We Hate Movies - S8 Ep317: Episode 317 - If Looks Could Kill

Episode Date: September 19, 2017

On this week's episode, the guys go back to school with the spectacularly ridiculous, high school spy comedy, If Looks Could Kill! Why doesn't Richard Grieco just sit these people down and explain the situation calmly? How often were they waxing his eyebrows on set? And how much of this film was stolen by later Bond films—or was it the other way around? PLUS: A big bit of information about our L.A. Podfest appearance!  If Looks Could Kill stars Richard Grieco, Roger Rees, Linda Hunt, Robin Bartlett, Gabrielle Anwar, and Roger Daltrey; directed by William Dear. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Now on today's program, this is just going to be a fun little romp through some 90s trash that we all had a good time with. It's if looks could kill. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies.

Thank you for tuning in, as always. This is, what's our loose back-to-school episode? I don't know if anybody cares about that, but kids are back in school, and this is about a kid who graduates school to become James Bond Jr. Well, he's got it incomplete until he becomes James Bond Jr. That's right.

So this is from 1991, directed by, William Deere. Excuse me. Harry and the Henderson's. William Deere. Yeah, you're right. Sorry, Chris. This is a proper way.

This is a better movie. Yes, it is. I don't know about that. I haven't seen Harry in the... Get out of here, Corbyn. You haven't seen... Nobody loves you. You haven't seen Harry and the Henderson?

In about five years. I haven't seen it ever, period. You haven't seen Harry and the Henderson? I've only seen that one part where he says, get out of here, Harry, like a bunch on cable. And that's like my joke. But I've never seen the movie. Oh, wow.

you sell that well i just assumed you'd seen it well let me tell you steve it sucks okay and this movie is better okay i don't know about that well so this is richarder play harry and harry and yes yes okay kevin p hall the late kevin p hall predator harry and the henderson fame yeah same dude he a predator uh so this is uh richard grico uh fresh off of his uh 21 drum street spin off being canceled uh making his his feature film debut and if looks good could kill. And I got to tell you, I liked this movie. I had fun with it. It's a total fun one. It's trash.

And now, and now, here, all right, sour puss. What do you have to say, sourpuss? That's what I have to say. Chris, it's fine. It moved at a clip. It does. It's a well-paced movie. It's a brisk, like, 89 minutes or something. I will say that I wound up seeing this movie like maybe

seven weeks ago just on like, oh, this would be fun to watch. And then I had to watch it again for this and that was tough. The twice in a year, the calendar year is a problem. Dude, I did it with it. Yeah, that's the last week's episode, man.

Because I watched it like two months ago just like, oh yeah, that remake's coming out. Like, let's see, you know, how this holds up. It's fucking watching a three-hour movie twice in a year. It doesn't pay to watch movies, period. No. No, definitely none. Not for this show. By the way, did you guys see

who the screenwriter is? Oh, I did. Darren Starr, the creator of Sex and the city. And the creator of Beverly's down at 2 and O. And Melrose place. Well, he lives in a mountain for money. Well, yeah, but Darren Starr was a good. Please, please. Mr. Aaron Spelling.

But Aaron Spelling was like, ah, give me a much of two days. Oh, so you know, Aaron Spelling would be searching for boobs on Google. You would if he was alive from beyond the grave. Did he live to see the internet? Yeah, I'm sure. I think he's more of a Tata's man. He saw the internet and then he

immediately died because he was in shock. of it. It was like showing like an old farmer the first car. And my shows are gonna be on this. That was actual audio from the death of air and spelling. I was there. I captured it. I had a floating mic. So this movie, man, is like

a good, never too young to die. Yeah, that's a perfect way to describe it. Basically, it's like a high school age person who turns out to be a pretty good at being a spy. I mean, the pitch. is definitely Ferris Bueller's Day Off meets James Bond. And it's also like, you know,

it's a bit of a proto-Austin Powers in a lot of ways. Not a lot of ways, but it's just because that one woman, oh, that's not the same lady, is it? Spoof thing, a different woman, actually. But they're kind of like similar characters. Do you ever see, you look into Linda Hunt,

who plays the heavy in this movie, her filmography and what she won an Oscar for? Oh, please tell us. Wait, the little tiny lady won an Oscar? She did for being in a year of, Living Dangerously, playing an Asian man. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What is a year of Living Dangerously? Isn't that the one with Mel Gibson? Yeah, it's a Peter Weir movie that I'll never see. Oh. I just saw that today and I was like, what? And I looked at the Asian dude. I looked at the picture. I looked at the picture. I was like, I've avoided this movie for years because of this.

Wait, like a Mickey Rooney Asian dude? It's not, it's better than that, but it's, well, it would almost have to be. Exactly. It's like 1980s. Move the dial a little bit on that one. Wow. that's pretty weird. It's kind of like that Glenn Close movie nobody

saw. Oh, Robert Knob. Well, but now she's nested and she's on C-T-O New Orleans or whatever the fuck. Oh, get it together, Cabin. It's fucking is it CS. NCIS Los Angeles. Eric Siska on the internet tickers showing me pictures of this

and my God. Just how is that acceptable in the mid-80s? How is that? I mean, all right, first of all it's not acceptable, but it's understanding. in the mid-80s because my god it's the mid-80s and look at us today it's still terrible but how is that Oscar caliber yeah that's a good question now in the movie uh-huh is it that she's a lady pretending to be an Asian guy or is the movie like no she's an Asian gentleman yeah so it's like I would they should like take it away from her like they did with Joe Paterno's like

wins did they take the winds away I just thought they stole they tore that statue down I feel like that I died with no wins. Yeah, this movie starts off with like the Warner Brothers logo comes on and pompom circumstances playing and I was like, man, isn't this how back to school starts? I wish I was watching back to school. I feel like if you start a movie with

a pomp and circumstance, it's not a movie. Really? That's not a movie. Disqualified. You can't. Totally. If you have a public domain song in the over-the-opening titles, not a movie. nobody owns pomp and circumstance maybe somebody does oh the pomp family oh maybe randy savage does

that was that was his intro music for a while oh that's right well it would have to be the estate of randy savage in this point savage estate the savage estate that is a reality show i'd watch we should probably get into richard grico because if you don't know who richard grico is we're not going to understand this episode but you probably won't anyway but he is like a sexy gentleman that's in his 40s playing a high school student. No, was he 40 making this movie? He's 26, but you feel

the 26. Yeah, well, so Richard Griko was on 21 Jump Street for a fashion. Was he later in Jump Street or was he early Jump Street and left? He was early Jump Street. He overlapped with Johnny Depp, but I think it was always like, you know, we could give it to, you want to keep acting up, Johnny, we got

Griko. We'll just give the whole show to him. He's warming up. Yeah, exactly. Wait, but was there a time on that show where it was Greco-less and Deppless? Yes, I think the last season was great. It was all about the Deloises, we're running wild on that show. Just cancel that fucking show.

I think Dom got involved to see it. Listen, I haven't seen a lot of 21 John Street. Guaranteed there's an episode where he's playing their dad. The King of Cocaine. Was that right? I don't know. Oh, the character is the King of Cocaine. Oh, I thought she said Dom Deloese might also be the King of Cocaine.

Don't speak in with the dead cabin. Who knows? Oh, man. I know. How many dead people were going after? Yeah, I know. It's okay to go after Ernst Bell. You do not besmirch Tom Delaney.

Wait, Linda Hunt's dead too, right? No, she's alive. I just said she's on NCLS Los Angeles. Well, that's a death sentence. Every week you can find her hanging out with Chris O'Donnell and L.L. Cool J. Sure. Yeah, nobody's watching that except your dad.

So, like, this is, this was supposed, this is his feature film debut, and it's very clearly like, we want to be in the Richard Grieco business. Oh, sure. Yeah, and let's just see, let's give this a whirl. I love failed, like, starring roles like this. I mean, that's kind of what that John Stamos

never too young to die movie. Like, it's a TV person that you're like, you know what, it's going to be. And sometimes it works out. Sometimes you get the peacemaker and you're like, I want to be in the George Clooney business. And then it's George Clooney. Right.

But then other times it's, I want to be in the Richard Griecoe business. And it's like, eh. Was the peacemaker what did that or was it from dust till dawn? It's a good question. I mean, Dusseldon is a little bit, it's a bit of an ensemble. I think it got him a lot of more attention.

Yeah. But I think Peacemaker was what brought him into the, that and that, what was that Michelle Pfeiffer? One Fine Day. That was a perfect one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I never saw that one.

That's fine. But yeah, so Richard Grieco, like, he's a very handsome dude. He's got perfectly threaded eyebrows in this movie. They thread. Sometimes you can tell it's a reshoot because they're like, it's like bad animation like the eyebrows

going in and out I thought it was kind of like an EKG like when he was panicked they kind of changed a little bit when he was like laying down cool they were kind of flat what does it deal with that like if he like he has to shave him every day or like it is just growing to caterpillars like I think that's the deal dude he's got to like

fucking giant he's got to like keep that shit in check it's like a unibrow mustache like he's got Tom Selleck on his face yeah I think so I say this is Italian blood you got to keep that shit tight my friend you got to figure it out Little known fact, Richard Grieco has been the wolf man this entire time. He just keeps it really short. So that's where he's been.

