We Hate Movies - S8 Ep325: Episode 325 - The Fan

Episode Date: November 14, 2017

On this week's episode, the blessed month of Snipesgiving rolls on with Tony Scott's 1996 baseball thriller, The Fan! What's with everyone demanding Bobby Rayburn hit them a home run? Did anyone check the lyrics in the song choices during shots of child actors? And who wouldn't have a security team on hand when firing this total lunatic knife salesman? PLUS: Andrew hears whispers on the film's soundtrack that may or may not be telling him to kill! Be sure to continue the Snipesgiving festivities this Saturday night at our final east coast tour date for quite some time: Talking Blade: Trinity at The Bell House—part of the Brooklyn Podcast Festival! Tickets here! The Fan stars Wesley Snipes, Robert De Niro, Ellen Barkin, John Leguizamo, Benicio Del Toro, Chris Mulkey, Patti D'Arbanville, and Kurt Fuller; directed by Tony Scott.  Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on We Hate Movies Snipes, Giving Rolls on as we talk about a Tony Scott baseball movie. It's the fan. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadak. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies.

Thank you for tuning in, as always. Happy Snipesgiving as we continue this blessed month here. This week on the program, it's the fan from 1996, directed by Tony Scott, RIP. Hey, Tony! Yeah, that's all this soundtrack is, is Robert De Niro's screaming names at people. this is like in the realm of like sports thrillers

like you got well you got this you got sudden death this is like what is the sports thriller line at Blockbuster look like so this sudden death

any given Sunday right that's kind of a thriller I was going to say what's the the fuck is that Adam Sandler movie the water boy

no no not Sandler I'm thinking of the wrong thing me? No, I'm thinking of the wrong thing here. We're just wrestling bags. What is I thinking? Oh, what the fuck am I thinking of? Oh, it's killing me. Oh, last Boy Scout. There's like a murder on a football field. Oh, yeah. That's kind of a, that's a Tony Scott

joint. Oh, he directed that. I didn't remember that. He's the pioneer of the sports thriller, it seems. I mean, I don't know. There's not a ton that's thrilling about this movie at the end of the day. Well, it doesn't get to where it goes, like it should be like creepier earlier, but it takes

forever to sort of, it takes like an hour to get to like the spooky stuff. And the biggest problem about all of this I feel, I mean, we're here trying to celebrate fucking Snipe's giving. Wesley Snipes is like, it's not that he's barely in this movie, but he's just not doing anything. He's sitting on his hands.

It's his movie and they gave it to Robert De Niro clearly. Like, that's the problem we are facing here. They're like, hey, Robert, could you just do like a less cool Max Katie? But what would his character do if there was, like Robert De Niro's They're there to, like, he's the celebrity that's being targeted.

Well, if we want to, like, flash forward really quickly to the end of the movie, like, the third act, like, Wesley Snipes would get in a thing where he's going to, like, win the world series. Go on the offensive and, like, try to attack him, but he, you know. Like, use his baseball knowledge to get this guy back. No, it should have fucking nothing to do with baseball. It has to. He's the fan. We're talking about baseball. But then we're at the fucking top of the stadium.

Wesley Snipes starts karate kicking him or some shit. there's lightning maybe it's like the end scene a Highlander I don't know fucking anything not just you got to hit a home run or I'm going to murder your fucking family I mean it gets pretty silly there yeah so I guess the idea as this movie is Wesley Snipes

is a Barry Bonds esk baseball player yeah Bobby Rayburn Bobby Rayburn and who's coming just coming to the San Francisco Giants and there's a unhinged

fan played by Robert De Niro who is a knife salesman. He's like a traveling knife salesman. There can't be that many sporting good stores in San Francisco. Where's he going? He's not all these accounts that he's been fostering over the years. Like how many knives are used to? And there's like five people in a meeting all talking only about knives.

Later in the movie some guys like, hey man, you got any kayaks? Fuck you. I'm talking about knives. And I'm like, how? He says you could shove a kayak up your ass. Yeah. He's not even that good of a nice. That's your whole day. Here's what I would like to say.

This is my theory. That I would like to see. This is my theory about it, though, because we're told by the bulldog from Frazier, again, in this movie. Two for two for two. We'll see how it goes. He's like one of the managers at this company, but we're told that Robert De Niro's father started this knife business. Now, what I'm guessing is that as the knife business grew, they decided to branch out from just the knives. And now it's like kind of sporting goods, kind of all around.

But Robert De Niro is upset that they moved away from just knives. I'm of the mind that they actually do make kayaks. That's what I'm saying. I'm of the mind that they did. And he just said, what? You're talking to me about kayaks? Fuck you. Yeah, knife department only.

He just wants to do knives. He just wants to shave in front of people. Oh, dude, that's pretty uncomfortable. He shaves his leg with a bowie knife there. And then he says he's going to shave his ass hair to a client. Yeah. Okay. You know what?

Robert De Niro walks into my office, tells me he's going to shave his. his own ass right in front of me. I might buy a knife or two. And to be fair, Chris, it was a potential client. Oh, okay. Well, pardon me. He's trying to reel him in. Well, the problem with Robert De Niro as a salesman specifically is he's like dad mad the whole time.

Like Robert De Niro being dad mad like is something. And this is like the most dad man next to this boy's life. Like these are two of a piece where it's just like the fucking air conditioner, that fucking air conditioner. But yet again, this transcends dad, man. This is psychosis. Well, yeah, sure. This is pure vehement psychosis.

Well, we don't have a sports thriller without psychosis. He can't just be kind of upset the whole time. Well, I would like it. Like, the thing, and I'm all for unlikable protagonists. Oh, sure. But you're an unlikable protagonist. This is like, like, Hannibal Lecter making flan from your mother's lungs. Uh-huh.

Like, that is more empathetic to me than that. this guy. Now that, that I would like to eat. I'm going to make your mother's lung flaw. It's going to be so delicious. See, you made fun of me when I did that voice. Did I? Yeah, I think so. Well, I lie a lot.

So it would be like in a blender, I guess, or like a Vitamix. You got to get it like a paste. Yeah, you got to get it. You make a gelatinous. Well, you got to get gelatin in there. Some horse hooves or something. Is there any part of the body that could be turned into like, not a horse hoof, but a jelly-like substance?

Bones, right? You probably get some of your ass fat, right? As fat and bones. You render it. Why is it specifically ass fat? Why not just fat? Well, it depends on where the fat is the best, I think. Yeah, exactly.

Depends on the person. Cannibals, please write in. We all hate movies at Gmail. It's been most tenderized on the buttock. They told me flank steak in high school, man. Oh, really? See that flank going. So this movie starts off with the Robert De Niro

reading of creepy baseball poem. That sucks. He thought he was going to win an Oscar for this movie, right? No, do you think... No, what? I think he was trying. I think he was trying. There's been no movie in where someone claims they're going to shave their own ass hair,

which then also transcends to the Academy Awards stage. Out of Africa. Are people shaving asses in that movie? Jenny, something bit me! Oh, that's true. There was ass play in that movie. A lot of ass play in that movie. I mean, I thought this was like an AA recitation, like something you say when you're up there.

But then I found it's, it is this game I lust after so much. And I'm like, God, just get to it. I read something that he was like studying celebrity stalkers and stuff. So that's why I'm thinking like, yeah, he's, he's Karen. He's trying something. He was listening to Robert Bardo when Cal Ripkin met him. I read on the Tribune. Right, yes.

Who's that dude? He killed an actress back in the... Cal Ripkin, a murderer. He had a streak and junior noted streak murderer. He had a streak of killing the most actresses from 1980. Oh, I see. Yeah, he was featured on Mind Hunter. Well, my mother, she, she just locked me away. Dude, you got to go as that guy for Halloween next year.

I have to shave. I'm not doing that. Oh, we'll shave. We'll get out. a bowie knife out you just shave your ass shave your ass that's right and then we'll put that hair on your face so you have it even bigger beard okay that i'm okay with you don't wait no that's the wrong way we got to let's hair on the face yeah yeah the the problem is there's two openings there's the there is the the long weird poem and there's like pictures of like little kids playing baseball and then we cut to fucking the stones and like we're driving around and it's fucking tony scy so the sun is dying like everything is like red my lord in heaven jam packing six rolling stone songs

into this movie how fucking much money did you have it's crazy well this was this was uh this was this was this was uh this was mandalay pictures man i think polygram was involved this is a lot of mid-90s money that we're flushing down the toilet well it's the scorsese hits too like and you open with okay like and it's all cute i hate the fucking music in this movie But like you open with sympathy for the devil Because he's kind of We're going to try to give you something about the devil And he's not going to be horrible

You hate this guy He's playing Lewis Seifer in this movie Yeah, I had no idea Leuzefer, more warm and cuddly than this man I totally agree with you No see the cat at the end of Fallen walked away And then touched Robert De Niro That's why he's a demon in this movie

That's an appropriate amount of rolling stones In a fucking movie Thank you very much Fair enough Uh, so he's driving around and like in this, it's a fuck man by the way, slash serial killer mobile. Oh, he's abducting kids. Oh, absolutely. It's a paneled van.

Like, that's all you need to do. There's blinds on it. That's what we call a kidnap corvette. In the business? Yeah, in the business. Um, what do I need to do to get you into this kidnap corvette today? But here's the thing. Aren't we supposed to believe that this is like, sorry, but he needs to become a child trafficker.

It would be more successful than night. sales that's actually true it's more believable there's more money in that game it's a lot more money but aren't we to believe though that he only goes like over the edge once he's fired like this is like falling down with a knife salesman it's a bad place to start i mean yeah the the the balance line for him is not great already right right right right the steady is not great because he's calling into ellen bar which is a radio show i want which is ellen barkin and kirk fuller in the mornings dude it had been a really really long time since I'd seen this movie

and fucking Kurt Fuller's name popped up. I'm watching this at like 10.30 last night. Everyone else is asleep. Kurt Fuller comes up. I was like fuck yeah, Kurt Fuller. I got so excited and you know what? Here's the thing. Tony Scott, wherever you may be these days.

Not enough Kurt Fuller in this movie. Wherever he may be. Well, heaven, hell. I don't know. You meant his soul. Yeah. Because I'm sure we could track on the body. No, that's not going to do me any help. I think annoying someone in real life about Kurt Fuller being in your movie is one thing. Annoying someone in the afterlife.

Get me a Ouija board right now. My first case will be tracking down Tony Scott to ask him why Kurt Fuller isn't in this movie more. Kurt Fuller's great, though. He's fucking awesome, dude, and he's... So's Ellen Barkin. She is, she's great in this, actually. I really like Alan Barkin normally.

I just don't know what she's doing in this. Why? Like, this character needs to either... They should be body count fodder. You know what I mean? He goes and he can... Like, because he went, when he finally kills someone an hour in, like, then we should start ramping that up. And then he kills the radio person, exactly.

