so she's like all happy to see him and whatnot and he of course is just still a huge dick which is still terrible and she's like oh i'm so happy to see and he's like what i just walked around the block woman shit you got to sing to me again sing your dead father's song or whatever where's my five geez

I need five lodged to open this bike shop. You come to your lady's senses, or what? So, oh, my God, she gets to relive this day. And she relives this day. She goes to the gas station like she did. And, you know, Dorita Chip is bartering with this guy. Dorita Chip, by the way, she's bartering with this guy. And Marcy Bearden's like, you know what?

I'll give you $50. Just $50 right off back. He's like, well, thanks, lady. You're honest? And he goes off. And he doesn't do anything. Apparently, this guy is $50 away from robbing a bank, killing a man, and taking his own life and the life of two children. $50, really?

I think he sells her some sort of trinket to. There's some sort of shit. It's like some car kit or something. It's a what? I thought it was like a kit for the car or something. No, I think it's a piece of shitty jewelry. And she's like, well, I'm just going to throw this in the garbage, but not until you leave. Because you don't understand.

You don't like handouts. Totally understand. That's fine. But yeah, 50 bucks was all that was standing between him and fucking chaos. And I know that it was a lot more back at 84, but come on, everybody. So, you know, the lives are saved. You know, she goes to work. Now she's going to stand up to the manager.

And she's just like, okay, Tom, I'm taking tomorrow off. Today off. She's not working today. Oh, it's Christmas. Yeah, she's going to take Christmas Eve off. We have to remember now, the father came back because time was reversed. Yes, right. Santa pulled a Superman on the planet.

fly around the world in my sleigh like the man of steel like the ubermanch so she's just like hey i know everyone else has to work on christmas eve oh and i remember two months ago when you pass that holiday schedule around and i checked christmas eve but now all bets are off and he's just like well i'm going to have to fire you say well fire me if you have to because i don't give a shit and then he's like because it's christmas and he's like and he's like like, well, you just put me in my place. You still have your job and you get Christmas Eve off. And it's a shit-ass thing where they kind of like do a little tense joke where he's like,

all right, if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Thursday either. Just come in Friday. It's like, you're not five, but have a day on me. Well, that's kind of a little Christmas Carol reference in a way. And it's, this movie's like a Christmas Carol, only you put Cratchett through the ringer. You know what I mean? You fucking take Timmy's other leg out, kill his kids. That is a great point.

It's also like a reverse. It's a wonderful life where instead of seeing if you didn't exist, how about your whole family dies? Maybe then you'll like your shitty Christmas. But here's, you know, and that's the end of the movie. They have a nice Christmas, you know. Well, actually. Well, actually, I'm sorry, there's one more crucial scene.

They're up at the grandfather's house. And she's like, well, I guess I'll just throw my money away. She writes him the fucking $5,000 check. And so she's putting more money into the economy because that's super important. Well, it's going to trickle down to even poorer people. To Molly Monaghan. Exactly. But also, Santa Claus shows up at their house.

Right. And delivers them presents. And Mary Steenberschen, like, walks in on this and German Santa looks at her. And it looks like a, you saw me. Now I, now you're going to have to die. Yeah, totally. This wasn't supposed to happen this way. And it's just like, you know, he just looks like, oh, Merry Christmas, Ginny.

And she's like, Merry Christmas, Santa. I'd be like, where the fuck were you? No adult has seen me in over a thousand years. You must be wiped out. The one thing I don't understand. It's going to be a thousand more. The one thing I understand about this movie, the Santa Claus, or any movie in which Santa Claus is proven to be real. How is it that adults don't know that Santa Claus exists?

How is it that no one goes to sleep, wakes up with presents under their tree every year as a grown, fully functioning adult? And why did Santa ignore this poor-ass family forever? Until now. Because his mom was a cranky puss, I guess. That's what the lesson is. Well, I wanted to come sooner, but your stupid mommy wouldn't stop moping around the house. Nobody likes a frowny face. But you're right.

I mean, all these, like, things about, like, a year without Santa Claus. not believing in this particular year about Santa. It's like, well, yes, if Santa was real the whole time, theoretically you would have had to spend your entire life not believing in Santa up till this magic Christmas where we're meeting you at this story for this to have. Yeah, it's bullshit. Don't worry, it's bullshit.

And that's the end of our film. Right. Now, here's the thing that's terrifying, though. Mary Steamburgeon has to go the rest of her life. with the memory of that bank robbery. Because times turned around, but not for Mary. Mary still knows what the score is. That's why she's so happy to see the husband.

She has to carry that shit around forever. The feeling of knowing that her husband was murdered in front of her. Like, that's still kind of not a happy end. That you ran into Santa Claus? The actual Santa Claus? The Santa. Well, I guess you're. I guess she realizes at the end that her husband's life is worth at least $5,000.

Like, well, if I have a choice between him being dead or him opening a bike shop that's not going to go anywhere, five grand's not so bad. She's no longer a fucking scrooge. I mean, you know, I said this before we went on the air. I want to see the sequel to this movie where she has divorced this louse because you know he's going to put this bike shop up in January and it's going to close its doors by April. Oh, yeah. Guarinded. And then I want to see the sequel of that movie, the third movie, the Santa goes back in time again and fights the war.

Oh, Santa loves war because it harbests all the souls for my workshops. Christmas will come three times a year. Then four, then five. I've renamed Blitzin' Blitzkriegian. Secret Nazi Santa. Secret Nazi Santa is going to team up with Secret Nazi Dracula and they're going to take over the world. Dracula, you will be heading up the 9th infantry of Romania.

So here we are on Christmas Day. Would anyone recommend this movie? Yeah, it's to see it to believe it. It's really depressing. I wouldn't watch it on Christmas. I'd give it, you know, a couple of days. Let all that shit settled out. If you're in a good mood, this will bring you back.

down to neutral but yeah it's it's you got to see it uh i'm going to say i don't know it's it's so mopey i'm going to recommend a movie of a similar ilk verner herzog strozek i feel like you see that imagine santa claus in it and you got a similar movie uh i would recommend it i think it's seeing is believing it is insane do you do not watch it on christmas you know the first time I'd screen this was in mid-November, so it was fine. But I mean, yeah, don't expect to get the Christmas spirit after this. Just expect to hate your fucking life after this. But what I would like to do is go around with some actual legitimate holiday recommendations that are not this movie. I will recommend it. It's almost the same. It's because I know what

movie I would recommend. It's Christmas vacation. I love that movie. Everybody loves that movie. something that's on Netflix instant right now it's another see it to believe it the He Man Shira Christmas special Holy shit is this It's bizarre All right Why did they have Christmas in that universe

They did Orco has to go to Earth And he learns from two little kids That he kidnaps It's really strange And then Skeletor It's kind of like He's like Mary Steenburgeon in this

He gets imbued with the spirit of Christmas It's worth of watch I'm going to recommend the first silent night deadly night the sequels fall off but I think the original is a decent watchable flick

absolutely I would go ahead I mean yeah you basically just explain to everyone Steve that my recommendation is stupid and obvious sorry but yeah

I mean I would obviously I would recommend Christmas vacation it's a tradition in my family we watch it on Christmas Eve every year however I will say this Another, I think, to be truly great Christmas movie is the Muppet Christmas Carol with Mike O'Kay. Oh, that's a great idea.

As Scrooge, he is fucking phenomenal as Scrooge. He is. The only thing that topped it was when I saw Wilford Brimley play Scrooge on the stage one time. That was a hate gum podcast.