So we open on his graduation, and he's very excited to be graduating. He's got a stoner pal who's at least 20 years younger than he is. Yeah, this guy, file him under useless character. So he's six years old. Yeah, he's exactly six years old. He's like a Zach Orth type, I guess. Yeah, except Zach Orth. He's a type?

Well, fat guy with a bad haircut. I don't know. I mean, this guy's not fat. No. Neither is Zach Orth. He really is kind of fat. But, well, he is kind of bad. I'm sure you go back and forth.

I don't know, but it's just like, it bothered me because throughout that movie, I kept waiting for the buddy to, like, step up and do something. Yeah. And he doesn't. He does do one thing we'll talk about later. Oh, yeah. We'll get to it. Pretty repulsive.

I don't know. I was turned on. Oh, is that true. No, it's that. He finds that him and his buddy are like goofing off during graduation. You get that they are slackers. Oh, yeah. I love a good slacker.

Here's a great sign of a slacker, by the way. I don't know if anybody's noticed this, but... It says directed by Richard Linkley. If you are at your own graduation commencement and you're wearing headphones... Oh, shit. And that music's loud because you don't care. Just blasting asshole rock. There's so much early 90s, late 80s fucking dickhead music in this movie.

Like sub-poison shit. It's really bad. Because it's not even Fart Rock. Yeah, it's subpoison. It's a fucking audio diary. I do like dickhead music. I want to put a flag on that one.

Oh, I'm sure there's some fucking hardcore label that's got that. Hey, did you see this man? My new fucking E.P.'s coming out on dickhead music. Yeah, you can find it. It's being distributed via dumpster. Oh, man. Please come to our show at the VFW Hall this Wednesday at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. So, you all know what I'm talking about.

We do. Fugazzi's next four side projects are going to be there. Released them all. So he finds out that he did not actually graduate. He gets like a surprise, which I feel like they should have told them before. You have to have some notice. You can't get the thing in the diploma. That's embarrassing.

You get the choice. You get the choice. I'm like, okay, so do you want to walk in like December in a special ceremony? Oh, wait, that's college. Or go now. I don't know. I guess since it's high school. I mean, I still don't have my.

official college diploma. I have a degree from a college, but I don't have the thing. Did you fail French? No, I did not fail French. I actually didn't have to take a language requirement because I already completed that in high school. Anyway, I don't have my fucking actual paper

because I still owe the purchase college library $10. And if you're listening school administration, you're never fucking getting it. Charge me $10 for fucking God. No, no, no, no, no. Do you know what this is? Do you know what this is? No, this is fucking principal, dude. I had Godfather 2 on VHS two tapes and they were due back to the library

and I went to go return the tapes on the day that they were fucking due and anyone out there who is you know gone to purchase college at least back in the day when it rained the library flooded constantly Eric Siska as a former employee of that library you know exactly what I'm talking about I worked there yeah why didn't you bring it back dude Listen, motherfucker, I went to go return the tape, and they had to close because there was a flood, and the fucking door was closed, and it said, closed due to flooding. And I was like, all right, and I went back to my dorm the next morning, went back, it was open, returned the tape. That was the end of it. Fucking, like, two weeks later in my, like, campus mailbox, I get the notification, late fee.

Did we have late fees? We did. $10. I think it was like $5 a day, and it was two tapes, $10. Oh, wow, yeah, you got, you got, you got, fuck. Yeah, no, I was getting fucking shafted. So, no way, no way. I mean, diplomas are useless.

No, it doesn't. I mean, working professional for a decade. Yeah, it would be in a closet somewhere. It doesn't matter. No, you're never seen that fucking money. Oh, wait, you're not going to hang it. Sunni Perch. I, I, I came from SUNY Purchase.

Is that what you did? Not even graduated. I came from SUNY Purchase. Is that what your degree says? Yeah. Wow. It says you came from. came from.

Yeah. No, I got you that as a gag gift as I came at Sunni Perch. Those are your bachelor partner.

And it's four years framed it. I framed this gag gift from my bachelor friend. That's something fucking our president

would do. So he finds out that he failed French or he got an incomplete in French and his dad who's very Italian, which he has to be,

he's Richard Rico's dead, is giving him a lot of shit while he's, like, fix at a fucking sink. Yeah. He's actually Mario, Mario, I think. This dude was in those fucking terrible, my big fat Greek wedding movies. Oh, okay. He was like an uncle or some shit. Is he the wedding? Is he the wedding?

Yes, he was the wedding. And playing the wedding. God, I can't believe anyone's listening to this. So, yeah, so it's like, you fail. His parents are fucking running them up one side and down the other about this. And it's this weird, like, and this is like total, we still have this now and it's actually like a problem because we spend so many decades fucking insisting

on college educations and telling people that like vocational schools were garbage. And that's what this movie is doing. It's like, well, you know, if you don't fucking figure out something, you're going to go to the vocational school. You'll learn a trade that is actually going to pay you more than a shitty fucking office job with a humanitarian's degree or whatever. Humanities. Humanities.

We all did go to his desk. Everyone in this room, aside for Andrew, doesn't have a diploma at all, has gag diplomas that I've given them. Oh, shit. On his 24th birthday, a humanitarian award. He thought of a diploma. Wait, I thought you were, wait, I thought that was the dean. That was you in a funny jacket. He was in disguise as the dean. Actually, you guys remember the, we didn't have like a dean of the whole school, but we did have a, like, a college president. You guys think that he looked like

Bernie Sanders a little bit looking back on that guy. I have blinked all of that out of my mind. Oh, yeah? Most of it. He was an all right guy. But yeah,

and they're really fucking turning siblings against each other here because they're like, your brother, it's like the little kids playing like a fucking game gear. It's very better off deadish for a second.

And they're like, your brother, who's going to be a successful dentist and he's going to drive a Mercedes and the kid's like, BMW, you stupid asshole. And they're like, sorry, Gerald.

it's going to be a BMW with his hot wife and you're going to have to change his oil and this kid's like game gear I always like the idea of being a mechanic is like the world's greatest trash job it's like no what are you talking about it's pretty good especially if you're servicing

Mercedes forget about it yeah no that's the real but that's like what we've done for fucking decades upon decades is like if you have this service job or some sort of trade job you're a fucking loser So that's what this movie's doing And it strikes the fucking fear of God

Into Richard Greco So he says And I don't really understand How this would wind up getting him class credit But he's like The French teacher is taking the French club On a trip to Paris Oh yeah

I think the idea is that He can't do summer school Because the French teacher is going to be in Paris Right So spoiler alert just got a GED Which is totally fine Yeah Just get a GED

A Greco equivalency Diploma Also, a lot of summer schools, not that I would know, are multiple schools, you know, like the neighboring high school would also, it's in a separate location. I think that might be small town shit, though. I don't know. It's not like I would know. Well, I've done, been to summer school. Oh, I went to summer school for math after junior year.

You were just waiting for all of us to admit it. Look, there's no shame in it. I've been there. I failed Trigg in high school, and I had to go to summer school to, like, take the test over. And then I failed it again by, like, two points. And I went to the guidance counselor, and I was like, I plan to go to college for studying the history of film. Do I need this fucking math test? And he was like, no.

And that was the end of it. I was like, why did I do it the first time? Yeah. That happened to me, but first I failed the grade twice and then took the test and failed it again. Oh. And then eventually they were like, you know, you're doing that. nothing, man. I failed English in freshman year

just because that's impossible. I know. I didn't give a shit and I was a real slack. I was a slacker myself but instead I put Doritos in my years and graduation. But, and I tried to leave the and I went, you know, I know how to read and all sorts of stuff so I wound up nailing

all sorts of stuff. I wound up I was wondering what that meant also. Knocking it out of the park in my English summer school freshman class. I was the top of it, but I was also just an asshole, and the last day I went up to my teacher, I was like, hey man, can I just get out of here? I, you know, I

done with the test, he's like, your attendance has been so shitty. Sit down. Like, I got a 90, whatever, but it was just a real, like this guy didn't like my face. Well, then there was that other time I had to go to summer school and it was like me and a bunch of like rag tag people in the class, you know, how

that always happened. Yeah, sure, sure. You know. Cotions 11 of underperforming. Yeah, it was kind of crazy. And, like, the teacher, it was kind of cool because he had this, like, great, awesome dog that he brought in all the time. And sometimes he took us to the beach. And, like, this one time we got to watch Texas Jainslaw Massacre in class. Dude, I'm talking to the plot of summer.

Oh, God. Totally, I was what I have to say. That sounds like this is good job. So we cut away from that to one of my biggest pet peeves in all of cinema, because it's just lazy shit. It cuts to, like, a shot of, like, a country. country side and it just says somewhere in Europe fuck you name a place

but we're doing that a lot in the 80s well also this movie is it is somewhere in Europe it's such a vague Europe thing you got like you got random characters who are British random characters who are Irish some that are like French or German I don't know some of those things are going

in and out well yeah if Linda Hunt who could play any nationality that's true she's a real chameleon I can't get over that I'm still in shot Billy Kwan by the way Billy Kwan was the character's name

yeah yeah good God she was also she's the Wikipedia this is not me this is not me says that she's she's also a dwarf

yeah Billy Kwan but like I don't even know why they're I don't know why can't they just call William Kwan why is it Billy

that's the question that is a good question so yeah we get we get the biggest celebrity in the movie. Oh, boy. The Who's Roger Daltry as Blade, the Bond stand in. Man, Franz List is here.