This is a very low body count. And I would appreciate it if this demon Robert De Niro, well, you know, let's treat it like a horror movie. It's a slasher. That's what I, that's what's missing here is that the tone is that of like a dark, a dark drama or a dark thriller. Right. And it's a horror movie. This is like, it could easily be a horror movie, but you got to up that body count more. But, and like, and I love.

Ellen Bark and Ann Kerfiller, of course, but their whole point in this movie is to remind you what's happening in a movie at all time. So, like, oh, you know that he's having a bad stretch right now because you haven't been watching the last five minutes because you've been waiting. You know, it's ridiculous, though?

Like, as I just see Time Pass and Wesley Snipes' character keeps striking out and thousands of people are booing him in unison, I don't need to be reminded that this dude is indeed in a slump. I get it. I know how baseball works. They make sense in this first year, and they let you know that he's coming over from the Atlanta Braves. Right.

And this is a, sorry, but this is a really important thing because it's a contrast from last week's Snipesgiving episode. We are given Wesley Snipes almost immediately. Yes, it's true. Almost immediately. Like, that stupid baseball poem finishes and it cuts to him in the van and he calls into the radio show

and then she's like, by the way, we totally have Wesley Snipes on the line right now. Bobby Rayburn is on the line. And Snipes, right there. Take note, Rising Sun. Driving in a Humvee with John Legu Zamba riding shotgun Who's surprisingly Totally fine in this movie Yeah, he's regular

I don't have a great track record with John Leguizamo But I thought he was actually pretty good in this movie I swore he got killed at the end of this That's I remembered him dying too I swore to God Maybe he's just wishful thinking Is there another cut? Oh shit

Or should we make a fan edit What are you guys saying? Well the great thing dude about Like how you kill someone in this movie All you do is tint the frame red and it means they're dead. They're blood dead. Oh, blood dead.

Blood dead, dude. How could you even tint to frame any redder, man? Like, Christ in the cross. He's like, take a place on Krypton. When Jesus died, they did that to the cameras, too. And I can understand, by the way, like, if this movie's set in L.A. And it's, like, hot all the time and whatever.

You're in the Bay Area, baby. It's cold. You better be wearing a sweater. It should be tinted light blue. and so they're paying him $40 million to come over here 40 million Somolians which Ellen Barkett says and I hate Somolian

You cannot say here's the thing and we're doing it right now What does that mean? A dollar dollar. No I know that but it's... Oh I don't know what a Somalian is. Oh I thought maybe it was like some antiquated offensive. It's probably totally racist I don't know but this is what she says Greek people or something And I think like you should you can only when you're referring to money that way

You can only say Somolians if you got like a big fucking honkin unlit cigar in your mouth. It's a bunch of fucking Samolians. And you have to be talking about boxing. It also has to be a large amount. You can't say five Somolians. No, no, no, no, no. That's, that's- You owe me 20 Somolians for that ticket to, I don't know.

I think it's 100K and up. Yeah, probably that makes sense. Five, five Somolian, five Somolian foot long. There's so many better words for a dollar. Yes, of course, buck is great. Buck is a class. Forty million bucks. Yeah, sure.

Clams, clams, clams are great. Clams, though. Clams is like you're in, like, casino territory. You have to be a part of gambling culture, I feel. That's a horse racing. I don't want to appropriate that culture. That's our word. Say the degenerate gamblers.

Sawbuck is like a certain domination. Sawbuck is $10 exactly. Oh, okay. So let's, how much is, okay, so $40 million divided by $10? Well, you wouldn't say they're paying him $40 million cash. I mean, yeah, unless you're actually paying him in cash. A $40 million. $40 million.

You don't have to say it at all. $40 million. That's it. That's true. That's true. Yeah, that would be great. Samolians. It just sounds wrong.

It does. Like, it doesn't sound like it should be a word, I guess, is the thing. It makes me think of those. Girl Scout cookies that are delicious. Samoa? The Samoas, man. They're paying Andrew 40 million Samoas.

You know what, dude? I will work for cookies. I have before and I'll do it again. A bonus of 10 million thin mints. Could I tag along on that? There was a meeting where I thought I went into a meeting and there was some Girl Scout cookies in and I was like, oh, I'm a little lowly for this meeting.

I wonder if I can sneak in some tag alongs before anyone got here. And, of course, somebody comes in six seconds later. I'm like, wait a second, though, were these, like, Girl Scout cookies that people had purchased and were picking up and you were just eating other people's cookies? No, they were open. Somebody must have had...

There was, like, a Girl Scout cookie drive. There's Girl Scout cookies everywhere, baby. This happens in offices all the time. I know exactly what you're talking about. In my office, though, you fucking buy your goddamn Girl Scout cookies, and they're yours. Just a community box of Girl Scout cookies? There's a guy in my office who will buy a ton.

Leave him in his office unopened for, like, a mom. month and be like, oh, everyone have some cookies. Yeah. I open this. Everyone has everyone has some cookies. I spent 40 simoleans on these cookies. That's a lot of cookies. So I guess like, you know, everybody's pissed off because

also the previous star on the San Francisco Giants at this time is Primo, played by a very young Benicio Dautoro. It's a weird idea where there can only be one. Like, wouldn't you want two really good baseball players?

Well, the whole beef, though, is I guess Primo was a really good center fielder and that's what Wesley Snipes played and Primo gets bumped to left field is the idea so everyone's kind of peeved. But yeah, like, they, as far as I understand it, they got him because of his batting record. Sure.

You know, so yeah, and Primo's got a good batting record. So yeah, you want more than one slugger on your baseball team. For sure. That's it. A poppycock. But we're told that it's a poxious. Forty million poppycocks. And some Samoians.

But this is why it's a problem though, because, and this movie does address this very accurately. Sports fans are obnoxious. Sports fans are fucking obnoxious, dude. I say this as a sports fan of certain sports, not all sports, but like we can be obnoxious.

And it's just people like to complain for the sake of complaining. So I think this is like, hey, we're paying this guy $40 million for what? I didn't know we were paying him in bucks. paying him in rubles. You have to exchange them for Somalians. But I, this reminds me a lot of big fan

a little bit, that movie that I never saw it. That's the Patton movie. Much better movie. Well, yeah, it's a better movie. It is a better movie. It is a better movie. That's a, yeah. Does he kidnap a player like Celtic Pride? No, oh man, that's a movie I want to rewatch. That's a fucking stay tuned to and half. Speaking of sports thrillers.

Well, speaking of Celtic Pride, actually, this movie was the book that was written by God knows who. or I could actually look it up on the internet instantly. Yes, I did write the book the fan was based on. God wrote the Bible, the Old Testament. He inspired the Old Testament.

Then he waited a couple thousand years to write a book about sports culture and thrillers. It's like when we finally got that sequel to To Kill a Mockingbird. God didn't write it and I can tell you this because and this is embarrassing, I read the book. Why is it embarrassing

that you read a book? Well, because I was going through at the time this came out i was going to wesley snipes uh reading reading reading i was going through this phase of like reading all the books that movies are based on now but hang on a second are you saying novels that were then turned into movies or

are you saying the the novelization of a film no no it's not the funnier thing it's not funnier slash totally sadder thing uh it was novel like i read the book that you turn turned into i read all the Alex cross books what you've read every single book that became a

no not every Eric you're just being ridiculous now genius there's no geniuses on this show friend so what happens in the book is how's the book different well it was I barely remember it but the only based in Boston which makes more sense because that's more of a rabid fan culture northeast fan culture you know what I mean it's like that that people can cut your throat we're pigs and the total pigs And, of course, the other thing is that Bobby Rayburn is a white man in the book. Okay. Yeah. Well, oddly, this race doesn't really, not until the end.

You took the words right out of my mouth. Yeah, they don't really do anything with it. No. Like, there's that one scene, the Barry Bond scene in the house. Yeah. But that's kind of it. I mean, the weird thing is, like, what this movie could get into, which is always interesting to me is all these, like, virulent racists that, like, love all these black athletes. You know what I mean?

Like, it's this thing. and then once they start kneeling, they fucking lose their goddamn minds. You know what I mean? Like they've already like mended that fence. Well, it's fine because it's fucking football. I can't fucking believe it. Oh, yeah.

Dude, De Niro's character, had he not been murdered at the end of this movie, would have a real problem with all the kneeling. Yes, absolutely. All that kneeling during a song. It's so much bigger than a game. So De Niro's having problems in his knife sales job because he's a knife salesman.

The Bulldogs is his boss. There's this big meeting. This guy's very intense for no reason, which made me uncomfortable. Yeah, well, I think he's a little jealous of Robert De Niro being the craziest person in the office because he fucking drags the door of a car into the boardroom. Yes, this is what I was referencing. And stabs it repeatedly to make no point. Well, the point was like, oh, that the knives aren't up to snuff.

And De Niro, like, has a knife standard that these aren't meeting. But that means, though, that the Bulldog had this prop on hand. for just such a criticism. Yeah. Listen, if someone buys our knives, they should be able to cut through a car and kill the inhabitants. What good does this do? That's what's amazing about all of those selling points, man.

You ever see that infomercial for those scissors where it's like, well, it could cut a penny right in half. What the fuck for? Oh, my God. I would do that all day. Just sit around cutting up pennies. Actually, you should get on that dude because pennies are pointless and we should discontinue them. Right.

So the more pennies you destroy. Hey, you're on to someone. And at the bodegas, I'm going to leave half a penny, Chris. Oh, well, I was going to say, if you melt it all down, the copper is worth more than the penny itself. That's true. I'll make my own statue. There you go, man. Your own racist statue.

You're right. You're right. Sorry. I meant a Confederate general. Yeah, what do you got? No, he's just talking about, like, the problems with the knives. I know, I've been watching a lot of this TV show called Forged and Fire where they make knives. Now explain this.

It's really great. Is it really great? Yes. I've got somebody else on it. First of all, I think he just did explain it. It's a show where they make knives. It's like swords more often. Steve's talked about this on the air before.

There's a part where you get like judged on whether or not it would kill someone efficiently. Yes. Is it a knife or is it a sword? Well, no, the first round is you make some, you make a knife and it's got to be a certain amount of. It's like the appetizer. It's chopped with knives. That's all it. Do you bring your own metal, or do they have to, like, do they...

No, that's the thing is like, oh, you got a boat, make it out of an old car or a boat or like... Oh, you're like cutting up a lawnmower and making a knife out of it. Okay, this is interesting. Yes, a show that it promotes recycling. Literally the only reality show I'll watch. Yeah, man. But you learn a little bit, and the one thing I picked up, Robert De Niro's like, oh, the

tangs all messed up. I was like, I know that word from that TV show I watch. So what's that mean? That means, like, that's like the base of the knife that goes... before the handle gets on there. Like, you get a knife, and it comes out a little bit. It's called the tang.

Yeah. And why do I care about that? Because it's a knife term. If it was your business. Well, you want your knife to be solid metal, and then you put the handle around the base. Oh, I don't want my knife to be liquid metal. It would be kind of cool.