Yes. Can we just stop everything and talk about how good Ken Russell's Listomania is? You know what? I still haven't seen it. You got to. You got to. It's so good. It's as good as the devils easily.

Get a tall glass of water and you're in crazy town. Nice. Immediately. I like that. By the way, guess who plays the Pope in that movie? Ringo Starr. That's pretty cool. Yeah, you fucking watch it.

It's funny watching Roger Daltrey in this movie because it just reminds me that I don't give a flying fuck about the who. Never have, never will. I like who's next. I think it's good record. But like Bob O'Reilly is a good song. That's a good song. I mean, I guess I just don't give a fuck because I never listen.

You know what I mean? It's not that I've listened and I'm like, eh. Because you didn't own a van in 1978. Well, they're also not one of the bands that really gets thrown around in high school. Like, it's not your Led Zeppelons. But if you were one of those kids, though, because we had those kids in our high school that were like the real fucking 60s Anglophiles, which is just a weird thing to be. Sure.

Dude, you're fucking 15 in 1999. Let's tone it down a little bit. And you smoked a joint once. So let's please. Put that fucking fluffy shirt away. But it's kind of a bait and switch. You're like, oh, Roger Daltrey's in this movie. I guess it's about.

Roger Dalter, but he gets murdered immediately, which I kind of like. It's awesome, but I'll tell you, I think I read the description, maybe it was IMDB or my Plex app description or something. Did they run out of funding for a Roger Daltry, James Bond movie, and just sees the beginning of it? No, no, no, no, no, it wasn't trivia. It was like the plot summary, which said that they think that he's dead, but he's not. And then when the movie was over with, I was like, oh, that dude's dead. No, yeah, that. That dude is definitely... He gets choked to death by Linda Hunt, who's got, like, this weird, like, necklace. That turns into a whip. Yeah. That's some sexy shit. The world's greatest spies somehow can't get around a whip.

Well, it's like when Homer trips James Bond or whatever happens. She's like the Terminator in this movie. She's unstoppable. Yeah. It's kind of a fun twist. Oh, she does have a hilarious end, though. So, yeah, so Roger Reese is playing... What is this dude's name?

Augustus Surenko. Thank you. So he's like this, like, sort of EU type thing, and he works for them. He's like the head of all of the currency. Like, they's just, they, it's a very vague thing. He's on Time magazine and he's there, he's just like, the man who will save Europe or some shit like that. That's weird. Yeah, I guess he's like an economist or something and he's like collecting currencies or from other, not currencies, but like actual gold bars from Germany and shit.

First of all, you might want to return. those to the proper families. Secondly, yeah, maybe. What is going on? He's just, he's going to melt down all these countries gold and then mint his own currency, which is, by the way, gold coins,

how stupid is that? What is this, what is this fucking, the middle ages, walking over the sack of coins? It is kind of weird. It's bison bucks. It is. We're talking about bison bucks.

Those bison bucks. And bison. Oh, right, right, right. Get my bison dollars. That's right. It's also Hudson, hawkish, like the whole plan thing. Well, what's also weird

is they look at the coin at one point and they're like, see, there's a scorpion on it. That's his logo or whatever. I was like, this dude's got a logo. You have a logo? I don't have a logo. Oh, man, everybody else in this room has got a logo. Mine's a flamingo. What's great about looking at a coin that has a scorpion

and I'm instantly like, oh yeah, that's from Europe. I don't understand why he has a scorpion. But I also just don't understand the thing. It's like, now use my money. Like, okay. that doesn't mean you own anything. But then the ultimate plan is to kill all these people.

That's true. He wants to kill all the other heads of state, I guess. And then he would be the head of the market and the head of the world, I guess. I think there's going to be a couple trip-ups in that escalation. But to be fair, we don't know the markets as well as someone like Augustus Steranko might, you know? That's true. He's like an Allen Greenspan that's slightly more evil, just a little more. He'll always be Lord John Malbury to me.

West Wing. Oh, right. Yeah, he is on a few episodes of Westman. He'll always be the sheriff of rotting him to me. Men in Tights. Robin Colcourt from Cheers, man. That's mine. That's mine.

He's also, he was a big theater actor. He recently passed away that Roger Reese. So it turns out that there's like an agent who's being sent to squash this guy. Well, actually to protect him at first. It's, uh, they don't realize, oh, that's right. Oh, they don't know that he's a bad guy yet, right? This is kind of a confusing spy movie. It doesn't make any sense.

Why bother with the thinking that he's a good guy? Just he's the bad guy. Go get him. It's a very silly movie. Yeah, he's a silly movie. He's a nefarious dude. Yeah. Whatever.

So there's a guy who has the same name as Richard Griko's character. Oh my God. What's a Jeremy Corbyn? Michael Corbyn. Oh, Michael Corbyn. Yeah, that's better. And he, like, he looks like your dad. Like, this is not a fucking.

Michael Corbyman? Yeah, the original Michael Corbyn. The guy that is, he then goes, he's going to the airport. He gets a call from mother, which is the code name for the military general. And it turns out to be Richard Grico's mother calling him at the airport for, for fucking no reason to say to buy an extra souvenir. Buy more, please. Buy, buy an extra bottle of Chanel for grandma. That's what this woman is calling her son at the airport.

It's cheaper over there. Guess what, Grandma, go to the fucking Galleria. You want something actually French. I'll get you something actually French. Yeah, totally. But now the spy, Michael Corbin, is on the phone with Richard Grigo's mother, and Linda Hunt is undercover cleaning the first-class lounge, and she immediately blows this guy away.

And I mean, what an idiot. Like, this is your spot. This is your, like, he's called a jackal before they cut to this guy. They make out, yeah, you're totally right, Kevin. There's, like, shit about, like, you better keep your eye on this guy. He's a real jackal and all this shit. To be fair, that all that means is he cut his hair really short, dyed it blonde, and then, like, killed Jack Black for no reason.

Do you remember that fucking movie? To cover his tracks, Eric. Was that Jack Black? I think so. He's got, Bruce Willis has, like, the remote control, like, gun. And he fucking shoots off Jack Black's arm. That's a stay tuned and a half. It has the most uncomfortable gay kiss.

And only because. It's Bruce Willis, and it's like his mouth is so closed, pushing his face into this guy's face. It's like Medusa. It turns to stone when that happens, when it's a man. Oh, I'm going to win an Oscar now. But I will say the original, the day of the jackal is great. Is that Steve McQueen? Who's the dude in that?

No, it's nobody big. I never saw it. It's pretty, but it's really good. But it's fucking ridiculous that, like, amping this dude up. And when it cuts to the airport, you see him like from behind and the camera's coming in and it's like dun dun dun dun dun he's a real jackal

and then it turns around and it's just your fucking creep next door neighbor like it's the worst casting ever an uglier Jerry Seinfeld somehow oh yikes

no it's an uglier Lloyd Braun oh maybe which one one or two one it's actually more of the one yogurt one was the handsomer

Lloyd Braun with the fat free yogurt Matt McCoy was later when he goes to the theater right okay yeah it's a perfectly sane food to eat But it's kind of like a Marcus Brody reveal in Last Crusade. Like, he'll blend in.

He speaks 12 different languages. And it's like, does anyone here speak English? Well, you are in the Detroit airport. And so this is like your classic pre-computers, definitely pre-9-11 situation. He just comes up and he's like, yeah, Richard Grieco, that is. He comes up and he's like, yes, I am Michael Corbyn. check his passport and it's like yes you are and they give him this first class ticket

wouldn't the CIA check the itinerary for the whole plane and be like oh wait there's two guys maybe this maybe our undercover agents now Michael Smith this is an international cock up of epic proportions oh nobody knows who he is and blah blah blah but like somebody

should know who it is somebody's got to meet somebody at some point well the CIA is treated like the gang that couldn't shoot straight in this fucking movie well but they are kind of they are but like this is a lot. They lose a lot. This guy gets, the first guy gets shot in the back because he turns his back on two

people. Yep. Master spy. And then when we get to the fucking, God, I hate it, when we get to the airplane and then Linda Hunt gives a poisoned drink to his spy, he's like, oh, well, great. Yeah, we'll get to that because that's a great moment. So yeah,

he gets on the plane, like his French teacher is very upset. She's like, Michael, I can't believe you're going into first class. Like, Tootoo, babe, or whatever. And who's this lady? She's been, like, minor roles in a couple of Woody Allen movies. She's been in a bunch of stuff. She's in Lewin Davis as well.

I think that's most recently what I saw. Oh, yeah. I think she's in, like, Alice and Crimes and Misdemeanors. She's in Crimes and Misdemeanors for sure. But, so she's the French, she's actually pretty good in this movie. She's pretty fine. Robin Bartlett. Yeah.