Just stabbing weapons, knives, swords. Did anyone ever present a liquid metal knife on that? Yeah. No. Like, here, make a knife out of Mercury. Figure it out. Oh, we're all dead. Do you have a cooling station here?

No. So he gets to the giants or whatnot, and we're about to get to opening day. And Wesley Snipes, through his manager, John Leguizamo, is like, hey, man, you got to go see this sick kid. And he gets to the hospital, and Wesley Snipes is disgusted

that it's a kid with terminal cancer. It's a great performance. And again, this is another, like, Wesley Snipes' drama. He's, like, he's kind of an asshole, but he's always kind of likable in this movie. He's totally likable in this movie, and he does a great job at everything he's given to do, which unfortunately is not a ton as I keep complaining about. But in this scene, it is kind of funny because, like, the kid shares, I don't know, it's that. It's funny, but the kid shares a name with his kid.

But this is where I got confused because he's like, yeah, I have terminal cancer. My name is whatever. Sean. And he's like, ugh, like he gets freaked out for us. But then I was like, because he's got, we see him put a photograph of the kid in his locker and he's got a necklace with Sean's number 11 from his little Little League jersey or whatever. And I was like, this kid's dead. Me too. So then later when this kid steps off a private jet, I was like, well, wait a second. Why were you that, that, you were that like upset? People share names all the time. I think he cares. The thing is he's a superstitious fellow like some athletes are. And it's like, oh, I'm meeting a kid with the same name. And he's got kids. cancer and that's not good. I've read it online that cancer's not good. Now my, my season has cancer. Yeah, I mean, the sports curses are a thing and it's like if you don't, like some people don't shave or something. Oh, sure. You know, all those things. Mustaches in hockey,

beards in hockey and baseball. If they don't adhere to those superstitions. Oh, yeah. A wizard curses. I think that's when the thinner gypsy comes out. A baseball. 12 a game, a losing streak. But when that extends to fans, by the way, that's another pathetic ass sports fan shit where it's like, oh man, the Giants got a touchdown, which is a joke in itself saying that this season. But so the Giants got a touchdown. The last time they did that, I was sitting in that chair and I had my left hand down my pants like Al Bundy. So I have to sit the exact same way again this Sunday in order for that touchdown to happen again. Well, I didn't go to the bathroom during last week's game, so I'm just never going to the bathroom again.

Now I just imagine, like, Jesus is a choir of angels trying to fucking make sports work up top and be like, all right, well, John Samson is sitting in the love seat on the left hand side, so they should win, but this guy, but Tony Samuelson on the other side, shaved his beard last weekend for his wedding, and oh my God. Oh, wow, and they have like a trial of who, like what would win? We're going to need to hire more angels.

This is just too much. on this permutation. Oh man, angels in the outfield. There is an angel in the outfield collision in this movie. Yes, there is. In the opening day because Robert De Niro

wants to go to opening day with his son who we'll get into now and but he also has to, you know, he needs to step up his knife salesman game or he's on the street. Bulldogs gonna fire him.

And he's trying to make contact with some like, I think he's like the knife king of San Francisco. Well, this guy that he's, this guy he keeps missing. They're buying knives. Great question.

And like, where are they getting it from? What is the knife demand in San Francisco specifically? There's a lot of fucking serial killers up there, man. I don't know. Do you think De Niro might be Zodiac? Oh, this is he might be Zoddy. Zoddy used a knife from time to time. Yeah, he wasn't against it.

He stabbed someone in the leg, right? I was just referring to him as Knife Man. Like, he is. He is the legitimate knife man. Yeah, here we go. Stab, stab. watch me shave my leg what can I get because there's a knife salesman

montage I believe it's to fucking Rolling Stones and it's him like he's striking out with all of these people and like yeah what yeah what is like why wait why am I watching Tommy boy starry yeah because there's definitely the bit where like Robert

De Niro is actually taking hair off his leg and this dude is just staring at him and De Niro's reaction is like he doesn't say anything and then just quietly puts the knives away and leaves while this dude just stares daggers at him. Tommy, what? Wingy! Oh, Andrew wanted

wingy watching this movie. My fave of that montage, though, is when he's talking to the dude and the manager of, I guess it's like a sporting goods store, is looking at the security canvas, and he's zooming in on the Bubba, babe. Yeah, he's just looking at

brassies. He's being interrupted for masturbating, and I guess it's a never- good sales situation. Yeah, he's upset by that. Well, and I think this is one of the scenes with the chopped and screwed nine inch nails shit. Oh, Jesus.

The seven stuff all over. Like, it just sounds like the seven soundtrack. You can't, and this movie does this several times, you can't play that song while the camera's focused on children. Yeah. Yeah, because it's like, I'm on a fuck you like an animal. And there's definitely one part where the camera is focused on Sean

and it's like, fuck y'all. and you're just like did no one just kind of review this before things went to no red flags there's a fucking 10 year old kid and the soundtrack is saying i'm on a fucker so so i guess i guess where rober's a dude because this guy's got a secretary it looks like he works at a bank it's a huge batman building and it's just like the idea is i guess this guy like the knife bank Well it's called Everest because it's big

And like he only sells murder knives It's never like look at this cleaver Or look at this camping knife It's like look at this crazy fucking bowie knife And look how many fucking pretty ladies You can skin with it There's the weird thing though He says to the guy looking at the security camera

He's like oh yeah Well you got the little prick And he holds up like It's kind of like that joke in men in black With the cricket gun And it's just this tiny thing And the guy's like Yep I got to

tiny prick to what would you use that knife for nowhere getting like dirt out from under your fingernails cutting a gherkin that's kind of it or just cutting up a smaller person I guess

or squirrels or yeah you can go to squirrel oh well if that's how you would get out the situation in Gulliver's travel could just slaughter them all can we talk about his horrendously uncomfortable home life.

Yeah. So he is divorced, clearly. He's got a kid. By the way, the ex-wife and Robert De Niro totally age inappropriate parents for this little kid. Both of these, I mean, we're talking mid-50s.

Yeah, it's like a four-year-old. I guess it could happen. I bet it's happened before. It has, but it's just kind of like... Pablo Picasso, Sarah Palin. People have it later in life. It's true. It's very true. It's just weird that it's like,

Both of them are incredibly old. Anyone notice who this kid was? I'm only talking to Andrew season one. Get it. No, I looked him up, but then I didn't... Season one, Buffy the Vampire Slater. He was the Anointed. Oh, what? Really?

Yeah, man. What's that? Like a Jesus baby or something? An evil vampire Jesus baby. Yeah. Oh, that's weird. I didn't really peruse his IMDB too much because it appears as if he, like, stopped acting.

Yeah. I mean, well, I love about that in first season. It's just him and Mark Metcalfe smoking cigarettes in hell. like one day we'll get out of this one. How'd that kid get down there? Yeah, so this little like four-year-old and so De Niro stops off at this house and I didn't understand what was going on at first

but you got Chris Malky. Yeah. He pops in. My least favorite Twin Peaks character. Really? On top five least favorite Twin Peaks character. Wow. You really wanted to see Ed and Norma get together, right?

He was, he was Jenny. He played. correct me if I'm wrong was he the love interest of Norma in the original series? Yes Yeah he like went to jail or something Yeah he was in jail and he's always like sucking on Like a excuse me

He was always sucking on something right He had like a weird like a little like a key chain Yeah yeah exactly Oh right yeah yeah yeah he's a good There's two lost actors in this movie And he's one of them and he's not he's not bad in that But yeah so Chris Malky is like The New Bo

Yeah and he's like taking lip from Robert De Niro this whole movie. Oh, this guy's a fucking doormat, dude. He is a dormant and a half. De Niro comes in, he's like, hey, Dave, and the guy's like, oh, it's Ted. He's like, whatever, fuck face. And you're like, dude, this is my house.

And he's, like, screaming at his wife. He, like, shoves his wife right in front. And at this point, Tim, his name is Tim. Oh. You got to get involved. You're like, you know what, man, you got to wait outside. Yeah. Also, like, you're Chris Mulkey. It's 1996. You're like maybe 40. Yeah. You could beat the shit out of Robert De Niro.

three dude like you got them it's time to break some noses exactly but it's really uncomfortable too because it's like this neighbor barbecue is happening yeah so there's like other people there and they're just like oh hey well the best part is uh the first line i think to robert nero says it's like hey what did you get fired because it's like the middle of the day and he's like it's my day off anything to undercut this dude in front of the kid all right i'm only going to order offer you one hot dog from this barbecue thanks so much Meanwhile, the neighbors are talking about the first season of Millennium Just trying to fucking divert attention

Better movie, just them going to this barbecue And they're watching TV back at home Were we graced with that show's presence by 1990s? I think so, yeah, we must have been, right? That reminds me, have you guys, because Chris mentioned Oh my God, is Millennium coming back? No. But Chris mentioned Millennium, we're talking baseball.

Have you seen this video of all the Joe Buck promoting mostly immediately cancelled television shows during the World Series. Holy fuck. Is you talking about Mantis? No, Mantis is not Manchin. But it's so great because it's this pattern of like

everything is the new hot sensation guaranteed to be around for seasons to come and everything is like two max for the most part. Models Inc. Briscoe County Jr. Coming up this fall on Fox Don't remember this Friday It's the Grindr.

Rob Lowe is back on TV And he's definitely going to be around For many years to come The Grindr on Fox It's all shit like that It's so fucking funny But one of them is he's like Well coming back this Friday

Lance Henriksen in Millennium Sure to be one of the all-time TV classics To see that near dark That was a pretty fucked up movie I gotta say He was great in it though Millennium If this week's entertainment

Weekly tells you anything. It's that Freaky Links is going to be the hit of the season, gang. But also one of them is Dark Angel. Oh, nice. Good God. Yeah. Pushing Daisies, back this Wednesday. Quint Tuplets?

Oh, man, the Andy Yeah, Andy Richter show. Quintuplets. But that's what's great, though, because it's only Fox. Oh, one that you watched. Okay. Oh, shit. Battlestar Galactic. A perennial classic.

sure to be around for years to come. Critics are saying it's almost dangerously addictive, almost human this fall. Oh shit. You know what? It was kind of dangerous. I actually really, I was getting hooked into that shit, man. That was fun times. Is that Carl Urban

Eye Robot? Yes. Okay. Yeah. And they're cops and they're canceled cops. Yes. It was like a cheap Philip K. Dick kind of thing. Yeah. Anyway. Huge, huge distraction. The problem is he goes to this, the biggest knife guy in the world.

I guess he does like all the all the knife sales, regional sales for Japanese restaurants or something. And like he is the guy to get in with. But he can only meet him at like at a certain time on opening day. And it's just so happens to be during the game. And like he wants

to win back his son but he's also like dangerously sexually obsessed with Wesley Snipes but we don't say that. But he probably is. And his idea is I'm going to leave this kid at the game. Oh my God. Take out for this meeting for a little bit and come back. And this is an amazing, this is the best Robert De Niro is in this movie.

But make everyone around us hate us to such a degree. It's so uncomfortable. A scene. Make a fucking scene. MC Ganey's only in this movie to yell at Robert De Niro, get an applause, and then he's gone. I was expecting him to go at it, man. Like he's the good fan, right? He's the bad fan, good fan.

Yeah. He should come back at the end. He should be at the game at the end. I know what this guy's deal is. I saw him yelling at his kid one time. Just have him strip naked and run after him like the end of silence. Oh, yeah, dude. Get that floppy.

Balls of flailing. He's the other lost actor. Him and Chris Malky had several scenes together. Hashtag floppycock. We've heard about poppycock. Now we're talking floppycock. And it's also the uncomfortable thing where like the parent is just screaming obscenity in front of the kid. And like, you know, I've been at a hockey game or two in my day where it's like large

beer number five and I know that every ranger on the ice can hear every word I say and I am screaming and you're all fucking bums and you're fucking junk and this that and the other thing and I know it's terrible but like to watch it from a third party perspective

this old woman is just like cringing how how how has a Stanford professor or Stanford graduate not taking your child from you by now is she wearing Stanford gear is that what they're She's like head to toe. She has this humongous hat on that does not fit her.

And it's so clearly to tell you like, oh man, they don't really care about, like the people who go to those big colleges, they don't care about the game the way fucking Robert De Niro, the psychopath. Or maybe they care about humanity. Yeah. Maybe that's what they're saying. Yeah, maybe like they. She doesn't care about the game as much because she's just sitting quietly, politely watching the action on the field. Hoping no kids get emotionally abused right in her view. She was smart enough not to become a knife sales.

There's an awesome moment. Look, you know what? You weren't there in the 80s, Eric. Oh, the knives were huge. It was stand-up comedy and knives. Oh, my God, let's put those two together. So here's my thing, is De Niro's like, oh, I'm going to sneak out to this business meeting.

It takes you an hour to get in and outside of a sports arena at all times. At any time. Anytime. And here's the thing, by the way. This is in the old days now, 97. you could like walk around with like I don't they don't walk around the stadium

but dude 9-11 or not here's two words no re-entry you can't just leave a thing like that and then come back and he leaves with 10 minutes to get where you have to go plus a fucking

wardrobe change by the way yeah and they have they have like kind of good seats but you still have to like walk all the way up you got to walk down all the stairs you got to get to the parking garage no way And let me tell you the most disturbing part of this film. In his van, he's got a tie rack.

Yes. That's motorized and circles around. Yeah. It's bone-chilling. Lucky ties. Oh, God. Yeah, and he says lucky tie. And already you know he's going to fucking fail.

Yeah. He does. He gets fired. And then, like, his kid, uh, the Stanford lady is like, rightfully like, hey, man, I'm going to take this kid home and, you know. Shockingly, this kid knows his address. though. Yeah, kids and other addresses, you never know. Oh, I never knew my address.

Oh, really? If I got almost kidnapped and then someone saved me, like, where do you live? If I have a kid, I'm going to get a tattooed. Tattoo that kid. You better not move then. Why would I move? No, if you're getting... The kid's the one strapped down.

No, I'm saying, if you give your child a tattoo with his address on it, and then you moved homes. Yeah, well, then we'll just cross it out and do another one. Yeah, or you put a one next to it, then you put it two underneath, and you get a new tattoo. You get a list going. Check this address first. May also be at the following locations. You put the pizza place down there?

He definitely shoves that kid before he leaves because he's trying to catch a foul ball. Yeah, oh my God, that's the best part. It's so awesome. He's like, yeah, I got you like this little thing and hang on a second. And then it's like, foul ball. And he fucking shoves this kid to try to catch it. and then like another little kid catches it and it's like he's one of these losers

too taking it out of that kid's hand he almost you know he kind of contemplates it and he's one of these losers though kind of like our president where it's like if something doesn't work out he's immediately like fucking passing the blame yeah and like oh this he doesn't get this foul ball because this rotten child

gets it and he's like oh the wind took it the wind took it I would have had it if not for the wind taking this foul ball and then to get all the eyes off of him he decides I'll just be belligerent right now and be like, let's play some fucking baseball! I'm surrounded by five-year-olds and I'm screaming, let's play some fucking ball!

It is great. And so he winds up losing custody of his kid and he immediately is promptly fired the next day by the bulldog. And the bulldog is wrong because the bulldog's like, hey man, you know what? It's not, you can't have excellent and perfection in everything you do. No, no, no. The answer is

you're deranged and you're creepily violent. all of the time and now you are fired. Well, I think if you're intimidated by this dude and his craziness and what with all the knives around, maybe it's like, let's blame the sales and not so much the mental incompetency. I feel like you're always fired by the security garden in a knife firm. You know what I mean? Like you go to your desk and there's just a security guard sitting there like, oh, time to go.

How about a phone call? How about a nice little phone call? Yeah, you know what, Robert De Niro, stay home today. We're going to have a conference call. and then that's where you'll be fired. Question, knife Christmas party. Are we talking, is it dry? It has to be.

Or is it a secondary location with a metal detector maybe? One or the other, man, we are not having booze at the office. No way. Because everyone's like, hey man, you ever see aliens? I'm Lance Henriksen. And then they lose a finger. Oh, that has happened so many times. And that's why they had to instate the holiday party rule, which is off campus or dry.

Would guarantee it's off campus every year, then, by the number. dry holiday party. You can kill me. Take that knife and put it in my heart. There's all this awkward shit when like he goes back to the house though, like before he gets fired and it's like it's one of the most uncomfortable domestic scenes I've seen in a really long time. My jaw was dropped the whole fucking like oh he comes in he just did this and his apology is a fucking pizza and a Coke and he just keeps he shoves his ex-wife and just keep him standing there like hey man don't do that. Chris Malky twiddling his thumb. I'm going to call the cops.

I'm going to call the cops. They never call the fucking cops. Well, they're busy dealing with the Zodiac. Of course. The old lady is there and he's just like, your fucking busy body. And he goes into his son's room. And he's like, I'm making it up to you.

I got you your favorite pizza. Pepperoni and mushrooms. I ate mushrooms. Oh, dude, it's a fucking pizza topping fail. Of course it is. You could pick them off. But you know what I think it is, though? It's like pizza and mushrooms is De Niro's favorite pizza topping.

Oh, yeah, for sure. That's clear. I mean, that's clearly the thing they're insinuating here. This is the kind of dad that he is, right? It's like, you love baseball as much as I do. Of course, you love these pizza toppings just like I do. You love the Rolling Stones just like I do. Now, don't start. He says it 78 times in one hour. My favorite line, and it's just so aggressive and so weird, is the kids like, You know, Jason Pellegrini's dad says that Mick Jagger is gay. And then without skipping a beat, he's like, yeah, that's because Jason Pellegrini's dad takes shit up the ass.

And it's like, I want this kid to be somewhere else. You can just see this kid being like, takes what of the ass. Exactly. Like the kid's like six. Man, yeah, parenting tip. Don't start slandering other like friends parents at all, but especially not just claiming they take it up the ass. Right.

Maybe make a move And see where it goes Maybe leave the homophobia at home How about that? Dad, what's an ass? It's also horrible. Another dumb thing That they have this character do

Is like he keeps lying About being friends with Mick Jagger And it's like Oh, they recorded this And I was there When Mick recorded this in 72. I think there's a prequel to this movie Of Robert De Niro

stalking the Rolling Stone Oh shit, better movie. It's like him He's at the Met Stadium when all those people died. It was Shea Stadium, right? No, that wasn't that Shea Stadium. You're thinking of Altamont. Oh, yeah, that's right.

The Hell's Angels. Give Me Shelter. Yeah, yeah, the Give Me Shelter concert. That's a great movie. That's what you, you center it around that. But do you think he paused that? Yeah, he could have been. Poking people with knives.

Let's play some fucking music. All right, that weird Italian gentleman's been following us for weeks. Let's hire the Hells Angels. Yep, I think this I think you're on to some So here's something we have to talk about Because it's kind of a route Now that this well

Yeah see this is the thing Wesley Snipes is barely in this movie sure But this has nothing to do with Wesley Snipes Unfortunately but it's very crucial to like What this character is this Robert De Niro Character and that is Dude these whispers that we have to hear Whispers? Do you not

Did you not hear them? No none of you are you going crazy No no no was I the only one watching this with headphones on. Dude, this is just in your head. Dude, no, no, no. This podcast is a good real. Well, yeah, that'd be great.

Is it like him repeating what he's already said? No, it's, they definitely do this, and it's a stupid choice, but I had headphones on, so I'm getting the full audio thing. You barely hear it, but it's like, I am the voice inside your head. No. I control you. You're full of it. I'm not.

Are you talking about it? Go back and fucking watch it. It's on the soundtrack. it's barely laid in there but when he's going crazy is it Trent Rezner at first I thought it was part of a song but I don't think it is

because it happens multiple times in the movie wow all right I will go back yeah I'll have to go back I thought this is going to be a whole thing that we were going to talk about it's not there dude I am the voice that controls you that was just

are you sure you weren't listening to the nightmare before Christmas soundtrack I am the one This is like, under your bed. No, I did not think it was Jack Skellington or whatever the fuck. No, this is actually, man, oh, man. I don't know, man. Right into the mailbag if you think Andrew is crazy.

Please, also, you know, therapist, medical professionals. Yeah, sure, I know. Your opinion is appreciated. There's almost a chihuahua death, which is my favorite part of this movie, which is, for some reason, a Hasidic man is walking by Robert Deere's door with a tiny chihuahua. Well, there's a cronidia. Berg-esque bug on the wall, on the door or whatever. Peter Weller just got stabbed.

It's fucking nuts. And then De Niro throws his giant knife at it. Yes, and gets the bug and it almost gets the Chihuahua and whatever. So Wesley Snipes' deal is he starts going into a slump one because he bumps into Bidisi del Toro in Central Field because they're having this kind of power play. But the other thing is because he is always worn number 11. And now, you know, you move to a new team. sometimes that happens, you know, like there's numbers conflicting.

Usually the bigger start gets it, but sometimes it's a seniority situation. Right. And this is just, I think Benicio is just like, listen, I already have this number branded on my shoulder. We're not changing it. And then it's like he demands like, whatever. It's like $500,000 for, you know, the numbers switch and all this stuff. And Wesley Snipes is like furious about it.

And he goes into the slump. and Seversico Giants play the Colorado Rockies the entire season it seems like Did anyone else notice every time they fucking got to the outfield It's the goddamn Colorado Rocky Does this all take place over one week No it's supposed to go through like the most of the season It seems like it's going over a whole year

Which is even hard to keep up with honestly There's a big fat baseball player That guy's my favorite, the guy with the mullet Oh yeah well that's he's a real baseball player Yeah you get a couple of these lockers Rocker room shots, though, there's a lot of fat baseball players. It's just the reality of the game, but it's kind of funny. It's all these slubby dudes walking around.