So it's this classic, like, she's trying to tell the flight attendant, like, that's my student, you know, like, he should be back here with us. The whole class is flipping out that this dude's in first class. And it's like a joke first class. They're making them like fresh eggs somehow. I was like, where are those going? There's an omelet that's made. Back in the day. First class was nicer.

That's what I hear. He claims that he ate both steak and lobster on this flight from Detroit to Paris. Apparently they had a broiler because they had like a side of beef with the biggest lobster I've ever seen. I think I saw a carving station on that. Yeah, that wasn't just a fucking knife and fork job. Oh yeah, it was a whole thing And they were sharing it with everyone Yes

So he keep like The French teacher keeps trying to like Break into first class And she's like That's my student And then like he he like flirts With a flight attendant And he's like

This lady's like crazy man Like shove her off And this CIA agent Who's also in first class Takes the This god killer And puts it up against This lady's head in the bathroom

It's so funny I will splatter your brains All over this bathroom You leave Michael Corbin Alone I was laughing my tits off It's so fucking funny. I will blow your head off and then bring us all down with me.

Yeah, better make sure that bullet stays in her skull. He flashes a badge and says that he is the authority to do it. It's 1991. You were allowed to fire one gun on a plane once. You're allowed to ring a gun and fire once, and that was legal. You were also allowed to smoke on airplanes in 1991. Well, it's worth remembering this movie got nominated at the Saturn Awards for Best Fantasy. Really?

Yeah. It's so, I mean. Well, I guess it's closer to a fantasy than it is a biopic. Is that like a fan theory? Like he's just, he like drinks something in first class that's all just in his head or something? Oh, that's acid. No, not fantasy. Drinks acid?

Oh, you mean like he gets a sword? No, just that it's a, no, no, none of your dragon shit. Eric's new side podcast, dragon shit. Oh, would you subscribe? Tweet it, tweet it, WHF podcast. know that answer. But so it's great. So what's her name, Linda Hunt?

Yes. So she comes up with this flight attendant, and she goes up to this other CIA agent. And she's like, hey, here's this, you know, your drink or whatever. That she's poisoned. And this dude, it's like a tumbler filled with whiskey. This dude fucking takes it down in one gulp. And I was like, dude, you're on the clock for the CIA. Master Spy.

It drinks this fucking thing. Let me tell you. This is a real black eye. for the company. This movie is a real black eye on the company. This might be an air marshal or something. His badge looked a little little flimsy. A little badge. Did we have air marshals on all flights back then? I think just flights

with Michael Corbyn. But like here's the thing. It's like there needs and it's like okay his name is Michael Corbyn. That's all we know about him and his code word is mother. So like it's it should if all you know is Michael Corbyn, his code word has to be like blonde flaming snow. Like you know what I mean? Like

Something no one would ever say for no reason. Right. And you worked at that in the conversation, oh, that's clearly a code word. Right, right, right. As opposed to mother. It's like, oh, yeah. You know, at this time of year,

I love how the blonde flaming snow. You know, I find that President Trump quite sexually attractive. One might say he's a real blonde flaming snow, being that he's a upstart white nationalist politician, segregationist or whatever he is. I was going to try to... All of them.

I was going to try to sing Danzig's mother with blonde. Oh, fuck. That'd be cool. That would be hard. Mother, won't you walk on the blonde flame and snow? Sidebar. Why hasn't Glenn Danzig?

Or why didn't he ever get a movie? Never got it. Well, because he probably pissed everybody off. I imagine. Yeah, I mean, he pissed everybody off. Actually, wait, I mean, look him up on I'm to be. I'm sure Glenn Danzig has appeared in a fucking terrible horror movie you've never wanted to watch.

Maybe. But, yeah, but it's like, oh, his name's John Smith, and his password is foot. You know what I mean? It's like, all right, well, chances are you're going to get a comical mix-up if that happened. Foot with an exclamation point at the end, okay? They have some requirements. Glenn Danzig was in the prophecy, too. Yeah, I'd fucking told you.

Yep. And then he was in a movie called Young Hollywood playing Glenn and then just an episode of Portlandia. That's it. Glenn, I love the misfits. your solo stuff leaves much for the devil to be desired that lyric i just raped a baby today oh man whatever so yeah he he he they land in paris uh he winds up being scooped up by uh the CIA and the and the MI6 tradition intelligence yeah and the um the MI6 this is my six at this point yeah and he goes to like a fake james bond horseshit factory it's a

Yeah, it's a real Q office, and they have all the gadgets you could ever dream up. And it's like, here's all the things you're going to use later in the movie, much like a James Bond. Including X-ray specs that just show people naked. It's not actually X-ray. It's just clothesless. Yeah, it's clothes-free glasses. It's nothing to do with actual X-rays. And did everybody see where Mission of Possible got their gum idea? Oh, yeah, man. De Palma fucking ripped that right off, huh? I like to put Brian De Palma on a date watching

If Looks could kill That's a good one Yeah that's good I'm not used that That's good I'll take that I mean This is 91

That First Mission Impossible is only five years away Do you think like Was it ever on the show Like gum explosive Is that like on the TV show Was Landau chewing any gum Maybe Maybe McGiver

I just feel like it probably existed It's exploding gum somewhere else It's entirely That sounds like a McGiver move Or was it ever a Bond thing? I don't know. I don't recall. I don't think James Bonchew's gum. But later they do do a pretty direct rip off of Dr. Noe, don't they?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, with the little henchman. Well, because, yeah, he's got another henchman. This henchman, by the way, in the beginning of the movie, has a great mangling of his hand because it goes inside of a snowmobile. This movie, by the way, why I like this movie is, it is violent as all get out.

For being a PG-13, there's no huge exploding heads, but I mean, like, for being a... a kiddie movie, like, people are getting fucking murdered. Well, and you're seeing some squibs go off, too. It's not just like blammo and someone falls over. You're just seeing burning corpses, which is great. Yes, and chests are

exploding. It's fucking awesome. And this snowmobile is going with this guy's hand, and he's just like, no! I think that was the opening when they kill Blade played by Roger Daltry. And this guy's character's name is like Ziegfeld or something? Yes. Zilligfeld

or something, yeah. Ziggsfeld. whatever. One of those. It's somewhere in Europe. That name is somewhere in Europe. Exactly. So it's this thing where all he keeps doing is saying, I am not a spy. And they're like, oh. And I said, you fly guys crap me up.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I am not a spy. I am not a spy. I'm telling you right now, I'm not a spy. The one British agent does mention like, oh, it's America. They brainwashed these guys. Yeah, they brainwashed them so hard. It's like Jason born. Oh, wow. That'd be funny. If he wound up being Jason Bore. It's just, it's one of those things, like, I was able to get over it for this

movie, and I guess maybe it speaks to the charm I found in this movie, but normally, when there's these gigantic misunderstandings that can be squashed with a, hey, fuck, you listen to me. Yeah. Like, it drives me up the wall, and that's kind of what this scene is leaning towards, and then finally they're like, hey, here's this fucking sexy ass red car, and he's like, cook a car, and yeah, he speeds out of there kind of thing. Now, Michael, it's me. Albert Finney. Is that the voice of the car? Oh my God.

Get me to the gas station, Michael. I'm drying out. Fill up my ass. Okay. I was making it long. You metal rod. I believe a born an ultimatum joke, yes. Yes, okay, just didn't have one.

But yes, I like Albert Finney a car. That's cool. My guy, Michael, just love. Look at all these people you've killed. Oh, there goes my oil spill. You know, my car keeps telling me stories about his younger days where he was voiced by Billy Cruttup. He keeps not calling me Aaron for some reason.

Wasn't he voiced or wasn't it? You and McGregor. Billy Crut up is like the son. The son. Yeah, the grown son. And that movie I cried at. I mean, I'm sure you're crying. Oh, I did.

Don't worry about it. I was wondering if you cried, but now you saw me on it. So, yeah, he gets in this car. My favorite song of the movie, which is One Hot Country. Yeah, starts playing. And he's, like, tooling around. I guess this is France. Yes, this movie.

Yeah. We're still in France. That's where Paris is. It's somewhere in Europe. And then we get Gabrielle-on-war, like, we're doing kind of an aviation. vacation rip-off kind of a thing. Kind of, yeah. It's like there's a bab driving a car and there's a great moment

here where it's like they're on the road and then the school bus or the bus with all the school kids in it is there too. And they're like, oh look it's Michael Corbin and everybody's like losing it and they're like, oh he's like driving next to a babe or whatever and the fucking teacher yells out

Kent stop looking at babes. But this dude he jumps out of the, he looks at the window he puts his whole body out the window. His hat flies office had. He's just like, look at the babe. Instructing all of his classmates to gaze upon the babe. It's before millennials killed the babe industry.

All right. This is back when you can just have a babe in a movie. Back before PC culture, can't have a babe in a movie anymore. Just can't do it. Also, I just remembered who this other, the buddy friend, that actor. A buddy friend. Yeah, that's his name. That would be a good spy name.

That's good Hey, I'm buddy friend A foot Oh no I'm getting killed In a bathroom He totally If you look at

There's a couple shots In this movie Where you're looking at him Like dead on And he kind of looks like Andy Kaufman Oh yeah a little bit A little bit

Like a super young Andy Kaufman Oh shit do you think it is him Yep It might be Oh we know it was Bob Zimunda The whole time Do you think RAM Did you think RAM wrote a song

About that kid I think they did And stop looking at babes I'm looking like Andy Kaufman looking like Andy Kaufman while looking at babes shiny happy bays 81% of REM songs are about Andy Kaufman just spoiler right there is a little one about that kid in the bus yeah yeah yeah except that one that you think is explicitly about Andy Kaufman but it's not it's about Andy Williams oh wait what I'm just I'm lying I'm lying

Steve. So nobody wrote a song about Andy Williams. Is gold so Golden Eye is what 93? Yeah this is all like 7 97 no it was or 95 no in 64 yeah no no the movie I think the movie was 1995 yes because

this is all like Dalton stuff era stuff that we're playing well because they take the car flirt here and Golden Eye he does that with Bankey Jansen oh that's right I think all spy cinema has been informed by if looks could kill Yeah, it's the Rosetta Stone, it's by the

Yeah. Actually, there is like a big Golden Mountain thing in Tinker Taylor Soldier Spy right at the end. You probably didn't see it. We were actually just past Dalton. This was like downtime for Bond because license to kill was 89.

Oh, really? Yeah, so this, and we had nothing until Golden Eye. And so he like, the, the, the, uh, Zeigfeld, the guy with the one arm there is like chasing him there's like kind of a funish chasing like he's just trying to open the window because i mean like he's a dumb baby and he doesn't know what he's doing he's trying to open the window to flirt with gabriel armoire and like everything kind of keeps going wrong and he keeps like accidentally winning this like spy chase yeah like he sets a parachute out and it hits the windshield

yeah and this dude ziegfeld is the guy where it's the doctor no reference because he's got this like crazy mechanical claw hand well is that what you were talking about no the scorpion is that not from, or is that Thunderball? I don't recall. I thought you were talking about this dude's hand. The scorpion in the bed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's definitely in a Bond movie.

That is one of the, like, I'm pretty sure it's talked to know. So eventually this dude, like, kind of crashes the car and, you know, he lives to see another day kind of a thing, accidentally. Yeah, the governments of the world are now tracing the school bus as well. Yeah. And there's a gag where it's like all these different spies start taking over for the driver. Right. Like, I'm your new driver, Jean-Claude.

And then that guy gets taken out. It's like, I'm Pierre, your new driver. Right, yeah. So there's a lot of going on. There's layers. And at this point, the CIA, the bumbling CIA, is like, oh, who is this French teacher? And they think that she's... And can we slip her...

Can we slip LSD into her glass? I don't know what it's going to do. Let's find out. This is what we like doing here at the company, slipping people LSD. That's what we do. We hooked up an explosive to a mantis. and it's just going to crawl it up there and just let him do it.

Oh, that didn't work. Let's just slip them LSD. Maybe they'll jump out of window. At a curiosity, how far off are we from Alex Jones like being a fun celebrity to be in like Shark Nato 12 as the mayor? That's going to happen. That's totally going to happen.

I hope it's one of those things where the productions delayed because he died during filming. Well, no, you probably have the timeline exactly right. It's probably Shark Nato 12 since we're on six. Okay, yeah, so six, six away. Six more. Well, he's already made his movie debut, though.

Wait, what? Oh, wait, yeah, in waking later. Right, right. He's also in, he's in one of his other movies, too. Isn't he? Isn't he? Isn't he waking life? Yeah, well, he's in waking life for sure.

He's in a scanner darkly. Oh, he's in Angels in America as Jeffrey Wright's boyfriend. I forgot that. That's a really powerful performance. He's actually in Scanner Darkly. Yeah. Roy Crone is not a gay man. Roy Cone is a straight.

Man, I like you to fuck around with guys. Roy, Roy, the turn of the frickin' frogs gay. Roy! Man, he shouldn't be cast in that. No, he should not. Hey, attention to anyone doing a new production of Angels in America. Don't cast Alex Jones as Roy Cohn. Roy, Roy, Roy, can I get you some chicken bone supplements?

Would you like to drink this shake made of beef testicles? Beef testicles. Holy shit how is this a podcast so he uh he has to go to a party because it's you know he has to crash starenko or it's it's a casino well that's a thing we're we're just aping bond so now what do you do next when your mission is just starting out you're like going to casually lay into it you go to a casino and play some backerack yeah and uh he does not get into the casino this is your favorite part of this is i fucking dude i was watching this movie morning and i burst out laughing so like he walked and he's just he's dressed like

teenage Richard Griko he's got like a letterman jacket on or whatever and he goes up to this fucking swank his balls casino and the dude at the door says something in French to him and Griko's like

I don't understand and the dude is just saying like you know he starts saying in English like your clothes you're not dressed here I say you look like a dog shit dude

someone saying that someone else looks like dog shit I fucking lost it it was so funny it's a good one especially like the accent And he's like, dog shit. So then I guess he recalls that he's got a fucking spy tuxedo in his car.

He changes really quickly. And he goes in and he starts playing, Anwar is playing against Steranko. And they're playing in Baccarachi's losing. He gets involved. He starts to use his x-ray shades. And this is when we get a really aging like a fucking dead fucking horse. I guess a trans gag.

I don't know that you can call it a trans-ray. man's gag. I mean, it's a man dresses the lady. We don't know how this person identified. But it's just one of those like, you-hoo! You're like, fucking, come on. And it goes nowhere. Like, if that was a character, I mean, it would be, it's actually better that it is just a one-and-done, like, stupid, like, man in a dress gag.

And he, like, almost throws up, obviously. That's what's fucked up is, like, scared. Yeah, exactly. It's just like, okay, man, like, hey. Well, yeah, he's in a foreign country for the first time. He's already failed high school. You know, this guy's under a lot of stress, man. And so that's what it is.

He sees this person who's naked and he finds out that, you know, it's not an actually a woman and he's like, oh, my God, I failed high school. He just has a realization. Like, oh, shit, I failed high school. That's when it hit him. It wasn't during the six-hour flight. It wasn't during the first chase scene. No, no, no.

I think Grico is truly fearless because, I mean, he's about to gamble away all the company's money. That's true. They're coming back for it. Well, and it's so insane because this is how fucking dumb this guy is. Maybe he should take in fucking card gaming 101 in high school because he goes like, he's like, oh. Is that like a little? That's an AP class, actually. Oh, yeah, okay, that makes sense.

He says, like, welcome to card gaming 101. This is a professor Joey. Yeah, I did go here. So he walks up at the table. He's like, oh, cool, blackjack. I know this one. and the dealer is like, we're playing back, right, dude, it's not that at all.

And he's like, all right, got it. And then for the rest of the time at the table, he still thinks he's playing blackjack. Yeah, that's Richard Grieco's charm in this movie, like charmingly stupid. But also, where, where is Alec Baldwin and the boys? This guy just in the middle of the game, who puts on these glasses.

That, I don't know. He's like, oh, let me. Do I want to hit or don't I? And he puts out these enormous glasses. The pit boss would be all over that shit. I got a quick pit boss story. A couple weekends ago, I was at a bachelor party and we went to a casino. And we were playing blackjack and it was actually blackjack.

And at one point, the dealer like read a fit, like read something on the table wrong and was like, oh, you lost. And the pit boss happened to be like staring over. You know what a pit boss is, right? Right. They tune up your car when you're, when you pull over to your. So for Eric and anyone who doesn't know, he's the Florida-based rapper. Yes, Pit Boss.

Now he's, Pit Boss is doing Bud Light commercials. No, it's just like the dude who's like, there's a bunch of them and they, you know, survey tables, make sure everything's going right. So this pit boss, being great at his job, comes over and fucking leans into this dealer and is just like, you know, basically called him out on like, that was the wrong move.

And like, it's all this crazy. And it's like, it's a to-do to give back chips at a casino. It was this whole fucking thing. And my buddy was like, just let it, like, just, it's fine. And this dude was really fucking laying into this dealer hardcore. One of my biggest anxieties is going to a, and this is happening to me a couple of times,

is going to a casino and gambling wrong. Like, no, everybody hates your guts immediately. Yes, that's mine too. When you are gambling incorrectly. The only reason I sat at this table was because every seat was taken up by friends of mine and then like this kindly older woman who like didn't give a shit but that's always my neuroses is like

I'm gonna fuck this up and some Texan in a huge hat is gonna shoot me in the face well this is why I just do like the Carly Ray Jepson slots or whatever the fuck because I don't know any of these fucking games honestly like and there's so many variations

I just like no I was like oh I know poker once and I was like I play poker all the time I'm pretty good at poker and I sat down like these 60 year old men that lifers yeah you sit down and there's like Welcome to the table.

And you owe us $12,000. Yeah, exactly. You have somehow lost five times. Hey, can you get this guy out of here? I'm trying to gamble away my disability check. Pension's got to go somewhere. So he wins this background. He wins.

He also meets Ariola Canasta, which is the bond name. It is on par with any other dog. Well, no, that's the gag, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a funny thing. I don't know. There's something classier about Pussy Golo. And octopussy.