I just realized something. Atlanta Braves, 96. Do you think Wesley Snipes played with John Rocker? Oh, my God, yes. He was like a legendary racist. Yeah, he was an all-time racist. I don't know. What's he up to today?

You probably lost a governor's race a couple weeks ago. He's going to the slump, and John Leguizamo, like, makes Ellen Barkin give him an interview and in this interview it's revealed all this stuff comes out about the number and that gets in Robert De Niro's head as he's descending into madness like that's what's happening

oh my God that's why my team is losing but the problem is Benicio is on a fucking streak and Benetio they might even be winning and like De Niro's whole thing is like it's for the team it's for the team but it's not for the team like this guy was on the team first and he's been better like fuck the new guy I mean he's clearly obsessed with only was at the end the end thing specifically makes it but that's what they never really set up what that was though because he talks about like how he's followed him from the minor leagues or whatever so what is I mean yeah he's clearly in love with him or you know he's just obsessed but like what started that what was the deal why is it continued all through his career because yes he's like he's like a lifelong Dodgers fan in or

a Giants fan insofar as he lives in the Bay Area. But like they do mention though that he is a transplant from the Bronx. Yes. Because you'd have to be. You're Robert De Niro. You just don't sound like that living in San Francisco your whole life. Well that's what what's that movie, Blue Jasmine purports that's fucking got like Max

Cassello running around and like fucking what's his name? Bobby Conavall and they're like, yeah, well from fucking San Francisco over here. There's somewhere around you. You want to see little fucking feed a manatees or what? It's so funny they have to mention that he's from the Bronx. It's like, it's like a kindergarten cop. Yeah, I was in Austria as a boy. Yeah, well you got to cover it up somehow.

Somehow, got to throw it away. Yeah, I mean, his accent is almost stronger than Arnold's actually. It is. You got to address that at some point. So since he's in this slump, John Leguizamo, who has turned away Ellen Barkin's request for an interview he said to her like, oh, you're off the list and blah, blah, blah. So then Leguizamo's like, hey, how about that

interview? To which she says, oh, I thought we were I was off your list. And then Leguizamo replies with Schindler has a list, not me. Yep. Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's real nice. You know what, dude, if you want to reference a Stephen Spielberg movie that came out last year, let's start. and end with fucking Jurassic Park. Also, you could have just said Santa.

Exactly. In this scene, or in one of these scenes, anyone else notice that Ellen Barkins chomping down on some nacho cheese Doritos? Yes. I did not. Is that the only time that you think Ellen Barker's ever eaten Doritos? I think once before, like, at a party,

and then she took a bite and realized it was like, oh my God, what am I? Like, it was a mistake. What are these Doritos? Oh, my God, am I at a common house and dropped it? She's been in a lot of indie movies. That's most of craft services. Oh, I see what's going on, yeah.

But it's also like, you notice what's weird, though, about these Doritos. And I don't know if they're just like 1996 Doritos or what the deal was. But like, did you notice because they were clearly just plain old nacho cheese Doritos? The old school white bag, which was cool. We call those Daddy Doritos. Yeah. Do we? And you call yourself a Dorito Daddy?

Yeah. Oh, you better believe he does. And you only want the white bags. Is that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Wait, what about the white bags? No, I don't know. Why are they daddy Doritos? Because it's got the old white bag. That's the, that's the granddaddy of them all, man, the nacho cheese. Is that on like, oh, you mean just nach cheese? The style, yeah. I think you meant the vintage label. Like, I'm going to buy chips of an eBay. Eric, Eric, the damn patrofamilius. Exactly. You're right.

But, and then the mommy Dorito is the cool ranch. and then they fucked and then that's how you get your uh spicy sweet chili oh man i'm a baby boy i love those babies i see the glow of that purple bag dude the fucking veal of doritos i guess i guess i'm just i guess i'm just a shitty middle child then and i just like cool ranch all right mama's boy exactly these doritos though were told our de nacho cheese Doritos, I don't know, we're just making them differently nowadays, man, because these Doritos are not orange by any stretch of the imagination. Well, again, but the problem is, again, we're on Mars. We're in a fucking Tony

Scott movie. Your rods and cones are all fucked up. You can't tell orange from fucking red. You got someone talking to you during the movie. Are you sure it wasn't your dog? Well, I was on my mail route at the time. So, yes, so he does give the interview and that's when Wesley Snipes I'm sorry that's when Robert De Niro understands that he has something to do so he starts following around Wesley Snipes and Wesley Snipes and it's a shitty strip club it's a shitty strip club in the middle of the day yeah there's pool it's not even like a night like in big fan when Pat Nosswald follows his he is here around they wind up on like some upscale super expensive strip club that makes sense yeah this is like a fucking dive bar in the middle of the day and Benicio and his boys are there and Wesley Snipes is trying to make a a move or something he's trying to like you know it's like maybe if i can't get this accomplished in the locker room maybe i'll get this accomplished in a social situation he wants to bargain him down essentially like he's the guy said i want 500 000 for the number he says how about

50 grand or something like that and i'm like why why would he ever do this are you out of your fucking mine lucky it's that cheap but you don't the last place you go if you're an athlete is a fucking strip club in the middle of the day you're just going to be hounded you know what Here's the thing, though, it's like not even, it's not even like the strip club is the main thing. Like, it's first and foremost, a shitty bar with a pole.

Yeah, yeah. And there's a bad pool table. There's a fucking fat guy behind the bar, giving you warm beer. Like, this is not a place where they should be hanging out, especially because goons and super fans like Robert De Niro himself can get to you. My favorite Wesley tonight's acting in this entire movie, which is

saying something, is when he gives De Niro comes up to him in this, scene he's like hey uh mr rayburn and he just puts his hand up and walks by and like it is just a great moment of physical comedy it's so great and then so De Niro winds up like he's like taking a shit or something

and then like he's going to take a shit he doesn't get to well he's stuck in the stall I had a bunch of daddy Doritos on the way he's stuck in the stall while Benicio and Wesley are having this argument in the bathroom that then turns into this fight and like the whole time

he's just like oh I could get caught in this bathroom stall. But he hears all this information about the number and blah, blah, so he gets this like inside scoop or whatever. Yeah, Benicio is playing this guy, like, straight from Mexico or something. And like, it's a very

like, this is what's happening in the MLB these days. Because everyone's like, oh, this guy doesn't even speak English. Oh, my goodness. Could you believe this guy? He doesn't even speak English. Thought this was America's game. God damn it. On that tip, can I circle back to the music? Oh, please. Because while

De Niro gets all the Rolling Stones And that Well, no, that's mostly the kids, actually But, so whenever It's just like so like Whenever Wesley Snipes is talking And they need a song over it, it's a rap song. Yeah, oh sure.

Whenever the movie shifts to talk about Primo, it's like Gypsy Kings and Santana. It's like really ridiculous. And it's like on a dime. You can track it the whole movie. Like during his big streak, there's like, it's that sad Santana song and like everyone feels bad about it. And I'm like, the fuck are we talking about it? It's on the nose and lazy.

So this prompts De Niro, he witnesses the scuffle to commit a murder that he would be promptly arrested for like so quickly. It makes no sense that he gets away with this. It's a murder in public in the middle of the day of a celebrity. Like, you know what I mean? So he follows... Mark David Chapman did not get far, is all I'm saying. By Al Bundy. If Al Bundy was a serial killer, that's what he...

That's what this guy is. So, and you're telling me he just perfectly, he wiped down the whole thing, no fucking hair anywhere. It's so outrageous. And that, you know, this is why we also need... Like, he has to kill the bulldog at some point beforehand. Like, that's like the first thing. He could maybe...

Because we see at one point the bulldog does... go to his car. There's a bunch of like knife holes in it and the knife is sticking out of his like sports car. And he would speed holes in here. Would definitely not call the police. They would definitely not arrest. Yeah. Hey, police department, I definitely know who did

this. If you could just come by that would be great. You could just take the prints off the fucking knife. And they're like, oh this guy's got like six restraining orders against him from his ex-wife and Tim. Got it. You know what I mean? Like that's all you need. Well, Tim didn't have the courage to put his name on the restraining order was the thing.

So he follows Benicio del Toro into this sauna And you know He's trying to like talk to him or whatever And it goes south immediately And he stabs him right in the thigh Right in that carotid artery there Is that your carotid artery? Whatever The thing in your thigh there's an artery there

If you nick it you bleed out immediately So that's what happens Whilst the Rolling Stones are still playing I believe Is it the stones at this point? No that's nine inch this is not oh you're right

you want to fuck everybody at this point that's right that's right and the screen turns blood red and Benicio like just kind of

falls asleep on this bench well they have this moment like he doesn't even say anything they have this like man I guess I'm dead yeah I would be cursing this guy out in every way that I could pretty ridiculous

yeah you I mean the words fucking loser would be just repeated I would be screaming them as hard as I guess I guess somewhere in this scene we'll find out

later that he takes a trophy like a true serial killer cuts off the like the brand or the tattoo or whatever brand of the 11 yeah get his number back and like yeah man like that would take forever and they they're like when yeah it's perfectly done well I guess it is a good knife it's a good knife yeah

he could shave hair he needs to be making probably a Damascus weld is what I'm guessing you think he took some of his ass hair too some Plymo's ass hair he needs to be making like knife jokes while killing people. Yeah. I need this movie to up the percentage of which it feels like I'm

watching Dr. Giggles by like 20 to 30. Make all these knife puns because he's making knife puns but not whilst killing people. You know like he says things like she's like oh you just missed him and he says like oh my timing's

not too sharp. Let me get to the point and all stuff like that like you got to be saying that stuff while you're butchering a man in a sauna. That's what I want. Yeah. And by the way, he walks out of this sauna after fucking cutting up this body.

Pristine clothing, not a drop of blood. Oh, yeah. Did he turn into Dexter in there? Like, what the fuck is going on here? Oh, then I would have turned it off and not watched it anymore. Yeah, that would have been the right move. Well, there'd be a lot of unnecessary

first person narration that you don't want. That's why I stopped watching it. And so he kills him, and then Wesley Snipes gets like a boon back. You know what I mean? doing better, Bobby Rainburn is. He's like doing better. Right. There's a brief thing that doesn't really come to anything, but there are definitely sports fans in Candlestick Park holding up banners accusing him of murder. Oh, yeah.

That should also kind of be a thing that could happen in the movie. You get a police detective on the case. He's investigating Wesley Snipes. He's getting a little too close. They cut out the most interesting part of the movie. The most interesting part would be the investigation into fucking Primo's death and they go from him being dead to them being like

oh this is we just laid to rest fucking and I guess the case is closed well also yeah we don't even know that his arm was cut up you know what I mean

like oh my god no detail that's that's that's that's that's motive for Rayburn you know exactly all we have is like a moment of silence at Candlestick Park and then in that same game

Bobby Rayburn hits a home run and this just shows you how fucking shitty and with the fucking win sports fans are he's beloved once again. They're like, oh, that fucking

dead Mexican guy, whatever, that guy hit a home run. But Ruffalo and Anthony Edwards, they know what's going on and they're ready for him. That'd be great

if you just cut to outside Anthony. It's like an old-ass Anthony Edwards and he's just sitting against a car. Where am I animal crackers? But there is a great line

where like even the locker room turns against him, like we're all wearing number 11 now, fuck face. I'm just as upset about this guy we all knew that got murdered as everybody else.

Yeah, you killed him. It's like, come on. You killed him. That's what makes, like, Wesley's character this movie is so sympathetic because it's like, this dude is just getting dumped on.

All he wanted was the number. Like, yeah, he's a flashy athlete, whatever, but all he wanted was this number. Now someone else murdered this dude and all these guys are like, fuck that, bet you're happy. That guy got butchered dude, huh? It's like, not really.

But there's nothing you can say. There's nothing you can say to, you know, but then it just comes to nothing because he hit a home run. And even the team, then is just like this guy's amazing and they're dumping gatorade on him and whatever so this brings us to sort of like

the end of the movie which is where things get really improbable and crazy De Niro's flat flat out stalking Rayburn at this point and he sees Bobby Rayburn lives on the beach like Mel Gibson exactly clearly on a private beach

by the way oh sure and his house in a house wait we were talking about actual Mel Gibson or I was talking about Riggs That was a, what, a mobile home, right? A mobile home, yeah. That's a nice one. It's one I would take.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And out there, out west, you're going to worry about weather at all. Got a nice elevated bed in there, man. You never see that. You must have put a lot of money in that. It's the bathroom, though. That's the problem.

It's the bathroom in the mobile home. You just feel like you're shitting on an airplane all the time, and I just can't handle it. Well, dude, if you live on the beach like that, you just fucking dig a hole. That's true. The whole beach is your toilets. And then by the end of the year, you're, You get a shit from the beach, my friend. Great idea.

No, no, no. Here's how you do. Here's how you trick the system. Okay. You go swimming every morning and you just take a fucking dump in the ocean. Exactly, dude. Shit in the ocean, man. The fish will help you out.

It's perfect. It's the perfect crime. No witnesses. No, the surfers are like, oh, man, it's that guy. Everybody out of the water. Oh, here he comes. Must be 845. Mel Gives him with a newspaper under his arm walking in.

to the ocean. I mean, that's fine for solid turds, but when you're a diary, it's like the first kill in jaws. Oh, man, he had Korean barbecue last night. Everybody hit the shore.

That's the problem. I'm sure there are nice bathrooms and mobile. But what I'm saying is, it's a private beach, and De Niro's stalking him, and he sees that his kid goes under and he the water will swimming under the water while swimming and actually jumps in and saves the kid's life so now like what's like oh my god thank god is like what were you doing

here is like oh i was just walking by and i saw it's like now already you got it you're a celebrity you got to be like what's and he says what's your name he's like uh curly it's like all right this guy's giving me an alias yeah my friends call me curly no thanks yeah where are his three body guards um yeah please can somebody tell me exactly Big sports star As of last week Was kind of suspected of murder Yeah exactly

And also yeah A murderer of your teammate is on the loose Yeah It's just so lazy this writing So yeah he's like Hey total stranger Calling himself curly Why not come into my house

For a little while I'm curly and I'm on the beach What in the world I just took his shit on the beach I saved your son How'd you save my son? Well, I was going to go to the bathroom. No, this is when you give this guy like a $50 bill, you know.

You know what, Curley, you're right in my book. Or maybe like, hey, Curley, I'm buying you dinner somewhere else. Offsite. That's an off-site dinner. Absolutely. Like, you and I are going to go out of dinner tomorrow night at this really public restaurant. Yeah. You know what, Curley?

I'm going to find the busiest restaurant in San Francisco, and we're going to sit in the direct middle of the restaurant, surrounded by all the other customers. And you can buy him like a big fat TV or something. You know what I mean? Like you'd really treat Curley right. But you don't bring Curley into your house because he's just named Curley

and he's right in front of your private beach home. And you're a professional athlete. You definitely have this downtime. Just be hanging out with this 50-year-old lunatic. Yeah, it's the baseball season, man. You got 162 games. Also, that's a weird thing. This team is never going on the road.

No, yeah, exactly. What is that about? You know, it would be so much better if they're playing like in Chicago or somewhere. And he's there. And he's there dude, that would be chilling. He's taking his fucking murder van across the country. Yes. And he has disguises like

John Malkovich. I'm always going to go back to John Malkovich and in Lye Fire. I don't know why. Yeah, well, because that's a good way to stalk people. That character had it down. That's a professional right there. Now it's been a while since I've seen that. He didn't use a knife. He used a plastic gun. Plastic gun that he made

himself. But what were the disguises? like he would like put A lot of wigs. A lot of wigs Like teeth like ventures Like to make your teeth Yeah he's got fucked up teeth Oh wow

To look like a fake teeth Make yourself look like a vampire And like Scary And like he put on I think he has like a girdle In the last one No we don't see John Malkovich

Just a couple of vampires Oh no The Undeads trying to murder the president No I guess it's okay They just told me They're lobby No, no, that's who do care. You're going to sip on my boiling blood.

Hope it's not too hot for you. God damn vampire assassin. Why didn't he ever fight vampires? Clint Eastwood versus vampires. He breaks a chair over their backs, and that's making stakes. Get out of my coffin. Because this vampire hunter would sleep in his own coffin. Gotta know the enemy.

Or you do like a, you do like a, he's old, it's like Grand Torino. Yeah. And he's accidentally buried alive or something. And then vampires show up or something. I was thinking more of like he's. It writes itself. He's clearly the mummy versus the vampires. Oh, there you go.

They canceled the dark universe, by the way. Oh, really? That's the second time they canceled that franchise. Good. Yeah, keep doing it. Do you think Russell Crowe's bummed about that? No, no. He was like Dr. Jekyll, he played Dr. Jekyll.

You don't see Hyde in that movie, or at least not. Maybe I did fall asleep. Doesn't. I think he has like a jaw thing like in Winter's Tale. I think he does something like that. Like I didn't see. Like his jaw gets big. He's like, I'm hide.

I'm a big monster too. Well, he becomes like a monster teeth and like he gets, yeah. I guess you slept all through the hiding, I think. So he's like, hey man, Curley. When do you come in my house? you some new clothes, you're wet, which kind of makes sense a little bit, and I'll get you a beer or something. It's kind of great because

it forces Robert De Niro to wear Zubaz pants. Yeah, and he steals what, like his old Atlanta jersey. Yeah. And he's like, put in under this jacket that Wesley Snipes gives him. And then like, because DeNor is dressing in his clothes. Oh, yeah, man. It's kind of weird, though, because when he

comes like downstairs, Wesley Snipes looks and he, the thought from the character is definitely like, oh, he took that jacket. Yeah. But it's this weird, like, well, I saved your kid. Can I have this? It's just a jacket. And then he's like, oh, it looks good on you, man.

Like, and again, Wesse Slems is doing very well, being, like, creepy, creeped out. You know what I mean? Like, and he's like, hey, man, they start drinking a bit together. They're playing pool. Robert Deneerr-Ly's like, yeah, I don't follow baseball really, which is like bullshit. Like, all right, now you're lying again, curly. Get out of my house. But then he immediately starts, like, dropping baseball knowledge.

And there's no moment where Wesley Snipes is, like, like, I thought you said you didn't like baseball. To the point of which it's like, we have to go outside now and I got to show you my pitching. He says he played for a little bit in the majors before he threw out his arm. And then Wesley Slams also makes some connection. Did I read this wrong that like De Niro's father was a so-and-so in baseball? Because doesn't he say something about like, yes.

He's a curly, blah, blah, blah. The curly senior thing, I think is a callback to something earlier, like some history of like somebody who would play for the Giants before. or something like that. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, so it's a nickname. It's not like a relative.

Oh, I see. Okay. But I honestly, it gets muddled. He does say that was my old man. And that is a lie. That is a lie. Oh, okay. So, all right, I get it.

He's lying to him. The murderer is lying to him. Anyone else hear that part in the movie when they said to open your stove and put your head inside the oven? Did anyone else? Did anyone else put their headphones on? That part I did good. Listen, that fucking turds.

You're going to go back. I will fucking show you. After we're done recording this, and your fucking fat faces will be red. I tried it, but my oven's electric. Just made a lot of buzzing. Yeah, I did. Singe your hair a little bit. I was trying to gas myself.

Couldn't even electrocate yourself. And the cat's trying to get in there. Get out of your cat. At this point, like, Wesleyanibes does get creeped out. They have this conversation wherein Wesleyanneeps is like, he's like, hey, he's asking, how did you get over your slump? And he wants him to say, because. Primo died.

Yeah. And he's like, well, you know, I just realized, when Primo died, I realized, I don't give a shit about this stuff. You know what I mean? It's just a silly game. Right. And I stopped caring. You know, my stance got loose or whatever. Like, he becomes more and more aggressive.

Like, he almost hits him with a fastball kind of thing. Yeah, he starts doing a little head hunting. He opens up the jacket. He's got the jersey on. And he's, you know what, man? I'm going to go to bed. It's really early. Hey, let me take my dog inside.

You can find your way home right. Bye. Yeah. Come on in, dog. Bradley How this dog doesn't die in this movie I was very shocked I thought that dog was going to be swallowed

by the sea and this shows you what a fucked up person I am I was more upset about that than the kid died I was like oh man that dog's gonna get it I mean fuck that kid but that dog's gonna get it so this is when the thing happens

Robert De Niro somehow kidnaps the kid and steals Wesley Snipes's car after Wesley Snipes is onto him peels out in a Humvee Do you know how loud those fuckers are?

Well dude he is because this movie is very on the nose with its musical selections he's blaring rap music and brushing his teeth with a very loud electric toothbrush

Oh right So clearly So he doesn't hear The Chuddin God damn it I fucking can't stand it All the Rolling Stones in this movie

Oh And this is Because it's the 90s Robert De Niro never did the post Dennis Hopper and Speed movie. A lot of older actors, like you're in the line of fire is kind of that. He never had that. This is as close as he gets where he's like Colin Wesley Snipes and taunting him a little bit. Just the tiniest bit.

But then you realize like there's only about 30 minutes left in this movie. Sure. And you're like, oh, well, there's not much time for cat and mousing at this point. We try. Yeah. Like it's just too little too late. It is. That's exactly what it is.

He's got this kid. He calls up. And Wesley Snipes is like playing this appropriately. He's like, hey man, what's going on, Curley? And he's like, oh, we're going fishing and all this shit. And he's trying to get him to tell him like where he's going and blah, blah, blah, playing it very cool. Yeah, sure. But this is when you realize, or at least this is when I realized it, that like, they're not going fishing.