Well, octopussy is the movie and also the thing in the movie. But still, if you're putting that on your poster. Yeah. Well, in the movie, it's a monster that has eight pussies, right? A lake monster specifically. Oh my God, coming this fall of the sci-fi channel starring Ian Zering and fucking Alex Jones.

I'm eight pussies. See, Bond, it's more on the nose. Ariola is like subtle. Yeah. And isn't it, don't you... Subtle as a heart attack. When I saw this movie in like 1992, I went over my head. Well, you're right.

I guess if she was named Kim Nipple. Exactly. All right. Ian, we've destroyed four of the eight pussies on this octopus. We got four to go. You've got to get into the tunnel system and hit the access point right here, here, and here. I was into the USS Tallahassee.

Got shot on the side. two missiles sink us there's no way he could carry that monologue FYI you gotta get out of there

the birth canal is falling in on itself saw the octopuses pull us down one by one so it has dead dead

octopusy eyes suck the hull off a ship oh it's all awful so he winds up going back to his he goes to his hotel room after winning.

Well, also, can I just say, the villain of this movie, what's his name again? Augustus Steranko. Augustus Steranko makes a real fucking asshole comment at this card table that will get you shot in the head at Eddie Casino

because he's like, Richard Grieco does not know the stages of betting and whatever and he's like, the woman says, you know, oh, you just put it in like half your money. He's like, that's fine, double it or whatever he does. And the guy is like, oh, you can't do that.

at this point and Steranko is like, I make the rules at this table. I was like, no, again, the pit boss is coming over and beating the shit out of you in the alley. Come on, Andrew. He's the head of some kind of European economic something. Somewhere in Europe. So he has control all over something. That's true. He determines what money is. Right. Yeah. So after you win it cards, you got to get it wet. So he goes back to his room and, uh, or, Oriola Canasta has snuck into it. He didn't bring her back. No.

She's just there, which should tell you, I mean, even if you're a 17 or 18-year-old kid, this, it's either a prostitute situation where you can't afford it or you're going to get murder. No, I was so cool down there. All the women want to sleep with me. I did so well at Black Jackarack. Did you see me? He did. Dad, look.

Hey, Dad, look. Dad, look, a prostitute. Dad. Shut up I'm paying $300 for you to be there $300 a day $300 a day the dad says So I feel like you're getting off

Kind of cheap They're making it out And then like You know It's 1991 So we actually give a shit About condoms which is nice What does it

Is this before or after He just says A boner Yeah he says boner What is he trying to say something He was trying to say something Bonjour Yeah

She's like She's like oh, bono. And he's like, uh, Boner. You're like, come on. All right, Ian Zering, you need to get into the, you need to get into the boner submarine

in order to defeat Octopus's final pussy, which, as you know, is blinking red right now. Is the camera still rolling or what? I never knew I'd be in Czechoslovakia quite this long. I can't believe it took so many takes to get Octopus. Czechosia, huh? He went to a place that doesn't exist anymore. Actually, you know what?

That is where they'd make Shark Nato 12 in a country that doesn't exist. I imagine him more of as a Randy Quaid independence day. That's right, ladies, I'm back. How has he never claimed that he was abducted by aliens? Oh, Randy Quaid? No, Randy Quaid has indeed multiple times claimed he's been abducted by aliens. Alex Jones.

Oh, yeah. I think he's mentioned aliens existing. Yeah, clearly. But he himself has never been like, they broke me. he might have I mean yeah I'm not tuning he's got

dude his radio first of all his radio show is fucking three hours a day yeah so five days a week I don't know

there's fat pigs on the air just think about how many hours there are and he's been going for fucking ever like he's been around

since the 90s since the 90s that's a lot of fucking time he definitely definitely talked about pro catch him in bed

with too much air time so he is trying to get this weird like combat condom I don't I kind of it's a big joke

the joke is like in now in the early 90s all the men were like wow would we use condoms it's impossible to get them all open or on or what wait what which i i always love and it's like the george custandan thing too where he's like oh i can never get him open it is a fucking rapper that's all but perforated come on you losers so there's this joke that he can't open this condom it's like it's called combat condoms and And it's like in this tube and it's like all metal. It's in like a tuna can.

And then it's individual tuna cans. And that's the joke about how hard it is to open a condom in my right, guys. But it goes on for like 12 minutes. Well, because it's not just the fucking like you would need like it has a key. It's one of those really old fucking things. It's like an old can of beer. Yeah. Oh, God.

Well, she's like, you know, she like starts making out of them. She lays them on the bed. Takes his pants. You're seeing some Richard Grico pants drop. And he is definitely wearing tidy whitties. Calvin Klein's, baby. And she's like, oh, you know, I'm going to show you so many stuff, which clearly means butt stuff. I mean, that's a...

I would think so. I'm going to fucking peg that ass. Just lean into it, brother. The water is fine. It's a fine ride. It's a fine ride. So he's like, you know, oh, I'll be right back. And it's kind of funny because...

Her thing is she's about to kill him with a scorpion. Correct. Close your eyes. Oh, right. Kissing his leg. She brings out this scorpion. And then he immediately jumps up and runs to get a condom. Right.

which, okay. Scorpion goes flying into the ceiling. Yes. It just falls down into her dress and now she's running around this hotel room, like, moaning for like 12 minutes. It's like panic moaning. Yeah, but like it strikes you and that's that. But what is going on? Well, I think she's trying to get it out before it strikes is the idea, and she's freaking out.

And Richard Griko thinks that she's dancing. Well, it's such a, what an ironic time to realize you have a scorpion fetish as, as you're, dying. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so aroused that I'm about to die. Unfortunately, I can only do this once. And then is it our mechanical-handed friend who comes in with a rocket launcher and

spices this woman? Yeah. He was trying to kill him, too, and that didn't work out because he was in the bathroom trying to put the condom on. And then he comes out of the bathroom and you get treated, I'm going to say treated, to this smoldering corpse. Dude, crispy

critters. And And, uh, and, uh, O'N and Baru's style. Oh, man, do you think they were having crazy sex with a fucking scorpion? Dude, it was, they were fucking outside. They were like, he's gone to do his fucking whatever. Right. They're like going out on the patio. Let's fuck on this patio.

A, uh, aunt, I mean, brew. Yeah. Oh, you want this, you want this doback milk culotta. Exactly. Or dacery. Oh, pour that blue milk on my chest. Yeah. no, we've been rocket launcher to death.

Now milk me. Oh, wait. No. Grico, by the way, uses the famed lethal weapon two style. He runs into the bathtub to escape an explosion. Yeah, well, you know what, man. Safety first. Sometimes you just got to go. And he winds up escaping and he winds up meeting up with Gabriel Anwar. At this point, the French teacher is abducted. We all wind up at Steranko's castle here. which is right next to Bowser's Castle and next to Dracquels as well.

I think this is a chateau. Chateau. Chateau. Yeah, I learned that from reading Roger Ebert's review of this movie, which he actually liked. Yeah, three stars. I like, like, like, like this movie.

It's only him and us. Well, except for Chris. It's fine. What do you have against Roger Eber? That's my question. Well, I mean, I hate his stinking guts, obvious. Whoa.

It's around this time, by the way, that we cut back to what this class is up to? Because you just said they get kidnapped. Oh, right. Yes. Yeah, you're right. The thing that leads up to the kidnapping is the most disturbing part of this movie. So the dude who is staring at Babes is also

obsessed with their high school commencement speaker, the Valdatorian. And the whole movie you see him like creeping on it, this and that, the other thing. We cut to this bus. And this chick is asleep in her seat. And this guy is like licking her ear. It is.

I guess you can't get expelled, but you certainly can get arrested. Yeah, exactly. Well, why is this thing even, like, there's no point to, like, at the end, you see them together, which is also super fucking weird. Well, you know, if I've learned anything from movies over the years, Chris Cameron, is vicious persistence. Exactly. It always pays off. That's what it is. It always pays off.

It happens off screen, but she fucking folds like a wet towel. But that's, I mean, like, I get that gag. don't have her licking her ear while she's asleep. Yeah, well, she's unconscious. Yeah, exactly. What are you, Freddy Krueger? Like, that is a really actual Freddie Krueger move. Yeah, totally, totally.

But so, yeah, then it's like, it's the final pullover, and this is where the entire class gets kidnapped. Yeah, they get kidnapped. Right, now Ziggsfeld is the bus driver. Right, and you find out somewhere around here, by the way, that Gabriel Anwar is... In Bernonis? Oh, no, that's 10 years later.

Yeah, no, nobody cares about Burnnottis. But her character... No, nobody cares. Mariana, I think, is it Mariana? Something like that is the character's name? Mariska. Mariska, yes. She is the daughter of Blade. Oh, right.

Daughter of Daltry. Pretty cool. Daltry's daughter. Gabriel Anwar. Didn't inherit them teeth, that's for sure. That magnificent hair, though. Yeah, that's true. So they both get kidnapped and then like...

They're kind of in a medieval dungeon for a little bit. long time. I would amend that to say a long time. And Steranko wants to have dinner with Corbyn and he lays out his evil plan, which is very vague and bizarre. You just make him bison bucks as we described.

It's bison bucks. And like, you know, Corbin's like, you know, release my friends, you son of a bitch. And like, they kind of introduced this thing where like I want to call, Steranco is like afraid of violence for some reason. And he's like, oh, you know, he's like nervous is a nebish kind of bad guy because he his big plot he also explains here that he was

good you know all the um champagne tonight is going to be poisoned oh yeah so he's trying to pull a jones town but he explains like oh this was actually developed by the CIA so it's full of LSD oh no he says it it was developed by the CIA to um uh they will die at random intervals of natural cause Yeah, exactly. Won't be tied back to him, even though it would be very weird. A.k.a. magic potion. Wouldn't it be weird? I missed that line, but that's pretty genius.

But it would be pretty weird, though. Like, oh, everyone that would do this party eventually had a heart attack. You know, it's... You and your friends are dead! This movie could have used some fickner. If they remake it, he could play Stranko. Oh, there you go, totally. Or he could play Corbin.

He's young enough. I would watch that. So after this parlor slash dinner scene, He gets thrown back in the dungeon where he breaks out this gum and it's kind of great and I totally had a flashback about this because well first of all he brings up

Ariellla canasta and says the woman who exploded in my hotel room which I thought was a funny line but then he goes well you know the gum that goes squirt this is the gum that goes boom and I was like oh yeah remember that cinnamon gum where you bit into it there was like cinnamon juice

in it oh yeah what a bad eye idea. You know what? Just fucking brush your teeth. Any cubed gum is none of my business. No, no bubble yum? No. Right? Wasn't that like the... Bubble yum was the thing too? Yeah, it was like a cube, right? It was like a soft

cube. Yeah, it was just disgusting. But this was like you bit into this gum and once you fucking went to fucking bite town man, it was like squaw! Yeah, that's disgusting. It's a gusher. It was a gum gusher. Yeah, I mean, like say that five times fast. Two

forms of gum. Stick or chicklet. And you know what I mean? Like that's it. That's all you got. That's gum. I agree with it. Or tape. Oh, I guess that still falls under stick sort of. Yeah. You're tearing it. You know what? I could have gone into a big league shoe every once in a while. Oh, Jesus. What are you?

I'm dirt is what I am. That's what I wanted. I wanted to hear it. Finally I heard it. A couple of gum shoes here. Oh, wow. By the way, speaking of gum shoes, he takes that stick of gum and he puts it on that dude's shoe. Yeah. And then that guy

blows up. It's a yet another person exploding in this movie and it's awesome. I love people exploding. Dude, they're blowing up left and right this thing. It's great. And you know what the most heartening thing in any movie could ever be is an American teenager with a machine gun?

Like finally he gets it and he starts spraying people. He is an instant expert at machine guns. Trying to pass high school French by spending his summer indiscriminately killing people. people. Yep. And it's fun and fine. But at no point is he immersing himself in the language, which I think was the point of this trip.

Well, he's got the language of death now. It's crazy. I believe he signs off this movie saying, Iyerroar. He does, actually. This movie, by the way, ends him in his sentence, and it's wonderful. He was just trying to say the actress's name. So he gives him a machine gun to the French teacher, and he's like, all right, you, and he, like, It's this very bizarre line

where it's like, now you are the French teacher. She's like, I understand. She turns to do a badass or something. Oh, aka, oh, I have to be Rambo now. She like puts a fucking... She's like Gizmo and Gremlin's too. Yeah, she ties like a headband around and she's like ready to fucking take a life or two.

But like the British and American intelligence like, oh, there was a French teacher operative during the Cold War. But like, she doesn't know that. No, she's no idea. She has no idea. Michael Corbyn doesn't know that either. This goes back to the fantasy element.

They've developed telepathy. Oh, right. It's like the hive mind. It's pretty cool. Just like when all those octopuses talk to each other. Oh, no, the octopuses are talking to each other again through telepathy. Didn't I warn you? I tried to warn everybody about this.

Why do you think I was on the air for three hours? Like, damn, nay. All right, Luke Perry, get in there, too. We should mention that he initially saves the French teacher and the students by spraying the gold they're about to be dipped in molten gold with liquid nitrogen right before they hit the ground and it's like, okay, there goes all their feet. He's also doing this without gloves, b.T. Doves.

There goes his hands. I've seen this movie 20 times, including last night. And I was like, and only now am I realizing that's probably scientifically a little implausible. Every other times, like, yep, checks out. You know what's actually been fact-checked and proven 100% viable by Neil deGrasse Tyson? Uh-huh. Moon Raker.

Oh, really? Is that a fact? Yeah, dude. He signed off on Moonraker. He also signed off on Octopussy. Yeah, tweeted Neil deGrasse Tyson thanking him for verifying that Moonraker could totally happen. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

We haven't had a campaign in a while. We have not, yeah. So it's good to, you know, keep that guy on his toes. But let me tell you, you just. Saying his name just gave me a memory and I got to talk about it on the air. Oh, shit. Over the weekend, my wife and I watched Zoolander 2. And the science and there was sound?

Neil DeGrasse Tyson has multiple appearances in that movie, including the final line of the film. What? Is he that Zoolander 2? I don't remember. But that is one of the worst fucking movies I've ever seen. And I'll tell you this, there's a brief, like, he didn't leave his house and filmed it in front of a MacBook appearance by Jerry Stiller. Wow. It really stinks.

Wait, hold on a second. We go from a David Bowie cameo in the first film to Jerry Stiller on his computer. Well, Jerry Stiller was in the first movie, too. Oh, I don't remember. There's a bunch of kids. I mean, that's the whole fucking thing. Yeah, there's a ton. But it's just, I was like, man, if he's like 90-something at this point.

If this is like Jerry Stiller's last thing, that fucking sucks. He's done 12 Snickers commercials this year. He's fine. Yeah. Do not worry about Jerry Stil. Oh, no. Come on, dude. Maybe it doesn't work on old people.

He's got to go sometime. He might as well go by our hands. But I just had to say on the air that Zoolander 2 is one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. I got to check it out now. Unwatchable. It's kind of a seeing as believing because the whole time we were just like, why did anybody do this? I turned it off 15 minutes in. I could see that myself doing that.

Anyway, sorry to derail that, but it's fine. Zoolander, too. He kills the, he kills the big Ziegfeld in the, like kind of body slams him into. That dude falls into gold. Well, it's great, too, his mechanical hand punches through the, uh, the frozen gold into the molten gold. And you get that, you get that hand full of molten gold. That's fun. Gold hand.

Oh my God, it's not a finger. Now it's a whole hand. he kind of does like what's his face does in like Danny's brother in Game of Thrones a little bit oh yeah he gets the full thing oh that dude does get gold fingered on that show

Caldrago bathtub well that's more of a T2 that's the full oh yeah that's the full T2 he should have done the thumbs up with his robot arm and then he so then he saves all of these diplomats or whatever

and then like basically we're chasing Steranko to a helicopter and like this previously unstoppable Linda Hunt kind of doesn't do shit for the rest of the movie It's awesome Well the whip makes another appearance

We're better We're battling with the whip a little bit And then as the helicopter takes off Steranko's like You know oh sorry Linda Hunt There's no room for you And throws her out of the helicopter He says like oh the helicopter's too heavy

He throws out like he has Gabriel L'Inoir throws her out And then he's like It's still too heavy We have to get through to it's a gold Augustus and he's like You got to go to him like That lady weighs four

41 pounds. Like, let's all, let's all call a spade of spade here. That way, anyways, 41 pounds. And as she gets tossed out, she totally, like, gets the whip out and, like, is hanging on to the helicopter a little bit. This is great. But eventually, she falls. Yeah.

But she gets kicked. She gets kicked in the face. It's awesome. Augustus Duranco kicks her in the face. Cut to a puppet falling out of a helicopter. It's amazing. It's just, like, the limbs are hanging. Someone threw a scarecrow out of this helicopter.

From Industrial Light and Puppet. Oh, I-L-P, they do good work. They did great work. Oh, no, Mr. Bill. Yeah, it might as well have been a clay figure. Oh, no, Linda Hunt. I have an Oscar. And somehow,

and somehow this entire castle is on fire. Yeah, it explodes. The helicopter explodes, then Augustus fall. Wait, is that because, like, the gold went up? I think the gold is. and the basement went up. I mean, this looks like the Overlook Hotel, and the entire structure is on fire.

I think it has something to do with the... I don't know how it got this bad. And, yeah, Augustus falls through the helicopter, then all this gold falls on top of him. He starts eating some gold, which I appreciate. Yeah, that's not bad. Well, did you read the Tribune about how they're all chocolate. They're all chocolate underneath.