Wait a minute. Wait a second. The ocean is over there. They were already at the ocean. They're not going. Oh, my God. that's not the wallet inspector i'm not seeing any polls in here this is dangerous when did they stop for bait but this is when you realize that like wesley is not really going to have that much of a

hands-on yeah yeah uh experience getting this kid back and that means like no wesley snipes martial arts no wesley snipes get yeah this is when he gets into another car gets into a sports car and starts tearing up the streets trying to find his kid right yeah and he's taken he takes the kid to, so the whole movie he's referencing Coop, Coop told me this, Coop told me that, Coop was my catcher. The relationship between a pitcher and catcher is sacred, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Coop this, coop that. He goes to like, he's like, where we go and he's like, oh, I'm going to take you, see my buddy, Coop, and you're like, oh. This is the dumbest kid in the universe. He's like, hey, man, this is a lot of fun, and he's like, yeah, isn't it? And he's like talking to him, he's talking to his dad on the phone threateningly

and the kid's like, do, but do. I love the Rolling Stones. Well, here's the thing, though, dude, is like, earlier that very day. Yeah. This man saved your life. So it's like, all right, you know, he saved me once. He's not going to hurt me. Then he gives you a dangerous weapon.

Oh, yeah. He's like, here's this knife. It's all for you. That's all for you, Sean. It's all trust. That's all trust. And so then magically there's like a team at Wesley Snipes's house. Yes.

You know, like the FBI or whatever is there. And so we go to this like junkyard kind of. And this dude opens the door and he's in like a security guard uniform and everything. And he's like, oh, Coop, how's it going? And this guy is no recollection of Robert De Niro until he like says his name and all this stuff. And you're like, all right, what's going on here? And then it's just, and this is all too briefed. It's like, we're going to play, you know, pitch and catch.

And you got to like hit, you know, Coop's going to catch for me and you got to hit the ball. And the whole time this guy's like, people haven't called me Coop in years. He's like, I thought you'd be managing. the majors by now. Did anybody notice who this guy is? He's the guy from the thing. The guy with the crabhead. Oh, really?

Yeah. Oh, I thought for a quick second, I thought it was Richard Mazer. Oh, right. Who's also in the thing. Yeah. Oh, that's funny. I didn't recognize this dude from the thing, though. But the best part of this thing is like,

Coup is kind of cool with everything? He knows what's going on, but at first I'm like, is Coup cool with this? But when you realize Coupe trying to get the kids safe, but I'm like, Coop, you're riding shotgun to a class one felony right now, brother? Yeah. It's time to call the police. See, that would be an interesting turn, though. This dude's like, I told you not to bring him here. You're always bringing him here. And then that opens up this whole, like, history of child murder. And that would make

more sense with this character, honestly. At one point, though, Wesley Snipes, it's somewhere around here, and I don't remember the circumstances, but this is where he, oh, no, because he's on the phone with him and he's like peep that freezer and he opens the door and he finds like skin off the top of putting this fucking brand he's like cut it off his arm put it in

a bag and like vacuum sealed it and you know what man this has been in the sun all day while Robert De Niro's walking up and down the beach it went into the ocean with him at some point it's also and it's like six days old it's a piece of baseball history

put it in Cooperstown way way more more than fucking six days. This has been months fucking hanging out in his house. We've got Benicio del Toro's rookie card and a piece of his arm with his brandon

taken by his killer. These things are in premium conditioned. They are both wrapped in foil. The card is signed the flesh is not. Oh man. Robert DeNiro should sign the flesh. Oh, yeah.

Forge that signature. No, no, his own. His own is the murderer. Yeah, I mean, the serial killer things. Oh, he signed his own work? Yeah, I see what you're saying. Like O.J. Simpson. Exactly.

It's a double audience. It's a double audience. You've got the crime nuts, like Steve, with all his murder docks. And then you got the baseball fans. Yeah. You just got to find one that likes both. Okay. There's a lot out there, I bet.

But the thing is, my favorite line of this movie is, so he lays it out from him. He's like, look. look, man, you know, you, you don't, you don't trust anything anymore. You think you don't care, right? You don't care. You don't care. You don't care. And like, what's the time? No, I care. I care. I care. It's like, are you care so much? You better hit a home run for me tomorrow. And when you, when you hit it, you say that Gil, it was for Gilernard. And if you don't, and if I see if that picture goes easy on you, I'm going to kill your fucking kid.

And it's like, whoa. Yeah. This movie. Where are we? Who did I come here with? So he's kidnapping a kid and going to threaten to murder him. already murdered someone else, and the end play, the end game is like a make-a-wish foundation. It is. It's weird perversion of Babe Ruth. It's the second time in this movie

where Wesley Snipes promises someone he's going to hit a home run, because that's what he does to the cancer kid that's straight out of Seinfeld. Yeah, it was the Seinfeld scene except for taken seriously and directed by Tony Scott. So Coop does try and let the kid go.

The kid gets away a little bit, and then Robert De Niro promptly murderous Coop. Oh, he beats him to death with a baseball, bet and i could have used a little more of this to be quite honest a little bit and then like you know he's saying all the shit like i thought you were going to be in the majors blah blah blah blah blah you could have been something and this is it's a we've got gill renards bat here people this is the one that he did use to murder his friend too everybody knows the story it's baseball lore we have the catcher's outfit he wears at the end this is all prime member

Because, by the way, the World Series has definitely been canceled because of the events of that movie. We have that half-eaten granola bar he was snacking on when he brought the kid back to his lair. He has a lair. No one wanted to see it. I'm sorry. This is a fucking lair. This is the fucking penguin place. It is.

Yeah, you're right. You're right. What the dude drops, though, it's a really awesome bit of knowledge right here. He says, like, you know, you are my. catcher, blah, well, this is that, the other thing. And this dude's final words or something like, yeah, well, we were 12 years old. It was Little League.

Were they in the Bronx of that time? Yeah, that's a good question. They both go to whatever. I don't know enough about a giant. Was he stalking Coup at first? We got his taste for baseball stalking? Yeah, and then they nicely dovetailed at the end there. So that's the thing is he has to hit home run.

and afterwards when he does he has to say it was for Gil Renard and Gil Renard and blah blah blah and like the whole SWAT team knows but the pitchers for some reason like the other team can't know because if they if you know Robert DeNiro says

if he you know if they're giving up this home run for free then you know he'll kill the kid anyway but I mean you could also kind of tell the pitcher and work it out with them right? Well yeah but here's the other thing I mean yes you definitely could and tell the other manager tell everyone in the stadium

Everybody should know what the situation is. However, the thing that they, I mean, I guess like Wesley Snipes couldn't anticipate this, but it's what's actually happening is you could totally just do it. Like he could fucking lob it to him. It wouldn't even matter because all Robert De Niro is doing during this game is wandering around the stadium. He's not even paying attention to the game. Yeah. All of this, all this is happening and it's this crazy like, oh, there might be a rain delay. Oh, I hope the game doesn't get rained out.

Like all this shit. That drove me crazy because, like, where? Wesley Snipes looks up and is like, oh my God, is it going to rain? Like, oh, yeah, a baseball player would never look at the weather before a game and would never have a talk before the game. That's like the first thing you would need to know. Well, you know, I think you can make an exception when your son's been kidnapped by a maniac. And shouldn't the rain delay help? Like, it gives the police more time.

Help the fucking Cubs, am I right? Yeah, it did help the Cubs. God bless it. But I think the deal, though, is like if it, because once you get that lightning in there, they're going to call the game. And if the game is called. The Giants know, the security know, everybody know. Do the Giants know? I feel like me.

I think it's a need-to-know basis, man. Why is Ellen Barkett on that list? This is the thing. And this is what doesn't make any sense. She's a media journalist. Her and fucking Leguizamo are barking orders at the police department. Like, you got to fucking find this guy. And I was like, what?

We don't even get the scene where it's like, all right. We didn't think of that. So we're going to find him now. Well, yeah. If you need to remind the guy who's on his phone, you know, seeing if the some lady on okay cupid finally responded to his want to fuck message it's like 1996 what are you talking about to fuck you like that animal okay but the guy who's not paying attention to anything he had they have to reiterate it throughout the fucking movie yeah what was okay

cupid in 96 just fucking zines yeah oh yeah nice dude fucking zine in and up yeah so they were looking out of newspaper while watching this. But, like, Kurt Fuller is barking orders at these police officers. Where is the thing where it's like, all right, let's justify why it's necessary for you three to know what's going on right now? I mean, I guess it's just to have people, like, to Chris's point,

like to remind the audience, but also like keep everyone invested and like, oh my God, it's raining now. How is he going to hit the home run? You know what I mean? But then this doesn't make any sense, though, because then Robert De Niro calls in to Ellen Barkin. You can't call Michael K while he's calling the Yankee game. You can call Michael K when he's doing the Michael Kee show.

But you're not calling the fucking press booth at Yankee Stadium. It depends. Do you have any of the players' children on you at the time? Because then you're going to get right through. You will get right through the phone screen. And remember, earlier, he has the fucking phone number to the clubhouse. That's a bunch of horseshit. He fucking just, I think we missed the scene where he's just spending eternity dialing numbers.

and he gets the fucking locker room. Even if you do have the number for the clubhouse, he's like, yeah, Giants Clubhouse, what do you want? And he's like, I want to talk to your number one star, Bobby Rayburn. He's like, who's calling? He's like, uh, a friend. All right, coming right up. Like, dude, you just lost your job.

I don't know who you are who answered the phone. You just lost that job. Yeah, this screenplay needs to justify that with Lou, the clubhouse receptionist getting fired. In that situation, not only you, but your wife and your child. are also losing their jobs wherever they may be. He loves his paper route because he handed the phone to Wesley Snipes.

You're fired, Timmy. Because your father picked up the fucking phone. A friend, really, Timmy? He said a friend and he gave it to him. Here's the other thing. And this is what you need for this movie to continue to be thrilling. Because he's on the phone and he's hiding somewhere

in Candlestick Park, which is stupid. But he calls Ellen Barkin and he's like, you know, this, that, and the other thing And she's like, are you here right now? Where are you? Can you see me? And she's trying to play it off, you know? Right, but here's what you want, though, to, like, keep that excitement up, man. Like, keep my energy going.

She gets shot in the fucking head, and he's got a sniper rifle. Sure. And he snipes her right into the press box. Or Kurt Fuller. You know what? Kurt Fuller's right there. He could totally get his, like. Kurt Fuller goes to the bathroom.

He gets his throat cut. Yes, I love Kurt Fuller, but those buns are expendable. You murder that, man. You shave that ass hair. I think there's a murder that happens off screen. There's an off-screen, there definitely is. The umpire. Yeah, the umpire was killed off-screen.

He takes the umpire's clothing. It goes out there and starts calling the game. So where is the umpire? Oh, no, I saw that. That was in the naked gun. That's where that seems in. Enrico, Palazza. Speaking of it.