Oh, yeah. They use actual chocolate coins. Speaking of kids shit, I just remembered what I know Linda Hunt from and love her in. kindergarten cup oh yeah she gets a baseball back to the back of the head in that movie yeah so that's something that is pretty great i like that uh and so he wins the day he uses suction cup sneakers which we saw back at the the bootleg cue office at the beginning of the movie to scale down the thing he does he goes up to the guy and he's like i need a vacation

which he's speaking of terminator too isn't that the dumbest thing that happens in that entire fucking movie. The Terminator says he needs a vacation. You're a robot. You're a killing robot. You don't go on vacation. You know why people go on vacation due to stress. You know what you don't have? Stress due to being a robot. Maybe it's like a data thing and he was like given a stress chip. It's one more stress chip right here. stressing out. I got to do I got to find John Connor. It gives me agency. I have to do it now. What would a Terminator vacation look

Oh, you're just at a charging station. Maybe kicking up on a throne of skulls. Oh, okay. I always love those scenes about all the, you know, all the terminators with, you know. The mountains of skulls in the background. Oh, when you're looking at like the future and the post-pocket. When a terminator can just be a terminator, you don't have to fucking wear a human suit. Oh, yeah, man.

Oh, it's paradise. It's like the Garden of Eden. Oh, think my clothes off. You know, for fun, me and my friends will go out of our way to stay. step on skulls. It's not directly in our path, but we'll go out of a way to clash. Oh, yeah, Skull Beach.

It's a nudist colony for us, Terminators. We take off our flesh, we hang out. You get to see my little exo bone. Everyone is doing everything with everybody. It's very sexy. I love Terminator vacation. You tickle my metal bum with a fema? The helicopters come down.

They can have vacation, too, they are also Terminators. We hang out with the helicopters. We hang out with the trains. We swim in liquid metal. It's wonderful. When can you start? Dude, now I'm picturing, now I'm picturing

a Busby- Berkeley-esque synchronized swimming number with a bunch of Terminators and a liquid metal pool. Oh, cool. And the helicopters in the back are eh, eh, eh, eh, and, and. Man, you know what?

Terminator Vacation is a great movie that we never got to make. Still got time. Dude, scrap avatar sequels. I'm telling you, James Cameron, I know you're listening. James Cameron, let me tell you. Terminator Vacation.

Terminator vacation because nobody wants to see these Avatar movies. Shut up about Avatar movies. Shut up about Wonder Woman and make Terminator Vacation. Yeah. Oh, God. What was that old fuck saying about Wonder Woman?

I don't know. He's like, oh, I don't believe. It doesn't make any got some sense. I think he was saying something. like oh Wonder Woman is pretty so it's regressive and he's claiming I guess

his star was not I mean honestly he just should shut the fuck up the star that he was married to yeah nice shut the fuck up so the thing that's annoying by the way is they never

figure out the fact that spy Corvin is dead or who's my this Corbinus movie's ending and he's like okay I need a vacation by the way I'm not he says I'm not even going to tell you who I really am But buy a movie like and it just credits immediately It's a very quick cut to credits and for the for like the experience of watching this movie for the first time when I was having a lot of fun with it I was like oh that's over yeah I was like oh that's it where is the like you need he says that right and then it's like fate nice Yeah I know fade out to black fade in they're on the beach it's him and gabriel on war and fucking you know gold

fingers, or gold hand is still alive or something like that. Or a sweet sequel set up, we can get into that. Maybe, you know, they're on the beach and in the distance they see a couple of rambunctious Terminators have the time of their life. The beach ball. Well, maybe that's what octopussy's

break landfall. A lot of good fake movies in this episode. Totally. Yeah, sure. But seriously, though, screenplay alert, drink every time someone says Corbin. It is all over the place. Everybody, it's Corbin this, Corbin that,

Corbyn, what are you doing? Corbyn Dallas. When Corbin's not on screen, the other character should be, the other character should be saying, where's Corbin? Corbin died on the way back to his home planet. He sure did.

Yeah, and that's it. There's no, like, meeting back up with the parents. No. I mean, you need some kind of, like, oh, we did find out, after all, that you are a high school student, but we want to hire you anyway. And then he goes, yeah, fuck college.

Like, Officer Kaharski has to like do something. Dude, Officer Koharski is in this movie from Wainsworld. Whatever that actor's actual name is. Yeah, I don't know. But yeah, he was Officer Koharski and Wayne's World. Yeah, he's the... Well, the thing is, we don't need to go back to his parents or school because now he has become a man.

Yes. Once you kill a hundred people. I would say that's an understatement there. Well, I just want to see what... Body Count of this movie. Tremendous. What sick Game Gear game that Little Brothers got playing right now? Do you think this Corbin's going to show up in Kingsman the sequel, you think?

That'd be a nice crossover. It would be a great crossover because that movie's stupid too. That movie is fucking terrible. It's awful. I never saw the first one. It's so stupid. It's just like, I mean... You do get Colin Firth killing a whole church of people.

It's like shockingly violent, which was kind of cool. But it just ends. Of course it is. What's that mean? He's a comic Kickass. He likes to draw cartoons that hurt each other.

He likes to write them. Oh, he wrote the kickass movies. Yes. I skipped that second one. Anybody see it with Jim Carrey? It's awful. It's quite awful. Yeah, and that's the end

of if looks could kill, unfortunately. And no sequel. I bet Richard Grieco was upset about that. It would be cool to do like a 25 years later sequel or something. Like right now. Revival. How about put it on Netflix? Give me 10 episodes of this.

Sure. Why not? When looks did kill, maybe, or something? You have to still have Richard Grieco in it, though. Oh, I guess for a supply, you need a demand. Oh, right. Oh, damn. Well, quickly after this, he played. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hang on. Hold the phone, as they say. Do you see all the shit that Netflix puts out? There's no way there's demand for all of that. Or a YouTube red, that, like, oh, well, then you can. guarantee. No one's going to watch it. That karate kid spin-off's coming out. That's on YouTube Red. That's unfortunate.

You think it's going to be the karate kid or something. It's not. It's going to be awful. Whatever it is. It's all a bunch of conservative guys talking to 11-year-olds. That's what YouTube is. I thought you meant this karate kid spin-off. This is what we call a YouTube joke. I thought you knew something about William Zabka that I didn't.

That's what I was thinking, too. No, I'm sure he's. He's a fine person. I heard that John Crease is a son of a bitch. That's all I heard. Well, Grico, right after this, he went on to play fucking Bugsy Segal. In what? In mobsters.

Christian Slater as Lucky Luciano. Can I tell you? So I didn't, I haven't seen mobsters. I didn't know what it was. I just saw the cast and I just assumed that it was them as mafioso, but not like famous guy. Oh, yeah. Patrick Demson.

is... Meyer Lansky? Meyer Lansky, exactly. Huh. And then there's a fourth one. Indeed, Eric. Yeah. And it is terrible.

And it is fucking sucks. I remember seeing it when I was a young and I remember being bored to tears. Yeah, it's pretty bad. Would anybody recommend if looks could kill? Hell yeah. Yeah, solid recommend here too. It's a lot of fun. It's pretty quick.

It's a dumb, it's a dumb fun little movie and there's a lot of fun action in it. Bing, bang, boom. Yeah. Sure. I totally would I had so much fun with this movie this is a perfect hangover movie Richard Grieco

who again I'd only seen in select 21 Jump Street episodes I think it's star in the making I can't wait to see what he does next I think he's good in this movie though there's charm to be had with Richard Griko I don't know what he's done recently T1,000 did you forget the cooler with the beer

did you only bring the cooler with the waters in it wait a minute hey hey hey Terminatrix. Terminatorics come over here. I forgot she existed. How is it you only brought one side of the cornhole game? How is supposed to play cornhole

with only one cornhole? Oh, this Terminator vacation is ruined. You are supposed to bring at least three chairs. You know what it's like getting to the beach without enough chairs, everyone. Is the T-1000 here? He's the one who turns into the radio.

Have you seen my beach? year. Oh, that is called the lifeguard now. There's an octopussy coming up on that short. I'm sorry. We are done.

We're done. We got a little fun on this show. It's over. This is the end of the show. Thanks for listening. That's if looks could kill, directed by William Deere. If you want more W.HM,

check out WHMpodcast.com. Or find us over on the HeadGum Network. Write in review wherever you get us. We'd greatly appreciate it. Like us on all. social media platforms that we are on, including Twitter at WHM podcast. Next week on the program,

we're still rolling through new original content in WHM Season 8 with Samurai Cop. Oh. It is, I believe... A Patreon selection. I believe when we had a tier that you could program an episode, we have since gotten rid of it, but we thank you for your

contribution. It's going to be a bonkers movie. It's going to be a bonkers episode. I mean, this, yeah, it's it's bat-shake crazy samurai cop i'm already telling you right now to recommend for me at least because it's it's so fucking crazy back to back we love movies but i do want to say please contribute to the patriot we have a bunch of bonus content content there is a house content content i'm incontinent yes you are you can't see it uh audience but uh eric's making a lot of steve jobs gestures that's true i'm script tonight i've been scripted by erin sorkin and uh that's why my

dialogue has been so good. That's why I've been yelling at Kate Winsett all night. It's been so good. Patreon.com slash we hate movies where you can find shows like the Nexus, animation damnation. Commentary track, you sink it to your television. That's right.

You sink it to your television. That's correct. You said that like an uncle trying to tell somebody on TV what to do. So until next week, when we go to Troma Town, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven St. Act. Chris Gavin.

Eric Siska. Take it easy.