No, no, it's probably in Andrews, you know, the whisperer's cut. You fucking pigs. Did they say anything there about the umpire? The umpire went to get a sandwich. he had to go home early he had diarrhea so he does he does kill this

umpire during the phone call by the way he says yeah you know like hey where do you have a Bobby's kid hanging out he's like well if he doesn't hit the home run they're going to find him at the big stadium in the sky stadium in the sky which actually winds up being a real place

I feel like that's a thing that Ellen Barkin as like San Francisco's sports Maven should know exactly what he's talking about. And like give her something to do in this last scene. It's like, I figured it out or something. And I don't know like the history of San Francisco sports stadiums, but I think in the movie they

make it, they say something about like oh, the stadium in the sky, that's the site of the old stadium or whatever. So I feel like you have to get that instantly. It's like the most obvious clue ever. He wants to get the kid found. So

he, Wesley Snipes goes up. There's been a couple rain delays and it's like oh my god is he gonna get because it wants to be a sports movie too like not just like a real deal sports movie but it doesn't i mean in this instance though it's not like it's not like it's not even like you know like champ the division playoffs or anything it's just a game and the outcome of it is in this well in this situation yeah but for the for everyone else that's not wesley snipes it's just another day at the ballpark yeah it's not even like uh for the love of the game kelly preston isn't even involved you know she's not not like at the other end hoping that he pitches a perfect game.

Yeah, there's no perfect game on the loan. You never know what Kelly Preston's up to. But then totally, I don't know which came first this movie or this episode of Seinfeld. I don't remember when this whole thing takes place. But it's kind of the same thing here too because what he winds up going for is an inside the park home run. And that's the same thing. Like, Paul O'Neill does that and the kid's like, no, no, no, not inside the park. It's got to be over the wall.

Yeah, exactly. hits it. He does get it inside the park home run. When he gets to home plate, he gets called out even though he's safe. And he's arguing with the umpire, whoops, it happens to be Robert De Niro. And there's like a big scuffle at home plate. I think one of the

giants gets stabbed at this point. I think the fat guy gets it. Oh, is it? Parkins. William Hookins. Batting night is William Hookins. Now I'm a baseball player. So like there's There's one dude dead.

And this is so dumb. Like, like, Wesley Snipes is like, everybody back off. It's just me and him. Robert De Niro is just in this big fat umpire uniform. He looks ridiculous. All the police are on the,

on the mound at this point as well. Just like, everybody's just like waiting to see how this plays out. Like, no, no, no, let's see where this goes.

And they're letting it happen until Robert De Niro takes a knife and it's like golden eyes. He's going to fucking throw it right at him. It's going to hit Dr. Dock right. this whole scene makes no sense no sense okay so he has he has the knife and he's waiting

and then he's about to pitch it at Wesley Snipes and kill him and they blow him away when they could have the minute he took the knife out shoot out his legs and then fucking ask him where he put the fucking kid I don't know if you've ever taken a police course Chris but you have to shoot somebody 140 times if they put a threat I'm sorry

Yeah, dude. What are you crazy? But then, actually, though, then Wesley Snipes is pissed because he's like, uh, where's my kid? He just killed my kid. Thank you very much. And then another totally improbable thing. They're like, oh, yeah, the big stadium in the sky. It's the old stadium side or whatever. Let's go. And of course, Wesley Snipes, you can be the first one into the building. What the fuck?

Yeah, it trips the bomb. Jeff Daniels face. Oh, crap. Does he have Is his final words All crap in that movie? I just think he stares like No

Doesn't he have a line? You think that And I think that too Because we say that Exactly But I feel like it's just him Like mother But like not saying it

If he did a high-pitched mother That would be a good one Just imagine like the face he makes When they told him The newsroom was canceled That's about what it was So they find this kid And he's totally fine

And it's this weird crazy man shack where, like, there's tons of clippings of Wesley Snipes everywhere. A lot of bobbleheads, which freaked me out. Bobbleheads in general freak me out. A bunch sitting in a box together, bubbling seemingly for no reason. We wake up at night and we live and we walk around. I will tell you what is most unconvincing is there is not a sex doll with Wesley Snipes's face. Yeah, you're totally right.

We are missing that. Keith Moon is tied up in the back. Was he alive in 96? No, he's long dead. No, he was long dead. Maybe that's the decomposed body of Keith. Oh, there we go. He's got Jimmy Hoffa in one of the closets.

And then, I mean, yeah, he's dead. The kid's back. Everybody's safe. We play like some bullshit, like, song that doesn't, it's not even the Stones, man, or N-I-N either. Yeah. I don't remember what it is. I don't recall.

It should be something. It should be something like, well, because like the old white guys. It should be I love L.A. If we're going to go for the full naked gun ending, let's do it. This is San Francisco. Oh, that's true. Could Trent Reznor cover take me out to the ball game? I would love that, actually.

That'd be awesome. Bar! Great! And definitely, at some point in there, I want to fuck you, has to go in at some point. Somewhere between the peanuts and the fucking crack. I should end with like, you know, are you going to sign friends? This goal. Yeah, man.

One of those piece of shit hippie songs, do one of those. Fucking, that unlistenable garbage folk music. Or get the hurly-gurly man going at the end. Make it go full zodiac with it. That would be pretty cool. Get some Donovan in there for fuck's sake. You know what? Are we playing Donovan?

Are we not playing Donovan? The answer is let's play Donovan. Was it Donovan, the Atlantis song? Do you ever hear that song? Come on, Chris. Why am I being the... Because it's... You're a music man.

Okay. And it's like, we open on Atlantis. It's like a fucking like whole production of a song. Oh, God. Yeah, that might be moody blues. No, I know my moody blues. All right.

What makes no sense? You look away for two seconds with this movie and then you're like totally confused. But it's like we're ending the way we started with all those bullshit pictures of like supposedly Robert De Niro playing baseball as a kid and it keeps getting closer and closer and closer to something and I looked away

and when I looked back at the television it was this like black and white blob on the screen and they were so far zoomed in I was like are those supposed to be eyes and then it just cut to credits it's supposed to be him when he was young close close close it was like when he made the winning touchdown or fucking hit the home run

or whatever the fuck a touchdown because he's Al Bundy I'm sorry every time I think about him Touchdown in baseball. But it's so weird, though, because they get so close here, like, looking at his pores. But I missed, like, a couple of zooms. Yeah. So it just, I was like, I don't understand what the last image of this movie is.

You don't want to come in in the last Zoom like that. No, you can't. It's bad form. They're not even playing the Rolling Stones out. No. It's some fucking garbage. I don't know. Whatever.

It doesn't matter. The point is Wesley Snipes doesn't have a lot to do in this movie, and I was thoroughly disappointed. Would anybody really? recommend this movie? I would not. It's kind of nuts. It's a curio, I would say. Like, if you're into weird Robert De Niro performances, you could do a lot worse. Oh, sure. He's pretty good in this movie. It's pretty spooky stuff, but it's kind of a waste of time. It's, I mean, it's definitely Tony Scott, so it's kind of fun. Well, it's bloated as well. That's another thing with Tony Scott movies. And but, like, I think it's definitely, it's a light recommend, I guess, because it is ridiculously

wrongheaded and the script is fucking garbage but yeah I think De Niro actually is in it like he's actually connecting with the character which is probably not great but it's 1996 I think this might be like one of the last times it's happened well because meet the parents

was really the thing that was the thing that killed it and that was 99 or 2000 it was like 2000 or 2001 somewhere around there somewhere around there and that's when that's when I think it ended that's when he stopped caring but that's like he's good in that because that's what he's supposed to be doing but then that just became the cartoon copy

of everything else like after that. It made a bajillion dollars. Everything after that is I have nipples too Greg like that's his acting career. I will say this is also probably his most like for me this is like his most upsetting performance like every Scorsese

movie like all those fucking evil fuckers don't hold a candle to this. This actually creeps me out. Yeah. Even Max Cady really? Oh my God, a cuddly bear as compared to this guy. This guy is, this guy fucking creeps me out so

hard. Wow. All right. I would recommend it. I thought it was, it was, it kept my attention. It's crazy. It's, it's, it's just an insane. It's not good. I don't like this movie. I was watching it for Wesley Snipes and he's barely in it. So if you're

watching this movie because you're doing something called Snipes giving, it's a bit of a bummer. I do think they're both good in it though. It's just like everything else around it. Well, the recipe is terrible. The recipes are all there. The right people are in the right places. It's just like this fucking script is so stupid and so wrong-headed.

Speaking of recipe, what dish in the Snipesgiving table would this be? That's a good call. You know, for me, this is what it would be, because I thought this movie was going to be one thing and it was something else. This is when you think you're going to get like the awesome canned cranberry sauce. and you take a big honk and spoonful and someone's like made their own and you're totally let down. People go other way on that.

Some people will be like, oh my God, it's the can. For some reason, that's where we all fucking separate as a nation. I go for the can't stuff myself. But yeah, I would put this the same way as like it's like an image. You expect like your mom's great mashed potatoes but it's like the imitation kind.

Oh God, you bit into a big spoonful of hungry jack? You can't bring hungry jack to it. I would ask you to it. I would ask you to leave. I would say this is the stuffing because I actually enjoyed watching it enough. And it's mostly just bread. It's overstuff.

Yeah. Got it. Oh, I like it. I like me. No, I'm with the stuffing. I like that one. Okay. I'll agree.

Wait, so are you saying also cranberry sauce? Well, I was saying imitation mashed potatoes. Oh, right, the mashed potatoes. Excuse me. We're all over it. Like the box dried shit. Yeah, exactly. The fucking flaked.

Oh, the flakes. Oh, you're just eating dandruff with water. in it. You know what? All you need to do is fucking crush a potato and put milk on it. That's the recipe. No, you'll get potato water and like it. Because it's all about time management, dude, and everybody's like

bad mashed potatoes, but it takes a while to boil those potatoes. And nobody allots the proper time, and it's like, fuck it hungry, Jack. You got to peel them. There's also butter involved that makes. Man, leaving the skin on the potato from mashed potatoes. That's the move. It's good stuff.

It's good stuff. But then don't you have to call it smashed well if you're at a fucking outback steakhouse sure yeah it's it's a rustic recipe that's the fan from 1996 directed by tony scott if you want more w hm check out w hm podcast dot com or find us over at headgum like us on facebook and follow us on twitter we are at w hm podcast and right into that mailbag we all hate movies at gmail dot com am i fucking crazy are there whispers throughout this movie i was pretty sure there were uh so what's your take on it are we playing the bell house that's right we are doing that just a few short days from now the bellhouse n.com for those tickets hear us talk about blade trinity it's going to be recorded

but i don't know if we're going to release it so let's see what happens that's november 18th that is right this saturday seven o'clock doors part of the brooklyn podcast festival with a lot of cool people there is there you go tickets are 15 bucks the bellhouse ny dot com for those tickets Next week, Snipesgiving rolls on. We are going down to D.C. with our good buddy, Dennis Miller. It's murder at 1600. Can't wait. Oh.

Oh, Chris Whisper. Did everybody hear Chris Whisper right there? I didn't hear anything. I don't know. No, there's literally nothing happened. There's no one's talking. So until next week with a murder at 1600, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Zeta.

Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.